#Protective Ellie | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kizzer55555 · 18 days

Text

DPxDC: Jarro Adopts an Alien

Ok, so Danny has a space obsession and a protection obsession (I headcanon that as a halfa, Danny has two obsessions like all Halfas do which makes them unique to other ghosts.) and so while he can get his fill protecting people in Amity, he struggles with his space obsession. Sure, he can look up everything he can about space and the stars on the internet. He can stay up until 2 am looking at the stars (who needs sleep? He’s a ghost, he can go days, or even weeks without sleep if he wants, same with a lack of air or food.) but it’s just not enough. He craves to learn more, see more. Just as Dani gets that itch to travel, Danny wonders. What would it be like to see the stars up close? Are they really as hot as a dragons fire breath? Hotter!? Or maybe they are so hot they are cold. What does it look like to see plasma dancing across the surface, or touch the gasses of Jupiter? Does Pluto have ice caves like the far frozen? How many planets are actually out there? What about Mars. There’s a whole species living there with a language and culture Danny can’t even fathom! Oh what he wouldn’t give to talk with martian manhunter or Superman.

And what’s stopping him from exploring this? He can fly. He doesn’t need air. He can go intangible if it gets too hot and he’s practically immune to the cold. He wants to touch a space rock! See if they are smooth because there is no wind or earth to rub against them and erode the surface. He wants to see what planets they come from. What minerals they might have. He wants to know if there are currents in space. All of these things are right there just above the atmosphere. Surely it couldn’t hurt to take a quick peek. So he does. During a particularly bad day Danny flies as fast as he can until the earth’s gravity looses its effects. Until his hair is floating as of it’s in water even more than normal. Until he can feel when breathing no longer became a choice (still not necessary though). And it…was beautiful. To be surrounded by space. To see the earth like this. Pictures just didn’t do it Justice. He flew across the solar system and as he passed planets, he longed to fly through them. To search every crevice and learn their secrets. But he had a bigger prize in mind at the moment. The crown jewel of their universe. The closest star he could find. The sun.

Danny was mesmerized. The plasma really did dance across the surface. Like a never ending performance of science and beauty. There were sparks that few in arcs. Danny flew down and played in them, making a game to see how many he could fly under. His ghost core purred in delight. His obsession had never been more satisfied. He spent hours out there. Just exploring what his solar system had to offer. So when he returned? He couldn’t just forget. Pictures and online science theories had nothing on the real thing. He wanted to explore some more. So he did. Every night he would go out and explore the cosmos. Flying from planet to planet. (Either the Martians were still around and Danny made friends with them, even learning their language, or he just looks at their ruins to learn as much as he can). And with both obsessions now being filled, Danny is more settled. More confident. And he can focus better. Everyone notices the change, even his teachers. They just think that he’s paying more attention to his education now. He’s even better during his ghost fights.

But Danny can fly awfully fast. And he soaks up information even faster. Soon his trips take longer and longer as he flies further out. Sometimes he can barely make it back in time for school. And he can't go every night. Sometimes the ghosts won’t wait for daytime so he has to make sure the town will be safe in his absence. Although he’s been able to take more trips ever since Valerie joined the vigilante ranks. But still, he’s getting farther and farther from earth each night. Until one day he’s visited every planet, every star, every comet or debris in their solar system. Which would be fine. He could deal with that if that was all there was. But it wasn’t. Danny saw the stars just out of reach. He saw places the Milky Way was leaning towards. He saw just the barest hints of new solar systems with new planets and stars. And he knew of legends from lanterns that they had posted online. Heard tales from some scientists that have made better telescopes. And his core itches. It aches to know more. See more. Yet he can't go further. And this puts him in a sort of depression. Suddenly he’s back to his old self. Lagging behind. Distracted. Zoning out. Crashing into a few more buildings during ghost attacks. Yet he tries so hard to be satisfied with what he has. He can still fulfill his obsession…it’s just more like chewing on a granola bar rather than eating a decent meal. He’s almost becoming lethargic.

So one day he goes to Frostbite to see if there’s anything he can do to lessen the effects. But the yeti just takes one look at him and gives him the infimap. And suddenly Danny is in a whole new universe in seconds. The planets are purple. The stars are blue. He’s pretty sure there are furry blob-like creatures living on one of those planets. And suddenly he gets that itch, but holding the infimap, he knows he had time, so he lets himself go.

And for a while it’s good. great even. Since he can’t keep asking the yetis for the infimap, he goes over to Wulf to see if he’s up for an adventure. Most of the time he is and they go exploring the galaxies together. And then Wulf had the genius idea of teaching Danny how to make portals. It took a long time but soon, he could concentrate the surrounding ectoplasm enough to weaken it and pull. It took a while since Danny didn’t have ecto claws and would have to use his pure will. But this would allow him to follow his obsession anytime, anywhere. So it was only a matter of time. And once he figured it out? It was like something was unlocked. Danny had never before understood how Ellie could travel so much. But now he did. That feeling when you discover something new. When you add to your reservoir of knowledge. When the patterns in the universe just click. There is nothing Danny could compare it to. And to explore that whenever he wanted? It was so freeing. While Wulf sometimes still joined Danny’s adventures, Danny did most of his explorations by himself.

He meets various planets and aliens. So many different cultures. He learns thousands of languages. Tries all kinds of foods (and it’s a good thing his ghost self has an iron stomach and he’s basically poison resistant.) even found a whole comet where blood blossoms grew. (Which he most definitely avoided). And wasn’t that fascinating? To find out they were from space.

And then during his travels one day he met a space alien starfish.

It was actually a funny story. A meteor shower was about to attack a planet of talking blue monkey creatures with 4 arms. Danny immediately started diverting them and was soon joined by some lantern corps (which his inner fanboy wanted to talk to so bad.). And a tiny starfish in a…Robin uniform? Oh and the starfish could apparently do martial arts which was interesting to watch him karate chop a meteor. He could also talk directly into Danny’s head which the halfa found more interesting. So they got to talking and apparently his name was Jarro. He seemed to be helping the lantern corps as a ‘proxy from earth’ to make better use of his skills.

Danny would run into Jarro a few more times. Sometimes he was with Lanterns and sometimes he would just be exploring the galaxies. They started forming a pretty strong friendship and Danny would start seeking out the starfish alien to travel with him. He knew all kinds of space facts. Apparently he had an eidetic memory. When they explored, sometimes Jarro would just stick to part of Danny. Wrapped around his arm, his waist, sometimes just sticking to his back like a strange backpack. But they always had fun.

So Danny was happy. He could fulfill both obsessions and got a space pal. Everything was great!

Until the GIW caught him.

It would probably be the worst day of his life. There was an explosion in the lab. Something set up by them after they realized Danny frequented that place often. So they set a trap and blew it up. Thankfully, Jazz was at college during this but both his parents were home. When the explosion went off, Danny had tried putting a Barrier around them all. It took everything he had to maintain it. That’s how they found out he was phantom. Danny had a few moments where his parents said they accepted him but he couldn’t hold the barrier for long. His parents said that they loved him and then everything went green. He woke up in a lab, tired and injured. His only saving grace being that he remained in phantom form. And he was determined to remain so.

Danny’s time at the GIW was a haze but eventually, he managed to escape. Bleeding, and tired, and still recovering from the burns in the explosion, Danny made a portal straight to Amity. Only when he got there, it was a ghost town. Streets were empty, buildings were boarded up. Even the Nasty Burger was deserted. As for his house, there was nothing but a crater left and some scattered debris. Danny looked everywhere but there was no one. No Jazz. No Sam. No Tucker. No one. and he was tired. And everything hurt, and he needed a friend. Someone he could trust. So in a daze he made a portal and tried to just project safe. Safe safe safe. Somewhere he knew he would be protected. And so Jarro got a surprise when his space buddy suddenly popped out of a green portal, bleeding green and clearly passed out. He didn't know what to do. He didn’t know how to help him. But Jarro knew someone who would.

So with a speed never before seen from a tiny starfish, he flew to earth. Bringing his friend straight to his father. Because surely batman could help!

And with his appearance, the green blood, the knowledge of space facts. The lack of wanting to talk about where he came from (and the nightmares crying out for his parents). This is how the bats became convinced that Jarro brought them an injured alien.

