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181patheticpaperclips · 2 days

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having thoughts about marlene mckinnon for way too many words

In honour of breaking up the fanon characterisation of Marlene a little, here’s every bit of information I could find about Marlene from canon, and variants of Marlene that aren't a Marauders' year Gryffindor that I think could be really fun to write! As a fandom we all seem to stick to the same few traits for the characters like Marlene, to the point where it almost creates a kind of ‘canon’ which kind of defeats the creative freedom which makes writing in the Marauders era so interesting.

And please note that this is not a criticism of fanon at all, headcanon what you want to headcanon, there are so many talented writers and artists who do amazing Marlene work within her fanon characterisation as a Gryffindor classmate in the Marauders’ year. I just had a lot of thoughts.

So anyway, here’s the three quotes we have that mention her:

“No one lived after he decided ter kill ‘em, no one except you, an’ he killed some o’ the best witches an’ wizards of the age - the McKinnons, the Bones, the Prewetts - an’ you was only a baby, an’ you lived,” - Hagrid, The Philosopher's Stone

“That’s Marlene McKinnon, she was killed two weeks after this was taken, they got her whole family,” - Moody, Order of the Phoenix

“Wormy was here last weekend, I thought he seemed down, but that was probably the news about the McKinnons; I cried all evening when I heard,” - Lily, The Deathly Hallows

Let’s get into it. Alright, so to get an indication of what Hagrid means when he’s talking about “the best witches an’ wizards of the age,” we can look at the Bones and the Prewetts.

“That’s Edgar Bones… brother of Amelia Bones, they got him and his family, too, he was a great wizard” from Order of the Phoenix. Apparently, his mother and father were also murdered by Voldemort (fandom wiki). It’s unclear whether “great” refers to magical skill or strength of character; however, we know Amelia Bones, his sister, was a fair and principled woman, so it probably includes elements of both.

“Gideon Prewett, it took five Death Eaters to kill him and his brother Fabian, they fought like heroes.” Combining this with the Hagrid quote, we can gather that the “best witches an’ wizards” likely refers to prodigal magical skill, as well as strength of character - generally acting like a hero.

So from these quotes, we can gather that Marlene was either a great witch herself, or at the very least, most of her family was skilled at magic, and that they all had great strength of character. By strength of character, I guess, from looking at the type of people the Prewetts and the Bones were, I mean that she valued stuff like justice, compassion and courage, and also, to put it simply, had a backbone and could stand up for what she believed in.

I don’t think this necessarily makes her a Gryffindor, although it does make it more likely. The Bones family was known to be affiliated with Hufflepuff (Susan Bones), and people of every house can exhibit these traits. Although still very much possible, I find Slytherin to be the most unlikely house for her, as Hagrid does tend to harbour certain biases towards Slytherins (i.e. he tells Harry that there wasn’t a witch or wizard who went bad who wasn’t in Slytherin) so would be less likely to describe a Slytherin-affiliated family in such a positive manner. However, realistically, all four houses are open options for Marlene.

Now, onto her relationship with Lily Evans. Lily does not refer to her by name, only as part of a collective “the McKinnons,” implying that to the extent Lily knew Marlene, she was also associated with more than one member of the McKinnon family. Her death is also mentioned in a throwaway sort of line, as an explanation of Peter’s sadness, meaning she had to be somewhat close to Peter for it to be reasonable that he’s at least as sad as Lily about her death. This also reads like it’s the first time Lily has discussed her death with Sirius, and it’s been about a week. This, to me, seems to indicate a relationship that isn’t necessarily very close, more like coworkers than anything - if they were closer, I think we could expect more of a specific comment about Marlene rather than a generalised one about her family. As this letter is addressed to Sirius, it’s also likely that Sirius wasn’t particularly close with Marlene either, as Lily offers no attempt to comfort him about her death, which occurred sometime close to “last weekend.” Given Lily is often shown as quite a caring character, if either Lily or Sirius were extremely close to her, I think you’d expect more from Lily. However, Lily still does “[cry] all evening” when she hears, so it isn’t completely detached news of something happening to a stranger. Casual friends or acquaintances, maybe, but probably not a deep friendship.

We’re looking at a relationship close enough to warrant an initial shock reaction from Lily, but not close enough to warrant continual intense grief for more than a week, with a connection that was to the whole McKinnon family, not simply Marlene. In my personal view, while being Gryffindor classmates fits this model (allows Lily, Peter and Sirius to all be familiar with her, and could have a similar level of detachment as Harry has from Dean or Seamus), I’d think sharing a dormitory for seven years and also fighting in a war together would form a deeper connection between Marlene and Lily (think of Harry’s connection with Neville by the end of Deathly Hallows), or at least warrant a mention of Marlene in particular rather than “the McKinnons” in her letter.

Moody also doesn’t point out additional members of the McKinnon family in the photo, implying that they were absent when the photograph was taken or were not members of the Order. I think it likely that more McKinnons than Marlene were in the Order, as this would allow Lily, Sirius and Peter to be connected to the family. There are three scenarios: the McKinnons are in the Order photograph and are simply not mentioned by Moody, the McKinnons are in the Order but not the photograph, and the McKinnons are not in the Order. In the first scenario, Marlene is singled out as the most significant member of the McKinnons, as she is the only one named and the others are referred to as “her family” - she could be more involved in the Order than the others, or she acts as some kind of leading figure for the household, or she was simply better known to Moody than the others. In the second scenario, she is mentioned as the only one present, while the others are absent - they could be in hiding, although Lily and James were in hiding and were still present for the photograph, or are on some kind of Order activity (like Lupin, who is also not mentioned as being in this photograph). In the third scenario, Marlene is the only Order member in her family. The way Moody describes her death as “got her whole family” also suggests an element of being caught, as if the whole family was wanted to some extent by the Death Eaters. Hagrid also says that Voldemort had “decided ter kill ‘em,” further implying that the whole family were targets, not just collateral damage from targeting Marlene. For these reasons, I find it more likely that she is not the only member of the Order in her family.

