#NOL talk

[maimochies]

#deku talks it out with me so we end up sleeping next to each other #rafayel bitch and moans when he has to sleep on the couch #zayne also ends up sleeping next to me because he's level headed #nol sleeps outside bc he's weird like that #really acts like a kicked puppy #🐚 : polls! #mai mumbles (ꐦ •᷅ࡇ•᷄)

[trashlie]

Continued dumb things that rattle around in my noggin at like, all times.

This is nothing new, of course; we have talked to DEATH how significant that moment of surprise is in the context of quimchee revealing that Nol likes a nice smile. But the additional context I enjoy is that we know by this stage the friendships Nol meant to be pretend were so real. We already can glean that Nol was very drawn to Shinae in a genuine way - both as a person he wanted to help but also as a friend he earnestly wanted to be friends with.

But, correct me if I'm wrong, this is the first time he sees her smile like that - at a time when she's clearly uncomfortable and miserable on the spot in front of so many people, without her comfort jacket, at an event he knows she's being forced to attend. And it's because of him.

Nol's whole thing is helping people, putting good back into the universe, trying to improve situations for other people. He's surely made Dieter and Soushi smile and laugh.

But here it feels SO loaded and significant. Shinae with her tall, dense walls. Shinae who has been so difficult to reach. Shinae whose friendship he genuinely wants, genuinely enjoys, despite how she tried to stay safe in her shell, in this uncomfortable moment laughing and smiling in such a bright radiant way.

He's a sucker for a good smile.

And he brought her that comfort.

I don't think it's necessarily an attraction thing as much as it's one of those very important bricks laid in their foundation. Nol doesn't in that moment consciously realize he likes Shinae. I think something just strikes him in that moment. That smile, that radiant joy, makes him feel something he can't identify.

THINK ABOUT IT. He's just come back from meeting Alyssa who immediately took off after Meg even though they haven't met in so long. Standing here watching Shinae endure an awkward, uncomfortable dance in front of strangers, everyone recognizes Kousuke - but not Nol. He's a stranger to his family's world, even to his girlfriend. He's just another guy in the crowd.

But there's Shinae, who sees him. The same Shinae who has taken notice of his scuffed knuckles. The same Shinae who, after the dance, immediately goes to him and asks about him.

It's no wonder he says this.

I think seeing Shinae at the formal, clearly against her will, is the moment Nol remembers what happens to people he cares about. He got invested, he sought her friendship, and even though he doesn't know why she's there, he's certain it's her proximity to him. Even before Sangchul, before the pool, Nol remembered the danger.

It's after this he gives Kousuke his word that he'll avoid Shinae, and I think that's why. He already had the intention of distancing himself. It was supposed to be fake and he knew it wasn't and that he doesn't deserve her friendship he put her in danger by showing interest. She had drawn boundaries, she didn't even really want his friendship it'd be fine.

But then he made her laugh. But then she spotted him when no one else did. Then she burst into that bright, radiant laughter because of him and he probably knew: it was too late. He screwed up and yet....

Nothing is okay everything is messed up but he puts on that mask anyway. For friendship. Because he needs to. For her comfort. So he can convince himself he can actually pull away. So he can convince himself it doesn't mean anything else.

So he can convince himself someone cares about him, that maybe something is real even if real means danger.

(But he can't and we know it and we watch it over and over. It's too late and he just can't stay away.)

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Stalkyoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP #it's feral Thursday #bhvonufojifuhyfuh7h8 #thinking about how significant this scene is makes me feel SO insane #thinking about how much this moment means what it makes him feel what it sparks inside #I feel kind of confident about the timeline of feelings at this point but I'm curious if that will ever be confirmed or denied #obviously they've been developing slowly quietly from the very very beginning #but i love how this moment gives us something concrete #honestly this entire arc and the hospital episides are just gihydz7F7YDTUX7TV8UG9IB8UFU9GH #yknow? #but i really like what we get to glean about how their relationship shifted and got altered #the role reversal and Nol's slow mental decline becoming more and more miserable and distant #and how despite it he still indulges of small pockets of comfort from Shinae #GOD SCREAMS I JUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHEWS THROUGH A PILLOW AND WHIPS IT AROUND #talking with the gang and thinking about all the doubts Nol has that anyone ever cares #that he does any good #the world would be better off without him he thinks #but in that exact moment Shinae is better off because he does #HOWLS

[oblako]

she is just a girl who is so so scared </3

#i love yoo #x #the narrative is set up to make us hate her but i could never hate her <//3 #when it switched to their younger selves... that hurt 😔💔 #she was so scared then and she's still so scared now #so controlled by fear it influences everything she does and she keeps digging herself deeper and deeper into this hole #yui 'saved' her from one abusive environment only to put her into another abusive environment #took her out of one cage and put her into another #and alyssa views her as her savior #it's just so tragic bc alyssa is so unlikely to get a happy ending and it hurts my heart <//3 #someone please save this girl. but at this point who's gonna do it? #i have so many thoughts on alyssa and nol and their conversation #how they both just don't talk don't listen aren't honest with each other #and how similar yet different they are and how that's what makes them so incompatible #how the timing of the conversation couldn't possibly be worse!!! my god #alyssa went to nol bc she needed to be comforted by a friend and she doesn't really have anyone else #but at that point nol was so done pretending so done with his fake relationships #so hurt by her and on behalf of shinae as well #(and rightfully so) #it all just crashed and burned #alyssa really was doomed by the narrative from the very beginning #the tragedy of it all is just killing me 👍

[slafkovskys]

I’m all for the mullet but like tamed and I love his facial hair Hahaha

this is was and always will be peak nolan hair for me

#asks #anonymous #we don’t talk about freshman year nol

[bbrissonn]

found this on twitter

#bri talks #nolan moyle #little baby nols 🥺🥺

[kimmkitsuragi]

the kind of guy who needs 1 hour warning in advance to be prepared for a phone call

#i will write a very funny DE style phone call panic attack thing for myself i already have it in my head #but i will write it only if i survive any of these important calls lmao lmao #and i mean. 'important'? no not even That important or shouldn't be this anxiety inducing #but then again im the kind of person who almost threw up a few times talking to my own dad on the phone lmao lmao #it's just. don't call me <3 nan nol molla so nege jonhwa hajima <3 #excuse my probably wrong romanization i usually hate romanization but cant really spell these in hangul rn lol #🗒

[furymint]

process for this post!

