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#On JKR's writing
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Regulus: I see you for what you are.
James:
James, frantic: Now prongs is a part of me and, yes, he's a deer but he's still-
Regulus: Prongs? A deer? JAMES-
James, laughing nervously: I was kidding. jeez, reg take a joke.
Regulus:
Regulus: Fine. I was actually refering to how you are using me to get back at Sirius.
James: Regulus, Sirius has nothing to do with anything?
Regulus: then what other reason would there be to keep me around? you like me? don't be absurd.
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radlymona · 5 months
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Grown men yet to learn what a children’s fantasy novel series is. More at 11
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greenconverses · 8 months
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oh no, no, nonononononono you don’t get to retcon the first series basically being an all white cast because now you’ve realized it’s Not A Great Look by blaming publishing standards and pretending that annabeth is presented as anything other than a blonde white girl in the text or any of the marketing material ever.
you wrote her as white! you wrote all the main characters as white and made it very clear when the secondary characters weren’t! it’s fine to admit you just had a blind spot and self-corrected with HoO and the other series!!! you don’t get to go back and retroactively collect diversity points by pretending annabeth is in any way presented as racially ambiguous in the text now that you’ve decided to make a tv show!!!! gaaaaaaaaahhhhhh
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owl-noire · 1 year
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As a direct fuck you to Joanne, for every note this gets, I'll write a paragraph in my own novel, featuring:
A soft bisexual mage who likes to draw animals
An absolutely chaotic trans musician who discovered that his singing can heal wounds
A bounty hunter with a magic rifle that knows only one (1) spell
And an infinite library that makes you forget who you are the deeper you go
One note = one paragraph until I've written the whole damn thing.
And again:
Fuck you, Joanne
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hp-hcs · 5 months
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HEYY I SAW U WANYED SOME THEODORE REQUESTS SO I WAS WONDERING IF YOUD WRITE SOME ANGSY W FLUFF AT THE END?
promise — theodore nott x gn!reader
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Requests open
‼️ TWs: references to past domestic abuse & violence: emotional, financial, and physical ‼️
U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
Text line: Text START to 88788
YOU DESERVE SAFETY. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Theodore Nott had his suspicions.
You’d never told him about any of your past relationships, but some of the odd things you did helped him draw his own conclusions.
Like that one random Tuesday night, when you were making dinner together in the kitchen, just chatting and laughing like usual. Theo had finished washing the dishes and shook his hands dry while reaching for the hand towel hanging from the oven handle, when you violently flinched back.
He froze, looking at you with wide eyes. You’d just laughed and patted his shoulder, apologizing for startling him.
Or that one time Theo had been trying to organize some bank statements, and had innocuously asked you if you’d bought something from a certain store when he couldn’t remember having made the purchase himself. You immediately froze up at the question, staring with a deer-in-headlights expression. You had timidly apologized, looking meek and like you were playing dead, to protect yourself, Theo had realized.
Or that time when you were going to a group get-together at a friend’s house and assured him there’d be no other men there.
Or when you couldn’t find your house key before work and panicked.
“I’m working from home today anyways,” Theo had reassured confusedly. “I can just let you in when you get back. I’ll be here all day.”
“You won’t lock me out?” You had asked, genuinely bewildered.
Theo hadn’t known how to respond to that.
But when you had accidentally been decked in the mosh pit at a punk show and rushed home in hysterics, Theo opening the door at your frantic knocking and finding you in the middle of a panic attack, he knew he needed to find out the truth. While trying to calm you down from the attack, you accidentally called Theo the wrong name, pleading with him to not hurt you further.
Theodore’s lips thinned and the blood drained from his face as his suspicions were only solidified. “I’m not going to hurt you, Y/N. Did somebody use to hurt you?”
You had nodded shakily, still beside yourself with anxiety. Theodore skimmed his thumb across the knuckles of your hand, shushing you gently.
“It’s alright, darling. What’s the bastard’s name?”
You mumbled it quietly, your sobs slowing to just shuddering breaths. Theodore had nodded in response, making a mental note to kill the motherfucker at his earliest convenience.
