#SOLITUDE 39

[madewithonerib]

2.] Contemplate Message From GOD

Then contemplation is basically go live your life but go live your life shaped by the reflections & meditations—that you've done from the day

And for a while you know, at least for me, it took time—it kind of felt like go through the steps but you know after a while of doing it. [5:13]

     It just becomes a pretty sometimes even      brief—but meaningful practice of a daily      prayerful engagement with Scripture &      I'm certain that this is exactly the kind of      thing that JESUS is doing & it's precisely      the kind of thing JESUS called HIS      followers to be doing

It's this meditating, it's hagaying on the Scriptures —not to learn something & not just to tell GOD what I need, but to stop & focus & not feel the need to have to do or say anything.

But just reflect on the Scriptures & how they lead me in to this 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗚𝗢𝗗 WHO is the SAVIOUR of us—How do you gain the motivation to see that I need this & it's not just a matter of like feeling guilty, or like JESUS did it so I need to do it

   •  It's about a change of my desires & affections    •  It's about me coming to actually believe that       I can't live adequately — if I don't have this       practice in my life.

I need it & I want it—so I'm going to focus in on it & say no to other things that are going to get in the way of that; & what/how do you get there?

2.1] The Way Forward

Let me let me share with you one way that has gotten me there over the last few years. Turn to Luke 22 with me. This is the last moment of JESUS's private prayer that's mentioned in the Gospel of Luke.

We looked at a whole bunch already but in Luke 22 just where it begins with Judas going out to betray JESUS & get the soldiers & hire them.

Most of Luke 22 is the Last Supper

It's the last Passover meal between JESUS & HIS followers, the meal concludes and they leave.

Luke 22:39 | ³⁹ JESUS went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, & the Disciples followed HIM.

On reaching the place HE said to them:

     Pray so you'll not fall into temptation

JESUS knows that within 12 hours, HE's going to be hanging on the Roman cross, & HE says pray the moment of decision the ultimate moment of decision your allegiance to ME is coming..

     Pray that you don't fall & then HE      withdrew as HE always did about      a stone's throw beyond them

HE knelt down & HE prayed

FATHER if YOU are willing take this cup from ME—yet not MY will but YOURS be done

This is the moment of agonized solitude, an Angel from Heaven appeared to HIM, strengthening HIM —being in anguish HE prayed more earnestly

   •  HIS sweat was like drops of blood falling to       the ground when HE rose from prayer HE       went back to the Disciples

      & HE finds them doing what?       So JESUS is utterly alone now, HE has only       the FATHER's Presence with HIM that HE's       aware of—but HE's in utter solitude even       tho HE has this circle of Disciples around       HIM; they're exhausted from sorrow & so

Here you have this last moment of JESUS's prayer life —at least this side of the Cross & resurrection & it's a moment where HIS solitude.

   •  HE actually wasn't trying to be alone    •  HE went a stone's throw away

But the whole point is that they would be with HIM in mutual support—& HE finds HIMSELF completely isolated, only the presence of the FATHER

   That HE's wrestling with in an agonized prayer    the last moments of JESUS right where HE had    HIS will to do what HE thought HE should be    doing—were moments of solitary prayer

But they were also moments of abandonment of those who were closest to HIM—& this to me, this is profound because in a way solitude choosing to cut yourself off from any input & relationship

   •  as a part of your regular practice    •  that's a form of self-denial

************************************************************* So for some of us it's very difficult to do this, & it's a form of death almost—it's cutting yourself off, so you identify with JESUS & HIS final moment of solitude & so JESUS goes into this moment of solitude *************************************************************

     in agonizing prayer because HE knows that      the cross is ahead of HIM, this is a moment      where HE's going to absorb into HIMSELF      cumulative effects & HIS & the FATHER's      OWN judgment on human failure & sin &      selfishness in HIS OWN death on the cross

And it's this moment of agonizing solitude—why did HE go & do that? The witness of all of NT Scriptures is that HE did that as an act of love for you & for me.

     JESUS went into the moment of complete      abandonment and solitude precisely as an      act of love & commitment to those who      would look to HIM in faith.

     So that in their moment of solitude & death      they would have the promise of never being      abandoned.

So in these acts of solitude, that we place ourselves into—it's a pure response to the ONE WHO is comp- letely abandoned & isolated for me & my behalf as an act of love.

************************************************************* And in my better moments—which aren't that many — my heart is melted into a desire to want to be in solitude with my SAVIOUR. *************************************************************

That's how I get there.

I don't know how you need to get there.

But it seems to me that it's only going to happen when we see that we need this practice.

We need it in our lives to actually fully function as as human beings & as followers of JESUS.

Meditation and Solitude P1,2 | Tim Mackie [Psalm 1:2]

#Luke 22 #Luke 22:39 #Luke 22:40 #Meditation and Solitude #identify with JESUS #form of death #Solitude #Meditation #agonizing prayer #prayer #agonize #moment of solitude

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Promises

Summary: When you wake up to find your house quiet, your first reaction is panic. But after you find Javi and learn what he has planned for you this morning, your mood becomes a whole lot better.

Pairing: Dad!Javi x Wife!reader (Reader's nickname is Osita, no use of y/n)

Word Count: 4.1K (Y'all I wrote this in like a few hours I was feeling some typa way)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (don't do this pls but also they want another baby), vaginal fingering, oral (f receiving) creampie, cum play (ig??), praise kink, the biggest, fattest, nastiest breeding kink (... Don't look at me), ass slapping (but affectionately), mentions of body insecurity post pregnancy, Javi being the biggest menace of all time (this man has a MOUTH on him, lawd have mercy), Javi being the best husband and literally being so in love, it's honestly sickening, Chucho patiently waiting for his next grandchild 9 months from now LMAO

A/N: ... Hey... I'm gonna need all of you to not look at me for the next 7-10 business days after this one.... I'm not sure what's in the water over here, but uh... Yeah. I'll leave it at that. Thanks to @endlessthxxghts for letting me share my horny thots about our favorite dad, sorry for waking up on the feral side of the bed this morning 🥴

Part of the Forever and Always Series!

It was quiet. 

Way too quiet. 

You couldn’t remember a time in the past 5 years where you had woken up to the house being so silent. 

No TV, no commotion, no little squeals and giggles from your girls waiting impatiently for you to get up and out of bed, and if you weren’t already confused enough, you rolled over to be greeted by the empty space where your husband should have been, the usual warmth left radiating after he had gotten out of bed before you long gone. 

But the real kicker was that when you turned back over again to peek at the flashing numbers of your alarm clock, your eyes went wide at a number that you hadn’t seen since well before kids. 

10:39 A.M. 

“Jesus Christ…” You whispered to yourself, frantically rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and tossing the comforter off of your body before scrambling out of bed in distress, as your brain pieced together the worst sort of panicked puzzle as to why it was so late, so quiet, and Javi was nowhere to be found. 

You pushed open the bedroom door, peeking into the hallway, just as ghostly and empty as you had suspected, each of your daughter’s bedroom doors wide open with neither of them in sight.  Rushing back down the hall towards your stairs before stopping in front of Javi’s office, you paused your search at the sound of familiar, muffled humming coming from behind the door. 

Pushing it open, you were shocked to see the image of your husband sitting at his desk, leaning back in his seat with a book in his hand and feet propped up against the wooden surface, quietly humming to himself as he turned a page, seeming completely unbothered by his solitude. As the door creaked open further, it caught Javi’s attention, peeking up from over his book with a smile on his face as he dogeared his current page, pushing himself out of his chair to walk towards you. 

“Wow, look who’s up! I was gonna give you ‘til 11:00 before I really started to get worried. How’d you sleep, Hermosa?” He cooed, wrapping his arms around you to pull you in for a hug, pressing a soft kiss into the sleepy tangles of your hair, gently cupping your face and forcing your worried gaze up towards him. 

“Javi, what’s- what’s going on? Where are the girls? Is everything ok-” Before you could finish the rest of your thought, Javi’s lips were pressed against yours, the familiar bitterness of black coffee and minty gum still lingering in his mouth as he caught the rest of your sentence with his kiss, the hand cupping your cheek now letting his thumb swipe gently across your soft skin. 

“Relájete, mi amor (relax, my love)” Javi laughed, pressing another kiss onto your forehead, smiling down at you, “I know how tired you’ve been the past couple of weeks, and rightfully so. You take such good care of our girls- you are the most incredible mom to them, but it’s only fair that you deserve a break every once and a while, too. So,” he smirked, tightening his grip around your waist, letting his hand creep slowly towards your ass, “I asked my dad last night if I could drop Lucy and Elliot off with him this morning so we could have a day just the two of us. He’s more than happy to keep ‘em for as long as we want, so I figured I'd take him up on the offer and I can get some time alone with my beautiful wife to help her relax and show her how much I appreciate her.” 

You could the anxiety and worry instantly wash away from your body, the fear that had been consuming you since you had woken up now replaced by excited butterflies swirling in your stomach, heat creeping through your cheeks as you smiled back up at him, tears welling in your eyes in appreciation for how goddamn lucky you were to have someone who cared about you as much as Javi did. 

“Thank you.” You whispered, biting at the inside of your lip to try and keep yourself from crying, Javi immediately tilting your chin up towards him in response, softly swiping away the wetness pooling in your eyes. 

“Hermosa…” He cooed, looking you up and down with an empathetic smirk, brushing a stray piece of hair from your bed head out of your face, tucking it behind your ear, “It’s the least I could do. Now, why don’t you go get back into bed. I picked up a breakfast sandwich and coffee for you from Leo’s on the way back from Pop’s place, figured you might be hungry, considering you slept until almost lunch time. And after you finish eating,” He rasped, leaning his head down to nip at your neck, the hot words of his breath dancing against your skin, the shift in his tone instantly sparking a fire in your core, “I think I might be feeling hungry, too.” 

“You are a menace, I hope you know that.” You sighed, trying with every ounce in you to keep your composure, the tickle from Javi’s mustache at least providing some relief from the tension as you burst out into giggles, Javi playing along by digging his fingers into your hips, running his hands along your sides until you had exploded into a fit of laughter, flailing and squirming in his broad grasp. “Stop it, you meanie! You can’t just promise me food and sex and then hold me hostage like this!” 

Finally releasing you, Javi grabbed your face to pull you in for another kiss, this one slow and tender, an electric energy pulsing between the two of you as your lips brushed against one another, only pulling away after Javi’s hand planted a loving smack on your ass, making you squeal in surprise. 

“Go get your ass back in bed, Osita. I’ll be back in a second with breakfast.” 

“Okay.” You giggled, turning back on your heels out the door, but not before turning back around to peek your head through the doorway with a sneaky grin on your face. “And you’ll also be back with sex?” 

“Baby, you have no fucking idea.” 

As you jumped back into bed, tucking yourself back into your sheets, it wasn’t long before Javi was back in your room with the first part of his promised bargain- Your favorite breakfast sandwich and an extra large coffee, grinning in delight as he passed both over to you before settling next to you, wrapping your arm around your shoulder as you demolished the better part of your food. 

“Oh my god, I haven’t had one of these in so long. God, I love you so much.” You sighed, taking another bite of your breakfast as Javi laughed at the ferocity at which your sandwich had disappeared. “I bet the image of this is really doing a lot turn you on for the second half of your promise. If I would have known, I would have at least put on cuter pajamas.” You snickered, gesturing down to your nearly finished food and Javi’s worn, oversized shirt and boxers you still had draped over your body. 

“Shut up. You know I think you look sexy in anything. I love seeing you in my clothes. Drives me fucking crazy. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.” Javi smirked, rubbing his hand along your thigh, his thumb rubbing soft circles into your skin. 

“You just like it when I don’t wear a bra.” You snorted, rolling your eyes at Javi as you crumpled up the wrapper of your finished sandwich, setting it on your nightstand before rolling over to rest your head on Javi’s chest, draping one of your arms across his stomach. “You’re sweet, Jav. Sexy in anything seems like a bit of a stretch, there’s about half my closest I refuse to make eye contact with after having Elliot.”

You let out a quiet sigh, trying to hide the frown pursed between your lips, thinking about how much your body had changed since the first time you had ever worn Javi’s clothes all those years ago. Two kids and lots of time later, you couldn’t help feel a little self conscious about how different you looked from when the two of you had first met. And even though Javi said it to you all the time, it was much easier said than done to always believe it yourself. 

“Hey…” Javi replied softly, looking down at you with a frown on his own face, “Osita, you know I’m being serious, right?” 

“Well, you’re my husband, you kind of have to be.” You huffed, half forcing your laughter as you immediately began to feel yourself become more and more conscious of your weight laying on top of him, almost trying to shift yourself away before Javi’s hand was wrapped around your back, pulling you over to lay completely on top of him and forcing you to look at his serious expression. 

“Out of all the women in the world, you are the only one I ever want. You are just as beautiful, if not even more beautiful than the day I first met you, you know why? Because your beautiful body that I love every fucking inch of has grown and carried our daughters. You’ve made me a dad, you’ve given us a family, you are the most incredible wife and mom I could ever imagine. Baby, if that’s not the fucking sexiest thing, then I don’t know what to tell you.” You could feel the warmth blooming in your chest as Javi looked up at you with his sweet brown eyes, his hands roaming down the sides of your body until his fingers were digging into your hips and ass, kneading the soft flesh in his grasp. “Promise me.” 

“Promise you what?” You whispered, an ache beginning to grow between your legs as you could feel Javi’s bulge hardening beneath you, his hands roaming relentlessly around your body, making it hard for you to even think straight. 

“Promise me,” He paused, nipping at your neck, the bridge of his nose dragging along the side of your face until his mouth was ghosting over your ear, his words dancing against your skin, “Promise me that you believe me. That I think that you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. That I know you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. That I love your body so fucking much, that I wanna put another baby into it.”  

His last sentence had your heart literally skipping a beat, a quiet moan escaping from your lips as Javi carefully rolled your body off of his, flipping you onto your back and caging you under his broadness, planting hot, wet kisses down your neck as his fingers toyed with the hem of your shirt, his hands creeping below the fabric to palm at your breasts, rolling your pebbled nipples between his fingers as he waited for your response. Unfortunately, the best you could muster was a soft gasp of his name. 

“Fuck… Javi.” 

“That what you want, Hermosa? For me to fuck another baby into you, huh?” 

Javi knew it was exactly what you wanted, the two of you agreeing you were going to try for a third a few weeks ago, considering he was almost more ecstatic at the thought of growing your family than you were, and that the thought of knocking you up was something that made both of you absolutely insatiable. 

With the wet patch in your underwear growing damper and damper by the second, you barely had enough power in your brain to respond, especially now that Javi had pulled your shirt over your head, letting his kisses travel down your collarbone, chest, and now to your breasts, taking the nipples that he had been toying with between his fingers into his mouth, his tongue flicking and sucking at the harden buds as your moans began to grow like the fire in your belly. 

“Yes, oh fuck- yes. I want you to fuck another baby into me, Javi. Please.” You whimpered, your body squirming under his touch as he let his kisses drift down your stomach and hips, his fingers hooking over your shorts to pull them down off your legs, gently nudging them to fall open for him as he nestled himself between, admiring the wet, aching mess you had already become. 

“Then you have to promise me,” He smirked, draping each of your legs over his shoulders as he brought his face to your soaking heat, gently kissing your clit and letting the strong bridge of his nose ghost over your folds, “You have to promise me that you believe me. That you believe that you’re the most fucking beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Then, I’ll fuck another baby into you, okay? Can you do that for me, Momma?” 

“I- I- pr-promise.” Your voice trembled, ragged with want and desperation as Javi’s mouth hovered painstakingly still over your cunt, waiting for you to fulfill your promise so he could fill you with his. 

“There’s my good girl.” He cooed, feeling his smug smile bury itself into your pussy, letting a long, broad stroke of his tongue drag through your folds, the satisfying sensation making you shutter, your hips instinctively bucking towards Javi’s face as his grip around your legs tightened to hold you in place. His tongue languidly dragged across your cunt, slowly circling around your clit, soaking up the juices of your arousal that had been pooling between your legs, drinking up every single last drop. 

He let the presses of his tongue become firmer and more focused as he unhooked one of his arms, snaking his arm between your legs to gently press two fingers into your soaking entrance, easily sliding through your slick to curl against the soft spot inside you that had you relentlessly crying out his name. 

You couldn’t help but feel your bottom half squirm against your sheets, reaching down to tug at the dark curls of Javi’s hair, trying to find any sort of relief to keep from being a loud, moaning and whimpering mess as his tongue worked along your cunt, lapping you up like a man starved. His mouth latched along your clit, sucking at your sensitive bundle of nerves as his fingers pumped inside you, making the tingle at the base of your spine already begin to build in a needy desperation. 

