Casting the Moon
Aries Moon: be careful of all those bruises you can’t see, often an emotional sensitivity that breaks their own heart before they understand how to protect it
Taurus Moon: ‘pretends’ to forget with a memory like a museum-forgiving themselves is rarely the hard part, it’s often forgiveness for allowing themselves to accept or be in that situation
Gemini Moon: intellectually processes the event and waits for the feelings they know will show up, day dreams stories to tell themselves and escape emotional distress
Cancer Moon: often some inherent desire for invisibility, records memories based on the way it left them feeling during and after, so it can be up for interpretation at times
Leo Moon: more than often seeking the recognition of one or few people, attempting to “impress” or make them “proud”
Virgo Moon: on a timed crying schedule , reactive to environment - such as finding it difficult to relax in a mess
Libra Moon: emotional intuitive that knows how to read people, and eventually learns how to trust and follow it
Scorpio Moon: often feels no desire to justify or explain to others emotion or decisions based on instinct , has been following such things since childhood
Sagittarius Moon: often still angry at most everyone for being abandoned/let down/betrayed by someone when they were young
Capricorn Moon: inspired out of tired by the fear of being average, secretly - the novelty of being an adult has not completely worn off
Aquarius Moon: abandons before being abandoned, does not like being psychoanalysed and intruded on
Pisces Moon: catches other people’s feelings like colds ,-often enduring post sickness symptoms like coughs and leaky mucous membranes
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Random Update 🐈⬛
@3amastrology becoming completely open, MY DIARY
Hey guys so it's been a while...hahahahahahaahahaha oh boy we have a lot to unpack here 🧳
⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING, Domestic violence, sexual harassment, Alcoholism, Drug abuse. Overall VERY VERY triggering. If you get triggered from any discomfort at all PLEASE DON'T READ THIS I AM SERIOUS.
Let's just get to it shall we?
Basically In the last two months I moved to university. It's great, it's fun and all, but it's a really anti social research university and I'm in a competitive program so no one really talks to each other tbh. I've been feeling crazy lonely, sad & just never good enough. I've been struggling a bit as I have an exam every 2nd day, an in class essay & chapter tests every week, a research project every 2 weeks & just no time to chill.
I mean it's tough but it's rewarding, what's the point of life without challenge? I'm proud of myself for coming this far and succeeding with ups and downs. Even if I'm absolutely drowning in work I'm still happier than ever, I just feel lonely...empty, as if something is missing in my life?
I've always loved independence but now this complete loneliness has me gushing over every comfy looking cutie in school making me want to hug them 💀 I can't believe I'm saying this but I feel like a Libra stellium..LOL
Recently I've also sprained my ankle so that's fun, life is tough but it shall go on. There's also this creep at the bus stop that told me "Hey sweetie why are you standing there all alone? I know somewhere we can go pumpkin" 🤮🤮 ewwwwwww. He was also so short and literally half my height but I'm already short. And his voice although creepy was kinda funny LOLOL although I was disgusted I had to hold in my laughter ngl.
Well I guess that's been life recently? I have a lot of stories about weirdos btw this is just one of the mannnnyyyyy encounters I have with them. My Aquarius DC conjunct Uranus really bringing all walks of life around me 💀💀
Oh and I have to share my emotions because I have a huge fear of emotional vulnerability and this is supposed to help or smth like that.
Well I guess here's my personal life story LOL I'm probably never coming back so uhhhh fuck it
I have ADHD, you probably know this by now, but I also have anxiety and depression. I'm actually on meds for it and it's helping bit by bit which is great
I constantly mask my negativity with jokes, like seriously everyone tells me to look at the positive side of things & I'm always told "whatever life goes on" but does life really always go on? If you're absolutely miserable will a "just be happy" attitude solve your problems? No it's okay to be sad, intense, moody, miserable. You need to feel it to understand it.
I'm actually super duper pessimistic and paranoid at all times. I always think the worst will happen yet I give advice explaining "it will be ok" in the end. Hypocritical isn't it? Is that OK? No it's not and I'm sick of myself trying to justify actions and look on the bright side when I'm so negative sometimes. It's annoying and doesn't help
I'm HORRIFIED of intimacy. Any form of intimacy scares the living daylight out of me. In fact I've never even kissed someone before, let alone had sex or have been in a relationship. I am so so so afraid of letting someone that close to me I purposely push people away and act coldly/rudely so they end up disliking me (toxic I know).
