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halleyscomment · 1 year

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A BRIEF HISTORY OF PANTS

PANTS THROUGH THE AGES: YA HISTORICAL ROMANCEY

👖 �� 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖

VOICEOVER BY NARRATOR

This should be someone everyone loves and trusts. Bob Hope, Carl Sagan, or Ed MacMahon would be good. Don’t even think about Rone.

[Hold on TITLE for a few seconds. Fade into NARRATOR seated at a desk]

NARRATOR: Yes, pants. Everybody knows about them…

[Sudden crashing music. Zoom into a tight shot of NARRATOR’S eyes narrowing]

Or do they?

[Music stops abruptly. Zoom back to previous shot of NARRATOR]

Today on our historical docudrama, we take a look at pants. Pants throughout history. Their role in weaving the fabric of modern life. Pants in philosophy. Pants in war. And…

[Music starts to fade in: something orchestral by some baroque guy]

Pants in love.

[Music continues up. Picture fades away from NARRATOR, fades into a close-up of JULIET looking intensely at the camera]

JULIET: Romeo, oh Romeo. Where art thy pants?

[Pull back slowly. JULIET is on a balcony. Beneath her is ROMEO. He is not wearing any pants]

[Back to NARRATOR at desk]

NARRATOR: But let’s start at the very beginning. Let’s look at the Dawn of Pants.

[Shimmery bit of camera work; scene changes to a shot of jungle, loud bird noises, monkeys hooting in the background, that sort of thing. Hold long enough to establish shot, then GROG runs past as fast as he can. Immediately behind him is a Tyrannosaurus Rex. GROG is not wearing any pants. The Tyrannosaurus Rex is wearing pants]

NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): Is this where it all started?

[Scene changes to a PANEL OF EXPERTS sitting at a long table. Camera starts at far left, pans right. As it picks up each new person’s head, that expert speaks. Very serious]

MATT: Yes.

GROG: No.

CARL SAGAN: Billions… er, yes.

TIGER WOODS: My putting was good, but my drives were short.

TYRANNOSAURUS REX: Yes.

[Cut to graphic. Three pairs of pants are stacked to show “Yes,” one pair of pants is stacked to show “No,” two pairs are stacked to show “Putting.” A pair of cut-off shorts shows “Drives.” Hold on graphic for three seconds]

[Scene changes back to NARRATOR at his desk]

NARRATOR: But pants didn’t really enter history until the Trojan War, when the cunning Odysseus suggested the Trojan Pants.

[Scene changes to outside ancient Troy. A huge pair of wooden pants stands on the plain outside. After a minute, the gates of Troy open and the Trojans come out and pull the pants inside the walls with a giant pair of suspenders]

NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): And not until Roman times did pants really become part of the mainstream of history.

[Camera moves smoothly along a Roman road. It passes a series of stone pants on the side of the road. Chiseled on the pants are the following inscriptions:

WHEN THE ROMAN LEGIONS CONQVERED FRANCE THEIR WHISKERS CAME OFF SO DID THEIR PANTS BVRMA SHAVE ]

[Scenes change to various examples of Roman architecture. An aqueduct is supported on arches; camera zooms in on an arch, we see it is a pair of pants made of stone blocks. Close-up of a stone gate: zoom back so we can see it is the fly of a pair of mostly buried pants. The Colosseum: the arches are carved in pants. A series of temples; pillars are in the shapes of pants…]

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murderballadeer · 1 year

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can someone please teach instagram users that a fit and flare dress is not automatically 1950s fashion

#i typically don't engage in nitpicking historical fashion but.#yes the new look was a very important fashion movement and it did coincide with the early 1950s despite starting earlier #but first off a lot of what people pass off as ''1950s fashion'' is just a fit and flare dress and not the right silhouette #like the 1950s new look silhouette is very structured and a lot of these dresses are. not that #and then also there is a lot of 50s fashion that isn't fit and flare dresses #especially later in the decade there's of course the rise of the wiggle dress #but also like you'll see pencil skirts and pedal pushers and slinky evening gowns all the way through #anyway this concludes my complaint #soapbox

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astarkey · 2 years

Audio

Dark Stares - Pedal Pusher

#dark stares #pedal pusher #music #audio #darker days are here to stay

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barbielore · 3 months

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I have long been familiar with Hello Kitty as a brand, but I don't really know much in-depth. Is there Hello Kitty lore? I mean, I have to assume there is. Just a quick look at the Wikipedia page tells me Hello Kitty has a whole family and a boyfriend.

