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#Lonliness
deathleads · 22 hours ago
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@flameleads​ sent: How perfectly their hands fit together, he mused to himself. Fingers interlaced as he held her hand in his, the other on the small of her back. Music, soft notes from a piano and strings, emitted from the radio nearby while they slowly swayed. Eyes closed, he focused on nothing but her warmth, how it felt to hold her against him. Complete, at peace---her love gave that to him, and he didn't want that feeling to fade.  // unprompted
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           What Good Deeds had she accomplished to receive such treatment? What spark of a brilliantly white soul existed within the nearly blackened sanguine of her being to have created such a miracle? That she may bask in this goodness as if deserving. Be allowed to flourish within that warmth, extend the tendrils of vine from the rotting carcass of a caged human heart, flowing her love through each vein to wrap ‘round his person and squeeze until no else might tug him free from her clutches.
Wicked ! Vile Beast ! How could such evil be tamed by Man   -- How simple. Only such flames were capable of eviscerating the bramble suffocating the cage. Even with hardly a sliver of light to peek through  -  oxygen still remains. Part of the proof that she is human. With oxygen, the Flames can live. Travel to that deep dark and leave her a-light with its warmth. She feels the fire even in the subtle movement of their feet, slowly trancing into submission to this love. 
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Then all at once, she has taken him hostage. All Hers. You are all Hers, forever, Roy Mustang. 
          Oh fool ! Sweet child of man who so willingly put his faith in this devil woman! Before you know it, will she not toss this weakened body into the jaws of her creatures? The darlings who came before him? Is it so foolish to believe, and trust in love ? This Woman presses firmly into his chest, with chin resting between shoulder and neck. A whisper to his ear. A begging. A pleading, to carry her up the stairs and into their bedroom.
Become a willing captive to his Love. Remain that willing captive to his Love. 
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theunoriginalghost · a day ago
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Does anyone else like wish dying wasn’t so fucking hard to actually do? Like in a morbid and sick as fuck way I’m jealous of those that die unexpectedly. It’s also so fucking unfair because, at least with my experience, they’re always amazing people that never deserved to die and had people that depended on them. Like how fucked up is that? With me at least, no one needs me and I work a meaningless job so it’s not like I’m making a difference in this “grand world”. Is like someone playing like a giant fucking game with us?...
I don’t know. Maybe these are just drunk thoughts.
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cess37 · a day ago
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Ήμουν πάντα από τους τύπους που αν δε τα καταφέρναν στο "μαζί" , μπορούσαν να πάνε και μόνοι τους
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theydorian · a day ago
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Hi.
I'm an Italian uni student, I'm 23, and I have a soft spot for everything concerning dark Academia.
Lately I 'm feeling a bit lonely (Barthes once said 'life is made of little solitudes'), like none of my friends understand my interests and point of views, my passion and love for the act of thinking and the act of sharing those thoughts.
If everyone is out there, reading this, feeling lonely... feel free to reach out. Maybe a lot of lonely souls could create a beautiful group.
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laini-caine · 2 days ago
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[Today] Means
To have the money but not the opportunity to get something to fuck yourself up is a cruel, cruel fate. This is how people get hooked on serious drugs I think. Running from the things in your mind into the arms of addiction. In reality my life might be livable. It’s my conviction to the idea that I need love. That’s what makes me unhappy. I measure a person’s worth and success by how many people’s…
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blabbershere · 2 days ago
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If loving you is killing me, you see me dying and yet make it harder for me to breath. Then, I doubt you loved me at all because you don't kill the people you love, you don't make them suffer.
-Ruth Winters
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cozycoochie · 2 days ago
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i HATE being ignored
when i was in high school i dated this guy for like years... all the way until undergrad and he would just randomly ignore me to cheat. he would stop talking to me for weeks. i would call him and text him and he would never respond. i would go on his social media page and he would just keep ignoring me and it sucked. i would feel sick and afraid and then he would randomly hit me up like nothing happened and would pop up at my place. it was awful.
when i was little i had hella siblings and i’m not very loud when i talk so i got drowned out a lot. even in adulthood sometimes i’m talking to people but i’m so softspoken that many times people don’t hear me. of course my parents ignore me they’ve always done that. today i was talking to my twin sister and i was so excited and she just was responding back to herself. being ignored makes me feel sick tbh. sometimes i get scared because i think the person is trying to secretly harm me if they know me well. other times i feel like the person is finding entertainment out of me reaching out trying to understand why they are ignoring me. 
