#Not offer it to fix things

[sorrelpaws]

rough night

#rick and morty #morty smith #rick sanchez #imagining this takes place after some rough fight either with each other or smth else #rick wants to ease the tension but he doesnt really know how to so he just 'offers' his flask #cause its like haha. lol. youre 14 youre not supposed to do that. and he hopes that that fixes things #and morty well hes 14 and mad at the world sooooooo

[bizarrelovesquare]

Avatar: The Last Airbender

s3 ep 09, Nightmares and Daydreams

#thought about giffing the whole scene but i like the mood of this part right here #being caught up in your own anxieties while your girl is trying to offer you some calming tea #avatar the last airbender #atlaedit #maiko #zuko #mai #gif #evie's gifs #ALSO i've always loved how he apparently stayed the night there...like he was NOT about to go back home and deal with his family's bullshit #(i'm pretty sure he stayed at mai's? this was first thing the next morning and i doubt the servants would have let him go out without his - #hair fixed? considering how the day before they wouldn't even let him walk there instead of taking the palanquin lol)

[harbingersecho]

grif's surgery but just a little more... obvious?

I actually rly rly ADORE frankengrif but I don't have an in-show reason why he'd have extensive long-term allogeneic skingrafts on his face 😔

#rvb #red vs blue #dexter grif #grif #*24 #mine #art #cw wounds #Look I love biology stuff like this so I like researching what would be at least semi-plausible even if it's just for a dumb halo show that #makes 0 sense where CPR cures a headshot but i cant help it!!! and like the 'lazy' reason for it would be sarge is just crazy like that but #its not a good reason imo. and like the things he lists needing replacement are mostly internal and body parts which makes sense #considering how grif got injured by sheila like I could 100% see that rupturing organs and crushing his hand and there being burns etc #but like nothing points to grif needing any surgery above the neck and i dont think anyone mentions his face being different? i could #make up injuries for him but nothing in the show actually supports that he'd need grafts for anything but his body.. #I'm SOO ready to be convinced otherwise btw like I said I want an obvious frankengrif to be true so bad !! #AGH would it be too insane of me to make like a surgery/injury overview thing for grif just so i can convince myself abt this idea... #i can bend to some fun stuff tho im not a total joykill u know! thats why i give his body the mismatched donor skin look despite allogeneic #grafts not being permanent w/ current tech. like it really doesn't matter if it's realistic or whatever but also Yes It Does. #and like during/after chorus would grey offer to 'fix' it? i imagine the feds could mesh a skin so they could use grif's own skin.. #or like during rats nest when they got reassigned?

[ineffectualbookseller]

It just really GRINDS MY GEARS the way Crowley is keeping so much from Aziraphale this season but also I TOTALLY understand why he's doing it

The thing is we saw Aziraphale keep a huge secret from Crowley in season 1 after he got his hands on the Nice and Accurate Prophecies and went to heaven with the information about Adam rather than telling Crowley, but then we saw him grow from that mistake. He realized how wrong a decision that was and that's why he's SO committed to them working as a team in season 2. The way he immediately goes to Crowley when Gabriel shows up and keeps him updated whenever he talks to heaven and even calls from Edinburgh to tell him about the new Clue (and maybe to brag a little because he's feeling proud)

and YEAH Aziraphale lies. I'm not saying he doesn't. He's a liar. Lies to himself, to heaven, to hell, to god's face, and sometimes to Crowley. But in my opinion, the biggest lie he tells Crowley about the occult/ethereal goings-on this season is not telling him about Shax on the drive back to Edinburgh. And I think the reason he doesn't is the same reason he's SO nervous to tell him about Gabriel at first; he's afraid Crowley will overreact - will totally freak out when he realizes Aziraphale is being threatened. Which is, frankly, justified. He would.

But then Crowley is over here lying about SO MUCH all season. And some of the lies are about his own pride (i.e. not telling his self-described bestie that he has been UNHOUSED for YEARS during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC) but mostly he does it because he thinks it is protecting Aziraphale. Because he is so obsessed with saving Aziraphale.

Everyone knows it - Demons are using threats against Aziraphale as a way to intimidate Crowley all over the shop (a good tactic tbf, far more effective than threatening Crowley himself), and Aziraphale openly speaks it.

