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reconstructionlegacy · 1 year

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“’Fraid of him?” “No.” “Poor little spy wants Jedi approval?”

Teff’ith and Theron Shan, Lost Suns

“She’s a child, Theron. Expect more from her, and she can surprise you.”

Ngani Zho, Lost Suns

The boy is a bird, bad bird. He falls out of trees.

Richard Siken, War of the Foxes

“Don’t talk to me that way! I’m Ngani Zho -- I freed Bellis Four and stopped the Hutt Archons! I trained the Grand Master of the Jedi Order and raised her son--” “You’re avoiding the subject.”

Ngani Zho and Theron Shan, Lost Suns

Everything is a target, says the hunter. No matter where you look. The hunter’s son says nothing, and closes his eyes.

Richard Siken, The Stag and the Quiver

Hard to talk childhood trauma with a man so clearly broken.

Lost Suns

Look! You are nothing at all. Just a crack where the light slipped through. Oh my child, I thought I could save you.

Anne Carson, Elektra

“Forgive me...for all of it.” “When I was five, you brought me to the planet monastery so I could learn concentration techniques. It took half a year of service to the Order of the Sacred Circle, but I learned to ignore all pain - all distractions.”

Ngani Zho and Theron Shan, Lost Suns

“I’m sorry -- I can’t feel anything.” “You will, boy. You must.” “Yes, Master.”

Ngani Zho and Theron Shan, Lost Suns

What does the God of your childhood look like? A soft apparition pigeoned in the attic, a wound eating you one year at a time?

Rachel McKibbons, Outhouse

“I’m not a Jedi.” “I thought I remembered something about that... but no time for sentimentality!

Theron Shan and Ngani Zho, Lost Suns

“[God] will bloody your nose and then give you a ride home on his bicycle.”

Rich Mullins, as mentioned in There is More - Message by Brooke Ligertwood

“Hah! Always with a plan, aren’t you?” “Someone has to be.”

Ngani Zho and Theron Shan, Lost Suns

“I know Master Zho raised you, but by the time he met Teff’ith he was … troubled.” You almost said crazy, didn’t you?

Annihilation

“[Theron] respects what the Jedi do for the Republic,” Marcus replied. “But he’s seen firsthand that they’re not perfect.

Annihilation

Don't worry. Your father is only your father until one of you forgets.

Ocean Vuong

“And I can assure you that my feelings for my former Padawan won’t interfere with our mission.” “That’s good to know,” Theron said, thinking, If it comes down to it, will you be able to kill her? Or will you hesitate?

Annihilation

We keep telling the other, I love you and I love you, and we do, though we both know where the knives are.

Laura Van Prooyen, This Child

“Zho not like other Jedi,” Teff’ith grunted, and Theron couldn’t argue with that.

Annihilation

Even at his best... Zho was never reliable.

Theron Shan, Lost Suns

Pull up the ladder when the flood comes Throw enough rope until the legs have swung Seven new ways that you can eat your young Come and get some Skinnin' the children for a war drum Puttin' food on the table sellin' bombs and guns It's quicker and easier to eat your young

“I know Master Zho taught you this lesson,” she added softly. “He taught me a lot of things,” Theron shot back, his blood suddenly boiling.

Annihilation

I like to call myself wound but I will answer to knife.

Nicole Homer, Underbelly (2019)

I take that back. I take my body back. I take back everything that ever made me.

Catherine Chen, world shrunk to the size of me

#long post #swtor #*#theron shan #ngani zho #web weaving #star wars #lost suns #annihilation #child abuse #bold text #r #ngani zho hate tag

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sullustangin · 1 year

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Fluffy February Day 13: Pride

Fandom: SWTOR

Time: In the near future (28-29 ATC)

Pairing: Theron Shan/Smuggler

“What’s it mean ‘to be proud’ of a kid?”

Eva looked up her supper to see Theron in the lounge recliner holding a parenting holobook in one hand and steadying the baby with the other. Argento had unceremoniously passed out on his father’s chest after a four-hour squall. Eva thought the kid had the best idea, both about sleep and the location, but she had to eat at some point.

Retroactively, Eva mentally pat herself on the back for instituting gender-neutral parental leave for the Alliance.

Presently, Eva shoveled in another mouthful of buttery rice with an egg stirred in. “How do you mean?”

Theron frowned as he put the holobook down on one of the make-shift crate tables nearby, freeing his other hand to gently rest on the baby. Once his hand settled on his son, the frown dissolved and Theron gazed at Argo with no small amount of wonder. “Parenting book. Section about ‘parental pride’ and how to express it in a non-toxic way.” Now he looked at Eva. “I’m … unfamiliar with the concept.”

“Ah.” Eva put her fork down for a second and grabbed a napkin to wipe her mouth off. “It’s like when I got my 1500 hours on the Thief. All the work I’d done, all the lessons Ma had given me, everything Hadrian ever showed me about maintenance… it all came together. They were proud because I’d achieved something, but they’d also made a functional smuggler out of me.”

“Parents do take pride in their kids’ achievements, even when they had nothing to do with it.”

“Yeah…” Then it took Eva a second to realize he wasn’t asking a question. “Jace…didn’t mean it like he was taking credit. He’s proud of you. He – he wants to be associated with you, to be known as –”

“A father who wasn’t allowed to be there.” A finger drifted across the top of the baby’s head, stroking at the downy fluffy. “I know he didn’t mean anything bad by it, but that whole … thing.. .from Iokath still bugs me. He’s proud of me for fighting in the war. But…I’m proud of my service, because I worked for other things. For peace. For the future.” Theron’s brow creased again. “Later he said he was proud of me for ‘getting my priorities straight.’ Something he hadn’t done.”

