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sincerelyjxyy · 7 months

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Gold Rush - Eight

Invisible String - Gold Rush

Chapter Eight - Wither In The Safe Shade

Song Of The Chapter - Jealousy, Jealousy by Olivia Rodrigo

✧ mother. eat me and give birth to me again. this time around i'll make you proud. — maia baia, mother ✧

Summary: With Midsummer's coming in only mere days, Josie and her mother are butting heads at the preparation for Josie's outfit. After dealing with her mother, the rest of her day is seemingly ruined, until she and her best friend's form a plan to help find the Royal Merchant.

Warning: This chapter contains depictions of body dysmorphia, a panic attack, body shaming from a parental figure, and mommy issues within the first half. Please read at your own discretion, and remember that there is absolutely no right or wrong way to look. However you look is valid and beautiful. Be gentle and kind to yourselves.

Word Count: 8.7k

Gold Rush Masterlist

THROUGHOUT THE COURSE OF HER LIFE, JOSIE HAD LEARNED THAT THERE WAS A FINE LINE BETWEEN THE FEELINGS OF HATE AND DISLIKE. The intensity of hatred felt like a fire racing through one's veins. The morality of hatred burned bright like that same fire; there was a reason someone's hatred towards something was irreparable.

Dislike is hopeful in purpose, hatred is hopeless.

There were few things in life Josephine Grey felt hatred towards.

She hated heights- that was a given. She hated the sounds of her friends' sobs. She hated the look her mother gave her right before she criticized something about Josie's appearance. She hated the nickname Topper Thornton gave her when she was nine. She hated hurting others. She hated Luke Maybank.

There were, of course, many things Josie disliked. She was only human, after all.

From how the color orange looked on her, to the noises cicadas made at night. Josie had her opinions and preferences, while still trying to find a balance between expressing those opinions and being respectful of others'.

But as she and her mother made their exits from her mom's car in the driveway of Tanneyhill, Josie found herself briefly wishing that she was more vindictive.

She wished she had the capacity to feel hatred for simple things and, in doing so, could also be more vocal about those discrepancies. Because maybe then it would've given her an excuse not to show up to the massive mansion that morning.

Midsummer's dress decision.

It'd been on the agenda for weeks, written in red marker and circled on the calendar that sat in their kitchen. But Josie had pushed the excursion completely out of her memory, naively hoping that if they never spoke about it then she wouldn't have to make an appearance.

She'd hoped her mom would just pick which dress she wanted Josie to wear and bring it home without Josie having anything to do with it.

But she didn't have such luck.

"I just don't understand why we have to be here. Why can't we do this at home?"

As the pair walked up the long driveway, Petunia Shoupe actively chose to ignore her daughter's complaints, black heels clicking on the pavement. She kept her eyes glued to the phone in her hand, nose deep in whatever problem her clients were claiming.

The older woman wore a button up blouse and pencil skirt, a token of relief that reassured Josie they wouldn't be there for long because her mother needed to get back to work.

Josie sped walk to keep up with her mother's pace, hiking the leather bag up on her shoulders.

"I mean, it's annoying enough having to try on these dresses I've already seen a million times and will only wear once, but with Sarah Cameron there too? This is basically succumbing me to social torture."

And as much as the statement was true, it was mainly said because Josie didn't want her mother to know about why the fitting's inclusion of the Camerons actually bothered her so much.

She didn't want to admit to herself, much less to her mother, that the thought of watching Sarah spin in her pretty dresses with her perfect blonde hair and pearly white teeth made Josie want to throw up.

She didn't want to admit that there was plenty of jealousy and green envy that crawled up her stomach and out her throat when she realized how pretty Sarah looked in just about everything she wore.

Josie knew that Sarah's beauty was not responsible for Josie feeling like she had a lack thereof. After all, the redhead could recognize that she was probably conventionally attractive- her mother wouldn't let her live a life where she wasn't.

But she couldn't help the repetitive voice at the back of her head that claimed she wasn't as beautiful as she could be- like Sarah.

The thought made Josie feel disgusting and shameful..

So, as Josie followed and stared at the woman who was responsible for said self-esteem issues, she silently pleaded with her eyes that the woman wouldn't force her to sit through this.

But it quickly became obvious as they walked up the front steps and towards the door, that leaving was not going to be an option.

"Josephine," her mother snapped, voice sharp as she shoved her phone into the purse hanging from her shoulder.

"I am dealing with a million and one other things right now, including the fact that my seventeen-year-old ruined another three-thousand-dollar camera, again. I do not have the time, nor the patience, to deal with petty teenage disagreements right now. So I am telling you, suck it up for a few minutes so that we can get this done and I can get back to work. Are we clear?"

Without waiting for her daughter's answer, Petunia rang the doorbell.

Josie awkwardly stood there, picking at the skin around her fingernails as they stood in silence. She listened to the noises coming from inside the house, bracing herself when she heard the doorknob turning.

She had to refrain from the eye roll that came when Sarah Cameron opened the door, fake smile plastered on the blonde girl's face as she backed away from the door to invite them into the gigantic house. "Hi, Ms. Shoupe. Please, come in."