Over the years there's been multiple tie-ins with Hello Kitty and Barbie. I assume this is because both lines were originally marketed to children but then developed more of a following with adult collectors. (Once again I am basing this on the Hello Kitty Wikipedia page - please correct me if I am wrong.)

What fascinates me is how DIFFERENT all the Hello Kitty Barbies are from each other!

This 1999 Japan Exclusive is very cutesy and pastel.

Whereas this Pink Label Barbie from 2007 has considerably more edge.

This collectible from 2008 has a more 50s aesthetic, featuring Barbie in bold colours with pedal pushers.

While this 2017 Signature doll uses a similar colour scheme, but a return to a "cuter" aesthetic.

And of course, I can't go without mentioning the 2007 My Melody Barbie - My Melody being Hello Kitty's best friend, or so I have been told.

I really like her. I can't put my finger on why. I just think she's serving.

If anyone has any insight to why there have been so many different Hello Kitty tie-ins, I would love to hear. I genuinely don't understand but would really love to know. I feel like this is something that has slipped me by somehow.

#barbie #barbie collectibles #hello kitty #hello kitty barbie #my melody #my melody barbie

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retropopcult · 1 year

Photo

1953

#vintage #woman #sunbathing #1950s #fashion #pedal pushers #sun #vacation #relaxing #smile

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fashionlandscapeblog · 16 days

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Capri season is on

#capri pants #capris #pedal pushers #my outfits #my style #minimal style #the frankie shop #outfit #outfit ideas #what i wore #spring outfit #oversized blazer #mules

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aliypop · 1 month

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Don't Fly Away

Word Count: 1,722

Writers Note: So for anyone asking yes I saw Elvis Presley's ghost during our shared birthday Weekend and yes his ghost kept doing things to alert me that he knew I saw hi

Warning: None

Pairing: POC OC x Elvis

Plot: When the gates of Graceland have closed for the night, Anya takes it upon herself to sneak back in and finds a birthday surprise she didn't expect

Taglist

@darkmoviesquotespizza

@sissylittlefeather

@richardslady121

@thegettingbyp2

@presleyenterprise

@dkayfixates

@rjmartin11

@thetaoofzoe

@your-nanas-house

@zayurir

@60svintage

@sillybookmarks

@leapresley

@everythingelvispresley

@dreamondina94

@elvismylove04

@pocketfulofpresley

January 7th, 8:00pm

It was last the meditation garden walk up for the night, when Anya had gotten the idea, nothing too silly, but something that would've been hard to do, sneak into Graceland. Of course, earlier that day, she had taken the UVIP tour of the house and felt a strange feeling. But she didn't think much of it until that night. She'd wait for everyone to pass through the garden again to talk to Elvis as she did earlier, although if you asked her, Anya talked to Elvis every day. "El... Once again, happy birthday, even though today is my birthday, and I'm sorry I didn't get you anything, but then again, neither did you." She laughed, "I guess we're each other's gifts, so... ta-da!" She said, knowing she was crazy if Elvis even did respond, but then again, she did see him in Tupelo. As everyone cleared out, the security guards began to politely tell the guest to leave the premises of his home, which everyone did,

"Alright, everyone, another surveillance of the house, and everyone's good to go..."

"Man, I don't wanna go in there..."

"Whys that?"

"You don't hear the footsteps upstairs..." One guard said as Anya hid behind a tree by the pool.

"Alright, goodnight?"

