#Old fart new tricks and all

[daegutowns]

pookie (yjh)

tags: husband jeonghan, girl dad jeonghan, gn!reader, refers to reader as his wife, he is a clutch dad, very playful dad, the daughter is just like him, yoon genes run deep

girl dad jeonghan who is just kind of a silly individual who loves other people who are silly…. like his best friends are seungcheol (old man silly), joshua (crazy silly), and dokyeom (just a deeply silly individual). he had told you that the reason he liked hanging out with them was because they were always so entertaining and willing to laugh with him. life is too short to not be laughing whenever you can! 

girl dad jeonghan who laughs at the same thing your toddler kid does. not gonna lie… his humor probably fits around little kids. he laughs at fart jokes and likes teasing. this is probably why jeonghan gets along with your daughter so well. 

girl dad jeonghan who has a good eye for cute things, so he likes dressing up your daughter. ever since she was a baby, he has always liked staying up just a little later to coordinate her outfits with you. you hadn’t expected him to be this invested in this part of your baby’s life. 

girl dad jeonghan who likes doing your daughter’s hair before school. since he also had long hair in the past and grows his hair out into a pookalicious bob every now and then, he is someone who knows hair. he braids your daughter’s hair and lets her learn how to do it on his hair. sometimes they both come up to you and ask you to do a matching hairstyle on them. of course… you have to join in on the fun too. 

girl dad jeonghan who doesn’t have a problem with playing along with your daughter’s tea parties. she wants a tea party? then let there be teacakes. he always goes the full mile for her. you often wonder how he has the stamina to keep up with her, but he takes naps at the same time she does. you have a lot of those photos in your camera roll. 

girl dad jeonghan whose favorite school day is bring your father to school day. they wear matching outfits, just to flex on the other dads in your daughter’s class. he prints out the picture they take together every year, and you two keep it in an album in your bedroom. 

girl dad jeonghan who doesn’t know pop culture or new artists that well but still learns the dances to your daughter’s favorite kpop songs so he can teach her too. her favorite thing is learning dances from her dad and seeing him perform. when she was old enough to dance, you’d bring her along to times that you watched seventeen’s practices. 

girl dad jeonghan who laughs when she picks up phrases from him or tries to copy him. he sometimes sees her just carrying around a plastic spoon or falling asleep with it in her hand. when she gets scared, she has a three pitch whine that makes him wonder where he’s heard it form while you wonder how both of them got to be so similar. 

girl dad jeonghan whose daughter calls him pookie, because that’s what you used to call him when she was a baby. he never corrected her until later. (“not pookie but dad!” “pookie!”) honestly, he doesn’t mind and finds it funny anyways. his members tease him and call him pookie too, but he’s not as forgiving to them as he is with his daughter. 

girl dad jeonghan who melts at your daughter’s aegyo. he always asks you how she’s so good at it, especially when she wants something. but, you know better. everything she’s used is all learned from him. he just doesn’t know his own trick are being used against him! he always encourages your daughter to do aegyo on seungcheol so he can buy her snacks, though. (and it works every time…) 

girl dad jeonghan who is protective of his daughter. he asks his group members to back up when you visit with her so that she doesn’t get overwhelmed. one at a time! gently hold her! support her neck! don’t spit on her mingyu! his group members always joke around that he brags about his daughter all the time but only nags when they get to actually see her in person. 

girl dad jeonghan who loves seeing his daughter get along with her kpop idol uncles. she’s charmed all the members of seventeen and has them wrapped around her precious little finger. even his hyungwon hyung thinks she’s the cutest gem ever. as they should. that’s his daughter. 

finally, girl dad jeonghan who finds himself lucky to be able to love your daughter and you.

#daegutowns #svt x reader #svt x y/n #svt x you #svt fluff #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan x you #jeonghan x y/n #jeonghan is so pookie #girl dad jeonghan

[your-absent-father]

Children in writing: my personal pet peeves

Okay, some might know that I work as an elementary school aid, done it on and off since I was 19, so I have the credits lol. Last december I even got my trade school papers for it. I preface this this way bwcause I have worked with shitton of kids, and will in a future. My background also means that I am very quick to notice when people don't interact with kids that much.

Even the savant syndrome kid is still a kid

One thing that annoys the hell out of me is when the 8 year old smart kid character acts like a 32 year old with all the emotional cababilities it entails. Yes, some kids have an higher intelligence, emotional or otherwise, but in the core of them, they are a kid. They get temper tantrums, they are in awe of new discoveries, they love to play in their own way.

For example, the class I'm in now, we have a kid I will call James. James is raised by his grandparents and it shows in everything he does. He is an old soul, always getting striaght As and almost helping the adults in conflicts. James also giggles as I race with him during recess, he sulks like a kid after not getting what he wanted and laughs really hard at fart jokes. He is 8 even if he has an emotional intelligence of an older kid.

Children are sponges, in bad and good

Speaking of James, he is a great example of children being sponges. This 8 year old, he uses terms like "gosh darn it" or "welp, it is what it is", terms I could see his farmer grandpa using. When he is stressed, he poses like a 73 year old looking at a broken tracktor. You can see his grandpa in him clearly.

I want to say it because a lot of people only write like "I am bad because my dad was bad" characters, even though it isn't that simple moat of the time, and children being sponges could be used in so many different ways, and not just bad.

Kids knowing big words doesn't always mean they are smart

This adds into the "kids are sponges" segment. Lot of kids, especially now, pick up different words, some very difficult, but they themselves don't know what they mean. Just today I had to explain what a dictator meant to a kid talking about North Korea. (That is an other thing too I like to add: kids try to explain with their own understandkng of the world what things they don't understand are)

Children's are adults in progress

Thus is a thing that peeves me the most of all, because a lot of people think children are thing entire different entity than adults. I like to explain it in videogame logic, like as a kid you are doing the first levels and progressing trough. You still the same character at the core of it, you just leveled up and got new tricks up your sleeve. Children are humans, they aren't that difficult to comprehend.

kids with disabilities have presonalities

Omg I am such a passionate person towards this, especially because I am specialized in special ed. It annoys me in no end when a special ed kid's presonality is "ehh they are disabled?". Every single special ed kid I have been with have different personalities and likes and dislikes, if they can't show it to you themselves. I don't think I have met two disabled kids (nor adults) with same personalities, even if they have exact same disability.

In the class I am in now, James's best friend is this kid named Jackie. I don't know Jackie's diagnosis but she can't walk straight, and uses multiple walking aids when her legs hurt too bad. She can't talk very well, struggling with her speak. Still, those things weren't the first thing I'd use to describe her. I'd describe her as a dramaqueen, always ready to complain about something, i'd describe her as a sporty, always running after her friends, even if she is much slower than others. I'd describe her as kindhearted, and clingy as she is always ready for a hug. Her disability is n intergal part of her but not everything.

I could complain about this all day. I have worked with kids and adults with disabilities and they have all been do different from each other (like able bodied people). Maybe another post lol.

Okay rant over.

Tldr: Chldren are humans too. Lol

#writing advice #writeblr #eve rambles #wip #writing kids #writing

[kendrixtermina]

Giving Doctor Who a New Chance, Part 1: The Star Beast

I like how in the opener the Doctor ends up running into Donna due to plain old Chronic Hero syndrome, rushing towards someone who looks like they needed help

I appreciate that we got a realtime example of Donna just missing a spaceship

her concern with stacking properly is a good establishing moment for viewers who maybe don't know her yet

It's interesting how Donna ended up giving away the money - not doing what he thought she would do

Making Donna's kid trans was a great move now that the UK is known as a rather trans-hostile place

sylvia is interesting - she seems like someone who feels guilty but is sort of going overboard with overcompensating for it rather than truly helping

badass protective - which is probably how Donna would be as a mom, some of the character development stuck despite the memory wipe, small-minded

Another Unit Scientific Advisor!

You can tell the Doctor is having a tough time with how he spills his problems to the Unit lady. Though you can also see 14 isn't quite like 10, not quite as emotionally constipated. 12 had this whole arc about spitting out the words though then chibnall didn't do anything with cause he couldn't write characters to save his life. I guess 13 was supposed to look like his (franky offensive, carricaturish) idea of a private person? At least this keeps the tendency of each incarnation being a contrast to their predecessor. Insofar as 13 had enough personality to be contrasted. Chibnalls characters are all emotionless planks of wood - and I'll better stop ranting now

i like the unit lady

It's a charming detail how Rose sells things on etsy. I betcha anything she has a tumblr

// war flashback to Ryan's increbliy generic youtube channel that was never used to characterize him in any way & then forgotten about //, & the detail is added in a kind of loving, relatable way whereas Chibnall kinda mocked the guy for listening to affirmations, for example

Ah it's so nice to have actual CHARACTERIZATION again

Like this just told us that Rose Noble is creative, but also feels responsibility to help her parents.

And her making little plush aliens is immediately lied to her feeling lonely & alienated because of how she's bullied

CONSISTENCY beyond just what is currently needed for the plot yes please. This should be the bare minimum but Chibnall went 8 episodes without giving Yasmin ANY defining traits or moments

So nice to have CHARACTERS with EMOTIONs and TRAITS

I just KNEW the Doctor was getting another Mom slap the moment the moment he showed up

the definite article XD I got that reference, esp in what looks like an Unit episode

oh noes theyre shooting up Donnas house

i love how he just naturally hands the sonic to Donna without thinking

It's extremly Donna-like to worry about her house during the alien attack

I like the resonating the wall trick coming on again - if you saw this straight after EoT, you'd still get the sense that the Doctor got more experienced.

Donna's neighbor missing everything cause he's listening to music is a mood

I love the impromptu judge wig XD

Been a while since I heard "shadow proclamtion". That was common the first time RTD was running the show

I LOVE how the twist & how the Doctor deduced it from the Unit soldier not being dead. The idea that you can know someone by their method

Also love the doctor trying to outfox the Meep but getting a tad too confident there

Also like how Donna absolutely picks up that Sylvia knows the Doctor & demands the truth, but also having a moment of vulnerability

the story's a bit over the top & cliche, though. I mean I can partially forgive it because the ep is really much more about Donna, but not a fan of the over the top cliched villain. though, this RTD is the guy who made the fart episode. he was good at concepts a lot of the time, but yeah...

The wheelchair stun darts are cliche, too, but I DO like the general twist of the unit lady realizing the guards have been mind-controlled & saving the team. She seemed competent earlier. Makes me miss Osgood a bit. One hopes wheelchair lady will keep showing up in UNIT episodes.

I love Donna taking the initiative here to run off. (characters NOT being planks of wood & making self-motivated decisions! Oh im so glad we're rid of Chibnal's trash writing)

Do like the moment. Donna still having her unimportance complex, the Doctor's response that she isn't not just because he doesn't think anyone's unimportant but because she is so important to him, "why does it have to be you" Yeah David Tennant is still good at pulling ppl's heartstrings, his resigned tone when he begins reciting the 'password'

The password being similar to that time Amy had to unlock it!

Donna's first concern upon "waking up" being that she gave away the money is soo her.

Catherine Tate really shines here how she instantly retrieves the... the fast talking thing from Journey's end??

She gets so excited at getting to blow up the alien tech XD

Again praise be to Catherine cause you can tell how the hole of self-doubt that was there (though not as much pre series 4) is just FILLED with confidence.

He just doesn't give a fuck if they shoot him when he thought Donna was dead

The thing where it's less lethal now because some of the energy passed down to her kid is neat, but I don't like the idea that the personality traits of Donna's kid are attributed to the metacrisis thing. Although I suppose it could be seen as more of a nudge or inspiration

I really like the touch that the Doctor remembered the names of the alien soldiers & spoke of them to their superiors, and that he neutralized the meep non-lethally. He's an actual pacifist again with lika a worldview, not just regurgitating lines about "not liking guns" out of context

I HATE the women's intuition thing. I get that they were trying to like affirm Rose's gender as real here but I hate it. It's essentialist and I hate it. I'm gonna treat it as just a joke Donna & Rose did cause they would.

Though I DO like, & find it very appropriate that Donna & Rose themselves are the ones to think up the solution & having it sort of come from Donna's grounded, down to earthsy nature. As a counterpoint to how the Doctor kind of over-ruled Donna's will to sort of unilaterally save her against her will & taking the burden onto himself. (Not that one can blame him too much for what he did while panicking, trying to save his besties' life. )

I love the Doctor fanboying over the new "desktop theme" & praising the TARDIS for the design choices

Such a nice touch that both the Doctor & the TARDIS remember Donna's coffee preferences. It's all about the little things.

David still got it with the "it killed me" line

I do notice that his delivery, while similar, in some aspects, is still markedly different. 14 is more emotionally honest than 10, but also less hyper, he carries himself a bit 'heavier'.

Like I feel some of that subtle distinction in nuance comes down to that when the Dr. turned into 10 it was "for" Rose (so the charme & energy etc were dialed to max), but 14 is "for" Donna, in a way, though he didn't know it at the start.

AAAAnd Donna immediately returns to being a supplier of grounding common-sense advice. Cause she is right about the big goodbye thing

that's a lot of pyrotechnics for just one coffee. Donna must've spilled it into the worst possible spot. That would be the sort of luck they'd have.

Soo. it was an episode without Chibnal's terrible, flavorless writing. I liked some of the story beats though not over the top wowed but I feel like this is the first act of a longer play & the emotional penny is probably still to drop.

#doctor who #fourteenth doctor #donna noble #rose noble

[avintagepumpkin]

Stu Macher-HC

Trigger Warnings: Stu being manipulative and also pretending to be a young girl

Not proofread

*He's genuinely sweet and kind, and he's constantly making friends.

*Bullying is off limits for him. You know if he picks on you, he thinks of you as a close friend, and it's out of love. Poor Randy is usually on the receiving end.

*He has no filter, that or his brain just doesn't register, so small arguments happen due to misunderstandings.

*Since he has a long tongue like his dog Percy, he will lick up your cheek, and he calls them Percy kisses. Billy really hates this Stu trait

*He laughs at EVERYTHING.. especially fart jokes, boy loves them. He swore he heard Tatum fart once, so every time he tries to retell the story, he can barely talk and breathe from laughing too much.

*Movie nights are basically you watching some movie he put on and listening to his loud snoring. If you wake him, he pretends he was watching.

*He chews loudly, Billy swears it's only to get on his nerves, but you believe he's just a loud chewer.

*He has a crush on everyone. You smile at him... Crush, you actually know his name... major crush

*He doesn't drink a lot. He will drink a beer or two, but alcohol doesn't really have an effect on him, so he just does it socially. He often just pretends to have a buzz to get attention

*He loves all sports. He wears his favorite team jerseys on game day. If his team is losing, he's yelling obscenities at the TV. If his team is winning, he's yelling obscenities at Billy and Randy.

*He doesn't spend much money on himself, but is always buying things for friends. He once bought you a $1000 necklace because it had your name on it, and paid for all of you guys to go to Disneyland, paid for tickets, food and souvenirs, his parents cut his card off for a while.

*Has a corvette that he drives at obscene speeds. Once, he tried to show Dewey his boobs to try and get out of a ticket.

*His parents are often gone, so one of his friends is usually staying the night.

*Loves his parents more than anything, and it kills him that they're gone a lot

*He enjoys being the only child because when his parents are home, he gets loads of attention, and let's face it, this boy loves attention

*He plays video games and is very competitive. He hates to lose, so he practices when no one is around so he can learn all the tricks. Will complain if he thinks you might have cheated, even though most of his game play involves cheating

*He loves to pretend like he speaks different languages, convinced the principle that he knew Portuguese so he could show the new hot foreign exchange student around. He was suspended for 3 days

*Isn't allowed to order the pizza anymore after the big Anchovies fiasco, he knew the guy who ran their favorite pizza joint, so he paid him to load the pizzas up with 3 times the amount of Anchovies. The smell made Tatum sick, and she ended up vomiting when he licked a slice.

*He's no longer able to babysit his niece and nephew after he told them the story about Victor the Snallygaster, who eats children from their feet up, leaving just their teeth so their parents can still collect the money from the tooth fairy. When they went to bed that night, it turns out Victor was under their bed. Their parents couldn't get them to sleep on their own for 2 weeks.

*Once, he met a man from online after he had pretended to be a 15 year old girl. The dude took off the minute he saw Stu. Sydney asked why he would do such a thing. He said he was just bored

*When he was 5, he caught the rug on fire. He put it out by peeing on it

*When he was 6, he stuck a penny in the wall socket, spent 3 days in the hospital

*When he was 9, he ate a 5lb tube of raw hamburger meat to see if he could get a tape worm

#headcannon #scream #stu macher

[superman86to99]

Superman/Doomsday: Hunter/Prey #3 (June 1994)

After two issues of build-up, the moment we've been waiting for: Superman vs. Doomsday, the rematch! But first, more build-up. Last issue, Superman found out that Doomsday has been sent to Calaton, the one planet that defeated him before Superman did, and also the one planet that definitely can't defeat him again, since the baby-torturing geniuses who created Doomsday made it so he'll always evolve to overcome any opponent who beats him.

And yes, this means Superman himself should have no hope of stopping Doomsday again. However, this time Superman has something that Doomsday doesn't: Mother Box, a living computer from planet New Genesis that reshapes his clothes to prepare him for the rematch. According to Mother Box, the main reason Superman died last time he fought Doomsday is because he didn't have enough pouches. (And if he does die again, at least he'll look cool.)

