#Perspecticide
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Perspecticide
Perspecticide, also known as cognitive abuse or thought control, refers to the manipulation or suppression of an individual's thoughts, opinions, or perspectives by another person or a group. This can be done through various means such as gaslighting, propaganda, isolation, or by imposing strict belief systems.
Perspecticide can have significant negative effects on mental health. When someone's thoughts and perspectives are constantly invalidated or suppressed, it can lead to feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and a loss of one's sense of self. This can result in anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and difficulty in trusting oneself or others.
To stay mentally healthy in the face of perspecticide, consider the following strategies:
1. Awareness: Recognize when you are being subjected to manipulative tactics that invalidate your thoughts or control your perspectives. Understanding what is happening is the first step in taking control of your mental well-being.
2. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide support and validation. It's essential to have a supportive network that respects your thoughts and feelings.
3. Validate your own experiences: Trust your instincts and validate your own experiences. Remind yourself that your thoughts and perspectives are valid, even if others try to convince you otherwise.
4. Educate yourself: Educate yourself on critical thinking, logical reasoning, and different perspectives. This can help you develop a strong sense of self and independence in your thoughts.
5. Set boundaries: Establish personal boundaries and assert them when necessary. This can involve distancing yourself from abusive or manipulative individuals or limiting exposure to propaganda or toxic environments.
6. Practice self-care: Engage in activities that promote self-care and emotional well-being. This can include activities such as exercising, spending time in nature, pursuing hobbies, or engaging in mindfulness or relaxation techniques.
7. Seek therapy: If you find that the effects of perspecticide are significantly impacting your mental health and well-being, consider seeking professional therapy. A therapist can provide guidance, support, and help you develop coping strategies to navigate through the challenges.
Remember, staying healthy in the face of perspecticide involves building resilience, finding validation from within, and surrounding yourself with supportive individuals who respect your thoughts and opinions.
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Empathy is Not The Same As Agreement or Compliance!
You can feel how someone feels (and show it) without agreeing with them or giving them what they want. Our opinions and decisions are driven by more than just emotional impulse.
Ironically, accusing someone of "lacking empathy" just because they don't blindly validate your every thought or blindly obey your every wish is about as unempathetic (and emotionally abusive) as you can get. You should be able to detect that someone is feeling for you without having to get your way all the time.
Stop trying to use people's empathy to emotionally blackmail them.
#empathy#psychology#mental health#abuse#emotional abuse#emotional blackmail#perspecticide#gaslighting#mental abuse#relationships
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Perspecticide
It is said that “the truth always comes down to perspective”.
From either one party or both parties being talked about or none of the parties being talked about
I don’t know how true this is….
Photo credit: American University
All I know is that whatever happens, there is always more than a perspective
There is the truth and to me, that is much more important than anything else!
And there are…
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you know, an aspect of the “friendship” I had also had elements of this but I never once heard of this term until just now
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Dating a Narcissist?
Narcissists can be very difficult to spot. Over time, they learn how to optimally manipulate their victims, and get by with their schemes without anyone questioning them.
What makes it even more confusing is that they don’t all act the same way. Certain patterns of behavior are consistent, such as when they idealize, devalue, then discard their romantic partners. But there are actually three distinct types of narcissists who act very differently on the outside, according to therapist Elinor Greenberg.
One of the toughest sub-types to spot is the covert narcissist, because they blend into the background much of the time. They aren’t a cliché of a grandiose, self-obsessed, “look at me” narcissist, Greenberg said. Instead, they are quietly cruel and behave in a much more passive-aggressive way.
For example, they may appear calm and professional to most people. But to those they are in a relationship with they are demeaning, cold, and abusive, and they can switch between these Jekyll and Hyde characters with ease.
People with dark triad personalities thrive off other people’s chaos, so a common game of theirs is to set their romantic partners up for failure all the time, then punish them for doing so. Sometimes they make empty promises, then get a kick out of the reaction when they don’t deliver. So if you’re dating a narcissist, keep that in mind.