Lily, James, Sirius and Peter are seated in the same row of the photograph - from this, we can gather that there likely wasn’t arranged seating and people sat with those they were friendly with. Marlene is standing nearby to Dedalus Diggle, Frank and Alice Longbottom and Moody, implying these were the Order members she was closest to, not the Marauders. For this reason, I think it’s reasonable to interpret Marlene as older than she often is portrayed. Frank and Alice’s ages are unknown, but they are well-accomplished Aurors, repeatedly stated throughout the series to be an extremely challenging career with training for at least three years after graduation to even enter the position, although they are not too old to have Neville (the average age of first-time mothers in 1981 was about 25, but given that Alice was a well-established Auror by the time Neville was born, she was probably a bit older), likely placing them somewhere in the mid twenties to thirties range. Dedalus Diggle could be any age, but he is quite an eccentric and cheerful character, wearing a purple top hat, known for enthusiastic displays like summoning shooting stars in Kent upon Voldemort’s downfall, bowing to Harry in a shop, and attempting to be friendly to Vernon Dursley (a monumental task). Her association with Dedalus Diggle implies she isn’t bothered by this kind of behaviour - or maybe she is, and she’s unfortunately stuck standing near him. Moody is described as having grey hair, and just generally comes across as an older man (grizzled appearance, gruff, battle-hardened cynic). Given Moody is also nearby, Marlene is now associated with at least three Aurors, so she could reasonably be interpreted as an Auror, or Auror-in-training.

So, in conclusion:

Marlene is a member of the Order, likely at least a few years older than Lily and James. Her family members, whether that be her children or parents or siblings, are also in the order, and she is probably fairly close with them, given they were all murdered together. The McKinnons are highly skilled wizards and have strength of character, standing up for their beliefs, to the extent that they become a specific target for Death Eaters. Her closest associates in the Order are probably the Longbottoms and Dedalus Diggle, as well as Mad-Eye Moody.

Marlene Variants!!

I think being described as one of the best of the age, not her age, but the age, might imply that she was either a younger member of a well-known magical family like the Potters (James Potter’s parents), or was an older, well-accomplished witch in her own right.

Marlene, part of a large family affiliated with the Order, who knew Sirius, Lily and Peter through having been the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor one year. We know that, in Harry’s time, Dumbledore asked at least two former Order members to teach DADA in a six year time span (Moody and Lupin, from Harry’s first to sixth year), so it isn’t unlikely that Order members could be asked to fill in the role for a year. Professor McKinnon, who puts her students through almost military paces, but who sits on her desk while teaching, who knows which students are friends, who arranges her seating plans accordingly to make sure everyone has someone they can ask for help nearby. Marlene, who teaches the first years how to duel and goes tramping through the forbidden forest searching for Hinkypunks and takes her third years to the lake with Gillyweed to hunt for Grindylows, because doing is the best way to learn.

Marlene McKinnon and Dedalus Diggle as friends; whether Marlene is similar to him in being enthusiastic and just generally kind of extra, or whether she’s a kind of down to earth character foil for him, just… I think those two would be very interesting to see interacting. Marlene and Dedalus as old schoolmates, who love magic for the wild and the untameable, who charm rain into shooting stars and charm autumn leaves to fly in dizzying dances.

Marlene as an Auror. Marlene as Moody’s colleague, as around his age, as Frank and Alice’s colleague. Marlene who can hold her own against any given Death Eater, even when caught by surprise. Marlene, who can cast spells so powerful they make the floor crack under her feet and sear the walls with energy. Marlene McKinnon, who makes Death Eaters flee when she appears in the doorway, who can never be ambushed and can never be beaten, who decimates the ranks of every opposing force. Marlene, who isn’t afraid to kill where Moody spares, who can snap from kind to deadly in an instant.

Marlene who is delighted when Alice tells her she’s having a baby, who comes around for lunch on Saturdays, who helps design the wards, and patches loopholes in the magic until it's impenetrable, and who makes Neville a quilt that is never finished. Marlene, who would have been an incredible aunt figure to Neville Longbottom.

Marlene as an Auror in training, with parents who are already Aurors, potentially siblings too. Marlene who goofs around with Moody, who Tonks reminds him of years later, Marlene who dies despite her training. Maybe Evan Rosier is the one who kills her; maybe Moody remembers this when Rosier refuses to come quietly; maybe Marlene McKinnon is half the reason Rosier ends up dead that day.

There’s my brainrot analysis! This turned out a bit longer than I intended it to be. Feel free to use any of this in anything you make (maybe I’ll cough up some art eventually… tag me if you do, I’d love to see). And a friendly reminder that if you do headcanon Marlene differently, in the end, it’s all for fun, and you’re free to view her any way you’d like. And who knows, maybe I’ll get around to doing this for the other characters one day.

#*aggressively points at a fictional character*#“listen i just think she's neat”#marauders era #marlene mckinnon #the marauders #marauders fandom #marauders girls #mad eye moody #alice longbottom #frank longbottom #dedalus diggle #lily evans #lily potter #order of the phoenix #mwpp era #my post #marauders

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luizd3ad · 17 hours

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She's My Religion | Lily Evans x Fem!Reader One Shot

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ࣪˖⤷ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ࣪ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ˖ ⤷

Pairing: Lily Evans x Reader

WC:8,636

TW: mentions of abuse, self-doubt, cursing, little bit of homophobia and use of homophobic slur, use of the word Mud-Blood (not used by reader), use of Y/N, Reader is implied to be a Slytherin but not directly specified, mentions of violence, death threats, It’s kinda angsty, but cute at the end.

Author's Note: I’ve never wrote for Lily so I’m sorry if this is out of character or something idk I tried this is also the longest fic I’ve written I didn’t mean for it to be this long😅.

Summary: What happens when Sirius Blacks little sister and Regulus Blacks twin sister starts to fall for the intelligent and beautiful Lily Evans?

I made this cute little mood board idk I just love this tbh

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳

Y/N Black had always been seen as the colder Black out of her and her two brothers and that was saying something especially considering her twin, Regulus.

Regulus and her had been close their whole lifes. Their eldest cousin Andromeda would say they were thick as thieves. Always doing everything together refusing to go or do anything without the other.

But after years of abuse from their partners and then it only getting worse when their older brother Sirius left she closed up, to the point of even icing Regulus out to an extent.

When Regulus made the choice to mend the bond between him and Sirius, Y/N made it clear that she wanted no part in it.