Meanwhile, in Calaton, the Calatonians are trying to stop Doomsday doing the exact same thing they did thousands of years ago: putting all of their Royals in a psychic blender to create a being made out of condensed inbred superpowers, the Radiant. Unfortunately, that's all for nothing, because Doomsday has evolved to absorb Radiant's energy and easily snaps him in half. By the time Superman and Waverider (who's still tagging along) reach Calaton, Radiant is tragically fading away like a fart in the wind.

"All we are is farts in the wind..."

What's worse is that Doomsday "senses" Calaton's weaknesses and is headed straight for their central power facility, which if blown up, could destroy the entire planet. Superman has something personal against planets being blown up, so he stands in front of Doomsday and tells him he's here to stop him "permanently," despite not knowing if the big brute can even understand him.

And then, to Superman's surprise... Doomsday replies.

"I can siiiiiiiiiiiing!"

After the dramatic revelation that Doomsday is smart and actually remembers Superman from their fight in "Muhtroplisss," the monster simply turns back with a "HA!" and goes back to ignoring Supes, as if telling him "I could easily snap you in half too, so why even bother fighting." Superman uses the opening to blast Doomsday with his super-charged heat vision, mindful that getting into a close quarters slugging match with him last time was a fatal mistake.

So, Superman does his best to keep his distance during the fight, but then Doomsday reveals another surprise: he can now extend his knuckle bones to freakishly long distances in order to more easily stab flying enemies. Yes, Doomsday has evolved into Wolverine.

Oh, and the retractable bone claws also have poison in them, so as soon as Doomsday pulls Superman down, he starts getting dizzy. Thinking fast, Superman reaches into one of his many pouches and takes out an ultrasonic weapon that seems to be working pretty well on Doomsday -- until he closes his ear canals at will. Wonder if he can do that with any orifice, if needed.

Since the fight doesn't seem to be going too well for Superman, Waverider tries to help out by using his old "contact" trick on Doomsday, just to see if he can learn anything useful by looking through his eyes. This is how we learn that all this time, whenever Doomsday looks at Superman, what he really sees is... E.T.?!

Actually, that's Doomsday's creator, Bertron. But why would anyone mistake Superman for alien Mengele? Because, as Superman only just now realizes, the planet where Doomsday was made, the one that became obsessed with genetic modification due to the ruins of Bertron's lab, was Krypton. Now Superman believes that the only reason Doomsday went to Metropolis is that he felt the presence of a Kryptonian there and felt threatened, the poor thing.

As the fight resumes, Superman uses a sort of "saber made of light" that Mother Box equipped with him to attack Doomsday, but the only thing he gets out of it is a broken arm. Waverider tries to make "contact" again to shut him down from the inside, but Doomsday has even learned to kick intangible time travelers out of his body.

Doomsday throws Superman against Calaton's power batteries, causing a gigantic explosion that disintegrates Waverider and leaves Supes in even poorer shape. Doomsday himself, of course, isn't even fazed by the explosion and laughs heartily as Superman seems to run away from him, which would be understandable given the situation. He just survived the equivalent of "a million nuclear blasts," had his arm broken in two places, and found out his home planet's whole culture was built on the bones of dead babies. It's been a tough day.

However, it turns out Superman was only grabbing the time-traveling wrist band Waverider left laying around and building up distance to hit Doomsday as hard as he can. While Doomsday is disoriented, Superman puts the band on his shoulder spike and has Mother Box transport them to the only time period where he can be defeated, which turns out to be... the very last one, a.k.a. the destruction of the universe. Try to evolve your way out of this one, bitch.

Superman is perfectly willing to die there with Doomsday, but he's saved by Waverider, who wasn't dead after all, he just needed some time to put his energy form back together (guess "1994 to the end of time" was enough).

Waverider returns Superman back to the present, where Mother Box uses the last of her power to restore Superman's classic costume and give him a shave while at it. With Doomsday finally gone for good (right?), Superman thanks Waverider for actually putting his ass on the line for once and goes back to Lois, reflecting on how he found the strength to face his greatest fear through her. So, in the end, the secret weapon that allowed him to defeat Doomsday was love. And time travel. And a living computer who died shaving him.

Plotline-Watch:

We'll see Doomsday again in his very own annual in 1995, followed by a weird arc in John Byrne's Wonder Woman in 1996, before his actual return in 1998's The Doomsday Wars miniseries.

The Cyborg Superman will be back sooner than that, since we find out in this issue that Darkseid didn't really kill him, he merely condensed his life force into a small orb.

Don Sparrow says: "It’s an interesting notion that Doomsday might have been intentionally marching toward Metropolis, but it doesn’t fully make sense to me. If Doomsday was really after the only Kryptonian, he wouldn’t have walked in a straight line to Metropolis, he’d have gone after Superman directly, wouldn’t he? And there were numerous times when Superman had to catch up to Doomsday who was walking right past him during that battle. Unless we fill in the blanks, and suggest that Superman’s aura was present in Metropolis? I’d honestly rather that Doomsday was marching to Metropolis because he saw Superman as a threat, rather than because he saw an idiotic wrestling promotion on TV." Sorry, but I'll continue believing the original, non-retconned explanation: that Doomsday went to Metropolis because got all riled up watching wrasslin.

While Mother Box is redesigning Superman's costume, he mentions that this was "originally Kryptonian recovery gear" (you know, the black suit with the silver S-shield) until Supergirl transformed it into its current form, back in Superman #82. I appreciate the continuity note, and I wonder if we can eventually establish how long Superman wore this twice-reshaped costume, which is slightly darker than the ones his mom made... maybe until he burned it down in "The Death of Clark Kent"?

I'm trying to imagine the conversation when Superman returned the lifeless Mother Box to Oberon: "*sob* At least she died doing something honorable..." "Yes, feel my face! It's so smooth!"

This issue does a pretty good job at selling entropy, the universe-eating stuff (or non-stuff) at the end of time, as something deadly and inescapable. It sure would be terrible if it somehow ended up in the present. Don: "Dan Jurgens’ aggressive concept of entropy sounds a lot like the unbeatable Swarm from Superman #68, which set me up for failure in High School physics classes, let me tell you."

Patreon-Watch:

Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, Bol, Gaetano Barreca, and Dave Shevlin got to read all of the above a week early, since for once I finished a post before Don (it took Don getting sick for that miracle to happen). Join them for sneak peeks and Patreon-only posts about non-continuity comics at: https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99

And now, the whole world gets to read Don Sparrow's section, after the jump!

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We reach the crescendo of the progressive covers, with Superman coming to blows with Doomsday on the front and back covers.  You know it’s serious because Superman’s punch has actually chipped off a piece of bone, but lucky Doomsday’s got bones to spare.

I felt like the art fell off a little on this issue, as some of the inks looked a little unsubstantial compared to the previous two issues, but I’ll get into specifics in a little bit.  Our first image is a splash page—the panels in this issue are all generally pretty big, with more than four being a rarity—and this is a good one—the rim lighting really adds a three-dimensionality to Superman’s figure making him look more defined than just a mass of bulk.  The colouring has generally been a highlight in this series, though this panel is a little let down with some sloppy shadows on Superman’s forehead that make him look bruised, I think unintentionally. 

The next page features a great image of Superman, again helped by rim lighting.  Jurgens can tend to draw Superman with too round a nose at times (I think most artists tend to default to making heroes look like themselves, the artists, and Jurgens has a roundish, button nose), but here his features are sharp and handsome.

Very soon we get our first look at Superman’s battle armour, courtesy of a literal Deus ex Machina, the Mother Box.  I have since learned that this look is much maligned among fandom (particularly once it became a toy) but reading this at age 14, I loved it, especially as a way to explain how Superman might even things up a little more against the preposterously overpowered Doomsday.  [Max: Same here! I had, and loved, that freaking toy.] It’s a unique look—very sword and sorcery, with the buckles and longer cape.  I might have thought the look would have more apparent Apokolyptan or Kryptonian elements given the origins of Mother Box and Superman, but I still have a lot of affection for this costume.  It’s interesting that the story seems to head off some of the criticism in advance, with Waverider hanging a lantern on the fact that the weapons “seem incompatible with {Superman’s} nature”.

I do like the simplicity of the Radiant’s look, and the art team does a good job of illustrating the crackle of his energy throughout. It feels a little like they’re trying to avoid having to draw Doomsday’s face too frequently in this issue, as he keeps appearing in shadow.  It’s most glaring in his fight with the Radiant where there are near-identical gritted teeth expressions on sequential pages.  The image of the fading energy being laying dying is a great depiction of translucence. 

We have a few more instances of reused panels as Doomsday recognizes Superman from their battle on Earth—that’s the same drawing of Doomsday from the first issue, when young Clark faces “the killer” in his dream.  The image of Superman’s eyes lighting up with heat vision is a good one, and though I’m not a terribly big admirer of Alan Moore (comic book heresy, thy name is Don Sparrow) I’m always reminded of “For the Man who has Everything” from Superman Annual #11 when someone says “burn”.  

The images that follow definitely look like he’s hurting Doomsday (and it gives them still more excuses to not draw Doomsday’s face) and also addresses some of the criticism of the original Doomsday storyline, namely that Superman fought him like he only had a single power—super-strength—never putting flight, super-speed, heat vision or arctic breath into use.  It’s after this that things start to get silly, with Doomsday speed-evolving to develop harpoon knuckles to draw Superman into him.  It’s such a strange thing, and I’m still confused how it works.  They’re bone but flexible like cables? 

Superman yanking Doomsday’s claws out of his shoulder like uprooting a weed certain looks painful.  We get another look at that Doomsday face from issue #1 again as Waverider mind-melds with the monster—the rules here are a little confusing—I don’t know why Waverider’s powers work here, but then failed when he tried to overload Doomsday’s nervous system, unless it’s a further example of Doomsday’s speed evolving. [Max: It's evolution, baby!]

Some of that lighter inking comes into play as Superman learns more about Doomsday’s origins—normally a heavy line, Breeding’s inks here look thinner and scratchier, more like Joe Rubinstein, who was inking the main book at the time. The big double page splash of Superman taking it to Doomsday is a real highlight, even if it’s followed by still more recycled art of young Clark.

The idea of Superman with an honest-to-goodness light sabre is dumb on the surface, but maaaan, did this blow my mind when I was a kid.  The image of Superman sawing into Doomsday’s side is a great use of light and colouring, and Doomsday reconstituting himself like the T-1000 from Terminator 2 is a great visual, even if it further confuses me as to the nature of Doomsday.  Like, how does an organless gray blob have bones that Superman could kick off?  And why did it hurt him?  

Doomsday gorilla pressing Superman is a great visual, and his whispering Lois in what feels like his last moment is emotionally impactful.  The disorienting effect of the end of time is well done.  The shredding of Doomsday’s form is particularly interesting, though having Mother Box kill Doomsday for him really does feel like a cop-out on some level, BUT, they’d essentially painted themselves into a corner with Doomsday, by making him essentially too powerful to really use in a story.

SPEEDING BULLETS:

Gotta love Desaad as hype man for Darkseid.  Also, in a previous issue I noted how much Desaad reminds me of Wormtongue from the Lord of the Rings series, and here we have Darkseid making the connection (perhaps inadvertently) explicit, mentioning both his tongue and calling Desaad a worm in the same word bubble.

I like Superman’s attempt at guilting Darkseid for leaving the fight against Doomsday, like it’s gonna work—he’s a villain, who barely survived his first encounter with Doomsday (actually, I guess it’s his first encounter in COMBAT as we will later see that a younger Darkseid met Doomsday even before Superman did)  so I don’t think shaming Darkseid is going to do much.

Also Superman is not very far away when Darkseid reveals to Desaad that his omega beams distilled Hank Henshaw’s consciousness into a little sphere—superhearing sinks ships, or something like that, Darkseid. [Max: I like the idea of Superman thinking "I'm just gonna pretend I didn't hear, got enough to deal with already."]

It’s a weird detail that this isn’t the same Radiant that Doomsday fought, even though Radiant takes claim for the victory.  They specify that he’s a new being made from the royals of this day and age, but if that’s the case, this Radiant might have had a better shot at beating Doomsday, since they never fought before, even with the same power set.  It would have been more narratively expedient just to have it be the same energy being, I think. 

As far as plans go, “full intensity energy” seems like an obvious one.  How long did it take the original Radiant to come up with that one?  “Oh dang—mild intensity energy didn’t work.  I guess I’ll try medium intensity energy…” [Max: It's possible radiant wasn't very bright. He's a product of inbreeding, after all...]

Speaking of obvious, Waverider is a bit of a Captain Obvious throughout…”Radiant is dying.” “Radiant is dead.”, etc.

Know what would be a good strategy, Superman?  Attacking while Doomsday is frozen in his time flashback!

Between this and the upcoming Zero Hour, Waverider has his share of (spoilers) fake deaths.

[Max: Don't know if I'd call the one on Zero Hour fake, but we can revisit this when the time comes. Pun intended.]

#superman #dan jurgens #brett breeding #doomsday #darkseid #deesad #waverider #apokolips #hank henshaw #superman/doomsday: hunter/prey #hank henshaw as a little ball #inbred silver surfer but not the same inbred silver surfer from the previous issue

[bowiebond]

nancy as a very bratty omega and eddie as a very gentle but stern alpha >>> like. eddies in a rut and she takes care of him

I am a SUCKER for a/b/o omg— (sorry Anon but there is always lore with me alright—)

I can totally see Nancy being that empowered, feminist omega who rolls her eyes at the thought of being tied down to some brutish alpha. Steve loved her but he presented as omega during their relationship and it ruined his dream of making a family together one day, so they split mutually. Jonathan was a sweet beta, but he was too pliant — and while she liked to push buttons, she wasn’t looking to dominate him. She prided herself in being an open-minded omega but her and Jonathan just didn’t work like that and well — it fell apart. Which sucked. At least they were still friends.

Nancy doesn’t really surround herself with alphas outside the sleezebags at her work or jocks at school. Her circle of friends were primarily betas or omegas. Even her brother was leaning towards likely being a beta or omega, despite his scowling and huffing.

So Eddie is new. Different. She’s not used to alphas who aren’t assholes or looking down their noses at her in their small rural town. She’s full of attitude when they meet, smelling his designation on him with ease. Eddie doesn’t hide his scent with blockers or suppressants — it’s too expensive to buy that shit every month.

Before Eddie presented, he had been rowdy but harmless. It wasn’t until he was living with Wayne that he presented, given the safe environment for his body to allow it. Wayne, an alpha himself, had prided himself in teaching Eddie how to be a gentlemen. He learnt the old-fashion tips and tricks in wooing and spent his own time learning the more modern day versions of things (also a lot of members in the dnd club were also omegas/betas looking to escape from reality so he got to talk to a lot of them about their own experiences).

Eddie doesn’t care that Nancy’s an omega, not really; when he first meets her he just thinks she’s kind of a snob. Except then she kicks ass and he’s practically vibrating with “oh now I get it, Harrington, holy shit, she’s so cool???”

I don’t think Nancy would have pursued him first. Eddie had to take the reins. Did the subtle stuff first; standing just a bit closer, chatting her ear off, asking about her interests and hobbies, opens doors for her. Once Nancy’s let her guard down a little, she would have started to see Eddie as more than just a knothead alpha.

That’s when Eddie ups his game; giving her little notes and flowers, offering his jacket to her so she smells like him, taking her out to eat outside of their usual group. Nancy can see from a mile away what he’s doing but…if she’s honest, she wants to see where it’ll go. She’s never dated an alpha before. She’s curious if he’ll show his true colours and end up being a massive douchebag like most of the ones she’s met.

Except Eddie isn’t. He’s snarky and a bit obnoxious at times, but he’s a genuine listener, enjoys hearing about her omega rights discussions, listens to the omega-led bands she suggests. Never attempts to go further than she allows, likes he’s nervous, and that’s surprisingly cute. All his attempts at scenting her comes off like he’s an excited puppy edging towards a new toy that’s been gifted to him and she can never say no. Pretty much everyone knows he’s old-school courting her, even asks her dad if he has his permission.

Ted Wheeler doesn’t give it, but Nancy assured him she doesn’t care for that tradition anyway. That her dads an old fart. She instead goes to Wayne and asks him if she can ‘court’ Eddie and Eddie positively melts because oh yeah, it’s embarrassing but super fuckin sweet watching the tiny omega stand before his homes Alpha and ask for, like, his hand.

Nancy gets permission and suddenly it’s like all cards are off the table. Old fashioned or not, Eddie is as horny as she is. He’s got great self restraint, but there’s only so much he can take when Nancy looks up at him through her lashes and tells him to ‘make me’ over every little disagreement.

Eddies gentle at first because well…she’s stubborn and proud, but she’s also so tiny, delicate even, and he doesn’t want to hurt her. He feels clumsy honestly, fumbling, because where she’s had two partners, he’s a virgin who’s only ever had a handjob for weed before.

Nancy’s never been one to dominate, she’s not interested in it, but there is a heady feeling in seeing how worked up he is over her, riling him up with her words and body until gentle gets thrown out of the window. She’s pretty sure she’s addicted to the feel of being knotted now, of being truly desired, jumping on Eddie’s dick any chance she can.

She’s not a fan of the coughed whispers of ‘slut’ or the snide comments from coworkers when they catch whiff of a ‘broke alpha’ on her. But seeing the way Eddie lights up when she visits is worth it. It’s worth it when Eddie will drop by her work with lunch and a rub of his cheek against her scent glands; providing and receiving affection back in return. Before Eddie, Nancy would have rolled her eyes and called it stupidly primal, but she can see he genuinely enjoys this. Being what an alpha is supposed to be; a nurturer. A carer who provides for their omega.

