#Monday i am scheduled to think about it again tho | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

studentbyday · 5 months

Text

me on monday: decided to make a merve-like study schedule so hopefully i can overcome overwhelm and procrastination. 🤓 "+" means any amount of bonus time if i feel up to it, but i don't *have* to do more than already specified here.

D-40 DAYS TO FREEDOM

me today: i really wish i didn't have to study today. despite the study schedule, i spent way too much time procrastinating in bed.

also i started using obsidian today and it's...basically like OneNote?? the learning curve isn't even that huge. maybe the confusion starts when you try to zettelkasten and use plugins. i like it (zettelkasten) in theory, but i don't think it's for my already overwhelmed (and highly unorganized and scattered) brain struggling to understand the info for the first time on a tight schedule 😵‍💫

study:

send biochem paper (1st draft) ✅ (it's not done, but the 1st draft is ungraded and i have bigger fish to fry today)

write biochem discussion post ✅

1 section of mol bio notes (2 long sections total this week 😵‍💫) ✅ (why is it that accepting that i can't actually store in long-term memory all the new info they throw at us in the time they allot feels like giving up? i just got my midterm mark back and i didn't actually score that bad but i am exhausted just thinking that i have to do it all over again in december 😭 and then i'll wanna review the course content so that i don't feel so awful about myself not remembering things long-term, but this time at a more leisurely pace)

start mol bio assignment ✅ (and by that, i mean 1 tiny question 😂)

notes on 1 of 2 psyc ch from last week ✅

watch psyc overview + start 2nd ch from last week ✅ (thank god it's sm shorter than the 1st one 😵‍💫😌)

self-care:

physio exercises ✅

⏰: i expected the struggle but i made it to 5h today! i really need to take the breaks seriously tho, if i'm to last for longer...tmr i might have to try for 8 or so hours again, instead of the 4 planned above bc tHeRe'S sOoOo mUcH tO dOoOoOo (and i wanna finish them asap) 😵‍💫

20 notes · View notes

key201303 · 3 months

Text

Pairing: Jaehyeong x Reader Word count: 1525 words Warnings: None! Just a bunch of comfort Plot: You’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately because of your bosses. They’ve been asking you to overwork for the past few weeks and even though Jaehyeong asked you to set the limits and tell them you couldn’t overwork anymore in order to stay more healthy, you couldn’t say no to your bosses. Today when you got back home, Jaehyeong was home waiting for you to join him in a delicious dinner. But as soon as you run to his arms and tears start streaming down your face uncontrollably, he cannot focus on the food anymore. A/N: I'm officially coming back! Lot's of thing have been happening that kept me away from writing but fortunately I can say I will be able to slowly go back to writing. Thank you to everyone that is still here and that will read and support my stories from now on, doesn't matter if you're old school or new to this blog ❤️ Also I've noticed there are not much content with The rose and specially with Jaehyeong so here I am, black roses you're all welcome to my blog let's share our love for these guys ❤️ Taglist -> since it's been so long, let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

It’s been a tough day. Not only because your coworker keeps giving you more and more of her work because your bosses have been asking you to stay at work for longer or even extra days. At this point, with this tight schedule you haven’t been able to see Jaehyeong. You even almost forgot how his voice sounded like in real life or how his eyes shined everytime you appeared in his sight. And that made you feel even worse about the whole situation. He has told you plenty of times to set your limits so they cannot exploit you just because you do your work and other’s. But you’re not the type of person to say “no”. It’s like that word doesn’t exist in your vocabulary. Now unfortunately you have to pay the consequences of overworking. “Y/N, I’ll leave some documents I couldn’t finish on your desk, I’m going home.” The voice of your coworker broke the peaceful sound the coffee machine made while preparing your fourth coffee of the day. All you did was check the wall clock that hungged above your heads and nodded, not even looking at her. Once your coffee was ready, you had to go back to work. As soon as you entered your office, your phone screen lit up with a familiar notification sound. “I’m home! Hope you come soon, I’ll make some good food, remember our promise?” The message said. Only then you remember the little promise you made the night before. Jaehyeong was going to finish practice earlier than usual and promised you he would make you your favorite food as long as you finished earlier than usual as well. You felt overwhelmed for a moment. You wanted more than anything else that quality time with the man that owned your heart. And you only had to say “no”.

