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Maybe I just don’t go out enough but these days I can’t go into my neighborhood without thinking of Pouet

I’m sitting in the restaurant I was at when I received the last lead on a lookalike and all I can think of is going out for a round that night and possibly seeing that guy who was collecting cats for the meat trade, wondering if he’d caught the cat I’d gotten a call about, wondering if that was even Pouet or if she was dead by then

Maybe that one dead cat found early on really was her, maybe she died later, maybe she’s living her best life with a different family less than a block from me

I won’t ever know which one of these is true, even if a miracle does happen and she comes back to me, which I don’t really believe in tbh.

All I know is I miss her and it hurts especially hard tonight.

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When the restaurant owner asks if you’ve found your missing cat and nearly reduces you to tears on the spot

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Brought Pouet’s box inside today. The t shirts in it have been outside for months so it’s kinda stinking the kitchen up but I can’t make myself wash it yet.

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So apparently I can hold it together re: Pouet only as long as no one who could understand how I feel about losing her asks me if I’ve found her yet

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Sometimes I think of that last potential sighting and how it happened a few days after the last time I put a smelly shirt out and how I can’t be sure it wasn’t wasn’t Pouet and I just

It’s hard to sleep.

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Sometimes, I look at my phone’s lockscreen with Pouet’s picture on it and I feel like I’m going to start crying in class

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Me at dinner time : alright I’m super tired and a little lower on money than I like (nothing worrying, I just don’t like it) so tonight I’ll order only one serving and then go to sleep early for pre work purposes

Me at half past midnight: *finally realizes the reason I can’t sleep is because I’m hungry and goes to correct that and thereby stays awake until 1 am which is Pouet calling time*

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I’m too tired to go calling for Pouet tonight and I need to catch up on sleep a little because I’m going back to work tomorrow afternoon and like

I’m not feeling… As guilty or torn about it as I would have a month ago but I’m still


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So because calling Pouet in the evening hasn’t yielded any visible results in the past month (arguably maybe not since November 30) I’m not actually going to resume that and focus on calling her at night instead, hoping she’ll at least hear me better if she’s around

Other bonus: I won’t feel as weird moving up and down the street to maximize my radius

Now I just need to remember the posters to leave on doors during tonight’s call

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I love when I decide not to go out for Pouet so I can sleep and Am keeps scratching at my leg to play therefore keeping me awake until 1am

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Me: resolves to go out to look for Pouet every night until work picks up

Me: comes home at 11:16pm

Me: guess not tonight then

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Well, the cat I saw earlier came out (at least it’s a short tailed tabby that was in the restaurant alley) and it definitely isn’t Pouet


We’ll see how it progresses

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The fact that there are so many tabbies around here is frustrating sometimes tbh

One came out of the restaurant I’m in front of (though not from the alley, I’m fairly sure, which is a different space separated by a wall) and it has a white back paw and a short-ish tail, tho longer and thinner than Pouet’s and the other cat I saw earlier (aka maybe-Pouet) and now I’m just like… What if I’m imagining all these differences because I can’t cope with the fact that it’s not my Pouet?

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There’s a cat in heat on the other side of the street and when the nearest male reached her they both paused and looked at me for a moment before going about their business, which I’m sure has nothing to do with shyness but is funny to me nonetheless

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Saw the cat from yesterday a second ago, it could really be Pouet??? It entered next to a sushi restaurant and left after a bit but came back then left again

Idk if it’s because it’s Pouet and she’s remembering me or because it’s a different cat but it’s encouraging I guess

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Other concern: previously, all Pouet sighting happened to the right it my building but yesterday night in trying to follow maybe-Pouet I scared it into going to the left, where there’s a street to cross and also a bar that sometimes stays open really late

So now I’m wondering if I should do a call or two on the corner of the next street over and then finish the calling at my door (even though I know it’s not going to happen because I’m nervous enough doing this on like, ~my territory~, there’s no way I’ll dare to do it on someone else’s when people are around to see me)

Also, because I was at the restaurant when the cat was seen yesterday I didn’t have cat food with me which frustrates me because maybe then I could at least have gotten a proper look at the cat -_-

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The one good point of sweating so much out of stress is that it helps with the rotation of shirts I’ve set in place so my smell is always mostly fresh and in the wind from my building

I’m also going to try and prepare pieces of fabric again because the last place I saw maybe-Pouet in yesterday is generally upwind from my place but not very far so I figure a trail of ribbons can’t hurt

I’m also, I’ll admit, hoping that if it is Pouet two months outside will help her move a little bit more confidently and come back faster ><

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Like, okay, I know from experience that there’s a guy who rifles through the neighborhood trash around midnight/1am, and the one I saw yesterday could have been him according to my sketchy memory and I didn’t see or hear anything weird about his bag which did have something fabric-y in his rice bag

But also I heard two cats shriek before and after he passed me by and I’m stressed ><

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I can’t help but grow stressed out as evening comes tbh like

First there’s the whole bit about calling for Pouet again after eight days but also I worry about that man with the backpack and rice bag I saw yesterday because like

There’s a real chance I won’t see the cat from yesterday no matter what but with that man going around at 1am yesterday and knowing someone is snatching cats within about 500m of my house I just know I’ll worry anyway

Between anxiety and reasonable suppositions my brain is going to have a field day -_-

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