reasons.
I want you to know the reasons why I left, but I am too scared of how you will judge me based on my past. I fear that you might turn out to be like those people around me who, despite my hopes, never trusted me. They saw me as the same person from my past, even though I have changed and learned from my mistakes.
I long to see your face every morning when I wake up—the laughter that feels like music to my ears and the lips I want to cherish every day. Unfortunately, I am too weak to confront my fears. The thoughts in my head still haunt me. Instead of choosing you, I chose to run away—not because I don’t want you in my life, but because I want to protect you from myself. I feel like a monster, an outcast in society, forever branded by my past. I strive to transform into a sheep, hiding from my own cage. My life is as exhausting as you might imagine, and I shield you from the truth because I fear witnessing your own fear once you learn the reasons I keep buried in the past.
You deserve someone who can love you more, someone who chooses you and never leaves you behind. In my eyes, you are an angel, while I am merely a devil yearning to become your lover.
written by: iamanother.
Photo by: Noah Silliman
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Césarée (Marguerite Duras, 1978)
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There’s a line I read once, by an Egyptian poet whose name I cannot remember: that a diary’s function is not to show you who you are, but who it is you have ceased to be.
— Sean Michaels, Do You Remember Being Born: A Novel (Astra House, September 5, 2023)
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I am so proud of little me.
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F. Scott Fitzgerald, from a letter to Zelda Fitzgerald
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I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be.
Joan Didion
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Fogadd el, és sétálj tovább. Majd elmúlik.
- mondta, majd elnyomta a cigijét és odébb állt.
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