#Love Quotes Daily – Leading Love & Relationship Quotes

[pennyblossom-meta]

Analysis of the romance in Death Note's Spiraling Trap game.

EDIT 02/03/2024: minor edits and fixes, added a few imgs and extra content.

A huge thank you to the folks over at agtteam who translated L - the ProLogue to Death Note: Spiraling Trap into English! Now we can all date L become FBI agents after hours.

I've been playing the game recently and one of the features I love the most is the L Communicator, which allows the main character (referred to as MC henceforth) to take a break from adventuring and listen to L talk about whatever is on his mind.

There's around one hundred different lines available as the MC develops a relationship with L and they paint him as such a sweet, attentive and thoroughly unique individual that I was surprised by how detailed it was. If you're thinking about playing, then this part is definitely worth putting effort into.

The mechanics of the dating sim are relatively simple: during the adventure, you'll pick up a number of recipes hidden among traps and tools. Then, Watari will provide the ingredients and you can give L whatever sweets he specifically craves. These recipes and cravings depend on the time of day and can be season specific.

Character analysis

As stated in-game, giving L sweets causes his appreciation for the MC to grow. However, L being L, means that he craves different sweets throughout the day. He's definitely very specific about what he likes and what he wants for his sugar fix.

However, if you give L something he isn't craving at that specific moment, he will sulk. The way he expresses his displeasure varies according to the depth of the budding relationship he has with the MC.

L: To tell you the truth, there are many other things I would have preferred. L: [F/N], I hate to say this, but I really would have preferred something else. L: F/N], you must know that I was hoping for something else, right? L: [F/N]… It’s not my favorite but, it made me really happy.

Note: Given that the books in the expanded universe (Another Note and L: Change the WorLd) came out before this game, I think some of the quotes further ahead might be a subtle nod to how L is perceived by the police forces as the "creepy murder detective". However, references about his piece of mind lead me to believe that L craves some respite from the burdens he carries on his shoulders — burdens so strong that they managed to curve his spine.

Note: I'm unsure how the system here works, as the MC also gets points for gaining L's trust in the actual adventure when they a) agree with his observations and b) find key objects hidden in unsuspecting places. It might affect the available lines through the L Communicator.

L: Today is going to be a better day… Let’s think positive. L: I wonder what kind of morning this will be. L: It seems the air outside is crisp this morning.

L: I want to finish what I need to get done before night falls. L: It’s nearly sunset. Time for children to go back home. L: If you just stare into space, night will be here before you know it.

L: It’s already evening… Time keeps passing me by. L: There’s something different about the air at night. L: Night-time, dusk… It’s the witching hour.

As a naturally introspective individual, L observes the world around him and draws conclusions. To my surprise, the game actually managed to capture how observant L is about small, unsuspecting details of daily life and give him a slightly poetic side laced with a hint of wistfulness that suits his character well.

This is a side of L in his private life that I personally wish we had been able to glimpse during the Kira investigation. Though, at the time, L was busy trying to prove that Light was, indeed, Kira. It left him little to no time to enjoy the world around him. During the brief time that L could have had a semblance of rest right before the Yotsuba arc, he was depressed that his deductions were "wrong" — though I could see him musing about some of the above, equal parts whimsy and sulking.

L: If I start to lose my touch… I guess I’ll retire. L: Another day, another mystery… L: I have a lot of thinking to do. L: I feel like doing some capoeira… L: I haven't played tennis for a while. L: The weather today is… Well, it matters not. L: I, um… No, ignore me. L: Am I reading too much into it…?

As a thinker, L has a lot of unfinished thoughts he says out loud. Some border on cliché, others are musings about things he'd like to do or that he's missing.

I wonder if some of his thoughts end up trailing off because, suddenly, he catches himself and believes they're not important? Or that he doesn't think the MC would be interested in what he has to say beyond work matters?

L: “In spring one sleeps a sleep that knows no dawn.” Though, too much sleep isn’t good for anyone. L: If you think about things persistently, noticing all the sides to them will come naturally. L: Strawberries… Despite the name, they aren’t actually berries. How berry disappointing. L: The one who has thought it through wins. It’s true for chess, and for deduction. But in the case of love… I don't know.

He's also a philosopher at heart, always thinking about the human condition. In these we can also witness his dry humour, silly puns along with a subtle desire to share his thoughts on the world and give helpful advice.

As for love, L is cautious but willing to learn. It's a topic where he's out of his depth.

L: Um, Watari is… L: I wonder if Watari’s asleep? L: What could Watari be up to? L: Today is Thanksgiving Day. I am truly grateful to Watari for his diligence.

I found it interesting how L's thoughts eventually go back to Watari and what he's doing. He's the one person that L relies on and whom he interacts with the most. Other people are passing acquaintances at best, who show little interest in L beyond work.

Notice how he mentions diligence? Although it is a utilitarian consideration, it also reveals a thankfulness for the comforts of familiarity and the peace of mind that trusting someone close brings. This is a topic we'll explore better at a later stage, i.e., how trust and acts of service work as a relationship builder.

Romance

Neutral stage

One of the first things I've noticed is that, during the early stages of the relationship, L is still very formal and quite a bit dismissive — even borderline rude. As his sugar fix gets sated by the MC's keen suggestions (Watari provides the ingredients, of course), L grows gradually more fond of them and wants to include the MC in his life with an enthusiasm I can only define as endearing.

L: Aren’t you bored? You don’t have to check in on me. L: Don’t you have stuff to do?

At the beginning, L is still wary of the MC on a personal level as they have absolutely no rapport beyond a partnership of circumstance and usefulness in the name of justice. He's quick to get bored and doesn't take it very well when he's given sweets he isn't craving. A bit childish, one could say, the way he sulks when the MC errs by not reading his mind.

L: Did I enjoy it? Let me just say “no comment”. (about sweets that weren't quite to his taste)

It's also very in-character for L to feel both annoyed at someone who is randomly calling him and be suspicious of their motives.

Growing interest

L: Spending the afternoon with you isn’t so bad. L: Even though it’s late, you’re not going to bed, huh? L: You must be a night owl, [F/N]. L: I’m a little curious about you, [F/N]. L: Are you having a good time? I’m just curious. L: You’re kind of… Ah, no, forget I said anything.

He starts addressing the MC by their first name as he becomes more enamoured. It's very sweet. I was pleasantly surprised at how attentive L becomes as he gradually comes to the conclusion that this is a person who understands him.

Mind, due to game mechanics the MC gains approval by giving L sweets, but from a narrative perspective what's really happening is that L not only feels seen and understood, but also accepted. And when that happens, he starts lowering his walls and relaxing.

As a plot device, I would say these are defining moments within L's thought process here; he's curious about the MC, finds them interesting enough to want to know more them and pursues that curiosity to see what they might have in common. It seems he's both a little baffled and content about this development.

L: [F/N], what do you think of when you see a sunset? L: What are you doing this afternoon? Oh, should I not have asked? L: Are you a night owl? Oh, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want.

It should also be noted that L is very mindful of boundaries. There's a tentative, almost shy attempt to connect. He's determined to indulge in his curiosity since the MC's attentiveness towards him shows an opening for closeness he's unused to (but is happy about) and to tend to his more immediate needs (i.e., food cravings), which in turn shows a genuine concern for him. Aside from Watari, I doubt anyone ever extended L similar kindness.

And it is in this determination to get to know the MC that I also find Mello's words (AA: LABB Murder Cases) that L is actually a very active, aggressive individual with absolutely no interest in social conventions perfectly represent him this game, as he navigates a growing fondness with expectation, curiosity and caution — on his own terms, while minding that he doesn't overstep.

L: Staying up late talking to you… It makes me feel calm.

I find it particularly heartbreaking how this confession of L unknowingly makes it more transparent how burdened he is. The spine curved by burdens unseen, the addiction to mind games and sweets; all of these point to stress factors which isolate him further, increasing the loneliness and lack of affection in his life.

That L feels the need to mention the MC makes him feel calm seems telling.

L: We’re both late workers, huh? That makes me happy. L: [F/N]… You’re pretty formidable. L: It’s reassuring to have a partner like you. You’re someone I can trust. L: Your feelings have been received. (Valentine's Day) L: The fact we’ve become so close was an unexpected development on my part.

And here it is, the acknowledgement just as L enters the highest stages of approval, where he expresses admiration and happiness at the close bond he developed with the MC.

"An unexpected development on my part" is quite the turn of phrase. One can only wonder, but I'd make an educated guess that L didn't see this coming because:

a) no one showed feelings towards him before. In his line of work, hidden behind a screen there is no time to indulge or get attached to anyone (he would mistrust their intentions anyway) and so L keeps everyone at arms length, sharing little more than a professional side of himself and fostering utilitarian relationships that help him win "games". L ultimately carries various burdens the average civilian would never be able to understand, all due to the pressure of his job. When failing at the "game of cat and mouse" means being responsible for the likely deaths of dozens, perhaps even hundreds or thousands, the stakes are up in unimaginable ways. What started as a thrill chase can have catastrophic consequences should L fail. That in itself alienates him from society at large. It's a game that L plays well and absolutely profits from, but it is also an indicative of two major flaws: his addictive personality and how he suppresses his emotions to carry on. Coincidentally, it's the expanded universe, in particular Another Note: LA BB Murder Case and L: Change the WorLd, that give us the best insight into this. This isn't too dissimilar to the struggles policemen face in high risk jobs or technicians who have to flag and delete sensitive content from online platforms. These people end up changed from what they see — and some carry traumas for the rest of their lives. That's not to say that L doesn't feel for others. He respects people whom he considers good or morally upstanding (Soichiro Yagami), who are competent in their line of work (Naomi Misora, Mogi), worthy of a second chance (Aiber and Wedy), who speak their minds, unafraid (Aizawa) or who are reliable, loyal to him as a person and not just his cause, in whom he can place his trust and feel secure won't betray him (Watari). The MC seems to fall mostly in the last category, though the relationship is rather precocious — and there seems to be a fair amount of wishful thinking and even projecting on L's part, since communication happens over a device connecting two people remotely. He falls both for the idea of the individual and their attentiveness towards him. When L mentions that they make him feel calm, I'd argue it comes both as a surprise to him and a confession of a closeness and safety he intimately craved — though I personally view L as someone who feels lonely and wanting healthy human contact, even if his social skills might not be the best (worsened by his distrust of people as a whole). Someone who ultimately is willing to adapt to him but whom he can adapt to, as well. Someone who sees him as a person and not an unfeeling robot. It's a POV that certainly challenges certain aspects of DN: Vol 13. I would further argue that L's portrayal has evolved significantly beyond the manga, and that his subsequent humanising is partially a result of the creative liberties the English translations took, as well as a more empathetic view of the character and hidden struggles. Each medium displays a separate iteration of L, with common variables.

b) L fosters distant relationships with others as a safety measure. Aside from Watari, L's contact with other people had always been distant, work-focused, perhaps even tainted by notions of his supposed creepiness as a kinky detective "who relished bizarre murders" (L:CtW). He's useful to the police because he achieves favourable results, though L is still viewed as "a human computer, capable only of measuring mass murders in terms of cold numbers, a reclusive sociopath" (L:CtW). He isn't necessarily liked; in fact, I would argue he rubs people the wrong way most of the time — as we can see during his interactions with the Task Force, during the events of Death Note. L is tolerated, a useful asset who is both mysterious and a pain to deal with. However, he's also put on a pedestal due to his status (i.e., Relight, the children at Wammy's). For the latter, he purposely shatters their idea of L as this unbeatable, paragon of justice by defining himself as a monster (anime), a dishonest cheating human being who hates losing (manga). I do share in lux-mea-lex's perspective on L doubting his own humanity and how it fuels a certain self-hatred for distrusting everyone around him. As lux mentions, "love comes with trust" and L is an excellent detective precisely because he questions everything and everyone — but it comes at a cost: his own loneliness. To draw a parallel, L's ultimate flaw — and that which makes him great at his job — is not unlike what we see during the moments of extreme anguish that Veronica Mars goes through in her personal relationships and which draw people away from her when she oversteps boundaries to prove she's not being lied to. That mistrust comes from experience, for people burdened with having seen too much and it's not unlike a kind of paranoia acquired when one has to deal with the worst of humanity on a daily basis.

Full reciprocity

L: [F/N] you’re the light that illuminates the dark night. That’s an exaggeration of course, but… L: What I need to live is glucose… and to talk to you. Nourishment for my brain and heart. L: When we’re together, I feel like there’s no problem we can’t solve. L: The afternoons I get to spend with you are precious to me.

When the MC achieves the stage of full reciprocity with L, he's very open to showing vulnerability and lowering his emotional defenses. I found this to be particularly sweet, as L is such a secretive man with so many hidden layers that him being willing to show such honesty with that one person he holds dear is incredible character development.

Beyond the game, I would say that achieving this stage with L would be much more difficult and, naturally, would involve going beyond picking the best sweets for him.

Something important to keep in mind is that L seems to value acts of service, as the people who interact with him more closely have some utility value and aid his work. However, L's life revolves around his work; he lives and breathes his detective work, which is why having a partner who brings him peace would be so important.

L: The time I spend with you is as important to me as the sweets. L: Good morning. It makes me really happy to see you here. L: For your sake… I’d think of a way to get through anything. We share a bond. L: When you have time, I’d like to take you to a shop that makes the best sweets. L: When you’re free, how about we play tennis together? I will have Watari reserve a court. L: If something were to happen to me… I want you, as the person I hold dearest, to carry on the L moniker. L: When my thoughts hit a dead end late at night, I feel like I’m stuck in a maze. But, having you here makes me feel reassured.

I also found it very sweet how L takes the initiative to plan for activities to do together with the MC. And how their presence, their reassuring words make him feel at ease. It seems that a loving relationship would give L a goal in life beyond his work.

Carrying on the L moniker... this quote might be the result of L's trust in the MC growing during the events of the game, or a sentiment L nurtures due to the MC being attentive enough to understand his specific cravings. But being able to read L and having the mental dexterity to become him are different things, as the latter involves a lifestyle that few would want and a complete focus on work. Even FBI agents have lives beyond work.

L: I learned from you that sweets are the bond that brings people together. L: You give me true peace of mind. No one could ever replace you. L: The way I am now, I… I can’t think straight when you’re not around. L: Being able to share this sunset with you, I couldn’t ask for anything more. L: You understand, don’t you [F/N]? What my heart so strongly desires is something more… L: When I talk to you, I feel like my senses are sharpened. Thanks to that, my radar has become more sensitive.

What a sweet guy. I love how L focuses on the little things and just wants to spend time together with the person he holds dearest. It's almost as if he daydreams a close, loving relationship — a trait that clashes with L's logical side.

This game and the expanded universe of Death Note have convinced me that there are many more layers to L than what we can see in the main story.

As Fu Takahashi, who plays L in the 2020 Japanese version of the musical, said:

“(...) A common thing about L among these versions is that, despite his superficial image as a smart guy who hates losing, he actually feels lonely and needs affection, I imagine. Perhaps he is an orphan – his character suggests so. He tries to control his emotions, like the feelings towards his parents, or romantic feelings; that’s why he is sort of dependent on games or battles of the mind. So I want to play L while thinking about the foundations on which his personality has been formed.”

I think this quote and the game are actually very telling of L's core personality and how it moves beyond that cold, calculating persona that defines him in the manga. It's also more in line with the characterisation that we see in the anime and the books, which help humanise L.

As I mentioned elsewhere, learning how to trust and be comfortable around someone else would do L wonders. Though that person would have to accept him for who he is and help him learn how to navigate a healthy relationship.

Perhaps the true test of love, for L, would even be for him to be confronted with someone who knows who he really is and, is not only kind to him, but also sees the best in him — regardless of his flaws. I think that we've had a glimpse of it in this game and it's a breath of fresh air.

#death note #l lawliet #death note: spiralling trap #spiraling trap #romance #death note meta #watari #character analysis #l lawliet headcanons #l lawliet x reader #in a way #kira #soichiro yagami #aizawa #naomi misora #aiber #wedy #task force

[dailyclarkegriffin]

Clarke Griffin Appreciation Week 2023!

Hey Clarke Kru! It's been a while since Daily Clarke Griffin has had an event, don't you think? Well, it's time to change that! We're bringing Clarke Griffin Appreciation Week back for its third year! As always, the event will run from October 24th to October 30th. (We start on Eliza's birthday and end the day before Halloween, it's the perfect time to celebrate Clarke, not to mention it's her birth month too!)

As we've done before, a list of prompts have been selected for each day to give you some inspiration for what you create for the week! Like we have said in the past, this event is hosted for all types of content creators, whether you make gifs or graphics or moodboards or videos or fic, we try to pick out themes we think will work for everyone. Check them out below!