Eva propped her arm up on the table. “Are you happier at home than he ended up being?”

Theron’s face went soft. “Yeah. Definitely.”

“Good parents don’t want their kids to repeat the same bad stuff they did,” Eva said, thinking back to one stark memory of her mother.

Her tenth birthday had been celebrated in darkness as they’d tried to sneak out of Chiss space after the Treaty of Coruscant was signed. They ran dark and ate cold rations, and Hylo the Cat was the most valuable crew member for keeping Eva warm.

Athene had nearly cried because “it’s not supposed to be like this for her.” It had been, for Athene, a regular occurrence throughout her childhood.

Eva had learned not to press ears to doors that weren’t hers after that.

“Satele has said stuff along the same lines, believe it or not.” Theron leaned back in the chair a little more as Argo’s limbs moved in his sleep. “She ‘approved’ of my choices. My career. You.” He gave her a smile that begged for trouble. “You really are the best con artist in the galaxy.”

“I specialized in fleecing Jedi at finishing school,” Eva teased right back, picking up her fork to finish her dinner.

After she’d placed her dish in the galley to be cleaned, Eva came back out to the lounge to see Theron giving the holobook on the table another glance. “I’m not sure about kid-related pride. It … seems … conditional…” Theron made a face. “It’s like getting marksmanship medals at SIS – do this, get that. Transactional.”

“The medals are hot, but not a dealbreaker. The Force?” Eva crossed the room to him and their son.

“Who needs it.” Theron watched as she carefully knelt down at the side of the recliner. “Your parents said they loved you before you were a pilot.”

“Yeah. Before I was anything interesting.” She leaned her head on Theron’s shoulder to get a look at Argo.

He was a lot cuter when he was asleep.

Then Theron said, quietly, “It’s not like that with Jace and Satele…it couldn’t be back then. I know they do, now, but…” His shoulder rose up in a slight shrug, trying not to dislodge her. “…it’s not something any of us talk about. And as a kid…”

Now he went so still and silent. He didn’t speak for long minutes.

“.. I’d like to think… he would be proud. When I do something kind or push myself, I still want his approval. …but honestly… everything depended on what I was going to become. Then when I didn’t –” An unsteady breath escaped him.

There were few people in the universe that Eva could not forgive. Dead or not, that man was one of them.

Instead of any voiced venom, however, Eva gently guided Theron’s face to hers, then tipped her forehead forward to touch his, all while not disturbing Argo. “You know what’s unconditional.”

Eva felt the tension escape him. “Yeah. You love ‘just Theron.’” She felt his hand grab at hers. “I love you.”

“I know.” Eva kissed him, then they lingered close even after their lips parted.

Theron turned his face slightly to look at Argo, not drawing away from her. “You think he knows we love him?” Theron whispered.

“I think he knows he’s loved, even if this whole conversation is way over his head.”

Theron nodded, eyes still red. “Even if he is an angry little wampa right now.”

“Especially since he’s our angry little wampa.”

Love is being pinned in a chair for four hours because you don’t want to wake the baby

@fluffyfebruary @ayresis @starlightcleric @ermingarden @bluephoenix1347

#fluffy february #swtor #theron shan #theron shan x smuggler #child of character #ngani zho #swtor fan fiction #oc: eva corolastor

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pawsimses · 2 years

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Normal SWTOR Sims Photos

Saber Fights. No I don’t know why Bela is wearing that.

Local Spy Baby. Ironically the baby of the house is the one I have to babysit the least. Somehow he’s better put together than the rest of these idiots. He’s (probably) 3, they are adults...

Added a Hot Spring because I’m obligated to ruin nicely designed Maxis lots (lol hi Jace) He threw a soap bar in and left.

He got trapped because of that doll. Ended up having to have one of the others come break it because he was too scared and had bladder failure. Sometimes I really regret making the house haunted.

Oh yeah I made Syo a werewolf because a) I can do things with some of the temperaments and it kinda fits the First Son aspect. Everyone dislikes it. He’s a sad woof man.

More Obligatory Syo Photos because I am trash

(He tried okay? Painting is hard (realistically IDK why he decided to, oh well better than drowning in the lake again I guess)

Jaric, meanwhile, is forever in a pissed off mood because I thought it would be fitting to give him the High maintenance Trait (OG gave it to Syo, realized after it fit Kaedan better. Now he’s pissed at everything around him. Mostly the sun though.)

Dammit Zho. I just wanted a nice birthday photo TTnTT

And that’s it for now.

(oh yeah that ghost there is the biggest homewrecker, Jace and Satele now have relationship problem because he keeps on flirting with them both and causing friction. Guidry Ilu but come on man. At least stick to Zho, he was enjoying the attention. (For some reason he leaves Syo, Jaric and Bela (I presume) alone. Syo probably because he’s unnerved by the werewolf aspect, Jaric is an asshole most of the time and honestly I just haven’t seen him interact with Bela much at all. She’s around just... mostly minding her own business and not having as much of a crisis like the rest of them lol).

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scarfacemarston · 2 years

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Does Theron know when his birthday is? I would assume Zho told him? We know his birth year probably because of Zho, right?

