#Praline Sweet Potatoes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sayitaliano · 1 year

Text

Valentine's day/Love vocabulary

l'amore [n.] = love amore [n.] = love (as a nickname: *my* love, use no article in this occasion) innamorato/a = sb in love, lover la passione = passion un bacio = a kiss un abbraccio = a hug una carezza = a caress l’attrazione = the attraction la relazione = relationship la felicità = happiness la gioia = joy (also as nickname when without the article) la passione = passion la dichiarazione *d’amore* = *love* declaration

amare = to love innamorarsi = to fall in love uscire con qualcuno/frequentare qualcuno = to date someone tenersi per mano = holding hands sedurre/tentare = to seduce/ to tempt tradire/ingannare = to cheat/ betray someone scaricare qualcuno = to dump sb flirtare = to flirt (pronounced as in English + Italian "are" at the end) avere una cotta/un debole per qualcuno = to have a crush on sb (also: you like sb = ti piace qualcuno) adorare = to adore abbracciare = to hug essere fidanzati (ufficialmente) = to be engaged fare l’occhiolino/ammiccare = to wink chiedere di uscire/chiedere un appuntamento = to ask on a date baciare = to kiss someone/something baciarsi = to kiss each other sposare = to marry essere sposato/a = to be married sposarsi = to get married slang: limonare = to make out

il matrimonio = wedding l'appuntamento = the date [noun] il cuore = heart i cioccolatini = praline, chocolate candy le rose = roses i fiori = flowers un mazzo (un bouquet) di fiori = a bouquet of flowers un regalo, un pensiero = a gift la fidanzata, la morosa = girlfriend il fidanzato, il moroso = boyfriend il compagno/la compagna = girlfriend/boyfriend (mostly for adults) giorno di San Valentino = Valentine’s Day civetta = a girl who likes to flirt (not used very much anymore) cascamorto = a boy who likes to flirt cupido = cupid l'amante = lover (secret, cheater/3rd party in particular)

caro/a – dear, beloved (adj. as well as a nickname) bellezza, bello – cutie, handsome (to a male) bello/a – beautiful, handsome tesoro, dolcezza – darling, sweetheart (adj. and a nickname) dolce = sweet (also as noun: dessert) tenero/a = tender romantico/a = romantic

mi piaci = I like you ti amo, ti voglio bene = I love you mi manchi = I miss you ti amerò per sempre = I will love you forever. amore a prima vista / colpo di fulmine = Love at first sight. non posso vivere senza te = I can’t live without you Buon San Valentino = Happy Valentine’s Day festeggeremo con una cenetta romantica = We’ll celebrate with a romantic dinner un pensiero per te = A gift (thought) for you

More nicknames (no articles):

tesoro = *my* treasure cucciolo/cucciola, cucciolotto/cucciolotta = *my* pet, little pet topolino/topolina = little mouse (mio) caro/(mia) cara = (my) dear/darling piccola/piccolo, bimba/bimbo = little one, baby bambola = doll biscottino/biscottina = little biscuit micino/micina, gattino/gattina = kitty maialino/maialina = little pig tigrotto/tigrotta = little tiger momo/moma from “amoro” and “amora” (”amore” in a made up male/female version) = *my* love (in a cute way) ami/amo (or “amy”) = diminutive of “amore” (still cute) tato/tata (patato/patata, patatino/patatina) = dear (potato) orsacchiotto/orsacchiotta = teddy bear

… and I guess most of the cute animals’/cookies’/sweet stuff’s diminutives, as far as your imagination can take you! (The first 4/5 words work also in mother/son or grandma/nephew relationships, while probably the others are mostly used among partners)

#it #italian #langblr #italiano #italian language #italian langblr #language #languages #parole words #traduzioni #san valentino #valentines day #vocabs #vocabulary #italian vocabs #italian vocabulary #languageblr #italianblr

178 notes · View notes

fantomette22 · 8 months

Note

Triangle dot com sleepover time!!! Tell me more about your two bread shaped cats!

