#Saying Magnus is 'less' without his magic is wrong because magic is literally part of Magnus just as blood is part of our body.

[nyctodromist]

Hello, average person here! What do you love most about Cultist Simulator/the Mansus/Glory/Nowhere/Hours-From-Light, Stone, Blood, Flesh, Nowhere/Names/Long/Know/Occultists/Locations?

(What's a Suppression Bureau aha dw pls speak freely and at length we are all I am seated and listening)

hi! oh boy, that is a lot to talk about.

i'm sure i don't know what you mean by a "suppression bureau" either, so let's just take it from the top, shall we?

my favorite things about cultist simulator are easily the writing and the lore. the way this game is written is like nothing else i've ever seen and it is so magical to me. i don't have much to say coherently, i just love the writing style this game has. and the lore! the fucking LORE! this universe is so fucking wild! story and lore are pretty much always the most important thing to me when i'm getting into new media, and cultsim's grabbed me as soon as i started looking into it. it's so interesting!! there's so much to chew on!! i am rolling it around in my brain at all times!! studying the secret histories is not enough i need them injected into my veins

for one thing, i absolutely love the mansus in general. Fucked Up Houses are one of my favorite things in fiction, and i think the mansus definitely qualifies as a Fucked Up House, though it might be more subtle in that status than other ones that come to mind (but still associated with the color blue, huh?). in terms of actual locations, i'm particularly fond of the orchard of lights, the malleary, and the wood! the malleary has one of my favorite quotes in the game:

my favorite door is the spider's door. no particular reason, just vibes

oh, and while not part of the mansus, i'm really interested in the house of the moon! like what the fuck is even going on with that. why is there a mirror realm to the mansus? why is the fucking wheel there? also i love the meniscate forever and ever she is so lovely

(also, what's the meniscate's relationship with the wheel? i was always confused about why the meniscate was the hour who favored you if you balanced heart and moth in dancer since she didn't seem to have anything to do with those principles, until i remembered that the wheel still turns in the house of the moon and the wheel's aspect was probably heart/moth combined, so if you balanced them, in a way you would have the wheel's principle, but the ascension itself doesn't seem to have anything to do with him, so how does the meniscate actually factor into that? but i digress.)

the glory? yes. yesyesyesyesyes! hi. did you know i'm moth-aligned? did you know i'm literally a moth therian? holy shit. yes. please.

base instincts aside, i love all corrupting horrors, but blinding light is definitely up there in my favorite kinds of corrupting horrors. also, gameplay benefits aside (i do not know how to live without a position at the institute), this is why physician is my favorite legacy:

i think this specific description of the glory is what really captivated me and made me fall in love with it. there is so much warmth in these words

i have nothing intelligent to say about nowhere. There's Fucking Worms. i like worms. perhaps not these worms. i imagine them learning to work people from the inside is like what happened to jane prentiss in the magnus archives, except a lot less fun for the person involved, because these worms do not love you. while we're on the topic, though, here's something i've been thinking about:

the applebright has a library!! i want to see her library!! and yes, i understand that doing so is probably an objectively bad idea given that she is a god-from-nowhere, but i want to see her library nonetheless. this seems like the type of thing that could go very wrong very quickly, and i can't wait to see what kind of wrong it is

hours i love, in no particular order: the moth, the mother of ants, the lionsmith, the meniscate, the flowermaker, the forge of days, of course the sun-in-splendor, and most recently the sun-in-rags. i don't know if there's anything about him specifically, i've just been rotating him in my brain lately. say what you will about poppy lascelles, but i think the sun deserves nice things every once in a while, he's been going through it

do the followers fall under the "occultists" category? neville and enid are so so precious to me, i love knock, i love them, i am holding them so gently in my hands. valciane is also one of my favorites and do i honestly have to explain why. look at her. LOOK AT HER. FUCK! and also ysabet because she's moth and she's aro and non-monogamous to me. this woman is never going to have any kind of conventional relationship nor has she ever wanted one. ysabet does whatever ysabet wants. i feel so much solidarity with her. literally me too

my favorite locations in the wake are the ecdysis club and morland's shop (and by extension, rooms behind a bookshop, which is my favorite headquarters). ecdysis was my discord handle for several months just because of the club and i was so mad when the username change hit and someone else got it before me lmao. i don't think i have strong opinions on any of the vaults other than the obligatory Fuck The Boat. port noon is chill but i could never i am so invested in the hours

#bernie talks #asks #cultist simulator #I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE QUESTIONS THOUGH!!

[becomingpart2]

oh she HATED magnus from shadowhunters lmao. one of the main reasons she started the Tobin theory was to prove that malec would be a failed ship (along with proving that klaroline was the main ship of tvd and thus caroline the main female character). it must have killed her that they were not only endgame but MARRIED endgame. basically her argument was that malec was a Ted/ prop ship (all women are divided into three categories, robins, tracys, and props, and i guess she didn’t care how racist it was to call a gay moc a “prop”), and thus was doomed to fail. basically her analysis of shadowhunters was that jace/clary was the pilot tobin, but jace/clary flopped and Alec was the late ted (and she hated clary of course). initially she seemed to be leaning into the idea that jace (a white man) was alec’s robin, but then she moved away from that and started saying that he hadn’t met his robin yet and that the show was failing because of a lack of Tobin. anyways she hated Magnus and insisted that the malec ship was bringing Alec down, and that it was horrible of the show to “force” Alec to be with a man who wasn’t his robin. she was literally saying shit like “save Alec from Magnus” it was genuinely disgusting. anyways malec was by far the most popular ship on the show, far more popular than the main pairing jace/clary, so i don’t get why they weren’t Tobin in her eyes idk.

OMG what a mess 😂 so many layers and holes, where to even start...

First off, I didn't know men could be robins? LOL was this a momentary lapse or was it part of her theory?

basically her argument was that malec was a Ted/ prop ship

I remember very little from her shadowhunters posts because I only paid attention to the TVD ones but from my understanding the reason this ship was a "prop" ship was because Magnus was being "used" as a prop for Alec, right?

And her as someone obviously "concerned" about the treatment of a gay man of color being used as prop for a white man could never ship something like that. So, again, her solution was to root for a "rival" white ship instead? lmao WHAT A JOKE, candyumbrella.

There's so many points to this. The first more obvious one is that for all that she condemned fandom for "concern-trolling", here she was faking concern about the treatment of this character (who was part of an incredibly popular ship of which she created a conspiracy theory to explain said popularity) to disguise the fact she just wanted her white ship instead. She couldn't just admit she liked the white ship more, oh no! Her dislike for the pairing had to come in the form of "concern for character of color" narrative lmao talk about hypocrisy!

The second point is that her fake concern is evident by the fact that she doesn't seem to care about the character of color that's supposedly being used as prop, he's not even her focus, the white character is. If she cared about characters of color not being used as a prop, she could be spending that energy into ships that involved them where they weren't... used as props lol

The third point is that steroline wasn't the Tobin and yet it didn't seem to bother her like this. In fact she enjoyed it quite a lot, so what was the reason? Was she less threatened by steroline than malec? LOL

If she could enjoy steroline for what it did for Caroline, why couldn't she enjoy malec for Magnus? You know, the supposedly "wronged" characters here.

(the obvious answer is that she didn't care for magnus like she cared about caroline lol)

but then she moved away from that and started saying that he hadn’t met his robin yet and that the show was failing because of a lack of Tobin

See, I've seen other posts where this is brought up too. That she used to say that a show without a tobin was destined to fail because the tobin is what makes them "tv magic" (lol I hated these terms). Then I remember how she said Breaking Bad and other shows like Mad Men didn't have a tobin. So??? How did she explain that? What's the truth?? lol

she hated Magnus and insisted that the malec ship was bringing Alec down, and that it was horrible of the show to “force” Alec to be with a man who wasn’t his robin

Lol, again, steroline didn't bother her as much. She probably found steroline empowering for Caroline, who had been so wronged in the past (despite the fact that Stefan would probably never love her like he did Elena, but of course that was not part of her Robin Caroline narrative so she couldn't acknowledge that lol).

Wouldn't it be empowering for magnus, the "wronged" character in the ship, to make the ted have to accept him and be with him? Wouldn't that be revolutionary like her favorite white side characters getting to be robins, if not more? Was that degrading ted? If so, to whom was it degrading?

she was literally saying shit like “save Alec from Magnus” it was genuinely disgusting

OMG! So this she wasn't afraid to say. Disguting indeed.

anyways malec was by far the most popular ship on the show, far more popular than the main pairing jace/clary, so i don’t get why they weren’t Tobin in her eyes idk.

I think this was a DE situation; she just refused to believe they could be because she didn't like it. Because she didn't want them to be even though they were by her own definitions lol. So she made up a bunch of conspiracy theories in her head to explain why fans that liked those ships were wrong and why she was right for not liking them.

#anonymous #answered #oh the tracys! how could I have forgotten them lmao

[magnusbae]

I am genuinely so glad that they restored Magnus' magic in the end and didn't resort into the 'overcome anything or you're weak' routine.

It's important to represent the journey of overcoming loss, yes. But it's also important to acknowledge that sometimes losing a fundamental part of yours is too much.

Magnus' heart was in the right place, he gave up on it twice willingly despite it being part of his whole being, part of who he is.

But I find it incredibly important that Alec understood that he had to do anything and everything he could in order to make Magnus whole again.

And no, it doesn't make Magnus weak or unable to overcome. It just means that he truly made a selfless, impossible sacrifice-- and it's okay if he's unable to be happy after it. That's the whole point of sacrifice.

Alec helping him get his Magic back, is really what love is about.

#Magnus Bane #Alec Lightwood #Malec #Shadowhunters #It's like.... I dont know.... I really don't like the indication that Magnus is somehow less for actually NEEDING his magic. #Saying Magnus is 'less' without his magic is wrong because magic is literally part of Magnus just as blood is part of our body. #It's like taking away your eyes and tongue and legs and asking you to be happy. #Ofc you might be--but would you really be weak for not being? #Magic is so deeply intertwined with Magnus- the way he feels the word-- the way he interacts with the world #That losing it couldn't have meant anything but devastation. #It's not even about power (surely a perk but) it's about his sense of self- his being--his life. #And it's OKAY. God damn it. #Magnus tried to show off he doesn't care for the magic--Alec tried to show that it didn't matter-- #They all acted like it's shameful to admit that yes- Magnus has magic and yes its a big reason why he's needed and loved #Just the same as Izzy being able to Mae weapons and the Shadowhunters runes and so many other abilities. #Being useful is not a shameful thing to admit and feeling loss at being useless is really not unheard of. #ANYHOW THIS GIANT RANT IS JUST TO SAY THAT I THINK MAGNUS HAD EVERY RIGHT TO BREAK DOWN OVWR HIS MAGIC AND #I AM SO GLAD ALEC DID WHAT HE DID TO RESTORE IT #I feel like the whole gang was supposed to urgently look for ways to fix it the moment it had happened. #If Jace can run around the whole world searching for Clary... He could at least read a book or something re: magnus power #After all he gave them up for him #BUT YEAH OKAY GODS I'LL STOP #buns.txt #buns.hc

[khaleesiofalicante]

HI, IT'S ME! YOUR LOCAL CHAOTIC WEIRDO!!!!! I'M BACK AGAIN LIKE I AM TWICE EVERY WEEK

IT'S MY BOY DAVID THIS TIME! WHY AM I SO HYPER! MAYBE BECAUSE THEY KISSED! AND I HAD TO SUPPRESS MY SCREAMS BCAUSE IM IN CLASS AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY IS OUTSIDE MY DOOR (NOT LITERALLY OFC)

OK OK OK OK OK OK

MAX AND DAVID ARE AT THE LONDON INSTITUTE YESYESYESYES

He rather liked that part in a story – when the hero fell, and everything seemed bleak. It always meant that hope was just around the corner. Because darkness never lasted. It was always followed by light. There was nothing more beautiful than that kind of sunrise.

THIS

I literally live my life by this analogy

AHHH DAVID IS ON HIS TRAVEL YEAR AND MAX IS WITH HIM

SCREAM

well i can't scream because my mom is sitting right there and I have class in 4 minutes so imma smile really wide

“Are you planning to read the entire library during your travel year?” Max chuckled.

“Of course not,” David replied. “I will need longer than a year to accomplish that goal.”

Me.

Wait

does max not being able to make portals have something to do with his lineage?

like

demon parent

ok so my programming class started 2 minutes early but screw programming I'm gonna be studying minds not this shit

ok that's a very bad attitude for someone who needs good grades in this year

Max was always hungry.

this is so me

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

TY

THEY MENTIONED TY

also if David doesn't become an institute head in the future THEN WHAT'S THE POINT

“Where is the kitchen?” Max interrupted.

max is such a mood

He had told Max that he had centuries to perfect his magic, that there was no need to rush it. Max had given him a noncommittal nod and nothing more.

HE'S GONNA MAKE THE BEST PORTALS YOU'LL SEE

“I won’t tell the Consul,” Kit winked.

At the mention of the Consul, David straightened up. He had been trying to get into Alec Lightwood’s good graces for years now. He didn’t think sharing a room with his son would do him any favors.

DAVID UDUCDFUHKDUHVUHSDH

PLEASE IF WE DON'T GET A CUTE ALEC AND DAVID SCENE SOON

KIT CALLED TESSA MOM

oh my god

Word was that Mr. Herondale had gone back to his obsession with brewing tea.

JACE

I have so many emotions right now but all I'm gonna say is that I'm so so proud of Rafael

“Do you not want to sleep with me?” Max asked.

UH-

WELL-

DAVID STOP THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE AND ALL THE SHIT

STOP IT

OH MY GOD THE ONE BED TROPE

MAX IS IN HIS ARMS I'M ABOUT TO-

takes a deep breath don't scream. everyone outside this door thinks you're taking programming class

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY

AWW JULIAN PAINTED PORTRAITS FOR THE INSTITUTE

The one of Will Herondale and Tessa Gray – A love that had transcended reality and lasted a lifetime.

The one of James Herondale and Cordelia Carstairs – A love that had started with a lie and then blossomed into nothing but happiness and devotion.

The one of Lucie Herondale and Jesse Blackthorn – A love that had been so powerful that it rewrote the past.

The one of Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild – A love that had walked through hell and shaken up the heavens.

And then there the final one. The one of Kit Herondale and Tiberius Blackthorn – A love that had survived distance and darkness and doom.

This omg...

He wanted a love story. The kind he read in the books. The kind he saw in these portraits.

But he wasn’t a Herondale. He wasn’t sure if he was destined for that kind of love.

HEY

DON'T THINK LIKE THAT

The first part though

same

He might have been a little too excited. It was biologically impossible to control yourself when you find a stranger reading your favorite book in the whole world.

SO TRUE

“I see you already made a new friend,” Max said.

He sounded a little…odd. As if he was not pleased that David had made a new friend.

honey...

take a guess

can I jump in and bash their heads together?

“You are thinking of conjuring chocolate syrup, aren’t you?” David chuckled.

“How do you always know what’s on my mind?” Max chuckled back.

Because I know you, David wanted to say. I just wish I knew what’s in your heart too.

OH MY GOD I CANT WITH THIS

“You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup!” Max was yelling, standing on the chair.

They residents laughed harder, and David shook his head fondly. He hoped one day Max would pursue a career in theatre. He was a born showman.

can I have chocolate syrup?

also, the way David is just so fond of him like DYUSDGYJCDYUJM

“By the angel, do you have to be a drama queen about everything?” the boy next to them muttered – not so quietly.

David blinked. That was uncalled for.

But Max being Max was completely unfazed. “Of course I do. My Bapa would be personally offended otherwise.”

exactly you rude little shit

Max often pretended like people’s words didn’t hurt him - just as he pretend that fire doesn’t burn or wounds don’t bleed.

wow ok stop calling me out

Is max jealous??????

is he??????

how are people so good at languages like damn

TY

TY

TY

TY

“Oh my god,” Max groaned. “Is he already telling people to check on me?”

LMAO

using mundane medicine...

that's risky

but it's also something that WILL help

can't warlocks tamper with the blood samples?

A part of him wondered if that’s why he had agreed to send Max away to London – at least for a week. Because sometimes you didn’t want other people to see you were hurting.

alec I really goddamn hope you're dealing with this well

some of whom had even decided to die than get help from a warlock.

alright then gets my knives but you chose this :D

Nobody brought a book down for breakfast if they didn't like to read.

yes but sometimes also to seem busy so people won't bother you or you won't look alone.

“I know,” the boy said as he walked past them to the gate. “I sat on the stairs and thought about life for a few good minutes.”

his family is the one who took over David's previous institute (i can't spell that. marse- marselli- wat??) methinks.

The gang always visited whenever all of them were in the city together. They would have so much fun! Of course, the 'fun' mostly entailed Rafael stopping Georgia from drinking random potions she found in the stalls, Selena stopping Lexi from opening a psychic booth to help people talk to Raziel and of course David stopping Max from running to the gambling booths.