"See you tomorrow, Mr. Presley." One guard joked,

"Yeah, like he can hear you..."

"He moved my cup yesterday!"

"Yeah, right..." The door then closed, and for a moment, the house was silent. Christmas decorations all glow as the red curtains complimented the white and mirror interior of the living room and piano room,

"Thank God... They're gone," a familiar voice said as he began to hum. He was wearing the Aztec medallion jumpsuit and his sunglasses as he came down the steps. He looked majestic and lonely and,

"Hey, Honey, we're closed," He bent down to the girl's level as she looked in shock,

"I-I really did see you..." She gulped,

"Whadya mean saw me? " Elvis asked,

"In Tupelo, you were leaning on a tree by your statue... January 5th."

"Yeah... I do that sometimes to uh clear my head," He laughed, gesturing his hand out to hers. She had a scared expression on her face as he smiled, "Sweetie, I should be more scared of you. Than you of me..." Anya took his hand as she felt it feel like flesh. He didn't feel cold, but he didn't feel all that alive either. "Say, weren't you the one who asked what I was watchin in the TV Room?" He asked as she nodded. She was flabbergasted at the moment,

"Yes, I-I did..."

"Well, I would've told ya, but you left." He laughed as he began to play piano. Elvis patted a seat next to him,

"I don't bite, honey," He joked as he looked down at his appearance. He looked over at his hands and then the jumpsuit as he sighed. He didn't much enjoy the fact he was in his last stage of life, so he decided why not something better, something more lively. Anya was looking around the piano room as she took pictures,

"You can get comfortable if you'd like." He smiled, wearing his red velvet shirt and some slacks with his black and white loafers. Taking her coat off, Anya was wearing a 1956 pink sweater with black pedal pushers and her black and white oxfords. Elvis couldn't help but notice.

"You dressed like that for me..." he mumbled as she turned to face him, her heart pounding.

"Been awhile since I've been twenty-three, suddenly I've got energy and- sweetheart. You're blushin." He winked at her, trying to get her to open up a bit more,

"I..." She coughed, "I... Are you flirting with me?" She asked as he nodded, "Might be..." He laughed as she physically swooned, "I still got it..." He mumbled, "Like you got my pink Sharpie..." She mumbled as Elvis laughed,

"I like pink..." He mumbled,

"So do I." She chuckled, sitting next to him, a smile on his face. His fingers tinkered on the keys as she grinned, "So I gotta ask, did you come here with anyone special..."

"Came by myself, figured why not spend my birthday with you. You know." She mentioned as Elvis blushed, "When's your birthday?"

"Today..."

"Today, why let me make ya a cake or somethin!" He jolted up as he took her hand and ran to the kitchen,

"El... you don't cook?" She laughed as he felt the space where his heart should be tightened, "You're right..." He laughed,

"Well, you like to talk?"

"Sure, whaddya wanna talk about?"

10:30 PM

"So then he tried to pretend to be you, which I said he could never be you because Elvis would never!" She laughed at the two hanging upside down on the couch, "I know... You told me about it." He began to smile again as she chuckled. Their faces were close, a blush creeping on their cheeks. Elvis began to lean in until they heard footsteps coming from the attic.

"Booby, who on Earth are you talkin, too!" Elvis and Anya got up as she saw who it was, "A friend, mama..." He smiled as Gladys looked at her, a bit confused, and then she smiled,

"She can..."

"Yes, I can, Mrs. Presley." Gladys smiled as she looked at her son. He was cheesing like he once was with Anita, but this time something was different. Of course, she also heard everything that Anya said to her earlier in the garden, "Ain't that something?" Gladys smiled,

"Elvis kitchen now... Excuse us, will you."

"Of course."

"You're blushin..." Gladys laughed, getting the ingredients out to make a cake,

"I-I-I- I'm not!" He whispered back as she laughed, "Elvis, I had you, and I know you, you like her." Gladys teased as he rolled his eyes,

"I..."

"Well..."

