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morizoras-cave · 4 years

Text

Big Smile (Request)

Tom Hiddleston x Teen!Co-star!Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff

Request Description: maybe some Tom Hiddleston who is close to reader cause hes like her mentor and shes a very happy person, goofy and silly as well but nothing can make her cry. Like, it's genuinely hard to make her cry so maybe him seeing her cry for the first time? and it's pretty bad? maybe its cause she goes to a normal high school along with a catch up high school (basically a school where u go to if youre SERIOUSLY behind) and the pressure is way too much for her to handle and her emotions exploded? ty!!

Warnings: depression, anxiety about school, stress

(A/N): im very excited to be going on vacation!! dont worry ill still update, im just going to another city nothing too big (of course with the ‘rona still out here). I wrote like half of this on my phone btw so if anything looks weird that’s why

“Why would you say it like that?” you laughed loudly, falling back on your bed. Tom giggled too, watching as you got into a laughing fit.

“I’m just demonstrating that you can say each line differently!” he defended, but your laughter didn’t falter. Tom smiled and shook his head, waiting for you to be done. “Can you hurry that up, we have a couple more lines to go through,” he joked.

You held your stomach and shook your head. Finally, the laughter died down and you tried desperately not to start it again, as Tom continued helping you with the script. You forced your mouth into a frown, but that only reinforced your need to laugh.

Tom looked and saw your expression and sighed, making you laugh again.

“This is impossible,” he muttered, but he was smiling. He thought you were so incredibly sweet and bright, although lacking a little seriousness.

“Hey, it’s okay,” you finally stopped laughing AGAIN, “we’re done. Those were all the lines I had questions about.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” you said and both of you stood up. Tom grabbed his jacket and his bag from the counter of your hotel room. He smiled at you and hugged you as a farewell.

“See you on set tomorrow,” and then he was out of your room. You smiled softly thinking about how much fun you two had, but the sweet moment was over far too fast.

You had school. You’d never been a top student or anything, but before this whole movie-thing you’d been able to keep up. A couple of weeks ago you started Catch-Up-High-School, which you’d been required to start, since you grades had all dropped.

And since then you’d felt awful. You felt so stupid and useless. And on top of that, you were stressed. With both regular high school teachings and catch up school, you seemed to spend every waking moment working, either on the movie or on school, and you’d only sleep once you were done. Which could take a while.

It was getting to you. You were phenomenal at hiding it, truthfully. Because your personality was too bright and blinding for anyone to see anything behind it.

You weren’t one to cry, but you felt it behind your eyes, constantly. All day, when you remembered your school situation, it started coming. You never cried, not when watching movies or reading books, you didn’t even really cry when you were sad. The stress was simply getting to you.

You pulled out both your math books, both regular high school and catch up high school, which you had neatly tucked away when Tom came, and started doing your assignments for the day.

Your head hurt, as you did it, and it was so hard for you to understand. You wished you could ask Tom for help, but you couldn’t tell him. It was simply too embarrassing. ‘Hey Tom, I’m too stupid for regular school, please help?’ What would he even think of you?

You hadn’t even done your assignments for long, when you started crying. You were just writing the answer to a question, when a tear slid down your face. You wiped it away as quick as it came and continued.

But so did your tears. You cried silently as you worked, ignoring them, eventually not even wiping them away. You were just trying to get through it, chewing through your lip.

Just as you failed to figure an assignment out, your pencil broke on the paper, and you threw it away from your, putting your head in your hands. Then you sobbed, and you weren’t trying to ignore it, you were doing it. You were sitting there, and all of your focus was on the seemingly never ending stream of tears from your eyes.

God, what kind of person are you if you can’t even do your catch up school work? You felt so unbelievably heavy, heart wrenching and tingling.

Meanwhile Tom had hauled down a cab, making it about a third of the way to his meeting, when he realized he’d left his phone at your place. He sighed and asked the driver to drive back to your hotel, knowing he’d need it.

Tom drove back there, and then stepped out of the cab, telling the driver to wait for him. He entered and pulled out his keycard. Your room had had two keycards and you’d given him your second one, which had made his heart melt.

He walked down the corridor, reading the room numbers, and then reached your door. He grabbed the handle and scanned the keycard, effectively cracking open the door.

And there you were. Tom blinked rapidly, refusing to believe that that was you, so immersed in your own crying that you hadn’t heard him come in. That couldn’t be you, not the smiling, laughing, happy Y/n he knew. You were sitting there so dark and alone, hugging your legs and wailing.

You never cried. Never. It had gotten to the point where him and his coworkers had discussed it, whether you were some robot or something. But you were crying. You were alone.

“Y/n?”

His voice made you flinch and you didn’t have to look at him, to know you’d exposed yourself. You, although knowing it was useless, wiped your tears, before raising your head.

Tom was heartbroken. He’d never thought about how he’d actually feel once he finally did see you cry. But it was such a gut wrenching image, something he could feel in both his stomach and heart and throat.

“What’s going on?” He asked. You shook your head. He simply stepped inside and saw your regular high school math book, immediately knowing you were probably stressed. “Do you need help with your homework?”

You laughed bitterly, another tear sliding down your cheek. Tom walked to you, sitting down next to you, so he could wipe away the tear.

“What’s wrong? Come on, talk to me.. What happened?” He searches your eyes.

“I’m just stressed, Tom, it’s stupid,” you avoided his gaze. Tom knew it wasn’t stupid. If it was you wouldn’t be balling your eyes out.

“So, let me help you with it,” He heard how his voice was shaking.

“Tom, no.”

“Yes-“

“No!”

Silence. Tom pulled away from you. He was simply shocked. You weren’t you. He closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, voice breaking, as you started crying again. When you yelled at Tom, you felt your heart withering. What a horrible feeling.

“I’m sorry for yelling. It’s just- I feel so useless. All the time. I’m failing school! I mean, for God’s sake, I have mandatory catch-up-school. Do you know how embarrassing that is? God, how can I be so stupid?”

Tom finally understood why you were crying. Why you were so stressed, why you were crying like that.

It was tough.

“You’re not stupid, Y/n,” you immediately shook your head at his attempt to console you, “You’re not! I’m serious. You’re smarts come from your understanding of people, and your talents in acting and everything you love. Not from your schoolwork. Your grades are not your worth. You’re the smartest kid I’ve ever met! I mean it.”

Your crying turned to sniffles and you finally nodded. You agreed. You hadn’t felt so sure of yourself in a long time. A small smile found your lips.

“Thank you, Tom, I-I really needed that.”

“Oh, of course, N/n,” he mumbled and pulled you into a hug, burying your head in his chest. You wrapped your arms around him.

“Now my offer still stands. Do you want my help doing the homework?” This time you nodded, and the two of you spent the rest of the day doing all of your homework.

When you were finished, you apologised profusely, but Tom just smiled and said he’d do it any day. Every day onward while you were working on that movie, he’d ask you after shooting if you needed any help, and always insisted it was his pleasure. With Tom around, you never had to feel useless again.

#avengers cast x reader #avengers x reader #avengers x teen!reader #avengers #avengers cast x teen!reader #marvel #marvel x reader #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x teen!reader #tom hiddleston x reader

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bungou-stray-dingus · 4 years

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I’ve just read the head cannons of Chuuya and Dazai’s bebes and I love it 🥰 can you write how they’ll react when someone kidnapped their babies and how they would get them back? QwQ

A/N : I've been gone for so long and I'm so sorry. This request and many others have laid dormant in my ask box for many many months and I'm so sorry. I went through big depression kick, and I didn't write for a while. I ended up getting laid off from my job because of the rona, and everything just felt uncertain for a while and I honestly didn't really know what to do. I slowly got back into writing, starting off with my fanfiction just to get back into the swing of it, and now I'm ready to make y'all proud and finish all the requests! I'm sorry for making you all wait so long, and I want this request and all other requests that I answer to be amazing for all of you. So, here we go! -Hopefully (still) Your Favorite Dingus

T/W : angst; kidnapping; slight mention of blood;

Osamu Dazai

Kazue was the literal light of his life, aside from you... obviously. You and his son were the center of his entire universe, he would do anything for you and his son. He made that quite known, considering how spoiled your son was already. At three years old, Dazai had already managed to buy your son everything he did, and sometimes didn't need.

Your son was a lot like his dad in the way that he liked to run off often, having you worried sick in the middle of the grocery store of mall. Dazai would often find him at the gumball machines or the tiny change eating rides in the middle of the mall. Your son hated to be confined in his stroller, and Dazai agreed that strollers were awful contraptions and that your son should be allowed to walk around.

His views quickly changed when you were out shopping for groceries one afternoon. Dazai was at work, and trying to keep your son in the shopping cart proved to be impossible, so you had agreed to let him out of the cart as long as he stayed close to you and hold your hand. You promised to get him candy if he followed those two simple rules, but thanks to Dazais relaxed parenting, your son just assumed he'd get candy no matter what. (Thanks Dazai)

You had only let go of his hand for a second, kneeling down to grab something from the bottom shelf. The last thing you heard was the small cry of "Momma!" and when you shot up and turned around he was gone. Your heart sank as you dropped the item in your hand and ran to the front of the store, asking the employees if they had seen your son, showing them the pictures in your wallet, and all of them shook their head, only able to offer their sympathies to you.

Calling your husband was the hardest part, trying to keep your voice and your hands steady as you held your phone up to your ear. The employees had already called the police for you, and they were scouring the entire store trying to look for any clue as to where your son could be.

When you had managed to tell Dazai what happened, he was on his way to the store, he didn't waste any time at all. He was furious, and at first he took his anger out on you. "I thought you were watching him!" "How could you let this happen?!" "Why would you let him go!?" He was angry and he wasn't thinking straight, but as soon as he saw how his words affected you, he quickly pulled you into a hug, peppering the top of your head with kisses. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, darling. It's not your fault."

An officer brought over Kazue's stuffed kitty cat which was a gift from Fukuzawa. He had gotten it on his first birthday and refused to part with it, he brought it with him everywhere. The sight of the kitty cat not being held by Kazue made you throw up immediately, your mind jumping to the worst possible scenario. You heard Dazai grit his teeth, his arm was wrapped around you tightly, and his grip on your shirt tightened.

The two of you race to the Agency, every other case that they had been working on is dropped instantly. Desks are cleared and pushed together to draw out a map of the entirety of Yokohama. You're sitting on one of the couches in the office, Kazue's kitten clutched against your chest, your tears soaking the top of the plushy. The light in Dazais eyes has disappeared completely, he's stern, on edge. His voice is hard but you can hear it break occasionally at the end of his sentences, especially when he says his sons name.

