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alex-musicals-tss · 4 years

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Lin-Manuel Miranda Taking A Break From Twitter

Congratulations.

That’s all I can say to you. That’s all I can say to the people who have bullied Lin-Manuel Miranda so much that he’s now taking a break from Twitter.

All I can ask myself is why. Why would people do this? Here’s what I found on the matter and here’s what I think of it.

The first thing is about him… biting his lip? Seriously?! Everyone has a pose! Some people stick out their tongue. Others use their hand to make the peace sign. They don’t get hate for that! Why? Because it’s just a pose for a selfie! It’s not like it’s hurting anyone. Lin biting his lip is the exact same thing. If that’s how he wants to look when he takes selfies then go for it! If he likes it then go for it! It’s his life and it’s his photos! If you don’t like it then okay. That’s completely fine. Not everyone can like something someone does. But you don’t have to bully him for it! If you’re scrolling through Instagram and you see someone doing something you don’t like, then keep scrolling. If you see a tweet of someone doing something you don’t like, then move along! See? It’s not so hard. There is no need to be rude about it! Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. How would you like it if you get constant hate for just adding a pose to your selfie? See? It’s not a great feeling! And you’re causing someone to feel this way for something so harmless. He’s not hurting anybody!

“It works for me, and I'm people. Everyone has tics and poses and gestures that are very "them," and this is one of his. If it doesn't work for you that's OK. Don't marry him! But, also, please don't shame him. He's people, too.”

This was a tweet written by Vanessa A M Nadal based on this matter and she is completely right! As I said before, it’s completely fine if you don’t like something Miranda does. It’s natural not to like something. But cyber bullying him for it is seriously not okay. “He’s people, too.” Stood out to me in the tweet because this is something people forget often with celebrities. No matter how famous someone is, no matter how rich they are, no matter how much power they have, they are still human. They still have a right to be respected for who they are. They’re not just some machine used to entertain people. They’re not just an object with no feelings. They’re human! They’re people! At the end of the day, Lin is a person too.

The second reason why people are bullying Lin is because he said the n-word. At first glance, this does seem like a horrible thing for someone to do as we all know the history of that word. As he is not a black person, he shouldn’t be saying it as it’s extremely offensive.

“It’s so hard not to say n***a at the end of this sentence. I’m fighting muscle memory!” was what Miranda was found saying. However, people have taken out the context of this quote to make it seem like Lin was saying it just to be racist when in reality, he wasn’t! This quote was originally said by Daveed Diggs; as he is a black person, he is allowed to say it as it’s not racist for him to do so. What Miranda was doing was he was quoting something said by Diggs for an audiobook! There is no way this was used to be racist or offensive.

As we all know, that word is a slur towards people of colour. I’m not going to get too much into the meaning behind the word but the reason this word is racist is because it carries the history of racial discrimination towards black people. As I am a white person, it’d be very offensive and racist for me to call someone the n-word! I do not plan on doing so either. But there is a difference to saying it in a racist term or saying it in a way which isn’t racist. Many people are making it seem like Lin said the word just for his own pleasure and if he did then that would certainly be racist. However, it’s perfectly okay to say the word if you’re quoting it as quoting something is very different to saying it.

Some people have been attacking Miranda for still saying the word even though it was blanked out, like how I wrote it earlier on. But I understand why Lin still said it. As it was written like “n***a”, you can still tell what word it meant to be. If he just left it out in the audiobook, it would be confusing to hear as the quote would be changed to: “It’s so hard not to say at the end of this sentence.” And as he’s stating a quote, you can’t really change it otherwise it’s not the exact quote which is meant to be said. I understand that some people may not be comfortable with that word being read aloud but the easy thing to do is just not listen to the audio! It’s honestly that simple. And certainly do not alter the truth just to spread hate to a man who is still human!

Another reason why he’s getting hate and which also comes down under the category of him being “racist” is because of the well-known musical he wrote which is Hamilton. It’s recently been added to Disney+ which I am really happy about! I thought that all things would be positive about this but clearly, I had a bit too much faith in humanity. Instead of people enjoying the awesome show and learning things they may have not known about the Founding Father and first Secretary of Treasury, people have created #cancelhamilton. I was so confused at first how there was anything wrong with the musical. I read a few posts on Instagram and instantly hated the tag as it is honestly so stupid.

One of the reasons why people say it’s racist is because of how little the show talks about slavery. Um, what? This is a musical! Yes, it’s educational. I personally learnt a lot from it as I didn’t even know a guy named Alexander Hamilton existed until I heard the soundtrack. But the thing is, this isn’t a documentary. The musical recording was two hours and forty minutes long with a one-minute intermission which is a reasonable amount of time for a show! You can’t overdo the length of something which is why there are many cut songs in Hamilton such as Let It Go or Dear Theodosia Reprise. And the thing is, there is a cut song which is about slavery! As the show is based in the lifetime of a man who lived for 44 years, some songs were going to have to get taken out. Sadly, this song was one of them but I agree with Lin’s choice as the ending of the song was that Hamilton’s plan didn’t go through so it didn’t add any affect of his life. The song was called Cabinet Battle 3 and the demo track, sung by Miranda himself, was released on The Hamilton Mixtape. I think it’s a great song as it covers the topic of slavery really well. Unlike the first two cabinet battles, this version isn’t all fun and rap. The music is slower and more serious.

“Sir, even you, you have hundreds of slaves” was said by Alexander Hamilton to George Washington, showing that even Washington was a slave owner. And by saying “even you”, it suggests that there are many slave owners too just Washington would seem less likely to own them. So, why would Miranda take out a song about something so serious? As I said before, the musical was already almost three hours long. The show had to end at some point! The song ends with Washington saying, “Madison, execute your plan to the letter. Let's hope the next generation thinks of something better.” James Madison’s plan was to end the discussion of freeing the slaves. As his plan was accepted and not Hamilton’s, that point wasn’t as important in the musical as the other songs were.

Another reason why people say it’s racist is because, wait for it, slavery is involved! The complete opposite to the previous reason. The way slavery is involved in the musical is all down to the Founding Fathers. Most of them had slaves! I’m pretty sure Hamilton, himself, didn’t own any. However, I heard that he gifted a slave to Angelica Schuyler but I’m not to sure if that point is true. The issue is, almost all the wealthy people in those days had slaves. The slave trade is a huge part in history and no matter how hard you try, you can’t run away from it. You can’t change the past! We need to stop running away from the past of slavery and accept it! It was horrible, yes. I remember learning it in school and I found it so shocking the way human beings were treated just because they were black. But no matter how much we hate it, no matter how disgusted we are by it, it still happened. Are you honestly saying that we’re just not going to learn about anything in the past because the people in those days had slaves? I’m sorry but that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! Hamilton is fun to watch and is also educational. It teaches teenagers about some of the Founding Fathers, soldiers, and even a little about women’s rights in those days. I think it’s great!

The final point I managed to find is that people are mad about both the fact that Lin included Sally Hemmings and the fact that he didn’t include her enough. Again, two completely opposite points! This shows how ridiculous this is getting because no matter what Miranda does, he won’t be able to “get it right” and that is no way his fault. Stop being so picky about it! Now, let me get on to the point about Sally. The only time she appears in the musical is during the song, What’d I Miss?

“Sally, be a lamb darling, won’t ya open it?” was said by Thomas Jefferson to one of the ensemble members, who in this case is Sally Hemmings. The truth is, Sally was one of his slaves. I think it’s reasonable to add her name into it as it gives her a little bit of recognition. I understand why people could feel slightly uncomfortable with her name being said but the thing is, this isn’t your musical. You didn’t spend six years writing lyrics for the show so please don’t tell Lin what he can and not include! And I do understand the situation with Sally and I’m not trying to sound careless about what happened to her. She was only fourteen and he did awful stuff to her which I’m not even going to go into because it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable talking about it and I’m sure you won’t want to read it. However, if you’re a part of the Hamilton fandom you’ve probably heard of her story already. If you haven’t and you do want to know more about her, you can always search up “Sally Hemmings” and I’m sure it’ll explain there.

For the people saying that her story should’ve been told in the musical, I completely disagree and I’m actually shocked that people even used that as an excuse on why Hamilton is racist! I’m sorry I think I missed the part when the show was called “Jefferson: An American Musical”. This is a performance about the life of the Founding Father, Alexander Hamilton, Washington’s right-hand man, and the first Secretary of Treasury. Not the Founding Father, Thomas Jefferson, the first Secretary of State, the second Vice President, and the third President of America! Sally Hemmings meant nothing to Hamilton. They never even met. I’m surprised if he even knew of her existence! I know that in Cabinet Battle 3, he says “How will Thomas Jefferson find his next mistresses?” which he was implying by Sally, but that doesn’t mean that he knew about her in real life. And even if he did, she didn’t affect him in any way so there is no point of including her anymore in the musical.

Hamilton seriously isn’t racist at all. In fact, it’s one of the least racist things I’ve seen! The Founding Fathers were all white. If one of the Founding Fathers were black, they wouldn’t even been given that title. They would most likely be a slave because that’s how life was back then. Miranda could’ve easily said, “I won’t be including people of colour because I want the musical to be historically accurate.” But he didn’t! Half of the cast are people of colour because they were good enough for the role they played. Lin didn’t take away that opportunity just so the musical would be more accurate to history! I think that’s great and the actors did such a good job too.

The final point which is quite short because I don’t know much about this but there is a sound on TikTok where Miranda is talking about some sexual stuff. I don’t know what he was saying it for but I read up somewhere that it was for an audiobook! I don’t know which one though. I mean, it’s pretty obvious that he was reading something, just by the wording and the way he was saying it. Those type of things isn’t something you just record yourself saying! Again, I don’t see why people are taking out the context for things Lin is reading in audiobooks? I think it’s perfectly fine for Miranda to say those things as he was reading a story. People have complained about the fact that the sound disturbed them; I wasn’t that comfortable listening to it myself! But you have to understand that it’s not Lin-Manuel Miranda’s fault that someone posted it on TikTok. Whatever he was reading would have an age rating and reviews so you wouldn’t accidentally come across something like that. Listening someone talking about sex make me feel slightly disturbed but I understand that Lin was doing his job by reading it and it’s not his fault that someone thought it’d be funny to add the sound onto TikTok!

We need to stop focusing on the things Lin-Manuel Miranda has done which you don’t like and focus on the positive things about him. Like, the fact that he wrote a two hours and forty-minute musical, which is just nonstop songs, about someone’s life is just incredible and inspiring to me! And the way he acted in all the songs were so great! He also told Justin Laboy’s story in 21 Chump Street in the space of five songs. His acting in Mary Poppins Returns was just amazing and it was clear that he enjoyed every second of filming it! And I loved the songs from Moana since I first saw it and when I found out that Miranda wrote the songs, I was so surprised that Lin wrote songs for another thing I enjoyed to watch! He’s definitely one of my idols.

We need to stop focusing on people’s “flaws” and pay more attention to the positive things about them. Especially with celebrities! Like I said before, they are still human with real emotions. They can still get hurt. When Miranda said that he was taking a break from Twitter, I was so upset that people have pushed him this far over the edge 2! He may not be leaving because of the horrible posts people have been making but I won’t be surprised if it is. I saw a reply on Lin’s tweet saying “WE’RE BULLYING THIS MAN OFF THE INTERNET LMAOOOOO” with a video of edits people made with Miranda biting his lip. But actually, it isn’t funny at all. With cyber bullying, you only hear about it with teenagers. You never hear about it with adults! But that’s what it is. This is what all of this is. Anybody who is attacking Lin-Manuel Miranda for the points I mentioned and are making the memes and edits, you’re actually bullying him. You may think that they’re just harmless jokes, but clearly, they’re not! I know that’s not something you hear normally about an adult getting bullied but it’s true. And I feel so sorry for him because some of it is because of a show he spent six years of his life making! He deserves to get praised for it – not attacked!

And if there is a slight chance, you’re somehow reading this, Lin, I just want to say that you have been so responsible with this matter. You could’ve easily snapped and had a go at the people doing this but you didn’t. Instead, you’re walking away from the situation until it’s settled down. You’re such a huge inspiration with everything you do! I really hope things get better for you very soon.

And to all the people out there attacking Lin-Manuel Miranda to the point that he has to take a break from Twitter? All I can say to you is “Congratulations”. I hope you’re proud of yourselves for being so horrible to someone who’s dedicated years of his life for the entertainment of others.

Congratulations.

#lin manuel miranda #cancelhamilton #hamilton #lin #miranda #linmanuelmiranda #cancel hamilton

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dreaminginthedeepsouth · 3 years

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LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

January 1, 2021

Heather Cox Richardson

Congress began the new year by repassing the National Defense Authorization Act over Trump’s veto, finding the two-thirds majority it needed to override one of Trump’s vetoes for the first time. The House of Representatives passed the bill on Monday by a vote of 322 to 87. The Senate vote was 81 to 13, with 6 Senators not voting.

The NDAA allocates the money Congress has appropriated for the military, and since Congress passed the first NDAA in 1961, it has never failed to pass.

This measure pushed back on a number of the president’s policies and demands. He wanted to be able to sue social media companies for things other people post on them—the law preventing such lawsuits is in Section 230 of the 1996 Communications Decency Act—but even staunch Trump supporter James Inhofe (R-OK) refused, noting that Section 230 has nothing to do with the military. Trump objected to the measure in the bill that requires renaming military bases that currently bear the name of Confederate generals; Congress left it in. Congress also specified that federal authorities must “visibly display” their name tags when operating in public, a rebuke to the administration’s deployment of officers in unmarked clothing this summer.

The NDAA also challenges Trump’s policies by slowing or stopping the removal of troops from Germany and Afghanistan, making it harder to move troops to our southern border, and blocking the removal of troops from South Korea unless the Pentagon signs off on the move. It caps at $100 million the amount of money the military can use on domestic projects, a protest of the president’s decision to fund his wall by moving $3.6 billion from other projects.

The NDAA also contains strong anti-corruption measures. Originally passed as the Corporate Transparency Act, these measures prohibit so-called shell companies with secret owners and operators, key tools of criminals and money launderers. The NDAA also regulates the antiquities trade, another haven for money laundering. The director of Transparency International’s U.S. office, Gary Kalman, called the bill “one of the most important anti-corruption measures ever passed by the U.S. Congress.”

After the Senate repassed the bill, Trump took to Twitter to call the Republican Senate “Pathetic!!!”

As the veto override indicates, the war between Trump and establishment Republicans is now out in the open. On the one hand are lawmakers who are publicly backing Trump and his on-going attempt to overturn the election; on the other hand are Republicans who don’t want to sign on to an assault on our democracy that, if it succeeds, would make Trump a dictator and remove all their power.

House lawmakers have indicated they will challenge some of the state electoral votes for Biden when Congress counts them on January 6. The process of gerrymandering, which protects Republicans from moderate challengers but leaves them open to challenges from extremists, has put a number of Republican radicals in the House, but the Senate has far fewer of them. A challenge from one house of Congress does not do anything, but a challenge to a state's electoral votes from both the House and the Senate means that both houses must debate whether or not to accept the electoral votes from that state. Then they decide by a simple majority vote.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has tried to keep Senate Republicans from challenging any of the votes because he doesn’t want Republicans to have to go on record either for or against the president. The election was not close. Biden won by more than 7 million votes and by 306 to 232 in the Electoral College. The Trump campaign has either lost or had dismissed 60 of the 61 cases it has brought over the election, and its advisers are increasingly unhinged.

Today, for example, a Trump-appointed federal judge threw out a lawsuit filed by Louie Gohmert (R-TX) that sought to empower Vice President Mike Pence to throw out Biden’s victory. Pence had opposed the lawsuit, and after the judge ruled, attorney Lin Wood, who is a supporter of the Trump effort, bizarrely predicted that Vice President Mike Pence could “face execution by firing squad” for “treason.” (Twitter suspended his account.) Trump himself today retweeted an 8-minute video claiming that the Communist Party in China has secretly infiltrated America through Hollywood and newspapers and has bought Joe Biden. It urges “patriots” to defend America. To the tweet, Trump added: “January 6th. See you in D.C.”

It seems clear that, with no chance of proving this election fraudulent, Trump is now trying to incite violence. Nonetheless, Republicans who are jockeying for the 2024 presidential nomination want to make sure they can pick up Trump’s voters. While McConnell doesn’t want Senators to have to declare their support either way, those vying to lead the party want to differentiate themselves from the pack.

On Wednesday, Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO) announced he would join the efforts of his House colleagues to challenge Biden electors from Pennsylvania and perhaps other states. This will not affect the outcome of the election, but it will force senators to go on record for or against Trump. In a statement, Hawley listed Trump talking points: the influence of “mega corporations” on behalf of Biden and “voter fraud.” Hawley seems pretty clearly to be angling for a leg up in 2024.

On Wednesday night, Senator Ben Sasse (R-NE) made his own play for the future of the Republican Party. He refuted point by point the idea that Trump won. He scolded his colleagues who are signing on to Trump’s attempt to steal the election, calling them “institutional arsonists.”

“When we talk in private, I haven’t heard a single Congressional Republican allege that the election results were fraudulent – not one,” he wrote on Facebook. “Instead, I hear them talk about their worries about how they will “look” to President Trump’s most ardent supporters.” They think they can “tap into the president’s populist base without doing any real, long-term damage,” he wrote, but they’re wrong. “Adults don’t point a loaded gun at the heart of legitimate self-government.”

Today, Senator Mitt Romney (R-UT), the 2012 Republican presidential nominee, launched his own bid to redefine the Republican Party with an attack on Trump’s apparent botching of the coronavirus vaccine rollout. In a press release, Romney noted “[t]hat comprehensive vaccination plans have not been developed at the federal level and sent to the states as models is as incomprehensible as it is inexcusable.”

But he didn’t stop there. Romney went on to say that he was no expert on vaccine distribution, “[b]ut I know that when something isn’t working, you need to acknowledge reality and develop a plan—particularly when hundreds of thousands of lives are at stake.” He offered ideas of his own, offering them “not as the answer but as an example of the kind of options that ought to be brainstormed in Washington and in every state.” After listing his ideas, he concluded: “Public health professionals will easily point out the errors in this plan—so they should develop better alternatives based on experience, modeling and trial.”

Romney’s statement was about more than vaccine distribution. With its emphasis on listening to experts and experimenting, it was an attack on the rigid ideology that has taken over the Republican Party. Romney has said he comes to his position from his own experience, not his reading, but he is reaching back to the origins of conservative thought, when Irish statesman Edmund Burke critiqued the French Revolution as a dangerous attempt to build a government according to an ideology, rather than reality. Burke predicted that such an attempt would inevitably result in politicians trying to force society to conform to their ideology. When it did not, they would turn to tyranny and violence.

Sasse’s point-by-point refutation of Trump’s arguments-- complete with citations—and Romney’s call to govern according to reality rather than ideology are suggestive. They seem to show an attempt to recall the Republican Party to the true conservatism it abandoned a generation ago.

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

#quotes #political #election 2020 #Heather Cox Richardson #corrupt GOP #criminal GOP #COVID-19

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dekumaxxing · 5 years

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tagged by @thisstableground!! i’ll tag @owlsii @electric-light-orchestras and @mxsicalpup

nickname: alex, but one of my sort-of friends calls me hamilton sometimes

zodiac: pisces

height: 6’2”

last movie i saw: in general? i watched moana last night, but specifically in a movie theatre i saw mary poppins returns for the third time last monday

favorite musicians: lin-manuel miranda, clipping, imagine dragons, bastille (i have so many other artists that i love but i listen to these the most especially lmm)

song stuck in my head: CHEERING FOR ME NOW i was watching moana and thinking about how much his singing has improved, mostly bc of that one thing he tweeted about how he’s grown as a dancer/actor/singer and so ive just had that on a loop

other blogs: none now, but a couple years ago when i was into twenty one pilots i had a blog specifically for all the blurryface nonsense that was happening

do i get asks: not,, really, every now and then i’ll get one

following: i’m not sure what this ones asking for specifically? i’ll just give an overview bc i’m following way too many people and i need to go through and clean it out, there are old hamilton and lmm blogs, ducktales blogs, some more general bway blogs, some lgbt blogs, and like 30 suggestion blogs i followed en masse one night that i really probably dont need

amount of sleep: on average probably 6 hours, but sometimes it’ll be like,, 2 hours and other times i’ll go to take a nap at 5pm, get half way awake at midnight for like 15 minutes to brush my teeth, go back to bed, and not wake up until 12pm the next day

lucky number: idk if this is supposed to be like astrological ones bc idk those?? for personal lucky numbers, i dont really have one that’s “lucky” but as a favorite number i’d go with 16 (really like any exponent (is that the right way to phrase it??) of 2, like 4, 8, 16, 32, 64 and it’s either bc of minecraft or was part of why i got obsessed w minecraft as a kid)

what i’m wearing: “i wish i wrote hamlet” tshirt, jeans, and shark socks (YES theyre the EXACT kind lmm has i was so excited when i found them)

dream job: at the absolute top i’d say my dream job would be actor (bway first choice but id love to do film and tv too), and as a very close second, id love to be a costume designer or do the actual costume construction

dream trip: mmm i like travel but i dont really think about this a lot tbh, ig for obvious reasons maybe puerto rico plus i love nature and it’s really beautiful so thatd be cool, id love to visit venezuela tho, meet family and see the nature there bc its INCREDIBLE

favorite food: usually i dont really have a favorite, but now im thinking about arepas so imma go with that,, like?? just cheese? awesome, reina pepiada?? 👌👌 pabellón???? fuck me UP!!! it’s versatile, pretty easy to make, there’s so many options for fillings and they’re all fucking delicious and theres a place not too far from my house (having great food options is like,, the only thing good about florida)

play any instruments: i sing mostly and play guitar a bit, electric specifically, and i can play a liiiiittle bit of piano

favorite song: it changes all the time but since i watched moana last night im gonna say how far i’ll go (lmm was robbed at the oscars and you cant change my mind)

#sophia i would die for you thank you for tagging me i never get these kinds of things #i gave a lot more info than the questions really asked for on a lot of them but i mean hey!!#these things are supposed to help you learn more about peopoe itd be boring if i gave one word answers with no context #people*

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adotblog · 6 years

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Brave Part 16

Pairing: LMM x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Swearing, Cheating!

