#ND needs more dead things in her life

[manicpixiefelix]

he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way) // epilogue

{ head, heart, hand. masterpost }

Summary: Oliver is haunted by what he's done to get his happy ending in Felix's arms. His guilt is only made worse when he meets the first member of your family to actually remind him of you. Unfortunately, he does not find it to get better from there.

{ context; please read he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way) first }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons. YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD IN THIS ONE, but you do get to haunt the narrative. congratulations?

Warnings: discussions of death/overdose, lots of guilt, manipulative oliver, felix being upset, vaguely unhealthy oliver/felix, lotsa angst, oliver quick reckoning with the sunk-cost fallacy.

A/N: 6828 words. first, i don't usually do part 2s when i say something is a oneshot, so this is a rare occurrence. secondly im sorry this is almost 7k there's something wrong with my brain i think. thirdly bro, bro, listen to me; ANGST. HURT NO COMFORT. HURT NO COMFORT. it's soft in the middle THE SOFTNESS IS A LIE. ITS GONNA HURT ALL THE WAY DOWN (apart from nana i love her nd i hope you will too)

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

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One hour and fifty three minutes.

Rounded up, because all things considered, he should round it up, that's two hours.

Two hours. Like the blink of an eye in the scope of a whole life. But a very long time when you sit and count it out.

One hundred and twenty minutes. Seven thousand, two hundred seconds. He's always counting two hours, seeing exactly how long it feels like, how he can fill that amount of time. Seconds pass like a steady heartbeat.

He can do a lot in two hours.

Oliver tries to occupy himself nowadays more than ever, and really tries not to be alone, but it's hard. Farleigh left for Oxford. Venetia, before she decided to backpack across Europe and find herself, wouldn't let anyone touch her anymore.

Oliver doesn't like leaving Felix alone, but sometimes he has to be. You're laying cold in a family crypt somewhere next to a grandfather you never knew, and while Elspeth and Sir James don't comment on it, they both scowled when your parents sprung the announcement on everyone at the funeral.

Felix spends a lot of time alone at the edge of the maze. He's making a fairy garden where you had waited. Sometimes he'll drive into town without telling anyone, and come back with quaint, second-hand miniatures to add. It's beautiful, shining with greens and golds when the setting sun hits it just right.

So Oliver finds time to occupy himself, when he's alone and all he can think about is you sitting by the maze. You laying by the maze. You alive when he'd run from the maze. And the two hours that followed.

Sometimes he leans out of his window and shouts to the gardeners so far away they look like ants; even at this distance, his voice carries, and he sees them turn, search for him, ask if he's okay. He is, and he apologises, and he think about how far his voice carries.

On occasion, out of the blue, he'll lift Felix up when he hugs him, able to get his feet off the ground as Felix wriggles and clutches him out of surprise. Of course Felix lifts him with ease in return, spins him around, but that's not the point. Oliver is stronger than he looks; he wonders if he could lift you, could carry you far, if he could have dragged you if it had come to it.

Some nights he wakes up in a fright, your rapid heart rate beneath his fingers and he swears he could hear you whispering for help amid your shallow breathing. Please. Pleading. Begging. You were alive when he'd left you. He presses two finger to Felix's pulse point beside him, and tries to calm his breathing, to focus on Felix's slow, steady heartbeat.

And some days he sneaks into the computer room and curses how long webpages take to load when he looks up statistics on overdoses. Symptoms. Niche forums where he can learn what it felt like from survivors. People luckier than you. Their words, their stories, the recollections of those horrifying sensations stick with him, even as he diligently erases any trace of his browsing history.

And he thinks about how fucking long two hours is.

"Nan's coming over later," Felix tells Oliver idly one Sunday afternoon, "we're having tea of you'd like to join us." They're laying out in the grass, Oliver in the grass finding shapes in the clouds, Felix on his side, chewing on the stick of a lollypop he'd finished an hour ago and gently tracing abstract patterns on Oliver's chest.

"I thought you said your granny haunted Saltburn," when Oliver looks at Felix, he still can't help the way his heartrate picks up. Felix Catton touching him in the most gentle, caring way; he'd never stop feeling lucky for getting here, and never forget what he did to earn it.

Felix's gaze moves with his fingertips, up Oliver's warm, bare chest, twisting two fingers in the delicate chain around his throat. He looks pensive; but shakes his head after a beat.

"Different nan," he says distractedly, plastic straw trapped between his teeth. He tugs the chain experimentally, like he's forgotten it's attached to Oliver at all. He's in his head again; Felix is always in his head nowadays, but there's still often echoes of who he was, echoes of what Oliver has fallen for in the first place.

And he's finding himself falling more and more for this version of Felix too. So he tell himself that it was all worth it.

"Love," all these pet names - Love, Darling, Sweetheart - because if he slips up, tries to call him Fi, Oliver knows he'll only get ice in return, "is everything okay?" Oliver carefully reaches up to cover Felix's large, warm hand by his throat with his own. Felix meets his gaze, and gives a faint smile, an attempt to reassure him when he says he's fine. It doesn't work, but Oliver lets it go, and lets Felix tug him in by his chain for a kiss.

"Tea sounds lovely," Oliver murmurs against his lips.

There's something about this visit has Felix alive and buzzing the he way he hasn't in a very long time. Still he's quiet, but his eyes are bright as he follows behind the staff members setting up tea and biscuits in the garden. He goes through all the DVDs the family has and picks out a stack he thinks would be suitable, making sure they're all perfectly stacked by the DVD player. Oliver floats along behind him, and simply allows himself to admire Felix's energy.

Still, Felix finally takes a moment to breathe right as it becomes noon, and decides to have a bath to freshen up before his guest's arrival; two hours before she'd be here, Felix reminds him.

Two hours.

Oliver feels drawn to his own room. He doesn't allow himself to be alone in Saltburn often anymore, doesn't like the thoughts that crop up when he does. Perhaps it's a kind of punishment, a painful reminder, penance for what he's done.

There's a scrap of paper that he keeps tucked in a book in his nightstand, his own handwriting stuffed amongst a collection of Edgar Allan Poe's short stories, words he'd clung to and scribbled out the minute he'd gotten the chance so he'd never forget them exactly.

From the coroner's report, according to Duncan and Sir James. Time of Death; around 2am. Cause; narcotics overdose, and there were signs of alcohol poisoning.

On the back, he'd written '12:07'.

"Mum and dad both say it was a tragic accident," Felix's voice in the dead of night, the night they'd gotten the full report, riddled with guilt and unspilled tears, betrays his disbelief regarding the sentiment. Felix doesn't talk about how his last words to you were shouted with anger. Felix doesn't talk about how your last words to him were a desperate plea for him through tears. Felix doesn't think that it was an accident; only Oliver knows that he's almost right, just not in the way he thinks. Or dreads. But he has to bite his tongue on the truth, and let the man he loves live with this unjust guilt.

The water starts loudly draining for the tub, and Oliver isn't sure how long he's been sitting on the edge of his bed with his eyes squeezed so tightly shut, but he scrambles to stuff the page back into the book, and toss it back into it's drawer. He can smile again, and admire whatever outfit Felix chooses for the rest of the day, and pretend like he doesn't feel your rapid heartbeat or hear your shallow breathing every time he touches that paper, like he had the night he left you.

With the hour drawing ever closer to two, Felix keeps checking his watch. The minute he deems it to be time, he gives up all pretence of small talk - which had been another thing severely lacking as of late - and snatches Oliver's hand, pulling him through the house. They even outstripped Duncan and the footmen by the door when there comes a firm knock. Its the only time Oliver has ever seen any of the Cattons open the doors for themselves.

And it's not Felix's grandmother.

"Hi, nan," Felix sounds so genuinely happy as he hugs the older woman at the door with a warm smile and your eyes.

Oliver feels like he's frozen, like he's seeing a ghost. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Duncan actually standing aside, giving Felix and your grandmother a quietly fond smile.

"I swear you get taller every time I see you, oh, my lovely boy," she says with a warm laugh that sounds so damn familiar, "or maybe I've been shrinking, you get to my age and people tend to do that," and Felix laughs, actually fucking laughs. Oliver realises it's been a long time since he'd heard Felix give a proper laugh like that. As the hug ends, Felix let's her tuck her arm in his as she continues, "just you wait, one day you'll only be six-foot tall." Another laugh, and Oliver can see how genuine and broad he's smiling, how his eyes shine when their gazes meet. She's surprisingly sprightly for her age, it seems. Oliver recognises your grandmother from your funeral, but hadn't made the connection at the time, so he's surprised when Felix goes to introduce him and her eyes sparkle with recognised.

"Nan, I don't know if you've been properly introduced, but this is -"

"Your Darling, Oliver," and it's said with such warmth; her hug feels almost like home, "you strange, little thing," she laughs, "it's called a hug; are you not a hugger? I should have asked," but she doesn't apologise, nor does she let go for a few more beats. Oliver gives into this moment, closes his eyes tightly and hugs her back.

"Our Darling Oliver," Felix echoes with such admiration, and when Oliver opens his eyes, it's the first time since you'd passed where his gaze has held only the love and pride Oliver had been craving since he'd first laid eyes on him.

Once Nana - she'd insisted Oliver call her that too - lets him go, she tucks her arm in his, and is waving Felix over to her other side, briskly asking where tea was to be held. Duncan leads the way and she fawns over him too, apparently downright overflowing with love for Saltburn and everyone and everything in it. She talks more than she doesn't, but considering who Oliver is and who Felix has become, that suits them both just fine.

It's been too long since they've had tea together, she insists, and doesn't talk about why exactly that would be. She doesn't bring you up, not while you were all making your way through the house, but once she's settled outside, she takes a moment. The way she looks at Oliver in this moment makes him queasy; the smile, that look in her eyes, the way her gaze takes all of him in. A woman, whose time is so precious to her, taking her time to make him feel seen. Felix is quiet, intrigued by the exchange.

Your phantom heart beats beneath Oliver's fingertips.

"You're Y/N's grandma," Oliver says quietly, breaking the tension. Present tense still, they all play pretend. She smiles, and finally leans back. The moment is broken; Felix pours them each a cup of tea. Nana takes a jammy dodger and looks over the gardens with a smile.

"Of course, dear," she says sincerely, taking a bite of the biscuit, but being so eager to talk that she spoke through half a mouthful, "and when they were thirteen they told me I was Felix's grandmother too, because they'd overheard Felix's mum talking about how she hoped they'd get married some day." Felix snorted a laugh at that, turning pink around the ears as he prepared everyone's tea, as if on autopilot.

"Does that -" Oliver begins awkwardly, but he tries to smile, "do you think in time, they would have ask the same of you about me?"

"Considering how they spoke about you," there's a twinkle in your Nan's eyes as she turns back to him, smile knowing, "there's absolutely no doubt in my mind, my dear." All you had ever done was love him; love him and stand in the way of the love he desperately craved.

Oliver watches his tea for a long while, spinning the ornate cup on its matching saucer, while your Nana almost immediately picked hers up and took a tentative sip. Watching out of the corner of his eyes, Oliver notes the way her face goes on a journey of emotions, from pleased, to confused, to a sudden realisation as she looks to her cup.

"I should have asked you how you liked your tea," Felix realises too late, apology in his voice as Nana puts her cup down with a forlorn, yet fond look.

"No, darling, it's nice to know you know how my grandchild liked their tea," and she holds her cup delicately, looking into it's warm, brown depths, "just the same as I always made it for both of us when they were much, much younger."

"I am so sorry to ask," Oliver hears himself blurt out, unable to help himself, "but how does all this love just skip a generation?" It comes out far worse than he intends it to; he means to ask how someone so loving as you come from parents so uncaring, yet how did either of those parents turn out the way they did when the woman in front of him was clearly bursting with just as much love as you had been. Thankfully, instead of being offended, your grandmother laughs.

"My daughter is a wonderful, intelligent, compassionate, impressive woman," she begins, but sighs with unmistakable disappointment, "but my late husband was never capable of even trying to be a father over pursuing his own interests, and it's one of the few traits she actually inherited from him," she shook her head, "and she went on to fall in love with a man who loved her but suffered from that exact same defect," after a beat, she looked up with a warm, reassuring smile, "it's why I love Y/N so fiercely, and so hard," her grin turns soft and adoring, looking between the two boys before her, "the only way my daughter has ever disappointed me is as a mother, but I will never be disappointed in Y/N as my grandchild."

Oliver knows there's tears in his eyes, and Felix has ducked his head. Immediately Nan begins apologising, realising she'd set both of them off. Despite this, Oliver tries to wave her away, insisting it's fine, before he asks about her; he's heard bits and pieces he thinks, but Y/N had always been so cagey about their family. Honestly he's surprised that your grandmother knows so much about him when he feels like he's barely heard about her.

Despite turning out to be an incredibly decorated artist, with paintings selling for more than Oliver's pretty sure his own family's house is worth, your Nana is quick to downplay her own successes, simply insisting that it took decades of hard work. Again, he sees you in her eyes.

"We've got a few up around the house," Felix adds, "most of them actually from before we even met Y/N," and your Nana gives him a shove, as if flustered and embarrassed by the idea. But Felix is beaming, happy to be showing off her accomplishments, just as he always took joy in celebrating you; "there's one in your room."

"What?" Oliver asked, and your grandmother also seemed surprised, though touched by the thought.

"It used to be their room, actually, but Ollie moved in there, so Y/N was staying with me," he explains a little awkwardly, wanting to skim around as many implications as he could. Thankfully she doesn't comment. All she asks is which one. Felix and Oliver both think about the room; Felix about the few pieces of art on the walls, Oliver about your time of death in the drawer. You were alive when he left you -

"That one of the stars, and that person smoking; I think you actually gave it to them as a gift," he frowns for a beat, "for when they turned seventeen, I think?"

Oh, Oliver knows that one. It's enchanting, blues so deep, so rich it's like you could swim in them, stars that seemed to actually glow on the canvas, and the hazy, dark outline of the window in the foreground, and part of a figure against the windowsill, lit cigarette the lone spot of fire, of red or orange, that makes everything else warmer for it.

"That one really surprised me actually," Nana admits, giving Felix a shrew smile, though he only seems confused, "did they ever tell you anything about it?"

"Said you painted it for them; pretty sure I remember them crying about it," he says fondly, reminiscing, "one of the best gifts they ever got, I'm not lying, they say it every year. It's beautiful." Then, as if recalling what she'd actually said, he looks at her curiously, "surprised you?"

Her smile widened into something both knowing, and endeared.

"I asked them to send me a photo, a postcard, their very best drawing, anything, as long as it was their favourite place in the world - do you really not recognise it?" The tea and biscuits are gone by now, the tea portion of their afternoon is coming to a close. Felix shook his head, almost looking like a lost child, as if he was aware there was something he was supposed to be understanding but couldn't quite get it, "Felix, my dear boy, they sent me a photo of you; that's their dorm room window from boarding school."

