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elle-eedee · 4 years

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dcom daddies: ranked

whats up sluts i’m here to give you the content you did NOT know you needed: a foolproof algorithmic ranking of a mild selection of disney channel dads!

beast (descendants)

hotness scale: extremely tall (over a foot taller than me! this is Very Important to the scale) and he seems to be a mere thread’s width away from Unhinged at all times, which i love. i also think it’s very sexy of him to still have such a monstrous way about himself (what with the roaring and the growling) 20something years post-curse.... makes me wonder very vividly if such energies carry to the b*droom........ *clears throat* 10/10

quality of character scale: it eternally amuses me that beast seems to learn almost Nothing over the course of this trilogy. he’s literally pro-isle the ENTIRE time jsjdndjdjd..... not great considering it puts him directly at odds with his son (and, like, with social progress) but he Does seem to act the way he does with the kingdom’s safety in mind! plus when he’s not accidentally supporting magical fascism he’s super dorky. i love his goofy dance moves 7.5/10

total score: 17.5/20...... with this score alone you can tell this system isnt rigged bc if i had it my way he’d be winning

hades (descendants)

hotness scale: i hate his party city clown wig but i’m a total sucker for guys in makeup (EVEN THOUGH A DECENT SHADE OF LIPSTICK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIS ENSEMBLE TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY PROPOSE IT ON THE CHARACTER DESIGN WALL IF THEY WERENT GONNA FOLLOW THROUGH!!!) and i think the fact that hes Very Sleepy and doesnt own a dog makes him my dream guy 9.5/10

quality of character scale: he literally sings a song about how cool he thinks it is that he’s a shitty dad............ but he DOES come through when his kid needs him, so that’s nice i guess. i would have liked to see more of him but i’ll settle for reading and writing intricate fan works that delve into a hypothetical personality for him that’s mainly conjecture 7.25/10

total score: 16.75/20 i wanna see him in some preppy auradon clothes

jafar (descendants)

hotness scale: i wish i had nicer things to say about this man. he just....... bears so little resemblance to the original jafar it makes me :( maybe if he was more gangly, or if he carried himself w the same potent gay energy that og jafar has? itd also help it he wasnt a racist caricature. 4.5/10

quality of character scale: again, very much a racist caricature. jafar doesnt steal!!! why would This be what he chose to do with himself! but he does seem to be, perhaps, the least bad of the core four’s parents, which counts for something i suppose. 3/10

total score: 7.5/20 sorry bud

dr facilier (descendants)

hotness scale: listen. it’s dr facilier. what am i supposed to do, NOT give him a perfect score on the sexy scale? 10/10

quality of character scale: he just loves his daughter and wants to make sure she’s getting what’s hers!!!!! his dynamic with celia makes me really happy they seem so fun! though i guess you could argue it sucks that he’d send his darling babey dohter to do errands for big mean scary hades considering that Everyone on the isle seems to quake at the sight of him. but im sure facilier only does that to ensure that celia can hold her own! 8/10

total score: 18/20 and it’d probably be higher if we’d seen more of him

mr smee (descendants)

hotness scale: not only does this man fuck, judging by the ages of his kids he fucked RECENTLY. get it baby live your truth 7/10

quality of character scale: he seems to be SO kind and sweet to his baby sons..... holding their little hands and such!!! and judging by how nervous the kids are i’d imagine it was primarily smee’s idea for them to go to auradon. extremely noble sacrifice for their benefit even though he’ll miss them 10/10!!!!!

total score: 17/20 i want to kiss his hand, if he’ll have me

zevon necrodopolous (zombies)

hotness scale: every time i look at this man i think of this post. he’s the perfect amount of frumpy for my tastes and his voice is so unique!!!!! i’d let his z-band malfunction so he could *** ** ***** * ******* **** 9/10

quality of character scale: really really cares about his kids and wants them to be safe!! he raises his voice once which im not a huge fan of but i suppose it was justified given the circumstances. also that shot of him goofing about with d*le in the end scene shows remarkable capacity for forgiveness after decades of trauma and discrimination! what a guy. 9/10

total score: 18/20 an absolute dilf!!!!!

