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paraclete0407 · 3 years

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Going to give away all my story-ideas a la George Johnston’s ‘The Fire Sale’ since I feel as if Lucifer has been unleashed against me for the destruction of my flesh that I might learn not to blaspheme -

‘The Winners 2012′

With the prototype of my ‘Three Kings’ ultimate self-idea-hero, the Vice Principal or Ass’t Headmaster forced to play basketball, also something about a novel about violoncello and female self-satisfaction, inner life or pseudo-inner-life and my attack on Harvard people for their emetic unending self-celebration, which turned out to be a sort of Kim Jong Il three-day massacre-banquet + they really have a huge problem with alcohol, rape, at the same time they were right IMHO to be eating blueberries and protein-goop and so on sleeping 2hrs a night. Princeton students doing math in lucid dreams. I too would have but in retrospect I literally methinks I deduce that my bio-parents and Waqas my Paki roommate were trying to give me heart-failure in the cause of sociohistorical justice and/or ‘family tree’ hyper-narcissism. I was watching ‘Reply 1997′ and that song ‘Confession’ but I thought ‘I am gonna one day hang out with my friend again and drive through the NJ woods and it’ll all be alright b/c they are gonna have theirs and I am gonna have mine and in the end they will still be able to follow my lead and feel I was worthwhile.’ ‘Headmaster’s Wife’ something something Robert James Waller bidding for continued relevance after ‘Madison County’ but even in 2012 I just honestly wasn’t that fascinated with women or their hobbies at all. I like the Korean poem that says to look at your spouse’s brow, check homework, share food. Everyone wants a room of their own in which to produce bad art, get worse as a person, do that which others could do better. USFK bases are like huge campuses with super-nice beds and the soldiers all appear to need like 5,000 KCAL per diem or they’ll pass out. I had been in the habit of sleeping bolt-straight till I got here and liquified my form. ‘Winners’ got totally out of hand where the Ass’t Headmaster started cruising around looking for anyone and everyone to talk to and never got what he was up to - never ever ever realized that he could minimize his life and walk away, that he was manager-material at Cryan’s Irish Pub or sth, that the principal really might retire one day or just let him step up, if he didn’t keep trying to ‘discharge responsiblities’ or lay the ground for some super-daughter-figure to fulfill the mission that he had been waiting to incipit; and too, he was sort of a priest to begin with and avoided his vocation for years and decades for reasons unknown. My ex-friend from Harvard bragged about staying up for 36hrs doing something and there was President Obama saying ‘Heyyy Harvard Columbia but I also like flip-flops, chips, Occidental, jackass, fag.’ Obama had such an uneven series of statements. I used to blow up on the radio like 1000000% affirmative action; Thomas Sowell is 10000% right that the Ivies were disillusioning and damaging generation of Blacks who couldn’t read fast enough - therefore, better to go back to K-12 / HS and try to give younger people a general preparedness so that they wouldn’t leave it to mercenary oft CCP-seduced (Vogel) and it turns out oft pedophilic prof’s (Alexander Theroux is in the habit of calling Dershowitz ‘dirt’ though I actually agree with him about a lot and hope that he is still in favor of rule of law at this bizarre hour) to form or confer their identity and bequeath their sense of mission in life...

‘Thanksgiving Day’

Possibly my ‘most characteristic novel’ that predicted me never being understood or read with my own grain at all though it contained terrorist threats basically. Of all Korean pop-music with its numerous melismas in a way he most ‘abject’ was Sunny’s song from ‘Story of Wine,’ ‘Finally Now’ which made me realize actually I was gonna get cut up at all the dinner-parties, all my understandings would be met with anti-understandings, everything I simplified would be complicated, whether I throw rock paper or scissor all my ex-friends from Gov School are throwing CCP massive retaliation deepfake AI bury-the-scholar-alive fireballs. So they drove to the South Mountain Res where the homosexual pederasts are acting pedagogical and ‘adoptive’ and they are sitting there like, ‘Well soon it will be deer-hunting season + Chris Christie was saying how teachers like to make kids’ faces light up + give them indelible memories but under all his generosity of acknowledgment / crediting all the while CC was also saying / dogwhistling / inciting if not demanding or ordering, “Eat the poor,”which Obama was also arguably saying.’

I still like Sunny or did like 18 months ago - Tizzard and friends are mad at Cho Kuk; I tried to defend the governing class though this actually clashed with my own belief in people that came from dirt being best qualified as long as they don’t turn utterly prideful; and I’m a monarchist megalomaniac b/c I thought of Kissinger saying, ‘The illegal we do immediately the unconstitutional takes a while’ which I did not eve n intend to mean ‘Milwaukee antinomianism misrule carnivalesque total inversion of values’ and IZ*ONE were ‘rigged’ (destined), ‘Sunkyu’ is a good safe name that I know of and at the end she is like, ‘He is a loser; I am going back to the party anyway; he belongs in a Cistercian monastery or somewhere; it is not wrong to have monks and nuns and celibate married couples and/or those who wat a long time after marriage to have a child...’