“Javi, holy fuck- oh my god baby, don’t stop, please don’t stop.” You whimpered, somehow managing to keep your voice just above a whisper as Javi pulled away to respond, still holding a steady pace with his hand as he felt your pussy start to flutter around his fingers. 

“I’ve got you, Hermosa. Want you to soak my face before I feel you cum again around my cock. Give it to me, baby. Cum all over me before I fucking fill you up.”

With that, he was back between your legs, relentlessly working along your heat with his mouth as the coil in your belly wound so tightly, you were on the brink of snapping. 

“Javi, Javi, Javi, oh shit- Fuck, fuck, I’m gonnaahhhhhhhhh.” 

It was barely seconds before your orgasm flooded through your body, pleasure spreading through every inch of you as you clenched around Javi’s fingers, soaking his hand and face with your arousal as you came, screaming out his name as you reached your high. 

That’s it, Hermosa.” Javi smirked, squeezing his hand into the meat of your thigh as you rode out your orgasm, still slowly fucking you with his fingers as you came undone around them, your cunt clamping down on the delicious curve of his digits. Javi peeked his head back up as your breathing began to even out, your chest rising and falling in satisfaction as his kisses began to travel back up your body, stopping at your neck to take extra time to nip along your jawline, his teeth tugging at your earlobe as his voice rasped against your skin. 

“Such a good girl for me, Osita. So fucking wet. Fuck, I need to feel you, baby.” 

Before you even had time to catch your breath, Javi had his arms wrapped around your waist, flipping you over on to your stomach, dragging his hands down your back, stopping at your ass to grab a handful of the plump flesh and smack it, nudging your legs to spread open for him wider, pushing them out with his own. 

Javi worked behind you quickly and methodically, shedding himself of all of his clothes to free his painfully hard cock from his boxers, leaking with precum from the minute he had thought of the prospect of putting another baby in you. 

He stroked himself a few times, using his other hand to swipe through your folds, coating his fingers in your slick before wrapping them around his cock, now shiny with your arousal as he lined up with your entrance, filling you up inch by inch, almost painfully slowly, until he had bottomed out inside you, his hips flushed against your ass, letting you adjust to the sweet sting of his stretch. 

“Javi… Move, baby, please. I need to feel yo- Oh fuck!” You whimpered, your words drowned out by your moans as Javi had pulled himself out, only to thrust his whole length back into, gritting his teeth while a groan rumbled deep in his chest, draping his body over yours, burying one of his hands in your hair, gently tugging at the ends as he whispered into your ear, keeping his slow and meticulous pace. 

“You wanna feel me too, sweet girl? Wanna feel me fill you up when I fuck every last drop into you? Fuck myself so deep inside you it’ll fucking take? That what you want, baby?” 

“Yes, fuck, fuck, yes, please. Fuck, I want you fuck a baby into me, Javi. I wanna make you a Daddy again.” 

Another deep moan feel from Javi’s lips, scooping his hand under you to sit in his lap, your back flushed against his chest, one hand palming at your breast, the other wrapped around your waist, holding you in place as his pace began to increase, just enough to hear the wetness between the two of you with each thrust of his hips. 

You couldn’t help but let your bottom half grind deeper into each stroke, pushing yourself further and further down onto his cock, the sweet stretch of his fullness making your eyes nearly roll into the back of your head, the wanton moans and whimpers babbling from your mouth almost as lewd as the sounds your bodies made as they melded into one another as you let him take everything you had to give. 

“Fuck me- That’s what you want, Momma? Fuck, I can’t wait to get you pregnant. See how beautiful you look carrying our baby again. Let everyone know you’re fucking mine with our baby growning inside you.” Letting his hand shift from your breast, he began sliding it up your chest, wrapping it around your jaw to tilt your head over your shoulder towards him, staring into his deep brown eyes before engulfing your lips in a long, wet kiss, your mouths becoming a tangled mess of tongue and teeth without ever relenting his pace. 

His other hand dipped between your legs to circle your clit, still sensitive and swollen from your first orgasm, now throbbing even harder from his touch and feeling the heat beginning to bloom in  your belly as you felt your second high begin to approach. 

Javi knew just as well as you did that you were close to cumming again, feeling your pussy begin to flutter around his cock as his hips slapped against yours, breaking from your kiss to tug your earlobe between his teeth.

“Give me one more, Osita. Cum all over my cock and I’ll fill you up. Fill up this pretty little pussy ‘til she’s fucking stuffed and it’s got no choice but to fucking take and I knock you up.” 

“You promise?” You whispered, your breath shaky and legs trembling as Javi rubbed tighter, faster circles around your clit, still cradling your jaw to force your gaze on him. 

“I promise, baby. I fucking promise.” 

Almost instantly, you could feel the coil that had been winding tighter and tighter in your core suddenly began to snap, screaming out Javi’s name as you felt your second orgasm crash through you, consuming every inch of your body in euphoria, feeling like you had turned to Jello, the only thing keeping you up being Javi’s firm grasp around you. 

“That’s it, sweet girl. That’s it. Fuck, I’m close too, baby.” He mewled, his pace becoming frantic and sloppy as he held you up, fucking you through your high with reckless abandon, wanting to, no needing, to make sure he made good on his promise- that in 9 months from now, you’d have one more member in your family. 

Even though you were barely hanging on by a thread, you could feel Javi’s grip tightening around your jaw, tilting it back towards him, the firm pressure cupping your face enough to force your eyes open to meet the wrecked and ragged expression plastered across his face. 

“Eyes on me, Hermosa. Fuck, I need to- mierda- need to see that pretty face when I fuck you full of me. God, I love you so much, I love you so-ahhhhhhh, fuck.” It was then Javi’s turn to follow suit, only needing a few more pumps before he thrusted up once more, keeping himself buried deep inside your cunt as hot ropes of his spend covered your walls, making sure to milk himself of every last drop before even thinking of pulling out. 

Holding you in place still sitting on his cock, you could feel the mixture of the two of you beginning to drip down your thighs, prompting Javi to gently ease you off of him, letting your back hit the bed as carefully lifted your hips to slip one of the pillows underneath your bottom half, briefly admiring the wet mess between your legs before taking two fingers and collecting the arousal that had leaked from your cunt, attentively dragging it up your thighs and pushing it back into your heat, making you gasp at the sensation. 

“Gonna keep you full of me all day, sweet girl. Gotta make good on my promise.” He smirked, leaning down to pepper soft kisses to the inside of your thighs before slowly making his way back up your body, stopping at your lips for another tender kiss. 

“Given what just happened, I think you’re trying to kill me before you can make good on that promise, Jav. Jesus Christ.” You sighed, your voice riddled with breathy giggles as you playfully nudged your husband, now lying next to you, pulling you in to rest against the warmth of his bare chest. “You think Peña number 3 is gonna make an appearance soon?” 

“Like I said, mi amor, promise is a promise.” He smirked, boyish grin plastered across his face as he laid your hand across your stomach, gently rubbing it back and forth across your skin. “Plus, I think the girls will be thrilled to have another sister.” 

“Sister, huh? We don’t even know if there’s a baby in there yet you dork, let alone what it’s gonna be.” You snickered, rolling your eyes at Javi. 

“Been right about the other two. I’ll bet you all the breakfast sandwiches you want that it is.” 

“You’re absolutely ridiculous, I hope you know that. Thank you for this morning, Jav. The girls and I are so lucky to have you. I love you so much.” You sighed contently, smiling into Javi’s soft skin. 

“I love you too, Hermosa. All of you are the best things that have ever happened to me. All of my girls.” He winked, gently squeezing the curves of your belly, gesturing towards the daughter he proudly assumed he would be meeting in 9 months. 

“Well, all of us, or your new son and my unlimited amount of breakfast sandwiches.” you snickered, “When did your dad need us to go pick up the girls? We probably owe him a few breakfast sandwiches for watching the gremlins on such short notice.” 

“He said any time later today. Which means…” He smiled, caging his body over yours once again, as much time as we need to make sure that I win our bet.” 

“Game on, Peña.”

Taglist: @cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadress @milly-louise @jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @mandoisapunk @msmorningstaarr @amyispxnk @honeyedmiller @mountainsandmayhem @picketniffler @burningnerdchild @copperhalfcent @pedr0swh0r3

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[sugar-grigri]

This chapter confirms that Fake!CSM is the CSM Devil

According to me, according to me, according to me!!! Fujimoto will surely trample this theory but that doesn't stop a little effort of interpretation is always fun

Fujimoto's writing (I'm beginning to understand the character) consists of references, whether to previous chapters or the use of symbolism. Several draw through this part 2, I had evoked the one of the cat, there is also... the birds and the dawn.

You will see that all this has a link with Fake!CSM and proves to me that he is indeed the CSM demon. When he mentioned the sunrise, it automatically reminded me of chapter 111 when Yuko died.

Fujimoto wanted to emphasize the time of day, the morning... without any of our dear characters being awake yet: the dawn marked by the awakening and the singing of the day birds. Fake! CSM appeared at this moment to attack Yuko in order to decapitate her

Now let's think by symbolism.

The bird symbolizes social cohesion at the moment, tying in with others. It was initiated by Bucky, whom Asa hates not for his demonic nature but because he was appreciated by all. Bucky that she continues to crush whether it is when she makes an immoral choice, or when she closes herself in solitude: her nightmare, the social rejection. This is logical since, after the death of this mascot, Asa was harassed.

In the chapter of Yuko's death, there is a preponderance of birds surrounding her, symbolizing the fact that she still has a link with Asa whom she has just left. But these birds might have a connection to Fake! CSM as well.

According to the CSM Devil theory, CSM is as much admired as feared.

This would have given rise to CSM Devil the fake CSM.

There are several points in Chapter 128 that support this theory:

the size of his chainsaws and his size at all. Much larger. As if he was an exacerbated CSM, sublimated in horror.

Given his vocabulary, and his annunciatory manner of address, he also seems to prove a certain intelligence, yet another trait that makes him more powerful over Denji whose contrast is operated by the fact that he wants to take Asa's ass with him. Not to mention the fact that people today may fear Chainsaw Man more than chainsaws per se.

Mostly ironically, the door which is a symbolism that follows Denji enormously is more beautiful, better presented. As if it were his best version in every way, even in terms of the horror that surrounds CSM. An ironic way for Fujimoto to tell us that the trauma will be even worse, and that it evolves. No matter what form it takes.

But why talk about the dawn? What does it have to do with birds? Is he an ally and an enemy?

If Fujimoto refers to the dawn, it is first of all to push to the reading of chapter 111. In this one Yuko confides first of all to Asa: I dreamed of becoming Chainsaw Man! This already inserts the image of following the steps of the hero. To become like him.

Yuko is killed for 2 reasons in my opinion:

Denji in itself had not finished the "job". The goal of a demon is that we fear him because his strength will be proportional. So he has to look invincible.

A reason that can't be conscious: Yuko's impertinence to have taken herself for Chainsaw Man. Her usurper having recalled his rank, by eliminating her.

The birds in chapter 111 would then not only echo the relationship between Asa and Yuko. But would also serve to initiate the theme of social relationships... but para-social. CSM Devil is the result of this fear and paranoia around Chainsaw Man.

And the dawn? Is it simply a symbolism that acts as a hint to the reader as Fujimoto did with the mention of the "bad movies" in chapters 39 and 93? Fujimoto is not content to make the symbolism simply a hint, the dawn must have a meaning. The bad movies foreshadowed the conflict of ideology between Makima and Denji, one wanting their extermination, the other accepting them as a part of existence. Symbolizing the evils of society.

The dawn for me, will be the image that will be associated in itself with CSM Devil. When the dawn submerges, CSM sleeps. The purpose of CSM Devil is not to claim its own existence. It is only meant to act when CSM is inactive, symbolized by sleep.

That's why CSM Devil helps Denji in this chapter. His goal is not to kill or replace Chainsaw Man immediately.

Because he is not Chainsaw Man himself, which is his vector and his reason for being. He's not an enemy, I wouldn't say an ally either, but his interest is that CSM continues to exist.

If I say that he is not an ally it is because I think that in the long term he would like to replace him in order not to depend on him. To devour him, when he has enough strength. And to do that, he has to create fear. And CSM must continue to exist. He is what fuels it. Fake! CSM is a long-term enemy, or a deuteragonist not only of this arc. And that whoever after Asa is another antagonist.

As such, part 1 and part 2 follow each other with the same theme. Love, okay... Relationship with others, okay... But above all: identity.

Who is Chainsaw Man? The teenager that nobody knows in the back? Or the bloodthirsty demon who feeds on fear?

#chainsaw man #csm #csm part 2 #csm 128 #csm spoilers #denji #asa #asa mitaka #yuko #fake chainsaw man #fujimoto #my thoughts

[exsanguidus]

Below is a streamlined compilation of information about Cazador Szarr and the Szarr Spawn. I used this Reddit post and this Tumblr post as references, as well as my own gameplay exploration and deductions.

Baldur's Gate Vampire Masters:

612 - 698: Eravask the Forebear

698 -713: Zholtan Farr the Eviscerator

713 - 888: Madame Tallon the Well-Preserved

888 - 955: The Interregnum (temporary suppression by Lathanderians)

955 - 998: Blaiseuse the Coryphee

998 - 1019: Dykson Nightbinder

1019 - 1019: Failbleur the Fleeting

1019 - 1138: Hideous Gathwycke "Who Knew Not Satiety"

1138 - 1204: Donnela Szarr the Architect

1204 - 1276: Vellioth the Martinet - Cazador's Vampire Master

I. Always dominate. Allow none to be your equal. · Vellioth recalls when Cazador reached out to a former friend. His punishment was to watch as Vellioth drained his friend dry. II. Power comes from solitude. To share with others is to be weak, and to be weak is to fail… and die. · Vellioth recalls when Cazador rebelled against him. Cazador suffered eleven years of impalement… because he failed. III. Act not in haste. A near immortal has time to plan, time to act when others will pay the price of action. · Vellioth recalls Cazador, his lesson learned, killing him in the Rite of Perfect Slaughter. How they both laughed! Vellioth recalls Cazador boiling the flesh from his skull and then, to mock him, clamping his Schooling Scroll in Vellioth's jaws.

1276 - 1492: Cazador Szarr the Avid - Elf - Vampire Lord

I. First, thou shalt not drink of the blood of thinking creatures. II. Second, thou shalt obey me in all things. III. Third, thou shalt not leave my side unless directed. IV. Fourth, thou shalt know that thou art mine.

Note: Kozakuran language (from Kara-Tur) was forbidden for Cazador's Spawns to learn.

Other Vampire Masters:

Mrel Alkam - Vampire Master of Athkatla

Cazador seems to be in a rivalry with this Vampire Lord, based on the letter you can find in Cazador's Corner.

Cazador's Seven Spawn:

Aurelia - Tiefling

Likely the oldest Spawn, due to being one level higher than the rest if you examine her stats.

Astarion Ancunín - Elf

Astarion states he was one of Cazador's first Spawn. Not the first, but one of the first. This implies there was at least one Spawn created before him.

Former Magistrate in Baldur's Gate.

Born 1261 DR. Turned 1300 DR. Kills Cazador in 1492 DR.

Astarion was 15 years old when Cazador killed Vellioth and took over as the Vampire Master of Baldur's Gate. He was 39 when he became a Spawn. Astarion is 231 during the events of the game and when he kills Cazador. This means he had been a Spawn for 192 years during the game.

Petras refers to Astarion as a "runt" and "the runt of the litter" when you find him and Dalyria while playing the origin Astarion run. This ties into my theory that Astarion, despite being one of Cazador's first Spawn, was deemed the Scapegoat within their vampiric family. This also goes into my other theory that all of the Spawn, to some degree, participated in each other's abuse; be it actively, such as how Petras and Astarion seemed to have a mutually verbally abusive relationship, or passively, by simply not speaking up or trying to show too much fondness for one another, as a means to try and gain greater favor with Cazador.

Violet - Elf

States in her diary that she put garlic in Yousen's bed as a prank because he was a "whining runt", which caused him to break out in a rash.

Unsure if she's older or younger than Yousen, despite refering to him as a runt. Astarion is also referred to as a runt by Petras, though its inferred that Astarion is older than Petras.

Leon worried most about Violet harming Victoria, based on his diary.

Yousen - Gnome

Astarion seems to be racist against Gnomes, based on dialogue suggesting he views gnomes as animals and in how he gives backhanded compliments to a gnome Tav.

In Act 1, after he bites Tav, if you tell him to only drink from animals, he asks: "I mean, elves and humans are obviously out, but goblins? Kobolds? Gnomes?"