Ranpo and Atsushi are the main people Dazai communicates with, his voice is mixed with the constant slamming of his fists on the desk when his emotions take over completely. "Where the hell is my son!?" He shouts as he drops his head into his hands. That's the only time he'll cry, his body shaking violently. You walk over and wrap your arms around him from behind, your chin resting on his shoulder as you both sob.

Everyone had been sitting around the office quietly watching you and Dazai have your moment. They all felt hopeless, especially when Dazai had initially went to Ranpo and he didn't seem to have a clue as to where Kazue was or who had taken him. "Why... Why would anyone take him? What's the reason? I want to know a reason!" Dazai shouted, his fists once again coming down on the desk. You pulled away quickly, giving him his space to lash out. He threw everything off the desk, his head dropping into his arms that were folded against the desk and letting out a scream.

His strength was being tested, he was breaking. It killed you to see him like this, you knew that there was nothing you could do to calm him. There was nothing worse that could ever happen to him, his son was everything to him. Kazue was the reason he had stopped attempting suicide, Kazue gave him a reason to stay alive, Kazue was his life line. Dazai loved his son with every fiber of his being, and right now he not only lost his son, he lost his reason for living. If anything were to happen to your son, if the worst case scenario was the actual case, you were sure that you would lose your husband as well.

All hope had seemed lost, the sun was quickly setting over the city. Everyone was emotionally exhausted. You were curled up on the couch, your head resting on Dazai's lap, his fingers massaging your scalp. "Please, get some rest darling. You need it." He whispered to you when he saw you slowly drift to sleep only to have your eyes open quickly. You felt bad for falling asleep, knowing that your son was out there somewhere without you or his father.

You handed Dazai the stuffed kitten before rolling over and trying to get comfortable. "Here, if anything comes up.. he's gonna need his Fuwa." You said sleepily, and you heard Dazai's chuckle, it sounded like he was being choked. He sniffled as he grabbed the kitten and brought it up to his face, silently crying into it.

Ranpo stood up from his chair and made his way over to the desk, pulling the map up off the floor and laying it flat on the desk. His eyes were wide open, the soft emerald green had long since turned as hard as the gem itself. Dazai shifted you off his lap and made his way over to Ranpo, stuffing Fuwa into his coat pocket. Atsushi followed him over and they both peered over Ranpo's shoulder, looking down at the map, following where Ranpo pointed with his fingers.

"The warehouse... next to the Port. Whoever it was quick enough to be gone before Y/N could notice, but he was still able to drop his cat. That means the person was on foot, so this person would have to be somewhere close to the store so a scene wouldn't be made, but somewhere they could hide him. They're most likely expecting us to show up, they want something in return, this is a ransom kidnapping." Ranpo said and Dazai nodded, trusting him with 100% of his being. He had to be right, but Dazai also knew how some ransom situations worked out. If it took too long...

"We have to go now." Dazai growled, and Ranpo nodded, Atsushi "hmph"ing in agreement. Kunikida stood up from his chair, joining the three of them by the door.

"None of you know how to drive. Let's go." Kunikida had a soft spot for Kazue, he wanted your son home safe as much as everyone else. (Even if he thought his father was a complete dunce.)

Everyone in the office agreed to stay with you just in case you woke up before the four of them got back, and with that they all ran out the door, hopping into Kunikida's car and speeding off towards the warehouse.

When they got there, they snuck up to the doors of the warehouse. Dazai leaned his head against the door, hoping to hear something, anything that would indicate that his son was in there. His heart was beating fast, and as much as he wanted to murder someone for stealing his son in the first place, he wanted to bring Kazue home with him, bring him back to you safe and sound more than anything else.

"Momma... Daddy..." He heard the soft whimpers of his son coming from the inside of the warehouse. It sounded like he was crying and Dazai to control his urge to kick down the door right then and there. He needed to be careful so that no harm would come to his son, but the sounds of his son softly crying had him seeing red. "Pwease..." He heard his son again and his heart shattered, the sound of his son pleading with his captor had him on the verge of an anger induced emotional breakdown.

Kunikida pulled the gun from the back of his pants and silently counted down from three before they pulled the door open. All four of them had guns, refusing to let Atsushi use his ability out of fear of hurting Kazue. There was one man in the corner of the room, a gun pointed at the head of your son as he smirked up at the four men. They all stopped dead in their tracks, dropping their guns to the ground and holding their hands up in the air. "Please, don't hurt him..." Dazai choked out, his eyes locking with his son in the corner.

"Took you all long enough to show up, thought you guys were detectives. He was becoming a pain in my ass, constantly crying, asking for his mommy and daddy and his Fuwa." The man chuckled as he cocked the gun back and pointed it back at your son. "Do you know why I'm doing this? Do you know?!" The guy shouted and Kazue cried out, his arms outstretched for Dazai.

He felt like he was going to collapse, the room was spinning, he had to compose himself though, he had to stay focused. He looked to Kunikida and Atsushi, hoping the plan would work out how they had said.

Kunikida quickly bent down and grabbed his gun off the floor, firing one shot at the arm of the man, making him drop the gun. Kazue let out a shrill scream and Dazai took this moment to run over and scoop him up off the floor, holding him close against his chest. The other three ran over to the man, Atsushi and Kunikida pinned him down on the ground as Ranpo cuffed his arms behind his back.

After the police took the man away they all made their way back to the Agency building, Dazai was in the back of the car holding Kazue on his lap, rocking him back and forth as his son fell asleep in his arms. The man had been one of the criminals they had captured before Kazue was even born. He had held an entire bank and its customers hostage, but had never actually killed someone, so he was let out on good behavior recently. He had been stalking Dazai, and he found out about you and Kazue and decided that he would have his revenge for the Agency ruining his life. None of them ever found out if the man would have actually hurt Kazue, and honestly, they didn't want to know, they were all just happy that he was unharmed.

When they walked through the door and you saw Kazue being cradled in Dazais arms you fell to your knees and cried. Tanizaki and Yosano had to help you stand up, and as soon as you found your footing you ran over to Dazai. "Hi Momma!"

Dazai now sternly enforced the stroller rule, he didn't want to go through anything like that ever again.

Chuuya Nakahara

Asa was his princess and you were his queen. But his daughter, oof, if anyone even looked at his daughter wrong for crying he would kill someone. Do not test Chuuya when it comes to his child. He would kiss the ground that she crawls on, he loves her so much.

If you didn't know any better, you'd think his office was a shrine dedicated to her and you. There were framed pictures of you and her, and sometimes the three of you hung on his wall, propped up on his desk and coffee table, pretty much any surface that could have pictures, they were covered.

She had just celebrated her first birthday, she was learning how to walk which Chuuya would not shut up about. If there was ever a moment to talk about his daughter he would. The Mafia members had all learned to just deal with it, knowing that if they looked agitated about the constant talk of his daughter they would either be demoted or have their asses kicked.

"Does she really have to start sleeping in her own room? She's got a crib in our room, I don't see the problem." Chuuya whispered to you from the couch as you made your way into the room opposite of yours and his. She had an entire nursery that was practically unused due to protective parenting. He really didn't see a reason in having her in a completely different room when it was so much easier to have her in yours and his room. If she woke up, he could get her immediately and get her back to sleep in the bed between the two of you.

When you came out of the bedroom you sat with him on the couch, his arm habitually wrapping around your shoulder and pulling you closer. He turned down the television so he could hear the monitor clearly. "If she gets too used to sleeping with us in our room, she'll never want to sleep in her own room. She's not that much further. You're spoiling her, honey." He groaned and you stifled your laughter, propping yourself up to press a quick peck to his cheek. "We should try to get some rest while she's sleeping. Come on."

The two of you laid in your bed, he held you close against his chest while you traced hearts against his bare chest with your finger. "I don't know why she has to sleep in her own room now though. She's only a year old. She's still my baby. I feel better having her close." He sighed, adjusting his free hand behind his head as he turned to look over at the video monitor, the corner of his lips twitching up slightly as he watched his daughter sleep peacefully in her crib.

"You're scared of her growing up. She's turned you into a big softy. You know, she's gonna keep growing."

"Don't say that. She's only one." He pulled his arm out from underneath you and ran his hands over his face. He hated thinking of her getting bigger, growing older. The thought of her not being the adorable, babbling baby that waddled over to the door whenever he walked in with open arms was enough to make him almost cry. ALMOST.

"You know... we can have more..." You said almost too seductively as you peppered kisses across his shoulders. It was supposed to be a joke, but he didn't take it as such. He wouldn't mind one or two more little princesses or princes teetering around the house.

The two of you thoroughly tired each other out, the night seemed to be going perfectly. Asa hadn't woken up yet, and this was the first time the two of you had been able to be intimate in that way since she had reached the eight month mark. You fully blamed Chuuya for that though, he had spoiled her so much, but he didn't seem to mind it at the time. Now he seemed to be convinced that having her in a separate room wasn't such a bad thing.

Everything was silent, the only sound was the crickets chirping outside and the occasional sound of a car passing by in the distance. That would shortly come to an end though, the sound of glass breaking and Asa's blood curdling scream coming from both the monitor and the room across the hall had jolted you and Chuuya from your peaceful slumber. You grabbed the monitor off the nightstand and Chuuya ordered you to stay in bed as he ran out of the room and into Asa's room. You knew though, it was too late as you saw the cloaked man who was holding your daughter jump out of the window just as the door flew open and Chuuya came into view on the screen.

"NO! Son of a BITCH!" His screeching voice was just as loud as your daughters cries had been and you dropped the monitor into your lap on the bed as the realization hit you. This wouldn't have happened if you had just listened to Chuuya, if you had let her sleep in your bedroom as she always had. He ran back into the room, flicking the lights on as he went over to the closet and quickly got dressed.

"This... this is my fault... if I would have listened..." You said, not able to face your him at all. He turned to face you, sighing as he tried to calm his nerves. He was already fully dressed, ready to hunt down and murder the asshole who had the nerve to take HIS daughter. He made his way around the bed to the side you were on, grabbing your face in his hands and kissing you softly.

"Don't you even dare blame yourself. I'm gonna get her back. I need you to stay here though, I can't have you getting hurt." You knew what he meant. The way that he felt right now, this would probably turn into an all out war, and if you were in the wrong place at the wrong time you could end up injured. You nodded slowly, kissing him one last time before he ran out of the room and out the front door.