“They do what they want to do when they want to do it,” said Shannon Thomas, a licensed clinical social worker who wrote the book “Healing from Hidden Abuse.” “And then they make themselves look like the victim.”
What Else Happens When You are Dating a Narcissist?
Some people who are dating a narcissist notice that they even deny making promises in the first place. In addition, they you’ll find them gaslighting their partner into think they are losing their mind. Over time, the victim may completely lose touch with reality, known as perspecticide.
You may wonder why anyone would be in a relationship with a covert narcissist in the first place, and the answer is complicated. According to Perpetua Neo, a therapist and doctor of psychology, one reason is covert narcissists are highly skilled at sucking their victims in with sob stories. This, she said, is a very effective trap for people who are high in empathy.
“Think about it like the covert narcissist has wormed their way into your heart,” she said. “There tends to be a string of misfortune, like every single ex is a jerk, every single friend they have is unhealthy. Always ask yourself what kind of circle of friends this person has. If they have zero friends, that’s an alarm bell, because the whole world cannot be that unhealthy.” Again, keep these things in mind when dating a narcissist.
What Stories will the Narcissist Tell You?
Spinning tales about their abusive childhood, or their battles with addiction, leads highly empathetic people down a path where they start to feel sorry for the covert narcissist. Further down the line you’ll develop a sense of responsibility over them, Neo said, because you feel “tethered to their potential.”
“But this covert narcissist has no intention of changing their lives,” she said. “It’s all a way of sucking you in and a way of getting attention, and a way of justifying their s****y behavior towards you.”
(Getty Images)
A Narcissist Will Manipulate Your Empathy
The problem is, whether the covert narcissist is a colleague, friend, or partner, if you are their chosen victim, you will already know about their alleged problems. And often they can be hard to ignore. Some even claim they are suicidal, meaning walking away feels essentially impossible for the victim.
“This will be a way to condition you into a sense of fear and walking on egg shells around them, so next time you are not going to hold them accountable,” Neo said. “They may even say this very common statement: ‘I’ve never felt this way about someone before.'”
This, again, gives you this responsibility to take care of them, even to the point you allow them to isolate you from your other friends and family.
With a covert narcissist, their emotions are paramount, but the victim’s needs and feelings are up for debate, Neo said. Everything is a competition, and nothing that happens to you even comes close to what they’ve been through, they say.
They will also never apologize, Neo said. They’ll simply give their victim the silent treatment as punishment until they give up and surrender.
A Narcissist’s Lies are Sophisticated
Essentially, covert narcissists have a high contempt for others, and anything that threatens their superiority is taken as a direct attack, Neo said. That’s why they are so hung up on being superior and looking down on everyone else.
“People who are above them in any way, in terms of their assets, or their career potential, or their talent, it’ll be ‘privilege,’ or the government’s fault,” Neo said. “Everyone else is just a rich w****r. They had rich parents. There’s always a way of blaming another person. And someone’s fortunes or talents are attributed to something external from them.”
They may appear to root for the underdog, but it’s just a way of making them look better, Neo said. By supporting liberal parties, or defining themselves as a feminist, they essentially trick people into thinking they have morals, when really their integrity is in the gutter.
They commonly tell other lies about their past, like beautiful or famous people they have slept with, or amazing job opportunities they’ve turned down. It’s all lies, Neo said. She added that covert narcissists tend to watch a lot of television because they are trying to mimic behaviors they see, such as empathy (which they are incapable of.)
Escaping a Narcissist
Escaping the clutches of a covert narcissist is hard because they drain their victims of energy and resources until they find a new target. Thomas calls it an “IV drip of poison” that doesn’t stop until they move on.
It’s not until the covert narcissist is gone that the victim finally realizes what they were going through wasn’t normal. But hopefully they do, and then they can start the process of healing, realizing it wasn’t their fault, and putting healthy boundaries in place to never be a covert narcissist’s resource again.
Covert narcissists are conflicted
It may stem from covert narcissists wanting to be worshipped. Greenberg said they are conflicted because they think a lot of themselves, but are also incredibly insecure.