Felix looks winded, and a bit like he's about to cry.

"Oh you two were impossibly sweet," she reaches over and holds his hand tightly, looking over to Oliver earnestly, "you take care of this dear boy and his heart, you hear me?"

"Yes," Oliver all but trips over his words to agree, "of course, nan." And she gives him a pleased grin.

They move indoors after this, Felix quiet but lending his arm to Nana, which she takes, while she explained that usually you and Felix would visit a few times a year when they were on break, but she thought it would be best to come to Saltburn this time, given the circumstances.

"You should come see the place when you get the chance," she insisted, patting Oliver's hand.

"It's mostly where Y/N was raised before they ended up staying at Saltburn," Felix supplied with a grin, piquing Oliver interest.

"Y/N's childhood home? Oh I have to see that," he grins, and your grandmother grins brightly for a long moment.

"I'm sure Y/N would love that, they can give you the grand tour -" but her face falters, falls, as if she'd just remembered. Sombre silence, the spell is broken. "I'd love to have you around, dear," she corrects, much softer this time.

Felix lets her pick a movie, while Oliver settles himself awkwardly on the sofa. He wants to reach out to Felix, to touch his cheek, feel his boyish smile and know that it's real. But Felix isn't really even looking at him. There's something childlike about his enthusiasm here, about how he sits on his knees on the floor, watching with rapt attention as your grandmother pores over them. He practically glows as she praises his choices. When she picks one, she hands it over and he scrambles on all fours across the short floor space to the DVD player, fumbling with the case like he can't put it in fast enough. There's a softness in your grandmother's eyes as she watches the boy who has seemingly forgotten the man he is; when she looks at Oliver, its like he sees her asking how easy is he to adore, what a beautiful young man.

"You don't mind watching a movie do you, Oliver, dear?" She asks, though it's clearly an afterthought. He's already shaking his head, assuring her it's fine. Felix is already scrambling back, remote in hand. Oliver tries to make space for him on the sofa between himself and your Nana, but he seems content to sit on the floor in front of her, leaning back against the sofa with her knees gently pressed against either of his shoulders. Handing her the remote, Felix twists to give Oliver an expectant smile.

"Come here, mate," he insists, patting his lap, his legs kicked out in front of him. At Oliver's obvious confusion, Felix blinks for a few moments. It's like he's waking from a dream. His face falls, he goes to apologise, strained smile on his face, "sorry, I know that's weird, you don't have to -"

Slowly, Oliver moves from the sofa, sitting beside Felix on the floor. Your grandmother's knee is pressed gently to his back, but he's not quite sure if he's capable of relaxing enough in this moment to mind. She's playing with Felix's hair, having already started the movie.

"This is what you and Y/N would do," Oliver said softly, and rested his head on Felix's shoulder. Felix takes his hand, and laces their fingers together.

"Do you like it when people play with your hair, Oliver?" Your grandmother asks idly.

"Um, sometimes," he answers, still feeling rather awkward. He hears her chuckle warmly.

"It's okay if you don't want me to; Felix likes it so much he lets me braid it when it's long like this."

"Oh, I know Felix loves it," Oliver hears himself agree, "if he were a cat he'd be the kind to purr any time someone scratched between his little cat ears." And while both he and your grandmother share a fond laugh, he can hear Felix's smile in his words. He gives Oliver's hand a squeeze.

"I can't even argue; I wish I could purr right now."

Oliver wants to bottle this moment forever, keep it locked tight in his chest.

But the movie is a long one. One hour and fifty six minutes. Two hours rounded up. A whole two hours. Enough time to fall asleep with his head in Felix's lap the way they both said you used to. He wakes with your heartbeat in his ears, rapid, alive, left for dead.

"You okay buddy?" Felix looks at him with genuine love and concern; it's been such a long time since he'd seen that look, even with everything that had been happening, "I'm here, you're okay," he assured. Over by the television, putting the remote back, your grandmother glances over at the interaction with a warmth that makes Oliver feel queasy in this moment.

And he'll look up from the book, from his notes from the coroner's report crammed in, obscuring the end of one story while The Tell-Tale Heart begins on the other. Felix will be getting ready for bed in the other room, but he won't sleep there. He can't sleep there. Can't sleep in that bed without you, can't move the costumes from that night that hang side by side as a reminder of the hole you'd left behind in his life. Oliver will read approximately two am in his own messy handwriting, and look at the digital clock on his bedside that had read 12:07 when he'd crashed into his room and locked the door and sunk down against it. The numbers had been shining red in the darkness. On the wall behind, that starry night sky and the hint of Felix and his cigarette; a home you'll never return to hung up in the home you'll never truly leave.

He put enough coke in that bottle to kill a fucking lion. He'd given you the bottle. He'd told you he loved you. He'd left you like that.

He knew you were dying.

He'd left you alive.

Two hours.

The book snaps shut. In the silence he thinks he hears your breathing. Please, Ollie, help. Paranoia is a cruel thing, he has to tell himself; paranoia and guilt.

"Can I ask you something?" Felix joins him just as he's putting the book back in it's drawer. Oliver, heart beat racing - never as fast as the memory of yours, oh now it's all he can think about again - nods quickly. Felix sits on the end of the bed, clearly preoccupied, fussing with the buttons of his pyjama shirt. The days are getting cooler now; Oliver misses his bare skin against his, but he still feels too precarious to make such an observation.

"It's about Y/N," Felix swallows, can't meet his eyes, "about that night." Oliver feels his mouth go dry; the worst fucking night of his life. The night he doesn't know if he'll ever figure out if he regrets all he'd done.

He nods again.

"Were you the last person they spoke to?" It's like Felix is forcing himself to not shy away from this moment, giving Oliver the attention he thinks he deserves for such an important question. Then, after swallowing hard, he can't help but drop his gaze, "why," he can barely get it out, there's already a lump in his throat, "didn't they come into the maze too?" Oliver can't even give him that.

You'd been such a mess on your way to the maze, even with Oliver supporting you. Crying, furious, apologetic; you were everything at once. Even when you couldn't bring yourself to go in, everything about you had been sliding from one emotion to the next. But then it had stopped.

"I can wait for Fi here." It's the most sure that he'd seen you all night. It's when he knew. It had to be you, even if he loved you too. He'd never forget how clear your smile was, how sincere you'd urged him into the maze to follow the tail of what he thought was right. The sight of you, waiting, obedient and loyal for your master to return; "I'll be here, I promise; I'll wait."

Oliver knew before he'd even entered the maze that Felix's return to you would be too late.

In the present, Felix waits too, diligent, expectant. Oliver thinks about lying. Oliver thinks about how the truth will break his heart. Oliver thinks about how close Felix will hold him in his guilt riddled grief.

"I don't think they wanted to interrupt -" Oliver tries to start, but Felix immediately swears, hangs his head.

"Can't fucking believe I did that," he spits, "I was angry, and off my fucking face, sure, but that was fucking low, even for me," he admitted, pitching himself back on the bed, whole face scrunched up with guilt, barking out an upset fuck far louder than the others, prompting to Oliver to tentatively ask what he means. Felix took a moment, as if forcing himself to calm down, before he admits, voice low like he was sharing a secret, "I never even took Eddie into the maze," he sighed. After a beat, he conceded, "no, okay I did, but we didn't do anything - we made out a bit, but -"

"You didn't fuck you ex-boyfriend in the maze," Oliver connected the dots quickly, "but you did fuck your best friend's ex-not-girlfriend who you kind of stole from them, out of spite after kicking them out of your the bed you've been sharing all Summer?"

"Fucking hell, Ollie!" Felix sounds especially wounded when he lays it all out like that.

"Sorry," immediately, Oliver apologises, knot in his stomach when he hears Felix's pained tone. He wonders if this was what it was like for you all through the night of his birthday. Fuck, he can't think about that.

"No, but you're right," Felix admits, eyes finally opening, looking all hurt and vulnerable. Oliver lays himself down next to Felix, going the other way, both of them looking up at the ceiling. Oliver's hands rest on his chest, trying again, softer this time.

"So was a special place to them?" He gets no response other than a guilty nose from Felix, "you think that's why they wanted to wait by the entrance?"

"They wanted to wait for me," Felix says weakly, clearly in his head about that night once more, "didn't want to interrupt even as I was fucking defiling our-" but he catches himself turning bitter again, mouth snapping closed, "after everything I said that night," he mumbles, "fucking hell," he chokes out. The pain in his voice is audible. This is the sweet spot, Oliver thinks.

"I can wait for Fi here," Oliver whispers amid Felix's faint sobs.

"What?"

"You asked me what their last words were," Oliver told him as softly as he could manage; Felix sits up, eyes wide, distraught, so full of guilt and love and - "only thing they were properly coherent about; waiting for you," Oliver props himself up, reaches out to wipe a tear from Felix's cheek.

"You're not- Ollie, please tell me you're not kidding," Felix practically begs.

"I can wait for Fi here," Oliver reiterates, making sure to meet Felix's gaze as he holds his face, "'s the last thing they said- they said; I'll be here, I promise; I'll wait."

God he can see it in Felix's eyes; it's like the man's entire world crashes down around him. But he clings just as Oliver had hoped he would. As Felix holds him tightly, Oliver can't look at the glaring, red numbers of the clock on his bedside, the constant reminder of the two hours where he could have done something. Two hours and those wouldn't have been your last words.

He looks at the painting. At the stars. At Felix and his cigarette and your idea of what home looks like. The stars look just like they did that night. Just as bright. Oliver closes his eyes. Guilt twists people into shapes they don't often recognise; Oliver just holds Felix, hopes they twist into something together.

Except Oliver's guilt isn't the kind that twists, it's the kind that bites. It's like moths, eating him from the inside out. The guilt leaves him with jagged edges and thoughts he'd rather not be having; there are shades of Felix Catton that he loves, but shame and revulsion bites just behind the guilt as the months pass and he realises more and more this is not what he wanted. This is not the Felix he wanted.

Felix is like an echo, like the sun without it's warmth; he can look just the same, smile, talk, charm just the same if it was required of him, but there was something clearly missing from every interaction. Guests to Saltburn would pull his parents aside and ask if everything was alright. He is, but he is not the same as he once was.

Every day Oliver looks in the mirror and sees something grotesque behind his eyes that no-one else seems to notice. Felix Catton was meant to be the prize, the one who tossed aside everything but the best, the one who made the world fight for his attention, and feel heartbroken when he merely looked the other way. After all this, Felix Catton was not someone Oliver expected to be bored by.

Oliver Quick had lied for, lied to, betrayed the trust of, worked to gain the trust back of, loved, made fall in love with him, and literally murdered the love of his life who he also loved and was themselves also in love with Oliver while still considering Felix the love of their life, just to get a chance to spend his life by Felix fucking Catton's side. He wasn't allowed to not want this.

Felix smiles at him, says he loves him, fucks him, but it's not the dream Oliver once had. Something is always missing. No. Oliver deliberately took that thing away. But he can never admit that, nor can he ever regret that; too far gone. Oliver doesn't want to talk about the past, Felix can't being himself to talk about the future. Trapped together in the present, living lives that no longer feel like enough. Their routine becomes suffocating. Even Venetia, the few times she's stopped back at Saltburn, can barely manage a disdainful look, as if merely inconvenienced by Oliver's presence.

The growing apathy of the estate and it's occupants is exhausting. The cost of this lifestyle has long since surpassed it's value. He's even bored of being haunted. Two hours feels like fucking nothing when the days drag on the way they have been. Behind his eyelids he doesn't see you begging for help, you hiss for him to run, to get out.

He should have listened.

"Ollie, can I show you something I found?" Felix sounds bright today, and though Oliver wants to roll his eyes at the idea of anything in this house being new or novel enough to show off, he smiles back instead.

"'course Felix, what is it?"

Except Felix isn't smiling at him. Felix is looking far more serious and determined, sitting on the edge of their shared bed. Oliver immediately frowns.

"Have you been hiding something from me, Ollie?" It's a trap; a forced confession. Oliver shakes his head, plays dumb. Felix takes a deep breath, the kind that shifts his whole body, his expression remaining firm, "before I show you this thing, I want you to be honest with me; you promised you wouldn't lie to me anymore, you remember?" Oliver tries to lighten the mood, leaning against the window with a warm smile.

"Of course, my lovely Felix, no more lying," he assures, but the hairs on the back of his neck stand up with the way Felix remains quiet.

"What's seven-past-twelve mean?" Felix is watching him closely; too closely. Scrutinising his every move. It's like Oliver's been doused in ice water, even his tongue frozen in his mouth, "and what's it got to do with what happened on the night of your birthday?"

Felix doesn't even look at the night table as he opens it; his gaze is solely on Oliver. It's clear he'd done this before, pulling out the book, flicking through it's pages, and pulling the delicate, incriminating piece of paper out from where it had been safe for so many months.

"Felix, I-"

"What does twelve-oh-seven mean?"

Oliver is the deer again, trapped in Felix's accusatory gaze. For just a moment, Felix's voice drops, pleading with him for some other explanation, that Oliver wasn't somehow caught up in what happened, more closely, more malevolently than he'd ever said -

"Tell me," there's tears in his eyes, the furious kind, the ones where he's desperate to love and hope against all odds, "Oliver," he pleads through gritted teeth, "tell me you didn't know."

"Know what?" Oliver's voice is a hoarse whisper; he knows he is caught, all he has left now is borrowed time and a desperately silver tongue he doesn't know if he can rely on anymore. But Oliver's tragically weak denial is enough for Felix to all but jump to the right conclusion.

In a rush, Felix has Oliver by the collar of his shirt, pressed to the window -

"You knew they were dying and you fucking left them there."

This is the tipping point, the end of whatever good this had been. Felix could hurt him, Felix had hurt countless people on your behalf, he'd seen it himself. But Felix had always been the bleeding heart; you were the one who had to be kept on a leash. Felix could hurt him, could probably maim him for what Oliver was about to say, but he never shared your stomach for true Machiavellianism.

"Of course I knew," Oliver managed coldly, despite Felix attempting to crush all the air from him, "the amount of coke I gave them in that champagne could have killed a rhino-" it needed to be unforgiveable, the confession, so Felix would let him leave, would never want to see him again. He hadn't expected the force of Felix's rage to have the glass behind him give out.

Oliver falls from the second story window into the hedge garden below. Felix's shouting is tearing through the whole house it seemed, making his way downstairs, while Oliver tries to regain his breath and figure out if anything's broken. He's pretty sure it's not, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt as Felix drags him by his feet from the hedges, demanding at the top of his lungs that Oliver get the fuck out of Saltburn.