Prompts:

Day 1: Favorite Look — For our first day we'd love to see your favorite Clarke outfit/look! Do you love her classic season one outfit? Maybe you like the black and blue outfits of season two! Or maybe give a nod to her temporary outfits like the Ark flashback or one of her dresses? Maybe you think her short hair could use some more appreciation, or you could even make a compilation of all her different hairstyles throughout the years!

Day 2: Favorite Underrated Friendship — We've done favorite friendship/dynamic, but what about a pairing that you think deserved more love? Maybe you wished we got a lot more out of the Clarke and Wells relationship. Maybe it's another one of the delinquents like Miller or Harper. Or what about Clarke and Roan? There's tons of duos to choose from, tell us your fave underrated relationship!

Day 3: Color — For this day we want to challenge all of your beautiful creative minds by channeling color! Whether that be one single color that makes you think of Clarke or a whole plethora of colors by making a rainbow edit! You could even use a color palette generator for some inspo if you want! Anything goes!

Day 4: Lyrics & Poetry — We love seeing things like this in the fandom and we want to see some more! Find a quote of some sort, whether it comes from a song or a poem or even somewhere else, and let it inspire you into creating something beautiful to celebrate Clarke! This could be in the form of gifs, moodboards, fanart, even a songfic! Whatever you want to create, we want to see!

Day 5: Bi Pride — It's not Clarke Griffin Appreciation Week without bi pride day! As always, we'd love to see all the bi love whether it's with a bi flag inspired gifset, a moodboard with cute bi aesthetics, maybe you could even use some lyrics from your fave bi musician as inspo! (Gentle reminder that this day is about bi positivity, we're here to celebrate Clarke's role as a bi leading character!)

Day 6: Halloween — The holiday is right around the corner and we'd love to see some fun and spooky ideas! You could do something orange and black themed, you can make an AU edit like Clarke as a witch or a werewolf! Maybe a manip of what you think Clarke would dress up as. You could also do some spooky horror-inspired editing if that's your thing. Even a Halloween drabble if you feel like writing instead. We hope you have fun with this one!

Day 7: Free Day — As always, we're going to end the week by giving you free rein to do whatever you like for the final day! If you have an extra idea or something you've been meaning to post, now's the chance to do it! It can be funny or shippy or completely AU or even just another compilation of your favorite Clarke moments! It's the last day so we want to see what you love to make!

There it is! Clarke Griffin Appreciation Week 2023 is officially happening! When the event begins please tag all your creations with #cgaw23 so we can reblog them here on the main blog for all our followers to see. We hope everyone interested in the event is able to participate, and we'd love it if you reblogged this post to spread the word! See you soon, friends! 💗💜💙

#cgaw23 #clarke griffin #clarkegriffinedit #the100edit #the100daily #palesources #lgbtqcreators #usercreate #smallscreensource #teendramaedit #userthing #usersource #cwladiesdaily #dailytvwomen #userharumi #userdiana #userkaterina #tusergeo #jemmablossom #announcement

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Timeline Part 3: May 2017 - June 2017

Previously: 2015 - April 2017 | Update to April 2015 - April 2017

As I mentioned before, I'll be doing these in smaller chunks because Tumblr keeps crashing when I do longer posts. In this edition, we'll look at Sussex PR from May 2017 to June 2017.

A quick note first. There isn't as many pieces from Meghan's mouthpieces during this window as there were earlier in the year. I suspect either a) Harry caught on to how much Meghan talked to the press so she scaled back to keep working him or b) the articles were handled when Meghan's team was scrubbing the internet.

This is also when we start seeing the Daily Mail start dripping hints about Meghan's dossier.

Here we go!

And as always, if you have updates, corrections, additions, please share!

5/2/2017: Meghan gives an interview to Good Housekeeping. This is the first known "roast chicken" reference.

5/3/2017: Meghan teases that Harry uses caviar pills to cure his male pattern baldness. "He" credits Meghan's holistic wellness.

5/4/2017: Buckingham Palace announces that Prince Philip is retiring after the summer and will stand down from royal duties. Anna Wintour is made a Dame by The Queen.

5/6/2017: The BBC claims that Harry's father is actually James Hewitt.

5/6/2017 - 5/7/2017: Audi Polo Challenge 2017 at Coworth Park. Meghan attends to watch Harry play polo and she is photographed with Mark Dyer. On Day 1 (May 6th), paparazzi catch Harry and Meghan kissing in the car park. On Day 2 (May 7th), William also plays polo and allegedly has Meghan thrown out of Coworth Park for stalking. Also on May 7th, Meghan leaks that she will be attending Pippa's wedding.

5/8/2017: Meghan wears a wedding dress for a movie.

5/9/2017: It's revealed that Meghan ditched Serena William's baby shower to go to London to see Harry.

5/10/2017: Mark Dyer sells his pubs to move out of London. The article is the first confirmation that he/his pubs had hosted Harry and Meghan for dates in the early days of their relationship. Speculation begins that Dyer doesn't like Meghan at all.

5/12/2017: Risque photos from a production Meghan did in 2011 resurface.

5/16/2017: Meghan flies into London for Pippa's wedding, although it isn't reported until May 17th and it isn't confirmed until May 18th.

5/18/2017: Meghan confirms she is in London to attend Pippa's wedding.

5/19/2017: Meghan does a pap walk in leggings and shows off her bum. The photos lead to the headline "Wedding of the Rears" and a front page photo by The Sun. Eugenie gives a tone-deaf interview about her "career" and mentions that she loves "The Crown."

5/20/2017: Pippa's Wedding. Meghan is not invited to the ceremony but is allowed at the after-party. Harry leaves the wedding midday to drive 3 hours round-trip to pick Meghan up from Nottingham Cottage. Rumors begin that Meghan wasn't allowed at all to Pippa's wedding, making Meghan angry, so to keep the peace, Harry left the wedding early and picked Meghan up so they could drive past local press to pretend they were going to the wedding.

5/21/2017: Meghan is papped leaving Kensington Palace early in the morning to fly back to Toronto.

5/22/2017:

Meghan gives an interview to Glamour UK about her fashion sense and style. She gives an infamous quote about how she likes to wear monochromatic neutrals (which later bites her in the butt when she says the royals made her wear only neutrals).

The Daily Mail reveals that Meghan's legal first name is actually Rachel.

Risque photos from Meghan's 2013 film resurface.

Meghan claims she was given rooms at the hotel where Pippa's wedding breakfast was being held and that she stayed away from the service out of respect to the bride. This completely contradicts her earlier story that she had stayed at Kensington Palace and that Harry left the wedding early to collect her for the after-party.

5/24/2017:

Priyanka Chopra gives an interview in which she speaks about Meghan and hints that she and Harry are engaged, saying she hopes for an invite to the wedding.

Meghan leaks that Harry plans to take her to Lesotho.

Sentebale's financial report is published.

5/28/2017: Meghan teases that she and Harry are house-hunting in Norfolk to be near William, Kate, and the children.

5/29/2017: William's GQ issue is published, in which he gives an intervew speaking about Diana's death and new photographs of the Cambridge family (in black and white!) are released.

5/31/2017: Camilla Thurlow (of Love Island) gives an interview about having dated Harry back in 2014 when they were photographed at a nightclub together.

6/4/2017: Harry travels to Singapore for four days to play polo in a fundraiser for Sentebale. He also does AIDS awareness work. The polo game is where he meets and befriends Nacho Figueroa.

6/7/2017: Harry travels to Sydney to promote the 2018 Invictus Games, merching his Meghan bracelet. Also, Pippa and James Matthews are in Perth for their honeymoon at the same time.

6/8/2017: Andrew applies to the UK Intellectual Property Office to trademark his Pitch@Palace initiative.

6/9/2017: Meghan is just like Queen Letizia!

6/10/2017: Meghan the yoga influencer. Meghan gives an airport papwalk in Texas ahead of the ATX Festival, merching her Panama hat, The Economist, and Chanel. Patrick Adams gives an interview to ATX about Meghan's relationship and speculates Harry ought to make a cameo on Suits.

6/11/2017: US Weekly speculates that Harry and Meghan could be getting married soon.

6/14/2017: The Sun recaps Harry's past relationships. They also reveal that Meghan had been invited to the 2016 Invictus Games in Orlando. The Sun claims that Meghan accepted the invitation and attended the games, but she and Harry didn't meet.

(June 14, 2017, is also the Grenfell Tower fire.)

6/16/2017: The Daily Express speculate on what Harry and Meghan's children could like.

6/17/2017:

The royal family celebrates The Queen's Birthday Parade, Trooping the Colour. (Kate and Charlotte wear pink.)

Meghan merches a gold and diamond thumb ring that she claims is from Harry. She also claims that Harry gave her a Cartier Love Bracelet (which we know now is actually from Trevor).

E News reports that Harry flies to Toronto after Trooping festivities to visit Meghan. E News also claims that Harry will propose by the end of the year and that Meghan is preparing to move to London. They later update the article to say Harry's camp denied that he went to Toronto and instead went directly to Malawi/Africa.

6/20/2017:

William and Kate make their first Royal Ascot appearance.

Meghan puts Beatrice and Eugenie on notice that she knows they're trying to take her down.

Rumors of Meghan's attitude/behavior causing problems on the Suits set begin. She brushes it off in an interview saying the cast is upset she keeps ditching them to spend time with Harry and that it'll blow over when she introduces Harry to them.

According to unverified claims by E News, Harry leaves Toronto and flies to Malawi for conservation charity work.

Meghan's character arrives on "The Windsors."

6/21/2017: Harry's Newsweek interview to commemorate the 20th anniversary of Diana's passing, and is part of his Hero Harry PR drive. Infamous snippets:

He's in no rush to get married or propose (clapback to all of Meghan's PR trying to hustle him down the aisle).

No one wants to be king or queen.

He wanted to quit the royal family at one point.

Meghan "communed with the dinosaurs" date night at the Natural History Museum.

"Small window of when people are interested in me before George and Charlotte take over."

6/22/2017: Fleet Street criticism of Harry's Newsweek interview begins. It lasts for about a week.

6/25/2017: Sexy photos from Meghan's 2014 model shoot resurface. Meghan leaks that Harry is making her engagement ring with diamonds and emeralds from Diana's collection and that he is collaborating with the royal jeweller, Harry Collins. She also says that Harry wants to marry sooner rather than later while Philip is still around to attend. (This comes after news that Philip was hospitalized for an infection and immediately causes speculation that Philip is seriously unwell/knocking at death's door.)

6/26/2017: E News claims that Harry's discussion about modernizing the monarchy and his role in the modernized monarchy is him preparing for marriage. This immediately causes speculation amongst royal watchers that he and Meghan had fought about the monarchy's way of charitywork (versus her issues-based campaigning) and Harry's sudden discussions about how the monarchy was modernizing was his attempts to fix it.

Also on 6/26/2017, the Court Circular confirms Harry is in Malawai. It is his only Court Circular appearance between 6/17/2017 (Trooping) and 7/6/2017.

6/27/2017: Meghan flies to London. Harry merches Sandals' Grande St. Lucian resort in a promo article. He stayed at the resort during his Caribbean tour in November 2016.

6/28/2017: Meghan merches her clothes and Channel 4 announces a "Meet the Markles" reality show/docuseries about Meghan's family.

6/29/2017: Meghan merches her clothes again and again tries to be a fashion influencer by plugging the "Meghan Effect." The trailer for Suits Season 7 drops and Charles and Camilla travel to Canada for a 3-day tour.

6/30/2017: Meghan leaks that she and Harry are very private homebodies and prefer to stay at home.

7/1/2017: The Cambridges, Harry, and the Spencers attend a private memorial service at the Althorp estate for Diana. (Meghan is in Toronto filming the 100th episode of Suits, courtesy of Patrick Adams' instagram.) Meghan's relationship history is published. Charles announces plans to throw an enormous 70th birthday party for Camilla.

#timeline #brf #sussexes #pr stunts

[mrswolffs-blog]

Karma (Part 2 of It’s Over Now): Lewis Hamilton x Black!Caribbean!Reader

Please Note: No hate to Nicole, I just wanted to use her for my imagine since they were together.

taglist: @omgsuperstarg @cranberryjulce @lizvhkfbjg @1stevenlacyfan @catswag22 @laura-naruto-fan1998 @anubisnoir

It has been a few years now since Lewis and Y/n have separated, and to be honest, he isn't enjoying himself the way he expected. After Y/n departure, he started spiralling downwards as he started having sleepless nights, he found himself always upset or anxious for no reason, he kept forgetting things, in the long run found himself going bald on the head and the cherry on top being his toxic yet loving relationship with his partner Nicole.

Lewis and Nicole were portrayed to be the loving and supportive couple in public, but no one knew what was actually happening behind closed doors. They argued on a daily basis as for the simplest of things and disagreed on everything the other person would suggest. One of the most common arguments that happens every time the house is being cleaned, is that Lewis should remove the picture on the walls that portrayed him and widely smiling Y/n in each one.

Surprisingly going a couple of months later, Nicole though that it was time for them to conceive yet Lewis objected due to his job, then a couple of years later when Lewis finally was ready, she declined because of her schedule but then decided she was ready again a couple years later. Lewis this time, had thought it through naturally and decided to decline and wait until after his retirement and that broke the dam. Nicole became so pissed that she was unaware of what she was saying and ended up revealing that she had been cheating for years, the quote "And yet you wonder why I'm cheating?! At least he sees me and my needs unlike you who acts like a fucking child and runs from maturity!" she screamed at him before stopping in her tracks at the realisation of what she said. From that day forward in 2015, Lewis cut ties with the older woman completely and only interacted by social media.

Now, it is the year 2021 and Lewis had just lost his seventh world championship after an unfair ruling by the FIA as the win went to Max Verstappen. He hung his head in defeat and shame that he was unable to do the one thing he craved, and that was to win the eight-world championship in honour of his dear Y/n. Now he sulks around his parents' house during the winter break, spiralling down into a somewhat depressive state.

Lewis' father seeing this, decided to call someone he knew would cheer him up. Anthony took his wife and ex-wife out to sea with him for some fresh air while Lewis was left home alone sulking on the sofa, until he was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Getting up and slowly making his way towards the door, he opened it to find the last person he expected to ever make an appearance in his life again.

Y/n shuffled nervously from one foot to the other as she waited for Lewis to say something. "Hi Y/n! what are you doing here?!" he tried to sound cheery but failed as his voice cracked and the tears started flowing again; he dropped his head in shame for crying in front of her again. Y/n said nothing as she stepped into the house, hugging him to her chest and closing the door before leading him to back to his seat when he was somewhat calmed. "Someone called me. I had watched the race that evening, cheering you on and I know that what they did was very unfair, however I didn't know it would have brought you this low. I know it's hard to come to terms with what happened and that it hurts really bad, but you shouldn't let it eat you up, you did all you could, and they purposefully took your reward away from you; this way you should always remember that you didn't lose it by faith, it was out of spite." Y/n encouraged him as he had finally finished crying his heart out and was now slowly falling asleep to her voice yet woke up when she stopped speaking.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the wrongs I've done to you and for making you feel pain you didn't deserve. I honestly didn't know what was going on in my head when I cheated, I guess I let the attention get to me and I used it to my advantage in the wrong way. I'm honestly thinking of retiring, I can't face anything right now, don't even know how I manage to speak to you without shame." Lewis vented as Y/n listened quietly while detangling his hair that she had been pulling out as she noticed it hasn't been washed.

"You're perfectly fine Lew" Y/n called him by the nickname she gave him. "You are a man confessing to his crimes and speaking of his fears, and I respect you for that." she calmed his racing heart. Lewis turned in her lap to look into her eyes, finding the love she always wore on her sleeves for him also shining though her eyes as she rubbed his bearded cheeks. "Do you think you could ever forgive me for what I've done to you? Do you think that I should retire? Aren't I too old for it anyways?" He sulked, feeling disappointed in himself.

"No, you will not retire, and I will make sure of it. You are just as strong if not stronger than every single one of your coworkers. You work really hard for what you've achieved and so I will not allow you to quit just because of one malfunction. As for the previous question, I've forgiven you years ago. I understand that at the time you were just getting into the crowd and wanted to see what it was like, yet I know that you've learnt your lesson and no longer fancy that type of stuff. If you are thinking about asking for another chance, the only reason that you are getting it is because your parents pleaded with. Now let's go get you in the shower and I'll clean up your mess of a room." Y/n said as she led their way up the stairs.

Lewis had showered and y/n washed his hair, she then made wait in the bathroom while she cleaned his room, she then went to make him a meal. After eating, they cuddled together, Lewis falling asleep to the rhythm of Y/n heart while she fell asleep knowing that he was already healing. Lewis' parents and stepparents came home to find the two sleeping in perfect harmony, and smiled as their boy was finally well once again.

#lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton fluff #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton x oc #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton fanfic

[radiosummons]

Even though Wolfwood is very much not an actual Catholic priest, I do find it compelling that Vash--someone without any religious beliefs and minimal exposure to "Christianity," courtesy of Rem (OG Trigun)--is the most faithful of the two.

And by "faithful," I don't mean so much in a religious or Christian sort of sense. More that Vash holds onto his faith that there is good in people and that everyone is worth saving. That the taking of a life is something so unspeakable to him that it will literally cause him immense mental, emotional and physical pain when he is forced to do so. His unshakeable belief, i.e. his faith that every life is precious and no one is beyond redepmtion irregardless of how morally corrupt an individual may be is so foundational to who he is as a character.

While I've only really experienced this through anime and various other Japanese based video games, I do enjoy seeing depictions of Christian iconography and concepts form non-Western creators. I love the art and memes of Vash being a "biblically accurate angel" (even though Plants aren't angels, I am so fucking happy that people are picking up on the unintentional symbolism) and I do enjoy the amount of, again, art and memes of Wolfwood being a cringefail Catholic priest.

But I also love the non-Western depiction of Christianity in Trigun, or rather the apocalyptic remnants of it. Despite the fact I have lost my ability to have faith in a higher being (and my own personal beef/distate with the Catholic Church/conservative Christianity as a whole), I find the worldbuilding of Trigun fascinating in this aspect as it provides its audience an alternative form of a global religion that's very relevant to our daily lives.

In Trigun, Christianity is very much a shadow of its former self, a leftover remnant of humanity--more specifically, a remnant of an old forgotten belief system--that has been essentialy been lost. Save for a few remaining Bibles and some memories of particular Catholic iconography/symbolism.

But overall, that's all that remains. Just familiar symbols and various rituals that some people are able to recall from their former lives.

So the decision to pair Vash up with someone like Wolfwood, someone who has lost his faith in humanity as a whole but has resolved himself to protect those that he can (or rather, deems worthy of saving) ... I find that relationship absolutely fascinating. Because I'd argue that in most Western depictions of a holy man (typically Christian and typically Catholic, let's be real), it's usually the holy man that is doing the saving. Or at the very least, is usually helping guide the other characters on their own paths towards redemption.

Despite the fact Wolfwood isn't an actual priest but instead an assassin trained by a mercenary group using the guise of an old religion (again, that most of humanity has clearly forgotten about), I find it to be a wonderful storywriting choice to make Vash the "holy man."

They're both incredibly tragic characters that burden themselves with crippling destinies. Destinies that ultimately lead to their own destruction, but hopefully all for the greater good. Vash holds faith that maybe, just maybe, he can make Nai realize the error of his ways and turn over a new leaf.

Understandably, Wolfwood finds this way of thinking horribly childish and naive. He even takes it as a personal insult when Vash continues to insist that killing people, even if it's for the sake of protecting someone else, is wrong.

But Vash isn't wrong for wanting to see the good in people. To borrow a quote from Everything Everywhere All At Once: "You tell me it's a cruel world, and we're all running around in circles. I know that. I've been on this earth just as many days as you. When I choose to see the good side of things, I'm not being naive. It is strategic and necessary. It's how I've learned to survive through everything. I know you see yourself as a fighter. Well, I see myself as one too. This is how I fight."

Granted, Vash doesn't express his beliefs as eloquently as this. But that doesn't really matter, though. Because Wolfwood doesn't need Vash to make express himself this way for Wolfwood to finally understand him. Vash, by the simple of virtue of being himself, is a good person who chooses to see the good in others.

And Wolfwood ... Wolfwood is someone who chooses to see the bad.

Wolfwood cannot quite bring himself to view the world the way Vash does. And Vash will never be able to share Wolfwood's opinions regarding who is worthy of living, either. But they respect each other and understand where the other person is coming from.

It does take Wolfwood a lot longer to understand Vash as a person, let alone his faith in humanity. But when he does, it's so satisfying to watch Vash become someone important to him. Someone that he wants to protects. Because if Vash won't defend himself, Wolfwood resolves to be the one to protect Vash.

Even if Vash doesn't really want that.

It's so fucking amazing to see these two clash over their ideals, whether it's in the form of playful teasing or straight up beating the shit out of each other. But they stay together and hold each other in such high regard despite their conflicting beliefs.

To me, one of the most beautiful aspescts of Trigun is that Wolfwood--a man of faith but only in name--gets to have such a close connection with Vash--a man of faith through and through--and that because of their relationship, they both inspire a existential AND spiritual crisis within one another.

Because in a world that makes no sense, they both find faith in each other. And if that isn't the most beautiful shit you've ever seen, then I don't know what is.

#trigun #trigun meta #og trigun #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #vash #trigun vash #trigun wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #wolfwood #vashwood #i've got a LOT of feelings about these two #yes i quoted #everything everywhere all at once #it just fits okay? #i haven't posted any trigun shit in a while #here's my way of making up for that

[httpjeonlicious]

✨ 💖 my favorite jungkook ffs 💖 ✨

—> the ones i’m recommending are definitely worth reading!! I’ve read these more than TWICE and i’m still obsessed 😌 --> ALL OF THESE FICS ARE 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT --> show love and appreciation to the authors

—> if y’all have any recs lmk 😭

-_- i have to much free time -_- ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── [key] ✿ - fluff ✮ - smut ⚡︎ - angst

1999 | jjk (m) by tattookoo ✿ ✮ ⚡︎ (childhood neighbors to friends to lovers)

summary: the year was 1999. boybands were wearing all-white outfits, everybody wanted an ibook or a tamagotchi, tlc didn’t want no scrubs, fight club was playing in movie theaters and you became jeon jungkook’s fake girlfriend in order to fix his reputation.

2002 | jjk (m) by tattookoo ✿ ✮ ⚡︎ (est relationship au)

summary: the year was 2002. kelly clarkson won the first season of american idol, mtv had everybody glued to their tvs, von dutch was the brand, people were total losers if they didn’t quote shrek or harry potter and you broke the distance with your pro athlete boyfriend, jungkook.

related drabbles -> may 18 | tiny

my note:

i highly recommend reading 1999 (and the related drabbles) this story is in my top 10. i've probably read the story like 4 times now... (im not even joking). both jk and y/n have a special place in my heart. i absolutely adore all the characters in the story. its so well written *chefs kiss* i truly hope you enjoy it like i did ♡ YALL I CANNOT FIND THIS FIC ANYMORE. IF U KNOW WHAT HAPPENED PLEASE LMK 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★

next couple of recommendations are mostly gonna be from @thvhoe because i love all her stories so much. all these stories are amazing, creative, stunning, all of the above.... they literally are the definition of chefs kiss 🤌🏻 bon appetit b1tch3s ♡♡♡ :) send her love and kisses <;/3

Fight Or Flight|jjk (m) ✿ ✮ by thvhoe (best friends brother)

summary: You want to disappear and sink into the ground—we're talking code red. As a result of the horrible events of accidentally sending your nudes to your best friend's brother, your life appears to change drastically. Beautiful, arrogant, and quickly developing into a star fighter—many factors should prevent you from falling for Jeon Jungkook. For years, you've kept your feelings for him a secret. Yet, ever since he has seen you in your underwear, it can become difficult to conceal your emotions when you see him practically daily.

Our Not So Secret Secret|jjk (m) ✿ ✮ by thvhoe (college AU)

summary: When someone learns that Jungkook has been secretly keeping a puppy in his room despite not being allowed to, he turns to ask the only other person who knows about his secret for help. And suddenly you two—who had long been bitter enemies—get very close. (i re-read this story at least twice a month this is literally amazing. highly recommend this one!!!!!)

IN THE SEOM MASTERPOST|jjk (m) ✿ ✮ ⚡︎ by thvhoe (college AU)

summary: Always the friend, never the girlfriend. Jeon Jungkook doesn't date. At least that's what he thought until he met you, a chemistry student who seemed to have it all—except for love. Meeting at a mutual friends frat party, you hit it off right away. However, due to both of your stubbornness, it has never progressed beyond being friends with benefits. The annual camping trip with your friend group was supposed to be the turning point in your relationship with Jungkook. But what happens when your best friend of 18 years unexpectedly comes back from Busan and confesses to you, further complicating matters?

MUSCLE PIG|jjk (m) ✮ by thvhoe

summary: Your winter blues lead you to join a gym, where you encounter a person you'd prefer to avoid. However, because the odds are never in your favor, you wind up running into him. Eventually, one thing leads to another, and...

THE LAW OF ATTRACTION MINI SERIES| jjk (m) ✿ ✮ ⚡︎ by thvhoe (Lawyer Millionaire Jungkook x Student apprentice Reader)

summary: Being the most prominent attorney in South Korea, Jeon Jungkook enjoys the fame, wealth, and marriage that go along with it. Although Jungkook realizes that he may have taken life too quickly and needs to slow down a bit, he finds solace in the daughter of his Boss.

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

Don't Blame Me|jjk (m) ✿ ✮ ⚡︎ by thvhoe (Neighbours to lovers AU)

summary: Jungkook is known for his good looks and is often described by your friends as "daddy material." Funny enough, he actually was a daddy. The daddy of the baby girl you babysit every Saturday. Working as a nanny for the world's grumpiest single dad should have been easy, but you can't keep your eyes off him. He's handsome, a little arrogant, with broad shoulders and strong tattooed arms. And when he decides he can't keep his hands off of you. Who are you to resist?

SPICY 'N SWEET MASTERPOST|jjk (m) ✿ ✮ ⚡︎ by thvhoe (Boxer Jungkook x shy ballerina Reader)

my note: im currently reading this mini series and let me tell u, this is so good. idk if its bc its boxer jk x ballerina y/n BUT ITS SOO GOOD. this is currently an ongoing series but its definitely worth the wait

summary: Jeon Jungkook is the perfect guy… to piss off your parents. He’s buff, inked up and the definition of their worst nightmare but hey, when love comes knocking on your door there’s not much you can do. It’s not like you planned on falling for him… it just kind of happened, and honestly, you're not even mad about it. Not at all.

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★

—>

#bts #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #drabble #idol! jk x reader #jungkook angst #jungkook fanfic #jungkook masterlist #bts fanfic #my recs

[lovelacefc7723]

After watching the preview episode of the re-cap show, my first thought is actually a confirmation of something I believe for awhile now, and it's that in my opinion Tobin & Christen truly are in a different phase of their life now. They've changed, right in front of our eyes, they have built this whole other work reality that no longer NEEDS to be connected with the field, they are beyond. I'm not saying they're retiring tomorrow (even though I think they WILL do it very soon), I just feel they have found their dimension elsewhere. And it's deeply beautiful.

I noticed just how GOOD they are despite this being their first experience in this kind of projects. I remember Tobin's first videos for the company, about her art, and she didn't even look at the camera. Since becoming co-ceo, and maybe since stepping up after Pinoe's silent exit, she kinda found this new confidence. She joins events and promotional works by herself that before she would have attended only with Christen, or not attended at all.

Now she produces and hosts a show, and she's funny, charming, thoughtful, wonderfully loud when she laughs and freely honest when she speaks.

Even the choice of their first guest is pretty revealing. It actually tells how little we know about their lives and their relationships. That's why I usually talk about opinions and impressions, because that's all we have.

And exactly about my opinion about their new phase of their life, I think Ellis and Christen probably might have talked about things at some point. And not about her tactical choices but about her silence when Christen tried to expose Dames' toxic behaviour. It's not something you just ignore and sit together to joke, laugh and talk Football.

The interview was actually really brilliant and honest. I think Tobin took the lead because anyway she had a different relationship with Ellis but also it really seemed more her space, she has always had a complete vision of football, tactically and strategically. That's why it seemed she really talked Ellis' language. And it was deeply fascinating, curious and educative.

I'm not gonna deny that listening to Ellis actually talking about football and about her choices was truly interesting. Despite all her personal mistakes, I think she really knows her job, and she knows how to do it. I never heard Vlatko having such professional insights and I really admired him before, when I still had not realized he has no idea how to manage team and players and he doesn't really care about them either.

Ellis was pretty honest about her tactical decisions, I don't know if she would do exactly the same now, especially with Christen. But I still love how equally honest Christen was with her. The quote "I'd let you babysit my daughter but I don't think I'll play you in this game" is not really a joke and both of them know it. But it was a moment of Truth.

I think Ellis appreciated and appreciates Christen both as person and player, she made a choice, a debatable one, but still hers. And Christen faced her for it. But in the end I liked to see that she still considered her time playing for Ellis as a learning experience, it puts everything in perspective.

I always thought Christen was way much more than the sweet and zen person we often see. She did make a few interesting remarks to Ellis among the lines of jokes, she knows how to tease Tobin (probably her favourite pastime), she can be snarky and witty, and it's pretty awesome.

That's why I was in love with the blunt confrontation between Tobin & Christen. It was actually what I expected, Tobin always so free and direct, Christen so smart, witty and a little biting! The Daily Debate was just amazing but what I noticed is that every time Tobin talked, with Jill or simply telling something, she always included Christen in her moments, in her thoughts, her memories, her experiences, she looked at her, waited for her reaction.

The most technical part of the conversation was so intriguing for a football fan. I loved the Marginal Gain philosophy, it's the success in the details.

Also, about the USWNT, I think Tobin doesn't have much admiration for Vlatko, as coach and person. At one point she said something like "talking about chewing and spitting …" and she went on saying she and Christen wouldn't be at the World Cup, it says something.

In the end, I think they really nailed this first episode. I wanna see Christen take the lead in the next episodes and I can't wait for them!

#tobin heath #christen press #woso #uswnt #football #soccer #re inc #jill ellis #women's football

[harry-on-broadway]

The Last Line: Part Three

Part Three

Word Count: 10K || Series Masterlist || Rating: M

A/N: I actually managed to keep my promise and post when I said I would 😅 But seriously, thank you to everyone who has hung around waiting for the update. I hope you like it and would LOVE to hear what you think! 

***

Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

“Are you going to get that?” Chloe asked pointedly, eyeing Penny’s phone as it vibrated on her desk.

“I’m sorry, is it bothering you?” Penny replied cheekily.

“Yes, but only because I want to know who has been texting you.”

Penny picked up her phone and looked at the screen. Four text messages from Harry. “Just a source,” she said. “I think I might have a lead on a new feature, so I’ve been trying to build a relationship with them.” That was kind of the truth wasn’t it?

“Uh huh,” Chloe said, twirling a pen between her fingers. “And does this source’s name rhyme with Barry Tiles?”

“Shhhh!”

“I knew it!”

The two women stared at each other over the partition that separated their desks, as Penny steeled herself for the barrage of questions Chloe was sure to hurl at her. “You want to take a walk? Get a coffee?” Chloe asked, clearly opting for discretion now that she had gotten what she was looking for from Penny.

“Yes, but you’re buying.”

“Deal.”

When their lattes were in their hands, Penny and Chloe began their slow and strategic walk around the office park, following a carefully planned route that they knew put them out of earshot of nosy coworkers.

“So when did this happen?” Chloe asked.

“Umm…” Penny searched for an answer. “Like a couple of weeks ago, I think? We got drinks after that concert we went to.”

“Yeah, you mentioned that but not the fact that he’s suddenly your new best friend.”

“You know he’s not my best friend. I could never take that title away from you.”

“I appreciate that but that doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me about him.”

“I didn’t say anything because this just kind of…happened,” Penny said.

And it had. She thought about the way she had texted him when she’d gotten home from their post-show drinks. And how he’d replied. And how when she’d woken up the next morning he’d sent her another message, this one containing a link to a country song that she hadn’t heard before. She thought about how she listened to the song on repeat while she made her coffee and got ready for work, crafting the perfect response in her head as she tapped her fingers to the beat. She thought about how Harry had texted her daily since that night. And, each time she added to her notes on whatever it was Harry was working on, she tried to suppress the feelings of guilt that brewed deep inside.

“Like hell it ‘just happened.’” Chloe tried to make air quotes around the coffee cup in her hands. “It wasn’t that long ago that I thought I’d have to be a character witness at trial for you.”

“Ha ha, but I swear! We just had a drink and talked and things progressed from there.”

“Where’d you take him?”

“Seventy7.”

“Your date spot?”

“My source meeting spot.” Penny took a sip of her coffee.

“So, he’s a source? What are you cooking up?”

Penny looked around, making sure they were far away from anyone who might be eavesdropping on their conversation. “He has a new album coming out sometime this year. Tom told me and so did Harry. And I was thinking, maybe if I got a scoop on it, it would impress Darren and would give me a better shot at landing some stories.”