He barely gave the car time to start up before slamming his foot down on the gas pedal, peeling out of the parking spot and speeding down the street. His vision was blurry as the tears started to stream out of his eyes, he was only able to keep his composure long enough to hopefully make you feel better. Now that he was alone he had hurdled the thin line between lashing out and having a complete mental and emotional breakdown.

The only thing keeping him from getting into a severe car accident was knowing that he had to stay alive to save Asa. Although he couldn't see where he was going through his clouded vision, he had dedicated the route to muscle memory, and he could luckily see faint streaks of red and green lights indicating braking cars and traffic lights.

When he got to the headquarters he got some questionable stares from the guards, it was three o'clock in the morning, considerably late, or maybe early, to be coming into work. When they attempted to speak to him he couldn't even mumble out a "fuck off" through his sobs. He raced up the stairs, not having the patience to deal with waiting for the elevator to get him up to the floor he needed to be on.

He stormed into Mori's office, and, not unlike his boss, he found him sitting at his desk, his hands folded under his chin as he stared down at the papers in front of him. "They said you'd be on your way up. What's wrong Chuuya?" Mori asked, motioning to the armchair in front of his desk. Chuuya didn't want to sit though, so he strode over to the desk, slamming the note that had been left in Asa's room down in front of Mori. "What is this?" Mori asked, grabbing the note between his gloved fingers and unfolding it.

"He got my Asa. I'm gonna fucking kill him!" Chuuya screamed, remembering the words that had been carefully scripted out on the thick note paper.

"For the beautiful woman who was murdered by one of your own. I shall avenge her. An eye for an eye. -H"

He knew exactly who "H" was, and he knew exactly who the beautiful woman was that he was speaking of. What he didn't understand was why he would target his family, his daughter to get back at the Mafia for what had happened. Chuuya hadn't even taken part in the situation that had sparked this outcome, so it made absolutely no sense to him.

"Chuuya, you need to stay calm. Asa is loved dearly by everyone here, I will get together everyone needed to find her." Chuuya found his bosses strange sense of composure to be infuriatingly irritating.

"How could I possibly stay calm!?" Chuuya shouted, he wanted to lash out, he wanted to go off on someone, anyone.

"I would feel the same way if it was my darling Elise who had been taken." Mori said, but that was a mistake. Chuuya sighed, exasperated. He was pacing the floor, but when Mori had the audacity to utter those words, he punched the wall that he was closest to, leaving a large hole.

"She's your god damn ability! You wouldn't understand half of what I was feeling because this is my actual fucking DAUGHTER! So don't tell me I need to stay calm!" Chuuya screamed, the tears seemed to flow endlessly, staining his cheeks as they ran down to his chin, hanging on for only a second before splashing down onto the hard wood floors. Mori didn't argue back, he knew that Chuuya was emotionally unstable right now, so he just nodded in agreement.

"So what is it that you need me to do?" He asked, the phone already in his hand as his fingers hovered over the dial.

"Get everyone here..." Chuuya muttered before finally crashing down in the armchair. His sobs had eventually become choked off, and he was left shaking in the chair, his arms wrapped tightly around his chest as he tried to hold himself together.

Everyone had filed into the office, some of them looked agitated, others looked tired and pissed off that they had been woken up, but when they saw Chuuya's current state they knew that something was wrong. His usual smug, cocky smirk seemed to have been erased, the only emotion that was left to be read on his face was pain.

Chuuya didn't need to say much, no one needed a thorough explanation to jump into action. Asa was the one beacon of light that graced the walls of the Mafia headquarters whenever Chuuya brought her in. She had even managed to make Akutagawa crack a small smile when she had burped in Chuuya's face and then spit up on his freshly laundered coat.

Around five o'clock in the morning he got a call from you. He answered it quickly, and it broke his heart to hear how distraught you were. "H-Hi honey... It's almost time for her bottle. She'll need to eat soon, and she'll need to be changed, and and and... god, please tell me you've found her..." You were a mess, and he could only imagine how much harder it was for you to be there in your home, surrounded by all of her things but not her.

"Not yet... but I swear, I'm gonna bring her home to you, okay? Trust me." He needed you to trust him, because right now all hope seemed lost. There was no possible leads as to where the jackass could be keeping her, nobody knew where to find the guy.

"It's... It's so quiet... please bring her home." You whispered out between broken sobs, he heard you try to swallow back the lump that had been building in your throat. He could only nod, giving you a small hum as an answer.

After you had hung up, whispering out a solemn "I love you." Before ending the call he was right back at it. He was dead set on catching this guy today. Not only had he stolen away his daughter, but he had destroyed his wife, his love... This man had crossed a line and he was going to pay for it.

"Oi, Chuuya. Look, at the bottom of the note." Tachihara said, he had the note close up to his face, his eyes squinting as he focused on the tiny scrawling at the bottom of the page. Chuuya ran over and snatched the paper out of his hands, walking over to the large window to try to shine some light onto the paper and see the writing clearer.

"For fucks sake, they're coordinates! They were here the entire time!" Chuuya was seething now, this must have been a sick game to that man. Chuuya grabbed his coat off the back of the chair and headed for the door, but he was stopped by Mori who placed a hand on his chest.

"This might be a trap, how do you know it's not?" Mori said and there was a soft murmur of agreement from the group of people that were standing around.

"Does it matter!? She could be there and that's all that matters!" Chuuya screamed, the tears that threatened to spill were stinging his eyes. The fact that they thought he cared about his own safety as this moment was almost laughable, he would have laughed if his throat didn't feel like it was closing in on itself. "If you're so fucking worried than I'll take Akutagawa..." This is all his fault anyway, isn't it? Akutagawa was the one who had murdered the woman who he was avenging, so he might as well come along.

Chuuya pulled the coordinates up on his phone and it pinpointed a building that seemed on the map to be rundown and abandoned. A princess like Asa didn't belong in a place like that, it made him sick to even imagine his beautiful, precious daughter in such a desolate area. He growled as the directions read that it would take an hour and a half, maybe two hours to get there.

He would make it in half the time though. He could give a shit less about traffic rules, and if the cops even dared to try to stop him on his mission, the wrath of Hell and Chuuya would be brought down upon them. He sped down the streets, winding through traffic like it was nothing. He didn't speak a word to Akutagawa, and Akutagawa knew not to talk to him right now either. Chuuyas mind was a frenzy, a whirlwind of emotions. A mixture of anger, depression, rage, and heartache, and all of those emotions were just simmering.

The devil himself wouldn't be able to stomach what Chuuya planned on doing to the man who took his daughter from him.

He made it there in record time, the drive only took fifty five minutes, an hour tops to get there. The entire drive, Chuuya's eyes would glance in the windshield mirror, looking back at the empty car seat, hoping that it would soon be filled with his perfect little bundle of joy to be brought home.

Chuuya kicked the door in and his eyes immediately zeroed in on the trail of blood droplets on the floor. His heart sank while his stomach rose, he tried to control his dry heaving as horrid images and scenes filled his mind. "Remember his ability, it uses blood." Akutagawa said sternly, trying to keep Chuuya from losing it completely already.

They followed the trail up a case of stairs that seemed like a safety hazard, and Chuuya hated to think that his daughter was in this place at all. It wasn't safe enough for her to be in, she could get hurt at any point. This place needed to be demolished as soon as he got her out of here. He would do it himself if the city didn't want to.

The blood stopped in front of a door, and as soon as Chuuya heard the soft whimpering of his daughter behind the door he kicked it in. She was sitting in a small dingy playpen in the corner of the room, and Akutagawa had to hold Chuuya back to keep him from running straight for her.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? SHE'S RIGHT THERE!" Chuuya shouted, alerting his daughter to his presence. She pulled herself up on the rails of the playpen, stomping her feet to show him that she was becoming impatient.

"This might be the trap. We need to be careful." Akutagawa hissed, and Chuuya knew he was right. He sighed and peaked into the room, scanning it entirely to make sure it was empty before stepping in. Akutagawa followed close behind, Rashomon creating a shield around himself and Chuuya as they made their way over to Asa.

As soon as Chuuya got close enough he pulled her out of the playpen, holding her tight against his chest. He breathed her in, finding instant comfort in the smell of the all too familiar baby lotion and lavender shampoo that you used for her nightly baths. "I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting, princess. My beautiful baby girl, daddy loves you so much." He cooed to her, but just as things seemed to be going flawlessly, a loud scream escaped her tiny rose petal lips.

A hail of what seemed like bullets were fired across the room, and one of them managed to hit her leg. Chuuya held onto his composure long enough to check her leg, it had just skimmed by, but it was enough to make her bleed and to make her cry. He was trembling, all of his emotions had formed into one cluster fuck of pure, unfiltered rage. He passed Asa over to Akutagawa and ordered him to leave the room through his teeth. Akutagawa didn't bother to argue, instead wrapping Rashomon around himself and Asa completely and running out of the room and down the stairs.

Chuuyas teeth were barred as the man stepped out from the darkest shadow of the room. He didn't have time to speak before Chuuya charged at him, tackling him to the ground and pummeling him with his bare hands, the force of his ability behind each and every punch would leave the man unrecognizable. He was going to kill him, he wanted to kill him, but the vibration of his phone in his pocket made him stop. He pulled his phone out and when he saw it was you it brought him back to reality, the reality that his daughter was waiting for him, and you were still at home waiting for him to bring her home.

He answered it, holding his phone between his ear and shoulder as he wiped the blood of the man off his hands. "Did you find her? Tell me you found her!" Your voice was hoarse, he knew that you hadn't stopped crying. He couldn't keep you waiting any longer, you deserved to hold Asa in your arms as well.

"We'll be home in an hour or two." He said, and it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders when he heard your sigh of relief at his words.

Two Months Later

Chuuya was propped up on the floor, his head resting in his open palm as he bounced Asa's plush horse across the floor, making the horse noises as he did so. The sound of Asa's laughter was music to his ears, and her wide smile was just as beautiful as she flaunted her newly sprouted bottom two teeth. She crawled across the floor towards Chuuya who quickly lifted her up in the air. "Airplane Asa coming in for the landing!" He said playfully as he lowered her down to her his face and pressed a quick kiss to her nose.