After a few more minutes of conversation a familiar voice knocks you out of your thoughts once again. “Can you stay a few more hours? Jiwoo’s work need to be finished today.” Your boss said. To be honest, you were tired. Tired of always wanting to go home but not being able to do so because Jiwoo didn’t finish her work. “I have plans.” You said without even thinking what you just said. “But…” Your boss tried to answer but you cut him off. “No buts. It’s Jiwoo’s work, not mine.” You said packing your stuff without looking up. “If it has to be finished today, she should have stayed like I do everyday.” You added getting off your seat and walking towards the door that separated your office from the rest of the building. “I’ll see you on Monday.” You said before leaving the place as your boss and other coworkers looked at you with a surprised gaze. Finally you could feel a huge weight getting off your shoulders.

The walk back home was cold. Hands and nose were freezing tho your ears were warm thanks to the headphones Jaehyeong gifted you a few weeks ago. And not only your ears were getting warm. Your heart was also finally starting to feel warm as you listened to “She’s in the rain”. It never fails to make you feel better whenever you listen to it. (Take some time to enjoy the song before you continue reading)

You finally got home and the strong smell of fresh homemade food filled your body with the feeling of home. And even more feelings appeared as soon as Jaehyeong’s smiling figure appeared leaning on the kitchen door frame. His smile was as bright as light, as sweet as chocolate, as beautiful as a rose and as warm as the sunshine. You couldn’t stop admiring his figure as you walked towards him, hoping to land between his arms and rest your head in the warmth of his chest, near his heart where you belong. His smile grew even wider when his arms wrapped around your small figure. Unfortunately that smile didn’t last long. You could feel the tears falling down your cheeks, getting dried by Jaehyeong’s soft pull over. You tried to stop the tears but you couldn’t. Finally all the stress you’ve been trying to hide was flowing out your body through those tears. “You don’t have to hide your emotions anymore, not in front of me.” Jaehyeong said, tightening his hold, making you hide your face back in the warmth of his heart. “Let it all out… You’ve held it for long enough and I’m here to listen to you.” He added with a low voice, stroking your hair trying to calm you down.

“I have an idea.” He said, a smile appearing back in his lips when you started to feel a bit better. “Let’s go.” He added, grabbing your hand and his guitar. You looked at him confused. “But the dinner…” You tried to say, pointing at the dining room table, full of food. “Food can wait, your health can’t”. He said taking you to the rooftop of your little apartment.

The sky looked beautiful when not much city lights ruined the light stars and the moon had. “How can you know me so well?” You asked Jaehyeong, a small smile threatening to appear in your lips as you still tried to dry some tears that were left running down your cheeks. “Because before dating you, I had to deal with your annoying ass as a best friend.” Jaehyeong joked as he removed the last tear from your cheek with a soft touch, gaining the laugh that was threatening to come out from your mouth.

“Come on, I’ll let you choose the song for today.” He said once you both got warm and comfy in the small tent you had built for when you needed a stargazing session like the one you were about to start. You immediately suggested ‘she’s in the rain’ and as soon as you started to pronounce the title of the song Jaehyeong cut you off. “You always choose the same one! Can’t you just change for once?” He said playfully laughing. “If you don’t want me to choose then don’t ask me to do so!” You said laughing as well. After some discussion on which song he should play, finally you both agreed on him playing “See-saw”.

His voice was soft, low, not really putting much effort but still taking you to heaven, words flowing through his mouth so effortlessly which made you feel even more cozy. The moonlight hit the perfect spots to make his face features stand out. The silverish light hit perfectly his blond locks, creating an elegant silver hair illusion. You couldn’t focus on the sky. The galaxy his dark eyes held was more than enough that you couldn’t have more attention for something else apart from him. Only then you notice it was not the homemade food the one giving you the feeling of home. Actually it was the thought of him being there for you the one that made you feel home, because everywhere and anywhere would feel home as long as you were together. (Take some time to enjoy the song before you continue reading)

