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anxiouslyfred · 2 years

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Winged Chaos

Summary: Thomas's Sides woke up one morning with wings. They manage to make Thomas's life a bit more chaotic because of this.

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Flight was a collective dream of humanity but not so much a dream of the sides of Thomas. It can't be said that they were particularly upset to wake up with wings one morning, but confusion was the primary reaction rather than excitement.

After a morning of confirming that no, this wasn't something Roman or Remus had decided to arrange for a prank, and discovering that no, Thomas was not aware of anything that would have cause his sides to gain extra limbs, the sides all settled into their own reactions.

If Logan was viewing the reactions of his companions as indications of their intelligence then he'd generally consider it low. He'd just come in from attempting to explain to Patton that the mere presence of wings does not provide a human with the vocal abilities to talk with birds. Of course the paternal side of Thomas decided that was how it should work.

Now he wasn't entirely sure what he was looking at in the living room but spoke regardless, “We aren't actually birds now. There's no reason to be acting as if you are.” He raised an eyebrow at the scowl thrown his way.

“I get that, but do you get that nests are worlds safer to sleep in than beds? Enclosed, comfortable and secure. I've been making nests since we were 10.” Virgil straightened a supporting cushion and tightened a twist in his blankets before reaching for another to add in.

“Any added security you feel from being inside a nest is surely countered by the fact you are building this in the centre of our common space.” Logan remarked, gesturing to the room around them.

Virgil huffed again, but tugged on two blankets now visible as the base to lift his nest, steadying it with his wings. “Fine, I'll take my nest where it'll be more appreciated.”

…

Thomas had stopped putting expectations on the appearance of his sides the first time he saw the tentacles Remus sometimes formed. He'd occasionally practised summoning them around other people to test whether they or he could control if other people could see and interact with them easily.

Now however he was regretting evert testing those situations out, because maybe if they weren't all so used to the sides popping, Janus wouldn't be appearing, wings spread wide, during his walk with his friends.

“Janus! Sink down and stop that!” He hissed, glancing at the people turning to stare. His friends had also paused, but said nothing as they registered just how well they recognised the winged man now stood behind them.

Janus of course, ignored the demand, turning to face the people gasping. “Greeting Friends. Be not afraid! I come with tidings of peace and joy!”

Rolling his eyes and looking around to try and find the reason for so many people to be around, Thomas saw they were passing a church. The evening service must have just ended and if the line was anything to go by his deceitful side was now attempting to convince the congregation that he was an angel or something.

“Sure, you're the real Lucifer! I'm not letting you masquerade around. Sink Out!” He put intention behind his words, and reached out to push Janus down as he spoke, sending the side back into his mind.

Davi snickered as even more people were blinking at him now, “So, the side? Not just a cool idea for YouTube then?”

Thomas didn't hold back the groan as he walked away, more gentle ribbing coming from his friends over the Sides.

…

He had gone to get a drink. He had gone to get a drink and barely left his laptop for 2 minutes, hoping that the moments away from the screen would miraculously return the concentration that had run off with social media distractions.

Thomas had been expecting to have Logan pop up sooner or later to return him to the task of editing a short video, but given there were now six tabs open about different bird types, obviously his logical side also had something else to focus on.

“Logan, where's my schedule?” He called over his shoulder, quite certain the side hadn't sunk out after opening the searches.

“It's here, Thomas. Do you need it?” Logan replied, sat at the table beside the bookshelf with the calendar in front of him.

Thomas glanced over to him, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What's currently scheduled?” He asked.

“Researching wing types and their flight patterns.” Logan recited promptly, finger on top of the day.

“And before I got distracted or you changed it?”

Logan shifted, lips thinning together for a moment, “Video editing.”

Thomas didn't say anything, biting back a smile to give a pointed look at his side.

“But we need to know how our wings work! They just came out of nowhere and it's not like flight or birds were an area you studied in depth. I need to at least know the basics. What if we have to care for our wings like birds do?” The rant burst out of Logan rapidly and honestly was adorable to see.

He chuckled a little but shrugged, “I guess that makes sense. If you need to know these things then perhaps you should hang my schedule back up now and come join me for the researching?”

…

If Roman had his way, he'd be flying through the real sky, seeing Thomas's home from the clouds, but since Janus's angel stunt, they'd all been locked down. Thomas had barely let them become physically able to interact or be seen by others in his own home and completely vetoed any level of manifesting outside of it.

At least the imagination was still there and Roman could soared above it, riveted by the view and changes going on in this world of whimsy. He ignored the sight of Remus in the distance, flying high and plummeting fast, until whatever instincts came with gaining wings kicked in to slow his descent.