I am so uncomfortable with romance yet I crave hugs and want them badly, It's the weirdest thing tbh.
My worst trait is probably my vengeance & manipulative side that no one really sees and I'm not proud of it..I don't even want to write about it tbh. I can't even believe I'm writing this LOL I HATE MYSELF but anyways when people hurt me I automatically look to hurt them back, there's a side of me that says "be the bigger person, dont do it". But honestly I get so much joy out of hurting people who have hurt me it genuinely makes me feel better, UNTIL 2 weeks later I realize the regret I have in my heart, and how stupid it was because it doesn't fix anything, it doesn't ACTUALLY make me feel better, and it's so fucking stupid.
Plain and simple, I like to get my way. I like being in control and I can get very obssessive and controlling quick. This is another huge toxic trait of mine that leads to manipulation, broken friendships & overall something that only leads to destruction. I admit I have severe issues, I'm not innocent and no one should feel bad for me. I'm starting to wonder is anyone else this toxic? Because writing this all down I feel horrible and fake myself. I can even tell you I know exactly what people want to hear and what they like to hear, when I was little I used to control my friends and make them hate each other, I also got insanely jelous and would only want one friend to myself. IM ASHAMEDDDD I WAS HORRIBLE MY TOXIC TRAITS WERE SO BAD AND THEY STILL ARE BUT IM HERE TOO TELL YOU THEY ARENT AS AWFUL AS THEY USED TO BE.
Well now that we've explained my horrible mental health and all of my extremely toxic traits it's time to absolutely DIVE into my family life that you can def see in my birth chart 🤠
Say cheers for childhood trauma everyone🥂
ALSO NO ONE I REPEAT NO ONE FEEL BADLY I JUST REALLY NEED TO BE EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE AND OPEN LMFAOO AND NOT POSITIVE FAKE OPEN LIKE BEFORE 🤩
Right off the bat, my mom almost died giving birth to me, I was almost born on a plane and had to be flown through air ambulance to a different hospital because they didn't have room in our local hospital. I also shouldn't have even been born, I wasn't supposed to be born because I was 2 and 1/2 months premature. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SCORPIO LOL. I was also almost going to be born in Australia but my dad decided he wanted me born in America, so he and my mom moved there with my older sister.
I am born, alive & breathing folks, my mom was told I had a 20% chance of living and she had a high risk of dying in the process. We both lived thankfully but I won't lie my childhood was a patchy one, in fact it was wayyyy worse back then, in comparison to my life now.
I actually remember when I was around 5 my mom had this condition called diverticulitis. I honestly forget what happened with that condition but all I know is that my mom had something in her the size of a golf ball that could explode and kill her. It's something gradual that only becomes a super serious issue when you're older. She's had it since she was 16 and got it removed at 37 if you were wondering the times pan. Also don't worry it's not just a random condition, she knew she had it for a while but they could only perform surgery to remove it when she was 37. Idk why tbh I've never really thought about it until now LOL. But all I remember was my dad had to stay home with me and my sister and cook pasta literally everyday while my mom was in the hospital for a month. My mom is alive and safe now yayyyy🎉🎉 the surgery was a success yall.
How do I start the dad issues? Well basically my dad was an alcoholic and he abused my mom, he yelled at her, and I even witnessed him smash her head against an oven, and they fought every single night. In fact I actually sat in my room crying with the door closed during dinner because their arguments were always the worst around then. I would also skip dinners almost every night and just cry myself to sleep. I absolutely hated my dad, but I also hated my mom for not doing anything about his alcoholism. I thought my mom was a pushover, that she let him hurt me and her. And I am so sorry mom because none of it was true and I regret the resentment I had for my mom because she couldn't have done anything, my mom was a victim
My dad was an alcoholic because he had a horrible work environment, he was always stressed and drank his pain away. He was always so cold and mean too. He never had time to talk to me, would get mad when he saw me, and it felt more like a cold stranger than a dad. He sexualized me a lot as well. If I wore a dress he'd drunkenly tell me I was "Dressing like a stripper" or I was "Becoming an exhibitionist". He said these things to a 10 year old
My dads alcoholism eventually stopped because he had a stroke one day at work and never drank again after that. In fact that stroke caused him to go into cardiac arrest that day and it was actually a week before my birthday. I cried so much, I absolutely hated my dad but there were moments where I loved him. I felt so conflicted about my family life. I constantly begged for a different family, yet I felt so desperately attached to my messed up family.