He helped you up from your spot, collapsed on the floor in the entryway of your home, and led you over to the couch, where he hastily tucked a fluffy blanket around you and all but sprinted to the kitchen to make tea. He came back with a warm mug and an ice pack for you, sitting down on the couch near you—but not next to you, so that you wouldn’t feel trapped or boxed in.
You rolled your eyes, taking a sip of your tea before tugging him over to your spot, untucking part of the blanket so he could climb under it. Theodore wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest and sighing comfortably. He kissed the top of your head and whispered in your ear,
“I swear I’ll never lay a hand on you, darling. I promise.”
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iamnmbr3 · 30 days
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JK Rowling: You can tell Harry loves Ginny because his chest monster gets jealous whenever he sees Dean.
Also JK Rowling: Anyway here's a whole paragraph of Harry hating on Pansy for having the audacity to stroke Draco's hair and look like she wants to hold his hand.
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her-midas-touch · 4 months
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It’s always so funny to me how there’s the hp fandom and how there’s the marauders fandom and how despite all of that
I can’t have a normal conversation with anyone about it irl because we’ve literally created our own dead gay wizard lore starring four chaotic ass men, the badass, feisty ladies (lily evans owns me btw) and this slytherin twink along with his whole slytherin squad and the one ravenclaw everyone loves
(also they are all extremely, irrevocably gay, and also, dorcas and pandora, marry me I’m begging).
But like, I’m so loving it. It’s pretty fucking amazing how much representation we get when we just take matters into our own hands lmao.
Like, canon who? Scrap it, rewrite it and make it the gayest era in hogwarts history. I’m all for it.
Its the voices of fandom collectively joining in together to drown out the injustice that is canon and replace it with our truth I love us we’re so powerful
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bodhrancomedy · 5 months
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Yeah, I think even I - an idiot who writes mostly screenplays - have better opening lines than Harry Potter.
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hrlx23 · 4 months
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Confession time….
I’ve only ever watched the Harry Potter movies like once and read the first 2 books (my not girlfriend convinced me to a couple years ago) and I don’t even remember them all that much; I wasn’t even that big of a pottervese fan….then I saw a tiktok about atyd…and I read it….and now I’m here….now I’m running out of marauders fics to read because I’ve already read them all…..(mostly wolfstar fics with background Jily and dorlene; I just now started getting into jegulus)(I haven’t read crimson rivers or art heist baby! yet cuz I don’t want to hurt myself)
Jkr literally does not understand world building at all; nothing in the actual potterverse makes sense. Marauders fanfic writers tho…they get it. They connect the dots, they make characters realistic, they make the magic make sense.
All jkr contributed to this fandom was the names of the characters like….??? We did everything else.
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devin-the-writes · 4 months
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read the full article here
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addsalwayssick · 18 days
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Day 10- @wolfstarmicrofic word count: 622
Remus woke up the most calm he had in years on his Birthday. He was suspicious. He sat up in his bed, finding a note on the end of it.
‘Hey Moony, we’re at breakfast. You looked peaceful and we didn’t want to wake you. Happy Sunday! - Your fellow Marauders.’
Remus furrowed his eyebrows. He was sure they would at least say Happy Birthday at the end of the note, but maybe they were waiting until they were in person. Remus begrudgingly got up from his bed and got dressed.
He went downstairs to the dining hall and sat down with Sirius. James and Sirius greeted Remus with, ‘Good Morning’. Then went back to their conversation. They couldn’t have forgotten.
James eyes widened slightly. “Oh my gosh!” He said, turning to Remus. “I forgot to wish some a good day on their special day.”
Remus smiled, thankful they did actually remember.
“Remind me to go to the owlery to write a letter to my mum. It is mother’s day after all.” James said. Remus’s face fell. “Also Rem, Sirius, Peter, and I will be out all day so yeah.”
“I’ll hang out with you Remus.” Lily said.
