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#MEANWHILE IN MY PRIVATE LIFE
inkskinned · 2 years
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i know people are good because of this: the universe often assigns me side quests. in a circular strangeness; despite my inability to locate my-own-anything, i am almost-always finding someone else's lost things. dogs, coats, phones, cash, laptops. it happens so often it's almost tiring; suddenly being looped into a tiny amount of detective work.
but when i'm with other people who are not used to this: the response is almost invariably delight. yes, maybe they are simply thrilled by the mystery. it's just... they light up so much. i think maybe more... i think they like the opportunity to do something kind.
a few weeks ago, i was at a bar and i found a wallet as soon as we stepped outside. i felt nervous to ask for help, worried i would be holding up the night. i picked it up and said go on without me, i should help this get back to its home.
instead, three people pulled out their phones - to find him on facebook, to help cancel his credit cards. two people went back into the bar to tell the bartender, two others went calling down the street. group texts, facebook posts, instagram stories. people, without even seeing what happened, start offering help to me. fifteen minutes and: someone knows someone who knows the guy. the cheer that went up - just for finding him, just for this small thing. someone gets him on the phone. strangers dance around me, hopping on their feet - are you the girl that found that wallet? good for you, that's a good thing you're doing/same thing happened to me and somebody did what you're doing and i thank god everyday for people like you/i can't believe you found him so fast this is so exciting
i gave it back to him in a parking lot. i watched his shoulders sag with relief. there was cash in it still - he checked the pocket, and then sheepishly held the money out to me. i didn't take it. i held up my hands. "it's no problem, man. i know you'd do the same for me."
i don't know him, to be honest. i don't know if he is the same kind of person i am. but he nodded at me.
and i know people are good. i know people are good, because the way this story ends isn't surprising. we wave goodbye awkwardly. my friend loops their arm around me.
"i can't believe we got it back to him," they said. "i'm going to be riding that high for weeks."
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stuckinapril · 3 months
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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towering-book-piles · 8 months
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Maverick, cheerfully: Oh he's going to hate this...
Maverick: *Manic smile and evil laugh*
Dagger Squad: *Scared but Curious* Who???
~Somewhere, at the same time~
Iceman: *Internal Maverick sense goes off*
Iceman: Shit.
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rahabs · 5 months
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Holy shit! Doom spiral.
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curiosity-killed · 1 year
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Crying just had the workstream lead from hell assume that I was making up facts in a presentation because she hadn’t clicked on the source that was provided right there
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voluptuarian · 2 years
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GOD I would like to eventually publish my fiction someday, but I want to be sure it’s in a way that is the opposite of the Twitter/booktok/why is this YA author reviewing disney movies on youtube/celebrity writer personality thing
and like, I think making sure the content in my stories a. doesn’t fit popular formats (”fiesty” heroine who hates being a girl, love triangle-centered, I’m-an-outcast-as-a-shortcut-for-character-depth, characters who exist to tick off a diversity checklist) and b. putting in enough sex and violence that nobody can market me for adults who don’t want to rise above a 6th grade reading level will help that somewhat
but have you noticed male writers aren’t being packaged like this? The closest I can think of to a twitter-era-online-personality-author equivalent for guys is like, the auteur figure who writes really niche or intellectualist shit or is just an edgelord, but even then it’s like, I have a black and white author photo and a twitter, which I use to occasionally discuss current events, other writers, or to say that women are people once every six months (and I’m not talking about like, rock stars who end up publishing a book or something, I’m talking purely authors) or the avuncular or edgy grandfather types who are usually also Super famous (like idc Neil Gaiman)
like I want what current male authors have, I want to get published and be successful and for my books to be enjoyed and respected, I want people to read my stuff and be like “this book was great” and have no idea what I’m like beyond “lives in Indiana and owns 2 dogs”
#like if I HAVE to have social media#I want to do a Megan Whalen Turner and just have my tiny tumblr where I reblog fanart#and talk about what historical sources I used as inspiration and NOTHING else#and I think weirdly for male authors the more famous they are the more celebrity presence/less private life they have#whereas for women authors I think it's the opposite#like even as famous and online as margaret atwood is how much does the average person know about her personally??#or deborah harkness??#meanwhile all these less successful-- mostly youth market-- interchangeable female authors are like 'lets discuss my entire family history#my various marginalized identities and how I use fanfic tropes to empower my middle school self'#and must have celebrity opinions on everything and broadcast themselves everywhere#basically I'm not seeing 20 and 30something male authors selling me their books on tiktok#if it's happening it's happening somewhere completely under the radar for me#meanwhile dozens of women in panda onesies are constantly hyping their new YA novel#something something women and minority authors must sell their identities and not their work something something#like let me be the old school fantasy author who wrote a dozen bestselling series about the most bizarre shit ever#meanwhile you'd never seen their face and they didn't even use their first name just seven sets of initials#like you only get to know about me if I'm god-tier famous and then I'm using my fame to get my fave historical buildings restored#barring that I don't exist
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officialmisha · 2 years
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personally i am relieved that mcr decided to come back when taylor has a little hiatus on dropping new songs because it would simply be too much
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germposting · 4 months
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im losing interest in writing my fics bc they dont get any traction. its like. why write if no one reads it yk? i can still just read all my own fics by not publishing them since i write a bunch for myself anyway.
it just bothers me that people dont read or care about my writing so i dont feel like i should share it anymore. sorry
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Question for the void: how do you reinvent yourself when your efforts keep getting undone or get in the way of other things to the annoyance of others?
#I hope there’s not spyware on my phone or that someone has been going through it manually#y’all won’t even allow me to be stupid in private never mind that you let me know how irritating you find me whenever you can#it’s just the same same old same old and I’m beyond tired. it feels like there’s no growing or rising above this#like I’m just eating until I die. and even that I manage to do wrong. am I to blame for everything#(I realize that this is public but I havent been copying these so it’s too late to put these elsewhere)#I was a child once getting so many things wrong from the jump but how much can I blame on outside influence#and if it is my family’s fault then they’ve gotten away while I keep forgiving them and falling apart more each day#get a fucking pet instead and even then you’ll be disappointed that they’re not perfectly made to suit your mood and schedule#but god fucking damn it it has to be the dumbest heartless bitches that have kids and pat thrmselves on the back for a job well done#meanwhile all the pots are boiling over and when they finally turn around they’re only going to throw a tantrum about how unfair it is to#them. stop the press. dad missed his beauty sleep to get in the face of his quietly crying child and told them to be quiet and then sent the#problem upstairs to then rudely awake it for payback. nothing more. definitely not parenting. and you still walk around like a big man?#oh I would wish you worse than death but unlike you I still feel guilt and fear so you just get to keep wailing over the bare minimum and#never actually get your hands dirty or make up for lost ti#time. I just want it to be over. no more of this in the next life or just cut me out of existence entirely. don’t you dare do this to me#and I guess others again. I’m tired and have ruined my chances at life so don’t put me back in just so I can miss the point again and not#even have a way out.#gee was that too much
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imperihoe-writes · 7 months
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Different Timezones
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John 'Soap' MacTavish / fem!Reader
Summary:  Johnny is unusually quiet during a mission. Ghost suspects it has something to do with the Polaroid firmly tucked into his wallet.
Content:  pure fluff, long-distance relationships, pining, civilian girlfriend
Word Count:  1.2k
Notes: I CAN'T STOP WRITING THESE, the COD lads have me in their clutches. This weekend I had so much time to let all the creative juices out and I just want to thank you all for the crazy warm welcome to the fandom!
The way the grass smells at night And you've got flames all in your eyes As they reflect the sparkler And you say we'll never die
Johnny's leg kept bouncing restlessly next to Ghost, irritating him to no end. 
Gaz and the Captain were chatting in the front of the SUV, tinted glasses dulling the relentless desert sun outside. There was music playing through the radio and the hot breeze wafting in from the cracked open windows gave Simon some much-needed relief under his gear. 
When the Scotsman pulled out his phone for the tenth time in what felt like minutes and then shifted a worn leather wallet from one hand to the other, Ghost couldn't resist throwing him the deadliest glare he could muster. Which, when it came down to it, was quite lethal. 
But Johnny didn't look back at his Lieutenant, attention solely on the small square that was glued to the dark leather, index brushing over the frayed edges. Usually, Ghost was not one to pry into the private life of his comrades, but Soap's silence combined with the longing look in his blue eyes was so unusual, he simply couldn't resist glancing down at the picture himself.
It was a little blurry, with Johnny only taking up half the frame. His arm was slung over the shoulder of a pretty woman, with a wide smile and eyes that almost disappeared from how hard they were laughing together. 
"That your missus?" Ghost asked quietly, voice not as rough as it usually was.
Startled, Johnny looked up from his phone, before sliding it back into one of the many pockets of his vest. He threw a glance at the men up front, but neither of them seemed to have heard Simon's question. 
Reluctantly, he handed over his wallet and Ghost took great care not to crease the Polaroid any further, worn as it was.
"Yeah, that's my girl," the Scotsman mumbled, lifting his chin. "It's her birthday today, but timezones are fuckin' annoying, aye?"
Ghost just nodded, inspecting the picture one last time before handing it back to Johnny. 
"Scored way out of your league, Seargent," he smirked behind his mask.
"Oi, careful, L.T.," Soap laughed, then tucked his wallet away and crossed his arms in front of his chest before leaning his head against the cold glass of the jeep. "Gotta catch a few minutes of sleep before it all goes down again, I reckon."
Ghost nodded, giving the other man space as he zoned into the idle conversation that Gaz and the Captain were having instead.
Well, there's blue jeans in the driveway And you're walking inside sideways The wine always affects you in beautiful kind ways Asked me if I'm staying and I say that I'm sleeping on the floor
Meanwhile, John's thoughts circled endlessly around the picture burning a hole in his pocket. Of the woman waiting for him at home, the memory of a party years ago, when she'd kissed him drunkenly for the first time and her friends had taken a picture right after.
Edinburgh had been freezing cold that night, but she'd still only worn a short sparkly dress and tiny heels and John had complained that she'd be hungover and sick the next morning. 
Don't be such a buzzkill, she'd giggled, I thought you'd like it.
Oh, and he did like it, alright. But they were somewhere between friends and definitely interested, with him unsure how his career and a relationship would go and her aloof enough that it was impossible to read her intentions.
But then he'd been singing along to a terrible rendition of the top ten songs of the past decade, the whole pub full to bursting point as they counted down the last few minutes of the old year. And she'd been screaming along next to him, jumping up and down with one of his friends from uni and Johnny had laughed until he felt a little dizzy and grabbed her by the waist to steady her.
She'd looked up at him from behind dark eyelashes with a grin, and then pulled his face down towards her, crushing their mouths together without much finesse but so much passion, that the echoes of it still made him smile.
He'd walked her home that night, laughed some more when she twirled around lamp posts and stumbled a bit. She'd asked him straight out if he was staying the night and John, big idiotic sap that he was, had insisted on the sofa. 
A gentleman, she still teased him to this day. But my pride will never recover.
Soap slid out his phone for the hundredth time in an hour, and saw that it was only a few minutes left now. Irrationally embarrassed, he glanced over at Ghost, who stared out the window in silence but was clearly vigilant. A nudge with his boot got him the attention of the Lieutenant, and dark eyes snapped over to him, then the phone in his hand.
"Would ya mind, you know-" Soap trailed off as Gaz turned around with interest. 
"What is it?" Ghost asked, voice unreadable.
"Totakeapictureofme." He rushed out between clenched teeth, as quietly as possible.
"For your girl." 
It wasn't a question.
"Yeah," he rolled his eyes, already regretting not snapping an awkward angle selfie instead. Gaz gasped and Price's eyes studied him in the rearview mirror as well.
"Soap's got a girl squirrelled away somewhere?" Gaz asked, eyes shining.
"Yeah, far away and safe from nosy bastards like you," he snapped, arms crossed in irritation now but Ghost reached over and tugged the small iPhone from his hands.
"Better fix that face, Johnny, 'm not doin' a photoshoot with you."
"Get the gun!" Gaz smirked, reaching back to tug Soap's AK-47 straight where it rested between his knees and on the back of Price's seat. "Ladies love a proper soldier."
The whole situation was so ridiculous, that Soap couldn't help but laugh. Ghost had a concentrated look on his face as he gave a thumbs-up to him, then the distinct sound of a camera shutter sounded. 
Barely glancing at the photo out of sheer mortification over the three smirking faces in the SUV, Soap hastily typed out a message accompanying the picture and hit send, just as the world clock for Edinburgh turned to midnight on his phone.
🧼: I love and miss you. Happy Birthday, baby.
She opened the message almost immediately and John ignored the teasing comments and laughter from Gaz and Price as he watched the three dots dance next to her name.
💍: Omg.
💍: You look so hot, what the fuck. Best present ever. Come back home soon and be safe! xx
Then a picture of her appeared only moments later, with a silly party hat perched on her head and sparkler in hand. Her brother was saying something next to her, drink in hand and she was beaming into the camera. Soap stroked over the grainy image with his thumb for a moment, smiling. 
Grab me by the hands Just as callused as I am And say you're proud
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Soft and silly Scottish men have my whole heart. If you enjoyed it, you can find the rest of my COD masterlist here! (We also got some steamy stuff over there folks 👀)
Song lyrics by Zach Bryan - The Good I'll Do. 🖤 One of my most listened to love songs of all time.
NEXT PART: Same Timezone
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ioniiaa · 1 month
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My Darling, My Honey
Alastor X Fem!Reader (Part 13)
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13
Part 13:
After practically being dragged by Vaggie back into the main lobby of the hotel with Alastor quietly humming behind the two of you, you were basically swarmed by Charlie, Angel, Husk and Nifty.
"WHERE WERE YOU? I was so scared!" Charlie barely manages to get out past the blubbering tears streaming down her face as she hugs you.
Angel examined your body with all of his arms, checking to make sure you were okay, "Geeze, toots, how'd you manage to survive that long against Smiles over there? I was sure you'd be dead meat!"
Husk gave you a glance up and down, "Glad you're alright. I'd hate to miss out on getting to know another drinking buddy." Husk glances over to Angel and grumbles under his breath, "You owe me $50."
"You were betting on if (y/n) was alive???" Vaggie groans, hands rubbing her face in exasperation.