#i should have stopped the moment i saw that all the pics i took #had the wrong angles etc #and that i was using the reference photos for realsies #instead of the ones i took for actual manip #and YET #nols head is two pieces and elliot has flowers in his hair. also no shoulder #dont talk to me abt the highlights on his sleeve ive had ENOUGH #bri edits #edit process

[beveledboybooba]

typing this out before my brain loses it. its just oc stuff. dont mind me.

Ella has two younger sisters. they're twins. very close, do everything together, got that twin telepathy thing, etc etc. Ella's friend, Nol, figures out that the twins are dating and brings it up

Nol: i think your little sisters are a thing. like. they're dating.

Ella: they're fucking what?

Nol: each other (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

Ella: ...

Ella: why are you like this

#idk if the joke lands in text format. sorry you cant hear the characters in my head 😔 #i dont think nol would actually bring this up without talking to the twins first. nol likes to avoid stepping on toes as much as possible. #now if the twins told them to go ahead and tell ella then yeah they'd seize any opportunity to joke around like this #i forgot what i said my talking tag was gonna be #FDX P1 #sure #i'll forget it by tomorrow

[sportsblr]

Hate how graves turns my normally okay-ish commentary on the game into just simp posts. Hate how much power he's got on me

#jae.txt #hockey talk #tbf tho i was also like this when nols played #consistency is key

[ponyatowski]

this is quite funny pre localization ive literally never seen a person who liked bvz and if they did then they were probably just a freak and now hes like? quite popular? which is sort of fascinating

#he does kind of fall into the edgeworth sad boy archetype but ehhhhh #he has nothing to offer. the curtains are just blue you know what im saying #hes not even as compelling as edgeworth –_–– and also just straight up boring #nol-talks

[drewsbuzzcut]

Midnights Like This

mat barzal x model!fem!reader

a visceral in doses blurb

warnings: pregnancy, mentions fear of rain/thunderstorms

Because not every problem can be fixed with a single moment, no matter how much you want it to, you and Mat enrolled in couples therapy. It’s not because you don’t love each other anymore, but because your communication has gone off the rails a tad bit. Your therapist recommended staying apart for a few more months just so that the both of you can rebuild that once healthy communication. They also said that small dates- family dates or just you two -are really good for keeping things fresh. You’ve never had a problem with keeping things fresh, but you still went through with random date nights.

You are going on month three of therapy, and it should be your last month before you move back in with Mat. The month feels long with you eager to be back home and in his arms all the time. You’re also five months pregnant, it’s getting harder to take care of two boys by yourself majority of the time. Usually Mat will spend the night at the Hampton’s house, but he’s on a roadie so it’s just you and the boys.

It’s close to midnight, you’re laid out on the bed, watching Mat play. Your body is relaxed and warm until you hear the echoes of thunder, and you see the flashes of lightning that sneak past the curtains. Your heartbeat starts to speed up, but you have to remind yourself to stay calm. You focus on the sounds coming from the tv, hoping to calm down and that the thunder won’t wake up Nolan or Angel.

The low sounds of your phone ringing startle you, but “barzy🤰” popping up on your screen slowly starts to soothe your worry.

“Barzy,” you say softly, afraid your voice will break.

“Hey, are you okay? Is Nolan okay?” He asks hurriedly, you can tell he just got back to his hotel by the sounds of him discarding his things.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?” You try to play it off, not wanting him to be worried when there’s nothing he can do when he’s across the country.

“Y/n. It’s storming over there. I know they aren’t your favorite thing, and I know Nolan is terrified of them. So I’ll ask again, are you both okay? Is Angel good, too?”

You forgot about Mat’s habit of checking the weather for wherever you and the boys are when he isn’t with you. Momentarily you forget about the fear rising in your chest, love replacing that emotion.

“We’re all good. I got a little anxious, but talking to you is helping a lot,” you answer his question, hearing the sigh of relief that falls from his lips. You could really go for a kiss right about now.

“I’m glad. You know you can always call me, even if it’s hours in the night, you can call.”

“I know, barzy. I think I should let you go, though. I don’t want to keep-“ you’re cut off by a house-shaking thunder that’s followed by a cry coming from Nolan.

You’re about to jump out of bed to run to him when you hear his little feet thumping against the wood floors. He throws your bedroom door open, tears falling rapidly and launching himself into the bed and into your side.

“No, don’t hang up. Let me talk to my little man,” Mat requests.

“Here, baby. Daddy wants to talk to you,” you whisper into Nolan’s ear as he is pressed up against you, of course, careful with your growing bump. You can feel him shaking and his lip is trembling. He peers up at you with wide eyes as his crocodile tears continue to fall. You caress his cheek, and push his hair out of his face while putting your phone on speaker.

“Talk to daddy.”

“Hey, nols. I miss you, bub, so much. I know it’s raining and loud over there, but I really need you to protect your baby brother and mommy,” he says to him.

“And baby too,” Nolan adds, making you smile at the way he remembers his newest, unborn sibling.

“Yes, and the baby, too. Protect them, okay. I love you. You should go back to bed, it’s late. Cuddle and give mommy kisses for me,” Mat finishes.

“Okay. Lub you, too, dada,” Nolan says in his little voice.

“I love you, baby. Thank you for calling,” you say.

“Always. I love you more. Goodnight, my love.”

“Goodnight.”

a/n: Hope y’all enjoy!

taglist: @literatureluster

#mat barzal #mat barzal fanfiction #mat barzal fic #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal smut #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fluff #mat barzal blurb #mat barzal angst #nhl imagine #nhl fic #new york islanders #visceral in doses

[hazybisou]

COLOR WITH ME

blurb

singlemom!reader x nolan moyle

summary: y/n’s daughter made her to color with her and when nolan comes home, she forces him to do so as well.

a/n: i randomly thought of this today during my ap biology class. it was funnier and cuter in my head.