“I’m sorry,” Chloe said. “But in what world is this a good idea? Did you miss the ethics class freshman year? You know the one about unbiased reporting? Keeping friends and family out of stories? Do you recall any of that? Or were you too hypnotized by his ravishing good looks during your date that all rational thought left your head?”

“He’s neither friend nor family and it wasn’t a date. It was networking. A source meeting. You have those all the time.”

“Yeah, at premieres where I’m talking to 50 year-old men I most certainly don’t want to fuck.”

“I don’t want to fuck Harry.”

“OK, that was great,” Chloe said. “Let’s take that once more though, and this time make me believe you actually believe what you’re saying.”

“I don’t want to fuck him,” Penny said definitively.

Chloe held her gaze waiting for her friend to break. “Well all right then we’ve settled it.” Penny’s phone buzzed again. “What’s your ‘source’ want now?”

Penny unlocked her phone, angling the screen so Chloe could see the four texts Harry had sent.

Hey. How’re you?

I’m in the studio today so I’m on your side of town. Might be stopping by the office to talk to Jeff about something too.

Been listening to this today. Have you heard of it?

Um, any chance you want to grab a drink? Maybe dinner?

“Do you usually get dinner with sources?” Chloe asked with a grin.

“First time for everything,” Penny said, replying to Harry’s message.

Yeah, maybe tomorrow?

His reply came back fast. How’s tonight?

“Someone’s eager,” Chloe laughed.

“What’s wrong with that? Maybe I’ll get what I need.” After confirming the time and location, Penny slid her phone into her bag. “Now where were we?”

“You were profusely denying your attraction to Harry. Unbelievably, I might add.”

“Chlo, I don’t know how many times I can say this…I’m simply tolerating him to get something from him.”

“This is the part in the rom com where the sassy best friend tells the plucky protagonist that she’s making a mistake because she’s going to develop real feelings.”

“And this is the part in the rom com where I go back to my desk and actually get some work done.”

Penny spun on her heel and started back towards the office, leaving Chloe to catch up behind her. Penny spent the rest of the afternoon bouncing between edits to a listicle about “10 Songs You Didn’t Realize Were Turning 10 in 2019” and making a list of things she wanted to ask Harry that night. How far along was the album? Was he close to announcing a release date? A single? Were the songs he’d been sending her any indication of what his new tracks would sound like? A few minutes before five, she slammed her laptop shut, tossing it into the canvas tote that doubled as her purse and work bag these days.

“See you tomorrow,” she called to Chloe and Devon, one of their graphic designers. Devon waved, quickly turning his attention back to his monitor, while Chloe spun in her chair.

“Make good choices tonight,” she called with a sly wink. “Don’t get into too much trouble.”

“You’ll be my one call if I do,” Penny called cheerfully over her shoulder, as Chloe’s laugh echoed through the mostly empty newsroom.

Penny pulled out of the parking garage, cruising through the streets to the restaurant Harry had texted her. It was a bit further out than she usually traveled during the week, but when she looked on the map, it looked like it was midway between her neighborhood and his. Neutral territory. She drummed along to the song on the radio – something by Justin Timberlake – as she waited for the light to turn, catching a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror. Several strands of hair had escaped from her ponytail and she had a smudge of eyeliner under her left eye.

Ugh. This was not how she wanted to show up to dinner. Eyeing the light and the number of cars in front of her, she shook out her hair, retying it into something slightly neater before rubbing at the smudge under her eye. That looked better, right? She continued to stare at her reflection. What was missing? Lipstick? She thought she had one that wasn’t too old in her bag. After one more glance at the light, she rooted through her tote until she found a neutral coral color that wouldn’t look too out of place on her face. She was just about to apply it to her lips when the car behind her laid on their horn.

“OK, sorry. I’m going!” she cried out to no one in particular. Lipstick would have to wait. But as she made the final turns of her journey and pulled into the parking lot, she couldn’t help but wonder why she felt the need to get dressed up for Harry. This was essentially a business meeting. She gave one final glance at the lipstick that was now on her passenger seat and decided to forgo it. Source meeting, business dinner, not a date. She locked her car and made her way inside. Harry had texted her that he was already there at a table in the back, a message she relayed to the host at the lobby of the restaurant.

“Party name?” he asked.

“Ugh…” She stumbled over her words. “Harry Styles,” she whispered, unsure if she was breaking some unspoken rule by saying his full name aloud.

The host smiled knowingly. “Right through here. You’ll see him seated towards the back. Have a nice evening.”

“Thanks, you too!” Penny said, walking through the curtain that separated the dining room from the lobby.

Her eyes swept over the room, adjusting to the dim lighting as she looked for Harry, finding him on a second glance. He lifted his hand and waved gently, a soft smile on his face. She strode briskly to the table, and he stood as she approached.

“Hey,” he said when she was within earshot. “You look nice.”

Penny looked down at her worn jeans, t-shirt, and blazer. “Thanks?”

“Shit, that was weird,” Harry said with a laugh.

“No. Hey, I’ll take it. You look…nice…too.” It wasn’t a lie. Harry would look fantastic wearing anything in any situation, but there was something about him that was different from the last time she’d seen him. He looked tired. Stressed. “How have you been?” she asked, trying to change the subject.

“Good, good. Staying busy, lots going on,” Harry said, returning to his seat once Penny had sat down. “Been spending some long days in the studio which is…great, but also tiring.”

“I can imagine.”

“You?”

“Oh, pretty similar actually. Not that I’m in a studio, but just a lot of work stuff. They haven’t hired a new news writer yet so I’m kind of doing the work of two people right now, and then there’s a lot of late nights with concerts and stuff and oh my God I should stop talking.” She laughed nervously.

“No, you’re good,” Harry said with a chuckle. “See anyone cool lately.”

“I saw John Legend last week, and I’m seeing a jazz ensemble tomorrow.”

“Sick.”

“Yeah.”

An awkward pause fell over the table as Harry sipped his water and Penny fidgeted with the silverware in front of her. Mercifully, a waiter appeared to take their drink orders.

“I’ll do the Moscato,” Harry said after perusing the wine menu.

“Oh, that sounds good. I’ll have some as well,” Penny said, returning her own menu.

“Should I bring a bottle for the table?” the waiter asked.

“Uh, sure,” Harry said. “Is that OK?” He looked at Penny who just nodded. “The bottle would be great, thanks.”

The waiter disappeared and returned shortly, pouring their wine and taking their dinner orders, before leaving them alone. Silence once again filled the space between them.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Penny asked at the same time Harry asked if she had listened to the song he’d sent her. They both laughed.

“I just thought we could catch up. Make good on that promise of ‘next time,’” he said, swirling the wine in his glass.

“Oh yeah,” Penny took a sip of her own wine. “You said you’d been getting lots of studio time in. I assume the new project is coming along nicely.”

“It’s certainly coming along. I’m not sure about nicely.”

“Why not?”

Harry let out a long breath. “Things aren’t going as easily as I hoped. I feel like everything I’ve written in the past couple of weeks has been shit.”

“Well, I’m sure that’s a lie.”

“I don’t know. If you heard what I finished before I came here you might think differently.”

“You write with others, right?” Penny asked.

Harry nodded. “Yeah, Tom, Tyler, Mitch. That’s the usual crew.”

“Good group. I’m not super familiar with Mitch’s work, but I’m sure he’s top tier if you’re working with him.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment for me or Mitch, but I’ll accept it regardless.”

Penny thought about shooting back a “Why would I compliment you?” but seeing how drained Harry looked, she refrained. “Is there something in particular that’s holding you up?”

“Well, I did some writing while I was touring, and then did a lot of writing earlier this year when I was in Japan. But I still don’t feel like the album’s done. It’s like the secret ingredient is missing or something. But sometimes I feel like I’m the only person that feels that way and that everyone else just wants to wrap it up to get it out there.”

“You have to listen to your gut then,” Penny said without hesitation.

“Easier said than done.”

“No, seriously if you think something is missing, I think you have to hone in on that feeling. Really listen to what your heart and your gut are telling you. Only you know what your album needs to be. Collaboration is great and it clearly works when you have the right group of people together, but when you start letting everyone’s voice in the room, that’s when things start to feel inauthentic. And there’s nothing worse than listening to an album where you know it’s not what the artist fully believes.”

“You can tell?” Harry said, somewhat surprised.

“Well, it’s not like I know everyone personally,” Penny began. “But it’s just a feeling you get when you’ve listened to a lot of stuff. Artists have their signature, and it’s always there even when they start experimenting. Like let’s use Rihanna as an example. If she suddenly started writing about the good life on the farm and drinking beer on the porch with her dog, it would just feel weird, like a label pushing her to replicate the hot new country song. But good artists don’t need to follow the trends, they set them.”

Harry nodded, which Penny took as a sign to continue. “Like for example, your first album.” She took a breath knowing she was potentially treading on thin ice. “It really set the standard for your sound as a solo artist. It’s an album that is clearly very modern, but very heavily influenced by 60s and 70s rock. So, people know to expect that from you. You’re the guy that makes vintage modern and cool. But, perhaps that album was a little too cookie cutter, which I think you know. So this time around, maybe you needed to take a couple of risks, make an album that shows the world who Harry really is. Each album is an opportunity to change the trajectory of your career and I think you should act on it.” Harry stared at her, speechless. “Sorry, if I overstepped,” she said.

“No no, you didn’t,” he said. “Fuck that was exactly what I needed to hear.” He ran his hands over his face. “It’s just that even when I try to insulate myself from the noise, it leaks through. Comments about sales and singles and streaming and charting and all of this stuff that will really determine if I get to keep doing this. And it just makes me get so caught up in my head…” he trailed off.

“I do the same thing sometimes,” Penny replied. “I just get so focused on if this article will get more clicks than the last one, or if it will get good traction on social and help me ‘build my brand.’ I just forget why I do this job.”

Harry nodded. “It can be easy to lose that reason why.”

Their waiter used the break in the conversation to deliver their food, and Penny tucked into her chicken parm, savoring the dish that was a massive step up from her usual combo of a pre-packaged salad and Easy Mac.

“About those songs, you sent me,” Penny began.

“Oh! Did you like them?”

“Surprisingly, yes.”

“Surprisingly?”

“Yeah, I'm admittedly not the biggest country fan,” Penny said. “And to be honest, I’m pretty surprised you're into that kind of music.”

“Oh, I love it,” Harry said, leaning closer and speaking faster. “Country artists are hands down the best at telling a story in a song. I’d like to be able to do that one day. You know, write about an experience that isn’t mine? Or at least tell a story of my own.”

“You’re well on your way to doing that.”

Harry flushed but ignored the remark. “I, uh, liked the playlist you sent me. I’ve been listening to it in the mornings.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Like I’ve heard almost all of the songs before, but not in that way. They tell a different story when you listen to them back-to-back like that.”

“Oh, well thanks. I’ve always prided myself on making good playlists.”

“If you have another, send it my way,” Harry said, taking a bite of his pasta. “I’d love to hear more of what you’ve put together.”

“Well, I’ll have to send you my ‘Bad Bitch’ playlist that I listen to ahead of meetings with my editor.”

“Please.”

She had meant it as a joke, but Harry clearly didn’t take it that way. “Oh yeah, I’ll send it now.” She picked up her phone and sent him the link. “Enjoy. I hope you’re able to find your inner bad bitch.”

“I’ll keep you updated on my progress.”

When the waiter dropped the check on the table, Harry swiftly collected it, placing his card in the leather holder, ignoring Penny’s protests.

“I’m the one who invited you,” he said. “It’s only fair that I pay.”

Penny chewed on her lip. It was basic ethics that journalists didn’t accept gifts from sources. You always paid and kept your fingers crossed that your publication would reimburse you. “I can’t let you.”

“Why not?”

“Because…” What was she supposed to say? I accepted your invite because I wanted to hear about your album? I want to use you for my own personal gains? “Because it’s 2019 and women can pay for themselves.”

“Tell you what, you pay for me next time?”

“You and these next times,” Penny said with a laugh. “Always asking for more.”

“I just thought you were having fun and I was –”

“Harry, I’m kidding. It would be great to see you again. You’re actually pleasant to be around when you’re not acting like an asshole.”

“Two compliments in one night? I should buy you dinner more often!”

“I think that will be the next next time.”

Harry laughed and Penny noticed how when he found something funny, really truly funny, the skin around his eyes crinkled as his dimples deepened. She felt a rush of pride knowing she brought that out in him.

Harry’s phone chirped and the dimples and crinkles disappeared as he looked down at the incoming message. “I guess I should be going. Duty calls.”

“Heading back to the studio?”

“Yeah…” The lightness had disappeared from him.

“I know it’s easy for me, the person that will be critiquing your album, to say, but just write what you feel, Harry. You can’t go wrong with that.”

“I’ll try my best,” he said. “Thanks for coming tonight.”

Penny rose from the table and Harry followed her to the exit. “Have a great rest of your night,” she said, unlocking her car.

“Yeah, you too,” Harry said, swaying on his feet. “I’ll uh, see you later?”

“Definitely! I think I’m free on Wednesday. I’ll text you.”

Harry smiled, and Penny felt warm inside, and marveled at how he could make her feel so good with just one gesture. “I’m looking forward to that,” he said. “Drive safe.”

As she drove home, Penny listened to the songs Harry had sent her over the week, really paying attention to the lyrics and the stories Harry had been talking about. He was right. They were some of the best she’d heard.

It wasn’t until Penny pulled into her parking spot in front of her building that she realized she didn’t get answers to any of her questions.

***

Harry took the quickest route to the studio from the restaurant, opening the voice notes app on his phone when he was stopped at a red light. He spoke quickly, tripping over his words, wanting to make sure he captured everything he was feeling in the moment. When he reached the studio, he rushed in, nearly bumping into Tyler as he turned the corner.

“Wasn’t expecting you to come back tonight, H,” Tyler said.

“I wasn’t either but inspiration struck and…”

“No, I get it,” Tyler said. “Want to get to work?”

“Let’s do it.”

***

The next morning, Penny awoke to a message from Harry.

I think I’ve finally found my inner bad bitch. Thanks for all the help.

***

Over the next couple of weeks, Penny and Harry fell into a rhythm. He’d text her, usually at night when she was getting home from a gig, and they’d message back and forth until one of them fell asleep. They met up for impromptu drinks a few times and got coffee a couple of others. Their outings were usually initiated by Harry, and Penny was more than happy to go along with his suggestions. She kept reminding herself that this was just for work, but she couldn’t deny how much she was enjoying their time together.

Penny had just left Darren’s office one Wednesday afternoon, clenching her hands so hard, she was sure her nails had drawn blood. He’d killed another one of her features, even after suggesting she write it, and everything felt pointless. She was back at her desk deciding what her next move would be – get coffee or cry in the bathroom – when her phone rang. Seeing Harry’s name on the caller ID, she answered almost immediately.

“Hey,” Harry said, his voice tinged with surprise.

“Hey.” Penny could hear the waver in her own voice.

“Is now a bad time?” Harry asked.

“No.”

“You sound…upset,” Harry said cautiously.

“Just a typical day here.”

“Would you have time to take a break? Maybe get a coffee? I’m at Full Stop today.”

Penny looked at her watch. She had time to spare and the way things had been going lately, Harry might be the perfect way to improve her mood. “Sure. I can meet you at Blue Bottle in like 10 minutes.”

“See you there.”

Penny ended the call and grabbed her wallet. “I’ll be back later,” she said to Chloe. Blue Bottle was just a quick walk from her office and she stood outside the coffee shop, rocking back and forth on her heels until she saw Harry approach.

“Hey,” he said, his eyes searching her for obvious signs of distress. “I’m glad you were able to sneak away.”

“Yeah, I needed the break.” Penny gestured to the register inside. “Want to order now?”

Harry nodded and followed Penny inside, ordering an iced Americano after she’d asked for a vanilla latte.

“This was supposed to be my treat,” Harry said as Penny inserted her card into the machine to pay. “I invited you.”

“Next time’s on you,” Penny said with a tight grin, moving off to the side to wait for their drinks, handing Harry a straw.

“So…” Harry said, picking the paper straw wrapper. “Are we going to talk about whatever’s happening here?”

“What? Nothing’s going on.”

“It’s just, you sounded upset on the phone,” Harry said. “And now you just look kind of sad. Stressed.”

“Gee thanks.”

“I didn’t mean that as a bad thing. I was just worried that something was going on.”

Penny looked up to meet Harry’s eyes. It was truly touching how concerned he was, but it also felt monumental. Like whatever she said in response would change the course of whatever was happening between them. “Thanks,” she said after a moment. “It’s just been a rough day at work after a string of rough days.”