In return, she allows herself to be more instinctual. Purrs quietly when he hugs her, buries her nose in his neck when she’s upset, cooing when Eddie comes to her looking for comfort. It should feel ridiculous, but there’s a certain comfort in sinking into her designation around him. Like being an omega is a part of her that’s allowed to flourish around him rather than a label society put on her to force her into a cage.

Their rut and heat won’t sync until they bond, so it’s a heavy discussion when his rut rolls around, a good two months before her heat.

“You don’t have to…be here for it. But I’d like it if I could have something of yours to ground myself during it?” He’s pink in the face when he asks and Nancy imagines it; Eddie in rut with one of her sweaters. She has omega friends with alpha partners. Knows far too well that she won’t be getting it back clean or possibly even without tears.

The idea makes her ache in a way he can smell and she’d be embarrassed if she didn’t know she was about to blow his mind by climbing into his lap and kissing him.

“Let me help you through it. Someone has to take care of you during your downtime. Make sure you eat, drink…”

He looks like he wants to devour her and it makes a shiver run down her spine, heat blooming low in her belly.

Nancy books the week off when he starts smelling of pre-rut, the scent intoxicating to her and rancid to Wayne who decides to stay in a motel for the next week.

I love the idea of Nancy taking care of Eddie <3 there’s so many fics about alphas taking care of their omegas during their heat, but Nancy would absolutely take it upon herself to make sure he ate and stayed hydrated between rounds.

He gets a little wild and eager, his self control hanging by a thread when in rut, but Nancy finds she kind of likes it. Likes that he wants her so badly, pawing at her thighs and burying his face between her legs or in her neck, finding any excuse to keep drowning in her scent. His teeth constantly nip and gnaw at the patch covering her mating gland and it’s endearing to her honestly. They both agreed she should wear it during his rut, mostly because Eddie didn’t trust himself not to try and bond with her while he’s high on his natural instincts.

After three days of near constant fooling around and being crushed under Eddie’s weight as he attempts to cuddle her like a dog that doesn’t realise they’re too big for it, Nancy gets them both showered and fed a proper meal (and not just protein bars and quick snacks this time).

It’s mostly a blur to Eddie, but he’s practically glowing, not feeling like an icky starving mess like he usually does after a rut.

He’s way too excited for her heat to come around next so he can return the favour, rubbing his cheek into her uncovered neck. It’s gonna be obvious to everyone what they did, but neither have any shame in their relationship. Nancy has no qualms being tied to a ‘broke alpha’ brimming with passion and ambition, and Eddie is just beaming with pride at having stolen the ‘prissy princess’ of Hawkins off the market, impatient to see her takes the world by storm.

They drive each other crazy some days, but they’ve both set their hearts into this being a long-term — maybe forever — kind of thing. They’ll be just fine.

#eddie munson #nancy wheeler #a/b/o #edancy #edancy lemon #omega Nancy wheeler #alpha Eddie munson

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Ayato Dark [Prologue]

Monologue

The one who inherited those immense powers,

was Ayato-kun. 

After the outcome of their battle, which took place at Edenーー 

ー A flashback ensues 

Ayato: …Ugh.

…Fuck off…I…

I’m the greatest person in this world!!

*Cling*

*SLASH*

*CLATTER*

Karlheinz: ーー Ugh.

Yui: ( Karlheinz-san is…!! )

Ayato: Haah, haah, haah, haah…Kuh…

Karlheinz: …Well done…Now all of my powers shall go to you.

Ayato: What…?

Haah...Hehe. I expected you’d put up more of a fight. 

I guess your age’s catchin’ up on you, Old Man.

Karlheinz: ...Fufu. 

Ayato: ...What? Do you still have some kind of trick up your sleeve!?

Then stop hidin’ like a coward and show yourself!

Karlheinz: A trick, huh...? I suppose you could call it that.

Ayato: The fuck!?

*Cling*

Karlheinz: However, let me be very clear. I will fight you no more. 

In other words, I surrender. 

Ayato: ...Surrender? Excuse me...?

Don’t be spoutin’ that sappy bullshit!

Stop bein’ a whiny wimp and get your ass over here! I’ll put a proper end to this fi...ーー 

Karlheinz: Did I not just tell you that this fight is over? 

Ayato...You won against me. As proof of your victory, I shall entrust you with my immense powers. 

Ayato: Wha...!? 

Yui: ( Karlheinz-san’s powers!? )

Ayato: Your powers!? I don’t want that crap!

Karlheinz: Fufu...Are you sure about that?

Ayato: ...What are you tryin’ to say, huh!? 

Karlheinz: Ayato...I thought you wanted to become the very best, more than anyone else. 

If you were to earn these powers, said wish will be fulfilled. There will not be a single person in this world who could match you. 

Your word shall be law.

Ayato: ...

Karlheinz: ...What do you say? You want these powers, don’t you? 

Ayato: That’s not the issue! I’m already number one, with or without those powers!

Karlheinz: ...Fufu...Ahaha...

Then you should definitely take these powers and try standing there. At the true top of the world...

Ayato: Once again! I don’t need that crap...ーー

Karlheinz: ーー Now be on your way, Adam. Down the path of destruction which will lead to the birth of a new world!

Ayato: ...!? 

Yui: ...Ayato-kun!

( I’m being blinded by the light...! I can’t see anything! )

Ayato: Kuh...

ー Ayato collapses

*Thud* 

Yui: Ayato-kun!? 

ー Yui rushes to his side

*Rustle*

Yui: Hang in there!

Ayato: ...Yeah...?

Yui: ( Thank god...! He’s unharmed! )

Are you alright?

Ayato: Yeah...More importantly...Where is he...Where’s the Old Man...? 

Yui: ( Karlheinz-san has... )

*Rustle rustle* 

Ayato: Che...So he vanished...? 

I thought I was pretty clear that I didn’t want these...

Yui: ...Ayato-kun, then...

Ayato: Hmph, exactly. Seems like that Old Fart...passed his powers down to me...

I don’t really know how to describe it, but it feels odd...

ー The flashback ends as the scene shifts to the living room of the Sakamaki manor

Yui: ( Right now, there is nobody who can beat Ayato-kun in terms of raw power. )

( He got them from Karlheinz-san himself after all. I guess it’s to be expected. )

( But...That’s not the issue. Lately, Ayato-kun has... )

Ayato: ーー ...i. Oi! Chichinashi!!

*Rustle*

Yui: Kyah!

Ayato: Whatcha been spacin’ out for, huh!? 

I can’t believe you wouldn’t notice that Yours Truly has been callin’ you. 

Yui: I-I’m sorry! I was a bit lost in thought...

Ayato: Hah, in thought, huh? 

I get it. Knowin’ you, I bet you’re still shakin’ in your boots after the conversation from earlier, right? 

Oh come on, there’s no reason to worry, is there? After all, you’ve got me.

Whoever shows up at this manor, I’ll be sure to make quick work of them. 

Yui: Right...

ー Reiji walks up to them

Reiji: I have absolutely nothing against you chasing out an invader, however...

Ayato...I can only imagine that you will lose control over your powers once more and send the whole manor flying as a result. 

Laito: My thoughts exactly. Our Familiars only just returned the manor to its original state, remember~?

I can’t even relax at my own home because god knows when we’ll have a repeat of last time’s disaster. It’s troublesome, really. Nfu~

Ayato: Fuck off! I was havin’ a bit of an off day back then, that’s all!

Laito: So you just blew up the whole place. I really wish you’d be a little more careful. 

Even Bitch-chan got hurt as a result. Are your injuries okay now? 

Yui: ...Yeah. They were just some scratches, so I’m fine. 

Laito: Geez, what a bummer~ I was hoping I could use it as an opportunity to treat you by licking the wounds. 

Ayato: Wha? ...Laito, you bastard! If you try doin’ anythin’ funny to her, you’re dead!

Laito: Yeah, yeah, I know. So stop sending the manor flying into the air, okay~?

Reiji: Haah...Cut it out, the both of you. 

Laito, if you do not stop with your unnecessary provocations, you will find yourself in a world of trouble again as well. 

Laito: ...Sure~ Well then, I guess I’ll hit the road. 

I doubt I’ll be able to relax if I stay here~?

ー Laito leaves

Reiji: Also, Ayato. Don’t you think it is about time you understand the position you are in? 

Ayato: Aah? My position? 

Reiji: Yes. Why do you think we deliberately chose to stay here in the human world? 

So that you could at least learn to wield your powers a bit better, as you are currently still too inexperienced and therefore lack the ability to properly control them...

Ayato: Oh shut up. I never asked for any of that, did I?

Besides, I’m pretty much using them to the T, aren’t I? 

‘Cause if I wanted to, I could easily send you flyin’ any second. Hehe. 

Reiji: ...

Ayato: Oi, Reiji. You’re actually pissin’ your pants, aren’t you? 

I’m pretty sure you know that you stand no chance if I were to go all out? 

Yui: A-Ayato-kun...

Reiji: ...It appears to me that trying to have this conversation with you is a waste of time. Now if you’d excuse me. 

ー Reiji leaves

Ayato: Heh...What do they say ‘bout sore losers? (1) Serves him right!

Yui: Ayato-kun, don’t. You shouldn’t say that...

Ayato: Ah? Got a problem with it?

Yui: ...Not a problem but...

( Lately Ayato-kun has been jumping on every potential conflict and using it as an opportunity to display his powers... )

( Just the other day, he blew up the entire manor over a small sibling quarrel. )

( I mean, there have always been a lot of arguments between them but... )

Ayato: Hehe. Anyway, did you see the look on Reiji’s face just now? ...That guy’s seriously terrified of me. 

Yui: ...

( Of course he is... )

( All of us learnt just how terrifying his powers are when he sent the manor flying... )

( Even Shuu-san was astonished by it, and that says a lot... )

( I wouldn’t say they’re shaking in their boots around him but... ) 

( I’m sure that all of them fear his powers. )

( On top of that, Ayato-kun seems to be getting a kick out of it, if anything... )

Hey, Ayato-kun. Listen...

Maybe you shouldn’t provoke them so much...?

Ayato: Ah? What’s the issue? If they’ve got a problem, they’re more than free to come at me. 

I mean, only if they actually believe that they can win against me. Hehe...

Yui: ...

Ayato: ...Why are you making that face? You don’t look so pleased.

You wanna try and defy me, huh?

Yui: ...Oh no, not at all...

Ayato: Heh, as long as you understand. Just be careful, ‘kay?

If you don’t know your place, you might just get hurt again?

Yui: ...

Ayato: ...Hehe, just kidding. That was a joke, come on!

Look at your face. Hilarious. There’s just no way. 

Yui: ( Oh, it was a joke... )

( But that got me nervous for a second... )

Ayato: Don’t worry. I won’t let you get hurt as long as you obey me. 

Yui: ( Ayato-kun... )

Ayato: Anyway...I’m kinda starvin’...Guess I’ll go look for somethin’ to eat. 

ー Ayato walks away

Yui: ( Like this he’s no different from the Ayato-kun I’ve always known but... )

( It’s just... )

( According to what Reiji-san told us, chaos has broken loose in the Demon World. )

( Apparently the different races are fighting each other to try and determine which clan will be the next to obtain sovereignty... )

( All of this is happening because Karlheinz-san is gone... )

( So is it really okay for Ayato-kun to act like this when he is the one who inherited his powers...? )

Yui: ( Besides...At first I thought Ayato-kun wasn’t too stoked about the whole situation but... )

( What has happened to him...? )

Laito: Hey, Bitch-chan. Could you join me for a sec? 

Yui: Huh? Laito-kun. Didn’t you say you were heading out earlier...?

Laito: Hmー That’s still the plan, but there’s a little something I’d like to talk about before that.

ー The scene shifts to the hallway

Laito: I guess here should be fine. 

Yui: What’s wrong?

Laito: Well. How do you feel about the way Ayato-kun has been behaving as of late?

Yui: Eh...?

Laito: I mean, he has really been on a roll, hasn’t he? 

Instead of trying to learn from the mistake of letting his powers go out of control, it almost seems like he’s made a game out of it...

Yui: ( Maybe he has... )

Laito: I think his powers might have gone to his head and he thinks he’s the main character from some kind of anime now. 

Ayato-kun’s such a kid after all. Nfu~

...Well, let’s just hope that remains enough to satisfy him...

Yui: ...? That...

( What does he mean by it...? )

*Thud* 

Ayato: Fuck...! Where did that girl go!? Oiー! Chichinashiー!

Laito: Oh dear? Seems like somebody is looking for you. I suppose I’ll take my leave then. 

ー Laito walks away

Yui: Ah, Laito-kun...!

( There he goes... )

ー Ayato runs up to her

Ayato: Oh, there you are! God, I take my eyes off you for two seconds and you disappear.

Oi, make some takoyaki for me right now! And it better be the good stuff too!

Yui: Takoyaki? S-Sure...

Ayato: Awesome, let’s go then!

*Rustle* 

Yui: Ah...Ayato-kun! No need to pull that strongly...!

( I wonder what Laito-kun was trying to say...? )

( Or perhaps I’m just reading into the whole thing too much...? )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) Ayato most likely wants to make a reference to the proverb: 負け犬の遠吠え which literally means ‘the distant howling/barking of a losing dog’, referring to someone who complains or acts bitter while knowing they have to admit defeat. However, Ayato being Ayato, he of course does not remember how the full proverb goes. :p

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #ayato sakamaki #lost eden #diabolik lovers translation #leayatodarkprolog

[airyairyaucontraire]

In my mind where a lot of things are more to my liking, Stranger Things is a TV show in the "old" style, that is with seasons of 20+ episodes coming out once a week so that a) the audience doesn't feel pressure to "binge" which just isn't conducive to real enjoyment, and b) the plot has room to breathe, events can develop more gradually, more relationships and conflicts and combinations of characters can be explored, and in between the episodes where Big Plot happens and Shit Gets Real there is more space for lighter material and lower-stakes problems to solve. (You can call this filler if you like but I think it's important.) (And if someone gets injured they can be shown recovering over subsequent episodes and experiencing, you know, pain or discomfort and difficulty doing their normal activities rather than carrying on as if they're still in good condition, or they healed almost instantly like Wolverine or something, because the accelerating plot demands it. I have a thing about that.)

ANYWAY!

Stuff that would be in Better Stranger Things:

There is a local public access TV facility that almost no one is using. Dustin finds out about it. Dustin's eyes light up with the fire of a boy who is going to get all his friends in on this. You can base most of a season on this honestly, featuring:

That's Just My Opinion, a talk show hosted by Robin Buckley and featuring either Max Mayfield or Erica Sinclair as guest in which they discuss and comprehensively criticise a topic suggested by the "live studio audience" (whoever else is hanging around). The levels of smart and disgruntled adolescent girl scorn could punch another hole through into a different dimension.

Attempted music videos from Corroded Coffin with friends roped in as actors (Steve gets targeted for a lot of this).

Investigative news reports from Nancy which range from warning about a door-to-door scammer targeting the elderly to the time she interviewed actual Mothman.

Just basically livestreaming their Dungeons & Dragons sessions. The whole Party is in on this, they take turns to DM, and Will in particular goes all out.

Max does a little skateboard trick.

Steve does movie reviews. Almost exclusively of movies he found confusing and/or annoying.

Dustin's science show with special guest Mr Clarke.

We Lent the Video Camera to Eddie Munson and This Is What Happened, a weekly show whose content can never really be predicted, but damned if Eddie isn't creative and inventive. Usually features at least one very bumpy shot of his legs running followed by a breathless explanation with the camera too close to his face.

Look What I Can Do, a spin-off from Max's little skateboard trick bit where basically anyone demonstrates a trick they can do. Features Steve twirling things, Dustin doing weird bendy things with his arms, Lucas's musical farts, Mike's attempted bike jumps, Eddie turning his eyelids inside out because you know he was that kid, El levitating Steve's car, and Mike again burping the alphabet. The disparity in the trickiness level of these tricks is not commented upon.

#stranger things

[rutilation]

Once upon a time, I noticed something funny was going on with the weather in one of the chapters of Chainsaw Man—it doesn’t snow as early as September anywhere in Hokkaido, you see.  And then, I noticed the calendars were constantly trying to trick the reader.  Things spiraled out of control from there. 

Right off the bat, if you’re new to this particular red string-laden cork board of mine, I’d invite you to read the two other metas I’ve written on the subject—the subject in question being the weird, ambiguous, and deceptive portrayal of the passage time in Chainsaw Man.  The following will mostly serve to develop my thoughts from those previous posts, as well as to catalogue temporal inconsistencies both old and new that I haven’t talked about yet.  While I’ll bring up things from my other write-ups, I��m not going to thoroughly summarize them here.  I also want to note that I don’t have some unified theory of everything to explain what’s going on and why.  At this point, all we have to work with are data points and vibes.  There’s a puzzle being slowly filled in, but we don’t yet have all the pieces, or even a concrete reason as to why there’s a puzzle in the first place.

Before I proceed any further, there are a couple assertions I made in my first essay which I feel ended up being irrelevant—I no longer think there’s any significance to the fact that several of the months alluded to in the story coincide with the beginning of the week, and, with regard to the hydrangeas on chapter 72’s calendar, I ended up making a much more thoughtful write-up on its potential meaning in hanakotoba several months later.  That said, the hydrangeas’ association with early summer in Japan is still very relevant to the topic at hand.