“mama!”

you were in your room, finishing up some homework when you heard the little footsteps padding towards you. you shut your computer with a smile on your face as you got up from your desk and walked over towards the door. your three-year-old daughter was about to turn into your room when you reached out and grabbed her, pulling her into your arms.

you began to tickle her stomach as she giggled and moved her hands to yours to try and get them to stop. “ma-mama stop it!”

you picked her up and rested her on your hip. “hi, baby! what’s up?” you walked out of the room and made a beeline towards the kitchen table where she was at. it seemed like a bad idea to be in a room where your daughter wasn’t but the kitchen was only two feet away from your shared bedroom with your boyfriend so you were still able to keep an eye on her.

she began to purposely slip from your arms, signaling she wanted down and so you let her down before she ran towards the table where her coloring book and markers were spread out all over the place. “color wif me!” she exclaimed with a giggle behind it.

you couldn’t help but smile as you sat next to her, “what are we coloring today, miss honey?” you had began to call her honey instead of her actual name over the past two years.

“hewo kitty.”

you laughed before grabbing two of the other books on the table. “which one,” you held up the two as you watched as her eyes flickered between the two. she pointed towards the one on the left before she leaned forward to grab a yellow marker.

you put done the other book beside you as opened towards a new, un colored page. you both sat there coloring and giggling. you always adored these little moments between you and your little family.

you got pregnant at 18 and gave birth to your beautiful little girl at the ripe age of 19. you were a single teen mom as your ex/baby daddy had left you two months into your pregnancy. you were alone. until your boyfriend, nolan, had come along. you two met through a friend and instantly hit it off. he didn’t mind the fact that you had a daughter. he treated her like she was his. he loved her and she loved him. the bond between them was special and you knew instantly that he was the one when your daughter hadn’t pried herself away like she normally would with strangers.

when you were introduced to the team, they didn’t judge you for having a kid in college. they knew it bad happened to many other people and they respected you for it. they all loved your baby girl. they’d normally come over and help out whether it be with the fact that you needed a babysitter or help cooking, they were there. you couldn’t be happier than you already were.

you were talking with honey when all of sudden you heard the front door open, “babe?” you heard nolan shout out.

“kitchen!” you shouted back not even looking up from the page. you heard the padding of his feet before someone wrapped their arms around you form behind. you lifted your head and looked up at him. “hi,” you whispered as he leaned down to press a kiss to your lips.

“hey.” he let go of you and you went back to coloring as he pressed a kiss to the crown of honey’s head. “what’re you doing?”

“ask her.” you nodded towards your daughter who was smiling at her coloring skills.

she picked up her book and held it up for nolan to see. “daddy, look!” she waved it in his face and he couldn’t help but smile at her eagerness.

“i see baby! it looks wonderful!” he said and she smiled before turning towards a new page.

she leaned forward and grabbed another coloring book that was on the table. “sit,” she handed the book towards him, “and color.” nolan just looked at you with a raised eyebrow but you could only smile at him.

“yeah nol. sit. and color!”

he rolled his eyes and sat down but he couldn’t help the smile that had appeared on his face. he loves his girls.

the next hour was spent with the three of you talking, laughing, giggling, and coloring. these were the moments you’d cherish with you forever. they were special. they were with your babies who you promised to love forever and ever.

help it is so late rn and i’m up but wtv. i honestly feel like this was the one piece that sucked actual booty. yea. bye. also my works will take a couple of days to write so have patience with me.

#nolan moyle #nolan moyle blurb #nolan moyle x reader #umich hockey #hockey #isa’s works

[trashlie]

ILY FP 232

Better known as: trashlie is STILL climbing the wallls and TAKING YOU WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look idk what I can get away saying in these intros without being spoilery anymore because by the time I sit down to write this I’m just VIBRATING AWAY on pure energy. You know when you feel words at your fingertips but you are too consumed by other menial tasks you’ve no interest in doing so you gotta bide your time and it just grows and grows and grows until it bursts out of you howling? 

Yeh.......

Let’s jump right in!!!!!!!!!! 

I’m gonna be real with you guys - it’s gonna take a LOT for me to not to do rambling long repeats of things I said last week. I’m gonna do my best but... 232 is very much a continuation of 231 so it is what it is! 

Leading up to the episode my friends and I were talking and the general consensus was we hoped Shinae would try knocking down Nol’s door but alkjjjkafjkafkj DIDN’T EXPECT SHE WAS ACTUALLY GOING TO TRY TO BULLDOZE THE DOOR ON HER OWN AND START SHOUTING AT HIM THROUGH THE DOOR LMAO but listen Shinae so very PERSISTENT!!!!! She’s so over being thrown out, SO over being shut out, and it’s all right there in front of her but she just CANNOT see it for what it is, cannot understand what is compelling her besides that she cares.

And boy does she care. 

Her frustration is, as I said last week, completely justified, of course, but in this case, they’re both justified and that really does her no favors, does it? Yelling and banging on his door, trying any tactic she can to get him to open up, to rethink his decision to cast her out. He has basically told her “come back when you figure it out” but she doesn’t know what “it” is or what else could be there, so she can only feel like he’s shutting her out once again, refusing to open up to her after just reconciling. 

At the core of Shinae’s frustration and persistence is fear. She’s so afraid of losing him again, terrified of yet another important person letting go and turning their back to her. 

And as much as I feel for Shinae, I also can’t help but feel for Nol who is on the other side of the door, unable to make himself walk away from it, arms pinned at his side against the door as though he doesn’t trust them to not reach for the door handle, doesn’t trust himself to maintain the boundary. He’s kicked her out - but barely. He can’t leave the side of that door while Shinae stands right outside of it, banging away. GOD I enjoy the agony of it, I NEED MORE. Shinae’s threats are so comical but she’s literally grasping at straws and he knows it. The same Nol who broke that day in the rain is barely holding it together, knowing that once again he is causing her pain. 