In Y/N’s eyes Sirius didn't care, he didn't love her. She knew he didn't. If he did, why would he leave them? Why would he leave her? Especially with those people.

Sirius had always protected Regulus and Y/N as much as he could. He would take punishment, sneak them food if they were forced to go without.

Eventually protecting them ment having Regulus go to The Potters with him when there was talk of an arranged marriage for Regulus.

Regulus left 12 Grimmauld Place during winter break in their 5th year, Y/N being left once again.

At that point she'd separated herself from everyone who'd cared for her, admittedly it was mostly her brothers but also the few friends she and Regulus shared.

Sirius had tried many times to talk to Y/N but she never budged, she'd rarely spare him a glance. He was shattered, Sirius felt as if he'd lost his baby sister.

Regulus took it worse not that he'd admit that to anyone who wasn't Sirius. He had hoped that she'd forgive them at some point and that she'd join them or at the very least understand why they left but she didn't.

Y/N wouldn't speak, look, or even be in the same room as Regulus if she could help it.

Regulus lost his twin, his other half, his life line and she didn't even seem to care.

But she did care she cared so fucking much.

· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

Despite Y/N being cold and dark to those around her, she was smart.

Some would say smarter than Regulus, definitely smarter than Sirius.

So it came as no surprise to her when the summer between her 5th and 6th year Y/N got word that she was to join the 7th year potions class.

Honestly she didn't care, Walburga was as pleased as she could be and Orion unsurprisingly couldn't care less.

But that's how she found herself being in the potion class the year above and being assigned partners with her.

Lily Evans.

Y/N didn't know much about Lily other than she was friends with her brother and his friends, she was smart, a Gryffindor and muggle-born.

Now Y/N didn't care for blood statues. It never made sense to her, the hatred that so many purebloods held for half-bloods or muggle-borns.

It all seemed barbaric and honestly a waste of time.

So, no Y/N didn't care that she was partnered with someone who was a muggle-born.

She did care however that she was partnered with a friend of Sirius's. And it wasn't just a friend that he would see around and chat up with sometimes no, they were close friends.

This was going to be a problem.

“Hi, I’m Lily! Your Siris’ and Regs’ little sister right?”

Lily stuck out her hand for you to shake with one of the brightest smiles you think you've ever seen.

You simply roll your eyes and dismiss her hand shake.

“I prefer to be called by my name, Y/N, rather than being referred to as Sirius and Regulus' sister.”

Lily drops her hand and her smile falls just a tad, not enough for most people to notice, but you did.

“Of course. I'm sorry, truly.”

“It's fine Evans.”

You say coldly, giving your undivided attention to Slughorn.

The rest of class was spent taking notes mostly with Lily attempting to make small talk every so often. You ignored her for the rest of the class.

You knew Lily was only trying to be nice but you also knew she was only trying to be nice so she could bring up your brothers.

And talking about them was one of the last things you wanted to do.

· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

Days started to pass turning into weeks, weeks turning into months.

You and Lily had been cordial.

You tried your best not to be completely rude to her since she always tried to make small talk and she was kind to you.

You actually grew quite fond of her over time but you didn't think that the two of you were friends by any means.

But you were acquaintances.

And you did like being in her presents.

It had been three months since school had started and Slughorn had announced that there was a project that was due in 2 weeks, right before christmas break would start and you were to work on it with your partner.

You sighed and looked to the side to see a smiling Lily.

You weren’t upset that you had to do a project with Lily considering she was very smart and you liked being around her, but you were upset knowing that you'd have to spend time with her after class and knowing that where she goes her friends were not far most of the time.

Which meant there was a possibility of seeing her friends, which meant a possibility of seeing Sirius and or Regulus more than you'd like.

“Okay Evans we’ll meet at the library after classes are done so we can just get this done. Please refrain from bringing your friends.”

Lily knew what you meant by that, you were asking her to keep Sirius and Regulus away from you.

Lily chuckled and shook her head.

“They go where they please.”

Translation. She couldn't stop either of them, more specifically Sirius, even if she wanted to.

“I see. I'll see you later Evans.”

You sigh once more gathering your things to walk away.

“Bye Y/N.”

It always caught you off guard when she would call you by your first name instead of your surname.

First names were meant for friends, yet she never called you Black.

She only ever called you Y/N, as if you were good friends.

You supposed that was just the type of person Lily was. She was nice to everyone unless they gave her a reason not to be.

· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

After classes you find yourself entering the library. You were expecting to have to wait for Lily but to your surprise she beat you there.

You walk to the table she was occupying, setting your things down.

Once she notices you she looks up from her seat smiling at you.

She had a very beautiful smile, one that made you feel your heart skip a beat for a moment. But you chose to ignore the feeling, deciding, hoping, it meant nothing.

“How were your classes Y/N?”

Lily asked with genuine curiosity in her eyes.

Did she actually care? She couldn't possibly care about my day. No, she didn't care, she was just asking to be polite. That was all. You tried to convince yourself.

“It was fine… How about you?”

Lily then went on about her day. She told you her favorite thing she learned that day, a joke her friend Mary told her that made you actually crack a small smile.

You couldn't help but hold on to every word that came out of her mouth.

Without you even realizing it Lily talking was easily becoming your favorite part of the days that followed.

You spent every day that week meeting with Lily at the library and you realized you actually really liked spending time with her. She had managed to make you smile a few times which was a rare sight.

Lily had this light to her that you couldn't describe. She was just everything good in the world.

She was funny, smart, sweet, kind, beautiful and you wanted to spend every moment you could with her.

You realized as the weekend grew closer you wouldn't have a reason to see her for two days. That bothered you and you couldn't figure out why.

The two of you were working late in the back of the library. The library was practically empty.

“There's a Hufflepuff party tomorrow night. Are you going?”

“No. Parties aren't really something I enjoy. I’m assuming it’s safe to assume you're going?”

You say giving Lily a small smile.

“Yeah. We're all going… you should come.”

You knew what she meant. Sirius and most likely Regulus were going to be there.

Over the week of working with her she would make little suggestions now and then about seeing or talking to your brothers without blatantly saying so.

You just shook your head looking down at the table.

“I'm okay, thank you for the invitation.”