But the actual reason he does it is because he's so concerned about proving his worth to Aziraphale. We know Crowley has self-esteem issues. He's all smoke and mirrors - not a man (nb) just a flashy jacket wrapped around a bundle of insecurities and anxieties. He still thinks he needs to prove himself to Aziraphale, that he needs to make himself worthy of his partnership. He cognitively knows they should be equals, a team of the two of them on their own side, but he just can't shake the notion that Aziaphale needs a reason to fraternize with a demon.

And of course, Aziraphale doesn't. He loves Crowley as he is and sees just as much worth in the small acts of bringing him chocolates at the bookshop opening or clearing them a table at the Ritz. True, he does love that Crowley loves saving him, but not because he actually needs it, because it's part of the flirty game they play. But he's not honest enough to tell Crowley as much clearly (not that speaking it would solve Crowley's self-worth issues).

The thing is, "Saving me makes him so happy" is so much cuter when you're fully PRETENDING to be stuck in the Bastille and don't know any other way of asking your crush out on a lunch date. Because now the forces of heaven and hell are knocking on THEIR bookshop door and all they have is each other but Crowley hasn't been honest with Aziraphale about the seriousness of this threat and Aziraphale didn't warn him about Shax BECAUSE he knew he would be overprotective. Crowley needs so badly to be the hero he's undermined their power as a team.

And that's the dramatic irony of it all. As an audience, it is spelled out so clearly for us that they are at their best, their most powerful, as a team. They are a whole greater than the sum of its parts. The fact of Crowley's incessant need to prove himself, to be the hero, to "protect" Aziraphale from all this information that he has been choosing to lie about all season - it's just making them weaker.

TLDR; Crowley is lying to Aziraphale to keep him safe because he still feels like he needs to prove himself to be worthy of Aziraphale's partnership but this makes it impossible for them to truly work as a team and is hurting them both

#Im always thinking about how Crowley idolizes James Bond in the book #he wants to be Aziraphale's hero so badly #Good Omens #good omens meta #Crowley #And the thing is Aziaphale could absolutely do more to dispell this type of thinking by being more honest about his feelings #but the words of your partner cannot fix your deepseeded problems and insecuries - thats not healthy or sustainable #honestly I think the breakup will be good for Crowley - I hope he gets to experience Aziraphale fighting for him #even when Crowley is offering nothing in return #and it will help start his healing process #Good omens 2 #gos2 spoilers #ineffable husbands

[thejadecount]

You know what? I’m honestly surprised there isn’t (as far as I’m aware of) a ROTTMNT 2012 crossover that takes place immediately after the Rise Boys just after defeating the Shredder and losing their Karai and through some accident one way or another they end up in the 2012 TMNT universe

But here’s the kicker: instead of usually running into the 2012 TMNT or their Kraang they run into Karai and her foot soldiers (somewhere after she takes lead of the foot clan) and being the morally-grey and fresh-out-of-losing-their-Karai trauma turtles they are they immediately attach onto her like children lost in a store

Look where I’m getting at is I just want morally-grey rise turtles hanging out with 2012 Karai and just having some not-so-innocent fun, you know? Like I feel like the fandom should make more Rise Turtles and 2012 Karai content, it would be great

#I have a feeling Rise Leo and 2012 Karai would enjoy making fun of 2012 Leo together #like okay yeah angst and everything when they realize she’s evil and all that but also #the boys: we can fix her #also the boys: after we’re done bullying these mutant losers that work for her #just guys c’mon #like it would be fun cmon #I’d like to imagine she and rise donnie get into roasting matches #she brings Mikey to the best places for him in New York for him just to go apeshit and graffiti stuff #and maybe set the occasional thing on fire #(the purple dragons lair coinceidentally a sewer drain close by the 12 turtles lair just the places of people she doesn’t like) #I think she and Raph would have genuinely good heart-to-heart moments AND give him a proper outlet for all his emotions #and as stated before she and Rise Leo would have WAY too much fun roasting the 12 turtles #(also remember that offer of stealing a katana she gave to 12 Leo in that one episode? Rise Leo would ABSOLUTELY take her up on that) #THAT PLACE IS GETTING ROBBED #like yeah eventually they redeem her through the power of the found family trope #but also— #crime turtles #rottmnt #rise tmnt #tmnt crossover #2012 tmnt #2012 karai #like obviously they all turn good in the end and shit BUT CRIME #sorry I’m obsessed with this idea now #I’m gonna go try to find fics where she and the rise turtles bond now goodbye #and then they see her turn into a snake and they’re like #AYO POP OFF QUEEN #while she’s viciously tearing apart her enemies #and then they see Shinigami and they’re like ‘Ayo guys we got another lesbian sister’ #like I just think we deserve them as a group you know

