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Darkest Before Dawn

Ch.22: Seren Soul

Steve Rogers x OFC fic

taglist: @ocappreciationtag @arrthurpendragon @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @gloryekaterina @averyhotchner @foxesandmagic @lenonizi

Story Masterlist // Seren’s Masterlist

If you’d like to be a part of this OC’s work/edits, let me know!

Seren sat on her couch, wrapped up in a blanket. The television was on but she wasn't really paying attention to whatever antic Leslie Knope was up to tonight. She was tired and yet not the type of 'tired' she would typically feel after a shift at S.H.I.E.L.D. It was mental exhaustion.

She had gotten back from her parents' earlier that day, dropping her grandmother off at her own apartment before reaching hers. As hard as she tried to have a civil few days with her family, it wouldn't last very long. Arguments would come up at any moment and even when Seren tried ending them, they always came back. The worst part of it was that she was taking in everything being said, whether good or bad. It was all stuck in her mind now and it wouldn't leave her alone.

Maybe she should just turn in early or something. Her bed had to be more comfortable than the couch. Just as she was about to get up, there was a knock on the door.

She let her blanket drop to the couch and went to answer the door. She may have blinked more awake when she found Steve waiting on the other side. He was dressed rather nicely in dark pants, a buttoned-down white shirt and that tan leather jacket he seemed to like so much.

He was smiling until he noticed her appearance and, most prominently, her face. "Are you alright?"

"Uh, sort of...please don't be offended but is there something you needed?"

Her question stumped him. "What? You...you said we were getting curry tonight, remember?"

Oh God she did remember...now. "Oh my goodness," she brought a hand up to her forehead, bunching up some of her hair in the process. "Friday, seven o'clock. I'm so sorry! I wouldn't - I wouldn't ever forget this on purpose!"

"I know that, don't worry," Steve's hands went back and forth as he decided whether or not to touch her. She was just looking so guilty with what seemed like an honest mistake. "We could...we could do it another time."

Seren looked, and felt, like a mess. "I'm so sorry, Steve. I didn't mean to forget, I've just...it's been a hard few days."

Steve could only assume why those days had been 'hard'. "Your family." He watched Seren nod grimly. He was afraid that her problems with her family wouldn't get better for her, and he was sadly right. That's why he made sure to be right on time to take her to that nice little restaurant for a few hours where he could lift her spirits. But she hadn't even remembered their plans, only confirming that it was even worse than he thought.

Seren left the door open for him to come in as she turned to head back to the living room. "My head's not in the right place right now. It's no excuse but I just can't pull myself together, you know. I would never purposely forget a plan I make. Whatever plans I make, I keep them, I swear."

"I know that," Steve assured her as he shut the door behind him. "Don't feel bad about this, please. If you'd like, only if you'd like, you could talk to me about it. Or-or Chloe," he added at the last minute after she gave him a certain look. He panicked at the idea of overstepping with her.

"I don't want to waste your time with nonsense," she ultimately said as she plopped down on the couch. "You're dressed all nice for a time out. Maybe you should go out. I'm sure you'll meet someone."

"Yeah, that wouldn't be so easy considering my talking skills aren't the best," he shrugged with such a look on his face that it made Seren smile out of amusement. He would take that as a win. "Besides, I'd rather help my friend out right now. She seems a little upset."

"I don't know what I am, to be honest," Seren sighed. She grabbed her blanket off the couch and started folding it over her lap. "I don't know if I'm angry, sad, or just plain upset. I'm leaning towards 'lost'."

"Now why would you say that?" Steve came to the couch and sat down beside her.