With that out of the way, I’ll start by sharing my thoughts on the latest instance of temporal weirdness—one which was blatant enough to have captured even the attention of readers in the cheap seats, as it were.  In chapter 146, Barem claims that the apocalypse, which ought to happen in July of 99, is half a year away.  But, the calendar/fart chart combo in Denji’s apartment in chapter 119 indicated that the story was in March (of either 98 or 99, depending on whether that calendar started on a Monday or not,) and the calendar seen in Asa’s apartment in chapter 135 seemingly moved the clock forward to April of 99.

I’ve seen people put forward a couple of possible explanations—maybe there were several lengthy time skips between each of the three aforementioned chapters, or maybe the ‘March Farts’ chart was out-of-date, and the otherwise-unlabeled calendar in the apartment was actually flipped to a different month.

Both of these explanations, however, have massive holes in them.  In chapters 145 and 149, both Nayuta and a nameless Public Safety agent claimed that the events of the prior arc happened “the other day.”  While that’s certainly vague, it outright precludes a substantial time skip.  You’d only use that turn of the phrase to talk about something that happened a couple of weeks ago, at the very most.  What’s more, the fact that it cropped up twice in quick succession makes me think we’re meant to pay attention to it, and take note of the impossibility of timeline as it’s been presented.

As for the other explanation, while I could see Denji forgetting to take down the 'ol fart chart, I doubt he'd leave an out-of-date calendar up on the wall. He and Nayuta are both busy people, after all. In keeping with established precedent, the calendar on his wall could begin on either Monday or Sunday, and it lasts 31 days. There are only two months from 1999 that could match: March and August. Since one of those is *checks notes* a month after the impending apocalypse, I think we can safely say this calendar could only be for March. Even if we were to momentarily forget the characters' assertion that there hasn't been a substantial timeskip, and look to 1998 for a calendar that could match that of Denji's apartment, it could still only match March of that year.

That's to say nothing of how you have to get Denji's calendar to match up with Asa's a dozen chapters later. Once again, the only pair of consecutive months that match both calendars is March and April of 99. The only other pair that's even close is December of 97 and January of 98. Which is. Unlikely.

Now that I've done all that table-setting, I feel this is a good time to remind you all of that ‘7’ emblazoned across Asa’s calendar.  Don’t you love it when July is half a year away, but also three months away, but also happening right now?

In short: the timeline is an indecipherable mess at the moment.  Frankly, I’m not sure I should trust Barem’s word any more than I do the calendars or the weather.  If both of those can lie, then why can’t he?  People have been grasping for a cut-and-dry explanation; but the fact of the matter is that it doesn't exist. We're trapped in March-uary, and the fandom has to come to terms with that fact sooner or later.

So, let’s stop trying to make sense of it for now, and simply look at this conundrum in the context of those other temporal anomalies, because it bears an uncanny resemblance to the weirdness surrounding the timeframe during the Gun Devil arc.  To reiterate some observations from my earlier essays, chapter 72’s calendar potentially matches three months from 1997: June, September, and December.  The actual timeframe confirmed a few chapters later was September, but the heavy snowfall in the scene would have made more sense for December, and the hydrangeas featured on the calendar itself bloom during Japan’s rainy season in early summer, corresponding to June—which is also the date on chapter 79’s cover page.  The calendar from chapter 135 does something similar.  When read alongside the calendar from chapter 119, it makes the most sense to assume that it’s depicting April of 99, but the ‘7’ across the top of the calendar would indicate that it’s actually showing July of 99, as both months start on a Thursday.  But, the flowers decorating the calendar don’t match with either of those implied months.  While they are very small, I’m fairly certain they’re camellias; if you take a look at stylized camellia patterns on kimonos, earthenware, etc., you’ll find they look very similar to the flowers here.  Anyway, camellias bloom in winter in Japan; and winter is what’s ostensibly been confirmed as the true timeframe for this arc.  To make a long story short: Fujimoto pulled the same trick twice.  As for what said trick actually means, we still don’t have enough information to say.

Now that we’ve examined that latest instance of weirdness, I’d like to talk about some things that have been going on in the background prior to this point.  For the purposes of a different meta, I reread Chainsaw Man several months back paying attention only to background details instead of the story, and in the course of doing so, I found a whole lot of additional red string for my corkboard.

Starting with Part 2, things get weird as early as chapter 99.  The chapter starts off with a weather forecast warning of a dangerous heatwave, advising listeners to be wary of heatstroke, even indoors.  Now, even accounting for the fact that we’ve been given contradictory information regarding the timeframe of the story, this shouldn’t be happening.  Depending on whether you believe Barem’s account or the calendars’, this moment takes place in either early spring or late winter, neither of which could possibly match this weather.  The fact that the forecaster clarifies that this is a serious heatwave also precludes the term from being used as hyperbole to describe weather that’s merely unseasonably warm. 

In the same chapter is an additional detail I’d like to draw to your attention to: the timestamp on Asa’s TV.  As the name implies, it’s listing the hour of the broadcast, and not the date.  However, the number on the timestamp, 6:12, ought to ring familiar.  It’s the same number as the date on the cover page of chapter 79.  As I went over in my first meta, the 6/12 scrawled on the photograph from chapter 79 was, in my view, the moment that Fujimoto showed his hand, and made it clear he was messing with the timeframe on purpose.  While later chapters would confirm it outright, I think the timestamp was already foreshadowing that the weather was obfuscating the story’s actual timeframe.

Another thing that wouldn’t happen in March-uary can be found in chapter 100.  Note the abundant flowerpots that Asa and Yuko run past, which are all being grown outside, and not in a nursery or greenhouse.  I can’t confidently identify everything, but I do see what appear to be sunflowers, spirea, rudbeckia, yarrow, roses, Easter lilies, carnations, primroses, and tulips.  With the exception of the final two I listed, all of these flowers bloom in either summer or late spring; I probably don’t need to impress upon you how bizarre it is for those sunflowers to be blooming so early in the year. 

While we’re on the subject of flowers, though, let’s talk about the two outliers for a second—the tulips and primroses.  Tulips bloom in early spring, and primroses bloom in winter.  According to Part 2’s calendars, we’re in spring, and according to Barem, we’re in winter.  We’ve thus got two representatives of Part 2’s dueling timeframes in this panel, and they're being crowded by harbingers of summer.  Hmm…

Anyway, I’m not the first person to have noticed how weird the weather is in early Part 2, and I’ve seen it suggested that the reason it’s so warm out is because the Fire Devil was affecting the climate as it powered up through more and more contracts.  Seeing as fire probably counts as a primal fear, its devil would certainly be powerful enough to make that happen.  However, that explanation could only account for unseasonably warm weather circa Part 2.  But, the thing is, Part 1 also had its fair share of weather and flora that didn’t make sense, and mostly in the opposite direction: it was consistently colder than it should have been.

There are only two things we know for sure about Part 1’s timeline.  It’s been 13 years since the Gun Devil appeared in November of 83, and the latter half of the Gun Devil arc takes place on September 12th 1997.  Less certain, but still readily apparent, is the fact that Part 1 doesn’t take place over a very long stretch of time, with its famously brisk pacing leaving little room for long time skips.  With that in mind, let’s talk about some temporal inconsistencies I noticed in Part 1.

The earliest sure instance I could find in Part 1 was in chapter 41.  Look carefully at the chapter’s opening scene.  On the very first page, there are fallen leaves littered across the ground, and, throughout the rest of the scene, you can see leaves drifting through the air in the background.  This all seems pretty autumnal to me.  In Tokyo, the season for fall foliage runs from mid-October to mid-November.  So, how is it that there are there leaves on the ground when the story is, at this point, set an indeterminate-but-short amount of time before September 12th?  What’s more, the festival with fireworks which Denji and Reze attend a few chapters later would strongly imply that this arc takes place in summer.  While neither of those things are strictly confined to a certain time of year, they’re both synonymous with summer in the Japanese cultural consciousness.

(I know the official colored release doesn’t depict this scene with fall colors, but from what I’ve heard, Fujimoto didn’t have any input in their coloring choices.  Case in point, later in the same chapter, you can see that the colorists seemingly mistook a decorative stalk of wheat in Reze’s café for lavender, and colored it purple.  In any case, I’d rather not have my analysis rely on something that I’m not 100% sure Fujimoto had a hand in, or even oversaw.)

That brings us to our next example.  In chapter 54, Santa and Tolka are introduced in a snow-covered forest, once again in that nebulous shortly-before-september-12th space.  This is completely ridiculous.  The only climate harsh enough to skip straight from summer to winter would be that of the tundra, and given that they’re in a forest full of bare, deciduous trees, their little cabin isn’t even as far north as the taiga.

Next is a return to chapter 72—the chapter that started me on this weird little odyssey in the first place.  While I already discussed how it shouldn’t be snowing at that time of year in my first essay on the subject, upon reread, I also noticed that the weather in this chapter is inconsistent in addition to being unseasonable.  Compare the scenery of the grave visit to that of the exterior shot of the inn immediately afterward.  In that first scene, there are several inches of snow on the ground, and all the trees have bare branches.  But, surrounding the inn, there are no signs of snow—not on the ground, not among the trees, and not on the roof.  What’s more, while the trees were bare in the prior scene, outside the inn are deciduous trees and bushes that still retain their full foliage.  While Fujimoto’s usual modus operandi has been to strongly imply a certain timeframe through context clues, before throwing out conflicting information a few chapters later, I think this is the only time thus far that we’ve had seasonal dissonance occur within the confines of a single chapter.  Considering that a lot of The General Temporal Weirdness seems to center around chapter 72, it seems fitting.  One last thing I’d like to note is that two blank calendars bookmark the beginning and end of this chapter.  Spooky.

That about covers all the data points I mentioned at the top of this essay, but before I discuss the subject of vibes, I’d like to talk in more depth about why I think this is all worth cataloguing in the first place.  As I discussed in my first essay on this subject, when I initially noticed all these little inconsistencies, I assumed they amounted to the negligent mistakes of an author who did not care about the passage of time in the story, (or know how snow works.)  But, upon reflection, I don’t think the inconsistencies present are the sort which would arise from disinterest and a lack of care.  For one thing, the narrative itself places a lot of gravitas on certain dates, such as both appearances of the Gun Devil, the 6/12 on chapter 79’s cover page, the Future Devil’s whole shtick, as well as the looming apocalypse in July of 99.  If you don’t care about the passage of time, and don’t see its dramatic potential, then why make it a recurring motif in your work? 

I also don’t think Fujimoto would bother with the song and dance of giving us incomplete breadcrumbs of calendar dates if he just wasn’t paying attention to the month or season.  Remember that blank calendar I mentioned earlier?  There’re actually quite a few of them.  In addition to the one occasionally seen in Aki’s apartment, there’s another blank calendar in the school Denji and Reze break into, and, while it was shown in some detail once in chapter 119, the calendar in Denji’s apartment has been completely obscured ever since, hidden from view by either speech bubbles or panel borders, even though the apartment’s other trappings, such as the stickers on the door, or the two aloe plants, are consistently included in the mise en scène.  What I’m getting at here is this: if Fujimoto doesn’t want to be beholden to a timeline, couldn’t he have just made all the calendars in the manga blank, and let the pace of the story be determined by vibes alone?  Alternately, if he didn’t want to pay much attention to the passage of time, but still wanted the verisimilitude of a concrete timeframe, he could have just, you know, settled on a timeframe, and let the occasional, fully-visible calendar clue us in as to where the story is at.  It’d be a one-and-done thing.

But, what we have instead is a hodgepodge of blank and partially-obscured calendars, out-of-season heatwaves and snowfalls, ominous thematic touchstones of doomed dates and a fear of the future, and this bizarre tendency to have the calendars begin on Monday (but only sometimes.)  If Fujimoto simply doesn’t care, then he’s making an awful lot of extra work for himself with this steadily growing pile of temporal anomalies.  If he wanted to, he could have just.  Not done any of that.  But he does do all of that.  So, whatever this is, it warrants taking seriously, and asking ‘how’ and ‘why.’

And what questions those are indeed!  When I wrote my first meta, I was careful to note that while the fudging of the space-time-continuum was certainly deliberate, it was also, more likely than not, purely symbolic.  These days though, I’m not so sure.  The last several months’ worth of chapters, along with my own reread, have unearthed a whole lot more than a tucked-away photo of hydrangeas, and a singular freak snowstorm.  The more these incidents happen, the more frequent and blatant they become, the more I start to wonder if there isn’t *something* that’s actually happening here, diegetically.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself, because the question of what it all means is a pressing one regardless of whether any of it is literal.  I don’t claim to know the answer to that question; all I’ve got at this point are vibes, vibes which I delved into in my first essay on the subject.  Something, something Picnic at Hanging Rock.  Something, something, chapter 72 feels like it takes place in a little snow globe suspended outside of time.  Something, something, the endless aquarium arc is a literal snow globe suspended outside of time.  Something, something, catastrophe and apocalypse are set in stone and carefully notated, all else is formless and vague.

Since then, I’ve also noticed a consistent theme emerging regarding the incidents in Part 2.  The July(?) calendar, the abundant flowers, and the heatwave all seem to gesture towards summer, and thus, towards the coming apocalypse.  The feeling it gives me is that the future is so eager to arrive that it’s flowing upstream into the present.  The world is already ending, and the apocalypse is already here.  Whether or not that’s what’s literally happening, it seems to me that’s the metaphorical intent.

Questions I still have:

Why did Part 1 have an ongoing motif of being more wintry than it ought to be?

What’s the deal with aquariums in this story, anyway?  Weren’t they also mentioned in Reze’s little song?  That’s three times now they’ve shown up, and twice they've had something to do with time.

If any of this is literally happening, then why do no characters notice or comment on it?

Why were these events so much more concentrated in chapter 72 than they were anyplace else in the story?

Here at the end, I’ll indulge in a bit of speculation.  If time is truly, literally distorted in the story, then why is it so?  What’s distorting it?  In keeping with my observations about a summer that’s eager to arrive, I think that whatever is causing it is radiating the distortions out backwards through time.  The cause has yet to arrive, but the effects can be observed spreading out like ripples in a pond.  It’s all invisible to the characters, much like how gravitational waves from the big bang are imperceptible to us in our own reality.  In my fanciful musings, two possible sources for these ripples have sprung to mind.  I think they’re caused by either Pochita or the Death Devil.  Perhaps the Death Devil’s accumulated power is so great that her future descent to will tear at the fabric of time.  But, I find Pochita a more tantalizing possibility.  What if, at some point down the line, Pochita (or perhaps Denji himself after a powerup) eats some sort of load-bearing devil that really should have been left alone.  What would happen if he ate a devil akin to Future or Cosmo?  What would that do to weave of reality?

Idk at this point. All we can do is wait for whatever derangement Fujimoto shows us next. Maybe Fami will show up next chapter and casually mention we're actually in March of 96. Personally, I'm hoping for a fourth aquarium. Thanks so much for reading.

#chainsaw man #i know in my heart that this contains typos unseen #but i am so ready to finally be done with this

[agentnico]

Dream Scenario (2023) Review

This film features possibly the best fart joke in the history of the cinema. They should advertise that on the poster!

Plot: Hapless family man Paul Matthews finds his life turned upside down when millions of strangers suddenly start seeing him in their dreams. When his nighttime appearances take a nightmarish turn, Paul is forced to navigate his newfound stardom.

This past decade Nicolas Cage has managed to enjoy a real comeback. Ever since he's paid back all those millions he owed to the IRS, he no longer needs to accept every acting role that's offered to him. He instead actually chooses some exciting and weird projects. Though they don't always pay off, they exhibit his care for the craft and consistent strive to deliver something different to his audience. Simply observing his last few years in the business, he's given us movies like Pig, Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, Color Out of Space, Mandy, Into the Spider-Verse, Willy's Wonderland, and Mom & Dad. Heck, even Croods 2 was way better than expected - me and my fiancée laughed our heads off. Again, not all those films are masterpieces, but they certainly are different and provide a visceral viewing experience. So when I heard that Nicolas Cage was teaming up with A24, a studio that too recently stands out as a production company striving to give new filmmakers an exciting voice in the indie medium, it simply felt like a match made in heaven. Thus we have Dream Scenario.

Look, folks who know me know that I adore Nicolas Cage, so I do not want to come off as biased when I say this, but Nicolas Cage is great in this movie. Nope, it's not due to him having yet another weird haircut (what's with that recently by the way??). It's the fact that he manages to act as this very regular Joe, yet still makes him stand out. From his awkward demeanor, an honest naive outlook, and his voice - he was pitch-perfect, managing to be hilarious in his inept old-school perspective on things. It's Nicolas Cage at his best. Also, I have read that originally Adam Sandler was pitched for this role, and though I can see his farcical nature fitting in, it would have been a very different character to that delivered by Cage. Additionally, supporting turns from Julianne Nicholson, Tim Meadows, Dylan Gelula and Michael Cera were all welcome additions to the movie.

As for the film itself, it's also great. I love this idea of a random dude suddenly appearing in people's dreams for absolutely no reason. It's so rare to have a new original conception in a film in our day and age. Though this film could have so easily fallen into the trap of being an elongated one-joke, the creative team behind this seems to know what they are doing. Talk about getting everything out of a concept. The movie starts and you think, okay this is a lot of fun, but where are they going to go from here? Have no fear, they have plenty of tricks up their sleeves and the wild ride continues throughout. The film is hilarious. It contained some of the biggest theatre laughs I've heard in a long time. But it's more than that too. It actually gets quite touching and sad and has some really thought-provoking stuff going on. I do think it gets a tad lost in the cancel culture message, but only slightly.

