#On a weekly basis since autmn began

[mrfoox]

Trying to balance my own mental state as I'm in the middle of getting my life on track in the middle of an pandemic sure is a game of stress

#miranda talking shit #People probably look at me and think I'm a selfish prick which is fine bc i think six times worse things about myself #I guess i could put everything on hold til this is over but ive already been transitioning into having suicidal ideas and thoughts #On a weekly basis since autmn began #And if i continue living here without setting all this up mom have to pay for my apartment and all the bills that is included #Theres more than one reason i sleep 24 hours at least once a week now #I can say majority of it is mental based issues.... #Trying to not fall into my normal trap of bad spirials while also not going in public more than i have to etc #Like im planning in more than one meetings per day which i know kills me mentally #Bc then i wont have to go in public and be a problem later that week again #Im a selfish asshole i know this but also need to learn to think about myself... Bc apperantly doing thimgs that are bad for you to make #Others better your whole life hasnt done me any favors and unlearning it isnt gonna be done in a week #Ive been on a diet without actual food for a year now... Living on milk and candy 5-6 days a week so i dont use up more food so my parents #Have to buy food more often.... #Im a piece of shit and i know it but i am actually trying to balance things despite how awful it looks #Im too tired to talk to friends and i feel like walking in front of a train but im actually trying to keep myself alivr and others #Im never gonna be able to do enough on anyone elses stardards bc i dont work the same way they do but i am doing what i can #Negative