"Yeah, I do, she gets me..." He laughed, "Like earlier, right? She found the pool room spectacular!" He smiled, "And she sings and-"

"She's wearing Dixie's sweater?" Gladys laughed as Elvis shook his head, cracking three eggs,

"Mama, that's not the point. We got a lot in common..."

"And a lot uncommon..." Gladys gestured to themselves, "She's alive, we're not."

"Aw hell, mama, I know that, " He sighed,

"Well, you know what. You two go have your fun, and I'll be here." She kissed his cheek,

"Thanks, mama." He smiled as he began to walk back toward the living room. Anya was admiring the Christmas decoration as she looked at the tree in slight disgust at the tinsle,

"This is the ugliest thing I've ever seen..." She mumbled to herself.

"I uhm... threw the tinsle in it..." Elvis said rubbing the back of his head as she turned to see him, "Oh, It's so beautiful!" She smiled as Elvis laughed, "Naw it's kinda ugly you're right," He slyly pulled her close to him as she blushed,

11:30PM

"Say, you wanna see my bedroom?" He asked, realizing how that may have sounded,

"I-I don't mean it like that I-"

"I know though if you did I'd still say yes..." Anya blushed as her face was just as red as his, leading her upstairs to his bedroom, he opened the door to the velvet wonderland that was his room, TV's on the cieling and and EP on the wall, though she felt somber being in here, but Elvis knew how to shake the mood, taking her hand he took her to the window and smiled,

"This is my favorite view ya know."

"It's beautiful, and with all the lights..." She gasped, "It's breathtaking." Anya smiled, taking it all in. There was something beautiful about this moment, but so sad, "Yeah, it's nice seein all the fans come in and out the house everyday," He smiled, "But, somber..." He sighed,

"Hey, hey, hey don't you go getting all sad on my birthday!" Anya held his hands,

"You don't get it, everyone gets to walk in and out and..."

"You have to sit here and watch 'em leave," She held his face as he nodded, "You're lonely aren't you." He looked down at her as she cupped his cheeks, his eyes were still vibraint blue, she could feel his breath on her lips, "So lonely... I could die." He whispered as she giggled at the refrence,

"Well...Kiss me." Anya whispered,

"You want me to..."

"Yes." She held him closer to her, "I'd want you to," Anya blushed as she felt his soft lips on hers, her fingers laced in his black hair as she pulled onto his velvet shirt,

"Cakes read-" Gladys stopped as she walked away, the two blushing as they pulled apart, "I..I just kissed Elvis..." She mumbled as he kissed her cheek, "Mhmm, now come on so you can blow out your candle,"

"Our candles." She blushed,

11:59PM

"Alright blow out the candles." Elvis smirked, Anya counted down, the two hovered over it as she looked at Elvis and they both blew out the candles, Gladys smiling as she saw how happy he was,

"Alright what did you two silly kids wish for."

"Well, It's silly really," Gladys nodded at her son as she rolled her eyes and shooed him off, "Well if ya'll wanna party I'm going to bed," She walked up the stairs, and back toward the attic, Elvis and Anya had now been sitting in the TV room in silence as they were eating cake as he looked over at her,

"You know..."

"Hmm..."

"I died never finding my soul mate..."

"I know..." Anya looked at him,

"You do?"

"Mhmm... I wished for you to one day unite with your soulmate." Elvis looked at her as she giggled, "I think that wish came true, toots," He kissed her,

January 8th 5AM

"Do you really have to go..." Elvis asked as she was half asleep in his lap,

"Yeah... But I'll be back." Anya grinned as he smiled, Elvis walked her to the front door as he opened it,

"You know something?"

"What?"

"This may have been my favorite birthday yet."

Anya walked down the driveway as she felt eyes looking at her from the bedroom window, she turned to look as she saw Elvis watching her leave knowing deep down she'd come home to him.

"Until August... May we meet in our dreams."

