#Nyx Fears

[mayleitz]

I have new shirts available for both of my books

You can find purchase links here:

Duo pack:

Fluids:

Girl Flesh

#fluids #girl flesh #May Leitz #Nyx fears #indie artist #writer #lgbtq🌈 #trans woman

[neonjstr]

Step 1: go to https://nyxfears.bandcamp.com/album/season-of-slumber and buy it OR full May Leitz discography for only $32.13 and download as .mp3 filetype

Step 2: dig out crusty MP3 player from middle school

Step 3: transfer files onto it from computer

Step 4: throw away ur phone <3

#:3c #may leitz #nyxfears #nyx fears

[seasidesapphix]

strongest trans wlw couple energy

(from fluids by may leitz)

#🎏 #nyx fears #fluids #🔖

[justplainsimon]

Virgin Repo vs. Chad House of 1000 Corpses

#repo the genetic opera #house of 1000 corpses #nyx fears #rob zombie

[tentaclemagician]

Can we agree that Nyx Fears/May Leitz is a trans-icon and should be protected tbh

#nyx fears #YouTubers #trans icon #Autistic Icon #Goth Trans Autistic Icon

[greenery-and-ornament]

I never finish anything but

One of my favourite horror YouTubers/author/musician/artist, May Leitz/ Nyx fears

#may leitz #nyx fears

[redratt]

I'm deadass seeing more posts about being nice to Somerton fans than posts being shitty about them lol. Also we all at some point follow someone who turns out to be a shitbag (mine was Night Mind and also Nyx Fears) just like.... move on

Yeah it sucks but dwelling on it isn't going to fix it and will in fact makes it worse

#hbomberguy #james somerton #night mind #nick nocturne #nyx fears #nick knew about sex pest shit and did nothing #nyx is an abuser #lol at least all james did was lie. ok he also stole mkney

[autolenaphilia]

Fluids by May Leitz

Fluids by the truly multi-talented May Leitz, musician, youtube video essayist, and author, is the goriest book I have ever read. It’s also about queer love, identity, and being transfem. This is a truly fucked-up sapphic love story. It’s the opposite of tenderqueer.

My recommendation is that if a story about sapphic love and trans identity that is also an incredibly gory and disturbing horror book appeals to you, go read it. The prose is beautiful and disturbing, a nightmare about queer identity and abusive love. It’s available in print or audiobook format from Leitz’s bandcamp, and in e-book form via her patreon. Pay attention to the trigger warnings.

I’m going to put the rest of this book beneath a read-more, because to talk cogently about the novel I had to spoil it. And it’s quite an experience, so if you care about spoilers, read it first if you can stomach it.

It’s about Lauren, a cis lesbian woman who meets Dahlia, a young trans woman via the internet. Lauren is a deeply fucked-up individual, who hates herself, is deeply selfish, who lacks meaning in her life and takes it out violently on others, dragging others into her self-destruction spiral. Lauren is truly in love with Dahlia, but uses Dahlia to find meaning in life for herself.

And Dahlia is also fucked-up and violent. She grew up with abusive and transmisogynistic parents, and like many abused children, had her parents conception of the person she should be forced upon her, making it difficult to form her own independent identity. So Lauren steps in and becomes a second mother to Dahlia, assigning her various identities to perform, complete with alternative names. And Dahlia is so unsure of her own identity, as an abused child, as someone who has recently realized she are a trans woman, that she accepts this. Her most violent act is trying to kill Lauren shortly after they meet in person in order to steal her identity and life. Yet she is less fucked-up than Lauren wants her to be, as she wants Dahlia to be a reflection of herself. Lauren herself feels like a void, and uses and abuses Dahlia to find identity herself.

The resulting relationship is of course incredibly toxic. It is sado-masochistic way, way beyond any conception of safe, sane and consensual. It’s co-dependent, as both depend on the other for their own sense of self. Yet Lauren is the dominant partner. Lauren hurts Dahlia, and tells her “I can teach you how to like it.”

And Lauren drags Dahlia into an orgy of violence and murder at a combined casino/hotel. It’s a book full of detailed descriptions of violence and gore. There is plenty of the eponymous fluids in this book, mostly blood and vomit. There is a point to all the violence, the themes of identity and a well-developed characterization that I already described. Yet it doesn’t make the violence any less disturbing.