‘Everything’ (Everything 2015 / Everything 2021)

Words never said, ‘I’m everything’ - therefore how can you not play my games and _ _ _. This was such an abject apprehension(?) in my own life; I had an ideal solution to the problem and in those days I actually had no acute anxiety nor did I feel this distance(d) awe from anybody but only a low-level thrumming or basso continuou worry or ‘meditation’ (Purpose-Driven Life). I guess now if someone isn’t asking a clear question it might be beside the point to imagine it’s worthwhile to answer and if somebody proffers you a certainty in any part of speech it is best it is best just to respond or non-respond without ay semblance of personality; deflection; without wanting to add anything or change anyone’s mind b/c in the end they who open their wings prematurely will get shot down all the more; and will also become their own worst enemies at times due to the conceits of ‘my nobility; fallen flower; I was Elect; I was anointed [sth. from ‘Sentimental Education’ abt women’s hearts]’

When I was 15 I started thinking a lot about reality and who is real to whom; my favorite piano-piece though in retrospect I might’ve ust listened to it then moved on with better things was Frederic Chopin’s ‘Berceuse’ op. 57 a.k.a. ‘Lullaby’ though originally it was simply ‘Variations.’ Simple left hand, very testing right hand. Michelangeli made a version in which nothing was thrown away or left to chance and a lot of pianists add a deep D-flat to the last chord which I disagreeith b/c the whole point of not using that is taht in the end it’s not a big deal. Best is Kempff 1946 because it’s utterly affectionate, fatherly, almost forgetful. I had once regarded this version or ‘rendering’ as being Kempff’s message to post-Nazi Germany saying, ‘Dream a new dream for a while.’ His left hand is spelling and his right hand is tracing. I used to make up words for this piece ‘I’m real God can’t you see / to break your shield’ but that was with a different count or tempo than the actual notation. Also, the version I heard first was Idil Biret or someone and they made the left hand cycle or reciprocate with a false completeness like an underlying clock when the essence of the ‘Berceuse’ is that the inner voices form a tolling or droning. I years later turned to the even more violent psychopathic Chopin that gave me hand-tremors and I think it is very bad for humans of which the apex was the last page or so of Nocturne 55-2 which is basically heart-explosion into embers. After going to KR I never wanted to touch a piano again except for anything related to Kempff and would walk around Lake Park, Wahl Street, considering Russia, simplicity, ‘c/Chimes.’ Didn’t then realize George Frost Kennan grew up around there and was considering Russia his whole life. I saw ‘Cat Street’ and was put in mind of a Singaporean market or square where they let songbirds talk to each other but it’s ancient history now. Maybe in future no one will care about cats, birds - I don’t really except I grew up in white trash degenerate Mass. where they burned frogs for fun (I was like 3) and put skull-flag all over their rooms. I oppose Mao sparrow-genocide, am fond of dandelions and the Ku Sang poem about dandelions from ‘Infant Splendor.’ However my generation and the people of that time were arguably over-equipped and in one way over-covered in another under-covered.

Voice in my head saying ‘They want Maoism man.’ But I really did believe in those days that others’ futures were like my own past and I perhaps overestiated my own chance of any future understanding, ‘trust-ness,’ and, either stable interiority or cognizable reliable plain-as-day face-to-face exteriority.

I also read Somerset Maugham’s critiques of ‘the Russian sense of humor’ which I approved of and my mom recently dreamed of the cat running out with his tail burnt.

There are perhaps only so many possible variations or stories and ‘today’s character’ is a real human being in the present moment and placement not just your favorite actress or whatever or whomever that would follow you to the ends of the Earth. I have almost no idea right now whether others want what I want or not; I had fantasized about writing speeches and always taking my family with me on the campaign-airplane which in retrospect is not perforce responsible and might’ve been mental Bidenism. I had only felt that it would or could be good for people in the future / future Man to be aware of one another’s burdens like let your son or daughter know when you’re working really hard instead of playing / representing Santa Dad when you’re really storing up UncleHammer and CrushFather vengeance, whether motivated by presumption and reactionary atavism or by the Will of God in the case of Mr. David James Johnston must be pulverized in to ‘coulisse bright dark tragic chiaroscuro’...In ‘Coming Home Again’ Changrae Lee’s mom was telling him how hard his psychiatric dad worked in graduate school and that is something I believe kids should know but there again what if immgrant young people really do grow up or ‘come up’ with this ‘Minima Moralia’ (Adorno cf. Vatican Censoriate) sense that ‘wrong life cannot be rightly lived,’ a horrific desolate phrase, that existence is a ‘battle life’ and that evth we do right today is a down-payment on wrong tomorrow.