[thebirdandhersong]

Respectfully. I am tired of being helpful :)

#hold on let me have the five seconds of indignation out and i shall be sane again #i taught the first engineer boy to buy flowers for his performing significant other at a concert #i taught him how to roll up his sleeves and fix his darn shirt. and how to dress for this kind of event #i stayed with him because he was a little antsy about meeting the girl's parents #i taught him to offer to hold a lady's bag on the walk home #and that was just today. i did not need to do those things WHY did i do those things #i am thankfully not in love with him anymore so that's not the problem #the problem is that im sick and tired of being the one who Helps and the one who Aids and the one who assists in smoothing the way for his #happiness. and that is a bit of a blanket statement im not claiming to have formed him like pygmalion and galatea or anything #it is just. i know i HAVE smoothed the way and i know there is no thanks for it not that im asking for it #i just resent the fact that this is my role. stagehand in other people's stories #again!!!!!!!!!!!!! #like why am i the one teaching you how to treat a girl well. considering the history and circumstances

[cxnscience]

Would it make you feel better if I dissected your character flaws in front of you? Free of charge and everything.

#open offer. his new service #✰ wait'll i fix this thing ( crack )

[clockworkcheetah]

i remember a spn post abt mary not being a person but an altar and thats what amanda brotzman wouldve become imo

#just the idea of amanda losing more and more of her humanity for the sake of her quest #maybe she doesnt even realise it #and people leaving her 'offerings' regardless if she actually wants them (todds lottory ticket) #like her arc is becoming something more and more #shes the person thats gonna fix everything and save everyone shes leading the war #and then what remains #shes already put on a high pedestal by a lot of characters #the ones who serve and the one who is served to #wait got more to say #her arc (along with many other characters) is about evolution- shes evolving #but too much of a good thing yknow #shes grows and grows and that could become horrifying

[zuzu-draws]

Can someone explain to me why I, a sukuna fan from day 1, want to cry over Gojo's death. Feels like i'm going through a withdrawal of sorts, :') I just know that once the series is over and everyone's dead (Sukuna included), the fix-it fics are gonna hit soo good ..

#guys i think i found another way to hurt my feelings after obkk #its gonna be jjk fix-it fics #Particularly those where they reincarnate or smthn and Sukuna somehow ends up being a teacher at JJK high along with Gojo #and they have a friendly rivalry going on or something #Drawing fan art will bring me close to tears...ahh i'm going through it again i think i'm gonna go through it again :') #ooc #delete later #jjk 236 #jjk spoilers #jjk leaks #I'm offering free hugs for all those who are devastated and are in need of comfort #I won't whine about lack of Sukuna lore for now let's all hug it out. #This is by-far the saddest thing i've read in a while

[ephemxras]

winter and summer 💫

#khux #ephelayer #weh i forgot hoa sen’s iconic earrings but my ipad already died for me to fix it. #anyways #they’re not wearing gloves it’s a deliberate choice #i feel like the reason why ephemer wears gloves was not only to just grip his keyblade easier. #but he’s also just touch adverse. while being touch starved. #because imagine living to find the truth that everything was a lie? and the next thing you know #your home is also a lie (the data world of daybreak town) #that’s gotta mess with his psyche a little bit #thus i feel like my player (hoa sen) would help eph by reminding him that he is real and so is player #so he would take off his gloves and offer to hold ephemer’s when they spend time together just to ground or destress him. maybe dance too #it’s sweet. hoa sen is sweet :> #ephemer #💚 hoa sen nguyen #khux copium chronicles

[itsladyliv]

“I just expect better of myself and others I spend time with. Why would you want to hang out with a stuck up bitch anyway?” He grinned at me. “Cause you’re hot.” I rolled my eyes. “And you’re shallow. Be careful, there are some puddles with more depth in this dead-end town. They don’t take kindly to competition.” He laughed at that. “Don’t worry, you won’t get rid of me that easily. I have a queen bitch to win over.” “Give her my condolences.” “Just say them into a mirror, she’ll get them.” That made me snort, trying not to laugh.