LMAO, I CANT WITH THIS-

Rafe: I am anxiety.

me at any given moment

EW TESTICLES HE'S EATING THOSE-

ok maybe I'm the only person who's really picky when it comes to food and doesn't eat the majority of things

“Anything on Magnus Bane?” Max asked.

“No,” the woman snapped and shoved some of the letters into a bag and hide it under the table. “Leave Magnus Bane alone!”

“Appreciate your loyalty,” Max winked at her and started examining a diary.

I like her.

"Everyone should be participating in this" -my programming teacher

me, an intellectual: participating in what?? goes to the class web THE FUCK IS THAT

“Something for the shadowhunter?” the woman smiled. “Perhaps an unpublished snippet from the Beautiful Cordelia?”

“Do you have any love letters?” David asked.

“Hmmm,” the woman went through the pages. “I do have a correspondence between an Iblis demon and Christopher Lightwood? Would you be interested in that?”

if u don't mind I would love to see both of those-

you know I just remembered I have a computer assignment I need to submit by the end of this week fml

“Never fall in love with an immortal,” she giggled again. “We don’t like staying in one place.”

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

MAX WHERE ARE YOU

why are we using x and 3 in programming class what the heck is going on

“I’m not just some warlock,” Max said, his voice low. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.”

GIVE HIM THAT NECKLACE BACK

we usually have programming once a week on our physical school days and those are fun because my and my friend are continuously passing notes and talking to each other through writing

The scene where Max fought off all the evil people who tried to steal his valuable belonging. He would fight without breaking a sweat and throw magic fireballs at everyone and then get his necklace back. And then he would kiss David in front of everyone and it would somehow rain all of a sudden.

But life wasn’t a movie or a book. Life was just life.

life's boring

fuck life

I just heard a student ask "why are we not taking out the values of b and c" BESTIE I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING PROGRAMMING AND NOT ALGEBRA?????

“I know there wasn’t anyone to protect you before,” Magnus Bane had said. “But we are here now. We will protect you. This will protect you.”

He hadn’t wanted it back then. He didn't even want it even now.

He didn’t want something to protect him. Most importantly, he didn’t want to cover his scar. He didn’t want to hide it. He wasn’t ashamed of it. It wasn’t a mark of a victim. It was the mark of a survivor.

So, David had smiled and given the bracelet back.

“I never wanted to be protected,” David had replied. “I only ever wanted to be loved.”

The warlock had smiled at that and given David a hug. It had felt different than other hugs he had experienced since he had come to New York.

It wasn’t just the magic. Magnus Bane carried so much love inside himself you could literally feel it through him.

I'm gonna cry during my programming class (where we're doing variables apparently all of a sudden??)

this is so beautiful

“I wasn’t talking about Bapa,” Max said now. “I was talking about the other one.”

David chuckled at that. “Oh, yeah. He is definitely going to kill you.”

what flowers would you like at your funeral?

so Jackson has family troubles

I've definitely got that

yeah I know what it's like to be jealous of someone else's perfect family

JACKSON WTF

Is he trying to ruin max's relationship with his family???

oh hell no

JACKSON THE AUDACITY

“One stolen necklace, One broken nose and One bruised cheek,” he said. “And you’ve been in London for less than a day.”

kit seriously? but is he wrong though?

“This is what I get for falling for a Lightwood-Bane,” David sighed and walked through the portal.

WELL AT LEAST HE'S SELF AWARE

Jackson...

in some ways, I can empathize with him. my younger self anyway. but Jackson this is not how you do things

There was a moment of silence and then Magnus Bane giggled.

“I do love it when the quiet ones go feral,” the warlock grinned.

MAGNUS

NOT.THE.TIME

(me too)

“David!” Mr Herondale gasped. “Is your hand okay?”

yup that's Jace y'all

David hated violence. He hated fighting – which he was often not allowed to say out loud considering he was a shadowhunter.

But it was the truth. He hated hurting people – or even things. It made him feel sick.

“It’s alright, Chouchou,” Mr Herondale ran a hand through David’s hair. “Next time, just-”

“Use my words?” David asked.

“Just don’t get caught,” the man winked.

and that is why I would never want to be a shadowhunter.

I know saying that doesn't do anything but when I first read tsc I wanted to be a shadowhunter really badly and damn that was some time ago but now...violence of any kind is my biggest trigger idek why. and I hate that so much because what kind of a person gets triggered by loud voices and fighting EVEN ON SCREEN??? I usually just push myself to watch stuff because it's dumb. I refuse to see trigger warnings before reading a book or watching a show because damn it, I should be able to stand those things I'm, not a child. and it may be doing me more harm than good but I shouldn't feel like this in the first place

okay...that was long

ANYWAY

“David, I appreciate you standing up for Max,” the Consul said. “But next time, please try not to punch anyone in the face.”

“Yes, sir,” David nodded. “Because it’s wrong.”

“Because it means more paperwork for me,” the Consul groaned and then straightened up. “But yes. Absolutely. Very wrong. No punching people!”

LMAO ALEC

Jackson...

oh

oh

oh

I was wrong then

He was grinning. Magnus Bane must have raised hell in the shadow market.

that must have been fun

Max was doing that thing where he was not trying to pout but he was mostly definitely pouting. It made David want to kiss him. But then the Consul spoke, and David reminded himself he didn’t want to be the third person to get punched in the face this evening.

well-

“I understand that Jackson has been through a lot. But that’s not an excuse for him to hurt those around him. I learned that lesson the hard way. So, you shouldn’t excuse his behaviour.”

someone's trauma and pain is never an excuse to hurt others

but that doesn't mean we should invalidate their trauma either

“You can stay back and try to help him. I won’t stop you,” the man got up now. “But if he tries to hurt you-”

“You will unleash hell?” David chuckled.

“Worse,” the other man grinned. “I will unleash Lexi.”

that is much much worse

Books brought him comfort in so many ways. Just holding one in his hands automatically made him feel better.

oh my god

he gets it

I always have a book with me when I'm out even if I'm not gonna get the time to read it because just the weight and comfort of it in my hands or in my backpack brings me so much comfort and helps with my social anxiety so much

no one understands when I try to tell them that

you get it...

someone gets it finally

AYYY IRENE

“David, it’s very sweet that you want to protect Jackson,” Kit pointed out. “But literally no one is buying that. Not even Irene.”

The lynx purred on his lap as if she agreed with Kit.

“I could break into a liquor cabinet,” David said a little indignantly.

David is the nicest you can get

David wouldn’t. Apparently, everyone already seemed to know that - even the lynx he had met five minutes ago.

we are solving something in class and it's really quiet because we're all doing our work (I'm reading the fic so-) and this one person had their mic open and they kept on whispering their steps and it was so weird I cant-

BUT YES DAVID IS A CINNAMON ROLL. EVEN THE LYNX KNOWS

��We were talking about shitty fathers,” Jackson pointed out. “You’re welcome to stay.”

“I’m gonna need something stronger than red wine for this conversation,” Kit chuckled.

I remember that bitch

David used to do it when he was a child. He used to pretend his life was a story. He used to pretend everything that happened to him was happening to some other boy – a boy who wasn’t real. A boy who lived inside a book. Because it hurt a little less when you pretend like it wasn’t happening to you.

But the pain was still very real.

OK YOU CAN STOP CALLING ME OUT NOW

“I fucking hate ogres,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Was your father an ogre too?” Jackson asked.

“He was more like a harpy,” Kit snorted. “He was always flying and fleeing. I didn’t know how deep his talons were in my head until it was too late.”

you really like traumatizing all your characters, don't you?

I really fucking hope the ogre got what he deserved

and if the angel is dead then fuck everyone

“I mean, there was that time when Sebastian Morgenstern turned my father into the endarkened, and then he went around killing people. So, I would say he was more like a zombie,” the man was explaining now. “The zombie father tried to kill me but my brother killed him first.”

“Good lord!” Jackson said in shock.

Kit chuckled softly. “Boy do shadowhunters need therapy.”

they really do

He knew about those from New York. He knew Mr Herondale and Miss Fairchild went for one together.

YES GET THEM THERAPY

“Yikes,” Kit chuckled. “I’d prefer something classier. How about London Boys?”

“None of us are from London though,” Tiberius pointed out.

“The Beatles are not actually beetles, Ty,” Kit chuckled. “It’s just for pizazz.”

damn guys

Then the idea of a band turned into a possible YouTube channel where they would react to cute animal videos.

YS DO IT

“When people do awful things, really awful things, at one point we stop being surprised. Like what Valentine did to his children or what our fathers did to us or what those women did to Rafael. We might have been shocked or disgusted. But it wasn’t unrealistic, was it?”

“I guess not,” the boy said.

“Even when they did the most unimaginable acts of cruelty, it somehow managed to fit into our imagination. We accepted that the world can be unrealistically cruel. The kind of cruelty we will never understand. But why isn’t it the same for kindness? Why is that when someone is too kind, we automatically feel uncomfortable? We judge their intensions or think they are just pretending to be nice. We think they are being unrealistic. Why is that?”

we get so used to cruelty that kindness feels weird

“But that’s how our life works, doesn’t it? It’s a giant ball of what ifs and could have beens and if nots. What if my father had loved me instead of hurt me? Could I have been kinder if I was hugged instead of being abused? Would have I been a different person if not for my trauma? Our lives are an endless collection of theories about our real selves. The one didn’t we never had the chance to become.”

THIS

I used to spend a bunch of time on the what-ifs but those are useless. so screw the what-ifs and live in the present

“I guess we’ll never know, Jackson. None of us will never know how we would have turned out if things had been different for us. We never got the chance to be who were meant to be. Instead, we became who we had to become to survive what we went through. We will never know our true selves. We only know the version of us that made it through all the trauma.”

“Christ, that’s depressing,” Jackson said.

“It is,” David nodded. “But we made it through. We survived. I think we should focus on that.”

you survived. that's what matters

“There is nothing wrong with wanting to be rescued,” David smiled.

I wish I had heard this before...

maybe I don't always have to be strong. maybe it's ok sometimes just want to be saved.

I'm so happy that both Jackson and David found each other

David had learned Gaelic. Jackson had learned how to play the piano.

They had laughed and lived and loved and learned.

And they had survived – one day at a time. The London Boys.

they survived.

I know I'm always key smashing and screaming but these words, these lines, all these chapters mean so so much to me.

“You’ll write to me, won’t you?” David asked, hugging Jackson closely.

“No,” Jackson replied. “I will FaceTime you like a normal person, you weirdo!”

David laughed at that. “I prefer letters. They are more emotional.”

“I’ll text you,” Jackson countered. “With emojis.”

oh to have someone write me letters.

I love writing letters

once at the end of a school year, I wrote little letters to everyone in my class anonymously. even the people who had been mean to me. that was like 1-2 years after my transfer to that school and everyone practically hated me but I wanted to do something nice because who knows what someone is going through. I ended up not putting them in people's desks...

I threw them all away :)

but writing letters is superior

I often write my feelings down and give the letter to someone rather than talk to someone

if you receive a letter from me or a custom-made gift...you have reached my ultimate friendship

oh my god. THIS IS HOW I SHOULD TALK TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS ABOUT MY FEELINGS

It's kind of been a mess between us and I want to talk to her but I didn't know how to.

this is why i shouldn't send asks-

JACKSON CATCHING UP ON MAX AND DAVID

“You know what it means,” Jackson grinned harder. “Also, if that wanker tries to break your heart, I will break his face.”

“You know he is the Consul’s son?” David giggled.

“I’ve done it once and I will do it again,” Jackson shrugged. “He better treat you right.”

"wanker"

I HAVE A BRITISH ONLINE FRIEND AND THEY CALLED OUR AMERICAN ONLINE FRIEND A WANKER

AND OUR OTHER BRITISH FRIEND JOINED IN

WHILE ALL THE NON-BRITISH PEOPLE WERE LIKE "huh"

Lexi had cut her hair even shorter. Her girlfriend apparently got something called an undercut.

“Just in case someone dared to assume we were straight,” she had winked at him.

how many years has this fake dating been going on...

CENTURION SELENA

fterA the twins went to bed, David stepped out of the institute and went looking for his heart.

"went looking for his heart"

OH FUCK I FORGOT TO JOIN MY CLASS

MAX STOP DEPLETING YOUR SELF GODDAMN

And then somewhere along the way, Max’s heartbeat had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.

Max, with all his chaos and drama and danger, had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.

oh my god that's a parallel from canon

“Tell me why.”

“Ain't nothing but a heart break!!"

Max-

Max could make fireballs that killed demons on the spot. He could summon things from anywhere. He could heal people with his eyes closed. He was one of the youngest warlocks allowed to visit the spiral labyrinth.

Max was a warlock in every sense. A good one. A great one even.

he is so talented...

Only idiots would underestimate Magnus Bane’s power.

EXACTLY

He is probably going to be Consul like next week.”

David chuckled. “Next week?”

next week????

“Yeah, his smoking habits,” Max rolled his eyes.

Rafael wasn’t the smoker in the family. He knew who it was, but David would never open his mouth. It wasn’t his secret to tell.

this keeps on getting better

“It’s my hair!” David laughed.

“And you’re my David!” Max argued. “I say you are not allowed to grow your hair.”

MY DAVID

MY DAVID

MY DAVID

“I don’t want to downworld-splain it to you.”

Max blinked and then laughed. “You don’t want to what?”

“Downworld-splain,” David mumbled. “It’s when shadowhunters explain downworlders how to be downworlders.”

they were SO close to kissing

I'm gonna get in there and lock them in a closet together and tell them to FUCKING GET WITH IT

Remember who you are. Remember where you stand.

remember who you are. remember where you stand...

I know this is supposed to be about portals.

OH MY GOD THEY KISSED

THEY KISSED

IM SO CLOSE TO SCREAMING CLASS AND EVERYONE OUTSIDE THIS ROOM BE DAMNED

OH MY GOD DAVID FELL

reminds me of when alec fell down the stairs-

OH MY GOD I'M GONNA SCREAM

WE'RE GONNA GET MORE MAVID CONTENT SOON I'M SCREAMING INTERNALLY UYDRVFY7VSDU7UYVFSDUYGCADUYIGJCDSHJKGDVCSUGISDVHVF

ok, I have a computer assignment to get to and tests to study for. BUT I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO MUCH!! THEY FINALLY KISSED I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!

Also I know I tend to go off track and you can totally ignore that. i just go crazy. BYEE

This live blog gives me so much life you don't even know. I am go glad you enjoyed the chapter. I love hearing you rant about it. It's refreshing lol.

And I looooooove the lil anecdotes you share in between. Also wtf is a programming class like nobody wants to learn programme what kind of hetero nonsense I-

FINISH YOUR ASSIGNMENTS AND STUDY FOR YOUR TESTS I'LL SEE YOU SOON :)

#lbaf

[bytheangell]

Go the Distance

( @shadowhunterbingo​ Square: Long Distance) (Reyhill, light angst, happy ending, canon compliant)  (Read on AO3) 

“It’ll be over before you know it,” Lorenzo says, trying to sound reassuring. “It’s only a month.”

Andrew, objectively, knows that a month really isn’t that much time in the grand scheme of things. He knows it’s practically the blink of an eye to an immortal. But when you’re still in a relatively new relationship, the idea of being apart for an entire month has a way of making itself feel like the end of the world.

“Yeah, I know,” Andrew says, trying not to make a huge deal out of it. “It isn’t like you can’t just portal back to visit, too. Or maybe I could come to visit you? I can see if Alec will shift my off days so I have a couple together,” he adds hopefully. At least, Andrew hopes he manages to keep his tone at ‘hopeful’ and not ‘desperate’, which is a line he’s afraid of crossing just then.

“Perhaps,” Lorenzo says. “It isn’t as if I’m on vacation there - I will be working most of the time, but I’m sure I can manage a bit of ‘off time’ as well,” he allows. Andrew wonders if he’s simply trying to keep his expectations realistic or if he’s trying to tell Andrew he’s totally fine with the time apart - maybe he even wants it.

Andrew tries not to overthink as he kisses Lorenzo goodbye.

---

Andrew does not succeed in his attempts to not overthink it. He tries to wait for Lorenzo to call him first because he doesn’t want to come across as clingy or needy - after all, Lorenzo doesn’t seem to have a problem at all with being away, and if he doesn’t then neither does Andrew. Or so he tries to convince himself.

Andrew makes it two days before he’s dialing Lorenzo’s number on his lunch break. It rings to voicemail. He tries again toward the end of his break and this time it goes straight to voicemail without ringing.

Andrew winces.

He gets a call back while out on patrol, and it takes all of his self-control not to answer it the moment he feels the phone vibrating in his pocket. Instead he sends a quick, ‘sorry, patrol’, and almost immediately gets a return ‘Of course, be safe, dear’. Sighing, Andrew pockets his phone again and finishes out the patrol.

He gets back at 2 am, which is 8 am in Spain, and tries again, stifling a yawn as Lorenzo picks up.

“Why are you not asleep?” Lorenzo says at the sound.

“Miss you, too,” Andrew says.

Lorenzo laughs. “Of course I miss you,” he says. “How was patrol?”