For now Roman was just going to fly, perhaps see if he could taunt the dragon witch into a battle to test his manoeuvrability in flight. It was a new experience that he couldn't wait to fully explore.

#sanders sides #winged sides #character thomas #logan sanders #Janus Sanders #virgil sanders #patton mention #remus mention #roman sanders

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agerestorybits · 2 years

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half Unhinged

Warnings- slight body horror, panic

Snake jaws can unhinged. Janus was only half snake so he could only unhinged half of it. He didn't normally do so for a few reasons. it was a tad bit uncomfortable, it made his jaw uneven which tended to bug him, and made talking difficult. Thus he tended to avoid it.

When he got really tired and yawned his jaw tended to unhinge which was annoying when Big and upsetting when he was little.

So it didn't help that it had been a very long day, and he dropped soon after he got his PJs on and he was on his way to game night which he was already unsure if he wanted to admit he was regressed. He didn't want to get stuck playing a kids game. He wanted to play cards against humanity too! It was funny!

So when he yawned big enough that his eyes teared up and then he felt the small pop as his jaw unhinged, he started crying. He was lifting his hand to his jaw when his vision was suddenly filled with a very panicked Roman. Blur of red and white as Roman rapidly asked him what happened and how he broke his jaw.

Janus blinked, he didn't think he had broken his jaw. But it did hurt a little, maybe he did? What if he did break it?! Janus started crying harder as Roman picked him up and rushed him up to Logan's room.

Logan let Roman in and they set Janus on the bed, as Roman leaned back so Logan could look over Janus' he wailed and reached for Roman. He tried to say don't leave but it was garbled. Logan gently caught his jaw and felt around where it was supposed to connect. Roman was talking fast mostly questions and worries. Logan pushed Janus' jaw up and little.

Pop.

It was back, a little sore but ok. "There see? Nothing to panic over." Logan said giving a stern look towards Roman who looked a bit pale.

"Oh...good."

Janus whimpered and hide his face in Roman's chest. He was quickly picked up again. That had been scary. Roman held on to him tightly reassuring him that he was ok and apologizing for freaking out.

When Janus had calmed a bit he pulled back and glared at Roman. "You scared-ed me!"

Roman looked beyond guilty. "I didn't mean to slither. I promise, I was worried you were badly hurt."

Janus huffed but accepted the apology. "We play the card game now?"

Roman hesitated not really wanting to let Janus play but he couldn't say no after freaking him out.

Janus sat curled up next to Roman the whole game, Roman reading the cards for him when needed. They pulled out all the worst cards before playing but if Janus noticed he didn't fuss over it.

Remus found Roman's panic funny but didn't openly laugh in case Janus mistook it as aimed at him. Virgil checked over his cheek to make sure it was ok.

#cg roman #cg logan #agere janus #tw body horror #virgil mention #remus mention

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that-bitch-kat3 · 3 months

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lily: i’m bisexual

anyone: how is that possible? you’ve only dated james?

lily: that doesn’t mean i’m not bisexual.

remus: yeah it means she’s stupid

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gods-graveyard · 5 months

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Little Harry Potter-

"This is my Mom, and my Dad, and my Papa, and my Padfoot, and my Moony, and Uncle Severus, and my Uncle Barty, and my Uncle Evan, and my Auntie Andromeda, and Aunt Narcissa- oh and Lucius, and my Aunt Pandora, and my-"

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dikdikpronouncedxylophone · 2 months

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Virgil: Do either of you have any healthy stress outlets?

Remus: Yelling!

Janus: Drinking.

Remus: Murder!

Janus: Manipulation.

Virgil: Ok, so we have yelling...

#dark sides #virgil sanders #ts virgil #janus sanders #ts janus #remus sanders #ts remus #sanders sides #sanders sides incorrect quotes #thomas sanders #tw alcohol #alcohol mention

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radiohead-spiderman · 3 months

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Current day Wolfstar(let me preface this by saying, you should take liberties when it comes to these character, JKR sucks, these are just my gripes with how the fandom currently perceives these two)

Aka I’m annoyed so I’m making it everyone else’s problem. The “stupid feminine Sirius who’s 5’4 and who’s oh so much uglier than Remus, and he’s basically just a charity case!” STOP IT, stop it stop it, stop it. I have zero problem with feminine Sirius, go wild, my problem is with relating femininity to weakness and stupidity.