In the ‘diaspora(?)’ of Evangelical Christianity following the passing away of a very famous and beautifully simply and consistent apologist Ravi Zacharias there was a cataclysmic revelation concerning his treatment of masseuses, first in terms of sexual harrassment and later unless it is all ‘fake news’ the discovery of a trove of actual records of abuse. I‘m Reddit ButBothSides relativism but it really almost feels as if there had been the mentality of a ‘treasury of merit’ but I don’t even want to say anything like that. Strange keepsakes! I feel as though ‘everybody deserves to know’ I am pretty certain I could be indicted for sexual harrassment in the Republic of Korea from a specific instant I recall very vividly + it might be good to do so in view of the current society’s determination to stop driving women toward suicide but IDK whether I ough to say that to anyone in Milwaukee b/c around here they’re racists and polyamorists and it’s more CCP paleo-peudo-Confucian mistress-culture where my dad is checking out my girlfriends and orgy and procurement are considered acts of unconditional love(?). Many years ago I looked at the Joongang Daily and say a ‘diptych’ of ‘T-ARA to release new song in November’ and ‘Uhm Taewoong arraigned for solicitation in [’my last stop’]’ + I adored TIAMO but it made me sad that the yougest member of this group was posing ith little girls all carring playing cards b/c it was lke a Chaim Potok novel that said mutatis mutandis ‘child-rearing is all gambling’ which goes against my sense of what is possible and even practical with a proper chain of care and ‘absolute ownership.’ And there I had been eager to join in the American Families Plan but then it really is still public schools where (Chesterton), ‘ The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected.’ Professionalism, fair compensation, training, re-training, good data, involving parents. I am just sad b/c I realized I don’t really get how good or bad the SoE’s are anymore but the costs of Chromebooks and such are immense and I’m almost 100% certain the kids still have noisy homes, no good desks, + many of the staff are single moms nursing etc. + teacher-tenure and ‘middle class wages’ IMHO have been drawing mercenary self-righteous ideologue-automoton mental Boomers for decades and they still don’t get it but I’m super-sad b/c I just have no way I know of finding out!

I like talking to psychiatrists b/c they get stuff about autism as well as in some cases literal demons and matters such as handwriting, Arabic script going ‘backwards,’ but in the end they too appear committed to doing whatever the current overlord(s) of the world order are going to do. At the mental hospital they’re writing stuff like ‘schiz- ____’ nd saying ‘sign I’ll date’ and when I say ‘that’s an official document’ the union pozzers around here are like ‘it’s my document’ like Hell it is. You’re on strike against truth and morality and that’s no joke! You better give me heart-failure tonight or I will eventually bring a suit against your ‘whole host’ but that itself is beside the point because of Delta and drones and the fact that this is a revelating(?) era and a literal Judgment of God, which I had been hoping to weather and eventually execute my long-incubating intention but I truly am concerned what could present roll over and through this city.

This spectre or menace of a saturating, superceding, overriding ‘raison d’etat’ in the earthly world order soon to come and everything going to be unsealed anyway so that your private life is really just ‘a paper heart merit-badge that says “private life” on it’ and in future even a confirmation of something or someone is not really a confirmation. Puts in mind of the MLG song ‘Kiss Me’ about ego and commitment and the valences and intersections(?) of different potential promises or forecasts. My old friend Miles used to write about kissing a lot and I had reflections about kissing and such matters but IDK now if he’s a cultural Maoist advocating to defund the LAPD or he just ‘keeps his virtue to himself’ and feeds trash the ‘Arab Street’ about not protecting weak people from criminals.

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allbestnet · 7 years

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Popular Critically Acclaimed Books: [1911 - 1920]

Ethan Frome - Edith Wharton (1911)

Zuleika Dobson - Max Beerbohm (1911)

Under Western Eyes - Joseph Conrad (1911)

The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (1911)

The Theory of Economic Development: An Inquiry into Profits, Capital, Credit, Interest, and the Business Cycle - Joseph A. Schumpeter (1911)

My First Summer in the Sierra - John Muir (1911)

Death in Venice - Thomas Mann (1912)

Tarzan of the Apes - Edgar Rice Burroughs (1912)

The Serious Game - Hjalmar Söderberg (1912)

Riders of the Purple Sage - Zane Grey (1912)

Pygmalion - Bernard Shaw (1912)

Autobiography of an Ex-Colored Man - James Weldon Johnson (1912)

Selected Papers on Hysteria - Sigmund Freud (1912)

The Problems of Philosophy - Bertrand Russell (1912)

The Montessori Method - Maria Montessori (1912)