The fact that this film started out as a project of Ari Aster is no surprise, as it has much in common with Beau is Afraid - notably the hapless and powerless central character and some surreal and blackly comic moments. In fact, what I really enjoyed was when the film leaned into that element of horror and the grotesque. Some of the nightmarish dream sequences really had that unsettling shock factor. I wish the movie was willing to go further into that, as even though I really like that the film went the more melodramatic route, in my mind I also wanted something even darker. That's not a gripe, but more so an observation of how a different vision for this film could have played out.

As for the aforementioned fart scene. Not spoiling anything, but this gag had the audience members in the screening howling with silent breathy cackling. It is one of the most well-calibrated comedic moments I've ever witnessed. The build-up to the timing and the actual punch line was simply sublime. Also, for a fart gag, it never felt crude, which is impressive in itself.

Overall Dream Scenario is a real treat. It has a very limited theatrical release here in the UK so had to travel to a different city to see it, but I'm so glad I did as one can never get enough of the man, the myth, the legend that is Nicolas Cage.

Overall score: 8/10

#dream scenario #movie reviews #film reviews #film #movie #comedy #melodrama #horror #drama #cinema #nicolas cage #a24 #a24 films #2023 #2023 in film #2023 films #2023 movies #kristoffer borgli #julianne nicholson #michael cera #tim meadows #noah centineo #dylan gelula #dream scenario review #ari aster #dream #cancel culture

[s1utspeare]

SLUTSPEARE PROUDLY PRESENTS............. THE WILLIAM WATCHLIST

brought to you by the WCU (William Cinematic Universe)

a.k.a. i'm watching william chan's filmography so you don't have to

will be updated once new william things come out! also i will not finish all of the shows on this list bc William has a........... questionable history (but i love him), so for shows i have seen at least three (3) episodes, even if I haven’t finished them fully.

THE ONLY FILM I WAS UNABLE TO FIND A COPY OF was Ex (2010), which makes me really sad. I looked for AGES and couldn't even find a DVD version (I had to get Beauty on Duty, Hi Fidelity, and Lost in Wrestling on DVD). I found a super grainy one with Indonesian subs, but that was all, so if anyone has a link to Eng subs, let me know! I also could not find Extinguished (2018), but that's a minute-long short film so I don't feel as bad.

very special thanks to @jockvillagersonly​ and @psychic-waffles​, who not only let me liveblog these films to them, but also partook in some of them with me. i love you both and hate that we did this.

anyway! in order of creation year:

Overheard (2007)

Baby’s first movie!!!! Awwww!!! This one was a pretty good one tbh, and for William’s first acting role he actually got a fairly big part! I was very proud of him and also squealed every time he was onscreen bc he was really cute

The basic premise is that a team of cops are listening in on this rich dude’s life to see if he’s embezzling, and they overhear him say that there’s gonna be a big rise in the stock market. Three of the team really need money, so they essentially put all of their savings into this stock, and then the market crashes, so they have to figure out how to get their money back, which embroils them in some sketchy shit

William is a baby detective!! He’s also cheating with one of the detective’s girlfriends lmao. My favorite part was that he fell asleep at a table and some dudes stole his key card to break into the server room and his boss was just like “again bitch?” And William was just like 🥺

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Pretty decent action film, and while I didn’t like the ending, it was a good movie overall.

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10 off to a strong start babes!! He was adorable in this and I love him to death

Trick or Cheat (2009)

There is........... quite a lot happening in this movie. Basically, a 24-year-old William is playing a thirteen year-old William who is the head of a middle school dance team, and all of his team members are dumb as fuck. so the principal is like “WILLIAM AND HIT CANTOPOP STAR GEM!!!! YOU MUST MAKE SURE YOUR TEAM GETS As ON THE HIGH SCHOOL ENTRANCE EXAMS OR YOU CAN’T DO YOUR END-OF-YEAR PERFORMANCE” and william and GEM are like “fuck that” and the team is like “are you going to help us study” and they’re like “no we’re going to help you cheat” and then they do

the cheating involves secret radios, farting in morse code and gassing the test building, and being possessed by foreigners including a recently-deceased (at the time) Heath Ledger, and I am honestly not sure if that is Rude or not. That’s not even most of the movie though, bc most of the movie is halfway-almost-not-quite gay, including a semi-accurate lesbian love confession that turns into a surprise incest plot at the end. 

also they do a musical about garbage and william plays a battery that has a very dramatic two-minute break-dancing solo and then dies

OVERALL RATING: 4/10. the story is bananas, the humor is pretty middle school, and it really just has no follow through on like any of it. also the acting is........... there’s only one really convincing acting scene and its when the dude gets possessed by heath ledger

WILLIAM RATING: honestly like a 4/10. they gave him basically no lines bc he had to practice his battery dance too hard, but he was there (and taller than everybody else) for most of it. mans could not keep a straight face tho

Seven 2 One (2009)

after the disaster that was Trick or Cheat, i wasn’t expecting a whole lot from William’s other big 2009 hit, but I was delightfully surprised by Seven 2 One actually! It follows the story of seven different people’s whose lives are all fundamentally altered in one moment, and the movie flashes back on their histories so that we can see how they all ended up there. 

It’s not the most original premise, but it was well-written, and the twists were just enough that it was interesting to see how the lives of each of the people were woven into one another. also there are some lesbians that scam everyone and it’s great. william is homophobic and then dies. love wins

OVERALL RATING: I’d actually give this one a 7/10! While it wasn’t the most original storyline and didn’t have super endearing characters, I was entertained enough and invested in seeing how we got to the One that I was pretty caught up in the whole thing 

WILLIAM RATING: 5/10. He’s only in it at the very beginning and at the end, but he’s sort of a lynchpin for the entire plot. Also he makes some good faces, and the lesbians call him cringe, so that’s nice. 

G-Force (2009)

YEAH HERE’S A FUCKING BIT OF FORBIDDEN WILLIAM LORE FOR YOU. THIS BITCH VOICED DARWIN IN THE CANTONESE DUB OF G-FORCE. HE’S A FUCKING GUINEA PIG. THAT DOES SECRET AGENT SHIT. TECHNICALLY AN ACTION HERO ROLE. BUT HE’S THE VOICE OF A GUINEA PIG. I’M LITERALLY FUCKING SCREAMING. THIS IS THE WORST THING I’VE EVER KNOWN IN MY LIFE AND NOW YOU ALL HAVE TO KNOW IT TOO. I’M NOT SORRY. 

Guinea pigs are secret agents and keep a bad dude from blowing up the planet. That’s it. I watched this movie in theatres when it came out and now i’m watching it again bc william is a fucking guinea pig. what has my life come to. 

OVERALL RATING: idek man. it’s guinea pig secret agents. 5/10? it’s fine, it’s silly. 

WILLIAM RATING: he makes some weird fucking noises in this. i love him. 3/10 because i don’t get to see his face. 

Beauty on Duty (2010)

It’s a Miss Congeniality knock-off! except the Sandra Bullock character (Sandra Ng) didn’t actually enter the pageant, but she was super cool anyway and I love her. Once again I don’t know who was writing this movie, but i’m starting to suspect that it was like. monkeys with typewriters.

you get the gist. the police need a guy to testify in court, but he’ll only do it if they provide protection for his daughter, June, who is a beauty pageant contestant. Ai Fang, the newest cop in the force, is pretty and kickass, so they put her undercover so that she can guard June. Along the way, she meets Jerry (WILLIAM) and has to take down all of the bad guys trying to get June while not blowing her cover as a fake pageant contestant.

tbh the funniest part of this movie was that for Jerry/William’s posters, they just used his “Will Power” album cover, so it had “William Chan” written on it. Like fam. You couldn’t do the minimum amount of photoshop?? i’m disappointed. the rest of the characters were very fun though, even if there was a lot of nonsense happening the entire time.

OVERALL RATING: 3/10. Miss Congeniality is definitely the better version of this, but it was fun and silly. My favorite part were the two undercover operatives. they got fucked by crocodiles when they were dressed up as crocodiles.

WILLIAM RATING: 3/10. Ok he really played the role of a superstar well bc I nearly swooned every time I saw him but like??? why was he there??? he didn’t do anything.

Split Second Murders (2010)

ok the only version of this i could find was a thai dub so I???? did not understand what was going on at all. but from the imdb it’s about this comic book artist named Luk whose editor wants his comics to be more violent and Luk is like “uhhhhh” and then he goes and sees violence in the real world cause people are mad at each other or something. again it was in thai i only know the particles and how to say i love you and also my thai nickname that my roommate gave me.

william shows up like halfway through the movie and plays a really intense game of mahjong that he wins I think??? then he pulls a bottle of coca cola out of nowhere and lights himself on fire at a wedding. 

yeah. 

OVERALL RATING: N/A because i could not understand what was happening, but it seemed silly! 

WILLIAM RATING: 3/10. His hair looks dumb as fuck and he’s wAY too intense about mahjong. points bc his character apparently teaches babies ballet for a living so we get to see him in ballet slippers which is great

Lover’s Discourse (2010)

This movie was SO GOOD?? I’m definitely finding this pattern in Hong Kong art films where they do like, interconnecting stories and slice-of-life but of different lives?? Sometimes it’s a hit or miss but Lover’s Discourse was DEFINITELY a hit.

Basically this movie is four different love stories; one of two childhood best friends who missed their chance, one about a laundress who falls in love with the idea of one of her customers, one about a kid who’s in love with his friend’s mom and exposes her husband for cheating, and one about two other couples who are in conflict (I can’t tell you the full synopsis bc it’s a spoiler but it FUCKED ME UP). William is the kid who’s in love with his friend’s mom and it’s honestly sort of creepy bc he like, stalks her??? And ruins her marriage?? But he’s also very obviously like seventeen and doesn’t know what he’s doing so it’s like??? Idk it made me very uncomfortable overall it was like “boy you need to STOP”

The rest of the movie though was SO GOOD. like there were very few lines and not a lot of action, but everything was very quiet and simple and read through the body language and acting choices and DAMN LIKE??? In the first part the childhood friends almost-kissed-not-quite and it was so full of longing and yearning and missed chances and it was SO GOOD??? And in the second part they do a spoof of the cdrama trope where the girl transfers energy into the guy to save his life, and in that part the guy is a mannequin of the actor to show that the girl’s fantasized man isn’t his real self, but anyway when they do the qi transfer thing the mannequin spews fake blood and it was SO FUCKING FUNNY. So yeah. Honestly this is a really really good movie even tho William’s a weirdo in it

OVERALL RATING: 10/10. I loved this movie. I would recommend it to anyone who likes soft films and complicated love stories.

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10. He’s GOOD in this role. He’s so confused and is just trying to be……. Something idk. he's creepy as hell, but a good 2010 William

All About Love (2010)

This was the cutest fucking movie i have ever seen in my entire life. everything about it was perfect. it was so soft and gentle and QUEER???? SO FULL OF QUEER LOVE??? i want to die i love it so much it's so so good

basically, Anita and Macy were lovers in school, but they drifted apart after they graduated and Macy went traveling. They meet again in a support group after both getting pregnant, fall instantly back in love, and have to try and figure out what they're going to do with each other, their babies, and the men who fathered the children. basically, they end up in a giant polycule with another lesbian couple and the two dads, and they all live happily ever after. i want to write so much fanfiction about them.

and okay. if I didn't love william so much already I would love him so much now. he is the absolute sweetest in this movie. he's nineteen and an idiot. he meets anita on a dating app and tries to act cool but then cums fifteen seconds into having sex and is so embarrassed he cries about it. he just wants to do his best and be friends with Anita and he cares for her so much???? when he finds out he's going to be a dad he cries about it?? and then cries when the baby is born??? also he does tarot readings on himself and is clumsy as hell and the most adorable man i've ever seen on this planet. he's so so good and he truly deserves his four girlfriends and boyfriend.

OVERALL RATING: 10/10. My heart was squeezed out of my chest with joy. I cannot believe they ended up in a canon polycule and that these two babies get to live in a house so full of love

WILLIAM RATING: 10/10 he's the fucking sweetest. I want to hug and kiss him forever. he's a complete idiot but he's so loveable. he becomes a feminist and also falls asleep on stairs. i would die for him.

Hi, Fidelity (2011)

I really don’t know what i was expecting from this movie but SHIT it was not what I got. like i knew that william was going to be a prostitute, but i didn’t know that he was also going to be gay AND have an evil twin AND be stupid AND act like the joker. Like??? what was going on in this script honestly

ok so the story follows these rich women (Alice, Jojo, Sevon, and Pinky) who are unsatisfied in their sex lives, so they decide to go to this brothel to get some action. this brothel has a dude named bill who is a sex god and can eat pussy at an astounding rate. turns out! this is because he has a younger brother named ben who looks exactly like him, so they tag team it so that they can be the Best Motherfucker Who Ever Fucked. Anyway, ben falls in love with alice, bill is actually gay, and all the women’s husbands eventually find out except for Sevon who had a lesbian crush on Alice the entire time.

honestly i should really have figured out that this movie was going to be absolute insanity when william fully pulled out his dick thirty seconds in and jacked off as his audition to work in the brothel. if that hadn’t done it, him going to jail for stealing a butterball turkey should have.

TRIGGER WARNING: i haven’t actually had to do this with any william movies so far but this does feature some non-consensual sex scenes. They aren’t super graphic, but I would advise keeping that in mind if you decide to watch this movie yourself.

OVERALL RATING: 6/10, mostly because I cannot believe anyone allowed this movie to be made. also they pulled off the biggest plot twist in the WCU, and I screamed.

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10 he’s fucking weird??? evil william is evil and stupid baby william is SO STUPID. the way that he distinguishes between the characters is that he makes stupid baby william stick his neck out SO far and also have no control over his limbs. i did love seeing him play a gay male sex worker though, bc that’s not a role you often see, so props to william for doing that.

Triad (2012)

so at first glance this movie poster is william, tits out, freshly whumped, and if you know anything about me, you know that’s a surefire way to get me to go “IM IN.” and it was for this one! i was so stoked about this movie and honestly it was only sort of a letdown, and that was only bc they tried to cram too many things in too fast, and it was all kind of rushed and confusing.

basic plotline is that william is a lil smarty pants who joins a gang so that he won’t get bullied anymore, but finds out that just being in a gang isn’t enough, so he attempts to garner as much power as he can with his two best friends, who have also joined the gang with him. as he gets deeper and deeper into the mafia life, he starts to lose himself in the power and struggle. it’s honestly super fun and full of action, even though it would have benefitted from more time? like this could have easily been a bomb-ass mini-series, and I would have watched the fuck out of it. 

william is also??? so fucking cute??? he’s literally the most adorable and i want to kiss his face. also this was like one of his breakout roles and I can see why; our good bitch is acting!! there were several moments where i was like “oh damn he’s getting good!” bc he was really turning it up for this one. 

the biggest critique i have is that they very clearly did not hire a composer for the background music and instead just remixed this one willy song like seven separate times. every single time there was a dramatic scene they played a different remix of this same song, and by the end i actually wanted to end my life over it. pls. 

OVERALL RATING: 6.5/10. There was quite a bit to be desired with the pacing, but the plot was fun and it clicked along super well! i also loved like all of the main characters, even though we didn’t get to see a lot of them. 

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10! this is my baby getting into it!! he does SUCH A GOOD JOB and he looks so good. minus some points because halfway through someone decided to do some shit with his hair that makes him look like an american dad and i honestly hated it. 

Hardcore Comedy (2013)

I think this was trying to be like the Hong Kong version of Jackass? it was not good. yet another interlocking stories film, but this one was just gross.

the first story was about two guys who just really wanted to fuck so they objectify women and then go on a police chase? idk there was way too much gross stuff going on so I just skipped to william's part, which was called Run on Drugs. basically he gets kicked out by his girlfriend and has no money, so he's living in his hot pink car with his tortoise (he covers his tortoise with a tissue at night so it doesn't get cold cause he's a baby). his friend is like "hey deliver some drugs for me" and william's like "ok" and everyone keeps trying to get him to do drugs but he doesn't want to until he gets tricked into eating a pizza with the drugs on it and then he gets naked and also can't drive anymore

i'm very convinced that someone saw william attempting to drive this hot pink car in this film and was like "that's it, we're never letting this bitch behind the wheel again"

OVERALL RATING: 2/10. If your movie starts out by saying, "if you don't find this funny, you're stupid or a prude!" i'm gonna go ahead and guess that it's not actually a very funny movie

WILLIAM RATING: 4.5/10. He was adorable, as always, and did some very silly things. He did try to put a used condom on his hand like a glove cause he's literally stupid, and i was like "sir. please. this is unnecessary." I mean he was trying to break into the business so he had to do shit like that ig but still.

Sword of Legends (2014)

IT’S ACTUALLY SO CUTE ok so like once again william’s staring in a series based on a video game (he’s not in the second one tho rip wills) and li yifeng is the main character, which is very fun, and takes the total number of william/li yifeng shows up to three (technically). ying haoming is also in it which i didn’t know and he’s a BITCH. honestly i think it’s a very fun time but idk how interesting it is we’ll have to wait and see

THE PLOT so there was a gay dragon and a gay sitar and they fell in love and then Gay Sitar let the Gay Dragon go when he became evil so he got banished from heaven and then the humans put him in a sword. later on a kid got possessed by the sword and then his village got blown up and so he went to another clan who could help him suppress his evil sword powers but he’s only kind of good at that. meanwhile, a girl from another other clan is trying to find her gege who disappeared when Sword Boy got possessed, and it turns out that he turned evil i think??? Idk. meanwhile there’s another gay-ass dude who’s looking for medicine who looks suspiciously like Gay Sitar player. They’re gonna have to figure out how to get the evil sword energy out of sword boy probably or else the bad guys will kill everyone.