“Want to talk about them?”

Penny sighed. “It’s my editor.”

Harry nodded. “I remember you talking about him. He’s the one that keeps shitting on your ideas.”

Penny whipped around to look at him again. “You remember?”

“Yeah, because I thought he sounded like a dick from what you told me.”

“Well, I can confirm that he is. And what he’s been doing recently is instead of letting me pitch stories, he’s assigning me his own pitches, and then even after I follow every single one of his stupid-ass rules, he still kills the story. Now, some of my sources are starting to get cagey since they don’t love sitting down for a call for an article that never materializes and I just feel like a terrible writer and it’s just hard. I feel like I’m stuck and that I’ll never get out.” She looked at Harry “Well, that’s what’s new with me. How about you?” She laughed nervously, aware she’d just spilled her guts to the man who was her mortal enemy mere weeks ago.

“I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this,” Harry said.

“I know it’s something everyone in a creative field goes through since art is so subjective but it’s just really tough when it feels like you’re the only one experiencing it.”

“Could I read it?”

“What?”

“Your story. The one Darren just killed,” Harry prompted.

“I don’t think you’d be interested. It’s really boring about music licensing and copyright law.”

“I don’t know. I’m a musician. I have songs. Feels pretty applicable.”

Penny sighed. “I’m just -”

“Trying to come up with another excuse?”

“Fine.” Penny unlocked her phone and opened the Google Docs app, navigating to the doc with the story she’d filed earlier that day. “Here,” she said, handing Harry her phone and walking away.

“Woah, where are you going?”

“I’m not going to stand here and watch you read my article. That’s just a form of cruel and unusual punishment. I’m going to wait over there.”

“No you’re not.” Harry grabbed Penny’s hand and pulled her back to his side, not letting go of her hand, even when she was standing next to him.

Penny froze. Harry didn’t appear to register what he was doing as he bowed his head and started to read the screen on the phone he held in his other hand. She stood there, next to him, watching as he read her work. The crinkle that emerged between his eyebrows as he focused, the way his mouth moved as he scanned the page, the way he nodded when he came across certain phrases.

“Latte and Americano for Penny,” the barista called.

Penny cleared her throat. “I should get those,” she said softly.

Harry looked down at the hands. “Oh, right, sorry. Didn’t mean to hold on like that.”

Penny fetched their drinks and when she returned, Harry had migrated to a small table in the corner where he finished reading the article. She didn’t want to fish for compliments, but was curious about what he thought. “Sooo,” she said, handing him the cup.

“I don’t know who your editor is but he’s an idiot for not publishing this. I heard a couple of people at Columbia discussing this last week. People would want to read this.”

“Maybe I should bring you back to the office to see if Darren will listen to you.”

“I am free for a couple more hours.”

Penny grinned. “Thanks. For…everything.”

“No, thanks needed, You’re a fantastic writer, Penny.”

“I wish Darren believed that. Hell, I wish I believed that.”

“Artists are always the most critical of themselves,” Harry said thoughtfully.

“Do you know that from personal experience?”

Harry let out a long sigh and nodded. “It has been a week.”

“Making any progress?” Penny asked, trying to sound casual.

“Kind of. But the label is asking for something that’s more radio friendly and I just don’t want to give it to them. Probably because I don’t know how to give it to them,” he added under his breath.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You’ve got a good team. You’re…smart.”

Harry laughed. “You don’t sound so sure about that.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Penny said. “You just have like good music sense. It’s something that can’t be taught.” Harry stared at her blankly. “What? Did I say something wrong?” she asked.

“No.” He shook his head. “I’m just trying to remember when you started being so nice to me.”

“Shut up! You’re so stupid,” Penny said, flicking her straw wrapper at him.

“Shut up!” Harry shot back, mocking her tone as flicked the paper back towards her.

The two giggled, shooting the paper back and forth until Harry put a little too much muscle into it, causing the paper to land on the back of the woman behind Penny.

“So athletics aren’t your strong suit?” she teased.

“I don’t know about that.”

“Penny?”

Penny turned around and came face to face with Darren. Was no place safe? “H-h-hi,” she spluttered. “I was just taking a break. I’ll be back at the office soon.”

“Oh no worries,” Darren said smoothly. “I can tell you’re busy.” He eyed Harry. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, pleasure,” Harry said, extending his hand for a handshake that Darren reciprocated. “I’m Harry.”

Darren nodded, not bothering to reciprocate the introduction. “Well, I’ll see you at the office, Penny.”

“Mhmm, talk soon.” Penny waited until she was sure Darren had left the coffee shop before turning back to Harry. “Fuck, I didn’t think he’d come here. He usually hates anything that brings people joy.”

“Was that weird? That was weird,” Harry said.

“It was.” Penny hadn’t been able to interpret what Darren had been thinking when he walked over there, but she didn’t think she’d be able to pretend like it hadn’t happened when she eventually made her way back to the newsroom.

“I think you could take him though,” Harry said.

“Excuse me?”

“I think you could beat him in a fight. Especially if it was a war of words.”

“Well, we’ve had a couple of those and they typically end with me hiding somewhere to cry.” Harry didn’t say anything and just stared at Penny with an indiscernible expression on his face. “But you didn’t need to know that…” she trailed off.

“You’re good at your job, Penny. Don’t let anyone try to convince you you’re not.”

“Thanks? Not sure if I believe that coming from the guy who bullied me over my writing a couple of weeks ago, but I’ll keep that in my back pocket.” Harry shook his head. “What?” Penny pressed.

“I’m always going to feel terrible about the way I treated you,” Harry said. “It had nothing to do with you, though. It was all about me.”

“Oh?”

“What bothered me was that everything you said was true. In that review you were just pointing out things that were painfully obvious. I just had my head so far up my own ass I couldn’t see. And when I read your words, I just felt so vulnerable.  Like if you noticed how guarded and cheap that album was, how many other people did too? I put everything into that it. What if that’s the best I have to offer? What if I never do anything better than that? Do you know what it feels like to question your worth and purpose like that every fucking day?”

“Of course I do. My job is to share my opinions online only to get yelled at by trolls on Twitter who think my being a woman means I don’t have a brain. Or feelings. Each day when I walk into work I have to brace myself for whatever shit Darren is going to throw at me. I have to watch men who know fuck all get chances that I deserve and anytime I try to do anything about it, I’m the one who gets punished. It’s exhausting and stresses me out more than it should, but if I woke up tomorrow and couldn’t do that, I’d be lost. It’s sadistic, but I think you know exactly what I mean.”

Harry blinked slowly. “I do,” he said after a moment. “I don’t think anyone has ever described it like that before, but that’s exactly it.”

They finished their drinks while checking their phones and it wasn’t lost on Penny how even sitting in silence with Harry felt comfortable, like they were old friends. She could have sat with him like that forever, but eventually Harry sighed, signaling the end of their time together.

“I probably need to be getting back,” he said. His face looked drawn and Penny couldn’t tell what had changed.

“Yeah, I should get back too.”

“I’ll walk you over.”

Penny got up and pushed in her chair as Harry disposed of their cups and wrappers. He met her at the door and held it open, walking alongside her when they were out on the sidewalk.

“Are you going back to the studio?” Penny asked. “Or is this a business day?”

“The studio. Hopefully things will fall together soon.”

“Well, break a leg? Good luck? I’m not sure what recording studio protocol is.”

“Any of those will work.” Harry glanced over at her. “Um, I’m assuming you’re back to work.”

“Yeah, not really sure what I’m going to work on for the rest of the day, but I’ll find something.”

“Try not to think about Darren. I mean it.”

“Well you can’t think about the studio execs when you write.”

“Deal.” Harry stopped outside Penny’s office as she pulled her ID from her pocket. “I’ll see you later.” He put his hand on her shoulder and then paused, as if it was a step too far. “Text me or something?”

Penny reached up and covered his hand with hers. “Definitely. Maybe we could do dinner sometime this week if you’re in the area.”

“Yeah, I’ll be around.”

“Great.” Harry’s hand was still on her shoulder as she awkwardly shifted towards the door. “Have a great rest of your day,” Penny said softly.

“You too,” Harry mumbled, breathless as he watched her walk inside.

***

Penny hadn’t been at her desk for more than a minute when Darren strode out of his office straight for her desk. “Fuck,” she mumbled under her breath. She looked around, hoping that someone would be around to diffuse the conversation, but the newsroom was surprisingly empty.

“Penny,” Darren began, voice echoing in the empty room.

“Yes?”

“I didn’t realize you knew Harry Styles?”

“Um, that’s a recent connection. We have a mutual friend.”

“Very cool.” Darren sat on the edge of Chloe’s desk, clicking the pen in his hand. “Learn anything from him?” he asked, attempting to sound casual.

“Not really. Like I said, I only met him recently.”

“That’s a shame. Any scoop from him could be big. Keep an ear out.”

“Um, sure,” Penny said.

“Keep me in the loop on any developments.”

Penny would rather chew glass than keep Darren “in the loop” but she just nodded pleasantly, hoping her agreement would make him go away. “Will do,” she said.

“Great!” Darren hopped off of the desk and headed back to his office, nearly bumping into Chloe as she walked in, coffee and pastry in hand.

“What was that about?” Chloe asked. She wiped off the edge of her desk when she was sure Darren’s door was closed.

“So, Darren ran into me and Harry while we were getting coffee.”

“Ooh, tell me more.”

“He started pumping me for info on Harry–”

“No!” Chloe whined. “Not about Darren, about Harry. I didn’t know you all were meeting up.”

“It was an impromptu thing. He was in the area and I needed a breather.”

“And Darren saw you?”

“Yes, and I think he wants me to leverage my…knowledge…of Harry to get a scoop on something.” Penny chewed on her lip. “I feel conflicted.”

“Babe, that’s exactly what you’ve been planning this whole time! I told you it was a bad idea then and I still think it’s a bad idea. You really think any idea Darren has is a good one?” She said his name in a tone usually reserved for dog shit.

“I know, I know,” Penny moaned. “But I’m just kind of torn because getting anything on him would be great for me but it would ruin our -”

“Burgeoning love affair?” Chloe cut her off.

“No, our friendship or whatever the hell it is.”

“Pen, I think you know what the right move is here. So I’m not going to tell you. You’re better than this and you are smarter than this. Don’t be a Darren!”

Penny clicked the cap on and off of the pen as she thought about Chloe’s words. “There has to be a way I can do the best of both worlds. I mean, critics and journalists hang out with the subjects of their writing all of the time. I can make this work.”

“I will make sure not to tell you ‘told you so’ when this blows up in your face.”

“That’s why you’re my best friend.” They sat at their respective desks and worked until it was closing time. Penny said goodbye and headed to her car. As she stepped outside of the building, she impulsively turned left, taking the circuitous route that would take her in front of Full Stop’s office. As she approached the building, she squinted looking in the windows. She didn’t know what she was hoping to find but she felt an extreme sense of disappointment when she didn’t see Harry.

She finished her walk to the garage, climbing in her car and turning the radio on first thing. As she drove home, her mind wandered – to Darren, to her brother’s upcoming birthday (she still needed to find a card), to Chloe’s annual film festival – but her thoughts were mainly occupied by Harry. What was he doing at this moment? Was he still at the studio? Was he out with friends?

Her phone chimed as she pulled into her parking space. It was a text from Harry. A link to a song. She smiled as she put her headphones on to listen.

***

Are you busy?

Three little words and her heart started racing.

It had been a few days since her impromptu coffee with Harry, they’d talked even more than usual. Penny woke up to texts from Harry – songs, random musings, once, a funny YouTube video – and his messages were also what lulled her to sleep. She wasn’t sure what to call this new stage, but felt that friendship was a good start.

Penny counted to twenty before responding. Not really. What do you need?

She could see him typing in the message thread.

I’m working today and am a little stuck on something. I wanted to get your advice. A voice note followed the message. Take a listen and let me know what you think.

Penny’s phone burned hot in her hand with the knowledge of what that message contained. She rose from her desk, searched for her earbuds and rushed off to find a quiet spot in the office to listen to the note. In the dim hallway that led the kitchen, she pushed her earbuds in and turned up the volume before pressing play.

It was an unfinished demo, but despite the rough nature of the recording, she could tell this song was something special. It started off with a strong drum section before Harry’s vocals came in. His higher register, smoother than ever. She closed her eyes, Even with shitty discount earbuds she could feel the beat pulsing, throbbing, echoing within her. It was magic. When it finished playing, she hit play again, focusing on the lyrics this time through. Phrases about shining, stepping into the light, recurred throughout, and while it was beyond her to speculate the meaning of the lyrics, they felt deeply personal. The kind of personal that everyone could relate to. The hallmark of a good song.

She listened a third time for good measure before typing out her response. Initial reaction, I love it. On more listens, it feels like the bass and drums might be a little too much. There’s an intimacy to this song and you don’t want to lose that. Find a way to balance the two and you’ve got a hit.

Harry’s reply came quickly. You’re exactly right! Thanks!

Any time.

“Penny?”

She looked up from her phone to see Darren in front of her, mug in hand, clearly on his way to get some of the paltry excuse for coffee kept in the kitchen.

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing?”

She searched her brain for a reason she’d be standing in a dark hallway with her headphones. “I was taking a call,” she finally said. “It was a little noisy in the main room and I just needed some quiet.”

“OK, well that’s what we have the call booths for. Keep that in mind.” Darren stared at her and Penny prayed he wouldn’t be able to sniff out the real reason she was there.

“I should go,” she said, dashing towards her desk.

“All good?” Chloe asked, taking in the panic on Penny’s phase.

“You-know-who almost caught me with a demo the other you-know-who sent me,” Penny said, voice low.

“Shit.”

“Yeah, it was a little too close for comfort.”

“Why?”

Penny turned around in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Let’s think this through,” Chloe said. “Why are you so concerned about Darren finding out what you know?”

“Because it’s an ethics issue.”

“Why is it an ethics issue?”

“Because I know Harry. We’ve gotten drinks together.”

“OK, yes,” Chloe prompted. “But how is that any different from you getting drinks with Paul at a networking event and then quoting him in a piece? Or when you went to dinner with those investors that were funding that new streaming startup and then wrote a story?”

“It’s just different. My brother’s best friend didn’t introduce me to them.”

“But he did introduce you to Janice and you quoted her.”

“I-that’s not the same and you know it.”

“You want to know what I think?” Chloe asked.

“Not particularly.”

“I think that three weeks ago you thought this scheme was a great idea but then you actually spent time with Harry and now you care about him and you don’t want him to know you were using him and you also don’t want to risk your reputation.”

Penny scoffed. “You are so off base.”

“Am I? You haven’t looked me in the eye since you sat down and your hands are shaking. You’re lying and we both know it.”

“It’s not what you think,” Penny said. “I didn’t want Darren to know because if he gets ahold of the story he’ll probably kill it and I don’t want that to happen. I’m saving it for one of our editorial meetings so I can have Skylar there as backup.” She hoped the lie sounded more convincing than it felt.

“Sure,” Chloe said. “Do you want to get drinks after work tonight?” she asked, smartly changing the subject.

Penny nodded in agreement, but inside she was wondering why she was so scared to tell her best friend the truth.

***

Penny paced in her kitchen keeping an eye on her phone on the counter, willing it to light up with a new notification. It had been three days since Harry had shared his demo, forcing her  to confront the emotions that had been brewing inside of her for the past few months.

She’d reached out a couple of times. First to ask how the rest of his studio session went, and then to share some more songs and music videos she liked. And when those went unanswered, she reached out again, asking if everything was OK only to be met with radio silence. She was fairly certain that nothing was wrong, but concern lurked in the back of her mind, and after a few more minutes of pacing, she grabbed her phone and keys and headed for her car.

She scrolled through her messages until she found Harry’s address which she programmed into her GPS. When she pulled up to the gate, she pressed the buzzer. Then hit it again. And again. And again. Finally, she heard Harry’s voice through the crackly speaker.

“Hello?” His voice sounded different than usual and she couldn’t be sure if it was because of the speaker or something else.

“Uh, it’s Penny. I hadn’t heard from you and was a little nervous since we were supposed to go to that show tonight?”

“Oh, fuck. Come on in.”

She heard a loud buzz and then the gates parted, allowing her to drive in. She glanced at the landscaping as she drove up the path. It was nice and well-maintained, definitely not by him, and she appreciated the views the property offered. She put the car in park in front of the garage. Harry was standing on the front stoop waiting for her.

“I’m so sorry,” he croaked, voice gravely even without the interference of the intercom. “I came down with this spring flu or something. I’ve been out of commission for a few days.”

