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#People like you are what makes me post this shit
punchliiine · 1 day
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so, i keep getting asks in my inbox about whether shifting is real or not. hello? i mean it when i say it is real. shifting is real. idc how many posts people create in order to make you feel like it's not real or that it's just a teenage phase. it is real.
i have shifted plenty of times. i can fucking promise you that it's real. it will not be blurry or fuzzy or distorted or anything that might come close to a dream. it will not be astral projection, it will not be a psychotic episode or anything people (anti-shifters) say it is.
shifting is real, like so fucking real. and i completely understand how hard it is to trust strangers on internet. and not even strangers, TRUSTING AN IDEA THAT GOES BEYOND YOUR COMPREHENSION AND THIS REALITY. YOURE PUTTING YOUR FAITH INTO SOMETHING UNKNOWN.
BUT I PROMISE YOU I PROMISE YOU I PROMISE YOU SHIFTING IS REAL!!!!1
i have debunked and tried all those ways in order to find out if it's a lucid dreaming or whatever, i have tried them all. and they all proved to me that shifting is real.
i have healed myself of shit i couldn't have fucking imagined to ever leave me, shit that stained my soul. i have cried, laughed, snorted, breathed, screamed, talked, jumped, slept, touched.. i have lived. LIVED. and it was real, safe, and everything i've ever hoped for. I HAVE FINALLY LIVED FOR MYSELF.
i have met the man that i feel everything for, i touched his hands, i took pictures with him, i heard his voice and it was not something that could be disturbed by poor wifi. i even fucking know what shampoo brand he uses. i got to know him and he got to know ME as well. it is real. it is true. it is not impossible.
i felt it ALL. i promise you i did. ik my promises mean nothing since the whole idea of shifting is just crazy even if people tell you it's not. even if people say it's a religious practice and that it has existed for many years, it's still crazy and i get it. I HAVE BEEN THERE. but that doesn't make it not real.
it is real. those people are real. those experiences are real. everything is real. your scripts are real. shifting is real.
this is not a big inside joke nor is it a coping mechanism for covid or anyone that is mentally unwell. i know it demotivates you seeing tons of shifters trying for years with no progress. i know it demotivates you seeing people shit on shifting because we believe in something that is quite literally beyond everything we, as humans, have ever known. i know it demotivates you seeing tons of shifters saying that they were lying about their experiences and that shifting isn't real. but again, that doesn't mean shifting is not real.
i know these words are recycled and you've heard them plenty of times before, but there is nothing that i could do to make any of you believe me when i say shifting is real. i have had some experiences that me and my friends could vouch for, to prove that shifting is real BUT they could easily be rewritten as lies or me having 'telekinesis' or being set up or whatever. so i really don't wanna bother.
people will always ask for proof and will always try to debunk it, that's the way your brain works and i am not saying you're wrong for doing so or even asking for it. it's normal. but then again, even if i couldn't prove it to you or my attempts to prove it are 'debunked', it doesn't make shifting not real.
you can tell me shifting isn't real day and night, for eternity, but what i have experienced is not a lie. nor is it something that could ever come close to a lie. it is real life.
your belief or faith in shifting is unwavering because you haven't shifted, DUH??? THAT IS NORMAL!!!! but once you shift, come back to this very post and tell me how was it. was it something like a dream? or did you feel everything? consider it a dare.
i am not trying to make an anti-shifter believe, i couldn't care less. but if a shifter thinks about giving up and leaving their wildest dreams behind, please do not (i am going to kill you) do NOT. it is worth it. it is worth all of it and i bet my soul on it.
no matter how perfect your lucid dreams are, no matter how intense your maladaptive daydreams are, no matter WHAT. shifting is nothing of that sort. it is real. it is real. it is real.
i want you to just get out of wherever you are, stand in the wind, smell the air, pinch yourself, splash water on your shirt and feel how cold it gets, eat something sour, look at everything around you and notice the tiniest of details, look real close at a piece of wool and notice the tiny strings. see how you can experience all those in your cr? you can experience all those with shifting too, and infinitely more. shifting is THAT real.
it's okay to doubt, it's okay to need reassurance. it is 100% fine. but what's not okay is you constantly doubting your own power when you've been possessing it the moment you came into consciousness. you'll do wonders once you finally drop your doubts and just give it to yourself.
this is a recycled talk, i completely understand. but please just stop asking for confirmation, you ARE the confirmation.
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evangelical04 · 2 days
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A Single Daffodil || 1
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Summary: Getting arranged to be married to your long-time crush wasn't exactly the fairy tale romance you were hoping for. Nor is the dynamic of the marriage, with your husband treating you like you don't exist. But you're going to make this work, whether he cares about you or not. And he definitely doesn't...right?
Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader
Rating: 18+ minors DNI
Word Count: 2.7K
Genre: angst, romance, unrequited love, smut, enemies to lovers, arranged marriage au, businessman yoongi
Warnings: parental trauma, sibling trauma, toxic parents, unrequited love, explicit language, alcohol usage, yoongi's kind of mean, future smut
Author's Note: hello! i'm Eva and this is my first fic on tumblr ever! I've been a reader for so long and I've always wanted to write my own stories, so I figured I finally would. I know it’s kind of short but I promise the other parts will be longer. Please give me any feedback you have and let me know if you'd like there to be a tag list or anything! I hope you guys like it!! p.s. I'm totally posting this instead of doing my morphology homework that's due in 15 minutes
masterlist / next
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The door to your childhood home looked artificially welcoming. There were too many flowers lining the walls encasing the looming wooden door. The grass on the lawn just was a bit too green without a blade out of place and the paved walkway was freshly powerwashed and missing even a speck of dirt. You let out the deep breath you were holding and gently took hold of the overly ornate bronze knocker adorning the painted wood of the door. Two loud thuds rang out as you knocked and the door quickly opened afterwards.
“Hello, Miss Y/N, your parents have been expecting you.”
“Yes, I know. Thank you, Mrs. Oh,” you responded quietly, nodding at the grey-haired woman. She shot you a sympathetic smile before ushering you in, taking your coat and carefully laying it over her arm. After removing your shoes, you followed her past the foyer to the living room where your parents awaited. 
You knew what was coming, you knew that this had been decided long before you were born. Yet, you still felt unprepared. You had grown comfortable, living in your simple apartment in Gangnam and your quiet work routine. Biting your lip, you reprimanded yourself internally, You should’ve brought this shit up in therapy before it happened.
“Here we are, Miss Y/N,” Mrs. Oh said, snapping you out of your self-pity session. You nodded gratefully at her, sending a small smile her way. Her eyebrows wove together in her own pity-ridden expression and she quickly whispered, “Good luck,” while exiting swiftly. You steeled your nerves and forced your chin up high, knowing that you’d most likely cower inwards as soon as you faced your parents anyway.
Stepping into the room, you noted the almost intervention-like setup your parents had arranged themselves in, with your father sitting proudly in his reclining, leather armchair, clad in a dark blue quarter zip and khaki pants. Your mother stood facing the fireplace, arms crossed, in a simple and elegant turquoise dress and hair tied up in a tight and neat bun, with her baby hairs smoothed back to prevent any imperfection. You could almost imagine her pinched mouth, forever encased in a stern and unamused expression. 
“Hello father, mother,” you started, trying to smooth the slight trembling in your voice. Your mother turned around, eyes narrowing at your form, “Sit down.”
You promptly obeyed.
“Your father and I have decided on your marriage. It’ll be to the Min family, to Min Yoongi.”
“What? To him? But,” you began protesting but your mother quickly cut you off with a steely glare. 
“It has already been decided. Your wedding will be in eight months. I’ll forward you the invitation list and you can add three people of your choosing. You’ll be having dinner with us and the Min family on Friday at six. I’ll have Yujin send you an email with further details. Don’t be late.” 
You looked to your father in a desperate plea but were only met with stony silence and a passive face. You turned back to your mother and registered the composed expression painting her face. Your fate had been decided, and it had not worked in your favor at all. Rising slowly, you set your hands by your side and bowed towards your parents, “I understand. I’ll be there.”
Your mother swiftly exited the room, evidently deciding the conversation was over. You could hear her dangling earrings tinkling against each other in what felt like a mocking melody. Your father calmly produced a cigar from the table next to him and lit up, no longer acknowledging you either. You let out another slow breath and walked out. 
Collecting your coat from Mrs. Oh, who tried to give you a comforting shoulder squeeze but it felt more like condolences than anything, and made your way to your car parked in front of the gate closing off your parents’ home. 
That’s it then.
You felt eerily calm yet stressed as you started up your car and carefully reversed out, making sure to avoid hitting the carved statues your parents had in front of the iron gate. As you drove home, your mind started racing with the information you had been relayed. 
Min Yoongi as your soon-to-be-husband? What irony.
Does he even know you exist?
Will you be able to survive this?
Hand gripping the steering wheel hard, you quickly dialed the most recent number in your contact list. She answered after only two rings.
“Y/N! Are you still alive? How’d it go?”
“Hi Joohee, not great. I’m completely and totally fucked.”
Joohee chuckled on the other end of the line, “Want to come over?”