Remus was hurt that even Lily didn’t remember. He was sure Regulus would remember with his impeccable memory, but as he came over to his table all he asked was if he wanted to study with him and Lily that day. Remus felt himself nodding, sadly.
“Yeah sounds good.”
The rest of the day went on in a blur. He did have fun, but he always had fun with Lily and Regulus. It was around 6 when Regulus checked the time and hurried them out of the library. “We’ve got to go.” He said impatiently, ushering Remus.
“For what? The library doesn’t close until 8:30.”
“I want to be in bed early tonight.” Regulus said, walking quickly to the Gryffindor common room.
“Then why don’t you go and Lily and I will stay?” Remus argued.
“I’m knackered as well.” Lily said softly. “And Regulus wants to walk us to the Gryffindor tower.”
Remus rolled his eyes but went along with it.
Regulus arrived at the door and scowled. “What’s the password?” He asked Lily.
“Finite Incarnate.” Lily spoke and the door swung open.
Inside it was the most beautiful thing Remus had ever seen. There were lights and music all around, banners that read ‘Happy Birthday, Remus!’, Fire whisky and muggle booze, and a load of presents in the corner.
“Guys what- What is this?” Remus asked, stepping into the room.
“You didn’t think we actually forgot you birthday, did you Remus?” Sirius said taking a step forward.
Remus smiled at him as confidence grew. “It was Sirius’s idea. He wanted it to be special for you since he’s absolutely in-“ James started saying before Sirius tackled him.
“I don’t know what to say. Thank you guys.” Remus said, his voice breaking. Nobody had ever done something quite like this for him. He looked at Sirius, who was looking at the ground with a smile on his face.
“Sirius.” He spoke, walking closer to him. Sirius looked up curiously as Remus pressed his lips to Sirius’s before he could lose the confidence.
They heard loud cheers and wolf whistles from everyone except Regulus, who gagged a little bit. They heard James stop cheering and wolf whistling and Regulus stop gagging, and Sirius knew he would have to check that out later, but for now he was happy in this moment.
“Let’s get this party started!” Remus said as he pulled away.
and that night, let’s just say James and Peter had to take a sleeping draught because of the noises coming from Sirius’s bed.
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Being a marauders fan is so funny, like we were exposed to the Harry Potter franchise, and just immediately were like “you see this guy? The dad that died before the series started? And the kid that died like two decades ago and gets like one or two pages total in the entire series? Yeah, I like those characters.”
Like we literally found a bunch of (canonically dead) characters that are barely mentioned in the books/movies, delicately scooped them up and developed their characters because J.K. Rowling didn’t. And now we have fanfics longer than the freaking Bible about dead gay wizards from the ‘70s, all based on character head cannons that the internet collectively decided was canon. And the best part is that no one can prove it wrong, because the vast majority of characters that lived during the marauders’ era have hardly any background information in the material!
Seriously, though, the fanfics are so long. Like I’m still reading All the Young Dudes, Just Lovers, and Choices. And I haven’t even started Crimson Rivers yet.
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Fred Weasley x male! Reader - Fred Weasley is sure his family thinks his boyfriend is a lunatic
A/n: the reader lives in the usa, normally I wouldn't try and mention where the reader lives (I don't live in the us) but it felt better with this fic. Also we live for badass muggle readers, there will be many more to come!
Warnings: Swearing, fighting (physically), the reader having some mental health problems but it isn't touched upon further then you can read, I think that's it? You have been warned!
Summary: Being introduced to Fred's family as his muggle american boyfriend already makes you sound like some exotic animal to them. It probably won't help that you have another secret just waiting to come out...
The three P's:
[Pov: 2nd person] [Pronouns used: you/your, he/him] [Pairings: (romantic!) fred x reader, (platonic!) fred/reader x the order/weasley family, (mentioned romantic!) Hermione x ron, (mentioned parental! harry x sirius]
I do NOT support J. K. Rowling, or any transphobic/homophobic things she says (or anything she says really), or TERFS!
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You stared up at the ceiling of the Grimwald place with your hands laid on to the sides without a care in the world, opposing the anxious feeling bubbling in your throat.