dale (zombies)

hotness scale: looks like an uncrustable. 0/10

quality of character scale: a fucking cop. die bitch! 0/10

total score: 0/20 get in since you wanna act clown

coach jack bolton (high school musical)

hotness scale: honestly pretty young for my tastes. and i literally Always swipe left on athletes, so..... fine looking, but not for me. 5/10

quality of character scale: obviously he grows as the series progresses but i feel like jack is Always in the way of troy getting what he wants, which sucks. i like that he’s kinda goofy on his off hours with his family exactly as much as i Hate how much he yells when hes on the job. i do wish we lived in the timeline where he and miss darbus actually had that duet about their disagreements, though. 5/10

total score: 10/20 truly an Average dcom daddy

vance evans (high school musical)

hotness scale: due to personal reasons i will be having bad taste. however, this man’s fashion sense in IMPECCABLE. i mean, the colors??? the unbuttoned collar???? come on now. there is also the gratuitous use of the d-word to consider......................... anyways 7.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s hard to tell how much of his interest in furthering troy’s career is out of sincerity and how much of it is sharpay nudging him. but either way the result is a man who supports his daughter unconditionally! he could be nicer to ryan, though (plus he’s an evil capitalist) 6/10

total score: 13.5/20 i feel like he and fulton have had Relations

mr gifford (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: listen, i’m a simple guy. i see a basic-looking man pursuing age gap romance in the midst of a mid-life crisis, i support him unconditionally. also i am just Really vibing with that oversized denim shirt on him!!! there’s an egregious amount of arm hair poking out that just works. good for him! and this is a small moment but i’m very flustered over his natural Touchy Feely instinct after wen pokes out his eye... however: man has no eyebrows. 8.5/10

quality of character scale: i’m not a child of divorce so i don’t know how this stuff works, but i feel like he springs a lot of major decisions on wen? not ideal. on the other hand, we DO stan that he has sydney move in before they’re married. this is not a christian home!!!! 6/10

total score: 14.5/20 probably my favorite lemonade mouth dad, but mostly because he’s like the only one paid any attention by the narrative

mr banjaree (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: men really have beautifully sculpted noses and we just let them, huh. i’m definitely overusing the word Handsome in this list, but in this case? i’m justified. mr banjaree’s beard suits him SO well and his hair looks so soft...... and we love the implicit cleanliness of a man who wears socks in the house! 8/10

quality of character scale: i super SUPER dont agree with this man’s Smothering-Adjacent Methods (and also i know firsthand that strict parentage just drives kids to be more rebellious, lmao) but all things considered he really just wants the best for his family PLUS he’s willing to meet mo halfway at the end! :’) 6/10

total score: 14/20 the way i feel about him is the way i feel when i get crushes on pastors in that You Are Complicit In My Trauma But We’re Gonna Kiss About It way

mr delgado (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: OOOOH GLASSES! 5/10

quality of character scale: it’s sort of implied that the Wacko Energies of charlie’s family are mostly the fault of his mom so it’s cool of this man to distance himself from that. he is, of course, still complicit in Whatever The Hell Her Deal Is unless he is constantly fighting with her offscreen 6/10

total score: 11/20 would have loved to see more of him

mr yamada (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: another chapter in the saga of unbuttoned collars! doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to show off his strengths but i appreciate that he is not the thinnest dad in town 6.5/10

quality of character scale: WOW fuck this guy. very dismissive of stella’s aspirations!!!!! i don’t like that he feels the need to talk Over her to her mom when he’s asking about her vegetarianism. dude she is right there.... however it’s a lil touching when he holds her guitar up at the end, so... 4/10?