Ok so actually I never reblog the sleepover asks but let's go I guess XD Also the pictures where kind of funny ok

No seriously thank you for the question! I'm glad to got asks so I will gladly answer! But before talking about my lil current bread cats (help that was in winter!) I will talk about all the pets I ever got (we got a couple of fish as a child but they don't count, and there's currently a big red fish white now lol at my parents home.)

Patate (his name basically means potatoes I know) he was a black and white cat my parent got before their wedding and my birth. He died when I was around 4 I think. He was a really kind and cool cat. He even tried to sleep in my bed when I wasn't there XD Before my parents wedding (2y before my birth) my mom had to go to the hospital... when she came back the cat wasn't happy XD but forgive her eventually. Likewise for my birth we stay one week at the maternity he was a bit confuse but warmed up fast from what they told me.

Noisette. When I was hm 9y? I think? We got her from a friend of my mother. She was a white and red cat and only kitten of the litter. As the kitten she was really sweet but as adult idk she become agressive and caracterial. My lil bro was really scared and she started to attack us. So we had to gave her to a shelter... I hope she's doing great.. BUT before she leave she left us with 2 adorable angels :)

Cookie & Tigrou : My dearest baby cats ❤️ They are the sons of Noisette and were born in our house. I remember when they were kitten they slept both with me. Cookie was almost all white with a red tail and a few red spot on the forehead, ears and neck. Sadly he died when he was 1-2 years old.. I couldn't even see him before he was buried. That was a long time ago.

As for his brother Tigrou :) (named Tigre originally and on his papers lol) it's him! he's 12 years now I think! yeah it's my lil baby boy I love him so much.

Praline : A few years (3years??) ago, I discover a young and wild cat/kitten in our backward who was hiding. A little female. She end up sticking around and our cat tolerated her. Still she stay really afraid of humans and she can't live in a home for too long. You can't just take her in our arms and walk I got hurt the hard way XD Still there is occasion you can approach her and caress her.

And! She got 2 litters and even birth the first one my room damnit XD So for the first litter, 4 adorable kittens.<3

(2 male, one black and the tabby one & 2 females with black fur, the last one here being the one with long fur)

It was during quarantine I had all the time to take care of them. My recommandations: don't let unhinged kitten in your room h24 :) it's a bad idea. I miss them a lot but they all have super families now.

One of her daughter had long fur, i don’t have pictures on this phone but she is so pretty now.

A few months later we didn't managed to sterilize her in time and she got another litter. 6 kitten. I don't wanna talk about it but all you need to know is that we ended up with 3 kitten that grow up healthy and all have family now. (2 female : the marble and black one and a male, the tabby one). (The marble one was adopted by my uncle & cousins too)

I am doing my studies overseas so I can't really saw them now and it pained me so much ;-; but I know my parents & brother are talking good care of them.

#cats #my asks #my photography #thanks for the ask!#kitten #cat #Also Jara pls could you be more specific on the headcanons ask? because I have all the life of this characters in my head XD #so yeah tell me in dm if you want smt a bit specific thanks!

12 notes · View notes

theresawritesstuff · 5 months

Text

We've got multiple Thanksgiving gatherings this week. Decided to make some praline sweet potatoes ahead of time.

Recipe for those interested:

3 cups mashed sweet potatoes, cooled (I just bake them for about an hour, then peel them right into the mixer)

1/3 cup apple cider

1/4 cup brown sugar, packed

1/4 cup butter, melted

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground ginger

1/2 tsp salt

Mix it all together until combined.

Topping:

1/3 cup brown sugar, packed

1/3 cup oats

3 TBSP all purpose flour

1/4 cup butter melted

Stir all topping ingredients together and disribute over top evenly.

Bake 350 F for 25-30 minutes

#Recipes #Sweet potatoes

8 notes · View notes

proceduralpassion · 7 months

Text

Happiest I've Ever Been

Day 8 of Narcoctober- A day of pure fluff: anything insanely, unambiguously, self-indulgently, luxuriously enjoyable.

