#Put yourself in God's hands

[twinstxrs]

so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #adaine abernant #kipperlilly copperkettle #watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!! #this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk #like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was #what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god #my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season #the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands #also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally- #changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk #but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up #they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here #there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows #the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!! #anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance

[belligerentbagel]

even Atlas has only two hands

vent art

#this one's for all the teachers out there #horror cw #hands cw #draws #after 2.5 years of caution and masking everywhere; i tested positive for covid on wednesday morning (first day of fall semester) 😔 #at earliest; i can be back in the classroom on monday #wednesday itself was an absolutely horrible 24 hours (but admittedly the anatomist side of me has been going 'ah! physiological data!') #but thursday and friday were a grim indicator of how much capitalism has rotted my brain #because after getting through 24 hours of a MASSIVE illness with undetermined long-term effects; i felt compelled to return to the #6-hr-sleep 18-hr-waking cycle that i was accustomed to; out of GUILT for falling behind in work #(note: i was NOWHERE near 100% back on thursday. i could have charitably been put at 50% - still headaches & fatigue & productive coughs) #a friend had to very sternly tell me 'you cannot solve structural problems through constant 80-hour-week heroic measures' #'you especially cannot do this when you are recovering from a debilitating illness which has the potential to remain a - #- serious lingering problem if you overwork yourself' #like. gods. yeah. it's not my fault that my classrooms are stuffed to the student maximum that our union has valiantly maintained #it's not my fault that the district only gave us one pre-semester prep day; meaning that my room & plans were left unfinished before day one #and - even bigger; it's not my fault that public health in the US is careening into 'can we pretend hard enough like nothing's happening' #my students will have a milquetoast start this fall semester. that is fine. #their teacher might not be able to stand and talk for longer than ten minutes at a time #i will do what i can. i still care about them. i am reading their introduction emails and smiling a bunch. #but i refuse to allow myself to be consumed in order to keep this fire lit.

[prurientpuddlejumper]

idk who this advice is for, but if you have an aging grandparent who is losing their hearing, text notes on your phone work great! You can make the font huge & it's easier than scribbling on a whiteboard!

Last time I visited my grandma, I saved this last message to her in the notes app, because I had a feeling it might be the last time I saw her.

It was.

Seeing this hits different now. I only wish I'd thought of doing it sooner, because for a couple of years she's been withdrawn when I'd visit, because she couldn't follow conversations. I did finally realize her vision was good & I could write stuff down, but my handwriting is crap lol.

Anyway. Notes app. If it's applicable to your situation at all, try it! I got to actually communicate with my grandma again before she passed, and I feel like an idiot for not thinking of it years ago.

#loss #tw death #I guess I just never thought of using a phone with her since she doesn’t understand technology? otherwise I could have been texting her #god #teach your grandparents to text #there are so many things I could have done better #but I lived far away so it always felt out of my hands... #oh well. I guess that's just how grief is. #you think of all the stupid things you put off doing and kick yourself #I really thought it would be a relief that she wasn't suffering anymore #but instead it just sharpened focus on everything I failed to do for her when it counted

[unproduciblesmackdown]

truly something that, amidst facing / going through a dramatic Life Change ft. unavoidable emotional effects of that, there are instances where i can't conceal any & all degrees of being distressed / upset, & repeatedly getting "it's hard for me too" as a Direct Response to that: really something & a half how the asserted theoretical Sympathy of [i feel similarly!] is invoked so as to, oh you know, preclude sympathetic Treatment. such as that what would be More sympathetic in these instances would be to say Nothing, "if there's nothing but dismissal / making it first & foremost about someone else's feelings to say, don't say it at all" style