#theron shan #ngani zho #swtor #star wars the old republic

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magnetarbeam · 6 months

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I just reached the scene in Annihilation where Theron describes Teff'ith as "like a kid sister," and looking back on their various arguments I really can see a sibling dynamic.

This book is about the only TOR thing I've ever experienced, so I don't really know how close they were when Ngani Zho apparently took her in, but adopted sibling relationships in Star Wars have a special place in my heart.

#star wars legends #star wars the old republic #swtor #theron shan #teff'ith

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ospreyeamon · 1 year

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theron background headcanons

Theron is Force-blind in somewhat of a more legally-blind than totally-blind way. Low-key environmental ambience doesn’t register to him at all, but he can tell when somebody is doing the equivalent of waving a strobe-light in his face. It’s nowhere near enough for the subtle senses Jedi skills require, but the Sith tend to be louder in the Force – consciously bombastic where Jedi are naturalistic – so Theron can occasionally sense when one of them is doing something especially melodramatic.

Theron gained an impressive variety of skills and experiences during his itinerant childhood but no lasting close social connections apart from Ngani Zho – not even among the Jedi. The longer Theron failed to exhibit any signs of being Force-sensitive the more obvious it became that it was the result of Theron not actually being Force-sensitive and other Jedi began to point that out to Zho. Zho was heavily in denial about Theron’s Force-blindness because of what it would mean and started actively avoiding the Order so nobody could challenge his delusion.

Theron spent a lot of time thinking about what he would say to Zho if they ever met again after Zho sent him away on Haashimut. In the end Theron never said any of it because when he finally met Zho again it was to discover that the man who had raised him was living in a fantasy where Theron was totally Force-sensitive, had absolutely become a Jedi Knight, and had spent the decade Zho had disappeared for palling around with his mother on Jedi adventures.

After a few weeks being housed with the Jedi Initiates while the Masters on Haashimut settled on what to do with him, Theron was passed off into foster care. The Galactic Republic doesn’t have anything close to a unified foster system; the variance as to what constitutes appropriate child-rearing practices and unnecessary administrative burden of trying to run a unified system make it far more practical to handle it at a local level. However, in the aftermath of the Great Galactic War virtually all of local care organisations were underfunded and overwhelmed with war orphans and child refugees. Theron slipped away before he aged out and spent the next couple of years drifting. When he was sixteen, he stumbled into a SIS operation and saved an agent from a mutated Orpali dragon which brought him to the attention of the then Mid-Rim Director Marcus Trant.

Theron consciously worked to strip himself of obviously Jedi ticks after joining the SIS. The casual references to the Force, the bowing, the falling into the base stances of Shi-Cho. They were potentially dangerous identifying tells, but he also just wanted to stop people asking about it.

#Meanwhile in a Galaxy Far Far Away #swtor meta #Theron Shan #star wars the old republic #a wild headcanon appeared

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greyias · 1 year

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For the WIP ask game: What is raised by Jace about? 👀

Ah, yes! This is one of the Theron Childhood AUs, which was one of those "5 Things" type stories that explores different roads Theron's life might have taken if he or someone else had made a different decision at the important junctures in his life. Just what it says on the tin, it would be an exploration of what might happen if Satele had decided to tell Jace about Theron, and let him raise him.

It's not a particularly happy AU, as in canon, Jace has a lot of survivor's guilt and PTSD, and a wicked mean temper. I mean, just look what happened between him and Theron during the time skip. I feel like despite his best intentions, there would be a lot of friction between him and a young Theron. The main thrust of the story would be exploring how Jace's darker tendencies tend to push his son away, combined with the incredibly self-indulgent thought of "what would happen if the son of Satele and Jace happened to be around the Jedi Temple when during the Sacking of Coruscant?"

It doesn't really have much written on it at all, aside from a little prologue intro that probably won't find its way into the fic. So I might as well indulge a little and share that here 😉 But under a cut, to save all your dashes.

“What if something happens to me?” Satele wondered. “What happens if one day you add my name to your list? Silently she added: Or your child’s? Jace’s expression was grim. “I’d rain destruction down the Empire,” he said quietly. “I’d destroy their cities and burn their worlds.” -- Star Wars: The Old Republic: Annihilation, by Drew Karpyshyn

“And you’re sure you don’t want to tell the father?” Ngani Zho asked as he paced.

For nine months she had contemplated that answer, gone back and forth — and now that this moment had finally arrived, Satele hesitated. So sure she had been about what would have been best, but as she watched her Master rock her infant son to her chest, she was struck by an image of Jace Malcom’s tall form, cradling their son, speaking to him softly. There was much darkness in Jace, she had seen that first hand. The thought of that darkness tainting the innocent little light she had carried within her had been the cause of her unease. But there was more to Jace than his dark impulses — there was a soft tenderness too that he didn’t often allow himself to indulge in.

“Satele?” Ngani prompted. “Are you not sure?”

It had all been much more clear when it had been an abstract, an idea. “I wish I were. His father… has darkness in him.”

“None of us are all one thing,” her Master gently reminded her. “We are all capable of change — redemption and forgiveness is one of the tenets of our Order.”

“Of course, Master,” she bowed her head. “My main concern is for my son. I only want what is best for him.”

“There are many paths for this little one to take.”

“If he is strong with the Force, he will need to be trained. And if he knows, his father will want to be in his life.”