As readers we know that once she figures it out, she’ll understand. As soon as Shinae understands what Nol is trying to get her to see, she’ll know exactly why he had to draw that boundary and keep the space, but in this moment she doesn’t know any of this, and it is just so agonizing! 

Just as she’s been confessing all day long, she continues to tell him all the things she can’t see for what they are - how much she hates when he shuts her out, how she can’t understand why they’re back here when they just go out of this and GOD i love it because you can FEEL how much she cares. Even if she doesn’t know what the feeling is, even if she can’t call it what it is, she cares so much! And you can see how much it hurts him! How difficult it is to stand there and let her think he’s casting her to the streets again, to have her fight so passionately for him for them when he understands now what kind of hurt he’s inflicted (and continues to inflict!!!!!!!) GOD

Nol understands so well his resistance - his resolve - and knows he has to keep that physical barrier between them. Even before he could barely look at her when he did, when she flustered under his gaze and command, he threw her out before he could crumble all the way and there’s something about seeing it illustrated this way, showing us rather than telling, how hard this is for him. I’m sure his thought is that once Shinae figures it out - once she knows her feelings, once she can understand his feelings, once she can see what Dieter saw that hurt him so much, she’ll be the one to draw the boundary he struggles so hard with. That once he’s not the only one who knows, she can stop pushing him, can stop breaking him down, can act on the effort he can barely muster. 

I love that panel of Shinae banging on the door while he stands on the other side, face screwed up in frustration and agony. It’s so difficult, it’s SO HARD. She’s going on about being shut out, about how “ a misunderstanding” has come between them. She’s so scared their relationship doesn’t mean to him what it means to her, so scared that he’s content to throw it all away, so scared that she will lose him once and for all - and he has to stand and bear it, knowing he’s causing her to feel these things, knowing there’s no easy way out. 

UUUUUUUUUUGGGHHH SCREAMS

It’s the sheer irony! That the thing he wants her to comprehend is the VERY THING she’s yelling at him about, it’s the very thing compelling her. 

Well. That and her sleep deprivation LMAO 

I never shut up about noticing when characters have their eyes closed, but it’s such an important part of quimchee’s subtle storytelling. Note how Nol’s face is still screwed up in frustration when he tells her to go away, followed by telling her she’s so damn annoying. 

I’ve already seen that there are people reading that at face value but over here round these parts, we know better. Nol’s eyes closed as he tells her to go away, while he stands with his door still pressed against the door. 

He so easily could have walked away, gone back to his bed across the room. Instead he stands there, torturing himself as he listens to her yell at him from the other side of the door. Nol tells her to go away because he needs her to go away, for his peace of mind, for his crumbling resolve, but on some level, of course he doesn’t want her to. Of course sending her away, pushing her away, walking away from her is difficult, is something he forces himself to do, that is so incredibly difficult for him. 

Let’s not forget him at the curb retching after hurting Shinae in all the worst ways and then walking away and leaving her in the freezing rain. 

Quimchee literally doesn’t need to spell it out because it’s all right there for us to see. It’s in his closed eyes, in his back against the door he can’t pull himself away from, in his frustration, in his crumbling resolve, in his sheer agony. 

Let’s also not forget how this all started. It wasn’t even initially about Dieter - it was about Nol hiding himself away, about him refusing to show the parts of him that she really wants to see, about how it hurts her that he can’t open up. At the heart of this lmao it’s literally about how Shinae just wants to LOVE him and he wants her to understand tHAT SHE DOES. 

SCREAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love this episode it’s so good it’s got me chewing through my freaking keyboard trying to write this AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LKAJFKJFAKJAFJKAFJKAFJKAFJKAFJ 

But, of course, the important take away is that Shinae cannot see the forest for the trees. She’s so caught up in her own intense feelings, lost in her fear and what she wants so badly and she only knows how to fight. Shinae is a bit of a short fuse but it’s even worse because of the harrowing 24 hours she’s been through. To think so many episodes ago she was moving back in to her home with Simhan! It feels so far away after everything that’s transpired! She hasn’t slept, we know she hasn’t really eaten in hours, she’s already in a foul mood after how her dance with Nol soured and how upset she got about what he hides from her. There’s now way for her to be rational - trying to literally kick in his door lmao - or think things through because her despair and frustration is so all-consuming it just clouds her judgement. 

There’s something so funny about how Nana takes her away and suddenly settled down, Shinae just goes full sulking lmao. I love how impetuously teenager it is, too, for Nana to tell Shinae that she does, in fact, need to leave, that is isn’t actually the big deal she thinks it is but Shinae is like blah blah OLD PEOPLE WISDOM IS NOT NEEDED HERE alkjfakfjkafjfa lmao 

It must be so funny to Nana, that this little spitfire girl is fighting like hell for him, fighting so hard to not be cast out, and can’t understand WHY she’s fighting, what any of it means lmao like aflkjafjkafjkafj 

Of course Nana knows. Anyone would be able to tell! From how awkward they were around each other in the room, how sulky Nol was fiddling with her headband (AND THE BLUSHING), the whole argument they’ve had about Dieter - who Nana knows!!!!!!!! Had a crush on her!!!!!!!! Of course she with her decades of life can see exactly what Shinae is fighting. 

Taking her away from Nol is important. I LOVE this exchange they have: Nana: You’d need the right key to get that door open. Shinae: And? A key isn’t necessary when you use enough force! Nana: But you could damage the door. And nobody likes an intruder. Breaking doors could get yourself kicked out and never be able to come back. Both literally and figuratively. You wouldn’t want that now would ya?

I’m sure Nana must speak from some kind of experience. Thinking about how she took him in when he left the psychiatric ward where it seems like he was traumatized, from where he still carries so many unhealed wounds and scars, after losing his mother and being left all alone in a foreign country with no family, made to believe he’s some kind of monster like the loss of his mom was his fault, that he deserved everything that came to him. The special name his mom had given him had been worn down and destroyed, tainted and made to mean nothing. He comes home and he doesn’t even go back to his father, to their family, but someone he’s told is his grandma. How can he trust her? His own father doesn’t want him, he’s been sent to live with some stranger, away from his father’s family. An outcast, an outsider, all alone. 