If Lorenzo is annoyed with him for calling twice earlier or only waiting a day and a half to call at all, he doesn’t show it. They chat for a little while - not nearly long enough, but Lorenzo has to go to meet his client and Andrew really should get some sleep - and hang up with the promise to talk again soon.

---

Soon ends up being the next day, which is wonderful… until that’s the last time Andrew hears from Lorenzo for the better part of a week.

He expects it, which makes the wait a little more tolerable. Lorenzo warned him that they had to make a trip to a particular subsection of ley lines located in a very remote area, and that most of his energy would be depleted from the spells they’d be performing there… but that doesn’t make Andrew worry less over the continued silence. Especially not imagining Lorenzo repeatedly draining himself somewhere he can’t call for help, magically or the mundane way.

“Everything alright?” Alec’s voice greets him, drawing his attention from his phone back to reality.

“How do you do it?” Andrew asks. Magnus is also in Spain, just for the week to help out with what Lorenzo described as a ‘gradual gathering of magic’, some rituals performed daily along with very intricate potion brewing.

“Do what?” Alec frowns.

“How do you deal with not hearing from him, given...” Andrew motions vaguely around him, not quite willing to vocalize the concept of their lives being dangerous and literally life-threatening on a daily basis sometimes.

“It sucks,” Alec says honestly. “But it’s part of our lives. Sometimes we get called away for longer missions or trips to Idris, too. The portals help, when they can, but sometimes you just have to wait it out and know that as much as you’ll always do everything in your power to come home safe to him, he’ll do the same for you.”

It’s spoken like someone who gives themself this particular pep talk pretty frequently… Andrew wonders how many times he can go through this, and surprises himself when he immediately thinks ‘however many I have to’ in response.

---

It’s a long six days, but finally, Andrew’s phone rings and Lorenzo’s name flashes across the screen, bringing an immediate smile of relief to his face.

“Ren,” Andrew says, sure the smile can be heard in his tone.

“Andrew,” Lorenzo’s voice greets him. He sounds exhausted.

“How are you doing?” Andrew asks, hoping Lorenzo will supply the information without him fishing for it, or implying that his boyfriend sounds awful. Andrew knows how poorly that goes over with Lorenzo after making the mistake once before of telling the warlock he looked tired. Andrew definitely doesn’t want a repeat of those defensive reactions right now.

“I’ve been better,” Lorenzo admits, and Andrew feels an immediate pang of concern, made worse by the fact that he isn’t there to help - or at least to insist Lorenzo rest properly. “But I’ll survive. Nothing a good day of recharging won’t solve.”

“Is that what you’re doing today? Actually resting?” Andrew sounds dubious.

The sound of Lorenzo laughing lightly eases some of Andrew’s concern that he’s downplaying how he feels.

“Yes. And if you talk to Alec, don’t let Magnus take all the glory for a successful first round of spells. He seems to think he was the only one holding that connection together,” Lorenzo huffs.

“We both know you were invited first for a reason,” Andrew is quick to stand by Lorenzo and is rewarded with another laugh.

“Precisely,” Lorenzo agrees.

“Well, I don’t want to hold you up from resting,” Andrew says. Hanging up is the last thing he wants to do just then, but he should give Lorenzo time to actually recover and not keep him awake talking.

“Oh, yes, of course,” Lorenzo says, and even though something sounds off Andrew just writes it off as the exhaustion. “Talk to you later, then.”

The line disconnects and Andrew fights the urge to change his mind and call Lorenzo back, reluctantly turning back to the monitors in front of him.

---

Andrew gets a few days of short text replies after that. He can tell something is wrong, but every time he tries to bring it up Lorenzo changes the subject. Worrying that he’s being too much of a bother while Lorenzo is, technically, working, Andrew decides to play it safe and stop texting first altogether.

Which doesn’t work as well as he hopes when it results in no communication at all.

It doesn’t take long for his thoughts to jump to every worst-case scenario, always coming back to the idea that Lorenzo simply isn’t as invested in them as Andrew is. Maybe they were something convenient here, while they were in such close proximity, but now that they’re apart and things take a little extra effort… maybe Andrew isn’t worth that.

The idea of this being something far more casual for the Warlock than it is for him hits Andrew hard, but he isn’t about to go out without a fight.

Andrew calls Lorenzo and doesn’t realize how much he expected the call to be ignored until he feels the surprise at hearing Lorenzo’s voice answer on the other end. There are a few minutes of small talk while Andrew works up the nerve to say what he called for - to tell Lorenzo how much he misses him and see if there’s any way they can meet up, even just for an hour, when Lorenzo asks him first.

“There’s something of a party this week, a few of the local warlocks and fae will be attending, some old friends from when I used to live here… if you’re free, you’re more than welcome to come,” Lorenzo offers.

“I’d love to,” Andrew agrees, almost before the offer is fully extended. “I was just thinking of ways we could get together, so this is perfect.”

“I’ll text you the details. I have to run, but I’m looking forward to having you join me. Oh, and don’t worry about what to wear - I’ve seen quite a few suits here I thought you’d look stunning in, now I have an excuse to get you one.”

Lorenzo is consistently trying to treat him to things - clothing, jewelry, artwork, single meals that are somehow the same price as Andrew’s entire month of groceries - and Andrew usually manages to stop the worst of it from happening. There isn’t much he can do to stop Lorenzo from buying him things half a world away, however.

“Lorenzo, I have perfectly good suits here, you really don’t-”

The line goes dead and Andrew shakes his head at the now silent phone in his hand.

If it means getting to see Lorenzo again sooner rather than later, Andrew is more than willing to suffer a much-too-fancy suit.

---

“I missed you so much,” Andrew says, melting into Lorenzo’s embrace the moment he steps out of the portal.

“I’ve missed you, too,” Lorenzo replies, his arms pulling Andrew in a little tighter before stepping away. Andrew notices they aren’t alone in the room - there are two others sitting on the other side of the room at a table. Hesitating, Andrew leans in and steals the briefest of kisses in greeting, unsure of the company they’re in but unable to not kiss his boyfriend after being apart for the better part of the month.

Lorenzo smiles into the brief kiss but doesn’t move for a second.

“Come, I want you to meet some of my oldest friends, then we really should get dressed for the party,” Lorenzo says, pulling Andrew along toward the men in the corner.

Andrew does his best to relax - this is a social gathering, after all, despite the presence of more Downworlders than he’s ever been in the same room as before outside of official Clave business. There are many introductions, and with each new name and face he feels a little more overwhelmed.

He isn’t sure what he expected, but he has such little time with Lorenzo to himself. Instead, Andrew stands beside him, and a little behind, and barely says a word. No one, including Lorenzo, seems to notice or mind. Lorenzo is full of loud laughter and animated reminiscing over adventures during times Andrew only knows from history books. Everyone here seems to know Lorenzo and he’s constantly surrounded by a small cluster of warlocks and fae.

Andrew is aware he’s the only Shadowhunter here, especially when every Downworlder eyes Andrew warily. He can’t particularly blame them, but it doesn’t do wonders for making him feel welcomed. It gets to the point that with every concerned look he gets, Andrew fades more into the background, hands instinctively clasped behind him while he watches rather than partakes in any proper socializing.

It’s barely over an hour into the evening that Andrew excuses himself to go outside for a moment. He isn’t even sure Lorenzo notices his departure, but a few minutes later hears the sound of a door closing behind him and feels a familiar presence by his side.

“Is everything alright?” Lorenzo asks, his hand coming up to rest on the small of Andrew’s back.

A part of him wants to say yes, and dismiss every concern he has, but that isn’t fair to either of them.

“I shouldn’t be here,” Andrew says finally.

“I was afraid of this,” Lorenzo sighs. “I thought something was off when we spoke… from how quick you were to get rid of me on the phone last week, and then the days without talking…”

Andrew frowns. “What?”

“I was worried being apart for so long early on would be too much strain. I was right. It’s alright, Andrew. I’m hundreds of years old, I can handle a break-up-”

“I don’t want to break up with you,” Andrew says, brows furrowed in confusion. “I thought you wanted to break up with me. I felt like every time I called you I was bothering you, so I waited until you called first, and when you never did I just assumed you didn’t care if you heard from me or not.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Lorenzo scoffs.

“And in there, I can tell I’m making people a little anxious. And you have so many friends, and they all know you better than me, and honestly, they all seemed like much better company. I can’t imagine why you’d want me around to ruin that when I clearly don’t fit in here,” Andrew adds, because if he doesn’t get it all out now then he never will.

“No time spent with you is ruined,” Lorenzo says. “I’m sorry you felt like that. I should’ve taken it into consideration, but I was so eager to have you along I didn’t think of the other company.” Lorenzo frowns. “I’d much rather be speaking with you than any of them, I promise. In fact…” Lorenzo glances at his watch. “I think it’s time I make our excuses, and we retire for the night. Just the two of us.”

“But the party-”

“I have something far more important than a party to attend to,” Lorenzo insists. “We should go and talk.”

“What if we stay for another hour, then leave?” Andrew offers. “I’d like to try this again, but properly this time. I may have written off the night prematurely.”

They both have a bit of work to do on communication, but Andrew is just as guilty for making unspoken assumptions as Lorenzo. For now, at least, Andrew can start with going into this evening with a more open mind.

Lorenzo smiles. “Alright. If you’re certain?”

Andrew realizes he’s suddenly pretty certain about a lot of things - not the least of which is the distance he’s willing to go to make sure this relationship works. It helps to know Lorenzo is in it with him to meet him halfway.

“I am,” Andrew confirms, as Lorenzo takes him by the arm and leads him back inside.

#reyhill #andrew underhill #lorenzo rey #shadowhunters #hmdiscord #been a hot second since I wrote these two in something a bit longer #i know i hit them during the flufftober rounds but this was fun! #also eyyyy another double fic day #long post #elle writes a few deadbeat lines

[faejilly]

trust your heart

@shadowhunterbingo square: Double Date 

Relationships: Alec & Jace, background Malec, plus some Clary & Stabbing, because that’s my favorite. ;)

I am tagging this as a Shadowhunters 1x04 coda-fic because that's what this is in reaction to, but it occurs at some indeterminate later moment. We are ignoring the timeline. I have no idea when this happens, don't try to make it fit, it won't work. Probably because the timeline doesn't even work on it's own. 

This is also just an exercise in “jilly likes to play with the lore in the show because it doesn’t make any more sense than the timeline!”. (WTF is a Greater Demon y’all? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? How does some shadowy smoke compare to fallen angels and the mother of all demons? Who knows. Certainly the show doesn’t. SO LET’S GUESS. Or something like that.)

"Biscuit." Magnus paused, as if he wasn't entirely sure what he was saying next, and Clary tilted her head as she waited.

Jace figured she was as unused to seeing Magnus fighting for words as he was.

Alec had a hint of a frown between his brows, so apparently that wasn't a thing Magnus did very often in private, either.

Magnus sighed, and tried again. "If you wanted to give the retrieval of your memories another try, I have heard from the Spiral Labyrinth that Valak appears to have. Reformed."

"That was quick." Alec sounded almost blank, and Jace wondered if... no, that was stupid. Alec always still felt guilty about things, the only question was how guilty Alec still felt about the original failed summoning.

"He is one of the original Greater Demons." Jace shrugged as everyone looked at him. "I looked him up after last time. He's not a Fallen Angel, but he's still classified as a Demon Prince. There are only a couple of those."

A hint of pride broke through in Alec's voice. "And yet, Magnus managed to contain him."

"He almost killed Jace." Clary finally spoke up, her voice a little more subdued than usual.

"But he didn't break free," Jace pointed out.

Clary glared at him.

"What?" Jace spread his hands wide.

"You almost died."

Jace shrugged. "Doesn't make Magnus less impressive."

"Why thank you," Magnus gestured sideways and leaned forward in his chair in a way that very clearly implied a bow.

Jace snorted, and Alec's shell cracked a bit more, a hint of a smile as he looked at Magnus.

When Magnus was an arrogant bastard, Alec thought it was great. When Jace was an arrogant bastard, Alec always looked like he wanted to murder him. To be fair, Magnus never needed Alec to clean up the mess after he was an arrogant bastard?

Might cheer Alec up if he did.

But that wasn't Jace's business.

Jace leaned forward, aiming his next words at Clary. "Doesn't make you less impressive, either. You managed to disperse him, after all."

"She is naturally gifted when it comes to stabbing things." Alec's voice was dry, but his expression was fond. Jace could feel the tension in Alec's shoulders still, knew he wasn't nearly as nonchalant as he was appearing, but Alec wouldn't thank him for pointing it out.

Clary blinked. "Thank you?"

"You're welcome." Alec nodded graciously and entirely sincerely. Jace still didn't know how he did that, there was no way that should have managed not to sound either stupid or sarcastic. But no, he meant it as a compliment, and he was glad Clary knew it.

Jace shook his head a little. You're so weird.

Alec raised his eyebrows at Jace. You're one to talk.

Jace shrugged. Fair point.

"They're doing it again." Clary hissed, and when Jace shifted his attention back towards her, he saw she was leaning closer to Magnus. "Do you think it's a Lightwood thing, or a parabatai thing?"

"Both." Magnus leaned in as well, far enough he could clink his martini glass against her iced tea. "They do it with Isabelle too, but there's usually the occasional half-a-word thrown in with her."

Clary hummed in consideration before she nodded in agreement, and Jace had to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at her.

Alec snorted.

Magnus blew him a kiss.

Jace rolled his eyes at Clary. They're not any better!

Clary grinned at him. Neither are we.

And wasn't that a nice thought?

"There's no hurry," Magnus' voice was mostly serious again. "But do let me know. It will be the same ritual, but he may ask for a different price. He's all about shadows and secrets and treasures; he might be looking for something entirely different this time."

"Will it be worse because we." Clary swallowed. "Because I tried to kill him last time?"

"Probably not." Magnus shrugged. "He's not a particularly aggressive or grudge-holding demon, he really does just like knowing things, having bits and pieces of this world that no other demon can hold via his collection of memories. It's why I chose him to hold your memories in the first place."

"It's not like Valak would consider any of us a threat. We don't actually know how to kill him," Alec said. "Not so he'd stay dispersed for very long, much less actually dead. I doubt a short stint in the Void means much to a literal Shadow Demon. There's speculation he's part Void. Might have been a nice vacation for him."

Magnus snorted this time, but not in disagreement.

"Plus it's a very comprehensive summoning and containment spell." Jace grinned as Magnus lifted an eyebrow at him this time. "I told you I looked it up. That Medusa in the middle of the pentagram, it's a symbol of protection called a gorgoneion, and Valak's particularly vulnerable to it because of their shared dominion over serpents."

Magnus lifted his glass in another toast, this time aimed in Jace's direction. "Gold star for blondie."

"Thank you." Jace did not manage to avoid sounding slightly sarcastic, and he was not at all surprised when Alec kicked his ankle. He ignored that. "All of which just means that as summonings go, it's usually..."

He trailed off. He'd almost said mostly harmless, but then Alec was going to think about how their original attempt hadn't been, and how that was all his fault, and Jace had no idea how to comfort Clary that they really did usually know what they were doing without making Alec feel even worse about how obviously fucked up they'd been when they first met Clary.

Her mouth did an odd twist as she watched him stop talking, and he sighed. She'd clearly already figured all that out.

Not that it was hard.

"You should ask Simon." Alec's sentence ended more abruptly than usual, as if there'd been more he'd swallowed. "For the pentagram."

"And Luke." Jace managed to say without glaring at Alec for stealing his idea before he'd managed to say it first.

Clary frowned. "That makes seven. That's not a pentagram any more."

Alec blinked at her. Well obviously you wouldn't want me there.

Magnus and Clary just kept staring at him, and Jace had to swallow a snort of amusement. "Don't think you ducking out was obvious to anyone but you."

"I suppose it should have been," Magnus sighed. There was a golden glint in his eyes as he switched his attention to Jace. "But Alexander's over-developed guilt-complex doesn't explain why you're trying to duck out, too."

Alec's mouth opened, as if he was going to try and protest that his guilt-complex was at perfectly reasonable levels or something, but then his mouth closed and he turned to frown at Jace instead.

"He didn't want my memory last time?" Jace shrugged. He hoped that none of the despair he'd felt at that one-two punch of the demon deciding Jace didn't love anyone enough for his memories to count, of Alec being terrified of loving Jace, was making it through the bond. Or worse, onto his face for everyone to see. "Seems a bit of a risk to include me again."

Judging by how still Clary suddenly was, of the surge of nausea he felt from Alec, he'd failed entirely.

Fuck.

Alec leaned forward, but Magnus' hand on his arm stopped him before he said something that Jace probably wouldn't know how to deal with. Jace was used to feeling grateful for Magnus' existence for Alec's sake almost daily; it was a little weird being grateful for his own sake this time.

"The ritual was broken half-way through," Magnus said, his voice slow and careful, like you'd talk to a spooked horse. Jace kind of hated how nice it sounded. "Why do you think he didn't want your memory? He didn't get to me, either."