“A closet narcissist doesn’t say, ‘I am special,'” she said. “They point to something else — a person, a religion, a book, a dress designer — and they are special, so they feel special by association.”
Related Links:
Dating a Narcissist
Seven signs you’re dating a narcissist, according to a psychologist
Why empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other
This is why narcissists are so cruel to the people they date
Psychopathic traits differ between cultures, experts claim
IS There A Bully or Narcissist in YOUR LIFE?
Dating a Narcissist? was originally published on San Diego Life Coach
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Signs of Manipulative People
Business Insider Lindsay Dodgson October 15, 2017
Living with a controlling or abusive partner is confusing and draining. They blame you for things that weren't your fault, or that you didn't even do, and you become isolated from your friends and family in an attempt to keep the abuser happy.
The way you see the world can also completely change, because it may be dangerous for you to know the truth.
Lisa Aronson Fontes, a psychology researcher at the University of Massachusetts Amherst and author of Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship, told Business Insider the word for this is “perspecticide.”
She said the word, which basically means “the incapacity to know what you know,” was first used in the literature on the brainwashing of prisoners of war, and has also been applied to people in cults.
“In an abusive or controlling relationship, over time the dominating partner changes how the victim thinks,” Fontes said. “The abuser defines what love is. The abuser defines what it appropriate in terms of monitoring the partner. The abuser defines what is wrong with the victim, and what she needs to do to change it.”
Over time, the victim — or survivor, if that is your preferred term — loses sense of what their own ideas, goals, and thoughts were. Instead, they start taking on those of their dominating partner.
“Through perspecticide, people give up their own opinions, religious affiliations, views of friends, goals in life, etc,” Fontes said. “I am not talking about the natural mutual influencing that occurs in all intimate relationships — this is much more nefarious and one-sided.”
Someone can fall into an abuser's trap in a number of ways, but it's often through psychological, emotional, or physical abuse. Once the victim has been hooked and reeled in, their partner starts to bring them down with belittling comments and insults.
However, they often pause the abuse with intermittent periods of kindness and warmth. This means the victim is trauma-bonded to their partner, constantly trying to make them happy, because they believe they deserve to be punished if they don't.
Victims become prisoners in their own lives.
The controlling partner might cut off resources like money and transportation, practically keeping the victim a prisoner. By living in fear, the victim changes how they view themselves and the world.
Fontes recalled several stories of people who had been controlled by their partners. All her examples were from women who were being abused, but it's important to note that emotional, psychological, and physical abuse can happen to anyone.
...
For the victim, their life is overwhelmed with wondering how to appease their controlling partner. Fontes said they may even experience physical signs of stress over time such as changes to eating and sleeping, head or back aches, and digestive problems, because they are too worried about their partner's wrath.
“A person who is being coercively controlled — even without physical violence — does not feel free to live their own life on their own terms,” she said.
...
http://www.businessinsider.com/the-signs-youre-a-victim-of-perspecticide-2017-10?utm_content=buffera054d&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer-bi&r=UK&IR=T
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Manipulative people brainwash their partners using something called ‘perspecticide’ — here are the signs it’s happening to you | The Independent
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/manipulative-people-brainwash-their-partners-with-perspecticide-a8001411.html
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Manipulative people brainwash their partners using something called 'perspecticide' — here are the signs it's happening to you
People in abusive relationships may become victim to something called "perspecticide."
It occurs when their abusive partner has made them believe so many things that aren't true, they no longer know what is real.
They are effectively a prisoner in their own life, not being allowed to do anything or even think on their own terms.
Living with a controlling or abusive partner is confusing and draining. They blame you for things that weren't your fault, or that you didn't even do, and you become isolated from your friends and family in an attempt to keep the abuser happy.
The way you see the world can also completely change, because it may be dangerous for you to know the truth.
Lisa Aronson Fontes, a psychology researcher at the University of Massachusetts Amherst and author of "Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship," told Business Insider the word for this is "perspecticide."