"Because for once I actually had a good talk with my Dad. He told me he was proud of me and that he didn't care if I was a quarter freak of an alien. But then he went off and argued with my grandmother anyways. Then I got to talk to my Mom and she said that I had lost any chance of living a normal life because I work for S.H.I.E.L.D. and then she went off to argue with my grandmother. The talk with my grandmother was no better. She basically said that she regretted bringing me to S.H.I.E.L.D. in the first place. She took my options away, apparently. Then she argued with my parents." Seren shoved her blanket to the floor after she finished folding it. She was breathing rather heavily now. Maybe she was leaning towards 'angry' right now. "They're all so sure that I lost my 'options' and that I'm not the best version of myself. I don't get how that came out of their mouths after they each told me how proud they were of me!"

There were no words that came to Steve at that moment. It was hard enough watching Seren be that upset, that hurt because of her family and it was frustrating that he didn't have the right words for her. He didn't know why, but he reached down to pick up the blanket that she had thrown to the floor instead.

It was a beautiful navy blue blanket that seemed hand-made. There were colorful twinkling stars on top, forming a sky. On the bottom was a bright purple plain field with only one little girl who's back faced the viewer. She had brunette hair fashioned into pig-tails.

"Did someone make this for you?" Steve found himself asking suddenly. He winced realizing this wasn't the time to be asking that when Seren had just told him her problems. Before he could apologize, Seren answered him.

"My grandmother knitted it," she reached out to touch it, gently running a hand down it. It brought a smile to her again so Steve dared to think that his mistake hadn't been all that wrong in the end. "That's me," she touched the figure of the little girl on the bottom.

"What? Really?" Steve blinked and quickly examined the little girl again. There was no face as she was looking up to the 'sky of stars' but it didn't really look like her. "Your hair's different," he noted the more gold color of the girl. Seren chuckled. Yes, another win!

"It's my natural hair color."

Steve did a double-take at her, earning a third laugh from her. "Really?"

Seren nodded, slowly coming out of her laugh. "Yes. This—" she gestured to her current shortened ginger hair, "—didn't happen until I turned 18. That's when my mother couldn't really tell me anything anymore. I'll have to show you pictures of the other me."

"Yeah," Steve had a hard time picturing her as anything else than a ginger but he was sure that she still probably looked pretty. When his face warmed, he put that thought away and focused on the blanket. It had raised Seren's mood a bit so he had to go with that right now. "Your grandmother did a good job with this."

"Mm, she said it's what a Celessian night looks like," Seren followed his game without knowing it. She passed a hand across the starry sky. "She said you could see all the different colors of the stars each night. I may not have been able to go then but she said that Celessia was always going to be a part of me. Being part of Celessia didn't make me any less of a human, it just gave me something else to love about myself."

"And I bet that even now, when things are so difficult, she still means that."

"I wish it was enough to make them all happy again. But the truth is my family hasn't been at peace in a very long time. I doubt we'll ever be again."

"C'mon Seren, you can't let their arguments bring you down."

"It's hard not to when they're all about you! It's my fault they're arguing and knowing that my grandmother regrets bringing me to S.H.I.E.L.D. leaves me feeling kind of lost! If I hadn't been brought into S.H.I.E.L.D., what the hell would I do with my life? It's the only thing I know."

"And therein lies the problem," Steve said to her. However badly it would make him feel it had to be said.

The pain that crossed her face hurt him more than he thought it would. "What?"

With a sigh, Steve put down the blanket on his other side. "Seren, I think I understand what your family is so upset about. They are proud of you but at the same time they're aware that your life could've been very different had your grandmother not brought you to S.H.I.E.L.D. as a child. You grew up with specific feelings towards it that, if you hadn't gone into it, you wouldn't have had at all. You said you grew up training specifically for the Initiative, right?"

Seren nodded. "Yeah…"

"Well, had you not been training for S.H.I.E.L.D., you could've done other things that maybe would've brought you down a different path. Who knows, you might have loved that path too."

"But then I would have never met people I know and care for today. I wouldn't have met Natasha, Chloe...you," she met his gaze with pink cheeks. "And you might not believe me but I just know that I would've ended up at S.H.I.E.L.D. anyways. I like what I do, I like knowing that I'm keeping people safe. I'm fighting for them, for those who can't."

