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mysticalcloudlampshoe · 2 years

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I recently had a flash back and thought "why don't you post the story" so here we are

I was 16 at the time still living with my parents and older sister (all abusive in some way). I was in the kitchen and walkes back to my room to see my sister looking through my draws. I immediately asked her what she was doing, startling her because she didn't know I was their. She turnes, walked to me and hands me my computer bag (which I didn't know she took) and told me I was a manipulative bitch and that she was going to tell my parents about what she found.

She walked away and I started panicking, I don't know how she figured out passwords (it was a compleat secret). So I looked at the search history on my computer to see she had in fact loged in and had been using it for about 3 hours. I was really scared because I had no way of checking if she had clicked on my "study material" bookmark (which was a doc with the links to a bunch of gay porn, and some of my own, not posted because i was still a minor) since i had a program that instantly deleted all history of the doc.

I thought she did because of what she said and prepared everything I would need to immediately flee the house. ( they were super homophobic and told me multiple times thay would kill me if they found out I was gay). Sent my friends text about what happened incase I needed their help. About 5 hours later, when both of my were home, she told them. My mom came to my room and told me to get in the living room now. I was shaking in my knees, got up walked to the living room to see my sister smile at me and my dad's furious face. He walked over to me and smacked me so hard i stumbled over and hit the wall. (It's probably good to note that he was a 256 pound 6' buff man and i was a 5'6 145 pound shrimp).

I thought he was going to kill me right their, he raised his had and shoved his pointer finger to my neck. "I taught you better than to like a faggot". I was terrified because that confermed my belief that she found the links. My dad then said "*sisters name* told us about the book". I then realized, the thing she told them, was that I was reading a story online with a queer (bisexual) main character (it was a man x woman but my sister saw the bisexual tag. no smut just fluff). Not that she found gay porn on my computer. I was grounded, they put parental controls on the laptop (that I paid for in full) so that I couldn't read anything from Ao3 again.

I think of this story a lot because it really shows the fear and Anxiety that people can get from abuse. Even if it isn't a situation like this, fear can still over come people for the smallest reasons. I think that's a good thing to know

BTW this was years ago, I laughed at it sometimes, younger me deserved so much better but he also did some dumb stuff because of anxiety. I remembered this when my boyfriend asked me if I has ever heard of Ao3 before, it caused me to have a panic attack becauseit remindedme of this story. He didn't know why but he didn't have to, he is the love of my life because no matter what it is he only cared about helping me.

This is all going to say that you can get trama from almost anything, because abuse can happen to anybody, anytime, in many different ways.

Learning to love myself again after leaving my family was one of the hardest things I had ever done. But I'm happy now, and it hurts my heart to know that a lot of people don't have that support because people don't understand what abuse can do to someone.

I love you all, goodmorning / goodnight little gummybears

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divadonadance1 · 6 years

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30 Questions Tag

I was tagged by: @little-merry-go-round , @itsbuddyandkiddo and @elliieephant . Thank you very much, I appreciate it! :D

1. I follow: 1,959...hmmm almost 2000, I should round that. I don’t have my tumblr notifications on, which is why my phone didn’t explode by now haha!!

2. Number of followers: 610, I just reblog stuff, don’t ask me why or how.

3. Average hours of sleep: From 5-7 hours when I have to go to school, on weekends 8-9 hours.

4. Lucky number: 28 or 8

5. Instruments: None but I would love to learn piano and then other instruments like guitar, flute or violin.

6. What are you wearing: Ummm....purple zebra pattern sweatpants, a T-shirt with rolling stones loge with color purple and a black cardigan. Our apartment is really warm so I can stay with a T-shirt.

7. Dream job: Game developer, but impossible from where i am from, so now I have changed my decision. It will always be a thing that I will dream about! :)

8. Dream trip: Grand Canyon for now!

9. Significant other: Nope, just by myself for now and I don’t mind it actually, I feel like I need to become a better person which I am really proud of to be able to love someone truly, so I need to love myself first, to love others with all my heart.

10. Birthday: April 29th

11. Height: 5ft 05 inches ( I’m really short, don’t tease me :3)

12. Gender/pronouns: Female

13.Other blogs: Just this one that I’m using right now

14. Nicknames: Dona, Danza, Danki, Redina...I don’t know how you pronounce these in English haha, most of my nicknames come from my mom and sis.

15. Star sign: Taurus

16. Time: 7.39pm

17. Favorite bands: Imagine dragons is my favorite, I’m lazy to mention more...

18. Favorite artist: I don’t have just one favorite, cause I love everyone who creates art in different ways, in their own way.

19. Song stuck in your head: The duck song-a bit of a lyrics for you-”Then he waddled away, waddle, waddle...”

20. Last movie you watched: Margaret from 2011, I watched it yesterday

21. Last show you watched: Game of Thrones

22. Why did you make your blog: Just to follow jacksepticeye and other youtubers stuff!!

23. What do you post: Just reblogs for what I’m interest and I like and sometimes some of my drawings.

24. Last thing you googled: youtube

25. AO3: Nah don’t have one.

26. Do you ever get asks: Sometimes

27. How did you get the idea for your url: Dona cause it is my nickname, dance cause I used to love dancing around that time when I created the username and diva was just random thought.

28. Favorite food: Döner

29. Last book you read: Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

30. Top 3 fictional universes: Ummm...Hermione from Harry Potter series, Sherlock Holmes and Trico from The Last Guardian.

I tag @everyone!!

#divadonadance1

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