“Yes,” you breathed, “I was hoping you’d offer.”
“I’ll get the booze.”
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“Min Yoongi? Now that’s ironic,” Joohee chuckled, seemingly at your expense. You shot a glare her way which she shrugged in response to.
“How long have you been crushing on him? This is, like, practically fate. Maybe this’ll be a good thing.”
You scoffed in response, “A good thing? Joohee, be serious. The last thing I want to do is get with my long-time infatuation, not crush, by forcing him to be my husband.” You took another swig of wine. It was a cheap pink Moscato, perfect for nights like these with Joohee. 
Joohee shoved a pillow in your direction in an effort to gain more room on the couch you had stuffed yourselves onto. The trash reality dating show you had on in the background was showing a rather dramatic fight but you paid it no attention, “It’s just…I haven’t talked to him in the last, what, five years? He probably doesn’t even remember me. And you’ve heard the rumors, I don’t think he’ll be exactly thrilled at giving up his playboy lifestyle just because he has to marry me.”
“What if he doesn’t give that up?”
You stared at Joohee in slight surprise, “What do you mean?”
“Like, what if he says that he doesn’t want to stop hooking up with other people? What will you do?”
Your brows furrowed as you considered the question, “I don’t know, I guess. I mean, I can’t really stop him. I guess I’d just have to live with it.”
Joohee hummed in response before continuing on, “Well, this is happening whether you like it or not. Just try to make it amicable at the least. Maybe it’ll work out, you never know. Just look at Jin oppa.”
Kim Seokjin, Joohee’s older brother and a friend of Min Yoongi’s, was arranged by Joohee’s parents to marry Song Yeonhee, and the two had seemingly fallen in love after a rocky start to their nuptials. You had seen them recently at Yeonhee’s baby shower and she had been glowing, looking unbelievably happy. You recalled the loving gaze that Seokjin had sent her during the party and the pang of envy you felt, knowing that you would likely never get to experience that. 
“Yeah, well,” you responded, “He’s an outlier. Most of these types of marriages don’t work out. I have a feeling I’m going to be a part of that group.”
“You’re too negative, you haven’t even met him for dinner yet. Maybe he’ll surprise you. You just have to give him the chance.”
You mulled over Joohee’s words and nodded, “Yeah, maybe you’re right. I guess I’ll see how Friday goes.”
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You weren’t technically late. 
While you still had about 5 minutes before the dinner officially started, you weren’t early, and that was unacceptable by your mother’s standards. A mini emergency at your job had left you scrambling to leave on time, only noticing the late hour when one of your coworkers asked if they should order take-out for the team. After profusely apologizing to your team, they encouraged you to go, practically shooing you out the door, claiming they could handle the situation for now. 
Which left you barely on time to park in the lot outside the ridiculously fancy Japanese restaurant your mother’s assistant, Yujin, had sent to your email earlier that week. You quickly stepped out, smoothing out your dress that you had kept in the backseat of your car and had hastily changed into in the parking lot of your office. Tugging down the hem, you took a moment to look at your reflection in your car window and attempt to look more presentable. Your hair was slightly frizzy but nicely combed back, and you had extremely minimal makeup on from only remembering last minute this morning, and your eyes looked tired. 
You felt tired.
Shaking off your nerves, you headed inside the restaurant giving your family name to the hostess who took you back to a private room where your mother and father were waiting. Your father spared you only a cursory glance before returning his gaze to his phone and your mother looked you up and down before uttering a curt, “Hm.” You held in an eye roll and quickly sat next to them, trying to calm your heart rate for the sure-to-be exhilarating dinner ahead. At six on the dot, you spotted the same hostess leading the Min family towards your table. Your mother stood, welcoming them and urging them to sit down. You stood as well, a little less welcoming, a lot more obligated. 
Mrs. Min looked like the epitome of a rich older woman with dark black hair combed back and glittering jewels lining her ears and neck, complementing the midnight blue gown she had on. Mr. Min was dressed quite similarly to your father, in a simple suit, the only difference being his starkly greying hair providing quite the contrast to his dark blazer. Close behind them was the person you were the most anxious about meeting, Min Yoongi. His pitch-black hair complemented his slightly tanned skin nicely and his feline eyes remained straightforward and untelling. He was dressed in a simple black suit as well with an expensive-looking watch adoring his wrist. His mouth was closed tightly and he did not smile at your mother when she greeted him, not at your father when they sat down across from your family, and certainly not at you.
Your hands nervously played with each other in your lap as you took your seat again. You listened quietly as the mothers exchanged pleasantries and the fathers gruffly greeted each other. You were trying to avoid looking at Yoongi as much as possible.
“So, Y/N,” Mrs. Min started, making you startle to attention, “How old are you now?”
“Twenty-nine, ma’am.”
“Ah, so only a bit younger than Yoongi. That’s good then. How is your work?”
You felt your father stiffen next to you and prayed your discomfort didn’t show on your face, “Good. I’m in the middle of producing a new project with my team.”
“How lovely. Although I’m sure you’ll be leaving that soon after the wedding. You won’t need to work then after all,” Mrs. Min smiled at you. It was hard to read her so you couldn’t tell if she was being genuine or not, though if you had to guess, it was likely the latter. Your job was a point of contention with your family. Choosing to work in a video game production company did not go over well, and if your older brother, Kyungsoo, hadn’t been in line to inherit Seo Industries, you would’ve never been able to keep it. 
You smiled awkwardly in response to Mrs. Min and returned your gaze to the empty plate in front of you. 
As the conversation dragged on, you couldn’t help but steal a glance or two at Yoongi, who was periodically checking his phone and looking permanently bored of the conversation. Not that you could blame him. The dull talk of social circle gossip and work was beginning to get grating, and even the introduction of fancy entrees wasn’t enough to stop your stomach from feeling queasy. 
Yoongi had yet to say one word to you. To be fair, you hadn’t said anything to him either, but he had barely looked in your direction since he entered the private dining room. How exactly were you supposed to start a conversation with that? 
Soon after the desserts came out and were finished, with you politely refusing, feeling like you were going to throw up any second, Mrs. Min suddenly pushed her chair back and stood. She looked down at you and Yoongi and announced, “Well. I think we can leave them to talk on their own for a bit. Why don’t you join us for a drink at our home, Eujin-ssi?”
At the sound of her name, your mother stood, nodding, “Yes, that sounds lovely. Let’s let them get to know each other a bit more.” With that, the parents swiftly gathered their belongings and left, before you could even protest, leaving you staring open-mouthed at the exit. 
Slowly, you turned to face Yoongi and were startled, seeing his eyes already boring into yours. 
“Let’s get one thing straight,” Yoongi stated, his deep and stable voice wrapping around you for the first time that night, “This marriage means nothing to me. It shouldn’t to you either. I’ll do my thing and you do yours. Most importantly, stay out of my life except when necessary. Just because my parents are forcing my hand doesn’t mean I have to adhere to every little thing. Nothing will be changing except for our living situation and a ring on our fingers.”
A little stunned, you could only stutter a passive agreement and watch as he rose and left without sparing you another glance. 
Letting out a deep breath, you closed your eyes, trying to understand what had just transpired. Your heart raced as you quickly stacked up the dishes to be a bit easier for the busboy and quickly made your way to your car. Sitting down in the driver’s seat, you vaguely registered Min Yoongi’s cold demeanor towards you.
It seems he didn’t remember you after all.
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The dress you had on was itchy, but you knew if you complained, you would only end up with a sharp stinging on your cheek and tear-filled eyes. You had escaped the boring party with grown-ups and were sitting outside on a stone bench in the garden, trying to remedy your hurt feelings at the hands of the mean, older boy, Hyunsoo. 
He had confidently poked fun at your appearance, saying the dress was a bit too small on you and that your parents should’ve sprung for a size that could fit an elephant instead. He continued on, saying your parents must’ve forgotten to vaccinate you for measles considering all the red spots on your face that were actually acne. Being a tender twelve years of age and going through the worst bits of puberty, his words hit you hard and you quickly ran from the scene into the garden. 
Unable to contain your tears, they slipped down your face in large droplets and soaked into the front of your dress. 
“Hey, you.”
Startled, you looked up to see a boy a couple of years older than you standing in front of you, black hair shining in the light from the garden lamps. His sharp eyes trailed down your tear-stained face. You quickly turned away in shame, not wanting to undergo any more embarrassment tonight. 
“Hey, snot-face.”
You shot him a glare but softened when you saw his hand extended, holding a handkerchief, his face turned slightly away, “Use this. You look ugly while you’re crying.”
You gingerly took the cloth from his hands and blew your nose, noticing him wince out of the corner of your eye. 
“Thank you,” you managed and he only rolled his eyes in response. 
“Yeah, whatever. I think Joohee’s looking for you,” he grumbled before turning on his heel and stalking off back towards the party. 
Confused, your eyes followed after him, not knowing how he knew that Joohee would be looking for you. You unfolded the handkerchief and noticed an elegant embroidering of three letters in black near the bottom, MYG. 