“Okay well, I'm going to Hogsmeade on sunday. Usually no one comes with me since they're all hungover. Would you like to join me?”

You felt yourself stop breathing. You didn't know why you felt this way.

It was just Lily, but you've never spent time with Lily outside of an academic setting.

Was this for the project? Or were you supposed to hang out as friends? Or was it.. More?

Did you want it to be more?

Before you have the chance to answer or contemplate further, your conversation was interrupted.

“Oi, Black! Three blood traitors wasn’t enough for your line? You decided to become one yourself?”

Avery said, making Mulciber laugh.

You look up at them about to get up but Lily grabs and squeezes your hand telling you to let it go.

So you did.

“Aww isn't that cute? You’re shagging the Mud-blood now? Merlin your whole family is full of a bunch of fuckin’ poof-”

Before he can finish his sentence you have him on the ground holding his nose. You felt what some people would refer to as ‘The Black Family Madness’ cloud your mind.

You thought it was just pure fucking anger, but what did you know?

You look down at Avery while having your wand pointing at Mulciber to keep him where he is, not showing any emotion on your face.

“I could kill you, you know? I could kill both of you. Make it look like self defense. ‘Oh i was so scared they cornered me and I- I didn't know what to do. I was scared for my life'.”

You say the last part in a mocking tone you then crouch in front of Avery looking him dead in the eyes.

“No one would even blink if you two died. Did you know that? I won't do it though because I refuse to risk myself being thrown in Azkaban. Especially for the likes of you, do you know why? It’s simple really, both of your lives put together don't even measure up to mine alone in terms of importance.”

You stand up straight looking at both of them.

“Now you're going to apologize to Evans for caller her such a vile and disgusting name, and if you don’t I will have a letter send to my mother by the end of the night about how I walked in on you two shoving your tongues down each other's throats and how I ‘just don't know what to do!’ and then we can see how your fathers react to just the idea of having ‘poofs’ inside they're line.”

You give them a small smirk while Avery and Mulciber look at each other debating if they're willing to have a rumor like that go around especially since it was a lie.

“And if you think my mother won't believe me. I reassure you, she will. Why would I lie? It wouldn’t benefit me as far as she's concerned and I am as close to a ‘perfect’ child as she'll ever get and if it comes out that the two of you might be shagging then the dirty looks get taken off The Black Family’ and move to The Mulcibers’ and The Averys’. So let's play this one smart boys.”

That seemed to convince Avery enough that he stands up and looks at Lily and forces out an ‘I’m sorry.’

Mulciber is a little more hesitant. You send a Stinging Jinx Mulcibers way, he falls to his knees with a small hiss and looks at Lily.

“I'm sorry Evans, really really sorry.”

Mulcibers cried out

“Now. You're both going to leave Evans alone. You are going to keep her name and both of my brothers' names out of your mouths. Am I understood?”

You say with no emotion on your face once again.

They both let out quiet ‘yes’s’ while scrambling to leave.

After the ‘Madness’ had cleared from your mind it hit you what you did. You didn't feel bad about what you did but you realize you did it all in front of Lily.

You don't even look at her as you start to gather your things.

“I’m sorry Evans, really. I-I should go.”

You ramble out while trying to walk away. Lily grabs your arm stopping you in your tracks.

“I won't lie and say I agree with what you did, but I don't blame you. I also appreciate you standing up for me. I'm not mad or scared of you Y/N.”

“I should have never done that in front of you. I'm sorry, really.”

“It's okay. I promise. Lets stop working tonight, yeah?”

You nod at Lily.

“Yeah. Okay”

“So about Hogsmeade?”

· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

You were sitting by the entrance of Hogwarts looking down playing with the matching serpent ring that Regulus had got for you and him a few birthdays ago.

You've never taken it off.

You were just wearing some plain jeans and a jumper you had stolen from Sirius years ago. You find yourself wearing it when you think you might need moral support and you didn't know why but you felt a need to wear it today.

No matter how hurt you might be from your brothers leaving, you still loved them so much. You didn't necessarily blame them for leaving the house or the family, you just wish they were still with you.

You’re taken out of your thoughts when you hear footsteps coming your way.

You look up and forget how to breathe for a moment.

There she was. Lily fucking Evans walking towards you she was wearing a white long sleeve shirt and a plaid skirt it was so simple but she looked amazing.

Why are you feeling like this? Why does it feel like every time you're in her presents you feel like you can't breathe?

You've never felt this way before.

“Hey Y/N ready to go?”

“Yes.”

You felt like your words were stuck in your throat.

She was just so fucking beautiful.

You didn't talk much on your walk to Hogsmeade. You were too caught up in your head and Lily had noticed that.

“Are you okay Y/N?”

“Yes, I'm fine. How was your party last night?”

You asked, trying to change the subject. LIly knew what you were doing and she let you get away with it.

“It was actually a lot of fun. It would have been a lot more fun if you were there.”

Lily said, sending you a smile.

You just rolled your eyes playfully with a small smile of your own, letting Lily go on about the things that happened. She told you everything that had happened as if she didn't want you to feel left out. You didn't realize how much a little act like that could make your heart speed up a bit.

By the time you had gotten to Hogmaede Lily was laughing at a story about something her friend Marlenne had done, you were just smiling. Whether you were smiling at the story or at her laugh you didn't know and you didn't want to think about it. You just wanted to enjoy the time with her.

At some point Lily grabbed your hand holding it as you went through multiple shops, you tried not to pay too much attention to how her hand felt in yours. There were a few disagreements here and there when you insisted on paying for the things she wanted.

She in her words 'didn't want you to waste your money’ and you just responded with ‘it's not a waste if it's you.’

She finally stopped fighting you after you told her that you loved spending money on things you knew your mother and father wouldn't agree with. It was one of your little acts of rebellion. Which was true but a part of you also just wanted to spoil her.. But she didn't have to know that.

By the time you two had gotten back to the castle it was almost dark. You walked Lily to the Gryffindor tower still holding her hand.

“You know you could come in right? They want to see you.”

Lily said, squeezing your hand gently to reassure you.

