Midnight Pals: the beard is blue
Anna Biller: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of bluebeard's castle
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers?
Shelley: you telling a gothic story here?
Biller: it's not gothic, it just uses classic story telling elements of gothic
Biller: it's its own original thing
Shelley: oh yeah yeah i'll be the judge of that
Shelley: seein' as i invented gothic and all
Biller: it's not gothic, it just uses classic-
Biller: it's not like angela's bluebeard story
Biller: very different
Biller: but let me explain angela's story in detail
Biller: blow by blow
Biller: for pages
Biller: this woman goes to a spooky secluded manor
Biller: like daphne du maurier's rebecca
Biller: with a brooding aristocratic husband
Biller: like Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights!
Biller: and she has a sweet heavenly voice
Biller: like urkel!
Biller: this part of my story is a reference to Jane Eyre
Biller: you guys might not have heard of it, its pretty obscure
Biller: don't worry, i'll just grind the story to a halt so that i can describe jane eyre
Biller: and this bit is a reference to dracula
Barker: oh my god its like gothic ernest kline
Poe: clive, be nice
Biller: anyway eventually she kinda just putters around until her brooding husband poisons her
Biller: and there was nothing she could do to avoid it
Biller: real girl boss hours
Shelley: what, she just gets poisoned?
Shelley: couldn't be me
Shelley: if i was there, i would have shivved that bastard but good
Biller: UM no actually
Biller: that wouldn't work!
Biller: there's a whole concluding chapter about how stupid you, the reader, are for thinking she escape
Shelley: rip to her but i'm different
Biller: so what do you think?
Mary Shelley: i like the bit where you just repeated angela's version
Poe: clive
Poe: no wait i mean
Poe: mary
Angela Carter: no no i can see why she might like that part
Biller: the important thing about my work is to know that women and men should stay in their lanes and follow the strict rules of their gender
Patricia Highsmith: poison's a broad's thing
Biller: excuse me?!
Highsmith: that's how a dame does a murder
Highsmith: a real man does a murder with his hands
Biller:
Highsmith: or a boat oar
Highsmith: see, my ripley-
Biller: oh god again with the ripley
Biller: always with your OC patricia! we're all tired of hearing about your OC!
Shelley: no patricia's right, killing a guy with a boat oar is cool
Shelley: poison's sissy shit
Shelley: i like how ripley does all those murders
Shelley: fucker's got style
Highsmith: that's what i've been saying!
Anna Biller: see, Bluebeard's castle is all about how men are men (evil) and women are women (stupid)
Biller: as opposed to the love witch, which was about how men are men (stupid) and women are women (evil)
66 notes
·
View notes
Just had an insane fever dream in the morning. I kept repeating the parallels between Frankenstein (novel) and red hood.
“Like the creature, she felt abandoned by her creator and rejected by society”
“Becoming both author and audience, creator and created, mother and daughter, inventor and destroyer”
24 notes
·
View notes
The problem with Victor Frankenstein isn't that he's not as smart as he thinks he is. The problem with Victor Frankenstein is that he's exactly as smart as he thinks he is in one very specific area, and he just expects that to automatically translate to every other area of his life and is taken completely by surprise every single time it doesn't.
9K notes
·
View notes
Midnight Pals: Spicy Stories
JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: oh
Poe: oh joanne
Poe: you're back
Rowling: i have concernss
Poe: uh we're mostly about just telling stories here
Poe: you have your own campfire for your terf stuff don't you?
Rowling: yess but they've really been getting on my nervess lately
Rowling: you know how it iss with terf deatheaterss
Poe: not really
Rowling: alwayss agreeing with everything i ssay
Rowling: all "oh yes dark lord" this and "oh spare me dark lord" that
Rowling: ssometimess you jusst get tired of hearing "masterful gambit dark lord"
Rowling: i tell you, you don't know how hard it is to run a cult
L Ron Hubbard: oh yeah woof big mood
Hubbard: people think its all fun, but its actually a lot of work
Rowling: I know right????
Poe: regardless, joanne, i'm going to have to put my foot down
Poe: this campfire is just for stories
Rowling: uhhh actually i do have a new ssstory
Rowling: i wass insspired to write after having an argument on the internet
Barker: oh damn no shit?
Barker: that's wild
Rowling: it's a new harry potter ssstory
King: oh man! it's about time, i've been hoping for a new potter story for ages!
Rowling: itss about hermione going back in time to help grindelwald, who actually had sssome good points if you think about it
Rowling: i call it
Rowling: the time turner diariesss
Barker: wow this is not really funny anymore
Baker: its like INTENSELY not funny
Lovecraft: catchy title tho!
Rowling: i'm retconning grindelwald into a misundersstood idealisst
Rowling: who was only forced to make hard choicess because of the unreassonablenesss of decadent weimar society
Rowling: oh also you know that thing where people kept criticizing me cuz technically grindelwald's "evil" plan was to prevent the holocaust?
Rowling: well good news
Rowling: i've rectified that little mistake
Rowling: like, why would the naziss target transs & queer people, traditionally the most powerful and widely accepted memberss of ssociety?
Rowling: would not the naziss, famouss for their love of diverssity, actually approve of them?
Rowling: i'm jusst asskin questions
King: actually joanne there's a lot of well-documented evidence
Barker: give it up steve
King: no no i can fix this
King: i'm sure if i just lay out the facts in a logical, well-reasoned manner-
Barker: oh god that's so cute
Barker: don't you just love him?
Poe: that's our steve
King: so you see the nazi book burning of the institute for sexualwissenschaft-
Rowling: nope
Rowling: didn't happen
King:
King: well it kinda did, see, as i was saying-
Rowling: thiss iss missogyny
Rowling: i don't undersstand you lot at all
Rowling: i come into your campfire, i make a sstatement that i really want to be true & you all refuse to accept it
Rowling: thiss issn't the way it works over with my terf deatheaters at all
Rowling: they love accepting things i ssay!
Rowling: it'ss actually really missogynisstic that you all refusse to accept what i'm ssaying asss truth
Rowling: even though you all know how badly i want it to be true
King: but joanne, it isn't true-
Rowling: ssave it for court ssteve!
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers
Shelley: i got here late wot's going on?
Barker: joanne is doing holocaust denial
Rowling: EXCUSE ME it'ss only holocausst denial if you quesstion the murder of jews
Rowling: tho now that i think about it i do have some questionss
Rowling: like, would they not have ussed their goblin magic to essscape?
Lovecraft: ya know, she makes a good point
Sonia Greene: i'm right here howard
Lovecraft:
Greene: see, this is why i don't talk much
3K notes
·
View notes
mmmm you know how in the franking stein novel victor dies so thee monster just kills himself. except. thee monster literally had all of vicky’s notes and shit. theoretically, he knew what the ‘’’cure’’’ to death was. wouldn’t it have been so so so sexy conceptually if after victor finally experienced the sweet escape of death, hoping it’ll bring him back to his loved ones, only for thee monster to bring him right back?
26K notes
·
View notes