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lady-o-ren · 4 years

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THE BRIDE

A/N: Ok. I lied. I thought I had to sacrifice the Jamie and Claire threads but really I just chopped the St. Germain one (much heavier in the disciples du mal thingy and witchcraft). Anyway this is a pinch of acotar and some bits from DOA too at the end. There will be mistakes!

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The bride paces anxiously in her windowless chambers, trampling over the ripped and scattered remains of a once delicate veil. She wears no wedding gown. Has fed it to the hearth fire where the gold silk threads and embroidered pearls ignite the stonewalls in a hellish glow.

She is betrothed to the notorious nobleman The Comte St. Germain. A man of exquisite elegance and roguish charm that many girls can only dream of marrying. But she isn't fooled.

She knows the depths of treachery that dwells in his breast and of the company he keeps that terrorize the dark corners of the city streets of Gaul. That all he wants from her is a woman to serve him on hand and knee, a body and soul to own.

And he has tried to. Bruising her throat and ribs. But she too has marked him ugly and bloody - gouging him from face to chest, her knee rammed between the crux of his thighs. It brings a half grin to her face.

But then she hears the ominous sound of a key sliding into the lock of the lone arched door. She stiffens like a hunted doe, bleeding her bottom lip in wait, until she hears the key jamming, breaking in two.

She shrieks with hysterical laughter if only to know that she can breathe again, clutching her aching sides as she does so. The Comte hears her and pounds the door with his fists as his threats fall loud and rabid.

He wants to bind her arm and foot. Shatter her bones beneath his boots. He wants to belt her flesh raw, slap and bite her pretty face. Wants to -

Her laughter chokes with bile, and her lily-white hands press painfully hard against her tender lips, as she wills herself to calm.

She'll be faster, smarter, more ruthless than he. She'll throw him in the fire to roast black like the swine he is, herself too if she must. She'll -

She's barely caught her breath when the fire in the hearth dwindles to sapphire embers, illuminating the chamber like the belly of a twilight sea. The bride's heart leaps to her throat, throbbing with every skittering, piercing beat, as the stones of the hearth quake and unravel, parting for a cloaked figure to step through the impossible opening.

A silky mist whispers over him coming from the dark chasm behind and he lifts the dark green hood from his face revealing, undoubtedly, by the soft curve of his ears, a Fae Lord.

He looks as if he's flown on a thundercloud to find her, his mane wild and dark as elk's blood that ripples down the broad strength of his shoulders like the great tides of the sea. His eyes like the sickle moon are near black with ire as they linger on the iridescent bloom of bruises on her flesh and the thinness of the chemise she wears. But when his gaze meets hers they glimmer with startling tenderness and passion, and a love that burns brighter than the blue flames now writhing at his feet.

The Lord's voice is low and ragged from unbridled emotion when he speaks yet he manages to smile wryly, "Should'a bride of such beauty be mournin' on her wedding day?"

She'd forgotten how deeply she could hate him. Love him. All at once. That - That -

"You - you - Oh, Jamie!" She throws herself in her only beloved's arms that grip her just as fiercely, and he cries, "Claire, mo chridhe," into her curls, long and lovely as a willow's leaves.

She soaks in his warmth and strength that wraps around her like a shield, breathing in the scent of him - balsam trees and dewy grass, sun-warmed skin that tastes of woodsmoke and spring rain, and the pungent muskiness of exhaustion as he trembles to the bone with relief.

"How?" She mouths against his chest heaving strong as a bellow beneath her cheek.

He nuzzles softly at her crown, hands soothing warmth down her back then shoulders, holding her slightly away.

"Our hearts are forever bound to one another, I've told ye so before."

The night they met when he first made her laugh and she dared to kiss him along the glittering Seine.

"I could feel yer despair, thought maybe ye were feeling the same pain as I. Regret for how we parted when ye told me ye loved me nae more." He squeezes her shoulders, knowing how she lied but not why. "But I felt it grow weaker day after day, and kent it must be something more. I ken ye told me to leave ye be but I thought ye were dying, my love. I couldna keep away."

Tears gloss her eyes as she bows her head ashamed, so quietly she says, "I thought you wouldn't. I meant to make you hate me."

"Never," he affirms, lifting her chin. "I shouldna have let my temper get the better of me, to keep me from yer side. If I hadn't -"

His mouth tightens as he brushes his knuckles down her cheek, gently thumbing her swollen bottom lip.

He wants to kiss the blood away, the blight that colors her skin. Wants to love her till there's nothing left of them but a single soul. . .

But the door is finally forced open and he comes face to face with the Comte St. Germain.

The Fae Lord erupts with rage violent and luminous as a lightning bolt, cracking the stones that encircle them all, as he claws at the air and twists his wrist. The Comte stupidly, desperately, reaches for the iron forged rapier strapped to his waist, beseeching the protection of the wickedly divine that he's pledged his soul to, but instead of deliverance, he's sent flying into the far wall.

His bones shatter with a sickening crunch as blood and strangled screams sputter from his mouth.

"That's enough," Claire says in a moment of pity to her Lord, and with tremendous effort, she pulls him away, leaving the wretched Comte St. Germain gasping for air alone in the cold dark as the walls that he imprisoned her within collapse.

Claire's brought to a small clearing just as dawn slowly breaks across the big sky, a hazy plume of dark grey and lavender, and the barest hint of golden sunlight. The wind is chilly and tugs at her hair but she savors its biting caress that shudders down her spine, intoxicating her lungs. She walks enjoying the feel of the tall grass tickling her fingertips and the dirt soft beneath her bare feet, but she finds a gaping absence at her side.

She glances over her shoulder where Jamie trails behind, watching her with trepidation as an aching question whispers from his mouth.

"Will ye run off again, mo nighean donn? Is this the last I'll see of ye?"

She wraps her arms around herself, curls whisking like dandelion seeds across her lashes and cheeks.

"I didn't run, Jamie."

"Ye did," he reproaches softly, not wanting another fight. "Like a thief in the night with my heart. I gave ye all of me gladly and forever will -"

"But I can't promise you the same." Her bleeding heart lodges thick in her throat and the truth of it all comes pouring out. "Maybe a few decades, a blink in the eye to you, before I wither to decay, and you still beautiful as the day we met."

"That's what's been troublin' ye?" His face is serious, but one corner of his mouth curls up irrepressibly.

"Don't you laugh!" She says furiously.

"I think I will," Jamie smiles widely, and takes a step toward her meaning to kiss the foolishness from her vexing mouth but she takes a step back. He raises an auburn brow daring her to move away from him again and she thrusts her defiant chin high and kicks her left heel back.

What comes next is a flurry of limbs and grunts that leaves Claire breathless with her slender wrists pinned above her head and chrysanthemums crushed in her hair. Her eyes dark as black amber glare into his.

"God's, you are a stubborn wee thing," Jamie admires through his mounting frustration, himself mangled with dirt and grass.

"And you weigh more than a bloody damn bear!" She pants and wriggles beneath him, trying to ignore the spikes of heat rushing through her veins where he's pressed solid and unyielding against her.

"Now get off!"

"Not until ye hear me out, wee besom!"

"What more can be said? Nothing can be done! Love isn't magic, it won't keep the years from taking me from you."

Jamie's face catches fire in the growing morning light, and moves their hands to press hard on the swell of his breast beating the same raw rhythm as hers.

"So long as my body lives, so will yours, mo ghraidh. Though I think ye'd look just as bonny touched like starlight, the years no matter how few, around yer golden eyes. But ye must know," his words fall heavily and he feels her pulse at her wrist give a lurching thump. "That when my body shall cease, yours will as well. It could be this day, tomorrow, maybe centuries or more. The only consequence when ye make a blood vow with a fae."

She blinks up at him, thrumming like a viola. "A blood vow?"

His lips curl shyly and his breath warm as melted butter brushes hers. "It's done when my kind find their mates. A sacred, unbreakable vow that binds two souls in this life and after."

"Like marriage?" She blushes and smiles, the first in so very long, looking lovelier than she ever has to Jamie.

"Aye." He answers simply, low and husky, and finds his courage in three soaring heartbeats.

"My Lady, my Claire, will ye have me as your husband? To serve ye, worship ye, wi' all that I am?"

Tears begin to fall again though she's beaming with joy, tangling her fingers in Jamie's mane as he claims a loving long kiss down the trail of each one.

When he hovers above her lips, they brush his in answer.

"Well I am wearing white."

"Ye won't be wearing a thing if ye say I do."

#...i tried writing something a little different #jamie x claire #outlander #outlander fanfiction #outlander fanfic #the bride

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deancasbigbang · 4 years

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Title: Twas In Another Lifetime (One of Toil and Blood)

Author: Caswingsuniverse

Artist: SolusCheese

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Dean/Castiel, Bobby/Ellen

Length: 45000

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tags: Bartender!Dean, Fae!Cas, Halfling!Jack, Western AU, Fairy AU, Dadstiel

Posting Date: November 10, 2020

Summary: "I’ve heard newborn babies wailin’ like a mournin’ dove and old men with broken teeth stranded without love, Do I understand your question, man, is it hopeless and forlorn. Come in, she said, I’ll give ya shelter from the storm. " Ourouboros is a town where the hills whisper sins and trees snatch up kids. It takes a certain kind of grit to brave the heat waves and the shadows that haunt every cross roads. Dean Winchester has cut his teeth in the magic dusted soil, made a life for himself away from the fae that lurk among the humans. When Sam leaves in the middle of the night with no promise of returning, however, Dean’s life turns upside down. He’s turns to the only fae he’s come to trust, a man with sapphire eyes who goes by the name of James. Dragged into the magical world around him, Dean now finds himself as the caretaker for James’ half-human, half-fae son, Jack. Dean and James grow closer despite the West’s old secrets and the Fae’s older magic. In a struggle against old fears, longing for family, and desperation to save his brother, Dean must learn to trust what destroyed his father.

Excerpt: The stranger stands only an inch or two shorter than Dean himself and somehow towered over every person in the barroom. Chin tilted up, accenting how the salt-and-pepper stubble crawls down a sharp jaw, the stranger stares down a pointed nose. From across the dining room, the stranger’s eyes meet Dean’s. The color immediately knocks Dean’s heart around his ribcage—bright blue. Like glamoured sapphires. Fae folk aren’t exactly hidden in the folds of Ouroboros. No one knows how long they’ve existed. Some believe they found the town. Some believe they arrived when the human settlers did, sensing that many were deal makers hoping to find their happy endings in an unforgiving desert. No matter how the fae cropped up in Ouroboros, the human townsfolk used their poker skills to distinguish them from others. Every person notices fae in different ways, picking up on The Tell. John could tell by the way fae walk. Sam can tell by the crook of their smiles during conversation. Dean’s tell has always been the eyes. The brightness always upends everything in Dean’s mind and sends his heart racing for the hills.