She probably tried so hard to get through to him. How do you reach someone like him? How do you get through to someone who keeps everyone at arms’ length, who is so full of fear and self-loathing, who has been made to feel so insignificant, so worthless, a mistake, a monster. We still don’t even know just how bad it was locked inside there. His fear of Yui, his aversion to medication and hospitals, how much he detests tea, his touch aversion. How much of what he believes about himself - that he caused his mother’s death, that he deserves all the bad, that he will only bring harm to those he loves, that his existence is a mistake - came from there? GOD it hurts lmao lajfjkfjkafjk LIKE just writing this makes me want to howl. This is such a foundational aspect of who Nol is. He’s not just some melodramatic teenager (which even isn’t a bad thing) but he has spent a significant portion of his memorable life in survival mood, just fighting to stay afloat, fighting all of the demons who hold him down. 

Nana loves him so much, that much is so clear. And she knows him so well. She knows what he needs is time, she knows how stubborn and obstinate he is, and she probably knows all too well how he shuts others out and how, much like quicksand, the harder you fight and struggle, the worse it will be. Her line about breaking doors can get you kicked out is so loaded. Did she try to break his doors, too? Did she try so hard to reach someone who wanted to be so unreachable and found herself on the other side of a door, too? aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh 

Just thinking about he was just this scared kid so alone and she believes her daughter took her own life and she didn’t see it coming, didn’t imagine her the person who would do it and it reminded her that you never really know, do you? He was this kid so closed off, so alone, who hid so much, and we’ve seen her reach out to him over and over, encourage him to spend time with people who care about him. I’m sure a part of her worries, fears, that maybe he’d go the same path as his mom. Don’t think I’ve forgotten how he told Dieter he “tried to visit his mom”. That HAUNTS me and I bet it’s something that haunts her, too. 

(Alternatively, if he came out with his Yeonggi mask, ready to fake his way through, ready to force a smile a joke a laugh to pretend everything is fine when under the surface she can see it’s not. Remembering how he met Dieter, I think the Yeonggi persona was a thing that grew the more he tried it on, but whether or not she met him as this scared lonely kid or this kid with a fake mask on, we just know she’s been THROUGH it trying to reach him with everything she’s got ;____________;) 

Getting to see so much into their relationship makes me feel SO FUCKING FERAL. Knowing that yes, Nol DID talk about Shinae to her, that contrary to what we’ve seen through much of this series, Nol didn’t always close himself away in his room locked up with his thoughts and self-loathing. That he would go home and talk to Nana about people who piqued his interest, tell her about his hare-brained attempts to befriend them, about the struggles he faced in getting through to them. Did she see the fond irony - that someone who once was so hard for her to reach to get through found someone who was just as difficult to get through to and one day he went from talking about how difficult she was to talking about her as his friend? GOD it gets to meeeeeeeeeee. She must’ve seen the shift, too - when she went from being the subject of his attempt to help out Dieter to being his friend, to mattering to him. 

I’M IN AGONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I wish we could see a little bit of that, of the Nol he was so briefly before he had to put the walls back up, before the self-loathing fully consumed him again, before all the tendrils of shadow wrapped themselves around him and began to drag him back out of the light again. But fortunately what we DO get comes close. That moment earlier when he told Nana about how he’d already seen his friends, how they all came to celebrate his birthday can you believe it? GOD MY HEART ACHES. 

I suspect we’ll probably be seeing more of them because clearly someone needs to talk with him - someone rational and removed from the situation, someone who can try to make him see that he cannot help his feelings, that he cannot control all situations, and is any of this really your fault? Is it his fault at all that Shinae didn’t like Dieter enough that way, that it didn’t happen over time? Is it his fault if she instead saw something in him that she flocked to, if there existed something between them that she wants to fight so hard for? AAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Both Nol and Shinae are so stubborn so OBSTINATE and they’re both STRUGGLING so of course it was wise of Nana to take Shinae away, even if she had to trick her lmao. Shinae at Nol’s door only makes it worse, could, as she said, push him to lock her out for real. Nana knows that Shinae hasn’t been cast out, she knows what the problem is, but of course why would Shinae believe her? lol It’s that obstinate teenager thing that makes me laugh so much now that I’m well passed that stage - so certain that no one could possibly understand what you’re feeling, that they couldn’t possibly understand what is wrong lmao 

Honestly, Nana and Shinae are nothing like I expected them to be, and I really love that. Nana barely even knows her, but she does know how to poke and wheedle her. Everything feels so poised to help Shinae zero in on the reason behind her frustration. 

I really love that she revealed to Shinae that Nol has told her about her, that she has, from the sidelines through a biased lens, watched their relationship grow - and as a result, saw the effect she had on him, what their friendship did t and for him. Even though Nol has told Shinae she’s special, because he’s so hot and cold, because he doesn’t open up, because she doesn’t get to see him, it’s hard for her to really internalize that it’s true. How can it be when he’s so willing to throw away all of this, right? So for Nana to reveal that she knows all about how closed off Shinae used to be but that changed didn’t it is such a MOMENT for her. She doesn’t look like she can believe it - Nol talked about her? About how she fought him and ran away? 