Words: Too many!

Uhh, Lin?”, you call from the sofa, where you are nursing a hangover. “Why have I gained 3000 Twitter followers overnight? I feel like that has something to do with you…”. He comes over, still rubbing sleep from his eyes and clutching an empty coffee cup. “I…think I tagged you in something…check your mentions”, he says. Sure enough there’s a tweet from Lin’s mom. You scroll back further and further to find the start of it all. Aha:

@lin_manuel Mmph @ytwitterhandle makes the BEST cookies.

@ltmphd @lin_manuel She does! Also those brownies last week were so good!

Innocent enough but Lin’s eagle-eyed followers had spotted that you’d met Lin’s Mom twice in a week and started putting two and two together in the replies:

@dothama yo, @ninarosario you said you’d heard he got a girlfriend…

@ninarosario @dothama yeah but have you seen her avi? He could have anybody he wants!

And so it went on, Sure there were some nicer comments but there were a lot that were just mean.

Lin finally hands you a cup of coffee as he sits next to you. “Sometimes people can be a little overzealous-don’t read the replies if it upsets you”, he says, with a quick squeeze of your knee. “Yeah, I know I shouldn’t have now..”, you grumble. “Hey”, Lin says, to get your attention back to him. “I’m here, with you, remember?”. “Yeah of course.”, you smile as you put your phone away. But it bothers you more than you admit to him.

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It’s Friday and you’re home alone, which is just fine by you. You’ve caught up on some reading, made a great dinner and a tiny serving of cookie dough just for you. It’s late and Netflix isn’t really holding your attention so you’re on and off your social media accounts too.

Lin is out at a party in some nightclub, something hosted by a producer-nothing you’re really interested in attending. Anyway, Lin has been used to going to these things alone so another won’t hurt. Jon is with him and maybe Chris, you can’t remember.

You get a WhatsApp notification from Jazzy, with a photo attached. She’s sent it to your “HamSocial” group- you, Lin, Chris, Anthony, Jonathan, Oak and Daveed. It’s Anthony posing with Cynthia Erivo with the caption “My man’s looking fiiiine tonight! Xoxo”. It’s a cute picture. There are lots of folks in the background, dancing and schmoozing donors and producers. You spot Lin…and the girl he’s kissing.

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The next message is from Oak:

“Shit, Jas, how drunk are you? Delete that right now!”

It’s been an hour since the picture showed up. You’ve thought of practically nothing else. Approximately 34 minutes have been spent thinking of all the possible rational, chaste explanations for the photo. The rest assuming the worst and feeling pretty fucking angry about it. You’ve spent no time thinking what you might say to Lin about it all. Which is unfortunate because you can hear a key in the door.

In the ensuing 10 seconds your brain rushes through the following thoughts: He wasn’t meant to be coming over. Usually after these things he just sends a goodnight text. That must mean he wants to talk. Which must mean that the photo depicted EXACTLY what you thought it did.

Then the door opens and his eyes find you and you feel even worse. He looks weighed down. Nervous, sad? Something. You don’t say hello. He closes the door and crosses the room to sit next to you and you try to quiet your brain and still the jiggling of your leg. Lin notices and places a hand on your knee to stop it. You give a tiny, wry laugh.

He looks you straight in the eye. “I need to tell you something.”, he says. You nod, dumbly. Numbly. “Did you see the photo?” he asks outright. You nod again and clench your fists too hard, digging your nails into your palms.

Lin sighs and runs a hand through his hair before meeting your gaze again. What he says next is measured and calm. “The woman is Andrea. She’s a friend of Jon’s friend Amy. They were both chatting with us. We’d had champagne, maybe too much…she’s flirting with me.”. You swallow hard and look at the floor as he continues. “It’s loud, so she leans over to shout in my ear, I don’t hear her so I ask her to repeat it and she just rolls her eyes, grabs me, and kisses me. Took me totally by surprise.”.

You exhale sharply. “That the whole story?”, you ask. “Yes.”, Lin says. Then he rubs a hand across his eyes. “No. It’s not. I kissed her back.”

Your stomach flip-flops. “What?!”, you almost whisper. “Just for a second or two!” You put your head into your hands as he describes what happened. “Then I stopped her, I tell her I have a girlfriend, she laughs and asks why you’re not there”. (You snort incredulously) “I tell her it doesn’t matter, I still have a girlfriend, so I’m not interested. She kind of scoffs at me and flounces off. I told Groff what happened and I left straight away. I got one block before I saw Jasmine’s message and realised she’d photographed the whole thing. So I came here”. He sighs and sits back against your couch.

You take a deep breath but you don’t say anything just yet. Lin is staring at you, desperate for you to speak.

“It was so quick, and I’d been drinking…”, he says feebly. “Oh well that’s ok then”, you goad. “I didn’t ask her to kiss me, it was totally uninvited.”, Lin says, more assertive now. “Look, a woman came on to me, it happens”.

“Oh fuck you! I’m so famous, I’m so popular, women just THROW themselves at my feet!”, you say sarcastically. “For God’s sake, Y/N that’s not what I meant and you know it!”, Lin says animatedly. “Do I?! No I don’t!”, you shout. “This fucking pathological need to be admired and liked is just prime territory for ‘Oh she needed a ride home, Oh she just HAPPENED to come to my dressing room’. Your boundaries are fucked-you’re so eager for the attention!”. “That’s not fair. You make me sound like a fucking creep!”, he returns.

A feeling of dread creeps into your stomach. “Fucking EVERYBODY knows”, you grumble. “I asked Jas to delete the message”, says Lin. “Of course you did”, you scoff. Lin shakes his head “Look, Y/N, I’m sorry, I really am. Someone came on to me, I told them no. End of story!”. “Lin! A picture of my boyfriend kissing someone else was just sent to several of my friends and colleagues-can you just let me be pissed about it?! Will you stop trying to just neatly tie it all up in a fucking bow and move on?! JESUS.”

You’re standing now, pacing alongside the windowseat. You stop as something hits you. “You came when you saw Jasmine’s message.”, you repeat. “So you weren’t going to tell me about this otherwise?! UGHHHH!”, you shout and throw your hands in the air in frustration.

“That’s not what I meant…”, Lin says calmly. “I meant I knew I had to come NOW, not wait til morning.”. You know he’s telling the truth, but it isn’t calming you down yet. Lin just watches you pace, waiting for you to talk. Eventually you stop. Your WhatsApp notifications have been going crazy this whole time and you stop to check them. Jas has sent three messages apologising, saying she didn’t realise, she’d never hurt you, she doesn’t know what happened with Lin and the girl. You send her a holding message, telling her you’re ok-otherwise she’d worry all night.

The other messages are on the group chat-

Daveed: The fuck, Lin?

Chris: Cut that shit out, y’all know Lin ain’t cheating on Y/N. Let’s all pretend we never saw that and mind our damn business, alright?

Lin: I’m going to Y/N’s place now. Nothing happened, and fuck you guys if you did think I’d cheat!

Chris: Alright, that’s it, I’m deleting this group. I’ll create a new one when y’all learn to communicate like fucking adults.

*the administrator deleted this group*

“This is so humiliating.”, you whisper. “Y/N, don’t you trust me?”, says Lin wearily. “It’s not about that, Lin”, you reply. “Of course it is, you either trust that I won’t cheat on you, or you don’t!”, he says, frustration all over his face. “This isn’t about you! It’s about how it makes ME feel! To know that women are just gonna kiss you like that, and that that means I’m relying on you to be sober enough and happy enough to rebuff them. That’s a fucking lot.”, you say as you sit down, still not looking at him.

“Y/N, I didn’t cheat on you-it’s not like I went home with her, like I slept with her”, he says. “I know you didn’t. But here’s what happened: some woman you barely know makes a pass at you and your first instinct is to kiss her back.”, you say. His face drops. “I’m not an idiot, Lin-you’re rich, famous and hot, I realise that people are going to come on to you. What I’m wrestling with is the possibility that I’m not enough, that what we have is not enough, to override that need for validation and stop you from…from kissing back, or worse.”.

“Y/N”, he begins. You interrupt. “I’m sorry, I need you to not be here right now.”, you say calmly. Lin looks up in surprise “Y/N, no!”. You shake your head firmly. “No, go home. I’ll come by in the morning. I need you to go.”. He stands up, looking utterly shell-shocked. “I’ll see you tomorrow”, you repeat as you close the door behind him.

You sit on your window seat and take a deep breath. You see him walking away from your building, phone to his ear, probably talking to Chris. You pick your own phone up and call Jasmine, who answers after just one ring.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, I had no idea! I didn’t check the photo and..”. “Jazzy, it’s ok, I’m not mad at you”. You hear her sigh with relief. Then she asks “Did you talk to Lin?”. “Ugh, yeah I did. Says this woman came on to him, kisses him, he kisses back for a second then stops her, says he has a girlfriend.”, you sum up.

“Shit. Well, he stopped her, that’s the important thing”., Jas says. “Sure, but he kissed her. What if he’d had more to drink? Where’s the tipping point that makes him go home with her?”, you ask. “Come on, it was just a kiss-it’s not really cheating.”, Jas says. “It’s not that simple.”, you say. “Anyway, I gotta go.”. You reassure her that you’re ok and say goodnight. Then you drag yourself to bed and sleep fitfully until morning.

——————————————————

You’re up early, having barely slept anyway. You get the subway down to Lin’s apartment and ring his bell at just 8am. He buzzes you in immediately and is waiting with the door open when you emerge from the elevator. You give him a small smile and hug him on your way in.

You take a seat at the counter and he sits opposite you, hands clasping his coffee mug. “I didn’t exactly sleep”, he says, gesturing towards the coffee. “Me either.”, you say.

“Look, yesterday was a lot for me. I spent the morning having strangers on Twitter commenting how you can do better, I’m trying to understand how I’m supposed to deal with that kind of attention and then that kind of attention ends up kissing my damn boyfriend.”. Your tone is slightly joking and Lin smiles a little.

“I realise you didn’t intend to cheat on me. I know that most people wouldn’t consider kissing someone back when they came onto you cheating. I don’t, really. You didn’t cheat on me.” Lin nods but let’s you continue. “But. I’m not gonna pretend it didn’t hurt that your first thought wasn’t to push her off you. Maybe that’s naive or unrealistic of me, but that’s how I feel.”.

You sigh before you continue. “I guess what I’m saying is, I got a brutal insight into the shitty baggage that comes with Lin Miranda and it scared the crap out of me.”

Lin gives a small chuckle at your phrasing. “Ok The Twittery, attentiony stuff first. I’m not going to sit here and promise that everything is always going to be rosy for us. People know me, and that means unwanted attention for both of us. Is it easy? No. But there’s not a great deal I can do about it except compartmentalise where I can-try to keep you protected from as much of that as possible.”.

He waits a beat, then says “Last night. I might not have cheated, but I overstepped a mark. I should’ve shut that shit down immediately. I’ve been trying to remember, did I flirt with her? Lead her on? I don’t think I did but what you said yesterday about my boundaries being fucked up was painfully true. I do want everyone to like me and it does land me in trouble sometimes.”

You nod. “I know that you’re gonna be wondering if I kissed her back because I’m secretly unhappy”, he says. That hits you like a ton of bricks. He has you all figured out. “I promise you that if I’m not happy in our relationship then I’ll tell you, you’re not going to find that out by discovering me cheating on you.”. You go to say something but he cuts you off. “I know, I know that’s exactly what happened to you before, but I’m not like that, and you do know that. I see how scared it makes you, but I think you know I wouldn’t.”, he says.

“I think I do know that. But all this attention, and the shit that goes with it…I don’t know how well I’m going to handle that.”, you admit. “Me either, and I’m not gonna apologise for other people’s actions, present or future”, he says. “But I apologise for last night, and I promise you it’ll never happen again.”.

“Ok.”, you say. “Ok? We’re good?”, he asks, voice tinged with hope. You nod and say “I’m still gonna be a little pissed but I’ll get over it”, you shrug. Lin’s composure finally breaks as he exclaims “Thank god!” and rushes to your side of the counter, wrapping you in a hug. He pulls back and kisses you firmly and briefly. “I’m not sure I deserve you”, he says. “Eh, I’m not sure you do either”, you joke as you go to kiss him. “I love you”, you say.

Lin’s face is pure relief. He sighs. “I love you too. You’re the only person I want to see naked”, he says with a grin, trying to make you laugh. It works. He takes you hand and tugs at it. “What, right now?”, you laugh. “Uhh can you think of a better time for me to demonstrate that I’m interested in only you?” he jokes. “Lin, I don’t need you to demonstrate anything…”, you protest even as you fall into his arms. He kisses you and says against you lips “I know that, I just really badly need to fuck you right now, is that ok?”. You answer by leading him towards the bedroom.

You strip off your clothes and fall back onto the bed holding out your hand for him to come to you. He sheds his clothes and climbs onto the bed to hover over you, settling between your raised legs. His pelvis is against yours, skin on skin. He’s already hard, and every movement rubs against you in all the right places. His head dips to yours and he spends the longest time just kissing you, slow and soft turning to fast and desperate as your bodies grind against one another.

For a second he stills his hips, pulls his head back to look at you, really look at you. He gently pushes your hair away from your face and smiles as he runs his thumb over your cheek bone. Then his hand is in between your bodies and he’s pressing straight into you. There’s no foreplay, save the kissing, so desperate is the pull to be joined together again. You give a moan as his full length is inside you but any further sounds get muffled by kisses.

There’s barely an inch of your body which isn’t pressed into his, your breasts against his chest, arms linked around his neck as he moves in you. He never stops kissing you, and you’re glad of it-you need so badly to really feel him, to feel the lust and love between you. He’s been keeping a steady rhythm, just barely withdrawing on each thrust, filling you exquisitely. You cross your legs behind his back, hardly a sliver of light between your bodies now. He responds with an increase in pace, which sends him over the edge. He moans into your kiss as he cums, hips stuttering against yours, ecstasy all through his voice. He collapses on top of you as he recovers, laying a kiss or two against your neck.

After a minute he rolls off you, then recaptures your lips. His hand at the side of your face holds you in place. Your tongue is on his and you lay a hand across his belly, feeling the muscle underneath.

Pulling away from him, you settle into the crook of his arm. “Love you”, you state simply. “Te amo”, he says as he wraps both arms around you and holds you tight.

#lmm x reader #lin x reader #lin manuel imagine #lin manuel x reader #rpf #hamilton rpf #reader insert

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alixzin · 6 years

Text

Unfinished Medical Procedures Fic

In which Lin takes Alex to see a neurologist and has a series of brain tests done (EEG and MRI) to make sure nothing more serious is wrong. I wrote this last January while I was snowed in and highly productive. This was before I knew what in the verse to write and was doing a little of everything. I stopped working on it when “Where You Started” took over and demanded all my attention. At this point it’s been so long that I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to it, but it has some really nice moments that deserve to see the light of day, so here it is.

They are at first neurologist appointment, discussing tests he wants to run before prescribing medication to prevent migraines.

“It’s not at all scary, not like the MRI,” the doctor reassures them after expressing the need for an EEG. “All that happens is we attach electrodes, which look a bit like watch batteries, to different parts of your head with washable glue. Each one is attached to a wire that records the brain signals. You’ll just lie on a bed for an hour and your parents can stay with you.”

It’s starting to become a thing that every doctor they see refers to them as Alex’s “parents”, “Dad” or “Mom”. They’ve given up on correcting it.

“Now one part of an EEG that is challenging is that we intentionally put the brain under a lot of stress to increase the likelihood of catching unusual activity.”

Lin’s eyes widen at this and he gives Alex’s knee a squeeze. As if he doesn’t have enough stress on his brain already.

“What exactly does that mean? Can it be done without that?”

“It would just be a waste of time and money to be honest. The biggest aspect of this is sleep deprivation. For teens this means staying up for at least 24 hours beforehand.”

Alex full on rolls his eyes at this. Even Lin has to crack a smile. Alex would consider being allowed to stay up all night a special treat.

“I saw that look. It’s noted on his health history he has insomnia. Is staying up like that typical for Alexander?”

“Very. If we aren’t policing him Alex will go a full week with only a couple of hours of sleep.”

“That does not sound at all healthy and increases my worries about unusual brain activity. I’d be interested to see what’s going on in his head when that’s happening.” Wouldn’t we all. “If we’re going to do this, it’s best to do it right. Do you think Alexander could tolerate going 48 hours?”

“Alexander’s right here, you know!”

Lin grins. He loves Alex’s sassy side.

“What do you think Alex?”

“Please. That’s cake. I can go longer if you want.”

“No!” Lin and Vanessa say at the same time.

Alex is confident in his ability (and likely ecstatic to be allowed to stay up that long), but Lin can’t help but be nervous that this might not end well.

There’s a catch. Of course, there’s a catch. When Lin finally reads through the info packet on the test the night before Alex starts the sleep purge one detail jumps out at him: absolutely no caffeine.

Alex’s entire existence is powered by mass quantities of caffeine, which is one of the many things they have in common. Him and Vanessa have figured out that even when Alex is home sick or recovering from a bad migraine he still needs coffee, or else caffeine withdrawal symptoms get added to his illness. With all his anxiety cutting back on Alex’s consumption has been on the “things with Alexander that need to be addressed” list for a while now, but they haven’t gotten to it yet. Partially because that would mean Lin going through coffee detox with him to avoid looking like a huge hypocrite and partially because then they would lose their most powerful Alex negotiation tool. Need to convince him to do something he doesn’t want to? Bribe with extra coffee. Need to get Alex to stop an unhealthy behavior like refusing to go to bed? Threaten to take away his coffee. In their defense they are very new to this whole parenting thing.

He does try to convince Alex to back out of this and just do the twenty-four hours, but once Alex gets something in his head as a personal challenge there is no backing out.

The pamphlet recommended having an adult stay up with him to make sure he doesn’t sleep, but they all know that with Alex on the first night it’s not at all necessary. They’ll save that for the second night, if for nothing else then to keep him company and show solidarity.

The next morning over breakfast all Lin has to do is take one look at Alex to know this is proving more difficult than they had anticipated, taking in how pale he is and the already increased size of the bags under his eyes.

“Alex, you’re not going to school today.”

“What? No, I’m fine.”

“Even so, I’d really prefer if you didn’t, mijo.” He wants Alex near him just in case something goes wrong.

Lin’s concerned that if he leaves Alex home alone he might accidently fall asleep, which would normally please him, but that would just mean having to start this whole thing all over again. However, since Alex isn’t actually sick, Lin can’t quite justify taking the day off with him (given how many times he’s done that already), so he quickly comes to the decision to have Alex tag along with him all day. Besides it would probably be better if Alex was up and about doing things all day.

[Insert fluff of spending day together and finally meeting the cast for real. I’ll get to it!]

- Spoiler from nearly a year later, nope never did, oops.

Later on in the day at the Public Theater backstage, Lin finally convinces Alex to formally meet a few people. Knocks on Daveed and Oaks door.

“Hey Daveed, there’s someone I’d like you to meet. This is my…this is Alex.”

A man with one of the largest afro’s Alex has ever seen pops his head out. He looks familiar though.