"He skipped me." Jace swallowed. Jace had been sure he'd see Alec's face when the demon got to him, too, but then Valak had just... jumped over him instead. Like everything Valentine had taught Jace when he was growing up was true, was right, that he couldn't know what love was, that he wouldn't ever be capable of it, that everything he thought he'd felt with the Lightwoods, with Alec, his brother, the other half of his soul, that all of it was just a lie he'd told himself, told himself so often he'd forgotten it was a lie.

But the demon could tell, could take one look at him and tell that all his cherished memories were wrong, weren't really love.

Then Alec had rejected the very thought that Jace could be the one he loved the most, as if Alec knew that too, knew they weren't really parabatai, not in any way that mattered, knew he couldn't trust Jace at his side, and sometimes Jace could tell himself that Alec was rejecting the implication of attraction, that it was more about Alec and his fears than Jace and his failures, and he told himself that Alec did love him, he did... but.

Sometimes all he could remember was that denial, and it didn't matter why.

No one had thought twice about Izzy loving Alec the most. No one would ever doubt that Alec was worth that, no one would ever panic at admitting that.

"Jace," Alec's voice was rougher than usual, and before Magnus or Jace could try and stop him again, he'd turned his chair and pulled Jace against him, his arms hard and implacable, and the fact that there was no way out was exactly what Jace needed.

He did manage to spare half a thought to being glad they were having dinner at Magnus' rather than in public before he just leaned in, his forehead pressed against Alec's shoulder, and he managed not to think about anything else at all. He could feel the hard beat of Alec's heart through the bond, the tight grip of Alec's hands an echo of tension even as his own body relaxed.

"Do you know what an ouroboros is?" Magnus' voice was overly precise and almost delicate; Jace wondered how long they'd been silent, how long he'd lost himself.

Jace nodded.

He felt Alec's head move above him, echoing the movement to make sure Magnus could see it.

"An ouroboros can be used to enhance a containment ritual; it won't actually make a pentagram last an infinite amount of time, but it does give it a kick."

Magnus paused, as if giving Jace time to process that.

"It's also a snake, so Valak's more vulnerable?" Clary asked.

"Mm-hmm." Magnus confirmed. "If Valak invokes that symbol by reinforcing the circle of a pentagram, any particularly talented or powerful warlock—"

"Like you?" Clary interrupted again, the smile clear in her voice.

Jace heard the clink of crystal and figured Magus had tapped her glass in agreement again. He felt himself smile, just a little, imagining the looks on both their faces, gently teasing and an exaggerated glint of false-modesty.

"A good warlock can force Valak to answer two requests for the price of one, so he will never follow a circle all the way around during a ritual. He jumps and swerves instead."

Oh.

Jace felt a hot flush of shame, it had nothing to do with me, but before he could move or say anything, Alec's arms tightened even further.

"It's also fair to say that 'love the most' is a crock of bull-shit." It was Alec this time, his voice remarkably steady, considering, and Jace could feel it in his chest as much as hear it. "Magnus and I talked about it, and there's no way for a demon to know that, love doesn't work like that, most and least or whatever. It's whoever you're thinking about right then during the ceremony, whatever your emotions are most caught up in at the time."

"It's usually a plausible answer," Magnus hummed softly in agreement. "Because it's suggested by the question, so you're thinking about whoever is important to you. But sometimes the question isn't enough to lead you that way, and he'll take a memory of whoever you're concerned about, or even angriest at, whatever's strongest and primary in your thoughts."

"So I saw my mom because I was worried and looking for her, not just because she was my mom." Jace could hear Clary shifting in her chair as she spoke.

"And Isabelle was probably still caught up in being delighted to witness me flirting atrociously with Alec," Magnus agreed. "Rather than him truly being more important to her than Jace or Max."

Alec's hand rubbed up and down Jace's spine, and his voice was both softer and lighter when he spoke again. "I have never regretted loving you, Jace, I just didn't know what most meant, or how I was supposed to survive admitting it in front of strangers."

"If Valak does ask for a memory of the 'one you love the most' again—" Magnus continued, soft and warm and gentle in a way that reminded Jace of how very old he was "—I will probably think of Alexander, but I might be reminded of Ragnor, because he died and I won't get any more new memories of him, and so each one I have is even more precious than they used to be."

Alec made a pained noise in the back of his throat, and Jace pushed himself free, wiping his eyes and shaking his head to settle himself.

And then he had to shake his head again, because Alec ruffled his hair and he could feel it didn't settle properly on its own.

Alec didn't reach out to wrap himself around Magnus up the way he had Jace, despite how clearly he wanted to, but he did reach out a hand and rest it gently on top of Magnus'.

Magnus blinked at Alec, and turned his wrist so their fingers could intertwine.

Jace coughed. "Sorry for ruining dinner."

"No such thing." Magnus waved the hand not still holding onto Alec in dismissal, somehow not spilling a drop of his drink. "But perhaps it is the sort of night that could use some extra dessert?"

Clary’s eyes brightened and she sat up a little straighter. "Chocolate dessert?"

"Your wish is my command."

#hmdiscord #shadowhunters #jace lightwood #alec lightwood #jilly writes #malec #my sh fic #clary fray #magnus bane

[greekgeek21]

Percy Jackson & The Avengers: Convergence - the secret it out

I'm not dead! I had a mental breakdown, but I'm not dead! I am not abandoning this story, I promise. Didn't you guys see the part of my A/N where I said that I would never abandon this story, just take a tiny hiatus. And I'm proving that now by uploading this.

Anyway, this chapter is pretty long, so I hope this makes up for not uploading for months. I'm in the middle of doing a bio final, which is my second to last one! I'm so excited to be done with this school year. I've literally been calling my school Hell.

Also, I'm adding disclaimers to each chapter cuz I forgot to do that, so yeah act like you're smart enough to know that I don't own Marvel or PJO. Please stay safe and happy pride month🏳️‍🌈!

- your author

PS if you didn't know, I'm pan so...not just an ally or something.

Ω ♆ Ω

The demigods were silent the entire trip back. The group hadn't wanted to explain why the Avengers were there, so they'd left before the authorities had shown up. The quinjet had survived the storm with the ability to still fly, so they took that back to the tower. Despite the multitude of people with ADHD on the plane, nobody had spoken a word. However, the Seven seemed to be silently communicating to Percy their confusion and anger. As far as they knew, they did not have permission to tell the truth of the gods yet! They trusted Percy, but he had been through a lot recently, and maybe his judgement was a little off.

But they couldn't risk slipping anything to the Avengers, so they settled for just glaring at the son of Poseidon. The boy in question, however, just sat there staring at his lap, where he was playing with Riptide.

He was trying to figure out the best way to break it to the Avengers that their entire world was basically a lie. It was a lot to take in. He could attest to that. He was half-convinced that he was hallucinating when he first got the explanation.

Tony was finding the silence particularly difficult to withstand. First, Percy tells them that he's finally going to tell them the full truth, and then he just walks away and gets on the quinjet without following up on that comment! Anticlimactic much?

"Alright, that's it! Somebody say something!" he yelled. "I can't take this anymore!"

Percy responded without looking up, "Wait until we're at the tower. Then, I'll tell you everything. It's time you guys know." He whispered the next part under his breath, "You're going to need it where we're going."

Unfortunately for Steve, he could still hear that last comment. "That's reassuring," he said.

"Sorry," Percy muttered.

He didn't have time to worry about the Avengers' feelings. He had already figured out how he would tell them the truth. The best way was to be completely open and make sure there weren't any chances for fighting to break out.

Right now, he was worrying about Annabeth. Every second they wasted was one more second the monsters had to hurt her. It was taking everything within him to not make Piper's water bottle explode.

Ω ♆ Ω

Percy was the first one out of the jet when they landed on Avengers Tower. He ran all the way to his room, where he grabbed as many godly artifacts that he could find. He had a feeling that the mortals would want some proof before they started believing anything. He grabbed a couple of drachmas, some ambrosia and nectar, a picture of Coach Hedge, Mellie, and little Chuck, and his trident (yes, he has a trident now). The trident folded into itself until it was the size of a water bottle. If he wanted to use it, he had to say it's name, ακουαρέλα (waterbringer). The greek lettering of its name on the side glows, and it shoots open. It was a gift from his father as an early eighteenth birthday present.

Godly parents are weird that way; giving their kids weapons as presents. But spend enough time in this world and you get used to it.

He rushed back to the living room, where JARVIS had told him everyone was gathered (a tiny voice in his head reminded him that it wasn't everyone. Not yet). They seemed to have resorted back into their first day together: opposite sides of the coffee table, mistrustful glances sent across, and a general awkward aura surrounding the place. If Percy wasn't in such a rush to save Annabeth, he would've laughed at the sight.

Tony was the first to notice him, "Oh, you're here finally! Great! Now can you tell us what the hell is going on?"

Again, a strange sense of déjà vu washed over Percy, but he ignored it.

"Yes. It's important you know the truth before we leave," Percy answered.

He turned to his friends and spoke again. "And before you try protesting, my dad gave me permission."

Jason's open mouth snapped shut.

He dumped his artifacts on the table, motioning for his friends to do the same with anything they had on them. It wasn't a lot; just a couple of drachmas and their weapons. Leo did take off his entire toolbelt, though.

"What's this stuff? Is this supposed to answer all our questions?" Natasha said.

"No, this is just proof. I'll be explaining it all to you." He paused, unsure of how to start.

"Oh for the gods' sake, Percy, just start with the simplest answer!" Piper exclaimed, jumping up, "We're demigods, sons and daughters of the gods."

A beat of silence passed.

Steve broke it, "I didn't know Thor had any children..."

Jason groaned, "How did I know you would say that? Honestly, open your minds a little bit. We're Greek and Roman demigods. Thor isn't even a real god! He's just an alien with superpowers!"

Percy stared, amused, at his cousin. Clearly the son of the lightning god was not happy with Thor running around and calling himself a god (especially when Magnus was proof that he wasn't).

Piper patted him on the back sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, are you saying that there are more gods?" Tony asked, eyes wide in shock.

"Yes," Percy answered simply.

"Oh. Ok. That's fine, I guess. Nothing unbelievable about that," Tony commented sarcastically.

Percy sighed, preparing himself, "I am the son of Poseidon. Annabeth is the daughter of Athena. Piper is the daughter of Aphrodite, and Jason is the son of Jupiter. Hazel is the daughter of Pluto, and Frank is the son of Mars. And Leo is the son of Hephaestus. We aren't lying. We wish we were, but we're not. This is the truth."

Clint said, "I want to see this proof you were talking about."

Percy nodded, reaching down and grabbing a drachma.

"This is a drachma. How do you think we have so many of these? They are the godly currency," he said, tossing the coin over to Clint.

"Okay, I'll admit that it's odd for you to own so many of those things, but I need some proof of magic," Tony said.

Percy gritted his teeth, wondering if it was possible to kill Tony with Riptide. The man had already seen Percy turn a pen into a sword, but of course he had to see something else. There was no way to convince him that magic was real, he would just try and find some scientific answer to anything he showed him. It was an impossible task.

"Fine," he ground out.

Percy grabbed the folded version of his trident and made a show of moving it around so Tony could see that there were no tricks. Then he said the "magic words" and it popped open into a trident. It was still a little odd for Percy to hold it. He wasn't used to the weighting of it yet. Of course, he knew how to use it, but it still seemed weird. It didn't help that the weapon only gave Leo more reason to call him Aquaman, too.

"Is this enough proof for you?" Percy asked.

Tony learned forward in interest, "What did you do to get it to fold into that tight of a space? It must be the same tech as the pen, but I'm still not sure how it gets activated by those words..."

"It's magic, Mr. Stark," Hazel informed him.

"No such thing," Tony muttered offhandedly.

Hazel rolled her eyes, giving up. He would be proven very wrong soon enough. You can't spend much time in their world without starting to believe it.

"So that's how you guys have all your abilities? You are half god?" Bruce asked.

He was always more open to the scientifically-unproven than Tony. He was living proof of what could happen. Some might say the Hulk is magic.

"Yes. We are constantly hunted by monsters who can smell the scent we put off. They wanted to take revenge on Olympus, but it just grew to enjoyment from there. There aren't many safe havens in this world for us. That's why we don't tend to live that long. I am the oldest living Greek demigod alive," Percy said, acting like it was everyday you basically stated that you should be dead.

"That's awful! Why don't your parents do anything about it?!" Steve exclaimed.

"They are forbidden. Plus, godly parents suck. Most don't give a crap about their kids," Piper answered. "We're just the result of their mistakes."

"Well, they should. It's not right to leave kids to die," Bruce said.

Thunder rumbled in the distance; a warning from Drama King himself.

Percy glared up at the sky, "Oh, don't act like they're lying! You know it's wrong! At least have the guts to admit it, Uncle Z!"

The Avengers paled at the thought that the gods were watching them. It was a truly terrifying thought, to learn that you aren't in control of your fate. And the fact that Percy was yelling and accusing the king of the gods was not helping one bit.

The Seven had gotten slightly more used to Percy's reckless ways, but it was still worrying whenever he decided to rebel and yell at the most powerful beings in the universe when they were in the same room.

There wasn't an answer to Percy's rant, but there was a significantly less amount of sulfur in the air, so they took it as a sign that Zeus was letting it slide.

"But why are you telling us this now?" Natasha asked, always the observant spy.

She had remained silent thus far because she wanted to learn more about these mysterious "gods" before she acted. By how serious Valdez was acting, though, she was leaning towards it being the truth (or, at least, what the kids thought was the truth). She would have to report this to Fury as soon as possible.

Percy turned towards her, "Because my dad told me where Annabeth is being held. It's a dangerous place, and you need to be prepared if you're going to come with us. I won't force you to come, though. I would understand if you said no after you hear what it's like."

The Sea of Monsters was not a place for the weak. It would take a lot of willpower to get them all through. He had to make sure that the mortals were completely sure they wanted to come before they took off.

"Where are we going?" Steve asked.

"The Sea of Monsters," Percy answered in a grave voice.

"That's a reassuring name," Tony commented, "This'll be a blast."

"You do not need to come, Tony! None of you should want to after you hear what it's like," Percy said.

Tony stood up in anger, "You know what, kid? I don't need you yelling at me! I am a hero, and just because you tell us you are part god doesn't give you the right to act all high-and-mighty! We can handle it! We're the Avengers!"

Percy glared at the billionaire, "Trust me, you can't. I am trying to get across how dangerous this quest will be. The last time I was there, I almost died many times. It is NOT a good place to be."

"Where is that, exactly? Where are we going?" Clint asked.

The only son of Poseidon sighed, "The Bermuda Triangle."

Tony seemed to be shocked out of his angry mindset, "Wait, that myth's real?"

Leo spoke up, "Let's just assume that all things are real. It's easier that way."

"Is there anything else we should know before we get ready?" Steve asked, deciding that it was best to just cut off that conversation at the head.

"Just one more thing. We can fill in the rest on the way," Percy said, "You need to know that the gang we are fighting is not a normal bad guy. They are mortals Hades-bent on exposing the gods to the rest of the world. Somehow, they partnered with monsters. Annabeth theorized that it was because it would be easier to find demigods if the mortals were already searching for them. Basically, the monsters are using the gang for their own agenda and have the mortals convinced that they are their partners."

"Bad guys double-crossing each other. That, I can understand," Steve said with a relieved smile.

Ω ♆ Ω

The team had dispersed to go get ready, which meant packing a couple things and suiting up for the demigods. Well, they didn't know they had anything to suit-up in, but they were about to.

"Oh, guys! I have some good news!" Piper exclaimed. "The Aphrodite cabin finished our suits!"

Leo's head snapped up. "How do they look? Were my designs okay?"

Piper nodded, "Yep. And we don't even have to wear masks or anything because the Mist will distort our faces for any cameras. The Hecate cabin assured me."

Now Leo was bouncing up and down in excitement. "Can we see them? Can we? I wanna see them!"

Hazel raised an eyebrow at her friend, still never completely used to his antics. Leo Valdez was one of a kind, that's for sure (even if he was physically identical to her old boyfriend).

"Of course. We need to use them for the quest, don't we?" Piper smiled.

"Yay!" Leo exclaimed.

Piper let out a laugh, "Follow me, guys. They're in my room."

Sure enough, when they walked into Piper's room, there was a clothes rack with seven suits on it. Even from a distance, they looked amazing.

When Percy went and picked his suit up, he was in shock. It had a celestial bronze chest and shoulder plate, while the rest was a wetsuit-like material. The shoes were connected to the suit, and they seemed to be designed after water shoes. There were fingerless gloves with it, too. The gloves had air pockets, but Percy wasn't exactly sure what for.

"The gloves create water for you to use at any time." Leo answered his silent question.

"Oh. Awesome!" he said.

Percy didn't really get it, but science and magic weren't really his expertise. As long as they worked, he was okay with not knowing how.

All of the boys' suits seemed to be designed the same, minus the water-gloves. The only difference was the color of the pants. Percy's were sea green (not unlike his eyes), Jason's was electric blue, Frank's was blood red, and Leo's was bright orange.

"These are amazing!" Jason told Piper and Leo.

