Kidnapper: *calls Cole in the middle of the night* I have your kids.
Cole: *just woke up and is a bit groggy* Which one? I have seven.
Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up.
Cole:*pinches the bridge of his nose before checking the time* Which one? That could be any of my kids....
Kiriko,D.va and Venture: *distantly in the background* HEY COLE!!!
Cole: Oh you have Hana,Sloane and Kiri...Oh my good sir you're you don't have them, they have you goodnight.
Kidnapper:E-Excuse me?
Cole:*hangs up the phone and goes back too sleep*
Hanzo: *stirs a bit in his sleep*Who called?
Cole: Some poor sap who is stuck with Kiri,Hana and Sloane
Hanzo: Ah okay goodnight Cole
Cole: Night darlin
I think it’s really vile that both VAs for Hanzo and Cassidy have gone on record to say that they like the ship of those two characters and yet it’s still not canon
Let’s be honest though if Blizzard DID make it canon THOSE ow players would have a conniption
Sombra: "Woah! How could you even say that? I'm a sigma!"
Y/N: "If you were a great friend, you would stop the cap!"
Sombra: "Ad hominem, ad hominem... You can't get mad about—"
Y/N: "You only star your own posts, you hated my wojak, you made fun of my drip, you disrespected skibidi toilet, you ratio'd my tweet and you didn't even seem sorry..."
Sombra: "THAT RATIO WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU!"
Y/N: *shocked face*
Sombra: "..."
Y/N: *shakes head in disbelief* "Don't rizz me" *starts walking backwards* "Don't come by Ohio, we're done" *turns to walk away with tears in eyes*
Mauga:*talking to Lifeweaver* Pros and cons of dating me.
Mauga: Pros. You'll be the cute one.
Lifeweaver: And the cons?
Mauga: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-
(new addition to Kitty Cole I did a while ago!)
----
*Genji is cooking in the kitchen with Hanzo*
Genji: So has Winston found a fix for Cole's predicament?
Hanzo: Not yet but he said he's working on it. I have to admit... I don't think I want him to turn back.
Genji: Hanzo. I will not allow my friend to remain a cat man for your fantasies.
Hanzo: So you don't want to see how he reacts to cat nip?
Genji:.... I'll go to the pet store.
*A few minutes and a tainted piece of jerky later*
Cole: *laying on the ground, pupils extremely dilated, staring at his hands* I can taste the universe... *rolls around giggling*
Genji: Okay this was worth it.