total score: 10.5/20 *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thi

bob duncan (good luck charlie: it’s christmas!)

hotness scale: in keeping this Specific to the feature-length xmas special, i will say that bob duncan is QUITE handsome! disappointed that he was wearing a shirt in the scene at the pool.... ill bet if this movie came out post-workout/makeover he’d have been shirtless >:/ i feel robbed... spare tummy, sir? spare tummy? additionally i love a man who rolls up his sleeves AND a man who stans kaiju movies!! also i love that he, quite literally, canonically fucks 8.5/10

quality of character scale: he’s about as charmingly incompetent as he is in the show, but the difference here is that he literally did not do a damn thing wrong! all he wanted to do was be civil with his inlaws and he frankly deserves MUCH better. its clear from his banter with the kids that he loves them very much (also i love how frequently he feels the need to jump/dive for things in this movie. silly slapstick icon) 8.75/10

total score: 17.25/20 this man’s mere presence oozes nostalgia

jerry russo (wizards of waverly place: the movie)

hotness scale: this man was MADE for me. the bottomless collection of hawaiian shirts....... the TWO tummy out scenes..........the fucked up evil thing his voice does when the kids try to steal the spellbook!!! he really has it all. also i love that he is truly just trying to have some beach intercourse 9/10

quality of character scale: i love that even when he doesn’t remember the kids he still maintains a little dadly rapport with them? the instincts...... it’s also incredibly good of him to relive his decision to give up his magic without hesitation once he realizes the severity of the situation :’0 10/10

total score: 19/20 i’ve never seen an episode of the show but im really about to start

neil morris (dadnapped)

hotness scale: handsome....... mr morris makes me feel simultaneously like a sapiosexual AND a morosexual because although he completed enough schooling to become a dentist, he also threw it away for a writing career like an absolute champ. also i find it unbelievably charming how Along For The Ride he is about the idea of being kidnapped. a man after my own heart 8.25/10

quality of character scale: this is a tricky one...... neil DOES show active concern for his daughter’s safety when push comes to shove, but he also has my least favorite type of redemption arc: “you THOUGHT i was neglecting you, but actually i was thinking about you the whole time and just never expressed it! we good?” so like. bleh. but he’s pretty mild mannered which i deeply appreciate in a man! 6.5/10

total score: 14.75/20 maybe talk to your daughter instead of writing a macgyver ripoff, dumbass

major joe mason (princess protection program)

hotness scale: prime dad bod, very believable for his line of work. also he has such a Gentle Way about himself when he’s around princesses....... i love all the hand holding when he’s escorting rosie. absolutely my type 8.75/10

quality of character scale: gosh.... where do i even BEGIN!!! his whole dynamic with carter is so ideal... i was apprehensive at first because his job would require him to be Absent a lot of the time, but upon reflection it’s clear that he’s raised carter well enough that he can totally trust her to be on her own, and also she’s only sad to see him go because she sincerely enjoys his company. everything about his profession is so noble and i love the way he can carry himself as casually or as politely as a given situation calls for. worst thing he does is say “i might have to stop calling you ‘pal’” because his daughter is wearing a pretty dress. i wish he was my dad but i’ll settle for him being my husband 9.75/10

total score: 18.5/20 i almost made a ppp self insert this morning specifically for Him

ted thompson (zapped)

hotness scale: athletes arent sexy!! this guy’s face screams The Only Websites I Know How To Use Are Facebook And Reddit and also he’s a dog person BUT he is sporting quite the tumbey if i do say so myself and for that i shall let him live. 4/10

quality of character scale: ok i know the whole point of this movie is Boys Bad but i hate men who are loud and i hate dads who get Weird about the inherent femininity of their daughters. when he calls zoey “sport” and then cringes like he’s made a mistake? dumb and unnecessary. HOWEVER all of his efforts to bond with zoey are really really sincere. like when he fixes her music box? that has NOTHING to do with the app he just Does It!!!! the movey mightve rubbed off on me a little too much but there are multiple ways to show love and just bc im not used to his way doesnt mean it has no worth! 6/10