Since the school year started and you wouldn't talk to Regulus he stopped coming down to the dungeons if he could help it, he started to stay in the Gryffindor tower. So other than the few classes you shared and the occasional glances across the great hall you haven't seen your twin in months.

It killed a part of you but you were still so angry and hurt.

“Me and you both know that's not a good idea.”

You said looking down. Lily was about to disagree when the portrait opened out walking James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and last but not least both of your brothers.

You could hear a pin drop in the corridor outside of the Gryffindor common room.

Sirius and Regulus stare at you without saying a word. No one moves, no one says anything.

You look back at Lily with your jaw clenched and drop her hand, putting your hands in your pockets. You didn't miss the hurt that flashes through her eyes but you didn't focus on it. You just had to get out of there.

“I'll see you later Evans, Yeah?”

You say to Lily mustering up a very small smile at her so she knew you were not upset with her.

You started to walk away not even acknowledging the presents of anyone else. You do your best to keep walking away ignore the sound of talking down the hall, trying your best to not spare your brothers another glance

You just weren't ready to talk to them and you didn't even know if they actually wanted to talk to you.

So you just continue walking to the dungeons

· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

The next day Lily rushed into potions class, saying how sorry she was and explaining that she didn't know that was going to happen. It was all just poor timing.

All you could do was smile at her and reassure her that you didn't blame her.

You knew she wouldn't do something like that to you,

As the days passed by getting closer to the middle of the week you and Lily continued to get closer. You both would still meet up after classes in the library to finish up your project, the project that you both knew you could have finished, days ago.

You were coming to expect that you possibly had feelings for the girl but you knew she most likely just saw you as a friend.

You both were packing up for the night, you had finally finished with your project with two days to spare. It was a bittersweet moment.

“Y/N, what are you doing tonight?”

You looked up confused but you had a spark of hope in your chest.

“Nothing, probably go to my dorm, read, sleep… Why?”

“I have rounds tonight till 8:30. Do you want to meet after?”

“Um.. Okay? Yes, I'd like that. Um where should we meet?”

Lily then gave you one of her breath taking smiles obviously excited that you agreed.

“I'll come get you after I'm down, just meet me in front of the dungeons around 9?”

“Okay, Yeah.”

You were caught off guard when Lily walked over to you and hugged you.

The only people to have hugged you were your brothers and even then it had been years. You didn't know what to do for a moment so after some hesitation you hugged her back.

You felt her relax into you for a moment. You could smell her perfume, Strawberries and vanilla.

You reluctantly pulled away after a moment. You could see a light blush on her face and you couldn't imagine that you were any better.

“I'll see you later Evans.”

You say giving Lily a small smile and walking away with your things in hand.

Once you left the library you all but ran to your dorm. Your thoughts consume you.

That was a friend hug right? It had to be. Lily was just nice like that. Are friend hugs supposed to last that long though? You wouldn't know you wouldn't ever let anyone you were friends with hug you.

So then why did you let Lily hug you?

Why did you want to do it again?

Before you knew it it was 8:55 and you were waiting in front of the dungouse. You were still over thinking the hug.

Why was something so simple as a hug throwing you off? It didn't make sense.

You continued to think while absentmindedly playing with your ring. You were so lost in thought that you didn't even notice Lily till she put her hand on yours, stopping you from fidgeting.

You look at her and smile slightly.

“Where exactly are we going Evans?”

You ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Now why would I tell you that? Come on.”

Lily gave you a smirk and grabbed you hand leading you to wherever she was taking you. You couldn't help but blush at her holding your hand but you didn't pull away or protest it.

You let out a little chuckle when you finally realized where Lily was leading you.

“Really Evans? The astronomy tower? Seems a little cliché doesn’t it?”

You say with a teasing voice all Lily does is roll her eyes at you as you make it to the top of the tower.

When you get there you see that a few blankets and pillows are lying out.

You just blush again and Lily drags you over and has you sit with her in the pile of blankets and pillows.

“So why here?”

You ask leaning back on your hands.

“It’s just one of my favorite places. I like the stars.”

She says with a little shrug.

“Do you know about Cassiopeia?”

You ask, looking at her as she looks into the sky. Lily just shrugs and looks at you.

“Admittedly I’m not very good at astronomy. I would usually have… um Sirius do my work.”

Lily says looking scared that just mentioning your brother will have you running for the hills.

“Cassiopeia was the queen of Ethiopia; she was married to King Cepheus. One day she had angered Poseidon, she claimed that her and her daughter, Andromeda were more beautiful than the daughters of Nereus. So the sea nymphs, Nereids, asked Poseidon to send a monster to destroy King Cepheus's coast. To appease the monster, Cassiopeia and Cepheus chained Andromeda to a rock as a sacrifice, Perseus rescued Andromeda, but Poseidon still punished Cassiopeia, he took her and hung her in the heavens. Cassiopeia sits on her throne, but during part of the year, she appears upside down in the sky.”

Lily looks at you slightly shocked.

“How do you just know that?”

You chuckle and shake your head lightly.

“Evans, I’m a Black. It’s basically a requirement to know about the stars.”

“Okay fine, tell me about that one.”

She says point at a random constellation.

You tell her about every constellation or star she points at for a while, not noticing that the two of you have subconsciously been moving closer and closer. Eventually your shoulders are touching hands brushing against each other every so often.

“Okay how about that one?”

She pointed at one of the clusters of stars you hoped she wouldn’t have pointed out.

Then again it was bound to happen.

“Canis Major the ‘great dog’ it’s built around Sirius, the Dog Star, the brightest star in the sky.”

You say looking down, playing with the ring on your finger.

There’s a silence for a moment, it’s not awkward but not necessarily comfortable either.

“They miss you, you know?”

Lily says, looking at you.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

You say not looking at her at all.

A part of you knew you couldn’t look at her because if you did you’d tell her anything she wanted to know.

“They really do. Sirius and Regulus ask me how you're doing all the time Y/N.”

Lily says grabbing your hand to stop you from playing with your ring once again.

“Lily please.”

You say looking up at her.

Your breath gets stuck in your throat for a moment once you realize how close the two of you are.

You're so caught up in the moment, so captivated by the most beautiful pair of green eyes you've ever seen that you didn't even notice.

You didn't even notice that you called her Lily. Not Evans.

Just Lily.