“I believe we can make something work if it comes to that — but the choice on how to proceed is yours. I cannot make it for you.”

She tried to look inward, reach out to the Force for guidance, but the unending swirl of emotions clouded her perception, and the only voice she could truly hear was her own. And as she watched Ngani rock the newborn, the more her certainty from before evaporated.

Not a week later, Jace was holding his son. He stared down at the infant in open wonder, as if he had never seen anything quite like the little life he now held in his arms. He finally looked up, and the wave of emotion that hit her through the Force was almost too much to bear and she had to move away.

“Satele, I—”

“You will take care of him?”

“Of course, I will, he’s my son.”

His voice darkened with the ferocity of the statement, and it was difficult for Satele to tell if it was rooted in possessiveness, or more tied to paternal instinct. That instinct was one she was quite familiar with herself, and she had to actively fight the strong pull their son already had on her. It was the next statement that caught her off guard, although she should have expected it.

"You could come with us.”

“I have already seen where that path leads,” she said quietly, “and the Republic needs me.”

“I need you.”

She turned away then, feeling the pull towards them — towards a path she dare not tread. “Theron needs you more.”

“Theron?”

“That’s his name. Unless… you can change it if you want.”

“No, that’s a good name. Theron,” he said it again, as if testing it out. “Theron Malcom.”

It didn’t fit him, at least not in the same way Shan had. The way it had for all previous generations. But it was better this way. She just had to keep telling herself that.

#thank you for the ask!#wip ask game

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synoxshots · 3 years

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Time for another round of 'bits of Theron's backstory that absolutely break me'.

"I'm sorry - I can't feel anything."

"You will, boy. You must."

Master Zho is the man who raised Theron, the one he considers as his father, and living up to/honouring his memory is something that is always important to him ('Master Zho would be proud' eh). But there's a lot of times when I have to give a loud, sceptical 'hmm' at how his childhood worked out with him.

#i guess there was just no contingency plan eh #and i think too many things are pinned on satele ig #she's flawed and i love her flaws but she gets a bad rap #anyway i will always love theron's growth throughout the stories and game 💜#theron shan #ngani zho #i could have articulated all this better but that's what i get writing on my phone at half past midnight i suppose

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annantlegacy · 3 years

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Unseen, a fic for @theronshanweek-official.

Prompt 1: Childhood. Words: 1060, rated G, on Ao3 also.

Theron Shan sat on a low wall circling a civic garden. His feet were flush to the ground, his hands resting on his lap. He took a deep breath and paused for a count of three before exhaling slowly. Here, in the upper levels of Coruscant, the air was clean. Not as clean as the air of the training grounds where he’d spent so much of his life. That time, those places might as well be worlds and lifetimes away.

Focus, Theron, he chastised himself.

He repeated the process–an old, familiar exercise that Master Zho had taught him so many years ago–while keeping his eyes open, his senses still on alert. Calm awareness. Alertness without a nagging urge to act on something, anything. It wasn’t quite meditation–more, a meditative observance of the world going about its business around him. Theron might not be in a remote and serene land but the Force flowed around him just the same in a bustling city setting as any idyllic scene.

He catalogued his sensory input, not letting himself focus on any one thing for too long. Like a busy insect flitting amongst flowers in a garden, Master Zho had once said.

Permacrete walk circling the garden perimeter is a brighter ivory than the main throughway. Less traffic?

Heavy, shuffling footfalls to my right…slow and ponderous. Ithorian, maybe…

Floral smells in the air–natural, not perfume. There were flower-beds in the garden, white and yellow blooms.

Another scent, fainter. Vaguely savory, spicy. That little street market selling so many different types of foods, busy with the evening meal crowd…

Theron’s stomach chose that moment to rumble and complain. He wasn’t sure when he’d last eaten. The trees cast long shadows over the pristine walkway. When had it gotten so late? He sighed, gazing up at the impossibly ordered flow of traffic above him. Speeders and small craft glinted jewel-like in the fading daylight. There was something about Coruscant sunsets…the rosy-gold light softening the controlled chaos, gilding the planet’s towering structures like precious metals.

Beautiful. At least, if you were lucky enough to be on one of the higher levels where you could actually see it. And yeah, sure, it was all artificial effects from an elaborate weather-control system that Theron doubted many beings really understood, or even thought much about. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t nice all the same.

Another thing Master Zho taught him: the Force flowed through all, its light ever-present, so that there was beauty to be found everywhere. That the old man could feel that way and say such things after the horrors Theron knew he had seen in the many battles he’d fought was something else. Theron’s stomach tightened in a dull pang that had nothing to do with hunger.

It hurt. Thinking of Master Zho, remembering the peace of the Order. He’d had a place there, for a time. Had a family.

I had purpose, even if I always knew I wouldn’t be there forever…Now, what?

Foot traffic on the walk had picked up. Second shift workers, beings headed to the mind-boggling array of cantinas and eateries, people headed home–and none of them paid him any mind. Theron didn’t know if it was years of Jedi training, something about his face and being, or a bit of both. He could be an invisible man or the center of a city square’s attention if needed. Getting through, getting by after losing the only home he’d known had taught him this. Had kept him fed, gotten him shelter.

He wasn’t good enough to stay with the Jedi Order. That whole connection with the Force thing was a bit of a sticking point. But he had skills from that time. He could win just about any fair fight, and come out the better from some not-so-fair ones.. He knew how to shrug off minor wounds using the meditative techniques his master had taught him. He was a survivor. Thing is, surviving wasn’t enough.

