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writtenbykay-blog · 6 years

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Jimmy Calvary

Warnings: Language, drug and alcohol abuse and some violent scenes. There maybe more. Word Count: 20,000. First Story, go easy lol.

“Let’s rock everybody, let’s rock!” I screamed beating on my drum set “Everybody in the whole cell block!” spinning the drumsticks though my fingers “Jimmy! Breakfast!” “Was dancin’ to the Jailhouse Rock!” I continued singing banging on the set. “Jimmy!” I saw my mom Mary opening the door of my room, I looked up at her seeing her in a yellow dress she loved to wear. “Yes ma?” I asked, “Breakfast is ready darling” she smiled “Oh hell yeah!” I said excitedly jumping out of the stool “Jimmy” she warned “Sorry ma” I said scratching the back of my neck passing her, running down the stairs jumping over the rail, Seeing my father Joseph siting at the set kitchen table drinking his coffee “Mornin’ pops” I said opening the fridge, taking the orange juice, pulling back the tap sipping it from the carton “You better not let your mother see that” he chuckled looking up at me from his newspaper “Jimmy Calvary! We have glasses!” she yelled at me walking down the stairs, smacking me lightly on the back of the head “Ow” I hissed at the pain rubbing the spot “It old ya” my father laughed taking another sip from his black coffee. “Here ya go” she said placing a plate full of pancakes, my favorite. “Thanks ma” I smiled picking up the knife cutting a piece of the butter slopping it on the flapjacks, dousing it with syrup picking up the fork “Me and your dad got you a little gift” my mother said smiling walking out of the kitchen and into the living room, taking a bite chewing the sweet goodness. Mom came back with something behind her back, walking towards me, then showing me, my mouth opened so wide almost making whatever was left come out. “M-Mom…D-Dad” I gasped out slowly getting up and taking ahold of it “It’s a 60’s Jaguar” my father said smiling putting his hand on Mary’s shoulder watching me hold the lime green electric guitar “Happy 18th Birthday” they said in sync. I hugged them both “Thank you guys so much” I smiled pulling away and admiring the beauty. “You better go school son, you’re going be late” Joseph said looking down at his watch “Oh, yeah” I said turning my head to look at the wall clock. I handed the guitar back and grabbed my backpack off the counter, looking at the keys beside it “You min-““Go ahead son” he smiled, I grabbed the keys running out the house. Opening the door of the 1958 Ford Fairlane. Starting the engine and backing it out slowly making sure not hitting the mailbox like last time. Parking the car opening the door and turning around to lock it “Happy Birthday!” I gasped turning around seeing my best friends standing there “Geez, you guys scared me” I exhaled holding onto my pounding chest “Sorry” Roy said frowning “Hey, it’s okay” I said smiling passing them “Why you all smiley?” Wayne asked catching up with me. “Oh nothing… just that I got the guitar!” I said turning around to face them “No you didn’t” Wayne shook his head in disbelief “Uh huh” I corrected him “You’re shitting us, right?” Mickey raising his eyebrow “Nope” I smirked “No way!” they all yelled shaking me, laughing. “We finally have our band!” Wayne said happily raising his hands in the air “It’s about time” Mickey said in a fake annoyed voice clearly happy about the news. “Oh, whatever” I punched his arm “Ow!” he rubbed the sore spot “Okay, okay, let’s go to class” Roy said pushing us towards the steps that lead to the building “Fellas,” Mickey started wrapping his arms around the group “Tomorrow, we graduate” he finished shaking tapping on our shoulders repeatedly “No more of this boring shit” he exclaimed while Roy rolled his eyes opening the door for us. Looking around seeing everyone head to class for their last day, talking to their friends, bullies…well bullying, people talking to their ‘friends’. “You see, all of this will not matter what so ever” Wayne explained “Yep” we all agreed. “Hi” a voice said, turning around seeing Penelope “Hey” I smiled at her “Happy Birthday” she said shyly “Thanks” I nodded, hearing the bell rings motioning everyone to go to class. “See you in class” I said walking away with my group.

“So, what I was thinking-“ Mickey started “Oh no, Mickey thinking, that’s not good” Wayne chuckled making everyone but him laugh “Ha-ha, Wayne is sooooo funny” he said sarcastically rolling his eyes “Anyway, I was thinking-“ “Hi” Penelope said holding her lunch tray, making Mickey once again roll his eyes clearly annoyed. “Can I sit with you guys?” she asked “Uh, we’re kind of talking about something important” Mickey said looking up at her from the table “Mickey” Roy said staring at him with wide eyes “What?” he said not caring about what he had said. “Oh…Okay” she said looking down about to walk away, “Please, sit” I said pointing at the seat next to Mickey “Thanks” she said sitting her tray down as she sat next to an uncomfortable Mickey. “I’m going to go dump this” he sighed frustrated as he didn’t get to continue his conversation. Getting up and grabbing his empty tray and leaving. “Don’t mind him, he doesn’t like anybody but us” Wayne said not knowing what to say. “What my friend is trying to say is, Mickey- he’s a” Roy thought “Asshole?” Wayne suggested “Doesn’t know when to shut up?” I questioned “Mean?” she answered “Yeah” Roy agreed. “So, what was meanie talking about?” she asked opening her chips “Oh, well we’re starting a band” Roy said “Roy” me and Wayne said “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know we weren’t telling people” he said looking at me and Wayne “No, I’m sorry, it’s none of my business” she said shaking her head. “I guess it’s okay, just don’t tell anybody” Wayne said coming out ruder than he had planned. “Who am I going to tell? I don’t even talk to anyone” she said honestly, “You got us” I smiled she just simply smiled back.

“I hope I don’t trip” Wayne said rubbing his sweaty palms together as they all waited in line, “I don’t think you will” Roy reassured Wayne, “You see this guys? This that our future” Roy explained pointing at the box of diploma’s “We did it” He smiled at us “Forget this let’s blow this joint” Mickey said “No Mick, do you realize without that, we won’t be able to get a job or we won’t be able to do our dream” I explained “You would be throwing away all those days of school that you dread to go” Roy said “You’re right, I hate when that happens” he patted mine and Roy’s shoulder. “Ha-ha, what dream?” Laney the ‘popular bitch’ laughed with her so-called-friends “Our dream is for you to rot in a sack” Mickey answered “How sad” she said curling her bottom lip “You know what, this” I started motioning the area with my finger “This will not matter after we walk across that field, You ‘popular’ people will not matter after this, You will not be popular in the real world, Nobody cares that everyone likes you… shit nobody likes you’re ugly ass. The ‘nerds’ you pick on will rule the world one day, you watch. How you treat the world is how the world will treat you” I said staring deadly in her eyes, I turned around facing my best friends of eight years “Hell yeah!” Mickey yelled jumping up and down “That’s my boy!” Wayne said hitting my shoulders “I will have to agree” Roy smiled at the girls then at his proud friends.

“Wayne Collin Smith” a stern voice said over the microphone, he stood up straight and walked down the field to receive his diploma, we all smiled at the man who waved at his parents. “Roy James Treyvon” he walked down smiling as he grabbed the diploma, waving at his grandparents. “James Michael Bookout’ Mickey shouted happily as he ran down the field making everyone including the teachers laugh, pointing at his aunt who was there for him. I inhaled and exhaled slowly and deeply knowing I was next. “Jimmy ‘The First’ Calvary” the principle called out, walking down the football field, hearing my parents, best friends and half the bleachers roar of clapping.

“For the first time ever, I would like to introduce the class of ‘58” the principle announced as the huge huddle holding their caps waiting, soon throwing their caps in the air, cheering, hugging, and even backflips. “Let’s go get that dream” I said as we group hugged.

“Last box” I sigh setting the carboard box down on the carpet. “I can’t believe you’re moving out” my mother said shaking her head with her hands on her hips as she looked around the apartment. “It’s about time, you get out of the house” my father laughed “I’m just kidding son” he laughed hitting my shoulder. “We’ll come visit all the time” mom smiled “No, that’s okay, really” I chuckled hoping she wasn’t for real. Hearing a knock “I’ll get it” I said walking over to the door but shortly getting interrupted by my mom stopping me “No, I’ll get it” she smiled running in her heels to the door to open it “Hello! Are you here to welcome your new neighbor?” she asked “Uh, sure” Wayne nodded “Well come in!” she perked motioning them in “Thank you ma’am” Roy smiled at her walking in with Wayne and Mickey behind “Yeah, thanks” Mickey winked, I shook my head at Mickey as he failed terribly at flirting with my mom. “Hey guys” Joseph said shaking their hands “Roy” “Wayne” “Mickey” “You guys look the exact same age as my boy” Mary said excitedly “Wow” Wayne sarcastically said shoving his hands in his pockets. “Okay, I can’t do this, mom, dad, these are my friends” I said pointing at them “Well then, why didn’t you say that?” she asked, “I don’t know” I simply said, “How long?” “Eight years” I answered “E-Eight years? And you’re just now telling us?” she said shocked “I’m sorry” I said, “We should have dinner-“she started herding them to the door “Yeah, maybe one day ma” I said putting my hand on the knob “I know I do” Mickey flirted “Shut up” I said giving him a deadly glare “Goodbye baby” she said waving bye as my dad guided her to their car “Bye” I said shutting the door. Suddenly hearing the guys burst out in laughter, turning my head to watch them die of laughing, seeing Wayne fall to the floor seeing tears on his cheeks. “Oh, shut up” I walked over to the counter. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell your parents about us” Roy said “A-Are you embarrassed by us?” Wayne faked cried “You better save those tears to drink later cause we don’t have jobs” I said “Ugh, we have to get jobs?” Mickey asked “Yes, if we want to chase our dream, we have to save up enough money” I answered, “I work with my father” Roy said, “I got a job yesterday” Wayne also said, “How much money have you guys saved up?” Mickey questioned “I asked my dad for a loan to get started on my dream” “And?” Mickey asked “225” I answered “Geez” Wayne gasped “Between you and Roy have rich parents” Wayne said, “Must be nice” Mickey sighed. “Did you ask your dad about the warehouse?” Wayne asked Roy “Yeah, as long as I work for him we can use the empty warehouse” he said “Yes!” we all cheered “We all can go set up tomorrow”.

“Oh baby let me be, your lovin’ teddy bear. Put a chain around my neck, and lead me anywhere. Oh let me be (oh let him be)” stringing that guitar as we sang ‘Teddy Bear’ by Elvis Presley my favorite singer. “Why are we singing a love song?” Mickey asked sitting behind his drum set “I don’t know” I said letting go of my guitar as it swayed around by its strap. “We need to come up with a name” I announced, “How about uh ‘The Legends?’” Wayne suggested “Nah, something different” I thought. We paced around the empty, quiet ware house. “How about The Iconz?” Mickey suggested, everyone looked up at him “That’s perfect” I said “Yeah, it is” Roy smiled “I guess you’re not so dumb after all” Wayne laughed, Mickey threw his drumstick at him “Okay, okay. Let’s get back to work” I said sternly “And one, two, one two” I yelled as we started to jam on our instruments “Oh, baby let me. Your lovin teddy bear. Put a chain around my neck and lead me anywhere. Oh let me be (oh let me be)” holding on to the standing microphone, closing my eyes as I sang, tapping my foot. Opening my eyes back up seeing someone standing there watching us. “You guys sound great” the person said coming out of the sunlight and into the shade to reveal herself “Penelope?” I squinted “Hey you came” Roy said putting the guitar over his shoulder placing it down on the stand and walking up to her “Why did you invite her?” “Mickey” I warned him “Not being rude but, why is she here?” I asked, “She’s going to manage us” Roy answered “What?” Mickey groaned “You need to manager to manage a band” Roy said, “That’s true” I nodded “I can help you guys, I can book gigs, get the best places, studios and even after parties” she smiled “After parties? I’m in” Mickey cheered “You’re in” I smiled at her.