The plot and violence is phantasmagorical and surreal, it feels like an intense nightmare and runs on that logic. The violence is so extreme, with people staying alive and conscious when they really shouldn’t, that it in itself becomes dreamlike despite the detailed descriptions. A major part of the plot is literally that Lauren is able to commit violence with impunity as the casino/hotel as this ruthless capitalist entity cleans up after her crimes to avoid dealing with the police. She becomes a serial killer out of a nightmare, no one hearing the screams coming from the hotel rooms. There is nothing outright supernatural, but realism doesn’t matter here.

Lauren is a self-described monster, but most of the book is from her POV, and she feels like a complex character. She has flaws that are relatable, she just takes it into horror novel extremes. Same thing with Dahlia, who is more sympathetic.

And the book does speak to the side of us that has violent murder fantasies. That’s what makes good horror violence not merely disgusting but actually disturbing. It is because for many of us the violent acts in this book is something we would never do in real life, but may fantasize about. If you are abused or oppressed, you often will fantasize to strike back in ways that are entirely disproportionate. A fantasy of gaining absolute power, of life and death over those who have power over you. The violent fantasy is an outlet for the resentment that builds up.

Such fantasies are rooted in emotions of fears and anger, and like most private fantasies entirely self-indulgent. It’s not pretty, and such violence is usually something people don’t actually want to do, because they recognize it’s wrong, but still find appealing as fantasy. The book’s initial act of violence is Dahlia pouring gasoline on her boy clothes and then light it and the house on fire as she escape her abusive transmisogynistic parents. And then as Lauren takes the lead, the violence only grows more extreme, selfish and disproportionate. It becomes about torturing and kill the rich dude who treats you like a sex object and wants to buy your body with his money. And then torture and mutilate his privileged cishet wife to death. It’s dark, it’s disturbing, but I get it.

And yet, despite all the violence and darkness, the book is not entirely nihilistic. It ends on a relatively hopeful note of transfem resillence, despite everything. Dahlia realizes that she can survive on her own, that she can form her own identity, she can be independent, she doesn’t need Lauren’s destructive and abusive love. Dahlia walks away to be her own person. The fact she has endured and done so much makes it even more resonant. She has the trauma of being abused and raped, and even lost her right hand, yet she survives and will try to live. It’s a beautiful ending, for a disturbing, but beautiful book.

#my writings #book reviews #may leitz #nyx fears #fluids

[exquisitecorps3]

nyx fears is letting us eat these days

#nyx fears #txt

[exactly4spiders]

Do I spend the extra money to get a signed copy of Girl Flesh by May Leitz?

I really wish she was selling signed copies of both her books

#may leitz #nyx fears #books

[sjuft]

Wearing my Hereditary t-shirt at the gender clinic, do you think they’ll be really impressed with the sick reference?

#hereditary #ari aster #horror #trans #nyx fears

[mayleitz]

BUY MY BOOKS

FLUIDS

Girl Flesh

#sapphic books #nyx fears #may leitz #lgbt #horror #novel #indie author

[neonjstr]

Fluids fan illust. :3

⬇!! BUY FLUIDS BY MAY LEITZ !! ⬇

#fluids #fluids fanart #may leitz #nyx fears #nyxfears #extreme horror #splatterpunk #horror #horror books #extreme horror novels #horror novels #extreme horror books #lgbt horror #lgbt horror books #splatterpunk books #splatterpunk novels #this was for design practice (+cuz i love the book +wanted to draw the characters) but ohman i. spent too long on this lolll #i think i like it though : ) #horror art #neon's art

[ladyantiheroine]

I just watched May Leitz’s video about Crimes of the Future.

#may leitz #crimes of the future #cosmopolis #david cronenberg #robert pattinson #kristen stewart #twilight #nyx fears

[sybilius]

syb have u seen may leitz (nyx fears)'s very good video essay about house of leaves

I had NOT and it takes me apparently ~ 1 business month to actually follow up on video essay recommendations HOWEVER I did enjoy this!

It was especially a good watch for me personally as a huge house of leaves enjoyer who does not get into the puzzlebox/deep analysis part of the book easily! I was a little surprised at how satisfied I was with her fundamental thesis on the book --- if there has to be one thing HOL is truly about, this is a great answer. I also liked that she basically concluded that the way to escape House of Leaves is to...close the doors in the hallway, to decide on how to characterize the story, and leave it for now. I like the light it shed on the details that MZD put in to the book. I must say though, its wild to hear that MZD was once a mysterious auteur-- he has a real online presence now, heh.

#house of leaves #meta #nyx fears #thank you for the rec!!

[magicalgirlpropaganda]

Nyx Fears was right. Humans ARE made of meat

#nyx fears #me looking at myself in the mirror and wantimg to slice my lips off because they are too big and feminine but unfortunately pain is bad