Nifty is basically hyperventilating in your face, sniffing and examining your hair strand by strand, "Yup- still gross- EW!" Before she launches off your shoulders to go and do god knows what somewhere in some far corner of the hotel...
You let out a breathy chuckle, "I appreciate the concern... and the vote of confidence... Angel..." You give a sarcastic glare over in the spider's direction, earning a sheepish smile from Angel.
Taking Charlie's hands in your's, you take one of your hands to dry the tears from her eyes and say, "Charlie, you don't need to cry. You're such a sweet girl. I honestly can't thank you- and Vaggie-" you smile in Vaggie's direction before continuing, "- for saving my life and bringing me here to the Hazbin Hotel. I came here to find the love of my life- back from when I was alive. It's only been a few hours, yet you've already helped me fulfill the goal I've been trying to achieve for decades!"
Your words brought surprised looks upon Charlie, Angel, and Husk's faces.
Husk nearly dropped the glasses he was cleaning, "Uh.. Say what now?"
"Excuse me, but did you just say you found the love of your life... from when you were alive?? Who the hell-" Angel started to say before Alastor walked over put his hand on your shoulder,.
"Oh, you gotta be fuckin' kidding me." Husk interrupted Angel's sentence with the most deadpan yet exasperated voice he could muster.
"Wait... you mean... Freaky face has a fuckin' WIFE???" Angel yelled out in disbelief. "What the actual FUCK? I didn't think that guy was capable of love!"
"Ahem." Static noises became louder as Alastor glared in Angel's direction.
"Alright, alright, jesus, sorry! Husk, I need a drink."
"Already on it."
Meanwhile, Charlie just stood there as still as a statue from the shock. Until she suddenly started chuckling slowly, "Ah ha... hahaha... wait... really?" She brought her hands up to her mouth, trying to hide the huge grin that was slowly forming on her face.
You nodded, "Well, not quite wife haha... I was killed before he could propose..."
"Geeze, talk about grim.."
"Why, I do say that is quite enough from the peanut gallery!" Alastor piped up, menacingly twisting his head towards the bar where Angel and Husk were.
Charlie turned to Alastor, "How come you never mentioned you had someone special before?"
"Well my dear Charlie, I am a very private person, I do not often willingly divulge personal information about myself or my life back when I was alive."
"Oh." Charlie looked down at the ground dejectedly, thinking she was closer to Alastor than to be kept at such length still.
You patted Charlie's head, "Don't worry- I'll be happy to chat with you anytime! Though I don't know if you'll have fun hearing how I killed my husband- er- before Alastor. Maybe I'll have to settle for stories about my art career!" You chuckle smiling at her.
"Jesus, she IS crazy after all."
"Takes crazy to know crazy"
"Oh, shut up."
Charlie gasps, suddenly perking up, "Oh.. MY... GOSH!! Does this mean we get to host the very first wedding at our hotel??" She squeals and gives both you and Alastor the puppy-eye look.
You link your arm through Alastor's and look up at him with an inquisitive look.
"Ahaha! Why, if it is what my dear (y/n) desires, then that is what we shall do!"
You grin and bring your left hand up and hold it out to Charlie, "We already have the rings!"
Charlie blinks blankly and her mouth hangs open holding your hand to examine the ring on your hand. Vaggie leans over to look as well, "I honestly don't know I missed that..."
After staring at the ring for a while, Charlie smacks Vaggie's arm a bunch before squeezing her in a big embrace- the sounds of her squealing excitedly filled the room.
"WE HAVE A WEDDING TO PLAN!!!!!"
-> Part 14
Tag List:
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kiss-me-muchoo · 3 months
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𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐬, 𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞 || 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠!𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐬 𝐒𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
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part one: stop, you’re losing me || part two: in the trees, in the breeze (here)
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲_ your memory kept haunting Coriolanus Snow, so he found the way to end his exile. It’s a new era, but the same old feelings between Coriolanus and you keep causing scandals. Although, you are not ready to let go the pain he caused to you.
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬_ Capitol ballerina!reader, angst, drama, violence and death lol, jealousy, unhinged Coriolanus, sex mentions, reader still has health problems, etc. 13k words fic IM SORRY
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞_ hear this along Can’t catch me now, I’m not an OR fan but I love that song from her. I mean, who didn’t? And thank you for the wait and loveeeee. PLEASE TELL ME OF ANY ERRORS BC I CAN’T BE ALMOST ACCUSED OF BEING TRANSPHOBIC PLEASEEEE
♪ ♫ awful Coriolanus Snow playlist ✰ Index (+ fics here)
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Red, blue, red, red, yellow, green, green, pink.
Every color is correctly marked. A nurse smiles with some papers on her hand before she dissapears.
You can get dressed again. The color test was done, your vision was okay.
Purple and green bruises are scattered across your skin. Some appeared on your inner thighs. Two on your knees and one on the ribs from the day you collapsed after the post-Hunger Games celebration. You sigh covering your skin with a long floral dress. The reflection of yourself on the mirror salutes you with a tired, broken and sad face. It makes you force a smile, pretending more people were watching you. The room in empty though.
“Everything is fine. Your body is responding well to the shots.” A doctor asks as soon as he walks in into the room.
“The only thing that worries me is your mental health. Have you been stressed or has anything happened to you that could be considered a traumatic experience?”
The pointe shoes soaked in blood. The unstoppable bleeding on your feet. The late nights with panic attacks and over thinking. That young blonde man and the songbird together. The night on dressing room, how your hand burned after slapping the man so hard. The shock of all the events surrounding your life two weeks ago. How you lost control, your head spinning, blurred vision, heart pounding, numb arms and how you felt the oxygen was leaving. All the things you did for someone who never deserved you, making you shatter, fainting as soon as you finished dancing.
“Miss y/l/n… Are you okay?” The distant voice of the doctor breaks your bubble. You shake your head in disguise before turning away from the mirror, facing him and smiling politely.
“Yes, I’m fine. I was very stressed, yeah. Working with the production of the Hunger Games. My artistic performances, last days at the Academy. It was a lot…” the doctor sighs, annotating something. He then handed you the paper.
“I’m giving you some treatment for that. And please, you have to be careful and calm. Only that way the medicine will help everything to work here” he points his head. You nod, accepting the paper.
After that, you leave the private hospital. Trevor is there, your chauffeur and friend. He smiles, opening the door for you.
“Thank you, Trevor” he starts the car soon after.
“Is everything okay?” You nod, looking at the bright day at the Capitol.
“I just need to relax and eat well.” Trevor had trimmed his hair. It made him look younger, making you smile at the memory of him saying his wife was his hairstylist.
“Good. Oh, I received a call from your mother. This woman…uh, Dr. Volumnia Gaul? She wants to see you at the Univeristy today” you frown to look at him confused.
“Oh? So… Can we go now?” He nods, turning left to start the route. Meanwhile, you wonder what could she want. You made your part, the games had a higher amount of viewers compared to last year. You engaged with the production and the celebration was at full capacity. Your little accident even made it more attractive to the media. Appearing on the papers and magazines across Panem.
And after everything, you still wanted to keep dancing. Or else range would consume you.
It’s the first time you step inside the Capitol’s University. It’s very similar to the Academy, but the floor tiles are green and white. There’s a lot of white, cream, golden and black decorating the halls and long stairs.
Since it’s summer, most of the building was empty. Only some of the staff, and very few people who seemed like students. You see they dress very elegant. Some women wore hats with feathers or flowers. The men wore classy suits and you genuinely thought you would fit in.
You couldn’t wait to have some sense of normality as a Univeristy student along Clemensia and Lysistrata. Your only close friends left. Well, also Festus and Sejanus.
What seems like the private office of Gaul has a red door. Inside, she had a laboratory, smaller but weirder than the one you had seen before. Full of dissected creatures, tanks and crystal containers with unknown chemicals.
Some steps further and you see her desk, where she is collecting some folders and putting them away in some shelves.
“Glad to see you breathing, miss y/l/n…” somehow you found the humor to smile coldly.
“As you can see.” You reply standing perfectly correct.
“By this point you should know what happened to Mr. Snow” goosebumps make you shake your shoulders slightly, you nod again.
“He was exiled. Twenty years. He lied to me and did not said a thing about cheating on the games”
“Indeed. However this morning, I just discovered he bribed a woman to be sent to District 12.” You bite your tongue to hide your fury. A hot feeling invade your chest in rage. But you just breathe, failing to not show discontent.
“That’s not any of my business anymore.” Even Gaul seems taken aback. However, she doesn’t say anything, she just keeps pulling away the pile of folders.
“Well, since it seems you both parted ways… I must share that I’m deleting any record or data related to the 10th Hunger Games. Too many things happened before, during and after the games. Things that would compromise the reputation of the whole organization. Including me, the Academy, the mentors, you and Mr. Snow” honestly, you don’t know what to say. You just frown slightly, demonstrating how confused you were. But you also understood with half of the context. The death of Arachne, Coriolanus and his odd ways to make his songbird oustand, the rebel attack, Lucy Gray Baird winning from cheat. And the things you didnt know like Sejanus entering the arena.
However, you stick to your parent’s advice. You have to think about you and anyone else.
“I understand. But I did my part. I completed my task so I hope this decision doesn’t jeopardize my grant” she smiles. Dr. Gaul secretly believed that you and Coriolanus Snow could rule Panem together. In a sick and evil way, so she really hoped her dark intentions would work.
“Of course not. We had a deal. The views went up this year. You brought a new vision for the promotion that I’ll hardly let go.” The ambition started tickling you. Making you roll your tongue inside your closed mouth, at the verge of opening it and talking.
“Good.”
“In fact, you would be a nice option to become head of the promotion and relations team.” From the last games, you realized the director only gave instructions but he rarely did the dirty job. You liked having some power over the games. And now, a childish and unjustified resentment towards District 12 made you smile as Gaul offered you a new job.
“Is it a possible option to be working in behalf of my mother’s institution?”
“You’re very smart, y/n y/l/n. You are going further than Mr. Snow” your smile only grows, knowing you are nit being correct. You are letting the rage and resentment to guide you. You will make your last name shine brighter than your parents did. Just to rub it in the face of certain blonde who was now exiled. Probably savoring the country life of District 12.
“I just want to make my family’s name bigger than it already is” the woman giggles, taking out a red envelope and handing it you.
“I assume you’ll pursue the arts as you’re speciality. But if you want to get involved with the production, marketing and relations. You are taking politics and some lessons with me” when you look down at the envelope, the golden logo of the university is greeting you. It’s the admission letter.
“I expect to see you here by the end of the summer” you nod, thanking her.
And as you walk outside where Trevor is waiting for you, you have a cocky smile. Feelings like things could go better. You don’t even remember the doctor’s appointment you were in before coming to see Gaul.
Your soft hands gently brush against his forehead. Coriolanus had chills, he hadn’t had fever since he was 15 years old. But your hands are so soft even when they feel cold as ice. He just knows he’s in his bed. In his rottening penthouse. He can see a slightly blurred image of you, wearing a green dress, your hair in a braid, a golden necklace, dark purple lips. He can’t hear your words, but you are talking to him, spreading some cream across his chest, immediately he felt the mint soothing his cough and pain. He must’ve said something funny, because he can now see clearly your face, gorgeous as always. And he can clearly hear you laughing.
Coriolanus wakes up smiling. And he realised he was dreaming.
He was in a small and creaky lower bunk bed. Sejanus sleeping in the upper bunk. The sun hasn’t come up. And he’s a peacekeeper in District 12.
It’s been weeks since he left the Capitol. And since day one, you seem to be haunting him.
Current dreams of you, swearing to be hearing your voice. It makes him want to call you every single day. But he doesn’t. He was able to forget about you when he was in the peacekeeper training and duties. When he was with Lucy Gray any trace of you was gone. But as soon as he had a moment alone, he would remember everyhting about you.
He missed you. Painfully a lot.
Every Friday, he had been sending the letters. He hoped your mother would hand them to you. But Coriolanus knew you too well to know you likely would not be reading them. Nonetheless, he was letting himself to write the most vulnerable pieces of him, putting his heart on each word and phrase. Hoping that by the time his exile was over, you would have forgiven him.
When the sun rise, he’s up along the rest of the boys. Sejanus gives him a friendly smile and they’re out exercising and doing jobs all day long. During his break, he’s able to seat in an old bench, with a beautiful view of an open green field.
That’s when he dreams of seeing there, dancing or simply standing there with a sundress. Like the ones you used to wear on summer when he visited the house your parents had in District 4. He dreams so hard that he swears seeing the skirt of your dress swaying through the trees. And that’s when he knows he’s so fucked up.
But that’s long forgotten after the break is over. And by the night, he’s on the biggest bar of the town. He sees Lucy Gray singing something new. He honestly never understood the meaning behind her songs, but he was enchanted by her do what she loved.
After her live presentation, a big projector was introduced. They started playing the weather with Lucky Flickerman. Which made Coriolanus miss the Capitol.
“They’re probably waiting for some women. That’s why the always start that thing” Lucy Gray said, appearing by his side. He smiled at her.
“To see women?” She nodded, grabbing a glass of cold water.
“You know who are men around her” with no tv around, no ostentatious lifestyles, men could get excited with little makeup and satin gowns. Coriolanus was disgusted by many mannerism of the 12. But he was happy to be able to find some peace along the songbird.
“See? What’s that thing by the way?” When Coriolanus turned around to see the old projector, he almost choked.
It was the summer fundraising charity of your mother. Another luxurious gala to help the constructions of the Capitol after war. However, that wasnt the most impressive part for Coriolanus. It was the fact that you were getting in pose to start a performance.
Lucy Gray Baird was in shock. So if she was surprised, the men all around the bar where cheering and whistling.
There you were, with curled wet hair, metallic bronze makeup, wine lips, golden bracelet on your arms. But the attire. A two piece set that let your legs and stomach show off. With bare feet, and two elegant knives. One on each hand. Your cocky smile was back. And it was ruining Coriolanus Snow.
He literally jumped from his seat, leaving Lucy Gray to cross the river of men and properly see you.
She knew you had broken up with him. And that relieved the songbird, as she felt like she could let her feelings for Coriolanus flow freely. But seeing the boy literally hipnotized as soon he saw you, it made her feel uneasy. Deeply she knew that Coriolanus wasn’t over you. And no matter what, you were a sensible subject for him. That not even herself could ever test.
But he kept going. Each step meant hearing them say how good you looked, the places where they’d put their hands on your body. It boiled his blood.