“Why’d you pick a coffee shop?” I asked as we got off stage, hearing little clapping of the audience. “Hey, it’s your first gig, least it’s something” she said holding on to her clipboard “Thank you” Roy nodded at her as he put his guitar in its case. “Unfortunately, it might take a while for us to get big” Wayne said. “Damn it” I said walking away from them. Roy sighed as he looked at the guys “Hey, I’m not the one who said it” Mickey said holding up his free hand in defense walking away with pieces of his drum set. “Thanks” Wayne slouched his shoulders “You’re welcome” Mickey winked closing the door behind him.

“It only cost a dime, just a nickel a shoe, it does a million dollars’ worth of good for you. Get rhythm! When you get the blues!” we sang the last verse watching the crowd roar. “Thank you, very much” I waved at the audience. We high fived each other stepping off the stage. “Now that’s a show” I said wiping the sweat off with the napkin “The crowd loved us” Wayne said as he looked back at the small club. “If you guys can keep that up, shoot you’d be big in no time” Penelope looked at her clipboard that had our chart. “If it only were that es-“ Wayne started but soon getting hit in the stomach by Roy “Shush, he’s in a good mood” Roy whispered to him. “I think you guys are going in a good direction” she said nodding her head. “That’s the plan” I said.

‘64

“Alright, guys that was amazing” the studio manager said as he sat the headphones down. I opened the door of the sound booth with the guys behind me. “You guys are really growing” he said taking the red sucker out of his mouth pointing at us with it. “How’d we sound?” I asked nervously “Really, really good. It should hit the radio soon” he said sticking it back in his mouth “W-W-What?” we all gasp wondering what the hell he just said. “The radio?” he said raising his eyebrow “Haven’t you heard about it?” he laughed “Well of course we heard it, but we’re going to be on the radio?”. “Hell yeah, you got some talent kid” he smiled. I turned around seeing them flabbergasted. “We’re going to be on the freaking radio!” Mickey jumped as he hugged Wayne, I looked at Roy “Oh, what the hell” I shrugged jumping in with them.

“Congratulations, Jimmy, Roy, Wayne and Mickey, you just signed your first record” our studio manager says putting the lid back on. “Thank you, sir” I nodded at him as he left the room. “Woah! We fucking did it boys!” I yelled, “We are on the charts!” I smiled. “I am so proud of you guys” Penelope said smiling at us. “Thank you” I nodded at her “We really couldn’t have done it without you” Roy said, “It’s my pleasure”. “We should celebrate” I suggested “We should” Mickey agreed “I know a great place” Wayne said opening the door with us following.

“A toast, of sixteen years of friendship and six years of singing together, I couldn’t or wouldn’t done it without you guys. You’re always there for me and hopefully will in the future, I love you guys” I said raising my glass of beer “Aw, shucks” Roy smiled “He’s getting soft on us” Wayne chuckled “That’s scary” Mickey said widening his eyes “Cheers” we said in sync clinging our glasses together. “Excuse me? But are you guys The Iconz?” a group of people asked us “Why, yes, we are” Wayne answered them “Can we get your autographs?” one of them said handing them a piece of paper “Yes, you can” I smiled at them, we got out of our seats and grabbed the paper “What’s the names?” I asked, “Michael Shane” the black-haired man said, “Macy Warren” the short brown headed said, “David Spencer” and lastly “Charles Kane” the African American said. We all got to sign a name, we handed it back shaking their hands. “Wow, our first autograph” I said watching them walk away smiling down at the paper. “This is getting pretty serious” Wayne said as we sat back down at the bar “I love all the attention” I smiled drinking my beer “Same” Mickey said. “I think I’m going to head back to the hotel” Penelope said as she dug in her purse “I’ll walk you” Roy said getting off the stool walking over to her “Thank you” she smiled at him, “We’ll see you guys tomorrow” they waved as they walk out of the bar. I rolled my eyes taking the last swig of the drink. “What’s wrong?” Wayne asked noticing I was clearly annoyed “Nothing” I shook my head lifting a finger letting the bartender I wanted another, “Come on, you can tell us” Mickey said. I hesitated for a while, looking around before speaking “Roy and Penelope” I started looking down “Oh” that’s all Wayne had to say, he knew what I was about to say. “What about them?” Mickey wondered “He kind of likes Pen” he answered Mickey “Likes?” I looked at Wayne nodding my head “Loves?” he questioned, I took a long sip of my third beer “You love Penelope?” Mickey said shocked putting his hand over his mouth. “Yes, but don’t say anything” I warned them “No problem” Mickey promised holding up his hand, “Their probably not even doing anything” Wayne reassured “Yeah, he’s just walking her to her hotel room” Mickey agreed, “Yeah, exactly. Hotel room? Saying Goodnight? Goodnight kiss?, yeah I’m sure they’re not doing anything” I sarcastically said rolling my eyes downing the last bit of the liquid. “Okay, let’s head back to our room” Wayne said setting down the money for the drinks and leaving a tip, getting up and guiding me to the door.

Walking up the stairs heading to our rooms, “I’m going to see if Roy’s in his room” I said walking up to his room but failed at opening the door “You need a key” Wayne said “Yeah, yeah. Give me a key” I said letting go of the knob and looking at them both. “Mickey, you’re sharing a room with him, give me it” I warned handing out my hand “I don’t have it, he does” he scratched his hair, “Come on!” I yelled twisting the knob frustrated, hearing a door open and close turning around, seeing Roy come out of Penelope’s room, “What’s going on?” he asked, I just sigh heavily walking to mine and Wayne’s shared room unlocking it, slamming the door behind me.

“Come on, Jim. We have to be at the radio station in fifteen minutes” Wayne said through the door as he was locked out this morning while he was out for breakfast, “Yeah, come on man” Mickey sighed resting his head on the hallway wall. “He still won’t come out?” Penelope asked coming out of her room all dolled up, “Yeah, and we don’t know why” Roy said rubbing his forehead. “Jimmy Calvary, get your ass out of that room now” Wayne warned pointing at the white door, “Let me try” she interfered walking pass them, knocking on the door “Jimmy? Darling, we have a show to do” she said softly but enough for him to hear “We are going to be late” she said, few minutes go by, suddenly hearing the sound of a door knob being turned, “There you are” she smiled up at me, grabbing my jacket and walking past them, “This is going to be a long day” Wayne exhaled following behind.

“So how did you guys meet?” the radio station guy John asked, “We all met in school” Roy answered as I sat back in my chair not caring about what he had to say. “That’s amazing, how long?” he wondered “Sixteen years” Roy said “Wow, that is crazy” “Yeah, tell me about it” I said under my breath, “What was that, Jim?” Roy asked turning his head towards me, I just frowned at him “A-Anyway, what song will you guys do next?” John asked resting his head on the palm of his hand, “Uh, I think” Roy started “I think we should do Hound Dog” I interrupted, everyone turned their heads at me, “Why that song?” John said, “I don’t like that song” Roy said flatly “So?” “So? We all should agree on one song” Roy explained “I’m the lead singer, it’s my choice” I argued “Maybe we should reconsider that” Roy argued back, I got up and walked out of the room “We’re going to take a short intermission” John spoke into the mic. I sat down on a bench in front of the building, shoving my hands in my jacket. “Jimmy?” a voice said, I looked to my left seeing Penelope standing there with a worried look, “Are you okay?” she asked sitting next to me, “I… I don’t know” I nodded looking down at the concrete. “What is going on between you and Roy?” she questioned “Is it because you like me?” she guessed, I looked at her “How’d you know that?” I asked, “Roy told me, but Roy also told me that he liked me” she said, I looked down sighing, “But, he said ‘You can have him’ ‘You belong together’” “Really?” “Yes, Jim” she smiled. I repositioned myself looking her deeply in the eyes “I-I love you, for a while now” I told her “I love you too, for a while too” she chuckled, I leaned my forehead on hers as she smiled “I hope he forgives me, I didn’t mean to go off on him” I said “I just thought you and him were together last night, after you guys left” I admitted, “I’m sorry, he came to me last night so he could tell me that” she said “I’ll talk to him tonight”, “Okay” she smiled.

‘68

“Put your head on my shoulder, Hold me in your arms, baby squeeze me oh so tight show me that you love me too. Put your lips next to mine, dear won’t you kiss me once, baby just a kiss goodnight maybe you and I will fall in love. People say that love’s a game, A game you just can’t win. If there’s a way I’ll find it someway and then this fool will rush in. Put your head on my shoulder whisper in my ear baby, words I want to hear tell me, tell me that you love me too. Put your head on my shoulder whisper in my ear baby, words I want to hear, baby. Put your head on my shoulder” I sang “Wow, I can listen to you all day” Penelope dazes watching me sing to her, kicking her feet like a sixteen-year-old day dreaming, “Really?” I asked sitting in the chair in front of the couch where she layed. “Oh yes” she smiled, she got up and walked over towards me “Your show starts in five” she checked her watch, “This is going to be a great show, I just know it” I told her, “How’s that?” she wondered “Because you’re here” I smiled at her “I’m always with you, though” she raised an eyebrow, “Hon, I’m just trying to be romantic” I groaned “Oh, right, Oh darling that’s the sweetest thing I ever heard!” she sarcastically said putting her hands on her heart, “That’s it, now I’m not going to sing a song about you” I warned standing to my feet, “Wait, what song?” she questioned “Oh, nothing now” I chuckled opening the door, “Hey!” she yelled chasing after to me. “Hey, there you guys are, we were about to go get you” Roy said putting his new guitar around him. “Let’s get out there” I said, stepping on the stairs that lead to the stage, “Please welcome, The Iconz!” the announcer said to the huge crowd. We walked out there as they cheered us on waving them back. “Hello! How’s everyone doing tonight?” I asked setting up my guitar, they said ‘good’ as best as they could “Alright, that’s what I wanna here!” I smiled at the audience. “The first song is dedicated to my beloved, Penelope” I said looking over to my right seeing her staring at me in awe, I nodded to the guys as we started playing on our instruments, “Wise men say only fools, rush in but I, can’t help, falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be… a sin? If I can’t help falling in love… with you… Like a river flows surely to the sea, Darling so it goes... some things are meant to be, take my hand… take my whole, life too for I, can’t help, falling in love with you. Like a river flows, surely to the sea, darling so it goes, somethings are meant to be, take my hand... take my hand… take my whole life too, for I can’t help falling in love with you… for I, can’t help, falling in love with you… for I, can’t help falling in with you…” we strung on our guitars as we sang. I looked over to her seeing she was in tears, I motioned her to come up she hesitated, but soon enough she came walking up on the stage with her high heels. “Everyone this is my darling” I said “H-Hi” she said shyly, she gasped so hard when they cheered her on “They like me” she whispered to me excited, “Yes, darling, they do like you” I chuckled as the crowd laughed, “I hope you guys love them as much I as I do” she said into the microphone, “Alright, well we got a show to finish” I said to her “Good luck” she kissed my cheek as she walked waving to them before she left.

“Thank you everyone! You beautiful people are an amazing audience” I yelled pointing at them “Goodnight!” We said, walking away. “Fantastic guys!” Pen smiled at us “Thanks” the boys said, “We have an after party to go to” she said looking at her clipboard “Aw, our first after party” Mickey said excitedly “Let’s go get cleaned up and then we’ll head that way” I said taking her hand in mine walking out of the building.