Also, I am so, SO sick of “big alpha 6’5 hot Gryffindor Casanova Remus Lupin”, not only does it not make sense, it’s annoying, and it reinforces gender roles. Remus Lupin spent his whole life being told he was basically a big scary monster, who can’t be around other children, HOW do you think he would react to being perceived as this big angry asshole with no regard for the people around him?

ALSO, Remus Lupin was NOT drop dead gorgeous, I’m sorry to say, he was not the hottest guy around(that is still my darling man and I will not tolerate anything against my darling man), he was a scrawny werewolf with scars, and premature lines and shabby clothing, if anything, he looked like an anemic average British man in the seventies, if not below average.

Sirius was literally “Hogwarts’ pretty boy”. I’m not saying this to make Remus seem like a charity case, because, wolfstar is pointless when you make one the “man” or “woman”, or “hot” and “ugly”, i’m saying this because Casanova Remus Lupin annoys me, if ANYONE was “Casanova of Gryffindor Tower” it was Sirius Black. (I also think people forget the negative connotation with the term “Casanova”, which is sometimes annoying to see when talking about Remus, or Sirius)

Also, I could talk about how canonically, Sirius was the tallest marauder, or how a huge part of his character was HOW hot he was, I could talk about how he was hotter than Regulus, i COULD talk about how Remus wasn’t the smartest marauder, I could talk about how Sirius is canonically an overly clever wizard, I could talk about how if anyone is aggressive between the two, it was Sirius, but, I don’t think I will, because that will seem like I’m trying to push Sirius being the “aggressive man” of the two, and Remus being the “ugly woman” of the two, and I don’t believe that,

Wolfstar has now become just a way to reinforce gender roles on two characters, and that’s gross, making Remus the smart aggressive “man” of the relationship, and Sirius the stupid small “woman” of the relationship, is just gross dude.

Wolfstar doesn’t HAVE to fall into gender norms, that’s not necessary, neither of them HAVE to be the “man” or “woman”, that’s NOT necessary.

Remus being a funky looking guy, while Sirius is a hot nepo baby, is so beautiful, and it makes their relationship so much more interesting than “man aggressive and hot” and “woman ugly but pretty and pathetic”.

Anyways, let Remus be a skrunkly little man, and let Sirius be hot, also STOP ASSIGNING GENDER ROLES TO THEM OH MY GOOOOOD DHFBFJDJCJ

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dustylogicalityrat · 11 days

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💚Dukeceit Week! 💛

Day 3: Rats!!! 🐀🐍

(my favorite animal ever!!!!)

transcript

Remus, taking role for his pet rats: Arson, Murder, Tax Fraud, Jaundice, Bubonic Plague, Mary Jane, Molly, Eggplant, Peach, and...

[Remus turns to Janus]

Remus: Where's Lil' Shit?

Janus: Got hungry...

@dukeceit-week-2024 @dukeceitweek

#sanders sides #dukeceit #dukeceitweek #dukeceitweek2024 #remus sanders #ts remus #janus sanders #ts janus #rats #many gross things are mentioned #crayon draws 💙🖍

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impishtubist · 1 year

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double date

Behold, the dumbest thing I have ever written. I inflicted this on a handful of Discord pals a while back, but you know what? Everyone should be made to suffer from my terrible writing 😂

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“Padfoot, calm down.” Remus lays a hand on Sirius’s, stopping him from further shredding his empty straw wrapper.

“I am calm.”

“Mate, you’re literally vibrating.” James is sitting on Sirius’s other side, and he puts a hand on Sirius’s knee, stilling his bouncing leg. “It’s just Regulus.”

“Just Regulus?” Sirius hisses. “I haven’t seen him since I was seventeen, James! This isn’t just Regulus, this is huge!”

“I know,” Remus says soothingly. “But you being a nervous wreck isn’t going to make this any easier.”

Sirius sags a bit in his seat. “I want this to go well, Moony.”

“It will. This was his idea, after all. That’s promising, isn’t it?”

“S’pose so.” Sirius straightens in his seat, brightening a little. “Think it’s a good sign that he wants to introduce me to his boyfriend, too.”

“It was sweet of him to suggest a double date,” Remus says, casting James a significant look. James shrugs, unapologetic.

“Like I’m going to pass up a chance to see Baby Black and his boyfriend,” he says cheerfully. “What do you think? Think Reggie’s dating a Muggle?”

Sirius’s entire face lights up, and he cackles. “A Muggle! Oh, Prongs, that’d be brilliant. Might put Mother in an early grave, too.”