Astarion expresses distaste at the idea of saving Nere just for the sake of saving the gnome slaves trapped with him, if Tav talks to him and mentions the idea.

It's unknown if Astarion's dislike and dehumanization of gnomes existed before Yousen became a Spawn or if this developed due to consistent negative interactions with Yousen over their centuries being forced to play brothers. Either way, it's him generalizing and discriminating an entire race, and that should still be recognized as problematic.

Dalyria - Elf

Former Physician General to the Parliament of Baldur's Gate.

Believed that vampirism was some sort of blood disorder that could be cured.

Seems to be close to Petras, or at least close enough to actually have a visceral reaction when Astarion puts Petras in the sunlight. This may be because they're close in age, though its unknown if she or Petras is older of the two.

It could be argued she's fairly young due to the fact that, when you play origin Astarion, she seems to genuinely believe that they're all a family. She's far more vocal about the idea of family, telling Astarion "I can't believe you'd turn on us! On your own family!" if he attempts violence towards Petras. This could potentially showcase her naivety and gullibility of being a younger Spawn not yet fully experienced with the full breadth of Cazador's cruelty or her lack of experience truly competing with the other Spawn for her own self-preservation.

Pale Petras - Human

Around 100 years in age, deduced by his dialogue with Dalyria where he states he's had to feed on rats and dogs for 100 years.

Leon Onufrio - Human

Sorcerer. Based on various journals and notes in the palace, Leon was still able to cast magic; deduced by the fact he cast a spell to protect Victoria so as to make attempting to feed from her unappealing to the other Spawn.

Has been a Spawn at least 6 years.

Was the Favored Spawn for 5 out of the recent 6 years. Violet claimed the spot for one year.

Victoria - Human · Child, Daughter of Leon. · Dalyria's journal claims that Victoria is still "pureblood", implying Victoria is still fully Human and not a Dhampir, hence her wanting to use Victoria's blood as a potential cure. Leon's journal also states that Cazador forced Leon to bring Victoria with him to the palace after Leon had been turned, implying she hadn't been turned. · Cazador weaponized her safety as a method to maintain control over Leon. · If you use Speak with Dead on Victoria's body in the guest room, she claims she was an orphaned child who had been lured by Dalyria before she was killed. · Leon's journal reveals he had been making plans with Figaro to disguise and sneak Victoria out of Cazador's clutches. It can be deduced that he succeed and swapped his daughter with the orphan Dalyria had lured, and somehow enchanted or disguised her to look like Victoria.

Amanita Szarr / Lady Incognita

Cazador's niece who was forcibly turned into a vampire. Her entries claim that Cazador personally summoned her.

Her various entries begin in 1477, when she was 13. Astarion was turned in 1300 DR, so he would have been alive during these events and would have been aged 216. Which means this occurred 15 years before the game.

Wrote a journal detailing that the blood diseases Red Thrombosis and Thandals Paroxsym could give a vampire a brief illness if they ingest infected blood. She also states a vampire could train themselves to recognize infected prey by scent before biting them.

Servants:

Antwun Dufay - Chamberlain

Lurianna Sauvage - Werewolf · Lover of Antwun

Godey - Skeleton - Right Hand

Syrin - Human

Greenfern - Wood Half-Elf

Vilhelm - Human

Varderola - Human

Astarion's Named Victims:

Sebastian

Astarion states he was one of his first victims.

Wensleydale

Hapdim

Gondlemead

Likely Astarion's most recent victim, due to being the only Level 1 when you check the prisoners' stats.

Note: Please look at this post that clarifies Larian potentially made an error regarding the dates on his tombstone.

#bg3 spoilers #cw: abuse #cw: trauma #hc ; in one's blood #penned by grim ;

[puppetmaster13u]

One-Word Prompts

Mostly for DC, DCxDP, or DP, but can be used for any sort of fandom or original world as well. Go wild! (Each day has two prompts to choose from, feel free to skip or use something else if you don't like something!)

Day 01: Enigma | Silence

Day 02: Celebrate | Pet

Day 03: Gods | Ghosts

Day 04: Family | Alone

Day 05: Hope | Courage

Day 06: Wings | Nest

Day 07: Levitate | Melody

Day 08: Spectrum | Overwhelmed

Day 09: Fire | Gun

Day 10: Mystery | Birthday

Day 11: Ice | Heat

Day 12: Night | Day

Day 13: Hurt | Brick

Day 14: Picnic | Shadows

Day 15: Gargoyle | Rain

Day 16: Fangs | Claws

Day 17: Cat | Dog

Day 18: High | Beacon

Day 19: Free | Fault

Day 20: Formula | Smile

Day 21: Sand | Leaf

Day 22: Songbird | Glass

Day 23: Home | Friday

Day 24: Lurk | Charm

Day 25: Reflection | Teeth

Day 26: Witness | Haunt

Day 27: Scar | Rest

Day 28: Drive | Safe

Day 29: Picture | Shatter

Day 30: Wish | Forgive

Day 31: Risky | Invite

Day 32: Trust | Dance

Day 33: Focus | Kiss

Day 34: Neglect | Connection

Day 35: Solitude | Bone

Day 36: Cook | Crystal

Day 37: Stare | Clouds

Day 38: Luck | Wander

Day 39: Mimic | Visit

Day 40: Dig | Blade

Day 41: Radio | Friendly

Day 42: Letter | Glasses

Day 43: Slump | Snack

Day 44: Vault | Candy

Day 45: Wreck | Ancient

Day 46: Sweater | Tarot 

Day 47: Circus | Missing 

Day 48: Quarrel | Dance

Day 49: Hug | Cry

Day 50: Disaster | Fireflies

Day 51: Explosion | Injury

Day 52: Meeting | Stars

Day 53: Invisible | Drift

Day 54: Aura | Mind

Day 55: Worry | Guilt

Day 56: Train | Tranquill 

Day 57: Rescue | Enemy

Day 58: Breathless | Wave

Day 59: Glow | Explore

Day 60: Flashlight | Lightning

Day 61: Portal | Alarm

Day 62: Fantasy | Orbit

Day 63: Blue | Compromised 

Day 64: Grave | Stain

Day 65: Friend | Dreams

Day 66: Exhaustion | Loss

Day 67: Love | Present 

Day 68: Chaos | Glitter

Day 69: Rebel | Camp

Day 70: Empty | Beauty 

Day 71: Book | Doodle

Day 72: Solitude | Prophecy

Day 73: Lie | Treasure

Day 74: Lost | Cold

Day 75: Crime | Cut

Day 76: Sick | Haunt

Day 77: Task | Glory

Day 78: Chain | Machine 

Day 79: Shiver | Outlaw

Day 80: Hospital | Fragile

Day 81: Drink | Fight

Day 82: Stiff | Smoke

Day 83: Green | Blood

Day 84: Faith | Vision

Day 85: Whistle | Fog

Day 86: Hide | Window

Day 87: Breath | Crawl

Day 88: Trap | Armor

Day 89: Antidote | Splinter

Day 90: Race | Piano

Day 91: Border | Electrical 

Day 92: Savor | Phantom

Day 93: Evening | Spell

Day 94: Unknown | Chase

Day 95: Hold | Disconnect

Day 96: War | Fall

Day 97: Party | Blood

Day 98: Thrive | Goodbye

Day 99: Mask | Fear

Day 100: Youth | Journey

Bonus Prompts: Street | Angel | Aftermath | Coffee | Ribbon | Candle | Prepare | Snow | Desperate | Nightmare | School

#prompts #100 days challenge #100 day prompts #writing prompts #art prompts #drawing prompts #dailyprompt #batman au #danny phantom #dpxdc #dcxdp #once again can be used for any fandom #dc #dcu #batman

[yujo-nishimura]

The Escape - Part 42 - FIN

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22 - Part 23 - Part 24 - Part 25 - Part 26 - Part 27 - Part 28 - Part 29 - Part 30 - Part 31 - Part 32 - Part 33 - Part 34 - Part 35 - Part 36 - Part 37 - Part 38 - Part 39 - Part 40 - Part 41

Warning: Buggy x fem reader, not proof-read - I am not so happy with the last chapters of this story, but I will still share it with you guys, since you all have kept on reading until now. Thanks. <3

That is the final part, thank you all for reading and sticking around - you are all amazing!

As you stand by the ship's railing, gazing out at the vast expanse of the open sea, a familiar presence interrupts your solitude. Cabaji, holding a glass of wine, joins you, extending a toast with a forgiving smile.

"So, he took on the Straw Hats all by himself?" Cabaji inquires, a hint of amusement and disbelief tinting his voice.

"Absolutely!" you respond, affirming the tale with a smile. You recognize Cabaji as Buggy's trusted right-hand man, probably aware of all the happenings on the ship and beyond.

"I'm glad you're back, Y/n. After Crocodile took you, our Captain was a shadow of his former self. He tried to act nonchalant, as if he had struck a perfect deal, but we all knew the truth. He was suffering from your absence," Cabaji confides, his words laced with genuine concern.

You fall silent, taking a sip of your wine, contemplating Cabaji's admission. The weight of trust and the challenges it poses hang heavy in the air.

"It's difficult to regain trust once it's been broken," you finally respond, your gaze meeting Cabaji's eyes, acknowledging the shared understanding.

"It is indeed," Cabaji agrees, his expression mirroring your sentiment. "And Captain Buggy will likely dedicate the rest of his pirate life to earning back your trust. And probably even try to find the One Piece just for you..” 

A mixture of emotions swirl within you—apprehension, hope, and the lingering pain of past betrayals. Yet, as you stand there, the sea breeze caressing your face, you feel just relief. You had part of your life under control again. You would not let go of this now. 

The two of you stand there, united in your understanding, silently sharing the weight of the journey that lies ahead. The open sea stretches out before you as you silently nip on your wine.

Back at the festivities, music fills the air, carried by the skilled hands and nimble fingers of crew members who have mastered a variety of instruments. The rhythmic melodies entice even the most reserved to sway and dance, their steps guided by the infectious energy of the moment.

As the night progresses, the ship becomes a haven of joy and camaraderie, a sanctuary where burdens are momentarily set aside. Laughter and song intertwine, creating a symphony of celebration that resonates deep within the hearts of those in attendance.

As the night sky blankets the ship in a comforting darkness, Buggy approaches you, taking your hand and sets aside his own and your glass of wine. “Follow me..!”, he whispers and then leads you to a secluded corner, away from prying eyes and the lively festivities that continue to resonate throughout the vessel. Here, in the hushed embrace of solitude, he gently pushes you against the wall of the ship. 

The air is heavy with anticipation as Buggy's hand delicately grazes yours, his touch sending a shiver of warmth down your spine. His gaze, filled with a mix of adoration and vulnerability, seeks solace in the depths of your eyes.

With a tender yet nervous smile, Buggy takes a step closer, closing the distance between you. His voice, barely above a whisper, carries a weight of sincerity as he speaks:

"Y/n, I can't deny the depth of my feelings for you," he murmurs, his voice laced with a mixture of longing and vulnerability. "Every moment we spent apart made me realize just how much you mean to me. You are the anchor that keeps me grounded amidst the chaos of the pirate's life."

You smile: “I hope I am not the kind of anchor that drags you down…”

He laughs gently and shakes his head. “No, never..” 

A gentle breeze rustles through the sails above, intertwining with the beating of your hearts. The world around you seems to fade into insignificance as Buggy's words resonate in the stillness of the night.

"I've made mistakes in the past, hurt you in ways I can never undo," Buggy continues, his voice tinged with remorse. "But I want you to know that I am committed to changing, to becoming the partner you deserve. Loving you is not a burden or a game to me. It is a privilege, an honor that I cherish with every fiber of my being."

His words hang in the air, suspended between you like a fragile bridge. Yet, there is an undeniable sincerity, a raw vulnerability that emanates from Buggy's every word and gesture. This is the first time he has spoken to you like this. You don't even blame the alcohol tonight. You realize it is simply because he had lost you once and was afraid of never being able to meet you again. 

And then, with a trembling yet determined resolve, Buggy leans in, closing the remaining space between you. The world around you fades into obscurity as his lips meet yours, a tender and passionate kiss that speaks volumes of his love and devotion.

In that stolen moment, time stands still, encapsulating the depth of your connection. The weight of his words and the tenderness of his touch affirm the sincerity of his confession. He hasn't been this gentle with you before. You enjoy every second of this new, kind Captain Buggy. 

“So, shall we go to my cabin now and continue with what we had to interrupt earlier? I think no one will notice now when we are gone…” 

As the whispered invitation lingers in the air, Buggy's eyes meet yours, a hint of desire flickering within them. The playful banter between you continues, charged with a mix of anticipation and mutual consent.

A mischievous smile dances upon your lips as you respond, teasingly pushing yourself against his chest. "Take me, but this time it's on my terms. No more decisions against my will," you whisper, the words filled with playful defiance.

Buggy's expression softens, a glimmer of understanding shining in his eyes. "Whatever you wish for," he replies, his voice carrying a hint of reverence.

In a sudden flourish of movement, Buggy detaches his arms, placing them strategically under your knees and behind your back. With a gentle push, he guides you to fall into his waiting embrace, capturing you securely against his chest. Laughter bubbles forth from your lips, knowing full well that he would never allow you to stumble or falter.

As Buggy reattaches his arms, he holds you close, swiftly carrying you towards his cabin. The ship's corridors become a blur as you surrender to the exhilaration of the moment, the rhythm of his steps in perfect synchrony with the pounding of your hearts.

At the threshold of his cabin, Buggy pauses, his hand resting on the doorknob. He turns to face you, a mixture of vulnerability and strength in his gaze. "Last chance to turn back, to live a different life," he murmurs, his voice tinged with a hint of uncertainty.

You meet his gaze, your eyes filled with a newfound sense of liberation and determination. 

"No, Buggy. Today is the first time I truly feel free.” 

#one piece #buggytheclown #buggy the clown x reader #one piece buggy #buggy x reader #buggy x you #long fanfic #long reads #nanowrimo 2023

[codmw2019-2022]

COD MW 2022 - Ghost

Here is Ghost's Original Operator Bio from before Modern Warfare 3 came out. Clip is from ScereBro PSNU, uploaded : 28 October 2022. Link for the YouTube video is below. [Timestamp: 15:33 to 16:39]

//Operator Bio

Name Ghost Citizenship: United Kingdom | Language: English Faction Affliation: SpecGru | Status: Active

Background : Lieutenant Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley is a British special forces operator and a commanding officer in Captain Price’s Task force 141 – A select cadre of unconventional warriors specialising in tactics that exceed routine military capability. Ghost has spent much of his career serving on numerous short-term deployments, executing covert assignments in classified locations. He is an expect in clandestine fieldcraft focused on sabotage, ambushes and infiltration's into denied areas and hazardous environments.

Ghost is a quiet man who rarely wastes or minces words. He is adept and highly successful in executing missions alone. He seeks the “solitude” of inserting into high-threat scenarios with little or no support often thriving and seeking operations with these criteria. Ghost has spent more time behind enemy lines than most. Ghost’s exploits with Captain Price’s Bravo-6 unit are both renowned and yet classified, creating an almost mythological persona despite his reticence. Ghost lives with a redacted past and an undercover present, marked by his…

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod modern warfare #cod mwii #cod mw2 #cod #modern warefare ii #operator bio #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #task force 141 #cod 141 #tf 141 #Youtube

[magicaltear]

How many have you read?

The BBC estimates that most people will only read 6 books out of the 100 listed below. Bold the titles you’ve read.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen 2 Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkein 3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte 4 Harry Potter series 5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee 6 The Bible 7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte 8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell 9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman 10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens 11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott 12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy 13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller 14 Complete Works of Shakespeare 15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier 16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien 17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks 18 Catcher in the Rye - J. D. Salinger 19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffeneger 20 Middlemarch – George Eliot 21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell 22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald 23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens 24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy 25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams 26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh 27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky 28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck 29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll 30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame 31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy 32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens 33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis 34 Emma – Jane Austen 35 Persuasion – Jane Austen 36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis 37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini 38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres 39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden 40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne 41 Animal Farm – George Orwell 42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown 43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez 44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving 45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins 46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery 47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy 48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood 49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding 50 Atonement – Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel 52 Dune – Frank Herbert 53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons 54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen 55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth 56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon 57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens 58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley 59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon 60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez 61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck 62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov 63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt 64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold 65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas 66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac 67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy 68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding 69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie 70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville 71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens 72 Dracula – Bram Stoker 73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett 74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson 75 Ulysses – James Joyce 76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath 77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome 78 Germinal – Emile Zola 79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray 80 Possession – AS Byatt 81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens 82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchel 83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker 84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro 85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert 86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry 87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White 88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom 89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton 91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad 92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery 93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks 94 Watership Down – Richard Adams 95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole 96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute 97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas 98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare 99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl 100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

As found in the original post I saw by @macrolit

My total: 43/100

#tear-chan talks #reading and stuff #damn this is both more and less than I expected haha #this tells me I should probably read more Dickens #also some of these I read in Spanish so...