“Wow, this is balls!” Mickey wowed as we entered the huge, loud club. “I’ll order some drinks” Wayne said walking over to the bar with Mickey right behind. “Come on, let’s go find a booth” she said wrapping her arms around my arms guiding me through the crowded club, a group of girls came rushing up to us “Oh my gosh! It’s Jimmy Calvary, can we get your autograph?” one of them asked, “Sure” I said untangling my arm from Penelope’s grip, I took their pen and signed their things, “Have a nice night, ladies” I nodded at them walking away to our booth, seeing a ‘reserved’ booth “This is ours” she said sitting down “Seriously?” I raised an eyebrow surprised, “Yes, sweet, now sit” she demanded “Okay” I said sitting right beside her. Waiting on the guys to bring drinks we watched as people dances, sang and drank, “Here we go” Wayne said setting down the drinks and sitting down, “there’re going to bring as much drinks we want” Mickey told grabbing his drink and sat next to Wayne, “Where did Roy go?” I asked sipping on the alcohol, “Huh, Hm I don’t know” Wayne looked around shrugging his shoulders “Probably to the bathroom, because he has a tiny ass Blatter” Mickey said making us chuckle, “Drink as much as you want guys, cause’ tonight is all about us” I announced raising my shot glass to the men “Hell yeah!” they clinked. Downing our third shot of whiskey, “Hmm, they shit is good” Wayne hummed, “You can say that again” I chuckled. “Hey, darling there some people wanting to meet you” Penelope said tapping me on the shoulder behind me, “Sure, always happy to meet” I turned around “Hello” Elvis Presley smiled holding out his hand “Holy… shit” I tried to get out “Nice to meet cha” He said shaking my hand anyway “Same to you” I said still mouth wide open “You better close your mouth before flies get in” he laughed, “Oh, I am so sorry” I said “No problem” “I-I am just a-a huge fan” I stuttered “Yeah, your girl told me” he said looking at his right where she was standing, “Oh did she now?” I asked, “Oh yes” he said. “You’re the reason why I started in music” I said sipping on my drink as me and him sat at the booth “Well, I am honored” he smiled “My favorite song is probably ‘Jail House Rock’” “That ah, that’s a lot of people’s favorite” he chuckled rubbing his hands together, “Your show, was uh pretty amazing” he nodded “Y-Y-You watched our show?” almost choking on my drink “Yeah, you know, you guys have a really good vibe” he said “Wow, I-I really don’t know what to say” running my hands through my hair, he just chuckled. “Who was your favorite singer that you met?” I asked “Uh, I-I think I would have to say, Uh Frank Sinatra” he answered, “Oh yeah” I nodded feeling stupid, I should have known that. “Did you watch that on television?” he asked me “I sure did” I smiled, “Well, I better be going” he said getting up “Thank you, so much for your time, I know you are a busy guy” I said “Anything for a growing singer and a fan” he chuckled, “I’ll definitely see you around, Jimmy” he shook my hand once more “Alright” I waved as he walked out of the club. “Thank you, so much” I wrapped my arms around Penelope as she walked back over to me “Well, I knew he was your favorite artist, and he was already at the show so I asked him to come meet you” she told me “Thank you” I kissed her forehead, “I’m going to take Wayne and Mickey back to the hotel” she looked back at the drunk men, “Good idea, darling” I agreed, “Alright, I’ll see you in a bit” she said kissing me before she headed out with the guys.

I walked over to the booth and started cleaning it up, drinking the rest of what was left. “Are you Mr. Calvary? Jimmy ‘The First’ Calvary?” a tall guy said, I looked at him “Yes, I am” I said setting the napkin down wiping my hand off before shaking his hand, “Could I have a word with you?” he asked “I don’t wanna disturb your… cleaning” he guessed wondering why I was cleaning a table, “Oh, I was trying to make it easy for the waiters” I told him, “I wanna show you something” he said guiding me to a corner of the building, walking over to the table he had bags, little boxes and loads of prescriptions. “I see you have a lot of money” the guy said putting his thumb on his chin, looking at me then at the table. “Yeah, so much, that I don’t know what to do with” I admitted, “Tell you what, for eighty I’d give you a bag with anything you want on this table” he pointed at each thing, “Is there any way I can test this stuff out?” I asked, “You can try anything you want” he sat on the couch, “What’s this?” I asked pointing at the white powder in the small bag, “Cocaine” he answered getting it out, scooping a small amount onto the table, crunching it more, he rolled up a dollar bill and handed it to me “Go nuts” he said, I lowered my head down taking the rolled-up money, lining it up and taking a big sniff. Shooting my head up pinching my nose, wiping it away “S-S-Shit, fuck, wow” I stumped my foot “It’s good, right?” he asked, “Hell yeah” I said clapping my hands together “What else you got?” “Got some LSD, Diet pills, Marijuana…” he trailed off “I got a lot shit” he said, “I’ll take everything you got” I said, “Alright, I got cha” he smirked packing a bag, “Finish it” he pointed at the rest of the cocaine, I took in a deep breath in and sniffled the rest in “Like my mama always told me, clean a table before you leave!” I yelled laughing hitting my knee with my palms, he laughed with me tying the bag “Speaking of mama, you better get home to your little mama” he said handing me it “Oh, yeah” I sniffled standing up to my feet stumbling a bit, walking away from the man and towards the bar, seeing a few drinks that were barely drank, grabbing them an downing them quickly, wiping my mouth off, walking out of the club.

Walking up to the door, reaching down to my pockets realizing I forgot my key, I knocked on the door several times, after a few minutes of sitting on the floor waiting for an answer, she finally opened the door looking down at me “There you are” she rubbed her eyes, she grabbed my arm helping me up, “Jim, it’s midnight, what happened?” she asked “I don’t know little mama” I joked laughing, collapsing on the bed “Jim? Jimmy?” she repeated, soon seeing I was out cold.

“Jimmy? Darling?” a quiet voice said, I looked up groaning at the sunlight peaking in through the curtains “What” I groaned wiping the drool away, “How ya feeling?” she asked swiping the hair out of my face away, “Like shit” I said turning over to my side to get a better view, “How much did you drink last night?” she asked “I-I d-don’t remember” I looking around the room “How much you drank or don’t remember anything?” “Both” I answered getting up, “I need a shower” opening the drawer, grabbing the first set of clothes I see, heading to the bathroom.

Sliding the curtain away, stepping out of the shower drying myself off, suddenly feeling the urge to vomit falling to the tile flooring bending over as I puked into the toilet, seeing Penelope open the door and rushed to my side. I sighed as she puts a cold rag on my forehead “It’ll help” she said, “It’s going to help me not throw up?” “No, but it’ll cool you down” she said, “Can you get me something to drink?” I asked “Sure, I’ll be right back” she said getting her purse and walking out of the door, I sat up and ran to the bathroom, grabbing my pants that I wore last night, getting the bag from the bag pocket, taking it out and setting it on the counter. Getting a dollar out of my wallet, rolling it up and dipping my head down tilting my head back, pinching my nose “Shit” I said rubbing my face, going back out to the room hearing the door knob turn, seeing her come in with a bottled water and pain relievers “Here you go, hon” she said handing me it, I took the pills pouring the water in my mouth. “We’re taking a few days off” she blurted out “Why?” setting the bottle down on the nightstand “Well you guys have been working nonstop, so why not?” she said, “Are the guys hungover also?” “Yeah” she trailed off sitting on the bed, “Yeah, I’m fine with taking a break” I agreed “Alright, so what do you wanna do?”.

‘69

“So how does it feel to have such amazing fans?” the interviewer asked us, sitting in leather chairs as they pointed their camera at us. “It’s just an incredible feeling, to be honest” I answered to him “So, I know that Jimmy here has a love interest, how about the rest of you?” he chuckled watching the guys reaction. “Well, I’m not seeing anyone right now. I’m not looking for a relationship until the time is right” Roy explained, “Well ladies, you heard from Roy” he smiled. “I hook up every now and then but nothing serious” Wayne admitted, “Yeah, that’s how I am as well” Mickey agreed. “Would any of you want to settle down?” he asked, “I don’t know, maybe, hopefully one day I guess” I chuckled scratching the back of my head, “Would you want to do a duet with another artist?” he wondered, “I personally, want to sing with Elvis, but- I don’t know about these guys” I said looking over to them “Frank Sinatra would be awesome” Roy said always wanting to meet him “Mr. Johnny Cash would be mine” Wayne smiled, “Anyone would be nice” Mickey said. “Thank you fellas, for coming on the show with me” he smiled shaking our hands once more “No problem” I nodded “Everyone, The Iconz” he smiled as the audience clapped.

“We’re going to be in the van, Jimmy” Roy said after I told them I had to use the bathroom, going into the stalls waiting for the last guy to wash his hands, opening the door grabbing the bag out of my pocket opening it up, pinching my nose wiping up the excess into my nose, “Shit” I shook my head, looking into the mirror seeing Wayne staring back, I cleaned it up and walked towards him “You didn’t see shit” I threatened “No, I saw everything” he threatened back, “What is this crap? Huh?” he said grabbing the bag out of my hand “Fucking cocaine crap!” he yelled looking at the bag “It-It’s nothing Wayne” I said calmly “That’s bullshit and you know it!” he yelled looking at me in the face, “It’s….It’s okay��I promise” I stuttered trying to keep calm “How is it okay?” he asked “It’s not hurting anybody” I said “It could! And it will!” he screamed pacing around me, “It won’t if you don’t speak of this” I said “Oh, you’re crazy if you think I’m not going to tell the guys… or… Penelope” he warned “Don’t you fucking dare tell her” I said frighten of losing what I got, “Well then, stop. And I won’t tell a soul” he said calmer “Th-Thank y-you, I-I-I promise I’ll quit” I smiled putting my hand on his shoulder walking passed him.

“I wear it for the prisoners who long paid for his crime, but is there is because he’s a victim of the time” leaning back in the wooden chair as we rehearsed, “I wear the black for those who never read, or listen to the words that Jesus said, about the road to happiness through love charity why you think he’s talking straight to you and me” “Hold up” our studio director said holding up his hand, “What’s wrong?” I asked slouching in my chair “You guys are sounding dull” he said “Dull? What do you mean we’re sounding dull?” I asked, “There’s no spirt” he started “No spirit?” I interrupted him “Yeah” he agreed “Darling, do you agree to this… nitwit?” I asked looking over to Penelope who was standing a few feet away, “I mean, it sounds like you’re not trying” she spoke “Honey I am trying” I told her “No, you’re slouching on that chair singing, when you’re supposed to be up and moving like you used to” she admitted “Up and moving? This ain’t no dance party” I argued, she walked over to me with her arms crossed “Well maybe, if you took those sunglasses off, you do better” she said as she starting taking them off “No, don’t-“ I said she gasped slightly as she took them off “Why are your eyes so red and tired looking” she tried to rub them like it would take it away, “Have you been getting enough sleep lately?” he asked “This isn’t your business” I said “No, he’s right have you been getting enough sleep lately?” she questioned, “Yeah, totally” I scratched my neck “Yeah totally wrong” she said “How many hours you get?” he asked “I don’t have to answer this” I said “How many hours Jimmy?” she asked in a serious tone, “I get plenty of sleep, trust me” I said putting them back on and sitting back down “And a one, two, a one two three four” I snapped my fingers.

“Now ya’ll give a warm welcome, to the Iconz” the women clapped as she walked off the stage, the boys waved as they walked on going to their positions, standing there waiting for me to come on stage, “Where’s Jim?” Roy asked the men, Mickey shrugged not knowing either. After two minutes of waiting they hear unstable footsteps. “I’m here!!” I yelled waving my hands to the audience as they cheered, “L-Let’s get this show on t-t-the road, shall we?” I asked smiling when they clapped, motioning to the guys to start. “What song are we playing?” I questioned not remembering what song to play, when to play or how to play it. “Hey! I asked you a damn question now answer it! What song are we playing?” I asked again, “Uh, Hound Dog” Roy said strumming his guitar “Next time tell me sooner!” I yelled at him “S-Sorry” Roy said looking down, walking back over to the mic, still playing the same chorus “Uh, um” I stuttered into the microphone looking at the crowd as they watched me in confusing “You suck!” hearing someone say, “What is wrong with you!” another yelled “Druggy!” “Liar!” I heard, “Why are you saying that!? How did you find out!?” I questioned, “Jimmy? What’s going on?” Roy asked coming up to me, “Don’t you hear that?” I said, “Hear what?” “They’re calling me names!” I yelled at the audience, “No one is calling you anything” He said looking around, I feel something hit me in the arm “Ow” I hissed at the pain, then feeling another hit on my foot “Ow!” I said, “What’s wrong?” Roy asked, “Their throwing things at me!” “Nobody is throwing anything” he reassured, feeling more things being thrown my way “Jimmy, come on” Wayne said coming up to me putting his hand on my shoulder “Get away from me!” I yelled hitting him in the face breaking his nose “Ugh! Shit” he yelled in pain holding his nose “What the hell man?” Wayne said as blood came out of his nose, “I-I-I don’t know I-I’m so” I started but slipping on the cord of the electric guitar “Jimmy!” Penelope yelled out hearing her heels click as she ran on the stage, “I-I-I-I’m s-sorry” I stuttered, looking over to my left being blinded by the flashes of paparazzi “Fuck you!” I yelled at them, turning back on my back seeing all their faces staring back down at me soon passing out.