The door opens then, and Regulus steps into the pub. Sirius goes completely still, eyes wide, so Remus raises a helpful hand to flag him down. Regulus catches sight of them, and hesitates for a moment before making his way over to their table. He’s followed by a tall man with long black hair and--

Snape.

It’s Snape.

Regulus is dating Severus fucking Snape.

The waiter appears at their table at the same time Regulus and Snape do. Remus raises his hand.

“Five Firewhiskeys, please,” he says while James and Sirius openly gape at the newcomers. The waiter smiles politely.

“A round for the table, then?”

“Oh, no, those are all for me.”

The waiter departs, and Regulus pulls out the chair across from Sirius. Snape’s eyes flick between James and Remus, and he eventually chooses the seat across from Remus. Remus gives him his biggest, most wolfish grin, and Snape quickly looks away.

“Brother,” Regulus says.

“Reggie,” Sirius squeaks. “What the fuck--”

Remus digs his fingers into Sirius’s thigh. “What Sirius means is, it’s great to see you.”

“Yeah,” Sirius says, his voice only slightly strangled. “Yeah, Reggie, it’s great to see you. Thanks…thanks for suggesting this. And for bringing your, um.”

“Fiance,” Regulus says.

“Fiance?” Sirius and James burst out, looking horrified.

“That’s great, Regulus,” Remus says through gritted teeth, kicking Sirius under the table. “Isn’t it?”

James recovers first. “Yeah, it’s--that’s great. Love is…great.”

Sirius draws a deep breath, visibly pulling himself together. “I’m really happy for you, Regulus. Shall we, um, decide what to order?”

The waiter returns with Remus’s Firewhiskeys, takes their food orders, and goes off again. Sirius clears his throat.

“So, um, Severus,” he says, and the name sounds like it only pains him a little to say, “what is it you do?”

“I’m the Potions Master at Hogwarts,” Snape says. Remus cringes inwardly--those poor students--and knocks back his first shot.

“What about you, Regulus?” he asks.

“I’m--”

“Regulus doesn’t work,” Snape cut in.

“Doesn’t work?” Sirius repeats.

“He doesn’t need to.”

“That’s right,” Regulus says. “I’m…taking care of the household.”

“But you wanted to be a potioneer,” James says, and he sounds pained.

Regulus stares at him. “You remember that?”

“‘Course I remember it,” James says quietly. “Thought you’d be brilliant at it. You wanted to open a shop in Diagon Alley and everything. What happened?”

“Oh, er, nothing. It’s just…not really for me.”

“That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

The tension at the table increases tenfold. Remus takes a second shot.

“If that makes you happy, Reggie, I support it,” Sirius says abruptly. “It…sounds great. Staying home and…looking after Severus’s…things.”

“I’m a trophy husband, too,” Remus says with a wink. “I have no complaints.”

Regulus gives him a tight smile. “Yes, I’m sure I’ll…get used to it.”

“He’ll take care of the children, too,” Snape says, and Remus chokes on his third shot.

“When the time comes,” Regulus says hastily, patting Snape’s arm.

“I think you’ll be singing a different tune on our wedding night,” Snape purrs, and Remus grabs Sirius’s wrist before he can draw his wand.

“Yes, when is the wedding?” he asks.

“This summer,” Snape says. “That leaves us with plenty of time to ensure that he’s with child by the time term begins.”

“What, you’re going to knock him up and then leave him?” James asks.

“Yes, we agreed that was best,” Regulus says.

“If it makes you happy,” Sirius says again, though this time it’s through gritted teeth.

“Indeed. There’s no need for me to be around for…the unpleasantness of pregnancy,” Snape says, waving a hand.

“Raising children is very, um, rewarding,” Remus says quickly, while Sirius makes a noise like a wounded animal. The room’s getting a bit blurry, and he feels very light.

“Rewarding, yeah,” Sirius says in a high-pitched voice. He clears his throat. “R-right, Jamie?”

“Yep, yeah, greatest thing I’ve ever done. I love staying home with Haz,” James says. “‘Specially now that I only have him half the time.”

Regulus’s eyes snap to James. “You broke up with Evans?”

James blinks. “Er, yeah. Divorced about a year ago. We’ve been doing the whole co-parenting thing and it’s going really well, though.”

Light pink dusts Regulus’s cheeks, and--oh.

Oh, that would make sense. That would make so much sense. How had he missed it?

Remus grabs his fourth shot and polishes it off. He then raises the fifth shot and says, “A toast!”

“A toast?” Regulus, James, and Sirius echo.