His head shot up as he heard the bedroom door open. You had your hands behind your back, and the wide smile that spread across your face when you saw him made his heart flutter. He sat up, his back against the couch now, Asa on his lap attempting to imitate her fathers horse sounds as she bounced the plush horse across her lap. "What's up, baby?" Chuuya asked, wondering what could possibly be behind your back.

You moved your hands to the front, holding the white stick between two fingers and smiling down at him. "Congratulations, daddy."

a/n : I hope you enjoyed my first request after my ridiculously long hiatus. Again, I apologize for being gone so long, but I can't wait to start working on all the requests that are in my inbox. I love you all!

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd imagines #bsd scenarios #bsd headcanons #Dazai Osamu #Nakahara Chuuya #chuuya nakahara x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #chuuya headcanons #dazai headcanons

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carolina-bleus · 3 years

Photo

~Something You Read: From Rick to Michonne~

“I cannot believe he actually logged into class this morning from his bed! I think he’d just woken up like five minutes before. He could barely hold his eyes open and had bed hair and everything. Who even does that?” Michonne scoffed.

Rick chuckled. “That sounds exactly like something Shane would do.”

“Mr. Horvath even had to tell him to put on a shirt...which got a lot of grumbling from some of the girls.”

“You included?”

Rick outright laughed at the look of disgust Michonne shot him through his phone’s screen.

“Richard Sutton Grimes, I am offended! You know I have better taste than that. No offense to Shane, but it would have to be the end of the world and we’d have to be the last hope for continuation of the human race before I’d even consider him anything other than a smug nuisance.”

“Ouch! So I’ll take that as a no.”

“Take that as a hell no!”

“Michonne Colette Richardson with the potty mouth! I’m gonna tell your mama and daddy.”

“What’s the worst that could happen? I get grounded and confined to the house and not allowed to go out with my friends? Too late, Miss Rona already beat them to that,” Michonne replied glumly.

“Yeah, it sucks. I can’t believe this is how we’re spending our senior year of high school. I thought everything would be back to normal by now.”

“I don’t even know what normal is anymore. I certainly hope this isn’t our new normal...going to school online, not being able to hang out and only seeing each other “face to face” through a screen in class or during phone calls.”

“I never thought I’d say this...and if you tell my mama, I’ll deny it...but I actually miss school. Not the work,” Rick quickly added. “I miss interacting with everybody, even Eugene and his mullet.”

“Really, Rick? Of all the classmates you could name, you pick Eugene...and his mullet...and not me?”

“You know you’re not just my classmate. You’re my best friend, Michonne. Of course I miss you.”

More than you even know, Rick thought.

“I miss you, too. The two of us haven’t been in the same space in what feels like forever and I’m over it. We don’t even get to go the mountains for Christmas this year,” Michonne lamented.

The Grimes and Richardson families were extremely close. The teens’ parents grew up together in King County and had been close long before Rick and Michonne were born. The families had been planning to spend Christmas break in a vacation home rented out for the holidays. But, now instead of a big Christmas celebration in the mountains, the families were doing as they had for Thanksgiving and keeping their celebrations small and confined to immediate family. Gift giving was even different this year.

The families decided to keep it simple and follow a modified version of the five-gift rule. Each household pulled the name of someone from the other household. The gift recipient told the gift giver what category they wanted their gift to represent. Luckily, Rick and Michonne pulled each other’s names. But even if they hadn’t, they would have managed to get a gift for each other a gift anyway. Michonne wanted “something you read” and Rick asked for “something you want.” Michonne’s gift was already wrapped and ready on Rick’s nightstand.

The canceled vacation and altered holiday routines were just another reminder of how different things were this year. Rick and Michonne had been inseparable since they were babies. They’d seen each other just about every day before pandemic brought their in-person interactions to a halt. The physical separation was something neither teen had really gotten used to even after so many months.

Michonne sighed. “You think it will be like this when we get older if everything does go back to normal and we can get on with our lives?”

“What do you mean?” Rick asked.

“We’re about to go off to college in some form or another and start the next phase of our lives. Do you think this is what it will be like...never seeing each other except through calls or whenever there is a holiday?”

“You think we’re going to grow apart?” Rick asked with a tilt of his head.

Michonne shrugged. “I don’t know. I hope not. But I never thought I’d live through a pandemic either. Life’s funny that way.”

“I know you want to explore the world and go to all these exciting places during and after college. But what about later? Do you think you’ll come back home? To your family?”

To me?

Rick had been in love with his best friend for as long as he could remember. He’d never quite found the words to tell her. He thought maybe he’d ask her to prom and do it then but prom most likely wasn’t going to happen this year. Rick worried if he’d even get the chance to hug Michonne again before they went off to different colleges next fall.

“You mean come back home to live?”

Rick nodded. “Yeah.”

“Is that what you’re going to do...come back home after college?”

“That’s been the plan.”

“Have you ever thought about living somewhere else?”

“Not really...but I guess I would for the right reason.”

And the right person.

“What reason would that be?”

You.

Rick shrugged. “I guess I’ll know when I know.”

Michonne looked away briefly before clearing her throat. “Oh...well, we don’t have to worry about that for a little while longer, anyway. Soon it will be Christmas break. And then it will be New Year’s Eve and we can put this hellish year behind us and start looking forward to the future...wherever that takes us.”

“Michonne, I---

A knock sounded on Rick’s door. It opened and his mom stood in the doorway.

“Honey, I know it’s distance learning but you still need to get some rest for tomorrow. Michonne, you do as well,” Mrs. Grimes added, knowing without question who Rick was talking to this late.

“Yes ma’am,” the teens replied in unison.

“Alright. Goodnight you two. Love you both.”

“Goodnight, Mama.”

“Goodnight, Auntie Suzanne.”

Once his mother closed the door behind her, Rick turned back to the screen.

“Rick, what were you about to say before?”

“Oh...umm...just that I hope you like the Christmas gift I got you.”

“You always pick out the best gifts, so I’m not worried. Well, I guess we better head to bed. Talk to you in the morning before classes?”

“Of course. Goodnight, Michonne.”

“Goodnight, Rick.”

The best friends ended their call and Rick slouched down with a sigh. He had been about to confess his feelings to Michonne right then and there. Her conversation about them growing apart scared him. He didn’t want to lose her.

But what if telling her how I feel pushes her away?

Needing to get his feelings off his chest somehow, Rick tore a piece of paper from his notebook, grabbed a pen and began to write.

Dear Michonne,

You’ve been my best friend since before we could talk and I hope you remain so even after I tell you what’s in my heart. Michonne, I love you...I’m in love with you. Whew! It feels good to FINALLY say that. I’ve loved you since...well, honestly, I can’t think of a time when I didn’t love you in some way. Every moment that’s meant something in my life has had you in it...holding my hand when I was scared on our very first day of school, when you helped me study for and win the spelling bee in third grade, when we took down the school bully, Phillip, on the playground in fifth grade, being each other’s first kiss in sixth grade and each other’s date for our first high school dance, sitting and crying with me when my grandpa died from the virus, stressing about applying to college early decision and celebrating together when we both got into our dream schools. The serious moments, the fun moments and everything in between...you’ve been there. And somewhere along the way, my love for you grew beyond friendship.

I can be my whole self with you because you bring out the best of who I am and you inspire me to want to be even better. You’re the one person I can tell anything and everything to without hesitation. You’re the only person I want to tell everything to. So, you’re probably wondering why I never told you how I feel. Well, I haven’t told you for the same reason your question about us drifting apart scared me...I don’t want to lose you. I can’t imagine...I don’t want to imagine...us not being in each other’s lives. I didn’t want to risk pushing you away or making you feel weird. I still don’t want that. But this year has taught me more than ever that life is short, time is precious and you have to let the people in your lives always know how you truly feel about them while you can.

Whatever you feel for me, please know that your happiness and our friendship are the most important things to me. And I want us to always remain friends, and in each other’s lives, whether or not we ever become a couple. I know we’ll be walking different paths for the next few years, but I hope those paths always lead us back to each other.

This is my first love confession I’ve ever written so I’m not really sure how to end it. I guess, thank you for reading it.

Love always,

Rick

P.S.- If you don’t feel the same way, you don’t have to say anything. We can just pretend this never happened.

Finished, Rick neatly folded the paper in half, wrote Michonne’s name on the front, and placed it on his nightstand beside Michonne’s gift.

Now the question remains if I’ll ever give it to her.

*****

Before Rick knew it, there was only one more week until school let out for the holiday break. He’d decided to have a change of scenery and attended school in his dad’s study today. Returning to his room, Rick plopped down on his bed and reached for his phone that he’d left on the nightstand. To his horror, the phone was there, but Michonne’s gift...and more importantly, Michonne’s note...were both gone.

“MAMA!”

“What?! Why are you yelling?”

“Mama, where’s Michonne’s gift?”

“Your Aunt Sheila and I did our socially distanced gift exchange this afternoon. I dropped their gifts off on their porch and ours were waiting there in a box. I already put them under the tree.”

“So you got Michonne’s gift from me off of my table?”

“Yes.”

“What happened to the piece of paper that was there as well?”

“Well, it had Michonne’s name on it, so I put it in a nice envelope...since you neglected to do so...and added it to her present.”

“Oh, Mama, you didn’t,” Rick groaned.

“Yes, I did. It was beside Michonne’s gift. It had her name on it. It was meant for her right?”

“Yes, ma’am. It was.”

“So why are you looking like I just destroyed your world?”

Because you may just accidentally have.

“Uh...it’s nothing,” Rick hedged. “I uh...I just wanted to exchange gifts in person.”

Mrs. Grimes nodded sympathetically.

“I know sweetie. We all wanted to do that this year, but we have to take the necessary precautions to keep everyone safe.”

Unfortunately, my heart might have just become collateral damage.

The morning after he wrote it, Rick had decided not to give Michonne the letter. He still felt the same way, but he just couldn’t run the risk of his confession altering their friendship in a negative way. However, now all he could do was wait and hope Michonne didn’t take an early peek at her gifts like she used to do when they were kids.

Rick looked at the date on his phone...December 10...fifteen days until Michonne opened the letter. He smiled wistfully at his lock screen. It was picture of him and Michonne that she forced him to take on the last day they saw each other before their world got turned on its head. They were lounging in the hammock in his family’s backyard just talking about their hopes for senior year and beyond. It had been a perfect afternoon. He’d almost told her how he felt then but backed out at the last minute. Now the decision to tell had been taken out of his hands.

Man, I hope I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life.