Both women entered, and Josie made sure to keep her eyes on the artifacts surrounding the foyer and not on the girl she could feel staring at the back of her head. Some part of her brain also gave off warning bells that there would be an eldest Cameron roaming the house, and she needed to be on the ready to hide at a moment's notice.

As if reading her thoughts, the Cameron girl spoke. "Rose is just in the living room. She kicked my dad and brother out of the house for a couple of hours."

Josie felt her shoulders lose a bit of tension at the confirmation, sending out a silent thanks that she wouldn't have to face more than one Cameron sibling that day.

As Sarah motioned to guide them through her archaeological gold mine of a home, Josie had to physically restrain herself from gushing at the decor. Kiara's voice rang out from the back of her brain, their conversation the hour prior still ringing clear.

Don't let her think for a second that you enjoy being there with her instead of being with us.

"Thank you, Sarah, dear. How are you this morning?"

Josie cringed at her mother's pleased voice as she made small talk; a stark difference from the tone she directed at Josie.

Still, Josie was grateful that it didn't seem like her mother expected Josie to greet the teen.

"I'm doing well, thank you. Excited for Midsummer's of course."

Josie snorted in amusement and avoided the glare that her mother sent back to her as they crossed into the living space. It was humorous; the complete difference in opinion towards Midsummer's from those that she surrounded herself with.

She was so used to Kiara's complaints that it almost seemed weird that someone their age was looking forward to it.

As Josie's eyes scanned the living room, she had to hold back from loudly groaning when she saw the rolling rack of dresses that stood front and center. Rose Cameron happily sifted through them, eyes widening in cheer once she caught sight of the pair led by her stepdaughter.

Rose and Petunia immediately greeted each other, smiles wide as they wrapped one another in an embrace. Their voices were running a mile a minute, words about dresses and clients spewing from their mouths as if they hadn't gotten wine together the day prior.

Josie couldn't blame her too much though; she was the same way with her friends.

As soon as the older women separated, Rose maneuvered her friend towards the rack of dresses they stood by, immediately drawing Josie's mother into skimming through the rack.

Josie awkwardly stood a bit back and watched her mother gush over the dresses that had been altered since the last time they'd seen them. Josie couldn't help but also notice that almost none of them were the ones she'd favored previously.

It wasn't the first time Josie would be trying on dresses for the incoming Midsummer's. Her mother had been looking at dresses since the new year had started, and Josie had previously had a few sessions to pick out her favorites.

Considering that Midsummer's was only days away, this would be the final session to make sure that the alterations were correct and to make the decision of which dress she'd definitely be picking.

"So Jose, do you know which one you're leaning towards?"

The use of her nickname in a kook setting startled her, causing Josie to jump in her spot as her head whipped to her right. The blonde girl wore a small smile, but she avoided Josie's eyes as she watched their maternal figures enthuse over their outfits together.

Josie's mouth opened and closed, words escaping her brain as she stared at the side of Sarah's face. What was she supposed to say to her? Was she supposed to answer her question? Was she supposed to be civil?

If Kiara found out that Sarah had even spoken a word to her, Josie wouldn't put it past her to march all the way over here to sock her in the jaw.

She tried to find any words to say, noting that it was even more awkward to stand there with her mouth blubbing like a fish. She tried to channel her inner Kie to maybe find something petty to say.

But her brain was short-circuiting, reminding her that she was not the confrontational type. So instead, she turned to clear her throat and look back at her mother.

"Right. For a second there I forgot that you're friends with a bunch of assholes, my bad." Sarah huffed and brushed past Josie, deciding to instead make her inclusion into the discussion between the ecstatic women.

Josie couldn't really fault her for what she'd said. After JJ stuck a gun to her boyfriend's head, Kiara's vendetta, and the outburst John B had explained that he'd had the day prior, she understood how her friends may have earned the title of assholes in the girl's eyes.

But Sarah was just as much an owner to the title as anyone, with her backstabbing ways and fake niceness. Not to mention the fact that she'd gone and gotten John b fired after claiming that she wouldn't say anything.

So Josie tried not to dwell on the disappointment in Sarah's voice, and instead on remembering that she needed to have this done as soon as possible. Apparently, JJ had some sort of plan, whatever that meant, and she'd been strictly instructed to get in and get out.

With that in mind, Josie rolled her shoulders back and corrected her posture, walking towards the women with purpose.

"Oh Josephine dear, good. We have your three options here." Rose greeted the teen with a pearly smile, moving over a few dresses on the rack to give Josie a clearer view of her choices. The teen nodded in return, moving to skim over the dresses.

"Alice said all of the alterations were done exactly how you wanted, so it should be no problem."

Rose rubbed her shoulder comfortingly, and Josie sent back a grateful smile. She tried to push the tears of measuring day out of her mind as quickly as they approached.

"That is if she hasn't put on anything since last month. God knows working and eating at the Wreck hasn't done her any favors," Petunia nonchalantly offered as she took one of Josie's dresses off the rack. She placed the hanger over Josie's head, so that the dress hung from around her neck and down her body.

Josie tried to ignore the stunned look Sarah shot at her mother, noticing when it turned to sympathy as she moved her gaze to Josie. Josie didn't want her pity, nor did she need it.