Oh, you realized, Min Yoongi. Joohee’s older brother was friends with him but you had never seen him before. Joohee had described him as kind of rude and quite closed off, but you disagreed. He certainly didn’t seem that bad.
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cameronspecial · 2 days
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I saw you were looking for some angst ideas lmao
So rafe and reader are together. Loves her more than life but his addiction gets in the way of that. One night they have a fuming argument and she doesn’t talk to him for a few days. He then makes a plan for them to talk about it somewhere private at nighttime, but when she shows up he’s not there. She waits for him for a while then she gets attacked by the rafes dealers because he owes them money and she was the next bet. Rafe finds her and he’s freaking out but she won’t let him near her and she blames him. You can choose how this ending goes or if you even want to write this but this has been on my mind
You Deserve Better
Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader
Warnings: Drug Use, Swearing, Stabbing, Blood, and Death
Pronouns: She/Her
Word Count: 2.1K
Masterlist
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The centre of Rafe’s life wasn’t always the white powder that tumbled around the little Ziploc bag that lined his pockets. His centre is supposed to snort or wheeze a little whenever she laughs, refusing to use her inhaler because she doesn’t want to embarrass him. It will stay up past her bedtime because she is in a flow with her work. His sun crosses her eyeballs whenever he presses a kiss on her nose because she knows it would make him chuckle. Y/N Y/L/N used to be his rock and now, all because of an accident, she isn’t anymore. That is something not a lot of people know. They assume his addiction started because he was a bored rich kid who had the money to spare. However, in reality, it began with a torn ACL. One wrong shift of his leg and his football career was over. At first, the oxycodone was only to manage the pain from the ACL surgery. He had the hope that he could recover the way he needed to get back on the field, but then the news came that he wasn’t progressing the way his doctor wanted… That was when the problem started, suddenly the drug he was taking to help ease his physical pain became the one to take away his mental pain too. The pain of not being able to play football. The pain of missing out. The pain of not knowing where his life was going.
Don’t get him wrong, Y/N was by his side the whole time, except a person can’t be everything to someone else and he needed a therapist. He just wasn’t ready to admit that. It was only when he stopped being prescribed oxycodone that he turned to cocaine to fill the mental hole the prescription used to be for.
———
Rafe’s blown pupils are hidden by his eyelids as he lies back on the couch. Y/N is still out with her friends, so he isn’t sleeping. Not when she is not at home. The front door opening and closing makes him jerk forward. His eyelids are just a sliver because the light from the ceiling is too bright for him. Her footsteps approach the living room and the large sigh she lets out makes her arrival known. “You didn’t do the dishes,” she states, her hand resting on her jut-out hip. “And the hole in the hallway is still there.” Yesterday, Rafe, in a high state, accidentally made a hole in the wall when trying to put up a picture frame for her. He promised her before she left for work this morning that he would get what he needed to fix it this morning and in the afternoon, he would fix it. However, before he could get himself to the store, he saw a post from one of his old football teammates, who went pro and he spiralled. 
He doesn’t mean to roll his eyes, yet it happens and this causes her to let out another huff. “I didn’t get a chance to go to the store,” he grumbles like he didn’t care. He really did though. He wanted to be able to do something that simple for the girl who meant everything to him, except his mind seemed to disagree with his heart. It is easier to pretend it doesn’t bother him. Her eyes narrow in on the residue of powder on their coffee table, “Let me guess, you got your nose caught up in some business. Rafe, you promised me you wouldn’t do that shit at home.” He can’t keep looking at the way tears start to appear because he knows how worried she gets when he does drugs, always scared he might overdose. He looks anywhere but at her. “Don’t get on my ass about this again Y/N. You don’t know what I am dealing with,” he argues.
“I don’t and that’s the problem. You need to talk to someone about how you are feeling because you are going to put yourself in an early grave if you keep doing what you are doing now.”
“Seriously, we are going to argue about this again because I didn’t do the dishes or fix a little hole in the wall.”
“No, we are going to argue about it because you aren’t the man I fell in love with anymore and I don’t think if I can do this anymore. I want to be by your side to help you get better but if you don’t want to, then I don’t know if I can be here forever.”
Her words hit his ears at the same intensity as they would if he were sitting next to an airplane engine. They had arguments about his sobriety so many times before, yet those fights always had the underlying understanding that she would be there to help him. She never once mentioned the possibility of her leaving him because she truly did want to help him find his sobriety. His mouth falls open to talk. No words come out. How can he possibly swear that he wants to get better when he isn’t at the self-realization point in his journey? She takes the silence as an admittance that getting clean isn’t on his mind. “I need some time apart. I’m going to sleep at Deliah’s place tonight,” she informs, turning to leave. He doesn’t stop her; he wants to give her the space she needs in hopes that she realizes she can hold on for a little bit longer. The only word he can respond with is “Okay”, right before she closes the door behind her. 
———
She hasn’t answered any of his texts and calls. Her night of taking some space turned into a week and it is driving him crazy. Her non-existence return may have to do with his unwillingness to agree to go to a therapist. After the thousandth attempt at calling her, she finally answers the call. “Normally, when a person doesn’t pick up the call, it means they don’t want to talk to you.” He lets out an internal sigh, “I know, I just need to talk to you. Please, can we meet at our spot, Sunshine?” She could never resist the usage of his nickname for her. “Okay, meet me there in an hour,” she agrees. The call drops right after her response and he gives himself a small smile. Not only does he get to see her again, he gets to try to get her back. 
———
By the time she realizes she is being followed, she is alone under the bleachers, where she and Rafe used to spend their time in high school. It was where they found themselves when they didn’t feel like going to class or they needed to get away from the chaos after his team won a game. It was the place she fell in love with him in because even before they were dating when they were just friends, it was their spot. She spins around at the sound of grass being pressed down by a set of feet, ready to scold him for being late. It isn’t Rafe as she expected; instead, an average-height man with a dangerous air that scares her. The gleam behind his eyes tells her the bald man is up to no good, which is confirmed when he pulls out the hunting knife from his hoodie pocket. She steps back in an attempt to get away from him, but her back hits against a metal beam. The man rushes toward her and presses the sharp edge against the soft skin of her neck. “Your boy owes me money and since he is taking too long to get it back to me, I thought I would hold onto something precious to him until I get what I want,” the man explains with a wicked grin. She refuses to show him fear and looks him dead in the eyes, “Rafe’s dealer is Barry so I have no idea what you are talking about.” “He stopped going to Barry because Barry started getting on his case about how much he is using,” the male growled, not enjoying the bite to her bark. She chuckles like a maniac, “When Rafe comes, he is going to beat your ass.” “Shut up, Bitch.” Angered by his words, her knees find their target between his legs. 
He lets out a howl and doubles over in pain. She uses this as her opportunity to attempt an escape, trying to run past him. Unfortunately, he reaches out to stop her and this results in the blade driving into her abdomen. A gasp passes her lips, causing the dealer to look in her direction. “Shit.” His eyes bloom open and immediately begins to pull it out. “No. Don’t pu-,” she warns, except it is too late. The weapon is already out and he is running toward the exit. She hunches forward and stumbles back against the beam, pressing her hand to her stomach to keep from bleeding out, feeling as though she has been punched. Calling 911 seems to be the logical answer; however, when she goes for her phone, she finds it broken on the floor. She thinks about going to her car and is stopped by the feeling of even more blood gushing out of the wound as she tries to push off the beam. It doesn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. 
“Sunshine,” rings through her ears. Her dizziness makes it difficult to focus on the speaker, yet she knows who it is based on the nickname. She slides down the beam because her legs lose all their strength. Rafe rushes to her side and kneels beside her. “Shit, Sunshine. It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. I’m going to call the police. They are going to fix everything,” his voice breaks as his hand joins hers to stop the flow of his blood. She can hear him relaying the information to the dispatcher, but her body is telling her something Rafe isn’t going to be ready to hear. He places his phone on the floor so both of his hands can press on her abdomen. “They’re coming, Sunshine, just hold on. I promise. I’ll be here the whole time.” Her handshakes as she raises to his cheek, staining it with her blood. Her tears water at the edge of her bottom eyelid, “I don’t think I’m going to make it.” His head shakes vigorously. “Don’t say tha-.” She cuts him off, “Can you please just listen to me?” He nods to let her continue. “It was your dealer. I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad. Just to make sure he gets arrested. But I need you to know that you are more than just your addiction and football. I know you don’t think so, but you are and if you just realize that, then you will see the man that I fell in love with.” “I don’t deserve that though. Look at all the shit I put you through. You deserve more than a druggie as a boyfriend,” he cries, holding her hand against his skin.
She smiles up at him, “You deserve more too. You deserve to be truly happy. You deserve to try to find a new purpose in life. I want that for you.” “How can I find all of that if you are gone?” he questions. Her breathing begins to become laboured, “You’ll find yourself and once you grieve, you’ll find someone who can help heal your broken heart. That’s how.”
“I don’t want anyone else. I just want you. Please, don’t go. Will you please stay if I promise to get sober?” 
“I will be with you every step of the way.”