Characters: Steve Murphy x Connie Murphy

CW: DILF!Steve

WC: 767

A/N: It's them for me! Remember kids: grammar/spelling mistakes add character. Enjoy some Steveconnie fluff

Steve cradled Olivia in his arms as he turned down the heat on the stove. Connie had cooked his favorite, honey mustard chicken. The roasted potatoes and vegetable medley were already cooling on the opposite counter and Steve looks down to notice that the oven is on, too. He takes a peek inside and sees that she’s baking a praline cake, a dessert she only makes on special occasions.

He hums to himself, not thinking much of it, simply excited to have a full, warm meal tonight. With how crazy things were with his job, he was surviving on takeout and vending machine food on the late nights when he wasn’t able to make it home.

Olivia had thrown her toy across the kitchen and was now whining since it was no longer in her hands.

“Okay, okay,” Steve soothed.

Instead of letting her down to walk through the kitchen herself, he carried her out and knelt down to get the toy himself. He returns it in her hands with a kiss on the head before putting her into her high chair.

He’s not sure what’s taking Connie so long or where she veered off to, but he goes ahead and gathers the plates and silverware for dinner. He grabs a toothpick from the cabinet and carefully pulls the cake out to test whether it’s ready or not. The timer on the counter only had a few minutes left, but he didn’t want her to have to get up in the middle of dinner to come get it out. The pick comes out clean, so he goes ahead and removes the cake and then shuts the oven door.

Almost everything’s on the kitchen counter by the time he finishes setting up and he starts to become worried that Connie hasn’t come out yet. Last he saw, she had gone into their bedroom and hadn’t come out since.

“Connie!” He calls.

The food’s still very hot so he gives Olivia a piece of fruit to sate her impatience while he cuts up and blows on her food. He’s silently chucking at her face as she tastes the sour and sweet tastes of the orange slice and wiping away the nectar that spills to her chin. He looks up upon hearing footsteps.

Connie has a barely contained smile on her face as she practically skips over to him.

“What?” He inquires. His smile is automatic because he’s never able to resist doing so, when pure happiness is etched onto his wife’s face.

She holds up a recycled gift bag from when Javi bought Olivia flower-shaped sunglasses upon Steve and Connie’s official adoption date. Connie shakes it a little and twirls it in front of him, signaling for him to take it.

He takes the bag, not taking his eyes off her amused face. He holds it close to his ear, shaking it just like she had, but not actually able to decipher what was in the bag. It makes Connie laugh out loud though, and he lowly chuckles alongside her.

He opens the bag, but he’s not quite sure what he’s seeing.

Connie speaks, “There’s a shirt shop in town that makes custom tees and I wanted to have one made for Livie that said ‘Big Sister’ to surprise you with, but then I thought, I found out by peeing on a stick in a stall at work and why do you get to have the super cute surprise announcement?” She chuckles before rushing out, “Also, there’s a three day turnaround for the shirts and I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”

Steve finally looks up, seconds after realizing he’s looking at a pregnancy test.

A positive pregnancy test.

For maybe an instant, Connie’s scared because she doesn’t know what kind of reaction to expect, but then her husband’s face breaks out in the biggest smile and she’s being lifted into the air and spun around.

“My baby’s having a baby?” He croons.

Connie lifts her head up in laughter and with a shy shrug, she goes, “Yeah.” Pulling his hair out of his face, she wants to make sure that she’s reading this right. That they’re both on the same page, “Are you happy?”

His voice cracks before he can even get the full sentence out, “Baby, I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”

She wipes the lone tear that emerges out of his eyes and accepts the searing kiss he leans down to give her. When she opens her eyes, he’s walking away from her and lifting up Olivia.

“Livie, you’re gonna be a big sister!”

Click here if you wanna be added to the taglist! Taglist: @drabbles-mc @ashlingnarcos @asirensrage @narcosfandomdiscord

#narcos #narcoctober #steve murphy #connie murphy #steve x connie

13 notes · View notes

tastesoftamriel · 1 year

Note

Hi, I was curious about the presence of chocolate in Tamriel. Apparently it is claimed the best chocolate comes from Skyrim however I was curious about your opinion.