total score: 10/20 mr thompson sir im sorry i doubted you at the start of the film

rob adams (radio rebel)

hotness scale: this man dresses 5-10 years younger than he looks and i respect that for him. but i was expecting him to be a bit more of a slimeball considering how tara talks about him in the opening scene... and you guys know how much i love slimeballs. regardless, pretty handsome! 6.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s nice that he goes to such a Public and Corporate effort to connect to his stepdaughter! even if it’s in a way that financially benefits him, it’s pretty clear that he cares about this family and wants to do right by them. nothing exceptional, though 7/10

total score: 13.5/20 i GUESS i’d be down to smash if he asked

ralph bartlett (read it and weep)

hotness scale: ok i was gonna say something mean about the fact that he’s balding but honestly he has really nice arms........ in addition he’s really quirky and optimistic which i am going to admire into my grave!! when he gets excited about having customers during the finale his voice quirks with an almost charlie day-esque charm. handsome. ALSO he calls jamie “princess” which is!!!!!!! something 7.5/10

quality of character scale: the way ralph parents his kids is Very 2000s in that he kinda babies his daughter but gets to pal around with his son, but i guess both dynamics come from a place of love and he could be doing much worse. plus he’s an honest hardworking small business owner! i support him 7/10

total score: 14.5/20 i would definitely go out for pizza with him

dr james hartley (how to build a better boy)

hotness scale: THIS. THIS IS WHAT DCOM DADDIES ARE ALL ABOUT. gosh..... this is truly the Most dad ive ever seen in my life. i love how his hair is always mussed..... how he’s so Desperate to relax that he falls asleep after Fifteen Seconds of smooth jazz..... and also. like. hes a scientist?? hello??? pretty sexy of him. i want to give this man the relaxation he deserves 10/10

quality of character scale: ok so,,,...,, kinda fucked up that he lied to his whole family (with the possible exception of his wife—sidenote, WHY did they make dr hartley married? his wife never comes up except when bart says she’s out of town. let him be single so i can slide into those dms) and EXTRA kinda fucked up that he works for the government? what a scab. BUT it’s very very clear that he cares about his kids (and gabby) and prioritizes their safety above all else! also, did you SEE how happy he was when mae won homecoming queen....... he loves her so so so much! :’0 8.5/10

total score: 18.5/20 i thirst tweeted about this man and roger bart replied ‘Aw, thanks!’ so i dont know where to go from here

#my worst post. look at it everybody #descendants #high school musical #disney channel #lemonade mouth #wizards of waverly place #good luck charlie #zombies #princess protection program #read it and weep #zapped #dadnapped #radio rebel #how to build a better boy #the term 'dcom daddy' was coined by poddin this together so nobody's allowed to get mad at me for it. also im right about each of these

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buttdawg · 4 years

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New South: The Saga Continues 11/2/19 (1/2)

The main thing that got me to plunk down money for IWTV was all the hype ads I kept seeing for Warhorse vs. Rey Fury. I was confused about how to watch Warhorse’s matches, which led me to IWTV, and they seemed to have a jillion indy feds on their site, so it seemed like a good deal. The problem was that New South’s November 2 show didn’t go up on the site for like a month, so I wasn’t really sure what to do in the meantime. I ended up watching the Beyond show where Warhorse defended the IWTV title against Orange Cassidy, and the Black Label Pro Turbo Graps 16 tournament where he won the title.

But I decided to finally get back to the New South show. I wasn’t sure if I should watch the entire thing, but the opening of the show is a Star Wars crawl, and there’s a backstage segment where it looks like BB-8 and Darth Sidious are spying on people, so I decided to liveblog it instead.