“You know you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen?”

Lily says, staring at your eyes.

“Funny. I was thinking the same thing.”

You said with a new found confidence. Lily looks down at your lips for a moment and then you both start to lean in slowly.

“Ooooo naughty naughty.”

You both jump at the sound of the most annoying Poltergeist known to man.

After a few minutes of Lily somehow convincing Peeves to not tell on us for being there. You found yourself walking Lily to the Gryffindor common room hand in hand for the second time in a week.

“I hope you had fun tonight, I’m sorry Peeves kinda ruined the night.”

Lily said, stopping in front of the entrance to her common room.

“It's not your fault. You didn't know he would be there. I still had a good time.”

She just smiled at you, not letting go of your hand.

“I had a lot of fun too.”

You desperately didn't want the night to end but you didn't know how to express that. You weren't blind you could tell Lily most likely had some kind of feelings for you. There was just a part of you that was still so scared of being rejected or left.

“It's getting late so we should go to bed.”

You say ruining your thumb over her knuckles.

“What if I said I didn't want to go to bed yet?”

Lily said, stepping closer to you.

You just smile and let out a little sigh looking her in the eyes.

“I would then say that as much as I don't want this night to end, we've already been caught once and it's late, we have class tomorrow and I wouldn't want to see you tired… though under different circumstances I would love to see you tired.”

You say to her while smirking at her with confidence that you didn't know you had.

Lily just looks at you speechless blushing more than you think you've ever seen her before. You then dare to kiss her cheek softly.

“Goodnight, Lily.”

You whisper while sending a small smile towards her, not waiting for a response you start to walk away.

This had been one of the best nights of your life.

· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

Even though you had finished your projects you and Lily found yourselves still meeting in the library after classes leading up to break.

You both had been more affectionate in your own ways, Lily had started bringing you little snacks and water because she thought you didn't eat enough or drink enough water.

You were just constantly holding her hand or hugging her when you got the chance. It didn't go farther than that physically but you two started shamelessly flirting more often.

Finally it was the day before everyone would leave for christmas break you had just turned in your project to Slughorn.

You were gathering your things to leave for the next class when you were hit with an idea.

“Lily, do you want to.. Maybe hang out tonight?”

You asked nervously while a faint blush took over your face. You don't know why you're so nervous. You had hung out with Lily so many times at this point, it should feel normal.

She smiled at you and nodded.

“Yeah. I'd like that.”

“Okay. meet me at the astronomy tower. Around 8?”

“Really Y/N the astronomy tower? How cliché.”

Lily says in a teasing tone.

“Hahaha, just meet me there okay?”

You gave Lily’s hand a little squeeze, sending her a smile.

After classes that day you got together a little picnic basket of all the candies and food that Lily had told you she liked at one point or another.

You had gone and set everything up so you went back to your dorm to change into your favorite outfit. Finally it was time to meet Lily you found her eventually and smiled at how beautiful she looked.

“So where are we going?”

Lily asked as you walked up to her.

“Wouldn't you like to know?”

You say sending her a small smirk as she rolled her eyes.

“Yes I actually would.”

“You'll find out soon, calm down.”

You say grabbing her hand and leading her up to the third floor of the astronomy tower, you then let go of Lily’s hand walking in front of the blank wall while Lily looks at you curiously.

Soon the door for the Room of Requirements appears and the look Lily gives you is priceless.

“Is this the Room of Requirement?”

You nod while opening the door for her.

“Yeah. I found it in my third year. It's my own little part of the school, where no one can bother me unless I let them. You're the first person I've brought here.”

The room is full of books and a big fireplace with large comfy couches and a record player with all your favorite records next to it.

Next to the fireplace is the little picnic you had set up. Lily lets out a soft gasp as she sees the set up.

You both sit down and look at each other for a while. It's a soft moment, it feels like you both just needed to take each other in for a moment.

“So it's your last christmas here. Are you going home?”

You ask, taking a bite of a chocolate wand after.

“No. We all decided to stay here for our last christmas. Are you staying?”

“Yes. I'd rather spend Christmas in the dungeons then go back to Grimmauld Place.”

You say shaking your head with a sigh.

“Y/N, I know you try to avoid talking about this but just hear me out and if you don't want to talk about it after, I will leave it be, okay?”

You sigh already knowing where this conversation is going but you decided to hear Lily out anyway. You nod your head letting her know that she can continue.

“You said it yourself. This is mine and Sirius’s last Christmas at Hogwart. This is probably the last chance the three of you have to spend a Christmas together. They miss you Y/N, honestly they do. My sister doesn't talk to me anymore because I'm a witch and I miss her everyday. I don't want to see you go through that. I don't want you to regret not seeing your brother when you had the chance.”

You take a moment to think about it. You already knew if you didnt make up with them soon you'd regret it. Hell you already regretted it.

You remembered how heartbroken Narcissa was when she found out that Andromeda had a baby. Narcissa knew she would never be able to meet her niece. You didn't want that. You didn't want your brothers to have families and you not be involved. You knew that if you didnt get over this pettiness that there was a large possibility that that was exactly the path you were heading down.

“Okay. when everyone leaves tomorrow. I'll see them.”

“Really?”

“Yeah Lils. You're right after all. I don't want to not be a part of my brothers’ lives.”

Lily just gives you a hug whispering how proud of you she was.

Lily understood how hard this was for you. She knew you were hurt even if you never flat out said it to her.But it was time for you to get over it before you lost the only family you ever really cared for.

You and Lily spend the rest of the night talking and laughing. For a moment you forget the anxiety that will consume you tomorrow.

You'll be fine. As long as you have Lily by your side you know you'll be fine.

· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

You waited at the entrance of the Gryffindor common room anxiously playing with the ring on your finger.

Why did you agree to this? Were you really ready to face your brothers? What if they hated you? What if they wanted nothing to do with you?

You were so caught up in your thoughts you didn't even notice your favorite red head till she touched your hands stopping you fidgeting with your ring one again.

You looked up at her, the anxiety obvious on your face.

“They want to see you. I promise.”

She gives you a comforting smile keeping her hand on yours.

“What if I fuck this up? What if I lose them for good?”

You feel the burning behind your eyes trying not to cry.