“To the happy couple.” Remus pushes Sirius’s glass at him, water sloshing over the sides. “C’mon, Pads. Toast your brother and his--and his happiness.”

Sirius lifts his glass, looking like he’s swallowed something sour. “Er--right. To Regulus and Sn-Severus. May you, um…”

“Have a very happy life together,” James jumps in when Sirius falters.

“Right, that. And…love one another forever?”

“And be fruitful and multiply,” Remus says cheerfully.

Now it’s Regulus’s turn to look like he’s tasted something bitter, but Snape practically leers.

“Oh, we will,” he says, leaning in to kiss Regulus.

Bang!

Snape is thrown out of his chair and crashes into the wall behind him, cracking his head on the bricks before landing in a crumpled heap on the floor.

“James!” Sirius exclaims in outrage.

“It wasn’t me!” James protests.

“It was me,” Regulus says with a sniff. “Honestly. The nerve of him. I told him I wanted to wait until the wedding night.”

Remus hands his last Firewhiskey shot to Regulus, who downs it without blinking.

“You’re not in love with Snape,” he says, and Regulus pulls a face.

“Of course I’m not.”

“Then why did you tell me you were bringing your boyfriend to meet us!” Sirius demands.

“Because it’s what people do, Sirius,” Regulus says.

“What people?”

“People who are meeting their estranged brother and his husband for the first time in years!” Regulus sighs. “I can’t go on a double date with my brother if I don’t have a date.”

“Wait, did you--did you pretend to date Snape and then get engaged to him just so you would have a reason to reach out to me?”

“Well, he didn’t think it was pretend.” Regulus sniffs again. “I’m very convincing, you know.”

“You didn’t--”

Regulus’s lip curls. “Of course not. I told him I was a virgin and waiting for our wedding night. I should probably be insulted by how easily he bought that. Potter, what are you doing over there?”

James blinks at him. “What?”

“This is a double date, isn’t it?” Regulus gestures at the now-empty chair next to him. “I need a date.”

“Oh!” James scrambles over to the other side of the table. “Right, of course. Hello.”

“Hello.”

“You look amazing, you know.”

Regulus blushes. “Yes, you’ve been staring at me since I sat down. Awfully rude of you, with my fiance right there.”

James looks pained. “He’s not your fiance anymore, is he?”

“Merlin, no.”

“What,” Sirius whispers to Remus, “is happening right now?”

Remus pats his shoulder. “I think the wedding is still on.”

“Different groom, though, right?”

“Oh, yeah, definitely.”

#wolfstar #regulus x ???????#imp is writing #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #regulus black #cw pregnancy mention #it's not a fic of mine without a hint of breeding kink okay #cw alcohol mention #cw snape

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thegreatmelodrama · 5 months

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In Part III of TBOSAS, Coriolanus tells Sejanus that they are like brothers and that Sejanus can trust him, and this has always stuck out to me for many reasons. However, the one that I want to address right now is the parallel it creates between Snow and Sejanus and Romulus and Remus. Namely, Romulus’s fratricide of Remus which led to Romulus founding the city of Rome, its institutions, government, military, etc. and how it mirrors Snow’s betrayal and killing of Sejanus. Snow’s betrayal is what ultimately led to Gaul allowing Snow to return home and taking him under her wing as a mentor of sorts, as well as him becoming heir to the Plinth fortune. Thus Sejanus’s death resulting from Snow’s actions played a major part (along with Lucy Gray) in setting Snow down the path of evil and to becoming the dictator we see see in the trilogy—the man who instilled new life into the Hunger Games and ensured their survival for the next 65 years.

#the hunger games #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #ballad of songbirds and snakes #tbosas #coriolanus snow #sejanus plinth #romulus and remus #thg #not to mention that dispute between Romulus and Remus which led to the fratricide was over the results of an augury #and augury is the practice of observing the behavior or pattern of birds to receive omens or signs

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fiendishfyre · 6 months

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Sirius Black can exist without Lupin, you can talk about him, make art and posts and not need to tag that certain ship.

Sirius Black is his own character and person and not an extension to Lupin.