You closed your eyes as you heard the familiar whispers of the other members of the Weasley family and the "order" replaying in your mind; "A boyfriend, a muggle boyfriend? And an American!" You must have been something to gauk at.
They looked at you as if you were some strange enigma not a newly graduate from your public highschool that wasn't fancy, and no, did not have moving staircases.
Who the fuck would want staircases that moved and that someone could potentially fall down? It seemed like a major safety hazard to you. Though all of Hogwarts seemed like a violation of the welfare of children from all the bits that Fred had told you about, although you're sure your city was much worse.
Where you lived there was crime left and right, and so much of the police were corrupt that it was dangerous to walk at night without someone beside you in case you got jumped.
Damn it, you were not supposed to think about crime right now, because it would just make you more anxious and jumpy and it always sent your spider senses aloof. Yet all you could think about was your city, without it's hero - Spiderman, to protect it. You just prayed while you were away the villains decided to take a break too.
The door to your room opened and your body immediately stood up, triggering it's flight or fight response with your muscles tensing up and you mentally preparing yourself for a fight.
Only to see Fred Weasley, your boyfriend enter the room.
Holy hell, you really were going insane.
Letting out a sigh of relief you let yourself fall against Fred and let your head rest on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around you.
"Tired?"
"Hm."
"Was it my father asking relentless questions, or them thinking you were a friend, and me having to come out of the closet?"
You lift your head and smile lazily at his cheeky grin on his face as he teased you.
"Wouldn't you say wardrobe?"
Fred rolled his eyes. "You Americans always butchering our way of speaking, it's wardrobe, and no. Saying "coming out of the wardrobe" sounds absolutely ridiculous."
You laugh at him and close your eyes, you let your worries about being in England and leaving your city unprotected slowly ebb away with Fred's presence. He always had that affect on you, calming you, letting your mind settle down from the endless ways that people could be dying and how you could be failing to save them.
Not that he knew of course.
When Fred was trying out a new product for Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, he had accidentally gotten teleported to your house in America. Well it was your aunt's house at the time but that was besides the point.
It scared the ever living shit out of you, and you nearly thought he was a super villain with immense powers. No, it was just some stupid boy who had been mistakenly apparated to your residency and who couldn't get back because he didn't have his wand on him when he did.
"Freddie- or whatever your name is, I have a feeling you're not in England anymore."
After introducing you to magic, he was stayed at your place for three months, because you had no way to buy him a plane ticket to London, as you were barely scraping by as is. And someone would have to show him the terrors of an airport and how to navigate (that person being you) meaning you would need two tickets.
Eventually he found a witch who would apparate him back, although he was hesitant. He didn't want to leave you.
Reasoning with him that his family probably thought he was dead (also considering he did tell you there was a war with some dark wizard named Morty?) So he did, not before he confessed to you and decided he would come see you every weekend.
Then every weekend, became every other day and every other day became every day after work.
He was with you through everything and had told you things about himself his twin didn't even know, insecurities not meant for the cruel world. He was there for you when aunt may died, and when your best friend did too.
Yet you couldn't tell him your secret, that you were Spiderman. That you went out every night and saved people from getting hurt - or worse. Maybe more simply put that you were bitten by a radioactive spider that gave you superpowers (heighten senses, the ability to climb walls, webs, heightened intelligence, healing factor, spidey senses, super strength, super speed, super reflexes, superhuman durability, and immunity to wizard spells) and when your uncle died made you want to become a capped crusader without a cape that saved people?
Alright, perhaps that is a bit harder to explain.
Still you felt guilty that you hadn't told him, the two of you had been together for two years, he deserved to know.
"You alright there love?" Fred asked you as he ran a hand through your hair. "I seemed to have lost you there for a minute."
An American, muggle, boyfriend; man his family must have stared at you like a freak in a cage and you didn't notice.
"Fred I have to-"
You cut yourself off as your spidey sense started "tingling" more like blaring in your brain.
Quickly you pushed Fred to the left side of the room as a women in some weird sliver mask and black gown (that must not have been good for running after people in,) appeared out of some black smoke.