But he finally, the dance killed him. Because maybe for the capitol you were still elegant and classy. Their eyes would publicly appreciate your art, and privately let their mind wander with your half naked body. But for people from the 12. It was like throwing a piece of meat to lions in starvation.
With your hips swaying tentatively, pointed feet letting everyone know how flexible you were. That sassy look on your face that Coriolanus was feeling too personal. It was like you were saying look what you lost.
He was used to see you in pastel tutus, hair in a bun. Not this goddess ritual dance type of thing. The music was very different, something very uncommon in Panem. He really wants to punch every man in the room. He sees how most of the women in the bar see your graceful image with disgust. And Coriolanus couldn’t blame them. But it made him remember that he had lost the right to call you his. And that intrusive thought made him automatically think he wanted to go back home so badly.
Your sensual and meticulous steps keep going, the knives making him remember the folk tales of women dancing with sharp objects to show fertility, honor of their kingdom and to seal a man’s faith. Every minute more desperate for Snow, who’s over the edge of hearing men say plenty of things about you. But soon, the music stops with you arched, straight knees, your curls kissing the stage, the knives perfectly pointing like a clock.
Coriolanus doesnt miss your evil smile. He can sense you are changing. And he remember all the pain he caused you, making him sigh in resignation. His desire of going back for you only growing.
“I’m sorry I left like that” he explains to Lucy Gray. She notices how quick he drank his beer. She was a woman after all, she knew the effect a fine woman could have on men. Especially on the one who was her lover. The one that probably hurt her and left her, ending their history in bad terms.
“It’s okay. I told you she was very pretty before” Coriolanus learns that Lucy Gray was not being sarcastic that day at the zoo.
It had come to the point where he couldn’t run away from his thoughts. Coriolanus was borderline obsessed with your memory. He constantly wondered how you were doing. He had to ask Tigris every time they talked to see learn anything about you.
For the first time, since he left the Capitol, Tigris shares that she had talked to you.
Coriolanus was surprised to hear that the reason you gave about the breakup was only because he cheated with Lucy Gray.
You didn’t said a word about him the lies, the last argument you two had. You only say that his songbird was special. And that you stopped to be what he needed.
Which was heavily mistaken. Some days before August accepted that you were the only thing he needed to keep going. He imagines a fake scenario where you came to the 12 with him. You find a humble home where you wait till his training is over. The lake where he spent hours with Lucy Gray and The Covey could’ve been hours with you. Talking about anything and everything. He would’ve come straight home to you when the training was over. Make love to you, promise to fight for a higher position, possibly as a commander one day and marrying you. And soon the years would’ve passed, his exile would be over and you would go back to the Capitol with him. Maybe some children along.
But that would never happen. And his delusion was starting to make him find a way to go back where he belonged.
He questioned if his urges where for power, or to get back the woman he loved.
Whatever the reason was, a lot of people would pay the price. First were the daughter of the mayor and her partner, then the man who had the decency to hide the gun he used to kill those two.
His hands trembling as he pressed to record Sejanus. But he knew there were high possibilities of being heard. And that way, he would go back. He would find you and slowly start again.
The death of Sejanus would haunt him for a long time. He knew he was a close friend of yours, which made him get chills, uneasy to decide what could be your reaction to the news. Either way, it was done. The heavens had to have heard him. He was offered to serve in District 2, gain some money and he could easily take the train to see you if anything.
But Lucy Gray had other plans. And Coriolanus wasnt even sure of what he was doing. Probably in his rambling and panic after everything he went through as a peacekeeper, one side of him wanted to run away and never see back again. To forget about his decisions as a mentor, to forget about his decisions as a peacekeeper and to forget about you. That way he would never have to face all the pain he caused you.
After some hours of walking, Coriolanus should have seen the signs.
“Everyone in the Covey are really good dancers. But I don’t think it’s my thing. I just have my voice…” Lucy Gray said, holding her bag tightly. Coriolanus only smiled, remembering how bad the songbird was when he tried to teach her how to waltz.
“Is it like… exclusive in the Capitol?”
“I think so. Today there’s only one institution, the mother of…” he goes quiet, realizing what he was about to say.
“…y/n?” She asked, almost nervous about mentioning your name. But in reality, she wasnt. After Coriolanus nodded, they just kept walking in silence.
“Her mother founded it?”
“It was her grandmother actually. Mine knew her, and they were kind of friends” he said smiling, trying to look away from Lucy Gray so he couldn’t see him smiling.
Once you leaned Coriolanus was financially struggling some years ago, you ended up visiting him for the first time. That day you learned Grandma’am was friend of your family before your mother was born. And that only made her appreciate you faster. Which made Coriolanus happy. Finally seeing her grandmother to let go the days of the war and any crazy ideas that stayed on her mind. All thanks to you.
“Grandma’am even started planting pink roses for her.” It slipped out automatically, he couldn’t control it.
“She’s like ink…” Coriolanus missed the point. But after some minutes of silence, he understood what Lucy Gray said. Which resulted true. Metaphorically, you were the brightest tint he’d ever seen. He let that ink fall and splash everywhere, leaving stains on him that probably would never leave.
And finally, Lucy Gray Baird fell to her end in the shallow woods. Hunted like a prey. By a broken man who decided to stop being good. Who was losing his mind for the pieces of a woman he let go so easily.
That changes like the destination of Coriolanus.
He’s going back to the Capitol. With tiny sparks of hope. But firmly believing that everyhting was meant to happen like that so he could go back to you.
However, as he came closer, Coriolanus realized he was lost. He had no idea what would await for him. And what version of you would greet him.
There isn’t an exact period over the Capitol that can’t be considered as autumn. The summer was practically over, and winter was already happening. Coriolanus had to wait longer than expected to get into University. In the meantime, he accepted the money from the Plinth family. He decided to get ahead of time. He used the last hot days to get Tigris and Grandma’am back to the penthouse. He bought the whole building and in two weeks the whole place was renewed. There was only one thing he couldn’t get rid of. The living room and entrance olive paint you brought. He painted the halls, dining room, studio and kitchen in a dark blue paint. But he wasnt able to get rid of the memories he made with you. His old self was long gone. But he had his supcisions that the version he was for you would never change.
However, he decided to stay afar from the public eye for that month after returning from exile.
Tigris said she hadn’t seen you. But that was okay. He would soon enter to University. He was going to see you there.
Eventually the day came. He gets rid off Casca Highbottom and then he walks towards the big and imposing University of the Capitol. He had a driver now, but he thought it wouldn’t be bad to use the mornings to walk.
In his first hours inside, he has private lessons with Dr. Gaul. Already mentoring him to be a game maker. She kind of suspects he was involved with the sudden death of Highbottom. But for some reason, Gaul has a lot of hopes in him, so she would easily act blind to keep her plans to keep going.
After that, Coriolanus starts looking out for you. He crosses the big seminar rooms and other halls. Until he is able to locate the arts building. It’s smaller but probably the mots interesting. With a beautiful barroque facade. As soon as he enters, he sees a group of girls holding large canvas with beautiful painting on them. Then, some steps later he spots two guys trying to carry a sculpture. Coriolanus believes that kind of modern art was the future of the Capitol. He had to admit the arts building was fully alive, he even forgot he was still at the university.
Coming down from some stairs, he sees two girls. A red haired and a tanned with black leotards and floral skirts are giggling. They seems like dancers, he doesnt think twice. He’s already approaching the girls.
“Excuse me, ladies. Do you know by any chance where I can find y/n y/l/n?” The girls look cheekily at each other, before smiling at him. Which makes Coriolanus wonder what type of rumours had been flowing around about you and him. Since mostly everyone knew the last Snow heir was dating the daughter of the kings of Panem´s television industry.
“She’s rehearsing now. It’s on the second floor, you’ll hear the music…” he thanks the tanned girl before going upstairs.
She wasn’t lying. He started hearing the classical piano music. He can hear some distant and low cheering. The whole floor is full of dancers. It’s a long hall, to the right, a big studio, with a classical mural, chandeliers and the most giant mirror he’d ever seen.
The people outside the studio see him with curiosity. But he only has eyes for the ballerina dancing all across the studio.
There you are, with a coral tutu, black leotard and thighs. Your pointe shoes seem new. Your cheeks look so pink and your smile is there.
He has to understand that you have become popular enough to have your own fans. Some rumors said that your mother was offering master classes at the University. And he couldn’t help but think how much your family’s name have growth since he left.
He lost count of many turns you did, but you finish cleanly, offering a beautiful view of your tutu wadding.
People start a round of applauses. He debates whether to get closer or not. He doesnt have any speech prepared. He doesn’t know what to say to you.
“Coriolanus?” When he turns around, he sees Clemensia Dovecote there. Her old study buddy looked older, but not in a bad way. He saw the scales on her skin. But he didnt had to ask, he knew it was because of the rainbow snakes. It just seemed weird to see with short sleeves but turtleneck.
“Clemensia” he greets her. Clemmie was probably your female best friend. It wasnt a surprise that suddenly the woman seemed to dislike him.
“Since when you returned?” He looks back at you again. As the music keeps playing, he just smiles. He know the way things would now work. With no how are you questions or anything like the past.
“Some weeks ago.” Clemensia looks like she’s analyzing every movement and word of him.
“Why are you here?” Her hostile tone only makes Coriolanus to act more relaxed than he already is.
“I made the promise to come back for y/n…” the woman stares at him, probably taken aback.
“She doesn’t need this, Coriolanus. She can’t have this” Clemensia had visited you at the hospital. She learned most of his lies towards you. She knew you didn’t deserved to fall again. And especially not because of him.
“I know, Clemmie. I won’t be a burden for her” the music stops, and Coriolanus decides that it’s not time to talk to you yet. So he smiles once again to Clemensia.
“I hope so. Because you already failed her once…” his smile drops. Clemensia dissapears to get inside the studio. Coriolanus stares at you one last time, before he silently walks out.
Before you can reach your glass of posca, a porcelain plate with your food slides on the way. A soft piece pile of fried little steaks, with melted cheese and a golden sauce of mushrooms dripping. Your stomach churns and it makes Clemensia laugh.
She had a salmon fine cut with caviar and other exotic stuff. It was a beautiful afternoon to have dinner at one of the most elegant restaurants of the Capitol Downtown.
“Bless your food.”
“Bless your food” you reply back to her.
“So, How it went the rehearsal?” You roll your eyes giggling.
“It was great, until the girls taking the masterclass appeared to see me” your father was right. After working in the production of the 10th Hunger Games, many doors opened for you. Splendid career opportunities here and there. Only that you didn’t enjoy a lot of attention.
“Are they still at the Academy” you nod.
“Rich girls who can make their parents pay the classes of course” Clemensia smiles, drinking a little bit before getting back to eat.
“Coriolanus was looking for you…” you literally stopped eating. You almost drop your fork, but you decided to hold it firmly.
“What?”
“Apparently he’s back.” She reveals. Making you close your eyes in panic.
“How? He was exiled” you say whispering. Clemmie shrugs.
“Gaul. He’s her pupil star. And with Dean Highbottom dead now…” it must’ve been great for Coriolanus to learn the man was gone. Always putting him in the lowest, it was a mark for change.
“Doesn’t matter, I won’t let this get into my way” she smiles.
“What about what your father said?” During a late lunch, you had been talking with your parents, revealing that you broke up with Coriolanus because he cheated. Your mother was shocked, but soon she joined your father to give a twisted advice. He asked if you still loved him. You answered you weren’t sure.
Then I suggest you to proceed to ignore him. Soon you’ll learn his intentions if he ever comes back. Play with him a little. Show him that nobody will laugh in the face of family like ours. Let your hands get dirty, but never show this insecurity you’re talking about.
From that day, you still wake up every morning without knowing how you actually feel about Coriolanus Snow. You know you can’t just simply forget about all the things you did with him. But you firmly pretended that he was in the past.
“I still don’t know how I feel about him.”
“Are you still in contact with his family?” You remember Tigris and Grandma’am.
“Not as much as I used to”
“Mhm. Did they ever learned what happened?” You sigh.
“Just that he opted to choose the songbird before me. And I know Tigris has her own opinion. I just never gave her the opportunity to share it.”
“With him back… probably you’ll find out sooner than later” Clemensia admits, leaving you thinking for the rest of the dinner.
Turns out that you are not ready to find out yet.
The first time you see him, it’s at the gardens of the University. You had lunch and wanted to have a brief walk. Through a maze of flowers and plants, you spot him on a bench. He’s very concentrated reading a book. Your eyes widen, seeing how much different he looked. The posture, the clothes, the hair, the cold look.
Something notoriously changed. And you have your suspicions. It wasn’t a coincidence that Sejanus was gone, and Lucy Gray Baird had dissapeared.
You mourned the death of Sejanus one week. You send your condolences to his parents at the funeral. And that night you cam’s help but cry on your pillow. Wondering why had life slowly turned dark. In a matter of months you had experienced things you never thought you would. You lost people, you had your first heart broken. You had lost the will to do much things. But, you had to keep going. And you felt guilty, because you thought you had no right to feel like your life was hard, just for being Capitol. The districts struggled more. However, it’s not on your power to mend their lives. Just as it’s not their case to judge your life.
And now, seeing Coriolanus so firm, so calm, it makes you doubt. Sensing that there must’ve been something off about him. Something bad, like all the things he did and hide from you.
You pretend you’re looking for some papers in your bag when you walk past him. He doesn’t see you though, and you thank it.
A couple of days later, you hear for the first time the rumours about him courting Livia Cardew. It makes you feel depressed. You cry out of anger as soon as you get home.
And to your dismay, the first thing you see after turning into a room for the politics class, it’s them. Coriolanus Snow is talking to Livia just beside the door.
That’s the first time you two look at each other again. He sees the anger, discontent and so much resentment. You see the questioning, curiosity and admiration in his eyes.
Nothing else is said because you break the gazes, you walk inside the room with your head high, and your presence is so evident that even Livia has to look at you. Taking too much time to see your beautiful heels.
A week later, you are having a good time with your friends. Festus and Lysistrata are there with you and Clemensia. You are talking all about the upcoming winter gala held at the biggest auditorium in the Capitol. Everyone is excited because it’s the great opportunity to make contacts and eat the most delicious food.
“Is your mother inviting Coriolanus?” Lysistrata asks with curiosity. You roll your eyes.