#Dpxdc #dcxdp #Kizzer’s ideas #Danny has space and protection obsession.#Danny can make portals.#Good parents Fenton. But they die. (Sorry.)#Danny and Jarro are space brothers #The bats think Danny is an alien. Danny is unaware of this. Actually Danny is unconscious. He’s not aware of anything.#Danny is very confused why he wakes up in a mansion with a billionaire.#Amity Parkers have slowly been moving away because of ghost attacks. But at the time it was manageable.#When the Fentons house exploded and caused the first casualties everyone evacuated. Making Amity basically get shut down.#Amity becomes a literal ghost town.#Jazz Sam and Tucker think Danny died in the explosion.#Jazz was actually there. She got caught in the edge of the portal explosion which wasn’t as powerful as the core of the blast.#Instead of killing her it changed her into a halfa. So now she has to figure out new ghost powers while processing the death of her family.#(She is put into foster care where she meets a certain speedster that also has red hair.)#Ellie learns of Amity but keeps traveling. She hates staying in one place and focusing on her obsession helps her grieve.#(Her other obsession is family.)#Jazz has never met Ellie.

483 notes · View notes

astrobei · 10 months

Text

byler x jurassic park. thank you for your time.

#listen jurassic park is one of my Medias Of All Time #like. fundamental to understanding suni astrobi fr fr fr #i watched it for the millionth time on the plane a couple days ago and was thinking Such Thoughts #re: ellie will #bc they r both empathetic and sweet and nerdy but brave and will not take shit #and also paleobotanist will is so. SOOOOO.#and also re: alan mike #bc they r both a little grumpy and aloof and closed off at first interaction #but warm up to their loved ones and are protective and strategic and kind and also a huge fucking nerd #i can’t get them out of my head #they r in there like a worm in my brain .#also re: the scene where ellie helps the triceratops #imagining will pausing to help it when it’s sick #internally gagging while shoving his arms into the poop pile bc it’s disgusting but Powering Through #hm.#this one’s for thea btw my jurassic park loving partner in crime #she gets me. she rly gets me.#mike wheeler #will byers #byler #/astro draws

2K notes · View notes

starry-bi-sky · 4 months

Text

More Clone^2 or just Damian Clone Au because these two have my heart rn.

————

“Asmi Danyal.” Damian says.

“Asm- asmi Danyal.” Danny repeats.

There is a sharp jab to his leg.

Danny thinks this means he’s winning, and he grins goofily.

(He’s not, he did the pronunciation wrong. He has to say it again.)

Where he is, is his room. It’s nearing midnight, and him and Damian have been sitting in his room for the last three hours.

He has books about learning arabic sprawled at his feet, from beginner’s books to advanced, he got whatever he could get his hands on that would teach him Arabic.

And Damian, little Damian who has finally taken it upon himself to settle down over these last few months, has decided that he doesn’t really like the way Danny is teaching himself.

“Your pronunciation is bad.” He told him through the translator Danny downloaded onto his phone. And then he sat down onto the ground and pointed at the floor and said “‘Ardia.”

And then wouldn’t stop until Danny said it in a way that he liked. He moved on to the next object. And then the next, and then the next. And so this has been their dynamic for the last two weeks. They’re finally moving on to proper sentences.

(It’s not fool-proof, and that’s why Danny still has his books. Damian doesn’t know every word, and knowing words doesn’t mean he knows how to string them together into a sentence.)

(But never let it be said that Danny is not a quick learner when he sets his heart to something.)

“Asmi Danyal.” Damian says.

“Asmi Danyal.” Danny repeats.

(“My name is Daniel.”)

Damian nods, satisfied and sated. He points to himself, puffed up like a peacock showing off its feathers. “Asmi Damyan Alghul.” He says, “‘Ana abn aldam.”

(There’s a flicker of uncertainty on Damian’s face, a slump in his shoulders that exists for only a millisecond. It’s a look on Damian’s face that Danny sees on his own whenever he looks in the mirror.)

(A question of identity, an ‘I think’ - am I really who I say I am? Doubt comes in with fickle tongue.)

Danny - much to his own surprise - is able to piece together the second half of his sentence on his own. It’s slow, assigning words to translation, but he learns it.

(“My name is Damian Al Ghul. I am the blood son.”)

The blood son - he can only assume he means the blood son of Bruce Wayne, of course. He shares the same face as the very public figure’s youngest boy.

And Danny shares the face of the youngest boy’s father.

And much like him, this Damian was younger than the original, thirteen year old one. Much younger.

“Marhaban Damian.” Danny says, a sly smile creeping up his face. “Asmi Danyal Fenton —” his eyes glance to one of his books, a list of greetings going down the page. He finds one he’s looking for. “Tasharafna.”

(“Hello Damian, my name is Daniel Fenton. It’s nice to meet you.”)

(He’d hold out his hand in a customary, playful handshake, but his palms still sting and hurt from his last encounter with Damian’s blade. He’s got them half curled at his side, unmoving as much as possible.)

Danny got the last pronunciation wrong, much to his amused delight. Damian’s face darkens and his smug expression falls away into a scowl.

“‘Ant aldajaalu, wanha ‘tasharafna.”

(“You are the imposter, and it’s ‘tasharafna’.”)

And so here they go again.

530 notes · View notes

puppetmaster13u · 5 months

Text

Prompt 87

“Mother, I crave violence.”

Danny paused in the middle of his work, turning off the torch as he turned towards Dan. Who had once again be de-aged for destroying a world a few years before. (Ellie had cackled for hours about her being the older sibling now) The currently-six year old was scowling, definitely not pouting.

He raised an eyebrow, setting his tools down. “Jordan, we’re literally in an assassin’s den right now-” Honestly running into someone he’d met in his time-traveling was rather interesting, apparently his old rival had become so ecto-contaminated that he was immortal now. “-and I know you just got out of sparring, so are you really ‘craving violence’ or are you just bored?”

Dan pouted, sorry, he scowled. “Your ‘friend’s’ kids kept tryin’ to copy me and got in the way.” He hopped up onto one of the chairs, visibly not happy about not being able to fly as he glared at tiny legs. Tough shit, he knew better than to destroy worlds, they couldn’t always reverse time.

Danny sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “They’re just trying to play-” Maybe to a human they wouldn’t, but honestly everyone here was so liminal they were probably closer to ghosts than anyone except for Amity. Which had also been displaced in time after getting dragged to the ghost zone, so it had been soaked in ecto longer anyway.

“They got in the way and I almost stabbed Dusan!” Dan whined, despite what he’d insist. “At least Elnath can go intangible and Nyssa can dodge!” Ah, that was the issue. He’d been worried.

“Little sunbeam, you don’t have to worry,” Danny soothed, scooping up the ghostling. Even though he had been an adult, the chemicals in the brain and body were still that of a child’s. A young child at that. “The trainers are there to keep an accident from happening.”

Not to mention that he was rather confident that between Ras and himself they could keep any injuries to minor ones. Sam would have loved to meet him, Danny thinks. Honestly they would have been best friends, but Sam was off on another world on a mission to collect every plant in existence, so good for her, and Tucker was back in the reincarnation cycle.

Oh well, at least he wasn’t waiting for them alone, and maybe Dan having more siblings would help stop another timeline-breaking accident from happening.

#dcxdp #dpxdc #prompts #Danny fenton #league of assassins #ras al ghul #Danyal & Ras met when Danny was doing a time mission & trained together a bit #Ras was not expecting his old friend/rival to reappear hundreds of years later looking unchanged #Danny deserves to have white hair in his human form as he becomes more ghostly lol #morally grey danny #space core danny #his obsession is less general protection & more protecting what is His #Is Ras and Danny together Or are they platonically co-parenting #Honestly up to the writer #Hilariously Dusan definitely looks like he could be Danny's kid with the white hair and lazarus green eyes lol #Naughty ghosts get de-aged #sun core dan #moon core ellie #Ellie/Dani is named after the second brightest star in Taurus

604 notes · View notes

tanglepelt · 15 days

Text

Dp x dc

Danny has long since solved the GIW and the meta protection acts does now apply to ghost.

They are now not his problem.