#oc #fanfiction #new stuff #new #romance #elvis presley #elvis fanfiction #elvis x oc #new series #ghost elvis #based on true events #based on a true story #based on real events #50s elvis #70s elvis

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magicratfingers · 11 days

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getting grandma’d up to do some yard work (pedal pushers & a fluffy crop top)

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cowboyjen68 · 10 months

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Heya Jen,

So I feel like if I were a dude, people wouldn't look down on my clothing choices so much. Maybe it's just because people tend to, quite frankly, give less of a shit about what men wear and how they look in general while, and by contrast, focus a lot on a womans appearance.

I'm not quite butch in my own opinion, but I do tend to wear a lot of men's clothes, and even the women's clothes I wear tend to be quite practical. I like having my own sense of style. I like what I wear, but it doesn't seem to matter to other people, I guess it just seems like I throw on any old clothes to them.

I definitely tend to get this attitude more from women and, more specifically, my aunt. She's told me that I look like I've walked right off of a farm before, and while if anything I took it as a compliment, she certainly didn't mean it that way. In the past, her comments were more harsh, so it's an improvement. At least now it's not outright homophobic, i.e """asking""" me if I want to look like a lesbian or a boy in a rather condescending tone. It's more so a "THAT'S what you're wearing?" Thing. I even get the impression my queer friends just think I don't care about my clothes at all, and while I'm no fashionista, I do like putting together what I consider nice outfits.

Also, admittedly, like most people I do some days, just throw on clean clothes, I just don't see why, regardless of how I dress, it seems more worthy of comment and criticism. I don't see men's outfits commented on or criticized half as much, if at all, and we basically wear the same things.

This is just a very long-winded way of asking if you've gotten this sort of attitude too and how you deal with it? It's not like when I was younger and pushed me to try and wear more feminine clothes, though it still irritates me though I wish it didn't.

Thanks in advance for reading this whole long thing and being an open and out older lesbian who is willing to take time out of her busy day to answer so many questions from young lesbians and queer people alike.

I was never very well tapped into the fashion of the day. In my younger years I would put on what I wanted with no regards to what others might find proper. My mom gave up after on getting me to wear matching dresses and shoes or shirt and shorts outfits. Dad was fine when I came out of my Raggedy Ann themed bedroom in red cowboy boots, jean shorts and an orange shirt (with the bottom cut off) that said "10-4 Good Buddy".

In high school the one think my mom would not let me have was a three quarter length sleeved white shirt with a rainbow. She said I would get it too dirty and my shoulders were too wide for the fit. (she was not wrong in either case). So I tended to go with sweatshirts, t shirts and jeans. I was HORRIBLE at trendy clothing because I mixed and match too many things that just did not go together. I wanted overalls but knew that they were too "manly" for me, a girl. I went to the mall and spent my hard earned money on the closest girl thing, a peach colored pair of overalls for girls that were also kind of pedal pushers. It was NOT a good look.

Whenever I tried to be trendy I would bed it to be more what I wanted but not committing to "boys" clothes and it always went sideways in the worst way.

College saw me stick with t shirt and jeans but it was the 80's and everyone wore just that. Finally, a time in fashion where fashion was the same for everyone. Utilitarian and simple, at least in small midwestern college towns.

My mom would say to my young self. "are you sure that is what you want to wear?" or "Do you want help picking out clothes?" In retrospect she was trying to save me from drawing attention or getting picked on but just eventually figured I would either learn or live with it.

I know exactly what you mean about people assuming that me wearing what I was comfortable in as an adult was me just tossing any old thing on. My first girlfriend helped me by expanding my confidence and wardrobe. Custom made suspenders, men's dress pants and white button down for men instead of women's clothing that sort of mimicked men's style. After we broke up (7 years later) I still struggled a bit but slowly learned that the important thing was I felt good in what I wore and not what others had to say about it.

Men get a pass because I think is it often assumed they just don't have the need or capacity to dress themselves beyond simple and what is on the floor. This is, of course, also an unfair stereotype. Many men lack the confidence to stop out of the easy and simple to try and dress better for public consumption so they get in a routine. AND women are assumed to always want to look good for others so when we don't fit the expectation of our culture we "just don't care".

