#Sad thing is with my hair the way it is I am incompatible with most hats now đ Makes me head itch and too hot
Hello gorgeous person,
Thank you very much for all your advices, your time and energy. It's rare to find a woman sharing with so much generosity her "woman's tips". Like it's always a secret or something, so thank you :).
However I feel sometimes a little bit sad because I sometimes not recognize myself through the pictures you're sharing. They are beautiful ofc. But as a curvy woman with bulge, cellulite and an unconventional body, sometimes I feel like I'm not able to aim the "femme fatale vibe"... I say this without any hatred, I'm just wondering :
- do you have any recommendation to feel powerful, sexy and mysterious with my extra weight ?
- I'm thinking of Ashley Graham who is stunning but i feel like she's an exception...
- how can I BE confident with my body and other gaze's ? (for e.g. my buttom is pretty flat but I have curves so I don't know how to conciliate both. I find it incompatible)
- an other example are kids saying to me that my head doesn't fit my body đ my father told me that I'm really fat but beautiful.. So it's hard to handle.
I gain a lot of weight these last years due to a very complicated relationship, and a burn-out. So now I'm moving on from the guy and I will try to accept myself and make the efforts I have to do, but meanwhile I hope you can help me to accept myself the way I'm curvy am, and to be alluring anyways.
I must confess that it wasn't easy to contact you, but I think about it for a while now.
Thank you very much, and sorry if there are some mistakes, I'm absolutely not an English speaker !
Thank you very very much for everything.
Hi love! Thank you for your kind message and support. It truly means a lot <3. I'm so glad to hear this sentiment about my blog â I believe that we as women are conditioned to secrecy both as a way to shame our womanhood and, more covertly, to keep these "secrets" to ourselves, so we are more "sought-after" in the "competition" to be "chosen" by a man. This underlying secrecy and one-upping culture we're conditioned to buy into as women reeks of the patriarchy, so I'm more than happy to play in dismantling this toxic societial mentality. There's plenty of self-confidence and success to go around for all of us in my book!
I totally get your sentiment. The inspiration I reshare here is just that â inspiration for things to admire and tailor to our unique preferences, lifestyles, bodies, environments, etc. if we so choose to. I believe that we all can embody the "femme fatale" aesthetic â by dressing and putting ourselves together in a way that makes us feel our best /most taken care of, exploring and sharing all of the amazing ways we can derive pleasure from our bodies (through fashion, health & wellness practices, healthy lifestyle choices, sexual pleasure, etc.).
I think that these are some helpful tips to feel more powerful and sexy at any size:
Learn how to dress for your body and tailor it to your personal style â consider whether you have a longer or shorter torso/legs, which are the widest and narrowest parts of your body? What shapes best flatter your figure and in what combinations (e.g. flowy on top, narrow on the bottom, vice versa, or a more flowy/tight ensemble that emphasizes your waist, shoulders, or legs?)
When it doubt, choose black clothing or garments in darker, vampy hues, and select fabrics that are thick and well-tailored/structured or very forgiving fabrics that glide over your curves (like satin)
Pamper your skin, hair, and curate a beauty routine that makes you smile every time you look in the mirror (makeup, hairstyle, nail color/shape, perfume, etc.)
Create habits that help you feel your best in your body â eating healthy and exercising daily purely for energy and mental clarity, indulgent showers, beauty routines, and massages, cultivating a satisfying self-pleasure/sexual practice, creating an environment that heightens your sensory pleasure â wearing a satin robe, cozy blankets, delicious smelling lotions, room sprays, etc.
Not feeling comfortable in your body after gaining weight is completely normal, so validate these emotions if you're dealing with some cognitive dissonance between your mind and body in this regard. You've been through a lot mentally, so it makes sense that some signs of this mental exhaustion would show in your body. Glad you're making space and devoting energy to move toward healing.
Always remember though, being hot is a mindset â it is never weight-dependent (my friend actually said this again to me as a reminder the other day, and I loved the sentiment, so I thought I would share it here).
Sending love xx
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someday // l.t.y.
summary: several years after high school, when you and your peers have all established careers, you get invited to your graduating class reunion.
pairing: lee taeyong x gn!reader
word count: 2.4k
genre: exes!au, angst, some closure.
a/n: mentions of alcohol, UNEDITED
You knew this day would come, but not this soon.
It feels like it came fast when in reality itâs been almost seven years since you graduated from high school. It took a handful of odd jobs after receiving your bachelorâs degree, but you were able to land a position as an accountant. With your hard work, youâve slowly climbed up the ladder to where you now serve as the finance director of the firm you work for. Your salary is handsome, as per your standards, and you were recently able to afford a nice apartment. It was only after your move that you visited your parents on the other side of the city where they handed you the envelope in your hands. It was an invitation to your high school reunion.
That's how, fast forward a week later, you found yourself standing in front of your old high school gymnasium. You see people walking towards the entrance and feel stupid because most of them seem to be going with another person, maybe a friend they would keep in touch with or a significant other. Maybe you should have coaxed one of your co-workers and bribed them with drinks or something afterward. Too late now, you thought, as you sighed and made your way to the entrance. Upon arrival, the first thing you notice is the reasonably large group of people scattered throughout the room. Itâs dark and the only light sources are the few disco ball lamps projecting multicolored circles throughout the perimeter of the room. You squint to try to make out people when seconds later, your thoughts are interrupted by a shrill, âY/N!â You turn your head towards the sound and find an adult Jisoo approaching you. Jisoo was one of your closest friends you kept in touch with for a while but lost contact with a couple of years into college. âJisoo, is that you? Oh my god, itâs been ages! How are you?â you hugged her, and she began to share how shortly after graduating college, she applied for a job as a photographer at a fashion agency, but she ended up landing a job as a model. Long story short, Jisoo was now a thriving model. âIâm so happy for you!â you gush with sincerity and she gets shy, combing her fingers through her hair. She tells you that she may have just landed her big break, about to fill you in on details when an oh-so-familiar voice cuts her off. âHey guys,â you turn around and your eyes meet Lee Taeyong.
Taeyong and Y/N: the âdream teamâ as they used to call you back in high school. You shared a long and valuable relationship with him, dating almost throughout all of high school. That's why when people heard that you split up, they were more shocked than they would have liked to admit. it was a rather nasty breakup that was not mutual at first; he had gotten into his dream university located across the country while you chose to stay in your home city for college. You didn't want to stop him from achieving his dreams of becoming a pediatric dietitian; you would have hated yourself for acting that selfish. Therefore, you thought things could work via long-distance and they did for a while, but the harsh realities like not being able to hold each other in your hard times set in faster than you wanted to admit. Your schedules were becoming increasingly incompatible, and it became difficult for either one of you to grasp onto the relationship. You both watched as it slowly slipped away from your hands. Taeyong was the one to pull the trigger, and with heavy hearts, the two of you officially parted ways.
You have not contacted each other since then. Now, the two of you stand face to face, and you see an emotion in his eyes that you donât recognize. Perhaps itâs because you successfully managed to forget the negative memories from all the ones you still have of him. Or maybe you just forgot how to read him. âUh, Y/N, I wasnât expecting you to show up,â he awkwardly rubs his hands together as he slowly shifts his gaze around the room. âYeah, I wasnât going to come, but I decided to come just for the fun of it. Bit of a last-minute decision, actually.â Jisoo could sense the tension in the air and playfully scoffed, âreally? Y/N, I thought you werenât the type of person to make last-minute decisions. You used to grill me for doing that all the time.â You notice the surprise looming on Taeyong's face; he mustâve been taken aback by your statement too. You turn away from his careful gaze before coldly replying, âpeople change over time, I guess.â
After Jisoo finds someone else to catch up with, you quickly excuse yourself to the bar to grab a glass of punch because there is no way in hell that you want to be left alone with Taeyong right now. The walk over to the bar is a little difficult, mainly due to the lack of light, but you manage to make it without bumping into anyone else. as you pour your punch in a cup, someone clears their throat in front of you. âJohnny Suh!â you gasp, a smile forming on your face. Johnny and you used to be neighbors in high school but right after graduation, he and his family moved to Chicago. You were very sad at the departure of one of your only friends, so you were beyond thrilled to see him again. You shuffle around the table to give him a hug that he gladly reciprocated. âI thought I saw you walk in. how are you, Y/N?â
âIâve been well. Busy, but well. When did you get back?â He tells you that he recently got a job at an accounting firm, right here in the city. When you ask him where he says the name of your firm. âNo way! I work there, too!â Johnny lights up at this, you talk about the work-life, how the people are, and share your experiences.
You fail to notice that across the room, a pair of eyes have been following you ever since you left them alone a few moments ago. Taeyong watches, with a pained gaze, as you reciprocate what is obvious flirtatious behavior from Johnny. Truthfully, when Johnny moved away, Taeyong remembers being a little happy on the inside, because he wouldnât have to hear you talk about him so much. If he didnât know better, heâd say that Johnny harbored a small crush on you. When he brought it up, you used to throw your head back in laughter, before pinching his cheeks and calling him cute. That same feeling begs to ignite again, but his head is quicker than his heart, as it forces him to look down at the thin silver band wrapped around the ring finger of his right hand. Youâve moved on, he hears, and he tucks his hand into his pocket. Someone walks over to him and captures his attention, pushing the thoughts of you and what could have been to the back of his head.
Johnny gets a call from someone, so he excuses himself from your company, leaving you standing amidst the terrible background music and a half-full cup of punch in your hand. You figure you can go grab some fresh air right about now, so you meander off to the door, before stepping out onto the concrete outside. The cool summer breeze is comfortable against your arms but out of habit you fold them together, the cup of punch firmly held in your palm. You close your eyes and exhale the breath you didnât know you were holding. âCare if I join you?â Taeyongâs voice rings, shattering the silence you developed briefly. Opening your eyes, you clear your throat before saying, âbe my guest.â Taeyong stands next to you, and once heâs in the light youâre able to get a better look at him. The last time you saw Taeyong, his hair was much shorter and cleanly trimmed. He had innocence in his eyes that twinkled with every step. The version of him standing next to you was definitely more mature; thereâs a shadow of smile lines and crowâs feet on the side of his face you see, his hair has grown out quite a bit and you can make out the sharpness of his cheekbone and jaw naturally contouring his face.
âSome things never change, right?â He says out of the blue and you cough to offset the growing embarrassment you feel. Heâs referring to how you used to zone out into your thoughts when you stared at him, usually from the side. He would always be able to pick up on it, teasing you relentlessly. âHave you been well?â âDid you move back here?â The both of you asked at the same time to one another, awkwardly laughing off the collision of your questions before you said, âyou first.â Taeyong nodded, âI moved back here almost a year ago actually. I was transferred to a small hospital and they knew I was from here, so they figured it was easier to send someone who had a feel for the demographic.â You bit your lip, and he continued, âI didnât realize how much I missed this city. It was only after I moved back that I felt like this is where home was all along. How about you, did you ever leave?â You shook your head, âI had all my opportunities here, so I never felt the need to go anywhere. I have been perfectly happy and I never felt better,â and as you speak, you notice Taeyong pull his hand out of his pocket to scratch his ear and light reflects the ring resting nicely on his ring finger. You try not to let your eyes widen too much, but you canât help it if your heart shatters in your chest. âYouâre engaged.â Taeyong winced at the change in your tone; he wanted to avoid this topic. âUh, yeah. Yes, I am.â You attempt to play it off, looking away from his analyzing gaze. âWhoâs the lucky person?â Taeyong looks outward with a certain fondness as he recalls details of his significant other. He says they met in one of his classes, saying they âwere the best friend he never hadâ. You listened on as your walls started to break.
âI proposed shortly after I found out I was transferred here. They moved here with me, actually.â You nodded, recognizing all too well this feeling growing in you. It was reminiscent of how you felt when you broke up with him, but this was much more intense. You painfully exhaled and you knew he could sense it. âHappy for you. I really am,â you managed to say without letting your voice crack. Taeyong was always very straightforward with you, and it didnât surprise you when he said, âY/N, I was in the darkest place when we broke up. They helped me get out of that. I know it was not an easy decision to make, which is why I want you to know that you will always have a place in my heart. We spent so many years together, itâs natural that you and I will always be something special.â You turn the other way, and this time, you canât stop the tears from falling. You couldnât face him anymore because you donât want to reveal to him that a big part of you still wanted him. Seeing that ring on his finger and hearing him gush about his partner reaffirmed all that. Now, all you wanted to do was to get out of there. âIâll be honest, sometimes it still feels like I havenât gotten over you. Even if I did. Know that I will always love you and that youâll always have a piece of me.â Taeyong says, and a small whimper leaves you. âIâm a mess, Taeyong,â you croak. âI built this strong wall and convinced myself that I was okay. Tonight youâve proved me wrong. I tried time and time again to find someone else to introduce into my life but no one comes close.â You finally wipe your eyes and turn back to face Taeyong to find silent tears trailing down his face. âI was hoping youâd be here tonight if Iâm being honest. I needed to get this off my chest. Iâm sorry for everything, Y/N.â
You breathe, the final bit of teardrops sitting at your waterline. âThank you, Taeyong. For everything, but especially the memories. I know I canât fall out of love with you overnight, and I certainly will not ask you to do anything selfish. You know that I just want you to be happy, and if they make you happy, thatâs all that matters.â Taeyong wants to reach out to wipe your tears, but heâs afraid heâll cross a line he set for himself. âWould you still want to be friends? For old timesâ sake,â Taeyong asks, hoping youâll say yes. You feel conflicted but you say, âyouâre going to need to give me time, Taeyong. I need to sort things out in terms of relationships, and right now, I donât think I can take being your friend. Thatâs going to lead to me wishing terrible things on you two, and I donât want to jeopardize a relationship that is strong enough as it is. Please, donât force me to befriend you when Iâm broken.â Taeyong is hurt, but the rational voice in his head is telling him that you are doing the right thing. âItâs getting late,â you muster the courage to say, âI should head out but Iâm glad you got the closure you needed.â Taeyong offered to walk you to your car, and you donât know if you can take any more heartbreak, but you let him walk you anyway. The tears are gone for now, but theyâll come back. Taeyong hesitates, âDo you want to meet up for lunch or something anytime soon?â You unlock your door and open it before turning to him. Thereâs a glint of hope in his eye, and you smile meekly, âmaybe but not soon, Taeyong. When Iâm ready. I hope you can understand.â He nods almost instantly, and youâre grateful for his reaction. âIâll see you someday,â you tell him and he nods, waving to you as you start your car and leave, whispering under his breath âsomeday.â
a/n: AHHH my first ever long scenario. this was much easier to do than a series lol but Iâm nervous! I would appreciate any and all feedback you guys have for me, and thank you for reading it!
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thinking about Spinel again. the poor thing was literally created to be a personal entertainer, obviously didnt know how to socialize with people properly because of this programming, was abandoned and only realized what happened after 6000 years had gone by, and was so traumatized by it that it caused her to reform
how much time passed between Stevenâs broadcast and Spinelâs arrival to Earth? did she really only have under ten minutes to process this? how little did SHE know of the complexity of other life forms? at the climax of the movie she says âI came here to take out my anger on a bunch of strangersâ and yet at the beginning it was clear that she was targeting Steven specifically, and came with the intent of taking away his friends just like she had lost Pink Diamond all those years ago
but then at the end she comes to the realization herself that what she had done was wrong. maybe Stevenâs words really did get through to her after all, but I thought it was really cool that she was the one to snap herself out of it, going from fury, to self loathing, to sadness, and then finally asking herself âwhat am I doing? why do I wanna hurt you so bad? Iâm supposed to be your friend. I just wanna be your friend.â
Iâve definitely been in the same position as Steven before, where someone I didnât really like or know well latched themselves onto me and seemed oblivious to the fact that I didnât want them around, and itâs really awkward and uncomfortable. so I definitely get how everybody felt with OG Spinel around.
but thinking deeper about it, this wasnât just a person who wanted a friend and didnât have the social understanding to realize they were coming on too strong and making people uncomfortable. this was a gem who was literally created to be someoneâs friend. which, obviously, doesnât just work like that, because people have different personalities, and not everybody is going to be friendship-compatible with everyone else. if she was created or chosen specifically with Pink in mind, then the diamonds wouldâve wanted her to be silly and ridiculous because they would assume thatâs just what Pink would want, and that would be that. Remember, this was 6000 years ago, long before ANY of the diamonds had realized how complex other gems and lifeforms are. it was very wrong of them, but they literally didnt know that Spinel had the option to even be her own person with her own thoughts and feelings.
all Spinel KNOWS is that sheâs supposed to be Pinkâs friend, and then after being hit with the rejuvenator, Stevenâs friend, but I donât think she knows how to be a true friend because she wasnât created that way. she was simply created for entertainment. when sheâs heart-haired and giggly sheâs constantly making jokes and quips and trying to make Steven laugh, but even though he was clearly upset the whole time she was around, she didnât seem to realize it. she never tried to get to the heart of his problems and help solve them with care, she only ever tried to sugarcoat things and make him laugh. because she wasnât created to be a TRUE friend. a true friend who will talk to you, and get to know you, and know things about you, your likes and dislikes, what you do for fun, how to really cheer you up when youâre sad, and, most importantly, how to get serious and help you when youâre struggling. she literally doesnât know how bc she was only meant to be someone who makes people laugh, which is only a small part of what friendship is.
and at the end of the movie, she shows that she WANTS to understand what true friendship is. she wants to go beyond her programming and be someoneâs TRUE friend, not just someone who will entertain you and make you laugh. and she even realizes that after all she and Steven have been through, theyâre incompatible as friends (or at least they are the way she is now). she grows!!
Iâm not sure how well sheâll progress if sheâs with the diamonds (and by extension, the pearls), since surely they will want her around for the same entertainment purposes that they wanted for Pink, but itâs a start! sheâll learn to ask whatâs wrong when she sees theyâre upset, sheâll learn to actually take notice of things that they like rather than just using silly gimmicks to get a laugh out of them, and maybe sheâll finally start making friends for real
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(1/3) Hear me out (Tenko and Hero!GF) imagine this, Kotaro force Tenko to breakup with you by telling him heâll ruin your reputation. Because your reputation shouldnât be tinted because of his father, Tenko did. Youâre is left heart broken and sobbing without a proper reason. Tenko fell into depression, which mean Kotaro can manipulate Tenko into doing what he wants: marry a girl from a well off family/non-hero. Tenko did. He doesnât love that girl. But he did to keep his father happy. - đš
i am an absolute RAT for neglecting these beautiful asks for so long, especially considering this is my favorite au!! iâm sorry anon, i had this written a while ago and had no energy to finish it until now ;-;Â
- there were many clever tactics kotarou thought of to break this relationship apart. he could have told tenko that his villainous quirk will only cast judgement upon you simply by association, or perhaps you had some secret that you did not want the world to know. either way, kotarou stops at nothing to convince tenko to break up with you, because in his mind, he believes he is doing this with tenkoâs best interests at heart. this, to him, is not pettiness. this is a father trying to protect his son. - no signs indicated that your relationship would ever come to an end. if anything, you were both certain that you would marry each other soon, because you were madly in love. so when tenko breaks it off with you, you are left blind sighted and completely devastated. you hadnât even imagined a life without him since you first started dating. and likewise, this was the hardest thing tenko has ever had to do. seeing you cry made him sick with guilt, but he only wanted to protect you from his father. this was a necessary evil. no matter how much you begged him to reconsider, tenko was convinced that you would be happier without him in your life, if only so that kotarou would not bother you. - you both fall into a deep depression after the breakup. tenko was always a bit withdrawn, but he had warmed up considerably when you entered his life. now, he was worse than ever, neglecting his health and personal life and not giving a damn about it. kotarou expected this, so he let his son grieve for some time. but when he notices that tenko isnât getting any better, he takes matters into his own hands to help him forget about you. resigned to a life without you, tenko agrees to meet the girl kotarou wanted to set him up with. he may as well â they would all be subpar compared to you, so he may as well get it over with.