“I hope not. I haven’t even spoken with him ever since he came back” everyone knew you had broke up with him. But only Clemensia knew the details.
“Because he is courting Livia apparently” Festus mocks, making everyone laugh. Not that any of you had something personal against Livia. But she wasn’t the most brilliant star at the Academy. Now not certainly at University.
“Why Livia?” Clemmie asks laughing.
“Perhaps it’s becase how naïve she is”
“Or because of her father’s inheritance” you add.
“I don’t think so. He’s now the heir of the Plinth fortune” Festus remarks with dessaproval, which makes you feel angered.
“He’s dancing on Sejanus’ grave” your words create some minutes of silence for your late friend. Even when Festus and Lysistrata had made fun of him for being District and the ways of his parents to go up, at the end, they were friends. And now his absence had created a void.
“Ambitious and annoying. Just like his father…” Lysistrata comments sipping on her glass of water.
“How unfortunate. If he had stayed with you, we wouldn’t be talking bad things about him behind his back” you sigh at Clemensia’s words.
“Speaking of the king…” when you look past Lysistrata seated on her chair, you spot Coriolanus. He was wearing a dark grey suit, he looked so fine you had to admit. But soon you look away, the sudden memories of your last days with him haunt you.
After spotting his old friends and ex lover in a table at the cafeteria, he start walking towards there.
“Yeah. He would’ve been seated beside me right now. But he picked the songbird before me. At least he’s refining himself a little bit with Livia” your friends turn to look at you in shock after the revelation. But you’re gone, and Coriolanus curses himself for not walking faster.
When he makes it to the table, Festus and Lysistrata are shocked, making him furrow his brows in confusion.
“Did I missed something?” He asks.
“You had an affair with your tribute?” Lysistrata asks back in disgust. Coriolanus sees Clemensia giggling in silence with her head down. Probably enjoying his embarrassment.
His silence meets the requirement for an answer. One that they take as yes.
“And now she knows about you and Livia” Coriolanus frowns ever deeper after looking at Clemensia.
“There’s no Livia and I” He responds firmly. Even disgusted to her his name along the least smart girl of his finances class.
“Oh but everyone believes so. That you’re courting her…” he rolls his eyes, annoyed.
“I’m just talking to her because we’re partner for some stupid research” the silent sipping on their drinks at the same time is ridiculous to Coriolanus. He just stares at them annoyed.
“Do me a favor and leave her alone, Coriolanus. You were gone to go to your nobody girl from 12, but I stayed and saw her struggling in that hospital bed” Clemensia speaks confidently. Making the blonde to feel threatened.
So he realises that maybe you could have feelings for him still. And that this rumors could have weight on you. He curses himself. Even without realizing, he’s still hurting you.
“I won’t lose the girl twice, Clemmie. Have a good day” he says with a fake smile before leaving the table in shock.
He had to quicken the pace of his proximity with you. He had to make you see he never stopped caring for you.
There’s a shattering mess of broken glasses. You quickly move away from the crime scene, looking for your pills, immediately swallowing two.
Your mother’s assistant opens the door, asking for you with concern.
“Is everything okay, miss y/n?” You turn to look a the woman.
“I accidentally threw the jar. Sorry…” Millie is in her mid thirties. She was your mother’s confidant, and slowly yours too. She sees the news paper in the floor, half of it drenched from the broken jar that had water. She can see the title, The Snow heir tights the knot with the Cardew family?
“I’ll call the maids. Don’t worry” she says looking back at you.
“Thanks Millie.” She smiles, closing the door behind.
You breathe loudly, sighing in stress. Of course you had purposely thrown the water jar because of the news paper. A portrait picture of Livia is placed perfectly aligned with one of Coriolanus. Between some paragraph there’s your name too. But you don’t dare to see why.
You may pretend to be okay to the public eye, but you’re still drowning in the same feelings you got after Coriolanus Snow revealed his lies to you.
It’s almost like if he was still mocking you. Showing everyone how easy he had played with you. And how easy he got rid of you.
Someone had to pay. No, not someone, he. He, himself, Coriolanus Snow had to fail. Only that way you would feel slightly better. Only that way your tears would stop being for him.
The first chance you had, you would take it.
While you loved pursuing a dancing career along the production stuff. You still had some duties regarding politics and economy. Which is why you ended up at the submissions office so early in the morning. To send a petition.
You end up at at a messy office. A man is there, moving folders and other type of papers. There’s three baskets that can clearly be read as; approved, denied, pending.
However, you quickly look away to smile at the man who’s sitting behind the chair.
“Good morning.” Your smile is contagious to everyone. The man replies with a warm greeting.
“Good morning, miss y//l/n. How can I help you?”
“I was wondering if you could hand me a petition form to send” he nods, standing up, leaving the mess of papers behind.
“I can, just let me go and print the form. It won’t take too long…” you smile again, letting him go outside the office.
As you wait, you start seeing the racks of boxes and more boxes filled with yellow and lined papers.
Your curiosity grows, making you look at the baskets on the desk.
You see at first glance some graduation petitions, letters, etc. You are still curious to see why some papers where pending. So you look at the door one last time before diving into the papers. You don’t know the first students mentioned. Until you see the third yellow folder, where you can see a white strip with black letter saying Coriolanus Snow.
You open the folder, seeing what it was all about. A petition to start a political campaign at the age of 19. You frowned. He was good at writing. Even with letters he had some charm. But you know he never beated you to be precise and delicate. You always heard Grandma’am saying he would one day be president. But you never seriously discussed it with him. Now you know it was real. And you can’t help but feel an enormous amount of remorse.
He doesn’t deserve it. He had lost everything once, but the way he was earning everything was through breaking you, and probably others you’ll never knew about. Even when it would make Tigris and Grandma’am happy, you slip the folder into the basket of denied. You don’t feel nothing as you do it.
In fact, you offer the sweet man a smile when he comes back with the form for you. You thank him and then walk out.
Coriolanus swears he didn’t intend to bump into your father at the bank. Your father was a frivolous man, but since he knew him, he greeted Coriolanus with respect.
The blonde was taken aback when he invited him to have dinner at your house. And he couldn’t say no.
Your house is the same. At least from the outside, because inside, there’s more color. Coriolanus sees your mother. And she offers him a smile before he leans to give her a kiss on the cheek.
“Coriolanus, look at you. You look very handsome!” His cheeks warm, as your father giggles, handing his coat to a maid.
“I ran into him at the bank. Where’s y/n, dear?” Your mother laughs, rolling her eyes.
“That girl. I haven’t seen her out of her room since midday” the sudden sound of your heels gets noticed.
“I’m here” you say, coming down the stairs, putting some earrings on. Coriolanus notices the grey dress and black heels along the red tights. A diadem on your head and a bright smile that soon dissapears as you spot him in your house.
“Look who I found earlier” you sigh, standing straight.
“I see.” Your parents can see the way you correct your posture, showing how uncomfortable you are.
“We’re having dinner…” you ignore Coriolanus and his deep gaze on you.
“I can’t stay for dinner. I have rehearsals and I promised Clemmie to go to her birthday dinner party” they exchange looks. And Coriolanus is at the verge of smiling at the way you are making up an excuse to leave. Running away from him.
“Are you meeting with Jan before?” Coriolanus head almost pops to look at your father. And you don’t know if you should smile. Jan was your dance partner, he would dance with you at the gala. He was older, yet very handsome. And you wished he wasn’t off limits from you. Because you easily could admit your attraction towards him.
“Can you at least stay for some drinks?” You shrug at your mother, accepting your purse from a maid. You ignore Coriolanus and his way of looking at you, almost petrified.
His head was spinning, he needed to know who the hell was Jan.
“Unless you want me to do horrible at the Winter gala, no. I cannot stay, mother” she sighs, tilting her head towards your father. He understands, your father was the one who convinced you to ignore Coriolanus and play with him.
“Well, that’s fine. Just be polite and say goodbye to Coriolanus.” You nod, watching them leave inside the long corridor to enter the dinning table.
You remain quiet, looking down at your purse to avoid his eyes.
“You look lovely” he says, breaking the ice.
“Thank you.”
It’s the first time you two talk since months ago.
“I heard you want to start your political campaign” you opt to pretend you are okay and you can face him with confidence.
“I did. But the idiots of the council rejected my essay. Guess it’ll give me more time to focus on university.” You nod, grabbing a pair of gloves from inside the purse. You want to smile so badly. He would never know you were the reason of his failed first steps in the politic of Panem.
“Anyways… How you’ve been?”
“I’m fine, Coriolanus.” the way you sound tired. Like tired of him makes him uncomfortable. But he tries to keep his best smile too.
“Who is Jan?” He asks almost too seriously. You smile politely at him
“No one of your business, Snow” you calling him by his last name takes him very aback.
“You know, I just hoped that… you know. Maybe we could start off again… like friends of course” you giggle, lowering your head. He frowns confused.
“Miss y/n, Trevor is waiting in the car for you” the butler say appearing from the side door, you thank him and he leaves again.
“I don’t think there’s a way to start again. You already failed me once, Coriolanus.” You admit, putting on the gloves with a bittersweet smile on your face. You turn to pat his cheek, and he swears he’s about to melt. He lounged for your touch since the moment he left you at the hospital. He closes his eyes, hoping to slow down time and felt your cold touch.
But you move away your hand. He opens his eyes and sees you putting the last pair of the gloves on. You walk towards the door.
“You know where the dinning table room is.” And with that, you are gone.
Your father gave him the green light to court you again. Coriolanus had to swear that he would never cause you any type of pain, or else, your father would destroy his career before it officially started.
That was more than enough for him. Since that day, slowly, he had been greeting you almost every day, at Univeristy and when you ecountered him and Tigris in a furniture store. You personally invited her to the Winter gala, and Tigris agreed to not share the news about the invitation. But to the young Snow woman, it was a surprise that your father had already invited Coriolanus to the gala.
Soon the day came. As usual the gala opened with the performance of an specific play, than everyone celebrated in the hall with fine dining, and everyone gossiped as auctions happened. It had been a couple of weeks, very busy ones. Probably it was even more important than the arts gala on March. But for this special occasion you had rehearsed a lot to be an elegant black swan.
You smile at your own reflection at the mirror, the black tutu was gorgeous. The crown you had to use was very intriguing. And the black makeup made you feel very confident.
“I came as soon as I could” Clemensia suddenly opens the door of your dressing room. She looks agitated, but she looked amazing on a beige dress and her hair in half ponytail.
“You look very pretty” she thanks you.
“But look at you. You are going to be amazing.” She sits and both start gossiping.
“Your father invited Coriolanus.” It makes you roll your eyes tired. But you are having a heartache.
“I’m… not sure if I don’t feel anything about him” Clemmie leaves her glass of champagne.
“The newspaper rumour affected you. Right?” Slowly, you nod. Too embarrassed to look at her in the eye. But Coriolanus had been really good. He smiled at you at any chance he could. Something he would join you and your friends and he was fun, you had to bite your tongue to avoid giggling. And Clemensia had seen it too.
“I can’t blame you. I was there since the beginning…” your friend had seen the courting, the first awkward hand holding, how you two formed a strong connection. And Coriolanus left you at the hospital.
“You two had a beautiful bond. And he broke it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t miss him” Clemmie goes to hug you.
“Pa’ said to keep playing with him, to ignore him. But I’m tired, I just want to heal” she nods, letting you hide your face on her shoulder.
“You want my advice?” You nod.
“Do not force anything. Be polite to him, but avoid giving him any chance yet. As you heal, you’lo find the answer; if you should let him have another chance or not”
A man knocks. When Clemensia opens the door, he receives a bouquet of white roses.
You could recognize those roses anywhere. You get closer, taking the attached note.
Grandma’am and Tigris didn’t know what flowers to cut.
Good luck.
You try to hide your smile. But it’s impossible.
The whole place is full. Coriolanus takes a seat with Tigris besides.
“I talked with her yesterday. She said she was very nervous about this one” Tigris says. Coriolanus knows she’s talking about you.
“She’s always perfect, she shouldn’t feel nervous.” His mind was only thinking about Jan. He did his research. And learned he was a former dancer of your mother’s institution. It made him mad.
“Have you thought about inviting her to have dinner?” Coriolanus shakes his head.
“Not yet, I haven’t talked enough to her”
“Well, hurry up. Grandma’am wanted to see you married by the age of 20” she says laughing. But it doesn’t make Coriolanus smile.
“Oh look, it’s starting” Tigris squealed with excitement. The curtains lifted and the show started.
For the first twenty minutes, he’s so bored. Nothing exciting happens. He thinks the white swan is boring. And for the first time, he meets Jan. It makes him feel jealous.
It only worsened when you appeared on stage. Your black attire makes him go mad. He had never seen you in anything like that. He gets very invested in your scenes. He feels the emotion you are trying to project. Sassy, cheeky and attractive. You succeed to him.
Unfortunely, Jan had to appear too. And Coriolanus has to sigh, dealing with the scene of the man holding you to make you gracefully spin. The music doesn’t help, it holds the sense of you and Jan dancing together. Coriolanus knows dancing has a lot to do with acting. But he doesn’t enjoy the looks of lust and desire between you and your partner. The worst part? He had to seat and watch it for at least fifteen minutes.
His head malfunctions. But he already is telling Tigris he needs to the restroom.
It’s a lie. He goes to the dressing rooms. And his luck was so big that he found the one with the name of Jan. He slowly made his way inside. The place was so old that he didn’t need to check for security or anything, but he wanted to make sure nobody would see him in real time.
He wasn’t sure what he wanted to accomplish, but surely he wanted to get rid of the man who apparently had your attention now. Your mother had said you and Jan worked very well. And now, with him seeing the performance, he was more than sure he couldn’t let it move forward.
His hand went to his pocket, and his eyes widened. He felt the little glass tubes of narcotics. The same he used to kill Casca Highbottom.
He thought about it just for a little. Was it worth it? Getting rid of a man just to have easier access to you.
Maybe.
Then he questioned how bad he wanted you back. Coriolanus had missed you since day one. He knew he would never love anyone else. He knew no one would treat him as you once did.
So he poured the liquid from one of the tubes inside the water flask resting on the vanity. And before leaving, Coriolanus slipped two more tubes inside the bag that contained Jan’s clothes.
“You took very long at the restroom” Tigris tells her cousin when he came back.