#reading also that original Lovelessness essay ''love is meant to make me human / love is also the mechanism by which my humanity #has been denied'' always preferring to have [sorry! couldn't fully bottle up this Emotiona externally manifesting at all!] Ignored rather #than ''nicely'' interacted with so as to Invalidate; Dismiss; someone's annoyed at you for having it; etc #for bonus context like we are not in the same boat with it. #not a case of ''the same situation; mine is worse though'' like no; fundamentally different situations here lmao. mine is worse #If You Feel So Bad. Or At All. then at least now do me the favor of Not Saying That; Repeatedly #their feelings put on me too in other ways. stewing resentment into lashing out; tossing out ''but i'm justified'' like ok! Your business!! #the ol like. If You're Going To Do Something Anyways then how you justify it to yourself is Your business / b/w you & your god as they say #& the last thing to do is be making it the problem of ppl Most Affected by what you're gonna do anyways & Also ask their Absolution..... #like if you need more moral support abt What You're Doing Anyways: turn to Anyone Else. even No One if you have to. #bit going tf through it when it's spilling over into Posting but such is life!! we all have that [the horrors. girl help] blogger on dash #again the tl;dr like oh you don't say. the [umm but have you considered? My Feelings! (they're so sympathetic at all. yor welcome)] is #the mechanism through which Really basic sympathy is being denied & replaced with [Saying Nothing would've been less hurtful] #misgendering me the other night too while Also all 'hey I'm trying to talk to the customer service. why are You going up & talking first' #(that was me experiencing the latter. i didn't say it but i was like cmon. my glasses are fogging up w/surgical mask (don't have access to #more effective masks so doing what Nonzero i can there) i'm a bit carsick i'm weathering a crisis. can i have anything here lol) #just Oh You Know. The Horrors.... #balancing ofc trying to endure trying to self soothe etc etc. with ''it's the horrors. it's gonna be horrific & you're gonna be affected'' #ah the [being kind to oneself] like also means knowing how reasonable it is to Not solo contain & endure & Cope Through everything.... #crushing a paper cup in my hands genuinely i would like to generously thank my virtual allies out here today. mic feedback #irl In Real Life? life is Real asf here & nobody Realer than them

[snow-and-saltea]

finished yangtze river dolphin episode from extraordinary attorney woo and i think im near tears. i love this episode so much. a huge chunk of my media experience keeps telling me to be on edge, telling me that things are going to get dirty and dramatic and people are going to get antagonised for the sake of a good show, but it never goes there. the witness (? is that what you call them for civil cases?) temporarily snapping in court because everyone from the company is tired about the lawsuit, but after the court hearing ends, the plaintiffs end up hugging her and reassuring her that "it's okay, people have their own opinions, you're not a bad person, this is just how circumstances are and i wouldn't fault you for not picking the ‘moral high road’ for the sake of your own stability and comfort. i would've made the same decision in your shoes. these things shouldn't be blamed on you, but the way our patriarchal society has been set up even before we were born that forces us to choose between these two things. we will never fault you for not making the impossible perfect choice. no matter what happens in the end, we will never fault you for it."

and i'm just like. crying man. it's easy in shows involving law to easily spin a tale to villainise characters the main characters are disagreeing with, but like... this show goes beyond that and reveals something very simple and true, which is that humans are flawed, which means they can make flawed decisions, but that is not always a failure of morality or conscience.

and my god the critique of the mir life company was so good too. even when i thought i'd hate the hr guy, it turns out he's also just another cog in the machine they'd throw out. he's also been fed the same lies and sweet promises the others were, and i couldn't feel that familiar sense of "vindication!!!" i felt when villains got what they deserved. because it reminded me, once again, that he's not a villain; he's just another guy crushed under the weight of his imperfect decisions, becoming the scapegoat for all the targeted animosity when in reality he was discarded just as easily. it felt like his appearance was deliberately put so we'd have someone's face to hate, to throw the eggs on, but in reality the shitty choices are always made from people higher up than him, invisible and faceless but very much present in influencing the quality of thousands of people's livelihoods.

god. what a good show. between young-woo and su-yeon's friendship, i'm also loving the women solidarity in this episode. i love it so much. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON RYU JAE-SOOK AND HER PHILOSOPHY ABOUT BEING AN ATTORNEY AND HER POEM SHE READ ON THE ROOFTOP. I'LL BURST INTO TEARS IF I REMEMBER IT

#yuu rambles #extraordinary attorney woo #im so. im SOOOOOOO. ougjrhfkfhfjhfj #please watch this show i love it so much. im so weepy about how human everyone is #its like. it reminds me of glass onion / knives out in the sense that its a very kind show #you think its going to pull the disappointing tricks other shows/movies in its genre have pulled #and you brace yourself for the hit and the cringe but it never comes. #it just gently puts a hand on your shoulder and reminds you that yes life is often complicated with politics drama and betrayal #but the truth can be this simple and true. and people don't need to be villains to make monstrous mistakes #and yet we must all persevere and remember to keep in mind the bigger picture and the true goal in order to avoid #making enemies out of potential allies #god. GOD........