The portal is shutdown. He is a legal adult. No more amity for him. The minute he could he was out in an out of state college. No ghost fights meant he was doing great in college! He may yet be an astronaut after all.

While Danny hung up his hero hat Ellie had not.

It was great. Last he heard she was in some hero team. Something about titans? maybe? She respected how he wanted no involvement.

That was until she was in trouble. He had to act.

But listen. How was he supposed to know not using his powers would cause lack of control. So he might of froze the threat and maybe some league members.

But. It was fine.

His sister and her friends were bruised and definitely had some broken bones maybe some concussions but nothing major. And he didn’t freeze a single one of them So really he’s content.

The whole frozen hero popsicles….. Well. It would be fine. They’d melt on their own as long as his didn’t keep them frozen. Probably.

He just waved at Ellie took a look around. Went through the portal he made back to his dorm and transformed into a human. He had a class in 20 minutes to get to.

Danny is sure nothing will come of the little stunt.

#dpxdc #Danny just didn’t want Ellie to get hurt #Ellie will go on to call him and complain #they were barley injured #Danny saw them stand against the threat and went nope #like he saw heavy hitters getting taken out #Ellie is free to punch villians and stuff #arrest them and what not #broken ribs expected although he’s not to keen on it #but his sisters life #nope he is butting in #his main obsession may be space #but he will protect his family #dpxdc prompt

249 notes · View notes

azertyrobaz · 1 year

Photo

Joel trying to protect Ellie

2K notes · View notes

taiturner · 1 year

Photo

THE LAST OF US 1x03 “Long, Long Time” | 1x07 “Left Behind”

2K notes · View notes

tightjeansjavi · 8 months

Text

Slow Hands

**ON HIATUS**

Summary: Joel Miller thinks that your coffee shop in Jackson is a bit too “frivolous” for his taste until Tommy tells him one day that it’s the best cup of coffee that he’ll ever have. Little does he know..he’s going to get more than just a cup of coffee when he finally meets you. You soon find out that the grumpy old man with a rambunctious teenager, is hiding sugar sweet softness under layers of hardness.

Pairing | Joel Miller x f! Reader

Fic Warnings: angst, Joel is struggling to adjust to living a domestic life, anxiety, feeling like an outcast, grumpy old man! Joel, shy! Joel, kinda mean! Joel, sunshine reader, flirting, fluff, awkward situations, reminiscing on the past, eluding to death/loss, reader has no physical descriptions and is from Texas, reader has a nickname (beanie bc y’know coffee beans) no age gap, vulgar language, slow burn, friends to lovers, eventual smut, canon-typical violence, disturbing/distressing themes, flashbacks, trauma, implied SA/drugged (not by Joel but by a group of raiders) this is a fic that takes place post-outbreak so please keep in mind that there will be dark/triggering themes. Please read with caution.

Chapters |

Chapter 1 - Cuppa Love

Chapter 2 - an espresso a day keeps the doctor away

Chapter 3 - trust me to trust you

Chapter 4 - I used to float, now I just fall down

Chapter 5 - be still, my foolish heart

Chapter 6 - you’re like a mirror, reflecting me

Chapter 7 - the losin’ touch, the waiting game

Chapter 8 - if I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself

Chapter 9 - when the monsters creep into your house

Chapter 10 - the lone moose

Chapter 11 - a wolf in sheep’s clothing

Chapter 12 the shadow of death

Chapter 13 I’ll crawl home to her

Epilogue days of you and me

Drabbles/One-shots:

842 notes · View notes

mushlooms · 1 year

Text

i really thought ah yes another episode! more ellie and joel and zombies! and then they gave me a heartbreaking short movie about two gays finding peace & happiness as they grew old alongside one another in a world that at first made them think life was no longer worth living haha hahaha im fine! i’m fine. i’m fine

#bill my beloved #thank god i have therapy tomorrow #they were each others will to live…. ahahahahahaahaha this is my joker #they grew old together…#i was not ready for this #i loved this episode a lot #like the whole setting #the tone the way they gave us more depth of all these characters of joel AND tess as well #and the underlying msg that joel will grow to love ellie as a daughter and fight to protect her #that she will become his purpose #i’m totally fine! not crying at all!#the window scene didn’t destroy me!#tlou #tlou spoilers #tlou hbo #the last of us #the last of us spoilers #og

1K notes · View notes

rebouks · 1 month

Text

Previous // Next

Brynn: You want to talk about it? Wyatt: Not really. [Brynn shrugged, gently running her fingers through Wyatt’s hair-.. though it wasn’t quite as relaxing as usual] Wyatt: Do you? Brynn: You have changed, he has not-.. what else is to say? Wyatt: Nothing, I suppose. Brynn: Ellis will be a good big brother; we make sure of it. [Wyatt hummed absently, his mind elsewhere] Wyatt: I’m gonna bring him in here for now… [Brynn nodded sleepily in agreement, rolling over as Wyatt left the room]

#ts4 #sims 4 #simblr #ts4 story #sims story #forever in between #fib #wyatt shaw #brynn franz #ellis yoshida #yess keep the bby safe from kian's tainted presence #;-;#love how protective he is #like.. who'd have thought?!#🤧

155 notes · View notes

savannahsdeath · 9 months

Note

Hiii, so I wanna request an ellie x reader where they are like fake dating but then one night they're out at a bar and some guys are messing with/bothering (basically harrasing) reader and Ellie BEATS them up. Like bad lol. Then reader gets mad at Ellie, insisting she could've "handled it herself" but then ellie ends up accidentally saying she's in love with reader hence why she got so protective

i cant stop thinking about this omg.

ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

warnings: 18+!! mention of alcohol, catcalling, sa and just creepy guys overall, blood, fighting

writers note: writing this took my blood sweat n tears and im not sure wether it was worth it or not

while you and ellie had been close and even affectionate with one another, the nature of your relationship had always been that of simple friends. holding hands, sitting on her lap, or other romantic gestures seemed natural and casual between the two of you without any thought to anything more. however, you were both acutely aware that everyone believed you were romantically involved and you knew that was one reason you were still single.

when you were in ellie's room you began to notice little things. she had framed pictures of the two of you together, notes and sketches she had made about you, and a diary full of your name. dina and jesse kept teasing you about it, but 'isn't it what friends do?'

and, god, how oblivious you were.

one day, you took her out to a local bar, feeling the need to just drink and forget about everything for one night.

as you walked into the pub, you couldn't help but notice all the heads that turned to watch as you passed. it was like something in the air compelled you to turn to look at her. a familiar feeling of warmth ran through you and you instinctively reached out to take her hand. ellie giggled at your gesture, but didn't let go and you continued through the crowd which got already bored with your appearance.

it was just a normal night, the drinks making you a little tipsy and loosening your tongue, but everything was going just fine.

you saw a group of boys your age suspiciously eyeing you and ellie, their gaze mostly focused on you and your clothes.

well, that's true, you didn't put your everyday clothes on, but you had a good humour and felt like dressing up... actually, who am i trying to lie to? you wanted to look good for your friend.

she didn't notice the boys, but you did. your eyes met with the one in the leather jacket, and he looked away quickly. his group turned back to their beers, but you couldn't stop thinking about the way he glanced over at you.

the situation made you a little uncomfortable, but you played it cool and ignored the boys, turning your attention back to ellie. she was in her element, chatting away in a loud and lively fashion, her hands flying to emphasize whatever story she was telling. you couldn't help but let out a laugh as you took in the scene.

things were going just fine until one of the boys approached you. "hey, gorgeous." he said, in a voice that was trying just a little too hard to sound casual. "can we buy you a drink?"

ellie frowned, her gaze flickering between you and him. "she's not alone."

the boy tried again, undeterred. "i wasn't talking to you." he scoffed, his voice dripping with condescension as he turned to ellie, pointing you with his chin. "who wears a dress like that if they're not looking for a good time?"

ellie looked shocked for a moment, then her eyes narrowed. she leaned towards the boy, keeping her voice low. "this dress looks like it's worth more than you make in a month. now, leave us alone."

the boy laughed, turning his attention back to you, seemingly oblivious to the warning. "why don't you take off the dress and let us see what's underneath?"