“There was a long line”
This time, is different. You smile and you can hear the big round of applauses as you make reverence to go off from stage. You were the last one and the curtains came down finally.
Once you are free, you have all the time in the world to breathe. Other dancers and production staff members congratulate you. But it’s Coriolanus Snow the one who makes you frown confused. He was backstage, looking at you with a soft smile. His classic black suit makes you go back and remember about the Reaping ceremony. How happy that day initiated, and how bad it turned out.
“Coriolanus.” You greet him, he can see a tiny smile on your face.
“You were amazing. As usual, of course”
“Thank you. And for the flowers, they were gorgeous. As usual, of course” he’s so surprised that you were talking to him with some humor sense. Both of you laugh and it feels… warm, and natural.
“It’s nothing. But.. perhaps we could just sit together at dinner?” Your cheeks warmth. You think about your confusing feelings, what your father and Clemensia respectively said. Sitting with him once wouldn’t be the end of the world.
“Yeah, we could.” He smiles, and even when his hair changed, his deeper voice. For some seconds you can see the boy you once loved.
And he almost feels like he was seventeen again. Watching you dance backstage, ready to greet you with a kiss. He sees the girl who helped him so much. And he just know all the horrible things he’d done were worth it.
“I-…” but his words stay lingering in the air. Both of you hear a female scream. Coriolanus and you exchange looks before starting to walk where the sound was heard. In the corridor of the dressing rooms you see a woman lingering to an open door. Immediately you recognize it’s Jan’s room. You quickly make it there, through the pain of your caged foot inside the pointe shoe. Coriolanus goes behind you, already sensing the scene inside.
He hears you gasp in shock, covering your mouth and tears forming on your eyes.
You are in shock, you sob, unable to blink.
Jan is on the floor, pale and blood on his mouth. He’s dead.
And as much as the scene shocks you, you are trained to entertain the Capitol, so you turn to them random woman.
“Go and find Millie. Tell her about this and do keep your mouth shut. Nobody can know beside my parents. Understood?” You indicate the woman with a broken voice. She nods in horror dissapearing through the corridor. When she leaves you can finally cry.
When you don’t know what else to do, you are holding onto Coriolanus Snow. You find comfort on his chest. And he immediately holds you back.
As much as you hate to admit it, you feel you are home in his arms.
With one hand, he closes the door of the dressing room and returns to completely be there to hug you. He smiles, knowing he’s already slowly winning.
Because when your parents find out what happened, they make you put a cute black and green velvet gown with crystals. They make you pretend nothing happened and you sit with Coriolanus and Tigris. Ignoring the upcoming rumors, and certainly not respecting the sudden death of Jan.
Two days later, Coriolanus finds you seating on a bench. You are eating a sandwich, looking lost. He takes a seat beside you.
“I’m sorry about Jan. It happened so suddenly” he doesn’t feel sorry. Opposite of what he felt about Sejanus and Lucy Gray. However, he firmly believes it was the only way.
“He was a wonderful man. A devoted dancer, with principales. He had a wife in District 3.” Coriolanus coughs. He wasn’t expecting that. Something twisted inside him, but he still didn’t regret or feel sorry.
“He didn’t seem the type to use narcotics…he must’ve been very stressed out” you add. Oblivious that you are talking with Jan’s murderer.
“Are you sure you are okay?” You roll your eyes sighing.
“No. I’m not okay, Coriolanus. Not since that cursed Reaping ceremony day”
“I’m just trying to be here for you” he admits, and it’s your breaking point.
“WHY DO YOU CARE NOW? YOU FAILED ME WHEN I MOST NEEDED YOU!” He looks around to see if anyone was around. But the place is empty.
“I know I committed many errors but-“
“BUT NOTHING, CORIOLANUS.” You spit out with such anger, that makes him frown.
“You violated the trust, loyalty, respect and love we had for each other. You dissapear after making me have a damn breakdown. Only to go after that nobody girl. And now you appear trying to mend things?” You won’t tell him about his denied petition and what you did. You just want to share all you couldn’t before at his face.
“Do you know how many doctor appointments I’ve had since you left?” He looks down.
“Twelve. And I have to swallow four different pills every day. Only to stay sane. And who’s fault it is? The hunger games, the galas, dancing, Lucy Gray Baird. But specially, you” when he looks up at you again, you are crying.
“If you really want to be here for me, you need to stay away and leave me alone.” You finall state, looking at his blue eyes one last time, before standing from the bench and walking away.
That wasn’t your day. Neither the following ones. Your pointe shoes died and your size was out of stock. The food took such a long time. Your parents left to have an audience in District 1 and your evening was to listen to music and cry.
But certainly what broke you once again was a phone call.
“Hello?” You answer.
“Y/n?”
“Tigris?” You ask. Her voice sounding worried.
“Yes, it’s me.”
“Is everything okay? You sound alarmed, dear” you are able to hear her sighing.
“It’s Grandma’am. She’s sick. Coriolanus is busy at the Univeristy and the doctor I requested hasn’t appeared” your heart beats faster.
“She has a strong fever and it’s been like that for hours.” She adds, finally sounding more worried.
“Tigris, calm down. I’ll call my cousin, he’s one of the most prepared doctors around. I’m going there with you in the meantime” you reassure her, already taking off your nightgown and taking out a dress and coat from your closet.
“Thank you, y/n. I truly appreciate this, thanks you.” You hang up after saying everything was going to be okay.
You see how changed is the penthouse. Fully renovated, with bright lights that contrasted the dark blue wallpapers. But you find interesting how the olive paint you brought is still there. And your portrait from the day of your eighteen birthday is still with the family pictures.
You wait outside the room of the elder woman, as your cousin is checking Grandma’am. You have to hold the urge from biting your nails. A maid offers you posca, but you can’t think about drinking at the time.
The front doors opens and seconds later, Coriolanus is there. He seems surprised to see you there. Since the day of your argument, he hadn’t see you. He tried calling you but your butler said you were out for the weekend to your grandparents house.
“Y/n?” He asks, dropping his coat on a chair.
“Tigris called me. She wanted a doctor for your grandmother” he worried a bit.
“Is she not feeling better. When I left she seemed better…” he says hurrying to go to her room, but you stop him, grabbing by his forearm.
“Don’t. My cousin is already there with her. I’m waiting for the results” Coriolanus only stares at you. He wants to smile. You came only to help his family once again.
“You look very lovely” you smirk, looking at his window with your arms crossed.
“Really? Your grandmother is sick and you are here saying how lovely I look today?” He smiles.
“You told me to wait. What else can I do?”
“How cynical of you” you respond coldly. After all you told him, he was acting like it never happened.
The door of the room opened and Tigris came out with your cousin.
He revealed Grandma’am was having a little difficulties in her lungs, which made her prone to catch a flu. He gave her some strong medicines and promised it would be fine with some days of resting.
After some minutes, you are also ready to leave.
You say good night to the Snow cousins and leave.
“Y/n. Wait…” Tigris comes out. Stopping you some feet away of the now working elevator.
“I-… Thank you.” She slowly says hugging you.
“It’s nothing, Tigris. I told Coriolanus once I would always help the people I love” Tigris suddenly feels so sad to hear you say that. She really hoped you and her little cousin had a different ending.
“He still loves you so much.” You fight harder against the tears when she says that.
“I know. And I still love him too. But… he never apologized. And I’m not ready to let go my resentment towards him.” You admit looking away.
“Although things did’t work out for you and Coriolanus, I really appreciate and care for you, y/n” se almost whispers in your ear. And your eyes water.
“I feel the same, Tigris. I really do” you reply slowly, controlling your voice to not sound cracked.
“I’ll come back in some days” she nods.
She lets you go and you finally head out. Not noticing that Coriolanus heard everything.
He never apologized.
That night, you are reading on the living room when your butler walks in.
“Coriolanus Snow is asking for you in the telephone” you thank him, walking bare feet towards the kitchen telephone.
“Yes, Mr. Snow?” You ask.
“I just wanted to thank you for coming today. You didn’t have to and yet you appeared here” you sigh.
“Whatever that happened between us has nothing to do with my relationship with Tigris and your mother” now he sighs, from his office, in complete darkness.
“About that y/n…” your hands go numb, and panic floods you.
“You don’t know how much I’m-“
“I know.” You interrupt him, cracked voice and you hang up.
“Sorry” he says through the dead line.
That night, you read his letters. The ones he sent when he was a peacekeeper at the 12. Where he seemed to have projected his more vulnerable and emotional side of his heart. Maybe he had been drunk, maybe Lucy Gray wrote them for him. You’d never know, and you preferred to ignore the idea of him actually feeling sorry.
A week later you’re applauding for Grandma’am as she sings for you. You smile, changing her pillow case and complementing how much of a sweet voice she had.
It’s getting late, and you must return to your house.
After wishing Grandma’am sweet dreams, you carefully close her door and you walk with the old pillow case away.
“Are you staying for dinner?” Tigris asks with a sweet smile, taking the pillow case from you. Coriolanus is seated, drinking something as he carefully looks at you. You ignore him.
“I must decline, dear. I have to go back and pack some things” she frowns, stopping to put some places on the dinning table.
“Pack?”
“Yes. I think I’ll spend the holidays at District 1. My mother is opening a new studio and she’s going to need help. And well, if everything goes right, I might even stay there” Tigris almost drops the pillow case. And Coriolanus almost chokes on his drink.
“What? Why?. What about university? The galas? Your production job for the hunger games” you shrug with an honest smile.
“Lately the Capitol life has... it has been a burden. I want to live a peaceful life. I want to heal” Tigris sends daggers with her eyes to Coriolanus. He coughs, uncomfortable.
“CORIOLANUS!” Grandma’am calls the man. And slowly, he stands up to to the woman. He hears you stay talking with Tigris. And he wants to do something to stop you from leaving. Now he can give you the life he couldn’t before.
“Is everything alright, Grandma’am?” The elder woman looks at him from her bed.
“Are you really letting that young woman to walk away again?” Coriolanus frowns.
“What?”
“You’ve heard me.” Even in her sick days, she was firm.
“She doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore” Grandma’am shrugs.
“I don’t think so. Her eyes shine sadly at every mention of you. She was part of the family after all.” Coriolanus remains quiet. But he admits to himself that’s what he missed the most.
“I think she always waited for an apology. One that never came.” His heart pounds very fast. He tried, and you hung up.
“What do you suggest me to do?” Grandma’am smiles, coughing tiredly.
“You run to wherever she goes and beg on your knees. One time you show her vulnerability and you’ll never do it again”
“You already won the money and respect. You’re just missing out the girl” Coriolanus sweats, but when he turns to look at her grandmother again, she nods, reassuring him.
“Go. Get her back, Coriolanus” without saying anything back, he leaves.
When he enters the dinning room, he only sees two plates of food. He looks at Tigris confused.
“Where’s y/n?” She shrugs, taking a seat.
“She just left.”
Coriolanus runs. He actually runs out of his penthouse and when the elevator starts taking to much time, he decided to choose the stairs as his getaway. He feels sweaty and agitated, but as he goes down, he can’t help but feel slightly happy, the adrenaline of making it on time make him hurry.
“Y/N!” He yells your name once he makes it to the lobby, where he can see you turning back to see him.
You are waiting for Trevor when he appears running towards you.
And before you can even blink or breathe, he gets on his knees.
“Coriolanus Snow. What are you doing?” You ask confused and blushed.
“I’m sorry.” He says.
“I’m sorry about all the stupid things I did. I’m sorry about letting you down. I’m sorry for ruining our relationship. For letting you in that hospital bed and return to do everyhting but apologize to you” you look at him perplexed, not believing his words.
“I can’t lose you again. Because I know you’re the last person I’ll love. I won’t trust anyone else. And nobody would have ever looked down at me like you did when I had nothing” you sigh, feeling the tears coming again. You know he’s not lying. You knew him so well that you sense it.
“If you let me. To give me another chance. I’ll do things right. I will never fail you again in life. You’ll be the only person I’ll cherish and show love.” He offers you his hand, and he looks very suppliant.
You blink quickly to soothe the tears. And you know he doesnt deserve you. But aren’t the best person, so maybe you two were actually meant to be together.and that’s the only viable reason to why you want to let your heart freely beat for him again.
“Please don’t go, y/n” he whispers, waiting for your answer. You sigh, slowly and shaking, but you end up taking his hand.
“You’ll better be the most perfect lover of the history of Panem, then” he wraps your fingers together, and stands up.
“I promise, I swear” he knows the memory of Lucy Gray would always follow him. As well of all the deaths he had caused. But nothing compared to the joy of him kissing you again.
Your lips welcome him in the most sweet way. And he finds himself smiling through the kiss, gently holding you closer to him.
It’s in the start of the Road of Hope in the Capitol where Coriolanus Snow had his fully owned penthouse. Where he had nothing, and now had won everything.
Time flies, things had changed, probably for the better. You made Coriolanus keep fighting for a good and healthy relationship. Slowly, he made you completely fall in love again. And although there was certain spark missing, you knew it would never come back. However, you had also accepted that both of you had grown up.
The late talks were mature now. Talking about the future of Panem, planning dinners together. The kisses were more passionate, unlike the softness that was all over your early relationship. The sex was harder rather than slow and sweet like the beginning. Coriolanus would like to leave many hickeys scattered across your body, make a wet mess of saliva and fluids. He loved feelings your almond nails leave gentle scratches across his pale back.
But certainly, the biggest change was the way you two were handling a life together.
After turning twenty, you got married. Soon Coriolanus bought the house he always wished to give you. The one with black and white tiles floor, beige walls and big stairs.
By the first week in, he had done many refurbishments and he had fucked you in every room, every corner and every surface of the house.
Till the day you turned twenty-two. By that time, you had almost ditched your dancing career. Sometimes you still had some chances to perform on galas. But Coriolanus convinced you to focus on public services and the production of the hunger games. Dr. Gaul had officially retired, and it was going to be the first year of Coriolanus as a game maker. Things had really changed.
But everything seemed fine.
“Dear, Are you ready?” You turn to look at your husband, who waits on the frame of the door.
“Just one moment” you run to slip into your silver heels before grabbing your purse.
Trevor kept his job as your chauffeur and Millie was now your private secretary. Sometimes you hated how formal your life had become. Especially now that Coriolanus had some plans in mind.
As soon as you arrive to the fancy patio from a million-dollar man house, many women eye you and Coriolanus.