- Â the young woman was born into a wealthy family and reaped the benefits of her heritage tenfold. she is vivacious and larger than life, older than tomura and upholds some of kotarouâs ignorant ideas, and is the perfect trust fund kid who has grandiose visions for useless ideas and far too much money to funnel into her projects. but it keeps her busy, and she is fairly nice to his family, so tenko goes with it. the hardest moments are when he starts to actually enjoy her presence, because his mind would immediately think about you. but those moments come as quick as they go. this woman always found some way to grate his nerves at least a little. - Â while tenko struggles to regain a sense of normalcy in his life, you were at a crossroads. as if the breakup hadnât been bad enough, you discover that you are pregnant. what the hell could you possibly do? should you confront tenko and fight to get him back? kotarou would only think of you as a gold digger trying to use your pregnancy to worm your way into his family. initially, you settle on simply telling tenko about it. no strings attached. you knew him, you knew that he wanted to start a family of his own. besides, this child was the fruit of your love, so how could he not love this child? - you feel invigorated. slowly but surely, tenko would come back into your life. except you stumble upon him with that woman, and all of your hopes and dreams come crashing down. you donât know what hurts more: the fact that he moved on far quicker than you had, or that you were gullible enough to think he would still pine for you. - you carry through with the pregnancy all on your own. kotarouâs biased logic filtered through your head whenever you headed to work, reminding you that your career put you in danger and increased your chances of not living long enough to see your child grow. children, you had to remind yourself. you were carrying twins. - you decide to retire from the front lines to use your skill set in a safer setting. a simple office job. it was ideal for you and your new little family. the twins already lacked a father; you couldnât bear the thought of them losing their mother, too. - the moment you see your newborn children for the first time, you break down into tears. they have dark hair just like him. and when their eye color sets in, it is that same crimson shade you loved so much. - it is difficult. motherhood is new territory for you, especially with two babies and a full-time job to juggle. but you make it work, because every time you come home to those sweet little faces, you feel so indescribably happy, even when a part of you still suffered from the loss of your lover. - four years later, tenko is in a hell of a rut. his life is mundane and he is constantly reminded of the fact that he married someone entirely incompatible with him. it had been easy to tolerate in the beginning, but once the honeymoon period wore off, the fighting began. his wife keeps pestering him to finally give her a child, and he dreads the inevitable. worst of all, he had managed to hear by word of mouth that you were no longer a hero, for whatever reason. you were no longer the thing that his father hated, and yet here tenko was, stuck in a loveless marriage when he could have been with you all these years. the thought makes him unspeakably angry at times, and unfortunately he lets it out on his wife. it is not a healthy relationship. - you, however, have moved on for the most part. there simply hasnât been time to prolong your sadness when you had two hungry mouths to feed. tenko may not be in your life anymore, but you had your beautiful children and that was good enough for you. - you cross paths one day, completely by chance. who could ever think that a boring shopping trip would lead to tenko seeing you for the first time in years. and you looked just as beautiful as you always had. his heart clenched tightly in his chest and he felt his knees go weak at the sight of you. you hadnât noticed him yet, and he took the opportunity to watch you for a little while longer. he didnât know if he should go talk to you or not, and while his indecisiveness rooted him to the spot, his attention suddenly shifted to a little boy that tugged at your arm asking for sweets. tenko furrowed his brows in confusion, anxiety welling up within him as his suspicions were about to be confirmed. and then he sees the little girl holding your hand.- and he sees the dark hair. the red eyes. - he nearly throws up from the onslaught of emotions that overtake him. it couldnât be. it just couldnât be. - the little girl notices tenko staring at you and shyly whispers to you about the strange man hiding behind a stack of canned food. you lock eyes as the little boy demands tenko to stop being a creep, and you are both rendered silent, too shocked to do anything other than simply look at each other. old feelings resurface in an instant. you both feel a magnetic pull, and tenko nearly succumbs to it. you are the first to regain your senses, because you have children to take care of, and you could not afford to rouse their suspicion. with a brisk nod to tenko you usher the twins forward as you walk away. tenko is left standing there, numb and overcome with feelings.- he wants to go straight to his fatherâs house and kill him. his hands are practically itching from restraint, and he goes back to his old habit of scratching at his neck, even though you helped him get over this coping mechanism a while ago. tenko goes on a long walk instead, so long that his wife has been bombarding his phone well into the night, but he doesnât care. he needs to think. he needs to understand what he saw. - one way or another, you both find each other again at the grocery store. tenko had been waiting for you for days in that store in hopes of seeing you, and you knew him well enough to know that he would do something dramatic like this. so you appear one day without the children, distant and polite as you finally muster up the mental fortitude to speak with him. - this conversation warranted a more serious setting, but tenko didnât want to risk his wife seeing you, and you did not want him in your house. so you go to a large park and find a secluded area to talk. and talk you did, for a very long time. tenko is practically choking with guilt and resentment towards everyone in his life for putting you both in this ridiculous circumstance. if only things had been a little different, if only you two had a little more time together, then none of this would have happened. all of these years, wasted. worst of all, his suspicions were confirmed - those two children were his, and he missed out on so many important milestones. - he wants you back immediately. he wants you so, so fucking much, heâs never stopped loving you. and he tells you this, as selfish as it is. he hates himself for hurting you like this, because you had already moved on, but you are the mother of his children, damn it. you were his real family, not the woman he grew to resent. - you are too afraid to start a relationship just yet, but you do agree to introduce him to the children. tenko pulls you in for a bone crushing hug when you say that. he nearly kisses you, with how close your beautiful face is to his, but he restrains himself. there will be time for that later. heâs going to win you back, and he will never let you go. - for once, his life was starting to get better. tenko finally feels like he has a purpose, a direction in life. but he needs to settle a score. this time, he goes to his fatherâs house. and as soon as he sees him, he punches the bastard right in his face. the argument that ensues is perhaps the most severe theyâve ever had, even worse than when kotarou had to convince tenko to leave you. - when he tells kotarou about the children, he feels a sick satisfaction when kotarou falls silent, and his family is left in various stages of shock. he forbids them from talking to him, or trying to contact you. he wants nothing to do with his family, even his mother and sister. they may not have had any part in kotarouâs schemes, but they were always ultimately on his side, and he hates them now more than ever. hana of course does not allow this negativity to brew between them. she is team tenko for life from now on and is resolved to help him. his mother is devastated by how everything had fallen apart, how she had grandchildren she never knew about. she cries over this for days and doesnât speak to kotarou. - when the initial shock of everything settles down, tenko is there for his children every step of the way. he fights hard to win their trust and friendship, which is relatively easy, because he already loves them so much and they can sense his joy when they want to be with him. - and how could your relationship with tenko not prosper? despite everything, you canât resist falling back into deep friendship. but you canât bring yourself to enter a physical relationship with him, no matter how horribly tempting it is, because tenko is still married and you canât condone cheating. you donât want to be the side chick, no matter how in love you two were. - tenko calls up his lawyer that night, gets those divorce papers, and hands them to his wife as soon as he sees her. and we all know heâs in for a hell of a fight. every excuse he offers is swiftly shut down. heâs fallen out of love with her? tough shit, thatâs marriage. heâs cheating on her? now sheâs not divorcing him out of spite. itâs only when he confesses that he has children that she becomes genuinely heartbroken. sheâs always wanted children, and tenko always made excuses. now that she knows about you, about the history you two shared, she is so overcome with jealousy that she doubles down on her refusal to divorce him. - no problem. enter kotarou, properly whipped to hell and back by his family and eager to get on their good side again. heâs too damn old and tired to keep up the drama, especially now that you arenât a hero. there just isnât any point to all of this. his powerful business connections allow him to put pressure on the wifeâs family to convince her to take a settlement and sign the papers. to tenkoâs endless relief, she relents in the end. - with nothing standing in the way of your happiness, tenko moves in with you and you become a proper family. you get married as soon as you feel confident in his love for you again, and you conceive on your wedding night. tenko loves his children very much, but he is also ecstatic about the chance to be there for your third child, to feel like a proper father and support you like heâs always wanted to. - you better believe yaâll live happily ever after.
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me, myself and the C*nt I might be
so Iâve come on here because I have nowhere else to go.
you know when your inner thoughts just come to get you. Iâm unemployed, all I do all day is sew. But I see in silence, and pin that silence, my brain comes to get me. And I canât take it anymore.
so ive come here. Iâve come to write. To speak, to get things off my chest. Judge me how you will.
we have all suffered lockdown. And itâs brought all kinds of new types of suffering that most of us weren't aware even existed. The loneliness. The boredom. The monoton. And the loss of who you are, or who you were.
i, for example, was sociable. I loved nothing more than to put on an exquisite outfit, makeup you name it and be with people day in day out. I was truly happy then. In my element.
but now, all I wear is sweats. My hair, thin and unwashed. My legs, hairy and pale. My skin white and uneven. Iâve lost almost all of what I used to stand for. All, but my boyfirned, skew how we have managed to escape lockdown unscathed. A perfect relationship you would think. Weâre gorgeous, we love fashion, he is my best friend Iâm the whole world, he attends to my every need. I look at him and see how much of a good father he will be. His kindness, his doting love for me and everything that is me. And yet, Iâm sad. Iâm sad because I miss my freedom. And you may say get over it youâve found the man of your dreams, and i have. But since being trapped inside my own home with no one to talk to but my family for as long as I can remember I yearn for what was. I yearn for being with people. With crowds of people. clubs where you are so close to human bodies that you can smell their sweat. Which is gross, I know. But I miss it. I miss the fact I didnât care. Or I didnât have to care. I could just, be.
so now I could risk everything just to have a taste of what I want and need. For if I lose my one true love I am well aware that could be it for me. Game over. And then where will I be. But why does it have to be this way.
there is also something else. I fear for our sex life. Itâs been a problem from day one and I thought it would get better but itâs got worse. And I am at a loss what to do. What do I do can someone tell me please. There is no answer. And Iâm sick of going over it in my head over and over again. Itâs been so long since when Iâve enjoyed sex Iâve forgotten what it feels like.
i think it all started witthe fact that we are physically incompatible. Itâs also due to the fact that he does not share the same desires as me. And so does not understand what turns me on and I do not under what turns him on. And so nothing works, ever. Itâs a mess. A shit show. And there seems to be no end in sight. I feel like Iâm blaming him but I know itâs me. It all started from how it hurt for me. Because he did not give me any time to get ready. But when I told him, all we do now is wank eachother off. And all I want to do is make love and we canât. And if we donât want each other Off I just dread whatâs coming and so I canât relax. And if I donât relax it hurts. And thereâs nothing either of us can do. we also do not share any kind of sex life outside of seeing eaclother. If I try to sext he brushes me off, he makes me feel ashamed. But I shouldnt feel ashamed. And because I have no interest in cheating on him I donât sext anyone else, which means I havenât sexted or shared my desired with anyone for a year and a half. And I miss it. Among everything else I miss I miss that. he has taken everything u loved about sex and ruined it all. And I resent him for it, but itâs not his fault because itâs simply something he doesnât like. Which I cannot blame him for. But because we are long distance I have to go almost four months at a time with zero sex. Zero, zilch, and you say I should wank? But isnât a boyfriend somebody youre Supposed to share your fantasies with? Isnât he someone who cares about your pleasure and the way you feel? I feel like our relationship is a friendship now, my needs are unmet. He wonât fulfil my needs but heâs stopping me from getting them elsewhere.
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my name is...
Relationship: Briar Daly/Theresa Sutton
Count: 2,033 words
Special thanks to @lesbian-choices, who brought this pairing to our attention back at the gaychoices discord. This oneâs for you, wlws!
Tag: @jellymonster, @h-doodles, @deeohno, @lesbianvalgreaves, @samira-yazdi, @letmeloveasterplease, @wlwchoices, @al-servo, @badbitchkennarys, @davenportandbrandy, @dumbbrowngirl, @imissmaxwell, @sapphic-legends, @kaitlynliaoswife, @i-stan-shaylex-and-love-ame, @megowitch, @alanakusumaswife, @westchesters,
âÂ
Theresa Sutton sat alone on the steps of the banquet hall leading to the garden outside Karlington estate. Her lemon yellow dress had hiked up to her calves (which would be extremely scandalous in normal circumstances), but at the moment, she found that she couldnât care less â not when Mr. Marlcaster, her (ex) fiancĂŠ, had just called off their engagement.
A particularly unladylike groan escapes from her throat. And he did it in public, no less!
So give her a bloody momentâs rest if she wanted to wallow by herself in a rumpled, distasteful state in a corner at one of the most prominent social functions of the season. She was really, really tired.
It was about the beginning of May; the weather was getting warmer, but it was still too cold for her taste. She absently stared at the moonlight reflecting on the rippling water of the ornate fountain in the middle of the space. Crickets, owls, and other nocturnal animals could be heard in the distance, just having another typical evening.
A cold breeze blows. It sapped the warmth from her skin and prompted a quiet sneeze from the miserable woman. Theresa was so glad she decided to wear gloves today. She curled herself up into a ball, hugging her legs close to her chest and resting her forehead on her knees.
There was something comforting about the cold when you were sad. Theresa liked to think it was Mother Natureâs way of saying that she sympathised with her situation.
At least then she wouldnât feel so alone.
âMiss Sutton?â
She jumps in response to her name, hastily wiping away her tears in hopes of looking a little less dreadful than she knew she definitely looked.Â
âO-oh yes! What can I do for you ââ
Theresa cranes her head towards the direction of the voice coming up the steps, leading back inside to the festivities.
â â Miss Daly?â She couldnât help but say in confusion as she scrunched her eyebrows together. What was she doing here?
âMiss Sutton,â Briar answers in return with a nod. She offered the lady a tentative smile, taking note of Miss Suttonâs current state. âI, uhm, saw you from the refreshments table,â Briar nervously smiled, carrying a glass of water. She looked hesitant, idling at the top of the stairs.
âWould you⌠like some company? And some water, perhaps?â
âOh,â Theresa blinked, already feeling the tears start to burn at the back of her eyelids. Of course Miss Daly was nice and kind and thoughtful.
Briar looked even more worried and decided to jump the gun. She descended from the top of the stairs to even lower from where Miss Sutton was sitting down, so that they were facing each other as she stood. She offers the cup of water, and Miss Sutton accepts it with a nod.
âThank you, I suppose I was feeling rather parched,â Theresa quietly murmurs before daintily sipping from the cup. She offers the maid a grateful smile. âYouâre very considerate, Miss Daly.â
âJust Briarâs fine. Miss Daly is my mother,â Briar sheepishly grins, fiddling with the end of her sleeve. âAnd Iâm glad to see it helped.â
Briar settles down just by Miss Suttonâs feet. Her arm brushes by the yellow fabric of her skirt. They were close enough such that Theresa could feel the light heat of Miss Dalyâs back slowly waft towards her, and gently brush the surface of her skin.
(It felt⌠nice, which was odd, considering their current relationship.)
The two sit in silence, digesting the reality of the situation: There they were, two women who were acquainted only because of their connection to a man â Edmund Marlcaster.
If it were anyone else, Theresa might have enjoyed the drama.
âI have to tell you that I didnât mean to flirt with Mr. Marlcaster,â Briar starts. It was hesitant, sure, and definitely apologetic. Theresa could feel the sincerity coming off her with each word.
Miss Sutton raises a playful (and maybe slightly sarcastic) eyebrow. She could feel the corner of her lip quirk, âAnd how might one accidentally flirt with a man?â
The fabric of Briarâs sleeves aggressively flopped as she frantically waved her hands in denial (and surrender). âNo, nothing like that! I meant that I didnât return his advances for the purpose of ruining your engagement.â
âYesâŚ?â Theresa blinks, trying to process the information. What was happening, exactly?
Briar sighs, deciding that she couldnât avoid telling Miss Sutton about her life back at their quiet village. âAt Grovershire, I was very much a âone of the boysâ type. I was always loud and restless, so I liked to run around town during my morning errands. Iâd come back with bread and vegetables, but also mud stains on the hem of my skirtsâŚâ
âSometimes, even on my face,â Briar shot a wink at Miss Sutton, which made the lady laugh.Â
The maid grins inwardly in satisfaction. âI would often climb up one of the trees at the edge of town and read a book I nicked from my fatherâs study. And Iâd break my way into my motherâs alcohol stash routinely.â She pauses for a moment, before continuing, âSo I suppose they didnât see me as a woman. It was part of the reason I came with Clara to Edgewater.â
Her eyes suddenly widen at the information she just divulged to the loose-lipped noblewoman, âOh! Please donât tell her though! Iâd hate to worry her more than I have to.â
Miss Sutton solemnly nods, and though Clara would be wary of her, Briar felt that she really wouldnât speak of it.
So, she continues.
âI didnât think that I would ever get married. So I thought, why not stay with my best friend, who was now without her mother, and suddenly thrust into the cutthroat world of nobles?â
Briar took a deep breath before speaking again.Â
(This was where it was going to hurt.)
âI think that⌠I got swept away by the feeling of a man taking a liking to me. I suppose it made me feel like Iâd succeeded as a woman.â
And then, everything was still.Â
They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Briar was keen on avoiding meeting with Miss Suttonâs eyes for as long as she could keep it up.
That was, before the lady gently clasped both of her hands around one of Briarâs. Her expression was filled with nothing but understanding and⌠was camaraderie the right word for it?Â
Briar couldnât really think.
âYou neednât worry. I doubt our theoretical marriage would have lasted, anyway,â Theresa resigned. Sheâd known at the exact moment Countess Henrietta accepted her proposal for her son.Â
Absently, she played with Briarâs calloused fingers that were still in her grasp. âI suppose, much like you, I was too thrilled at the prospect of finally having a man that accepted me.â
She tightens her grip, with her lips pursed in a tight line, âOr more accurately, my marriage proposal.â
Studying the other woman, Miss Sutton could see that aside from being kind and sweet, Briar Daly was also very pretty. Dark and full eyebrows, expressive eyes, a dashing side-profile, and long black hair (currently wrapped into a tight bun) â which was so thick and full that some strands couldnât help but stray to the Indian womanâs face.
Theresa didnât know what came over her, but she reached out a hand to play with a lock resting limply against Briarâs neck.