NOW I rarely dress up because of my jobs. I wear "work clothes" most days because I know within an hour of getting dressed I will be dirty. But I am most confident and comfortable in my work clothes. When I do dress up to go out I finally am like my young self (wear what I want) with a little more awareness of what others see. I shop at estate sales and find vintage western style shirts and unique belt buckles to wear. I feel good, have my own style and i think others see my confidence because I am less concerned about what others think and just happy to be wearing what I love.

People start to see confidence over aesthetics as you become more comfortable in clothes you love.

Hope this help. You are not alone and i think many women (even some men) will understand this feeling you have.

#lesbian #masc #butch #clothing #aesthetic #fashion

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blossomingframe · 29 days

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Secretary

I’m still working on plot shit for my previously promised slobby monster story so have a vintage threesome one shot so I can practice my format for longer stories.

Tw; misogyny,anxiety mention, alcohol mention, dubious consent related to alcohol

Kinks; slob, weight gain,fart,burps,bloating,intox,BDSM

Pansy’s speech

Reginald’s speech

Delilah’s speech

It was Delilah’s first day working at I tepruar Metals. She packed a small lunch on purpose because after years of high waisted dresses she wasn’t sure how her figure would hold up in a pencil skirt. Not that she’d ever worn one before. When she was in high school and college she wore pedal pushers and after her graduation she got pregnant soon after. She hadn’t worn something so “showy” since her childhood. However that was the least of her concerns. Even as one of two secretaries she was expected to be sharp and after 15 years of housekeeping her brain had probably atrophied.

As her husband walked in she snapped out of her daze and finished placing salad leaves in her Tupperware. “ good morning sweetheart I’m a little nervous about going to work but I’m still fine to make your breakfast” she said, greeting him as she did most mornings. But different. He just nodded, slapped her ass and smiled. He meant no harm. Delilah always joked he was a blue collar man stuck in a middle class life. He was strait-laced, down-to-earth. Delilah served him his eggs then said “the new nanny is already upstairs waking up the children” and rushed out.

Reginald like to get into the office early. His home felt so empty and he liked to get some work done before everyone showed up. Plus his favourite breakfast was donuts and spiked coffee at his desk which might lead to some judgement. Especially how he acted whilst consuming it. As he got to the end of both an important form and his fourth donut he let out a massive belch then buttoned and zipped his pants. Everyone would be showing up soon. Especially his new secretary who made a point of saying how punctual she is during the interview. He could feel some gurgling in his stomach but those would have to wait at least until the new girl was situated.

And what a new girl she was. Reginald would freely admit he partially hired her for her looks but seeing a gal in an A-line dress and a ponytail was very different to seeing her in an almost skin tight blouse and skirt with heels. Plus what he would never admit was that part of her appeal was the visible belly rounding out her skirt. Reginald realised he was staring then gathered himself, shook her hand and got her sat down at her desk. Pansy wasn’t looking too bad either today. But he needed to press on regardless of what his animal urges told him.

This new hire wouldn’t be so hard to train. Pansy knew Reginald better than to expect someone brainless just because she had “assets” but this Delilah woman seemed almost a fantasy. The wisdom of a mother of five kids, a chemical engineering degree and fast, clear handwriting. Plus she wasn’t exactly complaining about having a curvaceous, cutesy coworker. Pansy didn’t exactly proclaim the poems of Sappho but she had kissed and handled just as many old secretaries as Reginald had.

Pansy knew today wouldn’t be very productive. In between the constant questions from Delilah who was as inexperienced as she was diligent, Reginald’s clearly bloated stomach catching her eye whenever he blustered through their office to the rest of building and the near constant siren song of their offices seemingly endless coffee and snacks she was plenty busy. At roughly three the biggest distraction of them all presented itself. Delilah ran in the direction of the bathroom after no bathroom breaks all day and constant coffee top ups. After 15 minutes she decided to go check on her.