*****

As the days to Christmas dwindled down, Rick didn’t notice a change in Michonne or their interactions. They still spoke every morning and every night and she acted the same as always. Rick didn’t know if that meant she hadn’t yet read the letter or that she had and was just not saying anything because didn’t have any romantic feelings for him.

Rick had tried to bribe Michonne’s younger brother, Noah, to find and destroy the letter. But that ended in utter failure. Noah couldn’t find the letter and he got yelled at by Michonne for snooping around her room. But Noah was true to his word (and the fifty dollars Rick sent to his cash app) and never implicated Rick in the plot.

~Christmas Eve~

Rick’s nerves were shot.

One more day until I know if I need to ask to go live with Granny Grimes down in Florida to finish out senior year.

Rick hadn’t spoken to Michonne at all today, which was a rarity.

Maybe she’s avoiding me.

Rick trudged glumly down the stairs so lost in thought that the sudden ringing of the doorbell scared him.

“Did y’all order food?” Rick called out to his family.

“No! It might be a package though,” his father yelled back.

Assuming the delivery person left the package on the porch, Rick pulled open the door without hesitation. He nearly fell over when he saw who was waiting.

“Michonne?! What are you doing here?” Rick started to push open the storm door, but caught himself. “Wait, a second.”

Rick grabbed his mask off the hallway table and put it on before stepping outside. The teens stood on opposite ends of the porch.

Michonne offered a small wave. “Hey, Rick. I came over because I wanted to see you.”

“Why? It must be important if you came in person.”

Oh, man. Is she going to break my heart in person?

“I promise to explain. But, first, I need you to answer some questions.”

“Questions? Why?”

“You’ll see.” Michonne pulled out her phone and unlocked it. “Okay, have you experienced any of the following recently...fever, cough, or headaches?”

“No.”

“Good. Fatigue...muscle or body aches...loss of taste or smell?”

“No.”

“Sore throat...nausea...diarrhea?”

“Michonne!”

“Rick, just answer the question.”

“No.”

“Has anyone in your family experienced those symptoms recently?”

Rick shook his head. “No.”

“Where have you been in the past fourteen days?”

“I’ve been home.” Stressing out over a letter.

“You haven’t gone anywhere outside? Not even to the grocery store?”

“Other than the porch or backyard, I’ve been in the house.”

“Good. I’ve haven’t gone anywhere for the past fourteen days either. I’ve been in the house and avoiding anyone who doesn’t live in my house...basically a self-imposed quarantine.”

“Why?”

“So I could do this.”

Michonne removed her mask and walked over to Rick. She reached up and removed his mask, smiling at the question in his eyes before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on his lips. After a moment of shocked delay, Rick quickly responded by wrapping his arms around Michonne and deepening the kiss.

Needing a breath and a moment to process it all, the couple slowly broke off their kiss and stared at each other with twin smiles on their faces.

“I take it you read the letter?” Rick asked.

Michonne nodded. “Exactly fourteen days ago.”

“You read it the first night?! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I’ve never had anyone confess their love for me before...at least not outside of a daydream. I needed time some time to deal.”

“And do you feel the same way?”

“Rick, I quarantined for fourteen days just so I could kiss you. What do you think that means?”

“Maybe I just want to hear you say it.”

Michonne rolled her eyes but couldn’t keep the smile off of her face.

“I love you, too, Rick.”

“Romantically?”

“Yeah.”

“For how long?”

“For as long as I can remember.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Michonne shrugged. “It’s the same reason you didn’t. I was scared and I didn’t want to lose you in case you didn’t feel the same way.”

“But we both feel the same way. So...we’re a couple?”

“Almost. There is something you have to say first.”

“What?” Then it dawned on Rick and he flushed, suddenly shy. “I wrote it in the letter.”

“Maybe I just want to hear you say it.”

Rick chuckled at his words being thrown back at him, before he turned serious.

“I love you, Michonne.”

Michonne’s face lit up with a smile that took Rick’s breath away.

“Now, we’re a couple,” she declared.

Rick took Michonne’s hand and led her over to the porch swing. The couple drew close under the blanket Rick’s mom kept there for the chilly winter nights.

“Guess I won’t have to open any gifts tomorrow.”

“What do you mean?” Michonne questioned.

“Christmas came early. I have everything I want now.”

Michonne smiled and pulled Rick into a hug. When they separated, a sudden question occurred to Rick.

“Hey, did you open my actual gift I got you to read?” Rick asked.

“Not yet, I was waiting until tomorrow. I only opened the letter because I thought it was a card. I’m glad I didn’t wait though because that letter was truly the best thing I’ve read in my entire life.”

Rick blushed happily at Michonne’s words.

“Well, maybe you’ll read something even better one day.”

“Like what?”

“Our wedding vows.”

Michonne’s eyes widened before she smiled sweetly, “Yeah, maybe one day.”

The couple shared another kiss before they cuddled against each other and slowly rocked in the swing, enjoying the Christmas lights shining across the neighborhood.

@richonnefics

#richonne5 #richonne #because teenage Rick and Michonne would be adorable #forgive any typos...I'm tired lol

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lesbianpjohooimagines · 4 years

Text

Oops, I Got Hurt

Thalia x Reader

Anonymous said:

hey would u be able to write a thalia x reader where the reader got hurt in battle or something?

A/N: But of course I can! I hope you like it!

***

“This is gonna be an interesting battle. How in the world does a minor god date a giant and not know he’s a giant?” I asked, rolling my eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation. Thalia chuckled as the thought crossed her.

She sighed as she looked through her binoculars at the base of the monster camp. “It’s too open. There’s no way we could sneak in undetected and even though Annabeth could technically go in with her hat, going in alone would be reckless and suicide. So we have to in guns blazing.”

I nodded, refraining myself from telling her that we didn’t have guns and that they did. You don’t bring a knife to a gun fight and yet, here we were.

I only hoped that all of us would come out of this battle alive, especially Thalia. She was just so...amazing and after knowing her for years, I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like if she passed before I did. I tried not to imagine how it would feel like if the Hunters visited camp without her there leading them.

I sighed shakily, which caught the attention of Thalia, who studied me with a worried expression. “You good, nugget? Your face just went from determined to dark in less than a second.”

I smirked and looked down at the army knife turning with careful precision between my fingers. “You still haven’t found a better nickname than nugget, bub?”

“Nope. Nor will I ever until you find a better nickname than bub.” She shot back.

I gasped in fake exasperation. “You take that back!”

“You first.”

“...”

“...I would just like to point out that I didn’t say anything that I could possibly take back.” Thalia playfully glared at me like she wanted to punt me off of a cliff. She acted like she hated my matter-of-fact statements but I knew she found them funny, not that she would ever admit it.

“Seriously, Y/n, what got you down so quickly?” She asked, studying me.

I swallowed down my nerves and said, “I thought about you not...being here with us anymore. Not being here with me. We just lost Jason and the thought of losing you messes with me a lot. I try to stay positive, since that’s what I’m known for, but it’s been hard lately. And not only that, now we have no choice but to charge head-first into this battle with a high possibility of losing someone because we have no immediate cover.”

She nodded, still studying me with an intense expression that I couldn’t read. “I understand, Y/n. I know we’re at high risk right now, but with the right formation, we also have a high probability of everybody living to see another day. We just have to watch each other’s backs and do our thing carefully. I’m not going anywhere and I’ll be damned by all the gods if you do. We’ve got this, nugget. Just stand by me when I propose this plan to the campers, please? We need them to do this. The Hunters may be strong, but there’s a lot of monsters in there.”

I met her electric eyes and gave her a small smile, putting away my knife. We both got up and clasped hands as an agreement. “I’ll always stand by your side, Thalia. I’ve got your back.”

She smiled back and looked as if she was going to say something, but quickly changed her mind and jerked her head toward our small campsite. “Let’s go deliver the plan.”

And off we went.

***

So needless to say, the campers didn’t need much convincing and our plan worked flawlessly until we got the center of the monster hideout. We’d cleared over half of it as it was the size of two football fields, but some of us were getting tired as more and more monsters kept jumping out at us. We were bound to have a serious injury at the very least and it unfortunately came.

Thalia and I were fighting our way through their training grounds when a loud shot rang out, the first of many. She and I ran to cover once we spotted the gunner, and while that monster was dealt with by an arrow, I discovered that I was hit in the chest. I knew it hit an artery or something because blood started seeping out of my mouth and made me panic a little.

“T-Thalia. Thalia, I’m hit.” The words that none of us hoped to hear or say and yet, I was saying them. Thalia’s head snapped in my direction and saw the blood flowing out of my chest rapidly. She ripped off one of her shirt sleeves and pressed it on my wound, trying to slow the bleeding, but it didn’t seem to work. I grunted in pain, but then the pain started dissolving and I grew tired. I knew better than to go to “sleep”, but by the gods, I couldn’t stop the urge.

I could faintly hear Thalia shouting through her earpiece for medical help, but her voice was fading out. No. No no no, I couldn’t go out like this. I had to stay by her side until the fight was over.

But sleeping was the one thing I could never resist. My godly parent wasn’t Hypnos, but I slept A LOT and this was one of those times where sleeping was inevitable.

As my eyes closed, I could just make out Thalia pleading with me to stay with her. However, the fight in me disappeared and I had no other option but to let the final wave come over me. She said something right before things turned dark, but I didn’t make it out in time.

I was pulled into the abyss.

***

‘Beep...beep....beep’

What the fuck happened and why is it so hard to open my eyes?! I breathed in a deep breath and started coughing, as if I breathed in freezing air. There was a weight on my arm that was immediately lifted once I started.

“Y/n?! Breathe, breathe. Take it easy, okay?” It was my bub. I listened to her and once my breathing was under control, I opened my eyes and was met with a distraught-looking Thalia. Her eyes had a red tint to them, which I assumed was either from her crying or was the result of getting pepper sprayed.

I almost guessed it was from pepper spray, until I realized that I was in Camp Half-Blood’s Med Bay, hooked up to a couple of monitoring machines. Was she crying because I ended up here?

Thalia left the room to get a one of the medics and surprisingly, Apollo himself came in as cheerful as ever. “How’re you feeling, kid? Do you have any chest pains while breathing?”

I shook my head. “I feel fi-” I started coughing uncontrollably from how dry my throat was. A cup of water was put up to my lips and I chugged it, still coughing, but it ceased after a few minutes. “What happened? How long have I been here?”