"I understand that," Steve told her. "It was the same for me back then. I tried enlisting in the war 4 times."

"I know, I read your file," Seren sheepishly smiled at him. "You're persistent, I'll give you that. But I respect that. You felt like you had a duty."

"I wanted to keep people safe."

"I want to do that too. And hearing my grandmother basically say that I shouldn't have been with S.H.I.E.L.D. really hurts," she leaned her back against the couch. "It's like I didn't just show them that I'm where I belong."

"I don't think that was her intention," Steve brought the blanket over her. "I think — I see—" he patted the blanket, "—that she loves you a lot. She's just guilty that she may have unintentionally hurt you."

Seren brought the blanket closer to her. "You think so?"

"Yeah," Steve nodded at her. He was relieved to see her smiling like she truly believed what he said was true. For never having these sorts of talks with women, he dared to think that he did pretty good this first time.

"Thanks," Seren sighed. "I'm sorry that I forgot about curry night."

"Ah, don't worry about it. We can do it some other time. I prefer making sure you're okay."

"Mission accomplished," she saluted him, making him chuckle. "But hey, how would you feel about ordering that curry for delivery instead?"

"I would be just fine with that."

Seren beamed. "Ah, thanks lovey! I'll go make that call!" She jumped from the couch, dropping her blanket in the process, and dashed to retrieve her phone. She left it in her duffel bag in her room (she hadn't bothered to unpack earlier).

Steve was left with a flushed face. Lovey. It was the second time Seren called him that and each time it left him with the same fuzzy feeling. It was a good fuzzy type of feeling but it was also kind of scary. He noticed recently that there had been various moments where he would feel different around Seren. Sometimes it wasn't even because of something she said - unlike right now - but just something that happened. Sometimes he just found himself drawn to her. He kept thinking about their battle in New York and the moment after the bomb had thrown him out of the bank.

"Hey, hey, look at me," she instructed him, "Just—just look at me. I'm here. You're okay. Breathe with me, okay? Just breathe with me for a moment."

Steve nodded silently, shakily, incapable of forming words in that moment. He looked straight at her, focusing on his breathing and just...her. Her eyes. He needed to lock onto something that wasn't tainted with blood and death. Her eyes were a soft green and he was just noticing now that her irises had a subtle colorful glimmer to them.

Little by little, Steve felt the heaviness in his chest begin to loosen up. He was breathing again, seeing, and hearing without the overloading part. He felt Seren's fingers tenderly resting on his face, waiting for him to give her a sign that he was alright.

Seren had basically stopped the world around them just it make sure he was okay. The fact she did make it better for him in the midst of an alien battle spoke volumes of her talent and power she had over him. It was alarming to Steve when he first realized it. Why did she have that power? When did she get that power?

When Seren went into that portal, Steve literally felt his entire body stop. His heart didn't beat until he saw her body come out of the portal. He could play dumb and say it was concern, a concern that he also felt for Tony who went through the same portal with the same risks...but then he would be lying. And he didn't like lying.

There was something else going on and the truth is that he wasn't sure what it was...but it felt good. It was familiar too and he knew exactly why: Peggy. Things with Peggy never really developed - some ice got in the way - but the early days had him walking with an odd smile on his face. When things got tough, and they certainly did, he always felt good around Peggy.

It was happening again. It wasn't exactly the same thing which was something else he was experiencing for the first time.

Seren wasn't like Peggy at all, in biological terms and personality wise. Seren was devoted to her job but when it came to him she put all of it aside in order to help him in the best way she could. She had said it from the start. She wasn't Agent Soul, she was Seren. And he supposed with Peggy, he knew Agent Peggy Carter. He knew her at camp, at the base, in the field, etc. Time had not allowed him to know her beyond that scope.