“Alex. Good to finally meet you officially.”

“Hi.” Alex resists the urge to hide behind Lin. Not cool Alex. Not cool at all! You’re fifteen, not five.

“I’m glad to see you looking better. You really worried me a couple weeks ago.”

That’s it. He recognizes the voice now. This was the guy who called him “baby Lin” and had so frantically called Lin claiming he needed an ambulance. Alex could just about melt into the floorboards in embarrassment. What the heck is he supposed to say after meeting someone like that?

“Wait until you hear Daveed rap tonight Alex. The man’s a beast!” Lin gushes, completely oblivious to Alex’s humiliation. Or is it because of?

“Are you seeing the show tonight?”

Alex nods. Why is talking so hard?

“You’re in for a real treat! You’ve got a certified genius for a foster dad. Seriously, if anyone else had pitched this idea to me, I would have laughed at them, but because it’s Lin... Okay, I still laughed at him. Listen, I want to apologize for our last encounter Alex. We’ve been hearing Lin talk about you for so long, we were a little too eager, but shouldn’t have burst in like that. I’m sorry for the additional pain we caused you.”

Alex gapes at him. Nope—no idea how to respond to that either. He must look like such an idiot.

“Are you kidding?” cuts in Lin. “Daveed, you get that if you, Oak and Ramos hadn’t disregarded my orders to leave my kid alone, it probably would have been another hour before I checked on him? I don’t even want to think about what state he might have been in then. I am so incredibly grateful for your interference.”

Did Lin just call him his kid? What the hell is he supposed to think of that? This is his tweets referring to him as his ‘son’ all over again. Everyone had assumed he had meant Sebastian with that one, but sheesh. It flashes him back to the conversation he overhead Lin and Vanessa have about it while he was still recovering in bed.

“Oh come on, give me a break here! There are only 150 characters allowed. I don’t have room to put foster in front of it. Besides, the public doesn’t need to know about him.”

“You didn’t have to tweet about it at all.”

“People thought I was dying. I didn’t even give a goodnight tweet. I had to give some explanation.”

“And those fault is that? Lin, you have a twitter problem.”

Lin is very aware that Alex has never seen him preform outside of ‘In The Heights’ youtube clips he caught him watching, so he decides to still go on as Hamilton as planned. Instead they get a sitter for Sebastian so Vanessa can sit in the audience with Alex.

Alex is dazzled by the first act. Lin sees him from the stage go from drooping in his chair looking close to falling asleep to wide awake and hanging on every word by the second song. It makes for one of his best performances. Having Alex there and earning his approval matters so much more to him than any celebrity in the audience. What’s truly adorable is that when Vanessa brings him backstage during intermission Alex is acting shy and tongue tied around him, as if he’s suddenly star struck by his own foster dad. Lin’s not worried though, he knows it will pass the next time he annoys him.

“Did you really write that?” he asks shyly right before they leave to take their seats in the audience.

“I did.”

“How?!”

“It did take me seven years. If you like we can add a discussion of the writing process to our nights planned activities.”

“I’d like that.”

It takes him a while to notice since his back is turned to the audience for the second half of “The World Was Wide Enough”, but as soon as Lin comes forward his eyes zero in right on Alex. He’s bawling his eyes out and Vanessa is starting to look worried. Lin’s distracted enough by this that he misses his cue and grabs Pippa’s hand at the wrong time. At least he doesn’t have to sing anymore. Lin doesn’t know how he could do it when his Alexander is in the front row crying like that. During the bows he makes eye contact with Vanessa who shoots him a panicked look. She holds up her phone to indicate that she sent him a text, which he nods at in confirmation. Once they’ve gone through the motions, he all but sprints off stage to get to his phone.

“Bit of a situation here. Alex *freaked out* when you got shot. Flashback maybe?”

“Stay put for now. Don’t try to navigate the crowds. I’ll meet you there once it clears out a bit. See if I can get security to move things along.”

“Did you hear him scream when Burr shot you?”

That was Alex? Shit! On most nights at least one person shouts out when that happens so it was barely registered. In retrospect, it did sound a little more anguished than normal.

“You didn’t say you were going to die!” Alex wails, clinging tightly to Lin in a death grip.

“I’m sorry. It’s common knowledge that he dies in a duel. I thought you knew. Leslie even says he shoots me in the first song.”

“Shoots! Not kills!”

Would give him a sedative if it wouldn’t make staying up any longer impossible.

“Alex honey, you’re exhausted. Your emotions are all out of sorts right now. It was stupid of me to think seeing the show tonight would be a good idea.”

“No, I’m glad I saw it. It’s a masterpiece. You just need to change the ending.”

“Mijo, this isn’t just something I made up. You can’t rewrite the endings on a real person’s life and make it happy.”

“Then you need to play a different part where you don’t get shot.”

“It’s not real.”

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t want you getting shot at every night.”

Too exhausted to hold back emotions that night Alex ends up telling him about the cousin who took him in and moved them to New York after the hurricane and shot himself in the head soon after. That’s how Alex ended up in the American foster care system and why he’s not at all a fan of guns.

Alex is not satisfied until he gets to examine the prop gun and confirm that it can’t hold bullets that someone who dislikes Lin might sneak in. Even so, they have to get the props department to remove the trigger to reassure Alex he’s not really being shot at and make it so that if someone replaced a prop gun with a real one it would be obvious. Even after all that, it’s clear Alex doesn’t trust Leslie.

It’s past midnight and Alex and Lin are holed up in a café getting desert.

“Alexander, I know you don’t like talking about these things, but do you think you could fill me in a little on what happened tonight? That was a pretty big reaction.”

“I don’t like guns,” Alex mutters, taking a sip of his herbal tea. Even though it doesn’t provide the caffeine fix he takes comfort from the ritual of drinking a hot beverage. It gives him courage.

“Can you tell me more?”

“My cousin Peter shot himself in the head while I was in the next room. There was a loud bang, I ran in and he was on the ground. There was so much blood.”

This is a huge breakthrough. Alex has never shared anything about his past with them. All they know is the bare facts: his father’s not in the picture, his mother died quite suddenly of “natural causes”, cousin who was given guardianship of him committed suicide and he’d suffered unimaginable abuse at the hands of his most recent foster family. The exact details of these occurrences are foggy and until now Alexander hasn’t been willing to share.

“Do you think tonight was a flashback to that?” Lin tries to keep his tone mild and calm.

“Yeah…probably…” he looks so defeated. “When I hear a gunshot it’s like I’m back in that room again. Usually, like when Lee and Phillip were shot, I can talk myself out of it, remind myself it’s not real and I’m being stupid. But…when there was a gunshot and then you were keeled over... It looked like there was blood everywhere. I don’t think there was though. There was nothing to clean up after.”

“No Alex, there was no blood on stage.”

“All in my head,” he breathes heavily. The absolute exhaustion just oozes out of him. It’s clear all his defenses are down and Alex doesn’t have the energy to resist questioning. Lin will have to tread lightly.

“Do you think you could tell me more about Peter, mijo? Did he treat you okay?” Lin asks gently.

“I liked Peter. He was kind to me.” Alex stares down at his plate, not making any eye contact, but he talks. “After my mother died the probate court ordered all her possessions be auctioned off and the funds given to my half-brother, her legitimate son. Peter went to the auction and bought back all her books to give to me. He didn’t have to do that, I never asked him to and he never had much money, but he did anyway.”

“He sounds like a good guy,” Lin comments, encouraging him to go on.

“Peter was never stable though. His emotions were all over the place. He’d get really down sometimes and be too depressed to get out of bed for weeks. I ended up having to lie about my age and get a job so we could afford food and rent because he never went to work and couldn’t keep a job. When he got like that I’d have to bring him food or he wouldn’t eat at all. I used to worry all the time that he was going to die in bed like Mom. Sometimes he wouldn’t eat what I gave him, so I would force him and he’d yell at me to leave him alone to die.”

“How old were you when this happened, Alexander?”

“Twelve. I was twelve when I moved in with Peter.”

Over a year then. Over a year with that horribly depressing home life.

“It wasn’t always like that though. Sometimes Peter was full of energy. He was a lot of fun. He never slept much when he was like that and would take me out on wild late night adventures, sort of like we are now.” Alex smiles fondly. It’s clear that despite everything, he cared a great deal for the man. “Peter would get all these wild moneymaking schemes that he’d obsess over, but usually he’d get sad again before anything came of it. Except with moving to New York, that was the one plan he actually did and his mood didn’t change until a week after we moved.” Alex’s breath hitches in his throat. Lin can already see where this is going. “I don’t know where he got the gun…I should have kept a closer eye on him. I should have known the crash was coming.” Alex blinks rapidly, trying to keep the tears from falling.

“Mijo, it wasn’t your fault. Not even a little. It sounds like Peter had severe bipolar disorder that was untreated. Do you know what that is?”

“I’ve heard of it,” Alex sniffs.

“You never should have been put in a situation to have to care for him like you did. He shouldn’t have been made responsible for a child in that state. It wasn’t fair to you.”

“I loved him.” At this the tears start running freely that Alex tries to rub away, though it makes no difference. Lin can’t hold back anymore and gets up from his seat across from him to pull Alex into a hug.

“I know honey, and that makes it so much worse.”

“I must not have mattered that much to him if he could kill himself and not care what happened to me.”

“He had a mental illness Alex. His brain was sick and not functioning properly. I don’t think he was capable of thinking of anything but his own misery at that moment. But it sounds like he did care about you a good deal.”

“He bought me back the books.”

“That’s right mijo, he bought you back your mother’s books. That sounds like a man who cared. Who loved you as much as he was able.”

Lin wishes so badly that this was the end of his trauma. That Alex was brought to live with them right after his cousin’s suicide, because surely all of that had been enough horror to last a lifetime. It’s not the end though. It’s not even close. After all of that Alexander’s story gets so much worse.

#Alex and Lin verse #unfinished story #read and comment

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ithoughtyouweredifferent · 7 years

Text

Epilogue-Opening Night

Y’all this is it. Realy. It. The end. No more. (I’ll probably find some reason to come back in like two weeks this story is addictive lol)

Tagging: @superwholockbooknerd526 @panacebean @genericusernameblahblahblah@casual-vaporwave and special shout out to @kealohilani-tepise because your comment was the kicker motivation.

Summary: Opening night from about 11:45 night before until after the show. Even featuring the portions of the show itself!

Word Count: about 7,300

Table of Contents

Previous Chapter

"Liiinnn," you whispered poking his cheek. "Liiiinn wake up wake up. Liiiinnn" you kept poking him and very slowly he groaned and swatted your hand away before his eyelashes slowly fluttered open.

"Wha-oh hi," a small sleepy smile spread across his face, "what're you doing here?"

"It's almost midnight. It's almost tomorrow." You said grinning like crazy despite the late hour, you felt like a kid on Christmas morning.

"What's tomorrow?" He asked still in a sleepy haze,

"Opening night." You said almost giggling,

"No s'not. It's next week. The fifteenth." He sunk back down into his pillow but you bounced down on the edge of the bed beside him

"Today's the fourteenth. Tomorrow's the fifteenth."

"No it's-" he looked at his alarm clock that had the date on it and he jerked fully awake sitting up straight and eyes wide, "it's opening night. Oh my..." his mouth started silently mouthing words, "it's our opening night. It's our opening night." He let out a loud laugh that made you giggle again and he wrapped you into a mess of a blanket knot hug.

"Can you believe..."

"No can you.."

"No." You both stayed in that semi uncomfortable hug grinning for a while

"Why are you here though?" He asked,

"I don't know. I just wanted to be with you, make sure I'm the first to tell you to break a leg tonight I don't know. It just felt right for us to be together right now. Like ringing in a new year except it's a new adventure entirely." you tucked a lock of hair behind your hair realizing how dumb you sounded but his grin grew,

"I'm glad you did. We're opening our show tonight." He whispered again,

"All those weeks of practice are finally paying off. The years of writing. Months of workshop and then of performing for peanut pay and fangirls. And now....We're taking on Broadway by storm. With our show. Our show." He repeated the last two words quietly as if really taking it in for the first time and pulled you tighter into the embrace. "I love you." He whispered into your hair and you smiled,

"And I love you. This is...this is so surreal. I can't...we did it, Lin."

"Yes we did." He said kissing your temple. "Wow."

"Do you ever get used to this feeling? This incredible state of awe and pride and almost disbelief?" You asked

"I thought I had but now it's entirely different from everything else." Your smile grew at his answer and you both watched his clock and when it hit 11:59 you began a soft count down together

"Fifty-nine...fifty-eight....fifty--seven...fifty-six...fifty-five" and on for a whole minute not looking at the clock at all when you got to ten. Just staring at each other smiling, "Nine, Eight, Seven, six, five, four, three, two..." it was almost an instinct that instead of saying "one" you shared a soft tender kiss that was so filled with love and hope you might have drowned in it.

"Happy opening day," you whispered when the kiss broke but your foreheads were still pressed together.

"You tired?" He asked, "we've got a long day ahead of us and it'll be a late night. The adrenaline retires at some point you know." He said leaning back and scooping up the covers holding them up so you could climb in beside him. You hesitated for just a split second before slipping off your shoes and snuggling up against him.

"I love you" he whispered into your hair and you both slowly fell into a peaceful sleep.

The heavy pounding on the door was an unwelcome alarm that came far too soon. You groaned as your eyes tried to open and take in the surroundings and then register why you were here.

The door suddenly slammed open and Lin jerked awake beside you and pulled you tighter against him.

"Rise and shine sunshine!" Chris all but yelled as he walked through the living room and small hall towards the bedroom, "I said it first happy opening in-Woah," he came into the bedroom and then backed right out seeing Lin's arm draped over you and you tucked firmly into his chest. Your face heated up as you stretched minimally and got out of the bed and walked the other way to the kitchen.

"You two? I'd have suspected plenty of couples coming from the cast but I'd never have pegged you two. Was this some sort of-"

"Shut up Chris." Lin said standing up and going a whopping four feet to lean against his doorway, "Good morning though"

"You two are a thing? I can't believe it. Are you going to tell the rest of the cast or is this some sort of secret scandal?"

"Shut up."

"Oh... I see this was a one time where celebratory drinks got taken home or-"

"Hey." You walked away from the fridge where you had been searching for something to make. "Literally nobody wants this so early in the morning."

"Oh, I see, not a good-"

"Chris!" You both said together before looking at each other and laughing. "I came over at like 11:45 so I said happy opening day first. Hah!"

"Oh well excuse me. We've only been together for our adult lives but special girlfriend perks or whatever. You hurt me, man." You rolled your eyes,

"Who wants to make breakfast. We've got a big day." You said, "Happy opening night to you too Chris." You added,

"I'll whip up some eggs give me just a minute," Lin said and drifted into the kitchen followed closely by Chris. You began making up the bed ignoring the mocking sounds from the other room.

"That smells absolutely divine," you said when you finished and wandered into the kitchen to see both guys leaned against opposite cabinets completely relaxed. For some reason, the picture made you oddly happy.

"What're you grinning at?" Lin asked as you walked over to lean against him,

"Uh oh PDA alert someone call the cops," Chris said, you smirked and started scratching that spot at the nape of Lin's neck while he rubbed your shoulders both of you exaggerating as much as possible and Chris made exaggerated gagging faces until breakfast demanded all the attention by catching fire making the three of you laugh.

"Okay but seriously can you keep scratching right there? You have just enough finger nai-ah wow yes. Thank you." He began tilting his head and rotating it around while you and Chris both snickered, "s'not funny" he said and when you started to pull your hand away he leaned back which made you both laugh even more. "Keep laughing and I won't share the food" he threatened

And Chris's mood immediately flipped, "hey man no need to bring food into this."

"I scratched your neck. You owe me food."

"You also woke me up in the dead of night." He challenged,

"No regrets. I beat Chris to the punch of well wishes for this new adventure."

"You woke me up at 11:45 and didn't let me fall back asleep until after midnight before this new adventure. My last chance to sleep for months."

"Are we gonna eat or not?" Chris interrupted and Lin exaggerated a sigh

"Take your food. Gosh. If you weren't my very best friend-"

"Is everyone you know your very best friend or something? I don't think I could pay you not to give people your food. Or my food." Chris challenged and you nodded agreement. Way too many times you'd been somewhere together and a formal dinner had turned into a family style meal.

"Sharing is caring

"Unless you've got the plague." You coughed and he rolled his eyes.

"And everyone is a very best friend," he continued, "now eat your eggs. I slaved over those for hours."

"You are incredibly moody today," Chris said and you nodded,

"Seriously where's some punny 'so eggsited for opening night in Berkeley Repertory tonight' with a picture of the food?" You teased

"Check your phone." Chris said and you sighed

"You're kidding....I don't know where my phone is. Lemme see." Lin slid his across the counter.

"I think you love twitter more than you love me." You said and Chris bobbed his head side to side like he was debating it.

"I think he needs both of you about as much as he needs oxygen. Possibly more than he needs oxygen. So much 'loml' insert pun on potential lyrics here." Chris said and Lin laughed,

"Is loml really not a thing? So many people were confused. I just don't understand. Call me old when I don't know be right back has an acronym but love of my life doesn't?"

"No if someone's really that important to you they deserve over half the characters in your tweet," you said and he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah but if I type all that out I don't have a chance to explain any of the reasons why you are the loml"

"I love you too now eat your food. We need to be across town in a few hours and I need to go home first for crazy stuff like a shower and day clothes." You said getting out three forks and passing them around.

"Not to pry but this is at least the third time I know of that this has happened. Why don't you just steal that drawer in his nightstand or something?" Chris asked and you looked at each other

"I dunno I've never thought about it." You said and Chris rolled his eyes. "Besides, three times in two years does that warrant a drawer of my own?" For some reason, this was completely new territory for you and Lin even though it wasn't at all three times. You had passed out on his rug or piano bench or couch during the writing process more times than you could count and half the time it was easier to just crash with him instead of going another several miles. Several miles more than enough to be too much after a long day of rehearsal and then a performance to keep going.

"I dunno. We're in basically the opposite side of town every day now. Maybe you should clear out space for me." He suggested

"Hmm," you responded very noncommittally. This didn't feel like a breakfast conversation especially with Chris fishing for drama and gossip and certainly not today.

"Well. I just came over to make sure you were awake and steal your food. So I'm out. See ya in a few hours."

"Yeah."

"Bye bro." It was uncomfortable silence while he rinsed off his plate and then walked out the door with a wave.

"So."

"So." It stayed quiet neither of you sure what to say.

"I should umm I should get going. But I'll see you in a little while?"

"Yeah. In a while crocodile." You stood up at the same time to rinse your plates.

"Later gator." You said dragging your feet as you trudged to his room to grab the shoes you'd left there, "and hey," you added before walking out the door you couldn't leave with this uncomfortable atmosphere lingering. "I love you," he gave you a half smile and kissed you softly. You waved one last time before walking out the door.

"Ten minutes to places. Ten minutes." The voice called over the speaker. You had only run completely through on this stage one time. It was roughly twice the size of the one you had been on for the past several months and the set was completely different. You and Lin hadn't spoken hardly at all since you'd arrived to the theater, but in your defense, you had both been incredibly busy.

Hectic was not even a remotely accurate word for the atmosphere.

You were going on stage in ten minutes. Ten minutes until your escape from the insanity of being the writer and star. Ten minutes until you were gone and your inner Isabella took over. Ten minutes.

Someone tentatively knocked on your door frame, you hadn't even bothered to close the door. So many people had needed to talk to you about something that it was pointless to close it. You spun around to see Lin standing there scratching the back of his neck,

"Hey, how're you doing?" You asked walking over and hugging him.

"How am I doing? How're you doing? I've got this in the bag man I'm completely one hundred and fifteen percent fine and not a teeny bit nervous or worried or-" you pressed your lips to his very briefly to make him stop talking. A small thing, hardly even a kiss but it was enough to make him stop rambling.

"You're going to be amazing Lin. Shake out all of those silly worries."

"Are you in some sort of shock? How are you calm? This is this is huge. I mean, we're in Berkeley about to be the stars of a show that we wrote I can't even-are you okay? I mean with your uh-"

"I'm fine. I'm great actually. I...it's so weird. We've been doing this for months and it feels like in ten minutes and everything I know will be turned on it's head. It's crazy. When we started this I couldn't even play a basic melody on a piano with just you without being afraid of some sort of panic attack and now...I'm a Broadway performer. Alex Lacamoire is playing the piano while I play opposite of Lin-Manuel Miranda. And I'm not afraid. It's surreal."

"Yeah playing on stage against that guy phew how will you do it. I always knew you were just using me to get here" He teased,

"A girl can't fall in love and take advantage of some perks along the way?" You joked elbowing him. "Are we okay though? Was it just me or did things get weird this morning?"