Every single person who'd been in the house comes outside to view the commotion, to see Oliver struggling to his feet, to get away from Oliver. Elspeth looks helplessly between the two boys, wondering what happened -

"Tell her what you did," Felix demanded, once more getting into Oliver's space, jabbing at his chest, "tell her what the fuck you just told me -" and Oliver's strength isn't insignificant, but Felix is in a fury, flooded with rage and adrenaline, and he grabs the back of Oliver's shirt like he's scuffing a cat, shoving him towards his mother like an offering. Oliver struggles because he feels like he has to, feels wild, feels feral, but it's the most of anything he's gotten from Felix in so long. His mouth stays shut, won't give him the satisfaction of a confession.

"He killed them," Felix doesn't even let Oliver have his power play before he grows bored. He shoves Oliver just a little, grip unyielding despite Oliver's best efforts, like he means nothing to him. Elspeth and Sir James are confused, looking between them both, but Felix isn't done with stringing Oliver up for all of Saltburn to see, "Y/N; he intentionally dosed their drink and left them to die outside the maze."

The Catton parents immediately look crestfallen; it's the first time in months Oliver's felt genuine guilt again. Oliver stops fighting. Felix lets him go. Elspeth asks him if this is true; that heartbroken hope is going to make him sick.

"Just send me away already," he drops his head.

"Oliver," Elspeth's voice is firmer this time; when he looks up, she's stepping towards him, tears in her eyes despite how hard she's clearly trying to hold herself together, "is Felix telling the truth?" Is this it? Is this the final gate to his freedom from Saltburn.

"Yes."

Elspeth slaps him so hard her ring draws blood. Oliver hadn't thought that was even possible, but his head is ringing from the collision.

"Get. Out." She hisses with absolute malice as he's hunched over, clutching his face. Felix is by his mother's side in a heartbeat, arm around her, looking at Oliver with contempt. Behind them, Sir James is ordering Duncan and the other staff members to get Oliver off of the property as quickly as possible, but the look in Elspeth's eyes is burning, "this is my family, you monster."

At first, it almost feels worth it to leave Saltburn. To leave the Cattons and their bullshit and their games behind. He thinks he knows them well enough to trust that they don't want the kind of scandal a murder on their hands would be, and for the most part, he's right.

It's not the Cattons who haunt him after Saltburn, though they may be pulling the strings. It's you. It's you sitting on Felix's bed in his dorm room reading every single detail of Michael Gavey's file with threats on your tongue. It's the casual way you talked about being able to access his academic files to change his grades if he wanted. It's you, tipsy at Saltburn, admitting that you got Eddie transferred without his consent to a university on the other side of the country after he cheated on Felix with Venetia.

There's no place for Oliver to return to at Oxford... He's not entirely surprised about that, however, there's also apparently no record of him ever attending. Any calls or enquiries he makes are shut down with the kind of immediacy that seemed reserved for shows about government conspiracies. When applications open for other universities, it seems websites shut down the minute he fills out his damn name. Nowhere in the world seems willing to consider him.

Having him audited seems like overkill. When it happens the next year, despite no employer willing to even consider him for an interview, the existential dread of his situation sets in.

Felix never had the stomach to finish the job; he'd let you haunt Oliver forever.

#felix catton x reader x oliver quick #saltburn x reader #felix catton x reader #saltburn imagine #felix catton imagine #felix catton x y/n #felix catton x you #oliver quick x reader #oliver quick x you #oliver quick x y/n #oliver quick imagine #head heart hand fic #manic writer

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: Chris has been looking for Dad!Buck since the Tsunami

After 6x11 aired, I always thought the scene from Buck's coma dream with Chris asking Buck to help him find his DAD meant Chris was looking for Buck and I believe I can prove my theory with the scene that happened after the Tsunami.

While writing the next chapter in my multi-chapter fic titled “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”, I realized the scenes from 3x3 and 6x11 illustrated how Chris was in fact looking for Buck both times but Buck didn't understand.

In 3x3, the woman who had been carrying Christopher around all day after him and Buck got separated asked Eddie, "You're Buck?" to which he replied, "No, I'm his father Eddie." Then she said, "He was looking for Buck" and Eddie looked at Buck and Buck looked at Eddie🙃🤪.

Eddie is Christopher's BIOLOGICAL FATHER! It's a fact that will never change. Eddie called himself Chris' FATHER twice in that episode instead of calling himself Chris' dad. Chris calls Eddie "Dad" all the time, he even yelled "DAD!" when Eddie saw the woman carrying him and Eddie yelled "CHRISTOPHER!" in response. So why didn't Eddie identify himself as his dad instead of as his father? 🧐

Let's proceed.

Reminder at the end of 3x3, after Eddie brought Chris back to the loft, Buck said, "I was supposed to look out for him" and Eddie replied, "And what you think you failed? I've failed that kid more times than I care to count and I'm his FATHER but I love him enough to never stop trying and I know you do too. Buck! There's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you!" He used the word FATHER again instead of saying DAD!

In 6x11, Buck's coma dream happened more than three and a half years later and Buck still believes his place in Chris' life as his second DAD/PARENT is not real. He said it himself, when Chris asked, "Can you help me find my DAD?" Buck replied, "Sorry but you're not real and I gotta go. I'm always going to feel sorry for that one".

Chris didn't ask Buck to help him find his father (EDDIE), he asked him to help him find his dad (BUCK) 🤪.

Even after the Tsunami, Chris running away to Buck's loft during the pandemic, the shooting, the will reveal, Eddie's breakdown and Chris asking Buck to come back after he was struck by lightning, Buck still didn't get it and he didn't SEE IT!

I stand by the comments I made in a post at the beginning of season 6 (linked here), both Eddie and Chris have been waiting for Buck but he's STILL TOO CONCERNED WITH THE WAY PEOPLE SEE HIM to understand it.

"Dead Bobby" told Buck in his coma dream that he hadn't learned a damn thing if he still cared about the way people see him. Well, he didn't learn anything since he's still trying to get people to like him. He wants Margaret and Phillip to like him the same way he wants all the women he dated to like him. Reminder, ND walked out and when she came back, she said, "I like you" and he said, "I like you too".

WTF was that supposed to be? 🙄

Buck's been trying to get people to like him his whole life and it started with his parents, especially his mother. Full disclosure I don't like TK but in 4x8, she told him "You just can't stand it when someone doesn't like you". She was right and he's doing it again with ND, making the same mistakes by trying to convince her to like him.

In 5x18, he told TK he didn't want to make the same mistakes well, he certainly made the same mistake again for the fourth time with someone else who likes one thing about him but not all of him.

Why didn't the show just let Buck admit he needed time to focus on himself instead of hooking up with another woman who doesn't know him? He'll never SEE the family he's been looking for is right in front of him if the show doesn't stop throwing RANDOM women at him.

It doesn't matter how ANYONE tries to spin his relationship with ND and make it into some big and fantastic romance because the truth is, IT'S NOT A ROMANCE, IT'S TOXIC. She was only interested in his DEATH and that's creepy AF. She was supposed to help him accept his death but instead she came back talking about she liked him which was no different from the way Dr. Wells treated him after he lost Devon in 1x2. They don't have some "Gone with the wind" or "Romeo and Juliet" type of love affair. It wasn't that; it still isn't that and it'll never be that unless the show forces the narrative to make it work.

If the narrative doesn't change, then Buck will suffer through yet another boring AF lackluster relationship with the fourth woman who only wanted to use him for his "Firehose" until she gets bored like the rest of them did. If he was meant to be with any of them, the relationships would have lasted instead of them running for the hills when his life got difficult. TK told him she wanted him in 4x14 which is just like ND saying she liked him in 6x18.

Eddie and Chris love Buck for who he is not for what he can give them but he's still ignoring the family who has been beside him this whole time for two trifling parents who only show him any attention when he's hurt along with all those women who like Buck the firefighter instead of Evan the "Good man".

What's it going to take for him to understand he's part of the Diaz Family and has been for years?

At this point, who knows but HOPEFULLY things will be different in season 7 or it'll be another wash, rinse and repeat season with Buck's love life and Eddie being sidelined until ND gets the boot like TK did in S5 which was EXHAUSTING AF to watch for a whole season!

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #bobby nash #911 season 6 speculation #911 meta #911 speculation #911 season 7 #911 season 7 speculation #Dad!Eddie #Dad!Buck #anti Natalia Dollenmeyer #Anti Taylor Kelly #anti bucktalia #anti bucktaylor #911 abc #911 on abc

[autism-alley]

alright sorry to be a bitch about casting, but i’m gonna bc i do think it’s important to illustrating the feel of a character (if you come to me to bitch and whine about black annabeth get the fuck off my lawn). myself and others have already talked at length about the writing of the series, so if you’re looking for more weighty criticism, just scroll thru the pjo crit tag, now is my time to be a stickler for details, and this is a live action show, a visual medium, the casting is important for reasons beyond an actor’s ability to deliver lines. embodying the character purely in an actor’s personality isn’t enough—they need to physically feel like they could be this person to really sell it (there’s also something to be said abt not having to cast someone who supposedly feels like the character they’re playing just as themself—it’s called acting for a reason, but i digress).

just. take in the official viria pjo art of sally jackson.

look at this woman. look at her!! that is MOTHER. that is the woman who worked herself to the bone to single handedly raise perseus jackson, flaws and all. that is the woman who rocked up to the battle of manhattan with a shotgun and A WILL. that is the woman poseidon himself called a queen amongst women and offered a palace to. with warm lighting only outshone by her reassuring smile and the candle of percy’s blue birthday cupcake—that’s sally jackson. the composition of it, her pose and welcoming smile, makes the viewer feel like we are percy jackson, and it’s our birthday we’re being beckoned to join in the celebration of, a special moment between mother and child.

now look at this woman.

i feel like i’ve had this english teacher before, asking me why my autistic ass was tweaking out in the middle of her lesson on iambic peranimeter. i’m sure she’s a nice lady in real life, it’s nothing against her as a person or her skills as an actress, to me she just lacks the warmth and gentleness crucial to sally jackson’s feel as a character. that is my own subjective take. she doesn’t make my shoulders relax at the sight of her. her smile doesn’t make the tightness in my chest go away. looking at this sally jackson, i feel everything her character ISN’T meant to embody. i start feeling stressed out. like everything is somehow a lesson and she has grand expectations of my answer. and the script does NOT do her any favors with lines like “you decide how ugly this gets” at VERY MINOR “outbursts” of percy’s. paired together, the script and the casting, we get what feels more like all the chastising teachers in percy’s life rather than his loving and patient MOTHER. and i don’t wanna hear another one of y’all defend this depiction as more accurate to parents of ND children or i’m gonna lose it.

now finally, look at this woman.

we can bash the pjo movies for all their inaccuracies and adaptation flaws, but if there’s one thing they nailed, it’s sally jackson. the kind eyes. the welcoming and reassuring gaze. a tired yet inherently trustworthy face. she’s so open. she feels so special, so giving, even if she herself has little. i can see myself laughing in her kitchen, making seven-layer dip or blue cookies. i can see her handing me an extra few jelly beans after a long shift at the candy store. i can see myself as percy jackson, able to put aside another school expulsion because that’s my mother and she’ll never let me doubt she loves me. i can see why poseidon, god of the sea, would fall in love with her in a way he hadn’t in thousands of years. i can see him offering her the world.

i don’t know if this casting impacted the official art, it did come first, maybe that’s a well-known fact and i just sound like a jackass—nor is official art is the end all be all (looking the og official pjo art dead in the eyes)—but this woman just deeply strikes me as the same sally jackson as the one in viria’s art and the pjo books. she’s sally jackson in way show sally vehemently just… is not.

#pointing at show sally #this woman looks like she’ll yell at me #this woman looks like she’s going to tell me to wait outside in the hall to talk after class #just because rick riordan slapped a ‘sally jackson’ name tag to her does not magically make her feel like sally jackson to me #literally any other depiction of sally jackson? mom. momma. #that’s my mother she’s taking me to montauk now #anyways school has been busy as hell ik i have people to get back to and asks to answer i just wanted to crank out a quick post #that i’ve been wanting to get to for a while #pjo show crit #pjo tv crit #ris raves

[shriekshrike]

y’know what’s really interesting about last night’s episode is that it really revealed the BIGGEST flaw that bells hells has as a party:

they don’t fucking trust each other enough. or rather, they don’t trust themselves.

sure, they have the “you can have my back, you can save my life, you can heal me and switch places with me in a fight, you can head into danger and come out just fine” trust because if they didnt, they wouldn’t have made it this far. literally.

but they’re all so fucking careful when it comes to their suspicions! chet never says anything to anyone about dusk, orym doesn’t say shit about reading chet’s and dusk’s lips, imogen doesn’t say boo about not being able to read dusk’s mind. it’s not that they don’t think the others aren’t capable, but more like “if i don’t get all my ducks in a row no one will believe me” which!! is so much. to think about.

because when it’s said like that it’s not like they don’t trust one another, it’s more like they DON’T TRUST THEMSELVES individually! which makes so much sense! ashton got betrayed by ppl they thought they knew better than anyone else in the world, FCG finds out someone they thought was dead is actually alive and never bothered to get them back and they’re also fucking glitching more and more often and he finds out not only did dancer not make them but also they are MUCH MUCH older than anything or anyone else they’ve ever met (pre divergence BABY aeor is for LOVERS nd robits), imogen was a hermit in her own fucking home bc no one wanted to be around the girl who could get into your head (not like she had a choice sometimes) and she doesn’t trust herself not to somehow cross lines with people whether that be on accident or on purpose, laudna licherally spent 30 years post-death being ousted from town to town because people found her a freak and a witch and has a DEAD NECROMANCER WHO KILLED HER IN HER HEAD, fearne is slowly coming to realization that her parents maybe weren’t sending her post cards all those years and that her life really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be and her memory is a little fucky (that feywild shit, huh), orym still probably feels residual survivor’s guilt in being unable to protect the one person who really truly mattered to him and sees it as a failing in himself rather than just something that happened, chet is a werewolf who literally gets run out of towns because of what he is and he could literally lose control if he’s too hurt or out of it and hurt someone else (as seen w orym)

like they’re so...aware of the trust they have for one another, but because they don’t trust themselves, they never SAY SHIT bc they’re always second guessing their suspicions which is so fascinating to watch; they don’t trust themselves enough to follow their instincts to trust one another even moreso. they’ve all got like folie a deaux but it’s mass imposter syndrome instead.

and it’s not like dusk knew that abt the bells, but it worked so well in dusk’s favor bc even if it was an 11th hour realization and discovery for the pc’s who did start to get suspicious, it would have been enough time to maybe do something. but they DIDN’T and it kinda doomed them!

after this i hope they get more...confident in their own capabilities. or at least learn to trust their own guts without needing confirmation or waiting for all the chips to land. sometimes, you just gotta listen to the sirens in ur head because that’s the part of u that wants u to survive no matter what.

dusk says a lot of shit and idk how much was truth laced with the sweetness of lies you wanna hear, but they got one thing fucking right. bells hells are special. and they gotta realize it before it really lands them in hotter fucking water.