Once he finished singing, his slender fingers kept playing the guitar a bit more as you laid your head on his shoulder. The lack of light, his scent, the soft music his guitar was making mixed with the soft vibrations you felt because of him quietly humming to random melodies was lulling you into a deep sleep. A huge smile appeared on his lips when he noticed your almost asleep figure. “You look so beautiful like this. I’m so lucky you decided to say yes when I asked you out in such a shabby way.” He whispered, pretending to think you were fast asleep and couldn’t hear him. You couldn’t help smiling at his confession which made him act all surprised and disappointed because you heard what he said which made you laugh even more. “This is the girl I missed.” He said. His eyes held so much admiration and love whenever he looked at you. It’s always been that way. You guess Dojoon was right every time he said Jaehyeong would always look at you in a very different way. And it was true. You were the only person living on this earth and probably this galaxy that could see that look in his eyes. Full of love and so fond of you. “Promise you won’t overwork anymore.” He said once you both finished your little stargazing date. “We promised to have a happy life together, you can’t get sick already.” He added as you both entered the kitchen, a small tint of sadness in his expression. Seeing him like this broke your heart. “I promise, from now on no more extra hours.” You said with a small smile, offering him your pinky to seal the deal. But he preferred leaning a bit to close the distance between both of you and place a soft yet full of the love he had for you kiss on your cherry lips. “Let’s go, we have to hit up the food if we want to have dinner.” He said with a playful smirk, leaving you wanting more, just like he always loves to do.

18 notes · View notes

twice-inamillion · 2 years

Text

Arriving to Japan

Part 145(TIS)

You and Sana arrive to Japan, you get your belongings and go to the hotel. It’s a suite with 2 bedroom /1 bath. The first thing you do is call Jihyo and let her know that you have arrived. Dahyun is try next to Jihyo and says that she wishes you the best. You ask to see the kids through FaceTime and they do. You see Jisoo, Ari and Hina having breakfast at the dining table. You call all three of them by name but only Jisoo looks at the camera. After some small talk, you say your goodbyes.

Sana then comes up to you and shows you her confirmed schedule that manger unnie sent her. There will be two important events that you will need to be sana and there would be breaks that he can look for Mina.

Monday- Day off

Tuesday- Sana photo shoot

Wednesday- event half day

Thursday - off day

Friday- back to Korea

You tell Sana that you are going to do your best to be there for her but that Mina is your priority. “I understand y/n, I would like to see Mina too. I can cover for you as much as you’d like but make sure you don’t neglect your duties too” says Sana. “Yes, I’ll try my best to not put you in a tough situation” you say.

“Since we have today off we can go look for her, should we check for home? It’s not too far away from here, maybe less than an hour away” says Sana. “Okay let’s do that you reply.” “Let me take a shower first tho, okay? Says Sana. “Yeah, no problem. I’ll probably take one too after.”

You each go to your own rooms and unpack your belongings. You go to the living room and sit at the dining table and do some busy work for the trip. You hear the shower turn on and wait for sana to finish. When she is done she gets out of the bathroom and heads to her room. You wait a couple of minutes and get ready to take your. As you walk into the bathroom you smell a familiar scent that freezes you. “It… it smells like strawberries.” You begin to panic and lock the door behind you. You look around in the shower and nothing, you look in the bottom shelf of the sink and you find a small pink shampoo with a strawberry picture label. “What the f..k, why is this bear? you say surprised. “Don’t tell me she’s the mystery woman, from before” you tell yourself. You get goosebumps just thinking out it. “What am I supposed to do? I’m all alone with her here for the next few days. Should I confront her? Or should I just pretend I didn’t see anything and wait until we get home? I don’t know what to do” as you pace around the bathroom. You quickly try to put back the shampoo back in its pace and just throw it in and close the drawer.

You think about your options as you take a cold shower. Debating if it’s better to pretend that nothing happened, until you get back to Korea. You don’t want anything to be in the way of you meeting Mina. You then exit the bathroom and head to your room to change and head out with “sana” and find the mother of your children.

You order a taxis and ask them to drop you off somewhere in their neighborhood. You both walk around the area and hopes of finding her but no luck. “Let’s go to Mina’s house and see if anyone is there” you say. “Okay sounds good” says Sana. You walk to her house and nock on the door, but no answer. You knock again and same result. You try to call Mina’s mom but the call says that the person who you are try to call is not available. “Fuck” you say out loud in frustration. “Don’t be mad y/n, maybe they went out and they have no signal” says Sana. “I doubt it, but we can’t do anything about it. Maybe we can come another time” you say.

