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"Someone asked how I feel about Captain Crunch. I'm capable of eating an entire box of it without any milk. It is a sweet taste that is indescribable. Captain Crunch is its own flavour."
-my baby, my husband, my lover, Pedro Pascal
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you know, when i made that post about judge judy, i was really thinking about pedro pascal. ive been his fan since i was a child watching my mom watch law & order and buffy. i grew up thinking people on tv stayed that age (i didnt understand the concept of time) and i was utterly disappointed to find out that he did not wait for me (he didnt stop aging and wont sleep outside his age range, which i guess makes him a good person? but like cmon? its me? the literal love of your life?) if he would have me, i would take care of him in old age. change diapers, give medication, bathe him. i would remind him every day of who he was, every reason i love him, and any memory i could think of to remind him that hes human. that he deserves to be here just as much as anyone, else even in sickness.
now that ive basically wrote out my wet dream, bye! love you!!
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the plaguecore academic:
-dark toned clothes
-knowing random words in Classical English
-black face masks always. Hand sanitizer in pockets and bags
-having high grades in history only because there was a unit on medieval Europe
-forgetting that the botanical book on medieval herbs was a book you borrowed from the library two months ago
-staying up late not for studying but to research more about plagues, which intersects into the character you’ve been feeding lore into for the past five months
-plague Doctor doodles on history textbooks and biology notes
-showing up to school with a big cardboard sign during corona in order to scare classmates into wearing a mask (or at least, wanting to, because godsdammit wear your masks people!)
-using flowers and herbs as a love language. Somewhat incorrectly
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ugh it’s so cute that melissa drives barbara to school whenever it snows (barbara hates driving in it). they don’t even have to call to coordinate—they just know the minute upon seeing snow on the ground that melissa will be waiting out front of barbara’s house with an extra thermos of coffee in hand. so sweet 🥹
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Wait... Hear me out here....
Aria Math from Minecraft Volume Beta and The Calling by The Amazing Devil could be made into an interesting mashup
Because the melodies pretty much work together, I'm pretty sure she keys don't crash.
And the timing works pretty well too
H m .
I just sang through the calling over aria math and YEP
It works and it works pretty well!
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i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".
it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.
do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.
but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.
do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).
you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.
walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.
no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.
do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."
you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.
there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.
i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.
he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."
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