She stayed still as her mother pulled at the hips of the dress, pushing it against Josie's body and scrunching her face. She pulled it further down tighter against Josie's hips, stretching the sides back as if to see if it would fit around her. Petunia tilted her head, staring down at the dress in discontent as she again adjusted it against her daughter.

She turned to glance at the other teen. "What do you think, Sarah?"

"I think it's pretty." Sarah gave Josie a reassuring smile, and Josie tried to keep herself from crying. She had not prepared herself enough to deal with her mother.

"Yes, the dress is pretty. Let's just hope Josephine can do it justice, hm?"

Her mother removed the dress from around her neck, placing it in the teen's hands.

"Alright, let's not waste any more time. Go on," her mother ushered her towards a small hallway attached to the living room, where Josie guessed the bathroom was.

"And make sure to let me see it."

As soon as her mother shut the door behind Josie, she let her tears fall freely. She dropped the dress onto the counter beside the sink, placing a hand on her forehead as she silently cried. She turned on the tap, leaning down to splash her face with water as she tried to keep her hyperventilating to a minimum.

She stared up into the mirror at her reflection, and she watched the puffy-eyed teenager stare back at her in distraught. She silently cursed herself for bearing resemblance to the woman outside- to the woman who gave birth in her eyes.

She was grateful that the green in her eyes was slightly lighter than that of her mother's, and her nose was one she inherited from her father.

But still, her eyes were the same shape as her mother's, and her eyebrows were a mirror image. Their ears, their face shape, their smiles, their cheekbones, everything seemed to morph into that of her mother's.

She couldn't tell where her mother's features ended and hers started. She would become her mother. She was becoming her mother.

She was her mother.

Josie watched her chest begin to rapidly move, pressing a hand to it as her panic grew just beyond the feeling there. It rushed through her veins- a burning sensation that cascaded throughout her whole body. She felt itchy, like a thousand tiny needles were pricking at her skin and she couldn't stop it no matter how much she reminded herself that it wasn't real.

She could see her vision tunneling as she backed up into the wall behind her, and she slid down it to sit on the tiled floor.

She cradled herself, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She leaned her forehead down on her legs and tried to use her breathing exercises. She found herself scrambling to remember everything her aunt had told her to do during panic attacks.

Inhale, hold, exhale. Inhale, hold, exhale.

Focus. Focus. Focus.

Josie's eyes flitted around the bathroom; hand still pushed against her chest as she heaved out her breaths. Five things she could see around her.

The heart drawn in black sharpie on the cuff of her shorts, the bathroom trash can that's steel showed Josie's distorted reflection, a red toothbrush in the cup on the sink, the golden plated cabinet doorknob, a speck of dirt on the white tip of her chuck.

Four things she could touch.

The pale skin of her chest as she felt the rise and fall of her chest, a frayed end of her red hair that was rough on her fingertips, the cold tile of the floor beneath her, and the rough denim of her shorts.

Three things she could hear.

The running water from the faucet she'd forgotten to turn off, the air conditioning that blew straight down at her from the vent, and the knocking on the bathroom door.

"Yes?" Josie called out, feeling herself slowly growing calm the more she pulled her focus together. Still, she desperately hoped that the shaking in her voice wouldn't give her current state away to whoever was on the other side of the door.

"Sweetheart, what's taking so long?"

Josie quickly stood, tugging her shirt over her head and shoving her shorts down her legs. She hurriedly grabbed the dress, looking for the correct way to pull it on. "Nothing, just trying to get the tie at the back!"

She pulled the silk over her head, shoving it down her body and adjusting the way it sat on her hips. As she did so, her mother opened the bathroom door fully to see the dress. "Josephine, why are you making it so difficult? Just let me do it."

As her mother went to tie the dress together at the back of her shoulders, Josie picked her hair up off of her shoulders and took another look at her first option of dress.

The Athena Dress, if Josie had remembered correctly. The woman at the boutique had claimed that the dress radiated grace and decadence, grabbing Petunia Shoupe hook, line, and sinker.

The dress was a long silk lavender devore with a sheer finish and a velvet orange floral-like pattern that turned gold when the light hit it. There was a small opening at the back of the dress barely enough to show off much of her back.

The cowl neckline sat nicely across Josie's chest- the only detail Josie had requested that anyone had seemed to take into consideration. It was a stunning dress.

She hated the way it looked on her.

The color made her pale skin appear even more washed out. She felt like her hips looked weird, and the way it felt too tight at the top made Josie acutely aware of her armpit flab. The dress did nothing for what figure she did have.

It made her feel like she was ten and wearing one of her dad's old T-shirts as a nightgown.

The face that her mother had been giving her made Josie believe she'd been thinking something very similar. And that made Josie even more upset.

Of course, this time of all times Petunia would be proven right about her criticisms of her daughter.

Josie sighed and pushed her mother's hands away, leaning her head down to stare at her hands and avoid the identical gazes staring back at her. She reached back to pull at the tie of the dress, immediately undoing what her mother had done.

She didn't care about showing the tears that fell down her cheeks at that point, huffing and crossing her arms as she spoke. "Can you just get the next one?"

"Sure, honey."

Her mother kissed her head, but Josie could feel the smirk that her mother donned at the fact that she'd been right. Josie hadn't been able to do this dress justice.

