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Legosi, on the phone: Okay, before we start I have to warn you about something: I’m extremely dumb and clumsy. I don’t know how ANYTHING works at all. And I won’t understand at least 50% of what you’ll say to me.

Louis: Hon, you don’t have to start every phone conversation like that.

Legosi: Sshhh! I’m trying to call the tax people!

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Louis: *Banging his phone on the table in anger*

Legosi: Hey, don’t be mean to the phone- how would you like it if I banged YOU on the table?



Legosi: Don’t answer that.

Louis: I won’t. I’ll just state that I’m clearly the top.

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(Louis is at Gouhin’s clinic)

Louis: Then it was like something inside ruptured. Well, not so much a rupture as a spasm. Waves of this hot, clutching… I think I might have had a small stroke.

Gouhin: What about the pain?

Louis: Now, that’s the strange part. There was no pain… actually it felt kinda pleasant.

Gouhin, starting to connect the dots: What were you doing when it happened?

Louis, embarrassed: Oh, I was with Legosi… I was laying beside him, doing nothing.

Gouhin: I’m gonna take a wild guess. You were having sex.

Louis, taken aback: … yes.

Gouhin: Louis, I think you may have had an orgasm.

Louis: No, no, no. I’ve had orgasms before.

Gouhin: How would you describe them?

Louis: Oh, you know. That warm sensation; that tingling feeling of relief when it’s over. No, no, this was much…

Gouhin: Better?

Louis: Yes.

Gouhin: Because that was an orgasm.

Louis, dismayed: Oh. Well, I’ll be darned.

Submitted by @foxsaintjust

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(Louis is getting it on with Haru)

Louis, thinking: O-oh, getting close. Baseball, cold showers… oh god, what’s the least sexy thing I could possibly think of?

(His mind focuses on Legosi)

Louis, thinking: There we go… wait, why isn’t it working?

Submitted by @foxsaintjust

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Louis: So… Are you still with… Haru?

Legosi, embarrassed and upset: No…

Bill, smiling: Did we touch a sore point?

Legosi, sadly nodding:

Bill: You’ve just broken up.

Legosi, biting his cheeks: Hmmm-mm.

Bill: She dumped you!

Legosi, practically crying: Hmmm-mm!

Bill, to Louis: It shows.

Louis, whispering to him: Are you and Idiot!?

Bill: For another wolf!?

Legosi: *sobbing*

Louis, hugging Legosi: Stop it Bill!

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At the Drama Club

Bill: Legosi I have a problem. I kicked out one of the actors. But it was clearly a misunderstanding!

Legosi: Look, once I kicked out a guy who had to bring filters for the lights. That time too was clearly a misunderstanding.

Bill: And what did Louis tell to you?

Legosi: Nothing. He headbutted me on the nose.

Bill: Fuck. And what should I do now?

Legosi: Not much. You must be silent, tight buttocks and pray the Lord.

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Legosi: Why are you crying?

Louis, through tears: I wasn’t there when you were bullied in school!


Legosi: That was years before we met.

Louis, sobbing: AND I WASN’T THERE!

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Pina: How can you not talked about me to your grandfather? I’m your best friend!

Legosi: That’s Jack.

Pina: I’m the most important person in your life!

Legosi: That’s Louis.

Pina: I can’t believe this!

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Louis: I’m in a bad mood so NOBODY TALK TO ME!

Legosi, worried: Even me?

Louis: What? No! Obviously you can talk to me you dumb dog!


Louis, turning to Legosi: To reiterate, this doesn’t apply to you.

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Police officer: I’ve stopped you because you were driving this motorcycle with three people on it.

Louis, with Jack and Haru sitting behind him: Wait, three???

Police officer: Yes. You and hi-


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Legosi: Louis, I have thought about it and I would be grateful to move in with you

Louis: Fantastic! Come tomorrow so my tailor can take the measurements for your uniform!


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Louis and Legosi climbing a mountain

Louis: Now rise and put your foot there.


Louis: Rise and put your foot there!


Louis: Get up.

Legosi: Couldn’t you say it that way?

Louis: Now reverse and put the hand there


Louis, sighing: Turn around.

Legosi: Then just say it!

Louis: Now switch and get down.


Louis: switch and get down!





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Louis: Hey Legosi, can I get your opinion on this shirt?

Legosi: Sure!

Legosi: *takes a pen and writes “you are the best animal I know. I appreciate you and I love you” on his shirt*


Louis, crying: Thank you

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At the drama club

Louis: Before starting, Legosi, can I have a word with you in private?

Legosi: Yeah, sure

Louis, pointing at the door: Perfect.

Legosi: *walks to the door*

Louis, confused: What are you doing?


Louis, to the other drama club members: All of you, GET OUT right now.

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Jack: Hey there gu…. Why are Legosi and Louis wearing child leashes?

Haru: Legosi keeps wandering off and Louis keeps running off to find him.

Jack: But… they’re 20…

Submitted by @fatdragonquest

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Legosi drops Louis at the airport

Legosi: Have a safe flight, hon

Louis, entering: I have no say in the matter, you dumb wolf.

Legosi, waving and smiling at him: Then die, hon! I’ll miss you!

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Legosi: Would you please peel this apple for me?

Louis: No! No, I’m not gonna peel an apple for you.

Legosi: But Jack always does it for me!

Louis: Why does Jack peel your apples for you?!?

Legosi: He doesn’t like for me to eat the apples with the skin on it, he says the skin’s loaded with toxins.

Louis: OK, well, good news - Jack’s not here.

Legosi: I know he’s not here and that’s why I need you to do it for me. PLEASE, PLEASE.

Louis: Oh Jesus, just eat it with the skin on it.

Legosi: I do not LIKE IT with the skin, Louis. I’m not ALLOWED to eat it with the skin, I’m not ALLOWED!

Louis: OH MY GOD, all right. If you just shut up, I will peel the apple for you the way Jack likes you to eat it! Give it to me, give it to me! I’ll do it the way Jack insists. That bastard.

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Haru: I haven’t heard from Legosi in three days.

Jack: Me too. Last time I saw him was Egg Sandwich Friday.

Louis: I haven’t seen him either!




Louis: Fuck! The last thing I said to him was “suck it”. Luckily not in a mocking way.

Legosi, entering the room: Good morning everybody!

Louis, Jack and Haru, obviously relieved: LEGOSI!

Legosi: You all thought I was dead, didn’t you?

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