#harry potter #sirius black #mwpp #the marauders #the marauders fandom #remus lupin #i just hate that even on posts with no lupin mentioned #it's s tagged wolfstar or just...ugh #i could go on

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incorrectsanderscharactersquotes · 6 months

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Virgil, bursting into the room: You two are having sex! Logan, not looking up from their book: Really? Remus, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

#incorrect quotes #sanders sides #incorrect sanders sides quotes #source: incorrect quotes generator #logan sanders #remus sanders #intrulogical #cw: suggestive #cw: sex mention

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wolfstarshipping · 9 months

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Some non-ao3 Wolfstar Fic Recs for while ao3 is down

Hi so this is just a quick impromptu fic rec list, because ao3 has been down, so I thought a short rec list with fics that are hosted on other sites might come in handy while we all patiently wait for the amazing volunteers at ao3 to defend the site against the hackers. Also, I've seen several posts saying this and just want to add my voice, I think if you have the money to do so, giving a bit of it to ao3 would be a great thing to do, when the site is back up and running.

Okay enough of that, let's get into the list, in no particular order, these are just some of my older wolfstar faves off the top of my head, probably most of them are going to be fics I have recced on this blog before but I'm a firm believer that there is no such thing as too much enthusiasm, especially when it comes to fandom.

The Shoebox Project

If you ever thought about wanting to read the Shoebox Project but were intimidated by its length (or by all the separate pdf files), maybe now it is time to reconsider? It's an absolute wolfstar classic, it will make you laugh, it will make you cry, it will give you all the marauders and wolfstar feels you could ever want! For me, when asked for just one wolfstar/marauders fic rec this is always the one I would give.

The Door through the World

Okay you didn't expect me to write a fic rec list of older wolfstar fics and not mention this one, did you? This is the 2nd fic I will always and forever rec, a magical realism AU (kind of), the story is pure magic. I found that it is still accessible via webarchive, even though it is hosted on ao3.

remuslives23 Masterlist

Here is remuslives23's masterlist, on livejournal. They've written so many great fics, Muse in particular is one of my favorites (a muggle, artist AU), but the whole list is worth checking out!

picascribit on ff.net

Picascribit also posts all of their fics on ff.net, and I think I've recced most of their longer wolfstar fics on this blog over the years already anyways but two of my personal favorites are Highland Fling (a muggle AU set in Scotland) and Discards (a muggle AU set in Seattle with trans!Sirius), but I love all of their fics!

wolfstarwarehouse's ff.net rec list

wolfstarwarehouse posted a ff.net rec list in 2016, I remember reading All Kidding Aside and To Kiss a Bloke off that list back then, I don't think I've read the other fics but maybe now is the time for me to check them out!

Beekeeping in the Daylight podfic

Beekeeping in the Daylight is a wonderful muggle AU by halictus-writer and there is now a podfic by itsaash with a non-ao3 download link.

Alright I think I'll post this now and if I think of any more I'll just add them or make a part 2. If you have any faves you'd add to this list or if you're a writer who also posts somewhere else except ao3 feel free to add yours as a reblog or comment, so the list gets longer! <3

#wolfstar #marauders #fic recs #wolfstar fic recs #ao3 #ff.net #livejournal #rec list #non ao3 rec list #this is such a *me* list did anyone expect me to ever make a wolfstar list where i don't mention shoebox or the door through the world #seriously all of these are just basically old and current favorites that i could think of right now #remus lupin #sirius black #not on ao3 #i'm also keeping up with my accidental tradition to never post a fic rec list without at least one picascribit fic rec

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polaroidcats · 6 months

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Ugly crying & the marauders generation - a pseudo-scientific approach (my marauders crying PhD abstract)

Abstract

In recent days, there have been a variety of claims as to who the prettiest and ugliest crier in the marauders generation could be. This paper aims to address the recent surge in opinions on the matter, and categorize different approaches as well as add a new approach to the scientific examination of ugliness/prettiness when it comes to crying. I hope to provide readers with an overview of the current state of research and encourage all marauders scholars to add their own and I intend to make a contribution to the discourse by committing to the bit and writing a pseudo-academic paper about it instead of actually working on my thesis.

Introduction

In the following paper, the discourse about 5 marauders era characters will be examined in regards to their various levels of perceived ugliness whilst crying. Scholars who may ask why Peter [Pettigrew] is not included in this analysis are advised to refer to acclaimed marauders ugly crying scholar @lynxindisguise's (2023) original poll on the popular blogging website "tumblr.com" which did not include Peter, but rather two non-marauders characters named Lily and Regulus. This paper will follow that approach, since Peter is the nastiest skank bitch I have ever met, I do not trust him and he is a fugly slut. The characters included in this approach are as follows: James Potter, Lily Evans, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Regulus Black.