She ran her hands up and down the light fabric, the velvet against her fingertips grounding the redhead as she continued to avoid her one gaze in the large bathroom mirror. She waited with scheduled breaths for her mother to return.

She was unaware of the brown gaze that was sympathetically directed at her as they walked past to show off their own dress.

She could hear her mother complimenting how beautiful Sarah looked from the living room, and she placed a hand over her mouth to stop any sobs from slipping past. She inhaled a shaky breath, commanding herself not to fall apart where Sarah could see. Where her mother could see.

When her mother arrived with the second dress minutes later, Josie all but snatched it from her hands. She could taste bitterness making a home on the tip of her tongue.

Without even waiting for her mother to exit the bathroom, Josie stepped out of the dress and pulled the next one over her head. And as she caught the judging stare of her mother seeing her in her underwear, she felt more tears slip down her cheeks.

The Casablanca Dress. It was supposed to radiate fiery drama and laying flavor, sultry and show-stopping.

The long fabric of the dress fell around her body in a way that was much more comfortable for Josie than the previous one. The viscose fabric felt nice against her skin, and Josie enjoyed the darkened, slightly-sheer finish that celebrated the drama of the sleek silhouette. And once again, the deep cowl neckline sat nicely on her chest.

And while the black color didn't exactly bring out her eyes, the pink and blue oversized floral print added a bit of pop to the dress.

Josie could see this being a possibility.

But then she looked up to find her mother in the mirror, who'd just finished fastening the tie at the back. Her face was scrunched in disgust, pulling the dress back tighter and letting it go.

"You don't think this one makes you look a little...wide?"

Well, she didn't.

"I mean, honey. You look like you have the shoulders of a linebacker."

Now that her mother had mentioned it, Josie couldn't help but notice that maybe the dress did make her look a little wide. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but the way her mother had said it made it clear that wide hips and broad shoulders were not a flattering feature on Josie.

Her mother tugged backwards at the straps on her shoulders.

"And I love you, but I cannot believe you wanted this neckline. You do not have the boobs for this type of dress, sweetheart." She kissed the back of Josie's head once again, grabbing the prior dress from the floor and making her way back out to grab the final one.

Josie looked back at the mirror, scowling at herself and pulling at the dress's neckline. Why had she picked that?

Maybe they should just scrap these dresses and go to another boutique and pray for the best.

Josie felt the sudden urge to rip her hair out, frustrated at the fact that she had to be here and do this with her mother. She yearned for Kiara, desperate for a gentle opinion that also wouldn't hesitate to be honest with her. She yearned for the comforting reassurance of her best friend.

She just wanted this whole situation to be over already, and they hadn't been there half an hour.

Her mother returned with the last dress, standing in the open doorway as Josie tugged the precious dress off. She then pulled the deep blue-green dress over her head, reaching back to adjust the cross straps.

She stared at herself in the mirror and couldn't help but sigh. She looked great.

The dress was just as good as she remembered, only now it was altered to adhere to her shape. The Rafinha Dress. Timeless, sultry, and sophisticated.

The semi-sheet, long viscose fabric fell nicely along her figure, accentuating everything but in a way that Josie felt complimented her. It hugged her waist gently but beautifully, followed by a gentle fall around her hips and down her legs.

The slit that ran up her left thigh gave Josie a fair bit of confidence, and she had to bite her lip to stop a watery chuckle when she thought about how much her friends would tease her if they'd seen it.

The deep blue-green mixture of colors combined in a smoke-like pattern. It made the green of Josie's eyes pop against her pale skin, and it made a statement of her bright red hair.

She imagined the deep bluish-green that Max's tie would have to be, silently swooning at how handsome she knew he'd look. She could only hope he would find her as beautiful in this dress as she felt.

The cowl neckline fell perfectly, in a way that complimented what cleavage Josie did have. It made Josie feel so much better about her choice, knowing that it was everything she'd hoped for. She could feel the deep cowl back that fell open to just above her butt, exposing most of the skin of her back.

It only fueled fire to the fact that Josie couldn't believe she felt as sexy as she did in this dress.

An incredible amount of relief washed over her. This was it, there was no question. And she wouldn't have to deal with anymore comments and concerns about dresses from her mother. The dress was perfect.

But as she looked up at her mother in the mirror, her heart sank to the bottom of her stomach. Petunia pulled at the skin of Josie's triceps and under her armpits. Her scrutinizing glare dragged up and down Josie's figure, eyes pausing to take in everything she thought was wrong.

"You don't think that this dress gives you a little muffin top?"

"I don't know, Mom. And even if it does, I think it looks flattering." Josie shrugged in exasperation as she ran her hands down the fabric, but her movements were immediately stopped by the snappiness in her mother's tone.

"There is nothing flattering about extra skin, Josephine. Don't be ridiculous." Her mother narrowed her eyes down at her.

"Max is not going to appreciate looking back at your first Midsummer's together only to see your unflattering angles."

Josie was startled when her mother grabbed her elbow and the other dress, dragging her back towards the living room and to the company of the others. Josie silently prayed for her mother to stop, not wanting to face the Cameron women in fear of them reaffirming her mother's opinions.

They entered just as Sarah was slowly spinning in front of Rose, her white dress easily following the movements. Josie had to stop herself from sobbing right there, watching her mother smile gently at the blonde.