Piper thanked him and Leo just did an invisible hair flip in response.

The girls' suits were similar to the boys', but also completely different. There was a celestial bronze breastplate and celestial bronze plating going all the way down their sides and to their ankles. There are grey knee and elbow pads, as well. They also had fingerless gloves, but they did not go up to their wrists like the boys' suits did. Half of the glove is their suit's main color, as well as some of their arm and leg material. Piper's coloring was pink, Hazel's was purple, and Annabeth's was red. Every suit had a black Avengers symbol on their shoulders, which must have been a last-minute add-on because for a while the Seven were adamant on not becoming part of the Avengers (they still were, but it was hard to fight it when they were literally about to go into battle together).

Looking at Annabeth's suit made Percy miss her even more, but he didn't let it show. He had to be strong for his friends and teammates. He was the only one who had been through the Sea of Monsters before, so he had to guide them through.

It was going to be a tough task, that's for sure.

Ω ♆ Ω

The Seven separated to change, and once that was done, they met in the corridor of their rooms. Jason had to admit, they looked BADASS. It was clear that they were all a team, but every suit had its own individuality.

"We look awesome!" Leo exclaimed, jumping up and high-fiving Piper.

Percy strapped his sword to the clip on his waist next to his trident. "Yeah. You really did a great job, guys. Thanks. But we have to focus now. We're the only ones that are even partially prepared for what we're about to walk into, so we need to be at 100%. The Avengers may think they know what's coming, but they are clueless."

The Seven steeled their expressions, their teammate's seriousness washing over them like a wave. This was an important mission, not just for them, but for the Avengers, too. They may be rescuing their friend, but they were also stopping terrorists. This was big.

"Your confidence in us is truly heartwarming, Hercules." Tony's voice popped their bubble.

The Seven turned to see that the Avengers were all standing in the hall, suited up and ready (minus Bruce, of course).

"Hercules?" Percy asked, dawning a disgusted expression.

Tony stepped up. "Yeah. You said your greek demigods, and he's the first one that popped up. Plus, you got that whole hero-complex thing going."

Percy scowled, "Hercules is a dick."

"Agreed," Piper said, mirroring his expression.

"I really want to ask, but we've gotta get going," Bruce said, "We need to get there fast."

"Yeah. Where exactly are we going, again?" Tony asked.

"First, Florida. Then, The Bermuda Triangle." Percy answered.

"Why can't we just fly straight to the place?" Natasha asked, crossing her arms.

Percy sighed and then ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. "Because we'd just die faster. The only way to even have a chance of making it in and out is to go in by boat. Flying to Florida is the quickest way to get as close as possible. From there, we'll go by boat."

Natasha nodded, accepting the answer. However, she was still nervous about all of the "gods" stuff. Sure, they had met Thor, but he was just a glorified alien. What she had seen in Las Vegas was not like Thor and Loki. That was...a lot.

The group remained silent, unsure of what to say or do next, for another minute. Then, finally, Leo broke the silence. "What are we waiting for?! Let's get going, gang! We've got a world to save! I'm not getting any younger!"

He gave them his signature maniacal grin before leading the way down the hallway. Serious pep talks weren't his thing. He much preferred the sarcastic, self-deprecating kind to anything else.

They went up to the roof, where a repaired quinjet was waiting for them. Percy and Hazel still looked a little queasy about the flying, but chose not to voice it and instead clutched onto their seatbelts for dear life.

Once everyone was situated, Natasha called from the cockpit, "Seatbelts on, kids! We're taking off."

Clint grinned, "Death and doom, here we come."

Ω ♆ Ω

Remember to comment, like, reblog, and follow me! If you wanted to see what the Seven's suits looked like, I posted that on my Tumblr, which can be found on my profile page. Happy pride month 🏳️‍🌈!

- your author

other chapters :)

#pansexual #lgbtq+ #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #wattpad #inkitt #webnovel #pjo #marvel #the avengers #heroes of olympus #superhero #crossover #fic #sorry for disappearing

[normal-thoughts-official]

Okay hi can i just pls throw out this idea i have in my head because i have literally zero friends to talk about malec with and i love your blog fhksghs but anyway i have this headcanon that alec is autistic because like, he's kind of stiff in his movements and he's straight to the point matter of fact but he's so very very empathetic and he feels so much and maybe he's been masking his entire life because his way of being is "Wrong" (and on top of that he gay) and people beside his siblings (1)

don't really get him and honestly the fact that he doesn't always find the words to express himself especially when he's scared and upset makes sense and maybe with the masking thing the only way of stimming he's ever allowed himself is that jerky lil hand shake thing he does or the pinching of the skin between his fingers. also!! im thinking that's why he's so good at archery and not AS good at hand to hand combat because archery doesn't take as much coordination and he noticed it was easy for him so he kind of hyperfixated on it as a kid and it never really left and it makes sense with the self harm thing. it's so common for autistic kids to take out their frustrations and sadness on themselves and if alec doesn't allow himself to stim that jittery energy might just turn into frustration and anger he doesn't understand or know what to do with so causing pain to get it out becomes the only way he knows how to cope. anyway THE POINT i'm trying to make is i've kind of adopted the headcanon that magnus has adhd as well so he kind of complements alec where he struggles and the other way around and as they get to know each other they kind of start finding new ways of coping together and allowing themselves to be exactly as they are with each other. alec finds ways to stop masking and starts to come to terms with who he is and what he's like because he's never really identified with anything but his masked persona and magnus finally has someone who understands him

also i get that like... this headcanon is not new at all. i just haven't seen it being discussed a lot just like magnus having adhd is something i came across like two days ago so idk how big that headcanon is but yeah snglbghk sorry for taking up so much space i guess im a lil fixated hehe thank you for your time

okay, first of all i just want to say that i’m thrilled that you wanted to share this with me, specifically, especially since this is clearly meaningful and important to you. and don’t apologize, i love getting ranty asks tbh, they are the best dajsaijdadja 

for the hc! i totally agree with you on autistic alec, that’s not an uncommon hc because yeah he does have like... a lot of autistic traits lmao (altho there’s a lot of hm. gross ableist content involving this. but anyway) like i’ve been talking recently on here about alec’s honesty and his complete unwillingness and even unability to understand like, mind games and flirting and such and how that draws magnus in, and i definitely think that is directly connected to his autism. like the whole throwing hints and innuendos and flirting ;) ;) just doesn’t fucking make sense to him and he’s very in contact with his feelings and why would he not? be direct about them? you know? and magnus has had to basically teach himself to be able to do that (because well autism and adhd overlap and he’s probably had to struggle a lot to pick on social cues too, and learn these little tricks. this also probably has to do with the personality that he chose for himself, like, that whole over exaggerated over the top kind of careless thing, because then he can pass off his rambley tendencies and other ADHD traits as just... him being careless, i guess. so he lays it particularly thick so that the parts that are actually there - his tendencies to ramble and hyperfocus, lack of attention, sometimes unawareness of social cues - end up less visible under the veil of his exaggerated persona) and it’s so damn good. and important. to not have to. to be basically forced not to. because alec doesn’t engage in those. he’s completely honest. and he offers magnus a space where he can be, too

and i just duahdsiuahda love autistic/adhd solidarity malec (and also autistic/adhd solidarity mag&raph but that’s another topic. lêx shut the fuck up about raphael challenge. actually send me asks about autistic raphael pls yall). especially because like i said. magnus has had a lot of time to learn how to mask his ADHD traits! but it’s exhausting, and god it feels so good and he’s so fucking happy that he gets to stim, and ramble, and just be himself with alec

even if it definitely takes him a while. i think longer than it takes alec. because alec 1- is not as good as magnus at hiding it, and 2- sees no reason to hide them from magnus, because once he trusts, he trusts, and he’s all in. i think what would take alec the longest would be to stim - because he’s so used to suppressing those it’s almost second nature - but stimming is exactly the one thing that magnus still kind of allows himself. especially with magic, you see the way he’s always conjuring up little balls, doing sparks with his hands, rubbing his fingers together, etc etc etc. and alec picks up on that, the ways that he stims subtly and without hurting himself and maybe starts doing it too. we even get to see him rubbing his fingers in a similar way that magnus does sometimes, after they meet, and i think that might be the beginning of that process

so that definitely applies to what you said about them helping each other out with their greatest difficulties! like magnus is most uncomfortable letting go of hiding his traits, and alec is most uncomfortable with stimming, and they slowly- well, not coax each other into it, but walk that path together, especially as they also walk their career paths and earn more respect and space, and their relationship path and learn to be more open and earnest with each other and work together. you know? magnus sees that alec keeps picking at his own skin and hands, and he’s like... all lovingly healing him, and telling him that he should stop hurting himself, and alec tells him that it’s just. that he feels like the world is so sharp, sometimes, and he just has all that energy, and he doesn’t know how to let it out, and it’s too much, but he doesn’t know what to do with it, so he just. picks at his skin. and magnus looks up at him, brows a little furrowed, a little in shock and also. a good kind of surprise because he understands? and he’s happy that someone else understands? and that he can help with this?

and so magnus is like “i feel like that a lot, too. having magic helps, but well, there are other things i do” and then he tells alec about how he rubs his fingers together instead of picking at the skin and how he taps them and does the little wrist shaking thing and how that helps. and alec starts to figure out other ways to stim that work for him and don’t hurt him. magnus also tells him about jewelry and how that helps, having stuff to fidget with/focus on, and well alec is not big on jewelry but maybe he starts wearing a chain under his shirt, and there’s always the wedding band :) which we already see him fiddling with a lot in canon anyway so i definitely think it serves the same purpose for him as magnus’ jewelry do magnus. plus, it’s grounding and reminds him of them, which is also a bonus

and then there’s also everything we see in canon, about alec just. wanting magnus to be exactly himself and telling him that? seeing the way magnus is tapping his foot and then stops when he approaches, and he’s like “you can keep going,” or the way that he sometimes approaches magnus and is all like “i can tell you’re thinking too hard about this conversation. i don’t want you to say anything but what you feel. it’s okay” and magnus slowly relaxes and allows himself. or when he catches himself mid rant about his hyperfixation and he feels ashamed but he turns to alec, about to apologize because he just started talking way too much and way too fast about fucking wormholes and astrophysics again and alec is probably bored- but he turns and alec is staring at him with his usual, open adoration that always takes his breath away, and alec is like “no, i love hearing you talk” because even if he doesn’t understand what magnus is talking about, he loves how excited he is and to see him happy. plus his voice is so nice and pretty and just hmmm very good for the senses you know, like it’s just nice to focus on. so magnus does that little half smile of his, super pleased, and keeps talking, except this time gesticulating even more wildly and like flapping and going into detail without holding back, and he’s just so happy, and alec is so happy, and so in love with him duaudsaa

also them being sensorial heaven for each other :) alec wanting to hold magnus after he’s had A Day, and he just wraps himself around him and buries his face on his neck and feels his presence there, you know, focuses on him and his touch and hair and nice clothes (magnus picks clothes pretty much based on texture because he can’t stand some, and others, like silk, are just perfect so he has a bunch of those, and alec likes the same textures too so that’s great) and stops focusing on other noises and light and other things that might be giving him a bit of overload, you know? but also he doesn’t feel like, trapped, so it’s great. while magnus is enveloped in his arms and having all that stimuli from alec touching him and again he can laser focus on that and feel like his brain calms down a little. and it’s perfect for them both. sensory healing cuddles. perfect

and when either of them feels like having their space or not touching because Too Much, that’s okay too, because they both 1- understand, and 2- are mindful of each other’s space always. magnus especially, we see how he’s very careful with getting into other ppl’s and particularly alec’s space, and alec appreciates it because he never feels invaded. but he also learns when magnus needs space, be it alone or just a broad space to Flap Around in, and he always gives him that when he needs it, and magnus is so grateful for that. and it’s just duaihdsiahdasidaihahdah god i fucking love adhd/autistic solidarity malec thank u for coming to my ted talk

#ask #anonymous #aa #adhd magnus bane #autistic alec lightwood #sh #shadowhunters #long post #magnus bane #alec lightwood #malec #ezra squick

[blitz-and-hearth]

Some empty cups family trans headcanons because I’m feeling dysphoric after being called she all Thanksgiving and need that good shit right now (tw for talking about periods, dysphoria, and transphobia) And when I say empty cups, I mean all the empty cups so long post beware 

Blitzen figured it out at a very young age, his father Bili had some nonbinary leanings (but didn’t know it was a thing when he was young) so he encouraged little Blitz to experiment with gender expression to his heart’s content  

He was probably about 7 or 8 when he decided to start going by male pronouns 

Blitzen is his birth name, dwarven names are usually pretty gender-neutral. He didn’t feel like he needed to change it 

Thanks to both male and female dwarves growing beards he’s pretty comfortable in his own skin even after puberty. He does end up getting top surgery the very minute he can though. Has no plans for bottom surgery 

BUTTON UP SHIRTS AND LAYERS ALL THE TIME 

It's just a transmasc thing

And you know he’s always wearing suits and ties not just because they’re fashionable but make him very euphoric

Dwarven culture isn’t much better than humans when it comes to accepting trans folk, however, they do consider cosmetic surgery a craft, so their own rules mean they have to respect any and all transitioning surgeries  

Mostly Blitzen just doesn’t talk about it much unless someone else brings it up. His father never made a big deal out of it so neither does he

Mostly situational dysphoria, when he’s around his mother or other people who knew him before he transition, other dwarves who can better tell the different subtleties of cis dwarf gender, and of course on the dreaded shark week 

Humans and Midgard are both awesome because they see the beard and can’t tell the difference between “male” vs “female” facial hair like other dwarves do. Very easy to pass there 

Hearthstone obviously was not in a safe place to explore his gender growing up

On top of all the other shit he had going on during his childhood he was constantly feeling wrong and uncomfortable in his own body 

Lots of dissociation and frustration

Alderman wouldn’t let him cut his hair, forced him to wear dresses, and constantly said shit like “bE mOrE lAdYlIkE”  

Hearthstone finally figures it out after accidentally stumbling across some websites while trying to research magic. It's just a post on a blog about some spell for good luck to help with transitioning but it’s how he learns being trans is like a real thing 

It was both great to know there were other people like him but also like the worst possible news because he knows he could never ever come out and transition while living under his parent’s roof 

He was only about 13 and lots of tears were had that night

The very next day he has his first period and just can not anymore 

Full snap, cuts his hair short for the very first time, binds his chest grabs what little he owns and gets the hell out of there that day 

Meets Blitzen like right after so needless to say he didn’t get much time to explore. He wasn’t about to come out to someone he just met, that shits scary what would he do if Blitzen didn’t accept him? He wouldn’t be strong enough to try world jumping for weeks and wouldn’t survive in Nidavellir without the sunbed 

Blitzen had his suspicions but obviously understood why he’d be nervous about coming out, so he just kept his mouth shut about it until Hearthstone felt like talking about it 

I’ve made a post about this before, but it happens on accident while Hearth is changing because a) he wasn’t allowed to lock doors growing up b) wouldn’t notice if you knocked to see if he’s in there anyway 

What’s not reflected in the comic is Blitzen silently screaming because Hearth has been using ace bandages to bind does he know how dangerous that is???? But he didn’t say anything about it right then because this was a sensitive situation and he wanted to make sure Hearthstone knew he was in the same boat and nothing would change before starting to scold him  

Hearthstone cried a lot

It's a big moment that builds their friendship and later romantic relationship and after that Hearthstone starts being a lot more honest about his past with Blitzen

Hearthstone isn’t his birth name, his dead name is probably something to do with flowers, super feminine and he hated it. He doesn’t have a real reason for choosing Hearthstone since it was a bit spur of the moment when Blitzen asked his name. Blitz later asked if he’s sure that's what he wants to go with and Hearthstone decides to stick with it 

Part of the deal with Mimir was his parents forgetting that he was born female. It really was no question at all which choice he’d take 

(Inge remembers but respects his pronouns because she’s a fucking decent person) 

It’s the only reason Alderman didn’t constantly misgender and deadname him. Being in his old home and seeing his father still reminds him of how it used to be though 

Hearth has more bad dysphoria days than good. Blitzen is always right there to tell him he looks handsome and very masculine today. Blitz doesn’t have as many bad dysphoria days but you bet your ass when he does Hearthstone will absolutely provide a constant flow of compliments until he starts to feel better   

Hearthstone used runes to transition because if you’re trans you’ve totally daydreamed about how awesome and less scary it would be if magic was real. He offered Blitzen to do the same but Blitz had already had top surgery and doesn't really want bottom surgery so he turns it down 

Magnus was also encouraged to try exploring his gender from a young age by his mother 

I mean.... Just take a moment look at Magnus’ mom for a sec 

Yeah that woman ain’t straight Magnus had a good childhood while she was around 

I still think it took him a while though

Just because he didn’t really think about it much until puberty happened 

He was just starting to think about his gender when his mother died 

Later looking back it makes him really sad that he never got to tell her

Then he was homeless and a bit busy 

He learned Blitzen and Hearth are both trans pretty quick though 

I think this is even mentioned in canon that there's not a lot of privacy living on the street 

Probably got an idea when he ran out of pads 

Magnus: Fuck I’m out of pads and still got like three days left :/ Blitzen: *handing him some spare pads* Here I got you covered kid Magnus: ?????? Why? do you have these???? 

