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athousandbyeol · 9 months

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discussion #3 (only friends): each other's first true love— a topmew downfall

according to p'force and first, only friends is scheduled to air around the mid of august or early september. it's likely to be true because they're currently at the 19th q, which indicates there are only a few q's left before they wrap the shooting process. (i think, maybe, the official trailer will drop around the first week of august [which is next week, omo], and i'm preparing myself for the utmost worst). p'jojo also hinted the draft is looking good, so, yeah //screams).

we get updates from the official twitter page of only friends, the director (mostly p'nine), and other staff working on this drama. mainly, we get glimpses of topmew's (seemingly) domestic dates, and i'm honestly delighted to see them smiling. i think every topmew apologist (not just mew or top, hahaha) is content with the domesticity they're showing.

however, i guess by now, it's in my nature to look at the darker side of topmew's bright exterior. every picture comes with a daunting realisation that there will be pain, and that pain will hurt not just topmew but everyone rooting for them.

so, in this post, i would like to lightly touch on how topmew are each other's first true love and the implication of their blossoming affection on their fragile relationship.

a brief preface of mew and top's love life

mew

so, our angel baby mew, (i think i'm a mew apologist so he's very precious and baby-coded in my eyes), according to boston, has one of the dullest love (and sex) lives ever. how can a fourth-year university student, a senior, has never been laid? well, i don't quite understand that perspective because i'm just like mew but we'll just leave it there.

mew is speculated as:

someone who's never been in a romantic relationship.

(possibly) a virgin.

doesn't care much about relationships (before boston questioned mew about it).

has a traditional understanding of romantic relationships (doesn't like the idea of a one-night stand).

top is his first boyfriend and first love (?).

thus, this is some basic information we can gather from the mock trailer about mew. can anyone relate to mew? because i do. (except i'm still single to this day tmi.)

top

oh, yes. our certified heartbreaker. i think many of us have painted top as a bad guy from the get-go, but as i've discussed in my previous post, there are so many layers to top (and mew) than what meets the eye. and let's be real, everyone is a fragment of the good and bad. so, top is too.

but let's extract some details regarding top's love life from the first trailer:

fond of one-night stands and casual/open relationships.

something must have happened to him (either in his first relationship, his sexuality (his coming-out) or his family background (strict parents, etc) that shapes top as someone who's so deprived of genuine affection.

(my guess is) top has never felt true love and empathy from his previous partners/family, not until mew.

boston's fuck buddy.

mew is (probably) his first true love.

i like to entertain the idea of top not believing in love because of his experience with his previous partners or his parents (rejecting the idea of same-sex relationship).

judging from the photos, colour grading and clothing style, i assume only friends is set in the '80s or '90s. i made this guess because p'jojo said he could feel the vibe of gay ok bangkok while filming the series (i can't find where i read this. i apologise). additionally, it's the time when lgbtq+ is still looked down upon (everywhere, but more so in asia), and so many people are struggling with their identity (from my brief reading of thailand's social history).

however, looking back at p'jojo's never let me go, i guess this won't be a pertinent issue to the whole premise of the drama. it'll only affect several characters (top is one of them).

the idea of being each other's first true love: a promise of happiness and heartbreak

in my previous discussion, i highlighted the changes topmew will experience after their first encounter. from two different worlds, there are bound to be misunderstandings and mistakes made. but, as this is a new experience for both of them, they'll make rash decisions— a break-up.

i think, when we're in our first relationship, we can't quite grasp the essence of blending and adapting to our partner's behaviours. it'll be difficult to accept some of their flaws and tolerate their downsides. without honesty and openness, a relationship can't work no matter how much we love each other. and that's the first downfall of topmew's relationship; they believe only love can save them.

top: a promise of happiness

i mainly see only positive effects happening to top. i don't know when they'll go steady, but from the photos i see, after their fateful first meeting, top is ready to let mew into his life.

personally, i'm still puzzled about top. i don't know what makes him agree to mew's "can you wait? i think we can be more than a one-night stand?" because i see him as someone who doesn't comply with anyone if it's not beneficial to him. therefore, i guess top sees mew as another 'fun' time, not quite like boston, but someone he can 'play' with. but the more he learns about mew, his heart starts beating a bit too fast and it's silly and before top knows it— he likes mew. he genuinely likes mew.