More importantly, Nana is trying to give Shinae a little nudge that she can’t yet see. She tells Shinae she’s not trying to make her feel bad about turning down Dieter, but to lay out their foundation: that originally Nol was trying to play Cupid, but the arrows got all messed up. I think it’s one of those things that while right now Shinae thinks it’s just people trying to make her feel guilty, soon she’ll see for what it was - the problem lies in their foundation, the reason Dieter is hurt is because of the way it all went wrong. Soon, Shinae is going to be holding her head in her hands yelling about how did she not see it how was she so blind THAT’S what they meant this is what they all meant?! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

I find it really cute that Nana is using the same technique as Nol, trying to get Shinae to think about her feelings. Why do you feel terrible? What did you actually do wrong? How does it make you feel bad? And then LMAO baiting Shinae with a hint about the problem in an disguised effort to kick her out LMAOOOOOOO to be fair, she DOES give Shinae the hint, just..... not the way she wants LMAO 

The way Nana gets Shinae reminiscing, thinking back on how their friendship began, how they ended up at this point, just what is so significant about those oranges - the things Shinae doesn’t say about how they symbolize the change from him being this annoying guy that she wanted nothing to do with to this person she CANNOT let go of that she CANNOT lose GOD. That’s SO good. She talks about how she’s so bad at talking about her feelings and opening up and that she’s trying to be better at it - but she also cannot stop talking about Nol lmao 

She’s moody about all the things she doesn’t know about him yet. What his real name is, why she’s not allowed to use, how Nana gets to do it why can’t she? Does he hate his name, where did the Yeonggi moniker come from? 

“I wanna know where he got it from... There’s so many things I wanna know about him...”

I JUST WANNA GRAB HER BY THE SHOULDERS AND RATTLE HER AROUND lajkfkfjfkafkjafj I love it, okay? it’s one of those tell tale signs - when you grow interested in a person, when you start to like them and you have that insatiable hunger to know them so intimately to know every detail about them you want to know everything about them you want to discover them from inside out. And for her it’s doubly worse since he DOESN’T show her what she wants to see. She’s out here craving to understand him so intimately and can’t understand why he can’t show her that. Why can’t he be vulnerable why can’t he open up?

She is SO HEAD OVER HEELS she is soooooooo full of feelings she wants to know everything he’s hidden GOD!!!!!!!!

HOW ARE THERE PEOPLE WHO DON’T SEE IT? HOW ARE THERE PEOPLE WHO DON’T GET ANY OF THIS?! 

She THINKS there’s nothing going on between them but she’s sulking to his grandma, she’s upset because he won’t show her himself because she wanted to see his face because they shared this intimate tender moment because it was such a SOFT warm HAPPY moment for her and they couldn’t share it because they weren’t on the same level 

She is MOPING she really thinks he’s casting her out and she’s terrified of losing all of that. 

Shinae over here saying that of course all her relationships with her friends are going to be different but she can’t see why this one, in particular, is so dire, doesn’t understand what the everything she thinks he’s throwing away signifies. 

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really look forward to learning more about Yeonggi, because I’ve been really curious about that, too. Was it a name he’d just picked out, what was the significance? I look forward to Nol telling her about it, too; Nana has told her all she knows and anyway it’s better to let Nol do it. It’s better for Nol to know all of this, to hear all the things Shinae wants to know, how she’s so insatiably hungry to know everything about him, how she just wants to know him - everything there is to him the good the ugly the things he hasn’t shown anyone else ;A; aaaahhhhhhhhhh 

Nana is really the PERFECT character to REALLY bring in for this arc. She goes head to head with Shinae lmao and dances circles around her. The whole distracting her as she evacuates her from the building while getting her to dwell on her feelings? PERFECTLY executed. Telling her the hint she’s looking for is that SHE is one of the problems LMAO aklfkafkjafjfjf What’s she supposed to do with that information?! 

Of course, like I said earlier, like Nana is telling her, some down time WILL do wonders. Right now her head is so full of intensity, but when she steps away, when she’s mulling and dwelling and sleeps and assuages her crankiness when her brain can go back to functioning well, THEN she’ll be able to think about it, THEN she’ll be able to figure out what the key is. But right now she’s just making things worse - for him, for herself, and for their problem. 

Sleep deprivation really messes with you lol especially when she’s spent the most harrowing night of her life. Can you believe that this probably beats out THE KIM FORMAL because this time she NEARLY WATCHED HER BEST FRIEND DIE OUT IN FRONT OF HER?! Christ!!!!!!!!! 

And besides Shinae, Nana, and Nol, this episode feels like it’s nudging a couple other things. The pointed emphasis on the hospital departments and floor board feels like a nod that Hansuke will be bringing Kousuke here for his CT scan. On the one hand, I’m really excited to see more about Kousuke and what Hansuke is thinking. I’m no doctor but I assume a CT scan might be able to indicate some kind of drugging just because how it would affect the brain, right? A brain on a particular medication would look a certain way? Forgive me, science was never my strong suit and I don’t know the difference between a CT and other scans lmao but I imagine if it’s the kind of imaging that can indicate neurons firing and active parts of the brain, maybe it would tell them enough that they should try more labwork? Especially now that Hansuke knows about the hormone imbalance and has picked up on Kousuke’s fixation with tea and it being one of the only things he can remember (that he’s admitted). 

But on the other hand..... Nol has SO much going on, is he ready to face Kousuke again? Like, don’t get me wrong, I want to see more of them, especially knowing how worried Kousuke is about him, that he hasn’t forgotten what happened last night or that he caused it. But with everything Nol is dealing with - the aftermath of it all, feeling like an asshole for hurting Dieter, Shinae, all of this, is he ready to see Kousuke again? I guess part of me worries that Kousuke is... yknow. More fragile and that if he fights with Nol, it might affect the progress he made? Or maybe now that they had that er... “heart to heart” now that he confessed those sins his fears he would be able to hear Nol out without deflecting? 

I just know if Kousuke ends up at the same hospital and he spots anyone from Nol’s circle he’ll try to find him lol he IS worried (and worried for HIM not based on Rand or punishment or any of that). He’s got no idea how Nol is, where he is, what happened, how bad it is. GOD. HARROWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Everyone is going to be SO HAUNTED by this night. 

The other matter is, of course, the custodian taking out the trash when Nana tells them they should go somewhere private, she doesn’t want “him” eavesdropping on the conversation. Initially I’d assumed this is because ultimately she is trying to get Shinae the heck out of there and it’s her excuse to get him out, but it could easily have been written “So no one can eavesdrop” right? 

The theory is that this is one of the people that Yui probably pays to act as a spy for her so that she can keep track of people and always knows what they’re doing, so she can always be two steps ahead. The only thing that really gives me pause regarding this, though, is that she has no idea where Nol is (yet). She has no idea where Rand took him, and I can’t imagine she employs people in hospitals all over the city should anyone report anything suspicious to her. So how would this be one of her spies? 