As a theoretical Jedi–because theory was all it had ever been–Theron would have served the Force and countless beings across the galaxy. As a…whatever he was now, survivor vagabond savant, there was nothing more. Theron sighed.

There were options. Police or bodyguard posts. Contract work. Not that any of those particularly interested him. Theron glanced up as a large party of well-dressed humans crowded the sidewalk, passing right by him, not one of them seeming to notice his presence. At eye level with the handbag of one of the women, Theron realized: he could easily slip a hand in, or swipe a blade along the bag handles, grab the loot, and sprint away through the garden, unseen. Or conversely, he could drop in a listening device, a tracker, even a device to be remote-detonated.

Who even thinks up stuff like that? Come on, Theron…

Sitting there, unseen, anonymous in clothing nice enough to not catch someone’s eye, but not so nice he looked out-of-league high cred, something occurred to him. Something that made him chuckle aloud where he sat brooding.

Master Zho had taught him much about being unseen. About diffusing situations without being detected so that violence was never even needed. About economy of action if things did come to violence. Surely, someone needed those kinds of skills to protect the Republic. Espionage, covert intelligence, boots on the streets and eyes on major players, the ability to be anonymous or obvious at will.

The perfect makings of a spy.

Theron laughed again, but this time, he didn’t admonish himself mentally or shove away the thought. After all, if he was going to be untethered from the home he’d known, unseen, he might as well make something of it. Theron stood, taking another series of steadying breaths, grounding him in the moment.

The next step was clear to him. He just had to find someone who’d listen. He glanced once more at the sky, now deep vermillion and copper.

Yep, still beautiful, he thought to himself. His stomach growled again, more urgently than before. And still hungry. At least I have the start of a start of a plan.

Theron walked back towards the street market, thinking about the noodle dish that had looked particularly good, sliding through the crowd with ease–agile, graceful, unimpeded by the traffic.

Sometimes it really was good to be unseen.

#Theron shan appreciation week #theron #theron shan #swtor #swtor companions #ngani zho #jedi order #the annant legacy #swtor fanfic #my fic #day 1: childhood #probably not canon #just wanted to daydream about spyboy

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ulavii · 3 years

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Theron Shan Week : Day 1 (Childhood)

Prompt : Childhood

Warnings : No warnings

Characters : Theron Shan, Ngani Zho

Words count: 523

Read on Ao3 here - Full work below

@theronshanweek-official

Theron opened his eyes. He had pins and needles in his legs, and his back started to hurt. How long has he been like that, meditating, waiting for a feeling that wasn't coming? Especially since he wasn't sure exactly what he was waiting for. Master Zho said the Force could manifest itself in different forms, that he would know once it will be there... but the child couldn't feel anything, couldn't sense. That's the word his master always used. And for the few years he had been training, Theron never sensed anything at all.

“Focus, Theron. You can't give up now.”

The young boy raised his head to try and catch the old man's eyes. But he had them closed, unifying himself with the Force. Theron knew it because of the small stones that were flying all around his master. Some days he envied him. Zho always looked so calm, so peaceful in those moments. Theron wished he could feel the same.

“I can't, Master. I don't feel the Force. It doesn't want to come. And I can't feel my legs. I don't want to lose them.”

Theron thought he caught a discreet smile on the Jedi's face, but it disappeared in an instant, and he then thought he had dreamed it. The youngling sighed. He simply couldn't stay motionless like that. He needed to move.

Master Zho had said before he was a boisterous child. That he was unable to stand still more than a few minutes. The young one didn't want to disappoint his master. But he was feeling like all of this was useless, and he wondered once again what exactly was the purpose of this exercise. He had tried, as hard as he could, to stay concentrated, but it was a wasted effort, and all of this was starting to irritate him. And like it is often the case for children of his age, all he wanted to do was to stop and go play, run, anything really that wasn't involving staying on his knees for hours.

“Can I go now, Master Zho?” he asked, hopeful.

The old man finally opened his eyes and gazed at his young apprentice. Theron shuddered. He was feeling like a disappointment. Like he wasn't trying hard enough. That it was his fault that he couldn't feel the Force. He knew he got easily distracted, all the time, but he was still trying as hard as he could, just to make Master Zho proud. But as the years passed, and despite the encouragement of the Jedi, nothing had changed. The Force just wasn't manifesting. And, sometimes, he hated himself for that.

“You have to be patient, young man. One day, you'll be able to sense the Force, within and without you. You're still young, you have a lot to learn, and you still have time.”

But behind those words, Theron knew even Master Zho had his doubts. He was maybe not attuned with the Force, but he wasn't an idiot. And, one quality he had what that he was very observant. And observing his Master told him one thing : Zho knew something wasn't right.

#TheronShanWeek2021 #Theron Shan #ngani zho #swtor #swtor fanfiction #star wars the old republic #ao3 fanfic #my works

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choco-glow · 3 years

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Is This Thing On?

“You, my dear Shan, are a hard man to find at the best of times.” Theron smirked, just a little, as he sipped his drink from the half-hidden booth he’d chosen, gesturing for Jonas Balker to sit in the opposite seat. Both agents toasted one another, and Theron leaned forward a little into the light, chuckling when Jonas swore heavily at the bruises and cuts marring his face. “And what the hell kind of shit have you been in this time?”