She said the word, which basically means "the incapacity to know what you know," was first used in the literature on the brainwashing of prisoners of war, and has also been applied to people in cults.
"In an abusive or controlling relationship, over time the dominating partner changes how the victim thinks," Fontes said. "The abuser defines what love is. The abuser defines what it appropriate in terms of monitoring the partner. The abuser defines what is wrong with the victim, and what she needs to do to change it."
Over time, the victim — or survivor, if that is your preferred term — loses sense of what their own ideas, goals, and thoughts were. Instead, they start taking on those of their dominating partner.
"Through perspecticide, people give up their own opinions, religious affiliations, views of friends, goals in life, etc," Fontes said. "I am not talking about the natural mutual influencing that occurs in all intimate relationships — this is much more nefarious and one-sided."
Someone can fall into an abuser's trap in a number of ways, but it's often through psychological, emotional, or physical abuse. Once the victim has been hooked and reeled in, their partner starts to bring them down with belittling comments and insults.
However, they often pause the abuse with intermittent periods of kindness and warmth. This means the victim is trauma-bonded to their partner, constantly trying to make them happy, because they believe they deserve to be punished if they don't.
Victims become prisoners in their own lives.
The controlling partner might cut off resources like money and transportation, practically keeping the victim a prisoner. By living in fear, the victim changes how they view themselves and the world.
Fontes recalled several stories of people who had been controlled by their partners. All her examples were from women who were being abused, but it's important to note that emotional, psychological, and physical abuse can happen to anyone.
One man convinced his wife she could not have her own toothbrush, because married couples share these things. He also never let her have any privacy — she wasn't even allowed to close the door when she was using the bathroom.
Another husband slept all day so he could keep his wife up at night. He deliberately didn't let her sleep, controlled what she ate, and hid her medication, which all made her physically weak. Eventually, she even forgot her age because everything down to the way she walked was managed by someone else.
Other stories involved a woman who believed her partner could read her mind, when really he was spying on her with cameras in her house and trackers in her belongings. Another man actually told his wife he had inserted a microphone into her fillings to monitor where she went all day.
"He was actually monitoring her through other routes, but she believed what he said — she had no other explanation for why he knew everything about her days," Fontes said. "Of course, anyone who she told this to thought she was crazy. This isolated her further."
For the victim, their life is overwhelmed with wondering how to appease their controlling partner. Fontes said they may even experience physical signs of stress over time such as changes to eating and sleeping, head or back aches, and digestive problems, because they are too worried about their partner's wrath.
"A person who is being coercively controlled — even without physical violence — does not feel free to live their own life on their own terms," she said.
If you think you might be a victim of abuse of any kind, you can talk to your GP in confidence, or contact organizations such as Women's Aid and Victim Support.
NOW WATCH: I won't trade in my iPhone 6s for an iPhone 8 or iPhone X — here's why
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Manipulative people brainwash their partners using something called ‘perspecticide’ — here are the signs it’s happening to you
Manipulative people brainwash their partners using something called ‘perspecticide’ — here are the signs it’s happening to you
BUSINESS
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Scapegoats overwhelmingly become estranged from their parents (the reasons include severe PTSD, which manifest as nightmares and an inability to sleep, feelings of fear and hypervigilence, headaches, pains in the muscles and joints, inordinate amounts of time in self-imposed isolation, shame about being disabled by symptoms -- which I will cover in another post -- but that is not all ... they know that within their family if they stay they will continue being targeted for ongoing injustice, ongoing escalation of abuse (perhaps to the point of danger), hopelessness, unkindness, lack of empathy for their plight, favoritism of a sibling, perspecticide ( If they talk over you, and don't consider your perspectives, feelings and thoughts, this is perspecticide, something abusers use in spades. ), gaslighting, erroneous blaming, and all the while he may be treated much better by outsiders than those within his family -- in other words, it all contributes to total estrangement).
http://angry-alcoholics.blogspot.com/2017/09/shaming-from-abusers-narcissists.html?m=1
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