#Pearl Jam fanfiction

[aishnico]

#𝙀𝘿𝘿𝙄𝙀 𝙑𝙀𝘿𝘿𝙀𝙍: 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭

» summary: one day, you told your daughter how you got that green seashell inside your locket

» word count: 2.2k

» warnings: major fluff to angst (I SWEAR YOU WON’T REGRET READING PT 2)

» inspired by sarah jio’s always novel.

» part 2

it was a sunny afternoon. you were drinking your ginger tea and watching your daughter drawing a big, blue castle which she was inspired by a cartoon she watched this morning. you were feeling peaceful. waiting for your husband to come back from the bazaar.

"ta-daa!" she cheered at you while showing you her picture. you smiled and praised her for her work. then took it into your hands. she added sun, sea, and seashells inside the sea. they were in different colours. when you saw a green one, you couldn't help but caress your locket.

"do you wanna know what's inside there?"

she nodded quickly and you took off it from your neck and put it on the table, then opened the locket. she couldn't help but loudly gasp when she saw the green seashell inside of it.

"wow! that looks really beautiful and unique, mommy, where did you find it?!"

you couldn't help but smirk when she asked you this. "i didn't, someone else found and gifted it to me."

"then you must be really important to them, i mean look at that, not everyone gifts something like that!"

you smiled at her, "yeah, guess who did?"

she thought a couple of seconds and gasped again suddenly. "daddy?!" you smiled and nodded. "do you wanna know the story behind it?" she nodded again quickly. then you start to look from the window and you saw a beach where things have started.

— 1984

it was a sunny afternoon in chicago. there were a couple of weeks before the start of your college, in seattle. so before moving there, you decided to spend your last weeks with your family. and here you were, collecting seashells with your little brother on the beach. you got tired after kneeling up and down every few seconds under the sun. you then frowned "why are you collecting these so much, what are you gonna do with them anyway?"

"i'm gonna make a huge castle from them with clay!" he didn't mind your indifference. you rolled your eyes and looked at the rough and light blue coloured sea. there were a lot of people on the beach, but not a big amount of them were swimming. some people were surfing too. you were fascinated by them, especially by a man who was short and brunette with blue eyes.

"look!" he suddenly shouted at you. "it has a hole in it, i can make it into a necklace! can you put it in a safe place, please?" you sighed and nodded to his request and after taking it from him, you went to your sunbed. you put the seashell inside the bag and you certainly didn't expect to see that man you were fascinated by.

"hello!" he said nervously. you smiled at him too. "hi."

"i am, uh... saw how you were collecting seashells and when i saw it, i thought you may like it." he approached you and opened his palm, showing what was inside. you loudly gasped when you saw it. it was a green seashell.

"oh my god i... i don't know what to say... it looks so unreal, are you sure you want to gift me this?" he nodded and you slowly took it from him. you couldn't help but ask "why are you giving this to a stranger?"

"i, i don't wanna sound cheesy but, a beautiful seashell for a beautiful lady, I guess..." you chuckled at his nervousness and looked down. "well, thank you then." you looked at him again and sat down to sunbed. patting your next so he could sit next to you. he sat and you looked at his ocean eyes.

"i've never seen you here before until today. i saw how you were surfing. you do this for a long time, don't you?"

"i came here from san diego a few days ago. and yeah, i've been surfing since 12."

"then welcome! i hope you'll like it here. i'm [name] by the way." you cheered. he smiled at you. "and i'm eddie."

you were talking about your interests until your brother stood before you, put his hands around his waist and looked at you furiously. "are you done with flirting with your boyfriend? because we still have to fill at least 5 bottles!"

your and his cheeks got flushed. you coughed. "he's not my boyfriend." "whatever..." your brother put his full bottle of seashells inside the bag and gave you a bottle. "would you like to help us?" he asked to eddie. he then smiled at him and agreed on it.

you still continued talking about your interests and then about random things. you discovered that he has the same music taste you have. and he was more open to you now. at the time, you realized your brother was far ahead of you. maybe because you were busy talking.

after finishing filling the bottles, your brother thanked eddie sincerely and went swimming. you wanted to join him but you stopped when you saw eddie not moving.

"hey, did something happen?" you asked.

"uh, yes actually. i remembered i gotta go." he gave you an apologetic smile. "will I see you again?" he asked and you nodded. "then will i see you, tonight?" you chuckled and nodded again. after agreeing on which place and in which time you should meet he rushed. "bye, [name]!"

"bye, eddie!"

after you and your brother came back home, even though you were tired, you still helped your mother with cooking. at the table, he was talking about the sea and how beautiful seashells with little holes he found. and of course, he talked about eddie. about how nice and helpful he was. he was smirking at me and i just hit his leg slightly under the table.

it was almost eight, you wore a blue sundress with matching flat shoes. of course, your little brother wished you luck on your date.

you went to the bar where you two agreed to meet. you saw him and waved at him. he was wearing a 'the who' shirt with black shorts. you greeted each other and entered the bar. he was a gentleman to buy you a drink. you thanked him and then sat close to the stage. you didn't understand why, but he looked nervous. so you started a conversation about a random thing. the conversation led to where he was talking about the first time he tried surfing excitedly. you realized that you were smiling at him since he started to talk.

a couple of guys entered the stage and started to play light my fire by the doors. your mouth got open "i love this song!" he smiled at you. "would you like to dance to this song with me then?" you nodded and he got up and gave you his hand. you gave yours to him and he led you close to the stage.

you could feel everyone's gaze at you two. but you didn't care. not when you were feeling excited. you two took a step forward and bowed. you circled each other, your gaze remained locked. he placed his hand on your back, you placed yours on his shoulder and your free hands met. your feet in perfect sync together. as the song progressed, you felt more relaxed and gave him a heartwarming smile of yours. he blushed slightly.

when the song ended, he wanted to walk home with you. you agreed and led him the way. there was a comfortable silence between you. maybe because there were thoughts from this night inside your heads. after about twenty minutes, you were outside your house.

"thank you for walking with me." you said while smiling. he smiled too "it's nothing, just wanted you to be safe.”

you didn't say anything to each other for a couple of seconds. when you looked at your window, you saw your little brother waving at you. you rolled your eyes.

"well, thank you for the night, then. i had a good time. good night." you said to him and before you went the door, he called you.

"wait, [name]!" you turned to him. "i... i had a good time with you too. and, and i wanna repeat this. i want to spend time with you again."

you chuckled. "are you asking me out?" he nodded shyly. and you just kissed his flushed cheek. "i would love that." and after you gave him your phone number and wished good night to each other, you entered your house.

"i liked him from the moment he agreed to help us. he looks nice to be my brother-in-law." your brother smirked at you. but you weren't paying attention to him. you were carefully caressing your green seashell. and you decided to carry it everywhere. you put it inside your locket and wore it. wondering about your next date.

three weeks passed since you met with eddie. you would see each other three or four times a week. some days you would go to new places that he hasn't ever been there, going on late-night drives or chilling at the bar where your first date was.

there were days that you two would hang out with your brother. some days, you would take him to the theme park, bowling saloon, arcade bar, or eddie just trying to teach him how to surf. your heart would melt when you would see them together. he really liked eddie, also your parents.

but sadly, it was your final day in chicago. you had to go back to the rainy city. you wish you would go to college in chicago. you would be with your family, and with eddie.

he knew this was your last day. so you agreed on meeting at the beach where you two met. it was evening, and not many people were at the beach compared to the afternoon. you two sat down on the sand, watching waves lap up against the shore softly.

"i wish i could meet you earlier." you said while smiling sadly.

"yeah, i wish i dared to meet you earlier. i've been seeing you on the beach with your brother before we met."

"but, this is not the end of the world, right? i'm planning to come here in the summer. we can see each other."

he nodded but you felt something hidden in his facial expression. "eddie, if there's something on your mind, you can just tell me." he gulped and turned his head to you. "what i am to you, [name]? just your summer love for a few weeks?"

your eyes widen at his question. you didn't know what to say. no, you had actually. but you didn't know how to put them in words.

"the first time i saw you, you were looking fascinated. i couldn't help but stare at you at that moment. i thought i just liked your appearance, but no. i still wonder how i managed to ask you out. the more time i've spent with you, the more i've fallen in love with you. i love you, [name]." he said while looking at you sincerely. he said these three words for the first time.

you smiled, grabbed his hands and held them. "i, i love you too, eddie. you're not just a summer love to me. trust me, you're more than that. i believe we still can communicate. i don't wanna lose connection with you. you will be always in here." you pointed with your index finger to your locket. he chuckled and his cheeks flushed.

the sun was almost setting. you knew you gotta go. you looked at him with apology.

"before you go, i wanna do something. i wanted to do this after our first day." he got close to your face, your noses touching. "can i?" he asked and you nodded happily. he then connected your lips with a passion. it started slow at first but got heated after. he was kissing you like no tomorrow and you were trying to catch up with him. you saw his eyes got watered and you wiped away them. after seconds, he pulled away and connected your foreheads.

"i love you. don't ever forget that." you whispered.

"i love you too, and i won't forget that."

you squeezed his hands for the last time and started to walk home, crying silently.

your family moved to michigan due to your father's work after your start at college. it was a surprise for you. but you could do nothing about it. and eddie never called you again. you got frustrated and hurt because of it. wasn't he telling you that he was in love with you? maybe he thought it wouldn't work or the thing between us should just stay as a summer love.

then you wanted to hit yourself. because you realized you never give him your number, you gave your house's. and when your family moved, they changed it. when the semester finished, you first went to chicago to look for him. but you couldn't find him. then you learnt that he moved to southern california. you cried, even though you spent a little bit of time with him, you were still madly in love with him. and you never stopped loving him.

#pearl jam #pearl jam x reader #eddie vedder #eddie vedder x reader #pearl jam fanfiction #pearl jam fluff #pearl jam angst #eddie vedder fluff #eddie vedder angst #grunge #grunge x reader #stone gossard #jeff ament #mike mccready #chris cornell #matt cameron #soundgarden #mother love bone #90s

[key-to-the-shadow]

Spin the Bottle

Spin the Bottle ~ Oneshot (Eddie Vedder X Fem!Reader)

♫ tropes: brothers best friend

♫ warnings: use of Y/N and predetermined last name (poncier pronounced pawn-see-a), not proof read

♫ a/n: loosely based on the movie 'singles', 1992 eddie

Masterlist

-----

Cum On Feel the Noize was playing from a record player in the far corner of the living room.

The boys and I chugged bottles of beer, each of us racing to be the first to finish the distasteful liquid. I never liked beer very much but I still felt like I needed to win.

It was a typical Saturday night. My brother, his band, a few other friends, and I all sat around drinking beer, eating pizza, and playing some sort of game. There was always some kind of fuss about what to play since Cliff never wanted to play anything fun like spin the bottle.

But Cliff wasn't here tonight. I was the first to suggest spin the bottle and the group quickly agreed.

I slammed my glass on the ground that we all sat in a circle on. "Fuck yeah," I cheered as I noticed I was the first one to finish. "I win." I got no response until other people began to set their bottles on the ground as well.

We'd made a deal that whoever drinks first is immune from spinning the bottle first. Whoever finishes last has to go first.

I surveyed who still had the beer. It was a race between Debbie Hunt, a neighbor of ours, and Eddie, my brother's best friend who also happened to be the drummer of their band. Citizen Dick.

Debbie let out a shrill laugh as she slammed her glass on the ground, her ginger hair bouncing with her movements.

"Eddie's off his game tonight," Stone, another member of the band, said with a mocking tone.

The brunette rolled his eyes as he set down the cheap glass of now-empty beer. He'd played it off as being off his game but in reality, I was sure he lost on purpose. At the beginning of every band practice, they all shotgunned beers to get into 'the right mindset' and Eddie always finished his first.

Eddie's ring-clad fingers gripped the glass bottle, preparing to spin it. The glass rattled against the dark wooden floor. As its momentum slowed down, my heart pounded in my ears.

Eddie was always attractive to me but I was positive the fact that my brother would kill me for even thinking that made him all the more alluring. Eddie and my brother had known each other since they were kids and even moved into apartments right next to each other. The thing was, I still lived with my brother. Being a musician in Seattle wasn't something that paid a whole lot.

There had been a few times I'd wondered if Eddie thought anything of me like that. One of my three jobs was working at a dive bar that featured live music. My brother and his band often played there so I helped them set up whenever I could.

"Y/N," Eddie had called from the wings of the stage before the bar had opened. I came in early to help them set up but by now, most of it was done. "Mind sound-checking the set?"

"Eds, you know I don't play drums," I reminded him that I only sang and kicked around on the guitar on occasion. "I don't know what it's supposed. to sound like."

A soft 'oh' came from backstage before I heard footsteps skip up to the stage. Eddie was wearing a loose white tank with a brown flannel and torn-up jeans. His hair was pulled into a messy bun at the nape of his neck.

The rest of the band had gone to grab some dinner at a nearby restaurant before the gig and left Eddie to hold down the fort, promising to bring him back a sandwich.

It was just the two of us.

"Here, I'll show you," He said as he approached the set. "Sit." He took the drumsticks and pointed to the black throne.

I sat down on the cushioned seat and took the light wooden sticks that he passed to me.

He told me to hit the snare drum a couple times and he fiddled with the key until he was satisfied. Then moved to the kick and floor tom until he told me to play a fill along all the drums.

I looked behind me, ready to repeat that I don't know how to play the drums before he interrupted me.

"Like this." He remarked as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. His hands found mine. "Loosen up, Poncier," He joked, using my last name as he often did when he made fun of me. My face heated at the words and I did my best to relax as he guided my hands across the toms. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. If I were to turn my head to the left the slightest bit, our lips would've been inches from each other. It took all I could not to move to the left.

It was horribly off-beat but he just needed the sound for turning reasons.

We weren't doing anything wrong. But it was tense enough to the point that if I knew if Cliff walked through the doors at this moment, we would have to persuade him to believe that we weren't doing anything like that.

His hands stayed on mine for longer than they should have but not long enough to the point either of us mentioned it. He let his arms drop away from me and I felt cold without his chest pressed against my back.

He cleared his throat. "Let me know if you ever want a drum lesson."

I never took him up on the drum lesson even though I wanted to. I wanted that feeling of his closeness again but I was scared of Cliff and what he would do.

My thoughts were cleared away as the glass bottle began to slow down. My heart pounded as it got slower and slower and inched closer and closer to me.

When it came to a halt, my breath seemed to vanish. The bottle was staring at me and so was Eddie. He was sitting directly across from me in the circle.

All of the guys started laughing and nudging Eddie while the girls sat with amused smirks on their faces.

I didn't know what to do. Do I move? Does he? Eventually, Eddie stands up and walks over to me. The only thing running through my mind was that Eddie Vedder was about to kiss me and there was no doubt in my mind that Cliff's situationship, Janet, would tell him. She knew how protective Cliff was of me and she also knew that he wouldn't find it funny that I kissed Eddie even if it was for a game.

I felt her eyes dig into the side of my head but I refused to look at her. I kept my jaw clenched and braced myself when Eddie got down on the floor in front of me. I'd rejected moving so he had to come to where I was.

"You nervous?" Eddie asked with a snarky tone, barely above a whisper. It was the kind of voice he used when he was joking with me but now it felt as if he was edging me on.

"No," I lied.

A smirk graced his lips as he brought a hand to my hair, grazing my neck with his fingers. I didn't know what to do with my hands so I placed them on his chest as he leaned forward. I clung to the graphic tee he was wearing as our lips collided.

His lips were rough but the feeling of them on mine was euphoric. He pulled away shortly after, not wanting to make a scene. The hesitation before he broke the contact made my thoughts whirl with what if's.

Why did he hesitate?

If this was just a kiss for a game, why would he hesitate?

Cheers erupted around us as the boys immaturely hollered. Eddie's hand fell away from its grip on my hair and I let go of his shirt, letting him return back to his place at the circle.

#eddie vedder #eddie vedder x reader #vedder x reader #pearl jam #pearl jam fanfiction #soundgarden #eddie vedder fanfiction #brothers best friend trope #x reader #oneshot #pearljam one shot #eddie vedder one shot

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 61 - Shirts, questions and the Fonz with a moustache

In the previous chapter: Jerry goes on his blind date and meets Heather. Surprisingly, she too reveals that she's not interested in meeting guys at the moment. Realizing that they are very similar and in the same situation, she convinces Jerry to pretend that the two of them are dating so as to be left alone by their respective friends. During a question-and-answer game between Stone and Grace, the two discuss how she hasn't let him sleep with her in her bed yet due to her insecurities. In the end Stone manages to calm her down and convince her to take this step with him. Eddie and Angie finally manage to spend an evening together, with pizza and horror movies. Eddie tries again to make her change her mind about Cameron Crowe's film and reveals that for him it's a special occasion: exactly one month has passed since their first kiss. Angie feels guilty because she hadn't thought about the anniversary at all, not being used to this type of things in her past relationships.

***

He fills me up, he gives me love More love than I've ever seen He's all I got, he's all I got in this world But he's all the man that I need

To a casual observer this scene might seem surreal, I must admit. If my life was a TV series and today's episode began with this scene from this morning, as a viewer, a thousand alarm bells would go off for me, ranging from "It's an alternative reality resulting from time travel gone wrong” to “A catastrophe is just about to happen.” Because me, Angie Pacifico, making pancakes on a Wednesday morning, still in my robe despite having class in just over an hour, dancing to the top 100 on the radio and singing (destroying) Whitney Houston is not something you see every day. I actually turned the volume up for Eddie because I suspect that I-never-sleep-I-only-live-at-night-in-san-diego-I-went-surfing-at-the-crack-of-dawn guy has no intention of getting out of bed. This morning I opened my eyes before my killer alarm clock and I promptly deactivated it to let him rest. I took the fastest and quietest shower ever and now I'm here. Since we are always in a rush and don't spend time together regularly, it seemed like a nice thing to prepare a nice breakfast to spoil him a little and be able enjoy a few more minutes together, sitting at a table, talking and joking, rather than sharing the usual quick bye and go each their own way. And I'm also including Meg in this because, with the end of school approaching, the tattoo thing and all the side jobs she's taking on to supplement her income, even having a nice chat with my roommate has become complex. I thought the smell of breakfast and coffee would be enough to give Ed a sweeter good morning than my hated alarm clock, but I was wrong. I pour another big scoop of dough into the pan and smile when I hear the sound of the shower water running, thinking that my melodious chanting has done its duty, but I immediately change my mind when I hear Meg's voice singing along to the chorus of Freedom 90. Well, if I didn't make it, she'll take care of throwing him out of bed with the help of George Michael.

I take the plate with all the pancakes and put it in the center of the table, the bottle of chocolate syrup is already there. Since I don't want to be seen as someone who only eats junk, I decide to also get some yogurt and fruit, which always goes well on pancakes. I head towards the fridge dancing, but not before shouting EVERYBODY DANCE NOW! together with the radio. I stick my head into the fridge and when I back up and close the door I almost have a heart attack and almost project yogurt and berries on to the ceiling.

"EDDIE!"

"Hey," he says to me, leaning against the doorframe, sleepy and smiling.

"WHAT THE FUCK" I leave everything on the table safely and regain color.

"Good morning to you too, kitten"

"Fucking kitten, you appear like this out of nowhere, you scared the fuck out of me!"

"Forgive me, I didn't want to scare you. It's just that… you were all focused on dancing, I couldn't interrupt you" he explains with that adorable stupid face that… nothing, I have class in an hour, I can't think about these things .

“How long have you been there?”

"A little while" he's still standing at the kitchen door. Still standing there in just his boxers and his black and red plaid button down shirt. I repeat, Angie , YOU CAN'T THINK ABOUT THAT NOW.

"You could have found an alternative and gentler way to announce your presence, right?" I go back to the unlit stove and pretend to turn it off, then move to the sink and pretend to fiddle with something else until I feel his hands on my shoulders.

"And miss this show? I'm not that stupid" he kisses my cheek and then rests his chin on my right shoulder.

"The ideal show for a traumatic awakening. Hey, be careful or you'll get burnt, it's still hot" I warn him when I see him reach out for the pan, perhaps to put it to wash.

"I'm already on fire anyway" he puts everything in the sink and then hugs me from behind, leaning on me again.

"Eheheh what?"

“Do you have any idea how sexy you were?” he whispers as his fucking grabby hands do the work.

"Am I sexy in the kitchen? At the stove? In one of the stereotyped roles in which the most vulgar sexism imprisons women?" I turn towards him in an attempt to get him off me, but with little success.

“I actually meant dancing in a robe, but honestly this is even fucking better” very poor considering now he's just grabbed at my ass and his mouth is getting dangerously close to my sweet spot on my neck.

"Oh ok so… years of struggles for women's emancipation reduced to a fetish? Feminism that exists only for the sexual gratification of you, straight white man?"

"Stop it or I'll have to fuck you here and now" he backs away from my neck just long enough to point this thing out in my ear, and then goes back to his actions.

"Eheh, you can't anyway" I push him away perhaps too impulsively, I turn around again and start filling the sink with water and then take the dish detergent.

"Why?" please, Eddie, you're not helping right now.

"Because… because Meg is over there…" and again, his hands on my hips "And then we have to eat and I have to go to class"

"Ok, wait," Eddie turns off the tap, takes my hand and, pushing me into a sort of pirouette, forces me to turn towards him again "point A"

"Haha, you even have points ready first thing in the morning!"

"I was born ready. Point A: Meg is over there, she's not here" first he looks towards the door, then directs his eye back towards me and winks.

"But she can arrive at any moment" I reply, but I'm not as quick to fight against his hands, which start unbuttoning my robe.

"We just need to pay attention when we hear Mariah Carey coming over," he jokes, making fun of the song she's singing now.

"What if we're too distracted?" I close a button, he unbuttons two.

"Point B:" he continues, not caring about my objections, "we can still eat... after..."

"After what?" he just looks up to smile at me, without a word.

"Point C: I'll give you a ride to class so you won't be late" and there go two more buttons.

"But-" I try to protest, not so strongly. He silences me by kissing me, softly, but with a certain firmness, and now my robe is completely open.

"Come on, let's go to your room, five minutes"

"It will never be five minutes, Eddie"

"Wanna bet?" my robe is on the floor and his hands are under my pajama top, threatening to send that flying too. Until a detail belatedly catches my attention.

"Eddie, da-… um, sorry, but what are you wearing?"

"I'm overdressed, right? I'll fix in a sec!" he wiggles his eyebrows like an idiot, starts to take off his shirt, but I stop him.

"No, I mean, don't you see what you've got on? Didn't you notice?" I start laughing and this very moment he start to give in a little and lets go of me. I take the opportunity to pull myself together and retrieve my dressing gown from the floor.

"What is it? Did I put it on backwards?" he looks at his shirt without understanding, and then looks at me, sulkily, when I put my robe back on.

"No, you put it on just right, but it's mine, can't you see?" I reveal by caressing his chest (Jesus!) with the excuse of pointing out the pockets on the front of my checked shirt, very similar to his "Yours doesn't have these"

"Oh shit, in the daze of waking up I must have taken yours instead of mine, they look the same"

"How did you not notice? Can't you see that it's a girl's shirt? The buttons are on the other side" I button up a couple of them and in doing so I notice how comfortable my shirt looks on him. Very comfy. Too comfy. He swims in it. It's obvious he didn't notice, if I was a nice size SMALL or EXTRASMALL he wouldn't be able to fit a single arm in this fucking shirt. But no, he didn't pay attention to it, because his girlfriend is a heavyweight. Well he should have noticed for the opposite reason, that is that he could fit his whole band in that shirt.

"Ah! That's why I couldn't fucking button it up! I felt stupid, for a moment I thought I was stoned or was having an aneurysm or something hahaha"

"You're insane" I shake my head and take the plates to put them on the table, turning my back to him to not to show him my face, darkened by the previous thoughts. Why does my brain always have to ruin the best moments?

"I know, I know. Anyway it's comfortable and it smells like you, I think I'll keep it. Can I?" I turn around in puzzlement and when I look at him he takes the hems of the shirt and closes them tightly over his chest, miming a hug. Then he shoves his nose against the fabric of the sleeve and pretends to be inebriated by my perfume, emitting a dramatic satisfied sigh.

“Which shitty romantic comedy did you come from, can you explain?” I look at him perplexed and on the inside I thank him for making me forget my fucking negative thoughts in a second.

"I'm not romantic and I'm not funny" he replies very seriously.

"And in any case the cliché should be the other way around: in any self-respecting romance flick, it's the girl who gets up in the morning and puts on her man's shirt or t-shirt. And he obviously enjoys the view"

"And since when do you respect gender clichés? Why is it always the male eye only that needs to be pleased?" he leans back on the kitchen counter and as he does so the edges of his shirt widen again.

"Shut up or I'll have to… um… jump on you here and now" I half-quote his line from earlier.

"...said the girl, giving him an excellent reason not to stop at all." Eddie walks up to me again in a threatening way (yeah, okay…), but this time it goes badly for him. I think I've never loved and hated Mariah Carey at the same time as much as now.

"Somedaaay Hey Heeeey! Oh hi guys, good morning" Meg enters the kitchen and I don't know if she doesn't notice me and Eddie because her attention is all on the table or if she's just pretending.

"HI"

"Good morning Meg" Eddie and I drift apart like two magnets placed in front of each other. He turns around trying to fasten the remaining buttons on his/my shirt, even though they're backwards, while I dedicate myself to distributing the pancakes on the plates.

“Did I interrupt something?” I correct myself, she noticed and doesn't even pretend she didn't, while she squeezes chocolate onto her pancakes.

“Yes, a debate about feminism” Eddie gives me a flying kiss on the cheek and sits down at the table.

"You can't just flirt like normal couples, huh?" Meg winks at me as I sit down too, resigned to her comments.

"We're not normal individually, let alone as a couple" observes Eddie and he's not entirely wrong. He also goes for the chocolate syrup, so the only one who will give a change to the yogurt will be me, obviously.

“Anyway, when are you going to ask him him to move in here with us?” Meg looks at me first and then, this time, the wink is for Eddie.

"What??"

"So we'll have the cool breakfast every morning"

"If you want pancakes, just ask, no need to get Eddie involved" I mutter as he and Meg laugh loudly at my expense.

“Did you call Crowe?” Meg gives me another jab when she's halfway through her pancakes and it's clear that I'm her favorite target this morning.

"No, I didn't call him"

"And when will you call him?"

"Well, I don't know, I-"

"If you want, I'll take care of it," Eddie saves me in every sense, intervening in the conversation and pouring me some more coffee into the half-empty cup, "I'll tell him when I see him"

"You tell him Angie accepts?!" Meg remains with her fork in mid-air in front of her open mouth and is about to have a bitter surprise.

"Actually, no. I mean, I understood no, or maybe I'm wrong?" Eddie looks alternately between my roommate and me.

"No, you're not wrong, as I already told you, I have decided to refuse" I reassure him and prepare for hell.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Meg drops her fork on her plate and looks at me reproachfully.

"Because, as I already, told you multiple times, it's not for me"

"And you? Don't you have anything to tell her?" Eddie, who evidently appreciated my culinary efforts because he has already cleaned his plate polishing off every crumbs, pauses for a few seconds, keeping the napkin over his mouth before speaking.

"Um? Me? Why? What should I say?"

"What should you say?! Convince her, right?" Meg looks at both of us like we're idiots.

"Well, we talked about it. Personally I think it's a great opportunity, but if Angie doesn't feel like doin'g it, then she shouldn't do it. I don't want to put pressure on her or anything like that." Eddie gets up, puts the plate in the sink along with the cup, after finishing his coffee.

"I, on the other hand, really wanna put all the pressure on you. I mean, without an external push you would never do a damn thing, you wouldn't even be here! And then I think you're making a huge mistake by saying no! And you should tell her too, if you care about her" my friend shuffles in her seat, she didn't expect to find herself in the minority.

"I do care. And since I care I want her to be free to choose what to do. If she took part to the movie just to make us happy, it would be useless. At least, that's what I think." Eddie explains his thesis and then approaches me again and gives me another quick kiss on the lips "I'm going to shower and get dressed. With the right clothes this time"

I look at him dreamily as he leaves the kitchen and walks away, until I meet Meg's questioning gaze.

"Hehe it's because he wore the wrong shirt, he wore mine instead of his... because in the dark they looked the same to him eheh"

"This is not the explanation I'm looking for"

"What do you mean?"

"What did you tell him?"

"Him who?"

"Eddie! He's suddenly so careful not to offend your feelings, what did you say to him?" he crosses his arms and looks at me defiantly.

“What makes you think I said anything to him?”

"I know you. And, even if a little less, I know him too"

"Can't it be that he just believes what he said?"

"No. He didn't believe it when he forced you to play basketball with the band, play drums at Cameron's party, go up the Space Needle, make out in front of an entire club full of people for two hours. I don't see why he would have changed his mind now, unless you intervened in some way" Meg aggressively counts my adventures on her fingers.

“Aren't you going to finish your pancakes?”

"No, I won't give you the slightest culinary satisfaction until you speak" and she knows that it bothers me a lot, she's using strong methods.

"But I have nothing to say"

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing"

"What did you really tell him?"

"Hahaha NOTHING!"

“Did you promise him sexual favors?”

"He's my boyfriend, he already has my favors, I don't need to promise anything to him"

"Maybe favors that are... a little kinkier than usual?"

"No!"

"Just tell me then or these pancakes are gonna end up in the bin" Meg takes the plate, gets up and stands in front of the dustbin.

"You wouldn't dare"

"Wanna bet?" maintaining eye contact with me, she slowly puts her foot on the bin's pedal and the lid opens up with a click.

"Well, it's not like I told him anything specific…"

"HA! You did say something to him, then?!" the lid closes, but she doesn't move.

"I talked to him about the fact that I wouldn't be comfortable being an actress"

"Mmmm"

"And that I would have too many lines to memorize"

"And?"

"That the presence of Tim Burton would have put me in difficulty"

"Okay... and?"

"And that I would have been hypercritical and would never want to see that film again if I had been in it… Maybe, due to the trauma, I would never set foot on a movie set again"

"Only that?" Meg's little foot still rests on the pedal of the dustbin.

"Only that?! I basically told him that it could put my entire career at risk."

"Okay. And then, what else did you tell him?" Meg doesn't give up and I feel I'm about to capitulate, I have no other choice.

“And well, I may have added some plot details…”

"THERE YOU GO. Tell me about these details" Meg realized she finally had me in her under her thumb and she sits back down at the table, placing the plate in front of her.

"I might have told him that, while skimming through the script, I had read of something I didn't feel like doing"

“What the hell of a story did you make up, Angie?” my friend shakes her head and grabs her fork again.

"I didn't invent anything! I just told him that at a certain point I thought I saw a scene with…"

"With…?"

"With a kiss"

"A KISS?!"

"A kiss, a very long one"

"AHAHAHAHAH YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH!" Meg doesn't hold back and laughs holding her belly.

"Look, it's true! There is a kiss! There are several! Just, um, not exactly in my scene"

"WHAT A BAD BITCH!"

“And since I mentioned this to Eddie, he suddenly became very understanding of my insecurities.”

"YOU DON'T SAY?! Who knows why?" Meg dives back into the pancakes, but not before adding some more chocolate syrup.

"You won't tell him anything, right?"

"Look, I would be tempted because for me you are a fool to refuse a part in the film and I would involve anyone to convince you, but…"

"But?"

"But I love your perfidiousness in this thing too much to let you get caught"

"I'm not evil!"

"No, you're just a little budding manipulator who cunningly uses someone else's weakness for her own gain… Little Angie is growing up! I could almost start crying" Meg feigns emotion and wipes away some fake tears with her napkin.

"Ahaha I didn't manipulate Eddie"

"You used his jealousy to make him do what you wanted, how do you call it?"

"I just striked some chords…"

"You pulled the right strings!" Meg gets up and puts the plate in the sink with the rest.