“C’mon now, Balker, I know you know what I’ve been up to, I’ve been fending off your droids for months now all over Rishi so that Lana didn’t stab me. Besides, they look worse than they are.” Jonas glared him down…and sighed a little, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a long draught off his own whiskey.

“Force help me, I do. So, the Revanites…”

“Currently in rout on Yavin-4; we’re now working with the Grandmaster of the Jedi and Darth Marr to build a joint operation…which you also know about, because I know I saw you in and out of the Imperial camps at least twice. You fit the uniform just fine, but that accent sucks.” Jonas flipped him the bird, but shook his head and smiled anyway, and they fell into familiar roles, bantering back and forth as they exchanged information both useful and already used, that rare combination of being both spies and best friends since they were teenagers…and as they ordered fresh drinks, Jonas paused a little bit, and looked like he’d bitten a lemon. Theron just sighed.

“C’mon, out with it.”

“…are you alright after that torture?” His voice was low, soft, and honestly concerned…and Theron gave his friend a faint smile, lacing his gloved fingers together and leaning in a little. Closing his eyes, Theron took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, calming his thoughts, his whole being, drawing on everything Master Zho had ever taught him, because even with the stunt he’d pulled to escape…it had been horrific. The pain wasn’t as bad as the mindprobe, and even now, Theron shuddered at the memory of Revan’s casual perusal of his very soul…but he’d gotten his revenge, in the sweetest way possible, and that had also gotten him the opportunity to break free.

“It was…it was bad. Very bad. But you remember those holovids I had to watch all the time when I was a kid? The ones that were made specifically for the Shan family?” Jonas blinked, suddenly confused by the change of subject, but nodded anyway, well aware even now of the ranting Theron used to go off on about the utter stupidity of those vids…and Theron grinned. “Well, I kept a special link of ‘em for the explicit reason of throwing it back in Revan’s face if I ever got the chance. And that idiot gave me the perfect opening.”

“…No.”

“Yup.”

“You didn’t.”

“Damn right I did.”

“How the fuck were you not stabbed?”

“I have no clue. But it worked, I escaped, and here we are.” Jonas narrowed his eyes, and pointed accusingly at Theron now, who was trying to pull his best injured innocent face over the wicked grin.

“Bullshit, there’s so much more to that story, and you owe me the whole thing, Shan.”

“Fine, fine, but we’re gonna need more drinks.” He slapped down a full credit chip on the table, and Theron felt his grin widen even further. “Alrighty then, strap in, because this is gonna be fun…”

---

Eighteen years earlier…

Padawan Theron Shan, thirteen, arms crossed, robes a mess, his lip busted open from the last scuffle, stared resolutely at the wall as Masters Kaedan, Bakarn, and Zho tried to figure out a suitable punishment. Fighting between Padawans was strictly prohibited, of course, short of controlled sparring, but defending a Padawan who was disabled from several of the wealthier children of the elite on Coruscant did merit some praise…but he’d still started a fight. Ngani Zho sighed faintly, and turned to his wayward pupil.

“Theron, please speak to us. We understand why you fought as you did, and we want you to know that defending Padawan Ask’lil is a noble, kind thing…but you still cannot brawl as you did today.” Theron shrugged, slouched as he was in the chair, still glaring a hole in the wall, and it was Syo who shook his head.

“I fear we won’t be getting through to him this way, Ngani; however, there are the old holovids we could show him. It might be good to give Theron a sense of right.” Master Zho noticed Theron glance up at that, but didn’t call him on it, only nodding a little in confusion. Certainly, they had many holovids for Padawans to learn from, but he wasn’t sure what Syo was talking about…until a familiar figure appeared, and Zho had to keep himself from dropping his head in his hands.

“Is this thing on, love?”

“Yes dear.”

“Oh good—-CRAP. Uh…okay. Ignore that. Ahem.” Righting the microphone in the vid, they watched as none other than Revan himself smoothed his robes down, gave the camera a weak smile, and launched into what was possibly the most boring ‘you must keep to the side of Light!’ speech Ngani had ever heard. Now he knew why he’d forgotten this; he’d repressed the memories from when Satele was young.

Theron was staring in horror now, glancing around the room as if looking for escape, and Ngani grimaced in sympathy, because this was just…painful to sit through. Everything from “even thinking impure thoughts can lead to the Dark side” to “Remember, the best way to end a fight is by talking out your differences.” It was cringe-worthy at best, and as the holo finally came to a close, he resisted the urge to punch Kaedan and Bakarn both. Barely.

“…and remember the Jedi Code. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.” Revan winked out, the room finally quiet…and as the Masters stood up to leave, Theron took his chance and bolted out the door. Ngani didn’t have it in him to stop the boy, and though both Syo and Jaric were disgruntled, he calmed them down with a few words and made his way back to their rooms.

“Master, please please do not let them show me that again.” Theron’s voice came from his hiding place in the vents, and Zho chuckled, motioning for his Padawan to come down.

“I’ll do my best, lad, but you’ve got along way to go. Now, come down and let us work on your form…”

—-

“Oh c’mon, not another round of this stupid vid…”

“Then stop picking fights with other Padawans, Theron!”

“It’s not my fault they have punchable faces…”

“Is this thing on, love?”

“Yes dear.”