She looked ethereal, like a goddess, Josie noted. She looked effortlessly beautiful, causing a pain to settle in Josie's gut. She couldn't help but notice how much it complimented her tan skin and golden hair. The white of her dress gave an illusion of a glow surrounding her.

Josie stared back down at her own dress, suddenly very aware that she might not have picked the correct dress for Midsummer's. That, maybe, it wasn't as effortless as it could've been.

It wasn't as bright or as simple as it should've been.

The girl stopped her turning when she noticed Josie being dragged out of the hall by her mother, sending a gentle smile at her former friend.

"You look great, Jose."

"Sarah, honey, please don't use that god-awful name," Her mother quickly scoffed out before she turned to address Rose.

"Could I use your washing machine, Rose? Just for a moment."

Josie's stomach flipped in dread, and she shut her eyes in despair. Memories of nights sobbing into her pillow and screaming that she'd never try on clothes with her mother again moved to the forefront of her mind. Nights of showers desperately trying to wash off the sharpie marks that littered her skin as her mother reminded her of her imperfections.

Flashes of moments from before she was comfortable enough in her body, when she would skip the cake on her birthday and count each chew of her food.

Rose looked between both Petunia and Josie; confusion written all over her face. But Petunia looked determined, ready to get her point across however cruel it may seem. So Rose acceded, nodding and leading them towards where the laundry room was.

Sarah followed behind the trio, and Josie silently screamed at her to leave them alone. She didn't want anyone to see what was happening.

Petunia dragged Josie into the room behind her, before letting go to approach the machine. She turned on the spin cycle, turning to sharply stare at her daughter. When she motioned for Josie to climb up, she couldn't help but sigh out in relief.

She assumed her mother wasn't going to make her strip to her underwear in front of the Camerons, thankfully.

Josie climbed to sit atop the machine, holding the sides to keep herself steady as her mother stood in front of her. She kept her eyes cast downwards on her shaking legs, shame filling her entire body. She hadn't been forced to do that for almost three years, so the action was bringing back long since buried feelings of agony.

She breathed in heavily to keep her hot tears at a minimum, and desperately avoided the pitying gaze she could feel Sarah sending her.

"Yes, right there sweetheart."

Her mother lifted Josie's chin to regain eye contact, before she grabbed again at her biceps as she shook, squeezing the moving skin. "You're jiggling more than Jell-O in an earthquake."

Petunia chuckled as she turned to look at Rose, who smiled politely.

Josie knew that even if Rose recognized how wrong what her mother was doing was, she wouldn't say anything. That was the life of living on Figure 8, after all. Mind your mouth and keep quiet about your opinions of how other members of the club lived, at least until the secret gossip sessions.

Rose would never call out how Petunia Shoupe treated her daughters. It wasn't any of her business.

"Josephine, if you want to wear this dress, you have to do something about these arms. Midsummer's is in three days, and I know you had a big breakfast this morning."

Her mother gave her a matter-of-fact look, and Josie looked down to notice a smiley face drawn just above her left knee that had been uncovered by the slit on her thigh.

She thought back to where it possibly could've come from, not recalling a time where she recently doodled on herself.

A familiar pair of blue eyes crossed into her vision, his laugh loud and boisterous as she swatted at his hand for doodling on her shorts. It had been a few days prior, when they were on the boat, just before they'd found Scooter's Grady-White.

She hadn't realized that he snuck a little drawing on her skin.

She was suddenly grateful that despite how much she'd obviously showered since then, it never fully faded. It reminded her that no matter where she was, she'd never be without him.

She bittersweetly smiled down at the drawing, her grip on the machine tightening as she willed herself out of that stupid mansion and into her best friend's arms. She just wanted to listen to him as he ranted about how stupid kooks were and promised her that he didn't care what she looked like.

Petunia sighed, turning off the machine and backing away from her stilled daughter. Josie immediately jumped down, keeping her eyes on the fingers that went to pick at the skin around her nails. She glanced up at her mother, who stood staring back at her with her hands on her hips. She quickly reached forward to slap at Josie's hands.

"I guess it'll have to do, we only have a few days. Go get changed, and we'll talk about your regimen for the next few days." She motioned with her head towards the bathroom, frustration and annoyance clear in her gaze as she thought about every way to get Josie's weight down.

Josie nodded and quickly brushed past her mother to make her way back the way they came. She passed a shocked Sarah, who Josie saw slowly reaching her hand towards her as she approached.

But Josie quickly brushed past her as well, escaping any touch she could've given as she stomped her way back to the bathroom.

She could only silently pray Sarah didn't say anything to anyone about what she'd seen. Not even her friends knew about her mother's cruel ways she used to regulate Josie's weight. The last thing she needed was Rafe Cameron, or God-forbid, Topper Thornton finding out about it.

Josie all but slammed the bathroom door closed behind her when she finally made it, clicking the lock for good measure. She went to turn the sink all the way on again, before once again sliding down the wall behind her.

And there, in the Camerons' bathroom, she let herself sob for the heartbroken girl that starred behind her eyes.

❁

"Hey, Gorgeous!" Kiara greeted out her open passenger window, as Josie walked down the path through her front yard. The hood of Josie's black hoodie was pulled over her head, despite her ponytail and the heat beating down on the island.