DCBB 2020 Posting Schedule

#dcbb 2020 #fic preview #2020 promo #deancas #destiel

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leroiloup · 4 years

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The Axe

⚜ Who wants a horror story in spooky month ?? This is a bit different because it’s not written from Klaus’s POV. Instead, I invented a new character who shares the tale. ➥ Canon compliant : April 1918 ✥ Trigger Warnings: violence and gore | allusions to the real life serial killer

New Orleans is riddled with legends and ghost stories ; perhaps more so than any other city in the world. While swapping ghastly fun tales over the campfire, what many fail to realize is that the most horrific of these accounts are in fact true. There is evil that lurks in this city –– and has since its very inception. How do I know this for certain, my curious reader ? Because I have witnessed what may be the bloodiest night in all of New Orleans history ; I witnessed the massacre that no one knows about –– executed by the legendary Axe Man, himself. But to tell this tale, you must understand one simple and yet unfathomable truth : he was no man, at all.

- –– he was a beast.

It was April, 1918. The magnolias were in full bloom ; their floral scent painting the streets of the French Quarter with the usual jubilance that spring evoked. What the occupants of the Crescent City didn’t know, was that while they toiled about in their daily business, there lay an entirely clandestine world just under their noses ; fantastic beings and creatures, that the humans believed to belong only in fiction, called New Orleans their home. The problem was the like humans, these creatures were never at peace. Each faction sought dominion over the bustling, delta metropolis –– resulting in tension, skirmishes –– - and at times, war.

It was at this time that a coven of the blood drinkers had pressed upon the Quarter, seeking to take the throne. They had heard of the Mikaelsons, but were too naive to believe in the Original Vampire Family. Ego driven, they simply thought the Mikaelsons to be an older family who held power under false pretenses. Tensions grew, and petty deeds from both sides escalated until one night, the interloping vampires made a crucial mistake : they made it personal.

No one could have known the deep ties that the middle sibling held with the werewolves. Yet when the heads of the local pack members showed up on the front door step of the Abattoir, the one known as Klaus had found his breaking point. No longer would be entertain his older brother’s want of diplomacy ; the petulant vampire coven had to be punished –– nay, obliterated !

I stood on the street corner, peddling my warnings to the humans that God shall smite us all, when it began. Not a threat to any, I may as well have been invisible to any faction, making my account complete and without obstruction. The sun had well past set and the moon was near full, allowing its silvery glow to illuminate the empty cobbled street. Slaying vampires would best be done in the day when they cannot emerge in the sunlight –– making them trapped like sitting ducks. Perhaps Klaus preferred the challenge ; perhaps he wanted to boast his power ; or perhaps he wished to revel in a bit of fun in this bloodshed.

The first sign of trouble was the fog ; thick, cold, and penetrating. It filled the small crossroads, surrounding the long since abandoned pub, seeping in through the boarded up windows. I was smart enough to find my way to a back window where I could peer in through a crack in the wood to witness it all. There were twenty-three of the undead that milled about the old bar –– no doubt working on the next step in their nefarious plot. The room stilled as the fog settled over the dust ridden floors. It crawled up the walls, pushing everyone towards the center of the room as they looked about with worry stricken, wide eyes.

With a loud bang, large wooden beams fell into place over the back door, effectively locking it. The front door swung open, causing a few of the vampires to jump in surprise. In sauntered the devil, a chillingly pleasant grin upon his features. One fair haired man stepped forward, mustering what authority he could in his gait. ❝ You and your family have had enough of our warnings, Klaus, ❞ he said in a clear, commanding voice. ❝ Dispense of these parlor tricks and leave this city with your head. ❞

I cringed, for I had the perfect view of the angelic blue eyes as they twinkled with a menacing, predatory glee. Klaus said not a word, though his expression and relaxed demeanor spoke volumes. His hands clasped behind his back and he straightened. In unison, the entire group of twenty-three vampires gasped in horror. A few then screamed in terror. Judging by their glazed over features, it was evident that they were witnessing nightmares that only they could see. I understood perfectly that these vampires knew not of the vervain herb to protect their minds. The Original painted a tapestry of grotesque fantasy in their minds with such vivid detail that they all believed it to be true. I can only image what scene unfolded before them, and how long it must have seemed to last. In truth, it was only moments later when Klaus’s laugh rang through darkened room and they were all snapped out of their stupor.

❝ Enough ! ❞ their leader proclaimed as he foolishly stepped towards Klaus.

Rather than lash out physically as I would have guessed, Klaus leveled his eyes with the leader and said, ❝ Hand me that axe over there, will you, sport ? ❞

At once, the vampire obeyed. He went to the corner where a few different tools were left behind and fetched the old, yet sharp, axe. With a bewildered look, he offered it to the Original. One last smile was given to the group before a woman, clearly compelled by her own fear, darted for the open front door.

Klaus moved in a blur, faster than the wind itself, and swung wide with the axe. Her head flew clear off her shoulders and was launched into the crowd, hitting one of the poor fools who’s screams echoed in the dilapidated building. From there, all hell broke loose. Though vastly outnumbered, Klaus proved his prowess in picking them off as though they were but lambs. The front door remained open as though in taunt, giving them hope that would never be fulfilled.

The axe was as hungry as his fangs –– both dripping with blood as limbs were severed, hearts were plucked, bones were crushed. I noted with apt fascination that a few had even managed to taste the sweet air of freedom beyond the open door before they were met with the axe’s unforgiving blade. Klaus, himself, moved with the grace of one expertly trained in traditional swordplay. The dichotomy of the elegance in his movements and the brutal, rudimentary tool in his hand created a picture more sinister than it ought to have been.

Though it felt like hours, in mere moments the room was painted with a fresh coat of ruby red –– the carnage of pieces and innards of the vampires littering every surface. Only one shuddering and quaking voice was left. I barely recognized the once stalwart leader of the coven as he cowered on his knees, covered in the remnants of his peers. ❝ I-it’s true, ❞ he stammered. ❝ Th-the Original F-amily. You– you’re –– ❞

❝ –Not to be trifled with, ❞ Klaus interrupted, speaking around blood soaked fangs –– his dark, devil eyes filled with satisfaction. ❝ I suppose there’s something to be said of leaving a lone survivor to carry on the tale. Congratulations, mate. ❞ With that, he turned and began to head towards the front door. Before exiting, the Original paused and reconsidered. ❝ On second thought –– - ❞ Before more warning could be given, he moved with such a rapid ferocity that I didn’t know what had happened until I heard the thud of the severed head bounce off the wooden floor. Poetic, given the leader’s earlier warning to the Original.

With that, Klaus went along his way, axe over his shoulder and humming the upbeat tune of Mournin’ Blues under his breath as though he weren’t covered in the gore of twenty-three vampires. I crept around the side of the building just in time to see a wayward traveller making his way down the street. The homeless man beheld Klaus with wide, wild eyes, filled with fascination. ❝ It’s a good night for jazz, isn’t it, mate ? ❞ Klaus said jovially. He then handed the blood soaked axe to the human before sliding his hands in his pockets and strolling down the street, whistling the happy tune to himself.

The human had a look in his eyes as he beheld the axe that unsettled me deeply. One thing was clear : that night was only the beginning for the sharpened blade’s gruesome appetite.

#ᴡ ☾ kʟᴀᴜs cʜʀᴏɴɪᴄʟᴇs ﹕ oɴᴇ sʜᴏᴛ #ɢ ☾ ʜᴏʀʀᴏʀ #ᴛ ☾ pʀᴇ tvd #ᴠ ☾ cᴀɴᴏɴ

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ourimpavidheroine · 3 years

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My father loved Bob Dylan, and I grew up listening to his albums. Blood on the Tracks was my father’s favorite, and each song from that album is burned into my consciousness. Dramatic, perhaps, but true. (Tangled Up in Blue is my favorite Dylan song of all time. Perhaps not the most appropriate lullaby around, but one I sang to my kids anyhow.)

Shelter from the Storm is, without any doubt, my song for Baatar and Ikki. It was always in my mind, over the five years it took me to write IDNAtNfE.

I was listening to a mix on Spotify while I was writing Risa’s ficlet this morning and this cover of it by Rodney Crowell and Emmylou Harris started to play. Despite the fact that it was recorded in 2005, I’ve never heard it before! And I love Emmylou Harris!

They’ve taken the song and tweaked the lyrics a tiny bit so it could be made into a duet. And oh, do I wish I had had this when I was writing IDNAtNfE!! But in any case, I have it now. And now I’ll share it with you.

'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form. "Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm." And if I pass this way again, you can rest assured I'll always do my best for her, on that I give my word In a world of steel-eyed death and men, who are fighting to stay warm. "Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm." Not a word was spoke between us, there was little risk involved Everything up to that point had been left unresolved. Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm. "Come in, I will give you shelter from the storm." You were burned out from exhaustion, buried in the hail, Poisoned in the bushes, blown out on the trail, Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn. "Come in I will give you shelter from the storm." Suddenly I turned around and she was standin' there With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair. She walked up to me gracefully and took my crown of thorns. "Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm." Now there's a wall between us, something has been lost I took too much for granted, and got my signals crossed. Just to think that it all began on some long forgotten morn. "Come in," I said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm." Well, the deputy walks on hard nails, the preacher rides a mount But nothing really matters much, it's doom alone that counts The one-eyed undertaker, blows his futile horn. "Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm." I've heard newborn babies wailin' like a mournin' dove And old men with their broken teeth stranded without love. Do I understand your question, man, it's hopeless and forlorn? "Come in," she says, "I'll give you shelter from the storm." In a little hilltop village, they gamble for your clothes You'll bargain for salvation and they give you a lethal dose. You'll offer up your innocence and get repaid with scorn. "Come in, and I will give you shelter from the storm." Now I'm livin' in a foreign country but I'm bound to cross the line Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine. If I could only turn back the hands of time to when you and God were born. I know that I could give you, Shelter from the storm Come in and I will give you shelter from the storm.

#my fanfiction #writing soundtrack #IDNAtNfE

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qvid-pro-qvo · 4 years

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a nightmare or two can’t keep me from you (part two)

aos!leonard mccoy x female!reader, who’s a nurse on the starship enterprise.

word count: 4351

rating: mature, for nightmares and hurt/comfort

part three of more than a game, you and me.

After giving you some much-needed support (and a lot of love), it’s time for you to return the favor.

The rest of the day was spent in the same fashion. Dozing, waking up. Leonard was always close, at the very least in the room. Most of the time, when you woke up after your hour-long-naps he was napping himself, or close enough that when your eyes opened his fingers were immediately in your hair, running through it, catching in the kinks.

And… no nightmares.

No matter how many times you fell asleep, or woke up, or lingered in bed, there were no terrors that jolted you awake. Nothing that scared the shit out of you enough to settle into your subconscious.

Just sleep. Sleep and Leonard and a lazy day, culminating in your fingers grazing over his scar, staring at the place where his wounds had been. You were straddling his hips, and the whole time he just stared up at you, blinking a few times as you lingered over the spot.

“I have nightmares about it, too,” he told you, and your eyes flickered up from his abdomen. It was a slow crawl up his body, up from the jut of his hips and along the faint scarring that remained. Eventually, your eyes met his, and the corners of his lips quirked up with amusement, before his signature furrowed brow appeared.