side note: i also hope the drama will emphasise on how attractive mew is. i want to be ensured that mew is so likeable and desirable that everyone (read: top and ray) can't get enough of him. i want the drama to show the alluring side of mew, with dashes of innocence and cuteness, which can convince me why top falls hard for mew and why ray can't see san the way he looks at mew.

exhibit #1: the (first) awe

both of them are wearing fond (and sated) smiles on their faces. absolutely adorable. but i notice a more gentle, subdued shine from top— he looks very enamoured. stupidly fond of mew that his eyes turn to crescents and the smile on his face oozes with astonishment. their first kiss might be really sweet (and spicy?) that top can't quite wrap his head around mew.

exhibit #2: the 'oh-oh, i like him?'

in the mock trailer, we know mew is a smart (and nerdy?) student. and because of his lack of experience in dating, he might like these cute dates (retrieved from his research/reading), which i find endearingly sweet. i assume their dates will be cafe hunting, library dates, a stroll around the park and lounging at mew's apartment (with some spice and everything nice).

it's very interesting to see top's gaze softens (and intensify with adoration) in the photos of them together. this one in particular illustrates a gear shifting in top's brain. it might be from a moment of epiphany— oh. mew is so... cute? that realisation you have when a thing/person makes you feel so happy that you start being possessive and want them all to yourself? i think top is going through that phase.

exhibit #3: the 'i'm glad it's you' look

i personally like this photo the most because it's just topmew basking in each other's presence. a casual date, just the two of them amid the crowd. two cups of juice/soda (?) on the table— green— which commonly indicates balance, harmony, and equality; a mirror to their feelings for one another.

i can't stress enough that before their downfall, at one point in their relationship, they do love each other. they really do. (i don't know why this breaks my heart to say.)

exhibit #4: the 'i'm not supposed to be jealous/angry but i am'

this photo still remains a mystery to me because i'm unsure of its story. it's either ray visits mew's apartment when topmew have just gone back from their date or topmew are in mew's apartment before ray comes over. either or, top doesn't look happy sharing the same space with ray.

perhaps topmew are ready to go on a date but ray stops them?

i guess, before top meets mew, he confronts boston. he doesn't look happy, though. and it's a pattern i'm seeing recently; top doesn't appear happy when he's with boston. this didn't happen before mew.

theories speculate that topmew and bostonnick are in the same place. it's highly likely topmew are having another (supposedly fun) date. but it's ruined when top sees boston and nick. i don't think it's out of jealousy (i hope not) from top's behalf. it's more to anger and fear because what if mew learns about top and boston— here— out of all places? of course, it's a devastation to mew.

this is new to top. he's never afraid of people. never been conscious about himself. but he's afraid of mew. why? because he loves mew, and he doesn't want mew to know he's an asshole that still has some lingering relationship with boston, mew's friend. he doesn't want mew to see that dark side of top coming to life. he can't bear the thought of losing mew because of his (hidden) persona.

from top's point of view, i can conclude that he's getting positive outcomes after encountering mew.

sidetrack: topmew's colour theory (slightly) coming to life

and i would like to add from my colour theory: top is wearing a black and white shirt in this photo— a harmony of the good and bad.

also, i would like to highlight top's shirt is dominantly white which means he's becoming/showing more of his good side after knowing mew. i'm actually proud to see top in these shades, a brighter colour. he's embracing his inner self and mew has been a lot of help. his love for mew brings him out of his dark hole.

but sadly, mew is wearing darker colours. the blue in this photo isn't entirely bright. oh.

and his bag— read me— is like a cry for honesty. mew wants nothing but honesty from top, a person he genuinely likes. but top has always been anything but honest. and that's top's biggest misstep.

mew: a promise of his first heartbreak

i'm glad we haven't seen many sad photos of topmew (as of now). it's intentional because their (possible) break-up is the climax of this story.