You both walk down and see an old lady trying to peek through her fence. You walk to her and ask “excuse me halmeoni, do you happen to know where the people would live there are by chance?” you ask. “Who are you to them” asks the old grandma. “We are high school friends with one of their children, we came out of town to visit the area and wanted to stop by” says Sana enthusiastically. “Aren’t you a pretty gal” says the grandma while holding Sana’s hand. Sana laughs and the grandma smiles. “Okay, you two seem like nice children so I’ll tell ya.” “Thank very much halmeoni” you both say. “The family over there went out of town maybe two weeks ago and haven’t come back since. They did mention that they would be back soon but didn’t say when. Maybe this week perhaps” says the old lady. “Thank you very much halmeoni” says Sana. “You’re welcome, you are such a sweetie. Are you single? I have a grandchild that’s around your age and you’ll be a perfect match. Want me to introduce you to him?” says the old lady. “Haha haha, I appreciate the offer but, this guy right here is my boyfriend. Right sweetie!” says enthusiastically as she puts her arms around yours. “Yes, she’s my precious girlfriend” you say. “Ohh what a bad luck. If you ever break up then I’ll introduce you to my grandson” she laughs. “You’re such a jokester halmeoni” says Sana. “Haha alight, why don’t you youngsters visit the local festival that’s going to be happen this week. Y’all have fun.” “Thank you halmeoni, we will. Thank you again for your time” as you both leave.

“What a waste of time” you say. “Don’t be like that y/n, we’ll find her. Be optimistic.” says sana. “Yeah you’re right. I’m sorry. It’s just… I just want to find her and see if she’s okay. I’m scared that Ari and Hina might forget here. They are almost one in a couple of months and I don’t want them to have their mother not there for them” you say in a sad voice. “It’s okay, I’m here for you” as she gives you a hug. “Thank you, Sana. You have been a great help. I don’t know how I can every repay for being a mother figure for my girls. I really appreciate.” “Don’t worry, I’m always here for you and the girls. They are practically like my daughters haha” sana laughs.

“Why don’t we stop by for some dinner before heading back?” asks Sana. “Sounds good, let’s go” you say.

Both of your search for a good spot to have dinner. Once you do find it you call a taxi and head to the place. Both of you enjoy your food and time together. Sana takes a lot of pictures of the food and the surroundings. After your meal you head back to the hotel to rest and call it a night. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day and you’ll need all the energy you can save up.

You both enter the suite and place your left over food in the fridge. You then head to your room and so does sana. You text her that you’ll be calling it a night and that you’ll see her early tomorrow morning. “Good night” say replies.

She on the other hand gets undressed and wants to rinse her body before going to sleep. She heads to the bathroom and places her towel in the towel rack. She opens the drawer, where she put her toiletries. She notices that something is out of place. She looks at the drawer and lifts the item that has been intentionally moved. She holds it in her hand, looks at it and smirks.

Previous Chapter 144 Next Chapter 146

#twice fluff #kpop fluff #male reader #twice #twice sana #sana #sana minatozaki #minatozaki sana #sana smut #sana fluff #sana angst #twice smut #kpop smut #twice angst #TM smut

46 notes · View notes

kalpasio · 1 year

Note

HIII!! THANK YOU for feeding the place kalpas has in my heart you’re honestly a keeper to everyone in the kalpas community!🧡 this came to me literally only 2 hours before halloween (for me) but late or not I cannot fight the urge to send this

hear me out here please just hear me out🙏 Kalpas halloween fic!! or just a halloween fic/hcs with all the flame chasers like their costumes some type of scenario and literally anything you could think of that reminds you of halloween and the flame chasers because who doesn’t like Halloween? Like said it’s a little bit too late but I had to share my idea with someone and if you can’t write about it that’s completely understandable as well!

