#Pratchett quotes

[helenvader]

Havelock, Lord Vetinari, ever careful to provide enrichment for people.

There was a crash from above. A chaise-longue cantered down the stairs and smashed through the hall door.

‘I think perhaps the guards are still trying to free the Patrician,’ said the High Priest.

‘Apparently even his secret passages locked themselves.’

‘All of them? I thought the sly devil had ’em everywhere,’ said Ridcully.

‘All locked,’ said the High Priest. ‘All of them.’

‘Almost all of them,’ said a voice behind him. Ridcully’s tones did not change as he turned around, except that a slight extra syrup was added.

A figure had apparently stepped out of the wall. It was human, but only by default. Thin, pale, and clad all in dusty black, the Patrician always put Ridcully in mind of a predatory flamingo, if you could find a flamingo that was black and had the patience of a rock.

‘Ah, Lord Vetinari,’ he said,

‘I am so glad you are unhurt.’

‘I will see you gentleman in the Oblong Office,’ said the Patrician. Behind him, a panel in the wall slid back noiselessly.

‘I, um, I believe there are a number of guards upstairs trying to free—’ the Chief Priest began.

The Patrician waved a thin hand at him. ‘I wouldn’t dream of stopping them,’ he said. ‘It gives them something to do and makes them feel important. Otherwise they just have to stand around all day looking fierce and controlling their bladders. Come this way.’

#discworld #pratchett quotes #reaper man #havelock vetinari

[akboro]

#gnu terry pratchett #terry pratchett #discworld #quotes #jingo

[friend-crow]

Y'ALL

#GNU Terry Pratchett #west side story #sorry I'm not sure what this tweet is quoting #it came to me already in screen cap form

[theorderofthetriad]

#obligatory relevant discworld quote that i didn't feel comfortable derailing the post that reminded me of it for #discworld #terry pratchett #not tagging the book name for obvious reasons #santagno #top tino post

[mrscakeishere]

Just started Guards! Guards! and I haven't stopped laughing. I particularly love the end of this sentence.

#terry pratchett #discworld quotes #discworld #guards! guards! #carrot

[aeshnacyanea2000]

The river slunk sullenly in the bottom of its bed, like a student around 11 a.m.

-- Terry Pratchett - Men At Arms

#Terry Pratchett #discworld quotes #GNU Terry Pratchett #quotes #Men At Arms #Ankh-Morpork #river Ankh

[novlr]

“The first draft is just you telling yourself the story.” — Terry Pratchett

#nanowrimo #writers #creative writing #writing #writing community #writers of tumblr #creative writers #writing inspiration #writeblr #writerblr #writing tips #writers corner #writblr #first draft #terry pratchett #writer #author quote #writers life #advice for authors #writing advice #just write #just write it

[daily-crowley]

Crowley Of The Day: “here comes the smolder.”

#If you know the quote I like you a little more than the rest #I hear his voice crystal clear saying it #Crowley #Aziraphale #Good Omens #David Tennant #Michael Sheen #Good Omens Prime #Neil Gaiman #Terry Pratchett #Ineffable Husbands #Crowley Of The Day #COTD #COTD New Post #New Crowley Of The Day #Daily Crowley Content #Daily Crowley #Good Omens Season 2 #GOS2 #no seriously I hope people recognize the quote otherwise I’ll look like an idiot with what I was going for #it’s a film loved by many. a classic. it’s a AU used by different fandoms and ships. #there has to be at least ONE person who gets my little dumb reference

[helenvader]

I am not that thrilled about the football plot of Unseen Academicals, but there are so many gems in the book. Here we have Lord Veterinary 🤣 who did his homework on the subject at hand so well that it makes everybody speechless (no news), and the last part is just... glorious.

--

At which point someone tried to slap Vetinari on the back. It happened with remarkable speed and ended possibly even faster than it began, with Vetinari still seated in his chair with his beer mug in one hand and the man’s wrist gripped tightly at head height. He let go and said, ‘Can I help you, sir?’

‘You’re that Lord Veterinary, ain’t ya? I seed you on them postage stamps.’

Ridcully glanced up. Some of Lord Vetinari’s clerks were briskly heading towards them, along with some of the slurred speaker’s friends, who could be defined at this point as people who were slightly more sober than he was and right now were sobering up very, very fast, because when you have just slapped a tyrant on the back you need all the friends you can get. Vetinari nodded at his gentlemen, who evaporated back into the crowd, and then he snapped his fingers at one of the waiters.

‘A chair here, please, for my new friend.’

‘Are you sure?’ said Ridcully, as a chair was pushed under the man who, by happy coincidence, was falling backwards in any case.

‘I mean,’ said the man, ‘everary one saysh you’re a bit of a wnacker, but I saysh you’re awright over thish football fing. ’Sno future in jus’ shlogging away. I should know, I got kicked inna head quite a few times.’

‘Really?’ said Lord Vetinari.

‘And what is your name?’

‘Swithin, shir,’ said the man.

‘Any other name, by any chance?’ said Vetinari.

‘Dustworthy,’ he said. He raised a finger in a kind of salute. ‘Captain, the Cockbill Boars.’