“Remind me what are we doing here?” You ask him. He holds your hand tightly, smiling at many of the invited people.
“I’m assuming the role of game maker. You are giving a speech about the improvements for the 14th Hunger Games, my dear” you nod, clutching onto his cold hand harder. Both of you were kind of the sensation around the Capitol. You know how they whisper about your dress and your husband’s physic.
“You’re going to be fine. You always choose the right words. And your voice can charm anyone here” he whispers on your ear, pressing a soft kiss on your temple.
“Thank goddess I’ve been studying the constitution. Or else these men would bury me” Coriolanus laughs. Soon you enter the actual event. With long white tables, candles and everyone dressed either on red or black.
“Men around here don’t know how smart my wife is” he says shrugging, remembering how many honors you received from university. Some of the wives ask you to join them. You wave hello to them before leaning to your man.
“Do not make me jealous or leave me alone during the speech.” You firmly say to him.
“Of course not, my love”
“Love you.” And with one last kiss, you walk away.
For the rest of the night. You feel uneasy. Because you succeeded with the speech. But once you read the part from Coriolanus, you are at the verge of babbling.
He shared some of his initial proposals for the games. Like lowering the age of the tributes, increasing the obstacles in the arena, using more mutts, allowing weapons, and making the interviews with Lucky Flickerman longer.
It had been a long time since you think about the games so much. But that guilt you felt after seeing Coriolanus as mentor, never left. And after that dinner, everyone claps for your husband and you, after being considered as the couple of the next generation for Panem.
In the privacy of your new home, you constantly zone out to think about it. You can’t ask Coriolanus to stop the games, but he could make some changes.
You knock swiftly on his door.
“Come in.” You walk in and he drops the papers he was signing to smile at the sight of you.
“Hello, you.” he says cheekily.
“Hello, you’.” You reply. He indicates you to seat on his lap and you do so. His arms lock around you, hands resting on your back.
“Are you coming to bed anytime soon?” You ask.
“I just need to sign some things, darling” he watches you frown, and he won’t say you look older, because you don’t. But you certainly look wiser, mature and more like a woman rather than a girl.
“I’ve been thinking about the games” He’s all ears now. He knows you had some specific opinions. You had said in your first interview how brutal the games were.
“What about them?”
“I would never ask you to stop the games. But…” you stop, suddenly feeling a little nervous.
“But what, my dear?”
“Don’t you think those tributes are humans? Yes, the Districts deserve to be reminded of the consequences of their acts. But most of the tributes are kids. Who don’t even understand everything that conveys a war.” Coriolanus sighs, trying to choose the correct words to answer you.
“What are you suggesting?” He tries to sound calm, but the mere subject makes him a little irritated.
“I don’t know… Maybe giving them more opportunities?” He giggles, caressing the skin on your hips.
“Giving them opportunities means going soft on them. And going soft on them could trigger a new rebellion” this time you sigh, trying to persuade him by brushing his hair, softly grasping his chin.
“Not like that, Coryo. I mean… raising the majority age of the tributes. Giving them at least the chance to train. To eat a proper meal on the last night. To show who they are one last time before they’re sent to die” Coriolanus would always believe that you’re only one weakness was your humanity. How you always turned to see down on others, feeling guilty from being born with all the commodities.
So, he tries to ignore it. He tries to see your suggestions as a way to punish the tributes harder. Give them everything to then killing them.
So, he smiles, urging you to kiss him. You reply immediately, holding him closer to feel the heated proximity.
“I could arrange some changes. Would that make you feel better?” You nod on his lips, smiling.
“Now let me finish this before meeting you in bed. And I expect you have this thing off before I get there” he says grabbing your nightgown. You laugh with a potent blush, gently pushing him away.
“Don’t be silly.”
“I’m not being silly. In two days, we start the tour, we will be very tired to make love daily as we do now” you roll your eyes, almost running away ad your husband laughs, making fun of your embarrassment.
“This is madness. I’m going to bed” you say getting out of his office.
“Don’t forget about what I said!” He yells, making you smile in love as you leave upstairs, wishing good night to the maids and butler. For the record, you do not forget about your husband’s petition.
The best part of the house is the rooftop in your opinion. A terrace with cristal walls and ceilings that had a gorgeous view of the Capitol. A view that included some monuments and the snowy mountains surrounding the city.
You had a little bar there, an eccentric dining table and some couches with colorful cushions.
Grandma’am made you take some of his roses so you could start your own garden. That brought tears to your eyes. But now, it was only you and Tigris there.
You asked the chef to make some vegetables and creams as your sister-in-law arrived for dinner. Coriolanus and you were set to leave the next morning for his political campaign tour.
“Have you packed everything?” Tigris asks.
“Yes. I wish I could take Trevor with me. But only Millie will be able to come” you say smiling. Tigris notices how you constantly look at the door, hoping to see Coriolanus entering.
“Have you told him?” You shake your head at the woman.
“Not yet. Probably by the time we arrive District 4. We have good memories from there” Tigris smiles. She was really excited when you got back together with Coriolanus. She even made your wedding dress. And now she was so proud of the career you two were making.
“Sorry for the delay. I was arguing with some incompetent who cancelled the delivery of our new chandeliers” Tigris rolls her eyes as your husband cheekily smiles.
“Dinner isn’t ready yet anyways” you say patting his back as he takes a seat beside you.
“You shouldn’t be stressing over the tour. Your dear wife must’ve prepared the most wonderful speeches for you to say” Coriolanus smiles, turning to give you a peck on the nose, making you laugh.
“It’s not that, Tigris. It’s the time that’s freaking me out. I don’t want to be gone for almost two months.” You sigh, trying to keep everything together. You just pray that the tour goes smoothly.
“Each district will host you with all commodities” it’s a lie. Coriolanus isn’t ready to go to District 12 again. Where his father died, where he committed the worst decisions of his early life. He knows those days will be a little sour. But he’s willing to play pretend very well for you.
“It’s going to be fine. Pardon me, dart” Coriolanus says after seeing your face of over thinking. His wife is so smart that she’s probably wondering the same as him. And that’s the least he needs of.
You take his hand, before hearing the food has arrived. The air changes, the dinner flows happily as you talk and gossip with Tigris and your husband. It’s a great dinner actually.
Maybe he broke your heart when you were teenagers. But you delayed his political campaign for four years. Maybe he had looked too much at Lucy Gray Baird, but at the end it would only be you.
You could’ve done better to get rid of that guilt for participating in the hunger games, but you just realize that maybe you didn’t because you are not a good person either.
Even so, every morning, you wake up in his arms as he fulfilled his promise of never failing you again.
You just hope that the tour, the upcoming games and everything else doesn’t get into your way. Nothing can be a bother. Not when Coriolanus Snow’s first child rests peacefully in your womb.
The future was uncertain. But your past and present along him always seemed like… a hatred road.
_____________________________________________
fyi, in my head, if reader hadn’t delayed Coriolanus political emergence, the second rebellion would’ve started earlier and probably it wouldn’t have been successful. (Basically it would’ve been like a second time “dark days” situation and then back to reconstruction again)
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kinanabinks · 6 months
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bucky has tried to keep your friendship on the low, believing that's the best way to keep you safe. but he soon realizes that it's safer for you if everyone in new york knows you're with him.
content warning: mob!bucky x best friend!f!reader, mature themes, upsetting themes, mention of violence and injury against reader, reader is physically assaulted by a male (off-screen), angst, we finally meet bucky's mom!! mention of reader's mom having drug abuse issues, fluff, soft!bucky, pining, seemingly unrequited love.
set pre-wedding.
series masterlist
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Steve Rogers rarely gets the chance to spend time with a woman he's genuinely attracted to. As one of the biggest players in New York's dark underworld, his job is intense and takes over his life. But tonight, he finds himself sitting in a bar, not the kind of bar he'd expect to find someone in, talking to a woman he thinks is the most gorgeous person he's ever met.
"I'm gonna make a quick stop by the ladies room and then I'll be right back," Clara tells him with a smirk on her red lips as she stands up. "And then, maybe, I'll think about letting you take me home."
Once she's gone, the smell of her perfume lingers. Steve lets out a content sigh. This is his first night off in weeks, and his first night with a woman he's intellectually connected to in years. He's usually in strip clubs or meetings with other depraved men on a Friday night, but this is different. Good.
Meanwhile, you stumble into the same bar, utterly shaken up. Bruises cover your face and your index finger is in excruciating pain. You have no idea where you are, you've lost your phone, and the last thing you remember before passing out is being thrown to the ground. The men in this place don't seem the type to help you. You were hoping to spot a kind barmaid, but the men behind the bar look meaner than the patrons.
Then - you spot him. You could almost cry with relief. Sure, he probably isn't the ideal person to help you right now, but he's a familiar face with links to the man you need. "Steve," You breathe out with a croaky voice, rushing over to him.
He doesn't notice you until you're right next to him, and he almost jumps back when he sees the state you're in. "Y/N?"
"Take me to Bucky," You plead as tears spring into your eyes.
He's already on his feet and helping you out of the bar by the time you finish speaking. He hasn't met you many times before but he knows you're a friend of Bucky Barnes, and he knows he'd be killed if he did anything less than what you ask for right now, especially with the state you're in. Him and Bucky aren't exactly friends, but Steve knows better than to get on the mobster's bad side.
"What happened?" He asks you, but you can't answer. There's too much fear, anxiety, pain swarming your mind for you to process anything else.
Just as Steve puts you in the car, he looks back at the bar. There, in the door, stands Clara with a look of disappointment on her face. Shit. He has no time to go over to her and explain. To her, it seems he's found another woman to take home, but he can't do anything to prove her wrong right now. With a sigh, Steve rushes to the driver's side and gets in, speeding out of the car park and back towards the city.
"Can I use your phone to call Jamie?" You ask him, to which he unlocks his phone and hands it to you straight away.
You scroll through until you find Bucky's name and immediately call him. It rings a few times before you realize he isn't going to pick up. "Do you have his private number?" You ask Steve, who regretfully shakes his head.
Fuck.
Looking through his contacts, you decide to try Sam, instead.
"What do you want, Rogers?" He says, picking up after a couple of rings.
"It's me," You say. "I- I need Jamie, I- I need him."
"What's wrong?" Sam asks you with concern in his voice. It's not often that you're in trouble, but him and Bucky have a firm plan in place for if something were to happen to you. "Are you okay?"
"I lost my phone and Steve doesn't have his private number," You say as tears spring into your eyes. "I'm really hurt, Sam, I think I need to go to the hospital."
Sam's blood runs cold at your words. It's one thing for you to be followed, or harassed, or verbally insulted - but someone has physically harmed you? He's already in Bucky's house so he makes his way to the lounge where he is, mentally preparing to burn the city down alongside him.
"Just get to Bucky's place, Y/N, I'll call the doc over and he'll sort you out," He tells you, keeping his tone firm. "Do you know where you are?"
"Uh, not really," You admit.
"Give the phone to Rogers, let me talk to him," Sam instructs you, which you do.
While they discuss details, you close your eyes and hope it won't take too long to get to Bucky. Tonight was the first time in a long time that you've felt scared for your life, and all you want is for him to tell you it'll be okay.
"We'll be at Barnes' place in ten minutes," Steve assures you as he hands the phone back to you.
You bring the phone back up to your face. "Sam, can you-"
"It's me, fairy."
Your heart skips a beat. "Jamie, I'm so sorry," You cry as the tears finally spill over. "You told me not to talk to her, but I - I thought she might-"
"Dina? You went to see her?" He cuts you off, and you can't tell if it's rage or concern in his voice.
"I thought we'd be able to make up," You explain, hating how stupid you were. "I thought it would be a good idea, I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing," He says sternly. "Did she hurt you?"
"He was there," You tell him with a wince.
Bucky lets out a sigh and you know it's taking him every bit of willpower he has not to yell at you.
"I wouldn't have gone if I knew he'd be there," You swear. "Halle said it was a girls' night-"
"I'll talk to you when you get here," He says firmly, making you wince.
"I'm sorry," You whisper before hanging up, unable to hear any more of his disappointment-tinged words any longer.
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Bucky's waiting for you by the large fountain as Steve drives his car in.
He walks over and opens the passenger door, crouching down when he sees the state you're in. All anger and disappointment escapes his features, replaced with pain.
"Baby, did he do this to you?" Bucky asks you lowly, his fingers ghosting over your bruises.
Steve leaves the car and walks over to Sam as they begin to discuss what happened and how you ended up in Steve's car.
"I was speaking to Dina outside the club," You begin, looking down as you recall the events of tonight. "We started arguing again. He came out... said I was just trying to break them up, and... it's my fault, I pushed him."
"Fairy," Bucky says sternly, taking your hand in his. "He touched you? He did this to you?"
"He got really angry," You say with a grimace. "I pushed him first, but he... he lost his mind, he got so angry. I just suddenly felt dizzy, then realized he'd hit me. And he wouldn't stop."
Bucky tightly grabs your hands, making you cry out in pain.
"My finger," You whimper, pulling it out of his hand. "He- he broke it."
A cold look overtakes Bucky's face. It's not a look you see on him very often, but you know better than to try and calm him down when he's like this.
"Sam," Bucky calls out, turning his head to the side. "Brent Parkinson. Find him and bring him to me. Alive."
"I'll come with you," Steve chimes in, wanting to take this chance to prove himself as a worthy acquaintance for Bucky. "I have connections all over the city."
"Go home, Rogers," Bucky orders sternly as he stands up. "I appreciate you bringing Y/N back, but you're no longer needed."
"Come on, Bucky," Steve says, stepping closer to him. "I can help you find this son of a bitch. Which club were you at, honey? I guarantee I either own it or know who does."
With a clenched jaw, Bucky lets out a huff.
"Firecracker," You tell Steve, who immediately nods.
"Yeah, I know Gary," He says confidently before patting Sam's shoulder. "Come on, Wilson, let's go find this prick."
Bucky takes you inside his home, leaving them to drive off.
His doctor checks you out and cleans you up before putting your broken finger into a splint. He tells you it should be healed within a month before giving you some painkillers and taking his leave.
You're lying in Bucky's bed and he's watching you from the doorframe. He hasn't said a word to you since you came inside. You aren't sure what he's thinking, but you know he isn't happy.
Once the doctor's gone, Bucky slowly walks into the room and takes a seat on the bed.