While chocolate is growing in popularity across Tamriel, it is still largely viewed as a treat enjoyed by the bourgeoisie. Hot chocolate is probably the most common way that cocoa is imbibed regardless of social class, as it is relatively easy to prepare from pre-dried and processed cocoa from Elsweyr or Black Marsh.

Chocolate in Skyrim is, in my opinion, a bit too sweet for my tastes, but that doesn't stop it from being popular amongst the rich. It's sometimes tempered with milk, to make for a decadent and creamy treat, but sweet dark chocolate (75% cocoa or stronger) with flavourings or other ingredients is the most common. You can find them sold in solid bars at confectioners, such as in Solitude, laced with everything from snowberry jelly to bitter orange peel.

However, the most ubiquitous form of chocolate you'll find across Tamriel are the filled chocolate candies popularised by the Bretons as early as 2E. These bite-sized filled chocolates are scrumptious, but a couple of them are rich enough for dessert! Men and Mer across Tamriel have developed all sorts of regional fillings that cocoa connoisseurs are mad for- coconut-and-chili praline in Black Marsh; rum and coffee cream in Elsweyr; banana marshmallow in Hammerfell; cherry blossom jelly in Summerset; amaretto in Cyrodiil; marzipan in High Rock; candied wrathberry around Wrothgar; marshmerrow coulis in Morrowind; cinnamon liqueur in Skyrim, and candied bacon in the more lenient parts of Valenwood.

Nonetheless, the possibilities surrounding cocoa as an ingredient are almost limitless. I've seen everything from Khajiiti mole sauce with chocolate to Orcish chocolate-dipped potato chips and so much more. After all, the sky is the limit when you've got enough sugar in you! ~Talviel

#Asks #Chocolate #world building #worldbuilding #the elder scrolls #tes #food #cooking

35 notes · View notes

ammg-old2 · 1 year

Text

At the Park Hyatt hotel in Paris, Narae Kim combines the Nashi pear she grew up eating in Dangjin, South Korea, and the Williams pear often used in eau de vie into an eye-catching dessert: a fan of Williams wedges, some marinated in jasmine tea and others cooked in bergamot oil, alongside quenelles of pear-and-cassava sorbet, all topped with tiny orbs of Nashi pear liqueur.

Ms. Kim had wanted to study pastry in France since she was young, taking pastry and baking classes in middle school and participating in grueling pastry competitions in college in South Korea.

When Ms. Kim brainstorms desserts, she always begins with fruits like apricots, melons and cherries, which she would pluck from her family’s yard as a child, and builds on her ideas using the French pastry skills she has developed throughout her career.

“I don’t think about creating something with a Korean touch,” she said. “It comes naturally.”

Ms. Kim, 33, is just one of several chefs born in South Korea who sought out French culinary training but, in the process, have created a distinct genre of pastry. While their paths differ, their work is defining a growing category of pastry art that is confined neither to South Korea nor to France. It is generating long lines, earning Michelin stars and wielding influence across the pastry world.

These chefs shape barely sweet, pillowy corn mousse into cartoonish cobs, and layer pine-nut praline into minimalist Mont Blanc. They season madeleines with soy sauce and chubby financiers with sweet potato.

Their pastries are unlike what customers can find at Tous Les Jours or Paris Baguette, the two beloved South Korean bakery chains that introduced locals to hot-dog-filled rolls, airy cream buns and other uniquely French-Asian creations. Still, those bakeries were the entry point to the world of French pastry for some of the chefs taking that fusion further.

#cuisine #food and drink #cooking #pastry #culture #south korea #france #britain #england #usa

6 notes · View notes

theviceadmiralswife · 1 year

Text

Happy Valentines day part 2

Salute recruits and soldiers!!

A happy valentines day. Here is another part. Part 2 of our beloved vice admirals and how they spent valentines day with their wife's, lovers, partners and s/o .

I reblog part 1 to it, so you have them all together. And as usual I might revise part 1 as well. So keep eyes peeled and as always enjoy. Of course NSFW 18 + content ahead.

Happy Valentines 🍓❤🍓❤❤❤❤

YAMAKAJI

• he enjoys Valentines day of all his non working days the most. Its his favorite day since he gets to completely and utterly spoil you.