I flittered my eyes open feeling a cold rag on my head, “Hey” Penelope says softly “Hey” I said back, “How you feel?” she asked, “My head hurts” I groaned rubbing the sore spot, “Yeah, you fell on the stage” she said “I did? I don’t remember” I questioned “Yep, right on your head” she said, “Oh god” I groaned leaning up “What happened?” she asked “I-I don’t know” I said “Jimmy, you always say that” she said, “How come you don’t remember anything anymore?” she wondered, hearing the door open seeing an angry Wayne come in “I need a word with your boyfriend” he said to Penelope “Wayne, he just woke up, can you do this another time?” she asked him looking up at him “No, I need to do it now” he said becoming more angry by the minute, “I’ll be right outside” she comfort holding my hand and walking pass him and into the hallway. He threw a newspaper at me with my face plastered on the front, I sigh looking down “Jimmy Calvary points the finger at the paparazzi after falling on stage” he read out loud, “I’m sorry” I tried “Oh please, cut the bullshit” he said annoyed not buying the apology, “Were you high?” he asked crossing his arms, I looked up at him hesitated about telling him, “Were you high?” he asked one more time “No” I told him “You were on something, now tell me” he demanded, I exhaled looking everywhere but him, “Tell me, or I will tell everyone” he threatened “You promised” I said finally looking at him “And you promised you would quit” he told, “I promise I will now” I said “No, I can’t trust you” he shook his head backing up “W-What?” I gasp at the words “You’re not the same guy I knew” “This is for your own good” he said opening the door “What are you doing?” I asked as he motioned everyone in, “What’s going on Wayne?” Penelope asked walking in with Roy and Mickey. They all stood in front of me where I was sitting, “You wanna tell him?” Wayne said crossing his arms “Tell us what?” Mickey asked furrowing his eye brows “I-I got something to tell you” I started as I rubbed my arm, “What is it darling?” she asked worrying about what was happening, “I-I-I’ve b-been doing t-thing” I said scratching my neck “Stop being around the bush!” Wayne yelled throwing his arms in the air, “Wayne, stop” Penelope said walking over to me “Oh for God’s sake, he’s doing drugs!” Wayne admitted, “W-What?” Penelope asked taken back “What are you talking about?” Mickey said not understanding of the situation, “Yeah, our little Jimmy boy is doing drugs” Wayne told in disappointment, “Is-Is this true Jim?” Penelope said looking at me hoping it wasn’t true “Yes, but it’s fine, it’s not hurting anyone” I explained “It hurt me! You hurt me Jimmy!” Wayne yelled pointing at himself, “And I have apologized profusely” I said back, “Jimmy, how could you man? That shit fucks with the mind” Mickey said, “Mickey’s right, this is ruin our image” Roy agreed “This has got to stop” “Why is this so bad? It’s okay” I said looking at them “It’s not” they all said, “I will continue to do this as I please, whether you like it or not” I stood to my feet “Now, you just stay in the background like you’re supposed to” walking out of the room leaving them all in defeat.

‘71

“How does it feel Mr. Calvary to have three hit records and to be number one twice in a roll?” the interviewer Frank” asked me while we sat on our lounge chairs with cameras pointing at us, “Well, Frank, it’s like this beautiful state we’re in Las Vegas baby! It-It’s like, I belong here, you know, uh it feels amazing” I smiled rubbing my hands on my pant suit, “That’s what we want to hear, right?” he questioned chuckling, “Oh, yeah, you’s right” I laughed, “So, now, tell me why isn’t the rest of the band here?” he wondered, “They-They didn’t join me, now did they? Well, I guess they ain’t as cool as me” I chuckled, reaching in my back pocket “Do ya mind Frankie?” I asked looking at him through my sunglasses, “Go ahead” he nodded as I lit the cigarette joint, inhaling the smoke “So, what’s your plan Mr. Calvary?” he crossed his leg over the other, “Well, we just finished our tour a few days ago, so I thought maybe just go out and have fun, I don’t ever get to do that” I exhaled “How come?” he asked “We-We always be on the road, singing, now-now don’t get me wrong I love singing, but I also love going out and having fun” I smiled at the last part “Artists need some ‘me’ time too” he agreed “Hell yeah, you can say that again, slap me some skin” I laugh handing out my hand, he hit my hand as we laughed together “Mr. Jim Calvary everyone” he announced to the cameras.

Standing up as the camera shut off, fixing my suit “Thank you for coming on” he shook my hand “No prob, Frank” I turned around after shaking his hands, “Come on, Jimmy let’s go Penelope is waiting for you at the hotel” my bodyguard said helping me down the steps “Oh yeah?” I chucked, “Yes sir” he said opening the front door of the building “I-I-I have someone I have to meet Carl” I told him as he opened the back door to the car “Who’s that?” he questioned “He-He’s a friend of mine” I answered.

“I-I’ll be right back C” I said opening the door and getting out and walking into an alley. “Y-You got the stuff?” I asked to the guy that has been selling me for years, “Sure do man” he said handing me the bag “I got something for you to try” he started “What’s that?” I wondered” “Heroin” he told “What-What does that do?” I asked, “It’ll make you feel even better, go places you dream of” he explained, “S-Sure” I said, “It’ll cost you more” he said, giving him more money, leaving with the kit and other things I usually get.

Getting out of the car and looking up at the five-star hotel, “This is much better, you did book the best one in Vegas, right?” I asked, “You bet boss” Carl replied “Good” I said. Knocking on room 624, “Who is it?” a woman’s voice asked, “Open up, it’s the police” I demanded in a deeper voice, she opened the door “Jimmy! You idiot, you bout gave me a heart attack” she gasped as she wrapped her arms around me, I picked her up spinning her around. “How bout we go down to the casino?” I asked her “You sure?” “Right as rain, baby” “Okay” she said as I sat her down back on her feet.

“Oh yes!” I yelled as I got an easy eight winning five hundred dollars, “I am on a roll!” I chuckled to myself, “Hey, darling” Pen said coming up to my putting her hands on my shoulders “How’s it going?” she wondered “Oh darling, honey, it’s going better than ever” I laughed “That’s good” she smiled “How would you feel about getting married here, tonight?” I asked her as I rolled the dice, “What did you just say?” she said taken back, putting her hands back down to her side, “I said, how would you feel about getting married here tonight” I repeated, “I-I don’t know really what to say” she said “Say yes” I told her looking at her “O-Okay” she smiled, I smiled at her kissing her on her forehead, “What about Roy, Wayne and Mickey?” she asked “Who?” I questioned picking my dice up and giving them a good shake, “I’ll meet you at the altar, go pick yourself out a nice dress” I said handing her some cash, she grabbed it and walked away.

“Ugh, fuck, that hit the spot” I sigh putting the joint out in the ash tray, taking the last sip out of my fourth beer and standing to my feet, I stumbled a bit heading out the door. Walking around the hotel trying to read ‘Wedding Ceremony’ through my dark sunglasses, “Wedding Ceremony, Wedding Ceremony, Wedding, Ceremony” I repeated, “Ah” I smiled looking at the sign opening the doors, “Is Penelope here?” I asked the lady behind the desk “Through those doors, Mr. Calvary” she smiled, walking down the aisle “I’m ready to see my lady!” I yelled out standing in my place, hearing the wedding march play, seeing her walk down in a poufy wedding dress “Aw, that’s my girl everyone!” I yelled, she stood in front of me smiling, “Let’s begin”.

“Let’s start on those babies, shall we?” I said as I held Penelope bridal style, she laughed closing the door behind me.

Later ‘71

“I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Calvary, but Jim cannot reproduce” the doctor told us, “And there’s nothing we can do?” Penelope asked, “I mean, you could keep trying but it’s unlikely” he answered, “How much percentage does he have?” not listening to what came after the words ‘cannot reproduce’ “He has five percent” he said “Okay” she looked at me as I stared at nothing, “Jim?” she said “Jimmy?” she repeated “Mr. Calvary?” the doctor said “Huh?” I asked, “Did you hear that?” she said “Yeah, uh, I can’t reproduce, five percentage, yeah I heard” I sigh nodding to them, “I am very sorry” he frowned “Don’t be sorry of what you can’t fix” I said standing up and leaving the room.

“The guys will be here any second hon” Penelope says as she hands me my third beer “Uh huh” I replied taking it and sipping on it. Hearing the door open and close, “Hey” Roy smiled as they came into the living room “Hey guys” she smiled back, “Sit” I demanded taking another sip. “Have y’all been?” she asked the already irritated men “Fine” Roy spoke for them, “That’s good” she trailed off, “I’m going to get you guys some drinks” she stood and walks to the kitchen of their new house. “When’s the next” I started but getting cut off “What’s this?” Wayne said slamming down at newspaper “What do think it is?” I said drinking the last drop “I think it’s a slap in the face! How could you get married without us being there?” Wayne yelled “You were in another city” I turned my face to him, “And? You could of waited” he said “It was the heat of the moment” I said, “Oh, it was the heat of the moment” Wayne mocked to Roy and Mickey, “What’s your problem?” I stood up becoming face to face with him, “You’re my problem Jimmy” he said, “You think you’re the star of everything” “No, I don’t” I said, “You’re still on those drugs ain’t chu?” he asked, I just scuffed nodding my head, “Yep, you are” he said, “You have no idea what I’m going through Wayne” I told, hearing Penelope coming back with drinks and snacks. “So, I don’t know what you’re going through?” “No, you don’t understand” “Oh? I don’t understand, tell me so I can” he crossed his arms, “You wanna know? Okay, I just found out that I can’t have kids, I can’t give the love of my life what she’s always wanted, there’s only a five percent chance it could happen, feeling worthless, feeling like I can’t help, letting her down, so yeah, you don’t understand” I said, walking away slamming the door as glass broke and fell on the marble floor.

Stumbling as I walk on the driveway, crunching sounds of glass under my shoe. Walking towards the stairs, seeing Penelope on top of the stairway with her hands on her hips, “Jim, it’s almost two o’clock in the morning, what are you doing home at this hour?” she spoke, just blankly staring at her “Jim, about what you said to Wayne, isn’t true, you’re not worthless and you didn’t let me down. I love you and I’m not worried about having kids, I just want you” she explained, “Jim?” she called out stepping down a few steps, collapsing on the floor, “Oh my god, Jimmy!” she screamed lifting her gown up as she ran down the stairs, my body started seizing not being able to control it, as foam came out holding onto to nothing “Jimmy! Jim!” she cried out.

Penelope’s P.O.V

“A-And he just started to shake, foam was pouring out of his mouth. I didn’t know what to do, I was so scared that I was going to lose him” I teared up trying to explain to the guys what happened. “Thank God you got here just in time” Roy said as he rubbed my back, “I know he was doing bad things, but I’m glad he’s okay” Mickey added, “Is it bad that I don’t know how I feel?” Wayne admitted, everyone turned their faces to him “I don’t think that’s a bad thing” Roy nodded, “Yeah, you and him had beef, it’s okay” Mickey said, “But, what if? What if he died and I never got to apologize to him?” Wayne worried “It’s okay, you don’t have to worry about that cause he’s fine” I reassured. We all uncrossed our arms as the doctor comes out of his room “He’s okay for now, but I want to go over something with you” he said flipping the pages of his clipboard “What’s that?” I asked, “Your husband seemed to have a lot of drugs in his system” he explained “And those would be?” I rubbed my hands together “Marijuana, Diet Pills, LSD, but most recently is Heroine” he told “Oh no, we just thought he was doing weed, but the others we had no idea about” I said “The most drug he’s used is Cocaine” “I knew about that one” Wayne admitted “And mixing it with alcohol and cigarettes doesn’t make it better either” he frowned, “Here call this number, it’s a Rehabilitation Clinic” he said handing me a card, taking it in my hand “That one is for specifically the famous” he nodded, “T-Thank you” I said “You can visit him anytime” he walked away.