“The pain was a good chunk of ‘em. The burning of the stomach wound, my leg, of course, but. More than anything it’s the fear.” His voice was tight, and you realized with a start the shine of his eyes wasn’t from the gentle glow of the lights above head. “The fear of… that whole moment. It gets broken down, and I see… you, and I see Jim, and the whole damn crew mournin’ me. Sometimes you’re not – sometimes I see your anger, the way we left things off and the only thing left of us is silence. I see my body. Left behind. Shot into space. Whatever.”

His breath caught, and before you thought about it your hands were cupping his face, stroking over the hint of scruff from his day lounging with you, thumbs over his cheeks.

“But when I wake up, I think about you, and… the fact that right now, we’ve got each other. And though the nightmares don’t stop, they started fadin’, and now. In between there’s so much good that the bad doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Leonard,” you got out, and a warm hand moved to settle on your hips calloused fingers against your skin. They settled under the sweatshirt you wore, stroking back and forth.

“Y/N, I know it’s – I know there’s a lot in that brilliant brain of yours, but. Know that whatever’s fillin’ it, whatever you’re thinkin’ about? I want to listen.” His voice was fierce, and when your thumb moved against his cheek again, his free hand reached for it, gripping it tight. “You can trust me. Okay?”

And when you nodded, falling forward to rest your head against his chest, you believed him.

Eventually, the next day came, which gave you both plenty to think about, and after a full 36 hours in Leonard’s quarters with him, plenty of sudden alone time.

Your nightmares had scared you. That’s why you hadn’t said anything, not really. It’d been a few months since the incident had even happened, and you felt like you had no right to have nightmares about something that hadn’t been your problem. It was Leonard’s trauma. It was Leonard’s horror story.

Add onto the fact that the two of you had been, well, thriving. The two of you were truly partners, now, with pseudo-dates on observation decks and the dining hall as well as nights in. Nights with nightmares were the low point, among so many highs.

And so you had gone to shifts, exhausted, but pushing through. Until the end hadn’t come. No matter what you tried, no matter how long or how deep or how well you were determined to sleep… all you saw was Leonard dying.

Over. And over. And over.

And so your hands started shaking, your eyes could barely stay open, which led to Christine finding out, which led to Leonard finding out about it, something you specifically hadn’t wanted to happen.

But what had Leonard done? Nothing but gentleness, support, and the best head massages you’d ever gotten.

And love. There was that, too.

When you arrived back in your quarters, it was for fresh clothes that weren’t wrinkled from being on Leonard’s floor. But when you got there, the sight of your own bed made your stomach churn. Perfectly made, undisturbed, but the thought of sleeping there was… more than unappealing.

For one thing, the last time you’d slept in that bed, you’d had a nightmare. For another… you wouldn’t wake up next to Leonard. And that was enough to have your heart pound.

“Oh, god,” you said with a groan. “I’m in love with the man.”

In love. You were in love with him. The kind of distinction that middle schooler would make, but it was the only one that made sense, the only one that accounted for the feeling of dread of being back to bed alone. It was more than the loss of touch, more than the need for sex or affection. It was… something bigger.

You weren’t clingy, either. No matter how short the time felt between that first time in the sickbay and now, you just knew. It was love.

No one else could get to you like he could. Not Christine or anyone else on that damn starship. He pushed your buttons. He made you laugh. He fucked you until your thighs shook. He hugged you so tight you couldn’t think about anything else, and he kissed you until you were breathless. He scowled and snapped and smiled and smirked and all you were helpless to it.

You couldn’t imagine your life without him.

You wouldn’t. You refused to.

With a soft sigh, you looked around the place, the quarters you called your own, and with a shake of your head you moved to the bed, sitting down with heavy sigh.

Well. If Leonard wanted to know what was inside that head of yours… he’d get it.

Of course, trying to figure out the perfect time to say it didn’t come easily. Or really, come at all.

The next few days were a shitshow, prepping. Docking at a station, there was a required Federation inspections and resupply of the ship over a week, nothing more than a pit stop that left the whole crew scrambling to look good. You and Leonard didn’t do much together, couldn’t do much. Everyone had their jobs to do and while the Enterprise was a fantastic vessel, there was a lot that Captain Kirk let his crew do simply because he trusted each of them to do whatever they needed in order to work effectively and efficiently. So, you saw each other occasionally, kissed in hallways or when you took lunches and dinners, offered lone smiles across the biobed, but by the time the day ended exhaustion barely covered it.

You did end up staying in his room, though. More often than not, the two of you ended up walking towards the same quarters, his hand on the small of your back. It became a routine in the madness, and your nightmares faded with the close proximity, the feeling of him holding you from behind as you slept. (You still argued you didn’t snore, but you refused to listen or watch any computer evidence that would prove otherwise.)

That morning, when inspections began, still too damn early, your hands were holding two cups of coffee when you walked into the sickbay, and Leonard was there yelling at three men in gray uniforms who looked like they were about to piss themselves.

“You idiots know what sterile means? It means that if you touch it, it’s useless to me!” he snapped, his jaw clenched as he got up in the faces of the one closest to the front.

“It – it was an accident, the box just dropped.” One of them stammered it out, but Leonard just scoffed, shaking his head.

“If the plastic snaps,” he sounded out, slowly, grinding his teeth, “it is exposed to the environment and I cannot and will not treat patients with it!”

His voice echoed off of the place, and everyone seemed to be staring – the other nurses, some others in blue who were helping unloading. Everything was at a standstill, except Leonard. One hand on his hip, one gesturing up to the sky in disbelief before it dropped to his side.

The whole scene gave you a small smile, and slowly you sidled up to him, offering one of the cups of coffee, watching him until he reached for it. When he did, you looked at the grey uniforms, smiling gently at them and reaching to direct the towards the door. “I think we got it from here, boys. Thanks for your help.”

They filed out, and you slowly watched them go. When you turned back to the room, everyone seemed to have settled on their tasks, the blue shirts taking over stocking the shelves, the nurses smiling to themselves as you walked to the CMO. Leonard just stood there, nursing the coffee, and you reached up to place a hand on his arm.

“Why don’t we take a walk?”

The two of you moved out of the sickbay, walking a little way down the hall so that no one in the sick bay could overhear. The hallways were busy, but most people had their own problems, leaving the two of you somewhat private.

“Leonard, it’s the first day of a long week,” you murmured to him, stroking his arm up and down. “Don’t you think making a few guys just trying to do their jobs shit themselves is a little overkill?”

His lips quirked up a little bit, but when he looked at you there was still tension in his features, in the way he held his shoulders. “I hate these days,” he muttered, and you reached up to cup his cheek with your hand. “Makes me feel like a med student all over again.”

“But you’re not,” you whispered, and you glanced around before leaning up to cup his cheek, something more than the two of you were used to doing in public. Even though everyone knew about you guys, you still wanted to keep it on the downlow, especially at work. “You’re the chief medical officer of the starship Enterprise, the best damn ship in any system. No one doubts you. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. Okay?”

If you squinted, you thought you could make out the faintest hints of a blush, maybe from the praise, maybe from the kiss in public. But, either way, he kissed you back, gently on the lips, before pulling back and gently tapping your nose with his index finger.

You could say it. Right then and there, while your lips still hummed with the contact. While you stared up at him, your gaze meeting his. His face had gone stoic again, but you could see that his guard was back down.

You could just say it.

“Don’t go too far, Y/N,” he said, before turning back towards the sickbay.

You were shocked into a scoff, the moment lost, the instant gone. “You do know I work with you, right?”

He waved over his shoulder, and when he turned the corner you sighed, crossing your arms over your chest, thinking about how many more times you would blow it.

The week continued. Every day, grey uniforms blurred together and a couple of admirals came aboard, led by Captain Kirk and Commander Spock through the space floor by floor. There didn’t seem to be any reason to worry about citations, Scotty had told you, after his deck had been scrubbed over.

“Everything was clean as a whistle,” he bragged, pulling his shoulders back, leaning back in his chair. “A couple of them commented on my adjustments to the warp engines, but I just informed them that with these tactics the Enterprise would be flying faster than any ship in the whole system.”

“Yeah, well, we get them up in Medical tomorrow,” you sighed, rolling your eyes. Your meal was done, barely touched as you felt your knee bounce up and down. “Leonard’s just been inching closer and closer to the breaking point since this week started. Not much I can do to calm him down when he gets riled up besides just let him breathe.”

“Well, I get it!” Scotty stood from his chair with a start, reaching up to scratch at his head before grabbing his plate. The hall was clearing out of the last rotation, a new flood of crew ready for chow coming in. “I mean, the Enterprise is my lady, y’know? If someone came down and told me I was doing a bad job with her? I’d be devastated. I’m sure Dr. McCoy is feeling the same way.”

“Yeah, and extremely, extremely stressed,” you sighed. You pushed around the food a little bit more, but eventually just stood with him, walking towards disposal. “I’m just ready for the stress of this all to go away.”

“Aw, don’t worry, lass,” Scotty said with a smirk, taking your plate from you. “I think you’ll all be just fine. Just give it time, be there for him. It’ll work out the way it’s supposed to.”

The bed jerked suddenly, making your eyes flutter open as the blankets you had tangled around you pulled at your skin. You managed a groan of complaint, but the sharp words that almost left you got caught in your throat when you saw the man next to you was sitting up straight.

“Leonard,” you mumbled, rubbing at your eyes, the daze from sleep leaving you when you realized that he was panting, breathing so fast you could barely count them. “Whoa, whoa, Leonard, what’s going on?”

“Y/N,” he mumbled, and his hands reached up to rub at his eyes. Both of them, at once, frantically wiping away what they could before he turned to look at you. His gaze was… bleary, like he was barely seeing you, and your hands reached out to him before you could think.

“Leonard, it’s me,” you whispered. His gaze didn’t meet your eyes, just slowly moved back to his hands, which had fallen to his lap. You reached to grab one, interlocking your fingers, and the man just shuddered, his free hand once again lifting to rub at his eyes.

“You’re… you’re here?” he asked, voice trembling, and you immediately moved to your knees, edging closer so that you could wrap your arms around his back. Skin to skin, your free hand rubbing circles on his arm. “You’re still here?”

“Yeah, Leonard,” you whispered, pressing kisses to his cheek, his hairline. “I’m here.” Slowly, your fingers trailed over his shoulder, before squeezing his arm. “You want to talk about it?”

He didn’t speak for a moment, and you waited, watching. His eyes squeezed shut with the memories, but as your fingers kept moving over his skin his tension leaked out of him, exhaustion taking over. His shoulder dropped from their defensive position, and his eyes lifted again to look at you.

“It was… it was the ambush,” he whispered. “But. But you were down there. Instead of me.”

Your throat closed up, and you bit your lower lip so you didn’t make a sound, just kept rubbing his shoulder and moved to let your fingers run over his back, slow circles doing their best to press on.