The words tear his heart in two. He knows what it means. She truly doesn’t think she is coming out of this alive. “I want you to see me get better though. Please. Just hang on a little longer.” His tears cloud his vision. When he doesn’t hear a response, he wipes his eyes to get a closer look at her. The world goes dark at the sight of her glassy eyes only reflecting back his face with no recognition or life behind them. The rise and fall of her chest have stopped. The universe decides to answer his calls for help at a cruel moment as he hears the siren finally approach. There is no use in their hurry if the person who needs saving is the one to do it because Rafe isn’t going to let her last words die with her. He is going to get better, not only for her but for him too. He deserves more than a life of chasing his pain away with drugs and he is determined to achieve that.
Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming @magicalyoura
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Aita for telling my sibling (16nb) that I (20f) think all their "friends" are pedos and zoophiles?
CW, pedophiles, zoophiles, vigilante justice and ableism
Right so my sibling has joined a discord group that does vigilante justice on online predators, think "To Catch a Predator" but instead of having anyone who knows what they're doing they're a load of terminally online idiots. They lure in people, I don't want to know their methods tbh, then publically berate them in a discord voice chat. That's it.
The group ethos is that public humiliation will cure them of being pedos, and that is not how that works actually, you fuckin morons. The rest of this server are aware my sibling is 16, btw, and are totally chill with them being in the same space as people they accuse of being the worst forms of scum imaginable (pedos, zoophiles, zoo sadists, you get the idea).
Im sure you can tell I can't fucking stand this server for many reasons. Firstly, because they claim to care about children's welfare whilst bringing my sibling into a space like this. Secondly, because this method does not work and they're giving any victims false hope. Thirdly, the vast majority of the people they managed to convince to get in call with them are clearly mentally disabled in some way, and, while that doesn't excuse predation obviously, I suspect the server picks these people in particular because they want to yell at audibly disabled people over voice chat. Finally, there's a weird vibe to a lot of the members of this group that, for lack of a better description, screams porn brainrot. They're so sexual all the time and in very inappropriate places, like a fucking server meant to deal with sexual predation. There's a time and place for puppy kinks and in a discord server where evidence of people sexually abusing animals gets posted is not it!
So I found out about this, compiled my evidence, then showed my sibling and basically blackmailed them into leaving the server or I was going to show our mother what they'd been up to. I reported the sever separately, and I'm not sure what else I can do about it tbh. I know they'll just make a new one if this one gets taken down.
My sibling is very annoyed with me. they've been banging on with teenage melodrama that I'm standing in the way of grassroots justice and shit like that. Eventually I snapped and said "I bet every one of those grown adults in that server is a nonce or a dog fucker or something, and making a group like that was just to cover their asses and focus the attention off of their creepiness."
Since I said that, my sibling has been giving me the silent treatment, aita
What are these acronyms?
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one of my favorite things about zedaph is that on a server full of people that find strange and oft-overlooked minecraft mechanics or rare events and then see just how far they can push them in the name of spectacle or efficiency or world-breaking, zed is over here finding these mechanics in order to do the weirdest things he can think of in as entertaining a manner as possible
like i 100% have faith in zedaph's theoretical ability to be just as efficient or spectacular or world-breaking. if he wanted to do that stuff, i trust that he absolutely could. but thats so far from being his priority. instead, hes going to spend around a week of irl time focused entirely on eventually having the good luck to spawn in something insanely rare so that he can convert it into something even rarer, the result of which being something that 99% of the server reacts with complete and utter shock that it even exists in the first place, just because its zany and funny and he wanted to. and i love that
#zedaph#hermitcraft#genuinely i adore the clucky few project im not even done watching the episode and i had to pause and make this post#i saw impulses video first and went ''that HAS to be some sort of datapack or something-''#only to immediately go ''no. no it cant be. because this is zed#and its practically a trademark of his to push the limits of the game as far as possible in the direction least expected#not for the purpose of efficiency or spectacle or intimidation or whatever like some players who push limits#but purely for the purpose of making something so funny you cant help but laugh at whats going on#and maybe being a bit impressed that he ever thought of it in the first place''#at which point i went ''holy shit. since its zed doing this. somehow he ACTUALLY got a villager on a chicken. with no cheats. thats INSANE'#i was relieved when i checked my subscriptions to see what the next video i had to watch was and saw he would be next in line#bc if i had to sit through 19 other hermits videos before i could watch his and find out what the fuck he was doing i would have been so sa#sidenote but i feel like a zed video where he interacts with this many other people all in the same video is so rare#idk i didnt watch season 9 and i know he started collabing a lot more w/ other hermits then#so maybe its not nearly as rare these days#but like the last one that *i* saw where he interacted with this many people at once was towards the end of season 8#when all the people he experimented on earlier in the season came back to experiment on him#and like i would like zeds videos with or without the collabs. but its a lot of fun to see him interact with people#so its very cool to me when he does it with a lot of people all in the same video
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sh0tanzz · 1 day
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Who in riize do u think would like a partner who’s slightly older/younger than them, like a year or two age difference? N then who do you think would prefer someone who’s older and has more life experience? (Basically kinda in a who would want to be taken care of by their partner vs them being the one to take care of their partner type of way)
hmmmmm this may be a bit controversial I fear
RIIZE OLDER VS YOUNGER based on astrology~
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reminder this is based off of MY opinions of their birth chart placements + aspects and is not exact fact unless I knew them myself and I am not a professional astrologer 🤍
Older
Seunghan
a lot of people think Seunghan would have a younger s.o but ngl..he'd probably like someone more older or at least a person that has more experience/more mature. I say this because the things he'd want the most I feel like he'd expect or more easily get from someone older. He wants someone that would be independent + confident in their place in the relationship, has experience in life in general (including partying/vices), and ngl he might want more tasteful luxury gifts so lowkey sugarmama/older gf vibes 😭.
Anton
I don't think he cares about age at all bc his chart doesn't indicate physical attributes minus the stereotypical feminine things (bouncy healthy hair, sweet perfumes, pretty nails) but I feel like he'd be best suited with someone older yk..like that would be best for him. Reason being, personality wise he wants someone mature, ambitious, independent, doesn't need to be babied/taken care of 24/7, can guide him, financial stable which is something you expect from a more mature/older person right ?
Middle Ground
alright ikik all my babygirls are wondering wtf Sungchan and Eunseok are doing here instead of the younger category but..walk with me....🤫
Sungchan
50/50 bc I feel like he can get what he wants from either age group. He has a cancer moon + leo venus so he may like reciprocity and for him and his s.o nurture or be attentive with each other OR he's ok with taking care of a younger/immature s.o & would be fine with being taken care of by a older/mature s.o. He likes someone to be educated, lowkey a little wiser and put together BUT he likes to wear the pants and be the lead/doting counterpart of the relationship. I just think he can get what he likes from either group and he probs is into cap risings.
Eunseok
Eunseok..probably just doesn't care LMFAO. As long as you're tall, hot, confident and charming he's all in. IM KIDDING OFC . but he can adapt to either relationship trope. He likes someone with a mature seductiveness thats independent and gives good concrete wise advice..BUT he also likes someone thats goofy and surprises him and has a teasing "hard to get" aura to them. So imo he'd go after either one as long as they were compatible with him.
Younger
(crazy I know)
Sohee
Sohee is typically the one being doted on and seen as the "cute" one and I just think he'd want to explore outside of that trope through his partner (sag venus tings). Plus I'm ngl Sohee's big 6 placements and his sun/uranus + mercury/mars aspects makes me feel like he'd feel kinda slowed down or restricted with an older/overly mature/serious partner. This is about to be contradictory ik but I feel like it’d be easier if said older partner had a more immature “cute” image
Wonbin
Wonbin probably likes...cliche dynamincs ngl..his taurus mars makes him feel more driven to the traditional/stereotypical dynamics yk so he's the masc and provides like the typical "oppa" type shit ykwim. Plus his Pisces Venus probably makes him idealize that type of stereotypical trope more. I also feel like an older partner would make him feel a more serious sense of responsibility and scare the shit out of him 😭😭.
Shotaro
Shotaro has a capricorn venus and I said in one post his ideal type could go either way and transition between being more playful+immature or sophisticated+mature I feel like he currently likes immature/younger partners (see how he dotes on Sohee/Anton the youngest members) but in the future would prefer someone more mature because that's just what I typically see in cap venus men,,they start with one ideal type and the older they get they switch to the other.
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annamcdonalds67 · 7 hours
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Challenge for the writers 2024
hello, to all the sturniolo fandom writers
I've made a little challenge for you guys that I would like you to participate in
I'm going to write down a bunch of songs down below and I need you to write down a one shot inspired by that song.
This is obviously optional for everyone if you don't want to do this then no problem!
I will edit this post whenever someone has posted a one shot inspired by the song so no one gets blamed for copying
You guys have no limits. I will choose one winner for each category and two runner ups as well
If you see any songs that are like this it means they're taken
The challenge will end at 10th April, and the winners will be revealed a couple days later
Category's
Smut
Fluff
Angst
Lemon
Lime
AU
Smut-Fluff
Angst- Smut
Fluff-Angst
Rules:
Choose a song
DM me what song you have picked
Tag me in your post
Specify which category you're participating in
And have fun!