[lightlycareless]

First, it hurts— Chapter XXXVIII

Naoya Zen’in x Fem!Reader

While arranged marriages are not uncommon in the jujutsu community, it was strange to receive a proposal from none other than the Zen’in’s, nonetheless your clan accepted and before you knew it, you were married off to Naoya.

Your new purpose was clear: to serve and submit, to be seen and not heard. To forget any sense of individuality in favor of obeying your husband.

Will this marriage ever flourish into something else? Will it change…for better or for worse?

Chapter warnings: fluff, angst. Slight infidelity right there with you know who.

A/N: Chapter 41 on ao3 has me super excited please read it :')

Now, without any further ado, happy reading! 🥰

Masterlist ➸ Chapter 39

Ao3 link.

The fourth day would bring the most strenuous morning yet, given how you couldn’t remember when you fell asleep, only that you did and now your body was suffering the consequences.

A sharp pain on the left side of your neck, woken up with your body reclined against the wall, and A foggy recollection of last night's successions was all you needed to realize you passed out due to exhaustion. Not necessarily the way you wanted the morning to begin, but with your ache —so agonizing, that even standing up was a herculean effort— and the imperative need of a bath and a nap, you didn’t complain much.

It’s only after you walked out of Naoya’s bedroom, careful not to wake him up (lucky, at least he was able to get some sleep) soon heading towards your own, did you realize just how early it was. 

Accompanied by nothing but the sounds of the nearby pond, the cold wind rattling the leaves while the sun barely started to set, you were undoubtedly the only living soul wandering across the halls.

As eerie as it was, it felt good—to be in complete solitude after days of being nagged by Naoya’s staff, felt almost like a reward… until bumping into Junko, the only other person who’d haunt the estate at these hours.

How she always managed to look pristine first thing in the morning was a mystery to you… and in character once receiving a distraught greeting upon noticing your disheveled appearance.  

"What… happened to you? " She asks, eyes scrutinizing as if you were a stray cat—from your crooked robe, messy and tangled hair, to the dark circles underneath your eyes… Junko was certainly being nice with her words.

"I spent the night tending to Naoya. He was very sick last night…"

"Did you sleep there?"

"Yeah, I had to, I guess…" you murmured, drowsiness in your voice.

"And did you not think of not parading yourself like that?! You're going to get yourself and everyone else sick!" 

You remain quiet, too tired to care at that point. Junko sighs.

"I presume you're on your way to clean up?"

"...Yes" Nodding, you yawn. "That's the idea…"

"Very well, I won't keep you any longer" she says, preparing herself to leave… until something else crosses her mind. "Y/N. I have a question."

You hum.

"Did anything happen last night?" Even with your exhaustion, you’re still able to feel confused by both her question and somewhat… eager? Tone. 

"Was it supposed to?" You frown, and her scowl quickly makes you understand what she’s referring to. You do your best to hold back your disgust from becoming apparent before responding. "...No."

"Of course not." she murmurs under her breath; you press your lips together. "Very well, carry on."

After a brief exchange of bows, Junko leaves.

Now you definitely needed a shower—wanting to physically scrub away the grossness of her insinuation, wondering what was going through her head to say that?! 

Knowing it won’t go anywhere, you shake the idea out of your head and move on; doing your best to avoid bumping into other familiar faces, or inquisitive ones and whatever unrequited comment they might have.

The longer you kept walking, however, the bigger your desire for a well-deserved bath grew. It was so close, a few moments away from your grasp, you could almost feel the warm water trickling down your skin and easing into your muscles— 

Until fate decides to play you another trick and push you straight into someone else’s court—albeit someone with a bit more prudence than Junko— but still not enough reason to convince you into receiving him… at least, not in this state.

Naoaki had just arrived back home when crossing paths with you. He originally intended to just pick up whatever he needed for work, as undetected as possible, and get out, making this moment nothing but a pure coincidence—although he’d be lying if he didn’t say he was hoping to catch a glimpse of you.

And when he did… oh, was he worried. 

Contrary to Junko, your fatigued appearance could do nothing but evoke empathy from him, for he too lived long days of work, where sleep and food would be scarce, surviving solely out of adrenaline, but even then, he never believed he looked terrible as, well… you . 

Just a few days ago you looked healthy, a bit sad, but overall, in a good state. Now it seems like you were the one out there hunting curses—just what the hell happened while he was gone?

“Y/N—Um… uh, good morning” he’d greet, doing the best to hide his concern. “You… you look—”

“Awful? I know” you sigh. 

«Well, at least she’s aware of it» Naoaki thought, making him feel a bit less guilty for the awkward way he’d reached you.

“I was going to say gorgeous, as always.” He smiles, attempting to lighten up the mood, but you only sigh.

“Yeah, right…” you murmur, playfully smacking him on the shoulder, but with your weakened state, you could only grace him. “Don’t patronize me…”

“What happened?” Naturally, Naoaki had to ask. He was already in the worst state of mind knowing he’d left you behind in this wretched place, so one could only guess his feelings when seeing you like this. 

It always pains him to ask—but he must, even when the notion of something horrible makes his heart hang by a thread, the suspense slowly killing him, he still wants to support you.

He’s only relieved when you finally respond, albeit… with something he didn’t expect.

“...Naoya got sick, and I’ve cared for him ever since.” You explain, he blinks perplexedly.

“Um, what? —What did you just say??”

“That Naoya is sick and that I’ve been taking care of him since then.” you repeat. “It wasn’t my choice but… well, you know how things go here.”

“And is he sick? Or is this another one of his ploys?” Naoaki’s undeniable anger radiates through his voice, and understanding of why he'd react that way… it kind of makes you regret telling him in the first place—what would he think of last night’s advancement?

“No, he is, really. And gravely too; he’s gotten this nasty fever twice already, which was hard to calm down on itself, but it seems he’s much better now, he got some sleep after all.”

“Y/N, don’t tell me you…”

“I had to, or no one else would.” You reminded him. There it goes again, that sense of loneliness coming from Naoya… “But it’s fine, I’m on my way to take a bath and rest a bit before I continue.”

“ Continue? What, having you stay awake throughout the whole night is not enough?” he condemns, clearly repudiating your intervention.

No. You suppose not. Matsuo would remind you in due time. 

“I can’t do much until a doctor discharges him” you explain softly, hoping to ease Naoaki’s nerves a bit. While you were more than moved that he was worried for you, him getting angry was never something you wished to see. “But it wasn’t that bad, really. I got to sleep a bit… And… yeah. That’s it.”

You shrug, Naoaki raises an eyebrow.

“What else happened?”

He reads you like a book, always has, always will—how he manages to do so surprises you. 

Well, there’s no use fighting it now, and once taking a deep breath, you proceed.

“I wish I could tell you more, but for now… I think I managed to convince Naoya of letting me see my family again.”

“What?” To say he was shocked would be an understatement. He was… skeptical , which he’d show very, very soon. “He— what ?”

“I know, it’s… it’s incredible! Isn’t it?” you breathe, unwittingly growing excited. “I still can’t believe it myself but well, he’s been so different these past few days. Maybe it’s his sickness, or something else, I—I don’t know, but it seems like he finally—"

“And you believed him?”

Taken aback by his words, you go silent.

“I—I didn’t see any reason not to… not in that moment anyways.” You eventually murmur, and his hardened gaze makes you feel smaller, if not foolish. 

“Naoya could very well be making false promises to keep you lenient, Y/N” he warns, and the intensity behind his words uncover a side you didn’t want to see, one that makes your heart sink, for he was proposing something that could easily be the truth…

But as terrifying as it was, you still needed to take this opportunity. You needed to see the end of his promise, because maybe, just maybe , Naoya’s change was for good. And you’ll greatly regret it if you let this chance go because of hesitation .

“Might even be faking his sickness for attention for all I know.” He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. “Wouldn’t be the first time…”

“He isn’t—I’ve seen it myself.” you interject, in what would be your first time defending Naoya—how uncanny . “His fever and medicine are no joke… but it does make me wonder why he wasn’t sent to the hospital instead if it’s so bad…”

“My family tends to keep themselves away from civilians as much as possible, something about not wanting to intertwine with… lowlifes—hospitals are no exception.” you frown because Naoaki’s commentary rubs you the wrong way, diminishing your already poor position as a woman… or so that’s how you interpreted it. “That, or because Naoya doesn’t want to go.”

It’s not hard to guess which ones are true considering both offered convincing arguments… but your mind inclines more for the last. And not because hospitals were known as unwelcoming but rather Naoya’s—

“I don’t know—it could be anything.” You say, taking Matsuo’s cautionary explanation as the cause instead.

“Nothing is too safe with him; be careful.” Naoaki insists, and the conversation ends there.

Even with the good intentions you know he has for you, you still couldn’t shake off the sour sensation that perhaps this wasn’t a conversation you should’ve had with him. After all, underneath his good nature Naoaki still held very strong issues towards Naoya, and combining those you shared with him, it might’ve influenced him to see things through different lenses.

Still, you sincerely hoped he would have discerned how special this opportunity was for you, instead of shooting it down as soon as you brought it up…

“Hey—hey, Y/N” Naoaki softly calls as soon as he sees the emotional turmoil you were going through, feeling like absolute garbage for it, and hoping to snap you out of it. “ Y/N ”

Hesitantly, you lift your face up to his, eyebrows lightly pressed, he sighs.

“I didn’t mean to upset you” he apologizes, gently placing his hand over your cheek—you seem to sway away from his touch for a moment, but after feeling its warmth, you instinctively lean in. “I’m just worried that he might do something. That he’s setting you up by using your family as bait”

“... I didn’t think— I don’t— I just thought he—”

“I get it” he says with a smile, gently caressing your face. “There’s no need to fret. If anything, I should be apologizing for my behavior. I knew how much you wanted to see your family, and yet, I acted poorly, pushing away your excitement as if it didn’t even matter.”

“...Thank you” you whisper, placing your hand over his. You knew it was just him worrying, nothing more. “... And, well… it was probably a conversation you didn’t want to have first thing coming home… isn’t it? I didn’t mean to burden you with my own sorrows.”

“Ah, that’s not it. I’m always happy to listen. ” he says, giving you a smirk as he intertwines the fingers on your cheek with yours. “We could be talking about nothing, and I wouldn’t care. As long as I get to see you, that's all that matters to me.”

Your eyes lock with one another, now in absolute silence.

No words flow between the two as Naoaki intently yet gently, continues to admire your eyes, showing his growing affection for you and longing to remain like that, close, for as much as he could.

The longer it goes on, the faster your heartbeat becomes and the hotter your cheeks feel, turning completely red when the gap between the two becomes smaller and smaller.

Your thoughts are completely erratic at this point, only able to hear the poundings of your heart—it’s entrancing, keeping you rooted on the spot, but that would be nothing compared to your trembling lips and burning skin when Naoaki’s hand grabs your chin, slightly tilting your head upwards to him.

Once his intentions become crystal clear, your eyes widen, and like a neon sign, your gaze can’t look away from him.

After so long, Naoaki is finally going to take the next step—he’s going to kiss you.

But even with the excitement and turmoil his actions bring you, you’re still capable of snapping out of trance, returning to reality when remembering the vulnerability you carry as well as the consequences of such an act, swiftly stopping him by placing your hands over his chest and gently pushing him back, looking away from his now confused face.

“N—no, not… here” you whisper, feeling a sharp twinge of regret in your chest for having rejected him, worsening when sensing his sadness. “I—I might get you sick, since… you know, I was with Naoya and you still have to work and I don’t want you to—”

“No, you don’t need to apologize.” he says, intertwining his hands with yours and giving them a soft squeeze of reassurance. “I misjudged the moment—guess the excitement of seeing you again got the best of me.” 

Naoaki chuckles and you look away, embarrassed yet… moved by his confession—ugh, how could you even be sad at him?

“Just promise me something, Y/N” he says, and you glance back at him. “Promise me… that you’ll be careful of Naoya and if necessary, stay away as far as possible.”

“Stay… away?” you repeat slowly, hesitantly. 

“Things are not always what they seem with him, Y/N. I know you trust him right now because he gave you an opportunity . But don’t forget it’s Naoya we’re talking about—and it would hurt me if you were to be reminded the hard way."

As much as you wished to deny it, he was right. Naoya, even with all… this , could still be plotting something against you. After all, a man doesn’t change from one day to the other… or at all.

Yet, you still hoped that wasn’t the case. Prayed , you wouldn’t get hurt again.

“O—ok—I’ll try.” you eventually say, words that albeit far from being completely genuine, were enough to reassure him, with him appreciating your care for his concerns by pressing a quick yet soft kiss on the back of your hand.

Embarrassed yet again by his gestures, you quickly change subjects. "I presume you’re not here for long?"

"You presume correctly. I'm just here to pick up some things and head back out."

"Oh, you must be very busy then…”

"Very. Halloween is just around the corner, after all" Right, the busiest season for sorcerers, after summer. You shouldn’t even bother to ask about your sister, then.

"I won't keep you then if you’re in a hurry."

"You're never a nuisance, Y/N." Naoaki smirks, pinching your left cheek to which you scowl in response, blushing. "I just hope my little mochi doesn’t become grumpy because I haven’t given her much attention.”

"I'm not… like that" you pouted, a face that makes him laugh. "... Don't you have somewhere to be anyway!?"

He laughs once more, and you elbow him, this time however, strong enough to show how irritated you were getting, although it only made him laugh harder.

"Alright, alright…! I get it, I get it!” He chuckles, immediately surrendering by raising his hands, stopping you just before you playfully hit him again. Only when he quiets down do you finally relent. “No need to get all agitated—I’ve learned my lesson now.”

He wishes to poke you a bit more, but once silence begins to settle, he realizes he’d spent much more time with you than he intended, and was now running behind schedule. 

A notion that makes him sigh, for he never, ever liked these instances, less if he were the one to start them.

“Guess it’s time for goodbyes now, Y/N."

You shared the same animosity for departures, and how couldn’t you? Nowadays it seems you can't hold Naoaki for more than a few moments… if ever.

“I guess it is.”

“I promise to see you as soon as I can.” he says, threading a piece of hair behind your ear. “Take care, pretty . See you around, ok?” You nod.

“… See you around.” Naoaki gives your forehead one last kiss, which makes your heart squeeze, before watching him off.

It's the second visit of the morning, and while you were elated to have seen Naoaki, you were not in any better mood. 

Your need to rest just grew keener, to the point where you believe you'll snap if anyone else dares hinder you again.

But of course, fate just had to play that card on you, because just when you were a mere feet away from your room, another presence interrupts your stride, halting you by wrapping their arms around your shoulders and abruptly pulling you towards them.

"Oh, great! What is it now?!" You breathe, with enough fury to fight back whoever stripped this small moment of peace away from you!

But that wouldn't occur as soon as the culprit was revealed. Not only that, but you also grow lax at their sight—and who else can have that effect on you than your staff?

“Y/N, what happened to you?!” A frantic Mariya asks, rattling you on the spot. “Where were you?! What happened?!”

“We didn’t see you in your room so we feared something bad happened!” Hitomi adds in, with Haruko energetically nodding along, the terror in their voices clear as day.

Explaining what happened was to be nothing but an entangle of surprises for them, continuing to shock the more you kept going on about it—and that’s without including the alleged promise Naoya made to you!

But once that was said and done, realizing they had nothing to worry outside a few details here and there, you could finally relax—put your mind to pause and just let them tend to you, starting with a warm bath, a delicious meal, a new change of freshly ironed clothes, and a long overdue nap. 

All things that calmed your exhaustion and aches, kept your mind rightfully busy… but not enough to stop you from divagating to Naoya and the contrasting difference between the two.

When you had gone through nothing more than an all-nighter , something that could easily be fixable with rest, Naoya’s health greatly declined, which if not better by the morning, he would’ve been sent to the hospital.

Yet, you were the one most fretted about, the one everyone searched for as soon as morning came.

… While Naoya remained alone.

As your perception of him continues to shift, your hope for change intensifies.

By the fifth day Naoya’s health had greatly improved: aches were minimal, he was a bit more receptive to his medicine, and finally seemed to be getting sufficient rest.