But today (not today, today, but in this world), he knew Seren Soul first — 'Agent Soul' and 'Stardust' came after and would always remain second in Steve's mind. Seren Soul was reserved until the moment called for the opposite. She was graceful, even though she didn't really notice it, and she carried herself with an undeniable authority. She was Seren Soul who had, by far, the prettiest name he ever heard, the best laugh that almost always came with a crinkle of her nose and beyond that she was also so sweet, kind, gentle — wonderful. She was really, really wonderful.

Knowing he had a curry night with Seren had him smiling all day today. It was a mundane day but knowing that he would see Seren today gave him the spark he needed to get through the day. All of this could be ridiculous, who knew, but he really liked it.

God it was these moments where he wished that he still had Bucky around. Bucky would definitely have some words for him right now. Steve knew he was useless around women - he never had any experience except for some painstakingly few moments he shared with Peggy - and right now he felt like he really needed it.

"Did it," Seren re-emerged from the hallway with her cellphone in hand.

Steve subtly flinched in his spot, all of a sudden his thoughts were running at light speed and leaving behind a new level of warmth over his face. He was lucky that Seren was too focused on the delivery to notice.

"It's a busy night so it'll be about an hour until they can get it here, sorry." She came back to her seat, dropping beside him. She put her legs up on one side and draped her blanket over them. "I promise you that the next time we have Curry I will not look like this," she gestured to her current appearance. Her faded gray t-shirt and black leggings were nothing of the sort she would wear on a nice evening.

Steve just smiled at her. She was worried when she actually looked perfectly nice. "You're just fine, Seren."

"Mm, that's still up in the air," she waved a finger in the air. She leaned her side against the couch and had the energy to laugh about it.

Steve would take that as a good sign. With time, she'd be herself again.

~0~

"Hey, how was the family?" Natasha asked when Seren walked into the training room. Before Seren even answered with her 'Ugh', her scrunched face had told Natasha everything she needed to know. The redhead laughed. "Should've stayed with me then. I kicked corrupted ass two days ago."

Seren put her things down on the bench. She grabbed a bobby-pin to clip away her fringe. "You did? Sounds like a good day for Black Widow."

"Could've been a good day for both of us is what I'm hearing," Natasha went over for two staffs lying on an opposite bench. "Here," she tossed one over to Seren. "I tried this with Winters and she fell on her ass."

Seren rolled her eyes. "I can see how that went. But you know that I'm not all that better with staffs myself."

"Did I forget that?" Natasha's face was scary straight when she got into a fighting stance.

"You're terrible," Seren drew in a breath and prepared herself for the sparring.

"Not as much as your family, I hear." Natasha took Seren's shock as the perfect opportunity to swipe the staff across her legs and send her to the floor. Seren landed with a thud and looked up to find Natasha pointing her staff at her chest. "And now you're dead."

"Your people skills are amazing, have I ever told you that?" Seren pushed the staff aside and pulled herself up.

"C'mon Soul," Natasha nodded for her to pick her staff from the floor. "I'm trying to distract you. Knowing you, you probably spent the entire weekend moping around."

"I did...not!" Seren swiped her staff off the ground and attempted quite a sloppy attack on Natasha. The redhead swiftly spun to the side and smacked her staff against Seren's back, throwing the Celessian facefirst to the floor.

"And you're still distracted," Natasha blew the strands on her face. "Gotta say, this isn't very much fun."

Seren rolled to lay on her back and heaved a heavy sigh. "You think?"

Natasha rolled her eyes and offered Seren a hand.

"Ooh, did she hit you with that thing too?" asked a new voice when Seren had gotten up. Chloe had come in and immediately made a face at the staff Natasha was holding. "She hits hard."

Natasha sent a knowing smile at Seren, apparently quite proud of herself. "Not my fault you have twinkle toes."

Chloe huffed. "Am not."

"Your fighting style says otherwise."

A second huff slipped through Chloe's lips. "I used to be a gymnast when I was younger so I transferred that into my fighting. Not everyone can be a Black Widow."

Natasha's lips curled into a smirk. "No they cannot be."

"Ladies." Seren sighed and snatched Natasha's staff from her in case either woman got any ideas.