Songs:
"Slut!"- Taylor Swift
Make You Mine- Maddison Beer
Golden Hour- JVKE
Better Than Revenge- Taylor Swift
Back To December- Taylor Swift
Is it Over Now- Taylor Swift
Low- SZA
Playing Dangerous- Lana Del Rey
Get Him Back!- Olivia Rodrigo
Labour- Paris Paloma
Bloodline- Ariana Grande
So It Goes...- Taylor Swift
Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince- Taylor Swift
Should've said no- Taylor Swift
The Great War- Taylor Swift
Willow- Taylor Swift
Lavender Haze- Taylor Swift
Labyrinth- Taylor Swift
Cupid- FIFTY-FIFTY and Sabrina Carpenter
Our Song- Taylor Swift
Nonsense- Sabrina Carpenter
Feather- Sabrina Carpenter
The Heart Wants What It Wants- Selena Gomez
Shake It Off- Taylor Swift
I Knew You Were Trouble- Taylor Swift
Red- Taylor Swift
West Coast- Lana Del Rey
22- Taylor Swift
Bejeweled- Taylor Swift
The Man- Taylor Swift
Style- Taylor Swift
Blank Space- Taylor Swift
Wonderland- Taylor Swift
Wildest Dreams- Taylor Swift
Bad Blood- Taylor Swift
Vigilante Shit- Taylor Swift
Strangers- Kenya Grace
Delicate- Taylor Swift
End Game- Taylor Swift
I Did Something Bad- Taylor Swift
Paper Rings- Taylor Swift
Anti-Hero- Taylor Swift
Bad Idea Right?- Olivia Rodrigo
Enchanted- Taylor Swift
Gorgeous- Taylor Swift
Speak Now- Taylor Swift
Bubble Pop Electric- Gwen Stefani
Cardigan- Taylor Swift
Dress- Taylor Swift
Lover- Taylor Swift
Look What You Made Me Do- Taylor Swift
Earned it- The Weeknd
...Ready For It?- Taylor Swift
Superman- Eminem
Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High- Arctic Monkeys
Daddy Issues- The Neighbourhood, Syd
Cruel Summer- Taylor Swift
Don't Blame Me- Taylor Swift
Video Games- Lana Del Rey
Salvatore- Lana Del Rey
Million Dollar Man- Lana Del Rey
Art Deco- Lana Del Rey
Radio- Lana Del Rey
Sad Girl- Lana Del Rey
Vampire- Olivia Rodrigo
Everybody Wants To Rule The World- Tears For Fears
National Anthem- Lana Del Rey
Summertime Sadness- Lana Del Rey
Sweater Weather- The Neighbourhood
I Wanna Be Yours- Arctic Monkeys
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together- Taylor Swift
Karma- Taylor Swift
Because I Liked A Boy- Sabrina Carpenter
Say Yes To Heaven- Lana Del Rey
Boyfriend- Dove Cameron
Older- Isabel LaRosa
I'm Yours- Isabel LaRosa
Eyes Don't Lie- Isabel LaRosa
HEARTBEAT- Isabel LaRosa
all-american bitch- Olivia Rodrigo
People You Know- Selena Gomez
Can't Catch Me Now- Olivia Rodrigo
You Belong With Me- Taylor Swift
Iconique- EMELINE
American Horror Show- SNOW WIFE
Reckless- Madison Beer
CARNIVAL- Kanye West, Playboi Carti, Rich The Kid, etc.
Water- Tyla
Exes- Tate McRae
Agora Hills- Doja Cat
Barbie World- Nicki Minaj and Ice Spice
Moonlight- Kali Uchis
Houdini- Dua Lipa
Slumber Party- Ashnikko, Princess Nokia
Greedy- Tate McRae
Obsessed- Olivia Rodrigo
Softcore- The Neighbourhood
Freaks- Surf Curse
Twin Size Mattress- The Front Bottoms
Me and My Husband- Mitski
Always Forever- Cults
Yes, and?- Ariana Grande
Super Freaky Girl- Nicki Minaj
American Jesus- Nessa Barrett
That's my Girl- Fifth Harmony
2002- Anne-Marie
One of The Girls- The Weeknd, JENNIE, Lili-Rose Depp
@hearts4chriss @evieolo @evie-sturns @flynnriderishot @hysteria-things @breeloveschris @lovingmattysposts @sugrhigh @meg-sturniolo @hoesformatt @vanteguccir @freshloveforthefit @gamermattsgf @b2cute @freshloverr @worldlxvlys @sophssturn @matts-k1tten @sukiipjs @rootbeerworshiper @teapartyprincess4two @muwapsturniolo @freshloveee @chris-slut @fake-sturniolos @solarsturniolo @sturnmaee
SPREAD THIS TOO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE
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honeybleed · 9 hours
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ngl just a head’s up my most recent fic will be the last ever fic i will write for the jjk fandom, i know i have many mutuals who write and engage with the fandom but honestly the past few months have been rather draining on this site.
it kind of makes me sick that such a large author for that fandom basically allowed and remained silent when me and another author was called all sorts of disgusting and vile slurs over a disagreement but has repeatedly made large call out posts/made sub posts at other people for the most menial shit ever such as fic layouts/themes/banners. not to mention a lot of people interact with them and don’t care so i mean i personally don’t see a point of associating with that.
this all stemmed from me calling out non black people for dismissing and downplaying antiblackness and i never expected antiblackness and racism to just disappear overnight but what i genuinely did was expect some sort of solidarity from people i considered friends. but that’s fine, that’s life. i did get support from friends and silence and soft/hard blocking from others.
i know there is a large black population on anime x reader fandom too but too many of those authors have adopted the “neutral black friend” stance because they’re afraid of getting the same racial abuse on anon like monica and i received which is also very disappointing.
anyways, all my jjk mutuals this is not a dig at you. i know how hard you all work on your fics and how some of the characters are your comfort characters, this post is not to guilt trip people but more-so just an insight to my personal feelings.
all i want to say is that you view me arguing/being angry at racism as “drama” or “discourse” you don’t want to see on your dash because “this is a safe place to simp over your favourite characters” well gee, i wonder how it’s like to be a black creative and hurled slurs that are meant to dehumanise us.
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punkeropercyjackson · 22 hours
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FUCK FUCK FUCK I COMPLETELY FORGOT THE ACTUAL POINT I WAS GONNA SAY ON MY 'Hobie hates cute things is a ratio ass take' POST WHICH IS Hobie expressed all his beliefs very clearly onscreen-He's anti-capitalism,he believes in solidarity between all minorities but prioritizes other black people,he's completely nonconformist and he thinks people who're considered 'super lame' are his friends by default.That's why i said Margo would get him a game emulator instead of a game console and also want to add on that if he wants merch of anything from something that's not by a small studio he just diy's copies of them and learns recipes of big food chains instead of going to the restaurants,as a black person he's obviously experienced tons of masculanization that was used as dehumanization too and again he wears a crop top and lipstick so i think it's obvious how he's decided to respond and i really doubt he'd be that close to Gwen and Miles if he thought softness and 'immaturity' are something that should be made fun of in other kids.What i'm trying to say is you guys are making Hobie out to be a trope instead of fully fleshed out representation with traits that actively contradict what he's actually like and ngl i find it insulting towards him that you guys actually think Hobie's enough of a supersized pissbaby to get whiny over not being a macho edgecase 24/7 even when the nigga literally killed a police chief at like,16 at the OLDEST,and as i will never stop saying:Canon femme,pink-coded,Dad Friend.As long as it's not shit that goes against actual punk rules,he'd do doing pretty much anything the Spiderband wants with them but they wouldn't to begin with anyway because by the time they'd gotten the chance to hang out normally he'd already radicalized them.Please,read multiple books,punk is a legit culture and pastel punks exist-Hi,it's me!!!-and i'm specifically talking about this because y'all the same slapping the punk label onto any edgelord who has disproven they are as like their arc even.THERE WE GO FINALLY Sorry,i have unmedicated adhd demons
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let's talk about that one scene in oops
(and fizzarolli in general bc me and my autism r obsessed with this scene and haven't seen someone break it down. also ft. blitz lmao)
just a general scene and vague character breakdown/analysis!
i first of all want to admire the perfect representation of best friends to enemies with blitz & fizz because ugh.
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And like Blitz tells everyone this but the way it's so malicious here. Just the perfect simple dig and Fizz's little shit eating grin because it delivered how he knew it would sdfkjsdkf. Shoves Blitz to the side because really that's all he cares to say. Fuck you and what you did to me, bye bye <3 Fizz is so for talking shit and dipping (House of Asmodeus) I love how messy it is but also shows how he really doesn't hold malice for Blitz otherwise. Obviously we see this front and center later in the episode once they start reconnecting, but I like the subtlety and how he's so willing to snap at Blitz despite his usual anxiety with confrontation.
Blitz also knowing exactly what to say to really piss Fizz off once things escalate <3
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(Fizz literally so smug and content with himself lmfao)
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(smirk wiped off bc hey that's the thing i'm sensitive about!!)