"I don't know if you're trying to play with my conscience to get me to tell Eddie the truth and accept the part or if you actually appreciate my little dishonest ploy."

"Mmm a bit of both!" Meg leaves the kitchen and retrieves her jacket and bag, I join her at the door "Anyway, in the end, even if manipulated, Eddie is right: it's you who decides. It's just that... I would have loved to brag a bit and say Hey, my friend is in that movie!"

"Half the people you know will be in that movie. Anyway, once I become a successful author, you can say Hey, my friend wrote that!"

"I can't wait! Alright, see you tonight at Roxy's"

"Ok see ya"

"Did you follow me to the door to say bye or to make sure I wouldn't go and tell Eddie"

"Hahaha to say bye! You would never do that. At least, not now that he's in the shower"

"Well, I could if I wanted to, you're not the jealous one in the couple" he winks at me and opens the door.

"Bye Meg"

"Besides, I've already seen him in his underwear, so" she's about to leave, but she comes back and shrugs at me.

"BYE" I close the door in her face as a joke and she holds it open with one foot.

"And my friends' boyfriends are all like women to me"

"JUST GO IT'S LATE, SEE YOU TONIGHT!"

The woodworm that Meg has just tried to put in my head about my unfair attitude towards Eddie doesn't even have time to creep into my thoughts when the phone starts ringing.

"Hello"

"…" on the other side just silence.

"Hello?" I repeat and actually I seem to hear noises through the receiver. It's not a noisy line, it's mora like someone is waiting in silence with the receiver in their hand.

"Is anyone there or not?" the moment I clearly perceive a breath I freeze. I look around to figure out where Eddie is, because I can't hear the sound of the shower water anymore, but I don't see him around. I go peek in my room and it's not there, so he's probably finished the shower, but he's still in the bathroom.

"Is it you?"

"…" still nothing.

"Do you need anything? Do you need money?" I ask in a low voice, but without getting any answer, except for an abrupt termination of the phone call.

I exhale deeply, as if I've been holding my breath for a while, and maybe I really have. I drop the phone on the table, take my plate and put it in the sink along with everything else. I glance at the clock. No, I don't have time now, I'll wash them later today.

A new ring of the phone makes me jump, I look at it for a while without doing anything, but then I decide to answer, if only to prevent Eddie from becoming suspicious and coming out here to see what's happening and why no one answers the phone.

"HELLO?!"

"Hey, good morning to you too! What happened? Did you wake up with a bad case of the grumpies this morning?" the response on the other end, this time, puts me in a completely different mood.

"Hi mom! No, everything's ok"

"I mean, it sounded like you wanted to maul whoever was on the other end of the phone…"

"No, it's just… there's someone having fun making prank calls this morning. They call and don't speak, without even a bit of imagination, at least they could come up with something more articulated"

"Like, if you have to bother me, at least use creativity"

"Exactly"

"Okay, how are you? Sorry I'm calling you this early, but at least I'm sure I'd find you"

"No problem, you did well. In fact, you barely found me because I have to go to class soon" I walk up to my room to get the clothes to put on, waiting for Eddie to come out of the bathroom.

"That's it, exactly. I'll end up having to make an appointment to talk to you on the phone"

"Don't worry, I still have time, we can have our fulfilling mother-daughter conversation"

"Good girl. So how are you? How did your holidays go?"

“Well, I worked a lot!”

"It's a shame they're called holidays…"

"Okay, I also rested and did a lot of things that I've had pending for ages! I defrosted the fridge, I cleaned the chandeliers, I washed all the carpets…" I go back to the corridor while I recall all the steps of the great house cleaning.

"What a strange concept of rest"

"Ugh, I went out with Meg and the others too, I haven't been home all day"

"I had no doubts. And how is Eddie?"

"Eddie is-" he almost caught me off guard "Why are you asking me about Eddie? And more importantly, how do you know him?" yeah, how do you know the guy who just came out of the bathroom covered only by a short towel tied not very firmly at the waist that could fall at any moment and who winked at me before slipping into my room.

"Oh your father told me about him"

"Did he tell you about him? What did he tell you?" the guy who slips into the room without closing the door, takes off the towel and… NO, ANGIE, YOU DON'T HAVE TIME AND YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH YOUR MOTHER, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

"Yeah, I mean, he told me that you have a friend called Eddie and that he met him."

“It happened months ago, why are you asking me about my friends now?” and why Eddie, would be the real question. But I don't want to get too carried away and make her suspicious.

"No, I'm just looking at the photos your father took when he came to visit you…"

"Ah, the famous photos that I haven't seen yet" I lock myself in the bathroom and put it on speakerphone, so I can brush my teeth in the meantime.

"Well, because he only developed them now! Forgive him, he's been very busy with work, I've barely seen him too"

"I know, I know, it's just that he told me he would send them to me"

"In fact, he's going to send them to you exactly this morning. Which would also be the reason why I called you, to tell you this"

"Oh great! Thank him"

"And… you know, since I have a photo of you with Eddie right in front of me right now, he came to my mind, just like this"

"Totally random"

"Right. Anyway, how is he?" He's fine, mom, thanks. He spent the night with me and now he is naked in my room.

"Good! From what I know, at least. I mean, the band is recording the album, I don't see them as often as before" well done, Angie. Plural. Go with plural.

“But you told me earlier that you hung out with the guys during spring break.”

"Yes, of course, but I haven't seen them in a while now. However, they're happy, Stone told me that everything is going well." Was using Stone as a diversion from Eddie a good move?

"Ah! So you've seen Stone more than Eddie!" no, it's not good at all.

"I saw them equally, mom, don't get any strange ideas, I thought I made myself clear enough at Christmas" I snort and start taking off my dressing gown and pajamas.

"Very clear! You know what? The pictures are very beautiful, you'll see. Now I'll get dad for you, he has to tell you something"

"Okay?" my father? What does he have to tell me? He won't ask me about Eddie too, will he?

"Bye Angie, call me next time so I don't bother you, okay?"

"You're not mad because I'm talking to you while getting ready and doing something else in the meantime, are you?" I get dressed quickly, the only thing I forgot to take are the boots, but I can put them on later.

"No, but call! Okay, here's your father"

"Bye"

"Hey Angie!"

"Hi Dad"

"Today I'm sending you all the photos I took when I came to Seattle. Sorry if I'm late but it's been a mess. I've practically been living in the darkroom for weeks"

"Don't worry. How did they turn out?" I put my pajamas in the laundry hamper, throw my robe over my shoulder and, with the phone still on loudspeaker in my hand, I leave the bathroom.

"Not to brag, but they turned out great! Both the ones from the concerts and those from the beach party. I got a nice box here, ready to be shipped"

"Fine, now come out of the dark room and spend some time with mom" when I enter the room I waste no time, I put my dressing gown on the chair and run to cover Eddie's mouth before he can make any sound.

"Don't worry, I'll do that!"

"Did you want to tell me something else? Mom already told me about the pictures" when I'm sure he understood and he nods at me, I release my grip on Eddie's mouth and go and sit on the bed to put on my boots, with my back towards him.

"Yes, I wanted to ask you: do you know Nirvana?"

"Yes, they are a band from around here, I even saw them twice in concert"

"Not as a band, do you know them personally?"

“Um well, not really.”

"What do you mean? Do you know them or not?"

"I know them by sight! Mostly the drummer…" damn, why did I say that?? I quickly turn around and see Eddie has stopped right in the middle of zipping up his pants and is glaring at me "and I exchanged a few words with the bassist, I know who the singer is but that's it"

"Oh because they know you"

"What? And how do you know?" Why do I feel he's not about to tell me anything good? And why the fuck did I keep it on speakerphone? I can't take it off now or it would look like I want to hide things from Eddie.

"They played here in Boise a few days ago"

"Really?"

"At The Zoo" the management guys must have thought it was a real zoo and wanted to send Kurt there, for sure.

"And you went to see them? Weren't you busy with work?" after eternal moments I start tying my boots again and Eddie finally zips up his fly.

"You know what they say, too much work and no play…"

"Yes, and then you end up chasing your family with a hatchet"

"Exactly. Great concert anyway, pure energy! I took few photos unfortunately. The next day I bought the album. They also played some new tracks from the album which has yet to be released"

"And what do I have to do with all this?" if he bought Dave a drink too, I swear I'll scream. What the fuck is that? Does my dad have some kind of radar for my exes now? And he has to talk about it right now with Eddie listening?

"Oh because at one point on stage the singer said something about how it was their first time playing in Idaho and that so far they didn't know anyone from around here, except for a girl who's actually from our town. And he said that he will have to find another nickname for their friend, but it was a quick and rather cryptic conversation that I didn't quite understand. Do you know anything about it?"

"Mmm I have no clue honestly" Eddie looks at me and bursts out laughing, I signal him to be quiet and he covers his face with his hands.

"But you're the friend, aren't you?"

"I don't think so," a friend of that jerk?? I'd rather gouge my eyes out with my bare hands "I wonder who he was talking about, there must be other people from Boise who moved to Seattle, I'm not that special, you know?"

"That's why I asked you if you knew them…"

"Yes, but only by sight and they don't know where I'm from, they don't even know my name eheh" Eddie uncovers his face and makes a noise as if to say Yes, of course!

"Oh well, it's just a coincidence then"

"Of course it is"

"Ok, I'll leave you now. I'll go to the post office and then to the editorial office"

"Okay. Bye and good luck with your work"

"And say hello to Meg"

"Alright"

"And Eddie" Eddie looks at me and explodes into a toothy smile, while he waves hello with his little hand in the direction of the phone.

“Go-why Eddie?”

"No reason, he just came to my mind"

“Let me guess: you got one of his pictures right in front of your eye right now, right?” well, now Eddie will think that in my house there is a little altar with a picture of him, flowers and candles and that my parents pray on it every single morning.

"Hehe, actually yes! Say hello to him when you see him, ok? He's a good boy"

"I will. Bye dad"

“Bye Ray,” Eddie replies to himself as soon as I hang up.

"If they had heard you, I would have killed you!"

"Pff overreacting as usual…" now fully dressed, he comes and sits next to me on the bed.

"Ha! Don't even think about it, it's late and we have to rush to the university"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I just wanted to get this" all cocky, he reaches under the bed and pulls out his backpack.

"Sure"

"I'm a good boy"

"Okay, if the good boy is ready, it's time to go"

"Ok let's go"

*****************************************************************************************************

"How do you say Can I have your number in Swiss?"

"There's no such thing as Swiss, Mike" the girl from the staff just opened the door to the dressing rooms, just long enough to tell us Soundcheck in zehn Minuten, and that idiot has already fallen in love.

"What do you mean? So what do they speak in this hell of a country?"

"Where are we now, that is Zurich, they speak German" I just give him the key concept, we have a soundcheck to do and I'm not in the mood to explain Swiss multilingualism to my bass player.

"Okay, how do you say it in German?"

"Ask them in English, you'll see they understand you anyway" Layne gets up and motions to Starr, the only one sitting, to do the same and follow him.

"The whole world speaks English" says Sean the wise.

"You should have learned it by now, after the shitty show the other night in Düsseldorf" Layne opens the dressing room door and goes out, followed closely by us, remembering our nice little mishap the day before yesterday, when Mike al most got us killed. A typical Alice in Chains Monday night, in short.

"AGAIN? Look, I made a fucking comment in a fucking bar full of people, I thought you barely heard me, let alone those guys!" Mike isn't entirely wrong, there was an absurd mess in that karaoke bar. I don't know how the fuck we ended up there, I think it was just the closest source of alcohol on the way between the concert venue and the place we were sleeping at. We were all shitfaced when a guy in a leather jacket and sunglasses, who had just destroyed The show must go on on stage, passed by us. The very second as Mike noticed an unexpected resemblance.

"We all thought he didn't look anything like Freddie Mercury, but we kept it to ourselves instead of shouting it from the rooftops!"

"But it was so him! It was the Fonz with a moustache! What the fuck did I say? I said nothing bad, I didn't call him an idiot"

"Actually the exact words were Such an asshole, rather than Freddie Mercury, he looks like the Fonz with a mustache ah ah ah"

"Okay, he only heard the second part though"

"And thank goodness, otherwise he and his friends would have kicked us all the way inside the hotel, instead of stopping outside"

We arrive on stage and start with the rehearsals without getting lost in further chatter. We're here to play four songs in front of a couple of thousand people who don't give a shit about us and who can't wait for us to get off our balls and enjoy the Megadeth concert, of which we are the support band. But for us it's fucking life, playing is playing, as long as they put us on a stage, we'll do it with anyone and in front of any audience. I mean, we've opened for everyone from fucking Poison to Iggy Pop in just the space of one year. In this Andy and I were really on the same wavelength. I remember the nights spent fantasizing about our imaginary future concerts in stadiums and temples of rock. "Madison Square Garden? I'll even go there with the fucking Warrant just to play there!" I can still hear him say. I miss him so fuckin' much. Well, at least I like Megadeth even though maybe neither they nor their fans like me. We are at the fourth date of this European tour and we still haven't even exchanged a word. Let's say we almost didn't even see them. And the people? Well, if they're cold that's fine, when it's bad then they'll just throw shit at us on stage. If Angie were here, she'd suggest we put up a protective net like in the Blues Brothers… Well, thank goodness the soundcheck is over because I'm getting melancholic as fuck and I need a fucking beer. Without speaking we all leave and go out in the same direction, straight towards the nearest bar, hoping this isn't karaoke too. When I see a phone booth on the other side of the road, however, I can't help but take action and take a small detour.

"I have to… um I have to make a phone call, see you later"

“Can't you call from the bar? I'm pretty sure they have a phone there too”

"Oh no, Mike, he can't! Can't you see the young gentleman here doesn't want to be heard? It's so obvious!" Sean is already on the starting blocks of taking the piss out of yours truly.

"But who do you have to call? The same girl from yesterday?"

"From yesterday and the day before yesterday…" continues the drummer.

"But what about minding your own business?"

"And who is this girl? Aren't you going to tell us?"

"Layne knows her, she's a friend of Dem" Kinney is super informed on the facts, as I imagined Layne held back, but not completely and let the minimum slip. Excellent.

"I cultivate the noble art of minding my own fuckin' business, so I don't know anything"

"Well done Layne!" I pat my buddy on the shoulder and start to walk away again.

"Well done my ass, we're worried about you!"

"Speak for yourself, I'm very calm and I just want the booze" and this too was predictable from Sean. By now I could write everyone's parts in our dialogues, I know them like the back of my hand.

"Don't listen to him, you are our brother! You just miraculously emerged from the disaster with Angie, you know... and now you're going to get yourself in trouble in yet another serious affair with someone else??"

"Who told you this is serious?"

"If it's worth three intercontinental calls, it's serious for me"

"Come on, she's someone he's just met, she's fresh and he wants to keep her interested, right?"

"I see you already know everything so I have nothing else to add, see you later" I walk away amidst the shouts and whistles of my companions and I see them proceed shuffling towards the bar from inside the booth.

I take the small address book from the inside pocket of my jacket and obviously I open it to the first page, to the letter A. I know I should flip on through it, but I can't, it's as if I'm stuck, as if I'm short-circuiting for a few seconds . I put what I think it's the equivalent of our tonight's salary in coins into the phone and dial the wrong number on purpose. What time will it be the now? Like 9 or 10 in the morning, maybe she's not even home.

"Hello" but she's fucking there instead.

"Hello?" she repeats and at that point I realize that I haven't spoken, because in reality I thought I'd answered and told her that it was me and that I'm in a break between soundcheck and concert and that I called her because, for a change, I was thinking about her .

"Is anyone there or not?" I think I can hear myself telling her about the Fonz with the moustache, about the more than necessary protective net for our stage, about Mike who last night was about to pick up a girl who told him she was in her third year at Gymnasium, thinking it meant she was a gym freak, before I saved him by explaining that she was a fucking high school student.

"Is it you?" I'm panicking because I got caught like an idiot. After all, who else would call her and then give her the silence treatment? And from abroad too… I'm such an asshole.

"Do you need help? Do you need money?" at this point it's as if I wake up from some kind of fucking hypnosis and suddenly hang up the phone. Money? Why would Angie think I'm calling her for money? The answer is simple: she didn't catch me at all and she thought I was someone else. But who? Who could call her in the morning asking for money? What kind of mess did she get herself into? When I leave the phone booth I remember that I forgot to call Heather like we agreed, but who cares after all? The guys think I did it, in the end it's the gesture that counts. I join the band at the bar counter with a head full of questions.

The questions run through my head until the concert and even during and after that. In the end the show didn't go bad at all, apart from a few painless coins thrown, the audience also reacted well. You can see that the Swiss are more polite! And I was proven wrong twice tonight because, as soon as we got off the stage, we were immediately intercepted by David Elleffson and Marty Friedman of Megadeth who complimented us, confessing that they had no idea who the fuck we were before they heard us and that in their opinion we rock the asses, even if our name doesn't sound very good to them. We all spent the evening together drinking, smoking and talking bullshit, especially them, because at a certain point Marty said that they want to propose us as the opening band for the mega tour they will do with Slayer and Anthrax once they return home and in my opinion it was the drugs talking. Not that we don't deserve it, on the contrary! Well, I'll wait and see what happens, it would be cool, but I don't want to day dream for nothing. I prefer to take things as they come, day by day. But who the fuck calls you to ask you for money first thing in the morning? Maybe it's just a friend in need that Angie is helping because she always has to help everyone? Or maybe not…

#grunge fanfiction #pearl jam fanfiction #eddie vedder #pearl jam #alice in chains #jerry cantrell #layne staley #mike starr #sean kinney #chapters #oh hi by the way

[tryskomys]

Wet Sand

Stone Gossard x OC

Chapter 2 - I’m On Fire

Summary: Let’s meet in our dreams.

masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫

notes: chapter two has arrived! i hope it's not too eccentric and confusing to read, it's the only way i know how. hope you enjoy <3

tw: weed, swearing, psychedelic-headache-inducing imagination. you know those dreams that feel like you've taken a hit of acid and fuck up your day before you can say “these edibles ain't shit”? yeah, there's that.

songs:

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫

A flash of ruddy hair appeared in her peripheral as she felt his warm breath tickle the back of her neck.

“This is my room,” he mumbled in her ear and led her inside a strange place with four walls, a ceiling and a floor. It didn’t look like a room at all.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it seemed to be made of something similar to cotton clouds, corporeal and see-through at the same time.

In the furthest corner, there was a single bed with bright pink sheets and a small tea table. It had a cup of coffee on top, along with a pocket weed pipe.

Her body twitched when he put his hand between her shoulder blades and extended his other lanky arm to point an extraordinarily long finger at the wall in front of them, landing right on a shiny sunburst Les Paul.

“This is my guitar,” he whispered again, his cold aquiline nose nudging her cheek. She wanted to turn around to take a peek at him, but she felt like she was frozen in time, gliding through the room as he gracefully pushed her further inside.

The walls expanded and shrunk over and over again, swirling like the smoke that was eerily sizzling out of the glass pipe.

“This is my bed,” he snapped her out of her dissociation again, his fingers wrapping around her waist. He led her towards the comfortable-looking mattress.

She didn’t protest when he spun her around and lifted her off the floor as if she were made of feathers.

She was looking right through him, unable to focus on his features, yet she knew exactly where to touch to caress his cheek. She could feel a few small freckles under her fingertips.

He hummed as he laid her down on the bed and straightened up again, reaching for the small transparent pipe crammed with green clumps.

His cheeks hollowed as he took a long, deep drag and then leaned on his knees, puffing the smoke right into her face. There was something inexplicably vulgar about the scent.

And as his hair fluttered under his exhale, it was as if she was simultaneously standing in a field full of wild strawberry bushes.

“This is my handy little grass pipe,” he breathed out the remnants of smoke, his voice low and stoic. Just when his features finally started to take shape and colour, he moved again and blurred into an unrecognizable tall figure climbing on top of her, knees at the sides of her hips.

He hovered above her as he swept her tangled hair out of her face, his Adam's apple moving up and down while he hummed an unidentifiable tune.

The melody was surprisingly delicate and gentle, contrasting his shameless indecency. When she subconsciously tried to look away from his scrutinizing stare, he swiftly caught her jaw in his hand, tutting.

"Nuh-uh. This is my dream, too. Don’t be a killjoy,” he mumbled, somewhat crass. He softly tugged on her chin to turn her head back to face him and when she did, his features finally took shape.

His eyes were impossibly big. Half-lidded with wildly dilated pupils, irises an unidentifiable, harsh shade of green. Encircled with smudges of messy black eyeliner, swirling through her brain like a head-spinning drug.

His lips curled into a cocky grin when a breath hitched in her throat. She reached up to run her hand through his red-tinted hair, but she grabbed nothing but air. He tutted again and slowly shook his head as if he was deeply disappointed in her naivité.

Suddenly, a shrilling high-pitched beep echoed through the floating room and wormed into her ear, pounding her brain like a sledgehammer. Her heart burst into rapid beats when he bent down to her face, a smug smirk still dancing on his angled features.

His phantom lips shivered over hers like a weightless quill, bony ribcage brushing against her chest as he let out an airy chuckle. His words were laced with condescending amusement.

“Oh, right. This is my alarm clock. It always seems to ring by the time we get here. What a shame…oh well. Tommorow, same time, same place. Don't you forget...”

His voice melted and got lost in the loud beeps as the room around her dissolved. Kiki let out a pathetic whine and she waved her hands in the air, trying to grasp onto his shoulders so he wouldn’t disappear with it.

It didn’t work, so she swiftly sat up in her bed, still grabbing the air around her.

When she realized the source of the noise was a blue alarm clock that sat on the coffee table next to her, she grabbed it and threw it against the wall with a childish grunt.

It stopped beeping, but its plastic container broke open and the battery fell out, rolling along the floor and stopping right at her feet as if to mock her.

She huffed, feeling a rush of blood pool in her cheeks as the fresh memory of her dream erased the ugly noise from her mind.

Huh. What the fuck…

She was extremely puzzled as she looked around her flat, finally grounding in reality. One room, that’s all she had, with a tiny kitchen counter and an even smaller bathroom.

Her window led to the street, though, so whenever she crawled out of her bed, she could open it right away and breathe in the frigid winter air.

She rubbed her eyes and looked out, watching as lone cars passed through the mist that settled above the dim streets of Seattle. She smiled to herself.

Could be a worse view.

Getting up, Kiki stretched and grabbed the alarm clock off the floor. She put it back together, finally looking at the time.

5:30. Fuck. That’s late.

She sped up her routine, clumsily slapping on mascara in the bathroom before quickly digging through her suitcase to fish out a clean shirt.

A month in and I still haven’t unpacked, what a well-mannered lady.

She couldn’t find anything, so she frantically looked around the room, kicking a rag and a bra out of her way. Her eyes fell on a white t-shirt that was thrown over the single chair next to her table.

She walked up to it and folded it open, revealing a round-shaped photo of an Indian man with a huge beard, long hair and sunglasses, circled with big words that spelled SOUNDGARDEN.

Oh. Oh, right.

The picture of the unruly guy from her dream finally fully materialized and her already heated blush grew even brighter when she realized that she did, in fact, not make him up.

Fuck. Beanpole.

“So you haven’t been to a gig here yet? God, that’s grim. Soundgarden is a great place to start, though. It’s a bit of everything, but mostly kinda metal-based. The U-Men are playing next week, if you’re into more punky stuff, ” Stone rambled and waved his hands around, which was clearly something he did a lot.

His strides were long and brisk, so she was a bit out of breath as she tried to catch up with him.

He had a big suede jacket on and a fuzzy knitted beanie with a big puffy ball on top.

Kiki had to giggle at his unusual visage, she couldn't put into words what made him so damn endearing, but he had an irresistibly charming skip to his step.

Now that he was in motion, he reminded her of a cub that hadn’t fully grown into its paws yet, his huge feet slapping against the crunching fresh snow, bony fingers wiggling through the air as he enumerated the upcoming week’s concerts.

Kiki threw the t-shirt on and quickly wiggled into her ragged denim overalls, cursing when the fuzzy brown sweater she stuck her head through made her hair stand up and crackle with static.

She promptly looked over at her clock again and tied her boots, grabbed her wristwatch off the table and put it in the pocket of her leather jacket.

As she skipped down the long stairs of the apartment building, she wrapped a long woollen scarf around her neck, scratching her forehead when a piece of cotton lint stuck to her eyebrow.

She hurried to the bike rack in front of the building, clumsily throwing her backpack on while trying to untangle the leather strap that tied her bike to the metal pipes. When she finally loosened it, she quickly grabbed the lock that hung on it, moved the three number buttons in the correct order and took it off.

She stuffed all of it in her pockets, too and hopped on her bike. And then she could finally set off to work, letting memories flow through her head.

“Stoney! Hey, Stoney! Stoked that you made it! Matt shed a few tears when he didn’t see you in the pit,” the seemingly intimidating guitar player called after the two of them, finally hopping off of the stage and excitedly waving to get their attention. He had a bushy black beard and hair messier than a bird’s nest.

Kiki tried to gather some courage by straightening her back and nudging Stone. He seemed to sense the tension in her muscles, so he delicately placed his hand on her back, putting in just enough weight to assure her that he was there.

“Oh, so it is your real name! Tough shit,” she mumbled as they moved through the crowd, earning a hearty chuckle while he answered various calls of 'Hi, Stoney', 'What’s up, Stoney', 'Hi ya, Stoney', 'Stop by for a shot, Stoney' and a bunch of other greetings. “Seems like I’m hanging with the popular kid, that’s an unexplored territory for me.”

“Chill out, you’ll fit in just right. The starving artists of Seattle generally respond well to greenies and you're undoubtedly irresistible.”

Irresistible.

That’s the word that occupied Kiki's head as he locked her bike to the rack in front of a parking lot with the leather strap and lock she fished out of her pockets, but then she noticed there was another, bigger bike next to hers, similarly battered and covered in stickers.

Mötorhead, Butthole Surfers, Nets…

She frowned, took out her watch and checked it before finally tying it around her wrist.

Where did this thing come from? I’m supposed to be starting the shift. Weird.

She sank her ears into the fluffy scarf and headed towards the Raison D’Être. When she turned the corner and reached the door of the artsy café, she took a bundle of keys out of her backpack to open up.

But the key didn't go in, as there was one already slotted in from the other side.

“The hell…” she sighed and pressed her nose against the frosted glass, trying to decipher any signs of life. She knocked and heard an unintelligible answer before a figure rose from behind the counter and walked up to the front.

When the door opened, Kiki found herself in front of a tall guy wearing a bizarre furry hat and a sleeveless basketball jersey, an interesting choice for this kind of weather.

Pearl earrings were hanging out of his ears and his face lit up with a wide cat-like grin. He towered over her, just like…

Dammit, get out of my head, beanpole.

“Can I help you?” the guy mused, leaning against the doorframe. He wore a ring on every finger and multiple beaded necklaces of different sizes and colours dangled from his muscular neck.

What a character.

Kiki chuckled and rattled her key bundle in the air.

“Can I help you? You seem awfully suspicious,” she shrugged and mirrored his stance. He giggled.

“You must be Kiki. I’m Jeff, really a pleasure to finally meet you,” he stuck out his hand and waited for her to shake it. Just as she reached out, he gently took her fingers and kissed the cold knuckles, old-fashion style.

She huffed, but couldn’t help a little blush.

“Uh, that’s me. Great to meet you…Jeff? Oh, yeah! Rod told me about a Jeff on sick leave,” she said and silently thanked him as he motioned her to come inside. “Glad to see you on two feet! Word has it that you got injured in a freaky water polo accident or something.”

Jeff laughed and the youthful energy around him only intensified. He locked the door again and jogged to catch up with her, helping her out of the leather jacket like a proper gentleman.

He had a pleasantly light cologne, mixed with the scent of coffee beans as he was just in the middle of grinding them. And a faint hint of weed that was nowhere near as arousing as her dream made it out to be.

“Yeah, I busted my knee. Playing basketball, just to clarify.”

“I mean, there’s a ball and there’s a net, right? The only basics that matter,” Kiki wiggled her index finger at him and grabbed the barista apron he offered her. It had a bright psychedelic print on it, almost hypnotizing. Jeff snorted.

“Jeez, thank god my friend Stoney isn’t here, he’d fall in love with you on the spot,” he mused and her smile fell a bit, eyes wide.

Oh.

Her cheeks grew red, she tried to play it off by nonchalantly scratching her forehead.

“Would he now?” she smirked and Jeff nodded, leaning against the counter as he lousily wiped it with a damp rag that he took out of his back pocket.

“With that smart-ass-will-o’-the-wisp-punk thing you got going on? Madly,” he looked Kiki up and down and gave her another disarming grin. “Fortunately he’s at work, little baker boy at Grand Central.”

“Let me guess…”

She folded her arms and put on a thoughtful frown. She hoped that Jeff’s comment was supposed to compliment her.

“About yay high,” she raised her hand as far as she could, “…bad dye job, ridiculous scrunchie…” she counted on her fingers and Jeff’s jaw dropped, laughing as she continued.

“...bug-eyed, punchable face…”

Stone smirked as the bearded man patted his shoulder a few times after greeting him and before he could ask about his female company, another man joined them, a mane of curls flowing around his face like a sea of black seaweeds. He had a linen shirt on, opened all the way to his navel. The singer.

“‘Sup, Stoney? The guys went for a blunt but they’ll be right back. Who’s your little friend?” he mused and then stopped in his tracks for a second before slapping the bushy guitarist's stomach with the back of his hand.

“Kim, that’s Keeva. As in Kiki. No way,” he whistled and the guitarist, Kim, raised his eyebrows with a surprised nod.

“Oh! Oh, right! Jesus, hi, we were wondering when you’ll show up! I’m Kim, pleasure,” he extended his hand and Kiki bashfully shook it, her cheeks full of a crooked smile.

The singer chimed in with an introduction, almost cutting off his well-spoken friend.

“I’m Chris, so nice to meet you! We’ve heard about you shredding your way through this shithole, but you never showed up! We were starting to think you’re just an urban legend!” Chris ruffled her hair and giggled as if he was a genuinely happy child receiving a new toy for Christmas.

Stone chuckled, flicking her nose for the sixth time that evening.

“See, I told you you were a fucking cryptid.”

“Sylphs are known to migrate to America during this time of year, Stone. No wonder you dropped out,” Kim added, theatrically widening his eyes as Kiki rolled her eyes and scratched the back of her neck, grinning.

“Cool, so I don’t have to introduce you,” Jeff giggled and adjusted his hat. “When did that happen?”

“Last night. We met on the way to the Off Ramp. We were running late but he took me through a shortcut,” Kiki shrugged, walked behind the counter and hopped up on it.

She grabbed a small blackboard propped up next to the cashier and started writing down the Monday special - Hazelnut espresso.

Chris was a very attractive man, no doubt about it. He was even taller than Stone, but he filled the space around him, whereas Stone seemed to poke out. Even though Chris’s mane of curls had twice the volume hers had, Stone’s hair was somehow messier. Chris’s eyes were a cold shade of blue, but they felt warm and comforting. Stone’s saucer eyes made her want to look away, despite having an inviting golden hue.

He was everywhere, sticking out no matter who he stood next to.

“He, uh…he left an impression, that’s for sure,” she mumbled and cleared her throat, trying to get rid of the choking grip that was his face behind her eyelids.

“Like you wanted to slap him?” Jeff squinted, grinning again when she vehemently nodded.

“He’s good. A smart-ass for sure, plus there’s his whole chess club thing. But he’s kinda a brother by now. Oddly hot, chicks dig him. But don’t tell him I said that,” he wiggled with his finger when she gasped. “Doesn’t play ball, though, so that’s a little dent in his coolness.”

Chicks dig him, huh?

Oh, and of course he plays chess. Perfectly annoying.