“Don’t apologize. I was just worried.” Shit. That wasn’t what she meant to say. “Like just since we had these tickets. I wasn’t sure if you still wanted them or…”

“Yeah, of course. I honestly don’t think I’m up for a show tonight. I’m better, but still not 100%.”

“No, I get it.” Penny rocked back and forth on her feet. “Do you want some company?”

Harry paused. “What about the show?”

“One of my friends had been asking about the tickets. I can give them to her.” It felt wrong to go if Harry wasn’t there, not that she’d ever admit that to him.

“Uh, sure,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “Come on in. It’s a little messy.”

Penny followed him inside, toeing off her shoes in the front hall. She padded behind Harry as he led her into a den. The large sectional was covered in pillows and blankets and he cleared a spot off on one side of the couch, making room for Penny.

“Make yourself at home,” Harry said, a sniffle punctuating his statement.

“Can I get you anything?” Penny asked.

“You're my guest. Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“But you’re sick.”

Harry shrugged. “There’s water, juice, beer, and wine in the kitchen. There might be some ginger ale left as well.”

“Ooh my favorite.”

“Help yourself. I’ll have one too.”

Penny grabbed a couple of cans from the fridge, trying not to gawk at the gourmet kitchen around her. “Ice?” she called over her shoulder.

“No thanks.”

She handed Harry one of the cans and they popped the tabs in synchronicity, grinning at their timing.

“Should we be drinking to your health?” Penny asked, before sipping from the can.

Harry grinned. “I can use any and all well wishes. This just knocked me out. I can’t remember the last time I was that sick.” He shuddered as if reliving a traumatic memory.

“It must have been pretty rough. I was worried about not hearing from you.” That was a normal thing to say, right? Penny was suddenly second guessing her words. “I mean just because we had the plans for the show,” she quickly explained.

“No, I apologize. I wasn’t really with it for a couple of days and was pretty useless. Thankfully I had some people looking out for me.”

At that moment, there was nothing Penny wanted to know more than who these people were. “That’s nice. I’m assuming Jeff stopped by?”

Harry nodded. “And Glenne. They brought me some soup and bread. Glenne is Jeff’s girlfriend,” he clarified.

“Oh.”

“And now you are stopping by. I’ve clearly got a village looking after me.”

“Um, yeah.” Penny didn’t know what was wrong with her. On the drive over, she’d been filled with thoughts of what she’d say when she saw Harry, but now that she was with him her mind was blank. “How does it work when you're sick? Like do you have to take a sick day?” What the fuck kind of question was that, she thought to herself. She took a sip of ginger ale.

“Uh, like not really. Sometimes I try to work through it but since we aren’t on a hard deadline I just tried to take it easy. Figured taking a few days off might also help me get in a better place creatively.” He stroked his chin. “Not sure that worked but I guess we’ll find out soon.”

Penny stared at Harry until she realized it was her turn to speak. “I do a similar thing when I have writer’s block.”

Harry looked at her questioningly. “Get sick?”

“No, like, try to take a break.” She took another sip of her drink. “This is weird. I didn’t mean to intrude. I’m just going to head out.” She rose from the couch.

“Why is it weird?” Harry asked, voice still strained from his illness. “We were going to the show tonight, why can’t we just hang out here instead? Watch a movie or something? Play a board game?”

Penny laughed. “A board game?”

“I happen to be a next level Scrabble player.”

“Is that so?”

Harry nodded. “And I can prove it to you if you’ll stay and play with me.”

Penny rubbed her thumb along her can, catching a drop of condensation. What did this mean – the two of them hanging out together without a concert or shop talk as a buffer. The two of them alone in Harry’s house altered the stakes in a significant way. The lines between source and friend and whatever else was lurking in the background were significantly blurred and she felt like she was playing with fire. “Sure,” she said. “Just let me send these tickets to Chloe so someone can make use of them.”

“Great! I’ll find the game.”

Just as Penny pressed the transfer button, Harry reappeared, a worn and well-loved Scrabble box in his hand. “Get comfortable, I’m serious,” he said, easing down onto the floor and setting the Scrabble board up on the coffee table.

Penny shrugged off her cardigan, laying it on the couch behind her before joining Harry on the floor. “How does this work?”

“You’ve never played?” he asked incredulously as Penny shook her head. “How is that even possible?”

“I don’t know,” Penny laughed. “I just never played. I’m honestly not a huge board game person.”

“I can’t believe I let you into my house,” Harry deadpanned. “Not a board game person! Madness!”

Penny rolled her eyes. “Just shut up and teach me how to play.”

Harry started explaining the rules as finished setting up the pieces and Penny tried not to giggle at his excitement and the way he tripped over his words as he laid everything out for her. It wasn’t a complicated game and Penny quickly caught on, relishing the few times she was able to land a double or triple word score, much to Harry’s chagrin.

“I thought you said you hadn’t played before!” he exclaimed.

“I haven’t!”

“How are you so good?”

“Harry, I write for a living and it’s a word game, not fucking brain surgery.”

“Beginner’s luck!”

“Or maybe I’m just better than you!”

They were in the middle of their second game before Penny realized that they hadn’t said a thing about their jobs. No mention of new albums or concerts or studio executives or editors. And the conversation managed to feel easy. It felt like she was with someone she’d known forever, and she loved how comforting that felt.

As they were finishing up the game, Penny could see that Harry’s energy was waning. His laughter didn’t quite reach his eyes anymore and he seemed a little dazed after a couple of coughing fits. “Would you want to switch to a movie or something?” she suggested gently.

“That would be nice,” he relented after a moment’s hesitation. “I’m going to make some tea before, though. Would you like some?”

“Sure, I can help.”

Harry looked like he was about to protest but after glancing at Penny, he abandoned whatever he was about to say, gesturing for her to lead the way. They stood side by side in the kitchen as the water boiled, and Penny tried not to shiver when Harry’s hand grazed hers as he handed her a teabag. Beverages in hand, they made their way back to the couch. Harry stretched out, fishing for the remote among the cushions and Penny plopped down across from him. Harry flicked through the various films available turning to Penny every so often to gauge her opinion before finally settling on a comedy they’d both seen before.

For the first half of the film, they made each other laugh, reciting the memorable lines along with the actors on screen, but after an hour or so, Penny heard an odd noise coming from where Harry was sprawled. His head was resting on the arm of the couch and he had his arms folded over his chest, as if he was trying to curl into himself. His chest rose and fell evenly as soft snores came from his lips. The moment felt too intimate and Penny felt as though she should avert her eyes. But try as she might, she couldn’t.

This was the Harry she’d gotten to know over the past few weeks, the one who was vulnerable and second guessed himself and who cared about things so deeply he let them consume him. The one who looked out for those around him and was surprised when people did the same for him. The Harry who wanted to be her friend.

In that moment, everything clicked for Penny and she felt like she was seeing clearly for the first time in weeks. She couldn’t betray Harry. She’d figure out another way to deal with Darren and find the career changing scoop, but she couldn’t risk losing Harry. If she was this concerned about not hearing from him for three days, what would happen if he was out of her life forever?

Penny wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do with her newfound clarity, but being in Harry’s presence in the wake of the revelation felt suffocating. She needed to get out of his house. Gingerly, she reached over to turn the television off before placing a blanket over his sleeping form. She grabbed her cardigan and shoved her feet in her shoes only to open the door and come face to face with Jeff.

“Heeeyyy,” he said cautiously. “What are you doing here?”

“Hi!” Penny said quickly, stepping out onto the porch and gently closing the door behind her. “How are you?”

“Fine. I-I don’t mean to be rude but I’m just confused as to what you’re doing here.” Jeff laughed lightly.

“So Harry and I were supposed to go to a concert tonight but I hadn’t heard from him in a couple of days and when I texted him about meeting up he didn’t respond and I was a little worried so I came over to check on him.” The words all came out in a weird, breathy, rushed whisper.

“Right,” Jeff said slowly. “Why are you whispering?”

“Because Harry’s asleep.” Penny’s eyes widened hearing her own words. “He fell asleep. After we played Scrabble. And watched a movie. I think he’s still on the mend.”

“You hung out with him?”

Penny nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t plan on staying but he invited me in and it seemed like he wanted company sooo…”

“Yeah, no that’s great,” Jeff said. “I’ve just been checking in on him on my way home each night and I know some others have too but I was just surprised to see you here.” He grinned. “Quite different from how things were a month ago.”

“Mhmm,” was all Penny could get out. “I should probably go.” She darted around Jeff and half walked half jogged down the path, fishing for her keys in her bag while she did so. When she managed to unlock the door, she gave Jeff a casual wave before driving off.

“They just need to fuck,” Jeff said to himself, shaking his head before heading inside.

Harry was jolted awake by the sound of the front door closing, and looked around the room confused as to where his companion had gone. “Penny?” he rasped.

“Nope, just me,” Jeff said, poking his head around the corner. “Don’t mean to disappoint you.”

“You’re the farthest thing from a disappointment, Jeffrey. Penny was just here earlier and I just assumed...”

“I know, I ran into her on the way out.”

Harry frowned as he ran his hand through his messy curls. “She left without saying goodbye.”

Jeff shrugged. “I guess. She said you were asleep and looked like she was in a rush. Maybe she had better things to do than watch the guy who refuses to admit he’s in love with her sleep for two hours.”

“I -”

“Don’t fight it, H. We all see it.”

“There’s nothing to see, Jeffrey.”

Jeff sat down on the edge of the coffee table looking Harry directly in the eye. “H, I’ve known you a long time and because of that, I’d like to think I know you better than most. Something’s been going on with you this year. You’ve been…off. You said Japan was going to reset you but it didn’t seem like it worked. I mean the way you treated Penny those first couple of times.” He exhaled. “That wasn’t you. But the past few weeks, it’s like a switch has been flipped. You’re writing again, you seem happy, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this happened after you’ve gotten to know Penny.”

Harry refused to meet Jeff’s eyes, keeping his gaze on the wall behind him. “I feel like Penny understands me in a way no one else does. It’s like I don’t even have to explain things to her. She just gets it, gets me. But that’s it.”

“Oh, is that all?”

“Yeah, we’re friends.”

Jeff pursed his lips. “So if she wanted to go to dinner and then…I don’t know…have sex after you’d say no? Since you all are ‘just friends.’” He made air quotes with his fingers as he said the last two words. “If she said you should call it a date instead of dinner, you wouldn’t want that?”

“Yeah.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that, H.”

Harry turned his head and looked Jeff dead in the eye. “Penny and I are just friends and I don’t want to sleep with her. Or date her.”

Jeff held his gaze. “You’ve always been a shit liar, H.”

***

Penny couldn’t sleep that night, her mind replaying her day with Harry again and again. She knew what she needed to do now, but that didn’t make things any easier.

She couldn’t move forward with the article…that was a given. But Harry…she didn’t know what to do about him. There was no way he could feel the same about her. He just couldn’t. And to put herself out there? Be that vulnerable with him? Now that was a recipe for disaster.

She closed her eyes and willed herself to fall asleep. But as she counted sheep, all she could think of was how much she wished Harry were lying next to her.

***

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[smokerkeiji]

so its the middle of the night and i'm rereading one of the earlier sections of the yuri zine and i come back to this quote, "sometimes when looking at my self is as painful as staring directly into the sun, my solution has typically been to study the reflection in the moon" and it all just sort of hit me. holy hell. inside mari. to study yourself through another pair of eyes, in her case. this language unlocked so many different ways of understanding inside mari that i just started scribbling on my ipad until next thing i knew an hour had passed and i ran out of white space and how did i even get here? anyways. here is the batshit insane looking page where i dumped all the thoughts i'm going to attempt to organize them here? this image is just so funny to me now i thought i should include it.

the horror of Looking at your own self.

a lot of yuri zine talked about reading and interacting with yuri as a form of self identification. and how those bring up both good feelings (gender validating) and bad feelings (confronting yourself and your regret and your shame for whatever reasons you may have). both as a consumer of this media but also found within the characters themselves in the stories we read. considering how the big reveal of the entire story is about how. in an attempt to identify herself, mari was forced to truly look at herself. something she literally couldn't handle. throughout the zine, the authors all in one way or another touch upon the idea of how uncomfortable it is to confront yourself. to look at yourself. its shown through jennifer and needy's relationship in jennifer's body, which i hadn't thought about but one of the essays in this zine explains it so well. it's shown through when readers see too much of themselves in certain characters. this feeling of discomfort exists both in and out of the texts we talk about. and how this sort of leads into the understanding that yuri is "the relationship to absence, to projection." the yuri that of inside mari is how she absents herself as a way to allow herself to love Yori (to love girls in general). (i want to emphasize how in allowing herself, it implying the norm for her was denying herself, stopping herself, punishing herself for feeling the way she did) because the whole time, the mari we see is just mari the whole time. not komori body swapped into mari's body. the mind warping mental gymnastics she goes through to live this sort of delusion allows her to be a boy who's just trapped in a girl's body. it allows her own self to love girls and accept this because. it's not mari thinking these things, it's komori who is a boy so. it's allowed. this also speaks to Shuzo Oshimi’s thoughts on being a girl. the ways mari goes about identifying her self while at the same time struggling with the mere act of Looking at her self is so yuri. i'm going to come back to this after i talk about Identity for a little bit hold on.

what is it that mari yearns for? what is it about gender?

mari's fragmented identity splits into three parts: fumiko, mari, and komori. her attachment to komori, the male identity she takes on stems from her hetero-patriarchal understanding of the world. she envies him for being able to experience sexuality and love girls in ways she feels she can't. but she ultimately abandons this identity too and exists as something separate from all three. or something that combines them all? the story ends with her alive and finally happy with herself. her attachment to komori's identity is less about his masculinity or maleness so to speak, but what she really desires is to love other girls in the specific (romantic, sexual) way he is allowed to in this society. her yearning is lesbian. i read her experience playing with gender not as her struggling with her own gender identity, but instead i felt that her beef was with the social performance of it all. i think she's a girl who doesn't feel connected to the daily practices and rituals that signal femininity. explaining why she sort of.. forgets how to do makeup and dress herself when she exists as the clueless komori inside mari's body. she uses him to liberate herself from these expectations. maybe i'm just full of shit. maybe her gender is just lesbian after all. another essay in the yuri zine talks about how yearning is gay. yearning is queer and yearning is lesbian. that yearning isn't limited to wanting to be with someone, but wanting to be someone. to live life the way they do. which hey. is literally what mari ends up doing in this story. what she yearns for is a reality that cannot exist (or rather, one that she cannot confront/reconcile with yet) she cannot look at herself, so she absents herself in order to allow herself to pursue her own desire. she felt like she couldn't pursue her desire in her current self, in her current standing as a girl in society.

what does it mean to feel like a person? to feel human?

i need to watch that interview everyone talks about "yuri made me human" because i already feel that truth in my core but i don't even know what the hell they're talking about in that interview. from the zine, "is the fantasy of yuri about finding a way to become a person. when you don't feel like one?" yes. but. what does it mean to feel like a person? in mari's case, which person? her First person? the one that died with her grandmother and replaced with a new name and identity by a mother she cannot understand or bond with? her Second person? mari? the person she grows to hate? the one that is forced to perform these ritualistic practices that signal femininity but is never allowed to desire it for herself? her Third person? komori? the depressed pathetic sexually frustrated hikikomori who is too stupid to see how good he has it* that he doesn't have to fend off boys who only objectify her? that he can have a girlfriend and kiss her and hold her hand in public without punishment? the komori that ultimately broke under the heavy weight of the truth that is not her. she is not him. she is no one for a while. yuri is everything and yuri is nothing. in fact, when mari is in that coma or whatever, yori desperately wants her back again, wants her awake, and she begs “don’t disappear” until she wakes up into someone again. someone for yori. but most importantly, someone for herself (the first time i read this, i felt sort of disappointed? that yori and mari didn’t get to live together forever but those feelings didn’t last long... i don’t actually want that for them. in fact i actually really love that they were able to reconcile their feelings for each other and also end on a note where yori goes to school and mari seems to actually be happy and secure with her own self) anyways. she struggles to connect to her fractured identities until through her growth as a character she not only starts feeling like a person but becoming one, probably for the first time.

inside mari is fascinating to look at and unpack from a yuri pov. i loved thinking about how this too was yuri, that she envies komori for his ability to pursue and love women. the way she projected onto him. the way she wanted something nonexistent and intangible. the way she yearned through imagining she existed as something other than herself. the way she shattered when faced with herself. the way she existed not as a participant, nor an observer. the way she loved yori so much she became everyone and no one.

in conclusion please read yuri zine and please also read yaoi zine 1 and 2 they are genuinely so good. bless the minds of everyone who worked on these.. the yaoi yuri theorists i look up to.... there's no real conclusion to this ramble. i hate conclusions. i'm done. good night...