you watched ellie open her mouth to answer for you again but you cut her off with a shake of your head and quiet 'let it go'. she looked at you, her mouth half open, as if she was waiting for your permission before starting her response. she rolled her eyes at you, but said nothing.

the boy seemed frustrated that his insult was met with no reaction. he jabbed his finger at you. "or maybe you're just a dyke?"

at that, ellie's eyes flew open. "the fuck did you just say?" she hissed, clenching her fists to the point her nails were digging into her palm.

you gripped her wrist, trying to pull her away. "ellie, come on–"

as things were just starting to escalate, a bartender rushed over, looking agitated. "hey, hey! none of that in here!" he pointed at him. "you, out now!"

the boy scoffed, as did his friends, but obediently left. you could hear him muttering complaints under his breath, but his voice faded away into the background din of the bar.

you kept close to ellie as the boys were led out.

ellie was still fuming, taking a few deep breaths. she looked up at you with daggers in her eyes. "why did you stop me? he deserved more than that." after a little pause she added; "no one will disrespect you like that. and no one can disrespect you when they're unconscious."

you weren't sure whether to be amused or horrified at her comment. "and how exactly were you planning on achieving that?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

ellie smirked, taking your hand in hers. "you don't need to know. just know that i was prepared if things had gotten out of hand."

that answer did little to ease your skepticism. "you know you can't go around knocking people out like a character in a movie, right?"

ellie raised her eyebrows, staring at you with a challenging expression. "sure i can," she grinned, "if the situation calls for it.

"ellie," you said, "be serious." but ellie's confidence was charming, and you couldn't help but crack a little smile. "alright," you added. "just... try to keep your cool next time, alright?"

she nodded, squeezing your hand. "promise. no knocking heads unless i absolutely have to."

you decided to leave the bar shortly after, not in the mood to socialise anymore. she told you to wait outside as she, obviously, paid for the both of you.

the atmosphere outside wasn't so cozy - not only because it was cold and windy, but you also saw those boys there, smoking and laughing. you thought about going back inside but they didn't seem to notice you - well, not at first.

one of the boys spotted you and instantly smiled. he nudged his friend and said something you couldn't quite make out. the two of them laughed and started approaching you. "hey," the first one said, "is your little girlfriend taking too long in there? we could take you home and warm you up."

the thought of people thinking ellie is your girlfriend seemed funny but not new to you, so you ignored it.

you rolled your eyes at their comment, but kept your expression neutral. "no, thanks, but you might want to work on your pickup lines. 'warm you up?' really?"

the two boys exchanged a look and laughed. their friend said "oh, she's feisty. we like that."

you felt your stomach drop. ellie was still inside the bar and you had no clue how long she might be. not too long, you hoped. i mean, how long can paying for a few drinks take?

as if on cue, ellie opened the door and came out. she stopped dead in her tracks as she noticed the two boys who'd just been hitting on you.

she took a moment to take in the situation, then rolled her eyes and scoffed. you were relieved to see she was wearing a smirk that told you she was ready for whatever was coming.

the two boys stared at ellie, eyes darting from her to you and back again.

"oh, hey ellie." you exhaled, putting on your best fake smile. "good timing. we were just about to–"

ellie didn't give you the chance to finish. "sorry i took so long." her tone was friendly, but it was obvious she was trying to claim you as her territory. all three boys watched her in silence.

"can i help you, boys?" ellie said sweetly, her voice dripping with sarcasm. she put her arms around your waist, which only amplified her already mocking tone.

the boys watched her with leering eyes. the tall blonde one put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "we were just saying how pretty your friend is." he paused, raising an eyebrow. "she sure looks... hm, how do i describe it? slutty?"

at that, ellie's demeanor changed, and her previous smile faded. her look was cold as ice, and she clenched her fists again.

'this is getting out of hand'

"hey," the tall blonde said, "i bet there's something better under that dress." he pointed at you.

"yeah, there's a fucking gun." you hissed.

he didn't seem to take you seriously, as he should - you were in fact completely unarmed. the only weapon you had was... well, ellie. "we'd like to personally test that theory."

ellie's knuckles turned white. "i'm here with her."

"look, you can watch from a distance." the blonde laughed. "but me and my friends here are going to have a good time with a girl like this, whether she wants it or not."

you felt yourself flush with embarrassment. "oh, uh, no. we're just leaving." you said, grabbing ellie's wrist and trying to pull her away.

ellie wasn't having any of it. "go to the car and wait for me there." she whispered, tossing the keys to you.

"you're crazy." you whispered under your breath.

"just do it," ellie hissed. "i can handle them, and i don't want you getting involved."

'like i'm not involved already.'

it was impossible to argue against that last point, and you reluctantly followed her instructions.

you were surprised they didn't try to stop you but you realised they probably know what's going to happen.

as you opened the car door and got in, you watched the situation from the safety of the passenger's seat. the boys had surrounded ellie, one with his hand on her arm and the others laughing and pointing at you. you couldn't hear them but you guessed what they talked about. they were just little shadows in your eyes now, you barely could tell which one's ellie.

from your vantage point, you watched ellie and the three boys facing off. she spoke in a quiet, measured voice that you weren't sure you wanted to hear the contents of.

suddenly, you saw the blonde reach towards her. that was enough for her.

she slapped his hand away, and in a swift motion, kicked him in the groin. he let out a, silent for you, cry of pain and sank to the ground, while the others were still recovering from the surprise. ellie turned to them and and soon they were all on the ground. the blow knocked the last boy out cold. ellie quickly turned to the blonde, who was now sitting up and holding his injured part. without a word, ellie approached him and kneed between his legs just as he was about to stand up.

the boy groaned, dropping back to the ground. ellie reached down and grabbed him by the shirt. she hauled him back up, and raised her fist again. you turned away, not wanting to look at the scene and uncomfortably shifted in the passenger seat, hoping it'll be over soon.

she took her time. you didn't know what could they possibly say to piss her off that much but you didn't want to.

she approached the car and got in, not saying a word to you.

you didn't say a word either, you just watched her cautiously driving. your anger started to grow - at the boys, at the whole situation, even at ellie. what she did was just reckless, one of them could be armed... or have really good skills. plus, they barely touched you and the comments didn't really get to you anyway.

you let out a frustrated sigh and turned to her. "why did you have to make such a big deal out of nothing? i could have handled it just fine on my own."

ellie didn't look at you or even acknowledge your words. she kept driving, her attention focused on the road.

you weren't sure what to think, but it frustrated you that she was acting like this. 'why can't she just drop the tough girl act and admit she overreacted?'

you tried again. "ellie, come on, i know you were just trying to help, but–" you sighed. "just ignore me, i guess."

you turned to look out the window in annoyance, but then ellie spoke suddenly, her tone deadly serious. "you know i was right to do what i did."

you whipped your head around to look at her in surprise. "what do you mean?"

ellie looked straight ahead as she kept driving. "those guys would have taken advantage of you," she said quietly, "like it or not."

her words hit you like a ton of bricks. you sat in silence for a moment, trying to process what she said.

"but that's ridiculous," you frowned, "i wouldn't have let anything happen."

ellie shot you a look. "you really think you're the one in control of the situation? sweetheart, you have no idea. as soon as you let them talk to you, it was out of your hands."

you mockingly laughed. "oh, so i can't handle them but you can? what am i, a deer surrounded by lions?"

ellie sighed, shaking her head. "god, you're infuriating," she said, keeping her eyes on the road. "yeah, actually, you are like a deer surrounded by lions – completely oblivious to how predatory these men are."

she cast a sharp and serious glance at you, making you flinch.

"i can handle myself." you repeated, with growing annoyance. after a moment, you added; "why the fuck would you do that? you should mind your own business."

"i make it my business to look after my friends." ellie answered, still not looking at you.

you felt your blood boil, but you forced yourself to remain calm. "i don't want you to look after me, ellie. you are my friend, not my babysitter."

"oh, i'm sorry!" she shrugged, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "i thought friends protect each other!"

you scoffed at her last comment. "how exactly was i in danger?" you asked. "they barely even touched me!"

she sighed again, this time with irritation. "jesus, you were really lucky, alright? i get that you feel like your ego's been hurt by all this, and i'm sorry. but if i hadn't stepped in, you could have been hurt. maybe the situation wouldn't have escalated to violence, but i wasn't taking any chances." she looked at you, her expression softened and she seemed truly concerned. "do you understand?"

you huffed but your tone calmed down a little. "that was my problem, not yours."