Emo much?
A spell whosed out of her wand as it hit the wall behind you two and you blankly wondered (not minding the danger) if she was in a cult.
It definitely wasn't one of yours that's for sure, usually they had better costumes.
"They've gotten passed our defenses!" A yell was heard from outside your secluded room and you couldn't be bothered to identify who it was before Fred casted some spell that made the women fall down straight like a board.
You could admire the irony in that.
Fred looked at you with confusion in his eyes. "How did you- It doesn't matter, you stay in here, okay? It's not safe out there."
Oh it was deatheaters, the people they were at war with. So you were right, it was a cult, to be fair it wasn't just any cult, it was the cult.
Fred quickly casts a spell under his breath over towards the lady now stiffed on the ground and closed to door on your face. As he locked it without even touching it.
You cursed, stupid magic, stupid people, stupid boyfriend, you had to get to them and help. You knew you could help because you were sure Wizards that hated anyone who wasn't "pure" and hated muggles didn't carry guns, making them incredibly useless. In addition to that wouldn't they not learn basic self defense because that would be below them or something?
So it would be mostly a saving-people-from-dying mission, you hated those.
"Because someone always ends up dying." A voice in the back of your mind speaks, way too happily when talking about death.
You slam the side of your body against the door as it flew off the hinges and you ran out to help the others. Whoops, hopefully you wouldn't have to pay for that.
You had the advantage of sneaking in, so you climbed up the walls so that you were sticking to the roof. It was strange climbing again in regular clothes, you usually did it in your spidey suit. It reminded you of when you were just starting out and freaking out about your powers, it nearly made you chuckle
Spotting Fred's twin - George (yes you could tell them apart it wasn't that hard) in a tough spot with two deatheaters cornering him you decided it was your time to jump into action before someone got hurt.
"Hey asshole!" You yelled at his perpetrators from the ceiling. "It's over, I have the high ground!"
Then you dropped from the ceiling on one of their faces.
The masked deatheater that you jumped on crumbled to the ground and hit their head on the floor and didn't make another noise. You didn't have time to check their pulse and make sure you didn't accidentally kill them as the other one sent a spell flying your way.
You giggled at their stunned expression when the spell did absolutely nothing to you.
"Ya, that isn't going to work buddy." You spoke confidentially before leaping towards them and punching them in the face.
"But may the force me with you!" You yelled as you threw your arm back to readying it for another punch.
You hit them just with the right amount of force, and just in the right place that they would get knocked out. You didn't want to do some brain damage or anything. You're sure there were some Wizard police or something that could take care of them, and they most likely would want to extract information from them too considering they were in war right now.
Okay two down, ten more to go? This is the best break ever!
Molly, Fred's mum was firing spell after spell at people, and didn't seem to need any help, and Sirius Black (escaped wrongly convicted?) was also just doing fine as he fought along side his godson. Harry Potter, the kid who the leader of the deatheater cult really wanted to kill because he couldn't kill a fucking baby. Although, he always waited at the end of the year to either try and kill him or apprehend him.
Well, at least Morty cared about the kid's education right?
You scanned your eyes around the room and they fell on Fred's youngest sister who was fighting along side Ron, and Hermione (who should really fuck already) and looked to be losing.
To be fair, three kids versus five adults? Didn't exactly seem fair to you.
You judo kicked one of them, before throat punching another, then knocking one on the jaw (you really hoped it wasn't broken,) while dodging some strikes coming your way.
"Here's Johnny!" You screamed.
Next you webbed the fourth cult member's arms and legs together, and finally you got the last one in a choke-hold cutting off their air supply before they fell to the ground on conscious.
You fought the remaining one off before having your short victory of them all being alive but unable to move or open their eyes.
"Bloody hell, I know, you're that superhero from America - Spiderman!" Ron exclaims.
Winking at him you let your spidey sense guide you to the next danger.
"I'm Batman." You grudge in your best Bruce Wayne impression possible before throwing your head back with laughter.