Josie gave a short and small lift of her hand in a wave, pulling her leather backpack further up her shoulder as she exited the front gate. As she turned to lock it behind her, she noticed her mother waving towards Kie from the front porch.

The teen softly groaned, turning to see Kie politely waving back. But Josie could still make out the disdain in her best friend's eyes.

"You two have fun, and be careful with that camera, Josephine!"

Josie gave a thumbs up behind her, not bothering to look back at her as she gripped tightly at the strap of her bag. Her knuckles were white with how hard her grip was, channeling her feelings into anything other than screaming at her mother to leave her alone for the rest of her life.

She opened the passenger side door to Kiara's SUV, and her mother's voice from when she'd been packing her bag earlier rang out in her head.

Are you sure you want to bring that? Do we really need you dropping another camera into the ocean?

Josie climbed into the vehicle and shut the door behind her, dropping her bag by her feet and shrinking into the seat. She pulled on her seatbelt, completely silent as she refused to properly address her friend. Once she was settled, she crossed her arms over her chest and stared out the front windshield.

She could easily tell as Kiara stared at the side of her head, and she could feel the confusion radiating from the girl to her left. But she tried her best to keep her guard strong, to keep herself resilient.

She didn't want to cry about this, again.

"Jo, what's wrong?"

Despite her best efforts at concealing her distress, all it took was Josie to turn her head to face her friend for Kiara's entire posture to drop. Her gentle gaze pierced Josie's sad, red-rimmed one as the older girl struggled to keep her tears at bay.

"Today's been a really shitty day."

"C'mere." Josie was always grateful to be the exception to Kiara's dislike for embracing, especially in moments like these when she needed it the most. She couldn't help but sigh out a sob as Kie leaned over the middle console to wrap her arms around her best friend's neck.

Kie rubbed the middle of Josie's shoulders up and down, letting Josie release her loud cries into the brunette shoulder. And Josie could also help but let out sobs of relief at the fact that she no longer had to be in the same environment as her mother.

That she was mere minutes away from being with her friends.

"Whose ass do I need to kick? Sarah Cameron? Did she say something to you?"

Josie chuckled but shook her head and let out a little mumble to affirm the movement. She knew that Kie was more than willing to do it, but Josie didn't want to risk a slip from Sarah about what happened that day.

Also, Sarah did nothing wrong. It wasn't her fault Josie's mother thought she was borderline perfect. Josie's pain emerged from her mother's words and her own insecurities. The Cameron girl was simply caught in the middle.

Both of the girls' phones dinged at the same time, making the duo huff out breaths of laughter as they pulled away from the hug. The simultaneous ding could only mean that they were both being pinged in the group chat.

Josie leaned back as Kie did, watching her pull the cell phone from her back pocket. The brunette sighed, and she looked back and forth between the message urging the duo to hurry up and the distraught redhead. She placed the phone on her lap, and turned to Josie, who was wiping the stray tears that continued falling down her cheeks.

"We don't have to do whatever stupid plan JJ's concocted, okay? We can tell the guys to eat shit and go chill at the Hawk's Nest."

Josie shook her head, wiping at her eyes with the back of her sleeve. "No, no. We told John B we'd help him find the ship. Besides-" Josie huffed in another breath to compose herself.

"Stupid things have good outcomes all the time. And the boys won't be able to do anything functionally if we're not there to keep an eye out on said stupid idea."

"Jose." Kie did not sound convinced at all, and she stared apprehensively at Josie. But the redhead stared back defiantly, and she motioned for her friend to put the car in drive and get moving. And, albeit hesitantly, Kiara respected her friend's decision not to talk about it anymore and started their journey towards the docks.

Once they arrived, the duo was quick to meet up with the boys on the HMS Pogue.

"Well, afternoon ladies," JJ goofily greeted as he helped both girls into the boat, his beaming blue eyes never leaving Josie. But as she stepped into the boat and made eye contact with him, his gaze instantly grew concerned.

He opened his mouth to speak but was beaten to it.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

Both Josie and JJ turned to glare at a humored Pope, who stared back at her as if she'd grown an extra two heads. Her gaze turned down towards her outfit; the same pair of jean shorts she'd sported earlier and the black hoodie that was still pulled over her head.

The worst outfit for hanging out on the water during summer, but the perfect outfit to hide the top half of her body.

"I don't know, I was cold. So what?" She shoved her hands into the pockets of the hoodie, voice tense and she gently yet firmly brushed past JJ and Pope to sit at the bow.

Josie felt cornered, like she was being asked a thousand questions despite it being the only thing someone asked her. She felt confused; she wasn't used to feeling suffocated around her friends. It was messing with her emotions.

She was too far in her own head to notice the confused glances the boys threw at Kiara, who frowned and silently shook her head.

She stared down at the smiley face on her knee that she was now aware of, guilt and sourness building on her tongue as she thought about the way she'd just ignored him.

She moved her attention to a fray on her shorts instead, twisting it in her fingers as John B drove the boat away from the docks. JJ placed himself down to her right, leaning back on his hand and into her.

He nudged her shoulder with his to get her attention, but Josie ignored it in favor of the feeling of the thread on her skin. He doubled down to try again, followed by a gentle call of her name, but Josie pretended as if it never happened.