Delilah sat on the toilet dumbfounded. Her husband regularly talked about having six cups a day but not a word about its “side effects”. Another burp slipped out of her throat. The ladies toilet was thankfully empty so she could be unladylike in private. It still felt so shameful though. She rubbed the red marks on her taut belly. At home her sensitive stomach was no issue, with the kids at school she was mostly alone so could just shut the windows and ride it out. Plus these new clothes were much tighter. She pushed down on her navel and let out a stream of farts.

“Delilah are you okay? Are you having woman’s issues?” Shit. Her coworker Pansy may be a frequent snacker but she still stayed the ever poised professional. Delilah in that moment resigned to her fate of being fired “uurp no. I think I frrrt had too much coffee” Pansy would find out soon enough. “Open the door I can help you” Delilah opened the door, desperate to get it over and done with but instead Pansy shut and locked the stall door and asked if she could unbutton Delilahs blouse. She nodded trying to not let the jostling lead to burping in her coworkers face. Pansy did so then asked if she could massage Delilahs belly. Delilah nodded again and quickly found herself in a trance as Pansy’s cool fingers lulled her instantly. She sat completely blissed out and barely aware that she had forgone all pretence and was currently letting out a stream of loud burps, farts and moans.

Reginald loved meetings. Most people found them a distraction from work at best but they were his favourite part of the job. It helped being the boss. He loved charming clients, talking to his people and looking at presentations. When he started gaining weight after his marriage imploded he was nervous that he wouldn’t be taken seriously but the numbers had actually jumped upwards. Maybe his new soft physique was more relatable. The one issue was his new found appreciation for food left him feeling gassy and bloated in meetings which was an unwelcome distraction. Especially today. His stomach had chosen today, the day he had three meetings and a new hot secretary to launch a full offensive.

After his last meeting of the day he snuck into the supply closet next to the meeting room and immediately undid his pants. Then making sure the door was locked he cocked his leg and let out a stream of farts. They absolutely reeked. What could have lead to this? As he jiggled his belly to work up some burps he looked down. He did not remember his belly being that big. Maybe he’d gone too far. But he also noticed something else. He was rock hard. Ever since he started eating more and stopped going to all those couples activities he’d noticed that he felt fantastic when he acted gross. He felt horny, he felt manly, he felt the best about himself he had in years. As he belched and patted his dick he debated in his head his persona as a charismatic gentleman. Maybe post-divorce he could evolve. Or more aptly devolve. Pansy all ready knew about his antics and didn’t seem to think less of him. “Buuuuuuurrrrrrpp” for now though the shame lived on.

Pansy was in heaven. A cute, fat girl burping in her face? Yes. Said girl also letting out comedically loud farts. Yes. Her sweet blissed out facial expression was the cherry on top. The only thing that could have made it better was if she could kiss and squeeze Delilah too. She was getting pretty gassy herself as her late lunch settled but she figured Delilah wouldn’t mind. She let out her own duo of loud burps followed up by loud fart. Delilah looked even happier so Pansy laughed it off and burped again. And again. And again. God it felt good. Then something unexpected happened. Delilah kissed her on the mouth.

Things escalated quickly. The next thing Pansy knew she was farting into Delilah’s lap and grabbing her breasts. Delilah pulled her in and burped in her face. Then there was another complete blur and they were both running back to the office holding their blouses closed. They ran into the office and shut the door. “Reginald won’t be back from his meetings for a while” Pansy explained before pulling Delilah to the floor and stripping off both their blouses and bras. Pansy then got onto all fours and farted in Delilah’s face. Then she sat onto her lap and they started kissing and humping each other in a flurry of movement. Neither of them thought to check the clock. Or to even think about their boss until a gruff voice behind them said “uurp my office is more comfortable”.