âI can see why Mr. Marlcaster took a liking to you.â
Briar, who was spaced out at the feeling of Miss Suttonâs soft fingers pressing on her own, had regained enough conscious thought to blush, âOh⌠uhm⌠well, I donât know about that. I think he only took a liking to me because you two were so incompatible with each other.â
Theresa couldnât help but be amused at the womanâs bluntness. She places a hand on her chest, pretending to have been shot with an arrow, theatrically wincing, âMy word, Briar! You wound me.â
Briar chuckled, pleased to see that Miss Sutton was now relaxed enough to even joke with her. âItâs clearly Mr. Marlcasterâs loss anyway! He would be surprised to find that youâre actually very charming, if he was smart enough to look past your extreme penchant for gossip,â she affectionately teases Theresa.
The noblewoman blushes prettily with a grin, lightly hitting Briarâs arm with her fan. âHush, you. Parties are dreadfully boring without gossip, because all that everyone talks about is politics, this new exotic thing they bought, or whoâs now signalling their fan at who.âÂ
For a heartbeat, they simply sit in each otherâs company.
Before Miss Sutton stands up and briskly pats off any dirt on her skirts. She immediately answers the look Briar just shot at her.Â
(She somewhat resembled a domestic fox that just had food taken from her.)
âI should be getting back in and at least try to pique some random bachelorâs interest. Fatherâs already going to be disappointed with me once I head home tonight. Might as well have something in consolation.â
Miss Sutton seriously studies Briarâs face for a moment, seemingly searching for something, (Briar anxiously hoped she had whatever she was looking for), before Theresa places a chaste kiss on her cheek.
âThank you, Briar.â
It was practically nothing at all: a quick touch of skin and lips and no more.
But to Briar, in that moment, that peck on the cheek from Theresa Sutton felt like everything.
âPuffy!âÂ
Briar manages to choke out from her stupor, gently grasping Miss Suttonâs gloved wrist. Theresaâs confusion was evident, âPardon?â
Briar could feel her cheeks burning from her sudden outburst, âUhm, your eyes are still a bit puffy.â
Theresaâs eyes widened, prompting her to bring her hands to her cheeks in embarrassment. âOh, well⌠I suppose Iâll have to wait out here for it to subside before heading back in. It would be most unbecoming,â Miss Sutton chuckles weakly, trying to joke away the stuffiness. She stood lightly slouched and slack, with an evident air of resignation about her.
âI very much need to salvage as much dignity as I have left.â
âWell, you could do thatâŚâ Briar trails off, looking away from the lady. The handmaiden was clearly unsure of her next words. Miss Sutton keeps her gaze trained on Briar, waiting patiently for her to finish. Their eyes meet when Briar glances back at her, blushing harder and dropping her eyes to her shoes.Â
Briar slowly slides her hold down from Miss Suttonâs wrist, gently grasping the ladyâs fingertips, much like a gentleman would before he kissed them in proper greeting.
ââŚOr you could take a walk in the gardens. With me. If you like.â
Briar could feel Miss Suttonâs eyes widen.
(In surprise? In disgust? In delight? â
Briar found that she was afraid to know.)
âT-The Dukeâs a rotten man!â Briar adds quickly, and she isnât sure why.Â
âBut he has a beautiful garden.â
She rocks back and forth on her heels, to expel some of the developing tension in her body.
âSo, uhm⌠how about it?
Miss Sutton takes a few moments to answer her, keenly staring at Briarâs flustered form, like she was attempting to search for her true intentions within them.
(And she found that she did.Â
At least, she hoped so.)
Theresa smiles, and manoeuvres her hand â still in Briarâs grasp â down to gently hold on to Briarâs bicep.
âI accept.â
Briar lights up; her eyes sparkled with elation. Almost too excited, she starts to pull them to the direction of the greenery, almost making them stumble. âAll right then, letâs go, Miss Sutton! I havenât been here before so thereâs lots to see.â
The noblewoman smiles at her companionâs enthusiasm. âPlease,â Miss Sutton brings her free hand to lightly rest on Briarâs shoulder. The touch effectively stilled Briar, making their gazes connect.
It felt warm, despite the cold of the evening.Â
âCall me Tessa,â she smiles radiantly under the moonlight.
â
âOh, Iâve been meaning to ask, but why are you wearing a staff uniform?â
â⌠It was the only way I could get in.â
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Linked: Chapter 5
Summary: Bulma and Vegeta begin to truly understand their feelings, with a little help from their friends.
Previous Chapters: Â 1Â /Â 2Â /Â 3Â /Â 4
Also on Ao3.
8-8-8-8-8
Note: I am sooo sorry for this incredibly late update! Some of you may remember that I had gotten really sick soon after posting the last chapter of this, but now that I am better, I am back!
I hope you enjoy this, and as always, feedback gives me liiiiife.
8-8-8-8-8
Chapter 5: Synced
8-8-8-8-8
âHello?â
Bulma held the phone to her cheek with her shoulder as she tried to answer the call and sort through the growing pile of papers on her desk.
âGood morning. Am I speaking to Ms. Bulma Briefs?â asked the voice on the other line.
âYes, this is Ms. Briefs. May I ask who is on the line, please?â
âMs. Briefs, I am Dr. Gero from NRRU, the New Red Ribbon University,â he said, making Bulma straighten in her seat, papers forgotten as she quickly grabbed the phone with both hands.
NRRU was a premier academic and research institute, and she knew of Dr. Gero through the several books he had written on nuclear physics.
âWhat can I do for you, Dr. Gero?â she asked, her heart leaping within her chest.
âWe had received a recommendation for you from one of our colleagues, and I wish to ask if you would be interested in coming in for an interview to fill a job vacancy as a Research Fellow for our Physics Department?â
Her jaw fell slack, mouth open in shock, as she digested what she had just heard.
She had just been asked to try for a post at freaking NRRU.
She nearly wheezed, one hand flying to her chest to keep her heart from ripping straight through her rib cage.
This⌠was unbelievableâŚ
And she knew exactly who had made it possible.
âMs. Briefs? Are you still there?â
âYes!â she yipped, before she cleared her throat and tried to answer with a smidge more dignity. âYes, Dr. Gero. I am still on the line. And I am, of course, very interested regarding your offer for an interview.â
âAlright then, have you a pen and paper? Please take down these details,â Gero said, and Bulma made a mad scramble for a pen to take down the interview details, now set for three days away.
She thanked him profusely before she practically flew to HR to file for a day of vacation leave, and as she sat back down on her desk, she had the widest smile on her face, immediately alerting Chichi.
âWhatâs up, Bulma?â she asked.
âOh, nothing.â
âBull crap,â replied her friend. âYou have been morose for days. Ever since- well, ya knowâŚâ
And she did.
When she and Vegeta had agreed to part ways, she had know it would be difficult, but never imagined that it would be so all-consumingly painful.
She wholeheartedly blamed the marks, as she knew that it was the stupid things that caused her so much grief, but she couldnât help but wonder if maybeâŚ
MaybeâŚ
Maybe she had really been falling for him, Soulmate or not.
He was intelligent, handsome, determined to succeed and unconventionally caring⌠things that she had always known that she wanted in a man, but had never found until he came along.
And in her â their â stubbornness, they had pulled away from each other before they could discover what they truly had brewing, because both were overly cautious about being manipulated by a fate that they cannot control.
She snapped out of her thoughts when Chichi reached forward to hold her hand, and Bulmaâs lips quivered when she spied the pitying sadness in her friendâs gaze.
âBulma,â Chichi hesitated. âDonât you think that maybe you should-â
âNo, Chi,â she said, cutting off a sentiment that had been repeated to her several times already.
âButâŚâ
âI am not gonna ask him to come back,â Bulma said. âThis⌠this is nothing! Iâve just hit a bit of a snag, but Iâm gonna be fine.â
Chichi looked unconvinced, but nodded, pulling her hand back.
Chichi smiled with forced brightness as Bulma did the same, asking again, âSo, why were you so happy just now?â
Bulma excitedly told her about the phone call, expecting Chichi to be as ridiculously happy as she was, but Chichi just frowned again.
âWhat? Why do you look so sad?â she asked.
âBecause⌠well, canât you see, Bulma,â she responded haltingly. âThis was Vegetaâs doing. He is still looking out for you. And if that isnât a sign of true affection, I donât know what is.â
âChichi, I canât just accept that heâs the one, all because of a dumb tattoo-â
âIt isnât, though!â Chichi exclaimed, suddenly standing up, hands balled into tiny fists at her side. âYou are self-sabotaging, as usual!â
Bulmaâs eyes widened, and she was about to say something when Chichi held a hand up to her to silence her.
âYou always give up before you can start. You find a negative sign before you see the go-signal,â Chichi ranted. âYou have sacrificed everything for everyone else, and have gotten so used to compromising that you have never tried to take a risk for yourself!â
âChichi-â
âDo ya think Goku and I had it all so easy?â she asked, raising a hand up to pinch her eyes in frustration. âYou know what heâs like. He wasnât ready to settle down. He didnât even seem to understand what it meant! But I knew that I wanted him, and I fought, Bulma. I wanted that man, I fought for him, and now I have never been happier.â
âItâs not the same thing!â Bulma protested. âYou and Goku fell in love with each other-â
âDidnât you?â
Bulma paused, stunned.
Did she?
Did she actually, really fall for Vegeta?
âMaybe you need to see him again, Bulma. Or talk to him. Just one more time⌠Your soulmate mark has been wilting so badly lately and⌠maybe if you talk to Vegeta again, you can use that as your guide.â
Bulma looked down at her arm, where her soulmate mark looked like a branch of wilted leaves, the previously bright scarlet lines now a fading, brownish red.
Her mark looked as miserable as she feltâŚ
âMaybe⌠maybe after this interview. I just need some more time,â Bulma said.
Chichi smiled sadly at her, leaning down to once again hold her hands in hers.
âI wish you luck, Bulma.â
And Bulma knew, that Chichi was not just talking about the interview.
8-8-8-8-8
NRRU was massive, and Bulma was in heaven as she looked around at the high-tech cars and freshly-painted buildings comprising the Scientific Research Department.
Dr. Gero, a kindly old man with long gray hair, was an amazing person, and Bulma somehow managed to answer all his questions in spite of her rioting nerves.
The fact that Gero was so supportive helped a lot, and nearly an hour after they had shook hands as they met, Gero leaned back in his chair with a very fond grin.
âYou really are as brilliant as I had been told you were,â Gero said. âThen again, coming from this colleague of mine, I knew that his recommendations are valuable, as he is rather hard to impress. And you really impressed him, Ms. Briefs.â
Bulma hesitated, before she asked, âI just wanted to confirm⌠I was referred to you by Mr. Vegeta Ouji, am I correct?â
âYes, and I should give him a call to thank him. This interview we just had was one of the most entertaining ones I have had in years!â
She beamed, âDoes this mean that I pass your screening then, Dr. Gero?â
He nodded. âI shall be forwarding the results of this interview to our Recruitment team, and I will be asking them to expedite your paperwork. I think you will be an asset, Ms. Briefs, and I am looking forward to working with you.â
Bulma wanted to cry from how happy she was, disbelief running along with her unparalleled excitement.
âThank you so much, Dr. Gero,â she said. âI am so excited, and I am really going to do my best here, I promise.â
Gero stood up, and both of them reached forward to shake hands.
However, as they did, Bulma noticed something strangeâŚ
Geroâs sleeve had ridden up, and she saw that his arm was riddled with a pale, ash gray tattoo that was in the vague shape of a butterfly.
Gero noticed her gaze, and with a fatherly smile, he moved to pull his sleeve up, exposing him arm to her.
âIs thatâŚâ Bulma began.
âMy Soulmate Mark,â Gero confirmed. âBack in the day, this was in the form of a lovely golden butterfly.â
Bulma swallowed, unsure, but curiosity won over and she asked, âDid it also start to fade when you rejected your Soulmate?â
Geroâs eyes widened at her question. âRejected?â
She nodded, confused.
The old Doctor smiled, shaking his head. âI did not reject my Soulmate. She was my wife, for many years, and this mark turned into this⌠after she passed away.â
âI am so sorryâŚâ
âIt was quite a few years ago, and she left me with my wonderful son, who is working in the NRRU Robotics Department,â he smiled, before he asked, âWhat made you believe that I had rejected my Soulmate, Ms. Briefs?â Â
With an embarrassed blush, she pulled her sleeve up to show him her own wilting tattoo. âMy⌠my mark turned into this after my Soulmate and I parted ways. We werenât quite sure of each otherâŚâ
Gero frowned. âMs. Briefs⌠the way your mark has reacted⌠that is not how the Marks react to rejected or unfit Soulmates.â
She furrowed her brow at him, curious.
âIf you and your Soulmate find yourselves incompatible, the Marks would change from their original state, but would not transform into more complex patterns,â he explained.
âWhat do you mean?â
âI mean, that the way your Mark looks, is how it would if both your heart and soul have found your match, but you have been made to part ways,â he said kindly, a fond smile on his lips. âThe mark would have grown beautiful, but after you left your Soulmate, it faded, as if your soul was in mourning⌠just as mine mourns every single day after I had lost my dear wife.â
Bulma gaped, stunned. âThis means⌠that my Soulmate⌠is also the man for my heart?â
Geroâs smiled widened. âI suggest that you try to be with him again. No spat is worth not being with your Soulmate. Believe me, Ms. Briefs⌠if you return to him, it would be the best decision you will ever make.â
She felt the tears gather in her eyes, and she nodded, mind made.
âThank you Dr. Gero,â she said sincerely. âBoth for this opportunity, and for the advice.â
Within minutes, she was racing out of the university, determined to make things rightâŚ
She was going to get her Soulmate back.
8-8-8-8-8
Back in NRRU, an old gray-haired Physics expert was grinning as he dialed the number of a certain colleague in the EASA.
âYes,â came the curt reply.
âBoy, I suggest you get your butt moving back to that city,â the doctor said. âThat young lady looks just as miserable as you do.â
âDr. Gero-â
âVegeta,â he said, a note of warning in his tone. âRemember our discussion about Entropy?â
8-8-8-8-8
Bulma sighed, feeling stupid.
She had just realized that she didnât have Vegetaâs number.
âFor a smart person, I sure can be dumb,â she muttered as she sat on her bed in the wee hours of the morning, sleepy but unable to sleep, scrolling helplessly through her phone contacts.
How the hell did she never think of getting his number?
She would have to ask Piccolo if he had it.
She needed to talk to Vegeta. She needed to have him with her again.
As the thought filled her mind, she felt a small tingle begin to run up her arm, like a slither of a current moving beneath her skin.
She placed her phone down on the center table, glancing at her armâŚ
Her eyes widened, and she brought her arm up close to her eyes, squinting.
The mark had changed, the first visible movement that Bulma had seen since she last saw Vegeta.
The pale red that she had been used to seeing lately had shifted, as if a light had been injected into it from the inside. It bled into a deeper, brighter shade, from the very bottom line that slashed across her wrist to the edges of the wilted leaves along her arm.
A pulse ran through her as she watched the changing colors, and a strange sensation crept up from her chest, as if waiting anxiously for something that was sure to happenâŚ
A sudden knocking sound startled her, and she shook her head to clear it as her addled brain slowly realized that the sound was coming from the front door.
Lost in thought, she walked robotically towards it, but as she turned the knob, she didnât peer through the peephole to see who had come knocking.
She pulled the door open, and her heart nearly stopped at the sight that greeted herâŚ
Painfully familiar dark hair in riotous flame-like waves, a sharp widowâs peak that accentuated severe dark eyes⌠whose penetrating gaze went through her like shards of lightning, making her heart beat a thunderous rhythm within her chestâŚ
She trembled, overwhelmed; her hands slowly raised to hold in a sob that threatened to break through her lipsâŚ
She choked on his name as her eyes greedily roved his form, grateful for the chance to see his frowning face and his muscular body clothed in a simple white button-down shirt and blue denim jeans.
She clutched her throat as she finally found her voice, but now it was her mind that began to claw for something to say.
Yet, she came up blank, and the only thing she managed to do was choke out a single word.
âVegetaâŚâ she called softly, eyes searching his as he stared intently at her.
He too opened his mouth as if to speak, but quickly snapped it shut, his brows furrowing so low as his brilliant brain cast around for his thoughts, and just as she had begun to think that he was also coming up empty, he growled.
âEntropy,â he said, making her grimace in confusion.
Of all the things to say, she never expected that.
âWhat?â she asked, lost.
âWe were too hasty. We rushed through our inferences and came to incorrect conclusions,â he said, his words stumbling quickly, one after another.
âVegeta, are you alright? Youâre not making sense-â
âWeâre not in chaos, Bulma. We just need to analyze our degree of entropy,â he said, eyes now wide and unreasonably bright. âWe have a bit of disorder and randomness on our hands. But it is not the disarray that we had first seen it as.â
Bulma was still lost, her confusion giving way to irritation as his cryptic words stirred up her already jumbled mind. âWhy are we talking about physics at two in the morning?â
âPhysics is our point of commonality, is it not?â he asked. âIt seemed as if we were thrust into this strange situation in complete bedlam, but it is all simply random, and not really chaotic, isnât it? May I come in?â
Dumbfounded, she nodded, wordlessly stepping aside as he moved past her and promptly took a seat on her couch, dropping a backpack on the floor beside him.
She moved to close the door behind him before she turned to face him once more.
Vegeta looked up at her then, brows furrowed together, and much to Bulmaâs amusement, he gestured towards the chair, patting a spot beside himself as in inviting her to sit on her couch.
She chuckled in disbelief before she obliged him, promptly taking the seat beside him, her knees knocking softly against his when they both turned to face each other.
âOk, Vegeta⌠I need you to slow down. What are you trying to tell me?â she asked gently, trying to placate the clearly manic man sitting before her.
He shook his head. âBulma- This⌠Us. It is not as chaotic as we had thought. It was just that it had felt so random. It was just a seemingly random match-up, but if we sit still long enough to analyze itâŚâ
He trailed off, staring intently into her blue eyes, a look akin to helplessness leaking from his dark gaze. âRandomization removes the risk of bias. If we had been left to our own devices to find our matches, we would have been stuck searching uselessly within a biased set, an easily-accessible control group that did not contain the variable that would yield the best possible outcome.â
Bulma sucked in a deep breath, her sleepy mind jolting awake as she finally began to understand what Vegeta was getting at.
âI supposeâŚâ she started, gulping between unsteady breaths. âIf we had searched by ourselves, we would only be able to look within our current environments, our separate crowds. We would never think to look beyond our own cliques and the people surrounding us.â
âExactly,â he nodded. âAnd these Soulmate Marks⌠They were not random, after all. They were the most calculated things to have ever come to be. They were installed upon us by a higher power who knew that something-â
âSomeone,â she corrected softly.
He stared harder at her, his eyes melting her from the inside and out, before rebuilding her, sculpting her into something that would only grow more beautiful beneath his hands.
âSomeone,â he amended in a whisper. âSomeone better for us⌠is out there, previously completely inaccessible to us both.â
âFor who would think that my Soulmate would be a hotshot astronaut?â she agreed.