He’s a little slow on the uptake bless him 

Eventually, he sees Blitz and Hearth’s chest scars and is like OH 

He starts asking them both a lot of questions, still thinking its just innocent curiosity but Blitz and Hearth are sharing knowing looks the whole time

Sure enough like only a few days later he’s like “I think I wanna go by Magnus now” 

His mother had mentioned to him that’s the name she’d have gone with if he’d been born male and he liked it enough to keep her wish 

I wanna say his dead name starts with a B? I dunno why    

Birthdays don’t mean much to Magnus while homeless but Blitzen and Hearthstone get him a binder for his 15th birthday, refuse to explain where they got it 

(Blitz made it but Hearth was the one to steal the materials he needed) 

Magnus obviously never had the option for medical transitioning while alive and homeless, but if given the choice he’d probably get on T but not have any surgeries

Jack is a sword who canonically picked his own name and it’s talked about there being female swords despite having no genital or way to tell, all living weapons choose their own gender he’s trans 

Samirah can’t remember not knowing she was a girl 

Like Alex she probably just knew from very early 

Her grandparents are mentioned being a bit more forward-thinking so while they’re probably not happy per se they allow her to experiment anyway, thinking it a phase 

It’s not a phase 

Her grandparents mess up her pronouns often and don’t get it all, but its happened less and less the longer she’s been going by female pronouns

They eventually arrange her a properly planned marriage once they realize she’s not changing her mind about being a girl, much to her pleasure  

Wearing her hijab and following other classic Muslim gender rules, like having a betrothed and not being alone with a boy, make her very euphoric and happy 

She knew right away Magnus was trans too since she like... literally handled his soul when taking him to Valhalla

Seems like something a Valkyrie would be able to tell 

Sam is very excited because this is the first time she’s met another trans person but doesn’t know how to bring it up 

I’m picturing it happening after they meet Thor when she and Magnus are talking by the campfire 

She just awkwardly blurts out “So uh gender huh?”

Magnus has no idea what she’s trying to say at first but once he does he’s very excited to talk trans with her 

ftm and mtf solidarity bitch!!!!

Then Alex gets thrown into the mix 

She doesn’t know about any of this  

Eventually, Sam finds the time to talk to her about her gender, and naturally Alex is ecstatic. It's part of why he takes such joy in being Sam’s chaperone

This happens pretty soon after Alex arrives in Vallhalla 

But Alex doesn’t find out the rest are trans too till much later 

It just sort of slips out from Blitz, a mention of feeling a bit dysphoric that day and Alex is like “!?!!!!” 

After hearing a bit more about Alex’s past Blitzen goes to Hearth and suggests he talk to her 

They have a very good venting session about growing up trans with shitty shitty parents 

Alex learns about Magnus last 

It’s when he comes to Magnus’ room after celebrating and Magnus got covered in chocolate 

Magnus has his shirt off and Alex sees his binder and is just like “!!!!!!” 

Magnus is a bit flustered but doesn’t really mind being seen shirtless since its Alex and he already knows he’s trans too so he’s not about to get attacked or called a slur 

Just like... Alex realizing his whole new little family is trans 

Just the whole empty cups fam being trans and all having very different ways of experiencing and expressing it but supporting each other through it all. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

#Jeez I had a lot more to say then I thought I did #Just had to get it all out man #need it #this is what I do instead of therapy #magnus chase and the gods of asgard #mcga headcanon #empty cup family #empty cups #trans headcanon #trans pride #magnus chase #alex fierro #samirah al abbas #mcga blitzen #blitzen son of freya #mcga hearthstone #hearthstone alderman #fierrochase #magnus x alex #Magnus/alex #blitzstone #blitzen/hearthstone #blitzen x hearthstone #Mcga Alderman #Mcga Bilí #mimir #jack the sword #sword of summer #the hammer of thor #Ship of the Dead

[incorrectquotes-randomthoughts]

(This is so long I’m sorry but I had to rant cause honestly I’m scared )

I literally made a post the other day about how we have to welcome in new fans and treat them equally but truth be told? I’M. NOT. FUCKING. READY

Bitch bitch bitch I mean I’mma have to stand this kids hardcore shipping Luke x Annabeth ???? Or Luke x Thalia ???? SIS they’re SIBLINGS wth Annabeth realized it later on it changed there was an arc.

Like this fandom closed the discussion on Luke’s redemption arc and the way he is and his motives we agree we have opinions but we’re FINE. Are you telling me ma boy is gonna be played by some hot teen (he is older) and 12 y/o’s are gonna be biased and I’m gonna have to yell at them across a screen cause they’re gonna act like Luke is a saint !!!!??

THE SHIPS. FUCKFUCKFUCK. BoTL Percy spent worried about Nico and if it’s done properly we’re gonna have all that worry face first and no one’s gonna be able to ignore it like the AMOUNT OF PEOPLE who are gonna say that’s OTP. I mean SHIT.

I haven’t even been in the [internet] fandom for that long like how I’m I supposed to go against this people who were here before me I mean they LEFT but what arguments do I have !?!?

The amount of people who only read pjo and went BYE like I can’t bring HOO up in discussions wdym????? How I’m I supposed to talk development and change and character arcs and what would they do in certain situations if you’ve never heard of them ????

I’M NOT READY

Y’all wanna know something terrifying? The maze runner fandom. Because there’s so little creators out there who actually love it the way I do and so much of it is obsessed with Thomas Brodie-Sangster and Newt I haven’t been there since I finished the books I couldn’t stand it. And I can’t stand the fact that our Percy actor is gonna be good-looking and I’m TERRIFIED of the amount of people who are gonna be here for what the actors look like you can’t understand this.

I MEAN all them debates are coming back up I can’t do this. This is such a fantastic fandom (and I’m in many, trust me) like we’re all at peace there’s no arguments you can literally come by and just vibe.

OH FUCK ANOTHER THOUGHT. So since we’re getting official characters and stuff I swear if ONE IDIOT hates on viria’s or Livibis’ or Markiehh’s art (they’re the one’s at the top of my head) because it’s “inaccurate” or “far off” from what they look on screen they better watch the fuck out because they have no idea the fandom they’re messing with.

OH AND SHIT I know this has been brought up but the way we treat Nico??? All baby and soft and all that and how our fanon Nico is just so different from the actual canon kick-ass Nico, ya know? But we kinda understand how powerful Nico is but we still love him cause poor kid was 10 and then all of it happened and he was 13/14 (?) during tlo and the PTSD so we’re chill with that BUT. There’s the fact that our son is gay and god the amount of people who are gonna come in (cause there’s obviously gonna be foreshadowing) and be like “ooh gay baby look at him” that’s badly explained but I know you guys understand. And specially if we get to HoO and the horrors getting to ToA would be. Like we already have our fanon Nico but if someone DARES to even IMPLY that Nico can’t kill you with a thought the entire fandom know better and will prove them wrong. But the new fans what would they know.

You know what’s going to be fucking horrible ???? PARENTS. I mean UGHHHHHH. My parents only know I’m reading what I tell them I’m reading (“a book about Greek mythology”). Like I’m terrified of my mom picking up The Burning Maze sitting on my desk or any Cassandra Clare book cause the homophobia in this household is astronomical. (Don’t know how many of you will understand but the PANIC I went through reading the red scrolls of magic? God knows she would check every book I get form the library from the on) Back to the point sorry. But y’all pjo is mostly safe but Rick already talks about how parents complain about adding a Genderfluid character to a Norse mythology book (I mean Ma’am go educate yourself) and how his books “would be more successful without [gay] characters” ???? What if we get Kane Chronicles some asshole is gonna come up about Sadie being polyamorous, Alex and Magnus are gonna be a problem, Will and Nico, House of Hades is gonna make Karens riot because of one scene.

You can see how Disney treats Seblos (hsmtmts) compared to the other couples on the show. You can see how not even half of Andi Mack is actually on Disney+ (after getting brutally canceled) you can see how Diary of a Future President hasn’t been renewed when it’s reviews are 100% for both critics and public. How the Love, Simon series was removed (now on Hulu) because it wasn’t a good mix with “the family-friendly content on Disney+” (underage drinking + s*x are brought up in discussions but the show isn’t out yet and we have no idea). So pardon me for being scared of how this is going to be treated.

Back to the new fans. I’m gonna say the topic that’s the most brought up that causes discussions is Leo (?) Tbh I’m still lost on the Leo x Echo thing that everyone else seems to understand. Plus the hate on Caleo is probably the biggest issue in this fandom. (Which is like saying the biggest problem in a perfectly written essay are some barely noticeable erase-marks, but still). Anyways a fair amount of people dislike Leo for reasons I kinda comprehend. I know a kid and he’s the exact definition of Leo, (I’ll probably talk about this in an individual post) and people don’t like him, I know most of you would avoid him. I know he’s great but people just don’t seem to like him.

(wOw i’M sO gOOd aT sTaYInG oN tOpiC)

I don’t think I’m gonna be able to survive hate on characters that probably WILL come.

Solangelo is called rushed a lot and I would want to see this two fall for each other and Nico let down his walls and talk about his PTSD from Tartarus (which friendly reminder Percy saw for a few minutes the way Nico saw it the whole time and it was the worst part of his entire experience there). But I mean there WERE six months between BoO and ToA, I am pretty sad we didn’t get to see them.

oH JESUS follow-up on Nico earlier; the fetishization, or Apollo, or Will.

Ok... ha, this is fun....

OH WAIT NEW THOUGHT SJDJDJD On the topic of Luke’s redemption arc... BIANCA,, they better do my girl properly who thought she had stayed months at the Lotus Hotel babysitting her lil’ brother and then was put into a school where they were outcasts and she probably knows as much as Nico about mythomagic from his rants and she thought he was gonna be safe and she wanted freedom and be her own person so she joined the hunters. And as a fandom we’ve talked this out but what about the new fans, they better not try to act like she did anything wrong cause that’s just not-

OH AND no one better hate on Clarisse cause yeah she’s the minor antagonist but she’s a very well-written character who doesn’t change the way she is but is kinda less of an ass towards Percy. And she and Silena are good friends and she and Chris are dating and she is a human being with valid feelings. She was terrified for Chris in BoTL and cared for him and nurse him back to sanity and stayed with him. She throws Percy and Annabeth into the lake which so it’s prove she and Percy are more in the friendly banter I-won’t-admit-how-much-I-care-for-you-if-it-meant-my-life relationship. Then this doesn’t happpen until the last two books (seasons?) so we can’t actually go around saying it? In SoM we learn about how Ares treats her which is SO important so I guess S1 comes out and we sit here telling new fans “You’ll know next season” cause we can’t directly spoil it and then we’re like “You gotta wait for seasons 4 and 5” ugghhhhh this is too much.

Ok I’m done for now I’ll reblog this with any new terrifying thoughts when if they come.

#please reblog this with your own #i need validation #I’m not the only one #right? #we’re gonna be tested #rick has done the biggest fights but we still have some to go #he got us a faithful adaptation but we gotta be careful #and to any new fan who found this #uh.... hi? #welcome #wait does this mean we now have to tag out posts with spoiler warnings? #cause all of us know but they aren’t going to #sorry if anyone saw this? #pjo spoilers #what if someone sees this in the future do I also have to mark it with #HoO spoilers #as i was saying #I’m not ready #disney adapt percy jackson #percy jackson #pjo #percabeth #pjoverse #clarrise la rue #disney adapted percy jackson #disney #disney+ #HoO #solangelo #percy jackson tv show

[incarnateirony]

How would you define your pratice?I'm trying to learn more and read that high magic was popularized by the Golden Dawn,but that seems to be christianised and you made it clear that you always try to learn and give credit to the original source. High magic seems to be a important part of hermeticism, so did you manage to find a way to use ceremonial magic without the Golden Dawn distorcions, or did you found another pratice that fits your style better? Sorry if I used any wrong terms in this ask.

Due to problems with Golden Dawn and the ilk, generally I address myself as an eclectic occultist to avoid kneejerk recoil from more arcane-field traveled people, but it does have hermetic leanings.

If you want something Golden Dawn-esque but less christianized, I’d say look up Thelema. Aleister Crowley made Thelema heavily off of Golden Dawn *work*, but leaned into egyptian retelling. While I’m not a fan of how he corresponds his egyptian work, if one were to, say, work with an egyptian pantheon it’s easy enough to plug up what older traditions you have to it.

Because in the end, hermeticism is about philosophy. Most of the form known by the name is attributed to ren-age reformations under christianized influence which is what, say, Isaac Newton was involved with. Or Albertus Magnus who they used in S8 of SPN for the MOL. 

But generally speaking the neoplatonic lines of thought originated around 500CE and even *that* was philosophers pondering over older cosmogenies and ways of the working world such as teachings from Hermopolis and whatever-else.

You’ll find alchemy in its barest form generally originates in the MENA region. Forms of it were basically foundational chemistry with the same cultures that learned to read and write, it just synchronized the science of the physical world with the cosmic reckonings -- not of what defies logic, but what defines logic, and how these patterns make the world from waves to gravity to balance to sound, or where thoughts come from, and what hides in the unknown. Hence say, ancient eerily accurate stargazing that we had to rediscover millennia later.

The problem being most of these lines of thought were extinguished by hegemonic religion and others, simply by time, so you literally have to go and rebuild what you’re working with. Which is where hermetics even in modern form, despite being part of the problem with crusader-adjacent groups, help, because as long as you take the time to educate yourself on what thought spawned from where and cross reference sources, the “truth in everything” core of it atop older records really gives a path to even *follow* trying to find where our ancestors worshipping dick rocks and the sun really started from.

Which is why you see me doorkick into fandom like HEY GUYS SO GET THIS, ACCORDING TO THE LORE, BELPHEGOR OR BAAL PEOR IS AN ADAPTATION OF CHAMASH THE MESOPOTAMIAN GOD because I’ve been scrapping through the anthropology of theology for decades.

I tried Golden Dawn when I was much much much younger but noped out quick. Didn’t take me long to see that one. I’m still not a fan of Thelema or Crowley, but if you’re looking for something *adjacent*, Thelema is even what adapted into modern Wicca, because Wicca was originally registered as a Thelema chapter house before being turned into a more open practice. So in that way I’m similar to wiccan, and yet, not. Very much not.

[kinkymagnus]

Henlo!! I love your blog so much 😍 it gives me life and makes me happy when I have a bad day. I was wondering if you had any headcanons about Malec’s first time or something where Magnus is a nervous wreck cause he has to tell Alec that he’s trans? Thank you and sorry for the bother 😭♥️

y’all it is a CRIME how long this has been in my inbox, im really sorry and ur not bothering me at ALL i just love this ask and wanted to do it JUSTICE 👏

also im!!! so flattered!!! aaaaaAAAA im glad my blog can cheer u up :) 

okokok so trans magnus + malec’s first time + magnus being nervous about coming out lghkjgfh

ok i have no fucking idea why but i’m making this twi malec. i’m just. in the mood for twi malec i guess. fuck it amiright

magnus is just. he has a lot of secrets. there’s a reason he hasn’t gotten close to anyone in a long time, there’s a reason he only talks to two or three people who actually know him, there’s a reason he hasn’t been how he used to be--out and about, flashy and showing off and wearing armor made of glittering beauty and colorful silks and bold makeup, instead of comfortable cardigans and twitching hands and quiet. 

speaking of which: def headcanon twi magnus wasn’t always the way he is in that episode. he was a lot like canon magnus once upon a time, charismatic (well, he’s still charismatic, but like, in that bold flashy way, you know?) and open (closed off, but with the illusion of having all his cards on the table) and bold

anyway. there’s a reason. lots of reasons. mostly all the secrets he hides.

the fact that he has magic, that he’s immortal, a dusty relic of a time long gone, of an age past, clinging on past his due date. he feels like he doesn’t belong in the modern world, like he should have died with the shadow world, like he should have been sealed out with all the other demons.

the fact that he is a prince king of hell, son and slayer of the greater demon asmodeous himself. even tho he’s sealed it all away, he has a huge amount of power, both from just. originally being the son of such a powerful demon, a fallen angel, and also from managing to kill one.

i don’t think it fits with canon twi lore but i don’t care, i’m saying twi magnus was involved in the sealing of the realm, and he managed to kill asmodeous and basically absorb his power, so a) he actually did this huge incredible feat that changed the whole world, whether on purpose or not i’m not sure yet (it has something to do with asmodeous, but i’m not seeing the whole picture yet) and b) he’s actually. more powerful than canon magnus. it’s partially why he sealed away his magic for so long, he was afraid of what that power could do. 

honestly i dont have this super well thought out but i like the potential

but anyway! barely related to this! let’s get back on topic!

