#Matt taking a full minute and going through all 5 stages of grief before deciding to target Pike

[faithandfearcollide]

Protective barbarian Travis standing up for his lil buddy!

1x102: Race to the Tower

#critical role #criticalroleedit #critteredit #ashley johnson #matthew mercer #travis willingham #laura bailey #cr1 #ffstuff #grog strongjaw #Pike Trickfoot #Pike x Grog #Is this Pike and Grog or Ashley and Travis? #Who can tell the difference at this point? #This was simultaneously the most horrifying and most adorable moment of C1 #Matt taking a full minute and going through all 5 stages of grief before deciding to target Pike? #THE WORST #Giant teddy bear Travis body shielding little tiny Ashley while she hides behind him giving Matthew puppy dog eyes? #THE CUTEST THING TO EVER EXIST #Also I love how much everyone at the table loses their shit when Pike's in danger #She is the groups cinnamon role and must be protected at all costs

[matty0812-blog]

Grief

In life there is meant to be an order in which things happen. You are born, your parents or other family members who are older than you look after you. As you get older you start to appreciate all the things that those people did for you and you try to return the favour and help to take care of them. Unfortunately all of us know that life will come to an end one day. If you are lucky enough to have parents live to a grand old age, of course when that inevitable day comes, the loss is heartbreaking. No one can replace your parents. However that is the natural circle of life. One thing that you do not think you are going to have to do is bury your own child. This is what me and Krystal faced on Wednesday June 29th 2016

We had been able to go and visit Callie at the Chapel of rest up at City road Hospital before she was sent off for her post mortem. When she came back she was kept at the coop funeral directors just 5 minutes from our house. This was wonderful yet dreadful all in one go. We went and visited her 2 times but decided after the second time that this would be the last. Walking out of that funeral directors, we were faced with never holding our child again. Never kissing her soft beautiful skin. We knew despite the excruciating pain that it was the correct decision. Her complexion was beginning to change now that she was in her coffin. We had to respect her and leave her to rest until her final journey. That was on the Saturday, we then had eleven days to wait until her memorial.

The day proved to be just as hard as we thought it was going to be. Close friends and family gathered at our house at around 10.00am. Callie was to arrive between 10,30 and 10.45. Now those of you who are lucky enough to have wonderful children just take a second to think about that. Think about the feelings and emotions that you would go through, knowing that within a short space of time you would be travelling with your child on their final journey of their all to short life. Me and Krystal got married at the church we would have Callie's memorial at. Just 12 months had passed and we were heading back to hold a service for our baby, not the one we thought we would be holding once our little miracle came along.

Me and Krystal have done everything together during this utterly dreadful process. We had one more thing to do together which broke our hearts beyond repair. We would carry her little coffin up the aisle together. My dad suggested which song to use, somewhere over the rainbow by Eva Cassidey. The first note of the song had not even finished and my eyes were full with tears. I couldn't see, I couldn't stop to look up at all our wonderful friends and family who had come to support me and my wife on the worst day of our lives, We will be eternally grateful to all those people, who for them it must have been just as heart braking to see us like this.

After the service, which included a wonderful tribute from one of our closest friends Laura Becher, who sang in the arms of the angels, we went up to a place which is now like our second home. Heath lane cemetery in West Bromwich.

Laura's dad Richard had led the service and had done a truly special job throughout. He finished it off perfectly. As Callie's little coffin was lowered in to the ground, and the balloons were released by every person there. I went down on my haunches and just watched, helplessly knowing that there was nothing I could do to stop this. The grief was like nothing I had ever experienced. This should not have been happening, it is as simple as that. I watched it all the way in, finally throwing the pink tie I had worn for the day on top, I couldn't protect my daughter like every other father should and can so I thought by throwing it in with her I would be stopping any harm from getting to her. Silly really I guess but I had nothing else I could do now.

The grieving process had already begun, as soon as Callie was born, we were now entering the next stage. the emptiness of coming home to a house at the end of that day which should of been filled with baby noises. The silence killed us as we walked in.

The start of the next part of our very long and twisted road to some kind of recovery had begun. We couldn't turn back, we had to move forward. This was harder than we could have ever imagined.

Matt