Jimmy’s P.O.V

Hearing a beeping noise, looking over to see what it was, not being able to move my arms as they strapped down “The hell?” I wondered “Hey, you’re awake” I hear Penelope say as she walks in with Roy and Mickey, looking at the door to see if Wayne was there, “How ya feeling?” Mickey asked “I-I’m okay, body hurts but-other than that I’m okay” I chuckled lightly, they sigh wanting to scream their lungs out at me but, knowing that wouldn’t do no good they keep quiet. “Hey baby” hearing a familiar voice, looking over seeing Wayne with Mary and Joseph, my parents. “Hey son” too shocked to say anything to them “I know it’s been a few years since we’ve seen you, but we heard you were not doing so good” Mary said “Yeah, I know” I looked away, she smiled fighting back the tears that were breaming, “Alright, let’s let him get some sleep” Joseph said guiding my mom out with everyone following.

“It’s been a few days since the incident, I think we should talk to him” Mary whispered to Penelope “Yeah, exactly it’s been only a few days, he needs time to recuperate” Penelope argued back trying her best not to talk too loud behind me as I was practicing walking again. “Well you’re not going to do anything, I’m his mother I know what’s best” she said, “You think I let this happen?” Pen was taken back with her words, “The doctor told me it’s been in his system for years, it could have been stopped dozens of times” “I didn’t know he was doing it, till… two years… ago...” she trailed off remembering she found out in ’69, “Some wife you are, you knew but didn’t do a thing” “I didn’t know he was using Cocaine or Heroin!” Penelope whispered louder “But you knew he was taking a drug, a drug is a drug, Penelope” she argued back walking passed her. “M-Mom, can you help me back into my room?” I asked turning around to face her “Sure, baby” she gripped my arm giving Penelope a look before entering the room, “So, honey, I need to talk to you about something” she started, tucking me in my hospital bed, “About?” I questioned looking at her “About going to rehab” she suggested, “Oh, I don’t need that” I nodded “Sweetheart, you’ve been doing drugs for years and it looks like you’re not stopping” she told me “I was just thinking about throwing it all away and isolating myself from it” I thought “And what happens when you get the erg to do it?” she raised an eyebrow at me, “I haven’t thought about it that much, ma” I said “It’s a lot to think about” she stood up “Just let me and Penelope figure it out” I said fixing the covers “Oh, like that girl can fix something” she crossed her arms watching me, “Hey, that’s my wife you’re talking about” “Yeah, how did that come about?” she wondered “Is she a gold digger? Using you for sex? Or doing drugs with you?” she thought “No, no and no” I replied “Well, you’re going have to stop doing them drugs” she said starting to tuck me in “Why do you care?” “Cause you’re my baby” she said “I am not your baby anymore! You can’t stop me from doing anything I please! And stop fucking with the fucking covers!” I yelled “Don’t you dare talk to me like that! I am your mother! You’re my only baby I have and I’m not going to stand by and let you kill yourself” she yelled back “If I’m your baby then why did you keep trying!?” I asked, “What?” she backed away letting go of the cover “I know all about your so-called ‘miscarriages’, you kept trying cause, you hated the fact I was boy. So disappointed in me where I was heading, so you bit your tongue and gave me everything to get rid of me” I told “I don’t know what you’re talking about” she shook her head “Y-You spent so much time trying for another one, leaving me all alone up till I was twelve, then you showered me with ‘love’ and ‘gifts’ and fed me bullshit!” “All I wanted was a normal life… A normal mom!” I screamed at her as she was backing away from the bed “What’s going on?” Penelope said walking in, “What was all that about?” she chuckled as Mary passed her “I-I don’t know” I nodded my head, “Did she tell you about the rehab clinic?” she asked walking towards me “Yeah-Yeah, she did” I said “And?” she raising her eyebrows “I guess I’ll go” I sighed “Thank you, Thank you” she squealed hugging me tight, “You won’t regret this” she smiled.

“You’re going to do great, I promise” Penelope reassured me as she rubbed my back “I hope so” I said looking at the red Rehabilitation Clinic sign holding my bag, “I’ll see you in three weeks” she kissed my temple and left in a taxi. Waiting for the security guard to check my bags to see if they were cleaned, flipping through the shirts and pants “Come on, I don’t have anything” I said, “We’ll see about that Mr. Calvary” the man said eyeing me as he looked at my socks feeling them. “Man, whatever” I scuff. “Take them sunglasses off, boy” the guard said rudely holding out his hand “Why can’t I keep them on?” I asked, “Cause we’re in a building and you ain’t blind” he explained “How do you know I ain’t blind?” I questioned, “Cause you don’t have a blind persons stick” he said slapping the glasses off, I opened my eyes to look at him, bending down grabbing the glasses “Rule number eight, a patient can wear any as long as he or she wears uniform provided, and their called a ‘Walking Stick’” I said putting them back on, grabbing my bag and walking to my room.

Day 1

Rubbing my sweaty hands together causing hot friction “Ah” I hissed at the pain, flinching at a deep voice “Hello, Mr. Calvary” the doctor says sticking a hand towards me, looking down at it “H-Hi-Hi” I nodded at him not returning the handshake, he looked up and down at me before pulling up a chair in front of the metal bed. “How you are doing?” he asked, “Just fine” I shook, my hands not settling down “Are you sure? I see your kind of struggling to sit still” he told me watching me continually scratching myself, “Just fine, sir” I answered him, “We’re going to help you get through this, okay?” he smiled “Mm” I nodded my head rubbing my arms, “I’ll check on you in a bit” he stood up putting the chair back in its place, “Okay” he said padding my shoulder before he left the room.

Day 2

“I wanna go over somethings with you, Mr. Calvary” Paul says as he sits in his chair with me on his couch. “L-Like w-what?” I questioned tapping my feet on the floor, “What made you start these drugs?” he asked furrowing his eyebrows “Do I have to answer?” I asked back, “No, but it would help me understand you better” he told me “Wait, wait, wait, understand me better?” I said taken back, “Yes, understand you better” “You wanna understand me better, so you can judge me better, is that it?” I tilted my head “No, No, of course not, I just want” “No, you don’t need to ‘understand me better’, we’re done” I stood to my feet and walked away.

Day 5

Paul sighs watching me resting my head on my palm, not wanting to cooperate with the conversation. “Mr. Calvary, I have apologized profusely since day two, I should have not start out like that” he says leaning frontwards in his chair “I guess it’s okay” I picked at my pants of the blue uniform, “Are you sure?” “Yeah” I sigh leaning back in the grey chair, “How come it’s okay?” he asked doing the same “I don’t know, Pauli, it just is” looking him in the eyes “It just is”.

Day 10

“P-P-Please Pauli, I-I don’t want to take them!” I yelled at him pushing the medication out of the nurse’s hand for the third time, “Come on, Jimmy, you have to” he calmly said taking his hand in mine “I said no!” “Why, why don’t you want to take them?” he asked trying his best to look me in the eyes “Because I like the feeling, I like the feeling it gives me when I don’t take it” I admitted to him, “That’s not good, Mr. Calvary” he said “You have to” he said letting go of my hand when I got up to run into the bathroom, “Doctor, he needs the meds” the nurse says, “Yes, I know, right now his body is throwing all the junk out, which is good” he said standing up to his feet. “Let it out” he said leaning on the doorframe “Let it out son”.

Day 15

Looking at the bright sunlight as it shines on the checker board, waiting for Vince to make a move “Still can’t believe you’re from that band” he said shaking his head as picked up a piece and placing it on his to make it a king, “Yep” I smiled. “Jimmy Calvary?” a nurse said “Huh?” I answered, “You have a visitor” she said pointing at woman behind her.

“Why are you here?” I said folding my hands together “To check on you of course” my mother smiled, “Bullshit, you wanted to come here to see if I couldn’t go through it” I scuffed at her, “Not uh” she shook her head “Look, I don’t need you here to fucking babysit me, okay? Now get the fuck outta here” I pointed at the exit “Look what those drugs turned you into” she stood up fixing her dress “Don’t criticizes me!” I said, “Well look at you” she pointed at me “Have you look in a mirror lately?” she asked “Yeah, and all I see is you judging me for not wanting me to be who you want” “Well! Why didn’t you!” she yelled “Ah!” I screamed tackling her to the ground, “Get off me!” she yelped in pain hitting my chest, “How could you fucking tell me that! You’re supposed to be my mom!” pinning her wrists to the floor, “How-“ getting knocked a few feet away by a guard hitting me in the ribs, “Ugh, fuck” I groaned, watching the guards help her up, “Are you okay ma’am?” he asked “Yeah, I’ll be fine, just make sure my son gets what he needs” she replied “We sure will”, “You- Ah! Ugh!” I grunted as the guard tasered me back to the tile floor, my body started to shake uncontrollably, “Get him out of here and into his room” Paul ordered, “Right away, sir”.

Day 17

“You-You know why I’d always be saying that?” I chuckled “Why’s what?” “To get the hell outta there!” I burst out laughing “Oh really?” Paul chuckled as we sat at a table at lunch “M-Man-Man you know it!” I laughed as I clapped his hand, “This is the first time I’ve seen you laugh since you been here, Mr. Calvary” the nurse said as she stood beside Paul with her arms crossed, “Oh, sugar, I don’t know you-you be giving me b-b-but-but keep em’ coming” I clapped, “You got it” she winked walking away from the table. “You excited to be going home in a few days?” he wondered, “Oh yeah” I smiled lifting up my sunglasses, “That’s good, you’ve been pretty good with this, and I’m proud” Paul told “W-W-Well-Well thank-thank you” I stuttered, “I-I wanna thank you too” “You’re welcome, it’s my pleasure” he smiled, “I want to list some rules before you leave” he leaned on the table folding his hands together “Rules?” I questioned raising my eyebrows in confusion, “Yeah, so it’ll make it easier for you to stay away from the drugs” “Oh, doc, you know I’ll be good” I waved chuckling, “I don’t doubt it but, you need to stay away from clubs, alcohol, marijuana, diet pills, LSD, Cocaine and Heroin” he explained “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I know Pauli, I promise” I smiled.

Day 21

Zipping up my bag after they did a last search, I nodded to the doctor after picking up the suitcase. “I’ll see you back here again” the guard I first met, “And I’m sure I’ll see you in jail one day” I smiled walking passed him and outside. Looking around the beautiful bright city I haven’t seen in what feels like eternity, taking a deep breath in and releasing it, seeing Penelope standing there with a huge smile on her face, opening my arms as she ran into them, giving her a tight squeeze. “I missed you” she said, “You too”, opening my eyes seeing three other familiar faces, putting her down as well with the bag “Hey man” Mickey chuckled, walking over to the men giving them all a group hug. “Come on, let’s all go home” I pulled away.

‘72

“If you have been sober for months now, then how come you still wear those sunglasses?” Wayne thought as he strummed his guitar in a metal chair, “Sometimes the light still makes my eyes hurt” I told, “Okay, just wondering” he said. As the day went on we continued to practice playing the songs we used to play, laughed like we used to, talked like we used to. It felt good to finally get back to my normal life before all of this happened. Getting to hang out with Roy, Wayne and Mickey without it being tense anymore and have everything behind us. “Hey darling” Penelope says as she came on the stage “Hey sugar” I replied back “How’s rehearsal going?” she asked, “He’s rusty” Mickey chuckled “Aw, I’m sure he’s not that bad” she rubbed my shoulders “Don’t lie to me, sugar” I threaten “You sound great” she kissed my temple “Speaking of great, I’ve got great news” she beamed “What?” Roy wondered, she walked in front of the chairs we were sitting at, “I’m pregnant” she jumped for joy “Seriously?” the boys questioned slowly standing up from their seats “Yes!” she smiled hugging them, “Jimmy, didn’t you hear? Pen is going to have a baby!” Roy said noticing I was still sitting in the same spot, “Yeah, I heard” I said plainly putting my cup of tea down on the floor, “Ain’t you excited?” Mickey questioned as I got up “Will you please excuse me” I stepped down the stairs walking out of the building, leaving them all confused and wondering.