However, like all things in life, there was one small setback; his voice .

In other words, his infection now settled in his throat, rendering him speechless.

This was something that earned him rather snarky comments from the rest of the estate when it was finally divulged, starting by Naobito who wasted no time letting everyone know how elated he was that his son finally quieted down—the only good thing to come out of his sickness.

But you, on the other hand, failed to find any amusement in his words, finding them to be crude towards his son’s advancement, and disappointed when everything else unfolded. 

When this could've been the perfect moment for a follow-up regarding your family and marriage, Matsuo… “suggested” you to not indulge in conversation. To not force him to speak, essentially.

"How am I to know what he needs?" You ask, at this point, beyond irritated of his antics. 

"Guess—besides, You're his wife, aren't you supposed to know things like this anyways?" He frowns. "I don't see Junko asking Ogi-sama what he wants for breakfast every day."

Excellent, now you’re being compared to her.

"... I'm sorry for asking" trying to move past your resentment, a new day begins.

Approaching Naoya had become an open-minded endeavor, for his condition made him highly unpredictable (as unbelievable as that was), and now that you had something to lose, you didn’t want to take any chances.

But of all things that you were expecting when entering his room, to see him uncomfortable, was not one of them.

The way he intently stares at you as you make way through the door, and without saying a word (not that he could anyways) makes it seem like he’s in deep shock, if not reflecting on something. But what ?

Perhaps now that he wasn’t as in… trance , he was able to realize the eeriness of his past behavior, how out of character it was for him, and all that happened in between…  or at least, that’s what you assumed, because that’s exactly how you felt after seeing him like this. How… embarrassing it had all been, yet, it was needed. You needed to take a chance, and that you did. And not only that, you also went ahead and asked him why he chose you to marry, of all women in the world… because you don't believe Naoya has feelings for you.

Unless…?

You shake your head, removing the idea completely out of your mind.

There was no way to know for certain, and even then, it's not a justification for his behavior.

Just because he gave you a semblance of hope doesn’t mean you’d go rushing to forgive him!

«It’s the bare minimum» You’d remind yourself  «What he’s supposed to do anyways.»

And yet…

“Good morning” you greet, briefly glancing at him before walking over to the kotatsu and placing down your stash of diversion : a small box filled with threads, a pair of scissor and needles, alongside some garments you were tasked to fix—all courtesy of Hitomi who hoped to quicken your time with him through this.

Naoya’s attention, who hasn’t diverted from you the very moment you stepped inside, excited to see you once more, soon falls onto the items. And after a few seconds of curiously watching them from afar, as well as the way you’re getting comfortable by the table instead of engaging in conversation with him, annoyance etches his features.

That’s usually his role , since you’re still… shy , per say, when speaking to him. So when his new disposition hinders him from doing so, frustration is only expected, evident when walking over to your side with a frown on his face.

Upon sensing his looming, menacing presence behind you, you can’t do anything else but tense up, nervously turning around to face him.

“I’m just… going to stitch some things.” you murmur, hands fidgeting with the edge of your sleeves.

No matter how many times you’ve been with him like this, you never get used to it–It’s nerve wracking to say the least, and well justified, oh, but how you wished it didn't hinder you anymore.

Naoya doesn’t respond, instead, he continues to stare at you, dissatisfied as ever— your confidence weakens. 

Is there something wrong? Well, you can't imagine he's happy by his current disposition, but you have orders to follow… and he'll have to deal with them if he wants to get better.

“If you need something just… let me know” you add, slowly diving back to your work. Beyond his unexpected displeasure, you get this feeling of boredom from him, undoubtedly his inability to chatter as he usually does. Thankfully, you were well prepared for it. “There’s um…. Some books your staff brought if you want to read.”

You gesture to the pile nearby—selections curated from Matsuo’s perception of his master.

Naoya doesn’t react to your suggestion, outside of a deeper frown, and it only makes you feel more uncomfortable, like he expected something better.

You did too, but given the circumstances it’ll have to be another time.

“I’ll… continue working… then…” you say, leaving him to his own devices.

How you managed to loop the thread with the needle in one swift movement without crumbling to your nerves is worthy of praise, because Naoya has done nothing but burn holes in the back of your head… taking a turn for the worst when he eventually takes a seat by your side.

Naoya’s undivided attention feels comparable to that of a cat—curiously looking at the object of their interest and subsequently preparing for mischief. By the way your husband grabs one of your tools, beginning with the scissors, thread, and finally the garment per say, that might just be it… 

Of course, that’s not what preoccupied his mind. Yes, he’s intrigued, but mainly on whose clothes are you fixing, instead of why, because these are not his, and it makes him feel very, very jealous.

“I’m fixing some holes” you say when seeing one of his thumbs pass over a rupture. “If that’s what you’re… wondering.”

Not really, now he just wants to know more of the person lucky enough to have your care. You’re here with him, but you’re ignoring him!

“Hitomi just grabs whatever she can and gives them to me for practice.” you continue. “Although it has to pass Junko-san first, since I’m getting better… but she doesn’t trust me with anything outside of simple stitches, says I’m too… careless.”

Naoya raises an eyebrow—he knew his aunt was… difficult, but he never thought it went to that extreme… and he doesn’t like it. Perhaps he can do something about the way he treats you.

“At first I didn’t know whose clothes I work on, but after I think I finally began to recognize some of them—this one is from the kukuru unit, given the texture of the fabric and its worn-out condition.” you refer to the one in your hands “That one might be one from one of your brothers, but I don't know— hey! ”

Just a moment ago you were telling him more of your work, but now, in less than a fraction of a second and within one swift movement, Naoya managed to pull said garment away from your grasp, leaving you startled, deep in disbelief, and with needle and thread in hand.

“What the hell?” you gasp, instinctively reaching out for the garment in his hand, failing when he raises his arm instead, increasing the distance between the two.

“Give it back!” you say, attempting to pull down his arm, but he does not relent, only inching further and further away, making you scoff and groan at his childish behavior. “Seriously??”

You even try to get it by standing up and leaping for it, but Naoya’s quickness, even when sick, manages to surprise you when he pushes himself up from the floor immediately after, standing up to his towering height and continuously keeping the garment away from you. 

The more you struggle to reach them, however, the more amused Naoya seems to get, completely forgetting his jealousy tirade in favor of enjoying the cute scowl on your face, or your fervent jumps, tiptoeing to the best of your ability just to reach him—to no avail.

“Naoya, I’m not kidding!” you cry “Give it back to me—you’re—you’re going to ruin them!!”

But Naoya, instead of considering your pleas, only smirks, giving you a dry laugh before reaching for your cheeks with his free hand, squeezing a pout out of you, turning you more adorable in his eyes, and angrier in yours. 

To say that you were irritated by his antics would be very, very accurate, yet still fall short, because you did not have that kind of relationship with him, nor the patience for it, but mainly because you clearly didn’t want to ruin what was entrusted to you!

But these emotions would only reach past their limit when you gave one last jump, fingers barely managing to grasp the fabric, which you swiftly pulled in hopes of bringing it down to you… only for them to come undone with a loud rip! A noise so hideous that makes your heart sink as you gasp, Naoya’s eyes widening upon realizing his prank went a bit too far.

And how angry you’d get soon after.

“Ugh, what is wrong with you?! I told you to be careful!” you say, releasing the garment and taking a step back. Beyond infuriated, you didn’t even want to be near Naoya right now! “Everything’s a game for you, isn’t it?!”

He didn’t know what he was expecting. Perhaps that you’d find his behavior a bit amusing, or even respond with the same energy… but that would only be him mismanaging his expectations, forgetting that regardless of what happened days prior, this marriage was not built on grounds that allowed that.

And if your anger didn’t remind him of that, the way you left the room without saying another word would.

If that’s how he wants to pester you today, fine! But that doesn’t mean you’re going to accept it—he might be sick, but he’s still an adult. It would be nice if he were to be responsible for his actions for once! Listen to what others have to say and not… act like the jerk he usually is.

Oh, but if it only were that easy, you’d have better luck moving mountains instead!

You need to clear your head, and the first thing that crosses your mind to do just that is head into the kitchen for a refreshing glass of water. If Matsuo were to bump into you and repeat the whole calling-out fiasco of the first day, you didn’t care. In your mind, something worse occurred:

Hitomi, and subsequently Junko, had placed their trust on your ability to fix these garments back to their top shape, and now, they were worse than in the beginning! What were you going to say about that?! And all because Naoya thought it hilarious to behave immaturely—and honestly? How you managed to tolerate him as long as you had should be commended!

Yet, as it often happens once you begin to cool down, a part of you asks you to reconsider. That perhaps you shouldn’t have reacted as hotly as you did, this could easily be just another accident—

No. You clearly asked Naoya to give back the items, and per custom, he didn’t listen. Cue the consequences.

«What’s his problem?» you ask yourself as you walk through the kitchen, straight to the cabinet and pour yourself a glass of water. «One day he’s a monster, the other he’s a frantic mess, and now he’s… like this . Just what happened when he was away?»

“I know that look” A voice calls from behind, you sigh upon recognizing who it was. “Tell me, what’s bothering you?”

“… the same as usual” you say, turning around and leaving the glass on the counter. Mariya gives you an empathetic smile, knowing well who you spoke of.

“Wanna talk about it?”

What do you want to start with?

The fact that you messed up the work Hitomi gave you? 

Naoya’s childish behavior, which led this to happen in the first place?

Or that your husband was showing you a different side of him, one that didn’t entail terrorizing and demeaning you… had it been under other circumstances, you would’ve considered it pleasant?

… like he sees you as more than just a body, and instead… your own person, his wife?

There’s so many things you wish to ask, but you guess the common sentiment behind in all these situations should be a good beginning.

“Are relationships always this hard?” You ask Mariya, fingers fidgeting with one another as you glance to the wall.

“It depends.” she explains, walking to your side and reclining on the counter. “All relationships are different. Some are more difficult than others… but all of them require hard work in the end.”

“Was… Tatsuro difficult to get along with?” you precise, and she chuckles.

Mariya won’t say she wasn’t taken aback by your question, it came out of nowhere and certainly nothing she expected given Naoya’s past history.

But perhaps what shocked her the most was what your question represented: it would be the first time you referred to your relationship with Naoya… as an, well, actual relationship, and not a contract you were required to comply with.

There’s no denying that Naoya’s sprout of sickness had certainly shaken the standing of your reality and those around you, she still found it hard to believe that Naoya had behaved in a somewhat appropriate way with you, or that he was considering letting you see your family as you eventually disclosed to her.

It seemed all too good to be true—and it probably was, nonetheless, she knew just how much this meant to you.

She just hopes you don’t get the short end of the stick when it all ends. Mariya hates to think of the day it might…

“No… not really” she eventually admits “But that’s because I was the difficult one.”

You raise your eyebrows, surprised.

“ Really? ” you ask, skeptical given how happy they are whenever around. You would’ve never thought that’d be the case! Although it makes you realize how little you know of their relationship.

“Yeah, I didn’t like him at all in the beginning, hated his guts. How he used to follow me around, or do stupid things to get my attention, like stealing whatever I was working on, or giving me wrong instructions just so I’d go running to him for help.” she explains, a frown forms on her face for a quick second before laughing. “Of course, that all changed in due time after realizing what his intentions were and was there when it really mattered… and once he apologized too, most importantly. But it was never happy sailing, relationships have ups and downs and… it takes great communication to call these issues out—and someone who loves you to face them all.”

Tatsuro and Mariya are really lucky to have found that devotion to one another, it makes you feel kind of jealous really, but deep, deep inside you, you’re nothing but happy for them. She deserves someone like that in her life after all she’s done for everyone.

“He makes you happy, doesn’t he?”

“He does…” Mariya shyly admits with a blush. “He’s the best boyfriend I ever had!... Or the first serious one anyways. I… really do love him, and it frustrates me that we have to keep it hidden. I sometimes feel bad for the way I have to treat him just so no one suspe— ”

“So that’s what it is.”

You and Mariya freeze.

“A boyfriend ”

Heads slowly swirling towards the door and onto the figure of the one shockingly intruding their conversation.

“I should’ve known the moment I saw it, Mariya-san”

“Hitomi—” Mariya breathes, quickly leaving your side to go with her. “It’s not what it—”

“I never expected you to break the rules” she frowns. “ You of all people”

Like a child seeing their parents bicker, your eyes dart from one woman to the other, hating seeing them like this, and repudiating the sense of guilt settling in your core.

“Hitomi, please, let me speak—”

“But I’m not one to judge.” she says nonchalantly, yet her words are a contrasting difference from the frown on her face. “I was just passing by. Goodbye”

“Hitomi—Hitomi, don’t go—” Mariya attempts to reach for her, but Hitomi was quicker than that, swiftly turning around and leaving the same silent way she entered.

The guilt in your conscience overwhelms your thoughts in such a way that you think you’re going to cry.

“I’m sorry” is what you manage to say through the knot in your throat and a trembling lip, undeniably feeling responsible for what transpired. Had you not asked her that so carelessly, had you kept your thoughts to yourself, Mariya would’ve never been forced to disclose her relationship.

“No, it’s not your fault” Mariya intervenes, eyes still reaching for Hitomi’s now absent presence. “I should’ve known I wouldn’t be able to keep this secret forever.”

“What… are you going to do? Do you… do you think she’s going to tell anyone else?”

“… I guess wait for her to calm down” she presses her lips together, turning back to you. You could see sorrow glossing over her eyes, and not for revealing her secret, but rather, what it meant for her relationship with her. “If it ever gets to that—Hitomi can be quite…”

“Resentful” Another voice adds, making your and Mariya’s blood run cold once again.

“Haruko….” Mariya breathes. Her heart squeezes in agony, she doesn’t think she can’t take in more anguish—

“It’s ok—I already suspected there was something going on the first time I saw the two together” Haruko gives her a tight smile, for now, she seems to be taking this situation a whole better than her sister.

“Are you not… angry?” Mariya cautioned.

“Not really.” Haruko shakes her head. “I mean, worried would be the right word I think, considering how strict the rules are… but if you’re happy then I’m happy! I’m your willing confidant!”

A contrasting difference between sisters. But if Haruko was glad for Mariya, then why Hitomi…

“It’s difficult for Hitomi” she says, as if reading your mind (or more like the worry in your face) “it’s… not that she’s angry at you, Mariya. She never could! She admires you far too much for that. It’s just that she’s just… confused. I think she thought of this like mom and stepdad all over again… but yeah, it’s going to take a while for her to calm down, but she will!”

Mariya knew this is the kind of response she’d get from the seamstress and cook respectively, knew it would happen if her relationship ever came to the light—but when it came to it, it felt much, much worse than she imagined. And to know it unintentionally reopened some old wounds on her… it just made their guilt bigger.

“Don’t worry about it, Mariya, Y/N!” Haruko attempts to cheer the two up by grouping them into a hug. “Before you know it, Hitomi will be back to her usual gloomy self! I just… gotta be there to make sure it happens.”

“I’m sorry” Mariya repeats, the cook shakes her head.

“Don’t be. It happens, just… be careful. It might not be the two of us listening next time” Haruko cautions, to which both agree with a tight smile and a nod.

She then gives a curt bow before exiting the kitchen, undoubtedly rushing behind her sister before it’s too late.

You sigh.

What a week is what you think once heading back to Naoya’s room, nothing but emotional conflict after emotional conflict, and you at the center of them all—with this last one making you forget why you were angry in the first place, more worried about your staff and the alleged rupture in their dynamic, than the clothes you saw splayed back again on the kotatsu after entering his chambers.

The sight makes a fraction of your irritation return, fearfully wondering if Naoya had done something else to them as retaliation to your departure… but one closer look, alongside his tense demeanor, was all you needed to know he didn’t .

Sitting by the kotatsu , Naoya’s eyes nervously darted from you to the wall, and back to you, almost as if he were ashamed.

There’s a need for you to drill his reasoning, demand to see what was going through his head when he acted that way… until Mariya’s words flash across your mind.

Although Naoya’s behavior wasn’t one you’d consider ideal, it was out of your hands.

What is not out of your hands, however, is how you react to it.

Naoya is just another example of his family’s work; having always gotten what he wanted when he wanted, there was no need for proper communication nor consideration—that much you can understand now. Doesn’t mean you’ll tolerate it… but rather, learn how to traverse through it so it doesn’t happen again, maybe something will rub off on your husband too…

There’s something tragic behind this testament, and the loneliness you perceived from Naoya just grows bigger.

Has your husband always been this… complex ?

After long seconds of silence, and because you’re the only one that can, you speak.