‘Ah, you aren’t having a good season,’ said Vetinari. ‘You need fresh blood in the squad, especially since Jimmy Wilkins got put into the Tanty after eating someone’s nose. Naphill walked all over you because you lost your backbone when both of the Pinchpenny brothers were taken to the Lady Sybil, and you’ve been stuck down in the mud for three seasons. Okay, everyone says that Harry Capstick is making a very good showing since you bought him from Treacle Mine Tuesday for two crates of Winkle’s Old Peculiar and a sack of pork scratchings, which is not bad for a man with a wooden leg, but there’s never anyone in support.’

A circle of silence spread outwards from Vetinari and the swaying Swithin. Ridcully’s mouth had dropped open and Henry’s brandy glass remained half empty, an unusual occurrence for a glass that’s been in the hands of a wizard for more than fifteen seconds.

‘Also, I’m hearing that your pies are leaving a lot to be desired, such as dead, cooked, organic content,’ continued Vetinari. ‘Can’t get the Shove behind you when the pies are seen to walk about.’

‘My ladsh,’ said Swithin, ‘are the besht there ish. It’sh not their fault they’re up againsht better people. They never getsh a chance to play shomeone they can beat. They alwaysh gives it one hundred and twenty pershent and you can’t give more than that. Anyhow, how come you know all this shtuff ? It’s not like we’re big in the league.’

‘Oh, I take an interest,’ said Vetinari. ‘I believe that football is a lot like life.’

‘There ish that, shir, there ish that. You does your besht and then shomeone kicksh you inna fork.’

‘Then I strongly advise you to take an interest in our new football,’ said Vetinari, ‘which will be about speed, skill and thinking.’

‘Oh, yeah, right, I can do all them,’ said Swithin, at which point he fell off his chair.

‘Does this poor man have any friends here?’ said Vetinari, turning to the crowd.

There was some diffidence among them concerning whether or not it was a good idea to be friends with Swithin at this point.

Vetinari raised his voice: ‘I would just like a couple of people to take him back to his home. I would like them to put him to bed and see that no trouble comes to him. Perhaps they ought to stay with him until morning too, because he just might try to commit suicide when he wakes up.’

#discworld #pratchett quotes #unseen academicals #havelock vetinari #being havelock vetinari

[thehatofthehatter]

'So let's just say that Ankh-Morpork is as full of life as an old cheese on a hot day, as loud as a curse in a cathedral, as bright as an oil slick, as colourful as a bruise and as full of activity, industry, bustle and sheer exuberant busyness as a dead dog on a termite mound.'

Mort, Terry Pratchett

#mort #discworld #terry pratchett #books #quotes #book quotes #charlotte's quotes #gnu terry pratchett

[captainfantasticalright]

I quite enjoy putting these together. Aziraphale: our bebop, jolly good, oh fuck supreme being.

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #neil gaiman #terry pratchett #good omens quotes #book quotes

[sinister-bob]

'Y'see, I'm fat,' said Jackrum. 'People don't think fat men can fight. They think fat men are funny. They think wrong. Gave 'im a chop to the windpipe.' -- Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

#gnu terry pratchett #monstrous regiment #quote

[paradises-library]

Night poured over the desert. It came suddenly, in purple. In the clear air, the stars drilled down out of the sky, reminding any thoughtful watcher that it is in the deserts and high places that religions are generated. When men see nothing but bottomless infinity over their heads, they have always had a driving and desperate urge to find someone to put in the way.

Jingo, Terry Pratchett

#jingo #terry pratchett #quotes #gnu terry pratchett #discworld

[p4nishers]

one of the most important things terry pratchett has taught me is that it's okay to be angry. no one has ever said that to me before. he taught me that anger was an engine. that you can use that anger. that it goes hand in hand with love. he taught me to never underestimate my anger, because it's one of my strongest points. he taught me genuine anger was one of the world’s great creative forces. he taught me i shouldn't be fighting my anger, but what caused it. he himself said rage underlines everything he wrote. i never heard anger talked about so openly like that before and it's freeing, i suppose, to realize you are truly, truly not alone in your rage at the world. you never were.

#“Granny Weatherwax was often angry. She considered it one of her strong points. Genuine anger was one of the world’s great creative forces. #But you had to learn how to control it. That didn’t mean you let it trickle away. It meant you dammed it carefully #let it develop a working head let it drown whole valleys of the mind and then - just when the whole structure was about to collapse - #opened a tiny pipeline at the base and let the iron-hard stream of wrath power the turbines of revenge.“ #not a moment goes by that im not thinking of that quote #ill stop going on about anger and pterry i promise it's just that im angry all the time and he's the only thing that has helped so far and #you dont get over that sort of thing #gnu terry pratchett #discworld #terry pratchett

[theshepherdscrown]

Royalty pollutes people's minds, boy. Honest men start bowing and bobbing just because someone's granddad was a bigger murdering bastard than theirs was.

Men at Arms, Terry Pratchett

#men at arms #Terry Pratchett #Discworld #sam vimes #quote #cwseries

[aeshnacyanea2000]

Magic wasn’t difficult. That was the big secret that the whole baroque edifice of wizardry had been set up to conceal. Anyone with a bit of intelligence and enough perseverance could do magic, which was why the wizards cloaked it with rituals and the whole pointy-hat business. The trick was to do magic and get away with it.

-- Terry Pratchett - Moving Pictures

#Terry Pratchett #discworld quotes #GNU Terry Pratchett #quotes #Moving Pictures #magic #wizards #wizardry