"Is she still moping?" Chloe jerked a thumb in Seren's direction when the Celessian went to return the staffs to their proper place.

"Oh yeah," Natasha made a face, nodding her head. "Not much of a spar if the opponent isn't even trying."

"I swear, I thought Steve hanging out with you all weekend would cheer you up!"

Natasha's eyebrows raised together just as Seren turned around. "Oooh, golden boy is at your beck and call now?"

Seren was now glaring at Chloe. "Seriously, thanks."

"I didn't say anything," Chloe raised her hands in defense. "But I am going to throw out the fact I heard that he's joining us."

"That's great," Seren said wholeheartedly then moved towards her duffel bag. "But I fail to see why you insist on poking fun where there's nothing to poke at." Chloe and Natasha exchanged knowing looks behind Seren's back. Seren slung her bag over her shoulder and looked back at them. "Maybe I wasn't ready to come back yet."

"Wait Seren," Natasha called, sighing. "Alright, why don't try training again without the jokes or comments - no golden boy mentions nor family mentions." Seren lifted an eyebrow at the pair, not quite convinced. "As a sign of good faith, I'll go bring us some of that coffee you seem to love so much. Tastes like crap but…" She pulled a smile from Seren.

"It's not crap…"

"Yes it is, and I will be right back," Natasha promised and hurried out.

"Make that 2 please!" called Chloe.

"Maybe a juice box instead!" Natasha smirked from the doorway before disappearing.

Chloe groaned. "That's not funny!" She and Seren heard Natasha's laughter carrying into the room. "She's insufferable."

Seren playfully rolled her eyes. She went to grab her water bottle from her bag. "She says the same about you."

"Whatever, I'm only going to be here for a few more days and then I'm off."

Seren stopped her water bottle midway when she heard the news. "Already?"

"Yeah, I think I'm going to Belgium or something. I haven't looked into the mission file yet."

"But you've been here like, what, 2 weeks maybe?"

"Mhm, and by the end of the week I'll be somewhere else. You know how it goes."

Seren stared at Chloe for a while. Whether she wanted it or not, Stark's words were coming back to her. Before she knew it, she was talking again. "Hey Chloe, um, Tony was mentioning something weird about your file."

"Oh, you mean when hacked into the system?"

"Mhm, well, turns out - and this is beyond weird - that your file is basically nonexistent."

"...nonexistent?" Chloe made a face. "What do you mean?"

"Like...there's nothing to show that you've been working for S.H.I.E.L.D. for 6 years."

"That's got to be a mistake," Chloe waved the ginger off. "It's probably some defence the system enacted when it detected Tony's hack."

"Right, it could be…" Seren said slowly. It could be a reasonable explanation for it but it was still pretty weird. "But then why would it only protect your file and not, say, mine? Or Natasha's?"

"I dunno," shrugged Chloe. "Maybe I just got lucky. Why are you even worried about this, Seren? Who cares what Stark said - I am choosing to forget whatever he said to me during the battle. I don't know if you've noticed but he's kind of annoying."

"Who's annoying?" Natasha returned holding two coffees in her hands.

"Stark," Chloe said and suddenly Natasha was rolling her eyes. "Ha! See! Even Natasha agrees!"

Natasha handed one coffee to Seren and just as Chloe was about to reach for the second one, Natasha brought it to her lips. "Sorry, they were out of juice boxes."

Chloe huffed. "Stop doing that!" She stomped her way out of the room, muttering about how immature Natasha was, to which the redhead called 'you would know'.

"You really have to stop bickering so much," Seren told her when it was just them again.

"But then were would I find some fun?" Natasha asked and started bobbing her head as an answer came to her. "Well, I heard golden boy's pretty awkward so I guess I can do that too."

"You are simply terrible," Seren shook her head.

Natasha motioned to the coffee in Seren's hands. "I bought you coffee. Doesn't that buy me points?"

Seren rolled her eyes. "Terrible. Absolutely terrible."