“It was like it was on-screen,” he murmured. “On the bridge. Watching you. Watching you get hurt, and… and fall to the ground. And I was on the ship, and Jim down there with you, and I couldn’t… I couldn’t do a damn thing. I was stuck in fuckin’ space, while you –“ His voice couldn’t go on anymore, and you were glad for that mercy, letting your embrace around him tighten into a hug, your lips pressing firm kisses into his hair.

There was silence. There had to be. Your grip didn’t lessen, and his breaths came out ragged, and the two of you held there, for that moment, fearful. Pained. Mourning, almost.

But slowly, steadily, you moved back to sit, cross-legged on the bed, and ever so gently your fingers moved to his hair, combing through it, smoothing it back. The movement made his eyelids droop, and your hands slowly brought him to your lap, letting his head rest there, on your thigh.

“Leonard,” you whispered, when the quiet was too much, or rather, just enough. “I love you, you know that? And you… you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

His silence was deafening, but you forced yourself to push on, fingers continually pushing through his hair, eyes turning down to watch as a hand of his rested on your knee.

“I love you. I love everything about you. I love your highs and your lows, I love your gentle hands and your incredible hair and your little smirk you get when I do something that makes you want to kiss me. I love your voice and your head massages and… and everything. I love you. And… and god, no matter what happens to me? To us. It’ll always be worth it. Knowing I met you, and get to love you.”

A short gasp left him, and you felt something wet trickle down your thigh, but you didn’t think, just tilted his head until he could look at you, and your eyes could meet. A hand lifted, a thumb reaching down to wipe his cheek, push the tears away.

“I’m alive, Leonard,” you reminded him. Urged him, as you leaned down to kiss his temple. “I’m here. And I’m gonna be here, all right? Unless they drag me off of this damn ship.”

His eyes widened a bit, but before he could stop himself, he nodded. Quick dip of his chin. And you leaned down to kiss him, both hands on his cheeks, before he could think anything more of you being gone.

“Sleep, darlin’,” you whispered, adding a bit of a tinge of a drawl to pull a hint of a smile from him. “And I’ll be here when you wake up.”

The next morning, when Leonard woke up to his alarm, you were brushing your teeth in the bathroom. You knew he was awake when you heard his groan, signature to his favorite pastime – opening his eyes before 7:00 AM.

You poked your head out of the bathroom to look at him, quickly finishing up and spitting out the suds, rinsing your mouth. Your mind briefly turned to the night before, your eyes closing as you thought about what you said, how much you meant it. But Leonard didn’t deserve doubts now. You meant every word, and… well. You’d let it stand.

You poked your head out of the bathroom to check on him, before wiping your face and moving to the bed. His face was still down in the pillow, and you smiled gently before reaching to turn off the alarm.

“Hey, Leonard,” you whispered. “I know it’s shitty, but. It’s time to go to work.”

His response was another groan, but it was more questioning than pure complaint. You smiled, before leaning down to kiss his neck, down his back, on some of your favorite freckles.

“You know it’s time to get up,” you told him, a hand reaching to ruffle his hair before you stood up again. One of your uniforms was hanging in his closet, and you moved to get it, reaching to pull your sleepshirt over your head.

As you tossed your shirt side you couldn’t help but shiver, and you heard Leonard shifting in the bed. “And a view like that is supposed to help me get out of bed?” His voice was low, roughened, and you smiled, but didn’t turn around, instead reaching for your uniform and walking towards the bed.

“Don’t tease me, doctor,” you said, one hand on your hips, the other holding the hanger. You watched his eyes scan you, watched them linger over your breasts and trace your form downwards before flicking back up to meet your eyes. “Big day today, no time for it.”

“Who says I need to tease?” he asked, voice nonchalant. He sat up, reaching for you, and with a sigh you moved towards him, trying to repress a smile and failing miserably as he pulled you into his lap.

“It’s half the fun, my favorite chief medical officer,” you pointed out, and his groan this time was pressed into your skin, lips trailing over your collarbone down between your breasts, but you let out a small ‘tsk,’ gently untangling yourself even as your skin erupted into goosebumps. “And we don’t have time for fun. We have work to do today.”

And he knew that. He did. But you watched as he instead leaned down to kiss your skin again, right over your heart.

His eyes glanced back up at you, and this time you didn’t let him press against you, brow furrowing as a hand reached for his chin, tilted his gaze upward.

“Hey,” you whispered. “You all right?”

For a moment, you saw a flicker of what you saw last night – the fear settling like a shadow across his features, his tight swallow more signature than anything you’d seen before. With a small smile, you leaned down to peck his lips, before pulling him into a hug.

Just a hug, nothing more, but nothing less. For a moment he didn’t reciprocate it, but then you felt his arms move to wrap around you, fingers digging into your back as he took a moment to breathe.

“I’m here,” you told him again, urged him to hear. “I told you I would be.”

“I know, Y/N, I know,” he whispered. “I just. I’m glad to see it. See you.”

Your throat closed up, but you just nodded, and even though the minutes were ticking down, you both soaked up the touch. Needing it. Craving it.

Of course, the day had to continue. The two of you dressed without any fun to be had, even though when the emotion settled, he was sure to give you a few more once-overs anytime you glanced over to him.

“It’s my uniform,” you scoffed, sliding your shoes on with an eye roll.

“And you wear it incredibly well,” he argued, raising a brow. “Don’t tell me you don’t know it, either.”

“Oh, I do,” you laughed, standing up and smoothing down the white skirt, moving over to kiss him on the cheek before moving to the bathroom to do your hair.

In the end, the med bay of the starship Enterprise passed with flying colors. Leonard (and Christine, the recently promoted Head Nurse of the vessel) wouldn’t have settled for anything less, and the admiral who conducted the look shook his hand with such vigor that you knew a couple of people would be getting firm commendations. As soon as the admiral left, of course, everyone let out a deep sigh of relief, and Christine and Leonard both agreed that the whole team deserved a day off.

“We’re docked right now, aren’t we?” he pointed out. “If anyone has a problem, they can go to the med bay on the station. Dismissed… and good work.”

It was the highest compliment, to be sure, and eventually, everyone had filed out, with only you and Leonard lingering behind. And as soon as Christine left, with a handshake and a hug between the two of you, you rushed forward to wrap the doctor in a tight hug. He reciprocated firmly, almost collapsing into you, but you held him up, fingers curling into his blue shirt.

“I’m proud of you, okay?” you whispered when you pulled back, both hands reaching up to cup his cheeks. “I’m so, so proud.”

Leonard’s eyes closed, tightly, and he leaned into your fingers, turning his face to kiss your palm. “I couldn’t have done it without you. Without the whole team, you know that.”

“I know,” you agreed, before pulling your hand away to gently stroke his forehead, pushing his hair back. “And don’t you forget it. But you deserve a little bit of a credit, too.”

“A little bit.” Leonard’s smirk showed up, turned into a smile as he reached up to grab your hand, holding it in both of his, squeezing it. “And now, I think I deserve a bit of a nap. You mind if Dr. M’Benga takes over the rest of my shift?”

“You’re asking me if I mind?” you laughed, shaking your head. “I think you deserve sleep just as much as you deserve credit. A lot more.” With a smile, you let go of his hand, a final squeeze as you turned to the desk. “Go sleep. I’ll handle the cleanup, Christine can work with M’Benga to finish out the day.”

“Y/N.”

You turned back to face him, blindsided by the way he grabbed you. Firm around the waist, spinning you towards him so he could kiss you. It was dramatic, romantic – whatever it was, it made your eyes widen in shock before closing in bliss.

He almost dipped you, too, one hand on the back of your head to hold you, the other wrapped around your waist. Both of your arms lifted to cross behind his neck, and when he pulled back, it was to breathe, his forehead pressing against yours.

“What was that for?” you asked, blinking a few times, grinning from ear to ear.

Leonard just chuckled, biting his lower lip before his eyes met yours, eyes brighter and deeper than you’d ever seen them. “You really think I was gonna let you sneak away without telling you I love you, too?”

Well. If that didn’t deserve another kiss… what did?

#reader-insert #leonard mccoy x reader #bones x reader #female!reader #leonard mccoy #bones #christine chapel #my fic #fanfic #star trek: aos

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tentacletherapissed · 5 years

Text

Public Callout: Paradox, Blue, Jay, Bird

This is a public callout post for users Paradox (@rushifaas -- previously @mournins ; @beliisms), Blue (@divinebetrayed ; @halcyonfought), Jay (@loyalbetrayed) and Bird (@soulsbetrayed). They are active in the fandoms Persona, Fire Emblem, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Danganronpa, Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor, Sentai, Power Rangers, and Kamen Rider.

Never in my 15 years of roleplaying have I met a group of abusers and enablers so toxic, and this post is a PSA so that I can hopefully keep others from falling into their hands. Please blacklist them ALL for your own safety, however, DO NOT ENGAGE THEM WITH HARASSMENT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

Keep in mind, Paradox’s actions are so egregious, he is already getting charges pressed against him by two different people he abused so far, and more may be on the horizon. The rest all enable this behavior and defend him despite all that he’s done to harm them and people they previously called friends. While this callout has snapshots of receipts proving our claims sprinkled in at the mention of them, for full transparency, the full comment chains will be uploaded at the end so that context for everything will be supplied, with censoring only provided for those who have nothing to do with the conflict and wish to be left out of it.

Strong trigger warning for mob mentality, mental and emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, transphobia, pedophilia, ableism, and a lot more. Details under the cut. (7,300+ words, be mindful)

[Gdoc link in case Tumblr’s formatting is unreadable]

OPEN ALL LINKS AS NEW TABS, I’M SORRY TUMBLR SUCKS AT THIS

Note: Paradox claims to have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and claims to have many alters which are sometimes go by the names of Abel, Vic, Nikki, Hebel, Cain, and Ana in some of these screencaps. I will not be arguing the veracity of such claims in this callout, but for simplicity’s sake, I will be referring to everyone in his system solely by the name of “Paradox” since there is a considerable amount of confusion based on who said what and it’s not entirely clear who’s supposed to be talking in a lot of these screenshots. He also claims to have several other mental disorders like depression, anxiety, and BPD, but regardless of anyone’s mental illness, they should treat those around them with respect and kindness, which is why this callout has been made.