"fine, it was your problem," ellie rolled her eyes. "just don't get mad at me for looking out for you."

"i'm not mad." you said, your tone turning defensive. "i'm annoyed you think i'm incapable of looking after myself."

her eyes fixed on you, cold and sharp. "you're lucky i was there."

she parked the car in front of your house, where she was supposed to sleep this night. at least, you planned it like that. now you'd prefer to be alone. you let her in anyway, hoping to talk about what happened in better circumstances.

as soon as you came in, you took some ice bags and went back to ellie. her knuckles were bloody red and swollen, even though she didn't seem to be hurt. she looked up and took the bag from your hand, but her expression was still stern.

"thanks." she said in a raspy monotone, holding it to her hands.

you cleared your throat awkwardly, hoping that the ice would help ease the situation. "ellie, i just want to say i appreciate what you did, but–"

she sighed and shook her head. "don't start."

"well, i was going to." you said, unable to hide your irritation. "you overreacted. i don't need your help. it was my problem to deal with."

ellie stayed silent for a moment, as if contemplating what you just said. "i might have overreacted," she admitted, "but i still don't regret what i did."

you sighed and threw your hands up in frustration. "we're just going around in circles here. why can't you understand that i can handle myself? i don't need you. i didn't ask for your help. i don't understand why you just have to get all protective over me."

ellie sighed, dropping the ice bag to her side. her voice was still calm, but with a hint of anger. "i was trying to look out for you. i was trying to do something nice, and you just keep yelling at me for it."

you felt your confusion growing even more. "but- why?"

she shook her head in disbelief. "because i love you."

the air seemed to suck out of your lungs when she said that. her words were unexpected, and you wanted to know if you heard her right. "what did you say?"

ellie chuckled and nodded, her expression almost teasing but still nervous and even a little aggresive. "i said i love you, of course."

you couldn't reply, too stunned to speak. you just stared at her, feeling the familiar heat on your cheeks rise.

she clicked her tongue at your obliviousness. "that's why i'm so protective. that's why i couldn't just ignore how they talked to you."

you just blinked, still unable to process what she said.

ellie must have sensed your confusion, because she continued. "i'm not your babysitter, alright? you're a big girl. you can take care of yourself– but that's not what i meant." she took your hand in hers. "i'm worried about you because i love you."

the realization of what she'd said suddenly hit you like a train, and you felt your heart race. for what felt like an eternity, you just stared at her, still not believing what you were hearing.

ellie just smiled, a little bit embarrassed, as if she hadn't just made one of the most profound declarations of love imaginable.

"so," she said quietly, "can you forgive me now?"

her tone was so innocent, so sincere, that it seemed almost cruel to keep arguing with her. it seemed cruel that you ever did.

in the end, you nodded. "yeah, i can."

that was all it took for ellie's expression to light up.

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie tlou #reqs open #ellie the last of us #protective!ellie

666 notes · View notes

samkerrworshipper · 4 months

Text

togetherness pt.3 | matilda’s x reader

lowkey have come to detest this series chase i started it in first person and i no longer write in that format butttt some of yall want it so i have to supply 🤷‍♀️

warnings/themes: self harm implications, talks of past sexual abuse, lots of trauma, comfort, just general sadness tbh

As we pulled up to our own hotel Sam and Steph were smiling like idiots, joking about something or another. I was lost in thought, thinking about everything that had just happened. My haze was cut short though as my door was opened for me and Sam stood on the outside, waiting for me to hop out. I unclicked my seatbelt hurriedly before climbing out of the car and ducking behind the car to grab my bag quickly. My coping mechanism was to grab my phone out of my pocket and to start to scroll through it as I waited on Sam and Steph to collect their own things. My phone was my social crutch, when I felt awkward it was what I leant to.

“Kiddo, let’s go?”

My head was pulled from my phone as I came to the realisation Sam and Steph had both collected their belongings and were walking towards the front of the hotel, Steph passing her car keys off to the valet. I scurried after the two older women, my behaviour was oddly skittish and I was sure the both of them were picking up on it.

We flashed our ID cards at the front desk before making our way into the team front room where we left our kit bags, just so there was no confusion of them in the rooms. We all individually stowed away our bags, collecting whatever essentials we needed from our bags before leaving them in their spots for the night. I grabbed my drink bottle, my airpods and my ugg boots from my bag before walking over to the food table, it was the table where they left all the snacks that were there to be taken at any time of the day. I picked up a packet of gummy bears instead of a granola bar, Leah wouldn’t have been happy with my switch but I wasn’t eating a granola bar so it was an improvement?

After grabbing the bag of gummy bears, filling up my water bottle and grabbing a bottle of gatorade I followed Steph and Sam towards the elevators, waiting patiently as they clicked the button for our floor. They conversed between the two of them as we went up in the elevator, just general stuff.

“So Y/n/n, we’ll go get Steph’s stuff and we’ll bring it into your room and we’ll move whatever of your stuff is there into my room, okay?”

I nodded at Sam, excepting that this was happening.

As the doors opened I found myself following behind them as they walked towards their room. I followed them into the room as Sam unlocked it with her keycard. The room was similar if not identical to Ellie’s and I’s. Two, matching queen beds, a joining ensuite and two reasonable sized wardrobes. Steph very quickly packed her stuff up, throwing it all into her bags before procuring Sam’s help to move it down the hall. I wordlessly unlocked the door to formerly Ellie and I’s room. When we walked in Ellie was already in there, sitting on her bed, cuddled up in a pile of blankets and sweatshirts. She looked like she’d been crying and I found a part of me feeling bad for her. She was a good person, a person who had been through a lot considering her age.

“Y/n, can we talk?”

I couldn’t find it in me, even with the guilt riding through my body to look at her eyes. I knew that they’d betray me, that I’d no longer be able to be mad at her or annoyed if I was forced to look into those eyes.

“Ellie, how about we try this tomorrow morning? Y/n/n's tired, she’s not feeling too well.”

Steph’s voice was pretty forceful but Ellie found room to rebut.

“I just want to talk to her for fucks sakes, I deserve that at least before my fucking roommate is uprooted.”

I jumped back at Ellie’s harsh tone, finding myself in Sam’s personal space bubble. She didn’t flinch back at my sudden intrusion, instead pushed one of her own arms to my side, steadying me slightly.

“Ellie Maddison, you have already caused yourself enough trouble for one night, I would stop now. I already told you, Y/n/n isn’t feeling up to it. We can try this in the morning, if she wants. We wouldn’t be uprooting her if it wasn’t for you two behaving like three year olds. You both need sleep, not more petty arguing that is going to get us nowhere. Y/n, grab your things, we can talk this all out in the morning, both Sam and I are too tired to put up with any more of it.”

I scurried to collect my bag, I’d never really unpacked so it wasn’t hard. I just grabbed my pillow, bag, phone charger and backpack before scrambling my way out of the room. Sam helped me to haul my big bag down the hallway and into her room.

As soon as we closed the door behind us I could feel a part of me break, the part that broke inside of me every night when I crawled under the covers of my hotel bed or I collapsed on the floor of the ensuite. The vulnerable part of my soul that had never been prepared for this, never prepared for fame or attention. I mean as a kid I’d shied away from it as much as I could, kid Y/n was an insecure, anxious mess who had no idea what she wanted, that part of me was still the same.

“Do you need help unpacking? Steph had housekeeping come in today and clean our sheets so the beds are all clean, I try to keep fairly organised and clean but just a disclaimer that there are some stories about me sleep-talking that I neither deny or confirm.”

“I think I should be fine to put it all away, thank you though.”

Sam smiled at me and nodded, it seemed like there was something else hanging off of the tip of her tongue that she was deciding whether or not to say.

“Okay then, I’m just going to have a quick shower, I do not apologise if I start to sing, it’s a canon event.”