Again thank you SO SO much for feeding the kalpas community because I used to never see ANYTHING about him. Looking forward to all the future fics you write!! AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE 🧡🖤

It's Monday and Halloween!!!! You know what that means! Lots and lots of words below the cut, and none of them the words I promised last week! I saw this ask last night and started crying because you are so nice immediately was in love with the idea! So without further ado, I present, HALLOWEEN! 🧡🖤🧡🖤

Just kidding, you have to scroll past more nonsense before you can get to the good stuff

That first part of the ask my brain went "WOW!" and then immediately to that Doofenshmirtz meme where he goes “by default!! My Favorite way to win!!!” I know I’m not the only writer or person making content in the community, and I’m honestly super super happy you guys like my works and I’m delighted to be part of the Kalpas community!

Halloween is like. My absolute favorite. Very sad I never decorate for it, but it holds a special place in my heart. So I was thrilled to get this request, especially because I’m back on my “the story got out of hand” bullshit and don’t have this week’s fic done If I ever get 2 out in a row it’ll be a miracle I am sorry.

So this started as like HCs and I was gonna do all the Flame Chasers during Halloween, but I, once again, losT CONTROL OF MY WRITING. I just wanted to do a few bullet points for Kalpas, and now I have THIRTY THREE. AND I AM NOT DONE.

So 👏 because I am horrible at posting on time I made the schedule and I still never follow it, and can’t stop myself from going overboard with the Kalpas writing, you’re getting basically a whole story, but it’s in like a list format because I will turn this into another 20k word fic if given the opportunity. Actually, it probably will turn into a full story eventually how many times have I said that? but for now! I present! Way Too Many Thoughts On Halloween Kalpas! (insert Kermit arms here)

Ok, Griseo is obviously not the only kid on base, but because of her and her parents, trick-or-treating on base is a whole thing.

Even Kevin will hand out candy

(Actually Dr. Mei hands it out, he just stands there menacingly, but at least he tries)

Kalpas scares most of the kids, so he’s one of those people to leave the basket outside the door.

He doesn’t just leave it tho

Man sits there watching the security feed for his door like it’s fucking TV

One kid grabs too much and he slams the door open and goes “HEY”

Kid books it

You’re across the hall handing out candy and can’t help but laugh

He looks straight at you

Kid you’re giving candy to runs away as well

Cue awkward laugh and door slam

End of the night he’s pounding on your door

Because this man doesn’t know how to knock normally or use a doorbell, you can’t convince me otherwise

You value your life, so you don’t answer the door because it’s Kalpas

He finds you later anyway

“Your pumpkin”

“My jack-o’lantern?

“Sure”

“What about it?”

“Do one for me.”

“It’s past Halloween?”

“Next year.”

“Okay????”

(sad part I am sorry)

After Griseo’s parents die, everyone wants to do something to cheer her up

Elysia and Eden suggest summerween, and like who’s gonna argue with them

Kalpas comes back to you about the jack-o’lantern

He wants you to do one with his mask on it

But he won’t give you his mask

Or let you take a picture or anything

So now he’s just sitting in your kitchen while you carve out this design

He actually makes decent company

Little awkward when you offer him a drink and he just stares at you

You guys talk and yes he is very murder-y, but he also is kinda funny and you both get along surprisingly well

The pumpkin turns out really well

Even though it’s Kalpas’ mask, and he’s scary, everyone (kids included) think it’s super cool

Since the kids really like you, he stays at your place and you both answer the door

You kinda cancel each other out, so the kids aren’t as scared of him, but they’re also bouncing off the walls to go to your door

You have the GOOD candy. You know, like king sized bars and plenty of variety. You’re invested

It’s nice to have company, and even if he doesn’t show it at the door, Kalpas is excited to see the kids excited

You leave a random Halloween movie on in the background to watch when you’re not answering the door

Eventually, the kids start coming less frequently

You two just end up watching a whole movie together

Ok, now imagine it’s Halloween again, and you guys are dating this time around.