________________________________________________________________

MAIN EVENT - Early September 2018 / June 10th

Paradox is the ringleader of this little cult. A few months ago, he was dating my friend Nael (occasionally called Arin, Ciel, Naoya or Hevel in some of these screens). I first got alarmed about the health of their relationship during an incident in early September 2018 where Paradox threatened to commit suicide over a conflict having to do with RPing and prioritizing one blog over one he liked. [September Break Up: Singles] They broke up, but after a lot of guilt tripping from Paradox and others in his group, my friend Nael decided to get back together with him. Even though I had a lot of misgivings about the situation, I told Nael that I respected their decision and wouldn’t pressure them either way. [Scout and Nael: 12, 13]

Months went by, and I didn’t hear much due to specifically asking Nael not to tell me about their significant other and that group of friends, but things were going downhill. There were many more fights over roleplaying and shipping, some of which Blue and Jay expressed concern about privately, especially since it seemed Paradox himself was ignoring his other lover Kieran for Nael. [For Me: 13, 15, 16]

Paradox’s behavior continued worsening until it came to a head in mid March 2019. Blue and Nael were getting invested in an rp campaign I was running on a private server. When Nael showed off a picture they drew portraying their character, Paradox became extremely upset at them. After a solid week of enduring abuse from their lover [Abel Suicide: 1, 2, 6], it eventually culminated in Paradox apparently trying to take his own life after Nael attempted to break off their relationship. [Abel Suicide: 22, 23, 24] Nael was able to contact their mutual partner Kieran (sometimes called Kie or Vampy in screens) so that he could send the police to Paradox’s home and he would be rushed to the hospital. [Nael: 11]

Nael has multiple health issues that include heart disease and problems with their brain, and was so traumatized by the experience, they had to go to the hospital themselves [Nael: 19, 20 ; Before / After Suicide: 43]. Because I was terrified at the possibility of Nael dying from the escalating nature of their toxic relationship, I urged them to go through with the breakup. Nael decided to take my advice and broke up with Paradox and Kieran on a group chat while on a screenshared call with me and another friend who wishes to remain nameless. [Before / After Suicide: 46]

Blue was at first on board for the breakup and supportive of Nael’s decision [Blue Agrees: Singles] but at the persuasion of Jay decided to believe Paradox’s story when he said Nael had misrepresented what he said when he told Nael he would probably drop Blue due to the breakup. [Copy of Group DM: Full] Keep in mind, we have the FULL attempted suicide dropbox [Abel Suicide: Full], and the breakup conversation including Paradox’s abusive behavior before the attempted suicide attempt. [Before/After Suicide: Full] Much of what Paradox says are blatant falsehoods. In addition, Kieran (Vampy) no longer agrees with the things he has said to support Paradox’s argument and says he was pressured to agree with everything, even if it didn’t feel right.

So instead of making it clear to either of us that Blue no longer considered us friends, she instead gave us the silent treatment and leaked what I vented to her in confidence to Paradox behind my back. She only admitted to doing this when I confronted her after finding a vague post Paradox made that used the exact same wording. [Scout vs Blue: 1, 3, 4] I was extra furious with her because Paradox was making it sound as if it was Nael saying those words when in fact they had no idea what I said to her and was highly distraught when they found out about the vague post. Her excuse was that she didn’t think we would find out. [Scout vs Blue: 7, 9]

This is a common theme with their relationship that shows the extent of how complicit Blue is with Paradox’s abusive behavior. Due to her once close relationship with Nael, she often served as the “bait” to bring Nael back, agreeing that the relationship is unhealthy at first [With Blue: 12] only to go back to heaping abuse on Nael for leaving and trying to persuade them to come back [Nael’s Last Conversation with Blue: Full].

By then, Nael had already blocked everyone else in the cult-like group except Blue due to a promise they’d made to her, and she abused this trust right away by pulling Nael into a group chat so that everyone could yell at them. [Scout vs Blue: 10, 11] IF YOU BECOME A PART OF THIS GROUP, THIS IS WHAT YOU CAN LOOK FORWARD TO. If you do anything to provoke Paradox’s ire, you will be subjected to a firing squad full of people yelling at you for whatever you did. You will not have a chance to defend yourself, only grovel for forgiveness until they decide they’re through with you. Nael and other members of the group have been subjected to it many times.

Unfortunately, there are no surviving screencaps of this particular dispute, but I do have the one I was involved with. More on that later.

Eventually Nael left and blocked Blue so that they couldn’t be added back to get yelled at more. For the sake of our RP, we agreed upon a peaceable way to continue the server RP [Scout vs Blue: 12, 13, 14, 15, 16] but Blue eventually exited that too [Scout vs Blue: 17]. During the three or so weeks they were split apart, Paradox vagued continuously about us, copied our behavior and prior ships he had with Nael with others currently in his cult, and sent Nael threatening and unstable messages [“Goodbye, Nael”: Single]. While behind their back, he was privately making light of the situation and even made bets with his stooges about when Nael would return [Betting: Singles].

Here’s where I have to put an important disclaimer: During Nael’s time away from the main cult, we both would snoop on his and Blue’s blogs to see if they had mentioned us. Also, during the period immediately after Blue sold me out to Paradox, I became enraged and sent him a pretty angry message [Scout Loses Their Mind: Single], commented on one of his posts, and indirectly threatened them with my popularity compared to theirs in the community I was in. All of those things were the direct result of piss poor decision making and I apologize for my behavior, because it was simply not right to do, no matter who I thought I was defending. Though the blog snooping continued, I thankfully sent no more harassing messages to anyone from the group once Blue indicated she wanted a clean break from us, and no vaguing messages were made on either of our blogs.

Worse still, I privately speculated if this latest suicide attempt Paradox had gone through was “real” or not, which is totally unacceptable. Though I was just concerned about my friend and worried that this might have been another attempt to manipulate them, all threats of suicide should be treated seriously and the proper authorities contacted, PERIOD, regardless of how “serious” the threat might seem. I definitely agree with Nael’s decision to contact the authorities as it was happening, and I’m relieved to know another life wasn’t tragically lost, no matter what my situation is with Paradox after the fact.

Now, with that out of the way… Eventually, Paradox was able to get through to Nael by convincing them that I had lied about a certain mental disorder he was assumed to have. This is all despite me never having said he didn’t have it as I do NOT have the medical condition described and am NOT a medical professional. Paradox willingly passed medical records through a mutual friend [Consent: Single] that Nael initially found convincing but has recently come to doubt. Note: PLEASE NEVER DO THIS, OBVIOUSLY.

Paradox then convinced Nael to pretend to be my friend for a little longer so that he could lure me into a groupchat under the impression that I was defending him from all his former friends. Here is the entire chat almost in its entirety (a few glitches in captures results in a few repeats and nearly 4 minutes straight of lost content), with screenshots proudly taken by BLUE [Her Discord Drop: Single], who played an instrumental role in helping it happen. While I would encourage everyone to read it in its entirety, please be warned that the amount of abuse I endured is very troubling. [Scout Trap: Full]

Please note that Nael (Hevel), Kieran (Ghostie), and Dave have all come to me and personally apologized to me for their role participating in that group chat and we are friends now. But at the time due to this traumatic experience, my friendship with Nael was officially ended. Even though I was worried sick about them, I knew they couldn’t be saved until they saw Paradox’s abusive behavior for what it was on their own. And of course, after a brief honeymoon period, the abuse started again. (Keep in mind, I wasn’t in contact with Nael or anyone else for most of these, so I’m not as familiar about what happened and when.)

The first sign of trouble started on April 16th, not even two full weeks after I had been "defeated". Once again, it was over RP drama, where Paradox became upset at his two lovers Nael and Kieran for shipping with anyone besides him [Initial Ship Drama: 6], even though he usually continues multishipping on his blog with certain people when he pleases. [With Blue: 2] He complained about this endlessly. [Random Paradox Screen]

He continuously gaslit Kieran for about a week, cycling between saying he was going to leave forever [Initial Ship Drama: 9], telling the Kieran to take care of Nael [Initial Ship Drama: 10, 27], giving conflicting directions [Initial Ship Drama: 22, 38], putting himself down so Kieran would feel compelled to console him [Initial Ship Drama: 30, 41, 58], and asking them not to try to pursue romance with him [Initial Ship Drama: 12, 13, 32, 63], only to flip around and say that the idea of romancing them makes him feel “happy”, so he will [Initial Ship Drama: 45, 46], then become upset when either one of them indicated they might need space to either think or just live life like normal. [Initial Ship Drama: 53] Really, the entire thing has to be seen to be believed. [Initial Ship Drama: Full]

Eventually, Paradox’s behavior got so bad that once again, Blue expressed dissatisfaction with his behavior [With Blue: 4], but apparently it wasn’t enough to dissuade her from luring Nael into yet another trap to be yelled at barely a month later on May 17th. [May 17th: Full]

Confusingly, the reason behind this collective thrashing was that Nael actually overcorrected too much and tried to do more stuff with Paradox, only to be called clingy and possessive when they did. Then, when Paradox told Nael he didn’t want to RP with them anymore, Nael tried to respect his decision and not get involved with group RPs that Paradox was involved with so there would be no pressure either way. This was then held up as an example as to why they were “isolating” themselves from the group. Paradox showed the screencaps to others in the group with very little context to get them riled up and angry at Nael so that they’d be on board to yell at them, again showing his willingness to twist someone’s words to make them a convenient villain, no matter what they do to try to appease him.

Then on May 24th, there was the supposed “death” of the alter “Abel”, (who has since returned yet again). [Paradox: 2] The source of all this drama was that Blue simply mentioned a ship that she was continuing with Nael during a period of time Paradox wasn’t at all receptive to the idea of them interacting. Blue freely admitted to being the source of this conflict in private [With Blue: 21], but had no problem letting Nael take the brunt of the abuse. Once again, she is complicit for enabling actions she knows are wrong and hurtful, judging by the way she expresses concern about them, as long as she’s not the one in the eye of the storm.

Following this conflict, Nael started having serious second thoughts. After getting yelled at yet again about something they didn’t even cause, they had to go to the hospital for a near suicide attempt due to all the stress of being repeatedly attacked by someone they thought they could trust.

After they got out again, they were pulled into a smaller group chat with the newly formed “Paradox” alter as well as Jay, where it was demanded he answer for the wrongful death of an alter that has since returned. Multiple times, Paradox held up the incident from September, (which was over 9 months prior!) as to why Nael was to blame for Blue’s actions this time. [Paradox: 8, 10] Paradox even told Nael, someone who had been in the hospital just a few short hours ago [Paradox: 5], that their “suicide held no meaning to him”. [Paradox: 32] All of this despite the fact that they had talked about the very same ship on May 6th! [Proof Abel Knew: 10 total]

This was also supposed to serve as yet another “My heart is telling me not to get in a relationship with you” conversation -- a breakup convo, and one their third lover, Kieran, hadn’t even initially been invited to. [Paradox: 59] It was mostly just Paradox yelling at Nael with Jay usually only chiming in to agree with or heap praise on Paradox. [Paradox: 67] Several times, Paradox made confusing reversals, at one point musing “another alter might come and love you again” [Paradox: 49] to going back to insisting they could never be together again [Paradox: 70], then accusing Nael of saying they don’t love him [Paradox: 45, 46]. You might remember this erratic pattern from his conversation with Kieran back in April. This is gaslighting in its purest and ugliest form.