WILLIAM’S THE SHIXIONG!!!! i love him honestly. he’s trying so hard to do a good job and protect his shidi. he tries to master all the cultivation but keeps getting distracted by shit but like PLEASE he loves his shidi and trusts him and wants him to be safe and happy!!!! i literally love him!!! he’s so good! i’m so afraid something bad will happen to him pls don’t hurt william-gege pls :(

OVERALL RATING: 7/10 this one is actually going to make me keep watching, even if ying haoming is a bitch.

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10 sit on me shixiong.

Golden Brother (2014)

This movie was like? fine? idk it was pretty alright! nothing super special but also not bad. the WILDEST THING was that the actor they chose to play william’s brother (bosco wong) looks SO MUCH LIKE WILLIAM that half the time that i was like??? who is that?? bc i thought that he was willy every so often

the premise is that a guy named sit ho ching is a loser at home and a loser at work. he gets fired, breaks up with his girlfriend, and his brother (william) gets let out of prison, but just fights with their dad all the time. Ching has no money and wants to make money so that he can give himself and his family a better life, so he goes into the gold investing business where his brother works. He becomes very successful and then discovers that money can’t buy happiness rip in peace 

william is a BIIIIIITTTTCCCHHH. he gets so angry for no reason. he’s very impulsive and silly but i think he’s trying his best? he tries to be angry at his brother for sending him to prison, but he’s not very good at that. 

OVERALL RATING: 5/10. Very middle-of-the-line film. Very average. don’t really have any complaints, but nothing really astounding to say about it either

WILLIAM RATING: also a 5/10. He was sort of sidelined for his brother’s story, which fair, but i love him. my favorite part was this one scene where he ugly cries for literally ten seconds and then immediately locks it down and goes back to what he was doing. bitch ain’t got time for tears. 

The Four (2015)

This show truly has it all, if by “it all” you mean the worst cgi and worst willy acting I have ever seen. Like. I could not even get through one episode. It was so bad. All of the buildings looked like they were modded in roblox and all the fight scenes look like someone took Snapchat stickers and made them fight.

I think the plot is essentially some bad dudes escape from jail and this squad of cool dudes has to stop them, and I’m pretty sure that’s basically it. 44 episodes of that nonsense.

And William? I hate him. Everytime he does a fight move he gives this stupid little smirk and it makes me want to kick his ass. I hope to god he gets his ass BEAT in this show bc frankly he deserves it. He does this breakdance spin and deflects one billion knives with his ass and then SMIRKS and I want to punch a wall.

OVERALL RATING: bro. Bro it’s so bad. 1.5/10 because at least it’s not Air Strike

WILLIAM RATING: 2/10 I hate him so much I want him to be put in a hole and buried alive

Legend of Zu Mountain (2015)

honestly what the fuck is this show. i have not understood a single moment of it since I began watching, and i doubt it’s going to get any better. it’s just???? so much is happening. 

anyway willy is the chief of this village where he lives with his wife whomst he loves very much, but he ate a magic evil rock at some point when he was a baby and now every month he goes insane and destroys shit, but also he’s a himbo so the villagers let him stay cause they think he’s cute. anyway one day the Demonic Clan comes and burns down his village to try and get the Evil Rock out of him and then the Righteous Sect takes him so they can get the rock and they have to train him to fight his evil powers, and also his dad was the biggest slut imaginable and is evil now. william just wants to see his wife but they won’t let him see his wife!!! his wife may also be dead that was implied but not certain

uhhh this show is crazy. everyone is color-coordinated in like, gem tones?? which you don’t see often in fantasy chinese dramas so that was very fun. they all have colorful swords and can do magic but it doesn’t seem like any of them are very good at it. william’s best friend from Age of Legends showed up and was gay and stole william’s money and william just. let him. because he’s a dumbass. he really has no brain in this one and i think that’s great. man loves his wife and that’s all. 

OVERALL RATING: uhhh like a 4/10. it was pretty fun! but also i did not understand a single fucking thing that happened in this plot who wrote this

WILLIAM RATING: honestly i think this is like my least favorite William and i don’t even know why?? 2/10. just doesn’t do it for me. 

Legend of Fragrance (2015)

william’s getting cute and funky and fun! in this one william plays a lil forensic scientist from Japan who comes to this town that is headed by these rival perfume warlords?? and there’s a MURDER but anyway there’s also a girl who smells really really good but no one can KNOW THAT bc perfume warlord #1 will go crazy and kidnap her so his ex-wife adopted her and is keeping her safe while Smelly Girl’s dad kidnapped Willy and raised him as his own (these are not spoilers bc they are given to you in the first two episodes). also perfume warlord #2 has a fued with Willy/Smelly Girl’s dad and perfume warlord #1 had a crush on Smelly Girl’s mom bc she also smelled good and has a useless son who can’t smell so he is a disgrace to the perfume business (played by Wu Xie from TLT1). Also Huang Youming is in here for some reason and I love him

so far the plot is absolutely bonkers and there was SO MUCH BACKSTORY but it’s convoluted in a fun way? Like just enough so that i’m like “wow you guys are silly!” but not so much that I hate it, you know? Also it looks like william gets whumped a lot and i love that for me

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Not quite enough to really hook me but it’s not bad! I give them points for creative insanity as well. 

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10. William looks fine as fuck at all times, and also he changes his outfit like three times in the first episode he appears in, and it isn’t even different days. also he swordfights and shoots a gun and does science, and I think that’s very sexy of him

As the Lights Go Out (2015)

This movie fucked actually???? I did not expect too much from it because I was like “yeah ok firefighter drama w/e” but it was actually really really good?? At least if you like action/disaster films, which I do.

Anyway the plot follows Sen, the head of a firefighting squad, as his team gets called out to stop the explosion of a natural gas plant (which, because of capitalism, explodes anyway). Then they have to do search and rescue and get everyone out. Y’know, as search-and-rescue films go. William is a baby firefighter!! It is his first day on the job!! He is hyperactive and adorable and adopts everyone as his dad. I love him.

So yeah it was like two hours that I did not regret (tho when have I ever regretted spending time with william ((that is a falsehood I have definitely regretted spending time with william)).

OVERALL RATING: honestly 10/10 for me. the action was great and there was some really interesting cinematography going on, which I very much enjoyed!

WILLIAM RATING: 9.5/10. He wasn’t in the movie quite enough for full points but I LOVED his character and loved how he acted him. Bb boy was doing his best and I’m very proud. Also he looked so pretty the whole time

Lost In Wrestling (2015)

This is the insanest movie I have ever seen and I am not kidding about that. During this journey I have watched some insane movies but this has got to be the wildest and I am honestly not sure how I feel about it bc I am just too stunned to even comprehend how it exists

Naren is a female wrestler from the Mongolian plains and one day she’s invited to come wrestle in Japan, where a kid from her village, Chi Na Si, ran off to ten years ago to become a sumo wrestler. When she gets there she finds him but she also finds this weird clown dude who runs a female fight club. Naren joins the female fight club to???? Win wrestling???? I genuinely don’t know. Anyway turns out that Clown Dude is actually Chi Na Si, whose sumo wrestling trauma jokerified him. Naren is like “bro snap out of it” and bro snaps out of it and then they go back to Mongolia and Chi Na Si wins wrestling

Was there a coherent plot? Absolutely not. Did it make any sense? No. Was William playing the joker the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life? Yes yes yes yes yes.

OVERALL RATING: 4/10 for the absolute most unhinged thing I think I’ve ever seen.

WILLIAM RATING: 6/10. Despite knowing that william was the clown man from the very beginning, his mannerisms were so different that I genuinely couldn’t tell sometimes. Also he went all out in his jokerification and honestly I have to respect that

The Mystic Nine (2016)

okay i’m not just saying this because i’m a fo-ye slut, but this actually might be Top-Tier William. Mystic Nine follows commander Zhang Qishan and his bffs as they go and hunt down mystical artifacts and fight the japanese and also ward off this weird american dude who wants to live forever. it’s part of the dmbj-verse, but honestly you don’t need to know anything about the rest of the series to enjoy m9

and m9 is William at his Best. He’s sexy. he’s Active. His hair is Styled. He makes heart eyes at every single damn character and seems to be amassing them for a polycule. You think that he’s a stoic but really he’s a giant gummy bear and I want to smack him for it. This is truly a Wonderful Willy and he deserved to be commemorated in wax for this role. 

like most dmbj series, sometimes the pacing is a little slow, but honestly all of the characters are so good and the action is interesting enough that you don’t mind. also zhang baby rishan is in there so that’s a bonus

OVERALL RATING: 9/10. Just a very solid and good show with quality plot, characters, and premise. I want season 2 right now immediately

WILLIAM RATING: 129438573948/10. This is my favorite william bc of just how multi-faceted he is. They gave him 48 episodes and he said “yes my good bitch” and i love that for me

L.O.R.D.: Legend of Ravaging Dynasties (2016)

Ok I keep saying that William’s a thot but he really was a whore for this one. This man wore the absolute sluttiest outfit in the whole franchise, and he looks like That so like. What am I supposed to do.

the LORD series is based off a video game I think?? Anyway this has like the same plot as Critical World which was interesting to me cause I didn’t know that. Anyway this bitch named Qi Ling gets kidnapped by a gay ass dude who is like “we’re soulbonded now” and then they go on gay adventures. Qi Ling has a Lion in his ass. It’s in his butt :)

Uhhhh like it’s half animated but William really went ham on this one. Everyone else us like doing normal facial expressions and this man is stretching his lips as far as they can go. Also I wonder if he had to wear that outfit in real life cause he would’ve loved that

OVERALL RATING: 6.5/10. I would much rather watch zhang mingen be a cutie than whatever this cgi shit was. Also I kinda fell in love with silver and then learned that that was Kr*s W* instead of him being Qi Ling like I thought so that’s disappointing

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10. I wish to GOD that this had been fully live action. I would pay to see William in his real life Duke Killing cosplay. He’s a slut and we love to see it

Love of Happiness (2016)

this show makes me irrationally angry because I want to live in domestic bliss with william chan as my husband. he's literally THE Perfect Man. he's so devoted to his wife and thinks she's the best and will do anything for her and he's so nice and smart and soft and!!!!!! i went insane.

The premise of this show is that Su Xiaonan and her husband, Kevin, move into a new house. Xiaonan is a screenwriter, and Kevin is a professor, and they move next door to a family who lost their son twenty-five years earlier. Kevin is an "orphan," and surprise! he's actually their long-lost kid. Who would have seen that one coming. Anyway, Xiaonan loved the fact that Kevin didn't have family to deal with, but now she has to deal with all of them and they're all crazy and they get into fights a lot, and Kevin has to come to terms with the fact that his parents didn't abandon him and also that he lost his childhood memories lmao. This show is 76 episodes.

I fell in love with william all over again tho. He was adopted and taken to America, so he gets words mixed up and speaks english and it's super cute! Also! It was one of william's first shows that used his real voice, so we get to hear his squeaky laugh!!! and at one point, he recites Hamlet, and my ovaries exploded.

OVERALL RATING: 8/10. It was super cute! william's chemistry with tina tang is great, and they're such a good couple. I honestly have no idea how they're going to fill 76 episodes though, because william is the chillest man ever.

WILLIAM RATING: gosh. 11/10. Get you a man who massages your feet and looks like william and recites shakespeare. holy shit. i nearly became heterosexual for this character :/

I Love That Crazy Little Thing (2016)

Holy shit. Holy shit. Forget As The Lights Go Out, THIS is my new favorite Willy movie. Not because it’s good, because arguably it isn’t, but it’s just so fucking FUN. Like genuinely I think it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in my life, especially with the physical gags (there’s another making-fun-of-cdrama-tropes bit where a dude spits fake blood and then keeps spitting it and then pulls out a water bottle of fake blood and drinks it so he can keep spitting ITS SO FUNNY)

The premise of this show is that Willy is a movie editor who dreams of being a director. On one of his projects, they forget to buy the rights to a song for the score, so to get brownie points, Willy goes on an Epic Quest with his assistant to find the composer and get the rights. Also he learns about love. That’s really where the movie stops making sense, bc while it is very good and has a decent set-up, they pace it so weird that nothing feels like they have complete arcs.

William though. William. My gosh. They let this man go and he WENT. he does not hold back. He makes some of the funniest fucking faces I’ve ever seen in my life in this movie. He’s all over the place; he rolls on the ground and falls through floors and drags a rolling suitcase through a desert and gets pelted by mangoes and wipes out on water jet boots like one million times, and you can tell he was having a fucking BLAST doing it. He’s so joyous and carefree in this movie, and he’s so lovable. An all-around wonderful and perfect man

OVERALL RATING: 8/10. It was SO fun and SO silly and I just WISH that it had been paced better

WILLIAM RATING: 10/10. Not only does he look so happy from making this movie, he’s good in it. Mans took his stunt work and said “let’s do some physical comedy” and I genuinely would die for him

Edge to Happiness (2016)

William was really going for it in 2016, like damn bitch. You were all over the place. this is a very nice and good william. he's evil and gay for part of it but then he gets punched and is sorry. also at one point he goes into a coma because he got too mentally stimulated and like. me too king. we've all been there.

anyway Edge to Happiness is about a girl named Su Xiaoxiao who gets cheated in a marriage scandal and needs a job. It's also about a rich boy named He Mu who runs away from an arranged marriage and gets kicked out by his parents and also needs a job. they get the same job surprise! then they fall in love but only after willy (who is he mu's older brother) falls in love with su xiaoxiao first. it's fourty-four episodes and it does not need to be

william is actually very soft and gentle in this!! he is also evil for part of it but he's not actually very good at being evil. he's a good big brother and even though he's rich and stupid he figures shit out. also he's super good at playing the piano for some reason and says that to play the piano you need to treat the keys like little elves, which according to my roommate who majored in piano is not how that shit works at all

OVERALL RATING: 3/10. This was boring as all hell, and really should have been like twelve episodes, max.

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10. See I want this man to be going feral and any and all times. If he isn't then what's the point? Bonus marks for the sweaters tho

72 Floors of Mystery (2017)

if this isn’t william at his most chaotic i don’t know what to tell you. a game show based on the dmbj series by npss, william shows up for like one and a half episodes and then fucks off to do god knows what by himself. we never see him again. unclear if npss killed him off on purpose or not. 

if you’re into dmbj, this show is just a very fun and silly time, and it features a lot of actors from the franchise, including some wu xie’s, a pangzi, li cu, and liu sang and kan jian as npss henchpeople/hostages (they were most certainly not paid enough for this)

William’s part in this show is mainly to look hot and cause problems. wu lei adopts him immediately. the fo ye theme plays whenever he does something, and most of the stuff he does is charming people into doing the work for him, and talking about when he was fo-ye, which honestly checks out

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Very fun but makes zero sense and also was badly budgeted

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10. This is William as himself and he is being The Most chaotic. He has come to cause problems and look good doing it, but he is only in two episodes, which is slightly disappointing if you’re me. 

The Founding of An Army (2017)

i am. still not entirely sure what happened in this movie. as far as i could tell, it was an excuse for someone to do a whole lot of explosion special effects and make it About Something. Like it was fine! but it was fine. The cast tho??? holy shit there were so many people in this one, and most of them were only around for like ten minutes, tops. 

This movie is about the formation of the Communist party in China during the late 1920s, especially the revolt on August 1, 1927. That’s like, the high point of the movie, and where the most explosions happen. It’s a good twenty minutes of explosions and gunfire and fighting and more explosions. Honestly I was impressed by the amount of explosions! that definitely cost a lot of money, which was probably why they could only afford to hire actors for like. three scenes. cause there were a lot of different actors in it. Li Xian was there. Lay was there. Bai Yu-gege was there. And of course william, my main bitch. 

William didn’t even get a name. He was present for under two minutes as a triad leader who sold guns to the fledgling Communist party, and did so while lounging sluttily on a box. honestly i really liked his character mostly because of his costume, which was so different in terms of styling and color palette that he stood out a lot. 

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. It was a decent movie! I do not really understood what happened but i think that’s more because i was multi-tasking while trying to watch, so I wasn’t keeping up with all the subtitles. I was excited that Lay was in it, but then Lay was only in it for seven minutes before he died the most dramatic-ass death ever. Bai Yu-gege dressed up as a bush. :)

WILLIAM RATING: 5/10. He was really really good, but was not around NEARLY long enough. i want a whole movie about just him. is this because i’m william biased? maybe so

While There’s Still Time (2017)

IT’S WILLIAM IN PARIS!!! This is a Vogue short film starring William and Bai Baihe. I think the basic premise of it is that William is like an uber driver for rich people and bai baihe is a rich people and they are in paris and while william is driving her around they end up sightseeing and shit. they eat crepes and dance. she smells an apple. 

it’s like six minutes and there’s no dialogue! but the music is very good and william looks hot and drinks coffee for like forty-five seconds while staring into the middle distance, i guess to like establish character or something????? there’s another part where he just stares at her like a weirdo. also there are rocket engines that get spliced in every so often and i honestly have no idea what that’s about. 