My dad was revived by specialist surgeons in another location, in fact if he actually died I wouldn't have been able to say goodbye because I was at school having girls talking shit behind my back. I stayed with a best friend during that time that helped me through so much. If she wasn't there I would've just lost myself
A few years down the line and my dad suffers from emphysema, a horrible lung condition that caused half his lung to collapse and he literally couldn't breathe. He had to go to the hospital and get these big tubes in him that sucked stuff out. He got medication for this thankfully so it's somewhat fine now, although I'm always scared of my dad dying
My dad has brain damage and has become more unstable, he stopped abusing our family after giving up alcohol but he still has some scary moments. It's not violent anymore thankfully but it can be scary sometimes. Much of my family intensely resented him for it including me
No one knew this was all happening in elementary school, I never even told a friend actually. It was a huge secret I could never spill or else I'd be in huge trouble and was constantly told to never speak of it. I actually would miss school days because my mom would hit me or I was crying so much from their arguments that would turn violent and even being questioned at school for it by teachers, I'd always say "I was sick". Because I was told to say that. In fact a lot of kids were jelous of me for having "the perfect life". They thought my family was well off, my mom is so nice, my sister achieves so much and is so intelligent, we have a nice house? Yeah well hahaha I heard all my life "You're so lucky" and "How does it feel to have a perfect life". Well if you saw what happens behind closed doors, or if I ever opened up that would all change wouldn't it.
When I was 7 I saw my cousins go into a rehabilitation center because they were drug attics, (ah yes problems after problems). I saw a random girl kick a garbage can across the hallway right in front of me and scream in this chilling ear blasting manner. I was traumatized tbh
I'm sure you've all heard Scorpio IC is the black sheep of the family? I'm here to confirm that is absolutely correct. My sister was always the favorite child, if we would fight then somehow I was always to blame, if she hit me then somehow I was always at fault, when she lied and said it was me then I was always in the wrong and the same answer over and over was, "I've already heard your sisters side of the story I don't need yours". All of our education money goes to my sister, all of our strangers compliments goes to my sister. She's practically praised and famous in our family meanwhile I'm looked at like a disappointment. No matter how hard I try my mom doesn't accept me & my dad could die any day. I've never been a favorite to anyone. And you want to know what's interesting? My sister has a Leo IC that exactly squares my Scorpio IC. Creepy how accurate astrology can be huh? But anyways my mom would yell, scream, hit me, blame me, and basically I had no one except myself during that time.
My support system ironically became my dad. Even after all these years of his issues once he stopped drinking he actually turned into a different person. He gave great advice, told me he knew how it was to not be the favorite child, he comforted me when I cried and made me laugh. Most of all he believed in me and even if my mom doesn't I had someone who did and that's the one thing I needed the most. I'm crying while writing this part LMFAOOO oh no.
Now I'm just at Uni, life has gone on, things have gotten much better don't worry. I'm very strong willed & self reflective, I know even after explaining my awful toxic traits and dark past that I am not stuck like that. In fact I've grown a lot and those past habits are mainly apart of the past except a few. But I still work on these everyday. I've fucked up so much, I've become such a mess and even though that isn't okay I still work hard to understand myself, and others GENUINELY and not let anything from the past including my toxic behavior get the best of me. I have an amazing best friend and she helps keep me grounded. I would die for her, I'm not kidding I cherish her so much my stubborn ass takes a seat when there's a disagreement and I will literally do anything she wants. That's very rare, I struggle a lot with my stubbornness and pride when it comes to being right, but I will do that for one special person and I honestly look up to her like she's an angel that blessed my life I am not even kiddinggggg.
Anyways I decided to open up here because truthfully, I cannot afford therapy irl and I need to get this out. It's something that's plagued me for years. I'm tired of never saying this and I'm probably going to officially deactivate this account soon.
Take what you will from this, I guess it's just me learning how to share a hard part of my life and my toxic traits. I needed to open up and let my heart pour, sometimes it's too much to contain everything. I guess goodbye. If I've ever hurt you I'm sorry.
Also I was never telling people what they wanted to hear on tumblr. If you've ever spoken to me I've been truthful. I promise that. I hope that can comfort you or help you relate if you've gone through something similar. Byebye, my Diary is my last post before I deactivate officially and my account closes.
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