But Fizz keeps his composure. And if you'll let me be alarmingly gay for a second, I love how his version of keeping his cool as a messy gay is managing to basically recreate this drag race confrontation in what is probably my favorite set of Fizzie lines.
youtube
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eat him up babes. also it's so important that that shitty coffee and fizz were on this side of the street for framing i'll talk about it more in a sec jfskjdfksf.
and now my personal favorite exchange of this entire scene that is criminally underrated imo:
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love his face after this line. I SUPPORT DISABLED PEOPLES WRONGS sfjdlkfsdd. literally so fucking nasty with his clown wit but also so justifiable because yeah blitz did just pull this nightmare and dip in fizz's pov. i cannot wait for that to get touched on more likeeee why were they kept apart ugh.
and finally!!
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this cut to blitz,, specifically the scarred side of his face is sooo good.
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the face of a man who just achieved critical vicious mockery vs. the face of a man that knows he can only win this interaction one way now
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Blitz does deserve a little violence maybe <3 Fizz underestimated his ass jjdkfsdlk.
Idk I just love how indicative this whole interaction is for their characters but especially Fizz, it's a perfect build-up for him. Fizz has major imposter syndrome with dual layers because of general haters but especially because of Mammon and Asmodeus. Not on any fault of Ozzie's,, we just see Fizz obviously thinks he isn't fully deserving of their relationship/his situation and the healthy dynamics of it and so do most major news outlets apparently askjfsk.
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(full fizzy meme post & also i like how this is a special also like damn do u think they were also apart of the crossword??)
It'll be really interesting to see how his character develops in future episodes because I feel like a lot of what I've rambled about here has come to a resolution after 2 Minutes Notice in the musical special lmao. I really like how here when he goes to compose himself, this is how he does it.
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Makes me wonder how many times him and Ozzie have had the self-worth and imposter syndrome conversation before it finally stuck in the Mammon Musical Special. I just love their relationship and how they compliment one another,, and how it projects into Fizz's other relationships because they're healthy for one another. Love my OTP love Blitz & especially love Fizzie. Obviously.
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steviewashere · 2 days
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My Eyes Are on Me
Rating: General CW: Steve is really unkind to himself here Tags: Post-Canon, Post-Season 4, Established Relationship, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, (The comfort is minor but is there I promise), Insecure Steve Harrington, Body Issues, Steve Harrington is a Mess, Breakdown, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Scar Insecurities, Scars, Devotion, (Steve Could Be Seen With Body Dysphoria Here But Take That With a Grain of Salt)
💛—————💛 He walks into the bedroom. Stopped in a curious stupor at what greets him.
Steve’s standing at the mirror. Shirt pooled around his elbows. Right thumb gliding over the crooked edges of his demobat bites. They’re palm sized. His stomach is pale and the bites paint themself a warm pink mauve over his lower abdomen. The tender and scarred skin protrudes from the rest of his body, healed incorrectly, and kissing the calloused skin of his thumb easily. His eyes are downcast at his reflection. Watching his own caressing. He frowns at a particular ridge in the skin. Thumb twitching away from where he touches. But his eyes don’t move from their focused spot. Squinting. Eyebrows furrowing. He swallows harsh enough that Eddie sees his neck flex with the movement.
“I thought that they’d match better,” Steve murmurs sadly. He looks up. At Eddie over his shoulder. “I’m sure that my back doesn’t look much better.” Then, he pulls the shirt back over his head. Pulling it down, down, down over his torso. Disguising his back from view.
Eddie blinks. Sliding his sight to where Steve’s back is now covered. “I didn’t really look,” he admits. “Not really something I was focused on just now.”
In response, Steve hums. “I know,” he whispers, “Could feel you watching me.” He turns away from the mirror, finally. Facing Eddie. There’s several feet of distance between them. Eddie feels as though he’s too far away, but doesn’t want to intrude any further than he already has.
“Sorry, sweetheart. I just…Honestly, I don’t know what I was doing.”
Steve shrugs and moves towards the end of his bed. Sits down and falls backwards. Sprawling over his comforter. The bottom of his t-shirt pulls up. Part of his scars show. But he doesn’t move to cover them again. “It’s fine,” Steve mutters. He runs a hand over his chest. Settling his palm over his heart. “At least you were just watching, I guess. Not saying shit.”
Cautiously, Eddie comes closer. Sprawls beside Steve on his bed. But keeps his gaze at the ceiling, just as Steve is doing. “You’re eye candy. My eyes were just drawn to you. I didn’t mean anything negative by it,” he explains. “You say people are talking about your scars?”
“It’s not important, Eds. Don’t worry about it.”
“Hey,” Eddie softly objects. He turns his head to look at Steve. All he catches is his side profile. “I have scars, too. In fact, mine are way worse than yours. If people are giving you shit about yours, you can tell me. Besides, it’s always important if it makes you look at yourself like that.”
Next to him, Steve swallows heavily. Probably realizing he’s been caught. Eddie doesn’t like the way he sees his sunshine’s face screw up. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Baby,” Eddie sighs. “You were all…How do I say this? You were…disheartened. Like looking at yourself was disdain in its finest form, y’know?”
Steve scrunches his t-shirt where his hands had been pressing. “Maybe I am,” he mutters, “But it doesn’t matter. Just something I’m gonna have to get used to.” He runs his hand down to the hem of his shirt. Fingers teasing the idea of running against his skin. “Just like I got used to the nightmares. And the fear. And the panic.”
“You shouldn’t have to get used to any of that, Steve,” Eddie states emphatically. “You should be able to talk about it. And be heard. And like…Like feel good in your life!”
A hand presses into Eddie’s forearm. He looks down and spots the palm that Steve had on himself. When he looks back up, Steve’s eyes are locked with his. “Eds, babe, I appreciate what you’re trying to do right now. Really, I do. This isn’t something that’s going to get fixed overnight. It’s not something I see myself adjusting to in due time.” He sighs mournfully. “My scars are new to me. I’ve never experienced something like them before. Maybe the tiny ones I’d get on my knuckles or when I would hit my head, but the back and stomach are fresh. I…I don’t like feeling bad about myself. I know that I feel bad about myself. But I can’t just shut that off.
“I’d like to,” he admits, his eyes downcast at his hand on Eddie’s skin. “One day, I’d like to pull my shirt off and be confident in myself. To look at the difference and say how proud I am. But I just…Can’t. I’ve been good looking. I’ve been attractive. I just don’t feel that way right now.”
“You are, Steve,” Eddie urges softly. “You are so attractive.”
Steve’s smile is small and quick, but it’s there. He squeezes Eddie’s forearm. “Thank you, I appreciate that, Eds. But it’s going to take me a while to realize that you’re telling the truth. Like…I’m not doubting that. I’m not disproving that you feel that way. It’s not computing, though. Do you get it?” He doesn’t like that he understands. His body being a fixture of his self doubts a lot now. But he nods. He nods because Steve is seeking that comfort within him. The understanding that he’s being heard. That Steve’s allowed to feel this way. Even if it destroys Eddie. “You know how…How when we have sex I don’t like having the lights on?”
“Yeah, sweetheart, I do,” Eddie answers. Again, his voice is soft. Teetering with an uneasy sadness. He knows all about this.
“One day we’ll have the bedside lamp on and you’re hands will be on my skin and I won’t feel bad for it,” Steve says. It sounds like a promise. Eddie lays his left hand over Steve’s. Where their palms lay over the forearm. “I won’t feel bad when you want to wrap your arms around me in our sleep. And I won’t feel bad when I want to cool down and have to take my shirt off. I won’t—“ He hiccups on a wet gasp.
And that’s when Eddie realizes that Steve’s gearing up to cry. He drifts his line of sight downwards, only slightly. Not making eye contact. Because the last thing he wants is for Steve to feel embarrassed about his emotions, too. But he runs his thumb over Steve’s knuckles. Just to have a point of contact. To have something to keep them grounded to the bed.
He takes another gasp. His voice wavers through his words. “I won’t feel bad when I take a shower. Did you know—“ Steve hiccups again. A soft cry leaves him. Eddie leans in closer. Resting his forehead to Steve’s hair. He bounces with another gasp. “—You know that I shower in the dark, Eds?”
“No, baby, I didn’t,” he murmurs.
“I do,” Steve keens, “I do, Eds. Don’t like what I see in the mirror or when I look down at the drain or when I have to wrap a towel around myself,” he continues to explain. His voice is high in the back of his throat. Turning sharp and on the edge of sour. And every part of Eddie is crumbling, dissolving into the mattress. But he doesn’t interrupt. Acknowledges with his touch and the firm press of his cheek on Steve’s head. But nothing more. Steve needs this out. “I don’t like feeling bad,” he’s confessing, “I don’t like feeling this way. Every time I look at myself, it’s like I’m burning. Like I’m on fire. Like I—Like something in me is trying to escape. Like it’s—Like my body is some sort of prison,” he spits. He sucks in a harsh breath. With it, his saliva. A heavy gulp. It’s all pouring out. It’s seeping from him. Eddie can almost taste it. A despair. And through this all, Steve is on the precipice of sobbing. It’s inching closer and closer. The sharp pull of wailing in his chest. “I’m so—“ He groans. “I’m so tired of this, Eddie. I’m so tired of being this way and feeling this way and…and…and looking the way I do. I’m so tired of it—I’m so—“
And then, the sobs come. Wet and burbled from inside of him. Like punches from his mouth. Blowing between his teeth. His air hissing as he tries to bite his tongue. But when he realizes the overcoming pressure rising from inside of him, he opens his mouth, tongue and teeth and all his pink insides, and the sobbing turns to screaming. To wailing. A mourning.