"Things got very weir-"

"Five minutes. Five minutes."

"I need to get dressed...and start my hair." You said

"It takes you basically no time to change." He said and you rolled your eyes,

"I'm meant to be here obviously. Now go. I'll see you in a few hours. You're gonna kill it tonight. Break a leg." You kissed him again before all but shoving him out the door so you could start transitioning. It wouldn't take long at all for you to physically change but you needed a minute emotionally and you couldn't do that with Lin right there.

"Take a deep breath and focus. Focus. Blow it and know it. If we roll this pair of dice we can roll our way to paradise cross your eyes twice let's go. Focus." You whispered the cut line into the mirror. Everything lately had been a gamble for you lately and this was the final draw before a new round.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. You can do this. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. You weren't downplaying it. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. You can do this. You can do this. You couldn't do this. You felt the anxiety try to rise up. You couldn't do this. You were so far out of your league. You didn't belong here. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. In. Out. You can do this.

"I've got this. I've got this." You said it over and over determined to believe it

"Sixty seconds. Sixty seconds."

You didn't have time for this. You stared in the mirror for just one more deep breath cycle before waking away swallowing it. You could deal with your emotions later and deal with the way it would hit you stronger in revenge for bottling it now but you had to do this. People were already saying you only had this because of your relationship but you couldn't add fuel to their fire by failing. You had blown people's socks off only last week in normal theaters. Now you had a whole auditorium of people expecting an amazing production that they had paid handsomely for. You couldn't let yourself let them down.

It's not the fear of the people. It's the fear of the fear you knew he was right when he said that you mentally recited it as you made your way onto the stage. Blindly walking and relying fully on muscle memory to find your place behind your respective curtain. You saw Chris looking almost twenty years younger kick off the show and Lin walked in only seconds later.

Your worries slowly retreated watching them. Terrance and Jacob. They could do it. All of the people around you preparing to flood the stage could do it. Together you could also it.

From the cut short potential drug deal to show the new girl around. Set in an unnamed big city with family all scattered across the world most of the characters not ever interacting once but every single one somehow tied together.

You did your part in the first several numbers before slipping back away waiting for your cue. The bakery. You smiled at Monica nodding ready to tackle the world. Somewhere you had fallen into your grove and now you were completely ready to be Isabella.

"I always knew you'd find your way back here. All the ways we grew apart these past years but your spirit always near. I've missed you Meredith but the real question is-"

"Yes?"

"I know why you left. I understand it, Meredith. I do. But..." you let the indecision and internal debate shine on your face as if you were t sure if you really wanted to ask, "I don't mean to pry but my curiosity is hitting full force" breath one two three

"Your divorce" almost the entire cast whispered it with you from behind the curtain creating a chilling effect before she laughed,

"Jacob and I are done. We were dumb and young but that's behind us. The future doesn't need my past to interrupt. All that drama God, call it karma. It's barely a warm up for all what-"

"Hello, good morning!" Lin sang walking through the 'door' into the small bakery. "Something smelling good. The pastry bakery making tasty-"

"Is this going somewhere or are you just here to make me pull out my hair?" You interrupted, "don't answer that. Look who's back." Monica waved and Lin blinked shocked to see her,

"Meredith?"

"That's what they sing at the end of the birthday song." She replied

"Still trying to find the place you belong?"

"Something right will come along,"

"Hope you're not wrong," he said you paused waiting to see if they were done,

"I was hoping for a friendly reunion," you said slightly laughing, "the girl who's basically a sister, you know how much you've missed her and now we're all together for the first time in forever. And she's home." It was silent,

"I do not dislike you," Monica said as if the words were acid,

"You're not so bad yourself but if, my dear dear Meredith, you hadn't left me in such bad health-"

"That was not my fault-"

"Not your fault when because of you every night we fought before you were up and gone? Without a word of explanation just set you on some wild expedition. Gone."

"It takes two to tango. Even you know that's true." Lin shook his head frustrated with her,

"I'll just have two tri-split biscuits and be outa here with a tock and a tick" he almost snapped and you walked off stage briefly to grab the pastry platter and heard them continue

"When did you become so confrontational? What we had was so sensational. Then you moved away acting completely irrational. We were happy everything we had was utter bliss and all of it to the gutter so fast it could've been missed. We could've worked it out, it's a fact but you just like that you whisked-"

"I'm back!" You called interrupting him. "What did you want to say?" You asked handing 'pastries' to everyone,

"Are these burnt? I thought I smelled smoke?" Lin asked

"Only the flames that came from the fire fueled by every phrase you ever spoke" Monica all but spat in a perfect stage mutter.

"Jacob, Meredith it doesn't have to be like this." You said but were ignored. "I have better things to do with my day than hang around you all day. I'd like to talk with Meredith, so many things to catch up with and you together but it seems one on one would be better." Lin all but stormed away,

"Can you believe him?" She asked, "Acting so superior-"

"Or are you upset that you don't have control anymore?" The beat changed from underscore with occasional back up when your lines had rhythm to the pit in full force for her song.

"Superior. Inferior. Why are they one in the same? One wrong step and you're expelled from the game. But can someone just spell it out, spell it out What is this life is all about? I've tried to make it on my own, drifting 'round searching for a home but it always turns out that I'm alone. I'm alone. Alone. All alone. Don't tell me I don't know. Or that I'm in the dark where I can't even see what I've been shown. Maybe I'm overcome by bleak shadows and I know I often break and be shy, though maybe give me a chance. Grant me one glance, some way to advance. Let me live set me free. Let realize who I should be. But I'm alone. I'm alone. Alone. All alone. I drift around from place to place while my past tries to chase me, it tries to erase me, wishing we could replace it all but it all comes back here. Where do I belong? I've been searching all along, I try to be strong but the only song the rings true is the one telling me I'm wrong and don't need you. I'm alone. Alone. All alone. All alone. No one to love. All alone. No one to care for. All alone. No prayers to above because I'm all alone. A crowded room but still all alone. All alone." The applause was deafening. It took everything you had not to join in but you couldn't. You waited the proper amount of time before reentering the scene and continuing the show.

It continued to a new song shared by you in which she told you to avoid living in the country and in the suburbs and France in the summer. You told her a few things that had happened since she left before the song flipped halfway through to about half of the cast singing to loved ones about where they had gone and where they wished to go.

Then Chris and Safah, the girl playing Marirea, were together before it was Samara's song "Searching for my Star"

Then "Something's Missing" started off with you and Meredith again in the bakery complaining about what you were searching for, what you wanted, what was wrong before you noticed the missing tea set.

"Something's Missing" bridged into "The Interrogation" Which was one of the most intense songs in the whole show. "Everyone has questions it's an interrogation!" Renato's grandmother said something about hoping it was found soon it reminded her boy of his mother. Fingers were pointed left and right. The teenage portion of the cast yelled at each other for different reasons, Chris was literally cornered several times always looking back at Safah begging her to let him tell. Meredith and you and Jacob all yelled at each other before the overlapping began and then it ended loud and bright before everything went black for intermission.

You didn't speak to anyone, you just jumped from one costume to another and readied yourself for the opening song of Act 2.

It was just you and Lin in a song filled with so much tension you could cut it with a knife. It had been compared with everything from songs ranging from "For Good" to "Sunrise" to "Watch What Happens" to "You and I and No One Else"-people had accused you of stealing from that one but that show had opened the weekend after you officially posted the OBC.

You weren't singing a love song. Not on the surface anyway. On the surface, it was a denial of a love song. Both saying how deeply you cared for Meredith and how valuable she was to both your lives. That he bared no true animosity to her and that he had long since moved on but was hung up on someone new. That she was your best friend and you would never want to hurt her or upset her. You had moments staring intensely at each other before turning away and going to opposite sides of the stage for a small solo part

"Someone new? If only you knew that I meant you." Was one of his lines and it made your heart swell

"She's my sister and I've missed her. She's my closest confident and I can not hide it. I love her. She's my whole life" you said down stage left

"But for my ex-wife" he all but interrupted on down stage right

"There's nothing there," you said together turning back around to face each other and then turned back around after you made eye contact for three beats "nothing here. Nothing there. Nothing between us except the one who means the most to us." You started walking semi backward until you were standing back to back only inches apart

"It's just me," you sang holding the word while he joined

"It's just me"

"Me and him and my friend, our Meredith," you said at the same time as you said "me and her and my ex our Meredith."

The blue spot lights followed you back to the table while you sang together leaning closer and closer across the table your noses only inches apart

"Me and you and Meredith." You froze while the audience applauded you heard the cue from the pit and both snapped apart.

"So about that tea set," you said while he coughed trying to pretend that that moment never happened.

"Everyone knows it was Terrance," you said and he shook his head,

"It wasn't."

"What makes you say that?"

"The truth."

"C'mon he has no alibi and you were with me and Meredith right here underneath that," you pointed to the camera, "so you can't tell me you know where he was."

"He wasn't stealing a tea set. He was..." he lowered his voice "he was with Marirea."

"The new girl?" He nodded, "why is that a secret?"

"Because she doesn't want anyone to know he even knows her him much less that they were having dinner together."

"It's more important to let people think he's guilty than to be an open couple?" He nodded glumly,

"Sometimes love...you can't tell people how you feel. You'll fall short of expectations and disappoint maybe even hurt the ones you are closest to," there was a pause while Meredith's unspoken name lingered in the air, "her mother of course" he added after a second.

"Right her mother of course. I should..you should go. I need to find out who actually stole the tea set give Meredith's heart a rest you know?"

"Yeah. I'll just go. It was nice talking to you though,"

"Bye Jacob"

"Goodbye Isabella." And he began a short song about conflicting feelings with the Isabella/Jacob/Meredith situation, the narration a scene silently played out by Marirea and Terrance downstage, as well as one of the shows universal underlying themes of your relationship with yourself and your surroundings.

You had a few minutes before you had to go back on so you took your time changing.

You kept going through the show before it was finally time for the hints at Renato's tragic backstory all throughout the show to finally be explained as little Christopher took the stage for "Spilled Tea" with a hushed choir behind him repeating certain phrases and other times just "ooohh-oo-o" ing.

"If only you could see me now mama. Would you be proud of me? Or would you tell me to sit back and drink my tea? Or would you just leave? Why'd you have to leave mama? Why couldn't you have stayed and played with me? Mama? We were so happy and then I went to sleep and when I woke up there was nothing but spilled tea. You always told me no use crying over spilled milk but you never taught me what it meant, so many questions like like umm like why does the peppermint melt? Why do cows moo? What happened to you? Where did you go? Why aren't you here?" He walked around the stage his eyes searching all over the place, stepping in and out of shadows and lights.

"So many things you wanted to do. You told me to stay true and never cry and to always know you're by my side. I know you wanted me to grow big and strong. You always told me not to cry and I've tried! But mama you're gone now and everyone tells me it's alright but it's not." He walked back to the tea set on the ground

"I miss you, mama. Why couldn't you have stayed? If you had stayed we could have played. We could've had more tea parties but instead...it's just me and the tea and instead of you, it's just a grave. Just a grave."

You walked slowly on stage kneeling down beside him as he cried ignoring the audience's applause, you rubbed his back trying to consul a poor child whose whole world was gone. You and Christopher began speaking once the audience had quieted down enough. When he handed you back the tea set people came out of the wings,

"I'm too old for tea parties anyway aren't I?"

"You're never too old for a tea party. In fact, I think there might be one soon back at the bakery. Care to join me?" You held out a hand and very tentatively the boy took it as the set shifted into your bakery and with some tricks of the light the whole cast seemed to appear out of nowhere as "Honesty Hour" began.

A confession between you and Lin.

"Isabella I've gotta tell ya you make me a really happy fella."

Christopher being sandwiched in a hug between his 'grandparents' "your mother would be proud of ya."

The high school cliques re-clicking but still bickering.

Chris and Safah told her 'mother' about their relationship and Chris was given a firm lecture but as soon as she was done taking he was grinning.

All of the various groups made by the ensemble reconnected.

The only one who didn't have someone to connect with and realize that they do, in fact, belong here and they are home and they are loved and important was Monica.

She sat in the back corner isolated forever a drifter the entire time, watching everyone else reach their happily ever after. You noticed her sitting there and went back reaching a hand to help her up. She shook her head no and pushed herself off the ground. She tipped her head at several of the groups and walked almost off stage

"Good luck to you," was all she said. Her last solo line of the show there was a gasp throughout the cloud when the light on her flickered and then turned off

"And you as well." You called back but she was already gone.

There was a pause as she walked away before the intro to the finale began.

"Some find home where they've always been. Others are home when they reach a new destination. Others still have to go back to their roots to find their hearts location. Home is a place that is hard to define. For me, home is a place where I wait in line."

"For me, home is a place where the stars are aligned."

"For me, home is a place where there's mountains to climb."

"For me, home is a place where the food is mine." A chuckle came from the audience when the meat vendor from the beginning spoke again,

"For me, home is a place to reflect on good times"

"For me, home is a place where there's perfect rhymes"

"For me, home is a place where I hear the church bells chime."

On and on as every character said the line in a place reflecting the other lines that were shared by all. It was almost too long of stepping forward and announcing one home at a time when Monica re-entered.

"For me, home is a place that I am yet to find. Maybe my fate is sealed, maybe I never will."

The song went on. All of you sending comforting words and redefining what home and love truly are one at a time. When one person spoke nobody else made any movement or sound. Before everyone began joining in in a soulful song.

Bows and applause lasted for what felt like hours. After bows, there was the passing around of speeches and thank yous. You hadn't prepared yourself for that at all and were more than slightly shocked when Alex handed a microphone up from the pit which Lin basically dove down to grab.

"hello hello hello! Congratulations! You have sat through our entire show, you're doing good now just give me a few more minutes to ramble. As you might know, my name is Lin-Manuel Miranda and I sorta made about a fourth of this show possible. Alex down there," Alex stood up on a chair or something to poke his head up and wave, "he is a true genius pulling all of the mess we threw at him and making the music come together. Everyone give it up for Alex Lacamoire!" there was an applause,

"Now, of course,” he continued, “we have our beloved techies up there. please give them a hand because so much of the reason you could hear us at all and the reason it was visually appealing is due to them. My man Tommy directing us and keeping us in line, telling us when we were wrong and what to touch up on and last but not by any means least," he looked at you and you shook your head rapidly but he ignored you,

"And this, this, ladies and gentlemen, this is a face you probably haven't seen before unless you are incredibly lucky. It's her debut here on Broadway as it is with so many other of these beautiful, beautiful people standing behind me wishing I would shut up so they can change and get out from under these lights. I've called her Socrates for almost eight years. She was the inspiration for this from the very beginning when we were playing silly tunes in a high school auditorium and then we took a brief break before quite literally running back into each other. We spent forever working together, countless nights stressing out over my piano, we should invest stock in Pilot because of how much we wrote and now, we made this. You all know her as Isabella but you'll find her name at the top of your playbill. Socrates, will you please step forward and take a bow because wow do you deserve it." you froze staring into the orange lights rather than the people, "come on," Monica and Chris were standing on either side of you and pushed you forward and Lin walked over to take your hand,

"This has been an amazing adventure. Many amazing adventures actually. I love you. Thank you." you bowed your head but couldn't physically manage much more, "Alright now everyone, c'mon one more time and then we'll bounce." the rest of the cast stepped up so you were in line once more and you all bowed before walking off all of you cheering and exchanging congratulations. You had barely cleared the curtain when people were already holding layers of clothes over their arm. Everyone seemed preoccupied talking to each other so you hurried to your dressing room where your street clothes were still lying on the vanity.

You had barely finished pulling on your top when you felt strong arms wrap around you from behind,

"You were so amazing," Lin whispered into your ear and you grinned tilting your head back and twisting so you could see him,

"You're one to talk. You just wow. That was everything I just we I mean,"

"Slow down. Your brain is in overload right now. How it hasn't exploded yet I'm not sure. They loved you out there. I think you got more cheers than the rest of us combined."

"That was so great. Once I got into it, it was like all of my problems disappeared. It took a minute, you know? I thought I was going to drop, that it would take over but then it was like when I went on as Isabella it just vanished. During intermission, I almost broke again but then I went on and it...it's like some sort of magic."

"Are you okay? We can skip-"

"We can skip stage door about as easily as if we skipped the whole show. Especially you. Half of this success is because the show is riding your coattail."

"I can camp out in here all night if you need to."

"No, really, I'm good. When you called me out up there I thought it might be bad but I'm good. Really. I'm on a victory high let's not lose it because I have no idea what it will be like if I crash." you took his hand and headed outside, there was only one more ensemble member, Micky, waiting to leave. You waved goodbye to her with your free hand before she disappeared outside. You smiled up and Lin and took a deep breath waiting a few minutes so that Micky would be gone before you walked outside.

The cheers for the two of you were all but deafening and your smile was so wide that it hurt.

You started to let go of his hand so you could both sign playbills but he just held your hand tighter, picking up pens and giving side hugs and small conversations with fans.

"They love you," he said when you finally got away and you laughed,

"That was absolutely amazing," you said relishing in the leftover thrill,

"Good news is, you get to do it again tomorrow night. And the next night. And the next night."

"Bad news?"

"It's exhausting and draining and will be stressful. But this thrill. Worth it. So worth it." he sighed, "Are you absolutely sure you're alright? Don't bottle anything up right now okay, be perfectly honest with yourself okay? I'm here for you."

"Lin. Really. I'm fine. I think...I'm going to be fine."

"Good." he jerked his head in a nod, "That's good. I love you, you know."

"I love you too," you replied easily,

"And remember, when you're some big great sensation all over billboards people begging you to be in this that or the other, I knew you first and have full rights on your nickname Socrates and I will not let anyone forget it." you laughed in response,

"I love you, you dork," you said "and nothing anyone says, no fame or glory or ego inflation will change that." you bumped him to the side jokingly but he wasn't expecting it and almost fell. You both stopped and laughed for a second all of your emotions and feelings still electrified by the adrenaline and somewhere the laugh turned into a kiss that sent your heart flying out of your chest.

"And that felt just right," you said and he grinned kissing you again. The fact you were standing in the middle of the sidewalk didn't matter. All that mattered was this moment and all of the potential for many moments after that.

"Come on," he whispered after a minute, "We need to get home and it's a long way back from your place to mine."

"About that," you said coughing, "I um I thought about what you and Chris said this morning and I uh, there is some space if you want just for nights that run a little late or whatever and instead of coming all the way out here and then backtracking...not like a permanent thing but I ah, if you want you could um," your face was burning you felt awkward and scripted which was ridiculous but true.

"Are you sure? You don't sound-"

"Just yes or no," you said not wanting him to give you enough time to lose your nerve. He didn't answer. He only kissed you again.

"Ask me again when you're not coming down from the performance high and you're really really sure." he said breaking away and taking your hand as you silently made your through the city where he dropped you off and you realized that without the aide of show high that your home was walking down the sidewalk back across town.

"Lin!" you called before he was out of earshot, he turned around, "We did a good job with the show." he walked back towards you, "I realized something,"

"What?"

"The real meaning of home."

"Okay?"

"I love you," you said and he nodded,

"I love you too, what-"

"You're my home." you blurted out interrupting him and he smiled.

"And you're mine."

"No, I meant-"

"I know. Now get some sleep, Socrates. There's a long day ahead of us. Goodnight."

"Night," you sighed and watched him walk away before you went inside leaning back against your door frame taking in everything, the long journey it took to get here and the long, long road ahead of you.

#lin x reader #i thought you were different

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kinessie · 7 years

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I did it guys i wrote headcanons that came to mind when I thought abt the champs having social medias, i think theyre pretty rad read them after the cut

- skye is instagram famous, she can spend hours wandering around an area to find the perfect angle for a picture. it’s also encouraged her to travel more to get more diversity in her account, which isn’t bad, bcs she always makes sure to bring her friends along and they all frequently get cameos and tags on her account

- she also has a private account for people more friendly with her to follow, she posts things there about her day that just aren’t fit for her ‘aesthetic’

- ash is more of a twitter person, she tends to tweet a lot when she feels angry at something or if she’s out for the day with maeve and wants to post a lot of pics of her sis having fun. ash also gets most of her news from twitter, which could be good or bad, take your pick

- cassie and kinessa both use snapchat a lot, they’ll even snap each other in the same room they’re that wild

- kinessa posts many snaps on her story about cassie with really nice captions about her, she just wants everyone to know how amazing her gf is….