• Yamakaji loves to make you smile so your day is spent with a trip to the fun fair or circus.

• lots of laughter and fun. He makes sure to take every ride and you leave with prices won at a raffle or shooting stand in your arms

• he teases and feeds you the foods and sweets when you two come home

• as a matter of fact he is obsessed with watching your mouth and lips and after the last chocolate praline he makes that you lick his fingers and suck playful on them

• Yamakaji is the embodiment of quiet waters are deep and somewhat dirty, while you suck his fingers nice and slowly his zip opens and you get his thick manhood to suck on next

• it turns him on immensely to watch how he penetrates you, your lips glide over his tip sliding down the entire length

• it may start out slowly but in the heat of deep throating you he gets fast and rough until he comes and fills your mouth with his cum

• Yamakaji is man enough to return the favor placing you on the bed you 2 share, pulling down your clothes and buries his head between your legs. Squeezing your butt tightly his tongue pushes into your sex exploring the wet fleshy hole.

• his beard tickles and that’s a bonus he knows how to pleasure a woman with his luscious large mouth and lips oh and his tongue … he spoils you you till you have your orgasm and relishes in swallowing your juices

• but don’t think you’re done yet cause when Yamakaji finished cleaning up between your legs he is ready for round 2. He pulls you up onto his lap and shoves his cock into you. Enjoying you And if you thought the fun fair rides where great riding this vice admiral all night will leave with more thrills and wobbly legs the next day.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dalmatian

• the furry of the vice admirals might be a hardass on the battle field but for Valentines day given he gets the day off well really any other off day will do, is a true cozy couch potato

• He will spent the whole day and night in bed with you just for the fluffy snuggles that you get with him. To Dalmatian this is special its simply detoxification from the muck of piracy and he wants to share it with no one else but you.

• you be guaranteed a wet dogs nose wake up call and Dalmatians tail around your waist, he will lick your neck like any good dog before an intensive kissing session.

• Dalmatian is full of surprises he even makes breakfast and let’s you in a bath. He certainly is very physical and attentive throughout the day. And one would think he is a gentle lover, but there are clues of his animalistic and dominant side i.e. he puts his hands around your throat a love bite to the neck.

• the valentines evening might start with you two snuggling with a good movie but you never make it to the end. Dalmatians hands are fast and while you hit his favourite spot behind his ear he strips your clothes off.

• from this point it takes a lick and a wild kiss before he turns you onto your hands and feet. He will give you plenty of bites and nibbles then he mounts you and he will not hold back, penetrating you fast and without warning. His thrusts are also hard and fast. He will grunt and growl a lot into your ear as well as holding you by the throat dominating you. He loves to hear you moan loudly begging for more from his manhood.

• he will leave a visible mark of a bite on you when he comes

• certainly Dalmatian will have his way with you multiple times at night.

#one piece #viceadmiral #one piece marines #marines #navyhq #marineford #anime #onepiece #vice admiral dalmatian #vice admiral yamakaji #one piece x y/n #one piece x reader

13 notes · View notes

innsyn · 10 months

Text

Feedback time!

@advashaviv has asked for feedback on the first page of her book.

Time to put my editors hat on 🙂

I like to approach feedback with three stages:

First impressions - read each paragraph, then stop and note my top-of-head thoughts. After I’ve read a piece once I can never get those ‘fresh-eyes’ back.

Reflections - having read the piece, step back: what do I understand of its goals, methods, strengths/weaknesses, etc. I try to focus on the specifics of the piece, rather than generic writing advice.

Suggestions - what would I recommend as the next steps for developing the piece? I try to be specific and give examples.

What are we looking at here?

6 paragraphs / 336 words

First Impressions

Would you look at this sweet little baby-thought! Banjo couldn’t help but coo at it, amidst the usual chaos of Emma’s mind. Fluctuating piles of books, rolling heaps of pets’ hairs, older thoughts ravaging throughout the blue space—everything faded around the tiny sweet thing. Well, almost everything. Except for the chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate, mostly filled with smooth praline cream. Banjo licked his lips, then turned back to smile at the baby-thought.