I snorted and nodded Sam’s way as I watched her dip into the ensuite. I set myself the task of firstly, getting changed. I clawed off my layers of matilda gear and very quickly changed into a pair of Qantas pyjamas that we’d gotten on our flight to Sydney, they were fresh and unopened and everything about them seemed comfortable. After I was done getting changed I set myself the task of stowing my bag away on my side of the wardrobe, I didn’t do much more than that, I didn’t really want to unpack right now. So I did a very quick version of my skincare routine and then climbed into my bed. It was comfy, the same as my one in the other room except it just felt different. Once I’d properly situated myself in the pillows I grabbed out my phone and started to scroll on instagram.

It was safe to say that when I was in a bag head space I spiralled a lot.

So when I was in the dumps about a bad game I would often find myself reverting to the hate pages on the internet. The internet is a fucked up place. Some of the things that strangers are willing to put out in the world about a person they don’t know is fucked. It was still a bad habit of mine though to constantly look at those posts.

Leah was always confiscating my phone after bad games, after bad days. She knew me too well, knew how when I got wrapped up in my own head there was nothing to do besides just be there for me. I fiddled anxiously as I flicked through the countless news articles that had been posted. The Australian had a particular hatred for me, had since I was a rookie and since they’d found some photos of me doing drugs back when I was a teenager and published it on the front cover of the Saturday papers. I’d had a particular shared hatred back at them after that. They had a field day every time I had a bad game, I was pretty much the leading lady of page 6. Our game last Saturday had been no different, one wrong kick and I was washed up and cracking under the pressure. The slew of twitter pages and reddit links that I’d been sent after that had been enough to make anyone feel sick to their stomach.

That was why I think I’d gotten roomed with Ellie, she was probably the most hated in the media on the team besides me. I think Sam had thought maybe we’d bond over it but neither of us were vulnerable enough to talk to the other about it. So it had just stewed between the both of us and honestly probably made it worse than it should have been.

“I don’t think I have ever seen a person in such an intense staring competition with their phone.”

I squealed as Sam very stealthily grabbed my phone from my own hands. I immediately sprung up, trying to retrieve it from her hands, I hadn’t had the opportunity to lock it.

“What are you hiding?”

I saw Sam’s interest peak as I fought intensely to grab my phone back. She held it above her head and I might have been taller than her but I couldn’t for the life of me manage to retrieve it from her hands even as I attempted to use her body as a climbing frame. After a few jumps and attempts I gave up, collapsing back into my bed and covering my body and head with the sheets and duvet. The room stayed silent as Sam did the inevitable and looked through my phone screen.

“Y/n.”

Her voice was even and I felt her bodyweight sink down onto the spot at the bottom of my bed. I felt her arms work their way up to the top of the duvet and slowly try to pry them out of my own hands. She succeeded fairly quickly, smiling at me as my face was revealed to the light of our hotel suite.

“There’s that pretty face, no need to be ashamed honey. You ought to not read into what Roger writes, he hates anything to do with women's sports, especially women who are succeeding so heavily at such a young age. You shouldn’t let your mental image of yourself be contorted by words written by a person who doesn’t know you or care about you, don’t do that to yourself, you deserve better.”

I looked at Sam, in all of her glory, sitting above me, an old nike shirt that looked like it had been washed 600 times. Her hair was brushed smoothly back into her classic low pony. It made me cry. Not sobbing crying, just wet, fat tears dripping down my face as I thought about that article. I could probably quote most of the journalist's work, I’d read it over and over and over.

“Come on now, don’t cry, please. You’ve done enough crying for tonight, don’t make me tickle you.”

Sam’s eyebrow rose in challenge as she stared down at me, silently challenging me to keep going. When I did, her hands found their way to my sides and started to tickle me intensely. I immediately let out a choken laugh, trying to suppress my giggles and cries.

“S-Sam stop ittt. S’ not fair.”

She smirked at me as she continued her abuse of my sides.

“Stop crying then, c’mon, there are better things to do with your time then cry over bullshit. I know Williamson would have my head if she knew that I was letting her girl get down in the dumps over something that’s out of your control. I am telling you now, honestly, your whole career there is always going to be someone who is going to try and take you down, journalists, social media, other players. It’s wrong, but we are women in a field that is predominantly presumed to be male dominated, we aren’t appreciated, we’re underpaid and we are slaughtered in the press for anything. The more you feed into it the worse it’s going to get, and I understand that the other stuff isn’t going to just go away but it is going to eventually get better, I promise you that.”

“You promise?”

Sam rolled her eyes and extended her pinky towards me.

“I pinky promise.”

I rolled my eyes at the cliche but interlocked my own pinky finger in hers and shook it. Sam reached down to wipe the tears from my face and smiled at me, a little glint in her eye.

“Now, I think it’s about time we got you tucked in, it’s been a big day for you.”

“I’m not tired.”

Sam rolled her eyes at my immediate defiance and plonked herself down next to me on the bed, resting beside me against the headboard. She lazily placed one of her arms around my shoulder, there was something so simple but complex about the whole situation.

“Do I need to explain to you the importance of getting eight hours?”

“This feels like one of those captain moments where you try and mom me into doing something that’s not going to happen.”

Sam snorted at my reply, nodding her head concedingly.

“Is the defiance just a young people thing or do you just enjoy being a pain in the ass?”

“There’s no fun in it if I agree to everything you tell me to do.”

Sam’s eyes damn near rolled into the back of her head.

“Is it hard using defiance as a defence mechanism constantly?”

The question took me back a little bit, it hadn’t been what I was expecting. She’d turned a pretty mild conversation into something deep so quickly that it took me a few seconds to recover.

“I don’t use defiance as a defence mechanism.”

My voice wavered a little bit, just enough for doubt to seep in.

“Yes you do.”

Sam’s voice was so matter of a fact, like she knew me better than I knew myself.

“No, I don’t.”

“You push everyone out, you don’t listen to anyone who is trying to help you out, you do things that are harmful to yourself without caring, you play with injuries, you put yourself in harms way a little bit to often, you hide your emotions, I could keep listing off if I wanted to.”

I hated how right Sam was, how observant she was, it made me queasy.

“Okay, so I do some of those things, but that doesn’t make it a defence mechanism.”

“What does it make it then? A form of self harm? A form of punishment? I think you’ve punished yourself enough, when does it all become enough, when in the mind of Y/n do you atone for your sins? Because from where I’m looking at it you are leading yourself in the direction of a cliff's edge and you aren't going to stop until you are over that cliff.”

I gulped, unsure of what to say to my skipper, because I couldn’t lie to her, not for the life of me but I also wasn’t going to sit here and listen to her pretty much tell me that I was suicidal or something.

“You don’t know what I’ve done or who I’ve hurt to get here.”

“I know you're a good kid, with a good heart and if Williamson decided to take a shot with you then you have to be worth it. I know you carry baggage, a lot more than you’ll ever tell anyone, some things that you don’t even tell Leah. I have my inferences, I know things are rough with your family, always has been. I know you're hard on yourself, far too hard on yourself considering you are nineteen. I know that you never saw yourself here, never saw yourself as being capable of being here and now that you are you are having an identity crisis because you are secretly terrified that you are never going to be good enough to be here, even though you are. You’re hurting a lot, I know roughly what you're doing to self soothe, it’s not good and I’m worried about you, all of us are.”

I bit down on my lip, staring out at the wall in front of me, unsure of what to say to Sam, because she was right in so many ways but her words were also like a stab in my heart, because until someone is telling you about your behaviours I don’t think it subconsciously sinks in.

“Something to think about, I’m always here kid, if you ever need to talk, or need help, or just someone to keep you company then I’m here, whatever you need.”

“I didn’t ever plan on being a professional football player,” I snorted in between my words, realising I was actually about to go down this path with my captain, a woman who had pioneered womens sport in Australia, “This sounds stupid but all I ever wanted growing up was to own a cattle station, wanted to live the humble life out on the farm. I know that sounds so stupid, because it’s so simple. But I never planned for this, I never wanted this. My parents put me into football and gymnastics when I was six and I was good at them, really good and it was for fun so it was fine. Then it wasn’t for fun and I was playing in national teams and olympic qualifiers. Then I broke my back falling off of a beam and I was happy, I was glad, because it meant that I could do what I wanted. Then I was in the party scene and everything was good, until it wasn’t. Then my parents were shipping me off to the AIS and I didn’t have a say. Next thing I’m here and I’m doing this and I’m grateful, don’t get me wrong. But a part of me never wanted this and I know that’s bad of me to say because there are thousands of girls who would die for my spot but it’s the truth.”