━ Tammy Thompson Takes on the Upside Down, CHAPTER 39 by @asirensrage 💙

#i am but a humble servant making a humble offering 🤲 #totally not biased at all #billy hargrove #fic: tammy thompson takes on the upside down #stranger things fanfiction #oc: kate thompson #she took one look at him and went “ew” #he took one look at her and went “she could fix me” #stranger things edit #stranger things #billy x oc #im still working on that amelia x eric video btw... just got sidetracked

[youchangedmedestiel]

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 3,795  

Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester (mentioned)

Characters: Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy

Additional Tags: Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth (Supernatural), Cas is back from the Empty, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Human Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Light Angst, Cas gives Dean a massage, Kissing, Boys Kissing, Neck Kissing, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Prostate Massage, Smut, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Happy Ending

Summary:

Castiel stays at the bunker, while Sam and Eileen goes to hunt what happens to be a new kind of wraith. And Dean goes to work on his own werewolf case alone, he needs time to think now that Cas is back from the Empty. When he comes back from the hunt, he has a small cut on his cheek and his muscles are sore, Castiel offers to take care of the last one and thanks him for saving people, saving the world, like he deserves it. He doesn’t just massage his back.

#destiel #deancas #dean winchester #castiel #mentioned saileen #spn 15x19 #Inherit the Earth #sort of fix it #cas is back from the empty #dean and cas doesn't talk much about cas's confession #dean needs to think #and goes on a hunt alone #cas offers him a massage #they figures things out #cas doesn't just massage dean's back #kissing #smut #castiel loves dean #dean loves cas #he can finally told him #writing fanfiction #destiel fanfiction #my destiel fanfic

[capnhanbers]

sitting on a train thinking of the universe in which frisk doesn't reset here

flowey pulls naya up to safety and there's this shocked breath between all of them, the animosity just freezing. until flowey finally asks "why didn't you tell me" and naya gets to explain "they convinced me that knowing would make you worse. and i guess they were right." it works. they calm down, and find another way.

#things would be tense between the kiddos #like it wouldn't just be fixed but maybe a solution could be found together. still volatile but not like DEADLY DIRE #joat talks #plus frisk would still ultimately offer their soul to flowey. this would just change wherever or not he'd take it.

[starryemeralds]

guys don’t worry, aziraphale is just in his zuko arc

#the way joanie and i have been screaming in dms for like an hour #but y’all— #it’s the way that he’s getting everything that he thought he ever wanted and will come to learn that it isn’t at all what he thought #im going to be the number one aziraphale protector #heaven has severely brainwashed his perception of good #he’s so naturally good-hearted but since they go against gods plan.. he thinks he must be bad #like just look at his recation after saving job’s kids!!! #for him… this offer is like someone reaffirming him ‘you are a good being. you are not evil.’ #and this idea has blinded him to what crowley actually wants #throughout the season crowley has been doing good things (because that’s just who he is) #but aziraphale sees it as the angel in him basically wanting ti be free #he probably thinks that them both being angels is the best way they *can* be together #and thinking back to their conversation about loneliness.. he probably feels that he is giving crowley a community by giving him an in #with the ‘good guys’ #he doesn’t realize that all crowley ever needed was just aziraphale #aziraphale has always been enough!!!! #and just.. #UGH. #ITS SO CLEAR HOW HES ALREADY HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ON THE DECISION BUT IS TRYING SO HARD TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THIS ID RIGHT #HE THINKS HE CAN FIX IT FROM THE INSIDE #PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH HIM… HES JSUT GOING THROUGH HIS ZUKO ARC #good omens spoilers #good omens

[ultimateaclrecovery]

So I am talking to the boy again tomorrow because I’ve realized I didn’t really give him a chance to address any thing and make changes. And there’s a part of me that wants to see if that would actually make things better especially combine with therapy. And then there’s a part that wonders if it would make a difference and even if it did make a difference if it’s what I would want.