#cr spoilers #critical role #bells hells #i wuv them and i think about them a lot ok #they really gotta trust themselves #as much as they trust one another.

[drinkthestars]

spoilers for nimona (2023)

just watched the new nimona movie and it was fantastic! great children's movie, excellent animation and clean plot progression. but it's missing something: the subversive morality that i first experienced when reading nimona as a kid.

in the actual comic, nimona killed people. she was morally gray- she took that step into murder and atrocity. in the movie, she's a punk kid who likes to make (admittedly pretty scary) faces and joke around about death, but it doesn't seem like she's actually gotten around to the real murder part.

and you know what? i get it.

this movie isn't meant to be the book, and that's fine. it's a wholesome misunderstood hero story for kids and a non-controversial way to have positive queer representation without compromising the themes with characters that aren't 100% good and sweet and lovely. it's great for a mainstream audience.

here's the thing: it would've been so much more INTERESTING if nimona WAS the killer. i was expecting it as a plot twist the whole movie- nimona impersonating the director (who was, tbh, not a very interesting twist villain, especially with her lack of forshadowing and her very easy and quick admit to her crimes- you'd think such a high-ranking individual would know better than to confess her sins and then murder the direct descent of gloreth in her office)

nimona has been trying and trying to convince ballister to reform the system the whole movie, saying that he SHOULD be mad, the INSTITUTE is what's in the wrong, not JUST the director. they can't run away- they have to fight back! that would've been such good foreshadowing for her having orchestrated the whole thing, with her being clearly shown to be able to shift into other people.

i'm almost convinced that the writers initially planned for that as the plot progression and then edited it to make it more family-friendly.

so in an ideal world, here's what i think should've happened:

nimona actually does frame the director for the murder- but as revenge for experimenting on and torturing her, as in the book. ballister is pardoned by the public and by ambrosius, but then the director shows the video footage of nimona shapeshifting into her, and the consequent sword-swapping. in a nutshell, nimona uses ballister to kill the queen and tries to manipulate him to help the world change, for a place where she isn't tortured needlessly just for being different.

ballister, betrayed, fights with nimona (insert key weakness that she has told only him here) and she is captured. the director informs him of the experiments on nimona (while dismissing her as a heartless monster) and he is horrified. the director reveals her new plan to get rid of (non-existent) potential monsters in the city like nimona (witch-hunting, reference to eugenics, you get it). ballister and ambrosius free nimona, and they work together to stop the enby-murder laser or whatever, nimona sacrificing herself in the process (or does she...). the ending remains the same from there.

the unfortunate issue with queer media at the moment is that people need it to be pure- a depiction of a morally gray queer character right now might throw the whole theme into question. after all, if queer people aren't perfect, than they're dead. which is interesting, because that's kind of the theme of nimona, in a sense. a narrative about people who are different, and for that reason alone are unforgivable monsters.

queer and disabled folk (see attorney woo, a show i love, for a similar problem) aren't allowed to be flawed in media. if they're not paragons of humanity or supergeniuses, they can't be accepted. nd stevenson was one of the first authors i ever saw really subvert that in widely known media meant for teens.

real life people aren't going to be as forgiving as the movies make it look. i liked the old nimona because she reflected that- she was not a sinless matyr in the end- she gave into her rage and despair and let it warp her. did that make her a monster? no- it made her human. queer media is trying its best, but in the end the issue is the very inhumanity of perfection.

#nimona #nimona film #nimona spoilers #nd stevenson #nimona meta #sabi speaks

[the-oc-lass]

Nimona OC - Charlotte Swiftheart/Corova

Alright, so I guess 13 people are interested in this OC, so I'll talk briefly about her (and include more if people are interested).

Reminder of the overview I gave initially: Her name is Charlotte, and she’s the bastard daughter of whatever the hell Ambrosius’s dad’s name is. He essentially had an affair with a commoner woman about a month before Ambrosius was born (I always view it as her not realizing who he was until she saw the news of Ambrosius’s birth and saw the guy in the picture). That means, yes, I’m giving Ambrosius a half sister. After Ballister joined the Institute, little Charlotte realized that maybe she could be a knight too. After a great deal of debating and begging to Ambrosius’s dad, her mother eventually convinced him to vouch for Charlotte as the heir to a dead noble house, and she’s allowed into the Institute. She has no idea she’s related to Ambrosius, but befriends him and Ballister anyway. Until they’re all about sixteen and someone leaks that she’s what the kingdom calls a half blood (half noble, half commoner) and the Director blackmails Charlotte into leaving.

Some of what I write about her will be bulleted lists with facts about her, some will be descriptions of her involvement with movie scenes (I will read the comic so I can accurately transfer her, I just need to buy it and have it shipped to me), and some short(ish, because I can't write short things) scenes with her and various Nimona characters (mostly the main trio). If that sounds interesting, please continue reading.

Next (Short drabble)

Early(ish) Life/Beginning of Knight Training:

Charlotte's mother (her name is Minara) probably wasn't very old when she was roped into this affair with Ambrosius's dad. Very early twenties, twenty five at the oldest

Charlotte is blonde! She and Ambrosius look very similar, actually, and it's a miracle no one realized they were related. Charlotte honestly looks a bit like an Asian comic Ambrosius (long flowing golden hair and such). She also has blue eyes

Charlotte's true last name is Corova, but when she joined the Institute, Ambrosius's/her dad chose the more knightly/noble last name of Swiftheart for her

I at least headcanon Ambrosius, Ballister, and Charlotte to be around 10 when Ballister (and Charlotte) join the Institute. No idea if that's right, though

While Ambrosius does fascinate her, she's far more interested in Ballister. When they first meet, she almost idolizes him. She's meant to be keeping her identity and non-noble blood a secret, but she tells him said secret within days of meeting him. It's a miracle that she keeps her "half bloodedness" a secret for six years.

Eventually, she, Ballister, and Ambrosius become something of a trio. Cannot be separated. Charlotte eventually admits to Ambrosius that she isn't who she says she is, but he doesn't mind (if anything, he thinks more of her for it).

She, like Ambrosius, calls Ballister "Bal." Her nickname for Ambrosius is "Brosi" and the boys call her "Char."

Since she was meant to be pretending that she was of noble descent, Ambrosius would help her with understanding certain nobility things and gave her a crash course on etiquette (because as goofy as he is, you know he was trained from birth on what proper etiquette is)

It's kind of canon how Ambrosius gave Ballister his sword (I mean, the B on that sword is literally made from a G and some carved lines. You know, for Goldenloin. Plus I think Nate/ND said somethign about it in a Nimona interview), but he also eventually gives one to Charlotte. I haven't decided what it looks like yet, but she absolutely cherishes it

Was considered to be on a similar level as Ballister throughout training. Street kid survival instincts and all that, plus feeling like they had something to prove to everyone else (even if no one knew that Charlotte was a half blood yet).

Charlotte is a gigantic lesbian (she comes out to the boys when they're all about 14)

The person who commented yes and the person who reblogged yes, I hope you enjoy:

@ammonitetheseaserpent @perfectkittystranger

#nimona #nimona oc #nimona 2023 #nimona movie #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister boldheart

[femalechibiblogger]

More Underrated Indie Horror Games

1. Andy's Apple Farm

Andy's Apple Farm is a 2021 indie horror game developed by M36games. The game was first released on Itch.io and Game Jolt on August 22, 2021, and was later released on Steam on November 26, 2021.

The story revolves around the player Beta-testing an 80's retro game created by Thomas Eastwood called Andy's Apple Farm and discovering the hidden truth in the seemingly innocent game. You play as the titular protagonist, Andy the Apple, who in Chapter 1, had his keys stolen by his friends, and he must complete minigames and earn Bonus Stickers to get them back. As the player progresses the game, they uncover dark secrets about the creator's family and a strange dark Entity that stalked them.

2. Bonnie's Bakery

Bonnie's Bakery is a horror and cooking game created in 2022. It is being made by a group of 7 under the name Melty Clown Studio, under the publisher aislebsoupid on itch.io.

"A game where you serve customers delicious food as Bonnie! Yes, that's all it is! A game where you serve customers delicious food...

Nothing else."

3. Shipwrecked 64

Broadside Beach: SHIPWRECKED 64, known as SHIPWRECKED 64 in-universe, is the third of a three part mockumentary series dedicated to Broadside Animation, uploaded by Squeaks D'corgeh. Previously, the game had a legacy release before its official release on January 1st, 2024. 

Bucky and his gang are in danger and they need your help!!With this brand new 3D platformer, Bucky and his friends are going to be taken on a wild ride through an island they had crashed upon. Help out your pals and get the ship back up and running so you can go home once again!

4. The Bunny Graveyard

The Bunny Graveyard is an episodic horror adventure about a bunny who seeks to find the horrifying truth behind her existence. Immerse yourself in a world of pixel art inspired by GBA and NDS graphics, while unraveling an enthralling story that keeps you hooked!

Begin your journey as... a cursor? Your job is to find Skye, the bunny! But there seems to be some kind of strange entity inside the computer that doesn't want you to leave... can you complete your task and survive?

5. Happy's Humble Burger Farm

Happy's Humble Burger Farm is a restaurant simulation horror game series developed by Scythe Dev Team and published by TinyBuild.

As the series sets in the urban city, the player takes the job as the employee of the fast-food restaurant Happy's Humble Burger Farm where they must do their absolute best to satisfy the customers by serving their correct orders as swift as possible, while surviving from nightmare-fueled versions of the restaurant's beloved mascots.

Congrats, you're hired! Serve customers and maintain the Happy's Humble Burger Farm restaurant alone on the overnight. But be careful; things fall apart if you mess up! After work, head home and keep your eyes open for a way to escape the Barnyard Buds and their fast food fever-dream.

6. Garten of BanBan

Garten of Banban is a game made by the Euphoric Brothers. It is part of the controversial t mascot horror genre and is the Euphoric Brothers' 8th game. Upon release the game was met with a very ftff reception from gamers and critics alike, It received a lot of popularity on the internet as well as a lot of criticism and hate.

Enter Banban's Kindergarten, and you're sure to make some friends. Explore the mysterious establishment and don't lose your life and sanity. Uncover the horrifying truth behind the place, but be careful, as you are far from alone…

7. The Mortuary Assistant

The Mortuary Assistant is a 2022 horror game developed by DarkStone Digital and published by DreadXP. Set in 1998 in a small town in Connecticut, players control a newly hired assistant at a haunted mortuary.

Alone with the dead... Embalm corpses, banish demons, save your soul.

#Youtube #indie horror game #underrated #andy's apple farm #bonnie's bakery #shipwrecked 64 #the bunny graveyard #happy's humble burger farm #garten of banban #the mortuary assistant #scary #horror

[powerfulblob]

Nimona and Fatphobia

OK so for those of you who don’t know, they’re making Nimona significantly thinner in the movie version...

When she’s canonically plus-sized.

The original comic does a pretty good job with this, and avoids many commont ropes.

Still, I have some criticisms about size representation in the series as a whole, and I’ll get to those too.

Spoilers ahead.

Alos, tw for misogyny, fatphobia, racism, ableism, classism, eating disorders,

Before we start, a quick disclaimer:

I’m plus-sized, in the sense that this is the label that I think describes my size the best, and I have to get “oversized” clothes at Garage and my parents tried to get me to diet, so this was a big deal for me.

First...

First and most importantly: Size is not Nimona’s primary character trait.

She’s the main character of the series.

And this is something that’s such a big deal.

ND Stevenson himself said it in his earlier cartoon: The action comic industry is not so big on size representation.

In this comic, Stevenson critiques the way in which merchandise, posters, and the general culture of comics is very much misogynistic and portraying a very universally thin model.

The gendered sizing stereotypes and objectification come hand-in-hand. It’s the idea that women can only be seen as thin, busty objects of men’s consumption.

In any case, it’s the big deal that Nimona’s the main character.

She’s on the front cover of the book, the series is named after her, she’s the main character with arguably the most important role...

In any case, like this is the first thing I wanted to mention. While size representation is getting better, it’s usually a side character or two. But she’s the main character. I can talk about this alone for hours honestly.

2. Food

When I was reading Nimona again, I was worried because of the food tropes. I realized there was a running joke about pizza, and I was about to groan thinking of all the fatphobic comments that could come out of this.

But after actually reading this:

The joke isn’t about Nimona wanting food, it’s about her boss, Ballister, having nothing to eat in his fridge and having trashy taste.

He, dead-pan, says, “There are some genetically altered anchovies” Like what the hell is up with that?!

I actually think this is really awesome, as someone who struggled with eating disorders for a while.

I didn’t want another “The Whale” situation where the fatness was portrayed as a thing to be ashamed of, and directly caused by “junk food.” 

Nimona sips soda without caring for calories, has cravings that’s treated as something to familiarize her with the audience, and it’s overall a good job.

3. Power

This isn’t Shazam, in which thinness is considered synonymous with power.

She’s always portrayed as lively, and strong, regardless of her weight. If she needs to transform, it’s never to do with weight, but to do with form and function. Which is honestly a lot more than I was expecting.

Criticisms:

Amount There really aren’t that any other main characters that are plus-sized. Like, there are a few minor ones with less than 10 speaking lines, but nothing too major. But the one character that is important is treated with respect that I wish more plus-sized characters have in media today.

Still, there are a few worth mentioning. This includes Tabitha, the apple-seller, and Tabitha’s friend (again, extremely minor character but better than nothing). Like, I thought it was nice to see too sorta-thick characters getting together and chatting. You know, just living life. I thought that was nice. Sometimes normalcy is a good way to go when we have trash like The Whale out there.

Also, there was this random person with two speaking lines (not loving the ableist and classist stuff, tbh though)

Of course, there’s also my favorite character in the series, Dr. Blitzmeyer, but I’m still angry that she was menat to be thicker in the sketches so I’m not including her :(

Look at that! She was thicc af before

There were a few more plus-sized folks in the book, but no one who’s actually major.

In all:

I wish there were more plus-sized characters in the original comics, but that doesn’t remove the fact that Nimona was handled extremely well, especially for a comic.

#tw: fatphobia #tw: ableism #tw: swearing #nimona #tw: eating disorders #tw: misogyny #tw: classism

[90s-html-lesbians]

yes autistic bea and lilith *shakes your hand*

do you have any headcanons about that?

oh you’ve come to the right place anon!

tw for some discussion of ableism from beatrice & lilith’s parents

- until she learns more about it as an adult, ilith has no idea she’s autistic, she may have heard the word autism pertaining to her a few times as a kid, but it was often along the lines of “you don’t want to be like the warrington’s autistic kid, do you?”