“Come on man, one more shot!” the drunk guy next to me cheered me on “Ohh, if you insist!” I chuckled taking my tenth shot of vodka, slamming down the glass accidentally breaking it “Hey! You’re gonna pay for that” the bartender yelled pointing at the pieces of glass on the counter, “Don’t worry, I got all the money in the world!” I waved getting my wallet out of my pocket and throwing a hundred-dollar bill at him “You can’t just throw money at me, I ain’t no damn stripper!” he yelled as I turned my back to him, “Then why do you sound like one?” I laughed, high fiving the people around me, he snapped his fingers “Alright, time to go” the bouncer ordered “Oh, come on man, I was just messing with him” I groaned “I highly doubt that, now let’s go” he pushed me towards the door “Bye, junkie” he laughed waving his free hand as he poured a glass, “Oh, that’s it!” I yelled jumping over the bar and grabbing his collar but being pulled back before I could take a punch, “Get off him!” the bouncer grabs me by the ankles making the bartender hit me right in the eye “Ah, fuck” I touched the sore spot hissing at the pain, “Get out of here” he said pushing me out of the club, “Jimmy?” a voice said, I looked over to see it was Penelope with a worried look on her face, “Penelope, w-what are you doing out in the dark, you know it’s dangerous” I told “Looking for you that’s what” she put her hands on her hips, “I-I’m fine, honey” I stumbled to walk, she caught me before I fell on the concrete “Come on” she sighs pulling me to the car, helping me in. “You shouldn’t have been out” she said driving down the street, “I needed to think” I admitted “Think about what? Drinking?” she looked at me then at the road, “Oh, cut me some slack will ya” I replied “No, you just got out of rehab, you need to stay on track, you’re losing your fans” she told me “My fans ain’t going nowhere” I shrug “Your ratings has dropped since people found out about you messing around with drugs” “Oh, they’ll be fine” I waved it off looking at the road noticing the unfamiliar street “What road did you turn into?” I asked “What do you mean? This is the same road we always go down” she questioned “No it’s not, you need to turn around” I demanded “No, I’m not turning around” “Turn around!” “No!” “Turn the fucking car around!” I yelled grabbing the steering wheel, she forced it to the right, while I turned it to the left “Jimmy!” was the last thing I heard before everything went black.

Penelope’s P.O.V

Groaning as I woke up with a massive headache and a sharp pain in my shoulder, I opened my eyes seeing the tree that we hit seeing the smoke vanish into thin air “Jim?” I touched my head sitting up slightly “Jim?” I repeated looking over to him “Oh my god” I gasped, reaching down to unbuckle my seat belt, tears flowing down as I struggled to get free “Jim!” I said leaning over to him to shake him, pushing the seat belt away grabbing a hold of him “Jimmy! Wake up!” looking down to see there was a tree limb sticking through his leg “Jim, please wake up” I cried out, putting my finger on his neck “No, no, no, no! You are not dead” I yelled, opening the driver side and holding onto the car as I walk to his side, “Please come back to me, I-I need you” I sobbed into his hand, I stopped for a minute hearing a sound, headlights, I saw headlights “Hey! Over here!” I waved them down, realizing it was a police car as they pulled behind ours “Despatcher, I have a wrecked vehicle over here on forty-nine” “My husband is in there” I told him pointing at the opened door “Despatcher, this is unit five, I need an ambulance now” “I repeat, this is unit five, I need ambulance now”. “Ma’am, you need to step back” the policemen say pushing me away as they cut the limb in half to release him from the car, laying him down on the gurney and into the back of the ambulance. “We’ll take you to the hospital ma’am” he said opening the back door.

“We need to get him in the E.R now!” the nurses ordered “Yes, I have a male, early thirties, broken leg with tree limb through it, dislocated shoulder, numerus broken fingers and a collapsed lung” the nurses rushed him through the doors of the emergency room, “On three, one two three” picking him off the gurney and onto a bed, “He’s nonresponsive” the doctor says “We need to resuscitate him” “Clear” “Clear” “Clear” “I gotta pulse” one of the nurses says “Put an oxygen tube down his throat, we need to go ahead and take this tree limb out” “Hand me that bone saw” the doctor order, cutting much as the limb off as much as he could without getting too close to the skin, tapping on the foot to check his refluxes “Get started on the collapse lung” the doctor told leaving the room, “Harris” “Yes?” the policeman asked “We need to inform Mrs. Calvary that we need to amputate” he told him “Alright, but do me a favor, save that man” he sigh walking away. “Mrs. Calvary?” he asked me as I was pacing around the waiting room, “I just talked to the doctor and… they’re going to amputate his leg” he looked down feeling like he failed “W-What?” “I’m sorry” “I-I don’t understand, there’s no way to save it?” I questioned “I’m afraid not”.

Repeatedly tapping my foot on the floor as I eagerly wait for an update on Jimmy, “Mrs. Calvary?” the doctor came out of the Surgery room covered in my husband’s blood, “Yes?” I quickly stood up “He’s resting now, he did good with his surgeries” he said taking of the soaked gloves “Thank you, so much” I replied “Unfortunately, your husband’s not out of the woods yet, he’s going to be needing that breathing tube for a long while, just until he can breathe on his own. So, let me look at you” he said expecting me with his eyes, seeing me limped.

Flittering my eyes open as the morning sunlight hit my tired face, stretching my sore arms. Noticing my coffee cup was empty, grabbing it and walking down the café until suddenly hearing commotion down at the front desk, “Is a Penelope Calvary or a Jimmy Calvary here?” “Come on, hurry” “Guys?” I yawned seeing Roy, Wayne and Mickey terrorizing the front desk lady “Oh my god! There you are” Roy said running over to me “Where have you been? It’s been days since I last heard from you” Wayne worried “Where’s Jim?” Mickey asked looking around me seeing he wasn’t nowhere to be found, “Jim and I were in a car wreck” I started “What?” they questioned “It was the same night I told him I was pregnant, and I found him at a club drinking obviously, and we got into an argument in the car and ended up here” I explained “Well if you look like that then, Jim should be fine, right?” Mickey thought, “No, he’s actually the quite opposite” I told them “How bad is it?” “Is he going to make it?” “What happened?” “Come see for yourself” I said walking down the hallway and into his room. “Oh my god” Roy gasped, “Oh, no, man, no, you-you can’t die on us, not now, we were just getting back in the swings again” Mickey teared up walking over to him, “How much does he got?” Wayne asked as he couldn’t bear to see Jim like this, “He’s got a forty percent chance, Wayne” I said, “Damn it, shit, fuck” Wayne snapped running his hands through his hair, walking out of the room before he breaks something.

Staring down at the white tile as I walked down the quiet hallways of the hospital, days after the accident still no sign of him waking up anytime soon. Seeing the three men broke down, as they watch their best friend of twenty years, with little chance of recovery was the hardest they ever witnessed, not to mention their fan club, hundreds of thousands being told that the lead singer of their favorite band was fighting for his life, having to tell them on the news without sobbing my eyes out for the millionth time, and also juggling many other things like, future plans for the baby, try my best not to let their band go downhill keeping their records playing, pay the bills that were stacking up, make sure his heart monitor doesn’t go too high or too low, oh and God help me for all those ‘Mrs. Calvary we need to start thinking about plan b’. With all the drugs, alcohol, this wasn’t as hard as watching him go through what he was on, seeing him not being able to stay still while they record a song, not hardly being able to remember how to play the guitar or sing the right lyrics, yelling, threatening and demanding towards people when he really didn’t mean it, knowing he got out of rehab just a few months ago, about how he was feeling up there in his own mind and because of that feeling he is where he is now once again, the hospital.

“Come on, you need to go home and rest” Roy explained to me while I was pouring my fourth cup of coffee that afternoon, “I’m fine” I told him sipping on the hot liquid, “No you’re not, your running on like five hours of sleep” he pointed out “Three actually” I corrected him, “My point exactly” he said, “It’s fine cause” I started “Guys!” “He’s awake!”.

“Hey, take it easy, you just woke up” Roy says as he sees him struggling after taking the tube out, “W-W-What h-happened?” he looked around seeing everyone stare at him, “We were in a car wreck” I told him holding his hand giving it a light squeeze “Oh” he trailed off as he looked at down, “W-W-Where-Where is my fucking leg!” panicking as he didn’t feel that part of him “Hey, calm down” Wayne said leaning him back in the bed, “I will not calm down! I’m fucking missing my leg!” Jim screamed “Sir, I need you to leave, you’re upsetting my patient” the nurse says as she notices his heart rate was rising, “Fine, I’m going” he raised his hands in surrender leaving the room, “I want everyone out” Jim demanded, we were all shocked but understood.

Jimmy’s P.O.V

“Okay, Mr. Calvary, we got you a surprise” the doctor said as he walked in with two other nurses, sitting up on the edge of the bed with Penelope next to me, “We got you a prosthetic leg” they all smiled as he pulled the limb from behind him, “Did you hear that hon? A prosthetic leg” she beamed rubbing my shoulder, giving her a deadly look “Wow” sarcastically speaking as I nod, “Come on, be happy” she says, not bothering to say a thing, she gave the doctor her best fake smile.

“Look I’m doing it” I smiled at the floor while practicing learning how to walk again, knuckles white as I hung on tight to the rails, taking my fifth step “Yes, you are” she said clapping, Roy, Wayne and Mickey cheering me on in the background.

“Hey, do you mind if I run home and shower?” Penelope asked helping back up on the hospital bed, “Yeah” I answered, “I just want to let you know how proud I am of you” “Thanks” I said pulling the covers over me “No, I’m serious, I am” “O-Okay, I believe you” I looked at her chuckling, “Alright, I’ll be back” she kissed my head and left, laying down to try to get some sleep.

Opening my eyes, bright white popcorn ceiling staring back down at me, suddenly I fought to breathe, gasping for air. Trying to sit up as I tried to wave a nurse down, but feeling a sharp pain, not being able to speak as I struggled for air, heart monitor beeping louder than ever, knocking the lamp next to me on the floor “Mr. Calvary?” a nurse came in as she heard a crash, “I need a doctor!” she yelled throughout the hallway, rushing in “Can you breathe Mr. Calvary?” she asked leaning me back on the bed, shaking my head as an answer, “What happened?” Doctor Harris came in “Collapse lung” she said, “Get him in the surgery room, now” he ordered running out of the room and into the E.R.

“I still can’t get over it” “My God, that was the hardest thing I have had to do” “Yeah, telling the news, radio and… seeing the fans reaction, Pen I still can’t get their expressions out of my head” “Why-Why did this have to happened?” “I guess it’s for the best” “I-I guess, look I got to go, I have a lot of things I have to figure out” “Alright, Pen?” “Yeah?” “Be careful” “Thank you, I’ll see you guys Saturday” hanging up the payphone and walking to the taxi “Ready?” I asked her “Yeah” getting into the car. “Hey, pull in there will ya?” “Sure thing, Mr. Calvary”. “Wow, I never seen such beauty in one place” I said as I looked around the dealership, “Hey!” Penelope hit my shoulder “I mean, besides you, of course” I chuckled nervously “Just hurry and pick a car” “Hang on darling, this is a big decision” I told her. “Woah” I breathed out sliding my hand on the Mercury Cougar, seeing the shiny black and red painting on it was breath taking, “What about this one?” Penelope said turning around seeing her pointing at a Ford Galaxie Station Wagon “Ah, no” I laughed “What? Why not?” she complained “Cause it’s lame” I said turning back around to the nicer one, “Jimmy, we need a family car not a stupid sports car” she told me walking over to me “It is not stupid” “Okay fine, but we need a four door not a two door” she explained walking passed the one I loved, as we walking around to pick a car for us, arguing about which one the other liked and other didn’t “I change my mind, I want this one” walking up to a Dodge Charger “No Jim” she warned “Oh, come on, let me have some fun once in a while” “What did you say?” “I said let me have some fun once in a while” I repeated crossing her arms at me, “I have been letting you go out and have fun, I have moved interviews, concerts and many other things for you to go out” she admitted “Yeah, so” I shook off looking at the vehicle, “So, I am telling you we are not getting this car” she said getting in front of me “Are you telling me or asking?” I threaten.