âAnd who would suspect that the woman I would someday fall in love with was a blue-haired academic writer stuck in a backward, sleepy city?â
She gasped, eyes going wide as his muttered question spread from her ears to every fiber of her form.
âIn⌠in love?â she asked hoarsely, her breaths shallow in elated disbelief.
âI do not know how⌠neither do I know when,â he said earnestly, âBut somehow, between the time I pushed you away from the path of a speeding car, and the time you spoke of your past to me in that small restaurantâŚâ
She began to shake, and as if sensing her turmoil, Vegeta hesitantly, slowly, reached up to grasp her trembling hands within his larger, steadier palms.
âMy... My heart,â he stuttered in a voice nearly too soft for her to hear, but Bulma knew that her own heart could have heard his words, even if her ears had not.
âYour heartâŚ?â she egged on.
He swallowed, face simultaneously pale and flushed. âMy heart⌠began to yearn for what my soul knew I needed. And⌠andâŚâ
She hiccupped, and it was only as she tasted salt on her lips that she even realized that she had been crying in response to his words actions.
âVegeta,â she spoke, trying to see him through her watery eyes.
She needed to watch him, see him clearly as she finally accepted what her spirit had known all along.
âI need you with me,â she said, her heart threatening to pound through her chest as she finally, finally understood. âYouâre what I want. I was so stupid to try to reject itâŚâ
âWe both were,â he admitted. âBulma, our minds were the only ones in chaos. We had been overthinking things-â
âAnd it conflicted with what we both could already feel,â she cut in. âAnd what I feel for you⌠VegetaâŚâ
She felt her arms begin to burn from her Soulmate Mark, but the sensation was not painfulâŚ
On the contrary, the flowing fissures of energy felt invigorating, divineâŚ
And as Vegeta moved closer, taking her face in his palms as his thumbs wiped away the tracks of her tears, Bulma surrendered to the all-encompassing knowledge that, gods and tattoos aside, this man was the man for her.
Her hands clutched at his arms as she trembled, as she felt his own body shake in response to her nearness, and compelled by the beauty of his lips, the depth of his eyes, she moved closer to him as he too reached down to clutch her against him.
Their lips met, his caress but a soft touch that felt like clouds upon her mouth, and Bulma closed her eyes with an eager moan as she felt him hold her tighter. His powerful hands felt sure, secure against her back as he pulled her to him, his mouth devouring her while she luxuriated in his warmth.
It was as if his kiss had filled her with light, as Bulma felt glorious in his arms, the shivers running through her pulling goosebumps beneath her skin.
Vegeta groaned, and she gasped as he deepened their connection, as he held her even tighter, and Bulma didnât even consider resisting when he pushed her down to lay upon her couch.
His backpack on the floor was later joined by his shirt, her thin sleeping gownâŚ
As they gave in to their hearts, to the songs of love ringing in their souls, the rhythm of their pulsing hearts serenaded them as they slowly, gently made love until the early morning light began to filter through her windows.
And when they woke up after their night of passion, both looked down upon their Soulmate Marks, smiling at each other as they realized that the leaves on the tattoos had come back to life, with flowers that were now in resplendently full bloom.
8-8-8-8-8
To be continuedâŚ
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Namie Uchiha has all the stars lined up
It was late January when Sasuke Uchiha said the most dreaded words to her.
"Let's have another."
Tenten Uchiha was in the kitchen and prepared a snack for their son Sora Uchiha. Sora was now one year old and had been born on a rainy October day. Tenten would never forget the day her beautiful son screamed for the first time.
Sasuke was immediately smitten with their child and his eyes had been overflown with pride. Tenten had blushed and vowed to herself that she would give Sasuke the family he deserved.
So, that's why these words out of his mouth let her heart drop down and cold sweat break out. He stood right behind her with his arms loosely around her waist and their bodies touching. Sora played in the living room with one of his friends.
"Another vacation?" she asked without turning around. Shaking she grabbed the cucumber and started to cut it.
Sasuke laughed quiet into her shoulder and kissed her neck. "No. Another child."
"Oh right." How would she get out of this? "Sure. Another child." She sounded lame like she wasn't convinced at all. Her husband of three years took the knife and the vegetable out of her hands and turned her slowly around.
"Tenten?" he looked at her with a confused gaze. Tentens heart already hurt seeing his sad confusion.
"Yes?"
"Don't you want... I thought you wanted more children." He tried to see what she wanted without showing his emotions about this topic. But Tenten wouldn't have married Sasuke Uchiha if she couldn't read him like a book. The worry and hurt in his eyes were immediate and it hurt her too.
"I am sorry Sasuke. Of course, I want a brother or sister for Sora." She touched his cheek and pushed his black hair out of his face. "I was just surprised."
"Are you sure?" he questioned her still a bit unsure. She nodded and gave him a peck on the lips.
Inside of her head she had a mild panic attack because her libra son will not get an incompatible sign as a sibling!
"Sora, don't run!" Sasuke called out to his son. The young boy who looked just like his mother with his brown eyes and his brown hair didn't listen at all and ran gleefully to their front door. Sighing he grabbed the boy at the collar and carried him inside the house. It was time for Soras bath and nap.
"Tenten we are back!"
"Mamama! Mama!" The little boy ran into the living room and fell over one of his stuffed animals. Sasuke smirked and went upstairs to the master bedroom. He knew she wasn't in the first floor so she was probably in the shower. Her reaction this morning still had him insecure and in thoughts. Usually she always dreamed about many children and grandchildren so he expected her to react differently. Maybe happy or excited.
"Tenten?"
"I am here!"
She was in fact in their bedroom and ⌠packing.
"Are you going on a mission?" He really hoped she would answer with yes because if she was leaving him he would literally die. Sora would be raised by Sakura and Naruto would be his only father figure. Good God his son would die too.
"Yes. The Hokage summoned me. Weird, huh? I will be back in two weeks."
It had been a while since Sasuke had felt the sweet feeling of pure relief and love. What was this woman doing to him? "It's been a while since you went on a long mission." He watched her carefully and observed her messy hair buns and her light blush on her face. She was packing in a hurry.
Tenten walked to a drawer which was sealed with a fuuin jutsu. Hurriedly she unsealed it and grabbed her scrolls. "I know. But I'll be back soon and thenâŚ" Her eyes raked over his body and her cheeks turned rosy. "⌠we can do that baby."
The Uchiha smirked and stalked towards her to give her a hot passionate kiss. Tenten moaned happily into the kiss and put her arm around his neck, kissing back with all her love.
"Mamamama! Mama!" Someone demanded her attention.
Sasuke broke the kiss and kissed her forehead slowly. "So, two weeks?"
"Two weeks."
Two and a half weeks later Tenten came back from her mission. She was beyond exhausted and dirty and tired. She hadn't meant to take longer but it had been impossible to avoid it since she had some⌠problems on her way home. Tired she walked the stairs up in her home and put her scrolls and bag as quietly as possible in the corner.
"I was worried." The sudden words in the darkness startled her and turned her blood cold for a second. One of her kunais appeared faster in her hand than she could react. Her husband caught her wrist before she could hurt him accidently.
"Damn, SasukeâŚ" she hissed and let the Kunai disappear quickly. "You know damn well how sensitive I am after a mission." As apology he kissed her cheek and looked her over for injuries. Her brown eyes were tired and exhausted, dark circles were visible. Her clothes were stained with blood, earth and grass stains. The hair buns she loved so much looked like they weren't remade since Konoha.
"Are you alright?"
Smiling she nodded and felt immediately bad for leaving him. Two weeks had been easy when she was alone back in the day but now she was a mother and a wife. Missing her family had hurt so much. "I am glad to be back.", she whispered and kissed Sasuke slowly. The Uchiha grabbed her hips firmly and pressed her body against his.
Tenten craved him and his touches so much. But she couldn't afford to get distracted. Getting pregnant in February wasn't ideal for her. She pushed him away and kissed him on the nose. "Let me go I have to shower."
.
As Tenten came back into the bedroom Sasuke was already in bed. Braiding her hair into one big braid she sat on the bed. "Sasuke. I have my period in two days."
In the following silence she finished her braid and covered herself with the blanket. Sasuke grabbed her and pulled her close to him. "Don't worry. I'll get the ice cream."
"Sora! Don't do that!" Stressed out Tenten took the family photo from his hands and the small boy in his arms. "You know that we don't climb the furniture!"
"BabababaâŚ" Sora babbled and reached out to the door where Sasuke stood and smiled at them.
"You have a stubborn shinobi on your hands." He commented amused and relieved his wife from their son. Tenten put the picture back and positioned it nicely. "You don't say." She grumbled and watched her two men interact.
It broke her heart to do this but she still needed some time. It was now mid-February and her period was over. She was sure that Sasuke would want to try it tonight and secretly she wanted to but⌠conceiving now could get her a Scorpio child. She would love it nonetheless but she couldn't stomach the thought that her children could rival each other. All she wanted was harmony and quiet peace. And some weapons and adventurous missions with her husband.
With a deep inhale and a loud exhale, she straightened her back. "Sasuke."
His dark orbs met her soft brown eyes.
"There is a note for you from the Hokage."
"From Naruto?"
Yawning Naruto filled his instant ramen cup with hot water until the marked line. He closed the lid and drove his hands over his blond messy hair. Since the Jounin exams were coming up there was a bunch of paper work to take care of. The exams would be held in Kumogakure and the Raikage didn't do things easy for Naruto and Konoha.
A firm knock on the door let him look up. It was late in the night and Shikamaru already went home. "Come in."
The door opened slowly and Sasuke stepped into the office. "Ah Sasuke. How was the mission? It sure took you a while."
Sasuke rolled his eyes at this and reported the success of the mission calmly. He had been gone for three weeks and it could have been longer if he hadn't worked and fought with all his strength.
Sasuke gave Naruto a scroll with the report. The Hokage nodded and thanked him grateful. "Thanks man. Didn't know you were up for these kinds of missions but you were a big help."
Sasuke frowned at that. "What do you mean 'you didn't know?' "
"Tenten told me that you were interested in a longer mission. I was surprised since you told me that you wanted to help Tenten for a while but I really needed someone good for this. So, thanks."
After Sasuke came back from that three-week mission Tenten had been weak. Sasuke and her had had a good sex life â it was balanced and satisfying. But leading him along for six weeks drove herself crazy too. Sasuke didn't initiate anything sexual but his kisses got slower and his hands lingered more. His heated gaze got her confused and his temper was definitely worse.
Tenten shouldn't complain because she caught herself in a bad mood a few times too.
With sad eyes she watched Sora play in the front yard. The little boy ran after dragon flies like a real champion. Sora was adorable with his pale skin and quiet demeanor soon he would have a sibling to play with - just this sibling could never be a Capricorn. Now that the Scorpio chances were lowered she had to avoid a Sagittarius. Both signs might get along well with Sora but not as perfect as an Aquarius. If she would overcome the Capricorn chances too thenâŚ
Big cold hands raked around her waist and up her stomach. "Sasuke. What are you doing?" Tenten stood on the porch and had been deep in her calculations when Sasuke appeared. Apparently, he didn't mind their public presence since he kissed her neck and caressed her stomach. "I need you, Tenten."
"B-But⌠SoraâŚ"
"Tenten. Please."
How could she refuse when she needed him just as much. When his kisses made her knees all gooey and his hands on her body seemed innocent but were already dangerous. "S-SasukeâŚ" He pressed her against his body and Tenten could feel how needy he really was. Cursing she took a good look around in search of a Genin. Sasuke was already undoing her buns â damn that animal.
Her eyes caught a familiar trio. "K-Konohamaru!"
Konohamaru and his friends were passing their house with a cat in tow. "Oh⌠look it's the weapon mistress." Whispered Moegi with wide eyes, Tenten would've felt honored and flustered if it weren't for her horny husband.
"Could you watch our son for 20 Minutes?"
"An hour." Sasuke demanded.
The three Genin blinked confused. "ehm⌠sure?"
"Thanks! Bye!"
The only thing that saved her in that week was Sora and her Kunoichi Seal. Her Kunoichi Seal was a fuuin jutsu made by a medic-nin. It was a protection from getting pregnant in case of rape. Since Tenten was an active kunoichi who went on missions she also had an active Kunoichi Seal. Therefore, in that week in which Sasuke used all her weaknesses and gave her mind-blowing sex as soon as Sora had a babysitter she stayed without a pregnancy.
"When will you go on missions again?" Sasuke inquired one morning after he woke her up with oral sex. Tenten groaned annoyed already exhausted when she had to think about missions.
"I think I'll stay for a while and do small things around Konoha. This two-week mission was harsh on me.", she mumbled against his chest.
"Then⌠Sakura could unseal the Kunoichi Seal, right?"
Tenten swallowed loudly. The chances for a Capricorn were still too high. Capricorn and Libra just didn't work together. "Hmm."
A day before her birthday Tenten left the hospital with shrewd eyes. It was two weeks ago since Sasuke first suggested to unseal her protection and he didn't shut up about it since then. For two damn weeks. Tenten almost punched him in the face yesterday because the first thing he said was: "I can get Sakura if you want to."
The only thing she wanted was to sucker punch him.
Well now Sakura unsealed her Kunoichi Seal and she was open for Sasuke and his sperm. Yay. Maybe her family wouldn't break apart. Maybe her children would kill each other and Sasuke would blame her. So many maybes.
Now even her birthday was coming up. Maybe Sasuke would give her celibacy as a gift. Just three more weeks.
Her birthday was perfect. They had spent the morning together as family with a big breakfast. Sora hadn't known what day it was but he was happy and excited nonetheless. Later they went for a nice walk in the woods with Sora. While Sora chased after beatles Tenten and Sasuke fought each other with fun and love. When it was time for lunch they went back and were surprised with all their friends in their home ready to eat together.
All the women were drinking coffee and chatting about politics in Suna while the men were on the porch and talking about missions and politics in Konoha. Neji provoked Sasuke as always while Lee and Gai-Sensei were gushing over Sora. Kakashi came late as always and congratulated Tenten kindly. He offered to take Sora till tomorrow for what Tenten got some knowing looks.
Rejecting the offer wasn't on the table so Tenten said yes and thanked him politely. Kakashi left with her boy and with him the small gathering in her home ended. About an hour later even their last guest Naruto had left the married couples to themselves.
Sasuke and Tenten sat on the swinging chair on their porch snuggled up against each other and just enjoying the presence of the other.
"Thank you, Sasuke."
"For what?"
"For today."
Scoffing the Uchiha eyed her carefully. "I didn't do anything."
Giggling she snuggled up even closer. "Sure."
.
.
Later that evening they lay in bed and were making out heavily. Sasuke touched her in all the right places making her moan and squirm. "Sa⌠SasukeâŚ."
"Tell me."
His lips kissed her jaw down to her neck until he reached her pulse point where he started to worry her skin with his teeth.
"Tell me why you don't want another child." He breathed against her skin and Tenten froze. Her arousal was gone just like that and panic was there instead.
Sasuke was above her and looked her in her eyes. "I am not stupid. Naruto told me that you suggested to send me on that mission and he also told me that you wanted to go on your mission. Sakura told me that you just recently approached her about the Kunoichi Seal. And you think I don't care but I do â that's why I know that you have a short period and yours isn't until 10 more days."
Surprised about all this Tenten blinked a few times and pushed him from her. She sat up on the bed and watched him with wide eyes. "Looks like Team 7 has still a strong friendship." She hadn't considered that Sakura and Naruto were tattletales.
"Yes. Looks like it." He watched her with shrewd eyes. "Spill."
Tenten knew that she could not get out of this situation. The truth must be revealed.
"It is the 9th march."
"You don't say."
Rolling her eyes at his sassiness she explained further. "You wanted a child in late January but Sora is a Libra and I couldn't be sure to get another Libra in late January so I decided to get an Aquarius. But I must overcome the chances for a Capricorn. So, we have to wait three more weeks. Two Libras could've been beyond perfect but impossible because you were late! So I wanted a good sibling for Sora that's why I want an Aquarius! But that cannot happen till April."
A deep frown and a big question mark were visible on Sasukes face. He didn't understand anything. Tentens interest in astrology weren't news to him but he didn't know that⌠"You are obsessed about this."
"Very funny."
"Let me get this right. Our son is a Libra. By chance." She nodded. "And you want to determine the sign of our next child becauseâŚ"
"I want a perfect family for you. If I get pregnant now then we could have a Capricorn. I would love the child either way but I couldn't bear seeing my children fighting each other. Capricorn and Libra just don't work together. I want you to have a peaceful family. I vowed that to myself."
Sasuke smiled because her words warmed his heart. "When did you vowed that?"
"When you held Sora the first time. You were so happy and everything worked out so smoothly for us. I just want a happy completely functional family." With lowered gaze she started to play with the corner of the blanket.
Sasuke watched her with an almost dreamy gaze. Here he thought that she reconsidered her life with him and wanted to distance herself from him. He thought he'd lose her and that she didn't love him anymore. But the opposite was the truth, she loved him so much that she tried to build a perfect family for him. With questionable methods.
"You know I don't care about these things Tenten and I don't have a problem with rivalry among my children."
Hesitating she looked up and down again. "I care though." She was pouting and looked like a child with her two buns and her teary eyes.
A laugh tried to escape Sasuke but he knew if he laughed know he would be nailed to the wall. And not in the good way.
"Alright." He stated grinning and hugged her tightly. With a surprised squeak she fell into his arms and then their heads into their pillows.
"What sign is your goal? Aquaman?"
"Aquarius." She chided and pinched him in the side. Sasuke laughed quietly but got ahold of himself. "Alright. Then when are we trying?"
"In late April." She mumbled into the silence. They just cuddled and enjoyed the warmth of the other until Tenten added smugly. "I bet you regret that missing Kunoichi Seal now, huh?"
It was mid- January and Tenten started to hate that month. It was the month of bad news. Sasuke got her pregnant in mid-April or something Sakura had said. Now she was highly pregnant and extremely annoyed. "What do you mean these are contractions?!" she screeched. Sakura looked to Sasuke and then back to his wife.
"Yeah. You are early but that's fine. I can handle this and your child will be alright."
Sasuke put all his effort in to suppress his laughter. He tried really hard and failed.
.
.
.
.
Namie Uchiha weight 3892 grams and was 53 cm small. She was a spontaneous birth and it only took her three hours to be born.
Namie Uchiha was born on the 19th of January at 10:32 pm. A wonderful Capricorn.
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42!!!
The star-crossed lovers AU⌠which has been the bane of my existence for WEEKS.  Luckily @butihavejoy stepped in and gave me this idea.  I hope you enjoy, anon.  - xoxo, ahf.
âYou know I donât believe in this, Sonny.â
âDonât believe in what? Â The stars?â
Rafael rolled his eyes.
Hard.
Itâs possible he may have pulled something.
âJust because you spent your afternoon interviewing a psychic doesnât mean youâre suddenly cued into the cosmos,â he shot back, shaking his head. Â âAnd besides, youâve already talked to her. Â What difference will talking to both of us make?â
âYouâre not curious?â Sonny asked excitedly. Â âI mean, come on. Â A real life psychic told me to bring my boyfriend in before the witching hour for a glimpse at our future. Â She knew about us!â
âNo, she knew you were dating a man. Â Which probably wasnât as difficult to decipher as you imagine, considering the way you walk.â
Sonny whips around.