- beatrice on the other hand, very & inescapably aware of it, as she is with her lesbianism. got a whole formal diagnosis and everything and for the longest time, it was one of the things in the world that she loathed the most.

- regardless, both of them were taught and required to mask their autistic traits

- they start to break out of that sometime during canon

- for lilith after she dies and comes back, everything is hard to repress, she can’t manage to keep anything together, and it’s no surprise given she is having her world shaken up and literally came back from the dead. and well, when you’re literally becoming a demon and betraying the people you worked with for years, the people who are were family to you, repressing harmless shit like “not emoting enough”, being too blunt all the time, a tendency to drag or tap your nails on stuff to stim is absolutely the least of your worries

- for beatrice well, ava’s excessive movement is kind of a bit contagious and well, being too controlled makes a person more noticeable and seen as out of place when they’re supposed to be laying low in the alps, and it makes ava a bit uncomfortable at times, so why not try to kill two birds with one stone?

- in many ways being a nun is lowkey a massive relief because in a lot of ways, there’s not nearly as much pressure for them to mask as much, as a lot of weirdness can and are chalked off by outsiders as “just some religious thing”, and as for the other sisters well, like beatrice said, they all have their own stories, and they’re nuns who go out and liberate religious artifacts and kill demons and sometimes people for a living, who cares if sister so and so has a *habit* (🥁) of missing obvious jokes or is too expressive or too unexpeessive with their face and is really firm about routine

- especially since many of the ocs are probably nd themselves and might’ve joined the coven for reasons related to that

- it’s not all perfect however, after all, engrained societal ableism is something that effects us all, this is a covent of the catholic church, and we know that even the ocs are canonically a bit judgmental to things that go against catholicism, see lilith & mother superion’s heavy dislike of ava being a non believer, mother superion calling ava’s supposed suicide a sin and calling ava a coward for it, the other ocs nuns avoiding ava, and well, “nuns don’t fidget”

- both beatrice & lilith probably already learned to channel the need to stim into working out and training, but even more so with the ocs, especially with how quiet and mundane nun life often is, even if you’re a secret ass kicking nun can be super understimulating, while missions can often be overstimulating

- you bet your right ass that lack of social skills thanks to the autism + trauma made beatrice & lilith’s isolation worse, esp lilith’s

- even if shannon hadn’t died and kicked off the sequence of events that came with, she would’ve imploded, or exploded ala s1 & s2 sooner or later

- she has had 0 friends her entire life aside from camila, shannon, mary & beatrice, because of not knowing how to interact with people and trust issues (people always seem to always want to use her for something and she always seeks to catch onto that too late) and she was already withdrawing from camila, shannon, mary & beatrice by the time of s1 because of the pressure and disappointment her mom was putting on her the longer time went on and lilith was just so irrationally angry and jealous of her friends because of it, and she knew it, so she started withdrawing from them to not risk taking anything out on them except that made stuff worse because then she’d be paranoid that maybe they were using her and didn’t actually care for her, so she withdrew more feeding the cycle and making everything worse

- lilith regularly gets mistaken as being pissed off 24/7 regardless of whether she is or isn’t both because her voice unintentionally always sounds angry and her face is unintentionally the definition of resting bitch face

- one or both of beatrice’s parents is actually autistic and she shares a lot of the same interests & love of infodumping over them as her parent, which invokes a lot of complicated feelings for her

- one of beatrice’s biggest interests/special interests is religious theology & history, and for a good while she can’t even think about it without digging up all sorts of very strong negative feelings and memories around it, and it makes her so upset because for the longest time her interest was what kept beatrice going even at her lowest points, but now when she’s arguably at one of the highest points of her life, she can’t even have someone mention it or anything related to it within ear shot

- between the two of them, beatrice & lilith, lilith is actually the one worse at getting jokes, especially because she’s always on the look out for mean spirited jabs

- beatrice 🤝 lilith: autistic same foods

- lilith is apathetic about eye contact and only ever makes non stop, non blinking eye contact

- beatrice can’t handle eye contact but masks it by looking at a point on a person’s face

- there are quite a few times when this backfires esp when she was a kid or post canon when she’s more relaxed because beatrice is so focused at pretending to make eye contact that she zones out of the conversation

- there are numerous moments in the alps where ava catch beatrice having completely zoned out of whatever she was doing at the time and just staring at a spot in space, completely lost in thought

- lilith has a special interest in sea animals and sea creatures and she absolutely loves telling people only the most cursed facts about them

- beatrice loves pressure, but for lilith, she’s always trying to get less pressure

- it’s why beatrice loves the weight of her armor and combat habit, whereas lilith, well, her transformation may or may not have been somewhat influenced by her subconcious to a small degree and it reflected lilith’s need to feel free without all the pressure

- one of beatrice’s favorite stims is running or rubbing her hand or fingers over fabric

- lilith’s wings are absolutely a stim for lilith, both physical and auditory because of the sound they make

- when she’s deep in thought it’s not uncommon to see lilith, feet fully planted on the ground, but with her wings flapping every few seconds

- lilith loves criticizing stuff, and often tries to bond with people through getting them to mutually criticize something with her, which doesn’t help people thinking she’s pissed off 24/7 even when she isn’t

- beatrice hates cheese, it’s way too salty for her so she doesn’t touch anything with it if she feels she has a choice

- beatrice thrives on routine and schedules, whereas lilith doesn’t care for it, but absolutely loathes whenever someone deviates from their usual behavior

- lilith was a late speaker

- both lilith & beatrice haye doing the dishes, it’s sensory hell for them

- lilith hates the feeling of water on her in general

- lilith is lowkey more than a bit face blind

#warrior nun #sister beatrice #sister lilith #lilith villaumbrosia #headcanons #hcs #wn #sorry for the late response anon #was having a time of it with schoolwork #anon #ask #please do send me more asks in the future if you want to esp regarding hcs #i’ll defo take a while to get around to responding but they’re always appreciated #scheduled

[kiidwritings]

so cringe, but i love u <3

chapter 0: prologue

wc; 3,563. tags/warnings; maybe ooc .T4T RAAAGGHHHH!! Trans horangi. Trans könig. 5+1 Things. sorry if könig is ooc. im trying here. also horangi might be ooc. I TRYING. idk i based his AUDHD on mine so :P. same with könig's social anxiety. author is nd. Author is trans. she/he/they könig. transfem könig. im trying my best ;-;. not beta read. events based on stuff in author's real life. lol mention of masturbation. author knows very little german. like the basics of german. thanks duolingo. FART JOKE/MENTION DFHBDGJB. possible grammatical errors

pairing: kim "horangi" hong-jin/könig

READ ON AO3!!

Love is a remarkable thing. Whether platonic or romantic, it’s something that everyone deserves and can really change a person’s character and heal wounds that were never properly treated. Love is expressed in many different ways; cooking for someone, basking in the warmth of another’s touch, or even through the act of lovemaking (or fucking if you’re freaky like that). 

Life isn’t some fictional romantic book with some ridiculous trope like soulmate strings, or love at first sight, you have to learn what love is beneath all the lovey-dovey shit- love was awkward flirting, one-sided infatuation, heartbreak, and realizing some things just don’t work out between people. 

Sometimes it feels like you’ll never find love, no matter how long you wait, it seems like no one has the desire to make you theirs.

To have those little inside jokes that no one else understands.

To be able to sit down and work out problems in a way that leaves both parties satisfied.

To have rubbed off on each other so much that everyone can see that they're yours and you theirs.

To be able to love is a beautiful thing, whether sexual or romantic activities are involved.

So when König first saw Horangi, dressed down in his all-camo attire and sunglasses that just barely made his almond-shaped eyes visible, he couldn’t help but let his nails pick unconsciously at the dead skin along the ridges of his finger beds and begin sweating underneath his hood from the raising temperatures.

Of course, König kept his distance, needing to read him from afar before even thinking about approaching him. His skills were good no doubt about that, KorTac is only filled with the best, but it seemed like König was taking too long because one afternoon, Horangi waltzed up to them and practically demanded a sparing match.

“You’re sparing with me today.”

König blinked, sweat pooling under their mask from both Horangi’s presence and having just beat the shit out of a punching bag (she had a lot of built-up anger that day and not enough sleep, you couldn't blame her!)

“What?”

“Sparing match,” Horangi pointed to the sparing mats, “Now, let’s go.”

He didn’t even wait before walking over to the mats, expecting König to follow him like a trained puppy at his beck and call. If König was none the wiser, maybe they would’ve seen the sway in Horangi's hips, like a cat courting a potential mate.

But deep down, König couldn’t help but be turned on by Horangi’s dominance, and their leg bounced and thumped like an excited bunny.

The more the two were around each other- whether it was for a mission, during a debrief meeting, in the mess hall, in the training rooms, or even after hours when everyone started to retreat back to their dorms, König and Horangi would always make some extra time to see each other.

Maybe Horangi liked the rank imbalance between them, or maybe it was the fact that they were both trans, but it seemed like whatever higher powers had finally answered König’s prays to be loved for once (by someone besides his mom and grandmother- whatta ladies man!) because after many long months of pining for each other, getting flustered over lingering gazes, and landing in awkward positions during sparing (which usually ended up with Horangi knuckles deep in himself), König made the first move.

If she’d told younger her that she made a move on a cocky, badass baddie such as Kim “Horangi” Hong Jin, little Anton would’ve scoffed.

Him? Talking to anyone about romantic interest? Yeah, probably in some other universe where König didn’t feel like the room got ten times hotter whenever anyone even remotely up to his standards stood within a 10-foot radius of him.

But here they were, standing outside Horangi’s door with shien of sweat over their skin, shaky hands, and having had hit his head thrice on the doorways around the base, his mind too clouded by how to even start going about this.

He owed another thanks to whoever was listening to his prayers because despite having not a complete family for the entity of his adolescence, KorTac had definitely filled in the voids he was missing. Asking around for advice was both embarrassing and nerve-racking.

Roze went the straightforward route; go up to Horangi, ask him out, take him to dinner, bring him back to base, fuck him hard and nice, and then ask him out. The euphoria of the moment will help bring out Horangi’s true emotions without the shadow of insecurities. (Maybe it was the fact that Roze was aromantic and didn’t care much for the several steps skipped when someone usually tries to ask someone out.)

Hutch’s advice was much more thought through and less… vulgar . Sure what Roze said about going to dinner would be great- König and Horangi were kind of in the awkward stage of wanting to be with each other- but in the following days after the date, it’d be best to try and keep everything as they were before, and if Horangi’s feelings grew, then she knew it was time to make it official with him.

With his mind still full of insecurities and inexperience, König went and flopped down on his bed, limbs hanging off due to his imposing stature. 

“ Gottverdammt … this shouldn’t be so hard, right?” König muttered to herself as she stared at the painting chipping on her walls. She inwardly cursed herself for not having gotten over her stupid social anxiety and gotten some game back in his youth. (His therapist would’ve shaken his head if he heard him say that.)

Maybe she could think about it over some paperwork, the reports piling up on her already messy desk. Neh, König needed focus to do work, and having his mind also occupied with this whole dating situation would have him staring at the same sentence for half an hour, damn his ADHD. 

Working out always helped relieve stress and it was late, so he’d basically have the whole gym to himself. (They will still never live down accidentally farting while bending down to pick up a weight… ugh .) But König did have paperwork to be done, damn that paperwork, know he’s gonna be thinking about it for the rest of the week, URGH !

Shuffling onto their back, they let out a deep belly sigh. Staring at the semi-stained titles of his dorm ceiling, he thought back to his childhood, memories of brisk early mornings, perfecting his handwriting so his teachers would stop berating him for it, running home to avoid being hit by rocks by kids who never seemed to be in school and helping with as many house chores as needed in order to help his mother who worked relentlessly for her baby’s sake. König smiled, remembering a day when his mother came home, her crooked teeth showing in her big smile, standing on her tiptoes to give Anton a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

<“Mama, you look happy. Did something happen?”> Anton asked as he shifted in the too-small table chair. The already-worn wood creaked under his weight. 

Elena’s lips were cracked, having worked out in the cold from the first light of day to the late dusk hours, but her smile never flattered. 

Anton was her rock and she was his, having stuck through everything in life together. 

When his father left, not needing to be weighed down by the responsibilities of being a father to a baby who would never grow up to be as much a man as he is, she cried and cried to her mother, a strong widow who was more than welcome to take care of her daughter’s pride and joy despite finally feeling her age. 

When Anton went through growth spirit after growth spirit, having to retuck his shirt into his waistbands and feel the breeze on his constant plumbers crack, she took all the old clothes her late father and dead-beat ex-husband left behind, stitching up whatever tears and rips were in the fabrics and sending him off, praising Anton for looking like such a big, strong boy when really, the clothes just made him look like the homeless man he’d see during his bike rides to the overpriced supermarket in the next town over.

<“Oh Anton, my sweet boy,”> She came over, cupping his cheeks riddled with freckles (they were more prominent on colder days), ance, and scars from said ance and placed one of her sloppy, motherly kisses on his forehead. His curly auburn bangs stuck to her lips as she pulled back. 

The sight of his mother’s smile made his hands shake and slap against his thighs with untamed happiness.

<”Go put on something nice. We’ll pick up your grandmother and go out for something to eat. I’ve saved up enough for us.”> Elena’s thick eyelashes were glistening with tears and up close, Anton could see the bags under her hazelnut eyes.

After fancying themselves up and picking up his grandmother, they made the half-hour drive into the city. To regular standards, the restaurant was barely even considered fancy, it was just some family-owned diner with mediocre food and greasy tables, but the sight of the food made Anton enthusiastic while reciting the prayers his grandmother made them say before meals. 

Whilst in the midst of practically shoveling food in his mouth, Anton’s grandmother spoke up. 

<”Enkel (grandson)...?”> She spoke in a weak yet gentle voice. It had lost its verbal liveliness, but only those closest to her could understand when emotions ran high through her words. Anton looked up, his lips coated with the spicy broth from the Potato Gulasch he was practically inhaling, before quickly wiping his mouth with a crumbled napkin. His grandmother taught him better.

<”Has your mind cleared from the last time we talked?”> There was slyness in her tone as Elena raised her eyebrow and finished chewing a particularly chewy piece of beef in her Tafelspitz.

<”Hmm? What’s this about?”> She questioned rightfully so, if there was something bothering her son, she should be the first to know!

Anton blushed and began pushing around the vegetables in his stew. <”I…umm, I wanted to ask out a girl. Remember the one I was paired with for that project?”> 

Elean seemed to perk up even more, playfully bumping shoulders with her son.