“I told ya it would all fit” I smiled at the filled trunk with all the groceries, sighing as she slammed the Charger’s trunk door and walking to the passenger side, “She didn’t mean it” I told the car patting it and getting in the driver’s seat.

2 Month’s Later

Smoke getting lost into the air as it came out when twisting the beer bottle open, tossing the cap into the trash across the living room “Are you sure you need to be drinking one of those?” Roy asked leaning into the couch “It’s just one” I told him sipping on the liquid I haven’t tasted in days, we sat around my living room watching old westerns, talking about their lives and listening to what was going on in each one of them. “You know Marie’s pregnant?” Wayne blurted out “Seriously?” Roy and Mickey questioned, taken back to what he had just said. “Yep” he nodded smiling “Congrats” they told him “Thank you” taking a sip of his second beer “How about you Mickey?” Roy asked turning his attention towards the man, “Me and Charlene are going to tie the knot in a few months” he admitted “That’s awesome” Roy replied, “How about chu?” “I’m going to meet her parents soon” he said referring to his girlfriend Kathleen of five months, “Geez, good luck” they chuckled. Penelope walked in picking up the empty bottles, taking the one out of my hand, “Remember, only one” she said, “Remember one” I mocked under my breath. “So, are you excited to have a kid?” Wayne asked me after she left the room, turning the tv off. “I don’t know” I replied slouching on my lounge chair tapping my foot on the floor, “W-What do you mean you don’t know? You’re about to be a father” he said “And?” I questioned “And… it’s kind of a big issue” “I’ll tell you what’s a big issue, three men in my living drinking beers that I can’t have, talking about how good their lives are going, while I’m over fucking struggling to even wake up in the morning and put my damn leg on, that’s what” I stood up “Hey, look” “Get out, leave now” I demanded, “Dude,” “Now” I threatened walking closer, “See you around, Jimmy” Wayne looked up and down at me walking out the door. “They leave so soon?” Penelope asked pouring herself a glass of sweet tea, “Uh, yeah” I told her walking up the stairs.

1 Week Later

Staring at the roaring fire as it rose up and down in its pit, cold breeze leaving goosebumps on Penelope’s arm as she tried to warm up next to me as she watched the stars, feeling two taps on my chest “Did you hear me?” she questioned looking at me “What?” “Thanksgiving is next Thursday, and I was thinking about inviting Roy, Wayne and Mickey’s and their wife and girlfriends” she chuckled knowing Roy was still dating and Mickey hasn’t tied that knot just yet. “And I was wondering if you would wanna have Thanksgiving dinner with them?” she asked twirling her finger on my navy-blue shirt, “Fine by me” I nodded taking a sip of my water, Penelope looking down noticing I was repeating tapping my foot once again.

Thanksgiving Day

“Oh! They’re here!” Penelope beamed in excitement as she heard the doorbell ring. Wading to the front door in her yellow sunflower dress with her hair pinned up just the way she liked it, “Look how big you are already” I hear Mickey chuckled soon hearing him grunt, guessing his soon to be wife hit him in the stomach, “Fix your tie, hon” Penelope said walking up to me and fixing my black bowtie padding it before she checked on the dressing, “Jimmy, I want you to meet Charlene, Charlene this is one of my best friends” Mickey introduced “Nice to meet you” I shook her hand “So, this is the one I haven’t met?” she asked “Yeah” Mickey replied, “I’ll show you around” he said taking her out of the kitchen. “Where are you guys?” I hear Wayne call out, “In the kitchen” Pen yelled out, taking off her oven mitts. “Hey” Wayne said coming in with his wife behind him “Hey” she smiled hugging him, I gave Wayne a nod, “All black? Wow” he frowned “Plan on going to a funeral afterwards?” he chuckled making the women laugh, “Yes, but don’t worry, I’ll bring the champagne cause you won’t being the one drinking” I said as I roughly shoved his shoulder passing him. “I’m so glad you could be here, I know Jimmy will be thrilled” Mary told Roy, standing there holding his girlfriend’s hand, pushing the kitchen doors open seeing Penelope talking to Marie “Hey, I need a word with you” I demanded, “Excuse me” she smiled following me into the hallway, “Why is she here?” I asked her “Who?” “Mary” “Because I invited her” “Why in the hell would you do that?” “I thought this was a family dinner” she questioned “You keep thinking that” walking up stairs and going into the bathroom.

“The table is beautiful Pen, just beautiful” Marie told her as she helps her place the food on the dining table, “You did an amazing job” Roy added “Thank you” she smiled at everyone gathered around the room, “Shall we sit?” she asked pulling up the chair, “Wait, where’s Jim?” Mickey wondered counting all the heads as he missed one, “Please sit, I’ll go fetch him” Penelope smiled, as everybody sat down at the table, “Oh! There you are, I was just about to go find you” running into me “I’m right here” I said gently pushing her backwards guiding her, sitting at the head of the table, looking at the other end seeing Wayne staring back at me like a disappointed parent that caught their teenager sneaking in after curfew.

As the women all talked about sharing recipes, babies and marriage, the men talked about football or stuffed their faces, while me and Wayne had a staring contest that no one had seem to take notice, “Wow, he’s been sober for three months?” Marie asked Penelope, “Yep” she smiled to herself, remembering the day she picked me up from the Rehabilitation Clinic “You must be happy about that, right?” Marie wondered, shuffling my feet to cut the tension “Yeah” I answered, “Of course he’s happy, why wouldn’t he be?” Wayne leaned up from the wooden chair, giving him a look instead of answering. “How’s recovering going, Jim?” Roy asked as he puts a piece of turkey in his mouth, “I don’t know, Roy, it’s kind of hard to not think about it sometimes” I replied, “Do you always think about it?” “Every second of every hour” running my hand on the clear glass of water, “One day at a time, baby” Mary blurted out, turning my attention to her, “One day at a time…” I frowned “One day at a time” setting her fork down noticing I was mocking her, “What’s wrong now?” she complained folding her hands together, “Why won’t chu?” tilting my head to the side playing with the napkin, “How would I know?” “You know me so well, tell them, tell the wonderful people what you did” “I didn’t do nothing” “Exactly, you didn’t do nothing, you didn’t do nothing when I was in my room alone all the goddamn time” “Eat your food and be quiet”, shoving the plate, smashing it into the wall, shattering it. “Jim, calm down” Penelope said “Tell. Them” I demanded “It’s nothing of your concern” she waved off “That is complete utter bullshit” “No it’s not” “You aborted my brothers!” I screamed, “What?” they all gasped “I am sorry, okay?” “You can take that poorly said apology and shove it up your ass” “Jim! Don’t talk to your mother like that!” Penelope yelled “She” “I don’t care what she did, why she did it, it’s all in the past, you can’t blame her for that now” “I could’ve had brothers, you know” “Yeah, and I’m pretty sure they would have turned out better than you” standing up as she instantly regretted her choice of words, “I was there for all of you, why can’t you be here for me?” I asked before exciting the room “What did you just say?” Wayne turned his head “There for you?! I was always there, every time you needed me, helped you lie to the coach when you were late for practice, gave you girl advice, stood up for you with those asshole bullies, and you promised me you would stop taking drugs…. I had to lie to your wife and our best friends for a whole fucking year… So, don’t you dare tell me that!” “And you didn’t bother to stop me” I chuckled “Jim, I don’t usually judge or yell at anyone, I don’t even do that at all, but seeing you on stage struggling to remember the lyrics or the chorus, seeing you record the song while you couldn’t even sit still for one second, making us feel bad as we had to tell everyone that asked about you, that you were okay, when really, you were not even yourself, having Penelope cancel a sold out show just so you can go out and have fun… Jim.. I don’t know what more I can do” Roy nodded his head, “A-And you made us go tell the whole world you retired, when you were too coward” “I ain’t no coward” I snarled “Get out”, I turned my head towards Penelope “What?” “Get out, get out right now” “Why? Why are you telling me this?” I chuckled “You think this is funny? You think us four trying our ever hardest to get back on your own two feet?” “I lost that too” “And who’s fault was that Jimmy? Huh? You’re the one who went out, you’re the one who got so hammered you didn’t know what road we were on, you’re the one who lost your own leg. We have helped you since day one we found out, you had your best friend of twenty years lie for you, how do you think that makes him feel? Betrayed? Untrustworthy? He probably felt all the emotions in the whole goddamn book Jim, and you still ended up doing it all over again. I! Me! I helped you with everything! I went to every therapy session with you, I threw away your stash when you couldn’t, I was there at the hospital both times, I let you get that car that you wanted so bad even though we didn’t need it, but I knew you deserved it after going to Rehab, but now? I don’t think you deserve one fucking thing I this planet! Yes, I know you had issues with your mother, but damnit Jim that was twenty-two years ago, I know you had money to spend, spend on something that we needed, I know you lost your leg but that is all on you. And I know, God I know, you don’t want to be a father… because deep down, you’re scared, you don’t know to react to things because no one was there for you to react. I-I don’t know what else to tell you, I’m not giving up on you, I’m giving up on the fact that you don’t want to be fixed, you keep running back to them, I’m not having this baby around all that so, just leave and don’t come back unless you are absolutely and positively clean” and with that I left, not even bother to pack my things, or say sorry or try to fight back, simply just left.

1 Month Later

Not having a worry in the world, not having a single thought about anything, because why bother? Can’t go back to the place I was kicked out from, can’t hang out with the people I know since they are toxic to me, turning my back towards all of that has happened, staying in a hotel room, going out in the morning and coming back at midnight sometimes sooner, sometimes later. Sticking my hands in my pocket as I walked passed a payphone every time I went out. The names I had remembered for years leave when that needle pierces my skin, bad memories fading into the night with every sip of alcohol, lips curving into a smile as I pinched my nose feeling the drug in my system. When new day arrives is when the old Jimmy leaves, returning with a man that barely knows he has a son or daughter on its way. Money slips through my hand on Fridays at nine, lasting only a week. Bloodshot eyes I stare back at in the mornings when I take those pills that makes me run my hand on those ribs that can match a skeleton, not too far from it is what some may think are cat scratches, knowing people wonder why I don’t carry a walking stick when I walk down the street. But not giving a damn as I am the happiest person, hoping it would last forever.

“C-C-Come on” “Here” the same dealer I’ve been going to for years, “Jimmy, I got some bad news” “W-W-What-What’s that?” “That’s the last batch I will give to you for a while” “Why’s that?” blowing out the smoke as I puffed on the cigarette, “The dude I get that stuff from, got busted so I have to find a new guy” “What a fucking idiot” I chuckled “Yeah, so you hang in there while, I go look for one” “You better hurry your ass up, cause I need this shit” “I know” “Then why the fuck are still talking to me?” “Right” “Atta boy” smashing the cigarette into the concrete as I walked out of the dark alley.

“You already snorted it all?!” “Yes, I need more” “Dude, it’s only been a few days, I’m still looking” “Well hurry the fuck up” “Hey, it’s harder than you think” “I’m sure it is” I rolled my eyes “Just do a needle, it’ll make you feel better” “O-Okay” “I’ll call you as soon I get more” “Thanks, kid” I hung up, crawling on my knees towards the bed, pulling the covers to me grabbing the kit and a belt lying next to it. Biting down on the leather, tightening it as the needle went in, exhaling letting go of the belt knocking me into the wall of the hotel room, sweat rolling off my pale face “W-W-What?” I furrowed my brows watching the lights flickered, “I should have aborted you instead of the others, I mean look at you” Mary sat in the chair across the room “You-You know, I-I wish you d-did” “I’m having a baby with Jimmy Calvary? Should’ve cheated on the guy” “You’re such a coward” “I lied for you for a whole year!” “You fucking bitch!” “You need to stay away from the clubs, alcohol and all the drugs” “Hey son” “Telling everyone, fans, that you ‘retired’” “You act like you don’t want to be fix” “Get out” “Stop” covering my ears, shutting out the memories, red all I see is red, all over the room, Penelope, Roy, Wayne, Mickey, mom and dad all surrounded the room shouting their words at me, maybe their words they’ve always wanted to say to me? The truth? Lies maybe? Lies, of course not, those words were the truth and I knew it.