I’m not saying it’s not possible at all because he WAS very emphasized, but it just leaves me wondering if Yui doesn’t know where they are, how could that be a spy, right? But look, sometimes the narrative pulls a fast one on us. We can’t see what she’s up to at all times, now can we? 

All in all, I really loved this episode and I’ve been loving this arc SO MUCH. All of this everything since the Christmas party has been SO GOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!! Seeing all of those plot lines really converge and the stakes go higher has made every episode a treat to read, but I love that in the midst of this, Shinae and Nol have this very big, important thing to clear up. Over the course 230 episodes we’ve been watching these two grow so important to each other and honestly, I love watching Shinae fight for him like this, even if lmao she’s going at it all the wrong way. For someone like Nol who is so used to being invisible, to have her putting up such a fight, confirming whatever feelings he can’t be sure if she actually feels, would be such a welcome thing - except for the reminder that Dieter has been hurt in the cross-fires. I really want to see Nana have a talk with him and maybe TRY to get him to see it, that you cannot control feelings, that acting on them isn’t bad. That Dieter WILL come around, that he isn’t really much of a friend if he puts his own wants and happiness above Nol’s. 

But of course, Nana alone won’t do. Nol REALLY needs to talk to Dieter, too. But unlike Shinae, Dieter seems to know he needs to be alone for a little while. He’s got to sort out his own feeling and untangle that hurt. Thinking about things from his perspective IS painful - Yeonggi cut them out, he blocked their numbers, he refused to see them, and then suddenly he shows back up after asking to be left alone, he almost DIES in front of them, and Dieter wakes up to witness Nol and Shinae having this moment. 

He’s got a lot of things to sort out, too, he needs sleep and room to think. 

I’m really interested to see how all of it plays out. For Dieter’s sake, I hope there’s some kind of explanation because unlike Shinae, he and Soushi are still in the dark. Why did Nol leave and come back? Why did he box them out? He showed so much affection when he hugged them and told them he loves them so I’m sure they know that he has his reasons but still, people have limits. They deserve to know what Shinae does. I she willing to have that talk, though? 

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

I imagine we’ll probably be veering back to Kousuke here shortly, if not the next espisode. I imagine Shinae may get picked up before that.... ? Maybe? It feels like we were JUST with Kousuke, but I don’t think we’ll be revisiting Yui JUST yet. Maybe we’ll see Shinae get home, let her thoughts pull her to sleep, and then go visit Kousuke and Hanske? IDK god knows I can never predict what’s coming next but no matter which direction we go, we don’t go wrong! 

It’s so funny that the fabled Minhyuk party was something that I thought would happen and then we’d slide slowly into a timelapse taking us through the first time jump to graduation and stuff but SURPRISE: NOL ALMOST DIED, KOUSUKE IS UNDERGOING HELL, NOL’S FREEDOM HAS BEEN EXTENDED, CHRISTMAS IS COMING UP!!!!!!!!! We have literal DAYS left until Nol goes away, and then do we even immediately go into our timelapse timeskip?! Quimchee talked so much about how she didn’t want to have to draw snow, so at least so much of this takes place indoors but LMAO it’s still kinda funny

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I love this webtoon so much I love this story so much I love this whole arc honestly it’s been hit after hit for me and I’m so glad I get to keep screaming about it every week at all of you and just scale walls and swing from rafters I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY Spoilers #ILY FP #Stalkyoo #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Nana Lochlain #lmaoooo #Eleanor Lochlain #Kousuke Hirahara #i'm still chewing through the cables yelling about my feelings AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #also while writing this i had SVT - Home TXT - Ghosting MX - Blame Me and #Shownu and Minhyuk's Have a Goodnight on repeat and BOY did they give me the feels wow wow wow #love to just inject more feelings into favorite songs aljfakjfjkafjafjafjkaf #I'm really looking forward to seeing Nol and Nana talk - partly because I just KNOW he's gonna be SO pathetic and I'm gonna eat that UP #partly because I think Nana can get through to him to some degree #if only it's to point out that Shinae clearly cares SO MUCH and he needs to be careful not to push her away lest he be left with only their #memories #also thinking about how nana and hol's relationship must've started out put me SO DEEP IN THE EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS

[tanadrin]

@zvaigzdelasas arguing in replies is annoying, so i am just going to put this in a post

Khmer Rouge wouldn't have been what it was without the US overthrowing Sihanouk bc of his perceived socialist sympathies and instituting & upholding the violent Lon Nol regime. You are in the imperial core in 2023, you are not in Angkor Wat in 1970

not my main point, which is just that revolutions (at least in the classic sense of storming-the-barricades or even just extraconstitutional shenanigans) are chaotic situations with unpredictable outcomes. you can get lots of positive changes. you can get lets of shitty ones. they're great for authoritarians and fascists in equal measure to sainted socialists or w/e. they do not solve the problem of having to do politics, but the rhetoric around the One True Revolution acts like it's the end of a long process, and not the beginning of a new, much more dangerous one.

if by "revolution" you just mean "major set of reforms carried out by winning control of existing political structures," sure, that's a lot less risky. but this would involve engaging with those wicked corrupt and nasty institutions of liberal democracy people are always so scornful of.

liberal democracy has pathways for lasting change [Citation Needed]

since the middle of the 19th century the US and Britain have seen massive improvements in income distributions, the creation of and the expansion of the welfare state, universal male suffrage, women getting the right to vote, (in the US) black people getting the right to vote, gay people going from criminals to a minority with rights protected under the law (including gay marriage), plus a laundry list of smaller but still important and lasting democratic, economic, and social reforms. yes, progress is not monotonic. no, no party is credibly threatening to (say) reimpose legal segregation in the US, or strip women of the right to vote anywhere in Europe. "nothing ever gets better" is an absolutely deranged take, especially when a lot of the reason things have gotten better is leftists willing to fight for improvements even if they fell short of total communist revolution.

