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Good question!

And there is potentially a lot to unpack here, and some of this you already will know, but maybe someone will be looking for an answer to the same question, so…

1) Nobody has to define their sexuality as bi, pan, or anything to make anyone else happy. I only encourage people to find a label they like, that feels like it fits them just right as a way to know themselves. You aren’t exactly straight, but don’t know what to call yourself? There isn’t an easy process for this

You can use whatever label feels right, right now. You can call yourself bi today, but decide next week that another word is a better fit. Try on a label. Wear it around in your head for a few days. There is no restocking fee for self identification.

Since I’m not pan, I can’t speak for them, but not including men in your attraction probably means that isn’t a good label for you,

2) I don’t think most bi people are going to give you crap for being attracted to women and non-binary people, but not men. I know I won’t. Nobody needs to know who you are into or who you have had sex with to claim bisexuality, but there will be people that do want exactly that. Being a bi person attracted to women and non-binary people is completely legit.

Bi is a very personal label, in that you define what it means to you. I’m attracted to men, women, non-binary people, trans inclusive. That is what it means for me to be bi. To me, it didn’t just put me in control of my sexuality, it also fit me like a glove. There is no reason that you need to have the same experience as me, and no shame if you don’t.

Pan people might be a bit uncomfortable with someone that isn’t attracted to men using the pan label, but I can’t speak for them.

3. That said, I’m about to intrude on your headspace. Are you attracted to women and gender non conforming women, or women and non-binary people? That might tweak things a bit, and help you kind of decide what fits best. Either way is good. It might just help you in the process.

Your reason for not feeling comfortable with the bisexual label may be internalized biphobia, or it may be that it just doesn’t quite feel right. That will require some time with your own thoughts. Find out what doesn’t feel right about bi to you. Does it line up with any bi stereotypes? Do you have negative feelings about being bi, do you think you wouldn’t be accepted, or is it like you suggested, just not a comfortable fit? I don’t know your mind, so that’s something for you to work on.

Self reflection, interrogation of your feelings, that is what I’d aim for.

There are no “right” answers. Just right ones for you.

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me: I shared personal information about myself to someone I was dating :((

my brain: ok but like… isn’t the point of dating getting to know someone else via sharing personal information??

me: but I don’t want people to know anything about me

my brain: …then maybe you’re not ready to date?

me: oh no I absolutely love the validation of having someone think I am attractive. I’m not giving this up

my brain: ???

me:

image

Originally posted by lesbiantext

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Seriously if you’re a kid using this site, don’t rely on it for educating yourself on lgbt+ community. The microlabeling that goes on on this site if generally very toxic and idiotic. Just use actual texts and reliable sources, not some blog post made by a homestuck fan.

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sometimes people get mad when people call the LGBTQ+ community queer and it makes me feel like a little kid getting scolded for something i don’t remember doing i can’t even explain this feeling of childish guilt mixed with confusion and overwhelming sadness i get when i see the phrase “q slur” like q is such a soft letter and my dumb monkey brain likes the way the word sounds it’s like pearls and shiny dishware and swirly soft sparkles and i don’t even identify with those things necessarily but it makes me Happy and soft inside and then people get So Angry and i’m sad and I understand that a lot of people, especially people who dealt with discrimination, haven’t reclaimed it but i don’t like when people are mad at me and i feel so Bad now and sadness is horrible and i want those people to not be mad a me but i don’t want to give up my soft pearl word that i Lov so much

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Why I dislike Falsettos, a thread:

-Falsettos depicts an abusive relationship between Whizzer and Marvin in A1, and even though they progress, abuse should never be excused.

-Marvin cheated on Trina for Whizzer. Even if he was forced to marry her, he treated her horribly and isn’t punished for it really, and I feel that she never gets closure.

-Whizzer slept around with a bunch of guys during their break, and that’s how he ended up with AIDS. Sleeping around is his choice, but he basically became a playboy after Marvin ditched him.