Eddie’s own eyes are wet. He can’t take this. Can’t see Steve like this. A shadow, a shattering thing, something small and fragile and tipping, tipping, tipping. He wants to crumble everything he knows. Wants to go to God, surprisingly, wants to bang on his doors, wants to scream and hiss and spit at him. Wants to ask: “What did you do to him? Why did you make him feel like this?” Because this isn’t fair. This isn’t fair, the way Steve is dissolving and Eddie isn’t. Because, for once in his life, Eddie is comfortable in his own skin. But somebody like Steve, his wonderful and beautiful Steve, is doubting himself. Doubting his looks. His confidence. The things he used to take pride in.
So Eddie gently asks, “Can I hold you, Stevie? Is it okay to touch you?” His chest hurts—a rock hitting his ribs kind of hurt—at the smallness in Steve’s nod.
He wriggles his right arm under Steve’s torso, over his t-shirt, ignoring the way it pulls up to expose Steve’s bare back. Pulls him into the warm line of his own body, turning Steve to be chest to chest with him, and wraps the other arm over Steve’s back. Holding to him tightly. Gently guiding his head into the crook of Eddie’s neck. Letting him wet the skin there. With snot and tears and words. Some akin to: “I’m ugly, Eds.” And others akin to: “I’m wrong. I feel wrong.”
There isn’t anything he can say to soothe this. He’s not sure there are words to say. Other than what he knows. “I got you, sweetheart,” he mutters into Steve’s hair. “I’m right here, love bug. Get it out,” he whispers, “you can be angry and sad, it’s alright.”
Eddie doesn’t move his hands. Doesn’t let them drift to bare skin. The only instance in which he moves either of his palms is to thread one through Steve’s hair. To pet and hold. To untangle the knots in his, now noticeable, unwashed and unbrushed hair. And all he can do is keep Steve to him. His arms limp on Eddie’s body. His back arching with each cry. His nose wet and his cheeks warm and his throat raspy and raw.
The crying gets hoarse after some several minutes, Eddie begins to realize. Steve droops further and further into where their bodies meet. Crying growing into just whimpering into just small hiccups. He doesn’t move his head. Doesn’t say anything. Just stays stuck in where he is.
“I’ve got you, angel,” Eddie breathes. “We’ll be alright.”
Steve releases one more soft cry at that. Then, he murmurs, “Thank you.”
Eddie pulls him in tighter. “No, baby, don’t do that. You don’t need to thank me and you don’t need to apologize. But, can you do one thing?” Steve hums at that. “I want you to listen to me, alright? Just listen to what I have to say, that’s all.” At his nod, Eddie continues. “I believe that one day you won’t feel bad at all. And I also believe that you’re still beautiful despite what you think of yourself. And, before you try and protest that, I’m devoting myself to you. I’m going to tell you every single damn day of the rest of our lives that you are beautiful and gorgeous and pretty. And you deserve to feel good.
“That’s a lot, I know that’s a lot. But I’m telling you the truth. Because you do deserve to feel good. I will help you with that. Whatever you need, I’ll give that to you. You understand that, sweet thing?” He pulls back a tad. Their eyes on one another’s again. Steve looks so exhausted. Wrung out. Defeated. But still, he gives a terse and single nod. That’s enough, though. That’s all that Eddie needs. “Okay,” he mutters, “okay, Steve. What can I do right now?”
Steve sighs and closes his eyes. When he reopens them, they’re clearer and softer. Still tired. Still bloodshot and wet. But they have the smallest amount of determination to them. “Just lay with me for a while. Hold me like this, please?”
He presses a long, warm kiss to the crown of Steve’s head. Murmurs, “Of course. Anything. I’ll do anything to help you feel good.”
There’s a long road ahead. But Eddie will always find the words to tell Steve how gorgeous he is. With every moment in their lives together. And then some. Always then some. 
💛—————💛
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olderthannetfic · 2 days
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The "this is the nonsexual version of the kink therefore it's SFW and okay for minors (((((:" crowd confuses me because like.
I have a nonsexual kink. I don't really enjoy it in horny contexts. However. This is still very much so NSFW. It's a kink. Like. The best way I can describe it is that I find it erotic without finding it titillating, if that makes sense? That probably doesn't make much sense but I hope you can still get an idea of what I mean from it, feelings are just hard to describe for me and they only get harder to describe when I'm trying to talk about stuff like this.
Anyway. I do genuinely and sincerely have a kink that I only really enjoy outside of sexual contexts and yet, I still do not want minors interacting with the fetish fic I make of it! I know, what a novel concept!
Tbh, the only reason I use the G/T tags for it when I post that stuff to Ao3 is because I know when I go looking for fic of it I tend to avoid anything that's rated any higher because of the high possibility of sex being involved, and even then, I don't really like tagging it that way. I've thought about leaving it unrated, but I really really don't like doing that with my fics, unless I'm trying to hide a major plot twist I like to have as much information available via tags as possible, y'know? And also, M just doesn't feel right for them, as there's no sex involved, and the violence involved doesn't even have blood that leaves the body, let alone anything more than that. Not only that but my target audience generally isn't disturbed by the content of these fics the way normal people are, so it doesn't feel right for that reason either.
Anyway. Long winded ramble about my problems with tagging this shit aside. Yeah, ah, just cause a kink doesn't have any sex involved in it does not make it SFW or reasonable to knowingly allow minors to engage with it, sorry not sorry. (Not at you or anyone here, obviously. Y'all could probably pick that up from context clues but I like to try to be as clear as possible.)
--
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barrenclan · 15 hours
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the dream curse got me this morning. in my dream you posted an animated teaser for issue 35 that had this like ghost-like tan and white and brown slugcat with antlers and yellow or blue eyes (i ont remember which) and you captioned it "issue 35 teaser! rainhaze is gonna get his shit rocked! :D" and tagged it as like #elktuft or #elkthrush or #elkhush or something and for some reason you posted it on ur razmerry account instead of this one. so i checiked the patfwcord and saw people were spamming you about it being on the wrong account but you just replied "im making sure the fake fans wont see this" like WHAT?? but no one thought anything of that and then they continued going insane abotu the new character. i also remember you at some point answering an ask that was like "vague summary of issue 35?" with "blue cat gets shit rocked by ghost. send tweet"
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heres my rendition of elkthrush/hush/tuft :)
That is a really cute design and also I'm kind of obsessed with my behavior in this dream. Unhinged Raz moment.
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Bojack Horseman-style PATFW reboot.
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(speaking over a megaphone) put their ass in the rainhaze torture labyrinth boys
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longlivepalestina · 3 hours
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Nothing and I mean nothing, makes me more mad than Israelis who live a super privileged life whilst in that same place another group of people, the indigenous people of that land, suffer immensely because of them and their colonial state and then those same Israelis dare to be like yeah i have this awesome life but "bOth sIdeS aRe aT fAuLt" or "bOth sIdeS sUffEr" (actually miss me with your bothisdes bullhonkey) they are writing that in their stolen homes, they say this sitting cozily not in any danger living their lives normally, they say writing this from their phones, laptops, computers, with internet access and their fridges full with food.
All the while we have palestinians starving to death because of Israhell, palestinians that have no roof over their head and have to live in tents, refugee camps in any weather conditions, palestinians who we gladly will send esims to because there is no other way for them to show the world whats being done to them otherwise and lets not forget palestinians are getting bombed and massacred by the colonial state that is Israel, the very same state and the same group of people that stole their homes and kicked them out of their homes. And then Israelis dare compare themselves to Palestinians.
I literally had a discussion with an idiot yesterday, who literally posted how well she has it and posted pictures of how beautiful life is for her in occupied palestine and then she said "i watch the news and then i get sad uwu🥺 this is all hamas fault, palestinians chose them" (yk act like the victim and blame others for whats happening, typical settler behavior shit) and i just - mottherfucker... how tone deaf do you wanna be? Israelis; yes.
I hate you all honestly. Palestine will survive this, they have been living their since the beginning of times and always managed to survive, you can count on that they will prevail.
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lovemyromance · 20 hours
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Stops this madness!!
Like yes, I know every side of the fandom is guilty of twisting things in their favor but come on. COME ON.
There are theories and then there are people doing the splits, breaking their arm trying to make these egregious extrapolations and reaches.
I have personally, never denied the fact that Elucien were mates. In fact, I didn't even question that fact despite the Elriel theories swimming around - until HOFAS came out and we got confirmation the cauldron was wrong
Yes, their bond seemed so different than Feysand and Nessian, but I did not really say anything about it until I got canon confirmation that the Cauldron had been tampered with.