You're aware of the world historic wave of reaction going across the western world like, right now right

Obviously! And I love the idea that a communist society would be magically free of prejudice or reactionaries leveraging it for power. Because it wouldn't be! And socialist countries generally have a human rights record that reflects similar issues!

(here I said even this language of "imperial core" involves assumptions which are silly and which i'm not willing to grant. marxists use the word "empire" in a way which is not actually very useful and has little explanatory power)

"within the geographic distribution of the highest value added surplus" very obvious explanatory power when the question is one of control over global labor capacity

i don't know if you're being deliberately disingenuous or what but the marxist use of the term "imperialism" is in fact much more sophisticated than that

and i think it's wrong in important ways, especially in the postcolonial period. the usage originated when colonial empires in the literal sense were very important; now, not so much. while there are important postcolonial dynamics of exploitation worth talking about, i do not think the framework of imperialism as articulated in the 19th century is anywhere close to sufficient, and it should be abandoned.

also don't wanna get bogged down in the weeds, just pointing out that one of the really irritating things about arguing with communists is you use words in annoying ways that inhibit rather than facilitate analysis.

And these are things that, for example, the AfD aren't trying to roll back?

you know you can look up the AfD's party platform online? like it's full of stupid, awful, xenophobic shit, and they are rightly reviled, but "return to the constitution and political structures of the German Empire" is not in there. i think the fact that even the biggest party of right-wing reactionaries can't imagine rolling back the clock more than a few decades is noteworthy--there are political gains over the history of modern leftism which are now so universally respected literally no one remembers we had a fight about them once.

like, obviously things have gotten better for the vast majority of people in germany, britain, or the US since the 1870s, and i don't know what we accomplish by pretending otherwise? except maybe creating some kind of martyr complex where we pretend leftism (and the labor movement in particular) is much less effective than it actually is.

i am going to mute replies to this and my other posts in this series, because on this particular morning i would rather have a root canal than argue about the word "imperalism," and i suspect this is the kind of argument that could go on literally forever. i do not think we are likely to persuade one another, but i have laid out why i find the contemporary marxist perspective on these things deeply unpersuasive (to the extent i can without rehashing a bunch of old posts), so i feel like i have said my piece.

#and i still don't feel like the real meat of my argument was engaged with #a lot of little smug jabs don't really constitute an argument

[slafkovskys]

i just want nolan to spit in my mouth and call me a good girl, that’s it. that’s the thought.

i’m so sorry but my brain translated this as ‘bratty girlfriend who knows how to get her way’

it’s one of the first parties of the year and you’re a couple years younger than nolan (maybe sophmore/junior) he’s happy to be back, soaking in his last welcome week with the boys and ignoring you, which fuck him. he won’t give you attention? his homeboy will.

queue shea who we’ve learned pretty much won’t speak unless spoken becoming collateral damage in your little game. your leaning up on him, laughing at his stupid little jokes and you and nolan haven’t even soft launched so don’t blame shea when he asks for your snap. you barely take his phone into your hands before a big hand wraps around your arm and his pulling you down the hall, into a bathroom you were all to familiar with.

if you looked closely at the mirror, you could still see your hand print there from one of your escapades last semester. gross.

nolan is glaring down at you as you lean against the cabinet, “you think your cute, flirting with my freshman?”

“your freshman thinks i’m cute,” you shrug and that was the wrong thing to say.

he grabs your jaw, forcing your mouth open before spitting directly into it and oh? that did something in the pit of your stomach. he smirks as you swallow, “he couldn’t handle you and you know it.”

you pout, “well you wouldn’t let me find out?”

“you want to find out?” the eyebrow he raised was daring and that’s when you falter in your stride, “that’s what i thought princess. you’re not talking to casey anymore, okay? you’re gonna stay by me because apparently you’ve forgotten who put those handprints on your ass. is that right?”

you shake your head, “no, nol.”

he massages the place where your jaw connects before spitting in your mouth one more time, dropping his hand to your throat as you swallow, “that’s my good girl.”

#nolan moyle #thirsty thursday #nolanxbratty!reader

[brendanbrissonswh0re]

Lip gloss

This one is kinda funny 😂

I walked in the senior house with a Ulta makeup bag in my hand I got new makeup but what I’m most excited about was the lip gloss. The lipgloss plumped your lips and I thought there was no one better to try it out on than my boyfriend.

When I walk into Nolan’s room he speaks up “about time you came back I was fighting my sleep so we can nap together” “ok just let me go change and I’ll take a nap with you” I finish changing I put on Nolan’s hockey hoodie with some underwear I sneak the lip plumper into the pocket in the hoodie. I got into bed and Nolan immediately cuddles me “I missed you ma” “I was only gone for like an hour” I say laughing “yeah an hour too long” “nol baby go to sleep I can tell you tired” soon enough Nolan went to sleep I wait a little while before I pull out the lip plumper and put some on his bottom lip, as I’m working on the top lip Nolan starts to wake up a little bit “mmm y/n babe what are you doing” “nothing nol just go back to sleep” I say as I rub my hands through his hair and he cuddles into me more, when he falls back to sleep I apply more of the lip plumper on his lips after it’s all done I let out a silent laugh I laughed so hard I almost peed myself so I leave Nolan’s grip and go into the bathroom to use it when I walk out of the bathroom I see Nolan looking in the mirror “y/n what did you do” he says pointing at his lips I let out a little giggle before I say “what are you talking about cutie” “im talking about you putting makeup on my lips, what even is this my lips are burning” “baby I didn’t put anything on your lips” “y/n my lips are 2 times bigger than what they normally are and they burn, don’t try and play games with me” “ok so maybe I did put lip plumper on your lips while your were sleeping” “babeeeee” “whatttt you look like a pretty princess now” “take this off of me asap” “ok whatever you say princess” “oh god this little nickname better not stick”

If you liked it plz heart it and repost!! Remember my request are open!!!

#umich hockey blurbs #umich hockey #brendan brisson #thomas bordeleau #luke hughes #nhl imagine #mark estapa #nolan moyle