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#Personal shit

there’s this one girl on my instagram that was supposed to be my classmate but changed school and she’s pretending to be a lesbian and now she posted a video of her and another guy from my school where they were making prank calls to the helpline for kids&teens. and sometimes she’s posting videos where she’s burning pictures of jesus on the cemetery and like i’m not religious and i’m heavily against church in my country but that’s extremely disrespectful???

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I just started emdr therqpy over the only person in my life who i thought would never traumatize me but here we go. I can officially say she traumatized me, how come this doesn’t make me feel any better?

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I’ll be fine, I’ll only feel the shittiest I’ve ever felt in my entire goddamn life for a little bit. I’ll deal with it and move on with my life soon enough. In the meantime I might as well keep editing that Marchus Annus video. I’m way too proud of it to give up on it now.

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Sometimes i think about how vastly different my life would be I wasn’t so addicted to escapism, borderline to dissasociation. on one hand being completely out of it for at least 75% of my life so far daydreaming kept me sane through some rough shit and helped me avoid to some extent trauma. on the other hand it is so goddamn hard for me to actually do the things i enjoy because it is so much easier to phase out and do them mentally. it’s so weird. it’s like i’m a drug addict and always have been and am constantly getting high.

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Also bits of my phone case broke off when I dropped it earlier but idgaf. At least it wasn’t the screen.

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it is 3.34 am and the migraine has just lift off enough for the first time in over twelve hours to allow me to move from my bed, brush my teeth and try to sleep.

it’s only my third migraine since february 19th tho (the day i got the supposedly anti-migraine piercing). i used to have at least two to three per week before that so for now it seems like the piercing has actually been efficient? still too early to have a definite answer but for now it seems to be working most of the time. 

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I think I need to take a social media hiatus. Maybe deactivate my twitter and facebook and stuff. I just… I can’t deal with everything being thrown in my face right now. I know everyone is in the same boat, but even the relaxed accounts I follow to get away from the stressful stuff are starting to comment on the stressful stuff. 

I understand. This is affecting everything and everyone. And when its over, nothing will ever be the same as it was. And maybe this is just the isolation talking, but its a lot. I don’t have anyone to talk about it with. Not in person. I can’t discuss my anxieties, my fears and concerns. I might not have a job when all is said and done because the business might not survive this. So not only would I be out of a job, but the seven women I work with, and the business owners, too, would be at a massive loss. 

I don’t know.

Its just a lot. I need a mental break from it all. 

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Tagged by: @greyscalegay

slowburn or love at first sight // fake dating or secret dating // enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers // oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence // hurt/comfort or amnesia // fantasy au or modern au // mutual pining or domestic bliss // smut or and fluff // canon-compliant or fix-it // reincarnation or character death // one-shot or multi chapter // kid fic or road trip fic // arranged marriage or accidental marriage // high school romance or middle aged romance // time travel (+ time loop) or isolated together // neighbors or roommates // sci-fi au or magic au // body swap or genderbend // angst or crack // apocalyptic or mundane

Tagging: @v3ronica-summ3rs @snowbritt @snowonebutyou @whatmakesyouahero @not-so-average-fangirl @inversetwilight

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okay, so….

to make 1 thing clear

Turkey’s not Europe..ok we get it.. believe me no one considers themselves European but like….anyone who passionately argues Turkey’s not Europe? They always turn out to be islamophobic xenophobic disgusting alt-right pieces of shits who rants and rants about this so called European Way of LivingTM which is just stabbing anyone who’s not a christian straight whitey 

kind of a ….dog whistle? 

10 years of scrolling - never been wrong

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