With a loud and annoyed huff, JJ conceded in his attempts to grab her attention.

As everyone settled into their own rhythm, Josie pulled the hood off of her head to tug her ponytail out, already feeling the effects of being on the water in the blazing sun, in the middle of June. But she was nothing if not stubborn, and silently refused to take off the hoodie she'd vowed to wear.

"You guys see that?" JJ whistled at the boat heading down the opposite way from them. Josie turned to see what he'd been admiring.

"That's the Malibu 24-MXZ, the world's finest wakesetter. Number one in luxury, quality, and performance. 200k, easy."

Josie softly chuckled at JJ's extensive boat knowledge, and the boy whipped his head around towards her. His pearly whites beamed at the noise she emitted, and it was obvious he was smug and pleased with himself in making her mood seemingly better.

She shoved his shoulder to turn him back to stare at the boat passing them.

"We picked the wrong parents," Pope sighed.

Josie awkwardly picked at her nails, the guilt of her mother's wealth gnawing at her belly.

"I hate to break it to you guys, but that's Topper and his girlfriend."

Kie made eye contact with Josie, who visibly tensed as she tucked her head and pulled her hood back over her head. She reached over to swipe the sunglasses from JJ's face, ignoring his noises of refusal as she put them on her face.

She'd had enough of Sarah Cameron that day- the last thing she needed was the kook princess running to let her mother know that Josie wasn't working that day, like she'd claimed when they'd left Tanneyhill earlier.

Sarah pushed her own sunglasses to her head, staring at the pogues with an arrogant expression as they passed by. Josie knew hiding was deemed almost useless, considering she was literally sitting at the front of the boat, but she still turned and tilted her head down and away from the kooks' view.

"You don't have to act like you don't see us, bitch," Kie called after her. Josie couldn't help but consider that it would've been better if she hadn't seen them.

As the pogues hung around for a few hours, Josie herself could tell she was acting off. She'd refused to drink anything, and instead grew accustomed to simply watching the rest of her friends goof off with each other.

Her entire day had officially been ruined by her morning, since she'd come to realize that even being with her friends wasn't enough to make her feel better. All she could find herself wanting to do was wallow in self-pity in the comfort of her own bed.

She'd let out a few chuckles at some antics of the group and brushed away any looks or comments of concern by her friends. She chalked it up to just having an off day, something that she'd shake off by the morning.

They didn't need to concern themselves with her trivial insecurities.

Eventually, they all made their way back to the docks and into the Twinkie, once JJ declared that his plan for the next phase would be set in motion. And, in a very un-JJ-like fashion, put up no fight with Pope for the front seat as he joined the girls in the back.

Josie had taken up the single seat behind John B, leaving a pouting JJ to sit across from her and a concerned Kie next to him.

The next thing Josie knew, they were headed to Figure 8.

Josie groaned once she'd realized John B had been directed to the parking lot of the Island Club, tugging her hood back up over her head and pulling at the strings.

She turned to glare at JJ, who'd moved to lean in between John B and Pope.

"If I get caught today, I will skin you." She narrowed her eyes at the blonde, who shot a smirk over at her.

"One step ahead of you, baby." He leaned forward to reach over Pope and pull the gun from the glove department, causing Josie to rub her forehead in disbelief. "We're behind enemy lines."

"Are you insinuating you will shoot my mother, JJ Maybank?"

"Yo, come on man. Just put it back." John B swatted at JJ's shoulder as he turned the Twinkie off, and Pope turned to stare at the boy incredulously.

JJ cocked the loaded gun and smugly looked between his best friends to his left. "What? You can never be too careful."

"Hey, I predict that bringing a deadly weapon to a four-star hotel will likely cause more problems than they solve," Pope sharply pointed out.

"Thank you, Pope," an exhausted John B added.

Kie maneuvered her way to lean in beside JJ. "I swear to God, I'm gonna throw that thing in the ocean, JJ. Put it back." She tugged on Josie's arm as she made her way out.

The redhead threw a swift slap to the back of the boy's head, before following her female friend exiting the van.

John B grabbed the gun out of his hand, shoving it back into the glovebox much to JJ's chagrin.

"You can't grab a gun like that."

As he exited the van behind Josie, she moved her backpack to dig through the front pocket and hand him his work badge. "Can't forget my badge." She pulled it out and shoved it in his hands, the picture of him cocking the gun remaining fresh in her mind.

He smiled in thanks, but she rolled her eyes and shoved his shoulder as he lifted the badge. "Professional busboy."

He wrapped his right arm around her shoulder, pulling at one of her hoodie strings to tighten the hood hole as they walked. She swatted his arm away and off of her shoulder, still feeling subconscious about anyone drawing attention to any part of her upper body.

"So, what exactly are we doing here?" Josie questioned towards JJ, turning to wait and walk beside Kiara. The blonde looked at her offended, before he shrugged it off as he led the group.

"We're getting on the internet because only rich people have electricity right now. This way!"

Josie figured it made sense, considering that kooks were always prepared for situations like this. Plus, she knew that neither herself nor Kiara could just waltz into their homes with the three boys without getting in so much trouble.