These are the guys BB-8 and Sid were watching. They look like eighth graders. I don’t mean to knock these guys, it’s just that I’m old and the young talent in the wrestling business looks younger and younger all the time, and my guess is that indy feds like New South are where a lot of the really new guys get their start. Or maybe I’m just not used to seeing actual early-twentysomethings on a wrestling show. They talk about Joey Janela like he’s a fresh young talent, and he’s 30. Anyway, the bros on the right are the new tag champs, and I guess the ones on the left are the former champs, who somehow lost their titles without getting pinned, so they’re looking forward to a title match.

Now, you might ask me why I didn’t take a picture of BB-8 and Darth Sidious, but that’s because BB-8 is a crappy-looking toy, and the Emperor is apparently played by a shadow in an empty corridor. You’re not missing much.

The new general manager of New South comes out and he’s this huge dude with Flirtin’ With Disaster as his entrance music. There’s basketball goals all over the place, and he hypes up being in Hartsville, Alabama. There’s something romantic about these kinds of shows. Not kissy-kissy romantic, but you know.

Anyway, this dude became the new GM, but he’s announcing he’s stepping down after tonight so some championship committee can take over. I get the impression that New South recently ended some “evil authority figure takes over” storyline, and theyr’re still figuring out what to do next. This all feels like a CAW Fed on YouTube. Not necessarily a bad thing.

New South Tag Team Championship: Wasted Generation vs. Talladega Knights (c): Well, that’s cool that we’re following through on the opening segment. Dueling “Tal-la-DAY-ga” and “Let’s-Get-WAY-sted!” chants. Pretty impressive for a crowd this small. The commentator calls it a “bona fide heatfest”, and I feel like he meant “spotfest”, since this is a face vs. face match where they run through like a million offensive manuevers in five minutes. But maybe heatfest is a real term and I’m just out of touch.

This match is nuts. I’ve seen sharpshooters, Falcon Arrows, moonsaults, superkicks, and that whole “I chop you now you chop me” bit they do in New Japan. While I wrote this a guy jumped off the bleachers into the others, and it’s not that high off the ground, but it’s the thought that counts. Part of the story here--maybe unintentionally, but I like it-- is that the referee just can’t keep up with these young’uns and their greased lightning anything goes style. Wasted Gen’s finisher is called “Don’t Embarass Me in Front of Tyler Matrix”, whatever that means. It gets a two count. Canadian Destroyer, because of course they did. The Talladega drapes a guy over the top rope and hits him with a double stomp, and that one gets the three. Talladega Knights retain the gold, but Wasted Gen snatches the belts away... only to present them to the champs and raise their hands in a show of respect. Hey this was good stuff.

“The Hot Tamale” Daniel Perez vs. “The Unicorn Princess” Taylor Rae. I wasn’t sure how I felt about intergender matches before I started watching all these indy matches, but I got used to it pretty quickly. The only real insight I’ve noticed is that it probably has less to do with pushing boundaries or equality or anything like that, and it’s more about not having enough women wrestlers on any given show to do a separate division. And that’s fine. Part of my beef with AEW and WWE is that they underutilize the women because they’re in a separate division that usually gets demoted to the periphery.

Perez is a Latin Lothario heel, and Rae thinks she’s a unicorn, I guess. Perez tries to seduce her by offering a coupon for one free kiss, but Rae rips it up and goes to town on him. I mean she starts kicking his ass, not “goes to town” in a romantic way. Hot Tamale exposes the turnbuckle, which they really ought to do more in wrestling. I say that and I see it all the damn time, but that’s not enough. More turnbuckle exposing. More!

Rae gets a lot of cool offense in, but it ends up coming back to the exposed turnbuckle, as Perez launches her into it and grabs a handful of tights to score the fall. Nice match, but I’m noticing that I’ve only seen one intergender match where the woman wins. Maybe I’m just not seeing the right ones, but my fear is that they do these matches and job out the gals, which kind of defeats the point of doing it.