-Next Morning-

“Roy, this is a mistake, we shouldn’t be here, he doesn’t deserve our help” Mickey plead Roy as they walked the halls of the run-down motel “No, no he doesn’t, but we’re his friends still and I’m not letting him kill himself” “It’s been a month, who knows what or how he is” Mickey shook his head just thinking about all the bad things that could happened while they were gone. A knock, two knocks and then three “Jim, it’s us” “Open up” “It’s Roy and Mickey” “Wayne’s not with us”, hearing locks and seeing his tired, bloodshot, sunken in eyes “H-H-H-Hey” he nodded pulling on the strings of his robe, tying it, walking in seeing bottles after bottles, needles, belts, clothes everywhere but the hamper, broken glass. Taking in the sight of our broken, lost friend. “W-What-What you guys doing here? I-I haven’t seen you guys in like… forever… how-how are y’all?” he rubbed his hands together like a mad man “Jim, it’s only been a month” Mickey sigh sticking his hands in his pockets “Well-Well it-it seems longer” he chuckled “Yeah” Mickey trailed off “Jim, we’re here to help you” I stated looking at him in the eyes “Why?” he said stopping his hands “Look at you man” I shook my head, looking him up and down “W-What about me? I’m fine” he said basically falling in his chair “No, you’re not. You look like your room, horrible” “What happened to a maid?” Mickey raised his eyebrow “I-I don’t let them in, cause if they see the cocaine, they’ll send me to jail” he rested his head on his hand, Roy closes his eyes for a split second feeling bad knowing he should to learn his lesson. “Yeah, don’t want that” Roy lied, “You want me to go to jail, don’t you?” Jim looked up “No, No” Roy said “We’re trying to help you, Jim” Mickey says “Yeah, I heard you the first time” he rubbed his head “Then understand it” “Understand we are here to help, cause we’re your best friends, we love and care about you, ever since eighth grade and to the grave, and I’m not digging your grave early! I know Wayne’s not here but, he’s hardheaded like you, you too are like bulls. Pene, is lost and sad” “She’s the reason why I’m here” he said “No, you’re here because you won’t quit” I stated, “I won’t dare to stand back and watch my best friend kill himself”, he didn’t move or say anything, I handed him the rehab card “I know what you need to do and you know that” turning my back and leaving the room with Mickey right behind.

-3 Days Later-

Looking at the familiar sign, taking in a big breath and walking in. “I knew I’d see you back” the guard laughed “Shawn, you still working as a useless so-called security guard?” I smiled, “Jimmy Calvary, why are you here?” the doctor told, obviously disappointed in me, “I-I need help, and-and I’m willing to admit it” I shook my head feeling the same he felt about me, “You know the way” he smiled guiding the way.

“Why are we coming back?” Mickey asked as we walked in the same motel hallway, “I just wanna see if he’s done anything” “He isn’t going to change in three days, especially in his condition” Mickey told, “I just wanna see, Mickey” Roy says knocking on the door, “Hello?” an older gentleman says “Oh, sorry, wrong room” Roy smiled walking away. They walk in the front desk, “Hi, I’m sorry, but has a Jimmy Calvary got a new room?” I asked the lady “Actually, he checked out three days” she said looking at her clipboard, Mickey looked at me with a worried look, “That’s either really bad or really good” he sighed walking away, I followed him into town, trying to search for the man. I walked past the rehab clinic, covering my eyes to see inside, nothing, walking backwards and looking through the cracks of the fence, “Jim...” I gasped smiling to myself “Jim’s in there?” Mickey joined in, he jumped for joy “My boy”. Running to the nearest payphone, “Hello?” “Pen, he’s in”.

-3 Months Later-

“Jim! Phone!” the desk lady yelled out, “One moment, Kev” I said holding my finger up to Kevin as we were playing chess, walking up to the phone “Jimmy” I said “Jim?” a voice said “Pen?” “Jim, he’s here” “H-H-He is?” I gasped, feeling tears prick my eyes “Yes” she says with a little chuckle “All ten toes and fingers?” I said wiping the tear away “Y-Yep” “I wish I could see him, but I know he’s beautiful” I smiled into the phone, “I know” “Well, I gotta go, I love you” “I love you”, I hung up and turned around “I have a son!” I yelled holding up my arms in victory “Yay!” everyone shouted including the doctors, “You know, just because you’ve been so good, I’m going to let you go see him today” “Really?” “Yes” he smiled “You’ll go with one of the nurses, I’ll give you a few hours” he patted my shoulder “Congratulations” and walked away.

“Mrs. Calvary, you got some visitors” the young nurse said, “Oh yeah?” “Hey” “Jim” she smiled holding the baby in her arms as I walked in, seeing all the same faces that were at my kitchen table four months ago “Hello, everybody” I nodded at them, becoming face to face with Wayne “Hello, Wayne” “Hello, Jim” walking past him towards the bed, “Hi” I smiled down at my son, I reached down and held him “Hey, man” I said looking at him, furrowing my eyebrows “Pen? What’s wrong with him? What’s wrong with his eyes?” she sighed deeply, closing her eyes “He’s blind, Jim” she looked up at me, “How did that happened?” I asked looking at him as he yawned “My pa was born blind, so it must’ve been passed down to him” she held him as I handed him to her “Well, he’s different, he’s got something wrong with him… like me” I smiled, “Don’t worry son, I’m going to be around for a while, you ain’t loosing me” I kissed his nose, “You better be, cause this kid… just like you” she laughed “Yeah, he’s crazy and hardheaded” Mickey said shaking his head at him, “What we going to call him?” I asked “Jimmy ‘The Second’ Calvary” she smiled “That’s perfect”.

-3 Months Later-

“Your move, Kev” I nodded to the man who thought real hard, as he scratched his head picking up the chess piece and moving it. “Nice move, but” I said picking up his piece and putting it to the side “Jim?” I heard looking to the side seeing my doctor “Yeah?” I questioned taking my hand away from the board and looking back at him “I’m afraid I have some bad news” he frowned “W-What is it?” repositioning my seat “Your mother, Mary, has passed away” he sighed touching my shoulder, “Oh” I nodded “Okay” pushing my seat back in “Your turn, Kev” I smiled “You seem unbothered by the news, Mr. Calvary” “And you are correct, doc” I moved the piece, “Okay then” he furrowed his eyebrows and walked away.

“I’m going to miss you, Jim” I heard my therapist say as he leaned on the door frame “The same to you” I smiled at him, closing my suitcase and lifting it up. “I had a pleasure taking care of you” “Thank you for not giving up on me, even at my worst” “No problem, I better not see you back in though, I do and I kill you” he chuckled as he shook my hand “I will promise you that” I smiled at him, walking past him and out to the front desk “There he is” Roy smiled as he looked up seeing me, hugging him, Pen and Mickey. “Let’s go home, for good” Penelope rubbed my back.

“You ready?” I sighed holding onto my cane staring at what was about to happen, “You can do it” “I’m ready” I look behind me seeing Penelope smile at me. Taking that familiar step, I had done what felt years ago, hearing that familiar cheer of people, feeling that slippery black stage floor on the bottle of my shoe. Roy, Mickey and even Wayne sat on stage as they patience waited for me speak, listening to the audience was mixed with different emotions, happy, angry, disappointment, sad and proud. Everyone quiet down as I got to the mic, “Hi, guys” I smiled but quickly that smiled went away “I am so glad you guys came out, it means everything to me” “You, my family, the news, the world deserve the truth, deserve to know what’s been happening to me and my family, I’m going to be blunt and honest, cause you need to know” I looked down at the cameras as they recorded for the news “I had everything, I had everything I could ask for, a wife, three best friends, fans who loved me, fame and money… a lot of money, too much to know what to do with, now you’re all probably thinking ‘Jim, why didn’t you buy things you needed?’ well, you’d be right and you are, I bought everything my wife and I needed, still, I had money and didn’t know what to do with so I thought one night while we celebrated ‘I want to go crazy, just for tonight’ and I did. I was never the same after that night, drugs and alcohol were my ‘family’. I thought ‘Let me just try, just this once’ that never works, no matter how much or how hard you tell yourself, once you do it and you like it, you will lose everything, everything just like that” I snapped “Whatever or whoever is in your life, say goodbye to cause when you take that sip, take that sniff or inject that needle, get your pen out because your signing that contract. I think the second worst thing I ever did was telling my best friend of twenty years to lie, to my wife, the others, you guys, everyone. Wayne, I am terribly sorry for what I made you do, I will never forgive myself. Not only did I make you lie but I also made you feel like the bad guy, I would twist your words, I blamed you for everything and threaten you. Roy, I am sorry for telling you were in the wrong when I was, tried to make you look bad, Mickey, I’m sorry for making you feel small, like you don’t matter, like you don’t have a say when you do as much as the rest of us. Penelope, my wife, our manager, I’m sorry for making you to lie to our fans about ‘Jimmy isn’t feeling well’ ‘Roy’s been sick’ and other bull, forcing you to tell a sold-out show that I couldn’t do it that night, it wasn’t fair to you or anybody” I continued to ramble on. I reached down and pulled up my left pants leg, revealing my prosthetic leg, hearing the gasps and ‘Oh no’s’ “One late night, it was ‘bout twelve am, I was out partying and I got into a fight with a bartender and got kicked out, I ran into Pen, she finally found me telling me it was time to go home, I didn’t hesitate. So, we got in the car and she’s driving, I told Pen she was not on our street and to turn around, I was that doped up. So, we started to argue and soon enough I grabbed ahold of that steering wheel and ran into a tree, lost my leg, thank God, my wife wasn’t hurt in the process. Drugs and alcohol did not do this, I did” “Got sent to Rehab, got out twenty-one days later, three days later back to where I was. I tore my family up, got kicked out of my own home, spent a month in a dirty, run down motel, scavenging for what I had left in my wallet calling my dealer every two-weeks to see if he had what I wanted, go back and shoot it up in my arm. One afternoon I got three knocks on my door, I answered it and saw it was Roy and Mickey, they came and talked to me tried to talk some sense into me, if they didn’t come back I don’t think I’d be standing here right now, I turned myself into Rehab. Three months later Jimmy ‘The Second’ Calvary made his entrance in this world, he was born blind now, he may not can see but, he will be the best son a father can ask for” I smiled as I hear the crowd cheer and whistle. “One more thing, sorry” I started as the audience came to a stop “The day I left Rehab, is the same day my mother Mary died, apparently she killed herself, I didn’t know how to feel I really didn’t, honestly? I felt like a weight of grief of my brothers lifted off my shoulders, what my mom had done she had no right but, it was in the past and I didn’t let her forget. My parents weren’t the worst or the best, I spent most of my childhood in my room, alone with my music. My dad always worked and my mom well, I didn’t ever know what she did. I wasn’t sad, mad, upset or angry I felt free, free from all the emotions I felt towards her before she past. A wise man once told me ‘Always raise your kids better than your parents ever did’. I am proud to say this, I am three months clean!” I smiled. Roy, Wayne, Mickey and Pen all ran and hugged me as tight as ever, I looked at the audience and brought the mic towards me “So, how ‘bout a song?” I winked.

For the next ten years The Iconz kept singing for their millions of fans. Jimmy helped many struggling people that night. Penelope welcomed their new baby boy Roy James when Jimmy ‘The Second’ turned 5, when the men turned 41 they made a hard decision and retired, unfortunately at the age of 45 Roy Treyvon had passed away for splitting up a fight, he was stabbed four times. Mickey wasn’t too far behind, his wife Charlene died on impact of a car accident, Michael died of a broken heart. Wayne and his wife soon split after Marie’s miscarriage. Jimmy’s wife, their manager, their best friend, the love of his life and the mother of his kids had gotten heart disease and soon passed later that year. Even after losing most of his family, Jimmy never touched drugs or alcohol again.

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