and. the fact that he’s trans. a decidedly more mundane secret, but still one he keeps close to his chest. he’s lived through a lot of eras with bad very transphobic times? like he’s lived through places/times with very accepting atmopshere, but he’s also lived in like, victorian england, you know? and canon magnus had a chance to be more out of his shell and open in the modern world but this magnus has completely closed himself off. he mostly talks to people other than his close friends to give them a tarot reading. he’s not like, totally cut off, i can’t imagine him like. not helping people. you know. idek. but the point is he’s more isolated. canon magnus was closed off in a lot of ways, but still surrounded by people. he had a job to do, people to protect, and parties to attend. not to mention going to pandemonium and stuff. twi magnus isn’t really doing that. man i really went on a tangent here but the point is i feel like that would contribute to how he feels about being trans. feeling isolated, having less friends to be open with and to help him you know? in my experience it’s a lot harder to feel like. valid? without that sense of community. even with a few close friends, it’s hard. if you’re “passing”, which magnus is, it feels like a secret. 

the point is! i am getting so off track! magnus has got layers and layers and layers protecting him, both literal and metaphorical (he doesn’t wear the more flashy and revealing clothing canon magnus occasionally favors, preferring thick and comfortable sweaters and cardigans and stuff like that. bonus headcanon: whatever happened that ended in asmodeous dead and the walls of the world sealed, it left magnus with more scars. not to mention top surgery scars he may have, or even just hiding a binder, or using thick layers to disguise small tiddies since binders are great but you can’t bind all the time or every day for centuries and still be like, healthy. anYWAY) 

and when he starts dating alec despite that little cautious voice in his head insisting he needs to not get attached, alec begins to just. effortlessly peel those layers away

he’s so blunt and honest, unlike people who have lied to and manipulated magnus in the past (CAMILLE, anyone? i feel like she’d still be a thing in the twiverse. also asmodeous, albeit in a different way) and he’s gentle and loud and bold and he’s funny and sweet and he just. fucking cares about magnus.

when he finds about magnus’s magic he’s like “oh my god that’s so cool” he just fucking accepts him so easily!!! 

and even when magnus ends up tearfully confessing he may or may not be a literal king of hell (or, one of the hell dimensions) alec’s like “damn, i’m dating royalty?” and maybe makes a joke about not everyone getting to make a king scream with pleasure and magnus is just so relieved???

but that’s later

anyway

they haven’t had sex yet and magnus is just like. he feels like inevitably this relationship is gonna fall apart. he has too many secrets, too many hidden parts of himself that if he ever shed light on, alec wouldn’t see him the same way

and as much as he wants alec to fuck him, as much as he wants to be in bed with alec and cuddle with him and have sex with him and show him everything, he feels like he can’t, it would be the beginning of the end

he keeps pulling back just as alec begins to initiate, and alec never pushes but wonders if he’s doing something wrong, or if maybe magnus is asexual, or just doesn’t want to have sex for other reasons, and eventually he broaches the topic with magnus and magnus is so surprised alec noticed something is wrong (he expected alec might confront him over not “putting out” but alec doesn’t seem to care about the sex--he makes sure to emphasize while he is attracted to magnus and would lvoe to have sex with him if that’s what magnus wants, it’s by no means a requirement--but more about. magnus. and communicating with him.) that he just blurts out i’m trans. 

and alec kinda blinks at him. his beautiful, wonderful, nervous and scared boyfriend. and he ends up blurting out oh thank god. because he would be more than okay with magnus not wanting to have sex--he’s super gorgeous and absolutely smoking hot, but alec doesn’t ever like, want to have sex with him unless magnus wants to. obviously. but he was honestly worried it wasn’t magnus but him, that he’d done something wrong or wasn’t attractive or something, and honestly worrying about something being wrong with him was not a feeling he was used to. then he realizes how bad that just sounded, and he’s like, aaaaaaaAAAA WAIT and ends up panickedly rambling like i mean sorry i just was kind of worried i was doing something wrong but like, i love you so much and you being trans changes nothing about that, and if you never want to have sex that’s totally okay and i love you, but if you’re worried about me still being attracted to you that’s not a problem, but-- and magnus is like y-you’re not?? but you’re gay! and i’m-- and you know that feeling of like. internalized [insert form of bigotry towards yourself, in this case transphobia]. where you think something bad about yourself. and if you think about it you’re like “no that’s transphobic i would never think that about anyone else” and your brain is just like “yeah it’s true about you tho” that’s this. magnus is like. i’m not a real man, how could you be attracted to me? and alec (not to be all Cis Savior, but look, magnus deserves a loving supportive boyfriend who comforts him and shit, okay! i am PROJECTING) is like yeah i’m gay and you’re a gorgeous, beautiful, stunning man? 

and they end up talking it out and get it sorted that yes, magnus does want to have sex, but it would be okay if one of them didn’t want to, magnus being trans does not make alec unattracted to him, it’s okay, they’re okay, because malec are Kings of Communication,

ANYWAY

ACTUAL FIRST TIME

probably not the same day, that day they cuddle and talk 

but like later

>:)

alec is just so gentle and reverent y’all. like. them big hands on magnus’s body, all warm and gentle and magnus is like oh fuck this is nice

they do have to kind of communicate boundaries--alec’s asks if there’s anywhere magnus doesn’t want to be touched because dysphoria (or any other reason) and vice versa, magnus trying to be like “you know if you only want to fuck my ass or have me wear a strap-on or anything like that it’s fine, i understand you’re not necessarily attracted to those parts of me” and alec’s like “we’ve established that you would enjoy me eating you out and i WANT TO EAT YOU OUT” 

their first time probably is pretty simple, “vanilla”, idk why but im thinking they just exchange oral sex tbh like magnus blows him and then alec eats him out 

also magnus cums pretty fast bc he hasn’t been touched like this in a long time and he’s very embarrassed about it but alec is like “damn that’s hot can i try to make you cum a few more times” 

ok but imagine their first time it’s just alec holding him down and eating him out until he sobs and squirts? yes

anyway tho they have like, lots of “other” first times too like. first time alec fucks his pussy. first time alec fucks his ass. etc. 

first time alec slides that Thick Dick balls deep into magnus’s cunt he’s for sure immediately on the edge of orgasming he’s so full and it feels so good--

and alec’s like holy SHIT bc he’s warm and wet and tight and he clenches every time alec praises him or dirty talks him and it feels amazing

first time alec fucks his ass is also very fun for both of them ;) 

it’s just a good time all around folks communication and magnus getting pounded the way he deserves :’) 

not to mention when they first start getting into kinks 

alec, carefully broaching the topic of bondage: how would you feel... about handcuffs?

magnus, barely looking up: mm, padded or not? and what kind of padding? the normal kind hurt my wrists after too long and not really in a nice way, so i like padded. furry can get a little itchy sometimes but they look real nice. also, are we talking above my head to the bedpost, and if so, am i on my stomach or back? because stomach is a little uncomfortable. or like, behind my back? especially bent over, mm. good view for you ;) 

then he like looks up and realized he’s said all of this very casually and alec’s looking at him with 1. shock and 2. lust 

like. “i wasn’t expecting this, but i really should have, and now i want to bend you over and tie you up and fuck you hard” 

and he blushes just a lil bit like o shit i just said all that and alec’s like “padded it is. behind your back or above your head... hm... both have potential, but maybe the latter? i love you on your back under me, i can see so much of your beautiful body and all of your gorgeous face :)” 

and like TOYS 

aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA ANYWAY

#trans magnus smut #twi malec #twi

[ninwrites]

Shadowhunters 3x16: On Clary’s Actions and the  Consequences For Those Around Her

No, I cannot confirm that there is actually anything coherent here. Just my rambling thoughts, collected as well as I could. For the record, I don’t hate Clary, I just don’t think that the writers consider the impact of her actions on the people around her and I’m getting more than just a little tired of it. Please read at your own discretion.

Also, shout-out to @magnusbicon for encouraging this & @izzybabewoods for the inbox message that started it all. you’re enablers in the very best day and this wouldn’t exist without you.

Here’s the thing.

 In season one, the majority of Clary’s arc was quite self-centred. And that’s fine. For all intents and purposes, she is the main protagonist, and the reason we’re introduced to the rest of these characters - the Lightwoods, Simon, Magnus, Valentine, even the Clave - is through Clary’s connection and interactions with them. As the audience, we’re following her into this new world, and it’s as she learns things that we become aware of them too – we’re not just watching her go on this journey, in a way, we’re going on it too. If Clary wasn’t at the focus of the season, we’d miss out on important knowledge that helps with our understanding of the shadow world and the characters that inhabit it – because it is quite a large and complex world.

 Then comes season two. Jocelyn comes back, who – as much as I adore Luke – is mostly concerned with Clary, and rightfully so. This is her daughter, who she chose to keep in the dark about the shadow world, there’s a lot there to catch up on and to mend between them, and Clary needs somebody who she (supposedly) will listen to, to counteract her rash and impulsive behaviour, because as much as she’d love to think that she knows everything, Clary at this point really has no idea what world she’s come into. There’s a part of her that has already made up her mind about the shadow world, about Downworlders and Shadowhunters and her role here, and whether it’s right or wrong takes the backseat, leaving the season’s arc as the driving force. Or, rather, her part in it. Because – and here’s the bit that frustrates me the most – the character arcs, the desires of others, their hopes and goals and wishes all fall second, or third or somewhere closer to last, to whatever Clary wants. Despite not actually being brought up as a Shadowhunter, she manages to sustain quite the assumption that she is the most important person in the room, and therefore, that whatever she wants comes first.

 Sometimes, this is a good thing. Often, the line is blurred.

 Her intentions often come from a good place, with the consequences falling short because of her impulsivity more than an inherent ill-will. Look at Simon – he’s still in the show, yay! Only … he did die. I’m not saying that I would have done any differently, but from a factual standpoint – it is Clary’s desire to have her best friend back that turned him into a vampire, and by a tenuous, albeit valid thread, it is because of Clary that Simon was coerced and manipulated by Camille; homeless; all of the back and forth mess with Raphael; got turned into a Daylighter; got coerced into joining the Seelie Queen’s court; turned Heidi – and we all know how that turned out; got the mark of Cain; lost his mother; bit his sister; lost the mark of Cain. I’m sure there’s more that I can’t remember, but again, I’m not saying that Clary is the sole person at fault here. However, I am saying that all of this is – per the butterfly effect – because she didn’t think about the consequences past not wanting to lose her best friend. Additionally, I’d argue that through most of the above, Simon didn’t have the support from Clary that he deserved, or that she should have given. In that respect, the relationship between them feels awfully one-sided, and has since the first episode. There are moments, of course, but they’re becoming even fewer and further in-between.

 I could probably write a whole thing on Clary’s relationships with people she supposedly cares about (*cough* Luke *cough*), but I’m getting off point. I want to talk about 3x16 in particular.

 Firstly, the rune power. Maybe it’s just me - though I have a sense it’s not - but Clary’s rune power is getting a few miles north of the city of Absolutely Fucking Ridiculous, and veering towards Overused/Abused county.

 (Does that metaphor make sense? I have no idea).

 Anyway. Being able to just suddenly make a portal to Edom that doesn’t just summon Lilith, but literally pulls her from Edom – from essentially the cage that Asmodeus put her in using Magnus’ magic, which has already been hinted to as just as powerful, if not more, than a Greater Demon – without any resistance? Really? Seems a bit unrealistic to me. Because, either this means that Clary is actually an Angel, for all of the power that she apparently wields, or that she’s more powerful than Magnus, and actual Greater Demons. I personally chalk it up to convenience from the perspective of the writers, but that’s just me. Back to the rune – the idea that Clary has this power at all is already a bit of a stretch, especially with how willy-nilly the writers are when it comes to using it, but now it’s reached a point that is just nonsensical. No Shadowhunter is this powerful, not even the great Clary Fray.

 Then, there’s the part where Clary is the first Shadowhunter to possess this power, as far as we know; there is nobody that has the prior knowledge to train her, so again – for the sake of convenience, I’m sure – it’s something that apparently just comes to her as naturally as breathing. Which – okay. Fine. They don’t exactly have time to show a montage of her learning how to deliberately create these runes. I get that. But that doesn’t mean they have to render this power unreasonable. Creating portals? Cool. Realistic. I don’t actually mind that, even if I think it got a little to Clary’s head. The sunlight rune? Pretty cool, I won’t lie. I liked how that came about – there was a heightened emotion to the moment, it made sense that a rune would manifest under such stressful circumstances. But Clary just deciding that, because she wants this rune to exist, it instantly will? It will work, just by the strength of, what, her willpower? I know it’s quite strong, but this logic isn’t. It’s ridiculous. It doesn’t make sense. It’s cheating for the sake of an easy plot, without minding the six-feet deep holes left behind.

 Now, I’d also contend that as helpful as this power is, it doesn’t magically fix everything around her. Sometimes, it makes things worse. Such as during 3x16.

 The biggest thing that pissed me off about Clary in 3x16 is the fact that she decided they all had to do whatever they could to get rid of this rune, because she was sick of it and couldn’t handle it, so that must mean that everybody else has to turn all of their attention and focus towards her, regardless of whatever they were doing before. And what are we told this is prompted by? Her snapping at Simon; (which, by the way, wasn’t as harsh as I think we were supposed to believe. Clary going through PMS probably would have resulted in the same reaction. It was snappy, and angry, and a little rude, but not … evil. Simon looked more shocked than anything. Maybe if she’d snapped at everyone, it would be more believable. But like a lot of this episode, this felt a little bit like a cop-out.)

 Mere steps from this conversation, Magnus was lying unconscious because of magic that wasn’t his, that he’d sold his apartment for, because he didn’t feel like he was worth being alive, worth existing, without his magic, that his magic was all that made him special – which, he’d sacrificed for Jace, no less. Granted, Clary likely wouldn’t have known about how Magnus felt about losing his magic, but I do find it hard to believe that she wouldn’t have even realised that losing it at all would have been an incredible trauma for Magnus.

 Then again, it does feel like Clary only cares about Magnus when it suits her. It’s harsh, but I sometimes wonder if she’d care more if Magnus had died, or if she’d just be upset because she’d lost a resource. This mostly stems from how she’s written, I’ll admit, but it’s still how I feel.

 And I think canon backs me up here. After all, look at what Magnus has gone through at the end of 3A and into 3B alone.

 He sacrificed his magic to Asmodeus, the man who abused and emotionally manipulated him, who probably made him commit heinous acts, of which murder I’m sure wasn’t off the table, all after having to grovel and endure soul-crushing humiliation at the hands of aforementioned abuser, who he most likely had gotten comfortable with the idea of never seeing again, all to save Jace from Lilith’s control (only to return to see the love of his life bleeding out with no way of saving him – I don’t blame this on Clary, but it is a factor that has affected Magnus. How could it not?) After Magnus returns, mortal, mundane, barely half of the man he used to be – his feelings, not mine – he’s ostracised by Lorenzo and ignored by the rest of the warlocks from Lorenzo’s command, excluding Catarina, his only friend at this point. Just there, he’s given up everything for Jace, and whilst it’s possible that Clary doesn’t know, it seems a little far-fetched to assume that Jace wouldn’t tell her. If he did, it seems a bit unfair for Clary not to consider that, but then, there’s almost an assumption that sacrifices made for people that Clary explicitly loves – Jace – matter more than the people who made the sacrifice.

 Then, because he felt so empty and lost without his magic, Magnus had to forego his pride and dignity to ask for Lorenzo’s help – his mortal enemy, basically, who has always disliked Magnus – selling his apartment in the process, his home, only to then be rejected by the magic, resulting in him having to give it up to not die. Because of that, he has to go through the process of losing magic again, even if it’s not quite the same as his own, which would have teared his mental health to shreds, and completely destroyed any progress he’d made towards feeling better, feeling more like himself. Now, I do believe that Magnus understood the weight of the transplant and all of the ways it could go wrong, which just makes this even more painful, because he felt that dying was a better alternative to not having his magic – if it weren’t for Alec, and Catarina, and Madzie, I don’t think Magnus would have had the strength to give Lorenzo’s magic back. Yes, there’s an argument to be made that he only did it for Alec, but I personally think it was Alec’s insistence that he couldn’t lose Magnus – wouldn’t, lose him - that prompted Magnus into remembering that they were people out there who cared for him, and loved him, even if it’s impossible for him to understand why. Depression warps a person’s perception of themselves anyway; add on all of the trauma Magnus has undergone, and in such a short period of time, and it makes sense that he’d find it easier to do this for somebody else, than for himself. I don’t think this makes his decision or his reasoning any less valid, but I’m getting a little off topic here.

 Magnus doesn’t know who he is without his magic, and in this episode especially, but not solely, it doesn’t feel like Clary cares – because without his magic, he can’t help her, and if somebody can’t help her, they cease to matter.

 (Again, this is my perception.)

 Speaking of people who only matter if they can help Clary – let’s talk about Cain. ‘Cause I haven’t seen a lot of discussion on him, and I feel like he deserves the attention.