OVERALL RATING: 8/10. For a short film that I’m guessing is mostly supposed to just be “look at how good these two look on camera” they do look really fucking good on camera. good work everyone

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10, like i said, he looks good on camera. his earrings are like. giant diamonds tho and that was very distracting.

Love Lost in Times (2017)

ok i did watch this whilst intoxicated and that did not help my understanding of it even at all. the biggest surprise of this show was how many people were in it that i knew! like gong jun was just there! immediately! and i was like :O and then ji chen showed up and i was like :) Also one of willy’s best songs is from that show so :D

don’t quote me on this but i THINK the basic plot of this show is that william is the fourth prince of a dynasty and he’s really fucking good at it, and outshines all of his brothers and everyone else and is gonna become emperor, so one of his brothers is like “fuck you.” meanwhile, there’s a mage who is super good at being a mage but she and william are destined to fall in love but if they do shit will get fucked up so when shit inevitably gets fucked up the girl uses magic to go back in time and create a parallel universe and won’t let william fall in love with her so that shit doesn’t get fucked up. obviously it doesn’t work bc 1) fate and 2) william is a hot piece of ass.

I might come back to this one someday? idk i feel like there’s more things that I could be watching that aren’t this, even if william is in it. i genuinely don’t remember a lot of it but that is entirely my fault and it might be a really good show, I just wouldn’t know

OVERALL RATING: 5/10. Being high did not help, but i loved the mages, they were kickass

WILLIAM RATING: yeah yeah he’s hot as fuck. we get it. 7/10.

Air Strike (2018)

this movie sucked ass. if the white savior complex wasn’t enough, the fact that it makes no damn sense should be. This is supposed to be a movie about a squadron of Chinese fighter pilots who are being trained by an American commander (played by Bruce Willis) in WWII, but actually the movie doesn’t spend very much time on them at all, instead bouncing around between multiple other plots that ALSO don’t make sense. 

William is a fighter pilot named Charlie whose Comrade died in the war and he wants to get revenge but actually he’s like???? a bitch?? no one likes him. he fights with this other trainee over who gets to fly the Best Plane and william wins but then decides no so he ends up taking the lamer plane so the Protagonist Man (who isn’t even really the protagonist) can fly the Best Plane and then dies dramatically for it rip wills. 

uhhhhh this movie is just a lot of explosions and weird-ass stunts that wouldn’t work in real life and bruce willis does jack shit in it. also the dialogue is terrible. 

OVERALL RATING: 1/10. Not even william was enough to make up for how bad the rest of it was

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10. though the rest of the movie is bad, william is a pilot and i think that’s very sexy of him. also he gets one of his CLASSIC fight-scenes-in-the-rain so y’know that’s pretty good. 

Genghis Khan (2018)

For a movie about genghis khan this movie sure wasn’t about genghis khan. it’s about a man named Temujin (who i guess is technically genghis khan but that as much as we get), who is really good at riding horses and sort of good at fighting and is engaged to this one girl. on the day of their wedding, his fiancee gets captured by an Evil Man so he can resurrect his dead wife, and william has to go save her. 

i would probably have liked this movie if it were more fun, but as it is, it’s very boring for the most part. william just dances back and forth between Evil Man’s lair and the girl’s village. Like their arcs are Not Complete. Also I think they just die at the end? honestly not sure, it’s unclear. 

the best part about this movie is Alan, William’s magical horse, and also this fucked up lil gremlin creature that works for Evil Man that looks like something straight out of Star Trek for no reason

OVERALL RATING: 1.5/10. it was bearable

WILLIAM RATING: honestly like a 3/10. not william’s best role at ALL and definitely not worth him in 2018. That’s Queen mv time people. william could have been a lot sexier and a lot more naked in this one and the fact that he wasn’t is honestly homophobic

Only Side By Side with You (2018)

this is a cute one! i have not seen all of it bc i am very silly and lazy and also i think it’s like fifty-some episodes and i was not about to do that. Yet. Maybe i will watch it for William but honestly i don’t think he gets whumped enough in this one to be worth it. 

Anyway the premise is that william is the mafia boss/owner of a nightclub, and he was also in the military and had a gay-ass rivalry with this other dude (played by li xian of tientsin mystic). he meets the ceo of a drone manufacturing company and is like “i wanna date her” and then essentially ends up stalking her in kind of a non-creepy way? like it’s for sure weird but he’s not like sexual about it if that makes sense. also Gay-Ass Military Rival is Drone Girl’s best friend, so they have some conflict about that too. 

It’s fun! it’s cute! honestly i think it’s mostly worth it for William’s stunt work, cause he does some fucking incredible stunts in this one, and honestly everyone else’s physical acting is really good too. I don’t know if they’re going to be able to stretch the plot out to fifty episodes worth, but we’ll see

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Not really my thing, mainly cause of the romance, but i like the action and the plot so far. 

WILLIAM RATING: 9/10. He’s hot. He’s suave. He has a MILF boss. honestly the whole package. 

Age of Legends (2018)

GOSH THIS SHOW FUCKS. i say that after having made fun of it the entire time but honestly this one’s good. if you watch any William show purely for the William, I’d make it this one. The plot is snappy, if convoluted, and it doesn’t bog itself down with long, drawn-out romance scenes, because willy’s love interest in this bad boy is a bamf and also could kick his ass. we love to see it. 

really my only critique here is that william moves like he’s a mini-fridge that grew legs and forgot how to use them. he’s SO FUCKING STIFF. and like. it’s a character choice. but he does this weird thing where he doesn’t move his shoulders like AT ALL when he walks but his hips are swiveling like there’s no mañana. it’s so strange. also he has this strange little mustache for like half the show and it weirds me out just a little bit. but then again he does get whipped within the first twenty minutes, so that’s nice. 

i really liked this show! there’s an evil drug gege and william eats paper and also all the bamfs are women which we love! also evil drug gege’s relationship with willy is just very funny. the action is good, and the plot is well-paced, in my opinion. 

OVERALL RATING: 10/10. If you like cop dramas/drug cartel dramas, then this will fit the bill. it’s more action than romance for an action/romance cdrama, which is why i liked it. also william has some stupid friends. fun time all around

WILLIAM RATING: like a 12/10. this is a william post-Inside Me Tour, and he knows it. This man has worn laser tiddies and seen the future. he is too powerful to be stopped. 

Adoring (2019)

ok i went into this movie like “haha william gets cockblocked by a dog serves him right” and then i came out of this movie sobbing and emotionally destroyed by william and this dog. i could not handle it. william acted his ass off. the dog acted its ass off. i am not okay. 

Adoring is a series of stories about people and their pets! and they’re all super unique, which was nice for a pet movie! there was one about a girl and her best friend (played by my son Wu Lei) who has gone blind, so she trains her golden retriever to be a seeing eye dog for him; one about a guy who wants to propose to this girl but hasn’t told her that he has a pet pig; one about a girl who has extreme mysophobia but ends up raising a cat with her neighbor; one about a dad who is taking care of his daughter’s cat while she’s in America; a delivery guy who gets help from a stray dog; and then william, who wants to fuck his wife so bad but keeps getting stopped by her dog whenever he tries. all of their stories eventually come together, and it’s really really cute! i loved it a lot, there were so many feel-good moments and funny bits and it was just really really good. 

i will give spoilers tho: the dog dies in the end (only william’s not the other ones) but it’s like??? holy fuck. it’s so sad. and william is so good. and the dog is so good??? and one thing i appreciate about william in this movie is even though he keeps getting rekt by this dog he never asks his wife to choose between the dog and him he just accepts that they can’t have sex with the dog present and you know what?? get you a man like that. 

OVERALL RATING: honestly 10/10. was it high art? no. was it completely original? no. was it cute and funny and made me happy? yes. 

WILLIAM RATING: 15/10 he was so good and goofy in this??? i literally loved him so much he was so nice and sweet and understanding and just! ah! he was like a golden retriever himself. i would die for him. 

Gagman (2020)

Okay I’m honestly not sure why william is in this one bc it’s a comedy-talent scouting series, and as far as I know william has never been a comedian??? unless he’s there bc his smile is the most beautiful thing on this planet in which case yeah

uhhh i couldn’t understand most of what was going on bc this show does not have English subs, but it was cute and looked funny! i think the premise is basically that they get a bunch of young comedians to do their bits in front of professional comedians + william and then they choose the best one at the end. not sure but it looked good! 

the best part was that one of the gags in episode one was that this guy’s bit was that he talked nonsense to the person next to him on a roller coaster that’s going like a billion miles per hour, and so they put william next to this man and william was all like “hell yeah” and then as soon as the ride started he was like “fuck no get me off” and then he spent the rest of the time trying not to die and not listening to this man’s comedy at all

OVERALL RATING: N/A because i didn’t not understand what was happening unfortunately, but it seems like a really fun and cute show, and I would have liked to see it! 

WILLIAM RATING: 6/10. I love seeing william being himself but unfortunately ever since he opened his own merch line “being himself” means he’s just dressed head to toe in his own merch 24/7. Extra points bc i now know that he rides roller coasters the same way I do, i.e. eyes closed and holding breath

L.O.R.D.: Legend of Ravaging Dynasties 2 (2020)

someone please explain to me why this was a better movie than the first one??? like i went into this expecting nothing. nothing. and then i cried. what the fuck. i shouldn't be emotionally affected by this stupid-ass cgi video game movie and yet i was

so the sequel to LORD 1 follows qi ling, again, who is waiting for his bf to come back from abandoning him. said bf does come back and then is like "we gotta go rescue my husband from his Time Prison" and everyone is like ok. meanwhile duke killing and the gang are trying to stop them, as usual, and not doing a very good job. they basically just fight each other all the way to the netherrealm, where duke silver goes to free his husband and qi ling has some gay crises about it.

when i say I cried, I mean it. I did. and only partially because it was sad. the other part was because william is such a THOT. the way this man moves his hips is sinful. it's like he read a wiki-how on motion capture and the only thing he took away from it was "exaggerate your movements" because that is all that he does. I need behind the scenes footage, and also a third movie unfortunately.

OVERALL RATING: surprisingly, like an 8/10. I was invested, even though i wish I hadn't been

WILLIAM RATING: 6/10, because once again, he is a WHORE and i love him. also he had like, love for something other than himself?? i went through a whole range of feelings about duke killing in this one and honestly i don't think that should have been allowed

The YinYang Master (2021)

normally i would watch william movies for william and i admittedly did watch this one for william but it’s so much more than him!! like this is a genuinely good movie and I was not expecting that... well, okay, I was, because I had heard from other people that it was good but i was expecting william’s normal brand of nonsense but this is actually a good movie! I think. it really wasn't my thing but everyone else loves it, and it was a good and fun time!

uhhhh ok granted i don’t really remember like. a good percentage of the plot cause i watched it with other people and we were talking the whole time. ANYWAY i think like YingYang Master BoFa Deez Nuts has a whole like lil creature house? he had a bunch of creatures. and there’s some magic shit. and his house is gonna get destroyed by the other YinYang Masters so he has to fight them. william is an evil deer spirit man thing. also there’s a random ass guy but Bo Ya is hot and his ex-girlfriend is hot. it’s pretty great. 

it’s a good movie! just enough action and stuff to keep you engaged, and it’s a pretty quick one, so you won’t get bored watching. i keep getting plot points of this movie mixed up with the Darren Wang Is A Writer and Manifests Shit one tho, so I’m sorry that this review isn’t better. 

OVERALL RATING: for me, 7/10. It’s not my favorite movie, but a lot of people really like it, and it does look really good. 

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10. He’s a bitch in this one!! but he looks good doing it. also he’s a fucking weirdo. i do like Villain Willain. never seen that before (cause at the time of writing this i have not seen LORD) so that was fun

Dance of the Storm (2021)

ahahahahahaha willy what the FUCK ok honestly the quality of this one isn’t his fault. It’s made by the same people who did Age of Legends, which is probably why it’s like exactly the same but Worse. likkkkkkkeee i liked Age of Legends but you really didn’t have to do it twice. once was enough. 

anyhow william plays a disgraced fbi agent who returns to the force when his late mentor’s murderer shows up. he’s a bitch and a brat and spends all his time getting in trouble bc he won’t listen to anyone, so he goes rogue with the help of his two bffs and does action stuff to solve the mystery. 

the stunts SLAP there’s this one move where william grabs a dude’s wrist, steps around his head, wrenches him to the ground using his thighs, and shoots him. it’s so fucking cool. genuinely one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen. UGH. other than that tho it was kinda weird, and the pacing was strange, and william is honestly kind of annoying bc he won’t listen to ANYONE and keeps doing shit on his own. and like it works out for him but only bc he’s the protagonist. anyone else would have died like twelve times. 

OVERALL RATING: 5/10. Honestly not enough to keep me occupied or engaged. 

WILLIAM RATING: 7.5/10. It’s a different character than we usually see from him, and he’s once again on top of his stunt work. very hot. 

Fourtry: Season Two (2021)

once again people have got to stop letting william do reality shows. at this point i think he just surfs job postings for literally anything and is like “fuck yeah i’ll do it” when they need a celebrity host bc all of his variety show roles are so far away from what he actually does? like this is a business entrepreneurship startup show and yeah I GUESS william opened a clothing line but he’s the only one who wears his clothes so like. what does this bitch know about business. 

regardless of all that william is very charming in this one. he’s hanging out! he’s in his element! also he’s very sweet and stupid (there’s one part where everyone is like “we gotta choose the best clothes for our opening!” and he’s just screaming in the background. not even words, he’s just going AH). they do a photoshoot and everyone’s like “wow it’s fo-ye!” and he’s literally just sitting there. iconic. he teaches all of his children the choreography to “Queen,” which if you know willy you know that that is the sluttiest music video on the face of the planet.

also at one point he makes the news for shaving all of his staff’s heads. Badly. 

OVERALL RATING: 4/10 mostly just because business startups do not interest me. 

WILLIAM RATING: ok he’s super charismatic in this one. 8.5/10. how anyone doesn’t fall in love with this man immediately is beyond me.

Novoland: Pearl Eclipse (2021)

Ah! And here we come to the latest and greatest willy drama! Novoland!! I'm still working on this one and will probably watch all of it but for now you get my three-episode required summary.

Novoland: Pearl Eclipse is about a girl named hai shi (we love water pun names) whose village gets wrecked bc a dude is after some pearls. hai shi is adopted by resident badass, fang jianming, who is the emperor's gay love affair and personal punching bag. he raises her as his disciple and they have a very fun shidi/shifu relationship :/ meanwhile fang jianming is getting his ass kicked 24/7 because he put a spell on himself to take all the damage while the emperor (who is a bitch) gets away scot free. also huang junjie is there!!!!

from the first few episodes, I love everything about this show EXCEPT the shifu/shidi thing. doesn't do it for me. Maybe I'll learn to accept it in the end but i'm pretty sure hai shi and william are just going to be dramatic af about it and won't learn anything valuable by the end. truly fang jianming should just go date the emperor and maybe a lot of problems would be solved

OVERALL RATING: 7/10. Good action, seemingly good plot, it's just the romance that really throws me off.

WILLIAM RATING: 9/10, if you've seen my ghost smile post you know that this man is dialing it up to an eleven for this one. his hair is stupid tho.

#i've finally done it #i've finally defeated him #pls enjoy the fruits of my labor this took me MONTHS #gosh he's done so many insane movies #holy shit #i know so many things now #william watchlist #observe william #william chan

[dawnanddorisqna]

Have either of you heard about the recent dealings with HBOMax? And if so what are your thoughts about it?

Thank you so much for this question. Anything animation is my favorite topic so this may become a rant. but here we go.

I think everyone in the industry has heard of what's happened. It's devastating and disrespectful. Warner Bros. has a special place in animation history with legacy characters and a collection of classics. They helped move the medium forward and at one point celebrated their place in film by creating an entire network dedicated to new shows, looney tunes, Hanna Barbera and more. They also helped introduce a generation to anime.

Unfortunately, as Warner changed leadership from one company to another, the focus became more on how to make the most income and for whatever reason money people don't see animation as something that can earn. History proves this idea wrong, especially with most animated films typically performing well in theaters, but in the industry animation is always seen as something only for kids. Something that doesn't need to be noticed. Something that people "graduate" from watching. This is old thinking and the new people in charge of Warner have shown almost aggressively that they can only think this way and want to move things way back (saying women don't like genre or written stories? @#$% You!!).

They think these characters can be erased and that no one will care because as they see it the only people saying anything are kids and will grow out of it. It's a cruel and disrespectful way to run a company. It's also, unfortunately, the way most places see this medium. To want to tell an adult leaning story in animation will still garner comments from execs of "Well you don't want to scare away kids" or "Kids don't want heavy stories, don't say anything about grief" "This is too dark" "just make it a comedy" and more. After all that they want live action celebrities attached because "How else will we get adults to watch this?" Imagine spending years perfecting your voice, only to be dubbed over with Chris Pratt because people know his face. (It's not like his face is on the #%$% Poster!). There are films that tell unique stories and don't follow the studio exec kid's gloves requirement. But I guarantee that these films and shows were an absolute struggle to get made, and once they were the studios usually work hard to bury them. (Tron Uprising, Infinity Train)

We always said "Animation is Cinema" and that's true. It's an artform that's now in nearly every film. But that term means nothing if you're still going to treat animation the same way. If you're still going to add fart jokes, only aim it at kids and feel like the only adults watching are parents and you still need to trick them into seeing it. I hear this phrase said so much, but now it feels like it's simply crossed into buzzwords territory to help trick some audience members into giving the studio money. Warner Bros. at one point was one of the studios that seemed like they wanted to treat animation like a real artform. It looks like now they don't even want to remember it exists.