Thalia sat next to me in the chair she’d been sitting in before I woke up. “Three days...you shouldn’t have woken up so soon.” When I frowned in confusion at her, she looked away. That’s when I noticed the bags under eyes from an obvious lack of sleep.

Apollo chimed in when he realized Thalia wasn’t going to explain. “Your heart stopped four times. If it wasn’t for this lieutenant these past few days, you wouldn’t have made it, Y/n. She refused to leave your side and when we were going to give up, she convinced us to keep trying. I’m...not exactly sure how you’re up now, but it’s definitely a good thing. It’s just worrying considering how you were not fine last night.” He sighed and continued, “I’m going to do more tests before I let you go. I’ll be back in a few.”

After he walked out, Thalia held my hand and put her head down on the bed. I squeezed it, making her look up at me and give me a small smile.

“Thank you, bub.” I said in the most sincere tone I’ve ever used. “I appreciate you staying with me through this. I...you’re...” I got tongue-tied trying to come up with the words to tell her how much I cared, how much I loved her. But as it would turn out, I didn’t need to exactly.

Soft lips pressed into mine gently. At first, I was thrown off by the action, but then I went for it and kissed her back with just as much tenderness. A few seconds went by before we pulled away for air. Thalia took a couple breaths and started laughing, me joining in soon after.

“You know, I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” Our eyes met after she said that and I couldn’t stop myself from grinning like an idiot. “Over the years, I kept trying to tell you about my feelings but I always chickened out. I even did while we were scouting the camp, but once I saw your eyes go from excited to lifeless in the span of a minute...I realized that even though we may be immortals, we don’t have all the time in the world to do or say certain things.”

Her eyes teared up a little as she said those six words that I’d been dying to hear for years. “I am...I’m in love with you, Y/n. Ever since I met you, I knew. I knew that you were the one.”

I pulled her into a tight hug like my life depended on it and sighed, “I can’t believe it took me almost dying for you to say that sentence to me, Lightning-Lady.”

She punched my arm as I stifled a laugh in her neck.

“Dingus.”

(A/N: I really apologize for how long this is and how long it took, but I work in retail and I’ve been super tired lately with this Rona panic. My store is an essential store so we can’t close and my store is so intent on making money that they refuse to at least close for a few hours. So yeah, I’m exhausted. But writing these imagines keeps me sane among other things :) Have a good day and stay safe everyone!)

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musings-and-writings · 4 years

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Get You Out of There

What led up to the Eryl's confrontation that happened just before the beginning of the story. Based on @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt "Better Than This"

CW: Mentions of an abusive relationship

>~<

Rona opened her apartment door to Eryl's tear-streaked face.

She gave Eryl a hug, pulled her into the apartment, and said, "I'll make cocoa. You sit down, okay?"

***

Once Eryl was in a slightly more stable emotional state, and several mugs of cocoa, Rona put down her tea.

"We need to get you out of there. They're only hurting you, and it doesn't help that you have to repress your magic. I've done research, and there's a law that says magic users who can't practice magic at home can go somewhere else, as long as they are over 16, so you would just need a place to stay, which could be here if you want, and you would need to sign a form, but that's mostly it. Eryl, you could be out within two or three days."

Eryl looked up suddenly and almost dropped her mug at that. Tears started flowing again, but they showed a hint of hope this time. "I- You- That's a thing? I could get away from her?"

"It is. You could. We'll head down to the police station tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes! Please!" She burst out, then more quietly, said, "Sorry. That would be great. Thank you."

Rona pulled Eryl into a hug. "Don't worry, Eryl. You'll be out soon. You deserve so much better than what you've gotten, and Lesotto be cursed if I won't help you get the life you deserve."

#Eryl Ka'ina #Rona Malkia #big sis Rona #Implied abusive relationship #the laskian islands #back at it again with the Eryl angst

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thewhumperinwhite · 4 years

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i’m feeling touch-starved in this chilis tonight so: ocs and How Good They Are At Hugging.

Kent Graves is... honestly not that great a hugger. He’s tall, but it’s so easy to get both arms around his pointy-skinny shoulders as to be kind of distracting. You’re not enjoying the hug so much as asking yourself when was the last time he ate. Also his arms are sort of hovering around your shoulder blades like he wants to hug back but is too nervous. But... if you’re willing, hold on for a while. He’ll melt after about seventy seconds, curl around you, maybe rest his cheek on the top of your head, depending on your height. He’ll maybe blink suspiciously fast, like his eyes sting. It is courteous to ignore this. 4/10 this one’s more for him than for you but like have a heart huh?

Sol Michaelis is, tbfuckingh, the premier hug experience. If you can get a Sol hug do not waste this opportunity. Sol has all the hug-followthrough Kent doesn’t, plus he’s got enough actual bodymass to be pleasant to hold onto. Bonus points if you’re visibly upset and he has an excuse to press your face into his shoulder and pat your hair, which he will. 11/10, it simply does not get better than this folks.

Pax Field is... listen I really really want to give them high marks here but the truth is they own two much studded leather clothing and they’re not great at emotional vulnerability. Are you both drunk? Because nobody is better for putting your arm around their shoulder and swaying in time while they sing rude songs and gesture wildly around the street you’re stumbling down with their half-empty bottle. You smother a laugh and tell them they’ll wake up their neighbors, they’ll say they’re doing your neighbors a favor on such a beautiful fuckin’ night, at the end of this they’ll stop suddenly without letting you go so you swing around to face them and their voice will get husky and they will definitely kiss you. Lean into that part, they’re a great kisser but honestly I can’t give them above a 6/10 on the hug part they’re gonna shoulder-punch you afterward and not make eye contact.

Art Lange is small, okay, and if you’re chill enough that he’s trusting you to hug him he would appreciate it if you could like... Listen what if you just go all the way and pick him up off the floor and let him hook his legs around your waist too. His hair’s pleasantly fuzzy and he promises to tuck his head under your chin so you can enjoy it if you will in turn agree to squeeze him as hard as you physically can for about a minute. ...though honestly if you wanna just like... keep carrying him around while you go about your day he’s certainly not opposed to that. 8/10 listen he’s a clingy baby but you will feel like a powerful top so, swings and roundabouts.

Karim Mun has been called America’s premier service top and not for nothing baybee, he is very concerned with making your hug experience everything YOU want it to be. ...there is also a nonzero chance he will find something to have a guilt-induced breakdown about halfway through though so you are kind of rolling the dice with this one. 7/10 could be great could be distressing

Rona Cowl is.... listen Rona is great at many many things but casual affection is not one of them, she is not in the practice of touching people she’s not sleeping with. That said if you really need a hug she will flail for a bit and then reluctantly gather you in, and scratch your head lightly with her nails, because that’s what she would want someone to do if she had ever panicked in her adult life, and speak reluctant but sincere softness into your hair in her tooth-lined voice, and it will be all the sweeter for its rarity. 6/10 difficult to achieve but worth it and honestly you’re doing her a favor tbfh

Simon Blake’s closeted ass needs you to do this for him okay, he’s gonna try to go in with the one-armed dude hug but do not let him get away with that shit, it’s character growth time you coward. Also Simon is a certified beefcake so wrap your arms around his broad himbo chest and just hold on until he accepts it and holds you gently. 6/10 he’s gonna be a master one day but he’s got a long way to go.

Thorne has honestly not been hugged since he was like twelve so there is a very real chance that he is going to cry on you. Do not be afraid of this. Let him lower his head onto your shoulder and sob into your sweater for a while. If you’re up to it please feel free to squeeze him tightly and run your hand through his hair, it is very soft and he really needs this. 5/10 yes you are doing most of the work but he will hug back and also please do this for me okay.

Andry and I both explicitly require that you ask before hugging him and make it clear that there will be no consequences for refusing. That said Andry does actually give quite good hugs because Asher needs a daily diet of hugs to survive (and he is withering like an underwatered tree right now but that’s another story). Andry hugs like your cool older brother and also like someone who knows hugs are important, because he does. 10/10 just a good wholesome hug experience all around tbh.

Morden hugs exclusively as a way to inflict psychic damage. He does smell amazing, though, so 3/10.

This probably goes without saying but under no circumstances should you allow Raven to hug you. Yes she is very sexy and you will want to but please love yourself and do not hug the evil knife lady.

@whumpitywhumpwhump this seems like maybe it would interest you lmao

#oc ratings #fbi extras #café extras #wkw extras #hugs #whump ocs

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siremasterlawrence · 5 years

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My House Of Slave’s

I had built a sustainable fortune after I created an sold my comic characters to a Marvel and I smiled as I looked at my house with a massive amount of fields. I smiled as I watched Ron my older slave’s move in the last of his stuff and I begin to initiate him. I had him lit ten candles in a specific order around us both and slowly put him into trance. I guided him until his head was on my shoulders and I opened his mind to be reset.

A hour later he wakes up empty of his past let’s say thirty years of his life. He thinks he is thirteen now living in the house with his dad.

I smiled as he ran to hug me tight and his lips old expression faded. “My dad” He said to me as if it was the first time for him and he was so happy. He blew out the candles as he put all of them away. I pull him into another hug as I am ordering is dinner. He smiles as we sat on the couch making plans.

Later that night I hear my bedroom door open an I sit up. “Dad are you awake?” I hear him ask me with a very tired voice booming on the wall. I say yes to him as he climbs into my bed happily. I kiss him good night as we both fall a sleep. I wake up alone in my bed heading into the bathroom I smell food. I change my mind as I head to the kitchen to see him making my breakfast. He wanted to make me happy so he got up extra early to do this.

“Dad I wanted to make you breakfast early to say thank you. Can I invite a few friends over tonight?” He ask me. I agree as he calls two guys to say it was ok for them to hang out. In the afternoon I see him walking into the house.

They were his nephews even though he thinks they are his friends. I let them have the living room as I stay in my room watching tv. I walk out to get a drink when I feel Rona hand on my waist. “My friends wanted to meet you tonight at please hang out with us.” He pleads.

I sit down as the two fraternal twins stare at me before asking to be hypnotized. I realized what was going on quickly and I did not like it at all. I agreed to trance them as I took out my ticking pocket watch. I let the swinging watch setting between the two of them. As they were fixated on the watch the ticking sound pulls them in. I smile a so ask them questions that are pertaining to the day inquiry. One brother feels his is a slave and the other is questing it:

I send Ron back to clean up the dishes so I can program them in peace. I snap my finger in a quick action as they woke up yawing in utter confusion. “Hi dad.” They say to me as they get up to hug me tightly and Ron joins us in it.