ONE HUNDRED MILLION PERCENT you have the best door.

this man literally has a jack-o'-lantern mask when he goes into his second phase, you know he loves Halloween

We’re talkin

Spider webs

Multiple jack-o’-lanterns

Purple, green and orange lights around the frame

A skeleton by the door

Because your room and his are across the hall from each other, you make like spooky tree archway

MORE spider webs

Bubbling cauldron in front of Kalpas’ door

(to let people know not to go there)

Fog machine under his door

Warning signs written in fake blood

You name it, it’s there

Elysia is very jealous, she’s won the past 3 door decorating contests but you win by a mile

she says it's cheating because you had two doors, but she uses Eden's door too

Even before Halloween, you guys are just enjoying fall

You make pumpkin pie together

He makes it actually

You just sit nearby and try to steal little bits

It doesn’t work, but you can usually convince him to give you a kiss instead, since you’ve obviously been robbed

You drink apple cider and almost make yourself sick on candy corn

He stops you, but you have a secret stash

You make apple pie together

He makes the crust, but you cut all the apples so you’re helping! Even if you do sneak one or two slices

There is a whole list of movies you have to get through before Halloween night

They range from cheesy horror

like classics that have just been overplayed to the point of being bad

To actually scary movies

He’s wearing a mask so you don’t know if he’s scared, but you sure as hell are

he lets you move his arm around however you need to feel safe

Won’t turn the movie off tho

“You made the list”

“I didn’t think it was this bad!”

“I want to know how it ends”

and like, you're not gonna leave your safe spot next to him, so you're just stuck there

To movies meant more for kids

Halloweentown, Nightmare Before Christmas you can watch that twice a year, Over the Garden Wall, that sorta thing

Kalpas complains that they’re for kids, but he sits through the whole thing every time

Kalpas refuses to do matching costumes

He doesn’t wear any sort of costume, which you think is mega lame

He is pretty scary on his own though, so you let it slide

Overall, Halloween is the best time of the year

Because of all the ways you get to celebrate

But also, it’s the beginning of colder weather and you can sit next to Kalpas without boiling

It’s also the time of year he’s most likely to take his mask off for you

You’re so happy to decorate, and he’s legally obligated to kiss you when you smile like that

(unrelated HC, if he wants to kiss you but there’s people around, he’ll just stare at you until they leave because he’s being creepy, or you get the hint and go somewhere private. Won’t let people see his face, but is not at all shy at letting them know how much he cares for you)

that's it

that's all I got

I do want to do HCs for all the Flame chasers celebrating Halloween at some point, so maybe if I'm feelin spicy and I finish this gosh darn story I was supposed to do like 5 weeks ago I'll do another Halloween post. In the mean time, I hope this will tide you over to next week when I post a story that's so long no one wants to read it!

Happy Halloween!!

#kalpas x reader #honkai x reader #azaryawrites #halloween post!#you guys have the best ideas #thank you so much for sending them!#watch me post like twice a week over break #because I actually have free time lol #Soft Kalpas anon: I hope this is happier for you!#I will actually write a happy piece eventually #I swear I can write something other than angst

39 notes · View notes

airanke · 2 years

Text

I needed to go on a RL rant for a second so I can get back to my regularly scheduled Abiteth and Dabi art 😔

Okay. So. I made the mistake of I think like a year ago going on a coffee date with a co-worker. At the time I had accepted to hang out I was like “oh yeah!! Hang out time, I can do that” then as the day went on I started to feel sick to my stomach to the point of wanting to actually puke because I realized that no, this was not a friendly thing, and it was more a romantic thing, and BOY HOWDY was I anxious.

Anyway whatever it was fine, I guess, aside from me being anxious the whole time. He didn’t ask me out again and I was very grateful. But then he kept on buying me drinks and I don’t really like it when people get me drinks w/o asking me first, because I’m really picky about what I drink (and I despise coffee. Which is of course what he got me LMAO), and I hate wasting food/drinks that people spend their money on for me because it makes me feel like I’m being ungrateful. TL;DR don’t surprise me with food/drinks if you are going to insist on getting me something that you THINK I will like, vs something I will ACTUALLY like (like my guy saw me drinking cola EVERY DAY you’d THINK he would just... idk get me cola which is a drink I would actually appreciate?)

Fast forward to Christmas 2021. I was very stressed because I was feeling unwell, and obviously they are travel restrictions in place, and I was supposed to be heading up to Toronto. For some reason my co-worker keeps trying to ask me to a movie and eventually I’m just like “sure but I’m leaving on X date and I cannot go this Sunday because I’m not feeling well and I also have to work Monday so I will only have Sunday to myself”.