And then all my 11:11 wishes this week have been for a sign from the universe as to whether I stay broken up or get back together

And then Monday one of my friends suggested, unprompted meeting the pony as a girls day activity and my second responded very enthusiastically and we set the date to the first mutually available one (albeit in 30 days) compared to the boy who can’t be bothered to go when repeatedly and at times when he has already said he has no other plans.

I saw a new therapist on Wednesday and she was very validating (which like yes to a large extent her explicit job) about how she would be annoyed by some of the things he does/says and more to the point sort of how he expresses them. Like going “why are you cutting the onion that way? Don’t you know it so much easier to this way?” It’s like he’s not trying to mean but it can off so mean when it sounds like he can’t fathom ever doing anything suboptimally

And then today I had to have a conversation with my manager about the fact that I’ve searched for signs of emotional abuse on my work computer. Which while horrible in it of itself also sent me on a bit of tailspin as to how bad is it really to have searched about it. On the one hand the overwhelming response was no he doesn’t do any emotional abusive things, does not meet the signs and in many cases the explicit opposite. But also is the fact the I looked it up answer enough in and of itself?

I don’t know. I know I can be happy enough by myself. But I want more. And maybe I’ll find more with someone else but it really did feel like we fit in a lot of ways.

#idk if any of these are signs #but really anything less than yes I really want to work on these things because your feelings are important #and I’ll do my best to offer more compliments and reseasurances #and be softer when I correct you or let more things go without a comment #and generally shift the ratio of positive to negative interactions dramatically #it’ll be a no from me #so we’ll see what he says #and more importantly what he does after #he has made small changes for me when I’ve asked #so it’s not a lost cause #but they’ve all been physical things so in some ways easier to fix than verbal patterns

[sage-nebula]

I've decided to make my own post because I am not an idiot, but full disclosure that this post is 50% based on thoughts I was having while I was driving home from the auto repair shop yesterday and 50% a response to a post I saw just now that conflated "redemption arcs" (things fictional characters go through in fictional stories) with "community support" (things real life people offer to other real life people in real life) and how this relates to "fixing people" (making someone who mistreats or abuses themself or others not mistreat or abuse themself or others anymore).

Read my words very carefully.

In fiction, it is more than okay to like whatever type of toxic or fantastical relationship you want. If you like to read stories about toxic, codependent people who are absolutely horrible to one another and will never, ever change, you read those stories. If you like to read stories about a tortured man who just needs The Right Person to teach him to be better, and then he is, sometimes exclusively only to them though, then you read those stories. Sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and fails spectacularly, and sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and succeeds spectacularly, and either way, you read whatever stories you want, whatever makes you happy, I'm sure it's somewhere in this vast Archive that we call Our Own.

However, in real life?

First of all, "arcs" aren't things real life people have. An arc is something that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Real life people don't have those, because our stories don't end until we die. Unlike a character, whose life presumably continues even after their story ends (except in circumstances where they die at the end but you know what I mean), we have to keep living day by day, with all the rises and falls that come with it. Now, this does not mean that a person cannot change, or that a person can't get better and learn from their mistakes; but it DOES mean that we can't have a "redemption arc" where we complete a checklist of story beats and then suddenly we're a better person who has experienced the necessary growth to be forgiven. First off, no amount of growth or change ever requires any victims to forgive. And second, that's just not how life works. That's not how change works. Change and growth are baby steps taken each day, and sometimes you go backwards, and you get angry with yourself, but then you pick yourself up and you try again the next day, and the next, and the next. It's an ongoing journey that does not end until you die. That's life.

But second and more importantly, the real idea that I think the original post was trying to get at, but missing the mark on was . . . okay.

So, the original OP of the post (and the person who replied to OP) got angry at the idea that the strawman they had invented (the person who had theoretically said "you can't fix him!") would deny support to someone who needs that help to grow and change as a person. The person who had replied in support of OP added that the strawman clearly believed in punitive justice over rehabilitative justice as well. On the surface, I can see where they are coming from. After all, on the whole humans are a social species and do need support networks in order to not only thrive, but survive. People such as drug addicts need support and assistance in order to get into better places in their lives, and the prison system has been proven to be far less effective at preventing repeated offenses than rehabilitative programs. This is all true.