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be #like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now #maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy #im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when #im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck #but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak #thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just #wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive #been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work #my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes #and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over #the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and #talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place. #could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it #so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree #inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im #glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of #couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot #unrelated #its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment #and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i #dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it

[biblicalhorror]

Reading a court of thorns and roses bc it's been rec'd to me many times (by the same two friends mostly) and also I've never really read a smut novel before and Jesus christ this protagonist is insufferable

#first of all its like the author tried to recreate katniss everdeen without any fundamental understanding of her character #like the reason the whole 'i hunt and provide for my family because no one else will' thing works for katniss is that her mother is ill #and her sister is like 8 years old #so like yeah obviously she'd be the one to provide #but feyre is like 'i have to do everything around here because my two OLDER sisters simply dont feel like doing chores' #like what???? #i get that her dying mother for some reason put the responsibilities on her but it makes 0 sense #like whoever wrote this was clearly a youngest sibling with a martyr complex because its just. so heavy handed #also her insistence that nesta is simply too shallow and vapid to do what she does makes me roll my eyes every other page #honestly justice for nesta #1) if my sister started doing all of the hunting and providing without ever communicating why i would probably assume she wanted to do it #2) if after our mothers death she started completely resenting everything i do and glaring at me constantly id think she blames me for it #3) being around that kind of smug negative energy would absolutely make me start to be a little mean too even just as a defense mechanism #4) shes constantly assuming the worst in nesta and is proven at least twice to be an unreliable narrator in regards to nestas priorities #also that comment feyre made about how smug she felt after leaving knowing that her family would 'starve without her' god what an asshole #like you cant present yourself as so much morally better than your sisters and then turn around and say shit like that #anyway im hoping she becomes less insufferable as the story goes on #im told the first book is the worst in the series so i just gotta power through for the sake of world building #j reads acotar series #<<<feel free to blacklist if u dont want spoilers and/or critiques of this series bc i plan to vent on here a lot abt it

[dirt-str1der]

I dont care about majima x sagawa btw but i care a lot about their relationship regardless because i want them to have the most toxic dealings and skewed power dynamics with each other as possible and i them both to have increasingly warped perceptions of each other (worlds most incorrect uncle-nephew relationship)

#Listen to my problems #sagawas like majima chan i bought pudding for you since chewing is hard right now and majimas like (muffled) can you kill yourself . and #sagawa is like (laughs) keep up that tone and ill break your jaw again #like obviously sagawa isnt doing charity work putting majima back on his feet because majima has to pull his own weight too but over time #majima became less of an ‘investment’ and more like his hotheaded young apprentice / nephew who is really smart (sagawas very proud of him) #but also doesnt know anything good for himself because hes an idiot and sagawa needs to do everything for him sometimes or he’ll pull the #most ASININE stunts imaginable. like kid i do Good by you and you do the same for me as long as you keep your head down and run the grand. #he cannot fathom why majima wants to claw his way back into the tojo because sagawa Knows shimano and he Knows that shimano is bad news and #will definitely send majima into the jaws of death over and over and seriously what a WASTE of good talent !!! unfortunately majima is the #same type of stupid as his oath brother but it doesnt mean he wants to see the kid get himself killed (wise words from a man who got himself #killed) | and majima ... it was not difficult to start going crazy about sagawa at first sight because he just came out of a very violent #place where every touch meant more torture and pain then suddenly hes being put in the capable hands of a man whos like a fucking angel #sagawa feeds clothes and bathes him and majima cant help but act like being cared for is the worst thing thats ever happened to him theres #too much touching and hes completely dependent on sagawa who checks his weight daily and changes his bandages and cleans his leaky infected #eye and he wants nothing more than to be left alone but he cant do anything by himself and hes too devastated to be grateful. its gross !! #and whenever he inevitably breaks the hell down sagawa is always there to hold and comfort him and what the hell else can he do but seek #comfort in the only person that ‘cares’ about him when sagawa is so good at pretending ... is he pretending ? who gives a fuck anymore man #sagawas punishment and comfort all in one ... hes a means to an end .. hes majimas caretaker and his gaoler. the guy who knows everything #about him and the one who’ll use every last bit of it against him oh god wait #this is just isabelle and emma damnit damnit im gonna go read purromised neverland again