“I know how boring it is to be kept in your room, with nothing else to do than read books and commune with the only other person accompanying you every single day…” you add “... but that's not the best way to deal with it.”

To open up to him like this certainly makes you feel vulnerable… but perhaps not as much as Naoya, who could only look at you with an uncharacteristic softness in his eyes, regret . Now you’re sure he’s embarrassed.

"It means a lot to me to do the duties I'm entrusted with, and it hurts me that you'd ignore it" you add "If there was something else you wanted to do, or tell me, perhaps something you don’t like.. you could've… Well, maybe not tell me right now, but… yeah. You get the idea.

I'm willing to compromise on something, is what I mean to say, as long as it’s in my capabilities… just not… like that. Ok?"

He gives you a small, albeit hesitant, nod. You press your lips together, observing what just happened: for the first time in your life, the two managed to adequately communicate with one another. Even though one was essentially speechless.

Either way, the milestone is there. Maybe you can do miracles after all… now you just have to see if it was understood.

“Well then… I guess we should find something to—” Naoya cuts you abruptly by walking over to you, bringing along the victim of his actions and handing it over to you. “Oh, right… guess I gotta fix that first.”

He shakes his head, you frown, confused. How you wished he could speak right now…

“No?” you ask “Why not?”

The way he repeatedly glances over to your items by the kotatsu and back to you, but still failing to make his point across frustrates him, enough to have him considering giving up entirely, until you somehow manage to catch what he means.

A statement that makes you blush, a bit uncertain, but you won’t know unless you ask.

“Do you… want to help me?”

Help might be a bit of an overstatement, since Naoya doesn’t know a single thing about sewing and whatnot, but he’s willing to comply. Anything so you won’t be angry at him anymore.

When he nods, you’re naturally taken aback… but you won’t deny you weren’t delighted as well.

“Oh, I—If that's the case… I guess we could do that." You mumble, still trying to wrap your head around the fact that Naoya wants to help you . Does this mean that his promise…? "I'm not as good as a teacher like Hitomi, but I think I can manage.”

Making your way to the kotatsu , you prepare the best way to remedy the fact that the garment was way worse than how it started, with Naoya quietly sitting by your side, curiously looking at your work.

“I don’t think I'll be able to hide how…bad it got, certainly not Hitomi. Although I know she often goes back on my stitches to fix them, guess Junko-san is the one I worry the most" You comment, hoping this will give him an understanding of what you’re supposed to do. He hums.

"She's scary, isn't she?" You add, looking at him now. "Whenever she calls for me I feel like I did something wrong… even if it's just to greet me."

Naoya chuckles, wholeheartedly agreeing with your words. Everyone seems to have the same kind of dynamic with Junko. He, for example, was grateful that their interactions were limited, albeit he has to deal with his uncle Ogi, who is just as scary as she is. As much as they disliked each other, they truly acted like they were married to one another.

At their similarities, Naoya can’t help but feel amused yet curious, wondering in turn if there was something that made others think the same of you and him…

“Here, hold it for me like this” you say, snapping your husband out of his thoughts, with him quickly grabbing the garment just as you handed it over. 

You turn to take out the chalk from the nearby small box, eventually looming over the fabric.

“Gotta mark where I have to stitch.” you say. 

And this, alongside many other things, Naoya wouldn’t understand, leading him to instead take a more passive role when helping you, such as acting like a mannequin of sorts just so you'd get a better idea of how the garments are supposed to look when finished.

“No, that doesn’t seem right, looks a bit crooked, doesn’t it?” you ask, tilting your head in a way that Naoya couldn’t help but find cute, ignoring your question—not that he could respond anyways, and it was more of a monologue for yourself. “Ah, I see, I skipped a bit here—how could I miss that? Hitomi would be ashamed of me!”

Or by threading the strands of hair that would fall on your face behind your ear when too focused on your work.

This last gesture made you a bit tense at first, but you’d eventually grow appreciative of them, if not embarrassed because whenever you’d glance at him to see what kind of face he had while doing that, you’d see him smiling… as if he enjoyed the simplicity of it, instead of his usual expectations.

In a way, that was the truth, for these moments soon became Naoya’s highlight of the day, if not week , alongside the reactions you’d make from time to time, such as scrunching your nose when doing a particularly hard maneuver, tongue peeking through your lips when unconvinced by your work, or the twinkle in your eye when satisfied, relishing in the pride of a job well done.

It was hard to believe that just a few days ago, the idea of even being in the same room as him was so atrocious, you had to be threatened to be there.

Now… It's like it was never an issue to begin with. Why wasn’t it like this since the first day?

“I’m almost done” you say, picking the second to last shirt from the pile nearby. “After this, we can do whatever you want.”

A limited selection, for the only available options would be the books his staff brought along, perhaps even sightseeing the garden through his window. And while the flowers were beautiful, you could see why Naoya decided against it.

After putting everything away, both begin to search through the books. All of them are nothing less than a combination of non-fiction, fiction, and some… peculiar magazines you doubted anyone would care for, alongside some dated newspapers.

Outside of certain oddities , none of these things gave you the idea that Matsuo wanted to keep Naoya busy, if anything, you believed he wanted to bore him to death . Because seriously, as much as you appreciated the literature value they bring, this felt more like homework than actual entertainment.

Which made you wonder… What did Naoya like? When he’s not training, jumping from one mission to the other, what does he like to do?

Maybe someday you’ll know. You’d like to be surprised.

Your assumptions appear to be right by the way Naoya seems to struggle when choosing a book, a bit distraught when browsing through the worn out covers. 

Fortunately for him, you’d come to his aid after stumbling onto a familiar title, not exactly on either’s to-read list, but it would do for the moment.

“I heard about this one back in school” you say, carefully picking it up. “Thought it might be good to finally read it, see what’s all the fuss about.”

Naoya looks over your shoulder, silently agreeing to your observation.

“Here” You hand it over to him. “Read it first, maybe you can give me a review and I’ll decide whether to read it myself or not..”

But Naoya rejects it, instead handing it back to you.

“You want me to read it first?” You puzzled.

He shakes his head—the second thought that crosses your mind makes you… fluster, yet again, eyes widening as you continue.

“You want me to… read it to you?”

He nods.

“But… why?” You blink, when are you going to remember that he can’t speak? “Wouldn’t you rather…”

Well, it doesn’t matter, because Naoya finally took it upon himself to answer.

“Be—cause I—like—your vo—ice” he manages to say, through a raspy, strained throat. And it’s the effort that makes his words even sweeter, and you giddy.

Was Naoya… always like this? Did he always… think of you like this ?

Was he telling the truth that day Naoaki instigated his feelings out of him?

If so, why did he treat you like he did? Why did he behave… like he held great resentment towards you?

…

…

…

Either way, this wasn’t the moment to ponder these existential questions, not when the answer was all around you in the shape of his family.

Does this mean, however, that if he showed this sensitive side of him early on in this marriage… your feelings for him would’ve been different?

“… really?”

He nods. 

Perhaps.

“I might trip over some words…” you nervously add. But Naoya chuckles, shaking his head. He really doesn’t care; he really just wants to hear your voice.

“…Get comfortable, then.” 

He’d lay on his side and rest his head on his hand before you began to read, as calmly as you could, because having his gaze on you made you feel very, very nervous, like you were in the middle of a presentation, and that he’d laugh when messing up.

That didn’t happen, of course, because he was all too enthralled in your voice; he’s heard of your softness before, your care, and subsequently longed to be on the receiving end of it; but once he was… it was so much better than he ever imagined.

The way you control your tone so as to make your reading pleasant, careful with punctuations so the words would flow naturally… it makes him wonder why he allowed literally anything else to happen, instead of this. Often filling the silence with the sound of own voice, when it could've been so much better.

Naoya swears he could hear you mumble nonsensical things all day, and he would never get tired of it, if anything, he’d want more…

When did all go so wrong?

It doesn’t take long for him to completely relish in the calmness of the moment, or so he desired to be once his position was no longer comfortable; at first it was him getting up from the floor so he could lean on the kotatsu instead—but when the wooden surface too cold and harsh for his liking, no matter how he settled in, he eventually sought something warmer, softer.

Something… like you.

At first it was almost casual , the way Naoya would over your shoulder, as if trying to read alongside you. Believing that to be his intentions, you tried adjusting the book in a way that would let him do just that. He didn’t say anything, so you kept on reading… briefly stopping when his intentions became clear, that is, when he rested his head over your shoulders.

You tensed up, inevitably faltering on your reading, but you didn’t come to a complete halt until his arms found their way around you, embracing you by the waist as he relaxed further into you.

Ignorant on how to react, you continued on reading, thinking his actions as an attempt of trying to get better look at the book; but as he continued in the same position, breathing slowing down..… curiosity finally gets the best of you and you turned to see him, uncovering what would be a shocking answer:

Naoya was asleep.

You’re starting to believe you must have some kind of hypnotizing ability, for it’s not the first time Naoya falls asleep just by your presence. It can’t be a coincidence, the power you have over him was much greater than you anticipated, even if it’s only to lull him—serves to show how at ease he feels with you.

Humored by his behavior, you smile. 

It was uncharacteristically cute of him to act in such a way, in a way reminding you of an eager puppy, wanting nothing more than to bask in the warmth of their owner—words you never thought of using to describe your husband, but now, couldn’t think of anything else.

Almost made you wish his sickness would last a little longer, just so you’d have this side of Naoya to yourself a bit more… 

Hoping that once it’s gone, he won’t go back to his usual ways.

By the sixth day, Naoya’s sickness was gone, and with it, your responsibilities towards him.

You’d learn of this when dutifully reporting to his bedroom, where you’d be received by Matsuo, another member of his staff, and the same doctor as before, who was in the way of completing the last of his checkups.

“Everything seems fine” The man would say once checking the status of his heart and lungs.  “Healthy, as someone his age should be.”

“Does this mean he’s discharged?” Matsuo asked, a bit eager, you noticed.

“Yes. Although I must say, I’m surprised his sickness lasted as long as it did—was the medication not administered as prescribed? Did he not rest well?” You’re waiting for Matsuo to demean you, already feeling his burning gaze on you…

But he doesn’t. Instead, he gives you the recognition you always deserved.

“He did, his wife took excellent care of that.” Matsuo says, and his compliment felt both delightful and eerie. Well, that’s as much acknowledgement you’re going to get from him, so might as well savor it.

“I see” The doctor didn’t really care much beyond that, just asking out of custom and that’s it. Instead, his worries lay on putting away all his equipment for a steady departure, and giving one last warning to Naoya, who remained serious throughout the whole interaction. “I highly recommend you, young man, to take better care of yourself. Your career isn’t exactly the most forgiving, the littlest mistake and you’ll end up dead next time.”

Naoya pressed his lips together, trying to hold back the urge to scoff and look away, for no one better than him understood the consequences of being sloppy , and didn’t need to be reprimanded for it, he already had a week to think about that.

Although… It was more of a pleasant week for him than anything else.

“It won’t happen again” The doctor sighs at Naoya’s words, and two thoughts cross his mind that very moment: relieved that his family won’t chew him up for his incapability in nursing him back to health… and the peculiar sensation that he’ll be back quite soon…

“If my presence is no longer needed, then I’ll take my leave.” After being properly dismissed, the maid ends up being the one escorting him out of the estate, leaving Matsuo, Naoya, and you behind.

The silence between the 3 quickly grows uncomfortable, more so when your gaze crosses with Naoya’s, who seemed to be a bit… uneasy, as if he had something to say, but couldn’t in the presence of his staff.

You naturally understand that sentiment, for you too had something you wished to discuss with him… but that wouldn’t come to happen when Matsuo inevitably steps in.

“There’s pending matters you need to tend to, Lady Y/N” you don’t fail to recognize the respect in which he refers to you, as well as the urgency behind it, nonetheless you don’t think much of it, not when your mind was in your family and Naoya’s promise.

But knowing you won’t go anywhere with this, at least not right now… you comply with his request.

“I do” you agree, and after a quick bow, you leave.

The first place you instinctively go to, as always, is the kitchen. 

At first you wanted to prepare something to snack on before moving onto the rest of your duties, but once you’re there nothing catches your appetite, if anything, all you could think of is the fact that your days alongside Naoya were finally over.

You still can't believe you went through a week of that, or that it turned out to be completely different from your expectations. And while you got the advantage you sought after, it honestly gave you more questions than answers.

Still, if something was to be learned at that moment is that the world won’t stop for you to deal with your own issues, it would still keep going on, and you'll have to adjust to it.

Hopefully you'll be able to find a moment to seek Naoya and follow through with his words, albeit you won't deny that approaching him in a healthy state now terrified you.

Who knows if Naoya wasn't putting up an act? Who could tell you with certainty he wasn't emotionally afflicted by his sickness, and now that it was gone, he wouldn’t go back to his usual crude ways?

But if so…  Why do you worry so much? Did you perhaps want him to change? Find a reason to stay at the estate? Give this marriage a second chance?

…

Even if he did, you don't think it would be enough for you to do so. There's so many issues to go through first, his behavior would just be one of the bunch.

But it would be nice to have that side of him around for a bit longer…see where you go from there.

You never guessed Naoya could be that pleasant, fun too—even though it sparked an argument between the two (mostly you).

Undoubtedly, even if he’s your husband, Naoya is a complete stranger to you, and it made you wonder just what else he was capable of. What else did he hide underneath that harsh persona he always wore… what would’ve happened if you’ve met him under different circumstances.

Where you’d be now—would you still have found yourself in a marriage with him? Or with him at all?

You couldn’t know.

The only thing you knew for certain, however, is that he had followed you soon after leaving his room, given the way he’d stand by the door frame, startled by his presence for you didn’t expect to bump into him so soon.

From there, Naoya’s eyes quickly scan the room, as if to ensure privacy between the two, before approaching you.

You watch him in complete silence, cautious of his actions. However, it was no longer fear that kept you on the spot, but rather… anticipation .

“Good morning" you say, a bit shaky to your dismay. But if he noticed, he doesn’t comment on it.

“Y/N” he greets back.

Silence.

You swallow, preparing yourself to continue—

“Are you busy right now?”

Naoya’s words don’t give you a hint of anything else, remaining ambiguous as ambiguous as it can be, yet your mind quickly believes this to be the follow-up of his promise, unwittingly igniting the flames of hope inside you.

“I’m… not that busy” you respond. “Why?”

“I was hoping we could do what we spoke about.” He adds. And something seems to gloss over Naoya’s eye for a quick second, but you don’t notice it, too excited to do so. “The thing you mentioned a few days ago.”

If your heart wasn’t soaring with anticipation, now it was, evident by the way your face glows, dropping everything on the spot to give him your undivided attention. Naoya is startled by your behavior, but if he was disconcerted about it he didn’t show it. At least… not to your eye, failing to recognize that while he grew a bit more relieved in your presence, something somber lingered behind.

“Do you… plan on doing that today?” You murmur, he nods.

Well, wasn’t that a lovely change of pace. You didn’t expect him to fulfill his promise so quickly, especially after he told you he wasn’t in the best position to demand—but it’s the intentions that count, of course. However, you still needed to hear it from his voice. You needed to hear a clear, verbal confirmation of your assumptions… just to be sure .

Seems like he’s planning on teasing you a bit before complying, however, because as time passes Naoya has yet to respond. Not necessarily how you wished to be treated on this sensitive subject, but if it means you’ll get to see your family after a long time, you’re willing to endure a bit of anxiety. 

Your heartbeat quickens the longer his silence goes on, and just when you’re about to speak, he finally responds… 

“I was hoping you’d make me the pancakes you told me about a while ago”

With something that disappoints you, to say the least.

Of all things he could’ve said, this is what he wanted to begin with.

It was underwhelming, and a bit irritating, you won’t deny it, yet you remained hopeful. If it’s worth anything, you did suggest preparing some for him—you didn’t expect him to bring it up first, though, but, well, perhaps he needed a bit of persuasion, a nudge in the right direction. It was a hard subject after all, or so he alleged.

“If you hadn’t had breakfast, of course” he adds with a nervous chuckle. “If not, we can do something else. I for once, can’t wait to do just about anything after being stuck in that room for a week.”

«He seems to be in a good mood» you say «This is my chance.»

“I’d like to, I just… have a question first, if that’s all right to you…”

“What is it?” Naoya tilts his head, you swallow. Here goes nothing.

“It’s about… the other promise” you add, more nervously than you would’ve liked to, now slightly intimidated once Naoya frowns. He almost looks… confused, and that somberness behind his eyes returns. “You know… The one about… my… family…?”