“They love you so much Y/N. All you have to do is try.”

You nod, keeping Lily’s hand in yours letting her lead you into the portrait of Elizabeth Spriggs aka ‘The Fat Lady’.

Once you walk into the common room you notice it seems uncharacteristically quiet.

You look and see two matching sets of gray eyes looking at you. You take a deep breath still trying to hold back the tears.

It's been close to a year since you talked to Sirius, quite a few months since you talked to Regulus.

“Sirius, Regulus.”

You say in a neutral voice not making eye contact with either of them.

There's a moment of silence and stillness, a part of you considers running out of the room but before you can act on that though you're being tackled into a hug by your eldest brother. You couldn't help but let a few tears fall as you hold Sirius and you can tell he's crying just the same.

Sirius cups your face with both of hands after a few moments to look at you with tears streaming down his face.

“I'm never letting you go again, you hear? I'm not losing my baby sister again.”

You let out a little sob and hug Sirius again putting your head on his chest.

“Sirius, Y/N why don't we go somewhere with a smaller audience.”

Regulus said in all his stoic glory.

“Yeah. Regs right. We'll go to my room, alright?”

You give a small nod to Sirius then leads you to his shared dorm room while Regulus follows behind.

You honestly didn't even notice the other people in the room until Regulus said something.

It wasn't many people, it was just ‘The Marauders’ as they call themselves and Lily but Regulus knew you would be more comfortable with just you three and you knew Regulus felt the same.

Once you get to Sirius room you look at Regulus for the first time in months.

“I’m sorry Regulus. I really am.”

You say trying to hold tears back once again.

“You ignored me. You ignored me for months Y/N.”

You look down ashamed playing with your ring once more.

“I know Regulus and if I could go back I would but I can’t. I was just hurt. Sirius left and that hurt so fucking much but at least I had you. Then you left, and I understand why you did but then I was just by myself. It nearly killed me to be alone with mother and father.”

You said taking a deep breath.

“I told you to come with me. Why didn’t you come?”

Regulus said with so much hurt in his voice it felt like someone ripped your heart out.

“I was afraid. I was afraid that I was too much like them. That if I would have gone, I would have tainted whatever good you made for yourselves.”

“You are nothing like them. Neither of you are. I made sure of that. Y/N if you were like them you wouldn’t be friends with Lily and Regulus if you were you would have never reached out for help.”

Sirius says while holding you against him once again.

“I really am sorry Reg.”

You look up at regulus with your tear stained face.

Regulus’s eyes softened and before you knew it, Regulus had taken you from Sirius arms and hugged you tighter than you had ever been hugged before but you didn’t mind.

You both cried into each other's arms for the first time in years.

Sirius hugged both of you and for a moment you just sat there in your brother's arms enjoying every second of it.

“So, you and Lily huh?”

Sirius says in a teasing voice. You pushed him away and glared at him.

“Shut up.”

You say with a slight pout. Regulus and Sirius just give each other a knowing look as you roll your eyes and scoff.

“I hate you both. Did you know that?”

“Nah, you love us too much baby sister.”

Sirius says ruffling your hair as you swat his hands away.

“Wait. Is that my jumper?”

“… No. You’re crazy. The Black Family Madness is catching up with you Siri.”

Sirius and you start to argue as if no time had passed. Regulus just smiles at you two feeling grateful to have this back.

You spend the rest of the break with your brothers mostly but also with the marauders and Lily.

You got to know them all.

You took a liking to Remus quickly bonding over your favorite books.

You and Peter got along well enough playing chess together often, since he would insist on rematches because you would continuously beat him.

James admittedly was harder not that you didn’t like him but a part of you had blamed him for Sirius leaving for so long that it was hard to get past that and it showed. It wasn't until christmas eve when James had pulled you aside for a moment when you felt yourself grow comfortable with him.

“You know, you don't have to go back there right?”

“What do you mean Potter?”

You looked at him with raised eyebrows as he sat next to you on the couch you were now occupying.

“You don't have to go back to Grimmauld Place. You could be with your brothers again, I already wrote mum and dad. They said they'd be more than happy to have another Black join the Potters. I mean what's another one, yeah?”

James said with a small smile, lightly bumping your shoulder with his.

“Are you sure? I don't-”

“Yes. I know. You don't want to over step or be a burden and I know you don't think you deserve it, but you do. Merlin's beard, you and your brother are just the same. I will never understand the treatment your parents put the three of you through. But what I do know is that you three deserve good things in your lives. You deserve so much more than what your parents put you through. You are worth so much more than what they made you believe you were. You deserve to be loved, to be safe and to be happy. Y/N you will always have a home with us, plus… I've always wanted a little sister.”

You didn't say anything, you just hugged James and nodded your head.

Off to the side watching the interaction between you and James was your brothers, for the first time in years Regulus and Sirius knew the three of you would be safe and they couldn't be happier.

They liked seeing you interact with the people that they’ve grown close with and getting to see you actually happy every so often was just a bounce.

But your brothers weren’t the only ones who liked it.

Lily loved seeing you interact with all of them.

You seemed so alive.

She’d never seen you act like that with anyone but her. She loved seeing you smile and laugh. She loved seeing you and your brothers truly happy.

This was her favorite Christmas so far.

You had made it her favorite Christmas.

· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

You felt better than you had in months, no, years.

You had your brothers back and for the first time in years. The three of you were getting along and you knew you would finally be safe.

You also knew it was because of Lily as well.

She was the fire in your darkness, she gave you light, warmth and she felt so happy and safe.

Everything felt good for once. But if you knew anything, you knew that wasn't going to last.

“You don't actually think she loves you do you?”

You turn to see none other than Severus Snape leaning by the entrance to the dungeons. You raise your eyebrow at him questioningly.

You don't really talk to Snape unless it was necessary you never really liked him or the company he kept in recent years. So for him to start any conversion with you was rare.

“What are you on about Snape?”

“Lily.”

He states as if it's obvious.

“What about Lily?”

Your interest obviously peaked at hearing the name of your favorite Gryffindor.

“She'll never love you. She loves Potter.”

He says in a monotone voice. You scoff rolling your eyes.

“I don't know why I'm bothering with this nonsense.”

You turn to walk away muttering to yourself.