However.

The reason why "you can't fix them" is still true, and needs to be said and understood particularly by those who are susceptible to falling into abusive relationships (e.g. people who have been abused before, particularly in childhood or adolescence) is because of free will. Specifically, the free will that each of us has, but specifically the other person. Person A can want so, so, so badly to "fix" Person B so that they stop being an abusive alcoholic 75% of the time. But if Person B doesn't actually want to stop being an abusive alcoholic (even if they say they do during the 25% of the time they aren't smacking Person A around), and refuses to put in the work that it takes to become sober and be a better person, then guess what? Nothing Person A does will ever make them be a sober, non-abusive partner. They will be unable to fix Person B. It doesn't matter how much time, energy, money, or commitment they pour into that person. It doesn't matter how much they genuinely, honestly, earnestly love them. Because unless Person B wants to change, and will put the work into doing so, then they will not change, and Person A, for their own health, safety, and sanity, needs to exit that relationship.

Now, does that mean that if, ten years down the line, Person B decides they are ready to put in the work to get their alcoholism under control, no one should help them? Of course not! They should absolutely be put in touch with sober counselors, support groups, medical professionals, friends and family who can help them. Person A could potentially forgive them, if Person A chooses. But that willingness to change and put in the work has to come from within Person B first.

I've been in the position where I've seen people in awful situations just tanking their lives, people I loved and cared about, people I begged to just listen to me and get help, only for them to not . . . and ultimately I had to accept that I couldn't fix them. I could be there to offer support when they were ready to fix themselves, but the core work that needed to be done had to come from within themselves. I couldn't provide that. Not because I was inadequate, not because I didn't love them, but because I couldn't force them to do anything they didn't want, or weren't ready, to do.

So at the end of the day, "you can't fix them" isn't about not giving support. It's about recognizing your limitations as a human being. It's about knowing that:

You cannot force someone to do something they do not want to do.

You cannot force someone to do something they are not ready to do.

Not being able to help or save someone is not a moral failing of yours.

Not being able to help or save someone does not mean you do not love or care about them.

Providing support should never come at risk of your own health and safety, physical or otherwise.

When you love someone, it can be really hard to accept this. You think, "I know I can make them want to try. I know I can inspire them to want to change. I know they love me, so if I just love them a little harder, they will want to change." Nine times out of ten, though, that is just not true. And if someone is abusing you, it is not worth the literal risk to your life to keep trying. You are worth more than that. You are more than just someone else's band-aid.

Keep yourselves safe in 2024.

#not an abuse scenario but: my mom died of covid-19 #it's relevant to this discussion bc she was a trump-supporting republican who refused to get vaccinated #bc the far-right propaganda shows she watched told her the vaccine ''wasn't a real vaccine'' #and i know this bc when i literally BEGGED MY PARENTS to get the vaccine my mother LAUGHED IN MY FACE and TOLD ME ''it's not a real vaccine #so anyway both my parents got it. my father almost died from it #my mom seemed like she was doing much better . . . except she CONTINUED to smoke heavily while both having covid #and recovering from covid #and once again i said hey don't you think you should not smoke cigarettes while recovering from a serious respiratory disease #and once again she laughed at me #anyway 2 months later her heart gave out in her sleep and she died #bc her body couldn't handle the stress of the cigarettes + alcohol (she was also an alcoholic) after covid had done its thing to her #she was only 56yo #so this was a case where i wanted to fix my mother. i tried so hard. and i've similarly tried to fix my father (who is still alive) #but i can't! my dad almost died and my mom DID die and my dad STILL won't get the vaccine #I HAVE BEGGED THIS MAN. WHO IS NOW 73. TO GET VACCINATED. AND HE STILL WILL NOT. #you can't fix people!!! you can't!!! you can offer them support if they want to fix themselves #you can help them fix themselves but you can't fix them. you just can't. no matter how much you love them #and in abuse cases it can be really fucking dangerous to keep trying. #anyway. that's my TED talk. thanks for attending or w/e it is they say