âExcuse me?â
âYou treat any distance longer than six feet like a catwalk, Sonny. Â Sheâd have to be headless not to have her suspicions.â
âWhatever, Iâm not starting this fight because youâre just trying to distract me. Â Come on, this is the place.â
Sonny led them into a small storefront that frankly, Rafael would have been able to design himself using only the vague cues he had from gypsies in movies. Â A sentiment he belatedly realized was probably racist as he stepped through the beaded curtain and was slapped in the face with the smell of intermingling rose and patchouli. Â The decor was just as heâd expected - fading silver outlines of celestial bodies on dusty black velvet, artistic renditions of the Tarot hung on the walls. Â Stevie Nicks and Jefferson Airplane looked out at him from aging concert posters and he barely had time to suppress his grin before a voice rang out in the silence.
âDetective Carisi! Â Youâre here.â
âHey, Estela. Â Yeah, I had to,â Sonny replied, affable as always. Â Rafael had lost track now of the number of elderly people who had melted under his easy demeanor. Â âEstela, this is my partner - Rafael.â
The woman herself seemed nice enough - aging, white haired with shocks of black threaded throughout. Â
âRafael!â she cried, pleased as she shook his hand. Â âYour detective has such strong feelings about you, I feel like I know you already. Â Please, sit with me.â
It was the last nice thing the woman had to say.
Not that she was rude.
It was just that the two of them were fundamentally incompatible, as it turned out. Â As a Pisces, Sonny was a romantic dreamer who at his best was a living, breathing, fairytale prince and at his worse was an inconstant, indecisive flake who would chase after the next individual to catch his eye as soon as he felt neglected in any way. Â Of course, none of that took into account the fact that Sonny Carisi was as monogamous as the day is long, or that he would sooner gnaw off a limb than cheat or be the other man. Â
A fact that Rafael felt comfortable keeping to himself when Estela started in on him. Â The loud, overconfident Leo who preens under attention and enjoys the melodrama. Â Rafael was doomed to forever alienate his precious Sonny, who would only ever need emotional care that Rafael would never be able to provide. Â He would demand fawning that Sonny wouldnât be able to give, would require grand romantic gestures instead of the lovesick mooning Sonny would give in every spare moment. Â
Fatally incompatible, Estela had said with a sad smile. Â
Doomed to fail.
His mood turned dark after half an hour and Sonny was quick to sweep him out the door then, tuned in as always with how Rafael was thinking and feeling. Â Always the Pisces, Rafael thought bitterly as they stepped back out of the shop and into the bitterly cold drizzle of late fall. Â The two of them didnât say much as Rafael hailed a cab and Sonny held the door for him to get in before shutting it and jogging around the side of the car. Â It wasnât until they were both buckled in and the driver had taken their address that Sonny spoke, amusement in his tone.
âWhy didnât you correct her?â
Rafael turned, surprised. Â
âCorrect her about what? Â Her chosen career path? Â Because I doubt that was something she wanted to hear.â
âYou let her believe you were a Leo,â Sonny told him knowingly, grinning as the cab merged into traffic. Â âDonât get me wrong, the ego and the flare for the dramatic is spot-on. Â But your birthday is in late October - youâre a Scorpio.â Â
âAm I?â he replied blandly, looking out the window. Â
âYeah. Â Youâre too calm and cool to be a Leo. Â You get off on being the mysterious one in the room, not the center of attention.â Â
Rafael scoffed. Â âOh, good. Â Now youâre an expert. Â Thinking of another career change already? Â You havenât even given that law degree a spin around the block.â
âNow see, she was right about me being a Pisces though. Â Iâm dreamy and intuitive,â he continued, as though Rafael hadnât even spoken. Â âWhich, if you really were a Leo, would be a bad thing. Â Leos are loud and harsh and canât take care of my sensitive emotional needs.â
âAre you even listening to yourself right now?â
âBut see, I know for a fact that youâre a Scorpio. Â And I know that you know that, because thereâs no way youâve gone through almost fifty years of life without knowing what your sign is,â Sonny deduced and he only barely avoids the desire to flinch against the mention of his age. Â âWhich means that you didnât care what she thought enough to correct her, because you were pretty sure of us already.â
At this Rafael does look away from the window, small smirk in place. Â
Sonny may be too smart for his own good.
âYou seem confident in yourself,â he mocked gently, only because Sonny wouldnât know what to do with outright praise. Â
âI am. Â Because Iâm pretty sure of us too,â Sonny replied and reached for Rafaelâs hand. Â âI also did some googling after the first time I saw her, which is how I happen to know that we are - in fact - astrological soulmates.â Â
âYouâre ridiculous.â
âNo, itâs true. Â The most compatible two people could ever be. Â What with our wits and moods and active fantasy life,â he said suggestively, waggling his eyebrows in a way that Rafael both loves and hates. Â âThe sex is off the charts, by the way. Â If ever the moody, animalistic Scorpio can find it in him to not be so rough with me anyway.â
He arched a single brow. Â
âIs that a complaint?â
Sonny grinned.
âNot even close,â he amended and gripped Rafaelâs hand tighter.  âItâs just⌠this was supposed to go a little differently.  She was supposed to know you were a Scorpio, because sheâs psychic-â
âPsychics arenât real.â
â- and then she was supposed to give you the soulmate speech. Â That way when I asked you to marry me it would be in the middle of a âtrue loveâs kissâ kind of moment rather than me and you arguing about astrology in the back of a cab.â
Rafaelâs head jerked up.
âWhat did you say?â
âI said I want you to marry me, Raf. Â And donât act so surprised, like you didnât know a good Catholic boy wouldnât want to put a ring on it eventually.â
He wanted to scoff, to make some snide comment about his being a far cry short of a blushing bride, but it wasnât there. Â He kept looking for sarcasm and came up empty. Â The only thing he could find with those desperately questing fingers was something approximating joy - a feeling that threatened to overwhelm him as they rode in silence, save for the road noise of the cars around them.
âWell?â Sonny finally asked, nerves getting the better of him. Â âAre we tying the knot or am I packing my stuff?â
âIâm in charge of the wedding and everything it entails,â Rafael found himself saying. Â âYou couldnât coordinate colors to save your life and I refuse to serve beer.â
âI can coordinate colors.â
âNo, you canât.â
âYeah, alright, fine. Â My proud Leo just needs to be in charge, doesnât he?â
Rafael rolled his eyes again.
Hard.
Heâd definitely pulled something because there was an odd burning behind his eyelids. Â
âShut up and kiss me before I change my mind.â Â
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Love in War
Para @askbeckandpaigeâ
âWe canât keep doing this.â Even as he said it, his hand gently caressed her face.
Paige doesnât look up from where her head rests on his chest. âI know.â
Beck closes his eyes, savoring the rare peace and contentment that being with Paige brought. Wishing to the users that he could stay here forever and tell Paige that he loved her, like he so longed to do.
âI love you.â She says it for him.
(Beware Read More)
I love you too. âI know.â Beck tries to calm his racing core by taking a deep breath. He doesnât want to do this. He doesnât want them to part ways. But they have to. âBut itâs not enough.â
Tron is giving him hell for dating Paige. And he is so tired of it, he can barely go a cycle without Tron telling him off for it. That, though, he could deal with. Beck could give it as well as he could take it.
But what he canât deal with is Paigeâs career being screwed with because of him. He might stand for the opposite of what she does, but that doesnât mean heâs prepared to get in the way of it. At least, not like this.
âNo. Itâs not.â He hears the resignation and lingering sadness in her voice.
Theyâre both prepared to sacrifice everything for the other. Everything other than their ideals. They had tried to get the other to see their side, but users, were they stubborn. In the end, they tried not to talk about their ideals, but their ideals were apart of them.
He fights for Tron. And she fights for Clu.
Incompatible.
Opposites.
Lovers.
He swallows the lump in his throat. âI donât want to say goodbye.â
She peers up into his eyes, blinking away tears of her own. âThen let's not say goodbye. Letâs say until next time.â
Beck cups her face and looks into her eyes before leaning down and kissing her for the last time. It wasnât messy, or passionate, rather it was the calm, practiced kiss like the ones they gave each other from habit on their way to work. Like theyâd do it for the rest of their lives.
He pulls away -despite wanting nothing more than to keep kissing her- and rests his head on hers, trying to blink away his tears. âUntil next time, then.â
Paige gently guides his head down and places a kiss on his forehead, âYeah. Until then.â She walks away and the door slides shut.
Just in time for him to fall to the ground sobbing.
âYouâre late.â Is Tronâs greeting to him. And Beck has to bite his tongue to not spew a sharp response. He is most certainly not in the mood for this.
âWhatâs the plan for today?â He asks instead. Â Eager to go back home and lay in their bed. The bed sheâs never going to return to again.
Shut up! He tells himself, forcing him to get through this training session before going home and losing his glitching mind.
Tron turns to face him, stoic face all prepared and then, suddenly, itâs replaced by shock and confusion. âAre you growing a beard?â
Beck reaches up and scratches as his stubble. He hadnât wanted to put energy into shaving, but now he realizes he should have. âYeah.â
Tron shakes his head, muttering about young programs before shooing him into the simulation room.
By the time the first simulation is over he has bruises on top of bruises and itâs obvious to the both of them that his head isnât in the game.
âWhatâs going on with you? Youâre sloppier than usual.â Tron asks him, arms crossed and lips pressed thin. âIs it because of her?â
Beck glares at him and steps forward with his fist clenched. âSay one more thing about her. I dare you.â He growls.
Tron tenses and glares dangerously at him. âWatch yourself, Beck.â He replies lowly. âNow, answer me. Is it because of her?â
âNo!â Beck snaps at him, voice raising a few octaves. âItâs because of you! You wanted us broken up and here you glitching have it! We broke up! You happy now? Huh? Does this make you happy?!â
Tron, surprisingly, wilts. â..You love her.â
âJust now figuring that out, are you?â Beck throws his hands up. âI truly hope this makes you happy, maybe then I can do something right.â He resists the urge to ram his shoulder into Tronâs as he walks by, and it takes all of his restraint not to lash out when Tron grabs his wrist.
âIâm...â Tron pauses, deciding what to say. âIâm sorry.â
âYouâre sorry? Youâre sorry? Youâve spent hilos telling me off for daring to date.â He yanks his wrist away. âYou were so busy focusing on who she works for, you forgot the only important thing.â Beck takes a step back and looks up at Tron, tears in his eyes. âShe made me happy.â
Tron looks away, guilt mounting within him. He looks up and Beck is wiping away his tears. Tears that only exist because Tron thought that he was being stupid for dating. He wants to comfort Beck, but he lost that right when he forgot to factor in Beckâs feelings into play.
âTake as long as you need off. Iâll handle things for a while.â
Beck scoffs, âLike we can afford to take time off.â
âWe can.â Tron argues, âFor a little bit we can afford it.â
âI'm not going to sacrifice the programs of Argon just because I broke up with Paige.â In all honesty he wants nothing more than to shed every form of responsibility and just wallow in his misery.
âYou're going to end up dead if I let you fight.â
So? I'm never going to wake up in Paige's arms, or hear her beautiful laugh or sit on a rooftop with her. âDoes it matter?â
Wrong thing to say. He thinks as Tron sends him an icy glare and stalks towards him.
âYeah, Beck. It glitching matters.â
Beck doesn't reply for a while. âI was going to ask her to marry me.â
âWhat?â Is Tron's breathless reply.
âNot now of course, not when I'd have to lie to her every cycle. But once she saw my point of view. I was going to propose. I had a ring and everything.â
âThen whyâŚâ Tron asks, gesturing towards Beck.
âBeing with me hurt her career. They didn't take her seriously, not with me around. And I know what her job means to her. I can't hurt her like that.â
âAnd how did she feel about this?â
âShe agreed. She felt like my friends couldn't accept her, and she didn't want to hurt me by driving a wedge between us.â Beck laughed a harsh laugh, âShe didnât realize that she was my best friend.â
âYou both loved each other enough to let go.â Tron mused, âThereâs not a lot of programs that strong.â
âYou were in love before, right?â
Tron froze then nodded.
âDoes it get easier?â
âNo.â
Beck huffed, âGreat, so I get to feel like dying everyday for the rest of my life.â
The older program doesn't respond for a few nanos, a strange look on his face, âWait here.â
Tron is back in a few micros with a small chain in his hands.
With a furrowed brow, he asks: âWhatâs that?â
Tron holds out a hand, âLet me see the ring.â
âHowâd you know I have it?â
Tron levels him with a look and Beck holds out a small, black box. With a careful hand he opens the box and the small, silver ring glitters in the box.
âItâs a beautiful ring, Beck. She would have loved it.â
âThanks.â
Tron gently removes the ring from itâs box and slides the chain through it. âTurn around.â
Beck obediently does an about face and lets Tron put the chain over his head. âWhat is this?â He asks, turning back around to face Tron.
âTheyâre called necklaces. You can keep the ring on you at all times now.â
Beck raises a hand and runs a thumb over the ring. âThank you. And Iâm sorry for getting angry with you.â
Tron sighs, âDonât be. I need someone to remind me that thereâs more to life than micromanaging you.â He pauses. âGo home, and come back when you feel better.â
Beck frowns, âYou sure?â
âQuite.â Tron answers, steering him to the door.
âHave a good cycle then, old man. Ow-â He rubs the back of his head and glares at Tron who rolls his eyes at him.
âCall me if you need me.â Tron tells him, giving him a final push out the door.
âBeck?â She opens the door more and lets him step into her room.
âHey.â He says softly, running a hand through his hair.
âWhat is it?â
âI love you.â He bursts out, âI know itâs not fair of me to say this when we broke up, but users, I love everything about you.â He searches her face for something, and whatever it is he finds it. âI love the way you roll your eyes when I say something stupid. And I love the way that you push your hair behind your ears when you're flattered. And I love how you can kick my ass in anything.â
âI love how you care about others, even if they arenât on your side. And the way that you listen to me and are actually interested when I talk about mechanics. I love every single thing about you.â
âAnd you deserve to know the truth about who I am.â
Her eyes narrow, âWhat do you mean?â
He straightens himself out, âIâm the Renegade.â
A laugh escapes her, before she sees heâs dead serious. âAre you kidding me? Youâre the Renegade?â
Beck fidgets. âYeah.â
She crosses her arms and glares at him. âGive me a reason why I shouldnât kill you myself right now.â
Beck flinches at the word kill but presses on. âBecause you have questions. And Iâm going to answer every one of them.â
âSwear to me.â
âI swear on my life Iâll tell you the truth.â
âNo. Donât swear on your life. Swear on something that matters to you.â
âI swear on Ableâs life then.â
âWhy?â
And so he told his story, how he watched Bodhi die, and how he rebelled by blowing up the statue. He referred to Tron as his mentor. The secret that Tron lives isnât his to tell. He told her how he had to hide it from Mara and Zed, how Able found out. Told her about what happened on the island and the games. Told her that he never abandoned her. That he didnât frame her in the games.
She slapped him the moment he finished his story. âThatâs for lying to me.â
Grimacing, he says: âI deserved that. Are you going to turn me in?â
She slowly shakes her head. âNo. But...How are we going to make this work? Me knowing this changes everything. How am I to fight you when I know itâs you?â
âI- I donât know.â Beck tells her, âWe could run away from here. Like we talked about in the beginning.â
Paige rolls her eyes, âWe both know you couldnât abandon this place.â
âI donât know, Paige. But weâll figure this out. Together?â
She reaches out to grab his hand, âTogether.â
Tron slaps his hand away with a sigh, âLet me.â He turns Beck so that he is facing him. Tron unties Beckâs rather pathetic knot and he ties his tie.
Tron gives him a slight smile as he dusts off Beckâs shoulders. âHow do you feel?â
âTerrible.â
He receives a gruff chuckle in response, âYeah, I felt like that too.â
âWhat if she says no?â
Tron rolls his eyes and pats Beck shoulder. âThen Iâll have to deal with your moping for the rest of my life.â
âYou donât sound worried.â
âThatâs because Iâm not.â He takes a step back and looks over Beckâs outfit for the last time, before giving a sharp nod. âSheâs going to say yes, Beck.â
âThough, I would have gotten rid of the beard if I was you.â
Immediately Beckâs, hand comes up to his well maintained beard. âShould I shave it real quick? Does it look bad?â
Tronâs amused laugh cuts off his questions, âIâm kidding, Beck. You look great. Now, stop wasting time and go ask her to marry you.â
Beck shifts his weight from foot to foot, âI, uh, was wondering if youâre okay with me marrying Paige.â
âYou want my blessing.â Tron restates.
Beck nods.
âDoes she make you happy?â
âYes.â
âDo you love her?â
âMore than anything.â
âDoes she love you?â
âI hope so.â
âThen of course you have my blessing.â
Beck beams and pulls Tron into an unexpected hug. âThank you!â
After a nano Tron wraps his arms Beck. âYouâre welcome.â He pulls away and ruffles Beckâs hair, much to the younger programs distress.
âHEY!â Beck exclaims, ducking out of Tronâs reach. âI spent pectrocycles on my hair!â He whined.
Tron snorts as Beck tries to flatten his hair, âIt looks better messy.â
Beck glares at him.
âGo, Beck.â Tron watches him leave before turning back to the screen in front of him.
âBeck?â Paige laughs letting him pull her into the middle of the good sized dance floor.
He smiles brightly at her, âSo, this is either going to go very well, or Iâm going to look bit brained.â
She looks up to him, âOh, are you now?â
He rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath. âI'll swim and sail on savage seas with never a fear of drowning and gladly ride the waves of life,â He hears her take in a small breath as she realizes what song he is singing. âIf you would marry me. No scorching sun nor freezing cold will stop me on my journey if you will promise me your heart...â
Thereâs a few nano sized pause before she picks up her part of the song. â...And love me for eternity. My dearest one, my darling dear, your mighty words astound me, but I've no need for mighty deeds when I feel your arms around me.â
He takes one step forward and she takes one back, settling into a simple sway as they hold each other. âBut I would bring you rings of gold, I'd even sing you poetry and I would keep you from all harm. If you would stay beside me.â
She lays a hand on his shoulder while they dance, âI have no use for rings of gold, I care not for your poetry, I only want your hand to hold.â
A hand cups her face while they peer into each others eyes. âI only want you near me.â They sing together. âTo love and kiss to sweetly hold. For the dancing and the dreaming, through all life's sorrows and delights. I'll keep your laugh inside me. I'll swim and sail a savage seas with never a fear of drowning. I'd gladly ride the waves of life.â
âIf you will marry me.â Â He sings alone, holding out the ring, still on the chain.
âYes.â She breathes out holding her hand out so he can slide the ring on. It sparkles brilliantly in the soft white light that surrounds them.
âShe said yes!â Comes Beckâs voice from the bottom of the stairs. âShe said yes!â He repeats as he barrels up the stairs.