“She and Potter kissed, you know. The other week, at a Hufflepuff party. I saw them. Potter has been pining for Lily since our first year. It seems he finally got what he was after.”

You stood there shocked, confused, frozen with your jaw now clenched.

That couldn't be true. Lily wouldn't do that and if she did she'd tell you right? I mean you were… whatever you are, right?

And James wouldn't do that. He had all but flat out asked you to be his sister.

Snape was lying, he had to be. He was spreading lies about Lily. He just had to be. You wouldn't stand for that. You felt ‘The Madness’ creep in once again.

In one swift motion you had Snape pinned against the wall with your wand pointed at his neck.

“You will not speak of Lily again. You will not look at her, speak to her. You will not breathe the same air as her and if you do. I will kill you. Do I make myself clear?”

You say with murderous eyes.

Snape would never admit it but he was scared. He's only ever seen you as cold, emotionless. This was far from emotionless.

“Crystal.”

Snape said, trying to hide his emotions as best as he could.

You walk away without another glance stuck in your head.

He had to be lying right? But why would he lie? Nothing made sense. Maybe he wasn't lying.

Stupid. You were so fucking stupid.

How could you think someone like Lily Evans would like someone like you.

Lily brings life to everything she touches, she was sweet, caring, kind she was fucking perfect.

You were a Black, enough said.

You were angry, mean, rude, it was in your blood to ruin everything you touch.

It wasn't her fault that you thought you might actually have a chance, that you developed a stupid crush, it was your fault for being stupid enough to think that it was ever a possibility.

I mean maybe you and Lily were just friends. Maybe you misunderstood?

You couldn't blame her but that didn't mean it hurt less.

The first person you started putting your walls down for the first time in years obviously didn't care about you the way you cared for her.

So you did what you did best when people would hurt you.

You avoided and ignored her. You managed to avoid Lily for a few days skipping potions class, leaving the library when you would see her walk in.

Sirius was quickly getting irritated with your antics. He had been pestering you as to why you were avoiding Lily but you wouldn’t tell him or Regulus.

If they knew she would find out.

So you just kept avoiding her and avoiding answering any questions your brothers would ask.

Eventually she found you and tried to talk to you which led to you ignoring her. It killed you to see the look on her face but it was necessary to protect yourself. You tried to convince yourself that it would be easier after a week.

It wasn't.

For either of you apparently.

Lily had managed to find you in the library while you were looking for a book to distract yourself with. You had put your guard down for a moment. You didn't even know she was there till she spoke.

“Y/N.”

She had said to gain your attention, when you realized there wasn't anywhere for you to go you decided to just get it over with to stop avoiding your problems for the first time in your life.

You rolled your eyes and sighed looking at her for the first time in a week.

“What the hell do you want Evens? Shouldn't you be with your boyfriend, Potter?”

You say to Lily in a monotone voice looking her in the eyes.

“What are you talking about? I'm not dating James, I don't want him!”

You felt all the anger and insecurity start to cloud your brain. She was lying. How dare she lie to you. You were damned if you were made a fool once again.

“You're such a liar Evans. Snape told me everything about how Potter has been pining for you for years! How he saw you two kiss at the Hufflepuff party! I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe you'd actually like me. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think Potter would actually look at me as a sister.”

You whisper yelled with your jaw clenched while the back of your eyes burned trying to hold back tears.

“Me and James didn’t kiss I swear-”

You scoff, turning to walk away deciding you were done with this conversation, but Lily grabbed you by the arm, tapping you against the bookshelf.

“I didn't kiss James.He's a great friend but nothing more to me, and he does care for you, I know he does. But I don't want him, I want you. I've wanted you since the first time I laid eyes on you. I love everything about you. I love how loyal you are, how even if you didn’t talk to your brother you'd never let anyone speak ill of them. How despite being raised to hate someone like me you never held something as stupid as my blood statutes against me. I love how smart you are. How you cover your smile when you laugh. How your eyes light up when youre reading a book you enjoy. How when you get anxious you play with your ring. Everything. Can’t you see that?”

You searched her eyes trying to see if there was any lie, but all you saw was the truth. She meant every word and it scared you.

Lily then cupped your cheek wiping away a tear you didn't know was there.

“Why would you want me? I'm cold, rude, cynical and angry all the time. I'm not a great person...”

Lily scoffs playfully while smiling.

“You're no angel but you’re my everything Y/N. To me you light up the room, you don't take shit from anyone, you stand up for what you believe and I hope you'll never change. You showed me that I'm enough. I'll never stop wanting you. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

Lily whispers the last part brushing her nose against yours.

“What if I hurt you?”

You whisper your voice breaking a little.

“You'll probably hurt me a few times and I'll probably hurt you a few times but that's okay as long as we work it out together, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The anger and insecurity finally unclouding your brain letting you take in how close you two are.

Lily's hand is still cupping your cheek while her other hand is on your hip pressing you slightly in the bookshelf while she's pressed against you.

Lily's eyes flicker down to your lips and you nod softly letting her know it was okay.

You both lean in, your lips touching for the first time.

You felt warmth go through your whole body. It was beyond a spark or fireworks. It felt as if a bomb had been dropped on you.

That kiss broke something in you.

But it wasn't bad.

It had broken down every wall that you spent years building up brick by brick.

In just a moment Lily Evans had managed to do something to you, that you and so many other people thought impossible.

She healed a part of you.

Her lips were so soft they felt like silk against yours.

It felt like she was made to be with you.

It's soft and sweet, at first. Then it felt consuming. She was all around you and you didn't want it to be any other way.

You could only feel her, her hand squeezing your hip as your hand was on the back of her head pulling her closer.

You could only smell her cherry and vanilla perfume. It made you dizzy with how intoxicating it was.

You had forgotten that you were in public for a moment that was until you heard a throat clear.

Both of you pulling away with hot faces you look to see a very amused and smirking Remus Lupin.

“Finally. I was afraid neither of you would ever actually make a move. Just wait till Sirius hears about this.”

You groan, throwing your head back against the bookcase while Remus and Lily laugh at your expense.

You never expected for anyone to be able to break down your walls, to fall for someone.

Especially not someone like Lily.

But fuck were you happy that she did.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳

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