“Oh good—-CRAP. Uh…okay. Ignore that. Ahem. Welcome, young Padawans, and may the Force be with you…”

“Arrrrrrrrrrgh.”

---

“No.”

“You have to watch it.”

“No.”

“Is this thing on, love?”

“Yes dear.”

“Oh good—-CRAP. Uh…okay. Ignore that. Ahem. Welcome, young Padawans, and may the Force—-”

“Fuuuuuuuuuuck.”

“THERON.”

---

“Snooooooooooore.”

“I know you’re awake, Theron.”

“Snooooooooooooore.”

“Is this thing on, love?”

“Yes dear.”

“Oh good—-CRAP. Uh…okay. Ignore that. Ahem. Welcome, young Padawans, and may the Force—-”

“…..SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE.”

---

“Is this thing on, love?”

“Yes dear.”

“Oh good—-CRAP. Uh…okay. Ignore that. Ahem. Welcome, young Padawans, and may the Force—-”

“I hate this shit.”

“I do too, lad.”

“We could just leave and let it play…or destroy it.”

“And risk listening to Jaric scream all week long? I’d rather listen to Revan.”

“Dammit.”

“Theron, stop swearing.”

“All due respect, Master: fuck no.”

"Remember, the best way to end a fight is by talking out your differences.”

“Did you hear that, Theron? We should talk things out.”

“Arrrrrrrrrgh.”

---

Six weeks prior

Panting, blood trickling from his half-fried implants, head pounding, Theron closed his eyes and took a deep breath, fighting back a whimper as his two broken ribs seared through his abdomen. He hated interrogation tables for a number of reasons, as did any other sane being, but at least he was lying down at the moment; gravity was not kind to injuries when vertical. And the blinding light that they’d been using on him was off too, small mercies for that…and Revan had also left, which allowed Theron to rest a little before figuring out his next move.

I could just…break out and leave, there’s enough little ways to escape, but with my ribs, the vents and holes in the cave ceiling aren’t possible…I could take out a guard and dress up, but I don’t know the codes…and his people are too paranoid. Dammit…shooting my way out might be the only option… He turned his head to the right to peer through the darkness, narrowing his eyes as he studied the console…and a spark of joy leapt in him when he realized he could see a link between his implants and the console. It’s a Republic model! These idiots must have stolen from Alderaan, because I know that code all too well…

Then, a sudden, vicious grin stretched over his handsome features, and Theron Shan activated the link, uploading an obscure old video to the whole of the Revanite compound as he also had his manacles unlocked and the door opened.

“Take this, you fucking hypocrite.”

"Is this thing on, love?”

“Yes dear.”

“Oh good—-CRAP. Uh…okay. Ignore that. Ahem. Welcome, young Padawans, and may the Force be with you…”

Theron’s laughter could be heard over the alarms sounding as he grabbed up his blasters and hightailed it out the door.

—-

Sipping his fourth drink now and feeling a delightful buzz, Theron grinned at Jonas’ face. The older spy looked like he’d been slapped by a fish, jaw dropped, drink frozen in midair, and Theron couldn’t help the laughter bubbling up, wheezing a little as his ribs twinged in warning under the bandages.

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“You’re a mad bastard.”

“And you’re surprised by this?”

“No, just…impressed. Honestly so impressed. How in the name of the Force did that go down?”

“Oh, I probably got us shot at a whole lot more when Revan saw that, he was furious, but damn, it was worth it. My…partners in crime were confused until I explained it, then Lana actually congratulated me for throwing the whole base into chaos.” Jonas just shook his head, finally downing his drink, and Theron slouched back into the warmth of the booth, content to rest for a while longer yet.

“So…how did your…ah…the Grandmaster take it?” Theron smirked at that, and Jonas groaned.

“Let me guess, she hated it too?”

“With a passion. Apparently, all the Shans have been…rather combative since then, I wonder why, and so the Order kept that vid in safe keeping for any future Shans to watch and ‘learn from’. Which…really, has never worked. She thought it was the funniest fucking thing and that was the most bonding we had in years, pretty much since I was born. She patched me up as we talked about it, might just make a habit of spending time with her after all, especially since she’s mellowed out with age.”

“…Wow, I never would have guessed that that would be the outcome of all of that…but what about your old master? I know you lost him before all of this…” Theron gazed out over the cantina, and felt a faint smile touch his lips in fond memory.

“…Master Zho would be proud.”

#Theron Shan #swtor #Ngani Zho #Revan #crackfic is cracky #but I love it #with as many holocrons/datacrons as there are #you know damn good and well there were boring ones #still my favorite piece I've written in years

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sullustangin · 1 year

Text

Fluff Prompt 1: The News

This had been slightly delayed from Friday. @frutepye stated they needed some cheering up around this time of year, so they sent in some prompts that I’m happy to fulfill. (If you’re reading the Ziost fic, BOY HOWDY, you know why.)

So here’s the first one: Jace finds out he’ll be a grandfather. I wrote a snippet of this a few years ago, but this is considerably expanded. CW for mention of pregnant person (Eva).

Marcus Trant watched the steadily flashing light on Jace Malcom’s desk. Someone was waiting on hold.

Specifically, it was the light used to indicate that the Alliance’s representative wanted to speak to Malcom. That varied, according to Malcom. In the days between the end of the Eternal Empire and the Iokath operation, it had been Aygo, and most days, it continued to be.