“Are we in trouble?” “Like Hell you’re in trouble. That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen” Pansy grinned. “I knew that you were a pig boss but I’m impressed” . It was in that moment that Delilah’s brain finally noticed his unbuttoned trousers, his bloated belly, the flask in his hand, the steady stream of farts, the food stains on his shirt and the fact that his other hand was in his underwear. Delilah knew what to do. She pulled him into a hug, kissed him on the mouth then pushed against his belly. “It’s only fair to return the favour piggy” Reginald burped in her face then pulled her into his office. Pansy followed sitting on Reginald’s desk. Delilah felt hot all over. She stripped off the last of her clothes, then took the flask from Reginald’s hand and took a swig. “Atta girl! I love you already”. Pansy hugged her as Delilah burped and said “solid hiring decision. Bo-uurrp-sss”

Both Reginald and Pansy stripped the rest of their clothes then Reginald lied down on his desk and Delilah sat on his pelvis. Then as Pansy wheeled toward her she pulled her up and Pansy sat behind her and wrapped her legs around her. Delilah pulled Pansy’s hands onto her belly. Then Delilah started rubbing Reginald’s hairy gut. They burped at the same time as Pansy let out a rippling fart that shook them both. Delilah and Reginald continued to burp at each other as Pansy humped Delilah desperately. Reginald leaned upwards and grabbed Pansy’s ass. Delilah grabbed Reginald’s dick and placed it inside herself then started pushing herself into him.

Reginald missed his flask. Sure it was sexy as hell when Delilah drank from it but that was the last of his booze. And he was starving. But he still had a good buzz going so there was no reason to worry. He focused on his throbbing dick inside Delilah’s warm tight pussy and Pansy’s ass in his hands. He thrusted into Delilah and with each thrust he felt more and more like he was floating. Both of them smelt so good. Of sweat and floral perfume and ink and cabbage. He let out another loud belch and felt his eyes roll back into his head as he came. He screamed with pleasure “wy pierdolone anioły!”, gripping Pansy’s ass so hard she screamed in pain.

Reginald kept thrusting until eventually he saw Delilah screw up her eyes then felt the shaking sensation of her body as she finished. Reginald sat up as Delilah and Pansy got down. Delilah stroked his face and said “lie down love” he could feel himself sobering up but he still settled back down. Delilah then knelt on the floor next to his face while Pansy stood up on the other end. Pansy started rubbing his belly with one hand and his leaky cock in the other. Delilah started kissing him and burping in his mouth. Reginald returned the favour and she grabbed him by the neck and started kissing him with tongue. God he was so lucky he got to hire such hot girls.

Pansy loved the feeling of hot cum on her hands. But the heavy petting had to end at some point. She was cold. She tapped Reginald on the hip then stopped rubbing him. She thought about Delilah and Reginald’s bodies. Reginald had gotten so hot since his divorce. In between the extra 50 pounds, the whiskey habit loosening him up and his new slobby ways he had gone from merely handsome to a certified cutie. Then there was Delilah with her loose hair and nervous manners she was so sweet but her rebellious streak was powerful and sexy. Both of them were so hot.

Her sweater felt softer than usual when she placed it on her shoulders. “I farted on it” Delilah winked. She’d been sat in the office chair in her underwear and Reginald’s blazer for a while now. She had just been staring into space smirking. Reginald had curled up on the floor in the corner. He did that. Reginald got guilty after sex especially since he usually had to get drunk before hand to not feel guilty in the first place. “Did you have fun love?” Pansy said while she sauntered toward her. “What does this mean for me?” “It means you like hot people. Doing hot things. Don’t worry about it.” “But you’re so…so different. And not just in good ways. You’re so forward! And you’re kind of rude.” “Fair. But just because you’re into girls and weirder stuff doesn’t mean you’re mean like me”. “Huh-hmm I guess. Can one of you call me a cab home I missed the bus.” “I’ll do it. See you tomorrow!” Pansy ran to her desk and called Delilah a taxi while she got dressed. When Delilah went home she walked feeling the night breeze on her face. With those two around she’d need the walk to calm down after work.

They were the most effective, and disgusting, administration team I tepruar Metals ever had.

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