There. You finally reveal it, as careful as possible to avoid any unwanted presence from intervening (Hitomi’s and Mariya’s incident made you highly paranoiac), just as you thought Naoya to be when initially approaching you.

It would only be a matter of time before he remembers it, and once that’s set, you’ll put everything else in motion. You just… needed his assistance.

But when his silence remains, quizzically looking at you as if he didn't know what you were talking about, you begin to grow nervous.

Yet, you don’t relent. You can’t . Perhaps you just needed to be patient, his promise was made when he was sick, after all, not in the best state, but you saw he meant it genuinely, so he must have some recollection of it!

…

“I don’t recall.”

Or not.

You feel a stab in your heart when those words escape his lips, you’re less than a step away from reprimanding yourself from believing his words, yet stubborn as ever, you don't give up, instead thinking he needed more persuasion, he was sick after all, maybe… maybe he genuinely forgot?

At least that's what you tell yourself, because you don’t think your heart can handle another wound like this.

“The one you made that night—when you had fever the second time” you persuaded, but seemed to be confused as ever. “You said I could… you said I could see them, because I missed them and you even saw how sad I was!”

But no matter how much you explained, nothing seemed to click inside Naoya’s mind… nor incite some sense of responsibility when he sentenced what little trust you had left of him to the grave.

“I don’t… remember that.”

No.

“But you… you said— you saw—”

“I really don’t remember, Y/N” He reiterates, nervously scratching the back of his head. “And if I’m being honest with you… It doesn’t sound like I’d make that promise, I mean—it’s not easy. My family doesn’t like me right now, you know? I can’t just… do it—they’ll reject me as soon as I propose the idea.”

Please, no.

“Maybe you’re confusing it with something else? I know it was a very tiring week, I was sick, you were looking after me, but you also did other things… right?" 

Excuses.

"You might've confused conversations… which is worrying enough, I don’t recommend you talking about your family here. My father, for example, doesn’t like them that much—"

Nothing but excuses.

And the worst isn't his willing ignorance, but rather how he continues to act indifferent, no— mockingly towards your feelings. He knows how much they mean to you, and instead of reassuring you he’ll do his best so you could see them…

He discards your wishes completely.

This is the final straw where all your hopes shatter, leaving nothing behind but the same message you've been tormented with from the very moment you believed him.

I should’ve known.

I should’ve known that Naoya was going to backtrack on his words, act like a complete fool, once getting what he wanted.

If it was too good to be true, it probably was. And yet again, you fell right into his trap.

Foolish, naive, you really thought he'd change just because he was acting slightly nicer .

How could you even consider giving a second chance to this marriage?! How stupid could you have been to forget this is Naoya you were dealing with?! 

Naoaki was right.

Mariya was right.

Everyone was right.

“We can still do the other.” Naoya would continue, completely oblivious to your turmoil… but did you expect anything less? “I know it’s not as good but, well, I hope I can make it up to you one way. What do you think, hm?”

The way he keeps refusing to acknowledge your misery… you don’t want it anymore. You can’t stand the thought of it, nor the fury it brings you. You wanted to cry, scream, get him away from you .

Yet, you can’t.

Because while you’re still under his control, Naoya will only care about playing house with you… keeping you prisoner, if needed.

Acting as if he never, ever done anything wrong, while breaking your heart for the nth time.

But not anymore.

You’re not going to open your heart for someone who clearly doesn't deserve it.

If he wants to act stupid, blind to the accountability he has yet to take, he's free to do so.

But you… never again.

“You’re forgetting something else” You murmur, eyes warm as you look down to the floor.

“What is it?” Naoya asks, slightly confused before daring to smile. “Look, Y/N… I know it’s not what you wanted, but I’d still like to make it up to you one way or the other, so tell me."

It doesn’t really matter what he’s willing to do at this point, because after today…

You're done with him.

“That I hate you.”

You don't stay to watch his reaction, nor hear his calls as you walk past him and out the kitchen, scurrying through the halls as far away as you could from him and his deceptions, careless of your hunger or your duties, for they really didn't matter once your world began to shatter.

By the eighth day, everything seemed to return to normal:

With Naoya, acting his usual, cruel, despicable self that will never hold himself accountable for his mistakes… blind to anyone but his needs.

And you, an equally foolish woman who even dared to believe anything could change in your favor, sentenced to suffer both the faults of your husband and seemingly yours, all whilst hoping to either make it out alive, or die in the process.

Whatever comes first.

#naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x you #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you #series: first it hurts—

[socially-awkward-skeleton]

Tagged by: @eclecticwildflowers @nightbloodbix and @theelderhazelnut (last week) and @thesingularityseries today. Thank you all!!

tagging: @strangefable @direwombat @adelaidedrubman @marivenah @clicheantagonist @shallow-gravy @aceghosts @harmonyowl @detectivelokis @roofgeese @confidentandgood @henbased @florbelles @corvosattano @neverthesameneveranother @cassietrn @josephslittledeputy @josephseedismyfather @stacispratt @strafethesesinners @derelictheretic @voidika @v0idbuggy @inafieldofdaisies @vampireninjabunnies-blog @g0dspeeed @trench-rot @jacobsneed​ @megraen​ @kyber-infinitygems​ (no pressure, of course) and anyone else who I might have missed, please consider this me tagging you!

so this is still VERY rough from chapter 39, but here’s a little snippet of the continuation from the Kit and Grace standoff in chapter 37:

Grace stood frozen, not sure how much time had passed her by. The smell of truck exhaust had long since faded, and the rumble of the engine had disappeared into the distance along with the former Deputy. It didn’t feel real, like being caught in a nightmare and being aware of that fact – a lucid dream. That same feeling she had the day her father died, where some part of her brain refused to accept the reality of the situation.

Kit Cross was a member of Eden’s Gate.

She had no idea when it had happened, how long Kit had been playing a game with all of them, pretending to be one thing when she was just another snake in disguise like Joseph Seed was. Kit had gone and murdered Jess in cold blood, she’d wiped out the Wolf’s Den. God only knew what else she’d done in her time beyond the eyes and ears of the Resistance.

Thoughts raced through Grace’s mind and then it struck her, when the threat of attack was imminent, she hesitated – she never hesitated – she always took the shot.

And yet –

This time she couldn’t pull the trigger.

So much rage boiled inside of her at how the Deputy had gone behind all their backs, had spilled innocent blood in a war that she had been leading, that it made her freeze. Kit was a hero who’d turned to the other side – she had to know this was wrong, it had to be why she stayed quiet for so long.

Shame. She had to have felt shame.

Maybe this was a ploy, some decoy as an attempt to destroy the cult from within, gaining their trust so she could break it down like old sun bleached bones shattering under the pounding crush of her boots. She’d brought Jess’ body to Dutch to say his last goodbyes for God’s sake. There still had to be something worth saving inside of her. The cult couldn’t have corrupted someone who fought so hard for so long. Could they? They weren’t so powerful as to be able to turn a soldier like Cross into one of their own? They were just people who were led by madness, not by God.

Grace rubbed her hands down her face, pulling on the skin, covering her mouth in stunned silence as she stood out in the middle of the street – a lone figure surrounded by black asphalt on a dark day. She had to tell someone, she had to spread the news so that no one else would welcome Kit close enough to wind up with a knife in their back. If they did, it would be her fault.

Walking back to the church, her pace increased, the lengths of her strides growing ever wider as she started to race to the funeral while everything else around her slowed down, frozen in time. Storming towards the pyre, she pushed through the crowd of mourners that still watched the fire burning, the last charred bits of white sheet floating up into the air along with the smoke. She had to get to someone who could spread the word fast, who had reach in the community.

Standing off to the side in quiet solitude, Jerome and Dutch watched the remains of Jess burn away along with the future of Hope County. Jess had been one of the younger members of the Resistance – and along with Wheaty –  had been killed long before time was meant to have taken them. All hope for peace still rested on the shoulders of the older generation while the youth were being rounded up and either shot or locked away by the cult.

Grace stopped in front of the two men, looking between them, knowing this was the worst possible moment to drop something like this in their lap. But if Dutch was ever going to find some sort of way through, a chance at grieving and accepting Jess’ death, he’d need to know the truth. She’d had to be the bearer of bad news before…it was time to do so again.

“I hate to barge in,” Grace spoke softly, her eyes shifting away, her attention wanting to turn back to the road where Kit had once been. “But I gotta tell ya ‘bout what just happened.”

“What’s going on, Grace?” Jerome’s normally stoic exterior looked somewhat shaken by the sudden showing of panic from the sniper.

“It’s Cross.”

“What about her?”

“She’s gone off the rails. I think she’s with the cult.”

“What?” Jerome’s mouth opened in horror, his eyes going wide behind his glasses.

“Think she’s the one who killed Jess too.” Grace’s eyes fell to the ground, unable to look Dutch in the eye.

The old man turned away, silent as his hand clasped to his mouth, his face turning as white as the sheet he’d wrapped his niece in, his eyes squeezed shut tight fighting against the rising need to be sick.

“I’m so sorry,” Grace mumbled.

Jerome rubbed at his forehead, squeezing his brow as if a migraine was coming on, until his hand snapped away and his eyes bugged out of his head. “Son of a bitch, I asked her to head to the Henbane to bring the Peggie defector to the safe house.”

“She drove off a little while ago. I should’ve said something sooner, but I –”

“No Grace, you did exactly what anyone else would do. Come with me, we’ve got to get word to Whitehorse.”

They rushed back through the crowd, eyes following the Pastor and Grace wondering what the fuss was about. As they pushed past Mary May, Jerome stopped and hooked his hand around her arm, dragging her along with them.

“What the hell’s going on?” Mary May asked curtly.

“We need your radio.” Jerome kept walking, focused more on the task at hand than the usual socializing. “You were right about Cross, she’s turned Peggie.”

Mary May’s feet firmly planted to the ground, stopping the group in their tracks. She looked between Jerome and Grace, not quite believing it. “No, fuck off.”

“I wish it was a joke. But I sent her off to the Jail and we need to make sure she doesn’t get her hands on –”

“Aw shit, the Peggie defector.”

Mary May jogged forward, leading the other two back to the Spread Eagle. Rushing to grab the keys from her purse and unlock the door, the keys fumbled in her fingers, knowing every second wasted meant the life of another was coming that much closer to its end.

The bar door creaked open and the three Resistance members entered, Mary May rushed to the radio, flipping switches and turning dials to get in contact with the Jail while the other two could do nothing but watch, wait, and pray. 

“Sheriff Whitehorse? Earl, you there?” Nothing but static, silence.  She twisted knobs to tune the frequency further. “Sheriff Whitehorse? This is Mary May Fairgrave. If you can hear this, I need you to answer me. You can’t give the Peggie –”

A loud hiss and a pop stopped the transmission.

“Motherfucker!” Mary May slammed her fist down on the radio in frustration.

Trying to reach the County Jail from Fall’s End was still hit or miss most days, the only one with any real luck of reaching everyone was Dutch and heading to his island would be no use. Kit would have already reached the Jail by then, the cult member taken care of however Eden’s Gate was known to do so.

Grace moved for the door, “I’m going after her.”

“No, can’t risk you getting hurt.” Jerome maintained his position as the voice of reason. “You need to tell us exactly what Cross said to you.”

Her hands fell to her hips, fingers pulling and gripping at the material of her shirt, fidgeting the only way she had available. “I asked her which side she was on. She didn’t take it so well. She snapped and then told me she found her purpose in the mountains.”

“Jesus Christ,” Mary May muttered, her chin falling to her chest in horrified disbelief.

“Jacob got to her,” Jerome remarked.

“Not surprising, really.” A hand drifted through blonde hair, rubbing at the roots to remove the tension headache. “Should’ve seen it coming sooner. Always had that same cold, distant thing he had going on the few times he came around,” Mary May said.

“We have no idea what he did to her to make her join.”

“Oh stop fucking standing up for her, Jerome! She’s a goddamn Peggie and we all know how bad they are. Not a single fucking one of them are in their right minds.”

#wip wednesday #tagged #american beasts #fingers crossed my tags actually work this time and y'all get the notification

[mylittledarkag3]

How many have you read out of the hundred?

Me: 64/100

Reblog & share your results

1. "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen

2. "Crime and Punishment" by Fyodor Dostoevsky

3. "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee

4. "1984" by George Orwell

5. "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens

6. "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel García Márquez

7. "Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Brontë

8. "The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger

9. "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy

10. "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald

11. "Moby-Dick" by Herman Melville

12. "The Odyssey" by Homer

13. "Wuthering Heights" by Emily Brontë

14. "Anna Karenina" by Leo Tolstoy

15. "The Brothers Karamazov" by Fyodor Dostoevsky

16. "The Iliad" by Homer

17. "Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley

18. "Les Misérables" by Victor Hugo

19. "Don Quixote" by Miguel de Cervantes

20. "Middlemarch" by George Eliot

21. "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde

22. "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne

23. "Dracula" by Bram Stoker

24. "Sense and Sensibility" by Jane Austen

25. "The Hunchback of Notre-Dame" by Victor Hugo

26. "The War of the Worlds" by H.G. Wells

27. "The Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck

28. "The Canterbury Tales" by Geoffrey Chaucer

29. "The Portrait of a Lady" by Henry James

30. "The Jungle Book" by Rudyard Kipling

31. "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse

32. "The Divine Comedy" by Dante Alighieri

33. "A Tale of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens

34. "The Trial" by Franz Kafka

35. "Mansfield Park" by Jane Austen

36. "The Three Musketeers" by Alexandre Dumas

37. "Fahrenheit 451" by Ray Bradbury

38. "Gulliver's Travels" by Jonathan Swift

39. "The Sound and the Fury" by William Faulkner

40. "Emma" by Jane Austen

41. "Robinson Crusoe" by Daniel Defoe

42. "Tess of the d'Urbervilles" by Thomas Hardy

43. "The Republic" by Plato

44. "Heart of Darkness" by Joseph Conrad

45. "The Hound of the Baskervilles" by Arthur Conan Doyle

46. "The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde" by Robert Louis Stevenson

47. "The Prince" by Niccolò Machiavelli

48. "The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka

49. "The Old Man and the Sea" by Ernest Hemingway

50. "Bleak House" by Charles Dickens

51. "Gone with the Wind" by Margaret Mitchell

52. "The Plague" by Albert Camus

53. "The Joy Luck Club" by Amy Tan

54. "The Master and Margarita" by Mikhail Bulgakov

55. "The Red and the Black" by Stendhal

56. "The Sun Also Rises" by Ernest Hemingway

57. "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand

58. "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath

59. "The Idiot" by Fyodor Dostoevsky

60. "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak

61. "The Return of Sherlock Holmes" by Arthur Conan Doyle

62. "The Woman in White" by Wilkie Collins

63. "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe

64. "Treasure Island" by Robert Louis Stevenson

65. "Ulysses" by James Joyce

66. "Uncle Tom's Cabin" by Harriet Beecher Stowe

67. "Vanity Fair" by William Makepeace Thackeray

68. "Waiting for Godot" by Samuel Beckett

69. "Walden Two" by B.F. Skinner

70. "Watership Down" by Richard Adams

71. "White Fang" by Jack London

72. "Wide Sargasso Sea" by Jean Rhys

73. "Winnie-the-Pooh" by A.A. Milne

74. "Wise Blood" by Flannery O'Connor

75. "Woman in the Nineteenth Century" by Margaret Fuller

76. "Women in Love" by D.H. Lawrence

77. "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" by Robert M. Pirsig

78. "The Aeneid" by Virgil

79. "The Age of Innocence" by Edith Wharton

80. "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho

81. "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu

82. "The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin" by Benjamin Franklin

83. "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin

84. "The Big Sleep" by Raymond Chandler

85. "The Bluest Eye" by Toni Morrison

86. "The Caine Mutiny" by Herman Wouk

87. "The Cherry Orchard" by Anton Chekhov

88. "The Chosen" by Chaim Potok

89. "The Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens

90. "The City of Ember" by Jeanne DuPrau

91. "The Clue in the Crumbling Wall" by Carolyn Keene

92. "The Code of the Woosters" by P.G. Wodehouse

93. "The Color Purple" by Alice Walker

94. "The Count of Monte Cristo" by Alexandre Dumas

95. "The Crucible" by Arthur Miller

96. "The Crying of Lot 49" by Thomas Pynchon

97. "The Da Vinci Code" by Dan Brown

98. "The Death of Ivan Ilyich" by Leo Tolstoy

99. "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire" by Edward Gibbon

100. "The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" by Rebecca Wells

#book #booklr #books #classical literature #classic academia #penguin clothbound classics #classical books #english literature #listing #that's bloody #william shakespeare #shakespeare #anne frank #the odyssey #the divine comedy #french #literature

[ms-m-astrologer]

November 2023 Good Days

Here again are the days during which the transiting Moon (1) is in a sign ruled by a particular planet, and (2) makes a flowing aspect to that planet. (Sextiles and trines, sometimes conjunctions.)