Following the scientific criteria for ugly crying, as stated by lynxindisguise et. al (2023), the question of the ugliest crier can be answered by observing the crying person and assessing their ugly-levels on the following parameters: (1) unbecoming facial expressions, (2) facial swelling/blotching, (3) unsettling noises, (4) snot factor, (5) tear volume, (6) general loss of dignity, (7) glistening eyes/lashes, (8) Victorian heroine factor, (9) elegant tear-wiping, (10) post-cry glow (ibid).

Criteria (1)-(6) can be categorized as the ugly crying parameters whereas (7)-(10) are pretty crying parameters, creating a false binary between ugly and pretty crying, which may be problematised and addressed in another the paper. In contrast to lynxindisguise’s original 10 criteria to measure the aesthetics of crying, this paper proposes to add (11) explosiveness of cry as another ugly crying parameter, in order to get a more clear assessment of where on the ugly-pretty crying scale a character falls.

The ugly crying parameters

(1) Unbecoming facial expressions

James Potter is mentioned in this category by several marauders scholars: @jaylienpotter talks about his red face and ugly sobbing, @artbyace mentions his “scrunched up cry face” and @sectoren claimes “james (…) is that one handsome guy that when the waterworks get going becomes like. Cartoonishly ugly”, raising the question of upkeeping toxic masculinity in order to avoid having to witness more of James Potter’s crying “mug”.

Though James Potter features heavily in this category, another character who is also mentioned just as often is Remus Lupin: @kaaaaaaarf, @appreciatedmoron and @http-starboy all emphasise that Remus Lupin is the one with a red and blotchy face.

(2) facial swelling/blotching

While there is a definitive overlap between the categories of facial swelling/blotching, unbecoming facial expressions and snot factor, Sirius’ and Regulus’ victorian heroine complexions, which give them an advantage in the homonymous category, may be to their disadvantage in the “blotching” category. This will require further research by other scholars.

(3) unsettling noises

James Potter is mentioned in this category by Jaylienpotter (2023), claiming he not only hiccups when crying but also that “his cries are one of the most heartbreaking things you’ll ever hear” and similarly, artbyace states that “James loves and feels so loudly”, whereas “Sirius is silent”, both sentiments are reminiscent of znelda’s (2023) statements that James “was allowed to feel his emotions freely in a loving household” and “Sirius (…) [is] used to hide [his] feelings and [has] become stoic”.

With several other scholars, among them also @jamesunderwater (2023) raising the point that James may be the ugliest crier due to him being “the only one well adjusted enough to have access to his feelings” this raises the question of possibly introducing another category, maybe of emotional awareness/stability to be able to measure this parameter more efficiently, though emotional vulnerability may also just be a part of the unsettling noises parameter, suggesting that there is a correlation between noisiness and the existing environment being welcoming to and accepting of various expressions of emotions.

(4) snot factor

The most popular winner in the snot factor category seems to be Remus Lupin, with several scholars agreeing that his sobs are the dampest and snottiest out of all the candidates. kaaaaaaarf (2023) writes “he turnes all red and blochty and snot drips out of his nose (…) he cant (sic) not cry with his mouth open as well so there is a lot of spit”, and appreciatedmoron (2023) agrees with kaaaaaaarf on this.

It only seems right to me to include spit in the snot category as well, seeing as they’re both crying-related bodily fluids that add to the ugly-cry factor. http-starboy (2023) also mentions snot in regards to Remus Lupin, which compared to both their comments in (1) opens up the question of how unbecoming facial expressions, more particularly redness of the face and snot factor may be related, as several authors seem to write about both specifically in relation to each other. Whether this is just pure coincidence or not would need further research, for which we currently do not have enough funding. This is only one of the many research gaps in the relatively new field of marauder’s ugly crying studies, which cannot fully be addressed in this paper.

James Potter is also mentioned in the snot category, namely by the marauders scholar artbyace (2023).

(5) tear volume

Artbyace (2023) claims James Potter is “full on bawling” which can only be assumed to refer to tear volume, but the most convincing argument for tear volume comes from the acclaimed marauders scholar @fruityindividual (2023), stating that “tsunami warning tones go off in sirius’ brain anytime remus is close 2 (sic) tears” which already indicates high levels of tear volumes. The author then goes on to specify the volume by claiming that “indeed the ocean wishes rj lupin would jump in and help contribute 2 (sic) rising sea levels”, further emphasizing the volume of Remus's tears.

(6) general loss of dignity

@pastaplatypus (2023) writes about James Potter not being able to do a Melodramatic Bollywood Cry, which is perceived as inherently racist by the crier.