“Depends. I mean, I personally never really got the appeal of sports. I’m more of a cheerleader,” Kiki smirked as Jeff’s smile grew even wider.

“Oh man, talk about two peas in a pod,” he muttered under his breath and disappeared into the back room for a moment before emerging with two big mugs.

“Fuck, I almost forgot. I kinda knew you were coming, so I made this when I opened up. Just a little welcome surprise,” he shrugged and handed her a warm cup of tea with milk. “A small piece of home, right? Hope you’re not allergic to milk or something.”

Christ, is everyone here a sweetheart? Talk about culture shock.

“Fucking hell, thanks so much, Jeff,” she pouted, humming when she took a sip. “Oof, it tastes better than my gran’s.”

“Maple syrup, that’s the secret ingredient,” Jeff winked and sipped on his coffee as well. “So, how did ya like Soundgarden?”

“Phew. It was breathtaking, seriously. I’ve never heard anything like that. And everyone was so nice, too. Stone introduced me to the band and stuff. We had a couple of beers, it was great…” she rambled and waved her arms around excitedly.

“How old are you? Can I even buy you a drink?” Chris chirped, squeezing her nose. Kiki grinned at his friendly gesture.

“Relatively fresh nineteen,” she retorted, her voice coming out as quacks as he still held onto her nose. He gasped.

“My god, you’re a baby!”

“Right?! Found her in a corner, too,” Stone chimed in, scoffing when Chris reached up and pulled his nose as well.

“Shut up, Stoney. You’re just jealous that you’re not daddy’s favourite child anymore,” he quipped, let go of them both and put his arm around Kiki’s shoulders. “Don’t listen to him, sweetheart. He may be barely legal but he still doesn’t know proper etiquette.”

She chuckled.

“Well, I don’t have citizenship yet and I’m fully legal in England. Therefore, there's technically nothing to feel bad about as I don’t exist in the federal records,” she shrugged and Chris laughed, the curls bouncing around his face like little black springs.

“Oh, Stoney, she’s a little minx, too. Now you’re in trouble, friend,” he slapped Stone’s scrawny shoulder and ruffled his hair. Stone shooed his hand away and shook his head, hoping his red hair would make the furious blush blend in.

Jeff clapped his hands like an excited kid.

“Wicked! Wait, are you even old enough to drink?” he teased and Kiki rolled her eyes.

“…and then everyone was like ‘Man, thank god Jeff isn’t here, he’s a fucking asshole.’” she added, making him laugh again. “I’m nineteen.”

“Jesus almighty, you’re a baby!” he exclaimed with a gasp and she closed her eyes, shaking her head.

Baby, we’re in the same boat here…

The words echoed through her head as a vicious queue to make her throat tighten once more.

“Here it goes again. Come on, you can’t be that much older!” Kiki crossed her arms and he straightened up proudly.

“I’m twenty-four,” Jeff retorted, but it definitely sounded like a kid trying to sell their age as grown and wise. That made her grin.

“Okay, big guy, I’ll believe that when I see your ID.”

Jeff was about to protest and reach for his wallet, but a firm knock on the front door made them both jump.

Kiki didn’t turn around, instead, she instinctively looked at her wristwatch while Jeff set off to check.

Hm. We open in an hour. Who’s -

“Dammit, Ames, I knocked like four times. If you want a new guitarist, just tell me. Making me freeze to death a bit overkill.”

The nasal voice from her dream created a wave of heat inside her, running through her body like someone dumped a bucket of scorching coffee on her head. She looked over her shoulder and there he was, in the flesh, right in front of her.

He had his big brown jacket on, a puffy checkered scarf bundled around his neck and a neatly tied burgundy bandana. His comically large hands were poking out of woollen fingerless gloves and he rubbed them together, slightly shivering.

When he saw her, he cracked into a wide crooked smile that made tiny little dimples appear on his frostbitten cheeks.

Irresistibly smug.

“Oi, cheerio, Baby! Beautiful morning, innit?” Stone chirped, putting on an atrocious accent again. Kiki narrowed her eyes.

“Well, look who it is. Are you stalking me, beanpole?” she hissed, the corner of her mouth twitching when he chuckled.

“You wish,” he raised an eyebrow and took off his backpack. “I came to welcome my rhythm section buddy Jeff back to the world of dead-end jobs.”

He mindlessly dropped the backpack on the counter and Jeff cursed, pushing it down to the floor.

“Dude, I just wiped it!” he frowned. “Did I miss something? What’s up with the baby?”

“She’s tiny, annoying and says ‘fuck’ like she’d just learned how to swear. Do the math,” Stone shrugged and flicked Kiki’s nose. She slapped his hand away.

“Give him a break, Jeff. It just makes him feel like a big boy,” she retorted and Jeff leaned against the counter, darting between them for a few seconds. Then he let out a huge sigh.

“Oh dear god, there’s two of them now.”

Kiki felt another wave of blood creep up her cheeks as Stone stared her down. He wasn’t wearing eyeliner this time, but his eyes were nonetheless overpowering.

Maybe even more so, strangely glowing in the dim morning light, seemingly lightened by the snow outside.

I don’t have time for this.

She stuck her tongue out at him, hopped off the counter and put the blackboard next to the cashier before turning her back to him. She began rearranging the to-go cups by size to occupy her brain with anything else but him.

He just smirked and loosened the top layers of his scarf.

“Andy’s not here yet?”

“Nope. Haven’t seen him since he brought me lunch three days ago. How was the gig?” Jeff questioned while he wiped off the snowdrops that fell on the counter from Stone’s backpack.

Stone leaned his elbows on it and rested his head in his hands, palms squishing his patchy red cheeks.

“Badass. The EP sounds even more incredible live, now that you have a comparison. There were, like, a ton of new people. Chicks everywhere, like mosquitoes. Hiro got hit in the face with a fucking bra. The whole of Sub Pop was there, too, all four of ‘em.”

“Were the guys there?” Jeff asked after a few moments of silence and the room suddenly filled with strange gravity. Kiki frowned a little and took a sip of her tea, trying not to eavesdrop. Stone sighed.

“Steve was. We kinda waved at each other, but we didn’t speak,” he shrugged and scratched his temple. He coughed to get rid of the strain in his voice.

“I met Baby, though, so that was significantly more stimulating. Intellectually, of course,” he mused and Jeff snorted, looking between the pair.

“Bet.”

Kiki turned around and hummed, still clutching her cup.

“Glad to serve, beanpole. When do I get to see the two of you play, anyway? I’ve heard that you’re hot shit and I’d love to confirm slash deny that,” she nonchalantly crossed her arms but tensed when she saw the sombre look exchanged between them.

Bad move.

“Actually, we just broke up. About a month ago,” Jeff mumbled and tucked the rag into his back pocket again. Stone’s expression turned serious again, hardening like a statue.

“It was for the best of all of us, we weren’t going anywhere.”

He didn’t sound as sure as he probably wanted to. He bit his lip and looked at Kiki as if he was waiting for her reaction. She let out a heavy sigh.

“Christ, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be nosy or anything,” she mumbled and Jeff shook his head, softly patting her back.

“No, no, it’s okay, we sort of initiated it, anyway. Musical differences and all that.”

“They told us to go fuck ourselves because we were careerists,” Stone chimed in and emphasized the word with bitter air quotes, clearly hurt by the sentiment.

Jeff smacked his lips and frowned at Stone, obviously trying to draw a thick line under that conversation. Kiki bit her cheek, thinking of something to say.

“To be honest, you do seem like little gold diggers,” she sighed and they both chuckled, which was a relief. “No, but seriously. Nobody’s punk enough to enjoy cleaning tables and swiping floors and scrapping for food. And if they say they are, they’re lying.”

Jeff and Stone exchanged a small content smile, obviously glad that someone was on the same page with them.

“Yeah. Sounds good if you have three warm meals and a comfy bed secured at home. Like Stoney here. He has a little trust fund, don’t you?” Jeff poked Stone’s chest.

He began to turn red in the face and once again, Kiki caught a rare awkward crack in his facade. She opened her mouth wide and gasped.

“Aw, you have a loving family, Stoney? That’s not very punk rock of you,” she tutted and shook her head, grinning widely when he reached over the counter and squeezed her nose.

“Shut it, Baby. I’m a working struggling artist just like you…fuck!” His eyes widened. “What time is it?”

She promptly checked her watch.

“Quarter to six.”

“Uh, yeah, gotta run. The baguettes won’t bake themselves,” Stone explained, tightened his scarf and grabbed his backpack off the floor. He turned his attention to Jeff. “Be back for lunch, the usual time. My treat today, I’ll bring some grub. Got any grass?”

“Dude, come on. You’ll ruin me. This is the last time, I'm telling you, you’re buying next. I only have enough left for three spliffs, anyway,” Jeff firmly shook his head and shooed Stone away.

Kiki chuckled, trying to shut down her embarrassing thoughts.

She was afraid that Stone could hear them, observing himself puffing a thick cloud of illicit smoke in her face from an obscenely small distance.

He certainly looked at her like he was seeing it as well, a pompous grin plastered on his face as he raised his eyebrows, innocently questioning why she was so flustered.

“Well, you're free to keep my share, weed stinks like a sweaty ballsack. Always, no exceptions,” she added the last part to convince herself. She would’ve succeeded if it wasn’t for Stone’s loud wolf whistle.

“Would you look at that, Ames? We got a good catholic schoolgirl on our hands,” he chirped. Kiki mocked a laugh and gave him a middle finger, using her offensive gesture to obscure the patchy blush on her face.

Jeff giggled, reaching for the coffee mill next to him.

“Leave her alone, dude. I wanna catch a jam with her before she gets a restraining order against you,” he affectionately patted Kiki’s head.

“Don’t care, I’ll corrupt her sooner or later, that’s a cross I have to bear. Are you two free today? Parents are out of town, so we can get that jam off our chests. I get off at five.”

“That’s weirdly specific,” Kiki squinted at him, still red in the face. Jeff’s cheeks puffed with a throaty laugh as Stone tried his best to keep the corners of his mouth down.

“Depends. If you’re good enough, I may cut it down to four, just for you. Now, fetch me a keg of cappuccino to go, fair maiden!”

She gasped and flung her arm to slap his head, but he managed to jump out of her way. Jeff’s chirpy laughter echoed through the room as he raised his arms to keep them apart.

“Okay, Tom and Jerry, knock it off.”

“I’ll fetch you a cappuccino when you fetch me a breakfast croissant, baker boy,” Kiki hissed and Stone broke into a smug grin, skipping away to the door.

“Deal. Be right back,” he waved and walked right into a coathanger. He caught balance pretty quickly, though, and slung the backpack over his shoulder.

“Don’t threaten us,” she called back at him and cackled at his stumble. He blew each of them a theatrical air kiss and backed out of the door, disappearing into the light snow around the corner. Kiki chuckled, staring out of the window for a few more seconds.

The faint cloud of his strawberry shampoo lingered in her head, along with the sweet freezing air that emanated from his clothes.

Kiki had heard some girls swooning over Chris when she and Stone made their way through the crowd after the show. She wondered if girls talked like that about Stone at his band’s gigs.

Considering the amount of chicks that greeted him with the affectionate nickname, the ghastly purring giggles already rang in her ears.

She fixed her dissociated gaze at no particular place in front of her. Chris led her through the small venue to the bar, answering greetings from all sides.

“Hey, you ok?” he questioned and he squeezed her shoulder. She jerked, realizing he was probably speaking to her the whole time. Stone chuckled.

“She does that a lot, just zones out to make contact with the Mothership.”

“Har har, beanpole. Sorry, I’m just…getting a bit tired, I guess. Long day,” she shrugged and gave Chris an apologetic smile.

“It’s past Baby’s bedtime, you see?” Stone patted her head and she frowned, elbowing him in the stomach.

“I’ve spent basically my whole evening talking to you, Stoney. No wonder I’m falling asleep,” she put on a sarcastic smile and emphasized what was apparently the only correct way to address him.

Stone was just about to return the jab when Chris interrupted them with a hearty giggle.

“Shit, didn’t you say you’ve just met? Like, today? Can’t wait to see you twenty years of marriage deep,” he grinned and ignored their heated cheeks as he ordered a round of tequila shots.

After a few seconds of staring through the glass door, Kiki noticed Jeff in the corner of her eye, studiously watching her.

She did a double-take between the street and his smug smirk and frowned.

“'Sup?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he raised his arms in surrender with a small wink and then started grinding coffee again, humming. When she disappeared into the back room with a suspiciously bright grin, he added the lyrics.

“So this is love, mmhm hmhm…”

#pearl jam fanfiction #pearl jam fanfic #stone gossard fanfiction #stone gossard fanfic #stone gossard x oc #90s music #pearl jam imagine #mother love bone #pearl jam #grunge fanfiction #stone gossard #jeff ament #soundgarden #green river #grunge

[valadon]

it's my last night in seattle after my little trip and i have many feels about this city, grunge nostalgia, and the fics i wrote in the past 3 years without ever having set foot here. so, read on under the cut if you dare...

in august 2020 i got heavily back into my grunge roots as a coping mechanism for a falling-apart life (relationship, work, living situation, etc etc). i started writing a nostalgia-heavy fanfic set in 1989 seattle, creating my own little cast of original characters to play with the grunge guys i loved, from my little apartment overlooking a textiles market in a crumbling victorian building in east london, england. covid-era london couldn't have been further from grunge-era seattle, and i'd never been further northwest than san francisco years back, but somehow none of that deterred me. i read and watched everything i could about seattle, pored over google maps creating my own landscape of how it might look, feel, smell; where people might have lived, the streets they might have walked, the parks they might've visited, alongside the apocryphal venues like the vogue, central, showbox, metropolis etc - venues which, in some cases, still existed only in old photos found on pinterest. seattle became a character in my fic, "butterflies", as much as anybody else. i imagined it might smell like the rain, or pine, or cigarette smoke, or saltwater. i imagined crowded low-rise brick and timber buildings, a more intimate city than london or new york where i ended up moving and now live. i went back further into seattle's past for my second fic "shadows" and imagined a darker city, with shuttered churches and a sprawling red light district, an easy place to fall apart.

this year, nearly 3 years after i started writing about seattle, i made it here. it's been totally surreal, like deja vu or something. the little map of the city in my head came to life and yet at the same time i've been struck by the things i didn't know, the kind of things you only learn from being somewhere. it's HILLY here - the gradients are steep, and between downtown and capitol hill is a constant climb. the streets are wide and cut with alleyways, the sunlight is so bright here. the raison d'etre cafe where jeff worked is literally downstairs from the sub pop office; the vogue is around the corner from the northwest school where stone and steve turner studied, the monastery club was very close to the off ramp, the showbox is across the street from pike place (and nextdoor to a super seedy, ancient xxx theater). bainbridge island is huge, and beautiful.

i think the major impression i get is that seattle as a city feels SMALL. like, you can imagine what a small world this was back in the grunge days; people would've bumped into each other all the time, at shows and bars and cafes and just on the street. it's really sad to see that the city is beginning to buckle under all the big glassy developments, but the ghost of it is still there if you know where to look. the metropolis is a dingy little cafe now, the vogue and raison are salons, the ok hotel is apartments, the monastery site is all construction. the showbox and the central and off ramp are still recognisably music venues, though i know places like this are under threat to a degree and it breaks my grungey heart.

walking round this city with my partner the past couple days, i was always looking, at times internally SCREAMING - because here's where i had jeff and sara share pierogis, here's where stone and andy threw stones off the pier, here's where alicia and grace got off the bus to go to monastery, all these little moments from the fictional map in my head - and i have no one else to share this with but you guys, because as insane as it might be, my partner has 0 idea i've written about 500k words of seattle-set fic, and to him it's just another kind of cool city to explore. why i am so terminally ashamed of revealing my writing to anyone irl is a whole thing - my work exists only online to strangers (and tumblr friends) - but i'm working on it. i can definitely say that visiting seattle has only made me want to write about it more; it's a truly fascinating, layered place. i recommend it to anyone, and if you go, @magpiewithacamera 's incredible grunge history posts/photos are invaluable in finding the grungey layer beneath. i also took some photos, which i'll share at some point.

i dont live in london anymore, but seattle was an escape for me long before i ever came here. so: i bought a mother love bone poster at one of the underground shops in pike place market and a coaster with the view from kerry park, another location i wrote about what feels like a lifetime ago in the anxious midnight hours of a covid london night, and while i was walking down pike street, with the pine-smell and the edge of rain in the air just like i imagined they would be, i thought: when i write about this place again, i'll make sure i mention the hills.

#writing #fanfic #pearl jam fanfiction

[golden-gypsy]

Blue

Pearl Jam fanfic

Wrote this one-shot about a week or 2 ago when I was sick and just thought I'd share here too in case anyone wants to read. It's also on ao3 and Wattpad. Hope some people enjoy!♡

And of course, this is entirely a work of fiction. All real characters are just used for fictional purposes and nothing more. No disrespect or anything of that nature is meant towards anyone.

Summary: A young woman travels across a desolate landscape with her two companions, searching for something better. But, nothing is quite as it seems.

Warning: I don't think there's any warnings unless you count pg13-ish sexual content... or tobacco use.

Eddie Vedder x ofc

☆☆☆☆☆

The sweat trickled down the nape of her neck as she tiredly lifted one foot, then the other, repeating the process over and over again. They felt heavy, weighed down with fatigue and the unforgiving heat radiating off the sun scorching them from up above. The cloth she had fashioned into a headband was soaked through with sweat, rendering it useless as she wiped the damp from her brow. It burned as it dripped into her eyes, singeing the surface and blurring her vision more so than it already was. Squinting, she looked ahead, trying to sharpen the lines that had long since become muddled together. There wasn't much to see anyway, aside from a few bare trees and patches of dying grass scattered across the barren and hardened landscape.

“Are you okay, Emmy? Do you need to take a break or anything?”

She turned to the voice next to her. Other than his name being Eddie, she didn't know much about him, but she felt like she knew him somehow. From somewhere before here. From another life, perhaps. Because, she knew for a fact that she didn't belong here.

Eddie didn't belong here either.

“Yeah… I think I could sit down for a minute.”

He smiled at her, the slight indent of his dimples barely visible, and pointed to a weathered tree not far ahead. “Let's go there. We'll at least get a little bit of shade.”

She nodded, adjusting the bag she carried on her back and glanced back at the rusted wagon that Eddie was pulling behind him. Mike was asleep in there, face covered with a hat to protect his skin from the sun. They had stumbled across the young boy in a dilapidated house when they were seeking shelter one night. He was alone, said his parents had left to find food but never came back. She and Eddie had waited there with him for close to a week before they were able to convince him to come with them. Mike's parents weren't coming back; she doubted they were even still alive. They asked what few passers-by they crossed paths with if they had any news of his parents, but thus far it had proven to be a useless endeavor. That was another thing though.

Mike didn't belong here either.

They reached the tree, and while the shade was meager, her overheated skin still thanked her for the respite. She pulled the straps of her bag off her shoulders, letting it drop to the ground while she rolled her aching neck in circles. The headband was saturated with sweat, so she untied it, letting her hair fall to her shoulders as she shook it loose. Her curls were dingy and perpetually caked with dust. She couldn't remember a time when they weren't, but she liked to imagine that her dusky hair was once vibrant with color… once upon a time ago.

She had a feeling though…

That somewhere beyond the desolate backdrop, there was a utopia full of everything from her most magnificent dreams.

She knew she didn't belong here.

Eddie was crouched on the ground, unlatching his guitar case. She couldn't remember meeting Eddie; it was like he'd always been there. His guitar as well. How many times had she tried to convince him to get rid of it? It took up space; it wasn't a necessity, but it was all in vain. Eddie was one with that guitar. It was a part of him, and as she watched while his fingers ran lovingly down its neck, she wondered what that might feel like. To be loved by someone like Eddie, cherished even. She couldn't remember if she had ever been loved by anyone.

She didn't mind the guitar so much anymore.

How many times now had he lulled her to sleep with soft strumming and the earthy baritone of his voice? How many times had his blue blue blue eyes met hers while she tried to pretend she wasn't watching him play? How many times… how many times… how many times… she rested her head on his shoulder as he played something she had never heard before. Something new.

Something strangely familiar.

His hair was pulled back, but a few strands had come loose, the earthy stands tickling her forehead. Earthy like his voice. That was her favorite way to describe Eddie. Earthy. A steady, grounding presence who kept her knees from buckling due to the shaking ground beneath her feet.

She couldn't remember a time without Eddie.

The song he played was ethereal in a way. Otherworldly. Like it could guide her through a maze of darkened tunnels, and at the end would be the utopia she dreamed of. Rushing waters, a lush landscape, and she would reach up to sift her fingers through a passing cloud as she drifted down to meet them. For Eddie and Mike would be there too.

Because they didn't belong here.

None of them did.

“What's the name of that one?” she asked after the echo of the final chord faded away.

“Oceans.”

She shifted so that she was looking up at him, his jawline coated in a light stubble. “Hmm… do you think we'll ever see the ocean?”

He smiled down at her, and she wished she could breathe it in. “I have seen the ocean.”

“When?”

“A long time ago.” His face lowered to his guitar again, eyebrows pulled together. “Sometimes I wonder if it was real.”

“I don't think I'll ever see it.”

His eyes met hers again, and they were blue blue blue.

“Maybe you already have, and you just don't remember.”

She watched him, and she could envision him at the ocean. A lone figure on the beach, hair damp from the water instead of sweat and his feet buried in the sand. Maybe that's where he belonged. And she wondered… if maybe she was there with him, in that time she didn't remember. The time before all of this. There would be two figures instead of one. Maybe that's where they both belonged.

She hummed as the images filtered through her head. “What's the song about?”

His grin turned shy as he looked down at his guitar, plucking a few strings before blue became all she could see again. It filled her up and elevated her to the highest of places.

“You've got freckles.”

“What?”

“From the sun.” He wrinkled his nose. “Right here on your nose.” His thumb gently swiped down the side of hers.

“Oh.” Her fingers ran over her nose, down the side of her cheek. “I didn't realize.”

“It's cute.”

She didn't realize it at the time, but he never answered the question. He was good at that, evading, only offering bits and pieces at a time. Maybe that's because she had nothing to give in return. After all, she couldn't remember her life before Eddie. 

“I'm hungry.” 

Mike's voice startled her, and she jumped as she peered over her shoulder at him. He was sitting up in the wagon, long dark hair matted on one side of his head. Persuading him to sit still while she brushed it was never easy, but cutting it was not an option. Anytime the suggestion was made, he recoiled, tears welling up in his sad brown eyes. At some point, she'd have to trim it though. It was already well past his shoulders.

Eddie nudged her with his elbow, drawing her attention back to shades of blue. “By the time we finish eating, it'll be getting dark. Why don't we just stay here tonight?”

“Out in the open?”

“It's far-off from the road.”

“Do you think we'll be okay?”

“Don't worry.” He smirked, his dimples making another appearance. “I won't let anything happen to you.”

She rolled her eyes and stood up to grab the canned vegetable soup from her pack. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know.”

They were running low on food, but that was something to worry about tomorrow. Maybe they'd find another abandoned store or a community with some friendly people, but that was something to think about tomorrow. Tonight, they'd fill their bellies with the soup she cooked on the fire, and maybe Eddie would tell them stories of distant and not so distant places that would ignite her imagination into roaring flames.

The temperature always dropped once the sun set, from one extreme to another. She wanted nothing more than to keep the fire burning, but it would attract attention from those who could possibly be traveling along the far-off road or beyond. And if there was one thing she could never forget, it was that it was that the people who roamed at night often carried ill intentions.

So, the three of them sat wrapped in blankets around the dying campfire, counting down the long-forgotten minutes until sleep claimed them. Tomorrow, the worries would return, and they would set out on foot towards their next destination… whatever that may be. And it would go on and on and on, with no end in sight. Sometimes she wondered where exactly they were trying to get to.

“Will you play a song, Eddie?” Mike asked, his face peeking out from under his blanket.

“Um, yeah. What do you wanna hear?”

Emmy sat forward, wrapping her blanket tighter around herself. “Play the one you played earlier. Oceans.”

His eyes caught hers with a soft smile, and he reached for his guitar. An extension of himself, and she could see the sea of blue that encompassed him.

She didn't mind the guitar so much anymore.

He played the song, and it was just as lovely as before. Maybe more so, if such a thing were even possible. If he wasn't the ground beneath her, she'd worry that it would split open and swallow her whole. But, Eddie was the earth, and his eyes were the sky, and the ocean was his essence. She was waiting for the day when he'd spread his wings and fly.

But…

She didn't recall a time before Eddie. 

And she didn't know if time would remain after Eddie. 

The weight on her arm was nothing more than a sleeping Mike, lulled to sleep by the sound of earth's embrace. She understood; how many times had that happened to her now? Countless upon countless, dream after dream. A million different lifetimes that were somehow carried by the same background music.

She wondered what she'd dream of tonight.

She actually kind of liked the guitar now.

Eddie carried Mike to the wagon, lined with a blanket to add some cushion. She and Eddie would lay their blankets on the ground nearby, using their packs as makeshift pillows. They never slept at the same time though, alternating who kept watch while the other one would try to secure a few hours of sleep. The persistent fatigue was a never-ending battle.

“I'll take the first watch,” Eddie said after Mike was secure in the wagon.

“You barely slept at all last night. I'll take first watch.”

“I don't need a lot.”

“Just try then. I'll wake you up before too long.”

That was a lie. If he succeeded in falling asleep, she wouldn't wake him any sooner than need be. Maybe she wouldn't wake him at all. Eddie was constantly going without, letting her sleep that extra amount of time while his own body was further depleted of energy.

She would be fine, sitting and watching the stars, knowing that Eddie and Mike were safely sleeping beside her.

She didn't know how life would be without them.

Her back was against the weathered tree as she sat, listening to sounds of their breathing fill the night. Everything else was silent. She felt like maybe she remembered the chirping of crickets, maybe the hoot of an owl, but she couldn't recall where those thoughts came from. But, it seemed like, at one point in time, that the night wasn't engulfed in such silence.

Their breathing was a comfort though. It was a reminder that she wasn't alone. Even though she would never admit it, that was what scared her the most. Being alone in the world the way it was. She had people to take care of her though, and in turn, she would take care of them too.

“Emmy?”

Her head was tilted up toward the sky, and she turned to see Eddie lying on his side with his head propped on his arm. His hair was a wild tangle of curls around his face, and she wanted to reach out to smooth it away with her fingers, but she didn't dare do so.

“You're already awake?”

“You let me sleep too long.” His voice was raspy with sleep.

“Not long enough.”

He shook his head and patted the space next to him. “Come sit with me.”

Her eyes stayed focused on his smile as she sat beside him, legs folded underneath her.

“Not like that.” His arms reached towards her, hands pulling her down faster than her body would allow her to react. 

She lost her breath temporarily, as if she forgot how. His face was so close to her own that maybe her not breathing was a conscious choice, fear that any slight movement would cause the moment to disappear. They were facing each other, side by side under a dingy blanket, his hand resting lightly on her hip. If she moved or even breathed, she worried she would lose the warm weight of his hand. She wanted it to stay.

She wanted him to stay.

“That's better,” he said, his thumb moving up and down, up and down.

“What was wrong with how I was sitting?” she dared to ask.

“You looked uncomfortable.” He lifted his shoulder in an easy shrug.

The motion caused her hand to shift, and she noticed… only then… the placement on his chest, below his shoulder, almost where his heart dwelled. She could feel the beating underneath the palm of her hand, a steady pulse to show that they were living and breathing… and existing. Her fingers curled into the thin fabric of his shirt, a reflex, almost as if she wanted to soak in the life that thrummed beneath her fingertips. Draw it closer. Bask in the light that radiated off the earth and the sky and the ocean.

“We both can't fall asleep.” Her voice was a whisper, flitting away on tiny, shaking wings. 

“I'm not falling asleep. I just want to lie here with you for a while.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

She thought again of the song he played earlier, Oceans, and how he said he had seen the ocean before. All she could remember of her life were days spent walking on the lifeless world she found herself in. It didn't seem real that oceans could even exist, but she believed what Eddie told her was true. She knew he would never lie to her. That was one of the few things she could count on, and it was so rare to have anything to count on.

“Why are you so tense?” he asked, and she didn't have to look to know he was smiling.

“I'm not.”

“You should relax.”

“I am,” she countered.

“You're not. Am I making you nervous?”

She allowed her gaze to lift up to blue blue blue, his worry showing itself in the lines creasing his forehead. He had a way of transitioning so easily from playful to intense. It made her head spin at times, dizziness just by being in his presence.

Her fingers smoothed over the fabric of his shirt. “You could never make me nervous, Eddie.”

That wasn't quite the truth though. Eddie made her nervous all the time, simply with his close proximity. It was such a strange swirling of contrasting feelings… because he was a comfort too. He comforted her all the time. That very same mixture swelled up inside her with the touch of his fingers on her bare skin, just underneath the hem of her shirt. It was a hesitant touch, like maybe how he would dip his toes in the ocean water to test the temperature. She could see him doing that.

She could also see him running in at full speed.

“Can I ask you a question?” she breathed as his fingers ghosted higher.

“Of course.”

“Do you think we'll ever find what we're looking for?”

She watched as his eyelashes brushed against the tops of his cheeks, and she wanted to run her fingertips just underneath them. But, she didn't dare do so.

His fingers were higher still, moving along her ribcage, and her skin tingled everywhere he touched. For who can say they were touched by the earth and the sky and the ocean all at once? The feeling was new, yet familiar. He was familiar, and he was here with her, there with her… just as he'd always been.

They didn't belong here.

Those same eyelashes rose again, and time could have stopped for all she knew. Maybe it already did. Maybe these were the last moments she'd spend on this godforsaken land. That would be alright with her. She'd see Eddie in the next life and the one after.

“I think…” he said as the tip of one of his fingers brushed against the underside of her breast. “I think that we already have.”

Was he right? They had each other. The three of them. They were something like a family.

A family…

It was getting harder to think. Her mind was hazy, and all she could see was blue blue blue. It was everywhere. In the sky above her, in the earth beneath her, in the ocean that she may or may not have seen. It was in the touch of his warm fingers on her cool skin, imprinting her with currents of blue. It was in her thoughts, as all she could focus on was how she wanted him to move his fingers higher still.

And he did… 

And he did… 

And he did.

“I can still see the blue in your eyes, even in the dark.” His voice was a gentle wave, washing over the sea of blue. 

“Me too.”

His fingers moved in such a deliciously tortuous way, and nothing else existed in that moment aside from the two of them. She could see him through the fog of her vision as if he were the only thing that made sense. The only thing that was clear. The only thing that was true in their world full of deceit. His lips only barely brushed against hers for a fraction of a second, maybe less, but it was something she'd never experienced before. The frailty of the wind seemed to pick up speed. The tree behind them seemed to shake from its roots to the tips of its branches. The ground seemed to tremble as if their world would soon fall apart.

The air changed, and it was magnetic. It was dragging her away as she fought to stay closer.

Could Eddie feel it too?

It was only less than a second, but the signs were there.

“I had a bad dream.”

Mike.

They pulled away from each other simultaneously. She could see hints of fervor in that blue blue blue.

Maybe Eddie did feel it too.

“Come on,” she told Mike, lifting the blanket. 

Eddie patted his head, exhaling slowly. “I'm going to go keep watch.”

Her eyes unintentionally followed him as he took her former place at the base of the weathered tree. He leaned his head back against the trunk, gazing at the stars between the gaps in the branches, and she thought maybe Eddie could reach out and grab one if he felt so inclined. Something about him told her that it would be possible for him to.

Mike curled up next to her under the blanket, soon fast asleep. It wasn't long before she drifted off herself, thinking about Eddie and the stars in the sky.