Okay - we’re embodying and personifying thoughts. Imagery is U-rated. Obvious namecheck is the movie, Inside Out, but also Soul - strong Pixar vibe either way.

The thought eyed him curiously, and Banjo stuck out his tongue in greeting, face crumpled in ridiculous adoration. Sure, he’d seen thousands of new thoughts before, but each was different and charming all over again. This one was a quivering green pompom with thin dark hairs and a black witch’s hat. Had something to do with evening. Banjo waved his wings at it, squirmed his eyebrows, twisted his beak in weird directions. The thought fixed its gaze right above Banjo’s beak.

Sentiment is cute, but I have a visual imagination and this interaction is hard to picture properly because I don’t know what Banjo looks like. It’s like a formless Mr Potato Head waiting for details. Now it has wings.. but they’re fuzzy because I don’t know if they’re fairy wings, angel wings, dragon wings, etc. Oh wait, it has a beak too? Is it just a bird?

“Oh, you like my mustache, do you?” Banjo wiggled his mustache and turned his head sideways, calling for Pippannjo to come see Emma’s little thought. No reply. Pipp must have been too far to hear him, maybe on a different planet in the space. Or maybe she just pretended not to hear, thinking he meant to bring up his plan again. For which she showed zero support. ‘Ridiculous,’ she’d called it. Well. He must be doing something right, then.

We tangent from our scene - B and the baby-thought - to call for a third character, P. Then follow that tangent to wonder where P is. Then tangent again to bring up a previous conversation between B & P, then follow that second tangent to reflect on B’s opinion of P’s opinion. It’s succinctly done - but this is scope widening information (indicating to the reader that there’s more going on than the scene we’re seeing) rather than actions, which reveal character. For an opening page I’d recommend focusing narrower - spend longer on the actual scene, building a stronger picture of the characters and developing some reader attachment to them, before widening.

“Am I right?” Banjo bent toward the baby-thought. Yes, it certainly had to do with evening, and a cozy one at that. Emma must be having some ideas for this evening. Or for another evening; but no, it felt like she was thinking about the coming hours.

Feels like a missed opportunity. The action beat in the scene is “B examining the b-t and deducing what kind of thought it is”. But all we get are the conclusions of that action - information. We aren’t shown the action itself - what could Banjo see/feel when examining the thought, and how did he/it know that meant it was a thought about evening plans?

The thought cooed what sounded like a question, and Banjo lost all control of the adoring noises spewing from his mouth. He tried to read the full thought, but being too immature, it formed no definite words.

Does the baby-thought have a mouth? It was described as a pom-pom with hair and hat, so I wasn’t sure whether to put a face on it too. I guessed at ‘no’. But now it’s cooing, I’m having to revise my picture. Backtracking to revise my picture interrupts my engagement. Not sold on ‘lost all control of the adoring noises spewing from his mouth’. Implies that the only thing stopping them from spewing previously was his self-control, didn’t fit the vibe so far - and spewing specifically is distracting.

Then it matured.

High above his shaking head the thought expanded, bared huge teeth and growled at him.

Sequencing feels a bit off here - reads as high above his head, the thought [then] expanded? Whereas I’d presume the actions are - the thought [rapidly] expanded, [until it’s face was] high above B’s shaking head.

/— End of Piece

Reflections

Let’s start with what I liked best - the premise! I am a big fan of stories that happen within characters’ minds (as long as they don’t end with “it was all just a dream”). I’ve already namechecked Inside Out as the closest fit, but Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is my all-time favorite movie and my own WIP is about an angel trapped inside a dead-woman’s memories. Point being, you’re off to a strong start with the premise!

At this stage, the actual mechanics of what’s going on are still unclear. That’s okay, because this is only the first page, but what do we know? We’re inside the head of someone called Emma, who we assume is a regular human. Within that headspace, thoughts are ‘born’. They start off as pre-vocal baby-thoughts, which are ‘small’ and cute and then mature into fully-grown thoughts, which can be ‘giant’ and scary. This idea of personifying individual thoughts feels like it has plenty of scope to explore.