Clearly after this, Nael was rattled and eventually decided to leave. Instead of making any sort of formal goodbye, they just decided to delete their old Discord and make a clean break so there was no way they could be dragged into another group chat and yelled at. The group quickly fell into chaos once again. Paradox quickly began pumping out venting vague posts on his personal and RP blogs, sometimes pitying himself over the way Nael had apparently treated him [Single: Singles], and sometimes outright wishing death on them. [Paradox die: Single] Before long, he cracked and started sending desperate messages to Nael directly despite Nael obviously not wanting to talk. [Paradox Desperation: Singles] And when that didn’t work, of course Blue was deployed to try to persuade them to come back. [Last Convo w/ Blue: 22 pages] Luckily Dave warned them beforehand. [Thanks, Dave!: Single]

To try to convince others in the group that Nael was the bad guy and needed to be stopped, Paradox began feeding lies to his followers about bad stuff Nael was apparently doing. Paradox told Dave that Nael had been badmouthing him behind his back. But when Dave went to confront Nael about their behavior, Nael provided proof that was in fact Blue saying bad things about Dave. That’s when Dave decided to leave, too.

More chaos happened within the group. Soon after, Kieran the supposed third in their relationship got tired of Paradox constantly saying how Nael was “the only person he could ever love” as well as the constant torrent of irrational behavior and abuse. [Paradox Flipping Out: Single] So he left, as well. Aside from many, many more aggressive venting and vague posts, nothing much new has happened as far as group dynamics.

So far Paradox has been mostly fixated on Nael’s absence, but without the contributions of everyone who left, this callout wouldn’t be possible, and they should all be commended for their efforts and their courage for coming to me to apologize personally for their part in the abuse I and others have suffered.

As terrible as Paradox’s behavior has been in this retelling of events, mostly centered around Nael’s situation, it’s really only scratching the surface of how toxic this group is. There are many smaller details and other people he’s hurt that couldn’t fit in this brief recap, so here are a few more things you should know about that will hopefully keep you from this toxic group of friends.

First I’ll talk about the accounts of people who used to be in the group and go into detail about all the people who are still backing Paradox up despite everything he’s done.

________________________________________________________________

PARTIES INVOLVED

- Other victims -

Kieran:

While Nael took the lion’s share of the abuse from Paradox, it’s important to remember that he was involved with two different people and treated them both badly. Paradox is an outstanding example of what NOT to do when in a polyamorous relationship.

While there was a brief month long period where everything seemed fine after they started dating on October 23rd, Paradox began heavily playing favorites towards Nael, a pattern that only seemed to get worse over time. Kieran was subjected to long periods of neglect from his lover with Paradox only seeming to remember he existed when he was trying to use Kieran against Nael. Even Blue and Jay noticed this when the relationship was just starting out and rightfully called it out, though only in the safety of a private chat. [For Me: 13, 15, 16]

Several times during their relationship, when Nael would mess up or try to leave, Paradox would say that Nael was “the only person he could love” (he even wrote a diary about it!) [Copy of Journal: 2 pages] and break things off with Kieran as well. Most of the time without even telling him. However whenever he was trying to condemn Nael about something, he would hold up Kieran to say “What you’re doing is hurting US”, often without Kieran’s consent.

Of course, Kieran was still subjected to the same amount of lies, gaslighting, emotional blackmail, and mental instability from Paradox that Nael had to endure, but the fact is that he was also basically used as a weapon against someone he cared about by someone who was supposed to care about them both EQUALLY.

Ruby:

Ruby is someone who’s been fighting a personal battle with Paradox for years, starting with a dispute that happened, of course, because of an argument about a fictional character. For the past year and a half as of writing this (the harassment started Nov 2017, it is currently July 2019), Paradox has been stalking her blogs and harassing her over this perceived slight. He lied about her to all her friends in an attempt to alienate her from the public, and we have a confession from Nael that says not only was Paradox guilty of sending tons of anon hate towards Ruby even after they had each other blocked, he would send other people (Nael included) to send anon hate after her.

I briefly intervened during this dispute on Nael’s behalf in November 2018 because during that time we were both lead to believe that Ruby was targeting both Paradox and Nael. This is despite the fact that the post Paradox was upset about wasn’t even about him and she barely even knew Nael even existed. Thanks to my help, I was able to negotiate a brief ceasefire that lasted a few months up until Nael’s separation from Paradox in March.

The stalking and harassment started up again as soon as I had been branded an enemy, and eventually it got so bad that Ruby was the first (but not the only) one to announce she is going to try to press charges against everyone still remaining in the group. Although we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, and she’s done and said things that were unintentionally hurtful, she has been very receptive to feedback and has made great pains to change for the better. I support Ruby wholeheartedly in her endeavors to make the ones abusing her pay for what they’ve done. If you want to know a little more about her conflict with Paradox from her perspective, visit her page. [Ruby’s page of Receipts: Full]

- Part of Paradox’s group -

Blue:

Out of all the people on this list, Blue is the most disappointing aspect of all this, seeing as I considered her my friend even before Nael came along. We’d been friends for more than a year by the time the March Madness started, meeting somewhere around February 2018. She was the one who introduced me to Nael in the first place, and Nael was so close to her they called each other their long lost siblings.

Unfortunately for all of us, Blue can’t stand up to a bully who insults and abuses her friends, even if she knows what he’s doing is wrong. We have multiple screenshots showing instances where she admits that Paradox is in the wrong or being annoying or excessively guilt tripping others based on trivial matters. However, whenever she’s personally on the hook for getting targeted by the ones she calls her “friends”, she quickly falls into line.

The second Paradox asks her to jump, she asks “How high?” She’s been willingly used as bait to rope Nael back into situations she knows and has even admitted are super unhealthy for them, all because she’s too afraid of being the next one everyone turns on. The only time she shows any semblance of “courage” is when she’s backed up by the rest of the hivemind. She’s too afraid to speak for herself, often parroting what others have already written in a desperate attempt to show external strength and total fealty for her master.

I have to wonder what exactly it is that keeps bringing Blue back to him, even though we have an entire folder showing times where she has come to her own conclusions that Paradox is unhealthy to be around [With Blue: 24 total] and has a penchant for blaming her whenever his relationship with his two lovers ever took a downwards turn. [Paradox blaming Blue: Singles] It’s not my place to speculate, but it’s safe to say that with all the times she’s personally let me, Nael, and others in our group down, there’s no way in hell we’re giving her another chance. She has made her choice to stay with someone she knew to be an abuser and emotional manipulator -- someone who hurt her and her friends -- and she will have to live with that decision.

Bird:

Ruby’s situation with Bird is very much like my situation with Blue, made all the worse by the fact that they were actually dating at the time. Bird purposefully sold Ruby out to Paradox while claiming they weren’t in contact, all the while she was feeding all of Ruby’s words and private thoughts to him. This is a common theme with this group and why you can’t be friends with just one of them if you don’t want to be involved with the cult as a whole.

Eventually she was found out and hasn’t really bothered to hide the fact that she’s on Paradox’s team ever since. We also have screenshots of her calling Nael a brat and useless during conflicts Paradox started, like the shipping drama in September. [Misc Bird Folder: 9 total] [Ruby and Bird’s Breakup: 16 total]

Jay:

Now we get to the biggest sycophant of the entire group, Jay. She’s been the one by his side the longest -- for a whopping 4 years -- and one of his most ardent supporters and biggest enablers. While I didn’t know much about her at first, seeing as she was largely absent from what I affectionately call the “six-person beat down”, she’s an invaluable member of Paradox’s cult and basically functions as his right arm and messenger.

If you have a problem with Paradox and want to talk things over with him, he’ll usually insist upon bringing Jay as an “impartial judge”. Not surprisingly, she usually just ends up agreeing with whatever he says and pushing his narrative, all the while insisting she’s being unbiased. She will lie for him, rope cult members attempting to leave back with excuses for his inexcusable behavior, and always swallows whatever lie he has to say wholeheartedly. If he needs a message from Abel passed on to someone trying to persuade them to come back, she’ll deliver it gladly. But if you need her to send a message to him, she’ll curtly tell you not to have her “fight your battles.”

She tried to send an entire drop box of “evidence” to Dave attempting to prove Nael was manipulative and evidence of the alter “Hebel's” existence. In it, Paradox (or rather, his alter Hebel) admitted to trying to spur Nael to kill themselves so that “Hebel” could apparently take over and get Kieran all to himself. [Potential Manslaughter: Singles] All of this was sent as proof that NAEL was the bad guy BY Jay, which is truly mind boggling and shows how far gone she is with regards to him.

There is a woman in prison the very moment that I’m writing this for spurring her suicidal boyfriend to take his own life [Article], and yet Jay thinks this behavior is okay? And before anyone tries to say that Hebel is “technically” to blame for attempting to push Nael to suicide, this argument hasn’t worked in the courtroom since the 1970s! [Article] IF PARADOX’S ALTER IS A DANGER TO NAEL AND CAN’T BE CONTROLLED, PARADOX HIMSELF IS ALSO DANGEROUS. PERIOD.

This isn’t even mentioning the multiple times she’s seen Paradox himself or his other various "good" alters (everyone in the group has seen, in fact) tell Nael outright that he “wishes [they] would die” [Abel Vent: Single] and that their suicide “holds no meaning to him” [Paradox: 32]. Jay was supposed to be “mediating” the very conversation where Paradox -- not “Hebel” or anyone else -- said that to Nael! And she said NOTHING. Her silence is complicity and she should take the blame for being such an ardent supporter of his abusive behavior.

Amazingly, there’s even MORE awful things that this group (particularly, but not exclusively Paradox) that I didn’t have any space to discuss in the callout itself, but they can’t go unmentioned. I know this is already super long, so I’ll try to run through them all as quickly as possible, and then we can get to the large wealth of screenshots we have linked at the end, where everything is in context for you to browse at your convenience.

________________________________________________________________

OTHER OCCURENCES

Transphobia: Paradox is a terf, and there’s not much else to say. [For Me: 2] Ironically he said this in a group chat with one of the only two people who identify as trans in their group, his then-boyfriend Kieran. Here’s him heavily fetishizing a failed attempted Corrin muse that he described as intersex, too. [FE Abel Problems: 5 pages] (In parenthesis is a user attempting to check their work. He makes a bit of an error concerning outrealms and dragon gates and whatnot, but please forgive him for those small errors considering how much he had on his hands.)

Abuse victim blaming: Paradox would often tell his two lovers, who are survivors of various types of abuse, ranging from mental, physical, and even sexual, how it’s their fault for letting their past traumas affect them. [Victim Blaming: Singles] Please note that these screenshots were taken in May, nearly a month before they separated from him fully, so they would have no reason to lie to each other about the things he said or needlessly malign his character before they left.

Promoting infighting: Paradox enjoyed watching his underlings tear each other apart for his amusement or to influence their behavior by saying their actions affected “everyone” despite him using false pretenses to get them to fight in the first place. He lied to Dave about Nael comparing him to a user that he wasn’t fond of when it was really Paradox and Blue that had done it. He also lied to Kieran and the entire group to get them all to yell at Nael in a group chat about Nael trying to isolate themselves from everyone when it was really done to please Paradox.