She dreamed of the ocean that night, of what she thought it might be. Mike was sitting beside her on the sand as they built a castle. An elaborate castle, with turrets, walkways with parapets, and a moat surrounding the outside of the castle walls. It resembled what she thought a castle might look like, for she'd never seen a castle before, and it grew higher and higher, wider and wider. Mike's laughter danced across the surface of the sand, and she'd never seen him so happy. She wanted the sounds of his laughter to last forever.

A shadow was cast over their ever-growing castle. She knew not to be frightened though. It was a face she'd seen time and time again. His hair was damp from water instead of sweat, and his feet were buried in the sand. The light reflected off his eyes, and they were a bright, clear blue blue blue. They were almost crystal-like, and he stood in front of the sun so that the yellows and oranges surrounded him in a brilliant halo sent from the heavens above. He was beautiful. Painfully so. And she wanted to reach out and touch him, but she didn't dare do so.

This was where Eddie belonged.

He stood over her, tucking a water-soaked curl behind his ear. “I thought I might find you here.”

“You did?”

“Of course.” The corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. “This is where you belong.”

And that's what she wanted.

She wanted to belong.

The next day was the same as any other. They woke up and ate some dried-out bread she had made some days before, taking small sips of water. Everything had to be taken in moderation; none of them knew when they would stumble across more supplies or even a source of water. They carried four jugs for water and only had two left that were full. She always found herself becoming anxious once they reached the two-jug mark. The water went too fast, and she wished they could find a way to carry more… not just water though, more of everything.

But, more than anything, she wished the land around them wasn't dying.

Eddie didn't mention anything about the night before… but then, she didn't either. A part of her couldn't help but wonder if it even happened. But, she could still feel the sensation of his touch along her skin, and she shivered more than once even in the unforgiving heat of the daylight. So… it had to be real. It couldn't have been just a prelude to her dream from last night.

Her dream… 

The utopia that she prayed for every night to magically appear just beyond the next hill.

Or maybe the next…

The last hill.

“I hope we find water today,” she said after they had walked a long while in silence.

Eddie turned to her, a hint of a smile playing along his lips. “We'll find some. Don't worry.”

Her eyes were drawn automatically to his mouth, the curve of his lips, the indent of his dimples. The brief moment in time when she felt them against her own was permanently ingrained in a corner of her mind. She'd keep it there and pull it to the forefront every so often to reminisce upon in case it were to never happen again; she didn't want to forget.

Eddie's grin grew wider, and she knew he must have noticed her staring, stealing fleeting glances as they walked and walked… and walked. His pace slowed, and he inched closer to her, holding out his hand without saying a word. She looked down at his fingers stretched out toward her, his grin softening as he took in her hesitancy. But, she didn't want to think too much about it and whatever implications it could hold. It may have meant nothing but merely a friendly gesture, and she didn't want to think of the burning that would leave inside.

She interlaced her fingers with his before her doubt could lead her away. Because she wanted to be closer to Eddie, and she smiled to herself with the knowledge that maybe she already was.

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze as they continued walking. “You should smile more often.”

And she realized that maybe she should.

They didn't take many breaks as they traveled, wanting to cover as much distance as they could before the sun set. The landscape hadn't changed at all throughout the last days and the nights and the yearning for something more to come along. As it did every day, her vision became blurry in the blistering heat, the outer edges turning in their slow and lazy vibrations. The sweat trickled down her back, clogged up her nose, and caused her clothes to attach to her skin. But, she still held Eddie's hand as they wandered forward, and he never tried to pull away as he walked in the center of their group. Her on one side and Mike on the other.

They were almost like her family.

Maybe they were her family, one that she created all on her own.

“Hey, what's that?” Mike asked, his tiny hand pointing up ahead.

She saw it then, a wooden house in the distance. Chances were it was abandoned, and they could only hope that it wasn't cleaned dry from previous passers-by. It was rare to find a solitary house that was still lived in. Sometimes they'd come across small communities, communal-type living where everyone played a role, and in return, protection was provided through larger numbers. She never questioned why they didn't stay in one of those communities. It would have seemed like the wise thing to do, but it never fit quite right. There was something else waiting for them out there, and it propelled their feet to keep moving.

But, to find a lone lived-in house? That was the biggest rarity of all. Simply because it was too dangerous, too easy for someone to come in and take over. Some of the things that people would do were too horrific to even think about.

As they neared the small wooden house though, the sight of something caused her to grip Eddie's hand tighter, caused him to let go of the wagon to shield Mike with his other arm.

Not something though.

Someone.

Two someones rocking on a swing on the front porch.

One of them had his long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, taking a slow draw of the cigarette sitting between two fingers. The other one looked taller, and he wore a straw hat decorated with a blue and purple striped band covering his long blonde hair.

She let go of Eddie's hand and took a few steps closer.

“Emmy, what are you doing?” he asked urgently.

She ignored Eddie and spoke to the two men instead. “I know you.”

“Yup,” the one with the cigarette replied.

What was his name?

Her feet carried her up the few rickety steps until she stood before them. She heard Eddie telling Mike to stay back before the creaking of the steps told her that Eddie was behind her. Really though, she didn't need to hear the steps to know; she could feel his presence from anywhere. 

He was her earth and her sky and her ocean all at the same time.

She pointed to the cigarette that ponytail held. “Can I have one?”

Stone. His name was Stone.

“I didn't know you smoke.” Eddie's puzzled voice behind her shook her eardrums, as only the earth could.

She didn't either, but it seemed like something she'd do. In that moment.

“There's a lot about me you don’t know.”

His eyes flickered over the features of her face before he answered. “I know.”

The one named Stone handed her a cigarette and held up the lighter to ignite the tip. She leaned forward to accept the open flame, but instead of hazel hues, she was met with blue blue blue. As far as her eyes could see, it was blue.

She inhaled the burning smoke down her throat, into her lungs, staring into Eddie's searching eyes as he passed the lighter back to Stone. He had a way of looking past her, through her, into the heart of her that she didn't know existed. It was in that way that he could both calm her and send a shock through every nerve in her body.

But, she knew now where he belonged, and it wasn't here. 

She hoped she could remember.

Eddie delicately removed the cigarette from her fingers, before she was even done with her exhale. As he brought it to his own lips, she was reminded of their almost kiss, how his mouth was now where hers once was. It was silly to think of something like that at that moment, but one can hardly help where the mind wanders at times. Even at this most critical juncture, when her thoughts should have been elsewhere, it was always him. Always.

“What is this place?” Eddie asked the two men on the swing, his eyes never straying from hers.

The one in the hat answered. “You don't wanna go in there.”

And his name was Jeff. 

She knew that now.

Eddie's head jerked to the side. “Why not?”

“Because no one who goes in there ever comes out,” Jeff said.

There was no explanation why. It was simply that. She knew it to be true though… somehow. Maybe for the same reason that she knew their names. Stone and Jeff. They were strangers, but still she could recognize their faces.

She stepped around Eddie, coming to stand in front of the door that led inside the house that was full of unknowns. It could be her demise, but she had to go open the door.

Eddie's hand found hers again. One last time. Or not. The possibilities were endless. “What are you doing?”

“I have to go in.”

“Why?”

She couldn't give him the answer he wanted, whatever that was. Her head shook as she gazed into those eyes that were so blue blue blue, the song he sang playing in her head as she saw his hair damp from water instead of sweat and his feet buried in the sand. It was the loveliest of visions, and she ached for it to come true.

She had to go in.

“Will you sing that song for me?” she asked him.

“What?”

“Oceans.”

He squinted at her as though she were crazy. Maybe she was. “You want me to sing it now?”

“Will you?” She took his hand in both of hers. “Please?”

And he did… 

And he did… 

And he did.

It was just as beautiful as the night before. If not more so. Because while his eyes were the sky, lifting her up so she could fly… his voice was the earth, destined to make sure her feet landed safely on the ground. And the song… the song was his essence as currents rolled above and beneath him, through him and around him.

That's where he belonged.

“I'm scared,” she said after he finished his song.

His hands clasped around the top of her shoulders, eyes intense in that particular way that only he could manage. “I won't let anything happen to you.”

She knew he'd never lie to her. That was one of the few things she could depend on in a world so full of falsity. And it convinced her that she needed to follow through as she reached behind her and turned the knob, the door swinging wide open. It was almost time, but there was still something left unshared. A final chapter to close the story, but it was just part one. There would be many chapters left to come as there was still the next life and the next… and the one after.

Her hands cupped both his cheeks as she held his face close to her own. Closer… closer… and closer still. She worried what would happen as the air began to shift around them. The signs were there, but she didn't want to live in the regret that she didn't know.

His breath fanned across her face as he drew her nearer, and she caught it as she pressed her lips to his in what was the ultimate defiance. They weren't supposed to be here, but they belonged somewhere… together. 

And just as Eddie was the earth and the sky and the ocean, she was the fire, burning the fraying ends away one strand at a time. The heat from the flames swelled up inside of her until it was too much to contain. It spread forth, nearly uncontrollable as his fingers sifted through her hair and her hands clung to the front of his shirt. They were the only two left on the planet, and it seemed inconsequential that the ground finally cracked and split, lava spewing forth and lapping at their feet as a cruel reminder of what was to come.

It should have been water.

But, the signs were all there.

The heat burned holes in everything it touched, but he held her close, and she didn't want to let him go. She didn't want to… because as his two lips continued to move against her own, she could feel it. Something new and something oh so wonderfully familiar.

Why did she have to let him go?

She could see him disintegrating away, or maybe it was her. And she wanted to hold on, for she suddenly feared she may never see him again. But, Eddie was the earth, and his eyes were the sky, and his essence was the ocean, and she knew somewhere deep within that he would never spread his wings and fly…  not without her. He would carry her with him wherever he chose to go.

He could go wherever he wanted to go, and yet he chose her.

The water would one day be enough to put out the fire.

And then, he was gone.

… 

…

…

She sat up straight in bed and wiped the cold sweat from her brow. The room she was in was small, too much so to hold many things aside from her bed. That was alright with her though; she didn't require much anyway. The tiny round window gave a view of the artificial neon lights and the smoky pollution that lived outside. She felt like she needed to be somewhere, but she couldn't remember where.

Her head swiveled to the side when she heard a knock at the door. 

“Emmy,” the voice called. “Are you ready?”

“I'm here,” she answered in a voice that she guessed must have belonged to her. “You can come in.”

The person outside her door could have been crazy, but she had a feeling…

“What are you doing still in bed?” he asked as he entered her room.

“Um…”

All she could see was blue blue blue. The neon created dancing light specks in his eyes.

“You need to get up. We're gonna get the shit beat out of us if we're late.”

She was confused, but what he said almost made sense; she felt the ache of bruises on her back. “Late for what?”

He stared at her as if she had two heads. Hell, maybe she did. “For work. Come on, we need to go.”

That's right, they had to go to work. That sounded right… but then, it wasn't.

No, it wasn't right at all.

She didn't belong here.

Eddie didn't belong here either.

#pearl jam fanfiction #pearl jam fanfic #eddie vedder fanfiction #eddie vedder fanfic #bandfic #grunge fanfiction #eddie vedder x ofc #mike mccready - small part #yes hes a kid #stone gossard - small part #jeff ament - small part #grunge fanfic

[wa1ks]

Hi, i loved your james fic and was wondering if you could do something with with jeff ament, i dont mind what it is, there is such a lack off of pearl jam ff I'll read anything atp :)

AHH tysm nonnie :33 and ofc i'll write for jeff, i mean look at him he's such a cutie. But beware, I've been in an angsty mood.

Reader is Dave Grohl's sister.

CW: Mentions of cheating, toxic relationships.

WC: 700

12 hours. 

It had been 12 hours since Me and Jeff's worst argument. And I haven't seen him since. It all started when I came home from spending the day with my brother. Jeff saw us hug, and I think he immediately went to the conclusion that I was cheating on him. I didn't even know Jeff was home at this point! With the band growing more and more popular with each passing day, we never have time to see each other anymore. So I did what I do best; I cried. When I came inside, Jeff was already fuming and saying shit like, "Did you have fun with him? Was he better than me?" Now, I've been cheated on in the past, so I know how he must be feeling right now. But the difference is, I didn't cheat.

I tried to get him to reason with me and just hear me out. But he was so upset at this point that he accused me of cheating on him. I am so fucking in love with Jeff that I couldn't bear to do something to hurt him, but alas, he was blinded by his love for me. We said some pretty nasty things and then agreed it would be best if we cooled off for the night, apart. That leads us to now. I couldn't sleep knowing I had hurt Jeff that badly, but I didn't do anything. So forgive me if I'm feeling a little conflicted at the moment. But that doesn't matter; all that matters is Jeff, nothing else.

I ended up falling asleep, and I woke up because the door was rattling.

"Jeff, is that you?"

He walks in, and what I see breaks my heart. Jeff is back, but he's covered in lipstick and...hickeys? tears well up in my eyes, waiting for the moment to let them fall when he breaks the silence by saying

"You cheated on me, so I returned the favor. It doesn't feel nice now, does it?"

I couldn't breathe.

He purposefully went out, seeking out another woman, letting her touch him in ways only I was allowed to touch him; he let her taint his skin with her touch. He went out and cheated on me. On purpose.

"Jeff, get out."

I couldn't bear to look at the same man I had been in love with moments prior.

"You did this to yourself," he said smugly.

"Jeff, the guy you saw me hugging is my brother. Why can't you listen to me?"

Just like that, the tears fall, and I realize our relationship has been rocky from the start. Don't waste your tears on someone who doesn't care about you. I tell myself.

"I'll call him right now and prove to you that he really is my brother, but beware; as soon as that phone call is over, so is our relationship, so I suggest you pack your things and figure out where you'll be staying. Because I can't waste my time and energy on a relationship when you're not bothered to put in any time or energy. I deserve better, and honestly, I hope that the band becomes one of the best. I really do."

Breathe; don't waste any more energy on him.

I pull out my phone and dial Dave's number. He picks up.

"Hello?"

"Dave, it's me."

"Oh, hey, sis! How was the rest of your night? Sorry, I couldn't introduce myself to Jeff, but the band needed me."

"It's ok, Dave, but I just needed you to approve of the fact we're siblings to someone really quick; can you do that for me, please?"

I put the phone on speaker.

"Yeah, of course! Anyway, random person, this girl right here is none other than my beautiful, smart, courageous little sister. We didn't really see each other much as kids because of our parents divorce, but we made do with whatever time we got. Time is incredibly precious; don't take anything for granted, random person."

I can see the gears click in Jeff's head.

"Thank you, Dave, oh, and can you say hi to Kurt and Krist for me?"

"Yeah! They'll be excited to hear that you haven't forgotten about them."

"Love you, and take care of me, please?"

"I love you too, Dave. Bye."

I hang up and wait for Jeff to say something.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know he was actually your brother."

"Jeff I said it multiple times yesterday and today. Now I won't ask you twice; get your shit and get out."

He's stunned. 

I grin and decide to go for a walk to cool myself down.

Word of advice: Don't fall in love with a rockstar; you'll just get hurt.

#pearl jam #pearl jam fanfiction #angst #jeff ament #grunge #asks and replies

[4birds-of-a-feather]

Chapter 27 - Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight (when it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night) [part 6]

Birds Of a Feather

Look who Monty the cat dragged in! Hope you guys are fine and are gonna enjoy this, let us know what you think about it ✨

(In the previous chapter: despite their mutual attraction, Layla and Eddie decided to spend some time together in a platonic way; Stone wasn’t able to make Sara come out from the bathroom but has instead confessed her his feelings; Jeff has seen his bandmate go inside the bathroom and he knows Stone is with Sara, but what he doesn’t know is that the two of them are making out)

Seattle, 31st December 1984

“Here you are! Thought you had deserted us” Sara snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Jeff’s voice coming from behind: she turned around as he was already strolling in her direction, and she immediately felt her mouth dry. “I’m sorry, I-I came here to get some fresh air – I thought I was about to faint inside” the girl stammered, pointing at the room where It’s My Life was playing out loud “The balcony seemed like a clever idea” “It was, just like me bringing you some fruit punch” Jeff grinned, handing her a red cup that she gladly took. “You’re a lifesaver, thank you” “No problem” he went to sit on the railing, next to where now Sara was chewing the edge of her paper cup “Penny for your thoughts?” “Just a silly recollection…” the tips of her ears instantly reddened “You’d make fun of me” “I would never! I won’t, I promise” “Well, I was thinking about last New Year’s Eve, wondering how I spent it” “And…?” “... and I just realized it was probably me still crying because Dennis Wilson had died a couple of days before” she rested her elbows on the railing, then leaned her cheek on a hand “You know, Beach Boys’ drummer? And a year later I’m at a party, but I fled to the balcony because inside there’s too many people I don’t know… so yeah, a year may have passed but I’m still socially awkward, ugh” “Hey, I wouldn’t call ‘socially awkward’ someone who’s having zero problems chatting with a guy she’s known for seven months” “What, you’ve been counting or something?” she smirked at him, her voice showing amusement at his corniness. “Every single day” “Oh, shush” the girl immediately flushed, and Jeff couldn’t help but grin triumphantly because she was trying so hard not to smile but the half dimple on the right corner of her mouth said otherwise. “No, but seriously – you’re doing great” he was quick to make himself clear “I mean, you said it yourself: going to a party full of people you don’t know, with other people you barely know? In my book you sound like a total badass” “You think so?” “I do” he looked her in the eye “But that doesn’t mean that last year you were an utter loser because you spent New Year’s Eve crying over some dead musician… sounds like he meant a great deal to you”   “He does, yeah” “I know my Brian Wilson and my Mike Love,” he began, while she frowned at the last person mentioned “but the other members… not so much, I’m afraid – except for the drummer’s association with Manson, obviously” “Yeah, I guess that’s public domain” Sara wrinkled her nose “Well, Dennis was the first one in the band to come out with a solo project, which I think has to be one of the saddest albums ever… still beautiful, though I haven’t been able to listen again to it after last year” “Understandable” “And he also made a movie with James Taylor that I have yet to watch but my father tells me it’s great – kind of a road-movie, made in the early ‘70s” “Sounds like something I’d like” “I think so too; he also wrote some pretty cool songs for the band, but he was obviously overshadowed by his brother” she sighed “Anyway, it’s all over now so I guess it doesn’t matter anymore” “It matters to you, that’s what’s important” She adjusted her scarf, avoiding his glance, then abruptly changed topic: “I listened to your tape” The bassist almost lost his balance but was able to recover at the last second: “Yeah? Verdict?” “You should seriously start to listen to some good ol’ folk, you can’t live just with punk music” “... that’s your feedback?!” this time he had begun to fall backwards, so he wisely jumped off the railing. “Yeah, that’s it” “Uhm, I-I guess I can see your point, but I also put Bowie and Beth by KISS! C’mon, you can’t tell me they’re punk, that’s-” “Honestly? That’s the sweetest thing somebody has ever done for me – and my dad is a worthy opponent in this competition, but you beat him anyway” the girl winked at him “You could have made a Barry Manilow compilation and I would have appreciated it all the same, because in any case it would have been something you made thinking of me” “Woah, I-uhm… thank you? I mean-” “Anyway, I need to lend you some tapes that I think are fundamental in the education of a person – especially for a musician like yourself” Sara kept on talking, then noticed he was giving her a funny look “What, what did I say?” “Nothing, just… I’m happy you liked it, I was hoping the tape could make you understand what you mean to me” Even though her feet were on the ground, the girl was still able to trip over an invisible obstacle. “Errrrr, thank God I didn’t drink the vodka they offered us before, otherw-” she babbled, but was interrupted by Jeff moving closer. “... Wanna go out with me?” “Like, right now? We shouldn’t ditch the others, it wouldn’t be f-” “No, silly!” the guy chuckled, the wrinkles around the corners of his eyes instantly giving her butterflies in her stomach “I agree with you, right now it would be really improper: wanna do this next week?” “You’re… serious” “Why shouldn’t I be? We can go to the movies and then grab something to eat” “Just the two of us?” “Unless you want that pain in the ass of Stone to tag along” he joked, trying to ignore the annoying thought of his friend being the third wheel. No words came out Sara’s mouth, so the guy panicked. “... you know what, I didn’t want to mess this up – just forget it” he dismissed the previous idea with frantic gestures of his hands “I’m sorry I embarrassed you, I-” “I’d love to” the girl had come closer and taken his hands in hers “I’m sorry if I made you believe I didn’t wanna go out with you, I just… I’m surprised you invited me, that’s all” “Hell, to be honest I’m surprised you accepted” Jeff let out a nervous chuckle, squeezing her hands in return “You sure? Just the two of us?” “Just the two of us” she said in a resolute tone, grinning at him, and he finally mirrored her relaxed smile. 1985 was about to start in the best possible way.

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Seattle, VedderAment’s place, 31st December 1990 (but not for much longer) “It’s barely a couple of minutes to midnight!” Layla yelled into Eddie’s ear as they held to each other and swayed to the music. <Excuse me, Miss Boulais, is it midnight? I’d check my watch, you know, but I just can’t take my eyes off you… JEEZ, I DIDN’T SAY IT OUT LOUD, DID I?> Eddie had a mind full of cheesy kissing pick up lines as it often happened when he was drunk or stoned. “Really? Uhm we’re almost there then hehe” he awkwardly replied as he couldn’t say if he was more inebriated by the booze, the song’s atmosphere, Layla’s delicate flowery perfume, the warmth of her breath against his face or her body pressed against his. “Yep!” Layla knew she should have said something earlier because now, right in the middle of the party, it was impossible to have a proper conversation about anything or even say anything more than best wishes. She tried to tell herself to enjoy the moment, which wasn’t bad at all, but she couldn’t help but regret her lack of courage. She was an overly worried type of drunk. <I’m here, slow dancing with a nice guy, who also happens to be very hot, and instead of just enjoying it, I keep on brooding over what I did and didn’t do...> 10! 9! 8! They kept dancing without saying a word, until Chris started shouting the countdown and everyone at the party followed him. Eddie and Layla stopped but were still holding each other as they were howling every number too. 7! 6! 5! <Wanna start the new year with a bang?> he couldn’t help thinking as they smiled at each other during the count. 4! 3! <Ok, that’s enough, I’m done! I’ll kiss him! Just like that. But what if he doesn’t want to? What if he pulls away? How can I save the situation? I could kiss him and make it seem like it was a mistake. Like I could be aiming at the cheek and then oops! And then just see where it goes from there… If he gets into it, that’s great, but if he doesn’t I can always say “sorry” and laugh about it and pretend nothing happened then go cry about it in my room later> Layla’s train of thoughts was very fast in those two seconds, as she pondered about her kissing attempt. 2! 1! <Can I be your first mistake of the year?> Eddie was disgusted but also surprised by his own creativity for pick-up lines as the last seconds of 1990 were ticking away. HAPPY FUCKIN’ NEW YEAR!!!!! Cornell screamed from the top of his lungs as chaos started around in the apartment at the stroke of midnight, so much that the music was barely audible, although Chris had turned back up at maximum volume. “Happy new year, Eddie!” Layla jumped and cheered and went to kiss him on the cheek. Right, on the cheek. Her previous determination gone out of the window, as always. Eddie kissed her cheek in turn and stood staring at her with a drunk smile, considering telling her that, talking about new year’s resolutions, he had a new one now and he was looking at it right at that moment. “Thanks, happy new year to you too” he said instead, keeping some dignity. <Why can’t I be uninhibited drunk instead of overthinking drunk?> Layla sighed internally as she took in Eddie’s disheveled beauty right in front of her and regretted their loser-style new year’s kisses. “1991 will be great for you and the band, I just know that!” the girl shook him by his shoulders and it was like he snapped up from sleep. “I trust you. You know, talking about resolutions…” Eddie started saying and it was like he could hear himself talking but couldn’t do anything to prevent it and was terrified of all the stupid shit that could come out of his mouth. “Yeah?” she asked as Eddie wouldn’t go on but just started dancing with her instead. “Uh, I have a new one. I didn’t mention it before because, well, it’s new” he said after Layla’s encouragement and was already saying a silent goodbye to his dignity. <I just hope she had enough alcohol to believe I’m charming and cool> “Ok, that’s great” “Yeah” he said as he kept swaying in time with the music. “And what is it?” she prompted him to talk as she thought the booze was probably starting to kick in and have the best of him. “Not be a loser anymore” he spoke into her ear as he stopped moving and subtly tightened his hold on the girl’s hips. “Oh. Well, that’s, that’s good” “Pucker up now, please” he looked up into her eyes and she saw an extremely serious expression on his face. “Wha-” Layla didn’t have time to understand what Eddie was talking about before his lips met hers in a sudden kiss. Layla wanted so badly to let her mind wander and mull over what was happening and the possible aftermath and consequences of it but she just couldn’t. The kiss was so surprising she was caught off guard and it was just that deep type of kiss that leaves little room for thought. The rush of sensations crawling across her body was the only thing she could focus on, together with the taste of him. Eddie pulled away only to look at her face, searching for reassurance, any hint or reaction that could tell him whether he had just fucked up big time or she liked being kissed. He had his answer in a couple of seconds, when the silent double stare broke into a mirrored dumbstruck smile. “... Fuck it” Layla said and he thought that it was serious if she used the F word. He managed to smirk before the girl decided that whatever it meant, whatever the consequences might be, whatever his lips were bringing, she wanted more and pulled him into a new kiss. They were lost in each other’s lips and it was like the outside world had ceased to exist. That was until a loud crash that sounded like an explosion broke the air and their kiss and brought them back to reality.

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“Jesus H. Tap-dancing Christ, what the hell was that noise?!” Sara startled, then finally realized what had been happening for God knows how much time and immediately pushed herself away from Stone. “Sounded kinda like the roar you hear during an earthquake...” he casually observed with a smirk, touching his lips without taking his eyes off her. “Oh, that’s magnificent… fuckin’ A, we’ll be the first ones to drop like ants!” she growled, then kicked him in the leg “What the fuck are you waiting for?? Stand up, I need to go out!” “After all the trouble I went to come here? Over my dead body, missy” “You’re asking for it” she kicked him again “I’ve got zero problems with killing you to save myself: you’ll be just a fatality caused by the earthquake” “Only if you’re gonna cry at my funeral – first row, with a Hepburn LBD and this exact perfume” he went on, grabbing her ankle and trying to pull her close. “... you’re a sick motherfucker, you know that?” Sara shook him off, pushed him aside while he was guffawing and finally reached the handle “I’m not done with you” “That’s exactly what I was hoping you would say, Scout” “Go eat a dick, Boo Radley” she gave him a last fake smile then stormed out the bathroom with her ears and cheeks boiling. <Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, let’s hope nobody noticed my absence… that son of a gun needs a good kicking> The girl stopped for a few seconds, trying to catch her breath and wondering if her lipstick had survived the havoc that Gossard had bestowed upon it, then craned her neck to see if anybody had seen what she had been up to, to no avail: the hall was empty, because apparently everybody had gathered in the living room. “Ames, I already told ya I’m fuckin’ sor-” “What the fuck should I do with your apologies, Chris?? Wipe my ass, that’s what I’m gonna do!” Jeff was shouting at his (ex) friend “What am I supposed to tell the landlord?? ‘My friend thought that shooting a goddamn confetti cannon against the ceiling would be a brilliant idea’?! That would surely make everything easy for me, yes sirree!” <Do not think about that idiot’s ass, Fancini, and focus on the main news: no earthquake and Mr. Montana’s imminent ass-kicking provided by his landlor-fuck, I thought about his ass, didn’t I?> Sara looked up, first of all trying to figure out how much did Chris actually fuck up and also to take her mind off the bassist’s butt. She noticed quite a large hole in the ceiling and a few confetti remains hanging from it. “You can always say it’s installation art” Steve suggested as Lukin on his side couldn’t seem to take off his squinting eyes from the confetti cannon disaster. “Yeah, it surely… uhm, transformed the perception of the space” Layla remarked, as Sara briefly looked at her friend and couldn’t help but notice Eddie’s arm looped around her waist – she didn’t think too much of it. “Sure! And it will transform the landlord’s perception too as he won’t hesitate invading our personal space to kick our asses!” Jeff flailed his arms around in frustration, while Sara silently cursed him for mentioning his cute ass once again. “Come on, it’s not bad! I mean, it is bad, but not that much. Nothing that can’t be repaired” Matt pointed out, trying to save his bandmate from the homicidal instincts of Ament. “Sure it can be repaired. At our expenses, of course” Jeff rubbed his face with his hands, trying to stay calm, but the people around him didn’t help. “Oh! You could ask the construction company that’s fixing our apartment! They’re not too expensive” Layla thought this would cheer the guy up a little but apparently she was wrong. “Well, thanks a lot, Four Eyes! They’re cheap and all but considering how quick they’re working at your place, do you think they’ll have the fuckin’ hole fixed on time for the next New Year’s party?” “Come on, Jeff, let’s not ruin the party now” Vedder exchanged a reassuring look with Layla and went to lighten up his bandmate’s mood. “Me? It wasn’t me, Chris ruined it” Ament shrugged and Cornell rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time. “How many times do I have to apologize to you?” “Listen, we’ll think about something tomorrow, I’ll try and see if I can do something. Tomorrow, though. Today we’re celebrating, ok?” Eddie went on and his attempt at keeping his friend calm wasn’t totally uninterested. <The sooner Jeff relaxes, the sooner we’ll all go back to the party and the sooner I’ll go back to the smooching> he thought, hoping he was really just thinking and not saying the word smooch aloud. “How sweet of him, improvising as a mason… I bet he’d pass himself off as a firefighter or a fuckin’ astronaut just to resume his favourite activity” Turner murmured under his breath, still bearing a sort of grudge against him because of Layla. “Hey, what’s happening he-OH. Jeffrey, how many times did I tell you not to do jumping jacks at home? You know you’re not exactly as light as a feather” Stone appeared out of nowhere and Sara had almost forgotten their escapade and was chuckling at his joke – at least until she turned to look at him and noticed a faint trace of her lipstick in the corner of his bottom lip. “HAHAHAHA OH, SHUT UP GOSSARD, GIVE HIM A BREAK!” the girl laughed exaggeratedly and shoved her hand upon Stone’s mouth as to playfully shush him up, but actually to subtly remove any evidence. <A flamethrower would be more effective but this will do for now> she thought as she felt a sort of satisfaction in almost suffocating the guy. Stone didn’t lose his composure and with a quick move he took her wrist, twisted it lightly, kissed her hand and smirked. “As you wish, Miss! How can I say no to such a gentle request?” Everybody turned to look at them with their faces scrunched up like crumpled paper; the color drained immediately from Sara’s face when she realized that all her previous caution had just been destroyed by the cocky attitude of her ex-friend. Silence was reigning until Ament cleared his throat: “Ok ok, considering everybody’s at least as wasted as Stone, we clearly can’t do anything now anyway” he paused and looked at Stone and Sara with a weird feeling gnawing at him that he couldn’t put a name on “You’re right, Ed, we’ll think about it tomorrow” “... Confetti hole” Lukin said out of the blue, while Chris turned the music back up and everyone went back to their own business. “Yeah, 1991 started with a bang” Steve snorted. “It looks like the sun” his friend said seriously. “Midnight sun” “Confetti sun, like it looks like the sun but it’s fake” “Uh-uh” “Confetti hole sun. Wouldn’t it be a great song title?” Lukin’s face suddenly lit up like a Christmas tree. “Yeah yeah, sure. Come on, let’s go have a drink” Steve shook his head and led his bandmate to the kitchen as the party slowly started again.