I took a deep breath as I finished up my spew of words, it was a lot, I wasn’t an oversharer, most of it was probably word vomit but there was something about Sam that just made me feel comfortable with being vulnerable, I didn’t know what it was.

“That’s not stupid, having dreams isn’t stupid and it’s okay for you to be upset that you didn’t get what you wanted. You have a gift Y/n, the way that you play on the field is truly exceptional and I am telling you now that if you want to be the best professional footballer, then you can. You could be one of the best players in the game, better than me or any other player on this team, I believe that whole-heartedly. You deserve that, if you want it. If you start to make healthier decisions for yourself, decisions that don’t harm you. When was the last time you ate a proper meal? The last time you took time out of your day to look after yourself? How long until it starts to seriously harm you? Do I need to tell you how dangerous it is for a professional athlete to not be looking after their body, you are important Y/n, and so is your health.”

I fiddled with a loose thread that was protruding from the doona below me. My captain's words were sinking in, deep, like a tattoo. Etching its way into my skin, painfully.

“I am fine, our doctors have had no issues with clearing me, I eat and I do look after myself.”

My justification was weak, it was in my voice and in my mannerism. My statement just wasn’t believable, as much as I was trying to push it.

“So you know how to pass a medical test? I’d expect you too considering you fooled Tony the whole time you were at the AIS that you weren’t using. I’ve heard the story, it just proves to me that you know how to get around testing.”

Fuck. Fuck. It wasn’t surprising Sam knew my history with drugs, I mean anyone who read the papers knew, it wasn’t private information. I was clean now, four years and proud of it. I’d had a bumpy road to recovery but I’d gotten there with time.

“I can look after myself.”

“Doesn’t seem like it.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“See, as soon as anyone tries to care for you, you close up.”

“I don’t close up. I just don’t respond to being interrogated.”

“You aren’t being interrogated.”

“Sure seems like it.”

“That’s a bit overdramatic, all I am trying to do is care for you, something you are adamant on avoiding.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, because I couldn’t deny Sam in what she was saying, I did push people out who tried to care for me. Long ago Leah had accepted there were some parts of me that I was never going to be able to talk to her about, that was why she’d forced me into seeing a therapist.

“I don’t need you to care for me.”

“The scars on your thighs say otherwise.”

I blinked for a few seconds, taking a deep gulp as the words that Sam had just said set in, had she actually gone there? Had she actually just said that.

“That was a low fucking blow.”

Sam was clearly taken aback by her own words, it had clearly just spilled out of her. Sam was no filter, so it had come to me as no surprise that she frequently blurted, just the fact she’d said that though hit me deep.

“I’m not wrong.”

I could feel tears stemming at the back of my eyes, at the realisation that I was about to have this conversation.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Does Leah know?”

“She’s had her queries, she doesn’t push it.”

“She doesn’t push the fact that you cut yourself?”

If her previous words hadn’t hit hard, those ones had, because those words, that assumption, that accusation was so confronting.

“It’s not like that.”

“Explain to me what it’s like then.”

I pushed Sam’s arm off of my shoulder, feeling like I need a more face to face conversation. I pushed myself off of the bed head, so I was sitting between Sam’s two legs, my legs crossed. It was vulnerable for me, just talking to someone about my feelings was vulnerable for me.

“When I was 15, when I gave up the drugs. I was in a lot of pain, I hated myself. It wasn’t easy, I mean I was trying pretty much everything I could to get injured. I got arrested for speeding underage twice, both times Tony had to bail me out. I was just a mess, so I started to hurt myself, to stop myself from seriously injuring myself. It was the only thing that I could do that would make me feel better, the only thing that I could turn to when shit got real. So it became my thing, then I turned pro and I stopped for a while, especially when Leah started to get on my case about it but then we got to training camp and it was all too much so I started again and I know it’s a bad habit and it’s serious but Sam, I wouldn’t be here right now without it.”

“Are you suicidal?”

It was a question I definitely wasn’t prepared for.

“I’ve had suicidal thoughts over the years, I’ve had my fair share of bad moments but no, I’m not suicidal. I don’t do it because I want to die, I do it because it gives me relief, from life, from football, from stress. For me it's an outlet, when life gets hard that’s how I deal with it. It's unhealthy but it’s what works for me and I know that it’s bad but it’s what works.”

Sam nodded at me, there was a certain softness to her words and features the more I spoke to her, the more barriers that I let go. Sam’s own hand found its way to my bicep, silently comforting me and telling me to stop rambling.

“I get it. You do what you have to do to survive, and there is nothing wrong with that. You do what you have to do to get through the day. You’re not broken. This isn’t something to be embarrassed about or guilty for. You are still a child Y/n, in so many ways. The world is hard sometimes, what we do is hard sometimes, we all have needs. You scavenge for anything that helps you to get through because you want to survive, you want to be ok. Then it works, so you continue to survive. Good for you, you figured out how to survive. You don’t need to spend everyday in survival mode anymore though, you have love in your life that prevents the constant need to survive.

The words burnt my soul and I could feel the tears brimming up again. I hated crying.

“You’re living your old life Y/n/n. But it’s done, it’s over. You get to have the good things that you never had, you can meditate, or go on holiday, you can read books, you can learn a new language, you can learn how to live in a way where you don’t have to hurt to handle all of the things that scare you. No shame, just growth, okay. You don’t have to hide in your ensuite at night by yourself, like you taught yourself to do to survive, am I clear?”

Sam’s eyes bored down into my soul, her words were so strong and definite.

“You’re going to call me, or Leah, or your therapist next time you feel like doing it, that’s an order. You are going to call one of us, call me, and I’ll talk to you, I’ll talk to you for however long it takes for you to understand that this,”

Sam’s hand fell down to my thigh, where we both knew the scars laid, underneath my sweats,

“Isn’t the solution, not anymore, we’re leaving it in the past. This isn’t your way to survive anymore, from now on you aren’t going to just survive, we are going to make you live, I promise you that. From here on out you are going to live, and enjoy living. I am going to try my hardest to keep to that promise, but you need to as well. Promise me you are going to try and do more than just survive, because this shit in the press, it sucks, but it’s going to go away and once it does you are going to be lost, you are going to struggle and that fight that you put in everyday to be here, it’s not going to be as present and when that happens, when all of the outside threats are denominated you are going to hit rock bottom, there’s one positive of hitting rock bottom though, there’s only one way up and when you realise that you have the potential to go upwards and you want to, life is going to get better.”

“Y’know I get why Polks and De Vanna recommended you for captain.”

My words were said with tears and snot running down my face, with the realisation that right now, I was being held accountable for my shit and it was a hard realisation. My captain's words had hit home for me with the realisation that there wasn’t room for me to behave like I previously had.

“I try my best, I expect you to do the same. This relationship, this situation, it doesn’t work if you aren’t prepared to put the work in, if you aren’t prepared to hit rock bottom and work upwards from there. When you do hit that bottom, I want you to call me, tell me you’ve had a bad day, or don’t, talk, or listen, whatever you need.”

I nodded at Sam.

“I am going to try.”

She smiled at me and nodded, all encouragement and comfort.

“Okay then, okay. Come here kid,”

Sam opened her arms for me and I collapsed into them, grateful for just the warmth and comfort of Sam’s arms. I understood why all of the girls gravitated to her, why they seeked her out so often. She understood, she didn’t judge, she listened and then she gave advice, good advice, meaningful advice. One of her hands went to my back, gently rubbing across the nooks and valleys along my back. The other hand reached to the nape of my neck, gently twisting and brushing out the hairs that laid at the beginning of my hairline. I lent into her touch, silently finding so much comfort in her actions.

“M’ sorry, sorry that I didn’t come to you earlier.”

“It’s okay kid, I understand, you were scared and you didn’t know who you could talk to about that. What’s important is you know now, you know that I am always here for when you need help and I expect you to come to me from now on, no more hiding and struggling in silence, okay?”