<“Wunderbar! (Wonderful!) Oh, my sweet boy!”> She gushed and grinned wildly. In other circumstances, Anton would’ve laughed bashfully and gone pink, but in the middle of a busy restaurant where any of his schoolmates could’ve walked in or been within earshot of this conversation, he ducked his head and mumbled incoherence, embarrassed.

<”Yeah…I just, don’t know how to though. She’s so sweet and pretty I just… she’s too good for me.”>

 Elean blinked at this, her smile gone and looking rather serious as his grandmother shook her head.

<”Enkel, we talked about this. You need to-.”>

<”No girl is too good for my son!”> Anton’s grandmother was cut off by Elean’s sharp words. She was frowning and looked rather upset. Not at Anton himself, but at his mind and his insecurities and the words he dared to utter, belittling himself and his abilities.

<”Whoever this girl is, she’d be lucky to have someone such as yourself, my own flesh and blood, ask her out on a date! Good confessions come from the heart of someone just as good, and if she can’t understand how blessed and pure you are by your words, then she doesn’t deserve shit from you!”> 

Elean’s cheeks were flushed by the time she finished her rant before they got even redder.

<”Ah! Entschuldigung, Mutter! Bist bald! (Excuse me, mother! I’m sorry!)”> She hung her head at her grandmother while Anton just stared at his mother in astonishment. 

Just his mother’s words alone filled him with such… confidence. He felt his hands shake and suddenly his mind cleared with only one thing in mind; asking this girl out.

His grandmother only smiled and let her ankle knock against her daughter’s in a silent acceptance. 

The rest of the dinner went well, Elean even treated them to some desserts. The ride home was filled with comfortable silence and the rumble of Anton’s stomach as it tried to adjust to the spices that laced the Potato Gulasch. 

Anton smiled to himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. The reflection in the mirror was no longer someone he scrunched his face up at, but a young man who was slowly breaking out of his shell, like a caterpillar wiggling its way out of its chrysalis.

With a full stomach and his mother’s words still echoing in his head, Anton nuzzled into his flat pillows, forgetting all his other school troubles and only thinking about the happy-go-lucky brunette who went the extra mile to say hi to him in the halls.

(He also doesn't think he’s ever farted so much in his life. His stomach growled and rolled from the spices that were now coating his insides and attacking his bowels. His asshole was on fire that night.)

It was about 20 minutes before lights out, the usual sounds of the Kortac base were now mellowed down as the night hours passed. 

König balled his thin sheets up in his calloused fists before jerking up in bed, death staring at the hickory door of his room. König wasn’t a pussy, he wasn’t gonna disappoint his mother, and he didn’t his rank as colonel by letting his insecurities get the best of him!

Social anxiety be damned, this mountain of an Austrian man knew how to get shit done when shit needed to be done!

Without a moment’s hesitation, she threw open her door and made her way down the halls of the barracks, getting stares from those who were still up and about. She made a beeline for Horangi’s room and wasted no time giving the door a sturdy three knocks.

“I- just a second!” Horangi’s accented voice was heard through the door along with some rustling. König stood straight and waited for the top of the Korean man’s head to come into view.

Horangi appeared in his doorway wearing some casual attire; a pair of black cargos, a V-necked gray shirt, and a simple black hoodie. His usual pair of sunglasses were nowhere in sight, not even hanging on the collar of his shirt, and his eyes, dark and shimmery like black diamonds, looked up at König with such innocence.

König could tell he wasn’t wearing his binder, not that he made it a habit to look! But when you’re tall enough to see the curve of everyone’s boobs from above, it was sometimes the second thing you noticed about a person.

(Sometimes König wished they had boobs. The mere thought made their face flush and they felt vulnerable even within the walls of her own room. Someday, she’d work up the courage to find a bra that'd fit her chest and cry at the sight of how beautiful his body, which he spent years hating, could be.)

The sight of Horangi made him instinctively hunch his shoulders and swallow hard. König blinked before clearing they spoke, “Ah, good evening, Hor- I mean, Hong-Jin!” 

Hong-Jin made it a point that his callsign was indeed NOT his actual name and that during their casual time together, he preferred that name over Horangi (it especially sounded nice when it came from König’s lips, but he would never say that, no matter how blunt he could be).

“Hello, König. What brings you around this late?” Hong-Jin said as he leaned against the door frame, arms crossed and without the playful scrunch of his eyes, König would’ve thought the worst, and all his confidence would’ve gone down the drain. 

König had yet to tell Hong-Jin his real name.

Anton is not a colonel, but a citizen. She was beneath the sniper hood König adorned when on base and during missions. Anton was a mama’s boy who was too big for their own good and although hated their dad, wished he hadn’t left so that they might’ve had some sort of male role to look up to. 

But that was a can of worms she wasn’t ready to open, it’d probably go bad by the time she was ready to even think about cracking open its rusted aluminum top.

König gripped the fabric of his pants to keep them from shaking. “Can I come in? I wanted to…talk…?”

He inwardly cringed as his voice went up an octave as his sentence progressed, but Hong-Jin just smiled, well, König assumed he smiled based on how his eyes squinted (it was hard to see when he had his mask on), and stepped out the way to allow König into his room.

Making sure to duck, König went and sat on the desk chair. They were familiar with the arrangement of Hong-Jin’s room from the number of times the two had hung out in it… as friends of course!

Hong-Jin plopped back down on his bed, there were some stray clothes lying about but otherwise, it was tidy, as tidy as a ‘lived-in’ room could be.

“So what’s up, König? Roze told me you two talked earlier.”

König visibly stiffened, heart stopping for a second before pounding at his rib cage like a rabid animal and it was suddenly 80 degrees under his hood.

(Fahrenheit, of course. I’m American.)

“Really? What…what about?” König squeaked out. (What the hell, König didn’t squeak . He’s a grown-ass dude, the fuck would he be squeaking for?!)

Hong-Jin just shrugged smugly. “I don’t know, you wanna tell me? That was your conversation.” His everyday, average teasing seemed to be too much for poor, little ( NOT little. Remember? This was a middle-aged man we’re talking about.) König.

Their chest puffed and they exhaled loudly, almost unnecessarily loud. With averted eyes and sweaty palms, she spoke up again.

“Y-yeah, I had something to admit.” Hong-Jin blinked and if it hadn’t been for his mask, König would’ve seen the pink flush in his cheeks.

Hong-Jin shuffled on the bed but kept silent, pleading for him to continue.

König let out another sigh again, “I’ve been thinking about this for…some time now. Maybe three months after you transferred to KorTac and since we started really talking to each other,”

Her leg started bouncing and the desk chair let out little squeaks. Hong-Jin didn’t seem to care, listening intently to every word that slipped from König’s mouth.

“And, I’m not sure if it’s too early or if you're completely uninterested feel free to tell me off, but I’d love the opportunity to-.”

“ God yes .”

Kong blinked at the desperation and eagerness that dripped from Horangi’s agreement.

Hong-Jin blinked, his body leaning forward and hands gripping his knees, before leaning back and blushing hard.

Oh, such a pretty pink.

“You didn’t let me finish.”

“Well, is ‘Yes’ the answer you were hoping for in response to your question?” Hong-Jin’s voice was a mixture of bashful and smug. 

König crossed his legs, then uncrossed them, then crossed them the opposite way. “I…umm, well it depends! Can…can I finish my sentence?” König huffed in amusement. 

Hong-Jin nodded, so with a little bit less anxiousness, König spoke up again.

“I wanted to ask if you…umm, well, if you wanted to go out?…with me! Not just like in general, but like ya’ know…-“

“On a date?” Hong-Jin’s voice was now smug and he was definitely smirking under his mask. 

That sly cat…

König just nodded and fidgeted with the drawstring of his sweatpants. “ Ja. Well, I guess I already know your answer ‘cause you just said yes, but I wanted you to actually know what you were agreeing to! I’m not even sure if you like me or not, or just pitying me! Which is completely fine if that’s the-!”

“König…” Hong-Jin’s voice was now soft, a natural rumble from his chest, akin to a noise a tiger would make (haha, see what I did there?).

König just fluttered her eyelashes and swallowed, “Hmm?”

“I would love to go on a date with you. I do like you if that somehow wasn’t clear enough.”

So that’s how it started, two predators- a bear with the heart of a rabbit and a tiger who had a knack for teasing, learning to be soft with each other.

What people don’t realize about going from friends to lovers is how similar the relationship is to the previous friendship. You go about your normal routines with a little bit of PDA and flirting added into it (and a lot of fucking, Horangi’s sex drive was higher than König’s). Soon, you’ll be moving in with each other, spending late mornings in each other’s arms, sharing clothes, and swapping spit.

But like all humans, we have flaws and weaknesses. Whether or not you choose to deal with a partner’s flaws shows more about your character than theirs. And if you're strong enough to stay with someone despite feeling yourself physically recoil at the sight of their icks, then that shows your love and devotion towards them.

But one little ick wouldn’t ruin a relationship, right?

Till death do them part…although, it’d be years before those words would even be muttered.

Feel free to give criticism and feedback via ask, I’d love to know how to get better and to hear what y'all have to say about my writings!

Have a good day/night! :3c - alienkiid

Taglist (bolded means could not be tagged!): no one yet!~

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©kiidwritings 2020 - 2023; all rights to the stories are reserved to @kiidwritings! please do not plagiarize, modify, edit, translate, or repost any of my work!

#💣 cod:mw #📁 - kiid.write #kim horangi hong jin #cod mw2 #mw2 #konig cod #könig call of duty #könig mw2 #könig fanfiction #horangi x könig #körangi #📎 - könig #📎 - kim “horangi” hong-jin

[selkiewife]

TYRION APPRECIATION MONTH

Day 7: A Game of Thrones

Favorite Tyrion Quotes in AGOT

"Speaking for the grotesques," he said, "I beg to differ. Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities."

"Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you."

“Even a stunted, twisted, ugly little boy can look down over the world when he's seated on a dragon's back.”

“Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it."

"We all need to be mocked from time to time, Lord Mormont, lest we start to take ourselves too seriously.

Tyrion wondered what it would be like to have a twin, and decided that he would rather not know. Bad enough to face himself in a looking glass every day. Another him was a thought too dreadful to contemplate.

Suddenly a strange madness took hold of him, a yearning to look once more off the end of the world. It would be his last chance, he thought; tomorrow he would ride south, and he could not imagine why he would ever want to return to this frozen desolation. The King's Tower was before him, with its promise of warmth and a soft bed, yet Tyrion found himself walking past it, toward the vast pale palisade of the Wall.

"Your brother Jon asked it of me. And I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples and bastards and broken things." Tyrion Lannister placed a hand over his heart and grinned.

"Will I truly be able to ride?" Bran asked. He wanted to believe them, but he was afraid. Perhaps it was just another lie. The crow had promised him that he could fly. “You will," the dwarf told him. "And I swear to you, boy, on horseback you will be as tall as any of them."

Catelyn Stark was trapped against the stone face of the mountain with three men around her, one still mounted and the other two on foot. She had a dagger clutched awkwardly in her maimed hands, but her back was to the rock now and they had penned her on three sides. Let them have the bitch, Tyrion thought, and welcome to her, yet somehow he was moving. He caught the first man in the back of the knee before they even knew he was there, and the heavy axehead split flesh and bone like rotten wood. Logs that bleed, Tyrion thought inanely as the second man came for him. Tyrion ducked under his sword, lashed out with the axe, the man reeled backward … and Catelyn Stark stepped up behind him and opened his throat. The horseman remembered an urgent engagement elsewhere and galloped off suddenly.

He had been born in the dead of winter, a terrible cruel one that the maesters said had lasted near three years, but Tyrion's earliest memories were of spring.

'The Seasons of My Love.' Sweet and sad, if you understand the words. The first girl I ever bedded used to sing it, and I've never been able to put it out of my head." Tyrion gazed up at the sky. It was a clear cold night and the stars shone down upon the mountains as bright and merciless as truth.

“She was scarcely a year older than I was, dark-haired, slender, with a face that would break your heart. It certainly broke mine.”

“…and at the end she had so many silvers the coins were slipping through her fingers and rolling on the floor, she …" The smoke was stinging his eyes. Tyrion cleared his throat and turned away from the fire, to gaze out into darkness. "Lord Tywin had me go last," he said in a quiet voice. "And he gave me a gold coin to pay her, because I was a Lannister, and worth more."

He dreamt of the sky cell. This time he was the gaoler, not the prisoner, big, with a strap in his hand, and he was hitting his father, driving him back, toward the abyss …

Pale crimson fingers fanned out to the east as the first rays of the sun broke over the horizon. The western sky was a deep purple, speckled with stars. Tyrion wondered whether this was the last sunrise he would ever see … and whether wondering was a mark of cowardice. Did his brother Jaime ever contemplate death before a battle?

That was when he knew. You have given him up for lost, he thought. You bloody bastard, you think Jaime's good as dead, so I'm all you have left. Tyrion wanted to slap him, to spit in his face, to draw his dagger and cut the heart out of him and see if it was made of old hard gold, the way the smallfolks said. Yet he sat there, silent and still.

Favorite Quotes said about Tyrion in AGOT

"Oh, I think that Lord Tyrion is quite a large man," Maester Aemon said from the far end of the table. He spoke softly, yet the high officers of the Night's Watch all fell quiet, the better to hear what the ancient had to say. "I think he is a giant come among us, here at the end of the world.”

“Remember this, boy. All dwarfs may be bastards, yet not all bastards need be dwarfs." And with that he turned and sauntered back into the feast, whistling a tune. When he opened the door, the light from within threw his shadow clear across the yard, and for just a moment Tyrion Lannister stood tall as a king.