But it's not all doom and gloom. There are people working outside the studio system to actually create some amazing work (Hazbin Hotel for example). Artists want to create. To tell stories and connect to people in ways that studios are too afraid to do. When you find an artist or a group working to tell these stories, I'd ask that you help them by telling as many people as you can about their work, reblogging it on the interwebs, and donating to them when you can.

I think the fans can really help in giving this medium the respect that places like Warner Bros. Discovery refuses to.

Thank you for the question,

Sincerely,

Doris

#Dawn said to add tags so here we go #doris doodle #animation #cartoon #doris and dawn #toontown #dawn doodle #doris #hbo max #discovery #merger #warner #streaming services #looney tunes #hazbin #infinity train #animation is cinema #art

[pokechampash]

Junpei's Halloween Fright! 🎃💩

Happy Halloween everyone! Enjoy this halloween fic me and my friend worked on:D

It was the night of halloween and Junpei had decided he wanted a night away from his group so he traveled to a far away village he spotted on his map. By the time he got there or was already dark so he quickly set up camp and went to explore the village,it was a small village with many average looking houses. There was a halloween festival going on and lots of the children were already running around trick or treating in there costume, Junpei turned a corner and spotted a festival stand that caught his attention,he quickly made his way over to check the stand out,the stand was being run by a middle aged man who seem to be in his 40s. The man seemed to be old but had a very muscular body and he was wearing a cupid outfit.

“Hey dude, my name is Junpei! What's this booth for?” Junpei asked, looking at the many candies and bottles on the stand.

“Oh hello there you must be new to the village! I'm Gordon and this is my stand,I make special candies for the village people every year at this festival,would you like some?” Gordon said, shaking Junpei’s hands.

“I would but I don't have any money on me, I'm just camping out for the night then leaving in the morning, sorry man” Junpei explained.

“Oh that's alright I usually give most of my candies away for free. Here,I insist you take some!” Gordon said as he quickly whipped up a bag of homemade candy and gave it to Junpei.

“Thanks bro,I owe ya one man!” Junpei said as he walked away with the bag of candy,he started to eat the candy as he continued to explore the festival.

As he looked around the festival, seeing more bizarre people in costumes and more festival game booths, suddenly his stomach didn’t agree with him and started rumbling furiously.

“Hold up, what's going on?” Junpei thought as he had to stop and hunch over to let one rip. “Damn, couldn’t even hold that one in!” Then another booming fart blurted out of his ass. “Phew! That stinks! I’m outside!” He tried walking it off and just kept going. Must have been from the food yesterday he thought, but suddenly, Junpei let out a deep grunt as his guts started quacking again.

A nice big avalanche of shit was making its way to his hole. “Fuck, I need a toilet NOW!” he said and started bolting away as he was clenching his tight ass. While he was running and searching for the nearest can, he let out more farts, they got wetter each time he let one rip, he couldn’t find anywhere to relieve himself! “No no no no! These are my good white pants”. A brown, moist streak started to leak out his crack. The urge of dropping the nuclear bomb was growing by the second. Junpei hurriedly ran towards a corner, he definitely wasn't ready for what happened next!

“BOO” Gordon yelled in a booming voice as he suddenly jumped from the corner wearing a devil costume.

“Ahh shit!” Junpei screamed in shock as he let out a sloppy fart in surprise. Unfortunately the universe decided it hated him and instead of letting out just a fart it slipped out practically like a blast. Instead of a burst of smelly air, it was a burst of pure runny shit splattering all over his underwear and clear white pants that now had a huge brown stain. Junpei was horrified!

“What the hell man!” Junpei shouted in embarrassment as his cheeks turned bright red.

“Hehe sorry man but everyone in this village knows about my halloween pranks. Your new in town and didn't know so I took advantage of the situation” Gordon said, chuckling as he noticed the big brown stain on Junpei’s white pants.

“Oh I guess my candy laxatives kicked in sooner than I thought they would, today definitely wasn't the day for white pants man” Gordon chuckled as Junpei started to get angry.

“You're going to buy me some new pants dude! These were expensive and it's your fault they were ruined!” Junpei shouted at Gordon as he tried to throw a punch at him but Gordon easily dodged it and started running away.

“Sorry but I got more people to prank. The night's still young after all! Have a happy Halloween Junpei!” Gordon said in a mocking tone as he left Junpei in his shitty state. Junpei’s boxers and pants were ruined so for the rest of his stay at the village he was forced to wear his white pants with a shit stain on them with no underwear, what an eventful halloween!

[tea42]

Little Wooden Horse

Oh, oh dear. I seem to have written a ficlet about Oghren and his kid.

tw: character death on the horizon, angst, sadfic

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39441528

The two moons shine down, casting lacey shadows across the edge of the forest as you slip out. Your sword rests against your back and your hand is eager to practice. Mother does not approve. She is afraid you will follow in your father’s footsteps too closely.

You draw your blade, short but well balanced, a gift from your father on one of his visits. It gleams in the moonlight as you practice holding it while doing your footwork. Forward, forward, back, don’t cross step. Lunge, back, back. You are moving faster and faster and can keep the blade high for so much longer than you could when you first practiced with it. Time slips by. You are not as strong as your father but you are quick.

A twig snaps behind you. You turn about, guard up.

A stout, shadowed figure with glowing yellow eyes is approaching from the treeline with a familiar gait. You smile.

“You’re getting better at that kid”, your father says. His tone is jovial but his voice is more raspy than it was last month.

“Da!” you exclaim with a burst of happiness as you sheath your sword.  You walk towards him but instead of moving to meet you and pulling you to his arms with a great laugh as he always does he stays in the shadows.

“Da?”, you ask in confusion as you go to him. He is wearing a hood and with his head bowed you can see little else than the frosted hair of his once red beard.

“Not too close, kid. I don’t want you to remember me like this,” he says. His voice is even stranger now. You could almost trick yourself into thinking it’s just some cold he picked up at the Keep but you know the truth. He has had this sickness tainting his blood almost as long as you have been alive. He might have tried to pull back but you have been faster than him for years now.

“Da no”, you whisper. You wrap your arms around him and after a second of tension his arms are around you, lifting you up as they always have.  

“Oh Nugget”, he says. The raw sadness in his voice hurts and you feel his broad chest lurch with his suppressed sob. You stay like that for a moment. You know he has always been prone to melancholy, but you have only ever seen the edges of it as he would stay on Duty during the worst of it.

“I thought the Commander was bringing the cure back”, you say.

“I’m not going to last that long. I’ve waited as long as I dare. I’m, I’m losing myself, kid. Gotta go while I’m still me in here”, he said puffed out a forced laugh.

“Can I come with you?” you ask, listening to his heart beat. It’s so much slower than it should be and you realize his embrace lacks its normal warmth.

“No. No, that’s not how it’s done. You know that. Wish one of the old crew could have been escort, but they are all shit knows where now. They got this new guy to see to it I make it to Orzammar on his way back to the Vinmarks. The guy kicked boots with the Inquisitor back in the day if you can believe it. Will be fun to swap stories on the road at least,” he says his laugh vibrates against your cheek.

You finally look up. He is still your father, the expression familiar despite the changes. The lacy blackness that had been growing for the last year covered his face like a veil and the skin below it is dull and cracked like old leather. His eyes are so bright. You feel your own brim.

“Hey! Don’t you fret now. You and your ma take care of each other like you always have. I’ve been luckier than most having you, luckier than a crusty fart like me deserved”, he says as his fingers smooth back your hair.

You gulp down your feelings and nod.

“That’s it. I’m so proud of you Nugget. Love you”, he says and you feel the tickle of his beard as he kisses your forehead.

“I love you pa”, you say to him for what you know must be the last time.

“Now you get back inside. Your ma is waiting”, he said quickly as he started back through the woods. For the first time you notice a human on horseback holding the reins of another steed on the dirt path beyond the wood. His warrior armor gleams. You watch as your father mounts the other horse and you watch as they ride away until they disappear.

You stay there in the dark listening to the sounds of the wood. It seems bizarre that things should go on so peacefully when your father is… when he is…

The tears fall, great horrible sobs. When they finally stop the shadows have shifted with the moon. You walk back along the path you had taken before. There is a light on in the house. When you open the door, your mother is waiting. You can see she has been crying as she sits by the fire. Your little wooden horse is in her hand.

#dragon age fanfic #my writing #oghren #oghren's child #felsi #character death on the horizon #i could see the child being involved in DA4 #even being an origin potential as they are kept very ambiguous #little wooden horse

[sloshed-cinema]

The Bad Guys (2022)

We all know that there exists a vast Hollywood conspiracy to indoctrinate unsuspecting viewers into furrydom, releasing a new product every few years that gives one pause, makes one wonder “…but why are those tigers so sexy?” It’s becoming increasingly unsubtle. Sure the Disney Robin Hood was an awakening for some. But you could pass that off as a creative decision by the art department. If you’re naïve. Fast forward to Zootopia and we’ve got Shakira making her own fucking fursona (What hell it must be for commuters coming in from the train, weary and under-caffeinated, only to have a large video projection of a random pop star declaring “I’m Gazelle, welcome to Zootopia” every fucking morning.) and Nick Wilde a veritable stone cold fox. By this point, the jig is up. The Bad Guys opens on some weird vore fixation, there are jumpsuits aplenty, and Mr Wolf fucking looks down the barrel of the camera and asks to be handcuffed. There are going to be impressionable youths swarming like mind-controlled guinea pigs to their nearest furry convention. Society is doomed. But seriously. Move aside, Mr Snake. Mr Wolf is mine.

Sony Animation have really come out swinging in recent efforts. While not as flashy and diverse as Into the Spider-Verse, this is still slick and confident in its art direction. Animation feels very textured, the Looney-Toons slapstick packing some weight to it. A lot of the humans have a very Laputa: Castle in the Sky energy to them.  Police Chief Misty Luggins feels like a sister to the archetypal Miyazaki Large Adult Son, and the definitely not Eggman henchman of Marmalade has that Ghibli untrustworthy spindly quality. I’m a big sucker for teeth becoming sharp or sharp teeth becoming blocky to help the character emote, rendering the police chief predatory in her drive or Shark a big old softie goof. Mr Snake is ripe for both comedy (the vestigial arms on all of his disguises) and clever workarounds (of course cartoon logic dictates he can play the guitar). And Foxington and Wolf… well… I could melt in their gaze. All this comes together in a crisply realized fantasy LA ripe for fast action.

It’s just too bad that this is all in service of a story that’s boilerplate to a fault. The opening is perfection, introducing the characters, the tone, and the brand of comedy in a slick hat trick that knowingly doles out exposition. After this initial heist, it becomes a basic James Gunn type lovable rogues romp, and speed-run of it at that. We get all the beats, but the film doesn’t really allow anything to develop in a natural way. Stakes rarely match up with the payoff. After the most notorious criminals ever agree to reform and then botch their first attempts, it really only takes one video of Mr Wolf literally saving the cat for everyone’s perception to turn on a dime? Public opinion can be a fickle thing, but jeez… I’m not going to claim any credit for immediately calling the two identity twists, but the Foxington reveal was so blatantly telegraphed from second one that I’m not even sure it was supposed to be a twist. The typical start of third act low point and breakup of the group lasts all of five seconds before the inevitable reunion. I knew all of those beats were going to happen, and that’s fine, but it’s just that things weren’t paced out in a way to develop a satisfying narrative outside of the fun setpieces.

THE RULES

SIP

Someone says ‘guy(s)’.

Marmalade DEFINITELY doesn’t have ulterior motives.

The movie makes a reference to another film.

Can we as a society just collectively move onward from fart and butt jokes please?

Mr Wolf or Foxington make you think... unclean things...

BIG DRINK

The crater is mentioned.

A heist begins.

Repto-lupine homoeroticism.

#drinking games #the bad guys #comedy #animation #crime #pierre perifel #sam rockwell #awkwafina #zazie beetz #richard ayaode #marc maron #anthony ramos #craig robinson #lock the gates

[stephenjaymorrisblog]

Elvis!

(The Coolest Hep-Cat That Ever Walked the Earth!)

Stephen Jay Morris

7/4/2022

©Scientific Morality

The Devil offered me a contract to be a rock star. He said in a voice that sounded like Sebastian Gorka, “I want your soul for eternity!” He handed me the unsigned contract and I ripped it to shreds. “Rock Star? Fuck that noise! I want your job, Lew!” Like a fart in the wind, he vanished. But, then, I second-guessed myself and thought, ‘Maybe I should have taken the deal?’ I have been a nobody all my life—ever since that day.

Of course, that never happened, but for some demigods, they meet Satan as human incarnate.

Malcolm McLaren, was the manager of the Sex Pistols. He used all the tricks and duplicity his grifter mind could muster up to exploit them. Ultimately, he did what most grifters do: took all of the money due to them and disappeared. When they performed their last concert in San Francisco, he left them stranded in the USA with no airline tickets or cash. Malcolm high tailed it to South America.

Rock & Roll has a bad legacy of dishonest managers. Let’s start with the “Moses” of Rock & Roll, Elvis Presley. I want to state right here and now: Elvis would have been enormously famous without any manager or management entity. Same goes for the Beatles. Brian Epstein put them in suits, which made them look like British Lesbians. Enter Colonel Tom Parker, the illegal Alien from the Netherlands.

In his youth, Parker worked as a carnival barker. At 20, he illegally immigrated to the USA, finding similar work. Following an honorable discharge after two years in the U.S. Army, he re-enlisted only to go AWOL a short time later. He was charged with desertion and punished with solitary confinement, from which he emerged with a psychosis. He was briefly hospitalized and then discharged from the U.S. Army due to his mental condition.

Parker returned to the carnival circuit as a promoter and then music promotion, with his first client being Gene Austin, whose lagging career he rescued with his savvy promotional skills. Prior to this role, he’d managed the 1944 Louisiana gubernatorial race for racist Governor Jimmy Davis. By the way, Jimmy Davis wrote the song, “You Are My Sunshine.” Davis later gave Tom Parker the honorary rank of “colonel” in Louisiana’s non-existent State Militia, which title Parker used the rest of his life. Later, an unrelated job provided him the opportunity to use his promotional skills for fund raising, which is when he returned to music, promoting Country and Western acts. Among them were Eddy Arnold, Hank Snow, and Tommy Sands.

In 1955, when the Colonel first heard about Elvis, he was intrigued over how he might profit off of his unique musical style. When he first saw Elvis perform, he lost his shit! He saw his Golden Goose. Although Elvis was then being managed by radio personality, Bob Neal, the Colonel was a master manipulator. After persuading RCA to buy out Presley’s Sun Records contract for $40,000—an unheard of sum at the time—Parker, as part of the deal, paid Neal not to renew his management contract with Elvis. Parker then claimed the job for himself. Elvis was a trusting soul and signed on the dotted line. It would be the biggest mistake of his life!

Well, after almost three years of wearing masks, sheltering in place, and enduring Right wing chicanery on the media, Pamela and I went to see the new movie, “Elvis,” in the small town of Calicoon, New York. It was a beautiful, July day in the Catskills. The Catskills reminds me of the land of Ireland. Green, and I mean lush green! In this beautiful part of the world, however, we have Baby Boomer Motorcyclists cruising back and forth along New York Route 52, where our home is situated. Sometimes it gets on my nerves when those engines roar past my house.

When we arrived at the old theater, it immediately took me back to the days of my youth when I could just walk into a theater and watch a movie. After our three-year absence, I’d forgotten what movie popcorn tasted like.

Built in 1948, this theater was the perfect place to see this movie. The soundtrack was very loud, kind of like a Deep Purple concert. After a while, Pamela put some tissue in her ears. As for me, I’d been trying to recover from an ear infection. But, I made it through okay.

First of all, the actor who played Elvis, Austin Butler, is definitely in Oscar territory. He is the best “Elvis” I’ve ever seen! Veteran actor, Tom Hanks, played a great Colonel Tom Parker. The director, Daz Luhrmann, has interesting approaches in cinematic presentation. This was the first of his movies I’d seen. He is known for his quick cut editing style. The movie’s early Elvis segments had an 80’s video flow to it. The quick cuts weren’t as frequent and obnoxious as in some modern movies. I think Luhrmann wanted the viewer to experience a snapshot compilation of Elvis’ humble beginnings, so he represented them in a flowing, collage fashion. It worked. The movie, narrated by and told from Tom Parker’s perspective, magnified him as the devious character that he was. This portrayal made it clear that Parker saw only dollar signs and had absolutely no concern about Elvis as a human being and/or a cultural icon.

There are two types of capitalism: there is Democratic capitalism and then there is exploitative capitalism. Tom Parker was an illegal alien that saw exploitative capitalism as among the grandest virtues of American freedom. He was not a sympathetic character in the least. Do you know what a great actor is? Tom Hanks: he is a nice guy, but that character he played—you wanted to slap him!

If you love Rock & Roll, then this movie is a requirement for you! I highly recommend it. I only wish I’d been old enough to have seen Elvis’ rise. However, this movie suffices. Yeah, I loved it!

#elvis presley #rock star #1950's #stephenjaymorris #poets on tumblr #youtube #movie review #baby boomers #baby boomer generation #punk #Hillbilly rebel