hence, i'm extracting still shots from the trailer because mew is visibly heartbroken while confronting top as he discovers about top and boston. but i do find it intriguing that even in the trailer, we don't see much of sad mew.

this is going to be the pinnacle of the drama: mew seeking the truth.

in this post, i've mentioned that mew will confront top at the university.

from the paleness of their faces and the red in their eyes, this is taken after their tearful confrontation. i'm so excited to see this scene unfold because forcebook broke my heart with their raw acting in a boss and a babe (ep 9, you'll forever be epic). this one will be ten times more gut-wrenching, i believe.

it's not nonchalance, but i find mew's expression so watered down? i expect him to be more volatile, in despair and bawl his eyes out after the break-up but here, he goes to the bar and has a drink or two and he just looks so aloof but nothing more?

and i think that's the scariest thing about mew. we don't know what's going on in his mind. the kindest person can be the most evil— mew's vengeance might begin shortly after this.

when the truth unfolds, a heartbreaking chaos

top will endure the hardest blow after their breakup. it's because when their relationship ends, it's when top's feelings begin to overwhelm him. he likes mew, but he can't hold onto him. why?

side note: these days, i feel sorry for top. the more i think about him, the more i understand the inner struggles he's facing. i can't really say i'm a top apologist, but i do understand him. and i want to hug him if i can.

i would like to underline that change is one of the most difficult things to do. let it be me, you or other people, only the bravest will choose a different path— diverging from normality— a route full of surprises and challenges. we're so accustomed to the comfort of simplicity and normalcy that change isn't preferable, yes?

looking from top's perspective, it's hard for him to discard his shell— a safe cacophony of his— despite coming to terms with his feelings for mew. i do want to believe top is taking baby steps to let go of his previous lifestyle, but as long as boston is still around, top can't really escape.

habits die hard— i don't know if i can call it a habit, but i think top might come back to boston just because boston feels like a second skin, once a place to stay. no matter how in love top is with mew, boston is before mew and after mew. something must've tied him around boston so tightly that top can't simply let go. he wants to, but he can't.

despite everything, top still comes back to boston. even if they no longer share the same virtues, boston has become so much of top that if letting go of boston means he's letting go of himself too.

and in top's indecisiveness lies mew's reluctance to forgive. as i've mentioned, mew's idea of a romantic relationship is somewhat naive and unrealistic. yet, it's not absurd because many of us share that ideology: first love should be beautiful, sincere and transparent.

mew handles this heartbreak with anger and so many questions because he thought love should be truthful and kind and gentle but why two of his most precious people are hurting him? mew no longer sees boston as a friend, and top is no longer the love of his life. mew's greatest downfall is his love for top and his trust for boston.

conclusion

i find the concept of first love/true love depicted from the lens of topmew to be heartbreaking. when the pictures of them having fun and enjoying their cute dates together are posted, aside from happiness, i feel an immense sadness for what's to come.

mew is top's first true love in the sense that top discovers his truest self with mew. he gradually opens up and becomes someone he's supposed to be— not need to be. mew is top's first true love in the sense that it scares top to think of the consequences— of his dishonesty to mew— of the truth coming out someday and he'll lose mew— himself— forever.

top is mew's first love in the sense that mew wants to savour every little moment with top, all the fun dates and kisses that awaken the butterflies in his stomach. top is mew's first love in the sense that he wants to pen down everything they share in his journal because mew believes this might be forever— top is his first and true love.

therefore, everything topmew is— their love— only results in two things; happiness and sadness.

side note: although i still don't know if any of my topmew speculations are true, the mock trailer indicates topmew's love story as the 'right person, wrong time'. i'm inclining to topmew's story to be sweet but tragic because it's the driving force of the series. topmew, sanray and bostonnick revolve around each other. like a domino effect, anything that happens to topmew will affect other pairs and vice versa.

to end this post, here are some bonus pictures posted by p'nine because forcebook are always the light at the end of a dark tunnel.

i'm happy to see this. although topmew might shatter, forcebook still stands— stronger and together. the picture on the left is so cute that my heart is breaking. haha

(also, ohmbook are so cute? can i manifest for an ohmbook series next year? hehe)

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