âCongratulations,â Tron tells him, a small smile on his face.
âIâm getting married.â
Tron snorts, âThatâs the point of proposing, yes.â
âLook at you, you made a joke.â Beck teased, âIâm so proud.â He says in mock seriousness, placing a hand on Tronâs shoulder.
Tron rolls his eyes.
âAnyways I have a question.â He says, letting his hand drop.
âHm?â
âDo you think Able would be happy for me?â
Compassion flickers in Tronâs eyes and lays a gentle hand on Beckâs shoulder. âAble.. heâd be ecstatic Beck. All heâs ever wanted for you is to be safe and happy. And we canât do anything about the former. But, you fell in love and youâre happy.â He gives Beck a slight smile, âHeâd be so very proud of you, Beck.â
Beck looks up to him, âHow do you know?â
âAble and I disagreed about a lot of things when it came to you, but never about the pride we held for you.â
âThanks.â Beck replies softly.
âOf course.â
âDo you like this one?â Paige asks him, walking around, examining the apartment.
âI do. We could put our bed under the window in the master bedroom, and thereâs two offices so we both have our own spaces to get things done, not to mention that thereâs a garage.â
Paige nods and runs her fingers along the walls, âI love the view weâll have, and the living area is just the right size if we have friends over.â
They both turn to the landlord, âWeâll take it.â
The first time Paige meets his mentor is on moving day. Heâs quiet and never takes off his mask, at least not when sheâs in the room. But he doesnât register as a threat despite it. Perhaps itâs because of the way the Beck relaxes a fraction more when heâs around. Or itâs because of the stories Beck has told her of him.
Thatâs not to say that she trust him. He sends shivers up her spine anytime theyâre alone together.
âDo you care about him?â She asks Beckâs mentor.
The helmet turns towards her, âMore than anything. Do you?â
Sheâs not offended by the question, they both want the best for Beck. She thinks. âYes.â
The man nods and turns his head towards the direction Beck is calling for them.
She thinks she hears an annoyed groan as the man walks towards where Beck is putting together their bed. And she knows she hears a faint bark of laughter when they see that Beck is trapped under the bed.
âHow are you a mechanic when you canât even put a bed together.â
âOh har har,â Beck says, âYou gonna help me?â
Paige rolls her eyes and places the bed back on its rack. âYouâre lucky I love you.â
Beck smiles at her, âDonât I know it.â
Beck ducks Tronâs punch and throws one of his own, making it throb slightly on impact. âWhat do you think of blue, maroon, emerald and gold for our wedding colors?â
Tron lets a kick fly, âWhat shade of blue?â
The younger program side steps the kick and jams a knee into his mentors chest. âNavy.â
âIt sounds nice.â Tron grabs his knee and swipes his leg under Beckâs causing Beck to fall.
Beck rolls out of the way of Tronâs punch. âWe thought so too. And before I forget-â He flips over Tron and puts an arm around his neck and pulls down.
Tron uses a foot and kicks Beck behind his legs causing him to let go.
âWill you be my best man?â He asks, turning himself around and settling into a defensive stance. But no punch comes. âTron?â
Tronâs mask collapses, âYouâre serious?â
âUh, yeah.â
âYou want me to be your best man?
âYep.â
âYour sure?â
Beck rolls his eyes. âYes. I want you-â He pokes Tron in the chest, â-to be my best man.â
Tron gives him a smile, âIt would be my pleasure.â
âYou made it!â Beck exclaims, smiling brightly at Tron as he throws an arm over his shoulder.
âWouldnât miss it.â
Beck snorts, âWe both know whoâd rather go toe to toe Dyson than come to this.â
Tron gives him a playful shove, âNot true, this is important.â
âI feel so honored.â Beck teased, guiding them over to where Zed was.
âYou better.â
âZed, this is my best manâŚ.Trevor. Trevor this is my friend Zed.â
Beck raises his eyebrows at the amount of energy Zed brought back, âWeâre three programs Zed, I donât think we need three full canisters of energy.â
Zed shrugs with an evil smile. âItâs your bachelors party, which means drinking games.â
They lock eyes, âChug race!â
âDo I even want to know?â
Beck turns and grins at him, âProbably not.â His gaze flickers to Zed, âNow? Or later?â
Zed laughs, âWhy not both?â
âThis is why weâre friends.â They both open up the canisters. âBottoms up!â
The first gulp burns but it gets lost within the others. Zed is the first to tap out, conquering about a fourth of the bottle. Beck manages a little longer, making it to the halfway mark. Â
Zed lets his head rest on the table while he lets the energy settle. Beck on the other hand flops backwards and his head lands on Tronâs leg. Tron peers down at him, colorful lights reflecting onto his helmet. âYouâre an idiot.â
Beck barks a laugh. âI know.â Beckâs head lifts up before he gives Tron a sinister grin and is dragging him towards the microphones.
âNot on your life.â
âYou say that, but youâre still letting me dragging you to it.â Beck laughs, âSo whatâs the truth, old man?â Itâs only by sheer luck that he avoids the head slap that follows.
Tron smiles a soft smile as he adjusts his navy blue suit. Â What would you think of me now Yori? Getting emotional because my apprentice is getting married. Tron chuckles under his breath. She'd smile at him and tell him that Beck is more than an apprentice to him. He'd deny it and she'd laugh and fix his tie before walking out to get the bride ready. âOh what I wouldn't give for you to be here, my dear. You would have loved him.â Tron mutters, smoothing out his white pocket square.
Tron runs a hand through his hair, smoothing it out before tucking the necklace he wore under his white button up. He rezs his mask as he stepped out into the foyer and walking towards where the wedding would be held. There is a long table in the back of the room with a cream colored table cloth with a slightly darker colored stripe running through the middle. Gold candle holders hold long blue candles, in between the candles there is bouquets of red grid flowers. A rose gold small container at the forefront of the table holds Beck and Paige's rings. Tron straightens up the gold silverware that rests besides Beck's seat and moves his gold and charcoal plate to the left slightly.
Tron turns away from the main table and looked over to the tables where the guest would be sitting. The tables are round and have a navy blue table cloth draped over them. There are small golden photo frames that held the table number. A silver plate rests in the middle and on it is a clear vase with grid flowers. White candles in clear containers gave off a warm yellow glow that made the flowers look even more perfect. A tan napkin rest underneath a silver and clear plate. To the side laid silverware and energy glass.
Tron gave a sharp nod of satisfaction. Time to check on the groom. Walking to where Beck was getting dressed, he knocks on the door lightly. âBeck?â
The door opens in a few nanos and reveals a partly dressed Beck. Tron rolls his eyes and steps into the room. âHow are you feeling?â
âNervous as hell.â
âDo you even know what hell is?â
Beck shrugs and walks in front of the mirror, âYouâve used it enough that Iâm pretty sure of what it means.â
Tron hums and turns Beck towards him once his shirt was buttoned. The older program pops the collar up so he can loop Beckâs pink tie around his neck before he ties it. Beck folds his collar back down he pins his tie to his shirt with a silver tie clip.
âDoes everything look nice in there?â Beck asks him, fidgeting with the engagement band on his finger.
âIt looks perfect, Beck.â Tron answers, swatting his hand away from the ring. âPut on your shoes and let's go over your vows.â
Beck rolls his eyes, but does as Tron says. âI, Beck, choose you, Paige, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what things I will discover. I will respect you as a program, a partner, an equal. There is little to say that you havenât already heard, and little to give that is not already freely given. Before you asked me, I was yours and I am- Are you sure I donât sound like an idiot?â
Tron gave him a smile, âYou sound like an idiot in love. Continue.â
â-I am devoted to you in everyway. I marry you with no hesitation or doubt, and my commitment to you is absolute. Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded Husband?â Beck sighs, âIt feels cheezy.â
Tron rolls his eyes, âEmotions are cheezy.â
Beck laughs and smiles at him, âAre my groomsmen ready?â
âTheyâre my next stop, I wanted to check on you first.â
âHey,â Beck calls when Tron opens the door to leave. âThank you, really, I appreciate everything you're doing for me.â
Tron's lips quirk up, âOf course, now finish getting ready.â
Cutler and Zed enters the room first and takes their place to the right of the podium. Tron hangs back a nano and says to Beck: âI'm proud of you, Beck. Don't ever forget that.â
Beck's brow furrows but he nods regardless.
Tron squares his shoulder as the next note chimes, queuing him into the room. He makes a quick, but meaningful, decision to not wear his mask. This was Beck's wedding. Despite the risks, it was too meaningful to wear his mask. He hears gasps and murmurs as he walked into the room and takes his place right beside where Beck will stand.
The music continues and at it's crescendo Beck enters the room, wearing his brown dress shoes, a navy suit with a pink tie and a pink flower pinned to his lapel.
Beck fidgets as he took his place, waiting for Paige to come out. The music changes to the wedding march and Mara comes out in a bluish dress and takes her place across from Tron. Tron hears Beck gasp as Paige walks into the room with a long flowing white dress. There were silver jewels on the dresses shoulders. Her hair was tucked behind her ears with a soft pink clip.
Beck holds out his hand and helps her up the step before they turn and face each other. Once everyone is seated the ceremony begins.
âIt's time for the exchanging of rings and vows.â The program announces, reaching behind him for the rose gold container. Beck takes Paige's ring and Paige takes Beckâs.
âI, Beck, choose you, Paige, to be no other than yourself.â He slid the the ring onto her finger.â Loving what I know of you, trusting what things I will discover. I will respect you as a program, a partner, an equal. There is little to say that you havenât already heard, and little to give that is not already freely given. Before you asked me, I was yours and I am devoted to you in everyway. I marry you with no hesitation or doubt, and my commitment to you is absolute. Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded Husband?â
âI do.â Paige smiled. âBeck, you are my best friend.â She slid his ring onto his finger. âI promise to laugh with you, cry with you, and grow with you. I will love you when we are together and when we are apart. I promise to support your dreams and to respect our differences, and to love you and be by your side through all the days and nights of our lives. Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded Wife?â
Beck couldnât keep the watery smile off his face, âI do.â
The certifier nodded, âI now pronounces you counterparts. You may now kiss.â
Beck laughed into their kiss, he couldnât help it, they were married! Beck broke away and they grabbed each other's hand as cheers erupted throughout the room. To his side he heard the clapping of his mentor and saw Tron smile and nod his head. âToo bad we donât have last names,â Beck murmured, âImagine how cool my name would be if I had yours.â
Paige laughed, âCome on, husband, our guest are waiting.â
They stood side by side as people congratulated them, once the crowd started to die down, Paige left to put on her second dress.
Beck tilted his head when Tron came up to him. âAre you enjoying yourself, Beck?â
Beck grinned, âThis is the best cycle of my life.â
Tron laid a hand on his shoulder. âGood. Congratulations, beta of mine.â
âThank you.â Beck replied, âYou ready for your speech?â
Tron playfully groaned, âDonât remind me.â
Beck nudged him with his shoulder. âYouâll do fine, old man. By the way, why didnât you wear your mask? Iâm not complaining, but is it going to put you in danger?â
Tron rolled his eyes. âIâll be fine, besides, this was too important to wear my mask.â
The younger program grins brightly before returning to his seat for the speeches.
It is Tronâs turn for his speech. And surprisingly enough, he is nervous. Nervous to the point where heâd rather jump off a cliff. It isnât because of the size of the crowd, no, the crowd is rather small crowd, even for a secret wedding. No, heâd given speeches to thousands of programs before, that would be easy. Giving a heartfelt speech? That is the problem. Or so he thinks, but when he sees Beckâs smiling face as he holds Paigeâs hand and looks up to Tron from where they sat. It just flows.
âI met Beck about 200 cycles ago. He was young, well, younger than he is now. Both mentally and emotionally. He was stubborn, on par with even me, but there was something in him that caught my attention. It wasnât his ability to fight.â Tron shakes his head, âNo, it was his ability for kindness. It came so naturally to him, almost easier than breathing. He had, and still does have, the ability to love everyone, even his enemies and even the uptight, stiff program who tried to teach him that while kindness was nice, it didnât fight wars.â Tron pauses, âBut I was wrong. His kindness is exactly what the grid needs. Beckâs kindness isnât passive like how I had thought of it. No, itâs an aggressive type of kindness, the type where he has suffered and rather than make them pay in other ways, he uses that pain to help others.â
âItâs that, that made me begin to trust him, it was that, that made me start to consider him as a son. Itâs that kindness that has me standing here today and inflating Beckâs ego.â Tron smiles softly and then continues, âIâm ever grateful that Beck has found someone to love, and even more grateful that he has found someone that truly loves him. For someone with that much kindness, deserves everything this grid has to offer. I truly wish you both every happiness and joy that comes your way.â Tron lifts his glass. âTo the groom.â
Glasses clink and Tronâs words were echoed back to him. Beside Tron, Beck stands and pulls his mentor into a tight hug. âThank you.â
Tron hugs him back, âAlways.â
They both sit back down and await Maraâs speech. Beck, all too noticeably uses a thumb to wipe away the tears from Tronâs speech.
Mara stands from beside Paige and picks up her glass. âIâve known Beck longer than Paige, but even in the beginning, there were certain things you couldnât miss about Paige. Such as her want for justice, how level headed she was and how understanding she was. Iâll admit that I was put off by the fact that she worked for the Occupation.â Mara pauses, âBut then Beck told me that they were dating, and getting serious and that he wanted us to meet properly. I was iffy, but I donât regret a second Iâve spent getting to know her. The kindness and loyalty that she has shown towards me and my friends is truly remarkable Iâm honored to stand by her side as her Maid of Honor as she marries the man who is practically my brother.â
âBeck hasnât always made the smartest decisions, but the smartest one he ever made is marrying you, Paige. Iâm wish you both a bright and long future.â She raises her glass. âTo the bride.â
Once more the words are repeated and glasses clank together.
Mara and Paige hug before they sit back down, and get ready to eat.
Beck and Paige stand in front of their triple decker cake. It was gold, but there was a layer of gradient blue from the bottom up. Beck holds the knife and they wait to cut the cake until a few pictures were took. And then they cut the cake. Beck and Paige customarily got the first piece and then cake was handed out to the guest.
-
Tron pulls Beck aside once the dancing starts. âI have something for you.â
Beckâs eyes light up, even though it seems impossible with how much he was smiling and laughing. âYou didnât have to get me anything, Tron.â
âI know.â Tron replies, âBut, I wanted to.â He holds out a white baton.
âIs this-?â
Tron nods, âMy Encom 786, one of kind.â
âI canât accept this,â Beck protests, âItâs yours, Flynn made it for you.â
Tron shrugs, âFlynn was just a user.â Youâre more important. He puts the baton in Beckâs hand and closes the boyâs hand around it. âItâs yours, Beck.â
Beck looks down at the white baton, âThank you.â
The monitor smiles, âYouâre welcome. Thereâs something else too.â He hands Beck a suit mod.
Beck furrows his brow, and jokes: âYâknow, every time I get a suit mod, Iâm always fighting someone.â
The monitor rolls his eyes, âPut it on later and let me know what you think.â Tron pauses and looks over Beckâs shoulder, âNow, donât keep your wife waiting.â
Before Beck goes onto the dancing floor he launches himself at Tron and holds him close. âThank you, for everything, Dad.â
Tronâs eyes widen for nano, before smiling and wrapping his arms around the boy. âAlways.â
They donât get a honeymoon. Neither can afford that amount of time away. Paige has to work for Tesler, and keep their marriage a secret. And Beck has to be the renegade.
They donât really mind, theyâre happy with their lives. To be able to come home and see their partner waiting there for them is everything to them.
The first time Paige and Tron work together is when Beck goes missing. They're both antsy and can feel fear and anger being pumped through their circuits. They've both searched every block of Argon, looking for a sign the Beck was even alive.
Tron's eyes close and he presses the button to answer the call. âHello. Tron.â Tron glares at the screen when Cyrusâs voice echoes throughout the room.
âWhere is he?â Tron growls, âWhere is Beck?â
Paige's gaze sharpens and she walks up beside him.
Cyrus laughs, âWhy he's right here! Say something, Beck.â
There's some shuffling and a grunt before they hear Beck speak. âTron! Don't com-!â
There's the unmistakable sound of a fist hitting flesh and Tron jerks forward, like he could stop it. Beside him he hears Paige gasp and flinch, a hand coming up to her cheek.
âDon't you dare lay another hand on him.â Tron orders with clenched fist.
There's no response, but Paige's hand ghost her neck. âHe's choking him.â
âCyrus!â Tron's voice is sharp as he yells.
Thereâs a sound of scuffle and Beck screams, âTRON! DONâT COME! ITâS A TRAP! FORGET ME!â
Like hell Iâd leave you with him kid. âWhat do you want?â Tron snarls.
âI want you to watch him die.â Userâs no. Tron places a hand on Paigeâs shoulder and tries to comfort her. But they both know it doesnât work.
The call ends before Tron can think enough to reply.
Paigeâs sharp gaze latches on to Tron, âWho has my Husband and where is he?â Tone booking no arguments.
âThe programs name is Cyrus, heâs my ex-apprentice who hates Beck and I.â Tron answers, shaking his head, âAs for where he is? I can only guess. Cyrus is unpredictable, and in that, he is predictable.â
They find him shackled to a wall and bleeding. The sight fills Paige with rage, sheâs felt echos of whatâs been done to Beck. And it was agony. And to see her husband like this? It is unforgettable.
Beck eyes flutter open as they near him, awoken either from the loud footsteps as they run towards him, or from the low growl that comes from Tron when he sees Beck.
âBeck?â Paige whispers as they crouch down by him. She glances up as Tron shifts into a defensive position in front of them.
âPaigeâŚâ Beck groans and his eyes to flicker over to Tron. âI told you not to come.â
âIâve never been one to listen.â Tron answers, a part of him still uneasy. Hadnât Beck learned that he would always come for him?
Beck turns his head so he can spit out code as Paige reached for his disc and begun healing what she could. âWe need to go,â Beck mumbles, âHeâll be back in a few micros.â
âYeah?â Paige says, voice sharp, âI hope heâs ready to die for doing this to you.â
Tron turns to them for a nano, âHow is he?â
âNot good.â She answers, laying a hand on Beckâs bond mark, sending comfort into him. âHe has several broken ribs, it sounds like one of his processors are damaged. And thereâs some...recycled code? On his legs, chest, neck, upper arm and wrist.â She shakes her head with a furrowed brow, âI donât know what could cause this.â
âHe didnât tell me what caused them last time.â
Paige sees red, âThere was a last time? And you let Cyrus live?â
Tron shifts uncomfortably, â-â
â-Well, you see,â Cyrus laughed walking into the room, âTron here thought he could kill little old me.â
Tronâs discs appear in his hands and he snarls at Cyrus while he puts himself in between the young couple and him. âIâll kill you for this.â
âYouâve tried, remember?â Cyrus shrugs, not worried about Tronâs threat. âYou should be proud of him, for once. The brat didnât even scream this time.â
âIâm always proud of him.â Tron rebuttals, eyes narrowing in anger.