And despite me telling him, very clearly, that I CANNOT go that specific Sunday, he sends me times for the movie on that Sunday. And I was like “... I told you I couldn’t go this Sunday tho, I said the Sunday AFTER I get back”. Anyway whatever, he ends up going to the movie himself. I also almost severely burned my hand during this time period and he kept trying to talk to me and then I had to go and apologize to him because my other co-workers were like “he was just trying to talk to you and you were so standoffish!!” YES BECAUSE I WAS IN PAIN AND NEARLY SEVERELY BURNED MY HAND WITH BOILING HOT WATER BUT TELL ME MORE ABOUT HOW I AM IN THE WRONG FOR BEING REALLY FLIPPANT W/ HIM FIRST THING IN THE MORNING when I am also stressed about travel restrictions and making sure I am actually well enough to travel (by the way I did not have the Vid, it was a seasonal ick).

Eventually I get back from Toronto, and I don’t wanna go to the movie with him if he’s already seen it, and I’m just like “listen I value my time to myself” and also only want to spend time with people that I actually like, which... I don’t mind him, but certainly don’t LIKE him (you know? Like he’s okay, he’s friendly, a little shy, but 100% not my type). At this point he tells me that he’s been trying to ask me out and I was like “yeah I noticed. I’m not interested”. We actually had a decent conversation and I left that conversation thinking we had come to the understanding that I was not interested, and will never be interested. Of course I do my best to remain friendly because I AM a friendly person!! And kinder than I should be!

Which brings me to today. He offered to come to my place to help me move my summer tires into my car because my dad put them up on an object that made it difficult for me to get them down. I can move them on my own otherwise. And I was like “oh sure! I would appreciate the help!” and he was like “buy me a coffee and it’s a deal!” and I was like “sure that’s totally fair!” So he comes, moves my tires, I’m very grateful, and he leaves!

................... so imagine my surprise when I bring him the coffee at lunch, and he says, “and if you wanted to upgrade it to a date night” and I don’t remember the rest of what he said because I just laughed in disbelief.

My guy. Have I not made it clear? Why am I cursed to be a friendly, kind person? At what point will my kindness and friendliness not be seen as me sending mixed signals? I want an explanation PLEASE.

#Air's antics #I am very displeased and now I'm sour #SOURED MY WHOLE MOOD #Abi c'mere please unsour my mood--

2 notes · View notes

cleverbarefoot-man-blog · 1 year

Text

thought processes

hey, I just woke up(6:00am), I had a hard time getting out of bed I almost caught myself falling back into dreaming land again, luckily my inner parent was like, HEY get out, you got important shit to do today. so I did, out of some emotion I started mastrubating but after a little bit I was like na I don't need this\want this. I usually wake up with a erect penis but today I didn't but I was still aroused. I thought I make quick work of it into giving myself some pleasures but my brain was awake and did not agree. I have been reading into some articles about psychotic vulnerability, bit confronting and at the same time comforting. since the breakup I have been going trough some side effects of psychosis. I had not experienced this for almost 2 years. and hopefully now that I know most of the symptoms, I am able to prevent this from ever happening again, I don't assume it wont but I hope I have enough knowledge to prevent it from getting worse. I asked for medication the moment everything became unbearable to carry and my emotions were all over the place. I still worry, but it seems that I am getting more stability back day by day, hopefully I am ready for school upcoming monday. I'm trying to get the rest I need and keep a good schedule, food is also a high priority. to end this up with, I really mis my former girlfriend, I still care about her a lot and she has given me so much love over the past 2 years. and I want to contact her again since I want to maintain a friendship with her alto it must be very though for her, and the relationship was extremely though on the both of us. where I have already forgiven her for most the things that she did. I sometimes blame her for leaving since I had a good idea of how our future could have looked like not even far future but when things got fused together to much. I'm still not sure what to do about this situation since I'm dying to call her or search any contact at all. I want the conformation that we are still good alto I still have her on facebook and instagram, and phone number and shit. after the relationship has ended over 4 months ago (roughly) she is still part of my daily life, she is most of the time the loving and caring person I imagen that puts me to bed, I think of the start of our friendship and how much we understood each other, how we were always there for each other. we woke up with each other and went to bed with each other almost everyday for roughly 2 years. I had a couple of anger episodes there were I wasn't able to control myself, I notice that I notice that i still carry a bit of shame for it. even tho it was my inability and I always tried the best I could do, I had shortcomings which I was not aware of at the time. I was a incomplete self. there has also been instances where she had episodes, even one so bad that she claimed to have done a attempt on her life, where I had called her mother and her mother had called the ambulance. this should have been a red flag for me, but I think I thought at the time, I was able to deal with it since I have been trough a shitload of deep pains and involuntary confinements myself. I could relate to a bad father image, I could relate to a mother that does not give you the care you need, but this empathetic poise couldn't last(I thought it could, but time has made me clear that it could not), I had overcome my self-pity and going into the victim roll from time to time and seeing her doing it, was to confronting. I had shut down. and by me shutting down not telling what I really thought of her or what she was doing tied us both to the ceiling, she had said it at some point after the relationship that I had shut her out, this is the conclusion I can make up myself for at least where it had begun. I started to think more about saving her feelings then confronting her with reality, that the world isnt as bad as it seems and that it is only as bad as you choose to interpret it. I read something in a book yesterday that said, Blame where to pain comes from but take responsibility for that pain.