#inside mari #yuri zine #yaoi zine #is this anything??????

[baconcolacan]

Having claimed that both tom and tord arent kin to spicy food, but would still eat it out of spite makes me imagine them getting into a competition with eachother, probably young and stupid, i wonder who'd be the first to give up

I was re-reading the small stay oneshot u wrote (where tord found tom sleeping in his office after overworking himself) and i couldn't help but question, at the moment where tord whined and i quote "my love i am so sorry for neglecting you!! please let me still call you my love" (While tom kept worrying over someone seeing them) how would paul and pat react, hearing their leader saying such things were they somehow still there, worse yet, what if they went to investigate?What would Tom do had he seen them via camera/VR?

Hey bud! Sorry I took a while to get to this but I'll answer them under the cut as some of the questions have fic spoilers ^^ Starting with the asks here Here we go!

Tord would be the first to give up. He grew up with a more salt-savory oriented palette while Tom at least had to try out a few spicy foods due to his mom being fond of them. So Tom doesn't like it out of experience and Tord doesn't like them for lack thereof.

IF Paul or Pat heard that they would DEFINITELY think that Tord was in some sort of secret relationship. Knowing protocol, they would try to get as far away as possible because its a safety measure, at this point Tord's paranoia would have rubbed off on them, so they would immediately go for plausible deniability. BUT if they only heard his distress and couldn't make out the exact words, therefore leading to them investigating. If Tom saw them approaching on the cams, he would immediately shut Tord up with a kiss, and use his momentary placation to say 'Sorry love' and kick him off him with all his strength. This would most likely lead to Tord getting thrown into a wall well before Paul or Pat gets to Tom's office. "Red Leader?! THOMPSON?! What the hell happened!!" "We got into a fight." "THIS EARLY?!" They leave it at that, albeit frustrated that the two of them had one of their daily squabbles at 2 in the morning.

Hilarson would probably try but he wouldn't have his resources or allies at that point. He would panic of course, as his charge had been taken to the very place they spent so much time and effort getting him away from. He'd probably find a way to get to him, maybe even meet with the Odense rebellion.

Hmmm, well, this wouldn't be realistic as why would they both be there? But I would assure you that they'd be a bit scared and panicked for Tom, both would probably try to stop him from hurting himself, but at this point, Tom would have been too out of his mind to recognize them, so it would end up really bloody for everyone.

The cancer thing actually didn't happen in Stay ^^ Tom loses his eyesight as a result of the bomb that caused Tord to also lose his arm. The explosion really fucked up all four of them, but Tord had thought that Edd had died, and so only saved Tom and Matt. Though, during Tom's recovery stages, Tord had cried his heart out asking for his forgiveness behind closed doors. He spent a lot of time in Tom's hospital room, just holding his hands.

This is a funny story actually. I was well into getting back into EW around this time, so it was occupying most of my thoughts. Then I had a, lets say, unfortunate maybe supernatural maybe might not be experience while I was away at college. My father used to say that our family was cursed, and that he brought it with him when he moved to where we live now, and that I had to always be careful because things liked to latch on to our clan. So anyway thats where the idea came from lmao, I was getting my monthly haunting and I just figured I'd write about a story like that for a fandom I liked.

Oh and AHAHHA NAWW THANK YOU, I dont get tired of hearing it, and while that sounds like a massive ego trip, I just really REALLY appreciate the kind words you all seem to never stop giving me ^^ Though dont idolize me too much lmao, Im really just a sleep deprived artist rotting in my work desk.

#asks #letmeaskdanielaquestion #regimen ao3 #regimen ao3 spoilers #ew Stay AU #church grim ao3

[childofchrist1983]

We have heard the phrase, "We all have our cross to bear." Although it is a nice quote, Jesus Christ is the one that bore a cross for our sins. None of us can imagine what that was like for Him and to take it lightly does a great disservice to the sacrifice that Father God Almighty and His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, made so that our sins could be forgiven.

Think about the most difficult thing that you have ever done. Think about the greatest pain that you ever endured. Think about the greatest sacrifice that you have ever made on behalf of other people. Now imagine doing the exact same thing for everyone that has and will ever lived. This is the sacrifice that Jesus Christ Himself made so that we may be saved and live with Him forever in His Kingdom of Heaven. What does God ask in exchange for this sacrifice? That we take up the cross daily and follow Him. What do you do every single day that you are alive? Can you honestly say that you take up the cross everyday?

We all have doubts and anxieties, worries and regrets. The LORD God Almighty asks that we put these aside and follow Him. Given the hectic schedules and hassles that all of us must endure, this can be a very difficult task. It is hard to keep our mind on one thing when we have so many things to distract us. But we must try. We must make all of our efforts to always put God first, to take up the cross and love and serve God as we follow Jesus daily. I find it remarkable how wise and how selfless and forgiving Jesus was, even in His last moments as He hung on the cross at Calvary. He does not think of Himself, He is teaching until His last breath, and He shows how much He cares through His actions and His words. We must pray for Him to help us that we can be a little bit more like Him daily. How can we take up our cross and follow Him? We must ask ourselves this question, but more importantly, ask the LORD. May He give us the peace and endurance we need each day, and may He use this time to help us grow in His wisdom and strength and to grow in our walk and relationship with Him. May He make us more into the person that He not only created us to us to be, but called us to be from the very beginning.

Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for securing a place for all true Christian believers as followers of Christ and spiritually reborn children of God in His eternal Kingdom. Each day, the sun rises and its light and warmth, and the Holy Bible gives us a glimpse of the promised eternity to come. May we continue to walk in the love and light of Christ with our heads held high and our eyes on the finish line. May we lead others to His Gospel Truth and to His light as well throughout this journey with Him. Let us all humble ourselves before God daily, asking Him to forgive us and to strength and teach us to view life through the lens of God and His promises. May He guard our hearts against Satan and the temptations of this world and our flesh. May He give us the peace to find full satisfaction in God and His peace and promises, so that we may live our lives daily in ways that honor and pleases Him. As we seek Him daily, may He reveal Himself to us through the words He has provided and use it to conform the desires of our heart to Him and His love and compassion and grace.

As true and spiritually reborn Christians, we love, trust and believe in Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ. We choose to keep Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ first in our hearts and lives and all other worldly desires behind us. He extends salvation to everyone, and we want to show the world the freedom, hope and peace they can have in accepting and following Him. We must ask Him to help us grow spiritually in our relationship with Him and strengthen us and the bonds of love that He has given us, so that our unity may glorify and testify to His power and goodness. Thank Him for calling us to faith and imparting us with salvation and righteousness. May He empower us to live in His will and righteousness, so that we may testify to His soul-saving power as our faith carries us past all doubt, fear, and failure. May He grant us the grace to forgive others who have wronged us, and the humility to seek forgiveness where we have caused strife. May we follow and serve God daily with love, trust, awe and wonder. May Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ strengthen our faith, lift our spirits, protect our hearts, and show us opportunities to help bring others to Him and His Gospel Truth daily. May we do this duty boldly, humbly and faithfully. Seek, follow and trust in the LORD God Almighty always! To God be all the honor and praise and glory!

We must come to Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ with sincere hearts to ask forgiveness and follow Him and His Holy Word and Spirit always. We praise Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for the mercy He bestows upon us and we are grateful for His grace and mercy and infinite blessings. By surrendering our hearts and our lives to His will, we see all the blessings He has bestowed upon us. God our refuge and our salvation and our constant provider. We lift our voices to Him in praise for His steadfast love, mercy and understanding. May Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ open our minds and hearts more and more to perceive and embrace Him and His truths. May He help us to find time to pray and read and study the Holy Bible daily and to find power in prayer, praying according to His Holy Word and will. May He help us to come to Him in true repentance and with faith in Him and His grace and merciful nature. May He give us the grace, courage and strength we need to walk with Him and do His will daily. May He teach us to watch our words when we pray to Him and to speak reverently and rightly. May we continually ask God to transform our hearts and make us faithful and humble as we walk with Him daily. We must come to Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ with honest, humble and repentant hearts. We must seek Him and His will and choose to follow Him all the days of our lives. May He help transform our hearts, help us to seek and live for Him above all else and to grow spiritually and build our faith and relationship with Him with each passing day. May He forgive our sinful nature and help us always make Him and our relationship with Him top priority.

As true and born-again Christians, we choose to walk in His righteous path and lead a life that is pleasing to Him. We desire Him and His will above anything else. We desire to walk in accordance with the love and light He has shown to us through His Holy Word and Spirit. We long for a deeper relationship with Him and a deeper fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ as well. When we fall into temptation and sin, we must turn to Him for forgiveness, strength and guidance. When believers learn to walk in accordance with God's Holy Word and Spirit, they have deeper fellowship with both God and one another. And the sin that could threaten to destroy that fellowship, if confessed (1 John 1:9), is covered in the blood of Jesus Christ and no longer a barrier between us and God. May we ask Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ to forgive us for any sins we have sinned this day or in days past. May we be faithful to Him and His Holy Word always. May He help us to walk more consistently in the light and to not neglect long to confess and forsake any sins that hinder our walk with Him. May He lead us in the direction He wants us to go so that we may seek and serve Him faithfully. God is holy and almighty and deserving of all praise honor and glory. We rejoice in Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ, knowing He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He is the Alpha and the Omega (Revelation 1:8). May our hearts always be filled with thanksgiving and rejoicing. May He help us to praise Him freely and honestly like all believers who came before us. May we live a life that showcases our love and trust in Him and His Holy Word and Spirit as He uses us draw others to Him and His soul-saving Gospel Truth daily. May He continue guide, correct and protect us, so that we continue to grow in Him and not weaken and stray. May we all remain faithful to Him and to this duty and purpose He has called us to. Seek and put your faith and trust in Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ and let Him do the rest. May He humble our hearts and help us focus on following and serving Him daily and helping others with joy and happiness. We lift our voices in praise to Him for His love, mercy, peace, faithfulness and grace - For EVERYTHING!

It is vital that we remain rooted in Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ through prayer and His Holy Word and Spirit and that we live and walk as a beacon of His light and love and share and spread the Gospel Truth daily, so that the lost souls in this world can come to know Him and be saved. The more we focus on Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ, growing spiritually by building our relationship with Him, leaning on Him and His Holy Word and Spirit, the better off we will be. Thanks to this and our faith in Him, we know that everything will be alright. And we will forever be grateful to Him. As true and born-again Christians, we believe in Him and His Holy Word and we strive daily to walk in His Holy Spirit. We know though our mortal bodies should die, He will raise us up and into new and glorious bodies (The Rapture). We who are truly His and alive at His second coming will never die, and our bodies will be changed in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, and so shall we ever be with Him in His Kingdom of Heaven forevermore (1 Corinthians 15:51-52, 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17). This is one of many promises given to us by God Himself. Thank God for His strength and guidance when we are faced with sin and temptation. Thank Him for His mercy and grace. Through Bible study and prayer, God reveals His wisdom and guides us to see opportunities to grow closer to Him and grow spiritually. He gives us direction to live our lives daily according to His will.

Jesus Christ is the ONLY way to Heaven (John 3:5, 14:6), the ONLY way to salvation (Acts 4:12, Ephesians 2:8-9) and He is the resurrection and the life (John 11:25-26). Jesus Christ the LORD of lords, the KING of kings, the GOD of gods (Deuteronomy 10:17, 1 Timothy 6:15, Revelation 17:14, Revelation 19:16) - He is the Living, Almighty and Everlasting God (Isaiah 9:6, Revelation 1:8, John 3:16, John 3:36, Jeremiah 10:10). There is no other God besides Him (Isaiah 45:5). We MUST humble ourselves before Him, turning our backs on false teachers, false gods and idols and our sinful ways. We MUST repent and turn back to God and recognize who He is and love Him in return for His great love for us. We MUST make God top priority everyday! May we be motivated to spread God's Holy Word and Gospel Truth to all the Earth, knowing that it is the only hope of all those lost in their sins. Let us not hold out a false hope for men to be saved without the Gospel, but instead, strive to do our part to get the Gospel out to a lost and dying world.

Leaning on Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ through prayer and His Holy Word and Spirit strengthens us and our knowledge and wisdom about God and His Gospel Truth, exposing these imposters. May God help us to seek and lean on Him daily to gain the strength, wisdom and spiritual discernment needed to expose Satan and his imposters who seek to destroy us and God's ultimate Truth. Everyday, we must remember to share Jesus Christ's Gospel Truth with the world and to thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for the grace that He poured out for us on the cross at Calvary. He has freed us from the burdens of sin and from the eternal damnation of Hell. In all we say and do, may all praise, honor and glory always be given to Him and His Kingdom of Heaven.

With renewed minds, hearts and wills, let us serve Him humbly and faithfully out of pure love and grateful rejoicing. May He remind us of His presence and to remain at peace, fully knowing that all will be well because He is always with us. Let us seek Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ today and everyday with all our heart and being, looking for His love, light and will for our lives with each step we take. Let us seek to please Him with our thoughts, words, and deeds and seek to advance His Kingdom of Heaven and His glory with our lives. Let us seek Him from a pure and humble heart, and when we so seek, we believe Him and His promise that we will find. May He help us all to be more sensitive to the teaching ministry of His Holy Word and Spirit, relying on Him and allowing Him to speak to us and guide us every step of our Christian journey.

God gave us the Holy Bible - His living and Holy Word - to let us know of Him and His abiding love and care as well as guide and prepare us for all our lives. May He help us encourage one another as we continue our walk with Him and our duty to Him daily. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for being present for all our new beginnings and all our lives. May He redirect any anxiety we feel as He provides countless opportunities for growth and change. May we humble ourselves before God always, asking Him to forgive our sins and make our hearts and lives anew through His Holy Word and Spirit. May He help us make Him and His Holy Word top priority, so we can grow spiritually and grow in our relationship with Him as we apply it to our daily lives. Thank God that we can focus on Him and everything about Him, for that is what keeps us sane and at peace. May our words and actions always be a reflection of Him and His Holy Word and Spirit and will.

May He help us to always walk in His grace and Holy Spirit, not by our own measure. May He give us the humble humility to know that our freedom and eternal salvation is found only in Him, so that His grace may sustain us, and we may never lose sight of His love and light and mercy. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for calling us to Him and to serve Him. May He equip us to do all that He has called us to do so that as He works through us, He may use us to produce fruit, to reach others, and to encourage all brothers and sisters in Christ. May He work all of these things in us and through us for His Kingdom and His glory. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for all His creation, for His miraculous ways and for everything He does and has done for us! Keep the faith and keep moving forward in your walk with Jesus! He loves us and He knows what is best for us. Seek, follow and trust in Him - Always!

Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His Holy Word and for sending His Holy Spirit so that we might have His grace, not only to awaken us and transform our hearts in our spiritual rebirth and guarantee our eternity with Him, but to also call upon Him whenever we are in need. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for all the reminders of His love and mercy and faithfulness within His Holy Word. He is bigger than any challenge or circumstance in our lives. Knowing this within our minds and our hearts, nothing can deter our faith in Him and His Truth. May we all accept Him and His eternal gift of salvation and ask that He would transform our hearts and lives according to His will and ways. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His Holy Spirit who saves, seals and leads us. May we always thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His almighty power and saving grace. For He is our strength, and He alone is able to save us, forgive our sins and gift us eternal salvation and entry into His Kingdom of Heaven.

May we make sure that we give our hearts and lives to God and take time to seek and praise Him and share His Truth with the world daily. May the LORD our God and Father in Heaven help us to stay diligent and obedient and help us to guard our hearts in Him and His Holy Word daily. May He help us to remain faithful and full of excitement to do our duty to Him and for His glorious return and our reunion in Heaven as well as all that awaits us there. May we never forget to thank the LORD our God and our Creator and Father in Heaven for all this and everything He does and has done for us! May we never forget who He is, nor forget who we are in Christ and that God is always with us! What a mighty God we serve! What a Savior this is! What a wonderful LORD, God, Savior and King we have in Jesus Christ! What a loving Father we have found in Almighty God! What a wonderful God we serve! His will be done!

Thanks and glory be to God! Blessed be the name of the LORD! Hallelujah and Amen!

[th3p0rtalmaker]

Character Ask Game!

Let's do Adira question #'s: 7, 13, 16, 20, & 26.

And for funnsies, I choose Diego from Ice Age question #'s: 2, 10, & 18

Adira:

7. A quote of them that you remember: 

A) "Look, I don't have all the answers. But now that I've seen all that I have, I have no doubt; these rocks were looking for you. And you must follow them - to the Dark Kingdom."

13. Your favorite friendship they have

A) Adira's relationship with Hector is by far my favorite. The differences between them are super obvious (their worldviews, their character designs, their fighting styles, their tempers, etc), but they also have a lot in common. Their similarities are portrayed a lot more subtly, so I wasn't really aware of them until I started digging deeper into their personalities and actions.