âAh, yes.â The man says, âI heard your speech, truly great, brought a tear to my eyes. Youâll be happy to know that iâve had a little...discussion with Beck about how you feel about him.â
Tron glances back to Paige and sees her tense frame radiating anger while she tries to heal her husband.
âBeck's aware of how I feel about him.â
âHe was.â Cyru agreed and then crackled, âBut there's something different about being told something when you're safe and when you're strapped down as pure energy racks your body.â
Tron snarls, âThen I'll make him believe it again.â
Cyrus grins and hums, âTell me, Tron, do you love Beck?â
The monitor doesn't reply, confused as to where Cyrus is going with this.
âDo you love him enough to let your wife die?â
Tron felt the couple's eyes lock onto to his back when he froze, Yori⌠âMy wife is dead.â
An evil grin splits Cyrusâ face. âNot yet.â A screen showing his wife cuffed to a pole flickered to life.
Yori. Oh my users. Yori!
âTron.â Beck wheezes, causing the older program to look to him. âIt's okay.â He said, with a soft understanding smile, âChoose her.â
Paige's eyes are hard, but sympathetic. Tron knows though, that he wouldn't be forgiven if he chooses anyone but Beck.
Yori or Beck. Yori or Beck. Beck or Yori. Wife or son.
He stared at the screen, memorizing the way she looked before saying: âI choose Beck.â
Her head snaps up as if she could hear him and she looks straight into the camera. Eyes full of sadness and a flicker of hurt.
I am sorry, my love. But he's my son.
âTron,â Beck weakly murmurs, âShe's your wife.â
âAnd you're my son.â Tron turns his attention back to Cyrus. âNow. Let him go.â
Cyrus's brows raise and on the screen Yori is released from her chains. âI told you. I want you to see the one you love most die. And you chose him over her, which means,â He gestures towards Beck as the shackles tighten on his wrist and they start leaking code.
Tron lunges for Cyrus while Paige works on getting Beck out of the cuffs.
By the time Paige gets the cuffs off Beck, he's limp and all of the work Paige had done is undone.
âI can help.â Paige drops Beck's disc and draws her own when a voice cuts through her thoughts.
The program holds her hands up, âI'm Yori.â She says, eyes moving from Paige to Tron where he fought Cyrus. âTron's counterpart.â
Paige docks her disc, âI'm Paige.â She crouches back down beside Beck. âI need to get him to the healing chamber.â
Yori looks down the young program, who looked to be just out of the beta stages of life. âMay I ask who he is?â
âTron's son.â The medic answers absently while she tries to patch Beck up the best she can. âAnd my husband.â
Yori kneels by him and she points out a part of code that Paige missed. She tried to calm her racing thoughts as she processed what Paige said. Tron's son.. Tron has a son? With who? Hurt and betrayal ran through her. âHow old is he?â
âBeck's about 1200 cycles.â She answers, looking over to Tron when he gave a grunt of pain.
Twenty two user years. Yori had to force the tears that prickled her eyes away and she looked over her Tron's son.
The man's eyes fluttered open and he furrowed his brow as he blinked his vision into focus.
Yori bit back a gasp when the pain dulled brown eyes latched onto her. Tron's eye color. His gaze lazily wanders over to Paige.
âBabe?â He croaks, reaching for her hand.
She nods, putting her hand in his. âYeah, lover boy, it's me.â
âWhere's Dad?â He murmurs as she connected his disc back to his back.
âHe's handling Cyrus.â Paige answers, âCan you walk?â
His eyes flutters shut, âNo- I can't move.â Not without blinding pain at least.
Tron's head snaps towards Paige when she yells for him. The monitor shoves Cyrus away and rushes to Beck's side.
Paige looks up to him from where she is crouched, âYou need to get him out of here- he can't move.â
Tron's gaze doesn't move from Yoriâs while Paige speaks, but it does flicker to Beck when the boy protests. âHold off Cyrus and then follow.â
âNo, Tron, don't leave her. Please.â Beck pleads as Tron gently picks him up, brown eyes sharp as he stares up at Tron.
Tron ignores his protests and only waits long enough for Paige to kiss Beck before sprinting away with the boy in his arms and Yori beside him.
Tron starts to turn back for Paige but she arrives just before he leaves.
âHe's dead.â She tells him, holding out Cyrus's disc for him to take.
The monitor feels a pang of sorrow, but nods. âBeck's in the healing chamber, but he's going to need time to adjust to his new scars.â
They lock eyes and both silently agree, He'll have however much time he needs.
-
Paige looks up as Beck sheds his cloak with a sigh. âSorry I'm late. Again. Me and Tron got into a fight.â
Paige hums, âWhat did you fight about?â
âI snapped at Yori. Ever since she found out that I was coded by Alan-Oneâs son, she's been coddling me.â Beck crawls into the bed and lays his head on her lap.
Paige plays with his hair, âShe's adjusting to having a son, give her time.â
Tension leaks out of his frame as he lays there. âI'm trying, but this is my revolution. I'm in charge, I don't like being benched.â
She massages his shoulders. âTalk to them-â
The door to Paige's quarters burst open, and reveals Pavelâs shocked face, but it's only there a moment before Pavel is sprinting towards where Tesler is.
Paige sighs, âI'll handle them,â She bends down to kiss him before standing. âSleep.â
âAye aye captain.â Beck murmurs, burrowing into her bed.
-
âSir?â Paige asks as she walks in to Teslerâs office.
âPaige,â Tesler greets, eyes sharp. âPavel here has informed me that he found you with a man in your quarters?â
He expects that Pavel is lying, She thinks. âThat would be correct, Sir.â
Teslerâs eyes narrow, and Pavel looks giddy. âAre you aware, Commander, that non-occupation programs are not allowed in private quarters with the exception of counterparts?â
âYes sir, I am.â She says, slightly amused at how long it was taking them to figure it out.
âAnd yet you broke the rules?â Pavel said with a smug grin.
âNo, I didnât. I was spending time with my husband when you barged into my quarters.â
They both blink. But Tesler was the one to speak. âHusband?â
Paige nods. âHe was in the hospital a few work cycles ago, and he wasnât feeling well so he came to visit me during my break.â She lies, but not completely, Beck had been in the hospital and he wasnât feeling well lately.
âWhy wasnât I informed of the change in your marital status?â
âI didnât want to risk him getting hurt, sir.â
Pavelâs face is scrunched up and he crosses his arms. But Tesler cuts him off. âVery well. You may return to your quarters. But I want to meet your counterpart.â
âOf course, sir.â
Their laughs brighten up the room as they sway to the music. Paige toes off her shoes and steps onto Beckâs feet. Her arms come up and she rest them around his shoulder.
Beck bends his head down so that his lips brush hers and his hands slide down to her waist. His brown eyes sparkle as he pulls away, âI love you.â
Paige rest her head in the slope of his neck. âI love you too.â
Beck smiles and says: âWhat if -once the war is over- we had kids?â
Paige pulls away and looks up to him, âYou want kids?â
Nervousness pools in his stomach, âI think so- yeah. I mean we could adopt, kinda like how Tron did for me.â
âBeckâŚâ Paige said, âIâm not sure I want kids, not in the grid we live in.â
His eyes close but he nods, âOkay.â He pauses, âCould we talk about having kids when weâre older?â
She nods, his request is reasonable, âOf course.â
Theyâre captured together. Neither willing to leave the others side. The workcycles are long and drawn out and slowly their hope dwindles.
Beckâs arm snakes around her waist. âIâm gonna get you out of here. Even if itâs the last thing I do.â
She turns to face him, her ashen face gaining color as Beckâs circuits reflect off of her face. âIâm not ever leaving without you.â She spoke slowly, almost as if she was half asleep. Her eyes flutter close as her frail body curls into Beck. âI love you.â
Beckâs eyes slowly shut too as he forces the little energy he has into her circuits. âForever and Always.â
Their hands are clasped together even as theyâre loaded on to the medical beds. They canât focus on the faces above them and their eyes wander aimlessly as everything starts to blur around them.
Distantly Beck recognizes Tronâs panicked face above him and Paige sees Yori hovering above her as theyâre transferred to their base.
Paige is the first one to wake. Her eyes blearily flutter open and she tries to move her hand but she canât. With a soft groan she turns her head and finds that Beck had never let go of her. Her husbandâs face is swollen and bruised. He doesnât move as Paige unhooks herself from the machines and she crawls out of her bed and in his. She rests her head on his chest and pulls the blankets over them. Paigeâs ears twitch when she hears someone turn off the beeping and the someone walks over to their bedside.
Calloused hands tuck the blanket in around them, and softer hands pet her hair as someone leans over her to place a kiss on Beckâs forehead. âGet well soon.â Tron murmurs beside them.
She hears the program back away with a heavy sigh and ease himself into a chair. Cautiously she opens her eyes and finds Tron with his head bowed and his body slumped. As if he could feel her stare, he raises his head and meets her gaze.
Paige has to force herself not to look away; his gaze is full of sorrow and seems so weary and old. His gaze seems only to grow sadder as it flickers over to Beckâs still form. âThank you.â He whispers, looking back to her, gaze suddenly hard and intense. âThank you so much for keeping him alive.â He pauses, âAnd Iâm glad you made it out alive, Paige. I would have hated having to go to your funeral.â
She grants him a nod in response before closing her eyes and wrapping herself around Beck.
She gets better, but he doesnât. Paige looks to Yori, âWhy doesnât he wake up?â She asks, running her thumb over Beckâs hand. She knows why, but she needs to hear it from someone else.
Pity flickers in Yoriâs eyes before she sighs and says: âHeâs in a coma. Weâve already provide him with nourishment and healed most of his wounds.â Tron comes over to Paigeâs side and places a gentle hand on her shoulder. âItâs not his body that has to heal..â
âItâs his core.â Tron finishes softly.
Yori looks sadly between the two, âI know you donât want to hear this, but...We canât stay here any longer. The Revolution has to continue with or without Beck.â
âNo.â Tron and Paige respond at the same time, voices hard and eyes harder. Tron glances down to Paige before continuing. âWe move on once he is healed.â Neither allow themselves to ponder what to do if he doesnât get better.
Yori sighs and nods her head, like she knew that was going to be their answer.
Tron doesnât smile is one of the things that Paige notices as they impatiently wait for Beck to wake up. His eyes donât have the sparkle it did before nor do they hold a faint flicker of warmth like they had when Beck was okay.
Absently she wonders if she is the same way. Everything feels different without her husband beside her. Like everythingâs meaning and feeling has changed. Like everything is dull without her husband with her.
Paige finally breaks down when she sees Tron holding Beck's hand like a lifeline and sees the tears run down his face. A sob lodges itself in her throat and tears feel her eyes as she collapses into the chair beside Tron. A few seconds later strong arms pull her close.
âShh, heâll be okay.â Tron soothes, rubbing her back like he does for Beck when heâs upset.
Paige hiccups and more tears run down her face, âBut itâs been so long. Iâve started to forget his laugh and his smile.â
Tron tucks her head under his. âHe laughed like he was the happiest Program in the world. It was warm and loud and pure. His laugh brightened up the room and made you feel like everything was okay, because if he could happy during these times, then we all could.â He closes his eyes takes a shuddering breath, trying to quell his own sobs. âAnd he looked like he could stare at you for eternity and still beg for more time. His smile was bright and for everyone, but when he looked at you it always grew bigger.â
Paige looked up at Tron to see tears running down his face. âHe loved you too, you know.â Paige told him, âHe always wanted to be like you.â
Tron hums and shakes his head, âIâve always wanted to be like him.â
âWell-,â A raspy voice cuts off Paige, âWeâve both got work to do, donât we.â
The two turn with wide eyes and look at Beck. âBeck!â The two shout, jumping to his side.
Paige yanks him into a hug, and Beck hugs her back after a nano, âWhat happened?â Beck murmurs, âIs everyone alright?â
Tronâs head is bowed and his hands are wrapped tight around the bed railing, but he looks towards Beck, âNow we are.â His voice his hoarse and he sounds like heâs struggling not to cry.
Heâs half asleep when she speaks. âIâd want two kids.â
Beckâs eyes pop open and he has to calm the sharp twist in his gut. âI donât think I want kids anymore, not afterâŚâ He doesnât have to say it. They both know what heâs referring to.
Paige clenches her eyes close but she nods, âWhen weâre older?â
Beck nods, âWeâll talk about it when weâre older.â
Sheâs there the first time Beck beats Tron. The spar starts off as the others do, both warming up their joints and processors a few light jabs here and there before they find they actually begin. The two find their rhythm instantly, for each jab there is a block, each step forward is one back. One goes high one goes low.
Beck ducks and pivots on one foot and sticks his leg out, swiping Tronâs feet out from under him. Tronâs hands shoot out and he pushes himself off the ground and into a flip. The monitor launches his dual disc at Beck. The young program flips off of one leg and cross his limbs as the disc fly right above and below him. He lands in a three point crouch and forces himself lower as the disc are called back to Tron.
As soon as the disc has passed over him heâs sprinting for Tron. Once more a disc is thrown at him and he redirects himself to the wall nearest him. His fingers brush the wall as he runs across it before he flips off the wall and onto Tron.
His knee is on Tronâs chest, pinning him to the floor and Beckâs disc is placed for a killing strike.
And then he says two words he never thought heâd say. âI win.â
They loose thousands of soldiers. Clu looses even more. They walk through the abandoned battle ground side by side, heads bowed. Behind them are a few hundred programs, the sole survivors of the massacre. There are a few scouts around the destroyed city, but they arenât here to make a base or to safe for very long. They are there to collect the discs of the fallen programs. Even the discs of the occupation soldiers. The enemy programs discs would be scanned for information before being stored with the other disc.
Their own soldiers discs would be passed on to who was most important to them. Beckâs head tilts towards Paige when she speaks.
âYouâre going to need to give a speech.â She says softly, picking up a blue disc in front of them.
He nods with a sigh, âTheyâre losing hope.â He rubs his temple. âI need a martyr.â
Paige turns sharply towards him. âDonât you dare.â
Tiredly he shakes his head. âIâm running out of ways to keep their spirits up. This war is gritty and terrible, but theyâre starting to fail in having something or someone to fight for or avenge.â
Paige takes his hand. âI wonât let you do it alone.â
With a bowed head, he says: âI know.â
He pours them both a drink before settling onto their couch with a sigh. She loosely holds his hand. âAre you going to tell Tron?â
âThat Iâm going to make a martyr out of us?â He shakes his head and takes a drink. âNo. Heâd stop me. Even when he sees the falling morale.â
âHe loves you.â She says, rubbing a thumb over the side of his hand. âHeâd do anything to keep you safe.â
âI know,â He whispers.
Tron doesnât say anything when Beck hugs him for longer than usual. The monitor just holds him tighter.
With a sigh Beck pulls away, brown eyes sharp as he observed Tronâs face, saving to memory. âI love you, dad.â
Tron ruffles his hair. âI love you too.â He lays a hand on Beckâs shoulder. âBe safe, and make sure you come home.â
The young program clenches his eyes closed and he whispers, âTake care of yourself, Tron.â
Theyâre holding each others hand when the bomb hits. Each have their disc raised far above their heads. Their eyes flutter closed as theyâre blown backwards from the blast of the bomb.
To the end of the line.
Tron looks up from his work at the knock on his door. âEnter.â
Yori looks towards the soldier that enters with a slight frown. She glances to Tron and back to the program.
âSir.â The program begins, âPer the succession mandate-â
Tron shoots out of his chair, dread pooling in his core. âWhereâs my son? Where is Beck?â
â-In the event that High General Beck and General Paige are killed or otherwise incapable of holding their positions, you, General Tron, are to assume the command of High General.â The program continues undeterred.
Tron feels Yori grip his hand tight, sheâs the only thing keeping him upright. âWhere is my son? And where is Paige?â He asked again, voice growing hoarse.
âWith this rank comes certain privileges and responsibilities, and I will not insult you by telling you what you already know.â The program makes a fist and lays it across his chest with a bowed head. âThe Revolution is in your hands now, sir.â
âWhere is my son?â Tron growled, eyes hard, masking the desperate fear he felt growing within him.
âAt exactly 1600 a bomb was set off in Sector 31. The fallen High General Beck and General Paige were there assisting the medics with the wounded. Neither of their disc were recovered from the scene. Though we do have video of the incident.â
This isnât possible. Beck is alive. Paige is alive. They are alive. âLeave the video. Youâre dismissed.â He needâs to find his son.
Beck. Dead. Paige. Dead. His son. Dead. His almost daughter. Dead.
His ears twitch as he tries to find the source of the gruff, pitiful sounds, only to realize that the sobs are coming from him. They were only kids! Violent shakes rake his body as he holds onto the desk in front of him, it is the only thing stopping him from falling to his knees. Tears run down his face as his crying wife pulls him close. His son was dead. His only son. And Paige...Paige was gone too. His kids were dead!
He wakes with a muffled gasp and a groan of pain follows soon after. âPaige?â Beck rasps, turning onto his stomach and crawling towards Paigeâs body. âPaige?â He murmurs shaking her gently.
Her eyes blearily open and she coughs as she sits up. After several micros, she asks: âHow are we alive?â
âI donât know.â He says with a sigh, âBut we need to figure out a way to get back to Tron.â
âDoesnât that defeat the point of being martyrs?â
âYeah,â He agreed. âBut Iâm not comfortable with Dad and Mom thinking weâre dead when we arenât. It would be different if we were really dead.â
âCome on then, lover boy, let's find our way home.â
Yori brushes off his shoulders, âHeâd be proud of you.â
Tron clenches his fist and eyes. âHe should be here, he was only a boy. Our boy.â
She bows her head, âI know.â She clears her throat. âBut-â Her voice cracks, âBut, he isnât here. You are. And this revolution is yours. And we will not have let them die in vain.â
âSir,â A program interrupts, âItâs time.â
Once Tron nods the program leaves and the weary monitor stands with a deep sigh. âLetâs get this over with.â
The speech Tron gives ignites a fire within the cores of every program there. They wonât let the kind program who was their leader die in vain. Theyâd fight till their dying breath.
âAnd remember.â Tron had said. âBeck lives in all of us. And may we gain strength and kindness from the program that wanted the best for everyone.â
âAnd let us not forget the courage of Paige who stood beside him, disc in hand as everything around them shattered and fell to the ground.â
They run into Cutler on their way back to Tron. The dark skinned program having been away on a recruiting mission.
âThey want a speech.â Cutler tells them after they embrace.
Beck chuckles. âIâve never been good at speeches.â
âThatâs what makes them good.â Paige says as she rolls her eyes. âHeâll be there in a few micros.â
Cutler nods, but before he turns away Beck says: âDo you have anyway to contact headquarters? They think weâre dead.â
âNo,â He answers, âMy calls are being blocked.â
Beckâs eyes narrow, âIâll handle that once weâre back, give me a few to prepare this speech and then we need to be on our way.â
âYes sir.â
Paige turns to Beck once Cutler is gone. âWhy would Cutlerâs call be blocked? Heâs a general. There are few reasons -few ways- that this could happen.â
Their eyes meet and both reflect the raging fire and anger within them. âWe have a traitor.â
His white suit gleams as in walks to the mass of Programâs infront of him. âHi, my nameâs Beck.â He smiles at them. âIâm here to help.â
Tron looks up when someone enters Beckâs (Never his.) office without preamble. HIs gaze slowly rises from the white feet of the program and his core is hammering away as his eyes finally land on his son's ashen, weary face. Distantly heâs aware of Yori launching herself at Paige and pulling the young woman close.