Backstage, this guy in glasses offers the Talledega Knights a spot in his stable, the Akuto Death Society. They have T-shirts and get this, they’re black with a white logo. The Knights decline the offer, and then they see something strange in a locker, which is ominously numbered 66. Oooh.

“The Pittbull” Brett Ison vs. Baron Black (w/Shalandra Royal). I think Baron Black may actually have a nobleman gimmick, as opposed to “Baron” being just his first name. Fans bow to him as he makes his entrance. Well, I’m down with it. I don’t know what Ison’s deal is, but he wears a black towel on his head, so you know he must be a badass. I thought I heard the announcer say they had a staredown at WrestleMania (?), but I haven’t watched WWE in over a year, so for all I know that might have actually happened.

Both of these guys are presented as super-tough guys. Ison, especially, but the Baron keeps taking it to him, even though he gets the worst of every exchange. Finally, Black PULLS DOWN THE STRAPS, but he only gets a two count. Ison reverses an ankle lock, and from there it’s all Ison. He kind of looks like a young version of Corporate Kane, only he’s wearing a Death Row Records tank top. I dig it. Ison ends up outside, where he knocks out Shalandra. Ooooh! Baron goes nuts and clobbers him, and this lady walks by with a snack from the concession stand, which sort of kills the mood. It looks like they just ordered a bunch of Papa Johns for this show. That’s pretty cool.

Black grabs a chair to take sweet revenge, hesitates for a moment, but then he goes for it and takes the disqualification. Crowd chants “One more time”, and The Baron obliges his subjects, but Ison punches the chair as Black swings, and takes out Black with his own weapon in the process. Crowd is furious at Ison. This is the first DQ finish I’ve seen in months, and it’s pretty damn good. If you’re going to end a match with a DQ, this is a good way to do it.

Backstage, the New South champion is... in a gas station men’s room washing his face. His shoulder’s all hurt and he doesn’t even know how bad it is yet. The GM checks in on him and the champ cuts a promo about how he’s like a guy in a war movie who isn’t sure he’s gonna make it, but he’s gonna give it all he’s got. This doesn’t really go anywhere.

“The Kings Road Slayer” Derek Neal vs. Adam Priest. Priest blindsides Neal during his entrance. He works Neal over, then goes for a dive to the outside and catches his foot on the middle rope and basically lands face first on the floor, which is pretty awkward. I guess he’s okay, but that looked pretty bad. Crowd seems to be solidly behind Priest, which is weird since he ambushed Neal, but he’s the little guy in this match so maybe he’s the underdog in this thing? Neal manages to pull off a superplex, but AT WHAT COST? They get up and start trading blows, but Priest is just about spent. Derek Neal picks up a leather strap like that’s a big deal, but Priest manages to hit him with a Death Valley Driver while he argues with the ref. Now Priest has the strap, and the ref tries to take it from him, and that gives Neal an opening to hit a kick to the balls and a powerbomb, and Derek Neal wins. What is a “Kings Road Slayer” exactly?

Backstage, the T-Knights show the GM the haunted locker, but he plays the whole thing off as a prank. Camera finally pans to the locker to reveal... a lanyard with a card that reads “GM1″? What does that even mean?

Kung Fu Donnie Janela vs. “Magnificant Michigan Muscle” Cody “Vanilla” Vance. Weren’t Cody and Vance the two cousins they brought into replace Bo and Luke on Dukes of Hazzard? Donnie Janela looks exactly like Joey Janela, except he’s billed as the “Kung Fu King Master of All Martial Arts.” So is he doing an homage to Joey, or are they related or what’s the deal here? I don’t want to shovel more dirt on the grave of Jim Cornette’s reputation, but I’m pretty sure Joey is red hot if he’s inspired imitators. Which sort of leads me to suspect that maybe Jim Cornette is completely out of touch.