They both have an aptitude for wilderness survival. They both like spending time in extremely dangerous, magical swamp-forests. They're both incredible warriors of the highest caliber who have been trained in martial arts and swordfighting. They're both athletic and gymnastic. They both wear fur. They both wear long, flowy outer clothing. They're both committed to the Moonstone (in their own way). And they're both deeply loyal to each other above everything else (even if they won't admit it), willing to make exceptions to their own oaths/missions if the other's life is on the line.

There's SO MUCH about their love and loyalty to each other that's directly conveyed while still being left undefined. Which means there's plenty of free real estate for me to play around in to satisfy my curiosity. Or treat it like it's my personal storytelling sandbox. 🤣

16. A childhood headcanon

A) Adira learned that she could speak her mind without offending people (and ramble proudly about her special interests without boring anyone) as long as she said things with the perfect "shock value" to impress or humor them.

This was a great trick when she needed/wanted human interaction that she actually enjoyed. But it didn't make up for the fact that she couldn't "speak with her eyes", or determine what layer of meaning she was supposed to respond to when someone used their words. So her daily interactions with other people were still fraught with miscommunication and awkwardness, unless she was talking to someone she'd known for a long time.

20. A weird headcanon

A) Adira interprets/navigates the world with a very logical, rational mind, but still has many of the irrational experiences/behaviors that are a natural part of being human. She has to put special effort into accepting these experiences/behaviors in both herself and others, whether or not she finds way to understand them. Furthermore she's especially sensitive to the spiritual/supernatural facet of human existence, and well-acquainted with both magic and science in the TTS universe. She believes they're both governed by inherent "laws", but each has its own unique set of rules that don't apply to the other.

26. When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?

A) Basically anytime Adira was alone with only 1 or 2 other characters, I think she was more comfortable with showing all of her emotions, interests, and facets. In bigger groups of people she put on a "show", masking herself to some degree and/or bragging about past accomplishments in order to present herself as 100% capable of leading and protecting the group.

Diego:

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

A) I saw the first Ice Age movie when I was about five years old, so my memory of when/how/why I truly started liking Diego is pretty fuzzy. I do have this strong/distinct notion about the scene where he meets Manny and Sid, and he leaps from a shadowed area into the sunlight so we can clearly see him while he's talking:

Diego: (standing on a rocky outcropping from the cliff, in shadow) "The baby? Please." (jumps into the light) "I was returning him to his herd."

Maybe it was a premeditated moment of symbolism by the filmmakers, foreshadowing that Diego would indeed return Roshan to his tribe by the end of the movie, and switch sides from "evil" to "good"? Maybe my brain picked up on the symbolism of that moment because I was re-watching the movie and already knew how it ended?

Not to mention I was being raised by an abusive, narcissistic mother who definitely tried to brainwash me into being her loyal minion that had judgement and contempt for the rest of world...The conflict Diego faced between loyalty to his toxic yet grieving pack/family and his genuinely kind/loving outcast friends definitely drew me to him. But I wasn't able to fully understand it and put it into words until I was an adult.

10. Describe the character in one sentence

A) Diego was my gateway character to becoming a Hector stan.

18. How do you think they were as a kid? (Like, were they shy, noisy, wild, etc)

A) Sassy smart-ass with a heart of gold; loyal to to his pack and proud of his ambitions to support/defend it when he grows up

#ask game #character ask game #ask answered #tts adira #ice age diego #tangled the series #tts #ice age movie #ice age

[friezagirl]

Well, I've talked a lot with someone who thinks Steven Grant is a recreation of Marc's brother. Trying to get him to understand my point of view, I don't know whether he understood it or not. But I'm against his idea, Steven is a completely new person and he's just himself, not someone else's replacement, both because it wouldn't be fair to Steven and because I very much doubt he could be. I explain why. Steven was created from Marc's mind, in the series it is noted that he is inspired by the character of a film that gave him courage, that reassured him, therefore not his brother, otherwise he would have been called Roro, or in any case with a similar name or that, vaguely, it remembered, and not Steven. Regardless, the mind creates an extension of a personality. As children, the personality has not yet been fully created, it is not finished, it is in its infancy, its cycle ends in the first years of adolescence; but as children, the personality is formed through the knowledge and relationships that one has in childhood, which in itself is very problematic for Marc due to his family situation. Thus, his mind tries to compensate for this lack of stability and also for all the excessive pain, thus creating Steven. However, not having much knowledge in psychology, I will discuss this through my hypotheses. Steven, even though he's scared, faces it, just as reported on the poster in the room, this is because Marc, having no one, and being a scared child; he needed a figure who would protect him, who would give him security and who would be kind. His brain captured it, it perceived this need, and that's why Steven was born, the brain created him, yes, but then the rest took shape by itself, Steven built himself as a person in himself like anyone in this world. It's only as children grow up and into their teens that they begin to flesh out their own being and who they are and who they identify with, but that doesn't change the fact that Steven wasn't born to be a replacement for Roro, but a friend and a protector who would help Marc breathe and find a few moments of peace thanks to his presence. In addition, it would seem strange to me that Marc's brain creates a person inspired by the cause of his trauma, namely Roro; it would be more normal for him to distance himself from it, and in fact he clung to the fictitious and fearless and reckless figure of a protagonist of a film that Marc loved very much and that he adored playing. It gave him security to be that doctor Grant, he played at being one when his childhood was simpler, so it is normal that, since he was so attached to it and at a time when everything was happier, the brain took that name to give it to the person he created later, giving Marc physical support and psychological that he lacked. I'm not saying that Roro was the trauma, I'm saying that it was in any case the cause, that Marc's brain identified it as the reason why it all started, therefore the first and fundamental cause of pain, and consequently, the brain, the he would push away, keeping him away from Marc to protect him and protect itself. Thus, Steven cannot be replacement for Roro but a different person, born, alive and self-aware, like anyone else, bonded to Marc only for his duty to protect him.

Perhaps, unconsciously, Marc had also begun to hate Roro, given everything that happened to him. He would make sense, he certainly didn't feel it consciously, he was drowning in guilt, but somewhere inside, he must have started to hate him. He was just a child, he felt daily fear of staying at home, he was distressed in those walls, and he suffered. And feelings like pain, loneliness and anger can easily turn into hatred. Quoting a great sage, Yoda: "Fear leads to anger, anger to hate; hate leads to suffering." That could be what happened to Marc, either with Roro unconsciously, or with his mother knowingly. He hated them for the pain they had caused him, but he also loved them for what they meant to him, and he grieved for what had happened to them both, a fault that was not his and that broke him. And these feelings were very strong, destructive enough that he could not allow Marc's mind to create a copy of a brother who tormented him every day at the hands of his mother. So, Steven is not Roro's replacement and he never was, he was and always has been the anchor created to drive away that vortex of cold dark. A bit like the rainbow after the rain, he was born for the sole and simple sense of existing and of being a warm and reassuring light.

But not necessarily unconsciously, maybe the more Marc suffered the more he harbored anger that he segregated inside with force, and then he hated himself but he also hated Roro and his mother, and this feeling then led him to hate himself more, to suffer more, to blame himself with greater frenzy. Then there was Steven who put a stop to everything though, certainly Jake too. Unconsciously or not, he must have hated him. At least a little, just enough not to go crazy. He was constantly nagged, and he was just a kid, all that guilt was too big a burden to carry on his own, and Steven didn't carry a piece of it even though it lightened it anyway, but Marc was the one who kept it all, always, everyday. So Marc had to take a minute to point his finger at Roro, at least for a second to feel better. Only this must have only worsened his mental state, broken him again. Maybe that's how Jake was born.

In the comics it's already more different, Roro doesn't die as a child, but Marc still creates Steven, who is always kind and good. There the discourse is already more complicated or perhaps similar, Marc always creates Steven as a response to trauma, to create a shield, and therefore distance himself, from the horrible events he experienced with his "uncle". Then, of course, everyone can think as he wants, for me it is clear that Steven is only Steven, a person apart from Marc and Roro. However, perhaps people with DID, or psychologists, would explain it better than me.

#Moon Knight #Marc Spector #Steven Grant #DID #Dissociative Identity Disorder #Roro #Randall Spector #Hypothesis #Marvel #Comics #Marvel Cinematic Universe #Phase 4 #I miss Moon Knight #I love Marc Steven and Jake #Wendy Spector #I hate her #We hate her

[balestrem]

love & abuse

quote:

“In early adolescence when we were whipped and told that these punishments were “for our own good” or “I’m doing this because I love you,” my siblings and I were confused. Why was harsh punishment a gesture of love? As children do, we pretended to accept this grown-up logic; but we knew in our hearts it was not right. We knew it was a lie.” - bell hooks 

hooks, bell. 2001. All About Love. New Visions. HarperCollins, New York.

I am in love with bell hooks and her perspectives. In chapter 2, Justice: Childhood Love Lessons she begins to explain how our understanding and perception of love emerges from our childhood. More specifically she explains how children often grow up and internalize self-hatred and learn to tolerate abuse, because they were taught it was part of love and that it had to be beared. 

It felt great to gift my mother this book, not only because she experienced some horrifying situations with her parents and could grow through this book, but also because she shaped my understanding of love, too. Through the words of bell hooks she began to understand why I struggled to connect with people in regards to romantic love. It feels good to see that she is taking accountability for her actions and realizes how her behaviour has shaped me during my upbringing. 

I am at the point where I try to deconstruct a lot of the learned narratives. Now I know that the way my mother treated me was not ‘love’, because it was often times coming from a place of fear, a lack of patience, her own unrealistic ideals that I could not fulfill as a child and her own hurt inner child and probably also a feeling of being helpless in certain situations. A parent’s love should be unconditional and often times my mother’s affection was linked to my success and performance in school. 

My daily reminders to cope with doubts in regards to love are: 

“You’re not a child anymore. You’re grown adult.”

“Love and abuse oppose each other, they do not go hand in hand.”

“I am not my parents. I am my own person.”

“I am in charge and in power of whom I surround myself with.”

bell hooks provides other good examples of how these ways of “loving” might have lead to / caused sexism within certain men. She points out how people normalize violence towards children, a group of people that is defenseless. How parents use violence as a way to raise children, while parents would often oppose violence in a relationship between adults. These double standards or hypocrisies are often overlooked or not understood. Once we begin to understand the root of abuse, that it is usually implemented and taught from early childhood, developing from a seed into a tree, it becomes obvious that we need to purposefully choose what traits we raise future generations with. Is it love, kindness and unconditional love, or is it something less than that?

#domestic violence #abuse #love #bell hooks #text post #2022 #parenting #childhood #growing up #narcissist parent #narcissism #bad parenting #trigger warning #tw #book review #education #development #kindness #unconditional love

[skippyv20]

$old their $ouls!

Hi Skippy & Friends- Pilgrim here with some thoughts on what the press insists are "stunning, in style" photos of the latest Kardashian "fairytale" (?) family escapade. I apologize for the length but they are over achieving here. To me it looks like an invitation to a medieval gathering with dungeon attire or maybe an old fashioned Roman orgy. I do know for a fact-high heels (D & G included) are totally verboten on yachts.

According to the US Sun, the kids are disgusted with their mother's overt behavior. "KOURTNEY Kardashian has continued her "excessive" PDA with Travis Barker during their wedding weekend in Italy even as her kids beg their mother to stop." Thank goodness for kids honesty! This is the most healthy comment so far but it is absolutely out of control when children are forced to become the parents.

These aging Kardashian women and Barker look depraved using their children for an outright mercantile event. The Daily Mail reports, "The worldwide coverage of the reality stars showcasing the brand’s clothes against the idyllic backdrop of the Italian Riviera is set to give millions of pounds worth of free publicity to Dolce & Gabbana which has been hit by controversies in recent years." They say all publicity is good but I have my doubts about this crass excuse for a fashion show.

Must be a match made in heaven and I am not referring the the bride and groom who are on their 3rd wedding so far. Their dress rehearsal was the Las Vegas a la Elvis drunken ceremony. There was the small wedding in LA after the Grammys, where he played and then the daytime court ceremony, in Santa Barbara, arriving in a vintage car where the bride wore white Band-Aids. Now, this Dolce and Gabbana spectacle accompanied by multiple media crews filming 24/7. When the gals are posing with designers hovering, making sure each inch-yard-of material is in the right place, their ideas look sexy/chic...but when these curvaceous gals start to move, the outfits are useless compromising the women's integrity. The children have lost any angelic aura with tired, sullen faces sporting weird get-ups.

The ultimate insult it seems to me, is they think we will like this nonsense. Perhaps the reason why D & G is having trouble is because of what we are seeing here? What kind of designer ceremony are they creating in the name of religion to cleanse this performance wedding? Social services should be knocking on their gigantic doors back in Calabasas, CA investigating these kids welfare. Has this K lost her way? Is she having some kind mid-life/alter ego crisis hooking up with a rock band drummer who seems to think licking people in public is polite? She obviously trusts this man more than any other person leading me to think this is not a well balanced relationship.

The famous quote from Hamlet comes to mind. "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark." I think we can substitute Portofino for the location today. What is the speculation on the paycheck for the K family? Surely their marketing-momma-mogul is not doing this for free with all of them showing up and working it. Those new mega mansions, designer jets and divorces must have taken quite a bite out of the budget. Over and out for now. Long live the queen!

Thank YOU Pilgrim! I love this…..you speak for many!🙂❤️❤️❤️❤️

[iloveabunchofgames]

#JakeReviewsItch

Animal Lover

by Trainwreck Studios

Price (US): $9.99

Included In: Bundle for Racial Justice and Equality

Genre: Visual Novel

Pitch: A Frog Prince story. Lots of kissing. Lots of cute boys.

My expectations: The Itch page boasts, ">150,000 words!" which sounds more like a threat to me. There's no way I'm reading all of that in time for a review. Another choice quote from the description: "No furries! Don't let the title fool you!" If you're concerned people are going to be misled by the title, maybe dig into your >150,000 words for a different title, rather than hoping they'll click on the game and look for clarification.

Review:

Lucy is a veterinary intern.She still has more to learn, but she knows that the pets her clinic treats might carry diseases. She knows there’s a strict policy against kissing the patients. When she was younger, she loved to kiss her pet hamster. Muscle memory is a powerful force, so who could blame poor Lucy for getting swept up in the moment and laying one on the irresistible Hamchop?

Lucy’s magical kiss reverts Hamchop to his true form, a naked, hunky, anime prince named Edmund. He doesn’t know why he turned into a hamster centuries ago, but he knows he’s not alone. He once saw a cat who was certainly more than a cat.

Thus begins Lucy’s quest to kiss more animals and collect more anime hunks. It’s stupid, but it’s a stupid story told well.

The hunks aren’t the most fleshed-out characters in all of literature, but there’s more to them than I expected, and I love how they play off one another. Political debates between an early-’80s anarchist and an old-world monarch? Hot tub truth-or-dare that leads to everyone correcting each other over gender roles and attitudes toward “reefer?”

Don’t judge Animal Lover by its fluffy appearance.

+ Every character is unique, layered, and likeable. + The ensemble works well together. Their relationships with each other are all natural and nuanced. + The overarching mystery isn't takes a backseat to character moments, while still being taken seriously. I always wanted to know what would happen next. + Pacing could be tighter, but considering how few poses these men have, and how much time they spend in a small set of static environments, I thought I'd quickly get sick of looking at this game. There are just enough character entrances and exits, scene changes, insert shots, and musical cues to stave off boredom.

– Five men is a lot of men. I love them all, but even the game acknowledges that no one should be responsible for that many people. – When Lucy's introduced, she tells us that her defining character trait is that she hates lying. When she meets the hamster prince, she immediately hides him and then lies to her boss. It's non-stop secrets and lies with Lucy. Each time she confesses the truth, people surprise her by being totally cool, but she continues to lie at every opportunity, and for what? Cheap, stupid drama? No, thanks. – I was, on average, 45 minutes ahead of every twist in the story. – I played through the first nine chapters, which took about three hours. I then rapidly clicked and speed read up to chapter 15 (another 45 minutes). I don't know if I'm anywhere near the end. It would benefit from being a bit leaner.

🧡🧡🧡🤍🤍

Bottom Line: While I don't find much allure in the promise of shirtless cartoons, the rapport between this cast of dorks hooked me, and their ridiculous story kept me engaged for hours—though I admit, I hit my limit before reaching the conclusion. As traditional, linear visual novels go, this might be the best I've reviewed, but it still left me feeling like my time would have been better spent reading a book or watching a movie. If you think you'll like it, you're probably right.

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