After Iokath, once in a while, Theron Shan would call in. Most of the time it was all business. Jace was happy to acknowledge that there had been more personal lines of communication established, especially since the miracle that had been Theron getting married.

Trant had met and worked with Eva Corolastor a few times. As a person, Trant could see how she suited Theron. What didn’t track was the fact that, at the same time, she was the Voidhound, the leader of a third major faction in the galaxy, while still running the Voidfleet Cartel.

Trant supposed Theron had finally stopped running from those issues, a topic of contention between them… twenty years ago now. The galaxy had changed since Theron had tracked down Ngani Zho and discovered the existence of the Sun Razer.

Trant didn’t know if the galaxy was better, for all that it had endured. He did know that Theron had finally permitted himself to have something that didn’t directly contribute to ‘the greater good.’

But apparently, ‘the greater good’ manifested in stranger ways that anyone could have anticipated: the Voidhound, her Alliance, the current status quo of the galaxy.

That explained pretty much all of Trant’s interest in that flashing light on Malcom’s desk. It was his business to know about other governments in the galaxy. Theron’s life was absolutely none of his business, but that didn’t stop Trant from trying to follow it like one of the holodramas Mrs. Trant #4 liked to watch.

(Trant hated the fact that both Jace and Theron – completely independently of each other, at least a decade apart – had privately nicknamed his wives the exact same way so they could keep track of them.)

(And Trant really hated that he’d started to number them the same way as they did. So maybe he had issues too.)

“Trying to follow” was the operative phrase here. The pair were pretty slick in obscuring their whereabouts and activities. Nothing personal; Theron was still her spymaster, active in the field. His face was still unknown to the galaxy. Trant knew that Theron had raced under an alias at Manaan recently, mostly through Jace who was conveniently there at the time on Republic business. Beyond that, Theron had lived in the shadows, and Eva had glided along the line of being famous and infamous, as usual.

Thus, Marcus Trant was very pleased to see Theron’s image flicker to life on the holocomm.

The former SIS agent noticed his ex-boss immediately. “You in the middle of something?”

“No, son,” Jace answered far too quickly to let Trant say otherwise.

Theron caught that. “Right.” He frowned slightly, looking down at a datapad. “Well, I have no doubt you’d hear about this anyway, so I guess this saves us all time.”

Trant saw the smile pass like a ghost across Theron’s face before he resumed his usual briefing style: brisk, slightly irreverent, unerringly accurate.

Trant noticed that the comm was suddenly secured at highest decryption levels, both ways.

Malcom picked upon that too.

“The Captain wanted me to inform you…” Theron stopped, as if reconsidering the words and how he wanted to convey the message. “We’ve --- ” Again, that smile that didn’t linger, this time with the slightest worry. “It’s still very early, but she wanted someone to know, regardless –”

Malcom frowned. “Theron, is Eva all right?”

The transit smile finally stopped and remained, even as Theron’s eyes dropped to his datapad.

Trant knew that smile. He’d worn it himself, twice, and he saw it after the fact in holos. “I think she’s more than all right, currently. Theron?” He wanted to get that confirmation…because he wanted to know he still had that investigator’s knack. Being out of the field was hard for Trant – always had been.

Jace Malcom was a smart guy, but he could be utterly dense sometimes. His gaze bounced between Theron and Trant, slightly irritated that he hadn’t been let in on the news yet. Then again, Marcus Trant was not the Director of SIS just because he was cute and did the paperwork.

“Yeah.” Then, faintly, as if still absorbing the shock, yet undeniably happy: “She’s pregnant.”

Jace Malcom rose to his feet from behind his desk, staring at Theron’s image. His expression was unreadable.

And then the world lurched.

So this is how I die, thought Trant as he watched the Supreme Commander spike his caf mug into his office desk, breaking both into pieces. Then Jace let out a whoop still worthy of Havoc Squad. Jace is going to bounce me off the desk next. Or break all my ribs in a hug.

(Jace could still benchpress a speeder, probably.)

Then security burst through the door and swarmed the entry way. The point men stared first at Trant, then at Malcom, then at the office furniture, then back at Malcom.

“I’m going to have a grandbaby!” he bellowed joyously. Security collectively blinked and backed out of the office, with all due haste.

The holo image flickered from its newfound position on the floor. “Please don’t give yourself another heart attack or break anything….anything else.” Theron ran a hand back through his hair as he amended the sentence. “And don’t convert anything into a nursery – you’re not allowed to kidnap it.”

It seemed to finally register on Jace that he’d effectively trashed his office like some junior officer on a bender. His hands flexed a few times as he shuffled around the debris to pick up the holo unit. Once he had it in his hands, Jace’s words failed him as he looked at Theron. “I –it’s – such -- good job, son.”

All three men facepalmed at the same time at that one.

“Congratulations, Theron,” Trant finally offered the obvious, saner alternative.

Theron nodded as his hand came away from his face. “She – she still wants to celebrate it, but –”

“Risky.” Jace seemed to gathered enough of his wits to analyze the situation; some people might have thought that Theron had received his analytical skills from Satele, but as far as Marcus Trant knew, that was not the case. It was public knowledge that Eva had spent considerable time in carbonite. “But you two never were fully opposed to risk-tasking.”

Again, Theron’s smile flickered. “No. Never.”

Hope this fit the bill, @frutepye! More to come in the near future

#swtor #swtor fan fiction #theron shan #jace malcom #marcus trant #theron shan x smuggler #oc: eva corolastor

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