Ableism: Nael is unwell and has brain conditions they don’t feel comfortable with sharing. Instead of being understanding and supportive of them occasionally not understanding things or forgetting things, Paradox would immediately use it as a weapon against them. When “Paradox” first surfaced, Nael claimed that it wasn’t fair to them that the “Abel” alter yelled at them for forgetting about their ship with Blue. Paradox immediately countered that he Nael would no longer be allowed to use the excuse that they forgot things to AVOID being yelled at for minor things. [Paradox: 21, 22] He would constantly do things like this while they were together.

Copying and stealing OCs: Besides stalking the people that left and that he’s grown to hate, Paradox also has a peculiar habit of copying their activities on his blog with the few remaining people in his circle. For example, back in March when Nael’s Grima muse began interacting with a Reyson rper I introduced them to, Paradox made Kieran pick up his abandoned Reyson muse so that he could ship him with his Robin. (This hasn’t been linked to protect the identity of the second Reyson.) Worse still, Paradox has even outright stolen characters and backstories from those that leave. Here Kieran tries to ask Jay to tell Paradox to stop using some of his stolen OCs and she questions why it “would matter” to Kieran before promptly telling him to basically take a hike and blocking him. [Jay: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

Racism: This group seems to relish in their own ignorance when it comes to matters of race. Here are screenshots Dave took where he discussed Paradox saying that Japanese people are white. [No, seriously: Singles] (Please note the dates -- it was back in December, so he has no reason to lie.) Here’s Nael recounting a time Paradox told them that, because they were partially North African, they had to distance themselves from people of their race because other people would only see them as a terrorist. (No caps of that since it was in a call, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt.) Here’s Blue telling me, a black fan, that unintentional racism in a game I enjoyed but was put off by “didn’t matter” and that there was no need for me to “get so salty about it”. [Scout vs Blue: 19, 20] While I don’t think they’re going to any Klan meetings over the weekend, it’s still a bit concerning and something POC muns should be aware of because they can be startlingly insensitive at times.

Pedophilia: Probably the hardest one to talk about for me personally, but definitely one of the most serious. While I must stress that we haven’t noticed any sort of untoward behavior with underaged USERS thus far, Paradox shows an almost unhealthy fascination with underage MUSES that might be off putting to some people and may spell danger. This actually isn’t the first callout someone has made about his behavior. In 2018 while he went by the name “Vic” and was in the Pokemon fandom, he wrote a disturbing post where a 14 year old girl was killed by a literal penis monster that was saying “penetrate” as it ran her through the middle.

Though the mun was fine with their muse dying, the obvious sexual connotations of the post left them feeling uneasy. When they went to approach him about this, instead of apologizing, he got defensive and said that because it was fictional, it didn’t matter. Later he made a bizarre case arguing that because the girl was 14 and thus had presumably experienced puberty, it couldn’t TECHNICALLY be considered pedophilia. [WTF: Single] Which, while correct on only the most technical of terms, flies in the face of all reason. Here’s the full PSA about him back then [Paradox PSA], and screenshots he was booted out of for his terrible behavior. [Paradox Booted: Singles] (His then-lover initially tried to defend him, but his abusive behavior eventually drove them away as well, so care was taken to keep them anonymous.)

Most disturbing of all, though, is a smut drabble that he made this year concerning one of his newer muses, Momo. On his blog, he describes Momo as someone who is “physically” 18 but “actually” seven due to the circumstances of his creation. That would be fine, except he will often portray Momo as also being mentally seven years old even though he continues to write him lewdly. In the smut drabble, he even goes a step further and constantly refers to him as a “child” and constantly fixates on his underdeveloped genitals.

DUE TO THE HIGHLY GRAPHIC AND POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING NATURE OF THIS DRABBLE, DO NO CLICK UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED. It’s honestly not for the faint of the heart and makes me queasy from the first sentence, but there’s no other way to describe the severity of his awful nature unless you experience it for yourself. [To Endure a Fiend’s Heat: full 6 page drabble]

While some would say it’s okay to experience triggering material in a safe environment to potentially help ease the pain of past trauma, Paradox has already shown himself to be unreliable when it comes to respecting the mental health and safety of others, and though we don’t have any screenshots of this, Nael has recounted several times where Paradox said he was sexually excited by RPing his childlike muses having sex with the adult muses of others in the cult. Here's him once again emphasizing the child like element with one and then drawing them in a suggestive "pin up" pose immediately after. [Vector: Singles]

________________________________________________________________

Finally we are at our end. Once again, my purpose behind this callout is not to shame anyone with a particular mental illness or unique set of challenges. Paradox is dangerous to any community he’s in because of his view of other people as simple playthings that he can use and throw away as he pleases. He treats life as an RP, living people as muses, and his apparent mental illnesses as an excuse to do away with any sort of accountability for his actions, and it is simply NOT ACCEPTABLE. Please protect yourself and others by reblogging this -- I feel as though Nael is very lucky to have escaped this situation with his life. Informing others might save another’s.

Complete, unedited list of references, roughly in the order of mention:

(Please note that anything labeled “Single(s)” will not have an entry here, as those are the only screenshots we have about them. We got better about capping things as time went on.)

[Scout and Nael Convo: 13 total] When Nael decided to get back together with Paradox the first time in September 2018, I let them know my concerns, but told them I respected their decision, no matter if I agreed with it or not. Looking back, parts of this conversation feel almost prophetic.

[Didn’t Feel Like…: 9 total] One of Kieran’s first conversations with Paradox. Watch closely how he characterizes the incident in September. He also mentions that his trauma and BPD makes him a sexual fiend, which… idk how others in the community would feel about that.

[For me: 16 total] A loose collection of screenshots Kieran took that shows quite a few odd moments during his time in the cult. That includes Paradox being a terf, Paradox insisting that Kieran to stay with Nael if they broke up (which is something he criticized Nael for suggesting in the March break up, even though Nael only said it once), and Jay and Blue expressing concern for Kieran when Paradox was starting to neglect him back in January. PLEASE MIND THE DATES! They vary page to page sometimes!

[Before/After Suicide: 88 total] A few screenshots showing the tumultuous times immediately before and after the Paradox suicide attempt in March 2019. Afterwards, Nael breaks up with both Paradox and Kieran in no uncertain terms due to the trauma he faced.

[Abel Suicide: 33 total] Paradox’s infamous suicide attempt.

[Nael: 34 total] Nael and Kieran talk as Paradox’s suicide attempt is in progress, and Nael tells Kieran to get the police. Sensitive information blotted out for obvious reasons.

[Scout vs Blue: 25 total] A collection of the conflicts I’ve dealt with in regards to Blue since the incident in March. Also includes her racial insensitivity and back when she agreed with me and Nael before Paradox lied to her.

[Initial Ship Drama: 93 total] Kieran endures like 5 days of nonstop gaslighting from Paradox. At the end (Around page 88) he manipulates Kieran into sparking a confrontation with Nael, telling him to “be assertive” about fixing a problem Paradox caused with his erratic behavior.

[Proof Abel Knew: 10 total] On May 6th, Nael discussed with Paradox or one of his alters about the ship that triggered the May 24th meltdown. Paradox also says that having any ships, including ones that he doesn’t even have to see is unacceptable simply because they exist. He then blames Nael for something Blue brought up. Again. While asking Nael not to blame him for something Blue has done.

[With Blue: 24 total] Kieran talks with Blue about the aforementioned shipping drama, and she immediately expresses frustration and anger with Paradox blowing the whole thing out of proportion. Later she also expresses annoyance with the May 24th incident of the alter “Abel” “dying” due to even more ship drama.

[May 17th: 13 total] Once again, Paradox whips his followers up into a frenzy over Nael, who’s really just trying to do what they were told and prioritize their lover. When they’re told the amount of attention Paradox literally asked for is stifling, they back off, only to be yelled at for it once again. It’s not shown here, but Blue once again acted as a lure to bring Nael into a public flogging.

[Paradox: 72 total] Nael is blamed for the “death” of an alter that has since returned because the alter “wasn’t around” for something they discussed on the 6th of May. This is the introduction to the “Paradox” alter, that I’m assuming now has assumed a fronting role. I don’t really care if that situation has changed since I started writing this.

[Jay: 12 total] Just some screens of Jay kind of being a jerk (mostly in the first set). She won’t tell Paradox to stop stealing someone else’s OCs and stop improperly using Nael’s last name, which is considered legitimate identity theft in France, where he lives! Mind the dates.

[Last Convo w/ Blue: 22 pages] Blue reprises her role as the bait to try to drag Nael back, but they’ve wised up to her game by now. It’s not going to ever work again.

[Jay’s “Evidence” Folder: 122 total] All of the things Jay sent to Dave in order to convince him that Nael was the bad guy. None of it accomplishes that goal. In it there’s a lot of doting between Nael’s alter “Naoya” and Paradox’s alter “Abel”, before Paradox showed the exact same abusive behavior and drove Naoya away as well. Then Paradox’s alter “Hebel” tries to explain his existence. He also admits to attempted manslaughter. So. (Please note: some of these are out of order, and we’re very sorry about this, but it’s not our doing, sorry!)

[Ruby and Bird’s Breakup: 16 total] Ruby tried to get Bird to intervene on her behalf to get Paradox to stop harassing her after she tried making an apology post. Bird totally flaked out, probably due to her dual loyalties to Paradox himself. This spurred a messy breakup between them both.

[Misc Bird Folder: 9 total] Some more random stuff showing Bird and Ruby’s relationship, including her take on Paradox and Nael’s September breakup, where she calls him a “brat”. The entire time during these screenshots, Bird was secretly feeding information to Paradox against Ruby’s will, breaking her trust when she found out. She even told Paradox, Ruby’s abuser, about the new blog Ruby made in order to escape him. That’s why she’s on this callout.

[Discord Server Chat with Blue: 23 pages] The complete chat about the Fire Emblem Heroes event that left me feeling upset about the handling of race in Book 2. While the rest in the server try to be respectful or change the subject, Blue insisted on devaluing my feelings and saying I was accusing her of racism, which was, of course, untrue at the time. Currently, I’m not feeling so generous. (Note: My apologies to fans of Heroes’ Nifl -- I say some strongly worded things here which may be unflattering, but I felt it was important to get the entire conversation down.)

BONUS: [Paradox Guilt Tripping on his birthday: 16 total] In case you needed more evidence of Paradox’s gaslighting behavior, here is him guilt tripping them because Nael, who is not a native English speaker, didn’t understand one video he sent. If this is all it takes to trigger a breakdown, he is probably not ready for a relationship.

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alyssa-ward · 5 years

Note

Drabble prompt: Kat's dead, react. And no, you cannot get to the body.

“Miss Ward, I’m going to need you to calm down.” The man in the crisp suit stands behind a desk, wearing his military insignia on his shoulder. The expression he wears at the moment is...patient.

“Don’ tell me t’calm down,” Alyssa snaps back, slamming hands down on the desk between them. “D’you ‘ave any idea ‘o my father is? I’m not askin’ the world o’you ‘ere. I’m askin’ if she’s alive or dead.”