"I'm so-"
"Don't," Bucky cuts you off, looking down at you. "Don't apologize to me, fairy."
"I should've told you," You say lowly. "I didn't think. I was stupid."
He lets out a sigh and gently takes your hand. "This is why I try to keep you to myself. I don't bring you to the big parties, I don't let the world know you're connected to me. To keep you safe from shit like this," He says, shaking his head. "I thought that was how I'd protect you. If I kept you a secret. If men like me didn't know about you, they wouldn't know you're my biggest weakness. They wouldn't hurt you to get to me."
You listen on in silence, wondering where he's going with this.
"I was wrong," He admits plainly. "It isn't just men like me I need to protect you from. There's a whole fucking world of bad out there, fairy, and tonight just proved that. Parkinson's just another fucking loser and he was able to hurt you tonight." Bucky brings your hand to his lips and kisses it softly. "Never again. Nobody will ever look at you and think they can harm you again. From now on, they will look at you and they will see me. They will know you're one of mine. The whole world will know it. And they'll know better than to fuck with you."
"How?" You ask with a whisper.
He leans in closer. "Once Sam finds me this asshole," He begins. "I'm gonna rip him apart, limb from limb. I'll make an example out of him; fucking stick his head on a spike and parade it around the city if needs be. I will make it absolutely clear that you are mine, fairy. And nobody will ever touch you again."
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Brent's screams travel up from the basement. You listen, allowing his pain to bring you some respite. It's not just you that Bucky's avenging - he's also preventing Brent from continuing his toxic relationship with Dina. She's a terrible person for standing by while he beat you, but at least she won't have to be under his thumb anymore.
A knock at Bucky's bedroom door confuses you. Bucky and Sam are in the basement with Brent and the housemaids and butlers have been sent home for the night.
Cautiously, you stand up from his bed. "Come in," You call out.
The door slowly opens and you see Bucky's mother standing there. You're taken aback - it's rare to see her in the city, let alone in Bucky's home. She does her best to stay far away from the life, which you don't blame her for.
You've only met her once before; a fleeting moment of awkwardness while you were leaving Bucky's place and she was just arriving, and you aren't sure what to make of her - or what she makes of you.
"Mrs. Barnes," You breathe out.
She looks shocked when she sees the bruises on your face. Taking a step closer to you, she shakes her head, lips parted. "My... was this James?"
You hear the fear and pain in her voice and immediately you seek to alleviate her. "Oh, my God, no!" You exclaim quickly. "Bucky would never - he has never and would never lay a hand on me, Mrs. Barnes. Never."
She nods, slight relief in her features. "Right. Let's... follow me to the kitchen, I need a snack."
Winnifred fries some zucchini for the two of you to share. You're incredibly intimidated by her and you know how much Bucky loves and respects her, so you're keen to make a good impression. Being covered in bruises with a splint on your finger probably isn't the best way to achieve that.
"Was it one of his enemies?" She asks while the two of you eat.
You shake your head before taking a quick sip of water. "Nothing to do with Bucky. My friend's dating this terrible guy... I got in a fight with him," You explain, looking down at the plate. "He, uh, took it a little far."
"You don't say," She mumbles, before raising a brow. "Well, now my son's making him pay for it, huh?"
A small smile grows on your lips. "Yep."
"He's always been like that," Winnifred tells you with a smile of her own. "Protective. Overly so, maybe."
"He's a good friend to me," You tell her honestly. "Bucky's my best friend. You raised a great man."
"I did, didn't I?" She returns brightly, before reaching out for your hand. "I'm sorry for what happened to you. It sounds traumatic."
"I'll be fine," You say with a nod. "I have Bucky."
That makes her smile widen. "He's a good boy. A little bit reckless, but he has a good heart. He's always been good," She tells you. "But he's fierce, too. I dread to think what he's putting that man through downstairs."
You let out a long sigh. "He cares intensely about things close to him," You say. "He doesn't like when I get in trouble. Makes him feel out of control."
"Get in trouble often?" Winnifred asks you with a raised brow.
"Not at all," You reply quickly, before relaxing. "It just comes with the life. You probably know that better than I do."
She nods, before clapping her hands together. "I know what we need - drink!"
Three shots of Bucky's good whiskey later, and you're feeling a lot closer to Winnifred.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
A little surprised, you take a second to process her question. "Uh, no," You answer. "Not right now, Mrs. Barnes."
"Please, call me Winnie," She requests while pouring two more shots. "My sister taught me this - she's still in Romania - the best way to drink whiskey is to make sure you don't have to taste it for too long, she said."
"I hear that," You say with a laugh as you pick up the glass and clink it against hers. "Noroc."
"Noroc!" She cheers back before you both swig the brown liquid down with a wince.
"Fairy?" You suddenly hear Bucky's voice boom through the halls. "Who's fucking car is that outside?"
"Bucky, in the kitchen!" You call out with a grin while Winnifred holds back her laughs.
He storms in a few seconds later, blood on his shirt and a look of confused anger on his face. "The fuck's going on?" He asks you as he walks over to you, taking a few seconds to notice the other person in the room. "Ma?"
She pulls him in for a hug, unfazed by the blood transferring onto her dress. "My boy," She coos as she cuddles him tightly. "You look so handsome!"
Bucky pulls away from her, frowning. "I thought you said you were coming tomorrow?"
With an innocent shrug, Winnifred pats his shoulder. "I got bored and decided to come a little early," She says casually.
"So you show up and break into my good stuff, huh?" He asks playfully while he walks around the island and makes his way over to you. He takes a piece of zucchini and eats it while resting his free hand on your lower back. "You got a new car?" He asks her.
"My car was in the shop so I borrowed a friend's," She explains with a coy smile.
"Which friend?" Bucky asks her suspiciously, confused as to which of her 60-year-old friends drives a Maserati.
"Never you mind - when were you going to tell me you had a girlfriend?" She asks, making your eyes widen.
"What?" Bucky spits, before glancing down at you. "No, Ma, fairy's not my-"
"Ah, you know what I mean," She cuts him off with a wave of his hand. "She's a friend of yours, she's a girl. First time I saw her, she was sneaking out your house like a-"
"Fairy's a good friend of mine, Ma," Bucky cuts in before she can say something to offend you. "She's about to graduate with a law degree. I figured I could do with her expertise."
"A lawyer?" Winnifred repeats, impressed as she looks to you. "What's a woman so smart doing, hanging around this idiot?"
You laugh at her words, leaning closer to Bucky. "He's not that bad," You say, nudging his stomach.
The three of you continue chatting and finishing off the zucchini before Bucky places his hand under your chin. "You must be exhausted, fairy," He mumbles. "Wanna head on up, get some sleep?"
You nod, realizing how late it is. "Yeah, I will," You say, getting up off the stool and walking around to Winnifred. "Good night, Mrs- Winnie. It was really nice to properly meet you."
"And you, my darling," She replies with a smile, giving you a quick hug before you leave the kitchen and head upstairs. Once you're gone, she turns back to Bucky. "Just friends, huh?"
"I promise you, Ma, it's not like that between us," He assures her.
"Yeah, right," She scoffs. "Let me know when the wedding is. I'll buy a new hat."
"Ma," Bucky drags out, walking around the counter to her. "Seriously, it's not like that. And don't go scaring her off by talking about fuckin' weddings-"
"Hey," She cuts in, hitting his shoulder. "Watch your mouth around me."
"I'm sorry, Mama," Bucky says softly, kissing her cheek.
Winnie lets out a sigh. "Does she realize how conflicting it is; being a lawyer and also being your... friend?"
"She knows most things about me," Bucky tells her. "And it hasn't scared her off yet."
"How about when she's trying to pass the bar?" Winnie presses. "How about when someone decides to look into her private life, realizes she's associated with you?"
"I'm associated with plenty of lawmen," Bucky reminds her. "Don't you worry, ma. We've got it all figured out."
"And tonight?" She asks him with a frown. "That poor girl, I've never seen such a pretty face so bruised up. You sure that had nothing to do with you?"
"It was some asshole, has nothing to do with anything," Bucky mutters with clenched fists.
"And?" Winnie presses. "Is he still breathing?"
He lets out a soft scoff. "What do you think, Ma?"
She glances down at his bloody, bruised knuckles. "Can I say something, Jamie?"
"Of course," Bucky replies instantly, wondering why she's being so timid.
"I... You know how your father was, that's no secret," She begins, unable to meet his eyes. "You know what he was like... to me."
"Ma," Bucky mumbles lowly, his nostrils flaring at the memories. "Where are you going with this?"
"I'm not sure how it works. Whether it's something you're born with, or something that's learned," Winnie goes on to say. "I don't know if it's something that can be fixed. I... I've never seen you around a woman you're... romantically involved with."
"Spit it out, Ma," Bucky says flatly.
"Men in your position; men with jobs like yours, who kill, beat, fight," She says a little more firmly. "They don't tend to be soft on their women. I came in tonight, saw her in that state, in your bedroom, and I... I thought it was you. And worse, I wasn't as surprised as I was sad."
"Ma, you know me," Bucky says, hurt that she could ever think that of him. "I'm your son. Do you really think I could-"
"I've known a lot of men, James," She tells him with a pained look in her eye. "Enough to know that even the best of them can disappoint you. I'm sorry; I never should've doubted you. But you have to understand, a woman like me, who's been through what I've been through... I'm always on the defense."
Bucky looks down. As much as he wants to resent her for feeling that way, he can't blame her. A few moments of silence pass by. "I could never even imagine hurting her," He says lowly. "Not her."
"I know," Winnie says truthfully. "It was just that split second..."
"I understand," Bucky says.
She smiles up at him. "You've grown into a wonderful young man, despite everything," She says. "I'm so proud of you."
He pulls her in for a tight hug. "I love you, Ma."
"I love you too, son," She returns, before pulling back. "Anything ever happens to her - I will kill you myself, James Buchanan Barnes. She's too good for you. Way too good for you."
"I know," Bucky replies earnestly. "Which is why we'll only ever be friends. She deserves a Prince Charming; some doctor or teacher that's gonna treat her right and make her happy."
"Hmm," Winnie hums. "And what about you?"
"Me?" Bucky repeats with a chuckle. "I've told you time and time again, Ma. The Barnes bloodline ends with me."
"So, that means you can't get yourself a wife, at least?" She asks him with a raised brow. "I know a lot of girls back in Romania. They're nice, and would be good wives. They cook well, and clean, and would look after you."
"I don't need any of that," Bucky assures her.
"Why?" She challenges before a smirk grows on her lips. "'Cause you already got yourself a fairy?"
"Alright, I think the half-bottle of whiskey's finally got to ya - bed time, Mama," He says sternly, shaking his head but smiling nonetheless.
You're lying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Flashes of tonight keep bouncing around in your head. You know Brent's no longer a threat to you, but you can't help but still harbor a fear.
Bucky knocks gently on the door before walking in. "Still awake, fairy?"
"Mhm," You reply absentmindedly.
He lets out a sigh before heading into the bathroom to wash up. Ten minutes later, he emerges in his pyjamas. "Alright if I get in?" He asks almost nervously.
You frown and turn to face him. "Don't be weird," You say, lifting up the covers for him.
Bucky gets in next to you and you immediately cling to him. He wraps his arms around you and kisses your forehead gently. "I ever tell you about my first girlfriend?" He asks, taking you by surprise.
You lift your head up excitedly. "No. Tell me everything!"
He chuckles, gently stroking your hair. "I was eleven years old. Me and Cagey used to go down to the arcade every day after school, and she'd always be there. She asked me out the third time we spoke," He tells you with a nostalgic smile. "I was already being groomed into taking over the business from my dad, and she was a nice break from all of that. There were these older kids that would bully her, though. She had a stutter and they made fun of her."
"That's awful," You say with a frown.
"She could hold her own, but I just got sick of it one day," Bucky tells you. "My dad always told me to be on my best behavior in public. Said I'd live a life of doing bad things, so I should try and stay out of trouble for as long as possible. Keep a clean record; stay off the cops' radar. He was pissed when the police came over to tell him his son had stabbed a pen into someone's tongue."
"Holy shit, Jamie," You say with wide eyes.
"He deserved it, the prick," He defends. "And nobody ever teased Anabella again."
"What happened to her?" You wonder curiously. "Why did you break up?"
"She kissed Cagey a few months later," He reveals bluntly.
"I'm so sorry," You say with a pout.
"Don't be," He says with a smirk. "She only kissed him 'cause I kissed her best friend, first."
"Bucky Barnes!" You exclaim, shocked as you hit his shoulder. "You bastard!"
"Hey, I was a kid!" He says, holding you tighter.
You let out a laugh against his chest. "Idiot," You mumble, before a short silence sits between you. "What's the moral of the story?"
"The moral of the story is that there is no tongue I wouldn't stab to protect you," He says lightly, before his voice lowers. "I'm sorry I wasn't there with you tonight."
"I didn't tell you I was going, it's my fault," You counter.
"What happened to you was not your fault," Bucky corrects you curtly. "I'm done keeping our friendship on the low. My friends and acquaintances know about you, but that's not enough. I need the world to know that you're with me. That fucking with you means they're fucking with me."
"I like that idea," You utter, tugging on his shirt.
"You're my best friend, fairy," He mumbles. "It's time the world knows it."
"You gonna get a tattoo of my name on your face?" You ask with hope, tracing your fingers under his eye. "Just here, top of your cheek?"
He smirks, raising a brow. "I think Ma would slit my throat," He tells you with a chuckle. "How about we start with the party next Thursday? You'll come as my date, and I can show you off."
"Only if you buy me a new dress," You say. "I'm a student; the best I can do is the sale rack at T. J. Maxx."
"Take my card and go shopping," He offers, rubbing your back.
"Think these bruises will be gone by next Thursday?" You wonder.
"Easily," Bucky mumbles, gently stroking his thumb over your cheek. You can see the pain in his eyes; he feels as though he's failed you.
"I ever tell you about my first boyfriend?" You counter slyly.
"No, but I have a feeling I'll hate this story," He grumbles.
"His name was Pietro," You begin. "High school sweethearts. I had a crush on him since third grade, but he didn't ask me out until seventh. Anyway, he was friends with these absolute jerks."
"They were jerks to you?" Bucky asks with a frown.