Tron takes a step that morphs into a run before he slams into Beck. âYouâre alive.â He murmured, tears running down his face. âYouâre home.â
They have a military ball to celebrate Beck and Paigeâs return. Beck stands in a white suit with his rank on his collar and some decorations on his chest. Paige interlinks her arm with his and her red dress is wrapped tightly around her body.
Tron and Yori stand by their sides, Yori wears a blue, flowing dress on and Tron wears an identical suit to Beckâs -minus the rank-.
The ball goes all night and they spend the night laughing and thanking programs for their well wishes.
The traitor is executed that night.
Itâs surprisingly quiet as programs mill around and begin preparing for the final assault. Outside his office window Beck sees mechanics performing final checks on the tanks and jets and bikes and recognizers. He sees dear friends hugging each other and saying goodbye. He sees Generals and Commanders gathering their soldiers, giving them speeches.
With a sigh he turns away and begins gathering his own supplies. A baton here, a grenade there, his recoder on his waist. Beckâs so caught up in his thoughts and preparations he doesnât notice Paige come in until her arms are around his waist.
He jumps and then smiles when she laughs. âHey there Renegade.â
Beck turns to face and wraps his own arms around her before resting his forehead on hers. âHey there.â
Paigeâs fingers brush his bond mark and she looks into his eyes. âI love you.â
âI love you too.â He whispers, closing his eyes. âIâll see you on the other side of the war.â
âOn the other side,â Paige agrees, before kissing him.
They win.
âWhat happens next daddy?â Their youngest asks, them. His brown hair a mess as his gaze eagerly between his parents.
âI happened next dummy,â Their oldest says, brown eyes bright as she stuck their tongue out at her brother.
Beck laughs, his eyes crinkling, âThatâs right, next game this little grid bug.â As if they could read each other's mind Paige and Beck both start tickling the little girl.
The girl squeals and the boy laughs from the sidelines.
âYouâre hyping them up again, Beck.â Tron says as he leans against the door frame and wraps an arm around Yori as they watch their kids and grand kids and a warm fond smile.
âGrandpa! Grandma!â The kids yell and Beck lunges to keep them in bed.
âTheyâll still be here tomorrow. You promised us that youâd sleep after the story.â
The kids pout but pull the covers up.
Paige kisses their heads and Beck does the same before walking out of the room and turning off the lights, all except their little nightlight. âGood night, Bodhi, good night Ada.â
âNight Daddy! Night Mommy!â
Beck smiles and grabs Paigeâs hand as their parents drape their arms over their shoulders.
All was well.
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The Captainâs Secret - p.15
âThreat Assessmentâ
Full Chapter List
Part 1 - Objects in Motion
<<Â 14 - All That Glitters
16 - Stay on Target >>
Given that the Triton had borne the brunt of the battle and was presently undergoing an extensive series of noncritical repairs, Georgiou invited Lorca to meet with her on the Shenzhou and provided a pair of engineering teams from the larger ship to assist with the efforts. The Triton had weathered the battle well all things considered but there were still a lot of small holes to patch, power relays to replace, and pictures to straighten on the walls. It would take a couple hours before they were back underway.
Five minutes after the invite, Lorca materialized in the Shenzhou's transporter room and greeted Georgiou once more: "Captain."
"Captain," she replied in kind, smiling warmly. "Command looks good on you."
He stepped down from the transporter pad. "Thank you."
Georgiou gestured towards the door and they proceeded into the hall. "I take it you are enjoying your promotion?"
"It's a lot of responsibility, but I think we're doing some real good out there." The response was entirely a diplomatic one. Georgiou approved; it was good to know Lorca still had that capability when he chose. Some in Starfleet thought he was a little rowdy and gung ho for a captain, and he typically seemed to conform to these expectations, but Georgiou had always had the impression he was something of a dark horse and capable of surprising people. Certainly he did a good job of convincing others of his merits and ideas when speaking with them directly.
"I'm glad to hear it." They stepped into the turbolift, but their destination was not the bridge. "Do you drink tea?"
"I prefer coffee, but I won't say no if you're offering," replied Lorca.
The Shenzhou's turbolift was noticeably faster than the Triton's. In fact, everything about Georgiou's ship seemed faster, brighter, and shinier than the Triton. The difference between a ship in the middle of its service life and a ship at the end was staggering. And his next ship? How would it compare? "Hope you didn't mind too much taking over our patrol route," offered Lorca.
Georgiou shook her head. "Captains can go many years in command without ever being truly tested. You seem to have found a way to force a test."
"Ah. So you heard, then? About our guest?"
"Bits and pieces when we took over your mission." They exited the turbolift and changed subjects to more routine discussion as they passed various crewmembers in the halls.
Their destination turned out to be the captain's mess. Lorca very rarely used his; he had a habit of eating at his desk in the ready room. Anything to be closer to the action. Georgiou clearly did use hers and had decorated it to her tastes, with an old star chart depicting the constellations of ancient Greece, a stylized rendition of entwined herons on the adjacent wall, a pair of well-tended dracaenas adorning the far corners of the room, and a beautiful enameled globe of home. The tea was already set.
They sat at the corner of the table, where they could share the tea and talk with ease. Georgiou served, asking as she poured out the cups, "You discovered a new intelligent species?"
"Something like that," said Lorca. "Thank you." The teacup was very hot to the touch and Georgiou blew across the surface of hers to cool it.
"They didn't tell me much more than that. Will I be able to meet this alien?"
In truth, the Shenzhou was more suited to the parameters of Lorca's self-appointed mission, but the Shenzhou hadn't picked up Lalana's distress call. "Unfortunately, her physiology is incompatible with the transporters, else I would have brought her along." He wasn't entirely lying. The Triton wasn't exactly fit for guests at the moment. (Of course, he wasn't about to risk Lalana discovering that most Starfleet starships were a good deal shinier and flashier than the one she was on. He could just picture her excitement as she cheerfully abandoned the Triton for its larger, much improved cousin.) "And we're on a tight schedule. Once the repairs are done, we'll be underway."
Georgiou sensed Lorca wasn't being entirely honest with her. He might have invited her to visit the Triton despite its damage. Georgiou was no stranger to the aftermath of space battles and would not have judged the Triton or its captain any for it. "So secretive," she teased lightly, eyes bright as she sipped at her tea.
"Maybe," he admitted, but it was all the admission he was willing to give. He lifted the teacup to his nose and inhaled. It had the subtle delicacy of a perfectly-brewed cup.
Georgiou wondered if Lorca's reason for secrecy might stem from a personal interest in the alien. "Is there anything you will tell me? What is she like? Is she beautiful?"
He laughed. "Well, she's about this tall"âhe held his hand just above the height of the tableâ"and sort of a cross between a gerbil and a sea anemone. So, no, I wouldn't say she's beautiful." He chuckled and shook his head. "Smart, though, and funny." Also slightly clingy, if he was being totally honest. (Or a lot clingy; the leskos hadn't been able to shake her.) "Mostly she's out of her element. It's imperative we get her back home."
The description surprised Georgiou. Now she really was curious, and not just because Starfleet had asked her to investigate the Triton's situation. "You simply must allow my science officer a chance to meet her," she said, friendly but insistent.
Lorca wondered how to decline without raising the suspicions of a captain as savvy as Georgiou and took a long sip of his tea.
He never got to answer this question. The comm beeped. "Emergency transmission from the Triton."
The Shenzhou had holocomms, but they were wasted in this instance because the Triton wasn't similarly outfitted. Benford appeared as a flat headshot with a background floating in midair. "Captain, you're needed back on the ship immediately," said Benford. He looked ashen and spoke tersely.
Lorca put his tea down unfinished. "Be right there." Georgiou stood with him, but Lorca held up a hand. "I know the way," he said, and strode out before Georgiou could say anything further. He broke into a run in the hall. A few of the Shenzhou's crew looked surprised seeing the Triton's captain dash by, but he didn't care.
There was someone else on the transporter pad already, a tall, thin alien wearing a science uniform. Lorca eyed him suspiciously as he hopped onto the transporter pad.
"The captain said I am to accompany you," said the alien in explanation and Lorca inwardly cursed. So Georgiou had been planning as much from the start. "I am Lieutenant Saru."
Lorca ignored it for now. One benefit of the non-holocomm system was that Lorca recognize the backdrop behind Benford as sickbay. "Triton sickbay. Energize," he said.
They were enveloped in light as the Shenzhou's transporter room was replaced by sickbay. It was an easy destination to target even from the Shenzhou because it was the default destination for any emergency-coded transports.
Sickbay was abuzz with activity. Both Li and Ek'Ez were in action, operating on opposite sides of the room, and almost the full complement of nurses stretched between them. One benefit of being the initiators of the attack was having all the medical personnel at the ready. Most of the wounds in the room were minor: small plasma and electrical burns, bumps and scrapes. Lorca had preemptively sent Lalana to sickbay before the battle's start and she was making herself useful, assisting one of the nurses with basic tasks like applying bandages.
One case was clearly not so minor. Ek'Ez, Benford, Morita, and a nurse were all gathered around an intensive-care slab.
Lt. Saru was somewhat shocked to be thrown into the thick of things, but Lorca had no time for him. He strode over to the slab and found Walter Chen, pale, sweaty, and nearly breathless. "What happened?"
"He was stabbed," said Ek'Ez, "and the weapon was coated in a potent neurotoxin." Lorca looked at Ek'Ez for further clarification. Ek'Ez shook his head in confirmation of the dire prognosis.
"Chen," said Lorca, moving next to Benford.
"Captain," managed Chen.
This was not the first time Lorca had lost someone under his command but it was the first time since becoming captain, which made it different. He put a hand on Chen's shoulder. "We got them, Walter. Because of you. Good job, lieutenant."
Chen managed the tiniest nod imaginable, more a miniscule spasm than a proper acknowledgment, and closed his eyes. His breathing didn't shudder so much as gently empty like a leaf falling to the ground, deflating him. He was gone.
Lorca kept his hand on Chen's shoulder. Chen wasn't a young man, being a year older than Morita, and had known and understood the risks with his years of experience, but this didn't make it any easier. He had lost his life as a result of his service onboard the Triton. Across from Lorca, Morita brushed her hand against Chen's hair. It had been her choice to bring him on the mission. She bore as much responsibility as Lorca did in his death. They drew the sheet over his head together. Ek'Ez moved on to his living patients.
"He was a good officer," she said, still looking down in the direction of Chen's face.
"He was," confirmed Lorca, carefully watching Morita's face for some sign as to how she was handling it. She seemed sad, which was good, because it meant she wasn't bottling the emotion up, and clearly she regretted Chen's passing, but there was also a peaceful calm about her. She was no stranger to death, either.
"Come on," said Benford to Morita, tilting his head towards the sickbay doors. As first officer, he was responsible for the welfare of the crew and wanted to ensure Morita's well-being in his own way. They left the room together. (Benford had been there, too, but Lorca already had full confidence in his XO's ability to cope with loss.)
Lorca remained at the bedside, feeling grim. This battle with the pirates had been a goal well before they met Lalana, and had always borne the risk of fatalities, but still. Her presence had moved the battle up and changed a few parameters. In another universe, things might have turned out very differently.
He knew better than to dwell. He looked around sickbay. A body covered by a sheet made for a stark reminder of the risks of being in Starfleet. Some looked at it, others avoided it. There was no one correct response to death.
Lorca saw the Shenzhou science officer in conversation with Lalana. The officer had his tricorder out. She was shifting colors for him. This display of irreverence irked Lorca. Even if there was no one correct way, there were definitely incorrect ones. He moved towards the two security officers posted by the door.
"Bring our guest back to her quarters," he instructed them, exiting.
The two officers moved towards Lalana and informed her they were taking her back to her quarters. She gave no protest, but the Shenzhou scientist attempted to accompany her and was denied. It was outside of their orders, said one of the security officers, and he could take any objections up with the captain. Lalana bade him goodbye and left with her escort.
Saru stood in the Triton's sickbay looking like a complete fish out water. The captain was gone, but even if he had been there, Saru did not think the Triton's commander would have entertained his protest.
"What did you think?"
Saru had returned to the Shenzhou almost immediately to report the details of his interactions with the Triton's alien. He stood in the situation room with Georgiou, shifting his weight back and forth between his lanky legs. "She did not trigger any threat response," he said in conclusion, "and she seemed nice."
"But?" prompted Georgiou.
He could not say the same about Captain Lorca. "The captain did not let me speak with her for very long. In fact, he had her escorted out."
"Mm," hummed Georgiou. "Thank you, Saru."
"I am sorry I could not be of more help, captain."
Perhaps she should have sent someone with Saru. She valued the Kelpien's opinion, especially where his threat ganglia were concerned, but he had a marked aversion to confrontation, and a little more backbone might have yielded more information.
"You did fine. Dismissed, lieutenant," said Georgiou with a kindness that indicated she did not blame him for his failure. Sometimes it felt like she had to handle Saru with kid gloves. He was so sensitive about his own shortcomings. He would be a good officer in time, though, once he developed some more confidence.
Georgiou considered Saru's impressions. She could confidently report that the lului was no threat, but little else. She wasn't entirely sure what to make of Lorca's performance or decisions. Unfortunately, Starfleet had asked her to assess both.
But then, she had never been interested in Starfleet Command's internal politics. She was a starship captain not because she lacked the clout for promotion, but because she preferred it to the alternative. That meant she had a healthy respect for other captains and the variability of the position. She would not begrudge a newly-minted captain figuring out his own way of handling things, or suggest that because he had lost a crewman today that he had made any mistakes. From what she could tell, Lorca was an effective and creative captain with a streak of tactical brilliance. That was the sort of person Starfleet needed in the chair.
The assessment she sent did not sing his praises, but did not undercut them, either, and confirmed the alien in question did not pose a danger. By the time she was finished with with it, the engineering crews were back from the Triton and the two ships went their separate ways.
Lorca tossed his uniform tunic over the back of a chair and poured a drink. It had been a mixed day. On the one hand, a clear victory over a notorious group of space pirates and another step of his master plan completed. On the other, a body now resting in cold storage in the ship's morgue.
He'd made the call to Chen's family a priority. Point of contact had been Chen's brother, Paul, who seemed to take the information in stride, but had probably broken down in tears after the call ended. Lorca made sure his family knew he had fallen in the line of duty, but it was hard not to see that as just words, empty and meaningless to people who had just lost a loved one. More important had been his description of Chen as having served on the Triton with steadfast dependence, Chen's high level of involvement in day-to-day operations, and his passion for the mess hall's cereal diversity, because those were the personal details of Chen's life aboard the Triton that reminded his family he had died doing what he loved in the company of people who valued him both as a person and for his contributions to the ship, which had been numerous.
Some part of Lorca had to examine the situation practically. Chen's death did have a small tactical advantage. If the pirate who had stabbed Chen implied anything suspicious about the away team's presence, it would be easy to discredit her as trying to shift focus away from her murder of a Starfleet officer. Not that anyone was going to ask or take her word about the issue in the first place. Probably this was completely moot in the grand scheme of things.
Lorca sipped at his drink. It suited him far better than Georgiou's tea.
The comm in his quarters beeped. "Lalana to Captain Lorca," came the identification. It was the first time she had ever called him on the ship's comms.
"Go."
"Captain, are you busy?."
He looked at the drink in his hand and put it down. "I wouldn't have answered if I were. What's up?"
"I was wondering about the ship that was outside? The one Saru was from?"
"The Shenzhou."
"Yes. It is also a Starfleet vessel?"
"That's right."
"Are there many Starfleet vessels?"
Lorca rubbed his temple. "Lalana, it's late. Can this wait until morning?"
"Yes, I suppose, but I was wondering, is it coming back?"
There it was, the other shoe. Big, shiny ship. "No. They have their own assignment."
"What a relief!"
His head jerked up and his brow furrowed. What?
"I was so worried they were going to try and remove me from the Triton. Saru was asking so many questions, and had such an interest... I am very glad they have left, and they will not be back."
The corner of Lorca's mouth twitched. It wasn't a smileâthis day had been too long and too tragicâand it was gone almost as soon as it appeared, but for a moment, there had been the faintest promise of something not unlike a happy thought. "The Shenzhou's a much better ship than the Triton." There was no harm in admitting it now that it was gone.
"Oh, I do not think that is the case."
"It's bigger, newer, more powerful..."
"But it cannot be better, because you are not its captain."
Lorca closed his eyes a moment. It was a compliment of the highest order in most circumstances, but maybe not on a day when said captaincy had resulted in the death of a crewmember. "Right, well, it's late, so..."
The next words out of his mouth were going to be "Lorca out," but Lalana went, "Captain!" with a note of concern in her voice that gave him pause. "Your voice is... less. Is everything fine with you?"
He hesitated a moment. "Yes, everything's fine." Even someone with zero knowledge of human emotion or behavior would not have found it a convincing answer.
"On the moon, you said... you said I should not keep things from you. Is the reverse not also true?"
It wasn't, of course, not even remotely. He was a captain and a Starfleet officer and he needed as much information as possible to do his jobâa job that carried with it the responsibility of deciding how much and what information to provide in return. Control of information was intrinsic to command. Rather than attempt to explain this in some way that would probably sound like a complete betrayal of the openness he'd asked her for, he deflected and lied, "I'm fine, I'm just tired."
"Is it because you lost your officer?"
Lorca didn't answer.
"I am very sorry that he did not survive. I tried to help him, but the toxins were too spread out, and too many cells were already dead. I wish I could have saved him."
His response to this statement was almost entirely automatic: "It wasn't your fault."
"It is as much mine as anyone's."
It was not the response he expected. "No. It wasn't. Listen, whatever happens, good or bad, none of this is your fault. You didn't ask to be taken from Luluan, and no one's forcing us to help you. You can't blame yourself for what happened to Chen."
There was a long silence. Then she said, "I think you have heard the opposite of my meaning. I did not mean to say that I am blaming myself. Blame is not a lului concept. When I say it is as much my fault as anyone's, what I mean is, we are all factors in each other's lives. We are all responsible, because it is a thousand million tiny interactions which lead us to the place in which we stand. There is no one moment or person who is more responsible for any outcome. Events are a cumulative result of all events which came before them. The death of the officer is as much my fault as it is yours, as it is anybody's who has ever had an influence on Chen's life. Therefore... 'You can't blame yourself,' captain."
Lorca softened. Leave it to the alien to have an alien perspective on personal responsibility. And it was kind of her to have been concerned, though unnecessary. "Thank you for saying that. Now, if there's nothing else, I really do have to sleep."
"May your sleep be unencumbered, and tomorrow be a brighter day."
"Good night, Lalana. Lorca out."
He took one last, long look at the stars before turning in for the night.
Part 16
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