“Miss Ward I’m sure you’re aware that I can’t give information on the status of any of our agents, and certainly not a Director. Sometimes business can keep them in the field for long periods of time.” He keeps his calm throughout it, even as the redhead across from him clearly doesn’t.

“Y’think I don’ know that? It’s been three months, not one word. Not t’me, not t’any o’er friends or family, I want t’know if I should be mournin’, or preppin’ a ‘omecomin’ dinner. I’m not askin’ where she is, what she’s doin’, or anythin’ else. I just fuckin’ want t’know if she’s alive.”

A slow exhausted sigh from the man. He’s certain, and perhaps it shows on his features, that the answer is not going to just make this woman go away. He glances down at the file on his desk. “Miss Hawke is officially labelled as Killed in Action, my condolences. Will that be all?”

Alyssa’s face goes white, as if she weren’t already pale enough. She leans more heavily against the desk, nails scratching against the wood. For a moment, she looks defeated. That doesn’t last.

“’ow long,” she asks quietly, staring at the desk.

“Two months.”

The Onyx Talon splinters wood as her grip tightens on the edge of the desk. “Two months? An’ no one thought t’tell me?”

“Miss Ward, your name isn’t listed anywhere in her emergency contacts or relations.” His eyes flick down to the splintering wood, “and you’ll need to pay for any damage done do government property, I’m going to ask you one more time to calm down.”

“No fuckin’ shit,” Alyssa’s reply comes with rising anger, her temper slipping. She’s barely even processing the loss yet, only flooded with anger about the bureaucracy around it. “Y’met Kat ‘awke? O’course, ‘ow many people are even on that emergency contact list? Not many o’us, but it’s not like no one knew we were datin’.”

The man’s easy stance tightens at the reply, his eyes narrowing a touch as he readies himself to act. “How long Miss Ward. With all due respect, no, we don’t go out of our way to notify a fling.”

“A fling?” Flickers of green crackle through hazel irises, bleeding into the whites of her eyes, flames start to flare around the talon ring. “A fling?” Scorch marks radiate out from her hand, sparking along the desk. “Eleven months is not a fuckin’ fling Officer Jackass. Right. Tell me where and ‘ow she died. ‘ey, if it was some enemy o’the state that did it well, I’m about to go solve some diplomatic problems for you.”

The mans hands snap up, blue glow suffusing them as he calls on his own magic to counter her spellwork, flames retract back into her hands, her eyes go back to their natural colour, and she takes a surprised step back. “Miss Ward, I’m afraid I’m going to place you under arrest for threatening a member of the Alliance Military. I’ve been more than patient with you.”

Alyssa starts forward again, looking to sweep around the desk, “arrest me? Y’ not goin’ t’arrest me, y’goin’ t’tell me wh...” her words are cut off as a quick blast of lightning emits from the Agent’s hands, shocking her, sending the Warlock twitching to the ground, the world fading to black around her.

The next day a pair of letters, addressed to Damien Ward and Miles Ward arrive at the townhouse with the same content in each.

To Whom it May Concern,

Alyssa Ward is being held at the Stormwind Stockades pending trial for assault of an Alliance Military officer.

Visiting hours are between twelve bells in the afternoon, and six bells in the evening.

Bail is set at a sum of twenty thousand gold pieces.

Regards,

Offices of the Crown

[ Thanks @kat-hawke, trying to get into the swing of things again, so this was a fun prompt to jump on. Mention to @dardillien-ward ]

#drabble prompt #aly kat

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imagineclaireandjamie · 5 years

Note

What if Jenny realized (just before Jamie´s wedding with L) that she wouldn´t do that when Ian was dead. As much she can´t imagine herself to be wed to anyone else than Ian, she couldnnt do that to Jamie either. He is alone and sad, but he will not be happy in this situation.

“How’s the bridegroom?” Jenny asked as Ian came to bed. “Does he have nerves?” She chuckled. It had been a while since they’d had much worth celebrating at Lallybroch—well, since they’d had much worth celebrating and Jamie home to celebrate with. Hogmanay didn’t count. He’d been there but it had taken half the night before he showed much liveliness at all. But it had been the beginning of him coming back—truly coming back. And the morning would be another fresh start for him and for that MacKimmie widow and her two lasses.

“He didna say anything of the wedding tomorrow,” Ian informed Jenny with a somber tone that had Jenny sitting back up in bed beside him.

“He didna say anything about it? No even a thought for his bride?”

Ian shook his head, his lips pressed together and brow furrowed in thought.

“Perhaps tha’s just how he faces such things,” Ian tried to reason. “It’s no like we were there to see what state he was in when he wed Claire. Might be he was tight-lipped about it all then too.”

Jenny’s excitement ebbed at the thought, the memory of her lost sister-in-law. They hadn’t even had word from Jamie in years when he’d shown up out of the blue and with a sassenach wife. Not having had the opportunity to be there had been just one more thorn she caught on when thinking about those years after their father’s death and before Jamie’s return. When she was being fair, she reasoned that he hadn’t been present for her wedding either, that it wasn’t as important as supporting each other’s choice of spouse and the family they were when they were together.

“After all,” Ian continued in his own reverie, slipping to lie down beneath the blankets already warmed by her presence. “We ken he and Claire didna choose one another when they wed, and see how that turned out. I suppose it may turn that way again wi’ him and the widow MacKimmie… in time.”

“Ye say that like he doesna have a choice now,” Jenny snapped.

Ian barely succeeded in suppressing his laugh. “I wouldna say ye schemed like yer uncle Dougal did when he wed Claire,” Ian said slowly and carefully, “but I think we both ken he wouldna be marrying tomorrow did he no have some help in the match from you.”

“Are ye sayin’ ye think I did wrong? Do ye no think he ought to be happy and wi’ a family of his own? He’s been on his own for so long now. It’s time he had another wife to care for and he’s taken to the lasses well enough,” Jenny responded defensively.

Ian sighed and rolled toward her. “Aye, he’s been on his own for a long while, mournin’ Claire and what they might’ve had,” Ian agreed. “But… who’s to say if it’s been time enough for him? I want for him to be happy too… But it’s no about what we want for him, aye? Should it no be what he wants for himself that matters?”

“What he wants,” Jenny said quietly, her pique ebbing away into her own familiar sorrow, “is Claire back. But that isna possible.”

“Do you think he’ll truly be happy with anyone else?”

“I think he’ll be happier than he is now,” Jenny replied, with less conviction than she would have a few minutes before.

“I pray ye’re right,” Ian said, resting a hand on Jenny’s thigh and giving it a squeeze before rolling onto his back and closing his eyes.

Jenny watched him while he fell asleep. She listened to the familiar rhythm of his breathing, the rasp deep in his chest that sounded like a snore trying to climb its way out. She watched for the slight twitches in his limbs that indicated he was dreaming.

He’d told her that when he dreamed he still had his leg, that he would run and jump and climb as he had in their youth; that he would go for walks with her and the children; that he would carry the bairns on his shoulders without the fear of dropping them. He never said he felt anything other than whole—hadn’t since those first weeks after his return. But she suspected it was only in his dreams that he felt truly whole—whole in body, whole in spirit… whole in family and love.

She’d always felt whole with Ian around. The last time she’d felt truly broken was after her father had died—Ian was away and only weeks later did she hear that Jamie had made it safely to France. She’d been alone then—or as alone as she could be with the estate to run. But it wasn’t until Ian returned, broken as he was, that she felt that driving sense of purpose again—that flicker in her chest that kept her warm and drove her forward, that made her feel… whole.

Jenny’s chest tightened and she slipped out of bed and into the hallway. She needed to move. Whenever something washed over her and threatened to overwhelm her, moving—one foot, then the other, and again and turn and back—moving kept her from going under.

Just as she and Ian made one another feel whole, Claire had done that for Jamie (and having ridden alongside Claire to find Jamie after he’d been taken, Jenny was fairly certain Jamie had done the same for Claire). Each time the soldiers had come and taken Ian away for questioning and a few days or weeks in prison, fear and longing had filled the emptiness left by Ian’s absence, but no matter how much she had of either, it was never enough to make her feel complete—and what a horrible kind of whole would it have been if it had? To just accept that missing piece?

It was natural to try to fill it, wasn’t it? To find a new piece for that empty space.

But no one would fit that space the way Ian did. Not for her. And maybe not for Jamie.

But it was different for her. She would have the children and their children as comfort if the worst should ever happen (she said a quick prayer and crossed herself against the very thought). Jamie… he didn’t have that.

He only had her… and Ian… and their children and grandchildren. They weren’t nothing… but would they be enough? Or would Laoghaire and her girls fill that empty space better?

She was in front of his door and then through it before she could change her mind.

He was flat on his back, his hands resting on his chest and his toes sticking out from the sheets at the bottom of the bed. She knew he was too long for the bed but he always insisted that no, he was fine and not to make such a fuss.

Jenny seated herself on the edge of the bed, watching him as she had when he was a bairn and she used to keep an eye on him for their mother. Reaching out, she stroked lightly down the side of his face, waiting for the half smile she remembered from those days.

It didn’t come. His nose twitched and he reached up to scratch it, waking just enough to notice her presence and jolt upright. She jumped up and out of the way before he could defend himself by grabbing or striking her.

“I’m sorry, Jamie,” she said quickly. “I didna mean to startle ye awake.”

“What in the name of St. Bride are ye doin’ in here Jenny?” he asked harshly, rubbing his hands over his face.

“Ye dinna have to go through wi’ it,” Jenny told him. “If it’s no what ye truly want… ye needna wed Laoghaire tomorrow. I’ll… I’ll send word ‘round and I’ll tell them all tis my doin’ and there’s somethin’ about the match that’s changed my mind—I’ll no have folk blamin’ ye for throwin’ her over when it’s my doin’ in the first place,” she babbled.

Jamie blinked at her. “Slow down, Janet, and say it again so I might have a chance of understandin’ ye.”

“I’m sorry I’ve pushed ye to marry when ye’ve no been ready,” Jenny answered, her voice heavy with regret. “I want to see ye happy but it’s no for me to say what it is that’ll make ye so. I… I dinna ken as I’d ever be able to face marriage wi’ anyone but Ian… And I understand if ye dinna want another lass just because ye cannae have Claire.”

Jamie’s jaw tightened and he looked down at the mention of Claire.

“She… she would want me to be happy,” Jamie asserted.

“And if ye think marryin’ Laoghaire will make ye so, then forget I came and said anything,” Jenny told him. “But… if ye dinna think—if ye’re no sure… It’s no just yer life as will be affected. It’s Laoghaire’s and the lasses’ lives too. So if ye’re no sure…”

“I’m not sure of anything,” Jamie confessed.

“Ye’ll never stop lovin’ Claire, whatever ye choose,” Jenny said. “Ye can be sure of that.”

“Aye… I’m sure of that,” he agreed.

“And ye can be sure that Ian and I are here for ye, and ye’ll always have a place here, whether ye wed in the mornin’ or no.”

“Thank ye.”

#svoba #;mod lenny #featuring: jenny #featuring: ian #One Shot

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