- cassie likes to take snaps of people and draw things on them, sometimes they get really elaborate and her story becomes some sort of art portfolio

- ying mainly uses social media for its intended purpose, talking to her friends. but after skye introduced her to instagram she’s sometimes makes posts about her cute outfits or nice things she’s done

- okay we all know evie would have a tumblr she fucking would she posts memes every day

- inara still likes good ol’ facebook, talking about her garden on fb is her fave pastime. she gets into social justice arguments with other middle aged women and absolutely destroys them

- obscure hunting forums are where tyra lives, comparing hunts with others and recommending different weapons. tyra is a god amongst these forums, she defeated a gorlock with her bare hands, yknow

- sha lin is another snapchat fan, his fave thing being filters, he loves using filters and making his friends use filters. he also has a streak with just about everyone

- buck is an instagram model. I’m not elaborating he just Is.

- okay and heres a viktor headcanon bcs i thought it would be funny if viktor was the kind of guy to get really angry on twitter because he doesnt keep up with the youth and thinks everything is personally offending him

- almost all of the champs have messenger to talk, and a lot of them are part of group chats where hijinks are always ensue. most of the gals have a snapchat group chat too

#aaah social media #great for laughs #gayspeak

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hamilficsfordays · 7 years

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New Beginning—Chapter Seven: Off Her Meds

Disclaimer: I try to display the struggles of an abuse victim as accurately as I can.

Also posted on Ao3

Summary: Lin and Vanessa get a sense of what Alexa is like when she’s not on her medication.

Rating: M for language, mentions of cutting/self-harming, mentions of sexual abuse of a child, mentions of rape.

Words: 6932 (Ah yes, the return of comically long chapters)

Askbox / Masterlist / Chapter Six / Chapter Eight

Tags:

@promisesandmore @justanotherfanficreader

They got lunch, picked up her prescription and headed home together. Her Zoloft was prescribed to take once a day in the morning, leaving her without medication until the next day.

Lin elected to watch The Little Mermaid in lieu of turning on the news when they got home, a welcome distraction from the constant talk about their family. Seeing her curled up on the couch in a blanket for the first time in a long time, he took to twitter.

@Lin_Manuel: You are so loved and SO important.

@Lin_Manuel: The Miranda family needs to take a personal day.

The second tweet included a photo, a shot of Alexa on the couch and highly engrossed with what was on TV.

As he continued to scroll through twitter, a few news outlets had released the information that the four boys seen on video the night of the assault had been released from custody and given a trial date. Though he was relieved they would be put on trial, the thought of them being out in the open was disappointing. Alexa didn’t notice his reaction to this news, as her eyes never left the TV.

As the day went on, one constant remained: she never left the couch. She was fixated on the screen. She didn’t speak, she didn’t even shift, just remained in the same spot. Breathing; existing.

“I think I should take her to work with me,” Lin whispered into the phone from his office, calling Vanessa who was still at work to express his concerns.

“Is she still out there?”

Lin peeked out of his room and into the living room. “She hasn’t moved an inch.”

“Maybe this is how she processes.” she offered. “It’s the first time she’s been with us in a while. She could just be re-adjusting.”

“I mean, it can’t hurt to get a distraction, can it? I’m worried about her. I’ve never seen her like this.”

“Are you sure you want to bring her there, though? It’s kind of an overwhelming environment.”

Lin shook his head. “It’s a place full of people who love and support her. She can hang back in my dressing room during the show. It’s just something else to do.”

Vanessa shrugged. “I guess.”

He hung up and stepped back out into the living room only to find Alexa in nearly the same position she was in before, this time holding one of Sebastian’s stuffed animals—a purple octopus.

“Hey Gen, what do you say we—oh.” he paused, taking in this new development. “Is that Sebastian’s?”

She tossed the toy across the room, it landing on the tile without a sound.

“Why can’t I remember anything about that night?” she asked, staring at the floor. “I thought being in familiar surroundings would help jog my memory but it hasn’t.”

“Come with me to the show tonight.” he offered, unable to answer the question. “Everyone wants to see you. They miss you.”

After a long pause, she stood up, pulling the blanket off of her shoulders.

“I should change.” she finally said.

“Maybe we should change your bandages too.” he offered, reaching for her arm.

“No, don’t touch me!” she pulled her hand away. The look of concern on Lin’s face centered her a bit as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I mean, they’re fine.” she insisted. “They put on new bandages right before I left the hospital. I’ll just change my clothes and we can leave.”

At the theatre, it seemed like everyone in the cast was so happy to see her again. They all greeted her with a smile or a hug, expressing how excited they were to have her back.

She had missed Lin’s dressing room, practically sprinting to the couch as soon as they got in. He laughed at the sight of her lounging as he set his stuff aside.

“I can’t wait to spend three hours playing Red Dead Redemption while you work your ass off out there.” she quipped. “That’ll probably be the fondest memory I have of this place whenever you decide to leave.”

“Sounds good to me. I have to work on Moana stuff in the meantime, so you’ll have to keep the sound off.”

Moana was an upcoming Disney animated film that Lin had been hired to help write songs for. He usually spent a few days a week working on Moana a few hours before Hamilton, leaving Alexa to her own devices if she was with him.

She turned on the Xbox and television, making sure it was muted before spending an hour focused on the game. Lin had his headphones on, hard at work.

After an hour, the effects of deciding not to eat before leaving the house were haunting her as her stomach cried out in protest.

“Hey Lin,” she paused the game, glancing over at him. With his headphones on, he heard nothing.

There was a t-shirt of his nearby on the floor, which she balled up and tossed at him to get his attention.

“Wha—what?” he turned around in his chair, pulling his headphones off.

“Why didn’t you tell me to eat before we left? I’m starving.” she reminded him.

“I wasn’t sure I could get you to move, let alone eat.” He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and took out a $20 bill, handing it to her along with his key card for entry back into the building. “Just get something and come back.”

Outside, there was already two lines of fans, one waiting on cancellation tickets, the others waiting to be let inside. Alexa passed by without a second thought, surprised when several of them called out her name.

She approaches a group of teenage girls cautiously. “You know who I am?”

“You’re Lin’s daughter.” one of them said.

“Everyone knows who you are.” another confirmed. “You’ve been all over the news since that guy like, sexually assaulted you.”

Alexa could hear her heart beating in her ears. She couldn’t manage an answer.

By now, most of the nearby fans in the line had caught wind of the conversation and were paying attention.

“What happened to your arms?” someone else asked, directing to the bandages on her wrist. “Did you self-harm?”

“Oh… uh—”

“That can’t be it.” the first girl said. “I would never even think about self-harming if I was her. I would like, die of happiness if Lin and Vanessa were my parents.”

The group of girls agreed.

Feeling incredibly overwhelmed, Lex turned away and headed down the street without a response. She grabbed one of her forearms, suddenly incredibly self-conscious of her bandages among the sea of Hamilton fans.

There was a food truck at the far end of the block that she headed to, ordering a lamb gyro and patiently waiting for it to be prepared.

As the man in the truck prepared her food, he stared at her regularly as if he’d seen her before. She wasn’t exactly comfortable with it, but only a block away from the theatre, she didn’t feel unsafe.

He finished her food and wrapped it up, taking her money and handing it the wrap to her.

“I know you!” he said as she began to walk away.

“What?”

“Yes, I see you all over the news! You’re the orphan girl! The white man raped you.”

Alexa looked down, embarrassed before starting to walk away.

“Don’t be sad!” he called out. “The white man rape everyone!”

Her heart was pounding fast again, her free hand balling into a fist. She had a sudden urge to scratch her forearms that her bandages prevented. She started to wonder if they were there for more of a preventative reason than a healing one.

As she walked back into the theatre, a few more fans called out her name. She ignored them—two incidents of being known as “the girl who got raped” was more than enough. She headed upstairs to Lin’s dressing room with change, which he rejected.

“No it’s okay, keep it. Hey, are you okay?”

The distraught look on her face caused his concern, a face she then tried to mask.

“What? No. I mean, yes. I’m fine.”

“Did something happen outside?” he pressed.

“I’m gonna go eat this in the kitchen.” she took the food with her downstairs to the kitchen area where a long empty table was waiting.

She couldn’t get the incidents from earlier out of her mind.

I’m a joke she thought. A product of my tragedy.

Coming to terms with this managed to suppress her appetite. She tossed the food in the trash can nearby before waiting a few minutes and heading back upstairs.

Lin prepared to head onstage and left fo places at seven, leaving Alexa behind in his dressing room.

Being alone wasn’t easy for her, as her thoughts became all too consuming voices in her head. She couldn’t shake the idea that everyone in the city knew her as some kind of tragedy. The feeling was harsh, upsetting, triggering. She desperately wanted to cut her bandages off and tear into the skin on her arms like she’d done before so many times but forced herself to resist the urge for as long as possible.

Toward the end of the first act, she found herself tapping on the desk in Lin’s dressing room furiously to fight her impulsive need for self-harm.

“Shit… fuck… fuck!”

Without medication, it was hard not to snap. Finally, she left the room, pushing past crew in the small hallway and into the costuming room. There was a table of supplies near the door, a pair of scissors close by.

When she returned to the dressing room, she opened the scissors and made a weak attempt at tearing her bandages off. When that failed, she began using her teeth to tear them off. Just then Jonathan Groff entered, still in costume from being onstage. Stepping into the dressing room to head to his own, he spotted Alexa sitting in the chair in front of the mirror and furiously scratching her forearms. There were spots of blood dripping onto her clothing as she reopened wounds that hadn’t yet healed, tears falling from her eyes while she sobbed periodically.

“Oh my god, Alexa, stop—”

He tried to deter her, distract her without getting too close. As if she couldn’t hear him, she pressed on. More blood, more tears. She was fighting every voice in her head by scratching harder, desperately trying to make her negative thoughts vanish.

“Oh shit…” Jonathan backed up to the door then, running out to look for someone, anyone to help.

Non-Stop had just started onstage, the music blaring over the backstage speakers and drifting behind the curtains.

He spotted Jasmine near one of the wings speaking to Anthony, who had just come off-stage from his final scene in the first act.

“Jas,” he pulled her away and toward Lin’s dressing room. “I need your help.”

Anthony followed close behind.

“What is it?” she asked, trying to pull her arm away.

“It’s Alexa. I don’t know how to help, but she won’t stop scratching her arms and there’s blood everywhere—I don’t know what to do.”

Jasmine stopped protesting and rushed ahead of Jonathan as they headed upstairs to Lin’s dressing room.

Alexa was still scratching when they came in, causing more damage alongside the scars that were there from beforehand.

“Lex…” Jasmine carefully approached her, softly placing a hand on her shoulder. “Honey, you need to stop scratching your arms.“

Another sob erupted from the teenager’s chest as she continued to forcibly irritate her skin with no end in sight.

From the doorway, Anthony and John were watching closely.

“Jas, just grab her arms and stop her.”

“I don’t want to hurt her… or end up getting hurt,” she confessed.

The first act was nearing its end.

“Anthony, go find Lin as soon as he gets offstage,” she instructed, prompting him to run off to Lin’s exit point just in time for the song to end. There was a thunderous applause from the audience as the lights cut out, all of the actors headed in separate directions.

Anthony grabbed Lin as soon as he came through the door and rushed him toward the older man’s dressing room.

“Woah, what’s going on?”

“It’s Alexa.” was all he said.

Lin became suddenly frantic, following his co-star back to his dressing room.

Jasmine moved away toward the door when she saw Lin rush toward Alexa. He kneeled in front of her, holding onto both of her arms to force her to stop. There was blood staining his hands and the white cuffs of his costume, but he didn’t pull away.

She continued crying, burying her face in his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

“What is wrong with me?” she managed between sobs. He stroked her hair, shushing her in the hope that she’d eventually calm down.

By now most of the cast had gathered in the doorway watching this occur. He carefully shut the door to all of them, leaving only him and Alexa in the room.

There was plenty of blood on his costume at that point, though he was not deterred. After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door before the stage manager carefully opened it.

“Lin…” he whispered. “We just need to know if you’re going on in the second act. Javi’s on standby if you want to leave, but we’re 10 minutes to places and we need an answer now.”

Alexa hadn’t let go of him and seemed to have no desire to do so. She was shaking, her breath uneven.

He bit his lip, hesitant for a moment.

“I’ll leave.” he finally decided. “Put Javi on for act two.”

Within minutes, Lin had changed out of his costume. They used clean pieces of fabric from the costuming room as temporary bandages for Alexa’s wounds and they were in a cab headed uptown just after act two began.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” he asked, once they were safely headed home.

She was staring out the window, focused on the passing lights outside. She grabbed his hand for support before explaining the crowd outside and the guy in the food truck who had both managed to trigger her.

She could feel tears welling up in her eyes yet again.

“What the fuck.” she finally groaned, covering her face.

“I’m sorry,” he tried. “If I had known they would be there—”

“How is it fair that they know more about what happened to me that night than I do?” she demanded, her hands curling into fists.

“It’s not.” he conceded, rubbing her back supportively. “But this too shall pass. I think we all just need sleep.”

At home, Vanessa was already asleep.

Lin had gathered the hydrogen peroxide and bandages from the cabinet in the bathroom and prepared to tend to her wounds over the sink.

With his hair pulled back, he carefully removed the cloth covering her arms and poured the peroxide over the affected areas, letting it rid of any remaining bacteria.

Alexa was quiet, her face still red from crying beforehand.

After some silence, Lin offered a small smile.

“I know it’s hard,” he started. “I don’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but I also know that you can fight. You’ll come out stronger on the other side.”

She sighed. “I’m tragedy-prone.”

“You are absolutely not.” he insisted, drying her arms off.

“You didn’t know me before I came here. Every person in my life might as well have been competing on who could fuck me up the most.”

He started to wrap a bandage around one of her arms.

“Well, you coming to live with Vanessa and me was no tragedy.”

“I know.” she nodded. “It almost feels like I don’t deserve it.”

“Lex,” he paused, making eye contact with her. “You deserve nothing but the absolute best. Just because you haven’t gotten it doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

“I deserved to get raped. That’s why it happened, isn’t it?”

“What happened to you happened because a bunch of immature, poorly-raised teenage boys couldn’t get girls to actually go on a date with them so they had to drug someone just to do anything. That was not your fault and you certainly did not deserve it.”

He finished bandaging one arm and started with the other.

“It’s hard not to feel that way sometimes, though.” she pointed out.

“Well, that’s something for us to work on then, isn’t it?”

He finished with the bandage and kissed the top of her head.

“You’ll come out on the other side of this, okay? You will, I promise.”

She nodded once in response.

“In the meantime, get some rest. Things will be easier to process once you’ve gotten a good night’s sleep.”

Lying in bed that night, however, Alexa couldn’t even consider rest.

As curiosity mixed with anger, she pulled out her laptop and searched for answers about what happened to her that fateful night.

Anger became horror as she was immediately presented with evidence—dozens of photos and videos of her being violated.

Horror kept her up through the night, tossing and turning as her mind clouded with the images.

The next morning, she trekked into the kitchen exhausted and still haunted by the images from last night. The bandages around her forearms had small spots of blood on them as reminisces of the night before. Lin was feeding Sebastian in his high chair and Vanessa was cooking over the stove. She turned the heat off when Alexa came in, hugging her suddenly.

It was the first time she’d seen the teen since her return. Though V was clearly excited to see her, Lex froze, unwilling to touch her foster mother let alone hug back.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” Lin questioned, seeing the bags under her eyes. “You look exhausted.”

“I am not a product of my environment, but a product of my expectations.” she stated, rather poetically, in response.

It grabbed the attention of both parents.

“Are you okay?” Vanessa asked.

“Do you know how many videos there are of me getting raped online?” she managed through a yawn.

Their concern grew exponentially.

“You really shouldn’t watch that.” Vanessa insisted. “I don’t think that’s healthy—”

“I needed to know.” she insisted, flat. “No one was being honest with me. Everyone is afraid of scaring my or hurting my feelings. You have no idea what I went through before I even met you. I needed to know what happened.”

“We just put your breakfast on the table,” Lin announced, attempting to change the subject.

He pointed her toward the dining room. Sure enough, there was a lone plate in front of one of the chairs with eggs, bacon and half a bagel on it, a bowl of fruit and a glass of orange juice beside it.

While she headed over, Lin pulled a pill bottle from one of the cabinets and followed her.

She sat in front of the meal, still warm, as he sat beside her. He opened the bottle, sliding one pill out and placing it on the napkin her utensils were resting on.

A sigh followed.

“It’s for your own good.” He kissed the top of her head. “You’ll feel a lot better, I promise.”

She picked it up slowly, placing it on her tongue before taking a swig of orange juice to wash it down.

“Good.” he nodded. “As long as you take your medication every day, things should be back on track by the time school starts next week.”

Though Alexa was hesitant to restart her routine medication, she could admit that things were looking up. Her sleep was more consistent, she had stopped self-harming, and her mental health had improved overall. She felt happier. So much so that when it was time to take her meds a week later, she figured missing a day wouldn’t be a big deal. It was the same Saturday she had agreed to go on a shopping trip with Vanessa, who was eager to improve their relationship and ecstatic to do something together. Lin was attending a formal, red-carpet event that evening, leaving Lex and Vanessa on their own. Vanessa’s mother happily agreed to babysit Sebastian while they were out.

After a short time, Vanessa quickly realized that “We can go wherever you want.” may not have been the best thing to say as they headed out.

Alexa was opting for only the most expensive, high-end stores on the Upper East Side.

Vanessa stayed silent for fear of upsetting her daughter, but her credit card limits were becoming concerning the more Alexa spent.

Still, the teen had never been so happy and upbeat around her. She didn’t want to mess that up.

After several stores and several thousands of dollars spent, they headed into a Valentino store when Alexa saw a red gown displayed in the window that she thought was gorgeous. She asked an associate to remove it so she could try it on.

There were small dressing rooms at the back of the store covered by curtains, one of which Alexa stepped into with the gown in hand.

Vanessa began conversing with the associate while her daughter was changing.

In the dressing room, Alexa was infatuated with the dress. The long sleeves covered the bandages on her arms—a feature she was particularly fond of. The dress boasted a low neckline and was particularly slimming. She didn’t need much convincing to purchase it.

There was a tag hanging off the back of the dress that displayed an atrociously high price. One that she certainly couldn’t afford, and one that she was sure Vanessa couldn’t either.

Peeking out from behind the curtain, she could see Vanessa and the associate distracted looking at scarves.

Thinking quickly, she grabbed a pair of shoes from the many shopping bags that she’d carried in, slipping them on to replace her black flats. She grabbed her purse, leaving the other shopping bags behind and quietly made her way from the dressing room to the front door. She sprinted out, hailing a nearby empty cab and rushing into it.

An alarm went off by the door, alerting Vanessa and every sales associate that something had happened.

Vanessa glanced back at the dressing room, seeing an open curtain revealing Alexa’s clothes from earlier among a large group of shopping bags.

“Oh no…” her voice trailed off when she realized what Alexa had done.

“Ma’am, you’re going to have to pay for that dress.” the associate beside her was adamant. “If you don’t, we’ll have to call the authorities.”

Approaching the register, Vanessa could feel her hands shaking.

“Your total is seventeen eighty-four.” The young female associate held out her hand for a form of payment.

“Seventeen hundred?” Vanessa questioned, hopeful.

“Seventeen thousand.”

V pulled out her wallet, handing the female associate a credit card. She swiped it through, handing it back to the older woman.

“Declined.”

She pulled out another card, only to have the same result. A different male associate approached the two of them, asking what the concern was.

“Just call the police.” the female associate insisted. “Someone left with one of our display gowns.”

“Oh no, that won’t be necessary.” she pulled out a third card and handed it to the associate. “I’m sure one of these will work.”

With a smug look on her face, the associate handed it back. “That’s unlikely. Declined.”

Panicked, devitalized, she knew there was only one thing left that she could do.

“Let me call my husband.” she offered.

In midtown, Lin was arriving at a gala event when his phone began ringing. He answered it with a smile.

“Hey V, how’s it going? Are you guys getting along?”

“You need to come here right now.” Her voice was low and worrisome.

“What? Why?”

“I’m at a very expensive store and Alexa just ran out and hopped into a cab wearing a heinously expensive dress. You need to come here.”

Lin’s publicist began waving him inside, telling him to wrap up his phone conversation.

“I can’t leave now.” he insisted. “Just pay for it and we’ll go find her in a while.”

“Lin, you need to come here right now. They won’t let me leave unless someone pays for this dress.”

“You can’t just pay for it?”

“It’s too expensive.” she insisted. “If you show up we might be able to split the cost, but you have to come here.”

Lin sighed, glancing as his publicist who was growing increasingly frustrated.

“Where are you?”

“Madison between 68th and 69th.”

“I’m on my way.”

As Lin left the event and headed uptown, Alexa arrived just a few moments later, still in the gown.

She paid the cab driver and strutted out onto the red carpet, feeling elated and energized for someone who typically went out of their way to avoid being photographed.