Mercury: Monday, November 6, 19:39 UT - Thursday, November 9, 04:55 UT

Good for learning, thinking, reasoning, speaking, and writing. This time we can be concise and pithy with our words.

Venus: Thursday, November 9, 08:08 UT - 10:23 UT

Good for art, beauty, love, and money. Too bad it’s only a couple of hours long.

Jupiter: Monday, November 20, 14:29 UT - Tuesday, November 21, 04:20 UT

Good for the Piscean side of Jupiter: mercy, forgiveness, tolerance, and “letting go and letting God/dess.”

Saturn: Thursday, November 16, 07:41 UT - 08:49 UT

Another too-brief one, good for self-discipline, hard work, and solitude.

Pluto: Saturday, November 11, 18:39 UT - Monday, November 13, 23:03 UT

Good for plumbing issues, therapy, psychology, taxes, and getting to the bottom of things.

#Astrology #November 2023 Good Days #Ms M astrologer

[megthemewlingquim]

wasteland, baby! | one: an eternity of sand

Summary: Striken with encephilitis lethargica, the 'sleepy sickness', you are stuck in dreams: an endless desert.

Pairing: Dream of the Endless x Reader

Warnings: vomiting

A/N: This chapter contains some dialogue from "The Sandman" #39 "Soft Places", written by Neil Gaiman.

It is here that you will meet Morpheus.

I will reitorate that there are MAJOR SPOILERS for The Sandman graphic novel series here. If you have not read "Fables and Reflections", "Brief Lives", "The Kindly Ones", and "The Wake", I would recommend you wait to read this until you have done so.

read the previous chapter: prologue

wasteland, baby! masterlist

You’ve been in the sand for years. Or, has it been weeks? Months? Days? It feels like… like…

You don’t know anymore. Time is meaningless, and your mind is mush. All you know is sand and sun and burning and nothing. The sand whips at you, tears at your face. The air is hot, scorching desert wind. The sweat drips down your face and you sink down onto your knees.

Which way is East?

You look up, squinting at the light. The sun is high in the cloudless sky, right at the center. You would think it’s 12 noon, if not for the fact that it has been 12 noon for days. Months. Years?

You’ve been checking the sun for that long, too. Or, at least, that’s what it feels like. You’re going mad, aren’t you? There is no time. No self. You are a formless, nameless puddle of flesh, stuck in an endless world of sand and sun.

You know you’re going to die here.

Can you die here?

Can… Can you… die?

You want to. It would be so easy, wouldn’t it? Just lay in the sand and let it swallow you up. Let it wrap you in a warm blanket and let yourself sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

You jolt up, your eyes stinging with tears. “Oh…” you gasp. “Oh.” You laugh, breathlessly, in a mad fit of relief and hysteria. “I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” You stand up, stumbling a bit in the fragile mounds of sand at your feet.

“I’m dreaming!” you shout, tears streaming down your face. “Hahaha! I can just wake up! Wake up!”

Nothing happens. Nothing about the world changes. The sand still drifts, the sun still shines, and the sky remains that crystal blue. All you hear is the whipping of sand around you.

Your stomach turns. The world spins. The dread sets in.

You scream into the sky. The sound echoes and fills the air around you, carried by the wind. It’s the solitude, the unbearable fact that you are alone in this endless world of nothing. Your throat burns with thirst, your stomach aches with hunger. And you are alone.

You are going to die here.

There you are, says a voice behind you. A deep, masculine voice that’s more solid than the sound of the sand in your ears. I’ve been worried about you.

I’m insane. I’m dying in this place and my mind is giving me one last dream.

That’s the most sound-of-mind you’ve been in… years?

Dream. A small hum of amusement. You could say that.

"Dream," you muse, staying perfectly still. You don't dare turn around. "What…?"

Is this where you've been all this time? This new person sounds… sad. Hurt, but not by anything you could’ve done — somehow, you know that. It’s been five years since I’ve returned from my imprisonment, and yet… I have not seen you in my realm. And you’ve spent much more time in my realm than most mortals nowadays. He pauses. It has been one hundred and ten years. That would make you three hundred and eighty five years of age, wouldn’t it?

All of this information is bombarding your brain. But yes, he’s correct… as far as you know. Something in his voice tells you that he knows that fact with one hundred percent certainty. And so, you are certain, then, that you are three hundred and eighty five years of age.

You have spent one hundred and ten years in the sands.

Your stomach jolts again and you heave, retching onto the golden sands in painful, lurching gasps. The bile is minimal, hot and yellow and liquid. It burns your throat and makes tears spring into your eyes. But you're crying for more reasons than this.

"What… the hell… is going on?" you gasp, when you stop.

I do not know. I am sorry.

It is then that you realize you still haven't turned around. Standing up awkwardly, wiping your mouth with your sleeve and turning around, you see a thin man with a shock of black hair, wearing a black cloak.

His jawline is razor sharp and his skin is deathly pale. His eyes, you notice, are a watery color; you cannot place if they are gray or blue or both. You see a singular white star in each one — and there is so much… of something… there in that small pinprick of light. You feel a deep shiver within you… you know, suddenly, that this is no ordinary man. He is a being, an entity, one that has seen too much for an ordinary mind to comprehend. He is old, older than gods, older than worlds, older than universes… And this being knows you, knows you more intimately and more completely than you'd ever think possible. It is beautiful and terrifying: he can see right through you, he can see your every thought and every hope and every dream.

Dream.

Dream.

"Oh… you're… you're him, aren't you?" you whisper, remembering the words of both Lady Johanna Constantine and Orpheus. "Dream of the Endless."

His eyebrows raise a little. I did not expect you to know. But yes, I am. Tell me, how would a mortal such as yourself come to know of the Endless?

"Lady Johanna Constantine," you say. "She let me know a little bit about you. She said she performed a task for you that nearly cost her her head."

Is it your imagination, or does a shadow of grief come across the Dream Lord's face?

That is true, yes, he says softly, looking down at his feet. She did.

"She rescued your son."

In an instant, Dream's eyes are back up, meeting your own with a fierceness that chills your blood and makes you lose your breath. There are many things behind his eyes now — anger, grief, confusion… dread… — but again, you know he is not feeling any of these things towards you. Despite this, it's still a gaze that you would rather not be a recipient of.

You know of my son? His breath trembles.

You don't want to answer him, but something inside you tells you that you must. For him. "Orpheus."

The very mention of Orpheus's name reveals a physical change in Dream — he seems to shrink, to curl up into himself. Tears shine in his eyes, now, but he quickly blinks them away. Yes, he whispers, in a voice that is as soft and fragile as a butterfly's wing. Orpheus.

"Something's wrong," you say, noticing this immediately. "I'm sorry to have upset you."

It is no matter. I only wish that things had been different between us.

He doesn't — wouldn't — want to speak of it further, you can tell. You ignore the sinking feeling in your heart… I liked Orpheus, you think, when I met him back in Paris. I wonder what happened to him.

Dream has a necklace on — a beautiful red stone framed with an elegant gold border, all trailing on a golden chain. It glints faintly in the sunlight… and then it's gone. The necklace and the ruby appear and disappear at random — and then it becomes a green stone, an emerald. The meaning of this is lost to you, but Dream notices your curious gaze and looks down.

Ah, he says, the tempest of emotion slowly leaving his face and voice. Time is meaningless here. This ruby is no longer existent. The emerald, however… that is different… He pauses, deep in thought. I have not had a dreamstone in five years. Perhaps…

Dream shakes his head. No matter. Shall we proceed in your rescue?

He does not wait to hear your response. He bends down and picks up a fistful of sand, letting the grains fall through his fingers.

Hold out your hands.

You do so. The grains are soft and warm on your palms. The sand slips through your fingers as well as his… but the sand doesn’t stop flowing…

Thunder rumbles, faintly, but you see no clouds in the giant, endless blue sky. Storms are coming, you think, in a voice that is very different to your own.

Dream’s expression shifts into one of amusement. He does not smile, but his eyes are bright. I did this once for a Marco Polo. I am beginning to see him, now, in your place, just as you have seen me, flickering and fading into someone entirely different. And perhaps you are thinking what he thought, all those years ago. But you need not fear when I am with you. I am taking you away from here.

You find yourself looking at the grains of sand, amazed and awed by the fact that you can see each and every one, and they form shapes and patterns in your mind. I am truly dreaming. They... are patterns. Dreams and sands and stories. Deserts and cities and time. The patterns make up a landscape in your mind and you are utterly absorbed into them. You have no idea what you’re thinking… or if it’s even you thinking... I’ll never forget this, I’ll never forget what I’ve learned here.

Dream’s voice echoes in your mind now. You can no longer see him. It sounds like he’s smiling. We shall go to another shifting place. But this one will not harm you.

The world goes dark.

#wasteland baby! #dream of the endless x reader #dream of the endless #the sandman #the sandman fic #dream sandman #morpheus x reader #morpheus the sandman #morpheus sandman #lord morpheus #morpheus of the endless #dream x reader #sandman fic

[followthebluebell]

Skyrim updates

I’m now level 39.  I’ve finished the college questline and I think I’ve done all the bard quests.  I’ve done some of the thieves’ guild questline, but I’m waiting until I’m level 41 to get the best chillrend I can.  I’m starting the Dawnguard dlc; I’ve never done that before, so I’m pretty excited to see what it’s like c:

I’m also doing a few skills that I usually ignore, like smithing.  That’s kind of a bonus to building a homestead, I think.  I’ve GOT to smith to build things for that. 

Bugs encountered:

-Floating wolf--- just kind of... floating there at head-height.  You know, the ideal face-biting height, which I’m sure the wolf enjoyed very much while it was alive.

-Dragon corpse keeps reappearing on bridges.  Very specifically bridges.  And it’s always the same corpse too, because it only ever has an iron sword in it.  It’s not every bridge or anything, which adds a fun and spicy new flavor to traveling!  Where will the corpse show up next? :D

-Accidentally clipped through the floors in a house in Solitude and got stuck in a wall. 

#skyrim

[not-krys]

100 Themes Challenge: Filled Prompts Masterlist

-[Character A] x [Character B et al]: Romantic and/or Sexual Relationship

-[Character A] & [Character B et al]: Platonic, Familial, Acquaintanceship

-[Character A, etc], [Character B] x/& [Character C et al]: Observer character(s) to the main character(s) interaction

-Writing Masterlist

-Blank 100 Themes Challenge List

1. Introduction (Aug 2023)

Houki & Nobunaga (WIP Wednesday) | Abby & Vincent (WIP Wednesday) | Clara x Nokto (WIP Wednesday)

2. Love (Feb 2023)

Houki x Mitsunari (WIP Wednesday)  | Ophelia (WIP Wednesday) | Thea x Theo (WIP Wednesday) | Abby x Vincent (WIP Wednesday) | Maddie x Harr (WIP Wednesday)  | Clara x Nokto (WIP Wednesday) | Miri & Mammon (WIP Wednesday)

3. Light

4. Dark

5. Seeking Solace

6. Break Away

7. Heaven

8. Innocence

9. Old

10. Breathe Again

11. Memory

12. Insanity

13. Misfortune

14. Smile

15. Silence (Aug 2022)

Houki x Mitsunari (WIP Wednesday) | Abby x Vincent (WIP Wednesday) | Maddie x Harr (WIP Wednesday) | Clara x Nokto (WIP Wednesday) | Miri (WIP Wednesday)

16. Questioning

17. Blood

18. Rainbow

19. Gray (March 2023)

Shakespeare, Vincent x Abby (WIP Wednesday)

20. Fortitude

21. Vacation

22. Mother Nature

23. Cat

24. No Time (April 2023)

Thea x Arthur (WIP Wednesday) | No Time [Clara x Rio]

25. Trouble Lurking

26. Tears

27. Foreign

28. Sorrow

29. Happiness

30. Under the Rain

31. Flowers (July 2023)

Abby & Vlad (WIP Wednesday) | Maddie & Loki (WIP Wednesday) | Clara & Silvio (WIP Wednesday)

32. Night

33. Expectations

34. Stars

35. Hold My Hand (Feb 2024)

Houki x Mitsunari (WIP Wednesday) | Ophelia x Kennyo (WIP Wednesday) | Thea & Isaac (WIP Wednesday) | Abby & Jean (WIP Wednesday) | Miri & Mammon (WIP Wednesday)

36. Precious Treasure

37. Eyes

38. Abandoned (Nov 2023)

Clara x Rio (WIP Wednesday) | Miri & Levi (WIP Wednesday)

39. Dreams

40. Plus

41. Teamwork

42. Standing Still 

43. Die

44. Two Roads

45. Illusion

46. Family

47. Creation (March 2024)

Leonardo, Abby x Vincent (WIP Wednesday) | Miri & Luke & Barbatos (WIP Wednesday)

48. Childhood

49. Soft

50. Breaking the Rules

51. Rot

52. Deep in Thought

53. Keeping a Secret

54. Tower

55. Waiting

56. Danger Ahead

57. Sacrifice

58. Father (June 2023)

Houki (WIP Wednesday) | Thea x Theo x Arthur (WIP Wednesday) | Abby x Vincent (WIP Wednesday) | Clara & Mr. Akatsuki (WIP Wednesday) | Miri & Lucifer (WIP Wednesday)

59. No Way Out

60. Rejection

61. Fairy Tale

62. Magic

63. Do Not Disturb (April 2024)

Mitsuhide, Houki x Mitsunari (WIP Wednesday) | Abby & Theo (WIP Wednesday) | Clara x Nokto (WIP Wednesday) | Miri, Satan & Simeon (WIP Wednesday)

64. Multitasking

65. Horror (Oct 2023)

Reaching Out [Vincent van Gogh x Abigail Clarke]

66. Traps

67. Nurture (May 2023)

Houki x Mitsunari (WIP Wednesday) | Ophelia (WIP Wednesday) | Abby x Vincent, Theo & Arthur (WIP Wednesday) | Maddie x Harr (WIP Wednesday)

68. Hero

69. Annoyance

70. Mislead

71. Obsession

72. Mischief

73. I Can't

74. Are You Challenging Me?  (Sept 2023)

Houki & Nobunaga (WIP Wednesday) | Abby & Arthur & Isaac (WIP Wednesday) | Miri & Lucifer (WIP Wednesday)

75. Mirror

76. Broken Pieces

77. Test

78. Drink

79. Starvation (Jan 2023)

Houki & Masamune (WIP Wednesday) | Ophelia x Kennyo (WIP Wednesday) | Abby & Leonardo (WIP Wednesday) | Maddie & Loki (WIP Wednesday) | Clara & Rio (WIP Wednesday)

80. Words

81. Today

82. Can You Hear Me?

83. Heal

84. Out Cold

85. Spiral (Jan 2024)

Miri & Simeon (WIP Wednesday)

86. Seeing Red

87. Food

88. Pain

89. Sick

90. Iron

91. Drowning

92. All That I Have

93. Give Up

94. Last Hope

95. Young

96. In the Storm (Dec 2023)

First Kicks (Abby x Vincent)

97. Safety First

98. Puzzle

99. Solitude

100. Relaxation

#masterlist #100 themes challenge #the filled list #thus far anyway #ikemen sengoku #ikemen revolution #ikemen vampire #ikemen prince #obey me #ikesen oc #ikerev oc #ikevamp oc #ikepri oc #obey me oc #too many characters to tag #so I won't

[strawberry-bubbatea]

America celebrates 4th of July every year in quiet solitude, despite what others may think. The loud fireworks sound too much like the sounds of guns and cannons, too much like the reminder of the war that led him to freedom.

(The faces of the people who died, the grief he felt, feels, when he sees, recalls, their body dropping like flies. The agony on the battlefield facing against England, Arthur, the man who raised him and loved him like his own.)

Sometimes, when he looks at the current president (Gods, how many has it been? 39? 46? He doesn't know. Time passes by him too fast.), he sees the face of his first.

(You never forget the first.)

He sees George Washington, catches glimpse of him walking around the office, sharing a drink with him, each nursing a cup of their own, tired smiles etched on their faces.

But then he blinks, and he sees the current president and he's doing the same thing as he was then. Enjoying the drink and a little small celebration of their independence, his independence. Together, in a quiet moment, despite the loud party and celebrations outside.

America exhales slowly before taking a sip of his drink.

Happy birthday to him.

#ichigo's writings #ichigo's fixation #hetalia #aph america #alfred f jones