sometimes i’m very afraid of people. i’m afraid that everyone will turn on me or that i trust people too often. sometimes i get exhausted thinking like this. i feel like many people don’t care about me and I want to get away from everything and everyone. 
this weekend was awful. i felt really sad and anxious and i keep dipping in and out of depression. i kept feeling like for most of my life i’ve been looking for love, nurturing and care from people since my parents didn’t do it. I felt scared. I felt like my inner child was terrified to realize that I didn’t receive these gifts as a child. i didn’t know these were gifts i thought they were rewards for if you did somethings right or made someone happy. 
tomorrow i figure out some health issues and i feel afraid in my head i keep telling myself i want my mom. i keep thinking about this situation with an old friend ignoring me and want to talk to my dad. i want someone to listen to me and give me that safety that everything is ok but i don’t even know what that feels like. i’ve never experienced that. i’ve nurtured myself through out my life with music and poetry and i just feel so tired now, like who is going to do it back ? 
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lioninsunheart · 2 days ago
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“There must be different kinds of loneliness, or at least different degrees of loneliness, but the most terrifying loneliness is not experienced by everyone and can be understood by only a few. 
I compare the panic in this kind of loneliness to the dog we see running frantically down the road pursuing the family car. He is not really being left behind, for the family knows it is to return, but for that moment in his limited understanding, he is being left alone forever, and he has to run and run to survive. 
It is no wonder that we make terrible choices in our lives to avoid loneliness.”
― Charles M. Schulz, You Don't Look 35, Charlie Brown!-
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scheffelella · 2 days ago
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I have PTSD, since you guys didn’t know...
...I guess you can tell i’ve been through some breakups, which were traumatic on their own, adding to my already ill condition.  I have really hard days, because I hate them, but I miss them too.
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laini-caine · 2 days ago
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[Today] Smile
Isn’t it great when you can’t remember what it feels like to smile but you can still make others smile? There’s no better satisfaction than giving someone else satisfaction when you’ve forgotten how it feels. At least you can fake it so that they don’t have to forget too. They can smile and laugh and be happy, despite the emotions you feel. Despite you being dead inside.
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laini-caine · 2 days ago
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[Today] Pulse of pain
How come the pain feels so bad… I swear it feels loud enough to wake the whole world but in reality no one heard a sound? Sometimes I honestly expect people to realize when I’m in pain. The pain is so large. So big. So loud in my mind. But no one hears. No one knows. Everyone needs to be told. Needs you to ask them for help. There’s no shame in it but still it feels shameful. It fills like your…
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laini-caine · 2 days ago
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[Today] painful
Here’s something that’s painful… When the people who talked to you about your depression… They start having a good life. Getting married. Having children. You can never talk to them again in the same way. You don’t want your darkness to affect their light. And so you’re left alone again. Wanting to be their friend still but not being to connect in the same way. And it’s no fault of either…
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laini-caine · 2 days ago
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[Today] Headspace
There’s a Headspace you get into when you’re high. I’m there. I mixed some medication with alcohol and planned my time to lose my shit. I’ve already told my boss, via message, that I may not be 8n woke tomorrow. So I can loss it comfortably. And if I die one day from mixing things, no one will realize for a while so I can die in peace. I can’t finally have my second best dream. Besides finding…
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laini-caine · 2 days ago
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[Today] Quietest
Here’s something that you can learn from me. I said many times on this blog that my only hope is that exposing my self like this constantly, can help someone somewhere else in the world. After my last post I’m feeling the depression coming on. I want everyone here, who knows someone with depression or anxiety, to know this. It’s when we are the quietest that the depression is the worst. It…
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laini-caine · 2 days ago
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[Today] The Head Hug
Isn’t there just something deeply, psychologically satisfying about when a guy hugs you and cups the back of your head? Especially when he’s taller and can cup the top of it rather than the lower part. Automatically, that says something to me. To my insides. I wouldn’t know how it actually feels because I’ve never had anyone do that to me. It just looks divine though. To me that kind of hug means…
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iiwannttskinyy · 3 days ago
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i hate not having irl friends it’s literally so hot outside and everyone’s out having fun etch while i’m here with a mf jacket alone drinking a 40kcal drink with no friends and i have school tomorrow , i didn’t even have fun . hate my life sm
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