[merevide]

why do i give people girl advice as if i have any experience with girls. besides being one

#like on one hand im genuinely trying to help but on the other my advice may or may not work u do u though #my very real and true guide to letting a girl know you like her: step one don't be like me #step two dont take my advice ever unless you're okay with fumbling step three put trust into a third party. god bless #step four be yourself and have fun #like thats it i hope it works out i personally let my feelings ruminate in my heart until they die or i die and i haven't died yet SO #my text

[the-finch-address]

After reblogging those last two posts featuring the one and only Jesus of Nazareth (beloved) I figure now's a good time to remind anyone following me that The Dog Yard is and has always been fairly derisive (for lack of better word) of modern day Christianity. Not against God or even religion as a whole, but strictly Christianity. This wip is my way of exploring and working through my past and the trauma that I've endured at the hands of Christians, AS a former Christian myself. I don't want to get into a "not every Christian" argument, I know there's a share of "good" Christians out there, but this is about my personal experiences and how I am healing from them to this day.

Anyway, that being said, please be aware that this project very well may offend you in how it approaches the topic(s) at hand if you yourself identify within the Christian religion. So...this is your official heads-up to blacklist the wip in advance (or just unfollow/block me) if that's what you feel is best.

Thanks!

#Finch chirps #I want to reiterate that I have nothing against God (or Jesus for that matter) #and in fact I still catch myself praying these days #I have complicated feelings concerning religion itself though #I've been dipping my toes into Judaism for years now but #I know my mixed (and often turbulent) feelings regarding God should maybe be better healed before I take any further steps #there's also the. fear #of feeling like I'd never be accepted (because I feel like Too Much Of a Sinner) #which is ironically a very CHRISTIAN mindset that I've yet to break #Ergo. I'm maybe not ready yet #idk #the point is there's several moments in this book where the ideals of modern christianity are brought into question #if not dissected and put under a microscope and then swept under a rug immediately after #or set on fire (literally) in one scene #and if you consider yourself to be Christian and happy with how modern christianity functions uhhh this book just isn't for you. I think #that's all! #Puts my face in my hands. I have GOT to get somebody to talk this out with. #The Dog Yard

[theexorcistiii]

I have to assume the endgame of that show had it not been cancelled would have been those two priests fucking nasty cause of like. Chekovs canon bisexuality

#I swear to god I am not reading into things like they had to part ways at the end of s2 n the’straight’ one was like IM NOT READY TO BE WITH #OUT YOU 🥺 like bro. also asked him for help putting his little priest collar at least once n it’s like you do that yourself literally every #day of your life why do you want him to help all of a sudden. you want another man’s hands around your neck ? anyway

[mai-sau]

thinking about this post about Sauron’s loneliness while listening to jenny of oldstones and fukcicng sobbing

#put that at the end of my sauron playlist for that EXACT reason #it’s the LONELINESS #it’s the grief of that which you have lost #some by fate’s hand and some by your own #it’s about the mourning of what you have murdered yourself #the REGRET the HOPELESSNESS the VOID that sucks you further into that darkness which has already swallowed everything so why not let it #consume you as well #mai murmurs #and the song just has those LONELINESS VIBES #THOSE MOURNING TRAGEDY VIBES #god knows with the actual in universe context of the songs … I have thought . about both . angbang and silvergifting