They asked her who she was, to which she proudly replied, “Lin-Manuel Miranda’s daughter.”

When they asked her who she was wearing, she didn’t hold back.

“I just stole this Valentino dress and came here! I know, right? I look amazing.”

Lin arrived at the store within the hour, seeing his wife waiting by the register. She wasted no time filling him in on everything that had happened.

“She didn’t come back?”

Vanessa shook her head. “No. We have no idea where she went.”

“Your wife has had multiple cards rejected.” the associate chimed in. “My manager is prepared to call the authorities if neither of you can pay for the dress.

“Exactly how expensive is this dress?”

“Seventeen thousand dollars.”

“Oh,” Lin shrugged, pulling out his wallet and handing the card to the associate. “Is that it?” He turned to Vanessa, who was shocked at how calm he was over such an exuberant amount. “I thought you said it was heinously expensive?”

“It is.” she insisted, almost suspicious of how calm he was.

The card worked on the first try.

“This one works,” The associate gave a knowing look to Vanessa before returning the card to Lin along with a receipt.

“Clearly we know who makes the money in that relationship.” she whispered.

“What did you just say?” V demanded, clearly offended by the comment.

“Can I help you with anything else?”

“You’re sure you have no idea where she went?” Lin pressed, changing the subject.

Vanessa did not.

“I’ll try calling her.” he offered, pulling his phone out.

Still on the red carpet in midtown, Alexa pulled her ringing phone out of her purse in front of the photographers.

“I was just looking for you.”

Lin was relatively calm when she picked up, though his voice was slightly laced with frustration.

“Lex… where are you right now?”

“I’m at your event.” she informed him with a smile.

“You’re in Bryant Park right now?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at Valentino with Vanessa buying a seventeen thousand dollar dress that I have every intention of returning.”

Alexa couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my god, you had to buy it for her? She couldn’t afford it?”

“That’s not important.” he insisted.

“Was she emasculated?” her voice seemed to raise an octave as if she was more excited by the thought. “Did she cry?! Oh, now I’m sorry that I left.”

“Lex… this isn’t funny.”

The photographers in front of her began calling out her name again.

“Hey, remember when I said I didn’t like attention?” she prompted to Lin over the phone. “I think that may have been the Zoloft talking. I didn’t take my meds this morning and honestly, I am loving the attention I’m getting right now. These photographers can’t get enough of me. That might be because I told them I just stole this dress, though.”

“You didn’t take your meds?” Lin had immediately gone from frustrated to concerned. “You know what? Stay where you are. V and I are coming to get you, and then we’re going to have a really long talk about what just happened.”

“If you say so.”

With that, she hung up.

When the three of them finally arrived home that evening, tensions were high. While Vanessa still seemed upset about the money situation, Alexa was relaxed, lounging across the loveseat in the living room; still wearing the stolen gown.

“Okay so,” Lin opted to stand to present a firm parental stance, Vanessa beside him. “This did not go well today.”

“I agree.” Alexa insisted. “Vanessa, you seem really upset about this whole situation.”

Vanessa didn’t respond to her, still glaring at Lin.

“Where did you get that kind of money?” she demanded.

“V,” Still attempting to parent, Lin was confused to find out that his finances were the biggest of his wife’s concerns. “I think the more important question is why Alexa neglected to take her meds and then stole a seventeen thousand dollar dress and left you to pay for it.”

“Which she couldn’t, by the way.” the teen added, gleefully.

“Lex…” he warned.

“What? All I’m saying is that being a lawyer clearly doesn’t pay as much as being the guy who wrote Hamilton does.”

Vanessa, still focused on her husband, pressed on. “When we first started dating, you were and English sub who had nothing. I paid the bills. I bought us dinner. Now you can drop seventeen grand like it’s nothing?”

“You were poor when you guys met?” Lex asked, genuinely surprised.

“So we both make a lot of money now!” he shot back, growing increasingly stressed with both conversations. “Why is that a problem? I thought that was the goal, V! I don’t understand why you’re so upset?!”

“I can’t picture it.” Lex continued. “I can only picture you making way more money than Vanessa like you obviously do now—”

Now equally frustrated with Lex’s behavior, they both cut her off.

“STOP doing that!” they said in unison.

“Doing what?”

“You trying to turn us against one another isn’t making this situation any better.” Lin insisted.

Finally, Vanessa seceded. “You need to talk to her about this without me here. I’m going to… sort out my finances in the meantime.” She headed toward her office. “This conversation isn’t over.”

“What conversation?!” Lin prompted yet again. Vanessa ignored him, though, leaving the room.

“I’ve honestly never seen someone so offended because their spouse makes more money than them.” Lex started once her mother had left. “What is she so afraid of? That you’re going to leave her for someone who needs financial help a la Maria Reynolds? Honestly, what a bitch.”

Lin took a breath. “Lex, you told me that you didn’t take your meds this morning.”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Why not? That was a part of our deal, remember? When we left the hospital last week, you told me you would take your meds every day.”

“I mean I was going to,” she tried. “It’s just… things have been going really well since then, and I figured skipping one day wouldn’t be that big of a deal.”

“You can’t just stop taking your medication because things are going well.” he reminded her.

“Why not? It isn’t that bad.”

“Because not taking your medication is causing you to make destructive decisions. Decisions like stealing a seventeen thousand dollar dress and leaving Vanessa behind to pay for it. Then calling her a bitch for no reason.”

“She is a bitch.” Lex insisted. “My saying it doesn’t make me a bad person.”

Lin was clearly frustrated and even angry at this point, an emotion he rarely ever felt.

“You would not be saying that if you knew how much work she put into getting you back here.”

The teen seemed surprised by this news. “Wait, what? She did?”

“Who do you think told me to write that speech? Vanessa came up with an incredibly thought out, specific plan that not only kept Claudia from getting wrongfully terminated but got you back to us. I was too defeated to do anything. I thought we had lost you forever. She worked tirelessly on getting you back, while being a lawyer full time, while being a mother to Sebastian, and while keeping me from losing my shit because you were gone.”

Alexa was suddenly on edge—she’d never seen Lin like this before.

“Oh my god, you’re for real mad.”

“You would not even be back here if it weren’t for her. You have no idea what she went through to get you back, and you’ve done nothing but treat her like a second-class citizen for the last week.”

There were tears welling up in her eyes. Lin had taken on the role of the closest thing that Alexa had to a friend since she had been living with them. Having her only “friend” upset with her was a looming, uncomfortable feeling.

“Please don’t be mad at me.” she managed through tears. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. You could’ve handled this situation a lot more maturely than you did. You’re responsible for your behavior despite your mental illnesses, and you’re choosing not to take responsibility.”

The teen’s thoughts became overwhelming as her emotions rushed to the surface. She started sobbing, unable to hold back.

It took every ounce of power that Lin had to hold it together and not immediately comfort her.

“I’m not saying you have to be best friends with her, but you at least owe her an apology. However you decide to do that is up to you.”

She held a hand up to her neck, concern building. “Why is my heart beating so fast?”

Lin sat on the loveseat beside her and felt her pulse, confirming that it was faster than normal.

“You didn’t take your meds, and now you’re having a panic attack because I’m temporarily upset with your behavior. That’s not a rational response, mija. You need to take your medication properly.”

Her breathing became increasingly uneven. Lin managed to help her through the panic attack. When the worst was over, he stood up, off to handle pressing marital issues.

“I need to go talk to Vanessa. We’ll talk more tomorrow, okay? Change out of that dress—we’re returning it as soon as possible.”

Safely in Vanessa’s office with the door closed, Lin was hopeful to end their financial conversation on a good note.

“I need you to explain to me what about all of this is making you so upset.” he started, sitting on the small couch on the far end of the room. “I want to help, but I don’t know how.”

Vanessa rolled her eyes, turning in her desk chair to face him. “This isn’t about you helping, Lin.”

“Then what is it? If you’re upset about me spending that much, you know I have every intention of returning it, right?”

“I’m upset that you could afford that dress and I couldn’t.” she finally confessed. “It was embarrassing having all of my cards declined and then having to beg you to step in only to watch you pay for it on the first try.”

“Why is that embarrassing? We’re both financially stable. I don’t see how that could be bad—”

“We’ve never been this way.” Vanessa reminded him. “Until Hamilton came to be, I always made more money than you and we were doing just fine.”

“You don’t make any less money now than you did then.” he pointed out. “I still don’t see what the problem is. Do you not want me to be successful?”

“No, that’s not it at all,” she moved from the chair and sat beside him on the small couch. “It’s just you being this financially stable. When I started dating you, I took comfort in the fact that I’d be making more money and would inevitably be the primary breadwinner. It was empowering. As a woman, I felt more in control and that was an amazing feeling. It’s not that I wanted any less for you.”

“Is making more money than me really that important to you?” he asked, taken aback by her explanation.

“A little.” she confessed.

“I don’t-I can’t help you. Hamilton is the most successful thing that I’ve ever created and I can’t shut down the production just because you’re feeling insecure about money.”

“That’s not what I’m saying—” she tried.

“I thought we were in this together, V?”

“We are!” she insisted.

Lin could sense that their conversation was headed toward rising tension. He hoped to stop it before that happened.

“Today was a long day,” he insisted. “I think we should sleep on it and talk about it tomorrow.”

Vanessa nodded slowly, staying behind as Lin stood up and left her office.

The next day, Lin made absolutely sure that Lex had taken her medication.

The teen spent most of the day stressed out, after spending hours attempting to find a way to apologize to Vanessa. She didn’t know much about the woman—she was a chemical engineer and a lawyer; she was married to Lin; she had one son and Alexa, who’d been treating her poorly since the day they met.

She headed downtown in search of something to buy to make things up to her mother.

She opted to step inside a bookstore, hoping a title would catch her eye. There were an array of titles that seemed interesting, but nothing quite right for an apology.

In the children’s section, she came across one book that seemed promising. She purchased it promptly and headed back uptown.

At home, Vanessa was in the living room hard at work on her laptop over a case. Alexa approached her carefully, sitting on the far end of the couch.

She took the book out and placed it on the coffee table in front of them, using her hand to slowly slide it toward Vanessa.

Vanessa glanced at the book and then at her daughter, who elected to stare at the ground rather than make eye contact.

The book was titled Rosie Revere Engineer, a nod to one of Vanessa’s many skills.

“What is this?” she asked, calmly.

“Rosie Revere Engineer.” Lex stated, blushing. “It’s about a girl who wants to create things. It teaches the importance of failure. I don’t think Sebastian is old enough to understand it yet but when he is, you could always read it to him. I know you’re a chemical engineer, but there are no children’s books about chemical engineers.”

“Okay…” Vanessa was still cautious as if she half-expected things to suddenly go wrong.

Alexa shifted, clearly uncomfortable as she tried to speak her mind.

“I um… I take out a lot of my mom issues on you and I… I shouldn’t do that.”

There was silence as she groaned, rubbing her face as she struggled to get the words out. Vanessa waited patiently for her to continue.

“The first mom that I remember having was really sexually abusive. She kind of fucked up moms for me. I’m kind of just now coming to terms with the fact that I don’t have to take that stress trauma out on every mother figure that I have.”

Again, silence.

“I’m… sorry. For what I did yesterday and how I’ve been acting towards you. It’s not easy for me to warm up to you, but I want to try.”

Vanessa managed a small smile. She tried to put a hand on Alexa’s shoulder, but the teen moved away, rushing to the far side of the room.

“I’m not there yet.” she insisted. “I hope you don’t take it personally. It’s not your fault, I swear.”

Her mother nodded slowly. “I understand. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

Vanessa wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw a smile on her daughter’s face.

#sorry for the delay guys!#hamilcast imagines #hamilcast au #lin x vanessa #foster dad lin au #hamilton fanfic #hamilton fanfiction #hamilton imagines #imagines blog

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iwrotemywayto-revolution · 7 years

Text

Para siempre

Request: none, just part four of there she goes- part one || part two || part three

Pairing: Lin-Manuel Miranda x reader

Warnings: some angst my dudes, also kissing

Word count: 2,145

A/N: this one took way longer than it should have, but here it is! Thanks to Taylor and Taryn (@secretschuylersister and @fragmentofmymind) for being lovely and proofreading, and thanks to @hamlintonheights for checking my Spanish!

People who asked to be tagged: @texasprincess3, @monsieur-lafayette, @ruth-hamilton-delrio, @ctrl-altdelete, @sweet-fate, @snoozing-hippogriffs-23, @hhroadgirl

“Wait!” Lin called after you as you ran from the stage, ignoring Alex’s confused shouting.

You ran through the backstage, thankful you knew where you were going. The tears you had barely blinked back before were now running freely down your face and blurring your vision. It had felt so right to be in Lin’s arms, kissing him, seeing adoration in his eyes to match yours.

As Vanessa, you had let out all your frustration and anger about him leaving to London. You had asked him to stay, kissed him, and realised you were too late. How were you supposed to move on after that?

You heard Lin’s footsteps behind you and, turning the corner, opened the first door you found and slipped inside, hoping he’d walk past. You closed the door quietly and turned to see what room you were hiding in.

It was Lin’s dressing room.

You swore silently. His dressing room looked personal- more than yours, certainly. He had photos of his parents, of the original Hamilton cast, and from the old In the Heights days. There was one of him and Karen out together, both grinning with their sunglasses perched atop their heads. There was one of him and the Hamilton cast at his last performance. You and the rest of the ensemble were standing on chairs, grinning and giving the cast bunny ears. You smiled fondly, feeling nostalgic for simpler times.

Lin had a couch in his dressing room, clothes draped over one end. You sat down on it heavily and figured you could take a moment to compose yourself before you had to be back onstage for the Finale.

You took a deep breath and leaned back, closing your eyes. You would have to talk to Lin, you realized, but not now. And without telling him how you really felt. You would go back to being Eliza opposite Javi and try to forget about Lin. It sounded like a reasonable plan when you thought it out.

And a plan that was promptly shot to smithereens when Lin walked in the door, stilling when he saw you.

“Y/N?” He said, and you noticed he sounded a little hoarse. He made as if to step forward, an aborted movement. “Can I-” he pointed to the couch.

You nodded and he sat beside you, wringing his hands. You have to say something now, you told yourself, before it’s too late.

“Y/N-”

“You didn’t-” you said at the same time. Lin gestured for you to go first. You struggled to find the words again. You took a deep breath and twisted your fingers into the fabric of your shirt. “When were you going to tell me about Mary Poppins?” you asked eventually.

Lin stopped fiddling. “You know?” he said quietly, then turned back to stare at the door. “Of course.”

“Chris told me,” you explained, “and then Karen did.” Lin didn’t say anything, so you kept going. “Were you just going to leave?” your voice cracked, hurt making itself known at last, “Were you just going to leave and let me find out you had moved to London when you tweeted something about King George or the view from your new apartment?”

You realised you were almost shouting and quieted. Lin looked like a kicked puppy, his usually quick wit seemingly failing him. His shoulders slumped and he rubbedhis eyes tiredly. “I was going to tell you-” he started.

“Then why haven’t you?” you asked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

You laughed bitterly, thinking of earlier, of Karen moving so easily into your spot on stage, becoming Vanessa again and leaving you to watch Lin be drawn to her like a magnet, inevitable and predestined. “Lin, it’s a little late for that.”

You could hear Mandy and Chris singing When the sun goes down and knew you would have to get on stage for Finale in a moment. Tentative, you reached out and touched Lin’s shoulder gently. “I didn’t want to hurt you,” he repeated.

As the music started to fade out on the stage, you got up. “We should go,” you told Lin, hand on the doorknob.

At some point, he had shrugged off the baggy shirt he wore as Usnavi and had rested his head in his hands. He looked up, mouth set in determination. “We’re not leaving until we settle this,” he announced, pulling out his phone. His fingers flew over the keyboard and he sent off a text with a little whoosh.

“What?” you asked, “Settle what?”

“Everything was fine until yesterday evening,” Lin argued, getting up. He paced the limited space, pivoting whenever he reached his dresser, “And then you left the party early, and now you run off during Champagne-”

“Are you in love with Karen?” you blurted. Shit, you thought as your hands flew to cover your mouth, shit shit shitshitshit.

“What?” Lin stopped mid-stride, and the sound of his foot hitting the carpeted floor was the only noise in the room. You grabbed the doorknob and started to turn it, but Lin got there first, placing a hand on top of yours. “Am I in love with Karen?”

You looked him in the eyes: a challenge. “Are you?”

“No!” Lin said, then quieter, “no.”

His phone buzzed, but you both ignored it. “Why, then?” you whispered, abruptly aware of how close Lin was to you. His hand on top of yours, the details of his bright eyes- and the bags underneath them- visible in the kind of detail that artists only devoted to their best and most stunning creations. “Why bring her to the party? Why invite her to rehearsal?”

Lin’s hands curled into fists, “Because she’s my friend.” He sounded angry, “Like-”

“Like me?” you bit out, feeling your jealousy curling, unsettling and heavy, in your gut. “Cause you sure don’t treat us the same.”

“That’s because you’re not!” Lin all but shouted, emotion shaping his gentle features quickly from anger to something hopeless and lost. He reached for you and you stepped away, not ready to forgive quite yet. “Can’t you see? You’re more-” He seemed to give up, caving in on himself as he turned away.

You reached out and caught his arm. “What do you mean?” you asked. Lin tensed.

“You’re not like Karen,” he said, voice trembling a little, “at least, I don’t want you to be.”

“So you and Karen aren’t... together?” you checked. Lin shook his head.

You gave up trying to quash the hope rising in your chest and walked round so you were facing him. You let your fingers slide down his arms until you were holding his hands. You pulled them up and, daringly, pressed a kiss to each of his palms. His breath hitched and you looked up to see his dark eyes on you.

Taking a deep breath, you closed the last centimetres between you and Lin. His lips were soft against yours, if a little chapped, and you angled your head a little. When he didn’t respond, you panicked and stepped away, apologies already on your lips.

Lin looked shocked, his mouth slightly agape and his eyes wide. “I’m so sorry-” you started to say, embarrassment flushing your cheeks and making you look away, “I assumed and…”

You looked up in time to meet Lin’s eyes as he pulled you back towards him, crashing your lips together, urgent and desperate. You gasped when he nipped at your lip and guided you blindly until your back hit the door to his dressing room with a soft thud. Gently, you cupped his cheek and felt him calm at your touch, kisses turning softer; you shivered when his fingertips ghosted up your sides.

You let your fingers tangle into his hair, cursing his haircut for depriving you of Lin’s ponytail. You tugged a little and felt his responding groan, his arms slipping around you so he could hold you closer.

It was a thousand times better than the brief kiss on the stage. Then you had been grieving for a loss you hadn’t experienced yet and angry at Lin. You had remembered waking up in his apartment, curling up to watch The West Wing together, borrowing his great sweater when you got cold.

Your anger and grief were threatening to tip again, but now the overwhelming feeling rushing through you as Lin murmured “Mine” against your lips, was hope.

You were distracted from that realisation by a knock on the door. You and Lin froze, listening. For a moment there was nothing, but then tinny music started to play- Kiss the Girl from The Little Mermaid. Lin laughed. “You ready to come out?” Chris called through, “We’re all waiting.”

Lin groaned. “Go away,” he called and rested his forehead against yours, a stupid grin spreading across his face. You matched it, giddy in the moment.

Then Andréa was at the door. “Lin-Manuel Miranda,” she said, “si no sales de ahí, voy a llamar a tu madre.”

“Andréa,” Lin sighed, “always knows that threatening to call my mother can and will make me do stuff.” He stepped back and held out his hand. You took it.

“Just to check,” you said, “you like me?”

Lin smiled and, mirroring your earlier actions, lifted your hand and pressed a kiss to your palm, “Very much.”

You breathed out shakily, “Do you want to get coffee after this?”

He beamed. “I know just the place-”

“But first,” you pointed out, opening the door, “we have to finish this rehearsal.”

Opening night. Everyone was nervous, acutely aware that five years had elapsed since In the Heights had left Broadway. Lin dashed around, already in his costume, reassuring and giving hugs. You went with him, holding his hand.

Vanessa and Usnavi. Lin and Y/N.

You remembered reading an interview with Lin once. He had been asked where he saw Usnavi in ten years. He had said he’d still be running the bodega, his loved ones at his side. You hoped the same counted for how he felt about you.

“I told you,” Mandy said conversationally as she brushed her hair. It was fifteen minutes to places and you were sitting nervously in your shared dressing room while Lin went to get his mic checked.

You laughed. There was a knock at the door. “Are you decent?” Chris called in. At your agreement, it opened, and Andrea and Chris headed in. Chris high-fived you and Andréa smiled smugly.