"Yes, it's Spiderman." You clarify, at their perplexed expressions and their wonderment of your sanity.
Suddenly your brain flared and you shot a web at Fred quicker than the speed of light and pulled him towards you with it as a spell that was bright green that sounded like "abracadabra" narrowly missed him.
You felt like you knew the spell, you feel like Fred had told you about it specifically- Oh. It was the killing curse.
That Bastard tried to murder your boyfriend.
Rage filled your veins that you hadn't felt since your uncle died, an old friend that come to greet you with a dagger in it's hands that had your name on it.
This was had to end now.
You took down the rest of the deatheaters swiftly even if the idiots had figured out you were immune to magic they were no match for you.
Then, some white light, smokey stuff came from out of nowhere and people stepped out of it. You almost go to attack them only to see that they didn't don the stupid all black gowns, nor the sliver cult masks with designs only children would call creepy.
Was this the rest of the order?
"The the fuck happened here." Some guy spoke with an mechanical eye, but not really mechanical eye? It just looked everywhere at any point? You were so confused honestly.
You're pretty sure the most emotion you've been feeling this entire time has been confusion.
"Sorry, did I step on your moment?" You question them with a toothy grin while your boyfriend marveled at you with a bright red blush covering his ears and cheeks.
"Merlin, that was so hot."
You throw your head back in laughter as George elbows Fred who continues to ogle at you.
"So you're not mad?" You ask him as your eyes flash with fear.
"Mad? Why would I be mad?" He chuckles and comes forward to wrap an arm around your waist.
"Well I kinda didn't tell you and you told me about your wizard thingy..." You trail off, as your hands fidget with each other.
"As much as this is sweet-" The man with mechanical the eye starts up with a grumble.
"No, no, I want to see how this will play out." A women with pink hair smirks.
"Were you going to tell me eventually?" Fred continues.
"Yes, why wouldn't I?"
"Exactly, you just had to tell me in your own time."
You gaped at the man in front of you, you couldn't believe that this wizard is yours.
"I love you so much!" You threw your arms around Fred's neck.
"Mate!" Ron piped up. "Fred's boyfriend just annihilated a bunch of deatheaters like they were flies! How is hugging him now?!"
Fred just ignores his brother as he places a kiss on your brow.
"I love you too, you crazy spider."
Bonus 1:
"I think my family is terrified of you now." Fred whispers in your ear as you glance over Ron who's shaking slightly as he leans over to Hermione and mutters something to her along the lines of; "He took down twelve deatheaters! Of course I'm scared!"
"That's what Ron's telling Hermione right now."
Fred stares at you, an astonished look appearing over his freckles.
"You can hear them, from here!"
"It's called super hearing babe."
"I know you, already explained your powers to me! But you willingly listened in on them!"
You bashfully turned your head. "I was just curious!"
"Who are you, and what have you done with Y/n!"
"You caught me! I'm Bond, James Bond."
Bonus 2:
"You know Morty and his deatheaters should really learn self defense." You state with your arms crossed around your chest. "I'm seriously concerned about their physical well beings!"
Fred looked over at you as his face split into a grin and his belly filled with uncontrollable laughter.
"Did you just call Voldemort, Morty!"
"That isn't his name?"
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-thedelusionreaderbitch
Hp Taglist: @regulusblackswhorecrux
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Can we stop referring to JKR as a "violent transmisogynist" instead of a "violent transphobe"? Unless you're specifically discussing the transmisogyny aspect of her bigotry, only acknowledging her transmisogyny erases the significant damage she's caused to other trans people. Her words are influencing laws even in America that are targeting young trans men, transmascs, and non binary people specifically, so it's about time we stop pretending she's only a transmisognynist instead of an all around horrible transphobe.
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beemovieerotica · 1 year
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jkr masterfully demonstrating my biggest pet peeve in written dialogue
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don't do this
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teashoesandhair · 1 year
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Delighted to reveal that my debut 4,000 page detective novel, The Stink Black Fart, written under my pseudonym Bobert Balbraith, will never be released.
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