#tyrionmonth2022 #tyrion lannister #asoiaf #valyrianscrolls #tyrion quotes

[heleizition]

EYE EMOJI. later cuz i was doing stuff. THEY ALL NEED HUGS. jesus fuck. eat the rich. eat them. also stan. just throw em in there. fucker. could use criminal syndicate if ya wanna? ALSO W HA T. does jo get wolf traits. whats the thing with the traumatic past of bf baby that jo feels guilty about? ...how do they die? >:3 evil face to hide the pain. do they get hugs. does Boi with cyborg jazz get helped? i forget names so quick i didnt open a second tab. howd he nearly die? do any of the others have enhancements? does jo get to kill the boss bastard?

criminal syndiate sounds right !!!! organises human experiments to get loyal soldiers <3

jo does get wolf traits ! she had the ears n tail nd also fur here and there . also teeth :) .

so stephan, (gaby's bf) was a guy who ended up in stan's grip. not exactly sure yet how it happened but he ended up there, ended up getting trained to kill and drugged to obey for years until one of his senior tried to help him and he got out. he ended up passed out in an alley beside where gabriel lived at the time and he took care of him through the drug withdrawal and realising he was now 20+ years old and had no idea how to be a normal person.

jo got betrayed and then digged into stan's past and actions while stephan was under his orders. she met him once and at first she didn't know abt the drug n stuff,,, once they met again stephan had no recollection of her and she jst felt helpless and like she had failed him,,, like she didnt know. and wouldn't be able to do much . but she feels like she could have gotten him out sooner with a proper support system (not that gabriel isn't good but hes only one guy who also has issues).

nathaniel was in a similar situation ! he and chronos lived w their parents when they were kids, and their parents, mainly their mom, was one of the head researcher for human modification and advancement (mostly for like. idk how you call this but to help with pain, handicaps, better human life yk, not to make WEAPONS). she knew too much n got killed,,, both boys hid in a closet at night when their parents heard intruders, saw their parents get executed, and when the killer got closer to the closet, nathaniel got out and acted like he was alone in here to spare chronos. he got knocked out and dragged out by the man and chronos (age like. 8 or 9 btw) jst sat there terrified and dissociating. at first he thought that nath was alive but everyone around him was so dismissive, trying not to get him too much hope, that he made himself believe his brother was dead.

nath was also under stan's control (who had that time was looking for test subjects in making . cyborg weapons) and was sent mostly to spy on jo and get leverage for stan (which ended up with kidnapping but im once again making things on the spot) until chronos got through him and the programming basically yayyyy

maria is also a cyborg, she lost her legs when she was a teen during an explosion. i had more hybrids but im not interest in most of them anymore EJESJOFJES who knows..................... maybe ill make more later.................;

jo DOES get to kill bastard man . but it doesnt mean they survive the deadly virus under the dome. the first itteration of this story had a character, basil, survive all of this and tell the story actually.

#ask me #josephine #gabriel #stephan #stanislas #nathaniel #chronos

[buppypuppy]

✨🌼🎯❤️✂️🍀 for marinetta GO

YES! YOUVE ACTIVATED ME!

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

Well. ORIGINALLY. She was just kind of me porting my fursona, whose name was Marnie [her name was marnie before mine was, i was like fuuck that's befitting of me and took it] and i was like well marnie wouldn't work with the setting let me fuck around. and it turned into marinetta. she is no longer like my old fursona in any way other than "She's a rabbit and marnie [fursona] was a rabbit"

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

That is a difficult question. because . she was dead for a couple of years. if you count those years she'd probably be like in her forties technically? but she's more like . in her early thirties. sorta.

🎯 -What do they do best?

Whatever the surgeon needs her to do really.... her whole Thing is that well she's found one person who can be a sense of stability in her life nd she will do anything to make sure that she seems useful enough to keep around. but. well. her job description means killing people pretty often and she's gotten really fuckin good at that.

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

She doesn't really have many good ones, and her childhood was not easy for sure. but she does have memories of when she was very young, and her mother would play the hurdy gurdy for her. She still has her mother's hurdy gurdy, it's her only real Possession.

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

Losing her mother. She was the only person in her life for..... A Long Time. and it happened when she was pretty young too. it really kind of ruined her .

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

As I said earlier just wanting to port in my fursona but a lot of stuff contributed to what she is now. the idea of her weapons being made of her own blood was kind of a lady maria / chikage thing. Her weapons being sickles of crystals of a sort i stole from d*stiny 2 bc i liked one of the abilities but also i dont think about d*stiny at all anymore lol . them being on chains attached to her i got from kratos i think? also i just kind of wanted an excuse to have a tortured edgy character because like i didn't really get to be in a lot of the groups where something like, mary sue-y would be something i could Have and i have a lot of mental stuff relating to that. but nonetheless.

#Mona Lisa‚ Mother Earth #marinetta (oc)

[wulvert]

HACK WHEEZE GOOFNMOR NING. IT IS NOT MORNING FOR ME ACTUALLY I HAV MISSED IT BY A LONGSHOT. ANYWAYS HAPPY BELATED PAPERTEETH DAY YOU WON THROUGH THE ILLNESS!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

tw for: discussion of suicide (about avery) nd questions about avery's mental state i guess? if ur uncomfortable with answering the questions here for any reason pls for the love of god do NOT answer. or delete the ask nd i can resend it without this part. theres a marker for when i stop talking about it!

i am. so deeply concerned about avery's mental state. the repeated showcases of such severe self hatred to the point of suicidal ideation is so so worrying i want her 2 be happy. i like exploring nd expanding on it when i write her though!!! complex characters my beloved. was avery. always in this mental state before being turned? or was it. becoming a vampire that triggered it. or did becoming a vampire just like. make what she already had worse? i am. very worried for her

(discussion of suicidal topic end)

um. heres a lighter question: WHY DID SCARLET REACT LIKE THAT WHEN AVERY FIRST CALLED HER,,,WHO DID SHE THINK WAS CALLING,,,IS THIS JUST HOW SHE ANSWERS THE PHONE. IS IT RELATED 2 SCARLETS "FEELS ALONE TO THE POINT OF ABNORMALITY" THING ND SHE WAS JUST RLY EXCITED 2 HAVE SOMEONE CALL? IS IT JUST A FOR FUN DETAIL IM OVERTHINKING. I HAVE 2 KNOW,,,

also. how did scarlet know where avery lives. did she like. ask trisha nd trisha asked her dad/rummaged through his files? asked kelly?

GOODMORNING ITS 5PM! I did it,,,

ok yeah tw: implied suicidal ideation pretty much what lesbian_1sm said:

right so she's def never been this low b4- but she's definitely overall throughout her life been pretty empty, she's never had any control of her own life, its all been what her parents want for her & her brothers- becoming a vampire's the worst possible scenario for her, she under 0 circumstances can fulfill her parents wants in any way whatsoever. so that sucks, cuz she's dedicated every waking moment of her life to that. she's raised to think vampires existing is morally wrong- so she feels guilty for not being dead but she also, honestly doesn't want to die, she's never rly got to live 4 herself but it seems like the only thing ethical thing she can do. so she hates herself a lot, but she also hates herself for not hating herself more. rip. she is gonna latch onto any "excuse" for her to not turn herself in, she just needs some outside thing to justify it to herself with. she genuinely thinks kelly would just kill her no questions asked if she told him even though theyve been friends for like. a gazillion years.

she'll be okay though i think becoming a vampires necessary for her to get better in the long run otherwise she'd stick to that murder grindset for the rest of time

ITSA OVER WE CAN TALK ABT SCARLET AND HER LESS OVERT DESPAIR NOW WAHOO

I THINK SHE'S JUST LIKE THAT NOW. shes not used to people anymore. a spam call is a huge event for her- she has to make them stay to talk for a minute.

she probably asked around, i think vampire hunters like to impose so a few people probably know where she lives- & scarlet probably just said she wanted to check up on her after hearing about the disruption - her desperate intensity probably made ppl think they were close friends (not out of character for avery not to let her friends know where she lives, so whatever) so they unquestioningly gave it to her.

#asks

[c-kiddo]

I think the M9 are just one big nd queer friend group (yes this is because irl me and my best friends make a purely ND + queer friend group) and I love thinking of how they would adjust to the comfort of that over time. Like leaving stim toys out to share (I think jester would have a big horde to share), using each other to casually pressure stim, automatically adjusting for each other's sensory issues and stuff. I also think they would all know sign language, I hc Molly would have learned and then taught yasha (who totally goes nonverbal), and beau and Caleb would have learned on their own (Caleb because he's autistic like yasha and beau because she wants to understand her loved ones). I think cad would have invented a different basic sign language with his siblings or something....sibling bond you know? I see cad, Caleb and Yasha as like. The super autistic trio. Caleb got diagnosed young and taught them about it and cad is like oh there's a name for that in my family nobody questions it....*goes back to organizing tea* and Yasha would be like. Oh I'm not a freak for that I thought I was just clinically weird....*goes and sits in a corner and doesn't say anything for 3 days*. Jester and fjord are absolutely an adhd t4t bi couple I don't think that needs an explanation. Beau is adhd too for sure and maybe also autistic. Veth and Molly idk I could see veth as any combo and Molly is. Molly. Maybe the token nt idk lol I was never that attached to his character lol. Ok that's it for now but I literally think of nd m9 all the time like every day, campaign 2 is my second biggest spin so these are my favorite headcanons to read and think about 🙂

wa yea,, tmn totally are queer + nd friendgroup solidarity. also i think they'd share some stimtoys, but also have their own too, like jester (token rich friend) buys them cool ones, colour coordinated and everythign :-3 she bought cad a chewy necklace thats purple n a gemstone like the amethyst on his staff and he thinks its so epic cool, now his hair doesnt get crunchy from chewing, and his sleeves dont get weird-smelling.

also ye!!! they all sign for sure. theres a bit of a mix-up in the beginning tho because some of them only know certain signing, especially cad.. his family use their own one based on sylvan signing (headcanon they speak sylvan at home too, and giant, then common after those two) and things made up by him and his siblings too. caleb probably knew a zemnian version of signing but its similar enough to wildemount common signing that its ok, plus he's good at memorising and learning the new things anyway. him and beau also end up learning sylvan signing to help communicate with cad if he cant talk and sounds are too much. also for sure think molly n yasha have some signing variation they used, though maybe they made it up together, especially when molly showed up and couldn't speak yet. and it just went on from there and ended up being very useful. also i think molly goes between not being able to speak and speakign 100mph, like often its one or the other lol. (headcanon molly had the fantasy magic version of a traumatic brain injury, caused by souls leaving and being dead and things. fantasy magic, astral sea, brain attacking, things)

also agree abt caleb having known he's autistic for a loooong while, diagnosed as a kid because he arranged everything into rows and only wanted to read like 1 book over and over and hid from noises. yasha definitly just went through life thinking she's weird,, i mean, canon. lol. and ye!! thats a cooll idea abt cads family having a name for it.. he's like, oh, this is [word for it in sylvan or somthing], me and belle and my mam are it (probably more or all of th clays but ,thats jsut an example).

okie okei, last bit. bullet points. speed round akjdna then bed time. adhd t4t fjorester so true. i think veth has nd girl swag for sure, but im not sure between adhd and autism, besides other things bc i could totally diagnose tmn with all sorts of neurodivergencies not just those two. (caleb ocd moments, beau bpd momence, cad quiet type bpd, if you may, as a treat)...... also nt molly is a funny idea 2 me. i think he's nd for sure. not autistic, he's too spontaneous n theres nothing in canon rly i can turn to autism..... so, i shall have a think. definitely brainweird for sure. oh ! oh molly psychosis haver for sure. molly cad and caleb all psychotic. euhh h yeah i think thats all this is long ramble now i should go to bed

(same hat @ cr2 being 2nd biggest special interest hellyea )

#asks #long post #sorry if i forget things im tired

[lonelywretchjervistetch]

My DC Cinematic Universe: Superman (Part IX)

Chapter Nine: Superman

It's at this time that we finally begin the story for this first theoretical film. Bits and pieces have been added throughout this elongated essay series, but this post is the culmination of these efforts, as well as fixing or clarifying a few things I've already mentioned.

Now, before anything else, there is something I need to make abundantly clear. I am not a writer. I am not a screenplay writer, a comic book writer, or a writer of any other kind. My name is published in scientific papers, and my training is primarily in ecology and ornithology. I have a bunch of ideas about comics and webcomics, but haven't really finished them (as of yet). I have written a healthy number of film reviews on my side profile, but I DEFINITELY wouldn't call them literary masterpieces. So, yeah, absolutely not a writer.

However, what I am is a MASSIVE goddamn nerd who spends a lot of time thinking about how he would make movies about various comic book characters. Superman, of course, is one of those characters. So, before we start, here are a few things to keep in mind. This is meant to be lighter in tone, and more down to Earth than most Superman films tend to be. Think more like Superman: The First Movie, but a touch more serious nd introspective when it comes to our main character. And again, not a writer, so some blanks may have to be filled in here or there as we go along.

OK, OK, without further ado...let's see what we can do. Flash the DC logo, let's get started!

Prologue: Up in the Sky

We're gonna bookend this film with narration from Lois Lane, specifically pieces that she's writing on Superman and Metropolis. Gonna be mostly show and less tell, but Lois will help introduce us to the city. And in the beginning, we'll go from the opening directly to the street. Bustling activity on the sidewalk, people starting their day as the sun rises, and tracking life in Metropolis, right from the start.

Metropolis, for all intents and purposes, should feel like a real city. I'm talking Chicago, I'm talking New York. But, where Gotham represents those cities in the dead of night, when fear lurks in the darkness, we'll be seeing Metropolis shortly after sunrise, just as the city begins to wake up. And again, this should feel like a real city, with character and flavor all its own. And Lois' narration should reflect and describe that character. A city that's always been grasping towards a bright future, but is inhabited by those comfortable living in the modern day. A place of tomorrows that hold onto the past. Nostalgia tempered by ambition. Y'know, that kinda stuff.

As Lois begins to describe the feel and life in the city, as well as recent changes and strife, we go to Hob's Bay, a older harborside neighborhood, and one of the oldest in Metropolis. a man visits a news stand and picks up a paper. This man is Bibbo Bibowski, a local character and owner of the Ace o'Clubs pub, and he picks up a local paper, the Daily Star. He looks at the Daily Planet, which is reporting on Superman, and grimaces. Not a fan, clearly. He puts in a pair of headphones, and turns on a podcast, Leslie Willis' Live Wire. Yeah, on the nose, I know, but you get it.

As Bibbo's walking to work, he bumps into a clumsy young man, whom he identifies as Jimmy Olsen. The two are friendly, but you can see a brief clash of ideologies as Bibbo refers to Jimmy's job at the Daily Planet as less than respectable, given their stance on certain issues. Jimmy brushes this off, because he's going to be late to work. He grabs some food from a stand, then gets a rideshare to the Daily Planet. But before he can get there...

Why yes, that IS a clip from the 1997 film Steel, starring Shaquille O'Neal. And yes, this IS for a good reason! So, Jimmy's in the ride share, texting Lois to let her know that's he's on his way to the office. But, on the way, a crime erupts when the Metropolis PD race by, interrupting traffic. Jimmy, following the normal actions of an intrepid reporter (according to Lois, anyway), asks the driver to follow them. When they get there, they see the police interrupting a robbery.

Lois' narration continues, telling us that crime has been getting worse, with gangs taking claim over various territories, using increasingly powerful weaponry. This weaponry, in this case is the Toastmaster, a powerful weapon used by the White Rabbit Gang of Hob's Bay. Caught smuggling the weapons by the police, a fire fight has erupted. The Special Forces Unit, led by Maggie Sawyer and Dan Turpin, arrives with their own firepower and manages to subdue some of the gang members. But at that point, a much larger Toastmaster, the BG-105, is brought out by a member of the gang, each of whom have a white rabbit on their jackets. He fires the gun, and it's obvious that the cops are outmatched. It's also at this point that Jimmy's out of the car, taking pictures for a story.