#Eddie Vedder #Jeff Ament #Pearl Jam #Eddie Vedder fanfiction #Pearl Jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #Jeff Ament fanfiction #Birds of a Feather #chapters

[mancanosempreventicentesimi]

Capitolo 61 - Camicie, domande e Fonzie con i baffi

Nel capitolo precedente: Jerry va al suo appuntamento al buio e conosce Heather. Sorprendentemente anche lei rivela di non aver voglia di conoscere ragazzi al momento e, rendendosi conto di essere molto simili e nella stessa medesima situazione, convince Jerry a fingere che loro due si frequentino in modo da farsi lasciare in pace dai loro rispettivi amici. Durante un gioco di domande e risposte tra Stone e Grace, i due discutono sul fatto che lei non lo abbia ancora fatto dormire con lei nel suo letto a causa delle sue insicurezze. Alla fine Stone riesce a tranquillizzarla e a convincerla a fare questo passo con lui. Eddie e Angie riescono finalmente a passare una serata insieme, a base di pizza e film horror. Eddie prova ancora a farla ragionare sul film di Cameron Crowe e le rivela che per lui quella è una serata speciale: è passato un mese esatto dal loro primo bacio. Angie si sente in colpa perché non aveva minimamente pensato alla ricorrenza, non essendo abituata a questo tipo di cose nelle sue relazioni passate.

***

He fills me up, he gives me love

More love than I've ever seen

He's all I got, he's all I got in this world

But he's all the man that I need

A un osservatore esterno random questa scena potrebbe sembrare surreale, lo ammetto. Se la mia vita fosse una serie tv e l'episodio di oggi iniziasse con questa scena di stamattina, a me, da spettatrice, scatterebbero mille campanelli d'allarme che vanno da "E' una realtà alternativa frutto di un viaggio nel tempo andato male" a "Come minimo sta per succedere una catastrofe". Perché io che preparo i pancake il mercoledì mattina, ancora in vestaglia nonostante abbia pure lezione tra poco più di un'ora, ballando sulla top 100 alla radio e canticchiando (distruggendo) Whitney Houston non è una cosa che si vede tutti i giorni. Il volume in realtà l'ho alzato per Eddie perché sospetto che l'uomo che io-non-dormo-mai-vivo-di-notte-a-san-diego-facevo-surf-alle-prime-luci-dell'alba non abbia alcuna intenzione di schiodarsi dal letto. Stamattina ho aperto gli occhi prima della mia sveglia killer e ho pensato bene di disattivarla per lasciarlo riposare, ho fatto la doccia più veloce e silenziosa della storia e ora sono qui. Visto che siamo sempre di corsa e ci vediamo a spizzichi e bocconi, mi sembrava una cosa carina preparare una bella colazione per viziarlo un po' e poter passare qualche minuto in più assieme, seduti a un tavolo, parlando e scherzando, anziché dirci come al solito ciao ciao e scappare ognuno per la sua strada. E in questo ci metto anche Meg perché, con la fine della scuola che si avvicina, la storia dei tatuaggi e tutti i lavori paralleli che sta acchiappando per arrotondare, persino fare una chiacchierata con la mia coinquilina sta diventando complesso. Pensavo che il profumo della colazione e del caffè sarebbero bastati a dare a Ed un buongiorno più dolce di quello della mia odiata sveglia, ma mi sbagliavo. Verso un'altra mestolata di impasto nella padella e sorrido quando sento il rumore dell'acqua della doccia, pensando che il mio canto melodioso abbia fatto il suo dovere, ma mi ricredo subito quando sento la voce di Meg che inizia a intonare il coro di Freedom 90. Beh, se non ce l'ho fatta io, ci penserà lei a buttarlo giù dal letto assieme a George Michael.

Prendo il piatto con tutti i pancake e lo metto al centro del tavolo, dove c'è già la bottiglia di sciroppo al cioccolato. Siccome non voglio passare per quella che mangia solo schifezze, decido di recuperare anche un po' di yogurt e frutta, che sui pancake ci sta sempre bene. Mi dirigo verso il frigorifero ballando, non prima di aver urlato Everybody dance now! assieme alla radio, infilo la testa in frigo sculettando e quando chiudo lo sportello per poco non mi viene un infarto e non proietto yogurt e frutti di bosco sul soffitto.

"EDDIE!"

"Ehi" mi fai lui appoggiato allo stipite della porta, assonnato e sorridente.

"CHE CAZZO" mollo tutto sul tavolo al sicuro e riprendo colore.

"Buongiorno anche a te, micetta"

"Micetta un cazzo, appari così dal nulla, mi hai fatto prendere un colpo"

"Perdonami, non volevo spaventarti. E' che beh... eri tutta concentrata nel ballo, non potevo interromperti" spiega con quella faccia da adorabile stronzetto che... niente, ho lezione tra un'ora, non posso pensare a queste cose.

"Da quanto eri lì?"

"Da un po'" è ancora sulla porta della cucina. In boxer e camicia. Ripeto, Angie, NON PUOI PENSARE A QUESTE COSE.

"Potevi trovare una maniera alternativa e più soft di annunciare la tua presenza, no?" torno ai fornelli spenti e fingo di spegnerli, poi mi sposto al lavandino e fingo di armeggiare con qualcos'altro finché non mi sento le sue mani sulle spalle.

"E perdermi questo show? Non sono mica scemo" mi bacia una guancia e poi si appoggia col mento sulla mia spalla destra.

"Lo show ideale per un risveglio traumatico. Attento che ti scotti, è ancora calda" lo avviso quando vedo che allunga le mani sulla padella, forse per metterla a lavare.

"Tanto sono già cotto" mette tutto nel lavandino e poi mi abbraccia da dietro appoggiandosi di nuovo a me.

"Eheheh che?"

"Hai idea di quanto eri sexy?" sussurra allungando queste cazzo di mani.

"Sono sexy in cucina? Ai fornelli? In uno dei ruoli stereotipati in cui il maschilismo più becero imprigiona le donne?" mi volto verso di lui nel tentativo di togliermelo di dosso, ma con scarsi risultati.

"In realtà intendevo ballando in vestaglia, ma onestamente questo è pure meglio, cazzo" scarsissimi visto che ora mi ha artigliato il culo e la sua bocca si sta avvicinando pericolosamente al mio punto debole sul collo.

"Ah quindi... anni di lotte per l'emancipazione della donna ridotte a un feticcio? Femminismo che ha senso di esistere solo per la gratificazione sessuale di te, uomo etero?"

"Piantala o mi tocca scoparti qui e adesso" si allontana dal mio collo giusto il tempo di farmi presente questa cosa all'orecchio, per poi tornare al suo lavoro.

"Eheh tanto non puoi" lo spingo via in maniera forse troppo impulsiva, mi volto di nuovo e inizio a riempire il lavello con acqua per poi prendere il detersivo per i piatti.

"Perché?" e però pure tu Eddie, se continui così non mi aiuti.

"Perché... perché c'è Meg di là..." e ancora con queste mani sui fianchi " E poi dobbiamo mangiare e devo andare a lezione"

"Allora, aspetta," Eddie chiude il rubinetto, mi prende la mano e, spingendomi a una sorta di piroetta, mi obbliga a girarmi ancora verso di lui "punto uno"

"Ahah hai pure i punti già pronti di prima mattina?"

"Sono nato pronto. Punto uno: Meg è di là, non è qui" prima allunga lo sguardo verso la porta, poi lo indirizza di nuovo verso di me e mi fa l'occhiolino.

"Però può arrivare da un momento all'altro" ribatto, ma non sono altrettanto veloce nel contrastare le sue mani, che iniziano a sbottonarmi la vestaglia.

"Basta stare attenti quando sentiamo Mariah Carey che si avvicina" scherza ironizzando sulla canzone che sta cantando adesso.

"E se siamo troppo distratti?" richiudo un bottone, lui me ne sbottona due.

"Punto due:" continua lui infischiandosene delle mie obiezioni "possiamo mangiare dopo"

"Ma dopo che?" si limita ad alzare lo sguardo per sorridermi, senza rispondermi.

"Punto tre: ti do io uno strappo in università così fai prima" e via altri due bottoni.

"Ma-" provo a ribellarmi, in maniera non molto convinta, e lui mi zittisce baciandomi, dolcemente, ma con una certa fermezza, e ora la mia vestaglia è completamente aperta.

"Dai, andiamo di là cinque minuti"

"Non saranno mai cinque minuti, Eddie"

"Scommettiamo?" la vestaglia è a terra e le mani sono sotto la mia maglia del pigiama e minacciano di far volare anche quella, almeno finché un dettaglio non cattura, in ritardo, la mia attenzione.

"Eddie, da-... ehm, scusa, ma cos'hai addosso?"

"Sono troppo vestito, vero? Adesso rimedio subito!" ammicca con le sopracciglia come uno scemo, fa per levarsi la camicia, ma lo blocco.

"No, intendo dire, non vedi cosa ti sei messo addosso? Non ti sei accorto?" inizio a ridere e solo adesso inizia ad avere un piccolo cedimento e a mollare la presa. Ne approfitto per ricompormi e recuperare la vestaglia da terra.

"Cos'è? Me la sono messa alla rovescia?" si guarda la camicia senza capire, e poi guarda me, imbronciato, quando mi rimetto la vestaglia.

"No, è dritta, ma è la mia, non vedi?" svelo accarezzandogli il petto con la scusa (anch'io però!) di indicare i taschini sulla parte anteriore della mia camicia a quadri, molto simile alla sua "La tua non ha questi"

"Oh cazzo, si vede che nel rincoglionimento del risveglio ho preso la tua anziché la mia, si assomigliano"

"Come hai fatto a non accorgertene? Non vedi che è da donna? I bottoni sono al contrario" gliene chiudo due e nel farlo constato quanto gli stia comoda la mia camicia. Molto, troppo comoda. Ci balla dentro. E' ovvio che non se ne sia accorto, se fossi una taglia 40 non ci sarebbe entrato neanche un suo braccio in questa cazzo di camicia. Invece no, non ci ha fatto caso, perché la sua ragazza è un peso massimo, doveva capirlo per il motivo opposto e cioè che ci sta dentro due volte.

"Ah! Ecco perché non riuscivo a chiuderla, cazzo! Mi sentivo scemo, per un attimo ho pensato di essere fatto o di avere un aneurisma o qualcosa del genere ahahahah"

"Tu non stai bene" scuoto la testa e prendo i piatti da sistemare sul tavolo, dandogli le spalle per evitare che veda la mia faccia, rabbuiata a causa dei pensieri di prima. Perché il mio cervello deve sempre rovinare i momenti migliori?

"Va beh, comunque è comoda e sa di te, penso la terrò. Posso?" mi giro incredula e quando lo guardo prende i lembi della camicia e se li chiude stretti sul petto, mimando un abbraccio, poi appoggia il naso al tessuto della manica e si finge inebriato dal mio profumo, emettendo un plateale sospiro soddisfatto.

"Da quale cazzo di commedia romantica sei uscito, me lo spieghi?" lo guardo perplessa e dentro di me lo ringrazio per avermi fatto dimenticare in un secondo i miei pensieri negativi del cazzo.

"Io non sono romantico e non faccio ridere" replica serissimo.

"E comunque il cliché dovrebbe essere al contrario: in qualsiasi romanzo rosa che si rispetti è la tipa che si alza al mattino e si mette la camicia o le magliette di lui, che ovviamente se ne compiace"

"E da quando in qua rispetti i cliché di genere? E' sempre e solo l'occhio maschile a dover essere compiaciuto?" si appoggia all'indietro al ripiano della cucina e così facendo i lembi della camicia si allargano di nuovo.

"Piantala o mi tocca... uhm... saltarti addosso qui e adesso" semicito la sua battuta di prima.

"Disse lei, dandomi un ottimo motivo per non piantarla" Eddie si riavvicina con fare minaccioso (sì, va beh...), ma stavolta gli va male e penso di non aver mai amato e odiato allo stesso tempo Mariah Carey così tanto come adesso.

"Somedaaay Hey Heeeey! Oh ciao ragazzi, buongiorno" Meg fa il suo ingresso in cucina e non so se non si accorge di me e Eddie perché la sua attenzione è tutta sul tavolo imbandito o se fa semplicemente finta.

"Ciao"

"Buongiorno Meg" io e Eddie ci allontaniamo come due calamite messe l'una davanti all'altra, Eddie si gira a cercare di allacciare i restanti bottoni della camicia, seppur al contrario, mentre io mi dedico alla distribuzione dei pancake nei piatti.

"Ho interrotto qualcosa?" mi correggo, se n'è accorta e non fa nemmeno finta di no, mentre spreme il cioccolato sui suoi pancake.

"Sì, un dibattito sul femminismo" Eddie mi dà un bacio volante sulla guancia e si siede a tavola.

"Non ce la fate a flirtare come le coppie normali, eh?" Meg mi strizza l'occhio mentre mi siedo anch'io, rassegnata ai suoi commenti.

"Non siamo normali presi singolarmente, figurati come coppia" osserva Eddie e non ha tutti i torti. Anche lui va sullo sciroppo di cioccolato, quindi l'unica a dare un po' di soddisfazione allo yogurt sarò io, ovviamente.

"Comunque quand'è che gli chiedi di trasferirsi qui?" Meg prima guarda me e poi, stavolta, l'occhiolino è per Eddie.

"Che??"

"Così prepari la colazione figa tutte le mattine"

"Se vuoi i pancake basta chiederli, non serve tirare in mezzo Eddie" borbotto mentre lui e Meg se la ridono sotto i baffi a spese mie.

"Hai chiamato Crowe?" Meg mi rifila un'altra stoccata quando è a metà del suo piatto ed è chiaro che stamattina sono il suo bersaglio preferito.

"No, non l'ho chiamato"

"E quando lo chiami?"

"Beh, non lo so, io-"

"Se vuoi ci penso io," Eddie mi salva in tutti i sensi, intervenendo nella conversazione e versandomi un altro po' di caffè nella tazza mezza vuota "glielo dico io quando lo vedo"

"Gli dici che Angie accetta?!" Meg rimane con la forchetta a mezz'aria davanti alla bocca aperta e sta per avere un'amara sorpresa.

"Veramente, no. Cioè, avevo capito di no, o forse sbaglio?" Eddie guarda alternativamente la mia coinquilina e me.

"No, non sbagli, come ti avevo già detto, ho deciso di rifiutare" lo rassicuro e mi preparo all'inferno.

"E PERCHE' CAZZO?" Meg fa cadere la forchetta nel piatto e mi guarda con rimprovero.

"Perché già lo sai, non è roba per me"

"E tu non le dici niente?" Eddie, che evidentemente ha apprezzato i miei sforzi culinari perché ha già spazzolato tutto, temporeggia qualche secondo con il tovagliolo sulla bocca prima di parlare.

"Ehm? Io? Perché? Che dovrei dire?"

"Come che devi dire?! Convincila, no?" Meg guarda entrambi come se fossimo degli idioti.

"Beh, ne abbiamo parlato. Personalmente penso sia un'ottima occasione, ma se Angie non se la sente, non se la sente. Non voglio metterle pressione o cose del genere" Eddie si alza, sistema il piatto nel lavello assieme alla tazza, dopo aver finito il suo caffè.

"Io invece ce la metto eccome la pressione, a parte che senza una spintarella esterna non faresti mai un cazzo di niente, non saresti nemmeno qui! E poi penso tu stia facendo una grossa cazzata a dire di no! E dovresti dirglielo anche tu, se ci tieni a lei" la mia amica scalpita sulla sedia, non si aspettava di trovarsi in minoranza.

"Ci tengo e proprio perché ci tengo voglio che sia libera di scegliere cosa fare. Se facesse il film solo per farci contenti, sarebbe inutile. Almeno io la penso così." Eddie espone la sua tesi per poi avvicinarsi di nuovo a me e darmi un altro bacio, rapido, sulle labbra "Vado a fare la doccia e vestirmi. Con i vestiti giusti, stavolta"

Lo guardo sognante mentre esce dalla cucina e si allontana, finché non incrocio lo sguardo interrogativo di Meg di fronte a me.

"Eheh è perché ha sbagliato camicia, si è messo la mia al posto della sua, perché al buio gli sembravano uguali eheh"

"Non è questa la spiegazione che cerco"

"In che senso?"

"Cosa gli hai detto?"

"A chi?"

"A Eddie? Per renderlo improvvisamente così attento a non urtare la tua sensibilità, cosa gli hai detto?" incrocia le braccia e mi guarda con sfida.

"Cosa ti fa credere che io gli abbia detto qualcosa?"

"Ti conosco. E, anche se un po' meno, conosco anche lui"

"Non può essere che semplicemente pensi quello che ha detto?"

"No. Non lo pensava quando ti ha obbligato a giocare a basket con la band, suonare la batteria alla festa di Cameron, salire sullo Space Needle, limonare davanti a un locale intero per due ore, non vedo perché dovrebbe aver cambiato idea adesso, a meno che tu non sia intervenuta in qualche maniera" Meg conta aggressivamente le mie imprese sulle dita.

"Non hai intenzione di finire i tuoi pancake?"

"No, non ti darò la minima soddisfazione culinaria finché non parli" e lo sa che la cosa mi da molto fastidio, sta usando le maniere forti.

"Ma non ho niente da dire"

"Che gli hai detto?"

"Niente"

"Che gli hai detto davvero?"

"Ahahah NIENTE!"

"Gli hai promesso dei favori sessuali?"

"E' il mio ragazzo, ha già i miei favori, non c'è bisogno che io glieli prometta"

"Favori un po' più trasgressivi dei soliti?"

"No!"

"E allora parla oppure questi pancake finiscono nel cestino" Meg prende il piatto, si alza e si piazza davanti alla pattumiera.

"Non ne avresti il coraggio"

"Scommettiamo?" mantenendo il contatto visivo con me, allunga il piede sul pedale lentamente, dopodiché con uno scatto fa aprire il coperchio.

"Va beh, non è che gli abbia detto una cosa specifica..."

"HA! Qualcosa gli hai detto, allora?" il coperchio si richiude, ma lei non si sposta.

"Gli ho parlato del fatto che non sarei a mio agio nel ruolo di attrice"

"Mmmm"

"E che avrei avuto troppe battute"

"E poi?"

"Che la presenza di Tim Burton mi avrebbe messa in difficoltà"

"Ok"

"E che sarei stata ipercritica e non avrei mai più voluto vedere quel film se io ci fossi stata dentro.. Anzi, che magari per il trauma non mi sarei più avvicinata a un set"

"Solo questo?" il piedino di Meg punta ancora sul pedale della pattumiera.

"Solo? Praticamente gli ho detto che avrebbe potuto mettere a rischio la mia intera carriera"

"Ok. E poi, che altro gli hai detto?" Meg non molla e ormai lo sento che sto per capitolare, non ho altra scelta.

"E beh, potrei aver aggiunto dei dettagli di trama..."

"ECCO. Parlami di questi dettagli" Meg ha capito di avermi finalmente in pugno e torna a sedersi a tavola, appoggiando il piatto davanti a sé.

"Potrei avergli detto che, scorrendo rapidamente il copione, avevo intravisto qualcosa che non mi andava di fare"

"Che cazzo ti sei inventata, Angie?" la mia amica scuote la testa e impugna di nuovo la forchetta.

"Non ho inventato niente! Gli ho solo detto che a un certo punto mi è sembrato di vedere una scena con..."

"Con...?"

"Con un bacio"

"UN BACIO?!"

"Un bacio, molto lungo"

"AHAHAHAHAH SEI PROPRIO UNA STRONZA!" Meg non si trattiene e ride tenendosi la pancia.

"Guarda che è vero! Il bacio c'è! Ce ne sono diversi! Solo, ehm, non esattamente nella mia scena"

"CHE BASTARDA!"

"E da quando ho accennato questa cosa a Eddie, è diventato improvvisamente molto comprensivo delle mie insicurezze"

"MA VA?! Chissà come mai?" Meg si ributta sui pancake, non prima di averci messo un altro po' di cioccolato.

"Non gli dirai niente, vero?"

"Guarda, sarei tentata perché per me sei fuori a rifiutare una parte nel film e tirerei in mezzo chiunque per convincerti, ma..."

"Ma?"

"Ma ammiro troppo la tua perfidia in questa cosa per farti sgamare"

"Io non sono perfida!"

"No, sei solo una piccola manipolatrice in erba che usa astutamente una debolezza altrui per il suo tornaconto... La mia Angie sta crescendo! Potrei quasi mettermi a piangere" Meg finge commozione e si asciuga delle finte lacrime con tovagliolo.

"Ahaha non ho manipolato Eddie"

"Hai usato la sua gelosia per fargli fare quello che volevi tu, come me lo chiami?"

"Ho solo fatto un discorso andando a toccare alcune corde..."

"Le corde giuste!" Meg si alza e mette il piatto nel lavandino assieme al resto.

"Non capisco se stai cercando di far leva sulla mia coscienza per portarmi a dire la verità a Eddie e accettare la parte o se apprezzi davvero la mia piccola manovra disonesta"

"Mmm un po' tutt'e due!" Meg esce dalla cucina e recupera giacca e borsa, io la raggiungo sulla porta "Comunque, alla fine, anche se manipolato, ha ragione Eddie: sei tu a decidere. E' che a me sarebbe piaciuto potermela tirare un po' in giro e dire Ehi, la mia amica è in quel film!"

"Metà della gente che conosci sarà in quel film. Comunque, quando sarò un'autrice di successo potrai dire Ehi, quello l'ha scritto la mia amica!"

"Non vedo l'ora! Va beh, ci vediamo stasera da Roxy"

"Ok, ciao"

"Mi hai seguita per salutarmi o per accertarmi che non vada da Eddie a spifferare tutto?"

"Ahahahahah per salutarti! Non lo faresti mai. Almeno, non adesso che è sotto la doccia"

"Mah, se volessi potrei anche, tanto quella gelosa nella coppia non sei tu" mi fa l'occhiolino ed apre la porta.

"Ciao Meg"

"E poi l'ho già visto in mutande, ormai" fa per allontanarsi, ma torna indietro.

"CIAO" le chiudo la porta in faccia per scherzo e lei la tiene aperta con un piede.

"E per me i ragazzi delle amiche sono tutti donne"

"VAI CHE E' TARDI, A STASERA!"

Il tarlo che Meg ha provato a mettermi in testa sul mio tiro mancino nei confronti di Eddie non fa neanche in tempo a insinuarsi nei miei pensieri quando il telefono inizia a squillare.

"Pronto"

"..." dall'altra parte, nulla.

"Pronto?" ripeto ed effettivamente mi sembra di sentire dei rumori attraverso il ricevitore. Più che linea disturbata, mi dà l'idea di qualcuno in attesa in silenzio con la cornetta in mano.

"C'è qualcuno o no?" nel momento in cui percepisco chiaramente un respiro mi raggelo. Mi guardo attorno per capire dove sia Eddie, perché non sento più il rumore dell'acqua, ma non lo vedo in giro. Vado a sbirciare in camera mia e non c'è, quindi probabilmente ha finito la doccia, ma è ancora in bagno.

"Sei tu?"

"..." ancora niente.

"Hai bisogno? Ti servono soldi?" chiedo a bassa voce, ma senza avere alcuna risposta, se non una brusca chiusura della telefonata.

Espiro profondamente, come se avessi trattenuto il fiato da un po', e forse è stato proprio così. Mollo il telefono sul tavolo, prendo il mio piatto e lo metto nel lavandino assieme a tutto il resto. Butto un occhio all'orologio. No, adesso non faccio in tempo, li laverò oggi pomeriggio. Un nuovo squillo del telefono mi fa sobbalzare, lo guardo per un po' senza fare niente, ma poi mi decido a rispondere, se non altro per evitare che Eddie si insospettisca ed esca a vedere che succede e perché nessuno risponde al telefono.

"PRONTO?!"

"Ehi, buongiorno anche a te! Cos'è, ci siamo svegliate con la luna storta stamattina?" la risposta dall'altra parte, stavolta, mi mette di tutt'altro umore.

"Ciao mamma! No, tutto ok"

"Insomma, sembrava volessi sbranare chiunque fosse dall'altro capo del telefono..."

"No è che... c'è qualcuno che si diverte a fare scherzi telefonici stamattina. Chiamano e non parlano, senza neanche un po' di fantasia, almeno si inventassero qualcosa"

"Della serie, se dovete rompere le scatole, almeno usate la creatività"

"Esatto"

"Va beh, come stai? Scusa se ti chiamo presto, ma almeno sono sicura di trovarti"

"No problem, hai fatto bene. Anzi, diciamo che mi hai trovata per un pelo perché tra poco devo andare a lezione" vado in camera mia a prendere i vestiti da mettermi, in attesa che Eddie esca dal bagno.

"Ecco, appunto. Finirà che dovrò prendere un appuntamento per parlare al telefono con te"

"Tranquilla, ho ancora tempo, possiamo avere la nostra appagante conversazione madre-figlia"

"Allora appaga la mia curiosità? Come stai? Come sono andate le vacanze?"

"Bene, ho lavorato un sacco!"

"Peccato si chiamino vacanze..."

"Va beh, mi sono anche riposata e ho fatto un sacco di cose che avevo in sospeso da una vita! Ho sbrinato il frigo, ho pulito i lampadari, ho lavato tutti i tappeti..." torno in corridoio mentre ripercorro tutte le tappe delle grandi pulizie di casa Pacifico-McDonald.

"Che strano concetto di riposo"

"Uff, sono uscita con Meg e gli altri, non sono stata in casa tutto il giorno"

"Non avevo dubbi. E come sta Eddie?"

"Eddie sta-" mi ha quasi presa in contropiede "Perché mi chiedi di Eddie? E soprattutto, come fai a conoscerlo?" già, come fai a conoscere il tizio che è appena uscito dal bagno coperto solo da un corto asciugamano legato non benissimo in vita che potrebbe cadere da un momento all'altro e che mi ha fatto l'occhiolino prima di infilarsi in camera mia.

"Oh me ne ha parlato tuo padre!"

"Te ne ha parlato?" infilarsi in camera senza chiudere la porta. L'asciugamano prende il volo e... NO, ANGIE, NON HAI TEMPO E SEI AL TELEFONO CON TUA MADRE.

"Sì, cioè, mi ha detto che hai un amico che si chiama Eddie e che l'ha conosciuto"

"E' successo mesi fa, perché mi chiedi dei miei amici adesso?" e perché proprio di Eddie, sarebbe la vera domanda. Ma non voglio calcare troppo la mano e insospettirla.

"No, è che sto guardando le foto che aveva fatto tuo padre quando è venuto a trovarti..."

"Ah, le famose foto che io non ho ancora visto" mi chiudo a chiave in bagno e metto in vivavoce, così posso lavarmi i denti nel frattempo.

"Eh perché le ha sviluppate solo adesso! Perdonalo, è stato presissimo col lavoro, l'ho visto anch'io a malapena"

"Lo so, lo so, è che mi aveva detto che me le avrebbe spedite"

"Infatti, sta andando giusto stamattina a spedirtele. Che poi sarebbe il motivo per cui ti ho chiamato, per dirti proprio questo"

"Oh perfetto! Ringrazialo"

"E...niente, siccome ho proprio davanti una foto di te con Eddie, mi è venuto in mente. Così"

"Così a caso"

"Certo. Comunque, come sta?" benissimo, ha passato la notte con me e adesso è nudo in camera mia.

"Bene! Da quello che so, almeno. Insomma, la band sta registrando l'album, non li vedo spesso come prima" brava, plurale, Angie, vai di plurale.

"Ma prima mi hai detto che sei uscita con gli altri durante le vacanze di primavera"

"Sì, certo, ma adesso è un po' che non li vedo. Comunque sono contenti, Stone mi ha detto che tutto sta procedendo bene" usare Stone come diversivo per distogliere l'attenzione da Eddie sarà stata una mossa azzeccata?

"Ah! Allora Stone l'hai visto più di Eddie!" no, non è azzeccata per un cazzo.

"Li ho visti alla stessa maniera, mamma, non farti strane idee, pensavo di essere stata abbastanza chiara a Natale" sbuffo e inizio a levarmi vestaglia e pigiama.

"Chiarissima! Va beh, sappi che le foto sono molto belle, adesso ti passo papà che ti deve dire una cosa"

"Ok?" mio padre? Che mi deve dire? Non vorrà chiedermi anche lui di Eddie, così, a caso.

"Ciao Angie, chiama tu la prossima volta, così non ti disturbo, va bene?"

"Non ti sarai offesa perché mi sto preparando mentre ti parlo?" mi vesto velocemente, l'unica cosa che non ho preso sono gli stivali, ma posso metterli dopo.

"No, ma chiama! Va beh, ti passo tuo padre"

"Ciao"

"Ehi Angie!"

"Ciao papà"

"Oggi ti mando tutte le foto di quando sono venuto da te, scusami, ma è stato un casino. E' da una settimana che vivo in camera oscura praticamente"

"Non ti preoccupare. Come sono venute?" metto il pigiama nella cesta del bucato, mi butto la vestaglia sulla spalla e, col telefono ancora in vivavoce in mano, esco dal bagno

"Ah benissimo! Sia quelle dei concerti sia quelle della festa in spiaggia, c'è un bel pacchetto pronto per essere spedito"

"Ecco adesso esci dalla camera oscura e stai un po' con mamma" quando entro in camera non perdo tempo, appoggio la vestaglia sulla sedia e corro a tappare la bocca a Eddie prima che possa emettere qualsiasi suono.

"Tranquilla!"

"Volevi dirmi qualcos'altro? La mamma mi aveva già detto tutto delle foto" quando sono sicura che abbia capito e mi fa un cenno con la testa, mollo la presa sulla bocca di Eddie e vado a sedermi sul letto per mettermi gli stivali, dandogli le spalle.

"Sì, volevo chiederti: conosci i Nirvana?"

"Sì, sono una band di queste parti, li ho anche visti due volte in concerto"

"Non come band, li conosci di persona?"

"Ehm beh, non proprio"

"In che senso? Li conosci o no?"

"Li conosco di vista! Più che altro il batterista..." ma cazzo, come mi escono?? Mi giro di scatto e vedo Eddie che si è bloccato con la mano sulla cerniera dei pantaloni e mi guarda male "e il bassista ci ho scambiato due parole, il cantante so chi è ma finisce lì"

"Perché loro ti conoscono"

"Che? E tu che ne sai?" perché sento che non sta per dirmi niente di buono? E perché cazzo ho tenuto il vivavoce? Ormai non posso toglierlo o sembrerebbe che voglio nascondere le cose a Eddie.

"Hanno suonato qui a Boise qualche giorno fa"

"Davvero?"

"Al The Zoo" quelli del management devono aver pensato si trattasse del vero zoo e volevano spedirci Kurt, sicuramente è così.

"E tu ci sei andato? Ma non eri pieno di lavoro?" dopo attimi eterni io riprendo ad allacciarmi gli stivali ed Eddie si chiude finalmente la patta.

"Sai come si dice, Troppo lavoro e niente divertimento..."

"Seh, e poi finisci a rincorrere la tua famiglia con un accetta"

"Appunto. Comunque gran concerto, energia pura! Ho fatto poche foto purtroppo. Il giorno dopo mi sono comprato il disco. Ne hanno fatte anche alcune nuove dall'album che deve ancora uscire"

"E cosa c'entro io in tutto questo?" se ha offerto da bere pure a Dave, giuro che urlo. Che cazzo è? Mio padre ha una specie di radar per i miei ex adesso? E ne deve parlare proprio ora con Eddie in ascolto?

"Oh perché a un certo punto sul palco il cantante ha detto una cosa sul fatto che era la prima volta che suonavano in Idaho e che finora non conoscevano nessuno di queste parti, tranne una ragazza che è proprio della nostra città. E ha detto che dovrà trovare un altro soprannome alla sua amica, ma è stato un discorso veloce e piuttosto criptico, tra un pezzo e l'altro. Tu ne sai niente?"

"Mmm non ne ho la più pallida idea onestamente" Eddie mi guarda e scoppia a ridere, io gli faccio segno di tacere e lui si copre la faccia con le mani.

"Ma sei tu l'amica, no?"

"Non credo proprio," io amica di quello lì?? Piuttosto mi cavo gli occhi a mani nude "chissà di chi parlava, ci sarà altra gente di Boise che si è trasferita a Seattle, non sono così speciale, sai?"