There are other things in this headspace besides thoughts - books, pet hair and chocolate exist as objects, but it’s not clear what they represent in conceptual terms. Are they fragments of memories or desires? Similarly space seems fairly fluid - we’ve got these things kind of drifting around, like outer space - except it’s blue instead of black. It’s big enough that there are planets, but we don’t yet have any sense of scale, or what’s meant by that term (these could be one-person planets like The Little Prince).

Then there are entities - Banjo and Pip - who seem to be a separate class from thought-creatures. We don’t know yet if they’re personifications of some aspect of Emma’s interior space (such as emotions, desires or imaginary friends) or something external that has got into her head.

Banjo is our POV character - and I’d say the psychic-distance between narrator and Banjo is pretty close. We’re filtering things through how Banjo sees them, and plucking lines direct from Banjo’s head. This, for me, is causing a problem. Banjo is familiar with the scene they’re within - they seem to take most of it for granted - so through their eyes we only see the parts that are new and holding their attention. Whereas for the reader, this is all new, and we kind of want Banjo to look around and see it afresh, to help ease us in - like a more distanced narrator.

Final reflection is that the actual prose is sound - reads very smoothly and only minimal thoughts on word-choice or sentence/paragraph construction.

Suggestions

We’re only looking at a very small sample, so I’ll keep this brief:

More distance between Banjo and the narrator. For reasons outlined above. Paint the whole picture, not just the bits the POV character cares about.

Focus on actions in-scene, not information inferred from actions. Often short-handed as ‘show, don’t tell’. I’m by no means a ‘show vs tell’ absolutist - there are plenty of times where it’s appropriate to tell - but this is an abstracted setting, and the reader doesn’t know the rules of how things work here yet, so staying tight on action would be effective to build familiarity.

Illustrative examples:

Would you look at that sweet little baby-thought!

Emma’s mind was its usual chaos; fluctuating piles of books, rolling heaps of pet hair and a thousand other fragments of mental detritus—but everything faded away when Banjo gazed at the tiny sweet thing. Well, almost everything. Except for the chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate balls, the type filled with smooth praline cream, were slowly gathering around his feet. Distracted, Banjo licked his lips, then turned back to smile again at the baby-thought.

The thought eyed Banjo curiously and who could blame it? He was a curious looking thing: a blue penguin in flower-power dungarees with an explosive mop of magenta dreadlocks. Banjo stuck out his tongue, face crumpled with adoration. Sure, he’d seen thousands of new thoughts before, but each was different and charming all over again. This one was a quivering green pompom with features like a sleepy puppy, scraggly dark hair and a witch’s hat. Banjo wondered what Emma was thinking about to create this little cutie-pie. The air close around it tasted of spinning clocks, twinkling stars, and heavy limbs. Something to do with evening time. Determined to get a reaction, Banjo waved his stubby flippers at it, squirmed his eyebrows and twisted his beak in weird directions. The baby-thought locked its gaze just above Banjo’s beak.

“Oh, you like my mustache, do you?” Banjo wiggled his mauve handlebar mustache, striking poses to show it off proudly. He called for Pippannjo to come see Emma’s latest thought. No reply. Must have skedaddled somewhere, maybe exploring a whole different planet in the headspace. Or maybe she was just out of eyeline and ignoring him again.

“Am I right?” Banjo bent toward the baby-thought, beak wide to sample the vibes that were emanating from the hat. Yes, it certainly had something to do with evening time, and a cozy one at that. He reckoned Emma was forming an idea for this tonight. He hoped this one worked out better than her last few.

The baby-thought babbled noises that sounded like a question. Banjo found himself babbling back with enthusiasm. Stroking the pompom with his beak, he tried to read the full thought, but being too immature, it formed no definite words.

Then, with an explosion of decisiveness and clarity, it matured.

The thought expanded rapidly; within a handful of heartbeats it was glaring down from high above Banjo’s head. It bared huge canine teeth and growled at him.

#writeblr #writeblr community #writers on tumblr #creative writing #fantasy writing

6 notes · View notes