Cody has two nicknames, but Vanilla is printed on his ass, and he’s got an ice cream cone on the front of his tights, so I feel like that should be the primary on. I like the M3 on his kneepads though. He looks like someone WWE would be interested in, though I can’t tell how big anyone is on this show. Cody looks like he’s 6′7″, but he could be 5′5″ for all I know.

Donnie takes control and starts whipping out his kung fu skills. He’s got Chinese characters tattooed on his flank, so you know he’s legit. THey fight evenly for a while, until Vance hits a spinebuster and a ripcord cutter for a two count. Then Donnie hits a One-Winged Angel? The announcer doesn’t call it, but I’m pretty sure that’s what I saw. It gets a two count. This show is wild, I tell you what. Cody finally hits a Bicycle Kick and that ends the match. They do a handshake at the end, and I gotta say, I’ve seen a lot of respect endings to matches this year and I’m still not sick of it.

Donnie cuts a promo after the match and puts over Cody, but the crowd keeps heckling him. Is Donnie a heel? Because he thanks the crowd for supporting him. Then Brett Ison lays him out and Kris Krunk comes out to make the save. Okay, so Krunk was the guy who invited the Talledega Knights into the Akuto Death Society earlier on. And Janela has an “ADS” armband, so I guess he’s in the group too. But then Krunk betrays Janela and hits him with a chair, so I guess Janela’s out of the group? He blames Donnie for something, and orders Ison to finish him with the Go2Sleep. Then the good guys show up to help and Krunk and Ison withdraw.

IWTV Championship: Rey Fury vs. WARHORSE (c). NEVER MIND THAT SHIT, HERE COMES WARHORSE! Rey Fury intrigued me because he looked like a pissed-off Rey Mysterio on the ads, but now that I see him in action he looks like his own guy, which is probably for the best. Some guy in the crowd tells the ref to check Rey’s mask along with the rest of his gear, so the ref does it. Then he checks Warhorse’s hair in the spirit of fairness. Then both guys do a fist bump to start the match. Yeah, we ain’t fuckin’ around here, Maggle.

Fury takes it to Warhorse to start off, and he rolls out of the ring and into one of the seats. Fury tries to go after him, but Warhorse drives his face into the chair and takes back the initiative. I think that pizza is free? Cool.

Warhorse keeps chanting “Yee-yee” at Fury, which I think is Fury’s deal, so I don’t know if he’s trying to psych him up or taunt him. Dueling chops, and I like how Rey’s mask has tassels in the back like hair, so they whip around when he moves. This one really hoarse woman keeps rasping “Warhorse!”, and it sounds kind of creepy, but I appreciate her energy. Maybe she wore out her voice chanting for Wasted Generation.

Warhorse takes the lead and lies on the top turnbuckle a la Shawn Michaels while Rey gets back into the ring. I’m pretty sure Rey’s homegrown New South talent, but he’s having trouble keeping the crowd on his side. Sometimes it’s half-and-half, and sometimes it’s like 80% Warhorse. Rey fights back, goes to the top rope, but Warhorse counters with a top rope double-underhook suplex. Isn’t that like a superplex?

They fight outside for a while, then Rey tries another top-rope move, which Warhorse reverses in midair-powebomb. It gets two, and Warhorse starts to despair. Rey ducks the clothesline, hits a cutter, but only gets two. That’s probably as close as he came in this match to winning the title. Later, kids call out to Fury not to give up, so he’s not totally alone out here. But Warhorse finally hits the double stomp off the top rope and retains the title. After the match, Warhorse cuts a promo to put over Rey for putting on a helluva match.

They need to sign Warhorse with AEW and give him full creative control so he’s allowed to just run roughshod over the Dark Order. Then they should make a midcard belt and let him hold it for the duration of his contract.

There’s still the main event to go, but there’s like forty minutes left on this show, so I think I’ll cover that tomorrow. Oh, it’s spelled “Chris Crunk”, not “Kris Krunk.” Good to know.

#new south #the saga continues

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