Home of the Blizzard - Douglas Mawson (1912)

In Search of Lost Time - Marcel Proust (1913)

Sons and Lovers - D. H. Lawrence (1913)

The Custom of the Country - Edith Wharton (1913)

Alcools - Guillaume Apollinaire (1913)

Petersburg - Andrei Bely (1913)

The Wanderer - Henri Alain-Fournier (1913)

The Warlord of Mars - Edgar Rice Burroughs (1913)

O Pioneers! - Willa Cather (1913)

My Childhood - Maxim Gorky (1913)

The Principia Mathematica - Alfred North Whitehead and Bertrand Russell (1913)

Scott's Last Expedition: The Journals - Robert Falcon Scott (1913)

Dubliners - James Joyce (1914)

The Prussian Officer - D. H. Lawrence (1914)

Kokoro - Sōseki Natsume (1914)

The Emperor of Portugallia - Selma Lagerlof (1914)

On Narcissism - Sigmund Freud (1914)

Through the Brazilian Wilderness - Theodore Roosevelt (1914)

Journal of a Trapper - Osborne Russell (1914)

The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka (1915)

The Good Soldier - Ford Madox Ford (1915)

The Rainbow - D. H. Lawrence (1915)

The Thirty-Nine Steps - John Buchan (1915)

Of Human Bondage - W. Somerset Maugham (1915)

Rashomon and Seventeen Other Stories - Ryunosuke Akutagawa (1915)

The Scarlet Plague - Jack London (1915)

The Voyage Out - Virginia Woolf (1915)

Spoon River Anthology - Edgar Lee Masters (1915)

Instincts and Their Vicissitudes - Sigmund Freud (1915)

Collected Short Stories of Saki - Saki (1916)

The Complete Short Stories of Jack London - Jack London (1916)

Greenmantle - John Buchan (1916)

Home and the World - Rabindranath Tagore (1916)

The Mind and Society - Vilfredo Pareto (1916)

Psychology of the Unconscious - C.G. Jung (1916)

A Critique of the Theory of Evolution - Thomas Hunt Morgan (1916)

Julia Ward Howe - Laura E. Richards and Maud Howe Elliott (1916)

With Americans of Past and Present Days - Jean Jules Jusserand (1916)

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man - James Joyce (1917)

Poems by Machado - Antonio Machado (1917)

The Shadow Line - Joseph Conrad (1917)

Prufrock and Other Observations - T.S. Eliot (1917)

His Family - Ernest Poole (1917)

Relativity - Albert Einstein (1917)

On Growth and Form - D'Arcy Wentworth Thompson (1917)

Study of Organic Inferiority and Its Physical Compensation: A Contribution to Clinical Medicine - Alfred Adler (1917)

In the Land of White Death - Valerian Albanov (1917)

Benjamin Franklin, Self-Revealed - William Cabell Bruce (1917)

My Antonia - Willa Cather (1918)

Diary of a Madman and Other Stories - Xun Lu (1918)

Calligrammes - Guillaume Apollinaire (1918)

Indian Summer of a Forsyte - John Galsworthy (1918)

The Loyal Subject - Heinrich Mann (1918)

The Magnificent Ambersons - Booth Tarkington (1918)

The Elements of Style - William Strunk, Jr and E. B. White (1918)

The Education of Henry Adams - Henry Adams (1918)

Eminent Victorians - Lytton Strachey (1918)

Mont-Saint-Michel and Chartres - Henry Adams (1918)

Decline of the West - Oswald Spengler (1918)

A History of the Civil War - James Ford Rhodes (1918)

Winesburg, Ohio - Sherwood Anderson (1919)

Lad: a Dog - Albert Payson Terhune (1919)

Demian - Hermann Hesse (1919)

The Waning of the Middle Ages - Johan Huizinga (1919)

Prejudices - H. L. Mencken (1919)

The American Language - H. L. Mencken (1919)

Ten Days That Shook the World - John Reed (1919)

South - Ernest Shackleton (1919)

The Life of John Marshall - Albert J. Beveridge (1919)

The Age of Innocence - Edith Wharton (1920)

Women in Love - D. H. Lawrence (1920)

Main Street - Sinclair Lewis (1920)

In Chancery - John Galsworthy (1920)

Awakening - John Galsworthy (1920)

The Poems of Wilfred Owen - Wilfred Owen (1920)

Kristin Lavransdatter - Sigrid Undset (1920)

Growth of the Soil - Knut Hamsun (1920)

Cheri - Colette (1920)

This Side of Paradise - F. Scott Fitzgerald (1920)

The Frontier in American History - Frederick Jackson Turner (1920)

Beyond the Pleasure Principle - Sigmund Freud (1920)

The War with Mexico - Justin H. Smith (1920)

#best #books #list #1911-1920

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