"Per quello ti ho chiesto se li conoscevi..."

"Sì, ma solo di vista e mica sanno di dove sono, non sanno nemmeno come mi chiamo eheh" Eddie si scopre la faccia e fa un verso come per dire Sì, come no!

"Oh va beh, allora è solo una coincidenza"

"Certo che sì"

"Ok, ora ti lascio. Vado alla posta e poi in redazione"

"D'accordo. Ciao e buon lavoro"

"E salutami Meg"

"Va bene"

"E Eddie" Eddie mi guarda ed esplode in un sorriso a cento denti, mentre fa ciao con la manina in direzione del telefono.

"Va- perché Eddie?"

"Così, mi è venuto in mente"

"Fammi indovinare: è la prima foto che ti è capitata davanti, vero?" bene, ora Eddie penserà che a casa mia ci sia un altarino con una sua foto, fiori e candele davanti a cui i miei genitori pregano tutte le mattine.

"Eheh in effetti sì, salutamelo quando lo vedi, è un bravo ragazzo"

"Sarà fatto. Ciao papà"

"Ciao Ray" risponde Eddie non appena ho messo giù.

"Se ti facevi sentire ti uccidevo!"

"La solita esagerata..." vestito di tutto punto, viene a sedersi di fianco a me sul letto.

"Ha! Non ci provare, è tardi e dobbiamo volare all'università"

"Non so di cosa stai parlando, volevo solo prendere questo" tutto strafottente, allunga le mani sotto il letto e tira fuori il suo zaino.

"Certo"

"Sono un bravo ragazzo io"

"Va beh, se il bravo ragazzo è pronto, è ora di andare"

"Ok, andiamo"

*********************************************************************************************************

"Come si dice Posso avere il tuo numero in svizzero?"

"Non esiste lo svizzero, Mike" la ragazza dello staff ha aperto appena la porta dei camerini, giusto il tempo per dirci Soundcheck in zehn Minuten, e quel coglione si è già innamorato.

"Come non esiste? E allora che cazzo di lingua parlano in questo paese?"

"Dove siamo adesso, cioè Zurigo, tedesco" mi limito al concetto chiave, abbiamo un soundcheck da fare e non ho voglia di spiegare al mio bassista il multilinguismo elvetico.

"Ok, come si dice in tedesco?"

"Chiediglielo in inglese, vedrai che ti capiscono lo stesso" Layne si alza e fa cenno a Starr, l'unico seduto, di fare altrettanto e seguirlo.

"Tutto il mondo parla inglese" sentenzia Sean il saggio.

"Dovresti averlo imparato, dopo la figura di merda dell'altra sera a Düsseldorf" Layne apre la porta del camerino ed esce, seguito a ruota da noi, ricordando il simpatico teatrino dell'altro ieri nel quale abbiamo quasi rischiato la vita per colpa di Mike. Un tipico lunedì sera degli Alice in Chains, insomma.

"ANCORA? Sentite, ho fatto un cazzo di commento in un cazzo di bar pieno di gente, pensavo mi aveste sentito a malapena voi, figuriamoci quei tizi!" Mike non ha tutti i torti, in quel bar karaoke c'era un casino assurdo. Non so come cazzo ci siamo finiti, penso che semplicemente fosse la fonte di alcol più vicina sulla strada tra il locale del concerto e il posto dove dormivamo. Eravamo tutti belli pieni quando un tipo in giacca di pelle e occhiali da sole, dopo aver distrutto The show must go on, ci è passato di fianco proprio mentre Mike ne coglieva un'inaspettata somiglianza.

"L'abbiamo pensato tutti che non somigliava per un cazzo a Freddie Mercury, ma ce lo siamo tenuto per noi, anziché urlarlo ai quattro venti!"

"Ma era troppo lui, cazzo! Era Fonzie coi baffi! Che poi, volendo dire, che cazzo ho detto di male? Mica gli ho dato del coglione"

"A dire il vero le parole esatte sono state Quel coglione, più che Freddie Mercury, sembra Fonzie con i baffi ah ah ah"

"Va beh, lui ha sentito solo la seconda parte"

"E meno male, se no lui e i suoi amici ci avrebbero preso a calci fin dentro all'albergo, anziché fermarsi fuori"

Arriviamo sul palco e attacchiamo con le prove senza perderci in altre chiacchiere. Siamo qui per suonare quattro canzoni davanti a un paio di migliaia di persone a cui non frega un cazzo di noi e che non vedono l'ora che ci leviamo dalle palle per potersi godere il concerto dei Megadeth, di cui siamo il gruppo spalla. Ma per noi è vita cazzo, suonare è suonare, basta che ci mettano su un palco e lo facciamo con chiunque e davanti a qualsiasi pubblico. Voglio dire, abbiamo aperto per tutti, dai fottuti Poison a Iggy Pop solo nel giro di un anno. In questo io e Andy eravamo davvero sulla stessa lunghezza d'onda, mi ricordo le nottate passate a fantasticare sui nostri futuri concerti immaginari negli stadi e nei templi del rock. "Madison Square Garden? Ci vado pure con i cazzo di Warrant pur di suonarci!" mi sembra ancora di sentirlo. Quanto cazzo mi manca? Beh, almeno i Megadeth mi piacciono anche se magari io non piaccio né a loro né ai loro fan. Siamo alla quarta data di questo tour europeo e ancora non abbiamo neanche scambiato una parola. Diciamo che non li abbiamo quasi nemmeno visti. E la gente? Beh, se è sono freddini va anche bene, quando va male ci tirano la merda sul palco. Se ci fosse Angie ci suggerirebbe di montare una rete protettiva come nei Blues Brothers... Ecco, meno male che il soundcheck è finito perché mi sta salendo la malinconia e ho bisogno di una birra, cazzo. Usciamo e senza parlare andiamo tutti nella stessa direzione, dritti verso il bar più vicino, sperando non sia karaoke pure questo. Quando vedo una cabina telefonica sull'altro lato della strada però, non posso fare a meno di attivarmi e fare una piccola deviazione.

"Devo... ehm devo fare una telefonata, ci vediamo dopo"

"Non puoi chiamare dalla stanza, scusa?"

"Oh no, Mike, perché il signorino non vuole farsi sentire, mi sembra ovvio!" Sean è già pronto sui blocchi di partenza della presa per il culo del sottoscritto.

"Ma chi devi chiamare? La stessa tipa di ieri?"

"Di ieri e dell'altro ieri..." continua il batterista.

"Ma i fatti vostri, mai?"

"E chi è questa tizia? Non ce lo dici?"

"Layne la conosce, è un'amica di Dem" Kinney è super informato sui fatti, come immaginavo Layne si è trattenuto, ma non fino in fondo e ha lasciato trapelare il minimo. Bene.

"Io coltivo la nobile arte del farsi i cazzi propri, quindi non so un bel niente"

"Bravo Layne!" dò una pacca sulla spalla al mio compare e faccio per allontanarmi di nuovo.

"Bravo un cazzo, noi siamo preoccupati per te!"

"Parla per te, io sono tranquillissimo e voglio solo andare a bere" e anche questo era prevedibile da parte di Sean. Ormai potrei scrivere io le parti di tutti nei nostri dialoghi, li conosco come le mie tasche.

"Non dargli retta, tu sei nostro fratello! Ne sei appena uscito per miracolo, dal disastro con Angie intendo, e adesso vai a rinfognarti in un'ennesima storia seria con un'altra??"

"Chi ti ha detto che è una storia seria?"

"Se vale tre chiamate intercontinentali, per me è seria"

"Ma sì, è una che ha appena conosciuto, è fresca e se la vuole tenere buona, no?"

"Vedo che sapete già tutto quindi non ho altro da aggiungere, ci vediamo dopo" mi allontano tra i versi e i fischi dei miei compari e li vedo procedere trascinandosi verso il bar dall'interno della cabina.

Prendo l'agendina dalla tasca interna della giacca e ovviamente la apro alla prima pagina, alla lettera A. Lo so che dovrei continuare a sfogliare, ma non ce la faccio, è come se mi bloccassi, come se andassi in corto circuito per qualche secondo. Infilo penso l'equivalente del nostro ingaggio di stasera in monete nel telefono e compongo il numero sbagliato di proposito. Che ore saranno adesso? Tipo le 9, le 10 del mattino, magari non è nemmeno a casa.

"Pronto" e invece c'è, cazzo.

"Pronto?" ripete e a quel punto realizzo che non ho parlato, perché in realtà mi sembrava di averle risposto e averle detto che sono io e che sono in una pausa tra soundcheck e concerto e che l'ho chiamata perché, tanto per cambiare, stavo pensando a lei.

"C'è qualcuno o no?" mi sembra di sentirmi mentre le racconto di Fonzie coi baffi, della più che necessaria rete sul palco, di Mike che ieri sera stava per abbordare una che gli ha detto che era al terzo anno di Gymnasium, pensando volesse dire che era una patita della palestra, prima che lo salvassi spiegandogli che era una cazzo di liceale.

"Sei tu?" vado in panico perché mi sono fatto sgamare come un coglione. Dopotutto, chi altri potrebbe chiamarla per poi fare scena muta? Oltretutto dall'estero... Sono proprio uno stronzo.

"Hai bisogno? Ti servono soldi?" a quel punto è come se mi risvegliassi da una specie di ipnosi del cazzo e attacco il telefono di botto. Soldi? Perché Angie dovrebbe pensare che la chiamo per soldi? La riposta è semplice: non mi ha sgamato per niente e pensava fossi qualcun altro. Ma chi? Chi potrebbe chiamarla al mattino chiedendole del denaro? In che razza di casino si è cacciata? Quando esco dalla cabina telefonica mi viene in mente che mi sono dimenticato di chiamare Heather come avevamo concordato, ma dopotutto che importa? I ragazzi pensano che io l'abbia fatto, alla fine è il gesto che conta. Raggiungo la band al bancone del bar con la testa piena di domande.

Le domande mi girano in testa fino al concerto e anche dopo. Alla fine lo show non va per niente male, a parte qualche monetina indolore, il pubblico ha reagito anche bene. Si vede che gli svizzeri sono più educati! E sono stato smentito due volte stasera perché, appena scesi dal palco, siamo stati subito intercettati da David Elleffson e Marty Friedman dei Megadeth che si sono complimentati con noi, confessando che non avevano idea di chi cazzo fossimo prima di sentirci e che secondo loro spacchiamo i culi, anche se il nostro nome non gli suona granché bene. Abbiamo passato la serata tutti insieme a tazzare, fumare e sparare stronzate, loro soprattutto perché a un certo punto Marty ha detto che ci vogliono proporre come band di apertura per il mega tour che faranno con Slayer e Anthrax una volta tornati a casa e secondo me era la droga a parlare. Non che non ce lo meriteremmo, anzi! Boh, io resto a guardare e vediamo che succede, sarebbe una figata, ma non voglio farmi i film per niente, preferisco vivermela giorno per giorno. Ma chi ti chiama per chiederti soldi di prima mattina? Magari è solo un'amica in difficoltà che Angie sta aiutando perché lei deve sempre aiutare tutti? O forse no...

#pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #fanfiction in italiano #eddie vedder #pearl jam #alice in chains #jerry cantrell #layne staley #sean kinney #mike starr #aic

[glorifiedgpjfic]

Chapter 48

As Jo drove to work she began making a mental list of what she wanted to discuss in therapy, she felt although it was easier to plan what she wanted to cover in each session to avoid rambling and not making as much progress as she possibly could. When she’d first started seeing Dr Isles, she found that for the first few sessions, she would tend to info dump and jump from one topic to another, which, luckily Dr Isles could just about keep up with, it took Jo a while to even realise she did it - so she made a note to be sure to know what she wanted to talk about in each session so she could tick it off as she went. She began trying to figure out what she was actually feeling, it was challenging because she knew she felt annoyed, yet somehow she felt angry, not at Eddie but herself, for not standing up for herself and her job, she felt angry at Marc O’Leary for being a misogynistic prick, she was angry for his first victim who wasn’t believed. But the problem with this anger was that there was nowhere for her to direct it or channel it so last night she had aimed it directly at the one person who didn’t deserve it.

When Jo arrived at work she was eager to get to therapy, she needed to vent desperately. She made a beeline to the office where her therapist was waiting for her, she took a seat opposite Dr Isles,

“Good morning, Jo- How are you feeling today?” Jo couldn’t help but let out a quiet chuckle,

“Well…” Jo then went on to explain how she was feeling about not being in the field and how she wasn’t quite adjusting to the new role, she explained how she was unintentionally growing resentful towards Eddie which she knew was unfair, when she finally finished speaking her mouth was dry and she found herself gulping down a glass of water, Dr Isles pondered what Jo had told him for a few moments.

“I understand why your boyfriend doesn’t want you to be in the field, he obviously cares about you very deeply, I think you feel angry because you aren’t used to having someone looking out for you- since your grandparents died when you were young, you’ve grown up with a very small circle and now that's expanding and it scares you that someone cares about you. You’ve always been able to take risks with your job and do whatever you wanted, and now you feel that you’re losing control in your life, because for the first time ever you aren’t the only character in your story. And you don’t know how to let someone care for you.” There was a brief silence,

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I don’t want to give up a big part of myself just so that Eddie sleeps at night. It’s like me asking him to stop singing just in case someone stalks him- it's unreasonable!”

“Why do you think it’s unreasonable?”

“Because I’m standing down because of a ‘what if’, this job is all I’ve ever done and I’m not dead yet. Why does this have to be the compromise?”

“I can’t answer that, only you and Eddie can.”

At potatohead Eddie was stewing, he seemed withdrawn which in the past wasn’t a good sign for the band, it was Jeff who broke the silence,

“What’s going on Ed?”

“I think I fucked up.” He went on to explain the situation and how Jo had spoken to him, he felt guilty but he thought it would be better to feel guilty than to have to plan Jo’s funeral. But then again he didn’t want to lose her again, he was so conflicted. The guys had very little input, the best they could offer their distressed friend was a place to vent without judgement, which he obviously needed.

Jo left her session with Dr Isles feeling confused, she needed to talk to Eddie and she needed to stop trying to avoid hurting his feelings they needed to talk frankly. On her way back to her desk she bumped into a very stressed Eleanor,

“I need your help,” Jo nodded and followed Eleanor to her desk, “it’s the Bonnie and Clyde case.” Jo felt her stomach drop, this case had been on her mind for weeks; the case had so many parallels to her parents and she knew that mentally she was not strong enough to even think about them. “We finally got them, it’s just-” Eleanor paused, “we can’t get a word out of them, they’ve lawyered up but we can’t find their latest victims.” Eleanor handed Jo a thick brown folder, “They’ve changed MO completely since you were on the case, hell, they’ve changed MO at least three times.”

“Is that what’s happening? Are they changing MO, or are they devolving?” Jo asked and Eleanor couldn’t answer, “So they’ve gone from burglary to murder and now they’ve abducted a couple?” Eleanor nodded, “what do we know about the couple they took?” Jo began flipping through the file looking for details about the couple but there wasn’t much, they seemed to be completely normal.

“We don’t have much about our Bonnie and Clyde, other than their names; Rose Hindley and Ian Knowles, we’ve got nothing on their history, it’s like they never existed.”

Jo was interested to find out whether the names they had were real, she couldn’t help but think of Myra Hindley and Ian Brady and the Moors murders. Were the names just coincidence? Or were they fake names chosen to pay homage to two of England’s most evil murderers? This thought made Jo nervous, why of all the duos would they name themselves after British killers? She pondered whether it seemed like something her parents would do, the truth was she didn’t know. She knew nothing about them, and truthfully she hoped they were dead. Eleanor led her to the interrogation room where Ian Knowles and his lawyer were having a hushed conversation, Joanne was relieved to see that Ian was no older than forty. Jo watched through the one-way mirror as he spoke to his lawyer gesturing frantically with his hands, his eyes were dark and Joanne was eager to speak to him; however, the lawyer was likely to make things difficult.

Before deciding who to speak to first Joanne went to observe Rose Hindley, she needed to try and figure out how their dynamic worked. In contrast to Ian, Rose sat ignoring her lawyer staring blankly at her reflection in the mirror, she was calm and collected; it quickly became apparent to Jo that she was the dominant one in their relationship. Now she just needed to figure out how to get her to talk, in previous cases, Jo had managed to manipulate the submissive one in the dynamic to turn on their partner and spill all the details of the case, she didn’t feel although this case would be quite so straight forward.

Eleanor and Joanne spent a few hours trying to decide how to approach the interrogation and before they knew it the day had flown by, they had decided to leave the pair’s interrogation until the morning. They had informed William of their plan for the morning and he had approved of it, offering to help should they need it.

“Today has been long.” Eleanor sighed as they gathered their belongings at their respective desks,

“You’re telling me, shall we go for a drink?” Jo had suggested and Eleanor had quickly agreed, so Jo had driven them to her apartment where she left her car and they had walked to the off ramp. Jo had noticed that there were no lights on in the apartment suggesting that Eddie wasn’t home yet, which she thought was strange unless he’d gone back to ‘Casa Cornell’ or was still at potatohead.

What was intended to be one drink quickly turned into several drinks and soon enough Eleanor was excusing herself to go home, she was quite the lightweight which surprised Jo. Not being ready to go home just yet Jo opted to stay for one more, which was a lie. She moved from the booth she and Eleanor had occupied to a stool by the bar, she felt out of place as she was still wearing her suit and everyone else was dressed much more casually. She stared blankly into her Amaretto and cranberry and thought about what she’d discussed in therapy earlier that day, she was desperate for a solution that wouldn’t ruin her relationship; but spending today with El and working on the interrogation made her miss being in the field even more. She missed how each case was a new puzzle and how she would be there for every stage, from the crime being reported to the suspects being arrested, sometimes she’d even be there in court to testify, she got to do it all. Whereas now, now she was stuck in a loop of; go to prison, speak to rapists and murderers, make notes, leave prison, repeat. And as much as she had found the research interesting it was monotonous, and she felt stir-crazy.

After a few more drinks she found herself feeling more chatty and upbeat, she struck up a conversation with the bartender and was laughing at a joke he’d told when she felt a tap on the shoulder, she spun around on her stool and was surprised to see Chris standing there with a concerned expression on his face,

“OMG! Cornell! What are you doing here? I am so happy to see you!” Jo jumped up from her stool and threw her arms around him some of her drink spilt down his back but he didn’t mention it, Jo quickly turned back to the bar and ordered a drink for her and Chris but before the bartender could start making the drinks Chris changed the order to two glasses of water, which Jo immediately began complaining about.

“Why don’t you go find us a booth? Somewhere we can talk,” Chris suggested with a reassuring smile, Jo nodded and bounded off in search of a booth. Chris soon joined her with their waters,

“Jo, what’s going on?” 

#pearl jam fanfic #pearl jam fanfiction #eddie vedder fanfiction #eddie vedder #stone gossard #jeff ament #dave abbruzzese #mike mccready #grunge fanfic #grunge fanfiction

[wickedworm]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Pearl Jam, Mother Love Bone, Green River (Band) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Jeff Ament/Original Female Character(s) Characters: Jeff Ament, Original Female Character(s) Additional Tags: Angst, Smut, Shameless Smut, brief mentions of death, friends(?) to lovers, i may or may not be dyslexic so apologies if typos, bass player lovers unite, first fic please be gentle Summary:

Now we're as low as we can get Can't leave and can't forget

#here. just take it. #pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfic #jeff ament

[key-to-the-shadow]

➵ Collection of all my stories and one-shots are ones I have written so please don't steal! ➵ Requests are open but selective <3 ➵ Organized alphabetically by first name

Eddie Vedder

One Shots:

♫ Spin the Bottle (Eddie Vedder X Fem!Y/N) ♫ Just An Act (Eddie Vedder X Fem!Y/N)

Newt (Maze Runner)

Stories: Order 66 (Obi-Wan X Fem!OC)Newt (Maze Runner)

Stories:

❀ The Angel (Newt X Fem!OC)

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Stories:

✯ Order 66 (Obi-Wan X Fem!OC)

#Eddie vedder #eddie vedder x reader #pearl jam fanfiction #newt tmr #tmr newt x oc #newt x reader #obiwan x oc #obiwan fanfic #obiwan fanfiction #starwars fanfic #tmr fanfiction #masterlist #keytotheshadow

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

CHAPTER 60 - JUKEBOXES, CORN AND BRACES

In the previous chapter: Angie and Grace visit the set of Singles and meet Cameron Crowe. Grace would want to meet and talk to the actors but Angie's too shy and does everything to avoid them, especially Matt Dillon. The director offers her a small part in the movie and Angie is shocked. When she hears Tim Burton is supposed to make an appearance in the same scene as her, she sneaks away from the set. Eddie and Angie meet up the same night outside her apartment building to have a cigarette together and talk a little bit, a quick "date" in between their obligations. They flirt a little and Eddie not so subtly hints at the fact that he misses her a lot, also physically. Angie wonders how will they do once Eddie eill be out touring with the band after the record release and will be away for weeks and months. Vedder reveals his solution to the problem. In the meantime, Jerry wants to spend a nice uneventful night at home but his plans are shattered by Layne and Demri, who set him up in a blind date with one of the girl's coworkers.

Seattle is not Los Angeles and First Avenue is certainly not the Sunset Strip, but walking this street that almost entirely crosses the city from north to south is the best choice if you want to enter the heart of the Emerald City. And if you want to meet a musician or an artist of any kind, the area between First Avenue and Pike Street, before the market, or the border area between Belltown and Downtown, are the ones to keep an eye on. Not because of the live music venues, which certainly are not lacking, but because here you can find the ideal combination of goods and services particularly sought after by the just mentioned category: sex shops, pawnshops, second-hand shops, record shops, drug dealers and, above all, places to eat and drink super cheap. Whether they're signed to a major label or not, the average musician here is perpetually broke anyway and couldn't survive without places where they could get a decent meal for a few dollars. Many wonder why and how this fervent music scene developed in Seattle, bringing into discussion college radios, fanzines, independent labels on the one hand, isolation, cold, rain and not having shit to do but staying at home and listening to or making music on the other. In my opinion, however, there would be no Seattle sound without the cafes, diners and bars that feed and quench the thirst of the broke artists who have lived here forever or moved there to be part of the scene. 

The Frontier Room is one of those holy places. It opens at six in the morning it could very well knock you out by half past seven. Drinks are cheap here and the bartenders are known for having a heavy hand. I'm at the bar with Layne, for a second round after the first round of introductions, small talk, and booze with Demri and Heather. I must say that girl is not bad, she is not even what I expected. I don't know why, but from the name, I pictured her as a sort of sex bomb all boobs and perm... not that I have anything against boobs or perms, God forbid! And I don't even mean that she's ugly, on the contrary. She is a beautiful girl, tall and thin with legs fir miles, blue eyes and dark hair, she could easily be a model and she would kill it, even walking the catwalk with the white sweater and the jeans she's wearing now. She also seems likeable and down to earth. In short, she would be my type. If I gave a damn. Layne walks off with gin and tonic for him and Dem, while I watch the bartender mix the two whiskey and coke for Heather and I at the same time. He basically fills whiskey glasses half full, then grabs the coke, and as he turns to talk to another guy, he doesn't notice that most of the drink he pours misses the target and ends up soaking the rag over the counter. When he finishes the exchange, he notices that the glasses are still just short of half empty so he tosses in some more whiskey. This is the secret of the Seattle sound: the places that give you more whiskey than coke, I hope live forever. 

I grab my glasses and make my way over to my friends' table when I spot a smooching going on right between Layne and Demri. Nothing exaggerated, but enough to make me take a small U-turn in search of a diversion, which materializes right in front of me in the form of a jukebox. I set the glasses down on the machine and flip through the titles to waste some time, sorry Heather! I skip a lot of country music, not because I don't like it, but because I'm not in the right mood. Garth Brooks, Bob Seeger, there's a bit of classic rock, but I keep scrolling, partly because I want to be sure to find separated lips when I come back, partly because nothing particularly strikes me. Eagles? Ugh... Scorpions. WAIT. I stop there, for a double reason. Number one: I love this band. Number two: Angie hates this band. I don't think I've ever heard her say a bad word towards anyone other than the Scorpions, Bon Jovi and…um, well, yours truly. There is Love at first sight, easy, there's Animal Magnetism, which is my favorite album, there's also Crazy world, the latest, a good work, but certainly the most commercial. And I totally fall for that right now.

 

Wise man said just walk this way

To the dawn of the light...

 

Kenny Rogers finishes just as I get to the table with the drinks, Send me an angel begins and my three evening companions moan almost simultaneously. And they're not the only ones because I can almost hear a single moan run through all the people in the bar one after another as they listen to the ballad and reflect on the meaning of their lives. A little too depressing maybe, huh? The evening seems suddenly quieter and colder and perhaps not even the supercharged whiskey and coke is strong enough for this song. I think I've officially ruined everyone's night, at least until Heather gets up, at which point I think I've mostly ruined hers. And Dem and Layne's too. After all, they only want me to socialize like a normal person and I don't think they're asking too much but why has everything gotten so hard all of a sudden? Anyway, the girl doesn't pull up her jacket and bag to just up and leave with an excuse as I thought. She just takes a couple of coins from her pocket, winks at me and with a few strides reaches the jukebox. With the same grin on her face she scrolls through the titles, inserts her quarters, presses the buttons and returns to the table, while my song fades, leaving the bar in almost total and surreal silence. Heather doesn't sit down, but she looks at us, looks around and addresses the whole place judt as Rudolph Schenker starts playing some grittier chords.

“His fingers just slipped and hit the wrong button, that's all!” Heather raises her arms and then points her gaze at me, takes the glass and takes a nice sip of basically plain pure whiskey and starts singing, here, in the middle of the bar, as if nothing had happened. This surprises me, but what surprises me most is that I sing along.

 

I look in your eyes, I really think you're fooling me

You're pretty and nice, it doesn't matter don't you see

 

We sing Falling in love by the Scorpions in a duet, but only until the first chorus, because from there on it becomes a choir, first of our table, then of the whole bar. My memory could easily fail me, but I think it's the first time I've helped start a bar sing-a-long. It's easy to have the crowd sing at your concerts, but it's much more difficult to wake up a group of drunks in an anonymous place on a cold and humid evening in March. Sometimes a wrong night just needs the right fingers.

 

“I love that album,” I comment with Heather nodding, long after the chorus ends.

"It's the breakthrough disc." she says, just before Dem and Layne leave with the excuse of cigarettes "My favorite song is The Zoo , but that was more catchy"

“Hehe yeah, better for bar karaoke. Anyway The Zoo is a masterpiece, you're the first girl I've met who knows the Scorpions so well” leaving out Angie who, just because she knew them well, vomited just hearing their mention, I really don't remember any fan in particular. Well, aside from her , but she wasn't that badass.

“Oh man, Jerry, I'm sorry” Heather immediately becomes serious and places her hand on mine, which rests next to the ashtray after having just put out a cigarette.

"Eheheh well, no big deal. I mean good musical tastes are welcome, but they are not everything. I am pleased when I find someone who shares my interests, but it is not fundamental". I mean, music is my life, but I stopped selecting friends based on musical tastes in 1980, more or less.

“No, I meant, I'm sorry…but I'm not going to sleep with you.” She shakes her head and looks at me contritely, as if offering me condolences.

"What?"

"I'm not sleeping with you, don't get any strange ideas"

"Oh. Okay. But what does it have to do with it?”

“I wanted to be honest with you before you started hitting on me But I couldn't say anything before, in front of Demri, she cared so much about this date”

“Who says I wanted to hit on you?”

“You're already doing it… You're the first girl I've met who loves Scorpions, uh! After this sort of imitation she pushes my hand away from hers giggling and finishes her drink.

“So, I understand that it may sound like a pickup line and I admit that I have used something like this in the past, but I swear that in this case the intention was absolutely not that”

"Come on! Look, you don't have to pretend with me, it's normal to expect something from a blind date, I don't blame you" Heather reaches out for my pack of cigarettes without asking, takes one and lights it with my lighter.

“Of course it's normal, but normality doesn't really belong to me lately. I can assure you it was a simple remark, I was not hitting on you. To tell you the truth, since it's the moment of truth, I didn't even want to come tonight."

"Oh really?"

“I was this close to standing you up”

“This reminds me of the fox saying that the grapes were sour…” Heather winks and blows smoke in my face.

“Hahaha I know what it looks like, but it's not like that. I would certainly make a better impression if I went along with your story, but no. I'm much more pathetic than that” I don't know why, maybe it's because deep down I don't know her, she's a stranger, and it's easier to be honest with strangers; it may also be because of the vibes I get from her but to me telling the truth seems the easiest thing in the world right now, sitting at this table with Heather.

"Pathetic? What do you mean?"

"That until a few months ago I would not only have hit on you, but I would have also succeeded and by now we'd already be driving towards my house"

“Hahaha even if I told you that I had no intention of putting out?”

"Of course and I would have done it in such a subtle way as to make you believe it was you who changed your mind, indeed, I would have convinced you that I wasn't even thinking about it either and that everything was happening totally by chance"

“That is exactly…what are you doing now? Or am I wrong?" she smiles at me curious and even though she thinks she has caught me, she doesn't seem irritated. Is it because she believes me? Is it because she plays along? I don't know.

"No no, now I'm just baring my soul to you, I'm not using tactics, I swear"

“So what has happened lately that has changed you so drastically?” here is the fateful question. I take a deep breath and spit it out.

“I fell in love with a girl, broke her heart, got dumped and haven't been close to another female since then, which would be three months ago, more or less”

"Oh. Well, you made a great recap”

“I went straight to the point, at least with words I'm still able to do it” what is it, have I started walking the path of self-irony? Well it sort of works, I laugh and she giggles with me.

“You know, your story is very similar to mine. Well, I mean, more or less. I fell in love too, I've been dumped for a while and I still haven't recovered”

"I'm sorry"

“But I'm the one whose heart was broken. Well, he dumped me for someone else”

“I understand what you're going through, I really do. It's not a pickup strategy!” I repeat trying to make her laugh again.

“I killed the mood, didn't I? Like you did before with that fucking song!"

“Nah, I totally beat you, sorry! And I win the award for saddest story too, because I'm in such a bad place that my friends introduce me to girls hoping to cheer me up and instead I end up driving them away by talking about my ex"

“Haha and what about me? What do you think I'm here for tonight? Demri is sick of seeing me cry on cigarette breaks day in and day out. And she's not the only one. All my friends push me to get to know new guys, but they don't understand that it's much worse this way!”

"Exactly! I don't know if it's the same for you, but... it's hard to explain. When you have to forget someone, the best solution would be to avoid everything that makes you think of that someone, right? Well, how can't they see that a date is the first thing that makes me think of my ex because..."

“Because that's the thing you used to do with her! Same thing for me, I agree. You date a guy and you come up with the same situations and…”

“And make comparisons!”

"Of course, how the fuck can you not make them!"

“Do you know why I chose the Scorpions on the jukebox?”

“Cause you have memories of her with that song?”

“Because she can't stand that band, she hates them!”

“Hahaha”

“I've been scrolling through all the titles on that fucking jukebox for a while and there wasn't a name that made me feel something. And music is my life, mind you. Then my eyes landed on that name and... byeeee"

"And then, I even told you that I like them"

"Right! Tell me, how could this arranged date make me forget Angie, it can't, it's the opposite"

"Five minutes after you arrived, I had already made a mental comparison between the shades of blond of your hair and those of Rob, as well as your heights and way of laughing"

"We're both so fucked up, we need to make a toast!" I exclaim, as I pour some of the content of my glass into hers, then go back to being serious for a moment "You're not squeamish, are you?"

"Hahaha no, nit at all! Here's to the broken and pathetic hearts!"

"Cheers" our glasses touch each other and we drink them all down in one.

“You're nice, if you weren't brokenhearted I would have hooked up with you. You're cute too"

"Really?"