-Whizzer and Marvin shouldn’t of gotten back together, they were horrible with each other most of the time.

-Honestly, other than I’m Breaking Down, the music isn’t that good. The singers are good, but the songs weren’t throught out that well.

-It depicts a gay relationship being abusive, which isn’t great for rep :/

-A therapist gets with his client

-Marvin isn’t a great father 90% of the time

-the set literally sucks it’s just BLOCKS.

The only thing I can say good about this is that the lesbians are a good form of rep, but they aren’t a big part of the musical so. Sad. Anyone is allowed to like this musical, but all in all it’s not that great ://

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So what’s the queer anthem? I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and so far the best answer I have is this one vocaloid song that showed up in my youtube recommendations last month and quickly became a favourite of mine. The song is villain by teniwoha and I listen to it on repeat. Turn on CC for the English lyrics.

Why is this the queer anthem? For one thing, it is very obviously about being LGBT+. But the thing that really makes me love it is that I have absolutely no idea what the identity of the person speaking is. This song is not completely inclusive (it leaves out aroace folks, for one thing) but it is super ambiguous.

There are lyrics that pretty much directly contradict each other or at the very least are incredibly unclear. Let’s take the line “X or Y,” for starters. This could mean so many things. It could be a person who is uncertain of their identity or orientation, a bi or pan person, or a nonbinary/agender person. 

Then there’s the line “I wear different clothes and pretend to be a boy in front of you.” It is established that the “you” here is most likely an unaccepting society, so it sounds like the narrator is a trans girl, since they are “pretending” to be a boy. On the contrary, perhaps the translation isn’t totally accurate and in fact it is a trans guy speaking. My original interpretation of this line wasn’t either of these, but rather a girl pretending to be a boy so that she can be seen in public with her girlfriend. I think I thought of it this way because it was the most relatable way to think about it, since I’m a lesbian. A person with a different identity or orientation would probably have a different interpretation.

A bit later in the song comes a line that doesn’t fit with any of my thoughts in the last paragraph. “A dead end with stamens and stamens” sounds like it’s talking about… you know. Which would mean the song is about a gay man, but that doesn’t make much sense within the rest of the song.

“Do not be afraid/A wide variety of genders” is something else that is so, so ambiguous. This could mean the narrator is pretty much anything other than cishet.

The main part of the chorus is “Mr. Crazy Villain” which means, ok, this is a cisgender man, right? Maybe, but maybe not. The rest of the song contains so many mixed messages it’s impossible to say, and because they are becoming “Mr. Crazy Villain” in the eyes of society perhaps they don’t even identify as male.

Basically, the whole song is ambiguous and contradictory and I think that’s genius because nearly all LGBT people can relate to some part of it.

Now let’s move on to why this song is good enough to be an anthem for reasons other than its relatability. The song basically centers around a person who is rejected by society for their LGBT+ identity who eventually decides just to become the “villain” they are presumed to be. 

This song starts out by talking about some issues and such that most queer people know all too well about. The very first line is “maybe hated when holding hands” which… yeah. Then there’s “I’m not a mutant/It’s just me” and “they say I am ‘infringing’ you.” Each of these lines strikes something deep within me, as I’m sure it does with plenty of other people. The fact that this song confronts issues that we face makes it so much better, in my opinion, than the traditional rhetoric of “haters back off I’m perfect.” We are seen as mutants, we are told not to show our true selves to the world because we make other people uncomfortable. In a lot of other people’s stories, we are the “villains.”

This song takes that notion of being the “villain” and says sure. Go ahead, think of us as the villains, we will take your hate and we will make ourselves stronger. I may be the “villain,” but at least I don’t have to hide anymore.

There are a couple lines that I’m still unsure the meaning of, so if you want to help me overanalyze them here they are:
“Dear Sirs Duran Duran please come to pick me up”
“My heart is 1LDK”

Anyway I probably overanalyzed this and potentially got way off base but I’ve been thinking about this for way too long. I’m interested to hear anyone else’s thoughts on this!

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