A gang member grabs a box and runs away, backed up by his compatriots. And as the danger's increased significantly, and Maggie and Dan are about to be blasted by this Toastmaster...

Part One: This is Your Life, Clark Kent

So, yeah, obviously this is when Superman shows up. We flash the title screen real fast, play his bombastic leitmotif, and we jump right back into the action. Superman gets hit by the blast, and you can immediately tell that this isn't the normal kind of hit you'd expect Superman to take. Normally, we see Superman sort of glance off bullets and energy blasts like nothing, but this clearly has more kick to it. Superman takes a few steps forward through the blast, struggling a bit as he does it, while Sawyer and Turpin and the rest of the unit mobilize on the other members of the gang present. Even then, though, one of the gang members escapes, scared and not wanting to be caught. Superman is, of course, there to take out the big Toastmaster and provide needed backup for the cops.

The fight ends, Superman has some interaction with Maggie Sawyer and Turpin (the latter of whom is slightly more non-plussed by Superman getting into police business), and he takes off. Jimmy looks on at this, then looks at his photos, all of which are genuinely fantastic. Jimmy, for the record, should be a great photographer. And that should be agreed upon at the Daily Planet, where Jimmy arrives to the angry shouts of editor-in-chief Perry White.

Perry's shouting for Jimmy, as well as any reporters who have info on the White Rabbit attack that's just happened. Jimmy walks into a meeting, where we meet each of the major members of the Daily Planet crew. I've described them of Part V of this essay series, but real quick in this sequence, we get some basic descriptions of their roles in the paper.

Cat Grant is a gossip columnist, whose current focus is on Lex Luthor and his relationship with some Contessa from Italy, as well as other prescient gossip. She's been essentially removed from the Superman beat, which she's still kinda bitter towards Lois about, but whatever. However, over the course of the Superman franchise, Cat will find herself orienting more towards superhero and supervillain reporting, moving her into a slightly different role than she's had in the comics.

Steve Lombard, sports columnist, is focusing on an upcoming game between the Metropolis Meteors (a team which he used to serve on) and the Gotham Wildcats, the winner of which is set up go up against either the Midway Cardinals or the Star City Stags to determine standing in the National Conference. He rambles on about it, but Perry cuts him off.

Ron Troupe, political columnist, is reporting on politician Gordon Crown's campaign, which includes his stance on the crime increase, as well as the struggles of the police. This is our introduction to the some of the sociopolitical strain in Metropolis, which is obviously a major theme going forward, as well as Crown's goal.

It's at this point that Jimmy comes in, with reports of the photos he's gotten for a new story. He looks for Lois, who's on the crime beat and the city beat alongside Clark, and is also not there. Nor is city beat reporter Clark, and we see that their seats at the table are empty, much to Perry's irritation. He asks where Lois is, and we find out exactly where she is.

Here, we finally put face to the narration, as Lois Lane arrives at the crime scene in order to speak with Sawyer, Turpin, and the recently arrived Chief William Henderson, who is speaking with Superman and giving his thanks. Lois, being the intrepid reporter, tries to get an interview with anybody who'll give her the time of day. Basically everybody's in a hurry to leave, as the police are needed for an upcoming press conference with Gordon Crown, which Ron Troupe is also attending. But one person does interact with Lois: Superman. They obviously have a previous press-informer relationship, as Superman gives Lois a healthy amount of info about the events that had unfolded, then takes off after a polite (if slightly awkward) greeting. And once he takes off, running up and out of breath right after is Clark Kent, who had not gotten to the scene as a result of traffic, and was "beat to the punch" by Lois.

So, yeah, obviously Clark and Superman are one and the same, but I'm really trying to carve out a distinct difference between the two identities. Clark is Superman's real face, but he would try and play it up just a little bit to throw suspicion off of himself. Most of the time, this isn't an issue, but there is somebody who's come close to figuring out his secret: Lois. And we get this idea throughout the film. Anyway, Clark and Lois' dynamic is notably different, and we should see the change. The two are clearly friendly towards each other, although we should get the idea that this is a recent development. As reporters, they engage in some friendly competition and banter, but they're also somewhat too busy to hang out outside of work. Which is another dichotomy to enforce. Y'know, Superman is too busy for Lois, but Lois is too busy for Clark. It's symmetry! Anyway, after some pleasant and likeable conversation, the two head to work together.

Two more things real quick. Firstly, the romantic tension isn't quite out in the open as of yet, but there's definitely chemistry between the two. You should get the sense of a pre-existing relationship, with some potentially romantic overtones, but it's not crystallized yet. After all, romance between these two isn't exactly tension, since it's inevitable, but we should see the hints of it beginning to blossom. And it will blossom, but in an unexpected manner. Why?

Well, that brings us to our second point: Lois knows that Clark is Superman, but Clark doesn't know that Lois knows. Because let's be goddamn honest about something: Lois is absolutely a bullshit detector. And her insanely intrepid nature has led her to realize that Clark and Superman are one and the same. But she's mostly wrestling with ethics here. Does she ruin this person's life, and almost certainly the lives of others by telling a truth that doesn't need to be outed...or does she continue to gather information on this person, and try and understand them further to get a more fleshed-out story? And, of course, that was Lois' original plan, but she's realized that Clark is his own person, and not actually pretending to be something he isn't, in both of his identities. And in the process, she actually found herself liking Clark as a person, and not just as a story. But the distance between his identities is still hard for her to reconcile, so she's still figuring things out. But by the end of this film, she'll know exactly what she wants, and how she feels about Clark and Superman.

We cut from those two, and to an alleyway, to where the gang member who'd escaped earlier has run. A car pulls up, and the person inside is Bruno Manheim, who is being played by Tony Dalton in this essay. Somebody suggested it, and I like him for the part, honestly. The gang member is let into the car, and a friendly-seeming Bruno chats it up with them. Apparently, this struggle was part of a trade deal between the White Rabbits and Manheim's group, Intergang, but someone had tipped Manheim and his men off, meaning that Intergang didn't show up to the deal. Who tipped them off isn't said, however.

Manheim wants the Toastmasters, but now wants to deal directly with the boss of the Rabbits, whose identity is not well-known. After a conversation, Manheim intimidates the Rabbit and tells him he wants a meeting with their boss. He convinces the member to help arrange the meeting, and to tell only the boss so that this kind of thing wouldn't happen again. He lets the freaked-out Rabbit go, and relaxes in the back of his car.

A partition lowers, and a man in the passenger seat asks why he let him go. One, Manheim has other places to be; and two, at some point during the talk, Manheim slipped a tracker on the young Rabbit. Yes, this is a tech-savvy gang, and Manheim is not entirely stupid. He tells the driver to drop him off at "the rally", and then tells the man in the passenger seat to track down the rabbit. This man, John Corben, smiles at the request, and the group takes off. Oh, and the pre-Metallo Corben is played by Wilson Bethel in this essay.

OK, we're getting a little bogged down in the details, but let's continue following the story. At this point, I've been building up to a rally that's set to take place that afternoon. As Lois and Clark arrive at the Planet, they interact with the other members of the bullpen in various stages of their day, and we get to know see the inter-office relationships. Most prominently, of course, is Jimmy and our duo, and the three are pretty clearly often associated with each other. They go to meet Perry, he's a little pissed at how late they were, but lets it go in Lois' case when he hears their intel for the overarching story. But since Clark hasn't come in with a story, Perry assigns him to accompany Troupe to the upcoming Crown rally, and to get interviews with the audience members present, while Troupe interviews Crown himself. Clark agrees, and Jimmy offers to accompany them to get pictures of the event.

After this meeting, Clark gets a call from his folks, who are packing to head to Metropolis later that week on a visit. We get a hint that Jonathan Kent recently visited a doctor for cardiac concerns, but little more than a mention. Clark goes to meet Troupe, who's somewhat dismissive, but not out of any malice. It's from him and Olsen than we get an idea of who Gordon Crown is, as well as his views, and what the rally is going to focus upon.

Crown (played by Will Poulter for the purpose of this essay, and because I think he'd be a solid cast), is a young, likeable politician currently running for public office, after having been a popular political pundit working for the rival to the Daily Bugle, the Morgan Edge-owned company Galaxy Communications. On good terms with the Planet staff, he's an affable person with somewhat conservative views. Not everyone agrees with him, but he's got a reliable base. Interestingly, he's particularly critical of superheroes and vigilantes, having built his career on a very anti-crime platform.

He's also a very fast social climber, but this is attributed to him either being a massive suck-up (which he is when necessary), or just very good at his job (which he definitely seems to be). In any case, his success is undeniable, and his popularity is climbing, as seen by the decent number of people at the rally. This number includes Clark, Ron, and Jimmy, amongst other reporters; Inspector Henderson and Maggie Sawyer, who've just arrived; LexCorp representative Mercy Graves (more on her later), there in place of her boss; and pulling up in a limo in the back, Bruno Manheim. He gets out, then tells his driver he knows what to do. The driver pulls around the corner, then parked the car in an alley, bringing a gun with him.

He climbs up to the roof, and as this happens, we get a glimpse at Gordon Crown. We see him talking backstage with Mercy Graves, where she's giving him a message from Lex. He finishes that conversation, then greets Henderson and talks about the events of the day in terms of the White Rabbit Gang, just before going onstage. Just then, the driver sets up a rifle on a rooftop opposite the rally. Obviously, we're looking at an assassination attempt. However, before anything happens, the man leaves, simply setting up the gun and hooking it up to a technological device of some kind. He gets it set up, then leaves after setting a timer of some kind.

Once he makes it into the car, he watches on a screen in the car. When the time is right, he presses the button, and an obvious (obvious) laser light shines on Crown. Everyone sees this, including Clark, who speeds off to intercept the bullet. The gun fires, a bullet hits Superman, who's just arrived, and Crown locks eyes with a passing car, which holds Manheim staring at him through the window, and winking. Crown sees this, Crown understands this...but he says nothing. Instead, he takes the opportunity to thank Superman, even though it's apparent that he doesn't really want to. Superman goes to find the culprit, but to no avail.

After the shooting and the police follow-up, Lois arrives to cover this event, as it falls beneath her wheelhouse. After the stressful day, Jimmy invites Clark, Lois, and Ron to go to the Ace o' Clubs and take a load off. Ron passes, but Clark and Lois agree, and the group decides to meet up that night. Once there, we see that Crown has quickly rebounded, and is meeting with an anchor on a local news program, recounting the events of that day. Bibbo, with this channel on at the pub, comments to various individuals in the bar (Jimmy included) that some people (him included) think Superman was in on it, trying to make himself look like a big hero in front of the audience, and in front of Crown, his biggest detractor. Which, frankly, is a solid argument.

Lois agrees that the idea would be a good story, while Jimmy vehemently disagrees. He's a big fan of Superman, and he knows he was trying to do the right thing. CLark doesn't say much, since he doesn't like to comment on...well, himself. He does agree that it's a plausible theory, though. The three have a conversation about Superman, maybe about other similar figures that have appeared in the city or elsewhere, and give us a better idea of the environs in which we find ourselves.

From there, we go to a very nice house in Martinside, a very wealthy district of the city. A car pulls up to this house, and Gordon Crown exits. He enters the house, where in an office meeting with some of his men, Bruno Manheim is sitting and laughing. When Crown enters, he dismisses everybody but Corben, his right hand man. Crown's clearly a little upset at the assassination attempt, as there was no way Manheim could've known that Superman would show up. Manheim brushes it off, as the wound the bullet was meant to inflict would've been non-lethal, and that whoever his tech connections were knew what they were talking about with the remote rifle.

Crown capitulates this, and thanks Manheim for his cooperation. He also regrets the fact that Superman was there, as it could've helped his public image. Still, he thinks he's spun the angles all right, all things considered. The two have a shared moment of hatred for Superman, but Manheim seems to think he'll be able to take care of him soon. A curious Crown asks how, and Manheim credits his own connections. Just then, we hear someone else enter the room, with a clack of heels.

Now here's where things get a little...tricky. This is Angora Lapin (yes, really), played in this essay by Taraji P. Henson. In the comics, Angora is a villain of Steel, AKA John Henry Irons, having stolen his experimental weapons and work to make the Toastmaster and issue it to the streets for cash. She's the leader of the White Rabbit Gang in this film, and is called White Rabbit in the comics. And she's also implied to be an albino black woman. Which is...hard to cast.

Shout out, by the way, to Diandra Forrest, the only albino black actress I could find. I hope her career goes well, because it's very much in its infancy at the moment. But, for now, we're gonna go with Henson. Now, to be fair, Lapin is basically a cameo here, but she's received the message about meeting with Manheim to make a deal about the Toastmasters. Crown stays during this interaction, which Lapin clocks but cares little about. Manheim, in fact, states that Crown is under the protection of Intergang, and that he'll make things good for them in Gotham. Lapin and her gang can have in on that as well, if they make a deal for the Toastmasters, and lays low for a little while, working for Intergang in the process. Lapin agrees, but also notes that they didn't do much against Superman.

And that's when Crown interjects. His connections may be able to help with that.

Finally, this night in Metropolis is coming to a close. All of this has happened within one day. Clark and Lois leave Jimmy at the Ace O' Clubs, with both Lois and Clark headed home. They say their goodbyes, with Lois' dialogue indicating some kind of knowledge about Clark's secret life, which is easily played off as a joke. They say good night, and Clark goes back to the apartment. He reads some messages from his folks, who've obviously seen the news about the assassination attempt, and are checking in on their son. Clark responds with a smile, maybe even calls, and then heads to bed for the night.

But in his sleep, Clark has dreams that he's encased in crystal, cold and alone in an empty void. Other visions come to him, and we see glimpses of Krypton's destruction and his past. Clark, in this universe, doesn't know a lot about his past, save that he's from another planet, and that he didn't have these abilities from birth. He also knows of his connection with the sun of Earth, and that the ship he arrived here inside of is largely made of crystal and otherworldly metals. But the uncertainty, combined with these dreams of a forgotten past, is a constant thought with him. And when he wakes up in a cold sweat (which Clark doesn't usually do), he gets up and flies into the night as Superman, using his vision to see the stars beyond the light pollution from the city below.

And that's the end of...Act One.

Shit. SHIT. It's gonna be longer than nine parts, isn't it? Dammit.

Index: Superman

Part I: Why I Love Superman

Part II: On Lois Lane

Part III: The Kents

Part IV: The 'Rents

Part V: The...Frendts?

Part VI: Lex Luthor

Part VII: The Real Villains

Part VIII: Superman's Rogues Gallery

Part IX: The Story - Act One

Part X: The Story (Acts Two and Three)

Part XI: The Story - Climax

Part XII: Epilogue (Part One)

Part XIII: Epilogue (Part Two)

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