I nodded into Sam’s arms, just silently finding so much peace and solace in being held. I hadn’t been held in months, not since I’d been with Leah and the last few months with Leah had been hard to say the least. She’d done her ACL, and it wasn’t anybody's fault, I hadn’t been prepared for it though. Both Leah and I were going through rough patches and neither of us were prepared to look after another human being besides ourselves. There had been countless nights between the two of us spent crying and fighting with each other. It was rough, we’d worked through it though. It was hard though, and a part of me felt guilty for not being okay, and a part of me felt like Leah was going through so much worse than me and I could never burden her with my stupid problems.

“Now, I think it is definitely time that we get you tucked in and asleep, I won’t take any arguments, you look like you could sleep for days if you needed.”

I just nodded at Sam, any fight, any defiance that had been in my body was gone, I just didn’t have it in me. She was right, I was tired, I’d hardly slept the whole world cup. I was an insomniac, so that was to blame partially, partially I also just didn’t feel safe sleeping. Ellie was always on the phone with her girlfriend, when she wasn’t she was trying to talk to me or do yoga or something. She’d also been slaughtered in the press most of the tournament, it was messing with her, everyone could tell. Her techniques for combatting her anxiety about it though was annoying to say the least, being the younger one in the situation I didn’t have the confidence to tell her that her habits were fucking annoying to say the least.

I didn’t fight back as Sam gently laid me down on my bed, pulling the covers up over my body and very gently tucking me in.

“Have a good sleep, kid.”

She smiled at me and I smiled back.

“You too cap, thank you, I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

Sam patted me on the head, giving me her signature smirk.

“It’s no trouble, now get some sleep yeah, I need you to be coherent for tomorrow.”

I nodded along with Sam’s statement, watching as she got up off of my bed and walked towards the light switch, turning it off before jumping into her own bed. She rustled around in her sheets for a few minutes before finding her spot, a few minutes after the rustling ended I heard her breath slow and even out, indicating that she’d fallen asleep.

The situation was not the same for me, it took me a few hours to fall asleep and once I did I only slept for two hours, it was fitful sleep, very light and not very good. I laid in bed for a while before deciding around 5 that I was going to go for a run. I got up as quietly as I could, throwing on a pair of shorts and a sports bra. Once I’d gotten dressed I picked out my pair of running sneakers before creeping my way out of the hotel room and trying my very hardest to keep my steps silent as I walked down the hallway and into the elevators that took me down to the lobby. Our hotel was about 200 metres from the beach, so I made the decision I would take my morning run along the beach.

It was still dark out as I made my way out onto the main road and started my jog down to the water's edge. The sun probably wouldn’t rise before I came home. I planned to do about ten km, the beach was around 4 or so long so If I ran up and then down I would probably do about that. As soon as I got down to the waters edge I started to run properly.

Running had been one of my releases since I was 12. Whenever I was angry I went for a run, when I ran everything stopped. It was just me and the music that I had running through my headphones. It felt the same as I set my pace along the sand, like all of the fucking mayhem from the past twenty four hours was just mellowing out, becoming background noise. If I could always be running I would. The only time I ever felt like I was myself was when I was running. The feeling of your heart pounding against your chest, the feeling of your breath hurting in your throat and the dryness in your throat. As I ran the sun slowly started to rise, slowly climbing along the horizon. I made it about three quarters of the way before I ran into someone, one of the last people I wanted to be seeing.

For a second I wasn’t quite sure who it was, they were the only other person on the beach, standing along the shoreline. As I sprinted my way back to my starting spot the body slowly started to become bigger and the fear in my gut slowly grew. I couldn’t make out much more than their body, with the lack of lighting present in the room. As I slowly approached though, more features slowly started to become more recognisable and I silently screamed internally as I realised who exactly was.

As I approached them I slowed my pace, down to a slow jog, almost a walk. I slowly approached them and internally froze as they turned to face me. Fuck.

“It’s a nice morning.”

Lucy’s face was stone serious, and her words didn’t reflect the general attitude that she seemed to hold.

“So you're enjoying the motherland, then, the sunrises are unbeatable.”

“I’d be enjoying it more if I hadn’t been pulled out of my bed at 5am this morning to come and find you because Kerr texted Leah saying you’d disappeared and she didn’t know where to.”

“I’m allowed to go on a run.”

“You didn’t leave a note, after having what I’ve perceived as a fairly rough twenty four hours.”

“I don’t need the lecture.”

“La Reina wouldn’t have a bar of this attitude.”

“Alexia isn’t here.”

“It could be arranged, if I deem you in need of some attitude adjustment.”

I braced myself in front of Lucy, she was a scary woman. When I’d started in the WSL I’d originally been selected by Barcelona, then after half a season I’d been traded to Arsenal. I’d liked it at Barca, if I hadn't been traded I probably would have still been there, Barca was good, when I’d gotten there I had been a basket case, it had been what I’d needed. I was 17 at the time, and had no idea what I’d wanted, Barca had taught me how to wake up every morning and do something with life.

Lucy opened her arms up to me and I let myself fall into them, letting the older woman embrace me. Her arms were strong and they hugged me to her tightly, comfortingly, in the way that a mother would embrace their child. That was what Barca had given me, a good relationship with people that were like substitutes for my mom.

“It’s good to see you, Luce.”

“It’s good to see you as well kid, although I would have preferred it to be under different circumstances.”

She released me from her arms and sat herself down on the sand, nodding at me to sit down next to her. I followed suit, so we were both sitting on the sand, looking out at the sunrise.

“You’ve been doing it again.”

“I don’t know what you're talking about.”

“I don’t want to tell Ale that you’re lying to me as well.”

I crossed my arms across my chest in frustration, grumbling at Lucy.

“She’s not even my captain anymore.”

“She’s still the woman who took you under her wing, she’s your blood, mija.”

I pursed my lips and looked out at the horizon, the sun was truly rising now, the bright pink and oranges mixing into a tie dye across the sky.

“How’d you know I was going to be down here.”

“Just a hunch, I know how much you like your runs.”

“I wasn’t running away or anything, I just needed to think.”

One of Lucy’s arms fell over my shoulders, it was heavy but so soft at the same time.

“I know mi amor, you should have told someone where you were going though, especially considering the events of the last few hours, you worried a lot of people.”

“Leah told you?”

“She told me she was worried about you, that you had a lot on your plate right now, more than a 19 year old should be handling.”

I pursed my lips again, Lucy’s words were so pensive, so calculated but present at the same time. It was bizarre.

“I, just, this world cup, it was supposed to be the defining moment in my career, when I proved to everyone that I was as good, if not better than everyone else they were comparing me too. But I haven’t been performing, the press hates me, I just can’t catch a break.”

“Sounds like you need a sabbatical.”

I snorted a little bit at Lucy’s words.

“I’m serious, you know, after this, you should take some weeks off. Leah needs it as well, go somewhere, wherever your heart feels like you need to be and just live, or learn to live. Turn your phone off, eat as much as you want, exercise as little or as much as you want, just let yourself be happy, without everyone else, without football, without social media and other people. Learn to love yourself.”

I’d been handed so much emotional advice over the last few hours, it was a lot to absorb, a lot to think about.

“I miss La Reina, I miss Barca.”

“I know mi amor, but you have to be here, you have to be in London. It’s what you are destined to be doing, Ale and us all miss you but you are doing such good things where you are.”

“Your taking me back to the hotel, aren’t you?”

Lucy nodded at me sadly and I took one final deep breath before lifting myself off the sand and dusting any remnants of it off of my clothing. I helped Lucy up and then we both started to walk towards the beach exit.

“I’ll be there to watch you tomorrow, Kei, Leah and I. Play for us yeah? Make us proud.”

The walk back to the hotel was rather sullen, both Lucy and I staying fairly silent, her guiding me to the doors with a hand secured on my lower back. When we got to the door I gave her a hug before parting ways and stepping into the lobby. The team room was a little bit more alive then it had been when I’d walked through earlier in the morning. Kat, Harper, Charli and Ky were all awake, having breakfast together, as well as a few of the other veterans. I made my way through the lobby as quickly as I could, I couldn’t be bothered with talking to anyone.

When I did get back to my room, I was very surprised to find Sam, Steph, Haley and Alanna waiting for me. I was the first person to speak, slipping off my shoes next to the door and breaking the tension.

“Isn’t it a bit early for a mothers group meeting?”

191 notes · View notes