“Yeah, tall, long hair, musician… you're pretty much my type”

“Wow, thanks, I'm flattered”

“And at least you understand me. Whereas I'm going to have to go on who knows how many more blind dates."

“Well, maybe sooner or later you will find someone you'll be so attracted to that you will even forget your ex's name”

"Eheh after what we said to each other, you are not credible anymore, I'm sorry"

“Well, just tell your friends that you don't want to date anyone right now”

“Do you think I didn't? Like it's a prerogative to have someone, I mean, what's wrong with being single?”

“Single and happy!”

“Besides, sex is overrated”

"Well..."

“Yeah, it's cool, I'm not saying it isn't, but it's not like I miss it that much. It's not the thing I miss the most about Rob, so that's proof that it's not fundamental."

“In fact, it's not like I'm struggling either. And I wasn't one to spare himself, on the contrary..."

“I bet your not sparing yourself has to do with how you broke your ex's heart, right? I'm not judging you, huh! We all make mistakes, we are human"

“What can I say, you hit the mark. But now the girls who go around in the backstage of our concerts... I don't even look at them, I don't see them, I don't want to "

“LOOK, I HAD AN IDEA!” Heather slaps her palm hard on the table, causing even the guys sitting at the table next to her to turn towards us.

"What an idea?"

“We are in the same situation and we have the same problem. Why can't we be each other's problem solvers?"

"Uh?"

“It's just occurred to me right now, maybe it's bullshit, but I think it would work”

"Do you want to explain yourself better?"

“So, Demri and Layne will be back at the table soon, they'll see there's no chemistry between us, they'll see us leaving without even exchanging numbers, and what will they do next time?”

“They'll torment us asking why it didn't work?”

“No, that what they will do tonight, immediately. But what will they do next time?”

“What will they do?”

“They'll introduce us to someone else! And on and on and it will never end!”

“I'm about to go on tour with the boys, they'll ask me to do the fourth every time they pick up someone with a friend"

“And Dem? She knows literally everyone in Seattle, do you have any idea how many tall, long-haired musicians will be sitting where you are right now?”

“And what would your solution be?”

“Put on some chemistry”

"That is?"

“Let's not tell them it didn't work” Heather shrugs as if she's telling me the most obvious thing in the world.

"Do you want them to believe we've clicked?"

"We'll make them believe we like each other, we can exchange some effusions..."

“Exchange what?”

“Just for show! We can also exchange numbers. You're going on tour soon, aren't you? At most you call me once or twice, just to make the game more believable for my roommate too. Your friends will see that you're into me and you're doing ok and they won't dare pushing other girls to you at the risk of screwing you up again"

"And your girlfriends will quit arranging blind dates"

“It's a win win for both"

“Mmm”

“I know the fake boyfriend archetype is overused and may sound like a John Hughes rom-com cliché, but I assure you I have no ulterior motives. And it would be for a good cause: our sanity” Heather looks at me hopefully. All in all she's not talking bullshit and, fake or not, her eyes are hard to say no to.

“It's so absurd that it could work”

"WHAT?" I'm so focused on Heather's evil plan that I don't notice our friends returning, or Demri coming over to scream in my ear.

“What, what?” I ask playing dumb.

“What could work?” she repeats, as she sits down with her boyfriend.

"Us! We found out that we are very different, but also have so much in common, right Jerry?” Heather winks at me and moves the chair a little closer.

"True! You were right to drag me here, man, you know?” I reach around my new accomplice's shoulders as Layne looks at me in amazement.

"Seriously? Well…” but not without suspicion.

 

I'm not getting into another mess, am I?

 

************************************************** *****************************************

 

"Your first kiss? When did it happen? With whom? Tell me..."

Grace and I are in the midst of our almost daily post-coital Random Questions session to get to know each other better, hosted as always on the couch in her apartment. Grace's couch is the official home for pretty much everything we do, whether it's sex, post-sex, no sex, listening to records, eating, watching tv, looking at aquariums, or hanging out. Oh and I also sleep on it, because Grace's bed is still offlimits. Because the speech I made to her the other night was perfect and I know my words hit the mark, but in the meantime, making love without her boots, let alone sleeping together, it's still not an option. And so here we are, me in my underwear, she wearing my T-shirt and her ever-present boots, both on the sofa which has now taken on the shape of our bodies, especially mine, eating toasted cashew nuts and asking questions to get to know each other, when in reality we'd just need to undress completely and go to her room to really get closer. Anyway, intimacy is made up of many things and it takes a lot of time to build it. I have patience, it's just that I have the bad habit of always turning around and keeping an eye on the easiest route, while I trudge along the most impervious path, unanimously considered the most effective.

“It happened on sixth grade, with a redhead I didn't like,” I recall as the scepter of power, aka the bowl of cashews, passes from Grace's hands to mine.

"I don't know why, but I expected such an answer. Was she crazy too?"

"Mmm no, Jane was normal, as normal as an eleven-year-old can be. She was nice, okay, but not someone I intended to kiss"

"And how did it go?"

"We were walking home from school, we lived on the same street. We got off the school bus and walked together, her house was before mine, when we got there and I was saying goodbye, she took her chance"

"Girls who take the initiative are a recurring element in your life, have you noticed that?" Grace reaches into the bowl and takes a hefty handful.

"Yes. But not with you, I kissed you" let's give Caesar what belongs to Caesar.

"Okay, and all the work to get to the kiss? What about that? I did it all man!" okay, always dotting the i's.

"Details"

"Anyway, Jane tried to kiss you and you?"

"I panicked, of course"

"Obviously"

"And as her lips were getting dangerously close..."

"You ran away?"

"No, I told her the first thing that came to my mind"

"That is?"

"That I'd just threw up"

"Ahahahaha what???" the sofa shakes a little under us as she laughs. 

"I told you, it was the first thing that came to my mind! And as I tried to explain to her that it must have been the meatloaf from the cafeteria and that I had thrown it up in the school toilet before going out, she threw me off"

"Did she vomit too?"

"No he said It's okay , he shrugged and kissed me anyway! Can you believe that?"

"Wow she must have liked you so much"

"So she wasn't quite as normal as she seemed" 

"You gotta have a crush to be willing to kiss a pucked mouth"

"No, you must be sick! However it was a wet and cold kiss. And there were no more kisses between me and her. To be safe anyway, from then on I went to school by bike"

"It didn't traumatize you at all, nooo"

"And what about you?"

"Ah my story is less funny. I was twelve, he was one year older, I had braces on my teeth, he had too. We didn't get stuck or anything like that, but there were some technical difficulties, mini metallic clashes, it was a bit embarrassing, but cute" the little smile that appeared on her face as she recalled the memory almost makes me jealous.

"And your cute kiss was the first of a long series?"

"No, the next day he got together with my friend" and the dreamy smile disappeared, replaced by a half-resigned grin.

"Ouch. Did she have braces as well? It must have been an issue of accessibility, don't take it personally"

"Actually no, she didnt!"

"Come on, next question, but this time it's my turn" I take matters into my own hands and pretend to improvise a question that I've been preparing for a while instead.

"Ok"

"How many guys did you date after the surgery?"

"Oh. Wow, good question" 

"I only ask good questions"

"First of all, define date"

"At least one date, in the evening, alone" I list the primary conditions on three fingers.

"Okay, well, that's an accurate definition"

"Did you expect something different from me?" I set the bowl of cashews down on the coffee table and cross my arms, turning to face her, preparing myself for her response and the big talk that will follow.

"Hehe absolutely not"

"So?"

"Well I don't know, ten-ish"

"What about a more precise answer, adequate to the question?" I know, it's not essential to have the exact data, but while we're at it, I want to know.

"Wait..." Grace, after one last bite, rubs the salt of the cashews off her hands and then I see her start counting mentally and with her fingers.

"Twelve"

"Including me?

"Thirteen" she corrects herself with a satisfied smile. 

"And how many of them did you share your secret with?"

"All of them, except two. So eleven"

"And how many of these did you go on a second date with?"

"Mmmm six"

"And how many have you had sex with?"

"Oh God, where are you going with this?" Grace starts to get suspicious, but I won't give up.

"How many?"

"Four"

"And of these four, how many have also slept with you?" 

"Do we really have to talk about it?" she's not angry, just a little sulky.

"Yup" 

"One"

"Ok. And was this guy so much better than me?"

"Stone..."

“Was he a saint, an empath, a Nobel Peace Prize…?”

"I would say no"

"A psychologist, a therapist, a doctor?"

"No, and he wasn't even a champion of sensitivity, if I have to be honest"

"Great! Just like me. So how about we give my back a break tonight and have a good night's sleep in your room?"

"You have to understand that it's not easy"

"No way! Really? Of course know it's difficult, Grace, and even if I hadn't figured it out myself, let's say that an average of one in thirteen would have been overwhelming proof, don't you think?" 

"It took me a long time to accept myself, it was hard to be able to look at myself, let alone let another person see me and touch me"

"Grace, I know, ok? I know. But I'll ask you a question" I take her hand, perhaps more to block her than to console her. 

"Another one??"

"We have to get to know each other, don't we?" I take the other one too and she squeezes both of them.

"Yes, but at this rate we'll tell each other everything tonight and what will we be talking about from tomorrow on?"

"Haha, do you think I won’t find any more topics to talk about? Me? You underestimate me"

"Okay, what do you want to know?" she sighs resigned.

"You don't show yourself because you're uncomfortable or because you don't want to make me uncomfortable?" 

"Stone, it is...both"

"But in percentage?"

"How can I quantify? I don't know, fifty-fifty"

"Bullshit"

"Ahahahah how can you say that?" 

"What happens if you take off these boots in front of me now? Nothing changes. Nothing for you, you are always the same, the only variable is me and how I could react. This is what changes and this is what worries you"

"And you think your reaction has nothing to do with me? That it doesn't have any effect? ​​I'm obviously worried about it"

"Sure, but you gotta understand that it's not an avoidable thing. I mean, sooner or later it will have to happen, I can't sleep on this couch forever and you can't wear boots inside the house forever" 

"Sometimes I even wear normal shoes. With baggy pants," she points out knowing full well that's not the point, but behaving as if it were. 

"Yes and when you have that outfit it means you don't wanna have sex" I can lighten up a conversation too, you know?

"Ahahahah"

"I've learned to recognize the signs, you know"

"However, I know that sooner or later it will happen. I just want to take my time" 

"The question is... if I see all of you in a month's time, will your foot be less absent than it is now? I mean, is the non-existence of your foot inversely proportional to the time that goes by?" is it a good idea to make sarcastic jokes right now? Yes, because if I didn't, then it wouldn't be me, I would seem fake, and I want everything to be as true and honest as possible. 

"No, but you'll have more time to get used to the idea"

"And why should that be your problem?"

"Huh?" Grace glares at me, as if I've insulted her, so maybe I need to explain better.

"Cause we're back to to my first question: are you more uncomfortable for yourself or is it more like not wanting to make me uncomfortable? Because if it's the second one, well you don't have to, because it's not your job. It's not your job to think how to make your boyfriend feel comfortable when he's with you, that's none of your business, it's the part of the relationship work that I have to do, it's my responsibility, not yours. Will it be a piece of cake? No. Will I be completely indifferent to the thing? Fuck no, but I'm the one who has to deal with my fears and reactions, not you" 

"You must be really uncomfortable on this sofa to try and sound so convincing, huh?" she delivers this pretty good, because she keeps a very serious expression, except for a slightly arched eyebrow. 

"I don't give a fuck about the couch"

"I know, I was being sarcastic"

"Well you can't be when I'm not"

"The light must stay off" the light will be off, but I finally see a glimmer of light.

"Okay, I'll grope, feeling the stuffed animals in the dark towards the bed"

"And the hands must stay away from the legs"

"Jeez, I'll keep them away from everything if you want, I'll stay on my side and won't move, if you want you can come closer. We'll, if you really have to"

"I have to remove the prosthesis when I sleep"

"I'm so ignorant I didn't know, see how much I'm already learning with you? Anyway it's ok" 

"But I have the sock"

"Ok"

"It's a specific sock, which you put on the stump... it covers everything, in short"

"I won't see it in the dark anyway"

“Ok”

"Ok, can we go, then?" I slowly get up from the couch, not letting go of her hands, which I've been holding the whole time.

"Let's go" she takes a moment, then she gets up too.

"Anyway, you don't need to turn off the light right away. You're wearing my shirt and you're completely naked underneath, who gives a shit about your feet? I mean, in general, people aren't constantly looking at each other's feet while interacting. I take it for granted that people have them, but it's not like they're there to be looked at. Have you ever seen my feet? Can you honestly tell me what they look like? I guess not, I think you don't give a shit after all. And the same thing  goes for me. And by the way, I'm too concentrated on what is there to think about what's missing" I go freewheeling, perhaps because the walk in silence towards the bedroom looks so much like a journey to the gallows and this has got nothing to do with that.

"Are you done?" Grace stops in front of the bedroom door and looks at me as if I were a poor jerk.

"Yup"

"I've already said yes, you don't have to convince me anymore"

"You said yes to this now. There are still a lot of things I have to convince you to do, I must keep myself in training"

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21:58 

In theory there are two minutes left for my shift, in practice, as usual, it will still take some time before I set foot back home. First I have to dispose of the people in the till, then I have to do the accounts and write down the partial collection, I gotta check that there are enough coins and cash, bags, paper rolls of the card machine and the cash register, leave notes in the notebook for Ian about the things I've done and what still needs to be done. In short, I won't be free before half past ten, but tonight I don't mind. I have to wait for Eddie anyway. Finally we'll see each other and we manage to spend one evening together. At least I hope, cause he warned me that he might be late, but that he will do everything to be here as soon as possible after today's recording session. He cares a lot and, well, so do I. Every time we talk on the phone or see each other in passing it's like he's trying to apologize for his working schedule and I'm always there to reassure him. It's his job, and you don't have to be together 24/7 to be in a relationship. However I am pleased to be able to spend a quiet evening without counting the minutes. And maybe it's because of my unusual good mood that I decide to break the rule of the good old pissed off saleswoman and start a conversation with the customer in front of me that goes a little beyond the simple greeting. 

"Good evening, how are you?" I smile as I type the receipt.

"Have you ever sat on the toilet reading the newspaper long enough to forget you shitted only to realize minutes later that you hadn't wiped your ass?"

"...it's twenty-four dollars fifty-five"

It's my fault, only my fault. 

The intellectual man pays and leaves and it's the turn of another guy in his forties. Of all the items he's placed on the counter for me, I reach for the six-pack of beer first and I am about to scan it, but the man cuts me off. 

"Sorry, I'm actually trying to drink a little less. Could you put them away, please?"

"Sure no problem!" I put the beers to the side and continue with the rest of the shopping, when a woman, who has appeared out of nowhere, approaches him and stares at me with a glare.

"What did you tell him?!" he yells at me.

"Excuse me?"

"Stop talking to my man! You can't have him, he's mine!" then she turns to him "What the fuck did she tell you? Did she ask your number or what?!"

"Mmm no, I just asked her to put the beers aside" he replies in a calm, monotonous voice, in stark contrast to her anxious one. 

I look at her dumbfounded, she stares at him first, then me and I take the beer to show to her and confirm the man's version; then her gaze returns to him.

"Ah! So now you're buying other women drinks, huh?! Forget about coming home tonight!" and that said, she just up and leaves. 

The customer stands there, impassive, rolls his eyes, and then motions me to continue. I tap the last few pieces and at that point I see him stretch his hands over the beers to bring them closer to the till again.

"Okay, l think I'll take the beer after all. If I have to sleep in the dog's kennel tonight, at least I won't be sober!" he hints at a smile, rather bitter, with the face of someone who has already seen multiple scenes like this. I finish his bill, he pays and leaves and I greet him, not envying him at all. 

"Oh, such weird people..." a lady in a long yellow coat, the last in line, at least for now, shakes her head as she approaches the counter.

"Yes, strange types show up sometimes at this time if the day" 

"Very Strange"

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I have to make a return"

"Sure, what is it about?"

"I'm returning this" the lady hands me a copy of today's Seattle Times. 

Never two without three.

"Excuse me, why do you want to return it?"

"Because I've read it all, I need tomorrow's issue"

Take a breath, Angie, a good deep breath. 

"Tomorrow's paper isn't out yet, ma'am, but I couldn't change it for you anyway"

"Well give me a voucher, so tomorrow I can get the new newspaper"

"It's not possible, ma'am, I can't accept this return"

"Why not? It's from today, it's expiring, you have to give me tomorrow's newspaper" 

The thing that drives me crazy the most is actually having a dialogue with people like this: not the assholes, who insult you or pick on you by yelling after you, they are nothing compared to people who are perfectly calm, even kind, and lucid in their their madness, they really think they're right and they just don't understand why you're there making trouble for them. 

"I can't because my superior takes care of this kind of returns, just wait a minute, I'll go call him immediately" I wouldn't want to bother Hannigan, but I can't make it tonight. And then I caught a glimpse of the headlights and the silhouette of Eddie's pickup through the glass, so goodbye. 

I get the boss to intervene and he must be really in a state of grace because he tells me to go and that he'll take care of the rest. It's mid-March, but I'm sure tomorrow it's gonna snow! I go and get changed in a flash and when I come back in front of the till I hear the lady repeating the same objections and, at the same time, the doorbell ringing.

"EDDIE! God I'm glad to see you!" I greet him, and almost knock him down, with a hug.

"Hey! Oh, well, heheh, me too Angie"

"Please save me, take me away from this madhouse" I add softly begging for mercy. 

"Ah! So that's why…"

"There's a particularly high concentration of crazy customers tonight"

"And I thought you missed me, at least a little bit" Eddie frees himself from my clutches and jokingly pushes me away pretending to be offended. 

"Of course I missed you." I come closer and kiss him. Yes, here, in front of everyone, including Hannigan, Ian and the crazy customer. Eddie should be proud of me, I'm not ashamed of anything anymore. Well almost "The fact that your arrival coincides with the end of my nightmarish shift is a plus" 

"I pretend to believe you. I forgive you. But only because it's you. And because it's a special day" he kisses me to seal the peace and I think about how special this evening will be. I guess Eddie has very high expectations, but I just hope I don't fall asleep before the end of the film since I'm also a bit tired.

"So, what do you want to do? Where are we going?" she asks me once outside.

"Oh well, I was planning on staying home, I rented a movie" 

"Okay, kitty" I appreciate the fact that he kept the dumb nickname for when we would be alone, away from prying ears.

"And then I was thinking of ordering a pizza, since I haven't eaten"

"Oh perfect, me neither! In fact I'm starving" with an arm around my neck, he accompanies me towards the door of my house. 

"But maybe you wanted to go somewhere"

"Nah, your place is great"

"Perhaps you were thinking of something in particular. We can also change plans, you know"

"The program is fantastic and, to tell you the truth, it's exactly what I was hoping for, I'm a little tired. Of course, if you had planned something else then I would have adapted, but really, pizza, movie and sofa with you seem like a dream to me right now"

"Are you sure?" he's kept talking about this special evening for days but now he wants me to believe that he was waiting for nothing but to be sprawled out on the sofa to stock up on pizza and horror?

"Absolutely. Then it's with you, so it's perfect regardless"

"Is it?" I ask him as we climb the stairs.

"Of course. Well... actually, no." he changes pace, in every sense, because he accelerates and passes me on the steps, then he turns around and I see that he's pouting. Real or fake? "No, because I'm actually mad at you" 

"Hehe what? Why?"

"Ask Matt" he starts running up the stairs, but not too fast, because he knows very well that I would catch up with him the day after tomorrow and out of breath.

"Matt? What does Matt have to do with it?" I ask both him and myself, not understanding the connection between the drummer and some crap of my own that I may have said or done. 

"Well Matt told me something this morning during our guitar lesson"

"Ah. You mean that Matt" I understand he's talking about Dillon and not Cameron.

"Yeah, that Matt. Let me tell you, I'm very, very disappointed" we get to my floor, we cross the corridor, he always pouting ahead and I behind, laughing a little and thinking about how I'll get out of it this time. 

"I don't understand what you mean, what did he tell you?" I play dumb as I open the door, under Eddie's stern, judgmental gaze. 

"He told me that a few days ago he met some of my friends on set, which would then be you and Grace"

"Ok"

"So I explained to him that you're my girlfriend and guess what he said?" did he really feel the need to tell a Hollywood actor that I'm his girlfriend? 

"Um what if I order the pizza first and then I guess?" rhetorical question as I take off my jacket and grab the cordless phone.

"He said we would all surely meet each other more often on set, since Cam OFFERED YOU A FUCKING PART IN THE FILM" Eddie reveals everything and raises his voice just when I've finished dialing the number and put the phone to my ear.

"Is it okay with double cheese?" 

"Yup." she concedes and then takes me by the hand to the sofa while I finish ordering "But you're a liar"

"It's not true, I told you so! I also told you about how I escaped and about the shitty figure" I try to justify myself to him, who looks at me like a principal listening to the apologies of the student in trouble, undecided whether to suspend them or not, obviously sitting on the opposite side of the sofa a thousand miles from me.

"You told me you ran away because there were too many famous people and you were getting anxious and not because Crowe had just asked you to star in the movie"

"It's not a lie, technically it's more of an omission"

"And why would you have omitted to tell me this?"

"Because if you had known, you would have tried to convince me to accept"

"Why? Don't you want to accept?" he suddenly asks me in amazement and moves on the sofa in my direction.

"There we go"

"But why?" Eddie moves a little closer. Why? As if he didn't know me.

"Because… it's not my thing"

"But cinema… is your thing, isn't it supposed to be like your job?" he gets even closer until our knees touch.

"I want to write for cinema, not act"

Eddie unties my legs, which were crossed until a second ago, and gently adjusts them on his, he pulls me towards him and now we're as close as we can get. 

"I too want to write and sing songs, not be a roadie. But I set up the stages anyway. It's all part of the system, you have to start somewhere"

"You only did it so you could see concerts for free"

"Well, just think that you can watch a movie for free, from inside the movie." he reiterates hugging me "You can see how a film is made, see the actors"

"I don't care about actors and movies look much better from the outside, trust me"

"Angie, can I ask you one thing?"

"Yes" I say and I already expect the correct and perfectly logical, as well as almost certainly funny, speech with which he will bare the stupidity of my insecurities and demonstrate that accepting that part is the only sensible thing to do and will convince me to say yes and that's exactly why I didn't want to tell him a damn thing in the first place. 

"Actually two"

"Ok"

"Where's Meg?"

"She went to be a stewardess at a cardiology convention or something, and she said she'd go dancing with the other girls afterward, so she'll be back late."

"And when does the pizza arrive?" it confuses me and I try to understand how far he's taking it and where he's going with his motivational speech starting from my roommate and passing through pizza.

"In half an hour. Why?"

"Because… I know we're discussing important things and I don't want to sound inappropriate at all, but we're alone and so much can be done in half an hour and you're so sexy when you insist on defending your indefensible opinions and wee haven't had sex in like fifteen years, so how about going to your room for a sec?"

"How can it be fifteen years if we've known each other for less than one?"

"Tsk you want to be a writer and you can't recognize hyperbole?"

"What?"

"Hyperbole"

"Say it again"

"Hyperbole"

"You're sexy when you say hyperbole, could you say that in a more indefensible tone?"

"Fuck you. Shall we go?" 

Since I'm good at being cool and resisting, about thirty seconds later we are in my bed. And we're still there exactly seven minutes later, gasping for breath in the dark. 

"A bit fast, huh?" 

"Fast, but effective"

"I told you it felt like fifteen years..."

"If these are the effects, I recommend continuing to see each other at this frequency"

"What a bitch!" I can make out his smiling profile in the dark, as he shifts closer under the covers "Anyway, going back to the previous topic…"

"Ah, do you want to go back to the previous discussion? I thought you'd dismissed it by now due to more urgent needs- OUCH!" I joke and he, close to me, takes his revenge with a pinch where the sun doesn't shine. 

"No, I haven't dismissed it. And be good, because I'm about to say something serious"

"Mmm ok, shoot" here comes the bullshit in disguise that will lead me to accept the proposal.

"I don't want to tell you what to do, because in the end it's you who have to decide. I can only give you my opinion. I think that deep down you want to throw yourself into this adventure but you're scared or ashamed or both. I don't know if you can do it, but Crowe is a professional, I think he can tell if a person can act or not and would never entrust you with a part above your skills. I have a line too, you know?"

"But I have more than one, that's the problem!"

"He definitely doesn't give a shit about our acting skills, he wants us to play ourselves, so you too, you'll just have to be yourself"

"Okay, I correct myself, that 's the problem"

"I don't…" My eyes have adjusted to the darkness and I see almost every detail of his face as she tries to piece together what he wants to say "but I don't see why you shouldn't try. Worst case scenario, if it really doesn't work, Cam could always cut your scene, you've got nothing to lose."

"Except my dignity"

"Mmm don't pretend to be a coward"

"Hahaha do you think I pretend? Sure, I'm actually super brave"

"You're very brave. Since I've known you, I've seen you do a lot of things that you might not even want to hear at first: play basketball with us, play the drums, go up the Space Needle, dance in a disco full of people without shyness, taking a plane to San Diego alone..." he kisses me after the last one in the list "I wasn't there yet, but I heard you even took the elevator in this building once" 

"There I risked seriously"

"Anyway, it seems to me that you are quite good at doing the things that scare you the most, this would be just the umpteenth demonstration of how cool you are, you wouldn't risk anything"

And I would like to tell him that I'm neither cool or brave and that if I've done each of those things it's because each and every time there was someone else to push me and that it takes very little insistence to make me do things, it's really easy to make me say yes. But for once I don't want to exaggerate, I don't want to make him snort as usual and turn out to be the ever problematic girl, I don't want to destroy his beliefs: I mean, if he's drawn this little portrait of Angie the Intrepid in his mind, who am I to refute it? At the same time, I have no idea what the fuck to say because I never understood how the hell you respond to compliments.  Like, who was supposed to teach me and when? Usually I respond with a sarcastic joke, but now I'm in bed with my boyfriend and something tells me that would not be the best reaction. So what do I do? Do I show discomfort? Do I scale back his flattery? Do I justify the reason for the success of all the experiences he listed? Do I distrust? Goat? Not say anything? Drop the subject? Thank him and stop? The sound of the intercom comes to my rescue.

"Oh. Either Meg broke all hearts at the cardiologist convention or our pizza's early." Eddie pulls away from me and sits up on the bed.

"We gotta get up to find out" 

"I'll go, don't worry" Eddie with sudden newfound energy springs out of bed and leaves the room.

"EDDIE?!" I yell at him as he runs away, but he doesn't listen. He reappears at my bedroom door a minute later.

"It's the pizza" he acts as if nothing had happened.

"BUT DID YOU GO LIKE THIS?" I insist, holed up under the duvet, while he turns on the light and explores the floor of the room. Luckily I'm already lying down, otherwise I could have collapsed.

"Like what?" he asks absently, then finds his boxers at the foot of the bed and, picking them up, finally looks at me. And I look at him. And then he understands "I only answered the intercom, he can't see me" he smiles slyly putting on his underwear.

"Thank god…"

"Don't pretend to be jealous, you're not credible" he quickly puts on his cargo pants and red checked shirt, buttoning it at random. 

"The money for the pizza is in the cabinet outside in the corridor, in the drawer"

"Okay." starts to leave the room again, but then turns around "What are you doing? Aren't you coming?"

"I'm coming now"

"Ok"

"Ok" I answer, still under the duvet, while he doesn't get out of there. 

"Or maybe you want to have dinner in bed?" the little shit winks at me.

"No no, no crumbs in my bed"

"All right"

"Okay" and he stays there.

"Come on or pizza will get cold" 

"I told you I'm coming now, just go and I'll join you!" he almost laughs at me, but the pizza guy saves me a second time as he rings the doorbell. Eddie gives up and goes to open the door but I don't hear the sound of the drawer opening. What the fuck. I get out of bed in a sprint and close the door before putting on my pajamas in record time. When I leave the room we almost have a head-on collision: the jerk thought he would be catching me red-handed! 

"Ready?" he asks pretending to pass by by chance.

"You payed?" 

"Yup"

"But the money is here" I open the drawer and show him.

"I took the money from my wallet"

"And why?"

"To make it faster. Are you coming now or do we have to stay here and discuss until the pizza becomes inedible?"

"Come on, let's go!" I would like to take his hand, but I end up pulling him by the unbuttoned sleeve of his shirt, and take him to the sofa. Eddie immediately grabs a slice of pizza and I manage to throw paper napkins at him, threatening him "If you dirty my sofa I'll kill you"

"What movie are we watching, kitty?"

"We're watching Children of the corn !" I reply enthusiastically by pressing PLAY on the remote control and pounce on the pizza too.

"From the title, I imagine it's a romantic comedy with a guaranteed happy ending" 

"Obviously" 

"And are you sure I can eat while I watch it?"

"Ahah yes, don't worry, it's not that strong" I open two beers and give him one.

"You said the same thing about Hellraiser "

"Okay, you're the one who's too sensitive! Amyway this is a lot softer, there's no comparison, I'd say it's almost comedy"

"Ok, I trust you, kitty" we toast with our cans and start the vision.

***

"Well comedy… I wouldn't say that…" the movie is over, as well as pizza and beer.

"Come on, shall we talk about the acting? And then, those fucking special effects! It seems like they ran out of money at some point"

"They must have spent it all on corn"

"Haha exactly! Hey, by the way, did you know that in a certain sense I was a child of the corn as well?"

"Were you a member of a satanic cult of baby-killers?" Eddie, who was completely slouched on his side of the sofa, now sits up a little curious.

"Eheheh no, also because at this age they would have already sacrificed me"

"So?"

"Well, you know the summer jobs you used to work when you were a kid? Ok, you're from San Diego, so well, your concept of a summer job will include things like lifeguard, waiter, ice cream guy, stuff like that, right?"

"More or less. Whereas in Idaho?"

"In Idaho we went out castrating corn!"

"Hahaha what?" at this point I have Eddie's full attention, and he sits up straight and approaches me.

"Corn detasseling, I went four years in a row, to Notus"

"What the fuck does detasseling mean? Does corn get castrated?"

Of course now I'm teaching my mini-agriculture lesson that Eddie was dying to hear. On special evenings, couples talk about projects, they slowly discover each other, they flirt. Instead, I talk about how corn has both male and female flowers, explaining that if you remove the male part of the plant it will not pollinate itself, but it can be fertilized by the variety chosen by the farmer, which will not be clipped, thus creating hybrids . 

"In simple terms, the work consisted of walking for hours and hours in the corn fields, pulling the tops off the plants with your bare hands. You started in the morning, when everything was damp, and you ended up in the afternoon, soaked in sweat from the heat. Also because you had to wear long pants and long sleeves if you didn't want to cut your skin completely"

"Sharp leaves?"

"Like fucking razors, Eddie, you don't understand"

"The ideal job for children"

"I'm sure you'll be more understanding with Malachi now"

"Hahaha yes! Now I understand why they rebelled, poor kids"

"I'm pretty sure He who walks behind the rows is actually a child who got lost while corn detasseling, bleeding to death, and now his soul continues to wander in the fields in search of his parents to take revenge"

"Blood red corn from children employed in child labour"

"Those in short-sleeved T-shirts! But I was making twelve dollars an hour..."

"Not bad! Anyway, you were practically working as corn contraceptives"

"We Were Corn's Planned Parenthood "

"So corn has sex too. And more than us, I guess”

"Hahahaha Eddie!" I get up acting shocked, and I go to throw away both the pizza box and the empty beer cans.

"I'd rather not be neutered though"

"You're an asshole! How long have you been circling around the concept to finally get there?"

"It's been a while. Just kidding, kitty"

"I know" I get back from the kitchen.

"It's just that… well, we just got together, we should be in the middle of our honeymoon phase , but I'm never there and I'm so sorry"

"Our phase what??"

