Willow: The Minoans created mosaics that have lasted for over 4,000 years. What are you even doing with your life, you lazy piece of shit.
Emerald: I’m sorry you got offended when I called you a douche; I got offended when you acted like one.
Whitley: why’s it called “real estate” did fake estate used to be a problem. uh oh I bought a house in narnia again :((
Glynda: I like to ignore the real world by never checking my email, or my voicemail, or my mail-mail.
You could say I’m anti-mail
Nora: So are Bigfoot’s feet big because HE’S big? Or are they just unusually large in relation to his body size
Coco: i really just want a gang of black and tan dogs
Jaune: On tonight’s menu we have meatloaf, mashed potatoes and fried cabbage. If you’re coming over, bring your dog.
Willow: When I say I’m as sober as a judge I mean Paula Abdul.
Ren: Even as a small child, I remember dreaming of becoming a sit-down comedian on the internet one day.
Clover: I’m sorry I blurted out “Miss Jackson if you’re nasty.” when you told me your mom’s name is Janis Jackson.
Cinder: I’m making a pot roast but you have to eat my ass first.
Cinder: I’m not proud of it but when I was single sometimes I’d get drunk, go to the record store and wake up next to a strange CD the next morning.
Oscar: you gotta realize if youre a roach or any kind of bug its already game over for your ass. you look like a little pice of poop walking around
“I have actively tried to buy things to get myself haunted, so far it hasn’t worked.”
Glynda: I feel like I’ve lost brain cells after those little brats made a mockery of my entire career
Cinder: Look on the bright side, you’re not the first genius to do something dumb
Glynda: Are you saying teaching is dumb? I thought I’d be enriching their lives, they’re enriching my vocabulary. Do you know what a “Dirty Sanchez” is?
Cinder: I’m not saying teaching is dumb but your big ideas about educating the next generation and all that horse shit about instilling a love of learning… definitely
Glynda: I went to university for this! I’m not dumb!
Cinder: You know who else was really smart but did something dumb?
Glynda: who then?
Cinder: Thomas Edison! He electrocuted an elephant. Actually that’s pretty fuckin smart tbh. You should definitely electrocute that smart mouth Jupiter Vasilias as a warning, he’s got a bunch of little brothers and a sister and you’ll end up having to teach them all at some point.
Elm: I’d never go on a dating website.
I believe in meeting guys the old fashioned way, hitchhiking.
Ruby: Keep your friends close an your enemies out of shape and chunky, so if you’re ever chased by a Bear it’ll catch em an eat em.
Jaune: HOW are avocados only ripe for 32 seconds max who decided that
i joined Michael’s twitch stream today *just* before he ended it and he said he’s going to taco bell so his last line was
“i’m gonna live mas babey”
and i stan
Raven: Fuck you Squidward with your nice ass house, you’re a fast food cashier everyone knows you’re slinging powder you skinny dickhead.