They used the back entrance to the club through the kitchen, following JJ as he guided them through the hustle of people working in the back. JJ greeted a few people, and Josie couldn't help the snort that left her mouth as he got scolded for trying to pick food from a plate.

He turned to shoot a smirk at her laugh, and Josie rolled her eyes in response.

"See, they got the backup generators going? Kooks don't miss a beat."

As they entered the main portion of the club, Josie tugged on Kie's arm as she ducked her head. She kept her hand around the girl's wrist, letting her walk a miniscule step ahead of her to hide Josie's face from the view of club-goers.

The group piled into one of the backrooms, and Josie sighed a breath of relief as they all shuffled in. She and Pope hurried over to the computers, Josie giggling and Pope cried out in amazement.

"Sweet lord, the internet! How I've missed you."

"Let me in there. Gotta check out my Insta models." Josie cringed and faked throwing up, pushing down the weird feeling that bubbled in her gut at her best friend's statement.

Kiara leaned in between Josie and Pope and shot out a response over her shoulder. "We don't have time for that."

JJ approached Josie to gently shove at the back of her head in retaliation for her reaction, and she playfully swatted his hand away. He smacked back at her hand, to which she responded with a smack at his arm. He swatted at her shoulder, and quickly, they began a game of swatting at whatever body part they could access on the other person.

"Guys, cut it out." Kiara hissed at the both of them, motioning towards the screen where Pope had pulled up the map coordinates. JJ looked down to stick his tongue out at Josie, and she scrunched her face up at him before turning towards the computer.

"We've got no chance if we're talking about something off the deep end." Josie cringed as she noted the marker around the area where the continental shelf would reside.

Pope zoomed the map in, and Josie crossed her fingers in hope that they weren't working with thousands of feet of ocean.

Voices and footsteps could be heard from outside the room, and Josie's paranoia about getting caught only grew. She gently patted on her best friend's shoulder.

"C'mon, P. We gotta be quick."

"I'm trying. It's not exactly state-of-the-art technology," he hissed, staring at the slowly zooming screen.

Josie leaned back in her chair in displeasure when the map finished, aware that their hunt was getting a lot more difficult. Even on the high side of the shelf, there was no way any of them could get down there.

"Shit, it's on the high side. It's only 900 feet." John B offered, and both of the pogues that were sat turned to look at him with baffled expressions.

"That's not too deep," JJ commented from behind Josie.

She whipped her head around to shoot her stare at him instead, shaking her head in confusion. Where did they come up with the idea that any of them would be able to go down that far.

John B literally almost died just going down in the marsh.

"Is that doable or something," Kie questioned as she glanced at everyone. JJ and Josie simultaneously nodded and shook their heads, the latter reaching up to swat at his arm. But the boy ignored her.

"Yeah, totally doable."

"Okay, will we be taking your personal submarine?" Pope sarcastically shot at JJ, and Josie raised her eyebrows at the blond to show her agreement with the eldest pogue.

"How do you know this, Mister Dive Master?" John B motioned with his arm towards JJ in questioning.

"The salvage yard." JJ answered as if it was the most obvious solution possible. "They got a drone that can drop a thousand. It had a 360 camera and everything. It's for, like, deep dives and stuff. It's exactly what we need."

Josie, Pope, and Kiara shared a glance, the former shrugging as she slowly gave in to what her best friend was proposing. Kiara looked at her questioningly, but Josie scrunched her face as if to ask: what other choice do we have?

"And can your dad get his grimy little hands on that?" John B asked, and Josie scoffed in annoyance at the mention of the older Maybank. There was no way they could count on him for something like that.

"Well, my dad's grimy little hands got his ass fired." JJ squeezed Josie's shoulder, both in comfort at the girl's obvious dislike of his father and annoyance at the inconvenience of his dad's job loss.

"I guess the salvage captain frowns on showing up shitfaced, turns out. But the drone's there. It's in the impound yard out back."

"How much did you say was on the Royal Merchant again?" Kiara asked as she looked over towards John B, before sharing a knowing look with Josie.

A little swiping in return of bucket-loads of cash? More than worth it.

"Four-hundred mill," JJ and John B answered. Josie smirked as Pope jumped up from his chair, and she felt Kie tugging her up from her own chair.

"Four-hundred-million dollars?"

Josie laughed as the brunette dragged Josie by the elbow to the door Pope blocked, with her blond best friend hot on their heels.

"No. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. No!"

"Pope, move." Kiara let go of Josie to shove Pope away from the door, marching out of the backroom.

Josie sympathetically patted his shoulder, before following her friend out the door. JJ and John B closely followed her, and she could hear Pope moan out a complaint as he reluctantly joined them.

"Can't we do anything legal for money?"

⋄ ⋟⋆ june 21, 2020

why must we employ love for our mothers? because we emerged from their bodies, half of everything they are made of? but if I am a mere creation of half my mother and half my father, how do I also own my own individuality? a mother finely crafts a child to their liking, manipulating and pulling the strings of life. the truth is, mothers cling to your roots and rot your branching leaves. they want us to wither in the safe shade with them. but we deserve to feel fed by the sun, we deserve to shine and grow into the beautiful versions of ourselves. so why must we employ our love for something that buries the beauty of the soul? because they are our mothers?

- josephine grey ⋄ ⋟⋆

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