"Yes, the first phase of a relationship. When you are constantly looking for each other... euphoria, lots of mutual attention, cuddles, continuous search for physical contact, passion, chemistry... you know?"

"Well, I'd say we still have these things, don't we? They're just more… diluted over time"

"Uh I'd rather concentrate them"

"But that's not necessarily a bad thing if you think about it: it means you'll get tired of me much later" 

"Why do you always have to say stuff like that?" it's not that he's really pissed off, but you can clearly see him frowning a bit.

"Heheh come on, it was a joke"

"I know, but I don't like it when you make these jokes. About me breaking up with you, getting tired or bored… it's like you did that to normalize the thing, to prepare yourself for when it should happen"

"It's not like that" but it's exactly like that, fuck, and I could not have summarized the concept better. If I can't help saying certain things it's not because I want to be reassured by him that they will never happen, but precisely because I know for sure that they will happen and at least that's how I get used to the idea. 

"I'm exaggerating, I know. I don't want to make a drama out of it, it's just that I don't really think about the end of our relationship, I don't wanna think about it, not even as a joke"

"Maybe it's because we've had different experiences, that's all"

"Yeah. Anyway, I didn't want to start an argument, who cares about other experiences, let's think about this one now, ok? And then, especially today" he takes me by the hand and the dimpled smile becomes overbearing again.

"Hehe why today?"

"Well, because it's a special day"

"Wow the fact that you missed me so much flatters me, but does it take so little to make a day special?"

"It always is when we're together, but… this time it's not special just because of that"

"No? For what then?"

"Well, you should know..."

Oh shit. 

"Mmm should I?"

"Angie, what day is it today?" he releases my hands and, arms folded, begins the interrogation.

"Thursday"

"Yes, but what day is it?"

"March 14th"

"And what day is it?"

"Your Birthday is in December"

"It's clearly qnot my birthday. And neither is yours"

"Name day? I didn't know you were Catholic"

"No and no" by the fact that he's smiling I know I'm not in trouble, but it's clear that I'm not making a great impression. 

"Were we supposed to do something and I completely forgot about it?"

"No, it's something we've done before, some time ago." he explains to me and when he sees the cosmic nothingness in my eyes he gives me another clue “One thing we did this day”

"But last year in March we didn't know each other, I wasn't even here"

"Don't go back too long"

"What do you mean?"

"A month ago, what day was it?" he rolls his eyes and gives me yet another little help.

"February 14th, Valentine's Day?"

"And where were you a month ago at this time?"

"Dunno, same as the last 18 years? Most likely in bed sleeping"

"No. Think about it, where were you?"

"Wait, yeah, I was on a bus to Seattle"

"Okay, what about a few hours before? Where were you? What were you doing? Angie, you're fucking making me sweat"

"Aaaaaaaaaah! I know! At the bus station! We kissed!"

"BINGO!" Eddie even starts a mini applause, I don't know if it's relief or to take the piss out of me or both.

"Yay! See? I did it"

"So you understand why it's special"

"It was great, yes. At one point I didn't understand shit anymore, but it was an unforgettable moment" he kissed me and I started hearing Depeche Mode in my head and then I couldn't even remember where I was, if he hadn't physically put me on that bus I'd probably still be there.

"Yes and that's when it all started. Well, it's a kind of anniversary, isn't it? It's not an anniversary, but…"

"It's a... Monthliversary! Ahahahahah like welve year olds say, who count months"

"Well, we've been together for a month, so…"

"A month…? What do you mean? Cause you… you count since the kiss?"

"Yes, for me it started from there. Why? Since when do you count?"

"I don't count"

"Huh?"

"I mean, I never asked myself the question. I didn't know I had to count, that's it"

"You didn't know you had to count" he repeats, looking at me almost in amazement.

"I didn't… I explained to you that I haven't really had any regular relationships, right?"

"Are you saying you never counted ?"

“Exactly, the guys I was with weren't interested in those things. And so I never was either. I never celebrated anniversaries, monthlyversaries  or dayversaries or anything really. My relationships were all so short that I never even had time to figure out if I wanted to celebrate"

"Well, it's not that it's essential to have a date. But… no, fuck it, it's not true, I want a date, I need it, so if it's okay with you, February 14th is our day, ok?" his inner debate can be seen very well even from the outside and makes me smile.

"What you call our day ironically coincides with the most hypocritical and commercial holiday in the world, did you notice that?" 

"Of course! And making it our day is the greatest revolutionary act we can do, don't you think?" 

"Well, it's a point of view- WAIT" I don't smile anymore because I just realized it's not a fucking laugh.

"Hehe what is it?"

"You've been talking about this special night for days. Because that's what you meant! Celebrating our… Oh my!  Our monthlyiversary?!"

"Yes, but it's not like we had to do who knows what celebration, what we did is fine"

"But it doesn't count if I didn't know shit! I forgot, do you understand? I feel like shit" I stare at the carpet in the living room and I would like to roll up in it and then be thrown into the landfill in shame.

"Hahaha but no, why?"

"You thought of something sweet and I'm the fucking cold loveless nonaffective girlfriend" I take a pillow from the sofa and sink my face into it.

"Nonaffective? You?? How?!"

"I'm a bitch. Luckily you didn't buy me a gift, otherwise I'd be a total bitch"

"Uhm…"

"Eddie?" his hesitation leads me to remove the pillow from my face and I read his answer on his.

"It's not like I really got you a present..."

"HOLY FUCKIN SHIT" this time I slump directly on the armrest of the sofa.

"But it's a thing for both of us, not necessarily to celebrate the month" he tries to sugarcoat the pill as he gets up to retrieve his jacket to take something from his pockets.

"You bought me a present. And I didn't even make you a sandwich. I ordered a pizza. WHICH YOU PAID FOR!"

"Kitty, don't fret" she comes back and kneels on the rug in front of me, making me feel more anxious.

"Advice: NEVER call me Kitty when I'm upset"

"Listen, I only bought two tickets to Neil Young at the Coliseum in April. I would have bought them anyway, apart from the monthlyiversary" he explains, showing me the two white and blue tickets.

"I can't believe you say monthlyversary, you're an adult" I breathe a sigh of relief, even though I still feel like shit.

"Are you trying to make me feel stupid?" thinking about it, I feel stupid for forgetting about it, but how must he feel? He made all this big deal about this special occasion when I wasn't even remotely thinking about it, and what's more, I'm making a Greek tragedy out of it.

"No! It's pretty obvious by now that I'm the dumbass of the couple" Eddie puts the tickets in my hands and then takes them in his own.

"So, what I'm trying to say is that I just took them, regardless of the anniversary, because as soon as I heard about the concert, the first thing I thought was that I would go with you. I thought I'd give you the ticket today because. it seemed like a nice way to say Hey, Angie, I didn't disappear, I'm still here and I want to be with you and do things with you and even though the currents seem to carry me away a lot, you'll never lose me because the currents are always changing, and I'll only ever come back to you"

"You really have a thing for surfing metaphors, no doubt about it"

"Fuck off, Angie. From the bottom of my heart" he kisses me and I can't help but think about how much I love when Eddie tells je yo go to hell.

"Now I have to think about what to give to you that can compete with Neil Young"

"You don't owe me anything" he shakes his head as he gets off the floor and settles down on the couch.

"Ok, what if I want to give you a badass gift for our second monthlyversary? Who'll stop me? This time I'll mark it on my calendar though"

"Haha it's not like we have to celebrate every month now"

"Why not? And how do I make up for my poor figure ?"

"You don't, so I keep the upper hand in our couple dynamics"

"I was already looking forward to the fifth, with the curious interposition between our anniversary and the anniversary of the Bastille Day: the two revolutionary acts par excellence"

"I see you're still fucking with me" I pull away again slipping towards the other end of the sofa, but he follows me and is practically on top of me.

"Who? Me? No!"

"You're sexy when you do"

"So yeah, I'm definitely fucking with you, big time"

"The truth is, you do and say a lot of sexy things, have you noticed that?" 

"Yes, you see that's my upper hand in our couple dynamics"

"This too, very sexy"

"Do you want to, like… go to my room?"

"And you read my mind too"

“But I can't read every single thing"

“No?”

"Uhm no"

"Then I guess I'll have to give you some advice"

"Please, I'm all ears"

#pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #jerry cantrell #alice in chains #stone gossard #eddie vedder #eddie vedder fan fiction #pearl jam #chapters

[tryskomys]

Wet Sand

Stone Gossard x OC

Chapter 3 - For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her

Summary: there’s a first time for everything.

masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫

notes: chapter three is go! hope you enjoy the voyage through the start of the weird relationship between these punky dummies - you met a day ago, it’s not that deep. right? right?!

tw: weed, virginity talk, allusions to the word that rhymes with eggs. dreamy pining psychedellia.

songs:

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫

“Morning! What can I help you with?”

“I’ll have a latte, please. Do you have something else than milk, though?”

“Jeff? Do we have any oat milk left?”

“Yep, I just opened a fresh carton.”

“There you have it!”

“Great, I’ll take that, thanks.”

“That’ll be a dollar in total, please. One oat milk latte, Jeff!”

“Coming up.”

Just as Kiki took a dollar bill from the cute ginger girl in front of her, the front door swung open, sending in a swift of cold air.

It was Stone, excitedly waving a paper bag in the air. Her jaw dropped and she shook her head with a huff. Stone seemed out of breath as he ran up to the counter, fog still puffing out of his mouth.

“Here it is, milady, it’s still warm. My apple turnovers will burn if I don’t come back in ten minutes, so make it quick, please,” he spewed, leaning against the counter as he tried to catch his breath.

“You’re so weird,” was all Kiki stuttered out through giggles. That made a huge smile appear on his face, his eyes twinkling. She took the paper bag from him and peeked inside, sighing with contentment when the scent of freshly baked pastry filled her nose.

“Jeff! One cappuccino with an extra shot of spit, please,” Kiki called over her shoulder and Stone’s Cheshire cat grin grew even wider, chuckling. She scratched her forehead to hide her raging blush with her hair.

Jeff shook his head as if he was already over what he called ‘the Tom and Jerry on crack routine’ earlier. He gave her the ginger’s order and as Kiki handed her the oat milk latte, she noticed that the girl checked Stone up and down. And he gave her a little side-eye, smirking.

“Oh! Oh hey, Stoney! Haven’t seen you in ages, almost didn’t recognize you! Great hair,” the girl blurted out and went in for a hug. Stone seemed to know who she is, but Kiki could notice that he tensed up, clearly not too keen on hugging everyone he bumps into.

She felt some sort of twisted satisfaction when he awkwardly gave her a half-assed hug, but as soon as the girl let him go, it was as if a switch flipped in his brain. He eased again and folded his arms, as cool as ever.

“Mel, Mel, Mel…fancy seeing you here. Thanks, there was a sale on red box dye in CVS. Not like you need that,” he chirped and reached out to flick a strand of her hair, a sly smirk plastered on his lips. "You might find a few of us strolling around town."

Mel’s airy giggle rang through the room and Kiki darted between the two of them. The dynamic seemed to be slightly similar to the one she’d seen with the blondie last night. And once again, she couldn’t help but feel awful.

‘Kay, mate, I get it, you enjoy flirting with everybody else, but do you have to fling it in my face?

“There’s a rumour going around that you’ve dropped out and ran off with a travelling circus show. Disappeared for, like, what…” he continued, scratching his chin.

“I don’t know, five months? I just had tons of work for school so I wasn’t out much,” she shrugged. “I’m back now, though, Christmas break. So we can get the party started right where we left off,” Mel quipped and took a sip of her coffee, leaving a lipstick stain on the lid.

She looked at him through her lashes to emulate a ginger Bambi and he smirked, but his words were seeping with sarcasm.

“Can’t wait.”

Oblivious to his jab, she took another sip and asked Kiki for a napkin. Without leaving Mel out of her sight, she blindly reached under the counter, whipping out a tissue box.

Stone carefully observed the shorter woman in front of him, biting his cheek when Kiki put on a fake smile and theatrically presented the box to her.

“Hate to barge in on your planning session but I might need to serve another coffee, so I gotta ask you to move slightly to your left or right, depending on your preference,” she explained, moving her sardonic gaze to Stone.

He was already darting across her face with a cocky grin and he didn’t seem too phased. On the contrary, his scoff indicated that he was amused by her acidity.

“You still have my number, right? So that’s sorted,” Mel said after patting her lips dry as they shifted to the side.

Nobody was behind them, but Stone knew better than to comment on it. He knew Kiki’s frigid response would provoke another war for the last word.

“I keep it in a heart-shaped locket next to my bed, no worries,” he retorted and Mel blushed a little, putting a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

“Always the tease. Let me know then and we’ll figure something out,” she purred and took a look at her wristwatch. “Oh, gotta run. My class starts in half an hour. See ya, Stoney!” she went in for another hug and he lousily put his arm around her shoulders, his smile once again twitching with an uncomfortable cramp.

“Yeah, see ya,” he mumbled, giving her a jittery wave.

“Cheers, have a great day,” Kiki called after Mel as she walked away, narrowing her eyes at Stone when he turned back to her.

She took a big bite of her croissant, humming when Stone raised his eyebrows in question.

“Hm, it’s digestible.”

“Excuse me? We at Grand Central Bakery pride ourselves in the best pastries in town,” he shot back, shaking his head as he leaned on the counter. “I chose the crispiest one I had, don’t be a brat.”

Kiki dusted off a fleck of puff pastry that settled in the corner of her lips, ignoring the rush of blood that crept up her neck. She scoffed.

“You don’t strike me as a locket kinda guy.”

“I had to think of something,” he shrugged, fiddling with little clumps of wool on his left glove. She raised her eyebrows with a dramatic gasp and clutched her invisible pearls.

“So you’re saying you don’t have it?”

“The only things I keep next to my bed are a grass pipe and a mug that’s been collecting coffee debris for two months.”

That’s, uh…not surprising. Somehow. What the -

“I’ve seen her once at the Ramp and didn’t have the heart to turn her number down. She had cute handwriting,” Stone shrugged again, biting his lips to contain a grin when she let out a loud annoyed sigh.

“How chivalrous of you. Your turnovers are burning as we speak, so you should make like a Mel and disappear,” Kiki said as she took the coffee Jeff handed her. “One spit cappuccino to-go, that will be fifty cents.”

“It says a buck on the board,” he squinted at the menu and grabbed his cup. His freezing fingers brushed against Kiki's knuckles and she stifled a cough before taking another big bite of her croissant.

“You paid the other half in material goods,” she mumbled with her mouth full and stuck out her palm. Stone chuckled and fished a half-dollar coin out of his back pocket, theatrically slapping it on top of her palm.

“Should I make like a Mel and give you my number? As a little tip?” he grinned, taking a sip of his coffee as she raised her eyebrows.

“Tempting…but, no,” she gave him a mocking smile and tossed the coin into the cashier drawer. “I don’t have a locket to store such a valuable thing.”

Stone scoffed and mirrored her sarcastic smile, reaching over the counter to flick her nose. She slapped his hand away and tapped on her watch to remind him to leave.

“Touché. I’ll be waiting ‘til you get one,” he gave her a silly wink and whistled to get Jeff’s attention. “See ya at lunch, Ames.”

Jeff just quickly looked over his shoulder and continued to wash his hands in the sink.

“See ya, now go before they sack you,” he mumbled with a grin. Kiki gasped.

“Jesus, don’t give him ideas or we'll never get rid of him.”

Stone was already half out of the door when he gave her a middle finger, leaving his arm between the doorframe. He held it there until the door squished him and then snaked out, once again disappearing into the icy fog outside.

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Precise like a Swiss clock, he came back to the café exactly at half past noon, just as Jeff reached the door to lock it for the lunch pause. He let Stone in, eyeing the bag in his hand with a gulp.

“I have arrived, children. Turkey salad sandwiches from Cyclops, fries to share,” Stone sharply exhaled when he walked in, slightly out of breath, and shook the plastic bag in the air. His hair was tied up in a neat ponytail, pointy ears red and tender from the frosty wind.

Kiki’s stomach growled on cue at the whiff of fries and Jeff whistled, reaching into the bag like a starved raccoon.

“Woah, fancy. Got your allowance, buddy?” he mused, chuckling when Stone softly slapped his cheek.

“Fuck off. Took three extra shifts last week to pay you back for the weed, asshole. You’re a spendy date,” he hissed and walked away from Jeff before he could finish taking his food.

He came up to Kiki and reached out to ruffle her hair, throwing his arm around her shoulders. As he led her to the back door, he called after Jeff. “Baby didn’t even want me to buy her a beer yesterday, you should take notes.”

Kiki chuckled and grabbed her leather jacket as they walked past the coathanger. A picture of his awkward wince at Mel's hug flashed through her head when he tugged on her hair as if it was the most natural move in the world, his cold fingers grazing her neck.

“Hungry?”

“Like a wolf,” she quipped back, chuckling when Jeff mocked Stone’s hair tug and yanked the bag out of his hands. He reached inside and chomped down a bundle of fries.

When they walked out, the cold air felt refreshing, in stark contrast to the overheated café. There was a small roof over the short staircase as well as a part of the patio.

It was quite clean and without any snow, so they all sat down in a circle and took their food, plopping the fry basket in the centre.

When Kiki took the first bite, it was a heavenly sensation. After days on crusty bread, the juicy salad and grilled turkey hit just the right spot. She closed her eyes and hummed, dipping a few fries into the signature Cyclops spicy mayo dip.

“My, my, Ames, I think she likes it,” Stone mused and she rolled her eyes, scoffing.

“I shall die and go to heaven, now. Bye,” she mumbled with her mouth full, resting her head against the brick wall.

Jeff laughed and reached into the inner pocket of his windbreaker. He grabbed a cigarette pack with three blunts and a lighter inside and offered it to Stone, who took one out and lit it. After he took a long drag, he handed it to Kiki, who just took a bite of her sandwich.

“I told you, it’s like sticking your head into a fratboy’s gym locker,” she shook her head and pushed his hand away.

Stone exchanged an amused look with Jeff as he passed him the joint and chomped down a bunch of fries.

“Oh, and I can’t jam today, gotta go get the knee checked for the last time,” Jeff shrugged as Stone shook his head. He wiped his hands on his jeans and loosened his scarf to scratch the back of his neck, just where the tips of his ponytail tickled him.

Jeff did a quick double-check between Stone and his food as he passed the joint back and prepared to take the first bite.

“Stoney. My dude. Is that a fucking hickey?” he gasped, breathing in a bit of toast.

Stone's eyes popped open as if someone dumped a bucket of cold water down his jacket and started feeling around his neck in panic.

“Huh? Where?”

“Holy shit, how old did you say you were?” Kiki scoffed, slapping her forehead when she leaned over to take a peek at the small purple bruise under his ear. “Fifteen?”

“Twenty-one?”

They spoke at the same time and Jeff started laughing at Stone’s sudden defensive body language, choking on his sandwich.

“I’ve seen worse, Kiki. One time, he ca-“

“Okay, okay, okay. Chill out or I’ll tell her why the hat stays on when you fuck,” Stone reached over to Jeff and slapped the back of his head, forcing the blunt into his mouth.

Jeff was still trying to cough out the piece of bread stuck in his throat, so he started wheezing even harder.

When Stone guaranteed that Jeff was properly shut down, he finally let him go and slapped his back a few times while taking a puff. His brawny friend finally calmed down after a minute of furious coughing, but he still didn’t lose the wide grin on his face.

“Jesus fuck, I need water. Be good,” Jeff stuttered and hopped up, disappearing behind the staff door.

A moment of slightly awkward silence passed as they exchanged a look, both eagerly trying not to burst out laughing. Stone tried to offer her the blunt once again, but Kiki took a bite of her sandwich instead.

With a little bit of luck, I’ll choke too and won’t have to look at you anymore. That would be cool.

“Pussy,” Stone huffed and broke into a wide grin when she gave him the finger. He sighed and leaned his back against the cold brick wall, crossing his legs as he chomped on a fry.

“So, you came here all alone?” he questioned, his face clouded by remnants of smoke.

“Yup. Free as a bird, I guess. Weehoo,” Kiki chuckled, wiping toast crumbs from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

Not getting into that right now. Not when I have this glorious toastie in my hand.

Stone whistled.

“Left a strapping young lad named Arthur behind, I presume?”

“Do I really seem like a desirable object of attention?” she huffed, softly tugging on her freckled cheeks and pointing at her mismatched irises. He gave her a side-eye and took another fry.

“I mean…”

Stop taunting, asshole.

“Shut it. No, there was no Arthur to leave behind.”

“Tommy?”

“No.”

“Charlie?”

“No, there were no Tommies or Charlies or Henries, so save that.”

Stone shut his mouth and his eyes slowly widened as he sat up straight, taking the half-eaten fry out of his mouth. He stared at her for a few seconds before raising his eyebrows as far as they could go, his hand still hanging in the air.

“Uh, wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight. You mean…I’m sitting in front of a real, unadulterated Virgin Mary?”

“I’m not -“ Kiki interrupted him way too abruptly and shrugged so hard that a piece of turkey flew out of her sandwich. When his overwhelming stare grew even wider, she lowered her voice. “I’m not a virgin, okay?”

“Sure. And I am,” he snorted out a laugh and slapped his knee as if it was the most amusing information he’d ever learned. “Bet you never even kissed a guy, Mary.”

She kicked his shin as hard as she could, adding a weak punch to his bony shoulder. Stone just giggled again and his freckled nose scrunched.

Irresistibly irritating.

“Leave me alone! I have! I have kissed a guy, okay? Once or twice…or once,” she mumbled, getting more quiet as her excuses ran out. His jaw dropped.

“Holy. Shit.”

“Fuck off! It’s not fair to compare me to you, you’re a little whore!” she shrieked, her voice jumping a few octaves higher than usual. That made him laugh even harder.

“I’d take a whore over a Mother Theresa,” he shrugged and finally ate the cold fry he’d been squishing between his fingers. Kiki shook her mop of curls, trying to curtain her patchy cheeks.

“You know, Stoney, you talk a lot for someone who’s at an arm’s length from my virgin fists. So watch your mouth.”

He raised his hands in defence and bit his lips to contain the laughter. She threw him a scolding stare and took an angry bite of a big bunch of fries.

Stone inhaled to speak and she already raised her finger to shut him up, but he just wouldn’t let it go.

“You know, there’s two things I can’t stand in my proximity. Girls with freckles and virgins. And you’re sitting right in front of me.”

“Yeah? Tough shit, can’t do much about that,” she shot back, her mouth full of potatoes. He raised his eyebrows again, breaking into a poorly contained grin.

“Uh…I have a few ideas.“

Okay, now you’re crossing a line.

“You disgust me,” she coughed out after a few moments of chewing.

Stone just slowly took a big hit and lazily leaned closer to her. He puffed the thick cloud right into her face and a tingle ran through her vertebrae as if he shocked her with a taser.

Fuck. That’s impossible. He knows. He must know.

“Do I? Why are you blushing?” he added, voice hoarse from the smoke.

Kiki took a moment to compose herself, suppressing a sneeze that tickled her nostrils. She gulped down the fries, mindlessly staring at his smirking lips as she recalled her dream.

“Fucking hell. Your hubris is baffling, mate,” she muttered and cleared her throat to get rid of the strain in her vocal cords.

“My hubris is baffling? Golly gee shucks. I shall dub thee ‘granny’ instead of ‘baby’ if you keep talking like it’s the eighteen hundreds,” he calmly retorted, tipping his head to the side. “I’m just saying, if you ever need a friend to help out…”

Kiki scoffed.

“You know, this whole ‘sarcastic lanky stoner punk‘ shtick you got going on might work on girls around here, but I can see right through you,” she sneered, trying to show confidence in her words. “You’re like an annoying old book I’ve read ten times over. I’m in your fucking head, beanpole.”

“Yeah, you are,” he quietly quipped, tipping his head to the other side. Kiki raised her eyebrows.

“Stop staring at me like that.”

“Why?” Stone tipped his head again and put on an innocent pout, his eyes gleaming as if he flipped a light switch.

How the fuck does he do that?

“Because I don’t like it,” she weakly shot back.

“Somehow, I don’t believe you.”

Neither of them moved an inch, though. And after a few moments of tense silence, she finally thought of an answer worthy of the personified mischief in front of her.

Payback, beanpole. Payback.

“Stoney, Stoney. My great-great-grandma used to have this saying. You know, in the eighteen hundreds,” she nonchalantly waved her hand and tipped her head as well, carefully taking the joint from his fingers.

“It went ‘Never trust a guy with a hickey,’” she mumbled and raised it to her lips. “‘…especially when he says he wants to fuck you real bad.’”

She finished by taking a deep hit and without a single blink, she blew the smoke in his face.

“And I’ve lived by that ever since.”

Before he could respond, she stuck the blunt between his lips, backed away and took another unassuming bite of her sandwich.

Stone’s eyes fluttered closed for a split second before he raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat.

Just as he took the joint out to shoot back at her, the metal door swung open and Jeff hopped off the small set of stairs, landing right between them.

“Ah, I could’ve died back there and you didn’t even come to check on me! Bet you were talking shit,” he chuckled and scooted over to his food, chomping on a few fries. “What did I miss?”

Stone stared at Kiki and she just shrugged, challenging him to answer. He blinked and then finally eased back into his immovable cool facade, scoffing.

He took a quick look at his watch and got up, unceremoniously putting the joint out on the door before slipping inside.

“Keeva is a virgin.”

She was carefully scanning the empty street for any signs of human appearance, but it seemed like this ghost town was empty.

What a haunting feeling.

She was evidently waiting for something - someone, anxiously tapping her foot in a steady rhythm.

It was the dead of night, soft snowflakes soundlessly floated around her and muffled all sounds of the darkness like weightless cotton balls. As if she was stuck in a crystal snow globe filled with ink.

Warm lamps stood along the pavement of what was eerily similar to Pioneer Square. They emanated a beautiful amber glow, making the white flecks seem almost like fire sparks.

The entry signs of all surrounding shops were written in unreadable letters that moved and changed time and time again, appearing and going as they pleased.

A clump of snow glided its way to the tip of her nose. She crossed her eyes to look at it and tried to blow it away, but she accidentally breathed it in instead.

She let out a suppressed sneeze and rubbed the melting flake away, her fingertips freezing.

Looking up from the sparkling gravel under her feet, she scanned the starry sky with childlike wonder. She couldn’t exactly tell the stars from the snowflakes. Both twinkled similarly, illuminated by the full moon that hung right above her.

The light mirrored in his peculiar eyes, making them seem like glowing gems from afar when he emerged from the surrounding fog on the opposite end of the street. He made his presence known with a soft whistle.

She already knew he was there, though. The air shifted around her just as he appeared out of nowhere.

She turned her head to look at him, breaking into a wide grin when he took his hand out of his pocket and gave her an endearing wave.

He skipped along the road in long hops, nearing her a lot quicker than the distance seemed to be. As if he was skipping through time as well.

He wasn’t leaving any footsteps behind, he didn’t have a shade. But then again, neither did she.

Sprinkles of snowflakes fell on his messy red hair, tied into a tangled bun on top of his head with an outrageously pink scrunchie. Here, though, the fabric seemed to be muted and warm, surprisingly soft. Just like him.

“Oh, look who’s here! You were waiting for me in this weather? I’m blushing,” he mused, putting his arm around her as soon as he reached her.

He gave her what would normally be a bone-crushing squeeze, but in this place, it felt like catching fog with bare hands.

“You told me not to forget. You’re more intimidating than you think,” she mumbled and folded her arms to warm her hands in the armpits of her leather jacket. He grinned.

“Well, I think pretty highly of myself, so…”

“Yeah, I figured,” she squinted at him, curiously studying the red frostbitten patches on his cheeks with a sly smile.

“Wanna take this? It’s fucking freezing out here,” he mumbled when her teeth started chattering and began to take his suede jacket off. But she shook her head, holding his arms in place.

She ran her hands through thin air.

“Nope, I’m fine, ta. Did you make this weather up, Stoney? Like a weird yawn-to-put-your-arm-around-a-girl type deal?” she nonchalantly chuckled and blood quickly rushed to her cheeks when he unexpectedly took her fingers in his palms, rubbing them together to melt the freezing sensation.

It was eerie, to suddenly feel his skin on hers. Icy and silky, like a soft breeze tickling her pale knuckles. The intensity of her blush was painful, stinging and scratching her cold flesh from the inside.

He lifted her hands to his lips, softly blowing on them. His breath was balmy and caressing, like running one’s hands through a bowl of honey.

“Maybe I did. Twenty-one years alive and I’ve never seen as much snow as this year. It’s like you brought it with you, like a little punky Jack Frost,” he mumbled into their intertwined fingers. “I’m not complaining, though. Feels like we’re in a song or something.”

“Why do I have the feeling that you’ve already used that trick a couple of times?” she playfully lifted her index finger to nudge his aquiline nose, but once again, she only poked air.

Like she was able to touch him only when he permitted it. Manipulating the matter of her body, the sole sovereign of this bizarre world, above the limits of time and space. The look he gave her wasn’t as mischievous as she’d expected.

“Would it hurt you to stop being bitchy for just a couple of seconds?” he raised his eyebrows but continued to softly caress the back of her hands.

Silence hung in the air as she averted her eyes, embarrassed by his sudden crassness.

“I never dream,” he added and waited for her to look at him. His eyes were brutally honest. Older, wiser, burdened with something she wasn’t able to decipher. “But when I see you out there, I can’t tell if I’m awake.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but she wasn’t able to find words that would describe the feelings running through her head like a freight train.

Instead, she opted for carefully loosening her hands out of his grip and then took his fingers in hers, now returning the favour by blowing on his red knuckles.

His expression softened a bit as he watched little puffs of fog leave her lips, eyes dissociating when she gathered the courage to plant a feather-light kiss on his fingertips. Then, she gently pushed the hand back to his face, pressing the fingers against his lips.

They were still warm.

His eyes fluttered closed because somehow, he could still feel the soft skin of her lips on them.

Without thinking, he mirrored her action and returned the roundabout kiss by reaching back down to her, lingering on her lips for a fleeting moment before finally slipping his hands back into his pockets.

After what felt like hours in a maze of his strange gaze, she gathered enough strength to steady her breath and finally spoke.

“Let’s not wake up, then.”

And as if on cue, the shriek of an alarm clock disturbed the ghostly silence. It seemed to be slightly muffled by the glowing fog around them, but it still pierced her heart like a scalloped knife.

His murky voice washed over her like a warm ocean wave, spilling into her veins. Slowly, calmly, somberly.

And as always, crowned by a daring smirk.

“Tomorrow, same time, same place. Don’t you forget…”

#pearl jam fanfic #pearl jam fanfiction #pearl jam imagine #stone gossard fanfic #stone gossard fanfiction #stone gossard x oc #pearl jam #mother love bone #grunge fanfiction #90s music #jeff ament #stone gossard #band fic

[valadon]

"Do you believe in signs?"

Sara, adrift in 1989 Seattle, is drawn into a musical underworld by her new friends. And when she falls for the guitarist in Seattle’s hottest band Mother Love Bone, things start to get more complicated than she could have imagined. But this isn't just one girl's story- it's a story of love lost and found, dreams followed, and signs in unexpected places, spanning the mid 1980s 1990s and featuring members of MLB, Soundgarden and Pearl Jam (plus special guests!).

#fall always makes me think of writing this fic #and i know no one cares but i am starting back work on my newest fic Flames #pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #butterflies is over 3 years old omg #fanfic

[golden-gypsy]

On Archive of Our Own

On Wattpad

Writings and Such:

Past the Horizon - ao3 / Wattpad

Blue - Here / ao3 / Wattpad

#pearl jam fanfiction #eddie vedder fanfiction #fanfiction #pearl jam fanfic #grunge fanfiction #past the horizon #grunge fanfic #band fic #eddie vedder fanfic