“I told you you were his Vanessa,” Chris teased. You stuck your tongue out at him, but he just snorted and raised an eyebrow.

“Why don’t you listen to us, niña?” Andréa grumbled, settling down beside you on the couch, “We had to put up with your pining, you know.”

“Now you have to put up with us being disgustingly cute,” you pointed out.

Chris groaned and sank down into a crouch, his head in his hands. “Why didn’t we consider that?”

You laughed, imaging it. Perhaps after the show, Lin could come over. You could whip up something simple and you could have a proper date. You smiled just thinking about it. The clock ticked ever closer to the opening number, “We should get to places.”

The performance seemed to blur by. You sang and dreamed of a future, laughed at Lin and Chris dancing, cried at Abuela Claudia’s death, and took a deep breath when you walked into the bodega for Champagne.

This time you knew the adoration in his eyes was real, and when the finale finished and you stood side by side on the stage to bow, your eyes were on him.

Everyone filed offstage, giddy, tired, and chattering. You hugged everyone as they passed you waiting for Lin.

“Go get him,” Mandy grinned, “I’ll see you both tomorrow, and I will expect a report.” You waved her off with a laugh and turned to see Lin, tiredly wiping his forehead with his shirt, making his way towards you.

Lin smiled at you when you took his hand. “Well done, Usnavi,” you said, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, “want to come over for dinner to celebrate?”

“Sounds wonderful,” he said, “I’ll just get my things and we can go.”

You nodded and ran to grab your coat and bag, singing odd bits from Finale under your breath, impatient to get home.

Lin met you at the door. You could see people outside, but hopefully you could slip away quickly while Mandy and the others left. Lin extended a hand to you, “Ready?” he asked.

“As I’ll ever be,” you replied and, together, you pushed open the door and slipped away.

#hamwriters #lin x reader #lin miranda x reader #lin manuel miranda x reader #hamilton cast x reader #hamilton cast imagine #There she goes #series

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hamfan22 · 7 years

Text

Chapter 38 (adopted)

-Nicole’s Pov-

I woke up to my phone going off. “Hello?” I say answering my phone. “Nicole you have to check Twitter, like now!” Mackenzie says before hanging up. “Ok, I’m going to get dressed, take my anxiety meds so I don’t freak out over whatever is on Twitter and then I’ll check Twitter” I say getting up and getting dressed. After I do I go the kitchen and take my anxiety meds. “Ok I’ve gotten dressed and I’ve taken my anxiety meds now, what is going on, on Twitter?” I ask myself as I open the Twitter app. I then see that I’m tagged in a lot of Tweets saying “Omg I so ship Jacole, I ship it so hard!!” “Jacole, what’s that?” I ask myself as I call Mackenzie back. “Hey Nicole did you check Twitter?” she asks me. “Yeah I did, what’s a Jacole?” I ask her. “It’s your ship name for you and James, isn’t it cute?” she asks me. “It is, I have to tell James about it” I tell her. “Alright, I’ll talk to you later Nicole, bye” she says hanging up. “Bye” I say to her. I then call James. “Good morning beautiful” James says picking up. “Good morning handsome, have you check Twitter at all today?” I ask him. “No why?” he asks me. “We have a ship name, it’s Jacole” I tell him. “We have a ship name, wow, and Jacole sounds so cute, do you like it?” he asks me. “I think it’s cute, so yeah I like it” I tell him. “Great, hey do you want to hangout later, we could watch some movies, maybe” he asks me. “Sure I just have to make sure my dad doesn't have anything planned for us to do today” I tell him. Then dad walks into the kitchen. “Hey dad can James come over to watch some movies with me?” I ask him. “Maybe tomorrow, today I want to discuss the nightmare thing with you today, alright” Dad tells me. “Alright, hey James, my dad and I are doing something today, it’s kinda an important family thing, can we hangout tomorrow?” I ask him. “Sure, I understand, I can hangout tomorrow and good luck with your family thing” James tells me. “Thanks James, I’ll talk to you later, I love you” I tell him. “I love you too beautiful, bye” James tells me. “Bye” I say hanging up. “Ok dad, what do you want to talk about, about the nightmares I mean, did you have another one last night?” I ask him. “Yes, this time it was that kid Thomas and his friends, they did -Trigger Warning- unspeakable things to you and I was helpless to stop them, one of them made it so I couldn’t look away and it made me so angry that I couldn’t do anything to stop them, never in my life have I felt so helpless” he tells me. “Oh dad, it’s ok, I’m fine, nothing happened to me, it was only a dream” I tell him hugging him. “I know, but it felt real to me and I don’t ever want to see something like what I saw in my dream happen to you in real life” dad tells me hugging me. “Dad why don’t we sit down on the couch and talk about this” I tell him as we go into the living room, I tell dad to lay down on the couch and I grab a notebook and a pencil and I take a seat on the other couch. “Ok now, tell me when these nightmares started dad” I tell him. “Ok well they started when your “uncle” George tried to follow me home one time on my way home from the theater, I was so scared that he would find out where we live and hurt you, or worse” dad tells me. “And you told me that George keeps appearing in these nightmare constantly” I say. “Yes, and it’s always the same thing, he hurts you or does something much worse to you and I get angry and I turn into the Hulk and I beat the ever loving you know what out of him, but after I do that I turn back to me and I run over to you and I start sobbing and screaming, I can’t take much more of this sweetie, I just can’t, you’ve been through so much and I think I’m terrified of something happening to you again, I don’t think I’ll be able to go on if something else happens to you and it results in losing you, I don’t want to lose my little girl, just the thought of that makes me scared, angry and it kinda makes me want to punch something, I’m so sorry sweetie, I’m probably making you nervous, am I, I’m so sorry sweetie” he tells me. I drop the notebook and the pencil I was holding and I get up and run over to dad and I just hug him. “Oh dad you don’t have to worry about making me nervous, and dad why didn’t you tell me about this, and you don’t ever have to worry about losing me, I’ll never leave you dad, and I think we need to speak with an actual therapist” I say to him. “Yeah and maybe I need some anxiety medication too” he tells me.

-End Of Nicole’s Pov-

-Time Skip-

-Oaks Pov-

Nicole and I were waiting in the waiting room of the therapist I’m going to maybe start seeing. “Oak, you can come in, and you can bring your daughter in as well” the woman tells me. We go in, “Hi I’m Hercules Mulligan, yes I know you play him in Hamilton, but my parents were huge history nerds so they named me after Washington's best spy during the revolutionary war” the guy tells me. I smile a little “Hi, I’m Oak, you probably already know that, and this is my daughter Nicole” I tell him. “It’s nice to meet the both of you, now Oak, tell me, what is the problem?” Hercules asks me. Nicole and I take a seat on the couch in his office and Hercules takes a seat in his chair a few feet away from us. “Well I’ve been having a lot of nightmares and they are all the same, my daughter gets hurt or something much worse happens to her and” I stop to ask Nicole if I could tell him about her uncle and what happened to her. “You can dad, it’s alright with me” she tells me. “Thank you sweetie” I tell her. “And the man that abused my daughter when she was 6 years old was the person responsible for it every time, and that man is dead, but he keeps coming back in these nightmares and I don’t know how to make them stop” I tell Hercules. “Well I think I may have an idea of why you are having these nightmares, but I need you to explain a few more things to me, such as you and your daughter, you said that she was abused by her uncle, and she never said anything to you about this at that time?” he asks me. “What, no she couldn’t because, this is a long story but my ex-girlfriend left me along time ago and at that time she was pregnant with Nicole, and she ended up leaving Nicole on some random doorstep and those people took care of her for 6 years until they died, and she was sent to live with her aunt and uncle, they abused her and were arrested for it a year later, and then 7 years later I went to an orphanage to adopt a child and I adopted Nicole then about a year later after one of my friends told me that we look and act alike, we got a blood test done and we found out that Nicole is my biological daughter” I tell him. “That is a long story and thank you for explaining that to me” he tells me. We talk for a bit longer, then after about an hour he tells me why he thinks I keep having these nightmares. “So Oak, you have protected your daughter through a lot and as you said every time it was the uncle that hurt her, now you told me that he is dead, but I think that your mind isn’t believing that he’s dead, that he’s going to hurt Nicole again or something much worse, now that is completely normal, you want to protect your daughter, now how to make them stop is going to take sometime, but I suggest that you spend sometime with your daughter and do some things that make you happy, and you two come back in a week to check up on everything” he tells me. “Ok thank you” I tell him. “Ok I will see you two in a week” he tells us as we leave.

-Time Skip-

“Ok Nicole it’s a Friday so I have only one show at 2pm today, do you want to come with me to the theater?” I ask her. “Sure, just let me finish getting ready dad” she says to me. She gets ready and she goes to the theater. “Hey Andrew can you hangout with Nicole while I’m on during the show?” I ask Andrew about a half an hour before the show starts. “Of course I would love to, where is she!” Andrew says. “I’m right here Andrew” Nicole says walking over to him. “Yes Queen!” Andrew says as he hugs Nicole. “Oak would it be ok if I take Nicole to “Starbucks” for lunch then to the groomers so I can pick up my little Patti?” he asks me. “Sure, just be back by either intermission or after the show” I tell him. “Yes sir!” Andrew says saluting me.

-End Of Oaks Pov-

-Nicole’s Pov-

Andrew and I walk to “Starbucks” and talk. “So do you have any idea of what musical your school is doing for you senior year?” Andrew asks me. “Yeah, Mr.Jefferson told me that we’re doing “Hamilton” and that he want’s me to audition for Mulligan and Madison, I told him I would, and don’t tell dad I want to surprise him” I tell Andrew. “Girl, you can count on me, I won’t say a word” Andrew tells me while we order our food. I take out my wallet to pay, since Lin gave me, my first pay check a few days ago, I wanted to pay for our food. “No sweetie, this is on me, put your wallet away” Andrew tells me as I put my wallet back in my purse. “Thanks Andrew” I tell him. “You are so welcome hunny, now let's eat so we can pick up my little Patti” he tells me. “Ok, I can’t wait to meet the famous Patti” I tell him as we sit down and start eating. “You’ll love her and she’ll love you, I just know it!” Andrew says to me. After we eat we walk to the groomers. “So you guys going to do the Broadway Night thing again this year?” Andrew asks me. “Yep and this year we all decide that we’re going to do a song from “Beauty and The Beast” the live action one, James and I are doing “Something There” I tell him. “That’s amazing, you going to surprise Oak with this too?” he asks me as he opens the door for me when we got to the groomers. “Yep, dad’s going to be so surprised” I tell him as the woman goes to get Patti. Suddenly she comes out with Patti and she runs right to Andrew. While he’s having his little reunion with Patti I pay the groomer. “Ok what do I owe you?” Andrew asks her. “Oh your friend here already payed for everything so you don’t owe me anything” the woman tells him. “What, Nicole, you didn’t have to do that for me” he tells me. “I’m paying you back for lunch” I tell him. We start to walk back to the theater since the show was almost over. Once we get to the theater we go through the stage door and we go into the theater. “Hey dad, we’re back” I say as I go in his and Daveed’s dressing room. “Hey sweetie, did you have a good time with Andrew?” he asks me. “I did and I got to meet-” I get cut off by the sound of little paws running toward me. “This little cutie” I say picking Patti up, once I do she starts to lick my face. “Patti, where are you girl, oh there you are Patti, don’t ever run away like that again” Andrew says as Nicole hands him Patti. “Thank you Nicole, and we must be going now, I’ll see you guys later, bye” Andrew says as he leaves with Patti. “Ok Nicole you ready to go?” dad asks me. “Yep, let’s go” I say as we leave. As we walk out of the stage door I watch dad take some pictures with fans and sign some playbills. “Hey Nicole can you sign my playbill and can I get a picture with you?” a fan asks me. I look as dad and ask him if it’s ok if I do that. “Go ahead sweetie, him right here” he tells him. “Sure” I say signing their playbill and taking a picture with them. “Omg thank you, you are so amazing, I follow you on Twitter and I so ship Jacole, you two are so cute!” they say to me. “Thanks, can we take a picture together for my Twitter page, and do you have a Twitter so I can tag you in it?” I ask them. “Yeah it’s “A.Ham15” they tell me. “Ok cool thanks” I ask as we take the picture and after that I post the picture to Twitter saying. “Just signed my first playbill and took a picture with @A.Ham15 #bestdayever #hamilton #HERCULESMULLIGAN” “Ok sweetie you ready to go home?” dad asks me. “Yep, let’s go home” I tell him. We then walk home and when we get inside the apartment Diane text’s me. “YO GIRL I HAVE A NEW SHOW FOR US TO WATCH, Rachel, Maddie and I are on our way over so get ready” “Hey dad, Rachel, Diane and Maddie are coming over, is that ok, I didn’t invite them, they’re just coming over to show me some new show” I tell him. “Ok, I’ll order you guys some pizza, and I’ll go get you guys some soda and ice tea (Diane loves ice tea) (In this story and in real life lol)” dad says to me as he orders the pizza and we then run to the convenience store and we pick up some soda and ice tea and we run back home. Then Diane, Rachel and Maddie come over. “Yo girl we are watching “Voltron” it’s the best show ever!” Diane says to me. We watch -idk how many seasons this show has right now- all three seasons of “Voltron” and after we do it was almost midnight. “Do you guys want to stay here tonight since it’s so late?” I ask them. “Already ahead of you girl” they all say as they pull out their sleeping bags and their pjs from their backpacks that they brought with them. “And we already told our parents and they said it was ok” Rachel tells me. “Ok, dad is it ok if they stay the night, since it’s so late” I ask him. “Sure they can stay here tonight” dad says to me smiling. “I’m going to bed now, don’t stay up to late ok sweetie” dad tells me. “Ok dad” I tell him. “Good night sweetie, love you” dad says giving me a hug. “Good night dad, love you too” I say to him. Rachel, Diane, Maddie and I all go into my room and set up the sleeping bags on my floor and we the spend another hour or two just taking, mostly about the musical we’re doing for our last year in high school. “Ok so Nicole you’re auditioning for Mulligan and Madison, and I may be auditioning for Lafayette and Jefferson” Maddie tells me. “That sounds amazing, please audition for that role please” I beg her. “Alright, alright, I will” she tells me laughing a little. After a bit long we all start to fall asleep. After a few minutes more we were all fast asleep.

-End Of Nicole’s Pov-

#hamilton #Okieriete Onaodowan #lin manuel miranda #andrew chappelle #Hercules Mulligan #volrton #lafayette #thomas jefferson #starbucks

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titoslondon-blog · 7 years

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New Post has been published on Titos London

#Blog New Post has been published on http://www.titoslondon.in/this-88-yr-old-womans-instagram-fashion-diaries-will-give-you-streetweargoals/

This 88-yr-old woman’s Instagram fashion diaries will give you #streetweargoals

Don’t you love her streetwear style? (Source: Moon Lin/Instagram) Related News

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There’s no age or time to look fashionable. And this 88-year-old lady, who goes by the online name Moon Lin, just proved it again. The Taiwanese woman has garnered quite a huge fan following on Instagram for her sassy style statement. From quirky T-shirts to torn jeans and flashy reflectors, she’s given a whole new dimension to streetwear, and we bet you would love to take some styling tips from her. Not just that, she’s extremely tech savvy as she keeps posting updates of her life on social media networking platforms.

Shedding light on her fashion choices, she wrote in a post: “The good thing about being 88 is that you can just wear what you want! No one can control me! I intend to try something new each day. Shall I get a tattoo tomorrow? Life begins at 88!”

Sharing a picture of a new jersey, she wrote: “New Jersey! I got a message from a friend of mine. The young people of Taiwan have been working for several years, and they are very brave and brave enough to go after the dream.” Having a gala time on the photo sharing networking platform, she has amassed over 70,000 followers. “I don’t think I can keep up with the times and I think I’m looking down on young people’s vitality and the whole world has always been driven by young people!” she also said in another post.

Take a look at some stylish photos she uploaded on Instagram here.

What do you think of her pictures? Tell us in the comments below.

For all the latest Lifestyle News, download Indian Express App

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Tired of traffic jams, this man in Munich SWIMS to work daily!

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iwrotemywayto-revolution · 7 years

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There she goes

Request: NOW I NEED MORE!!!! sooo good, can’t wait for another part? part one is here || part three is here

Pairing: Lin-Manuel Miranda x reader

Warnings: Mild angst

Word count: 2,234

A/N: Y/T/N = Your Twitter Name; this skips around in time a little but it shouldn’t be too confusing. If you want to be tagged for the final part, just send me an ask. @fragmentofmymind here you go... part two.

ask box || masterlist

–

You returned to consciousness as if through seaweed-clustered waters. Each step was slow and laborious and threatened to make you fall back into sleep. When you did open your eyes, it was to find yourself cradled in a warm embrace and definitely not lying in your bed.

Lin, you realised and, careful not to wake him, turned your head to look at him. You must have fallen asleep watching the West Wing the night before and, somehow, got tangled up while you slept. Lin was asleep with his mouth open a little and his arms around you. He looked a little less troubled in sleep.

As gently as you could, you slipped out of his arms and got up off the couch. You figured running for it would make the next few days of rehearsal awkward, so you headed into the kitchen and started to make some coffee. You concentrated on finding mugs and figuring out how to work the machine- anything but how much you had liked waking up in Lin’s arms.

“Y/N?” Lin’s voice, still groggy with sleep, interrupted the whir of the machine. You poked your head through the doorway and smiled at him. He was still on the couch, hair ruffled and jumper rucked up a little.

“I’m here,” you said, “and I made coffee.”

He grinned. “You’re the best.”

“I know.” You passed him his coffee, watching him cradle it and sway a little. “We should go soon- it’s nearly eight.”

Lin gave you a plaintive look. “I want to sleep,” he complained, and you laughed.

“You can sleep on me during the lunch break,” you promised, and he got up.

–

Chris wasn’t the only one who raised an eyebrow when you and Lin turned up at rehearsal, you still in your clothes from the day before and Lin looking decidedly rumpled despite his best attempts. “What happened?” Chris asked after Lin had disappeared to find Andy.

“I stayed over,” you said, then groaned at his knowing smirk, “because of the blizzard. Nothing happened.” Chris looked doubtful. “We drank hot chocolate and fell asleep watching the West Wing.”

“He must like you,” Chris marvelled, “the West Wing doesn’t come out unless he likes people.”

You turned to Andréa in the hope of a reprieve, but she looked downright gleeful. “You like him!” she clapped her hands like a giddy school-girl. “I knew it.”

“You’re probably right,” you admitted, thinking of how it had felt to wake up in Lin’s arms, to hear him say your name sleepily when he woke, to leave his apartment together and tease him about him owning Hamilton socks.

“No me diga-” Andréa muttered. “You’re the perfect Vanessa.”

“You can’t say anything,” you told her sternly. “We’re friends and I don’t want to- I can’t ruin that.”

Mandy had sidled up at some point, Andy’s clipboard in hand. She pouted at your statement. “I thought maybe during Champagne-”

You shook your head. “Fine,” she sighed, “but you still have to come over to the stage so we can run through the first act with the ensemble.”

You had forgotten how good it felt to get through songs for the first time. By the time you had sung your solo and got ready for 96,000, you were feeling energised and exhausted all at once.

Lin had collapsed next to you while Carlos sang Inútil. You rested your head on his shoulder, a tired smile on your face. “I’m tired,” he whined, and you chuckled.

“Me too, Usnavi,” you breathed and closed your eyes and enjoyed it for a moment before Mandy arrived.

“You guys are adorable,” she announced, pulling her phone out and snapping a pic, “can I tweet it?” You made to protest, but Lin got there first.

“Mind if I do?” he asked, and Mandy looked disappointed, but nodded and sent him the picture. You and Mandy had to rush to places for No Me Diga, so you didn’t get to see what he typed.

When you walked onstage for 96,000, just in time to call Sonny cute, you felt unexpectedly nervous. You stumbled slightly making your way to centre stage, and Lin shot you a worried look. You nodded and straightened.

“Ninety-six k, go,” he told you, and you turned to look out beyond the imagined audience.

“If I win the lottery, you’ll never see me again-” you sang. It was like being a teenager again- desperate to move on, to live your dreams. Then you’d had so little to stay for, but now-

“Damn, we only joking- stay broke then,” Lin said sadly from behind you.

“I’ll be downtown. I’ll get a nice studio, get out of the barrio.” You couldn’t imagine leaving the new family you had in New York- the cast of Hamilton, your Schuyler sisters, Chris, Mandy, Andréa-

Lin.

You had been waiting backstage for your cue when 96,000 started, and you had checked your phone to find it clogged with twitter notifications. You were fairly suspicious of Lin and, when you unlocked your phone, knew why.

Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel)

@_mandygonzalez caught me and amazing @y/t/n napping backstage during #intheheights rehearsal #napwhereyoucan

The photo he’d attached was a little grainy from the backstage lighting, but Lin was looking down at you with such tenderness in his gaze that your breath caught. You stared at it until you heard Sonny’s verse start, then stuffed your phone away and headed onstage.

A year ago

You walked through the door to the Richard Rogers theatre feeling like your heart might be about to beat its way out of your chest. You had had a phone call from Alex Lacamoire- the Alex Lacamoire- the day before to tell you that you had a place in the Hamilton ensemble.

You had been training with their choreographer and with a couple of other ensemble members for weeks and still hadn’t had a surefire job. But now you did.

Andrew met you at the door to the backstage area with a grin and a hug. “Took you long enough!” he teased, and dragged you- coat, bag, and all- back to meet the rest of the ensemble properly.

He steered you towards one of the dressers, where three girls were putting on makeup. “This is Sasha, Carleigh, and Ariana,” he grinned, “we’d be lost without them.”

Sasha, busy applying a killer winged eyeliner, patted the seat next to her, which you tentatively took. “Don’t look so scared,” Ariana laughed. She was tugging a brush through her tightly curled hair, her costume already on and makeup ready, “We won’t bite.”

You smiled and let yourself relax a little. “Do you have a costume?” Carleigh asked and, when you shook your head, got up. “Lets go find you one then!”

It had seemed surreal to be walking through the backstage, to pick a costume, and to change into it surrounded by professional dancers- on Broadway!- but it happened. You pinched yourself to check but, thirty minutes before places, you found yourself chatting with Sasha about her time on Rocky.

“Hello, hello, hello! Is everybody decent?” You heard a voice say from the other side of the door. Carleigh got up to answer it, opening the door to reveal Lin-Manuel Miranda waiting on the other side. He was already in costume with his hair back. He beamed and flicked his gaze over the assembled ensemble. “I hear we have a new member?”

You waved and Lin immediately focused on you. “Hi,” you said, wishing you could think of something better to say, “I’m Y/N.”

“Welcome to Hamilton, Y/N,” Lin said and pulled you into a hug. His Hamilton cravat tickled your chin and you put your arms awkwardly round his neck. It still felt nice, you realised, like home. His embrace was warm and solid and you hadn't had a hug like it in a while. Lin pulled back, still beaming, “Shall we?”

Now

Lin was practically bouncing by the end of Blackout, refusing to stand still even as he told everyone to disperse into groups to start work on Act 2. You stifled a laugh when he looked your way and went back through to practice the songs.

You were about to make your way to the back row again when Chris caught you by the arm. “Sit with me?” he suggested. You shrugged and followed him to the front row.

Alex clapped his hands. “If you’re singing, I want you to come to the front- no dance moves, just dynamics.”

Everyone murmured in agreement and Alex waved Chris and Mandy to come up for Sunrise. You listened, watching Chris’ careful pronunciation of the Spanish words Nina was teaching him.

You watched, enthralled, as Olga and Lin poured their hearts into Hundreds of Stories, laughed at Priscilla scolding Mandy and Carlos in Enough, and then joined the others for Carnaval del Barrio.

Everyone started to dance a little, half-remembering the dance-steps they were taught years before, as Andréa set the stage. You laughed as Janet sang “I’m Chile-Domini-Curican- but I always say I’m from Queens!”

Andréa wandered over to you as you sang your rant, resting her arm on your shoulder. You raised an eyebrow but kept singing. “Can’t even go to a club with a friend without having somebody shove you-”

“Ay, por favor,” she said reproachfully, giving you a meaningful look before glancing at Lin, “Vanessa, don’t pretend Usnavi’s your friend- we all know that he loooves you.”

The rest of the cast "oooh'd" and you felt yourself blush. Andréa smirked and winked. You ignored her. "Yo, this is bogus," you insisted, and you knew Andréa spotted your gaze flickering to Lin too.

"Haven't you noticed? You get all your coffee for free."

Before you knew it you were singing Finale and doing your best not to cry. Lin spoke to each of you as he sang, putting his hand on Chris' shoulder, an arm around Mandy's waist, and taking your hand in his. It was enough to make your heart flutter and make you grateful that Alex hadn't asked you and Lin to do the kiss in Champagne today. Tomorrow, you knew, would be another matter.

Mandy caught you at the door, Chris still at her side. “Do you want to come over?” she asked, “Chris suggested a quiet night in with some board games and/or crap tv.”

You opened your mouth to turn her down- your bed was calling and you didn’t want to get caught out by the weather again. “Lin will be there,” Chris interjected before you could respond.

You wavered and Mandy saw it. “Aha!” she grinned, triumphant, “I knew it.” You rolled your eyes but let Mandy, chattering about her plans, tug you away.

Mandy’s apartment was small, but cosy. She left you, Chris, and Andréa to sip at your coffees while she went to hunt down something to do. Lin and Robin had said they would join you, but they hadn’t shown up yet.

“So Y/N,” Andréa said, “I hear there’ll be a proper run-through of Champagne tomorrow.”

Chris had pulled his phone out and was texting someone, a frown creasing his forehead. “Andy said we could try it fully when we go through Act 2,” you told her, trying to hide the abrupt rise of nerves it brought.

“Lin and Y/N sitting in a tree...” she laughed at your horrified expression. “You’ve got to show him how you feel with that kiss, niña.”

You blushed. “By the end of next week Lin and I will go back to our separate lives,” you pointed out, “I’ll enjoy being his Vanessa while I can.”

Andréa tsked and got up to use the bathroom. You turned to Chris, but Mandy called him through to help her with something just as you were about to ask him how his son was.

You sat alone for a moment, then figured you might as well go and help Mandy. Just as you got up, however, Chris’ phone buzzed with a text. He had left it on his chair. You picked it up and were about to take it through to him when your own name caught your eye.

From: Lin

Stop quoting my own musical at me, Jackson.

From Lin

I wrote Vanessa- I knew she liked Usnavi. I don’t know Y/N feels.

Heart racing, you read and reread the texts until you heard Mandy and Chris coming back through. You all but threw Chris’ phone back onto the chair he had been sitting on, feeling guilty.

The doorbell went. Mandy handed you a bowl of cheese straws and another of mini cookies and went to answer it. “Your phone went,” you told Chris.

“Thanks,” he smiled warmly, “probably Lin saying he started writing another musical on the subway.”

You laughed. Did Lin’s texts really mean that he liked you? For the first time, you felt hope rising in your chest. You started to help Chris find mats for everyones’ drinks and figure out whether or not there was even enough space for a board game. You would talk to Lin when he arrived, you decided.

“Hi everyone!” Lin called, and you turned to great him, smiling. “Look who I brought!”

You stilled. Lin had brought Karen Olivo. And he had his arm around her. He was grinning. He spotted you. “Y/N!” he called, “come and meet Karen.”

#lin manuel miranda x reader #hamwriters #lin x reader #lin miranda x reader #lin imagine #lin manuel miranda imagine #Hamilton cast x reader

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hamilficsfordays · 7 years

Text

New Beginning—Chapter Five: Colossal Load of Bullshit

Disclaimer: I don’t know Lin, nor do I know any of his friends or family.

Also posted on Ao3

Summary: Lin is distraught after losing Alexa. Alexa is feeling the same way about Lin. Things appear to be out of their control. It’s time to fight back and Vanessa knows exactly how to do so.

Rating: T for language

Words: 2874

Askbox / Masterlist / Chapter Four / Chapter Six

Lin and Vanessa headed home that night, trying to get a few hours of much needed sleep and relieving his parents of their babysitting duties.

Lin desperately tried to keep his eyes closed to no avail. He’d watched the sunrise that morning from their bedroom window, feeling the exhaustion drape over his entire body despite no desire to give in.

With only a few minutes before Sebastian was due to wake up, he headed to Alexa’s room, where he grabbed the duffel bag she’d arrived with and attempted to fill it with clothing that his mother had bought her. Being in the room without her was emotionally taxing; it wasn’t long before he was choking back tears.

When the bag was mostly full he sat for a moment on the edge of her bed, breathing; trying to accept this new reality.

Suddenly he’d remembered something, an item in his office that he felt compelled to put inside as well.

His copy of Chernow’s Alexander Hamilton was covered in notes, both written on the pages and on post-it notes. After years of working on his production, it had tons of ideas and concepts stored inside. He grabbed another post it note, writing a quick note and attaching it to the inside of the front cover before he stored it at the bottom of the duffel bag.

Alexa was forced to stay in the hospital, given fluids to rehydrate her before her psych eval. The next morning, Claudia arrived again, greeting her with a small bag of clothing.

“You can’t be serious…” she started, seeing the bag. “You realize none of this was their fault, right?”

“Nothing is set in stone yet.” she insisted. “But for the time being, it looks better if we pull you out.”

“Right. I forgot it’s only about how it looks. How someone actually feels isn’t important to you people.” she rolled her eyes.

A nurse stepped into her room then, two cups in her hand.

“I have a Plan B pill for you.” she offered, handing the cup to the teen. “If you want it.”

She took it without question, swallowing the pill with the water the nurse handed her in the other cup.

“Once you’re back to a hundred percent, they’ll relocate you to the pediatric psych ward. In the meantime,” Claudia pulled a small bag out of her purse, a collection of pills inside. “Your zoloft.”

She took that pill as well. Claudia sat in the chair on the far side of the room, her bag of Alexa’s things at her side.

“I was hoping to talk to you more about what you can expect in the coming days—” Claudia tried.

“Jesus, that sounds terrible.” she admitted before grabbing a clean gown, a towel and a bottle of body wash from the bedside table. “I’m gonna take a shower.”

She walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind her and sinking to the tile floor, groaning in frustration.

Finally she stripped, stepping into the searing hot water.

Whether it was the temperature change or something else in her system, a sudden wave of nausea caused her to vomit, stepping out of the shower and running to the toilet just in time.

She managed to carefully re-adjust the water temperature before stepping back into the shower so as to avoid a repeat incident.

A few days passed.

As the sun rose over Manhattan later that week, news of the incident began to spread like wildfire.

“Just in for you this morning, we have reports that Lin-Manuel Miranda, the creator and star of the broadway hit Hamilton, was in for quite a shock earlier this week when he was sent photos and videos via twitter of his sixteen year old daughter being raped, choked and urinated on while heavily intoxicated at a party last night by fellow male students. The victim was taken to Roosevelt hospital, treated for minor injuries and released just yesterday. Since then, the parents have reportedly had the teen removed from their home and put back in the care of the state. We’ll have more for you on this story as soon as more information is released.”

From the comfort of their living room, Lin and Vanessa suddenly felt very small.

The idea of losing their child after everything that had happened was embarrassing enough, but they had every intention of keeping that information private.

It was very clear that doing so would no longer be possible.

“Can you change the channel?” Lin asked, defeated. “I can’t listen to this.”

Vanessa grabbed the remote, jumping to another news network before realizing they were telling the same story.

“—an array of unlabeled prescription medication and traces of other drugs like cocaine, ecstasy and other opiates. These are some of the things they believe a sixteen year old girl was under the influence of when she was sexually assaulted last Thursday night. Several incriminating photos and videos of the act were posted to twitter last night by members of the Columbia Prep male lacrosse team—statewide champs for the last three years running. Not only did they post them to twitter Katie, they tagged the victim’s father, Lin-Manuel Miranda, the writer and star of Hamilton, in the hopes that he would see them. Now Miranda, after seeing these tweets, showed up to this party, called the police to break things up, and got an ambulance there to take his daughter to Roosevelt Hospital. She was treated there, given a psych eval and held by doctors until her release yesterday. What we do know so far is that no suspects have been taken into custody and that the foster child has since been removed from the Miranda household and reclaimed by the state.”

“Turn it off.” Lin shook his head in utter disbelief. “How can they even talk about this? It’s supposed to be confidential information.”

Vanessa turned it off, making a note on the laptop in front of her. “Only more collateral damage to add to this case.”

“V,” he reached out, taking her hand. “I’m glad you’re so passionate about taking her back, but you don’t actually expect to sue the entire state, do you?”

“Maybe I will.” She shrugged. “I have to do something. I haven’t seen you this upset in ages.” She squeezed in hand. “Even if I don’t sue, I can at least build a strong enough case to scare the shit out of them.”

“Oh, is that all?” he smiled.

“And at the very least, I got you to smile. That’s been pretty hard to do lately.”

Downtown at the orphanage, Alexa woke up in the same bed she’d had before. Staring up at the same dirty ceiling, listening to the same girls complain about bathroom space.

Only one thought seemed to frequent her mind as she headed into the shower stall that morning.

This is a colossal load of bullshit.

After another bland cereal and soy milk breakfast, she was brought in to a meeting both with Claudia and her superior Janine. Alexa had never met Janine, but seeing her for the first time revealed three truths at the exact time. She wasn’t a natural blonde, she was old enough to remember all of the eighties, like most white women her age with enough money, she’d clearly had some work done.

“How are you feeling, Alexa?” Janine carefully offered a hand to the teen as if she were afraid to break her.

“Fine…?” She sat in one of the two large chairs opposite the desk in Janine’s office, Claudia in the other.

“That’s great.” her smile was off-putting. “I was so glad to hear you made it out of the hospital safely. I hope your experience there was enjoyable.”

Alexa gave her a confused look. “You mean, after I was drugged and raped?”

“Well, I know the doctors took care of you.” she clarified.

“After that rape kit, which was easily the most invasive experience of my life…” she paused. “Well, that I can remember anyway, I was dying to get out of that hell hole.”

“I understand you were given a psychological evaluation?” She was immediately handed a file by Claudia, containing the results of her psychological evaluation.

“Oh yeah, that sucked too.” she added, much to the disappointment of Claudia.

Slightly frustrated with her responses, Janine lowered her voice to whisper to Claudia. “Have you been making sure she’s taking her medication?”

“I’m sitting right here, dude.” Alexa shot back.

“Zoloft once a day in the morning.” Claudia confirmed. “She’s been under my care since I got to the hospital.”

“If you have a problem with my attitude, maybe you shouldn’t have pulled me from the best foster home I’ve ever been to.” the teen pointed out. “Also, zoloft only works if you digest it. I’ve been getting sick all week. You’re leaving opportunity for an insane mental breakdown while I’m under your care.”

Janine turned back to Claudia. “I expect you to handle this.”

Claudia dug through her bag, searching briefly before pulling out a small pill bottle with Alexa’s name on it. She tossed it toward the younger girl who didn’t bother catch it.

“You know what? I refuse to take my meds until you put me back with the Mirandas.”

“We’ll have to put you in psychiatric care if you refuse your medication.” Janine pointed out.

“Just put me back where I was before and I’ll stop refusing! It’s not rocket science!”

“That household has been deemed temporarily unfit.”

“Okay so when does it become fit again?” she demanded. “This whole ‘punishing-so-that-it-looks-like-you’re-doing-your-job’ thing is getting old really fucking quickly.”

“We’ll send you back when and if we see fit.” the blonde pointed out, flipping through the results of her psych eval. “If,” she repeated.

“Don’t I have a say in this? I WANT to go back!”

“Yes well, I brought you in to offer my well wishes after you released from the hospital. If you don’t mind, your case manager and I need to speak privately.”

“So I don’t have a say at all.” Alexa stood up, storming out. “Whatever.”

The door slammed shut behind her.

“If I could speak candidly,” Claudia started receiving a stern look from her superior.

“It’s just, I see no reason to remove her permanently. In fact, I was hoping to send her back before school starts. Lin and Vanessa had enrolled her at this outstanding private school on the Upper West Side—”

“We have plenty of reason to keep her permanently. More youth in our system means more money from the state.” Janine shot back. “Does that not make sense?”

“Well… we’re not a for profit prison—” Claudia tried.

“Can I be frank, Claudia?” she interrupted the older woman. “I know I’ve only been in charge here for a few months, but I’d like to think I have a good instinct about these things. Right now my instincts are telling me that you might not be the best case manager for this job.”

“Wha—I’ve been working here for thirty years.”

“It looks like your case seems to be missing a few—” she pulled a few pages out, sliding them into the paper shredder underneath her desk. “important documents. If the state were to find out that you weren’t staying consistent with a case like this, you could lose your license. Wouldn’t that be a shame?”

Claudia finally seceded, trapped at the mercy of her superior. “What do you want?”

“The important thing here isn’t putting Alexa back in that home, it’s avoiding a lawsuit. That woman—Vanessa—she’s a lawyer. I need you to make sure she doesn’t file a lawsuit. If she does, we’ll have to look into this case file and with so many inconsistencies… your job might be on the line.” She handed the file back to Claudia, a smug smile on her face. “I hope we understand each other.”

Outside in the large room with the other teens, a fight broke out nearby. One of them tossed an open bottle of water at the other, most of the water landing on Alexa, though the two fighting didn’t seem to notice.

Her shirt was soaked, prompting her to angrily return to her bed and dig through her bag to find another one.

Frustrated, she dumped the entire bag out on her bed. There, on the top of the pile, was a large book she hadn’t seen before . There were post it notes sticking out of the pages; the book certainly wasn’t new.

She turned it over, seeing the cover of a biography of Alexander Hamilton.

Why would he give me this? she thought, opening the hardcover to find the first post it note inside.

Meant to give you this opening night. Read it.

I see his passion and drive in you.

Don’t ever lose that.

Love you,

Lin

Alexa could feel her emotions rushing to the surface faster than she could handle, tears building up in her eyes as she read the note over again.

She remembered that night, receiving a text from Lin about the show, about how he was grateful for her.

Most importantly, how he loved her.

She was so scared of the word that she didn’t bother to respond. Now it seemed, she may not ever have a chance to.

Maybe she did love him, but what did it matter if she couldn’t say it?

A tear fell, landing on the first page of the book which she quickly wiped away.

She promised herself that, should she ever see Lin again, holding back feelings would not be an option.

Uptown, Claudia paid the Mirandas a visit that evening, informing them of the decision that had been made.

“I don’t understand.” Vanessa was sat beside her husband with Claudia across the dining room table, obviously uncomfortable being the bearer of bad news. “You said this would be temporary.”

“They came to the conclusion that this was an unstable in environment for Alexa and that they wouldn’t be sending her back. I’m sorry, this wasn’t my choice. They went over my head.”

“We’re going to sue.” she insisted. “Not only because you removed her for unjustified reasons, but being dishonest about bringing her back—”

“Por favor no hagas eso! You can’t sue!”

“We absolutely can!” Vanessa shot back. “I’ve built a bulletproof case against your organization. If you think you’re getting away with this—”

“I wanted to send her back!” Claudia finally admitted. “My superior, Janine, went over my head on this. She wants to keep Alexa.”

There was a pause. Lin, who was unmoved until this point glanced up, shocked to hear what had just been said.

“Let me guess… more kids means more funding.” his wife concluded.

“Sí, she shredded documents from my file for Alexa. If you file a lawsuit, they’ll have to have access to the file and with too much information missing—”

“You lose your license.” Vanessa finished. “Shit.”

Just as the realization hit, Lin slowly sunk down in his chair. “We’re never going to see her again, are we?”

Tobillo, who had been otherwise silent under the table, stood up to lick Lin’s hand as if she understood why he was upset. It was more comforting than he expected it to be.

Vanessa was distraught seeing Lin so upset, it was the worst shape she’d ever seen him in. For a moment she was silent, working out details in her mind to come up with a solution that would put an end to this once and for all.

“I think I know how to fix this.” she finally said. “We can’t sue, but we can pressure them into getting what we want.”

“How?” Claudia pressed, Lin curious as well.

“You wouldn’t happen to have all of the statements you took from that night, would you?”

“She shredded half of them.” Claudia reminded her. “They’re gone.”

“They’re shredded, not burnt. They can be salvaged. If we can get a hold of them and piece them back together, we make copies and we bring it to the press anonymously. That should put enough public pressure on them to back off.”

“That’s impossible.” the older woman insisted. “Even if you could piece the pages back together, how would you get a hold of them in the first place?”

“Use your imagination, Claudia. You’ve worked there for years. Bribe the cleaning staff to let you take the garbage when they’re pulling it out of Janine’s office. As long as you can get a hold of anything in that shredder, we can get what we need to move forward and no one needs to lose the license.”

Another pause. Vanessa, beaming with confidence in her plan, saw a glimmer of hope flash across Claudia’s face.

“They clean every night at nine.” she recalled.

Glancing at her phone, Vanessa noticed it was just after eight. “You better get going then. Let us know when you find it.”

She made a quick exit, headed straight for her place of work downtown.

“Lin,” she put a hand on his shoulder. “I need your help with this too.”

“Whatever you need me to do.” he insisted.

“What you do best. I need you to write something.”

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