I smile as they all rush to make me a snack an watch me eat it. I felt good as we make plans to move the other two slave’s I not my house.

After the move was done I lay in bed as they walked in. “Dad are you awake? We need your help.” They all say to me as I happily follow them to the living room.

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bestfriendforhire · 3 years

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Children of BFFH, Entry 88

I yawned and stretched, not remembering where I was at first. We had been playing Ancient Tribes of Earth and… “The Ja…” I started to exclaim, suddenly feeling that queasy sensation I always got when someone moved me too fast. I blinked and took in my new surroundings.

“-ggagawaroeth is probably roaming about or napping. Morning, Aspy!” exclaimed Crazy from across a dark, wood table. “Didn’t want you waking the others.”

“We’re…” I started again, my mind still trying to gain some ground.

“In the Somerset’s wing. Four carried you last night after you fell asleep. Sleepover, remember?” she asked, smiling crazily as ever as she stirred something. Catching my gaze, she said, “Stirring some marshmallows into my hot chocolate. Want some?”

I nodded. As she hopped up and started making a drink for me at a pace even I could match, I asked “Where is everyone?” I knew this room, though I hadn’t been in it too often. We were in the private kitchen of the Somerset’s wing. Though not as large as our home’s main kitchen, this one was still fairly big. I suppressed the urge to go poking around their cupboards, but I really was curious what all they had available in here.

“Messy is attempting to verify that we didn’t make some fatal mistake involving the Jaggagawaroeth. We didn’t get far enough away for the quest to save the village to complete last night. Four, Luce, and Aid are currently with their parents. The Boss will be heading off to work soon, or so they said. Valeria took off to practice vampire things with Momma Cosette while people were sleeping.” Crazy stopped to bite her lip a moment. Then she said. “Hmm… I think she’s almost done. Anyway, you’re the first up out of the ones who are actually sleeping.”

I nodded, not too surprised. “Did you wait around the entire night?” I questioned, smiling as she set hot chocolate in front of me.

A spell sprung up around us as she laughed wildly. “Ahh… No, there’s always something I want to try.”

I took a sip of the hot chocolate as I debated whether or not to ask what she did. Her explanations could be… too much for mornings.

“How’s the hot chocolate?” she asked, smiling a little too enthusiastically.

I felt like something just clenched up in my stomach as I asked “Were you experimenting with…”

Interrupting me, she nodded and said, “Yep! Grew a new variety of cocoa, had Momma Emma verify that they’re safe, Momma Mila helped with a chemical analysis, came up with another way to process them quickly, and then I started experimenting with the best blend for the perfect hot chocolate. Chocolate cake recipes start tomorrow for Grandma. Her birthday’s coming up, so I wanted something new. I have some processing more naturally in my lab, so I’ll be trying recipes with those just before her birthday.”

My stomach relaxed a little after hearing that the chocolate beans were actually tested for safety. I forced myself to take another sip, holding the liquid in my mouth. She had probably used some sort of cooling spell to keep it from being too hot and possibly heated the marshmallows separately, since they were too perfectly melted for a fresh cup. As I considered the flavor, I realized I was tasting a touch of peppermint. “Is the mint from something else you added?” I asked with a frown.

“Nope. These beans were given a super intense processing procedure to have a super dark chocolate flavor with just a touch of their natural mint. Can you tell what type?” she asked hopefully.

“Peppermint?” I replied. When she excitedly confirmed, I started asking her about her cake ideas, curious what she was going to pair with the mint flavor to make a well-balanced cake.

Unsurprisingly, she had a large number of ideas that she wanted to experiment with before selecting a few to run by Chef Marco. No matter the topic, Crazy would always have a large number of ideas.

She stood up again, and I watched as she started to prepare five more cups of cocoa. Considering that I didn’t feel ill and that the adults had checked her experiment for safety, I decided not to warn the others. First impressions without knowing the cocoa’s origin would probably be more helpful.

Four, Aid, and Luce joined us next, accepting the cocoa with only slight wariness before they all started cooking breakfast together. I excused myself to get dressed, feeling weird being the only one still in my PJs. By the time I was back, Doc and Dea had joined us. When the quadruplets woke shortly after Valeria returned, there was a little debate before we decided to wake the others too. Breakfast was almost done.

Layla was amazed by the breakfast, but that was only because she didn’t practice cooking like the rest of us. She’d learn if she started hanging out with us more often. I hoped she would. Like Rona, Layla was easy to get along with and pretty good at games. I really hoped we could convince her to join us for our next battle, since disappearing could be really useful.

“Layla, are you wanting to learn magic?” I asked as soon as I had a chance.

“Huh?” she replied.

“Magic, do you want to learn how to create spells?” I asked again. When she didn’t respond immediately, I said, “I was thinking about how cool your natural magic would be in our battles, and then realized you should really learn how to use some other magic, assuming you can. We’d have to ask permission, but…”

“We’d have to get permission to teach you, Layla, and you’d have to resist the urge to use your magic in public.” stated Four, interrupting me.

“Also, you’ll have to practice a lot. When I first started, getting the energy to move was a huuuge struggle. Our fey inheritance allows us to manipulate residual energy, but learning to do so quickly takes years of practice.” warned Doc, but she was looking at Layla encouragingly.

“If you can do it at all.” added Luce. “Even with a fey heritage, there’s always a chance that you simply can’t utilize anything but your natural magic.”

From the door, Dani said, “I bet we can get her there. Make enough for your favorite older sister?”

“And Leilani too.” stated Aid, summoning two plates to the table with a spell.

“You’re pink!” exclaimed Layla in surprise, blushing when she realized we were all staring at her.

“Yes, I am!” exclaimed Dani proudly. Then she poked her daughter and cooed “And you are too, aren’t you, my precious girl.”

Leilani squirmed and giggled, hugging her mom.

Taking a seat by Aid where Leilani’s high was already waiting, Dani said, “I was rescued by Daddy, adopted, and am covered by an illusion when I go out. Daddy still does it personally, though my spells aren’t too bad when not compared with his.”

Frowning at her, Four said, “You don’t ever bother making the spell look the same.”

Dani brushed that off. “Creative license is necessary to an artist’s heart!” she exclaimed with a grin.

“You’re just spoiled.” asserted Luce with a wry smile.

“Spoiled rotten!” agreed Dani, though she was focused on fluffing Leilani’s hair with her fingers. Dani had been putting a bib on her daughter, but she often got distracted.

Aid sniffed loudly and said, “Not rotten enough to stink yet.”

“I guess you all need to spoil me a little more.” she told him, finally satisfied with how messy Leilani’s hair was. Then she turned to look at Valeria, smiling sweetly as she said, “I heard you’re playing a vampire.”

“Yes…” replied Valeria worriedly.

“I know a few things about vampires in game that even Cosette might not.” cooed Dani, her grin growing.

“Momma Cosette warned me you’d say that.” stated Valeria cautiously.

“But she didn’t deny it, did she?” asked Dani all too sweetly. Then she started cutting her food as she said, “I have a very elite guild that could help you catch up to the others more quickly.”

“Dani, we’re not letting you corrupt her.” stated Four flatly.

“Corrupt her!?” asked Dani, her eyes wide with surprise. “I wouldn’t corrupt her.”

“You’re ‘guild’, using the term extremely loosely, eats through vampires faster than I could run across the country.” asserted Four.

Luce whispered to Layla “He could probably do it in a good five hours if he was pushing himself.”

“Does not. Some just can’t keep up, others failed their tasks, and the rest were just too boring to stick around.” insisted Dani. Grinning again at Valeria, she said, “I’m sure you’d be able to help us spread faster than ever. Brandon told me interesting things about your powers.”

“Dad!” exclaimed Dea, facepalming.

“I’ll provide you with new gear from my personal warehouse. Raine’s made me countless goodies over the years, and I’m sure some of them would be perfect for you, no matter how you want to develop your character. Think of how strong you could be.” encouraged Dani, idly stroking her daughter’s hair as Leilani ate.

“We’re not coming back to Ashengarde City for quite some time, so you might as well wait to try your luck at stealing her.” suggested Aid, smiling when Dani frowned.

“Fiiiine! Ruin your sister’s fun. You’re all ganging up on me.” pouted Dani.

“Don’t be sad.” stated Valeria. “I’ll think your offer over, okay?”

Dani grinned so fast that the frown seemed all the more fake. “Excellent!” exclaimed Dani. “I’ll send you a recruitment request, though it’ll probably take a few weeks to reach you given the distance.”

“She said she’ll think about it, not that she was ready to sign on.” pointed out Four. Turning his head, he then said, “Valeria, you should know that Dani is a very talented actress and will more than likely try influencing your emotions with her magic. Make sure to resist her.”

“Oh, please.” argued Dani with a roll of her eyes. “My magic isn’t likely to affect a vampire. She doesn’t even need to try resisting. Letting me affect her would be so much more fun!” exclaimed Dani, not appearing even slightly concerned about Valeria having foreknowledge of the emotional influence.

“Sis, mind informing Momma Cosette that Dani is attempting to be a negative influence on Valeria?” asked Messy without looking up from her food.

“As you wish, though I imagine Cosette’s already considered that Dani would try. I look forward to seeing what she does in turn.” replied Momma Mila from the room’s speakers.

“Any chance you’ll give me hints if she decides to come for me?” asked Dani hopefully.

“Of course.” stated MIla. “On that note, I probably should inform you that Cosette discovered your latest lair in the game over a week ago. I recommend running. You know what her character is like in a fight.”

Dani’s face went from slightly worried to completely excited. “This’ll be fun! I better make some preparations.”

Throughout the exchange, Layla’s eyes seemed to grow wider and wider until she was staring at Dani as if Dani had sprouted two extra heads and four arms, which could be a pretty cool ability in a fight. Personally, I looked forward to hearing about the latest skirmish as soon as it happened.

#Children of BFFH #Children #of #BFFH #Jovial Times #Jovial #Times #Fantasy #Fiction #Story

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yumiwords · 3 years

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over the indian ocean

I should be somewhere over the Indian Ocean right now.

I should be strapped into a flying death cabin that rattles so much every now and again that the thought of dying shifts lanes in my brain from fantasy to possibility. And – whoop – another rattle, one just violent enough to remind me that maybe I don’t welcome death like I always thought I would; my arms are neither open wide nor waving in long-awaited enthusiasm, but clutching the armrest I have spent the better half of the flight asserting dominance over. Maybe falling from the sky in the company of a hundred other strangers, one of which leans too far back in their seat, one of which makes the little hairs dance around the perimeter of their nose when they snore, isn’t the complete and utter essence of comfort I thought it could be. And for all the times that I’ve wished I was dead, none of them included being on my way to Europe.