#wake up #diary #psychosis #treatment #selfcare

0 notes

shilly-shally-sheila · 2 years

Text

Hi :)

I made it through today! I did a lot of foolish things tho… cried in the damn trike on the way home…was borderline grumpy and unapproachable at work…heck, I even caught myself staring into space several times…oh, my guts to actually almost start crying again while on duty…and eating only several broas and coffee for the whole day. But I survived. Sorry if I am too hard on myself today; don’t worry, I’ll try to do better tomorrow.

Try…because I’m already stressing on thinking about the fact that it’s gonna Monday again (as if it matters tho coz I still don’t have a day off from the schedule sadge) and it’s already my turn on first shift. Right now, I’m contemplating between recording a short cover for IG or actually get some sleep for tomorrow. What a nonsensical dilemma when the answer’s too obvious lmao. But I feel like I want to sing my heart out for you. I just hope I could finally do a presentable recording hahahah.

Anyways…so… Did I do great surviving today? UwU I want to think the best thing about it is that I’m one day closer to meeting you.

#love letters to no one

0 notes

jecroisenmoi · 2 years

Text

Daily Log 7/25/23

So hello Monday! Let me take this chance to rant. Enrollment was hectic af and I actually came in a bit late. Thank God, my classmates are kind and very helpful in dealing with papers for enrollment etc. Everything happened fast. The only issue was, the cashier and the registrar had to cut off at 11 am because of the SONA. I wish they would have informed the students first that they would only provide service for like half-day. Some of my classmates need to come back tomorrow. I also need to but I think it will be too tiresome to travel again tomorrow. I'm not a morning person, will never be, but my class schedule might turn me to cause I have morning classes. I guess it's fine. Anyways going back, I also need some papers and documents for the scholarship but since the registrar closed along with the cashier. Didn't had the chance to get them. Might need to come back for another day— but definitely not tomorrow.

So my classmates are all cool. I like them. Maybe they just talk way too much and I'm too timid for them. I might warm up to them soon. Who knows.

Bought myself a ring. So we went to the mall afterwards for lunch and had the chance to stroll a bit before going home. We went inside Broadway Gems and there are like accessories there and I saw the rings and they are quite affordable so I decided to buy myself one. Doesn't hurt. And it's not like someone will buy me a ring. I like the minimalist styles. I actually want to take a silver one but the design I want si not available in my size so I took the gold with the same design instead. It's still cute tho.

Have I mentioned, how I actually cancelled the friend request I sent. Yep, the drinks yesterday cleared my mind lol. That guy. Anyways.

Aubrey gave birth today to two puppies. I actually touched one of them just cause I need to move it to a drier place. Ugh the feeling is like ugh it's like a very fragile being and it sunk in that it was a freakin' newborn puppy. It felt like it will break in my hands. I hope Aubrey would still feed the baby amidst what u did. I really hope the puppies will survive this time. I'm tired of puppies dying on me. It's hurts you know. I love pets. But I hate the idea that I will be attached to them but they will leave me in the end, and little by little I will forget about them. It's just sad.

Yep, I love myself. But there are times I'm really sad because of the love life thingy. I daydream a lot about it. It's pathetic.

I'd stop here. I hope I actually said everything u want to share lol.

XOXO

1 note · View note