I did not twist canon text. I did not theorize beyond what is already there on the page.
So I hope you can see why, I am incredibly annoyed every time I see Eluciens trying to shit on every Elriel moment and twisting it to have some alternative crazy reasoning.
I'm not going to call anyone out because I don't usually go fighting on anti-posts (even though their blatant disregard for canon makes my eye twitch). But why did I see an anti post saying
"Oh, Azriel only went to go save Elain from Hybern's camp as a challenge from Nesta, because she said "then you will die". He was just trying to prove her wrong."
Like what? You are honestly telling me, someone read that scene, saw how Azriel defied all warnings and orders and said "I'm getting her back" when he is not her mate, not her sister, barely even her friend at this point, getting his wings shredded to save her, swaying on his feet from pain and blood loss but still not letting her go and demanding to get the chains off her -
You read that scene-the multiple chapters to cover it - and thought "Oh, he only did that to prove Nesta wrong?"
REALLY?
Why would he even want to prove Nesta wrong? Why would that even be a thing? Why would it be something he would risk his life for? Can you please explain? Is he suddenly beefing with Nesta in the middle of a war?
Sometimes... the most obvious answer is the right one. Sometimes when an author writes something, she means it.
Like half the headcannons and theories antis post are fine whatever, but why do they have to shit on beautiful Elriel moments? Your ship should be able to float on its own, and if it doesn't maybe that's a sign 🙄
Sorry Elucien doesn't have any positive interactions together. Sorry Gwynriel barely even interacts on the page, let alone romantically.
Be happy with your ship. And if headcannons and theories is all you have, then be happy with that because you chose to ignore canon and ship whatever. Don't go around trashing actual canon text and purposefully misconstruing it to make yourself feel better.
God I'm tired of this and I've literally only been engaging in this fandom for like a month. I can't imagine what people who've been here since 2016 have had to go through, y'all stronger than me for sure 😅
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scenetocause · 21 hours
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no one asked for this but i was in the kitchen makin instant ramen and poleaxed by the thought of landoscar puppy play post-melbourne in the style of a fic i thought was gemjam's but now can't find where mark webber gave his then-protegee mitch evans a collar to help with homesickness anyway whatever have some fuckin words
edit: fuck's sake cassian obviously it was a collar and a kiss by zeraparker
mild warning for hopelessly undernegotiated kink
"Don't you ever get homesick?" Oscar could count the number of people he'd less like to be having this conversation with than Lando Norris on one hand and one of them's the bored immigration officer who had to tell him he'd not got his passport stamped right in Doha.
Lando snaps his gum, looking up to the ceiling like he's actually thinking about it. "No? Not really. I was sick of fucking Bali over Christmas, jesus and I don't want to go back to Dubai but like, home is everywhere innit?"
"No." Oscar closes his eyes, pinches the bridge of his nose. Obviously Lando doesn't experience this, he could literally drive to his parents' house on half a tank of fuel, straight out of the MTC car park. Straight from Oscar's flat, where for some reason he's letting Lando crash as though him seeing the post-Australia comedown is a good idea.
"Hmm." Hearing Lando think is always disturbing. "Well, what can I do about it?"
Oscar has to open his eyes again in disbelief. 'What do you mean do about it?"
Seeing Lando cocking his head on one side, like a dog, makes something painful sear across Oscar's temples. "You're sad, I want to fix it. Max always-"
"Don't tell me about that." He can't hear about Max Fewtrell right now. The guy haunting the garage all weekend was enough. Oscar doesn't need a reminder he's not Lando's first anything, needs to keep the thoughts about breaking up with his girlfriend so they can properly be a thing to himself.
"Well." Lando is literally sitting on his hands. "Then you have to tell me about it yourself."
Thing is, this is too much. It's not the kind of thing he should share with Lando. Lando who he just got team-ordered for, Lando who he needs to match the tyre management of, Lando who will sit there and smile angelically and get his fucking way on anything they ever diverge on about feedback.
Oscar's clenching his jaw so hard he can almost feel the ache where they took his wisdom teeth, though. Another thing he didn't know he'd really miss this much.
"You can't fucking laugh at me." Why's he said that, for fuck's sake? Lando laughs at everything, would probably do it at a funeral in his weird, stressed-out way when he doesn't know how to socially behave.
"Ok." Lando's eyes are very big and he's looked up from his phone. "I can order TimTams on Uber Eats?"
That's actually quite sweet. But not what Oscar needs right now.
"Just - stay here." Lando's fucking weird, he's probably into some of this shit himself. If not something freakier, lying around his Monaco flat in a gimp mask, suffocating himself or god-knows-what shit.
It doesn't take long to find the box. Oscar's consciously never accumulated too much stuff in this flat, like he might have to move out of it any time. Like everything might have to go in a suitcase because the contract review board said it's over, kiddo, go back down under and pretend you understand your dad's business enough to pay him back.
It's not got very much in. Oscar doesn't like to wear too much, when he's like this. Just a t-shirt and shorts or his boxers. He doesn't think he's ready for Lando to see him shirtless, like this, make his eyes crinkle up in glee at how much of Oscar he can touch.
It'd be better if Lando did it, if someone put it on for him but that's too complicated to ask for, so Oscar does it himself, mostly. Puts the soft shorts on, an old Prema shirt that's a little too tight to wear outdoors but feels comfy, soft, reassuring on his skin.
The ears are easy but the collar. He can't do that, himself. Can't give himself the ball, the well-chewed, if pristinely laundered, beanie toy. Whines, unhappily, about it.
"Osc-" obviously, Lando heard him. The sounds of him chaotically standing up, nearly falling over Oscar's rug and stumbling towards his bedroom door, are already clattering through the flat. "Can I come in?"
He just whines again, an animal thing. Oscar needs permission, like this, doesn't give it.
"Ok you better not be dying because I never finished the first aid-" Lando stops in the doorway. "Oh."
Oscar sinks to the floor, his knees bending beneath him, shoving the box at Lando before he folds down on his knees and elbows, looking up at the guy he's supposed to do anything to beat.
"Good..." Lando moves his mouth around for a moment, licks his lips. "Puppy?"
He doesn't have a tail to wag, although he has thought about one of the plugs, sometimes. Objectively, the bit of Oscar's brain that's still somewhat functioning says wiggling his arse must make him look ridiculous, especially when he paws at the box and whines again.
Lando crouches down, touches the ears. "Do you want to go out?"
Oscar cringes back, shaking his head violently. God, imagine the headlines.
"Ok." Lando does his head-cock thing again, then sticks his hands into the box. "Do you want your collar?"
It's pretty shameful, the way Oscar crawls forward so easily, smushes his face against Lando's knee and maybe he should have asked about this properly but Lando goes easily, scritching behind Oscar's ear. "Oh you're such a good boy, look at you."
Lando fumbles the collar for a second, not getting the buckle right the first time and it's nearly uncomfortable enough Oscar stands up, right back out of it but then it goes and it's snug and tight and good, Lando's hand in his hair.
"Are these your toys?" Lando shifts to kneeling, lets Oscar get his head right in his lap, nuzzling against Lando's stomach through the pouch of his hoodie. He doesn't need to answer that one, it's pretty obvious.
"Well, I don't think Oscar would want you breaking his stuff, so I'm going to leave the ball here." The third person is a jolt, like a nod to camera but it feels right. Oscar is elsewhere, can worry about that later.
"Come on then, good dog." Lando stands up, with the beanie toy in hand. It's a koala, a stupid joke. "Come and play, then."
It's not a comfortable flat to get through on your hands and knees, hard wooden floor jarring him in a way that'll probably bruise a bit, tomorrow. Lando's walking easily, waggling the beanie like he thinks he needs to keep Oscar interested.
Not Oscar. Puppy. It feels good.
Lando pushes the coffee table away, scraping on the floor in a way Oscar's landlord will probably have an opinion about when he comes to pay the deposit back. But puppies don't worry about that kind of thing, so Oscar just crawls over to where Lando's sitting, legs spread and outstretched, on the rug.
"Come on," Lando holds out the beanie, waving it by Oscar's mouth. "You want this, yeah?"
Oscar growls, nips at it. It's not the toy he wants, really, just the -
Ah, perfect. Lando pulls Oscar forward by the toy, right on top of him as he leans back. Oscar can paw him like his, Lando laughing delightedly and twisting away.
It's - he's seen the video, McLaren posted it for some national day or something last year - the same way Lando plays with his family's dog. Silly, rolling around the floor, letting Oscar half-hump him while Lando's shrieking and trying to get out of his grip, only to dive back in, wrestling with Oscar.
The rug scoots across the floor under them and they nearly crash into the telly, Oscar ending up on his back, against the sofa, Lando tickling his tummy but the toy in Oscar's mouth, triumphant.
"Are you submitting? Are you letting me lead the pack?" It's a bit on the nose but yeah, maybe. Oscar kicks out a leg, half-heartedly, to show he isn't always going to be ok with that.
"What a good boy." That, he is always ok with. More than human-Oscar would like to admit.
Lando lies down next to him, face a bit flushed and eyes bright from playing. "Always wanted a dog. You can even come to all the races."
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