"Nothing too crazy; they'd just tease me about my mom. Everyone at school knew she had drug issues because she turned up to a parent-teacher conference high one time, and all the other moms gossiped about her," You explain. "The jerks never said anything to me in front of Pietro, but he knew about it."
"And he never said anything to them?" He scoffs. "What a fuckin' loser."
"Well, one day, they slipped up in front of him," You begin. "And I looked at him, waiting to see what he'd say. Expecting him to beat their asses, you know? Wanting him to, anyway."
"Let me guess: he didn't do jack shit?" Bucky says flatly.
"He did," You correct him. "Pietro told them to back off. That's it. And... I was disappointed, but back then, I thought he was the love of my life. I just figured that's what real-life boyfriends were like. Disappointing. But then, I met you, and I realized I could get so much more... and all you are is my best friend."
Bucky hums. A silence sits between you for a few moments before he says, "This the same guy who broke up with you a few months before we met?"
"That's the one," You confirm with a nod.
"So, he's the reason you didn't wanna be anything more than just friends with me," Bucky realizes out loud. "Wow. I fucking hate this guy."
"Jamie!" You scold him lightly, hitting his arm. "I think it's a good thing we decided on being just friends."
"Yeah? How's that?" He asks, resting his hand on your waist.
"Because, if I slept with you that night, you wouldn't have called me back," You insist. "You would've gotten what you wanted out of me and moved onto the next conquest. I'd be nothing more than a notch on your bedpost."
"Not true," Bucky claims with a frown.
"Is too!" You argue. "I think we should be grateful to Pietro for breaking my heart. If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't have become such good friends."
"Maybe," Bucky concurs, but all he can think about is how he could've had you as his girl from day one if it wasn't for that bastard. There's no way you'd be a one night stand; Bucky knew you were special the first moment he laid eyes on you. Sure, he most likely would have fucked you that night, but it wouldn't have stopped there. He would've taken you on dates, flown you to Paris to ask you to be his girlfriend, buy you expensive jewellery for your anniversaries. He would have kissed you every chance he got. He wouldn't have to introduce you as his friend to his Ma and she would've given him her blessing, as well as her wedding ring for him to propose to you with.
But if he tells you that, you might think his feelings pass the boundaries of friendship. And if you think that, you might not feel so comfortable around him.
So, he keeps his mouth shut.
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bunnyhugs77 · 2 months
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Honey I'm Home
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୨୧- Just a little slice of life of a hard working dad, his tired wife and their twin girls.
୨୧ WC: 900
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Jungkook pushes open the door to your small two-bedroom flat, his keys jingling in the door which attracted the two little girls on the other side to come running instantly.
The soft patter of their socked feet hitting the wooden floors as they rushed to his as fast as they could. "Daddy!" The girls squealed. Jungkook crouched down, his once drained expression replaced with one full of delight.
"Girls!" He exclaims, taking the both of them in each of his arms, listening to their adorable laughter as he engulfed them into his tight embrace. "Daddy! Can't breathe!" Aria squeaks from where her head rested against his chest. Always the dramatic one of the two.
Jungkook laughs, apologizing and letting them go. Aria runs back to the kitchen where he could only assume the source of that flavourful scent was coming from. Meanwhile Hye-Ji stayed back to show him the flowers she'd picked just for him.
"Are these for me?" Bending at the waist to collect the crushed dandelions that were once in the grip of her fist. She nods with the brightest smile he's ever seen.
Picking her up as well, letting her rest on his side with one hand, careful not to ruffle the very elaborate princess dress she was wearing as he finally begins to make his way to the kitchen. "Thank you so much princess, I'll make sure to add this to my collection." He places a kiss to the crown of her head.
There you were. His eyes seemed to soften once they landed on you. In a button up and your favourite pair of mom jeans." Hi baby," He gets the chance to peck your lips briefly before Hye-Ji was asking to be put down.
She quickly ran off to her sister in the living room where there were colouring pages ripped out, building blocks all over the place, a box of crayons in the laundry bin full of clothes that were waiting to be folded.
"Hi." You manage a smile before resuming your blank stare into the pot of tomato sauce for the spaghetti that you'd been stirring for god knows how long. "Is everything okay?" Disregarding your mundane 'yeah' he know something is up.
"Honey, what's wrong? Talk to me." You sigh, dropping your shoulders, finally looking at him. He was in his typical work-wear for his day job as a private banker meanwhile he works part-time nights as a mail courier.
"Today was a bad day." Letting your head fall into your husband's firm chest in defeat. His hands raised to hold you in his arms the same way the have been for the last 5 years.
The shiny silver band of his wedding ring catching the light for a moment as he gently rubbed your back. "You wanna talk about it?"
You pout softly, "There's nothing to say, look at the state of the house. Hye-Ji turned the house upside down looking for her dress this morning. Then I took them to the grocery store and Aria got lost." Jungkook's eyebrows raise, but you weren't done.
"I finally got them to sleep for an hour while I did some laundry, and then I ended up falling asleep myself, waking up to crayons and toys everywhere, and Hye-Ji was crying because she missed you and then I started crying because I missed you too and-"
You couldn't believe this was making you tear up. The day was hectic and the fact you'd have to do it all over again tomorrow. Jungkook hushes you in a comforting manner, practically swaddling you in his arms. "I'm sorry I couldn't be here," you sniffle, stepping back.
"It's not your fault. You work two jobs. it's just hard sometimes." You admit and Jungkook gets an idea. "Go." He says and your brow arches, "I'll finish dinner, and take care of the girls. Go rest, or read that Jasper Wilde book you've been wanting to read. Please. Let me help, you deserve it." He pecks your forehead and you weren't going to fight him on it.
Leaving the kitchen and the responsibilities to him. Telling yourself that it would only be a thirty minute nap but it turned into 2 hours. By the time you walked back into the kitchen, it looked like you'd walked into a whole new house.
Everything was neat and tidy, the girls were sitting on the ground with a bowl of abandoned grapes shared between them as they watched Moana with an entranced gaze.
The laundry basket was gone, the floors were clean and the air smelled of soft fresh linens and cinnamon. Looking back to the kitchen where Jungkook quietly tidied up, humming softly to himself. You stood hidden from where you were admiring your little family.
You may not have had much but you had everything you needed right here. "You're amazing you know that?" Jungkook says as you approached him. "I should be saying that to you." You counter.
"No. I mean it, Y/n. Having two jobs is easy, but doing what you do everyday is a job for a saint. I appreciate everything you do for us, I love you so much." His lips pressing against your forehead while your heart felt so full of love. "I love you." You say.
"I have to potty!" Aria declares and the both of you look at each other.
"Not it."
"Not it."
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buckyysdoll · 9 months
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— 𝐝𝐚𝐝!𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐜𝐬 —
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જ⁀➴ — summary: self explanatory; a/n: i’m down SO bad for him <3 -> @bakersbucky + @jvanilly — tagged for ur comments on the dating bucky hcs! <3; cw: light allusions to smut, canon-typical ref to bucky’s nightmares/trauma; pairing: bucky x f!reader
MAIN MASTERLIST
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• of course he cried when you told him — he never thought he’d have OR deserve a happy ending :’)
• he secretly wants a daughter so he can spoil both his girls, and he’s privately dreamt for years about the family you’d one day have
• but there’s just something about him seeing your face reflected in his little girl’s 😭 and knowing she’d have your eyes, your smile, and all those parts he adored
• “she’s gonna have your eyes, and your laugh. and i’m gonna love the two of you until i take my last breath on this earth” *😭*
• and so as your baby grows within you, you two stay up late at night in bed talking — he’s tracing the curve of your stomach so softly with his ordinary hand as he’s saying, oh she’s definitely a girl.
• or the conversation goes something like this:
— b: [whispers] i just can’t wait to meet her
— you: [smiling like a lovesick idiot] her? you think she’s a girl?
— b: of course she is, doll, i can feel it.
— you: [smiling even wider] yeah? and how could you possibly know?
— b: i’m a super soldier sweetheart. call it instinct😌
• talks to the bump, sleeps with a hand on your stomach, mother hens you so much
• bucky’d be very precious with you when it came to sex because of his strength - saying “what if i hurt our little bump?” - when meanwhile you’re laying there horny as fuck
• and so you say, “sweetheart, as much as i love you for this i am begging you to take off your shirt”
• at first, he also won’t touch you with his vibranium arm when you’re pregnant
• and with you being you — his wife — of course you notice
• and so you gently take that hand in yours and lay it on your bump and he just weeps that he can have this after all he’s seen and done
• bucky also definitely tries to make up random diy baby bits in the middle of the night
• and you tease him for how frustrated he gets with this furniture from “fucking ikea”
• especially when he then accidentally underestimates his strength and snaps the damn thing in half
• he carries you everywhere — “bucky i’m pregnant, i still have legs” // “and you also have a husband that can do the walking for you”
• gives you massages every night, wherever u want them [;) <3]
• reads literally all the baby books he can get his hands on and gets in a panic at the slightest pain or cramp — frets, “it didn’t say this in the book” or otherwise, “just breathe, doll, alright? i’ll hold you through it”
• the darker, more possessive side of him that he never quite lost (and that you loved) absolutely thrills that you’re pregnant with his child, but he tries hard to bury that part of him — though you absolutely fold at that look on his face
• in truth, he went so quiet and inward when he found out the news and u thought he wasn’t happy
• when really he’s just so fucking scared cos after all this time he still doesn’t see himself as safe
• he’ll stay up hours refusing to sleep so he can just count your breaths, and protect you. his Winter Soldier past came back full force, and hence so did that protective, defensive side. he would’ve killed for his girls.
• “what if something happens? *his voice cracks* what if i hurt our child?” 😭 and his nightmares now reflect this new fear — night terrors have him up at night, eyes wide and skin slick with sweat.
• so when he has them and you need your sleep the further along you get, he sneaks off into the living room to sleep on the couch instead
• and you’d wake up every time and seem to sense that he’s not there — or your baby kicks as if she wants to tell you bucky’s gone
• cos you know he’s not the only one that’s protective of the love of his life <3 — n you say “who’s the super soldier now, huh? you can’t get away from me that easy <3”
• because the morning then finds him with your arms around his middle as you’d scooted to lay behind him on the sofa, your bump to his back.
• your marriage was a two way street and you’d be damned if he didn’t let you comfort him, too. and it’s only when your baby kicks hard at your stomach at the moment that his metal hand was on it, that he’s convinced at last — even if only a little bit, yet — that before she’s even born, his daughter trusts him
• cos it turns out he was right that she’s a girl, his babygirl <3
• bucky’ll come home from a mission and drop his bag straight to the hardwood floor, asking “how are my girls?” with tears in his voice, before kissing your lips, then your bump*
• he gets incredibly soft and clingy — even more so than normal — every time he gets home. He’ll bury his head in your neck and just listen to your heart, hear the proof that you’re with him
• he loves her to bits even before she’s born, and he’s such a total girl dad already. he even loves her more than life when you’ve almost hit full term, and while kissing his way down your body she deliberately kicks — cockblocking her daddy.
• you laugh and you’re so so in love when he leans down and whispers, “excuse me, little one. this is a moment between me and your mother.” but it’s just no good cos every time you get closer to that point, you’re interrupted.
• he always gives in to your weird cravings, and will run to the store no matter what the time is. and if he ever gives you that look because you’re eating pickles straight from the jar, you’ll fix him with a look of your own and say, “honey you lived through world war two, i know you ate weirder shit than this”
• you always wear his shirts around the house with just your undies, and dear god it makes him so. fucking. horny
• it gets him so so proud, so protective and possessive
• speaking of, those aforementioned missions he goes on from now on? he’s absolutely insufferable
• sam teases him no end for it, but really his heart warms for his friend. especially when he’s on the phone mid-fight asking you to put the phone to your bump so he can talk to his little girl
• it’ll either be, “i just needed to hear your voice, doll”// or conversely, “i want her to know my voice” -> the two of you are his whole entire world
• so within no time at all, he flat out refuses to do them at all — he semi-retires and sam understands; he’s secretly proud of him too, just like you.
• bucky is genuinely the world’s most amazing father and you’re so, so honoured to call him the dad to your little girl
• you’re always walking in on tea parties between the two of them, and you’d be jealous at how close they are if you didn’t adore it so fucking much. she’s a daddy’s girl through n through, and who could ever blame her? you were bucky’s girl too <3
• in fact, you once walked in (it’s happened often) on her fully doing her daddy’s makeup, sat cross-legged on her bedroom floor when you come home after a shift. you couldn’t help but just stand there in the doorway crying happy, happy tears at this new life that you’d made
• it was such a far cry from the darkness you know that he’d felt for so much of his life
• and if he still takes on some missions when he has little choice, once his daughter is born? he proudly goes off to fight fascists with the remnants of pink nail polish on his fingers
• or better still, sometimes there’s glitter still left on his cheeks from the makeover he’d gotten the night before
• calls your baby “sweetheart” n has nicknames just for her — “babygirl”
• he lets you sleep with a soft “i’ll get her, love” when your daughter can’t yet sleep through the night. and you see him, the White Wolf, the ex-Winter Soldier with that smile on his face, rocking his daughter in his arms and you just think — who ever would’ve known?
• your love, your beautiful husband, had come so far from the person he’d been. bucky had healed, day by day and step by step with you walking beside him
• idea from that post i saw yrs ago on pinterest — she grows up thinking her mom’s name is “doll” because that’s what she hears her daddy call you. and it’s hilarious the first time it happens, cos she’d only just really begun to talk — and what does she say when you fill up her bottle of juice? “thank you, doll” in that little baby voice.
• bucky just burst out laughing, and you joined him. that absolute smartass <3
• your daughter grows up to you two being those parents that are embarrassingly, sickeningly in love, but that are a safe space in the home that they’ve made for her friends, if they need somewhere to stay.
• and being an ex-avenger who looks the way he does 👀 you’d be lying if you said he hadn’t become a well-renowned dilf to her friends
• his arc with you is exactly just like bucky by the end of tfatws🥲 he goes through so much growth and it’s so, so beautiful. he’s so beautiful
• and he does the arm thing, where your little girl just clings to him like a koala. she’ll giggle like hell and that’s just why he does it — so he can see the smile she inherited from you in his beautiful girl.
• even if the first time you walked in on it happening, you just were a little like 😵‍💫 honey, why are you swinging our daughter around?
• he carries her on his shoulders around the house just because she loves it <3
• and he loves you both enough that he soon starts to love himself <3
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