I would like to argue that Sirius Black also deserves to be mentioned in this category. While as of today, with less than 1 hour left to vote, 15.5% of voters agree that Sirius is the ugliest crier, the more outspoken voices all argue for different ugly criers. Due to their upbringing, I am tempted to name both Black brothers in the “loss of dignity” category and look forward to reading future contributions to this discussion.

The pretty crying parameters

(7) glistening eyes/lashes

Undoubtedly Sirius Black deserves to be mentioned in this category. I believe his dark lashes and glimmering eyes are part of what makes him the prettiest crier. Whereas Remus’s eyes also sometimes glisten or appear red, and it is usually attributed to be caused by drug consumption, which more often than not is a wrong assumption, but he happily goes along with the pretense of being a weed-smoking bad boy in order to hide his ugly crying damp tendencies.

(8) Victorian heroine factor

It almost seems superfluous to even mention Sirius (and, to a lesser degree, Regulus) Black in this category. This category was made for Sirius, as is apparent when reading lynxindisguises (2023) description of the victorian heroine factor, in response to a question by the scholar @plecotusauritus:

“the Victorian Heroine Factor is a deeply scientific assessment of the Vibes. Is this person giving tragically beautiful, windswept Victorian Heroine, sobbing gently into their hands while sprawled across a boulder or a well or a fountain of some sort? When they look up at you, do their tear-plumped lips part elegantly as a single tear slides down their cheek?”

(9) elegant tear-wiping

There hasn't been a lot of research in this area, but I would like to propose handkerchiefs with embroidered initials and family crests as another potential factor in favor of the Black brothers scoring high marks in this category as well as the Victorian heroine factor.

(10) post-cry glow

Artbyace (2023) claims “lily is always beautiful (…) even when crying”, which is echoed by znelda’s (2023) earlier claim that “Lily (…) [is] a woman and no woman is ugly when crying.”

Sirius is the other popular choice by marauders scholars for this category, with @in-flvx (2023) stating that he “handsomely handsomes while dying after 12 years of torture hell and another year in shackles”, which would mean that “a few tears would[n’t] stop him from being the hottest person in the room at all times” (ibid).

Additional parameters

I am suggesting to introduce an additional metric in order to further specify and better assess the ugly-crying levels:

(11) explosiveness of cry

@felixantares (2023) introduces the idea that Remus “is the type that very few people have been seen cry because he ignores every difficult emotion hes (sic) ever had (…) and it all explodes at once and its horrible to watch when he breaks down”, a sentiment shared by several of the other authors mentioned above in various other categories.

Further opinions & conclusions

The most popular consensus seems to be that Sirius cannot be the ugliest crier, sometimes also in direct comparison to his brother: @spindrifters (2023) answers the question of the ugliest crier with “obviously it’s regulus”, elaborating that “at least [it’s] definitely not sirius bc (sic) reg is canonically less handsome in all ways” which brings up the question if regular beauty plays into ugly crying. This is contrasted by lynxindisguises argument, that Sirius may be an ugly crier because he’s so gorgeous, and his ugly crying subverts the expectations of beauty:

“the most beautiful man alive looks hideous while crying, and his deeply awkward and perpetually damp bf (sic) is literally in his element while crying – dampness becomes him, you might say.”

This statement raises yet another question – does regular crying make the crier more or less ugly? Can an ugly crier become a pretty crier by practice or are we all born either ugly or pretty criers, condemned to this fate for life?

While this paper has given an overview of the current state of research to ugly crying/pretty crying, it has also raised many more questions. Other topics which may be addressed in future papers also include the philosophical question whether ugly crying is in the eye of the beholder and if it is possible to ugly cry without being perceived, and if it is possible to ugly cry if the person perceiving you doesn’t find it ugly. Since the research field of ugly crying is a relatively new one, we can only hope to read many more opinions on these and other topics in the future, and I look forward to reading different scholar’s approaches to these highly relevant topics.

#marauders #idek what to tag this as lol #i don't write fic i only write pseudo scientific papers on fandom analysis (apparently) lol i had so much fun writing this #even if just 1 person reads it i'll be happy i know it's ridiculous #scientific analysis of ugly crying #akso i tried to tag everyone i mentioned to make it feel more like i'm actually quoting them (which i am) but if anyone doesn't want to be #tagged in this lmk and i'll remove it haha #anyways okay i'll post it now #this is what happens when i go on tumblr during work hours and then keep thinking about how much more fun editing papers would be if they #were about the marauders instead of the things i have to read/edit at work #hp #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #lily evans #regulus black #(this thing has almost 2k words and i wrote it in 2-3hours)#idek what that says about me #that this is how i chose to spend my tuesday evening #but i love it

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