But I’m not about to die on that plane. Die at home, possibly. Die in the supermarket, maybe. But the world in which an international flight could whisk me away from this biscuit-shaped island to another, bigger, better, more biscuit-shaped European island, is a world as far away as handshakes and hugs. I wonder if the same people who worry about planes crashing and bombs exploding are as equally freaking out at the potential death that now surrounds the air around them. Because the 7 o’clock news has traded in terrorist attacks for overflowing hospital morgues, traded in freak shark attacks for record virus infections.

I can’t even remember what the news was like before all of this. What on earth was worthy enough to make headlines before the world started to – slowly and in the most boring fashion – end?

I can’t even remember what life was like before all of this. Before the world started ending, that is. Parties? Did I go to those? I mean, I have memories, but they’re surely not from this lifetime. The girl who sits on the edge of her bed tonight with greasy hair and pants that don’t fit cannot possibly be the same girl who once drank too much cask wine and threw up on an empty stomach.

Is it me that has changed? Is it the world? Can one change without the other?

The weapons that we’ve calmed battles with, the artillery that we’ve used to save grace, are finally our un-comings. The handshakes and hugs, the kisses on both cheeks. No, please sir, one point five meters, take a step back. The space we now leave between ourselves and each other may help us defeat the enemy, but what about our sanity?

What sort of world have we kidded ourselves into believing we live in if our final un-coming is neither the climate nor the nukes, neither the aliens nor the sun? I guess our final un-coming is ourselves. The ultimate plot twist.

Plot twists are fun and all, but ideally when they involve Keanu Reeves and hunky bank-robbing surfers. Not exclusively, but ideally.

All of these we are the virus memes that have littered the internet in recent months kind of encapsulates this perfectly; this category of meme is fodder to the current brand of millennial existentialism. Normally we’d find this brand hand in hand with some idealised, romanticised, wholesome version of ourselves, in bed with one another somewhere in Europe. But all of a sudden, for Australians anyway, Europe has become just that little further away. I won’t be finding myself there for a while now.

Apparently, you’re more likely to die in a plane crash than in the company of a shark. Europe, for me, has been postponed exponentially, so I’ve got no way of escaping this island by flight for quite a while now, and these surrounding oceans aren’t looking so inviting with their Jaws themed music and single fins weaving through the water and all. Any potential death-cabin sky trips feel so far away that I’ll probably start fantasising again about what it’s like to drop from the sky - a place where humans do not belong, in my humble opinion (where are our wings?). Potential shark attacks are also exponentially off the agenda for myself. Even if statistically I’m more likely to suffer death by plane crash than death by shark, you won’t be finding me waddling about in the ocean (where are my gills?).

And even with all the ridiculous ways I’ve imagined my death, all of the fantasised plane crashes and ill-fated swims, death by airplane and death by shark still feel a little closer to reality than death by handshake. But the reality right now is that my body carries the potential for both your death and mine, and all we have to do is to be at the mercy of its touch. The oceans nor the skies hold the sentence to finish my living these days, but rather the everyday reality of the spaces in-between.

And in between the sky and the sea, you can find me in my home, or in the supermarket. The two most interesting, and two of the only destinations that I am allowed to exist in these days. Physically-speaking, this is where you can expect to find me. Spiritually-speaking, however, I don’t think I’ll be finding myself in either of these places. I guess the part of me that is still hiding someplace in Europe, with all the answers to my existential quarter-life millennial dread, will have to wait a little while longer until I can go looking; until this un-coming of ours stops becoming, and miss rona finally releases us from her grip of plot twists. Because I’m not enjoying this movie anymore.

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dejarooo · 4 years

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“Fake it. Fake it until you make it.” She said, facing the class of mixed-age students. She was a senior in the time when I was just transitioning to the school as a freshman. Part of her final project was to give us underclassmen a bit of advice she picked up in her high-school experience.

Never did I think the words would become so prevalent, especially not almost 5 years after hearing them.

My life has had so many twists and turns. From transitioning to that new school, to the substantial amount of insecurities I would gain in the following years -- stemming from family, body issues and Creek niggas that tried to get the best of me. We’ll talk about all of those another time.

My senior year was my year. I considered myself a rose finally en fleurs, and finally viewed myself as the sunshine so many compared me to. I wasn’t letting anything or anybody get me down. I wasn’t letting niggas even get close enough to try! Frankly, I was sick of the bullshit. I was so tired of living for other people and I was ready to start doing me.

So, I did that. I twisted. I stopped people pleasing. I gained my own style, structure, and confidence. I built myself up and away from boys who didn’t want much more than to waste my time. By the time I graduated, I had most of my life laid out in front of me. I was working, doing something I loved. I had plans of a career, and was(/am) taking classes towards making those plans happen. I had full circles of friends. I met the absolute love of my life, and every weekend, I was out living my life. Without trying, I was happy. I was laughing, smiling. I was so full.

Then, the turns came. I honestly should have seen it coming. I have a beautiful life, and I thank God for it daily. However, there’s never been a complete bout of happiness where the devil hasn’t come and at least tried to stick his hand in the mix. My aunt says this happens to people of faith very often, and while I’m sometimes hesitant to listen to her, this was something she was right about.

I was no longer happy at my job, and I quit. Both of my best friends began to social distance long before the rona came. I don’t even blame them. I mean, shit’s hard out here. Also, apparently college is a.. thing? -- And before you say, “WE BEEN KNEW, SIS!”, it is ridiculously HARD! Stress and anxieties started running rampant in my mind. The women in my house have seriously been at one another’s throat. (Who would’ve thunk that extremely high levels of estrogen would be a BAD thing?) It’s been pretty bad, even to the point where I started to doubt the same confidence and passions I worked so hard to build in those last four, gruesome years of public school.

Today marks day 51 that I’ve been in the house, thanks to Miss Rona. Bored because I no longer have work, stressed because now I have school. I’ve never felt more caged in my life. What’s funny is: When I was a little girl, I absolutely loved spending whole ass summers in the house. I kept myself entertained! I’d read books, play games, and with my dolls and whatever else. But now that I’m a (legal, not mental) adult, it’s much harder. I honestly believe that even two summers ago, I would have been able to just sleep my summer away, and when I wanted to, I’d do a just few things to keep myself entertained and I’d be content. It was easy. I feel like it’s the fact that I had just started LIVING. Like, I was doing ALL THE THINGS. All the things I dreamed of doing in the high-school, but couldn’t because I wasn’t old enough or didn’t have the time to. I was no longer saying ‘no’ to going out or trying new things. I was going on mini adventures. It was like the moment I started living my life, it was taken away. It feels like I’m on punishment, and maybe that’s why my case of cabin fever is so terrible.

So, yeah. I’m a broke-ass college student that misses the outside, her boyfriend, friends and church. But, these long days in quarantine have made me realize something.

It could be much, much worst.

I once had someone tell me that they hate viewing their problems like that. They felt that it invalidates the problem, and puts a significance on other people’s problems vs. your own. But, I don’t see it that way at all. In fact, I think it may be one of the easiest ways to count all your blessings. I could be somewhere, homeless, and without my lovable, annoying ass family. I could just as easily be in poverty, struggling without the wisdom and help from the people I love most. Hell, I could have the rona. I could be pregnant and trying to support a family. At my age, that’s what my mama was doing. She had it hard as hell and broke her back trying to work and do school, and make ends meet all while being pregnant with my sister. I don’t have those problems, and, well, I wouldn’t exactly pray to. If I don’t like the way I’m being treated at a job, I don’t have to work it. I have so many options and it makes my future brighter than it’s ever been. The curve of the virus is flattening, when in reality, it could be hitting us much harder than it has been. When it’s all over, I can travel like crazy, I can see the world with the people I love. I can go on those mini-adventures again. I can hug again. I can live my life again.

But, for now, I’m quarantined in a warm house, with so much to do, so many hobbies to explore. All of my loved-ones, even the ones that have been a bit estranged since before the virus, have reached out to me. I’ve heard from family I haven’t seen, let alone, spoken to in years. From indoors, I’ve made new friends and even re-connected with some old ones. All my relationships grew in strength: platonic, romantic, and most importantly, the one I have with God.

The scariest thing is that I could just as easily be estranged from Him. I’m privileged enough to know Him more than I ever have my entire life. I’m privileged to have a computer and still attend virtual church, and have the room and space to take notes when it feels like a message is hand-made for me. He’s been there for me through the entire ride, and, I could just as simply be someone who considered myself far from him. I guess you could say I’m eternally lucky.

If you read this and asked yourself, “Is she finally getting to the point?” You’re right! I am.

Here’s what I’ve decided to do:

On the days where my anxiety is really hitting me, where I’m stressed and it feels like self-isolation and lockdowns have no end -- when I’m sad, or I feel trapped. I’m gonna give myself a moment to feel it. Let out every emotion, ground, do what I need to do to re-stabilize myself and re-center what’s most important. I’m gonna count every blessing I listed, and the bountiful ones I have pouring in. I’m gonna recognize that they’re never-ending, and God’s got me.

Then, I’m gonna fake it.

I’m gonna crank my music up as loud as my room can stand it, I’m gonna dance like an idiot. I’m gonna bake cookies, and make corny Tik-Toks. I’m gonna sing as if I’m not tone-deaf. I’m gonna look at memes. I’m gonna run around with my dogs, dive into a pile of my pillows and blankets, and really cherish that long stroll to the mailbox. I’m gonna worship God, and do everything in my power that would and could make me happy. I’m gonna smile and laugh until it physically hurts. If that happiness isn’t there, even for just a moment, I’m going to fake it until it is.

After feeling it all out, I’ll realize that it could be so much worst. I’ll realize that I’m lucky for every last thing, and person I have come across. And, if that doesn’t make me happy enough, I’ll have to fake that happiness for a little bit, at least until I make it there on my own.

If COVID-19 has taught me anything at all, it’s how fragile life is. How easily it can be taken away, and taken for granted. With that being said, maybe we shouldn’t spend so much of this time being negative, or counting all those things that went wrong. Maybe we could spend that same energy counting the things that went right, every blessing we’ve encountered. Perhaps we could even spend some of that same energy faking it. Faking it until we get to the point where we don’t have to anymore.

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