 Cain has lived with this guilt of succumbing to Lilith’s manipulation and killing his own brother for longer than I think it’s possible for us, as the audience, and the characters of the show to understand. You can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice – he carries this burden with him, and it’s suffocating. Inescapable. He couldn’t get rid of his mark, so cruelly named after him, and now he’s stuck living in a sewer, living off rats, because he’s dreadfully invincible. I have no doubt that he still felt Lilith’s hold on him, like a shadow, constantly creeping around him, that sensation that there’s something over his shoulder, something behind him ready to attack, but there’s not, there never is, it’s just him and his guilt and the sick crawl of Lilith’s voice taking hold of him, the drowning ache that never leaves, because if he’d been stronger, his brother might not have died.

 The last thing he wanted – or needed – was to see Lilith again.

 I can’t even imagine how that would have felt. Seeing the woman who destroyed you, knowing that nothing could ever keep her locked away, that there was no cage that she couldn’t break out of – he probably felt her power leaking out, creeping under his skin, whispering to him even as the direction of her voice was focused on the others. From the moment she addressed him, she had him hooked. Just as he knew she would. Because he warned them – he told them he wouldn’t do it. The only reason he helped was Simon – because he related to Simon, because he could see the guilt in Simon and knew that was no way to live, because he wanted to save Simon from suffering a fate as bad as his own. Cain trusted Simon. Because Simon trusted Clary. And now, he’s stuck with his abuser, because the plan failed just as he’d told them it would, because once again, Clary only thought about what she could gain out of this, and not how it would affect anybody else.

 Because when Clary wants to jump, she doesn’t take the time to notice who could be supporting her fall.

 You know who often has to take the fall for Clary’s actions? Alec.

 I cannot see the actions of this episode as anything less than taking advantage of the fragile situation that Alec was in, for Clary to get what she wanted. The love of his life – and I refuse to believe that Clary doesn’t recognise that, for all of my complaints I don’t think she’s actually stupid – was lying unconscious in the infirmary, and really, none of them could be certain that he’d be okay, that there wouldn’t be further consequences when he woke up. Because, again – he was unconscious!! And Clary, honestly thought – hey, there’s this rune tying me to my psychotic sibling and it’s torturing me so instead of formulating an actual plan and thinking through options to get rid of it, I’m just going to go ahead and summon the mother of demons, to get rid of it for me, and darn the consequences. Never mind the fact that the Head of the Institute has yet to hear of this plan, let alone sanction it - he’s too busy worrying about the health and well-being of his unconscious boyfriend, so why bother him about it and get clearance on a dangerous mission like this, when we could just, go ahead and do it anyway.

 (Because even in this fragile state, Alec never would have sanctioned it.)

 Clary doesn’t take a second to think about the consequences this could have on Alec, and she never really has when it comes to missions; the only thing she has ever considered is how it can benefit her. Stealing the mortal cup from the Institute? Sure, why not. It’s super dangerous and can be turned into a weapon if in the wrong hands, and is locked away for a reason, but rules are made to be broken, right? Season one, whilst frustrating, could be brushed off as Clary just not quite understanding the power structure – sure, Jace did, and he should have done more about making it clear to her as opposed to just going along with her plans because he was thinking with his stele, but again, season one.

 And, sure, there’s that bit in 2x10 where Alec has spent the entire night searching for Magnus’ body in the Institute because, despite his best wishes, he can’t deny the possibility that Magnus is one of Valentine’s Downworlder victims, and Clary remembered that they portalled in – cause, Magnus made the portal, as far as I can remember – but she lost him after that, and hadn’t even thought since then about his whereabouts, or his safety, or even considered that he might have DIED. But, you know. Season two.

 This is season three. The second half, for that matter. And Clary is still thinking with herself in mind first, without even a second to regard how it affects others. If the Clave find out that Shadowhunters under Alec’s supervision took a traitor’s weapon, adjusted it so that it was capable of electrocution and used it to trap a Greater Demon – and Lilith, at that – only for her to end up escaping, all whilst he was preoccupied with his warlock boyfriend/technically making threats to the High Warlock which could, if Lorenzo was so inclined, damage relations between the Institute and the High Warlock – well. To say that they wouldn’t be impressed would be quite the understatement. He could lose his title over this. And then what? Who is going to save their asses from suspension/the silent city then? To be quite crude; if the Clave find out about this, and then pair that with Alec and Isabelle’s investigation into Project: Heavenly Fire, Alec would be fucked. They wouldn’t give him the Institute after that, and he certainly would no longer retain the reputation he spent so long building back up after his not-wedding. I don’t know if Alec would care that much about his reputation, he seems quite content with just doing what he wants and letting people’s opinions be exactly that – their opinions. Of no matter to him.

 However, that doesn’t automatically make them go away. There would still be people dying to see Alec fail, to see him crash and burn, to talk shit behind his back because of their own feelings towards decisions he’s made, both in power and before it.

 Clary doesn’t think about any of that – about anything, really, that doesn’t involve her. And it’s fucking exhausting. I want to like Clary, so badly, because she is a badass character and there’s a lot to admire about her. But I can’t love her when she’s so selfish that other characters are consistently suffering because of it. When sacrifices are made and her response is to completely disregard them in favour of achieving something that she wants. When episode, after episode – season after season – she’s allowed to just do whatever she wants without care to the consequences and how it affects others.

 Clary could be a fantastic, game-changing character. As it is, she feels more like a petulant child who throws a tantrum when she can’t get what she wants, and refuses to listen when she’s told something that she doesn’t want to hear.

 I hope my opinion of her improves over the season. But I won’t be holding my breath.

#shadowhunters #my writing #3x16 #clary fray #anti-clary fray #kind of? #i'd argue critical #this is also @ the writers after all #shadowhunters essay #sh spoilers #simon lewis #magnus bane #alec lightwood #cain #jace whatever #jocelyn fairchild #nin rambles #i had more fun writing this than my actual uni essay #which says a lot #magnusbicon #izzybabewoods #3k

[castcharmperson]

The Dispel Magic Incident - Part 7

[shows up 15 weeks late with starbucks] hey friends, this is still a thing. Will also be updated on ao3 if you’d prefer to read it there. Check the notes for links.

Anyway, have some Merle

The furious clicking of the new umbrastaff was similar enough to the old umbrastaff, so Merle didn’t even flinch when it was replaced with shouting. “Where the fuck have you been?!” 

Davenport snickered across the table from him and Merle couldn’t help but join him. “Taako, I’ve been in here all afternoon.” He was sure whatever Taako was upset about was important, but honestly he had a really good hand right now that he’d love to finish.

“I blame you for this,” Taako glared at Davenport and the Captain just laughed more. “Merle, can I borrow you to do your fuckin’ job for a second?”

“We only need a few more minutes to wrap up this game.”

“Oh my gods, fine!” Taako pulled out a third chair and dropped down into it. “Cap’n’s going to win.”

“You don’t know that…” Merle muttered, but he was probably right. He couldn’t remember the last time Taako had joined in a game of cards, let alone just sat and watched the two of them play. Of course Merle thought their games were interesting, two masterminds battling it out, but none of the crew usually agreed with him.

He threw the game. Davenport knew it, Taako did too, but Merle couldn’t really care less. “Next time, Dav.”

“Of course, Merle.” Their Captain looked at Taako for a moment, then left the kitchen.

“This really isn’t the best place to do this…” Taako had leaned his body back, tilting the chair dangerously as Davenport left. The house was still full of people, some packing after a long week of Candlenights, but Merle was sure the majority of them were going to be here for the foreseeable future. It was nice that Dav was staying as long as he had been.

“What exactly are we doing, Taako?” Merle didn’t bother beating around the bush. He wouldn’t be aggressive with any bush, for that matter. He knew Taako would rather dance around the subject, but if it was cards watching serious, Taako must be in a hurry too.

He still wouldn’t look at him, though. The chair was back on four legs but Taako was focused on the door. “Hey, Barrold!”

“Hm?” Barry walked back from halfway down the hall until he could poke his head through the kitchen door. His eyes shifted between the two of them before his eyebrows shot into his receding hairline. Merle had thought for sure that the pack bond or whatever with the Raven Queen would fix that. He’d picked his god for the looks, among other things. He was surprised Barry hadn’t developed the deadly cheekbones Kravitz seemed blessed with.

“Oh.” Barry seemed to know what was going on.

“Yeah. We need a lift to my office.”

“I can do that.”

“Okay hold on.” Merle held up his hands. “The last time you two needed me to do something, I was getting stabbed with forks.”

Barry rolled his eyes but Taako nodded. “No, no, the old man has a point.” At least one of these kids had sense. Taako looked up from where he’d been focused on the umbrastaff, still in his grip. Oh shit, this really was important. Merle sat up a little straighter, missing the gleam in Taako’s eyes of a goof on the horizon. “Merle, I know you’ve literally never done this before, but we need you to pretend to be a cleric.”

Merle huffed, sliding off the chair. “Ha ha, very funny. Now what is going on.”

Barry had already carved open a rip between the planes and Merle was walking through it. The Astral Plane, if this one was anything like what they’d studied back at the IPRE, was technically closer to the Celestial Plane than the Prime Material was. Geographically speaking, he should feel closer to Pan. Maybe this reality was different than their homeworld’s, maybe not, but Merle never really liked the Astral Plane. The crisp chill from walking across it lingered, long after the portal closed. At least Kravitz didn’t have death radiating off of him like this, despite being Death.

“Not that I don’t love spending time with Barry, but why isn’t your boyfriend plane-hopping with you?” Merle asked as the portal closed up and Taako pushed aside a few papers on his desk. He nearly dropped something, before aiming the umbrastaff at the office door and Mage Handing it closed. “Pan damnit, if you two wanted more blood, you really didn’t have to kidnap me.”

“I don’t want your fucking blood!” Taako snapped, but Barry put a hand on his shoulder. The scythe was gone, just their regular goth boy in denim, looking more grim than he ever did when he told Merle about his work. Taako placed his hand over Barry’s, squeezing once, before pushing him off. He took a deep breath. “Merle, you remember Wonderland, right?”

“Been trying not to.” The words slipped out before he could think twice about them. But it was true! That quest was easily their worst. Sure, Pan’s radio silence wasn’t caused by the liches, but Merle didn’t know that at the time. And everyone can say what they want about his healing abilities but…

At the end of the day, they were all alive. That’s what mattered, that’s what he tried to remember. It was a little hard, knowing they all got their memories back and Magnus still had some missing. Aside from that though, they didn’t lose too much. Right?

Merle hadn’t even realized he’d glanced down at his feet, face twisted in frustration before intentionally smoothing back out again, until he looked back up at Taako.

He’d meant it when he offered to take the extra spin for Taako. He really wished one of them had followed through; Magnus could have afforded to lose another finger since he got his whole body back anyway.

Taako looked fine, better than that if Merle’s being honest. What had Taako said, looking better than ninety percent of Faerun? It was true, still was. But he’d be very plain if they’d gone back to their original plane. The difference was significant, now that Merle could compare him to Lup.

“I can’t--”

“Not that.” Taako stepped around from the desk. Ah, shorts and a crop top in winter made a lot more sense now. Not that Merle knew much about winter fashion-- it was always shorts weather back at Merlegaritaville.

“Those do not look good.” He stepped closer and Taako met him half way, Barry right behind him.

“I promise you, they feel worse.” That would explain the new umbrastaff. Merle looked at Barry. Of course Taako told Lup, but why did Barry know first? It wasn’t like they could kill Taako and bring him back with a new body. Who else knew?

“Okay, could you not with the face? I’m sure you can do your cleric shit with my spell still up, this is a courtesy.”

“It would be a lot harder without a visual reference,” Barry tried, but Merle had heard enough.

“Don’t tell me how to do my job.” He held his soulwood arm to the gash across Taako’s stomach and the budding leaves curled backwards. “Any issues with this one?”

“Uuh, dex mostly. Loss of appetite? That could be from other stuff though.”

Barry made an inquisitive noise at that, which made Merle feel at least a little bit better. Taako had talked to him about that already. Merle let the two of them go on whatever half spoken face journey they were going on, and focused on the biggest wound at hand. The knees were important, but this one was near vital organs. Merle had seen first hand how many hit points this had knocked out and it somehow managed to look worse than it did before.

“Barry and I figured it’s necrotic scarring.” Taako rushed out, Barry grumbling something beside him.

“Yeah,” Merle nodded softly. What he was finding aligned with that. He took a step back, able to look Taako in the eye without craning his neck. “I’m not death domain, Taako. I can’t reverse this. We could try to find a cleric who is--”

“They wouldn’t have a hundred cycles of experience. I’m not interested in letting them look at this.”

Huh. Merle didn’t bother to fight down the smile pulling at the edges of his beard. Taako didn’t return it by any means, but he scoffed and rolled his eyes, which Merle knew was basically the same thing.

“Merle, I…” Barry started, fidgeting with nothing for a moment. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m worried he’s getting worse.”

Just based on what he was seeing, what he knew of the wounds, that sounded right. But Merle looked to Taako instead. He seemed occupied fixing the hem of his shirt, fidgeting with the cuff of his sleeves. He didn’t notice the silence right away. When he did, he frowned. “What?”

“Has it been getting worse?” Merle asked.

If it had been literally any other conversation, Merle could have laughed at the face Taako pulled. Even with how serious he knew this conversation was, he was still tempted. Taako shifted his weight, leaning back slightly on the umbrastaff like he used to.

“It’s… uh…” His eyes seemed to go unfocused for a moment, as he stared at Merle. Merle knew that look from a copy he was familiar with over his own face. Seeing two versions of the same person, one you shared a century with and the other was your strange adventuring buddy.

Sometimes it was easier when they were just three idiots running around collecting magical items and laughing together as they nearly avoided death.

The person he was, when he met Taako the second time, was not someone Taako would trust with this confession. Merle wasn’t proud of that, but it was what it was. All he could do was take a deep breath and wait for which version of him Taako saw today.

Instead, Taako closed his eyes. They were screwed up tight, like if he couldn’t see, no one would hear his confession. “It’s worse. I didn’t have trouble walking a year ago.”

“Alright, glad we’re on the same page.” Taako opened one eye, glaring at Merle without much heat, but Merle continued. “And I’m glad you’re not waiting another year to tell me because this thing is going to kill you.”

Barry blanched at that, though Merle didn’t really understand his shock. The guy was a necromancer, this was how that arcana worked. Hell, he made the dang Bell, didn’t he know what it did?

Taako opened both eyes, expression blank for a moment until he moved the umbrastaff in front of him and leaning forward. His stance, his voice, his face, all of it was more certain and serious that Merle had heard in a while. “I don’t want to die.”

“Good.”

#the adventure zone #taz #taz taako #taz merle #merle highchurch #taz fic #dmi #this scene has been sitting in my drafts forever but i'm really pleased with how it turned out #that last line still resonates with me. the 'i dont want to die' #charmedwords

[takaraphoenix]

Review: 03x13 Beati Bellicosi

So @kimmycup and I finished the episode!

Let’s start with the wolves and vampires - and my favorite line of this episode:

Wolves don’t just attack without a cause. Not in New York.

Bitch, that is the opposite of the New York pack. They literally do that. They do that. Bat Velasquez is one of the living breathing proofs for that because he got attacked and turned without a cause and consent by members of the New York pack. They went and attacked Simon while he was peacefully living on their territory, without any cause just because they were bothered by his presence. Maia tried to fucking murder Jace the first time she met him just because he didn’t have time to help her in that instance and, without actual hard proof, she assumed he murdered Gretel so let’s attack him without legitimate cause. Maia, again, also tried to straight-up murder Clary so she wouldn’t be able to activate the Soul Sword in season 2. Attacking without a cause is the New York pack’s MO, literally.

How do multiple praetors fail to catch one newbie vampire? She is not very trained, she is all alone, how did those trained praetors, not even just normal wolves, not manage to capture that bitch yet? How is that a thing? What even are praetors because they sure as shit seem rather useless. I thought they were a specially trained force. But they, in a group, can’t even take down one vampire, huh.

And then Griffin thinks it’s legitimate to slaughter the pack... because the praetors accused them of hiding Heidi, which honestly while wrong in that moment was right in the next when Heidi was welcomed back in and was also right in the scene before Jordan arrived when Heidi was in the Hotel and talking to Griffin already. Not to mention the whole fact that Raphael turned her without telling anyone and kept her hidden in the basement so like... not believing the New York clan about anything involving Heidi is really not much of a “You don’t trust us because we are vampires!” issue, you do not get to play the racist card there because you, your clan, literally did all of that not even a month ago. And it by no means justifies slaughtering nearly the entire damn pack.

I mean, yes, it was in fact not “good authority” that brought Jordan to the hotel. Like, boy needs to fact check shit, but it still stands that Heidi had been there prior to it and after and that the New York clan hiding Heidi in the basement is literally how this whole shit-show started so Griffin’s gotta get off his high horse.

Now let’s talk about family.

One aspect of the addiction plotline that I hated was how Alec so irrationally got angry with Magnus for not immediately telling him Isabelle was addicted... but no one even thought about telling Jace, who supposedly is also her brother, until the whole thing was already over. And we’re going to do this again, huh? We’re going to do this Alec and Izzy style again and not tell Jace until it’s over.

Same for the whole Downworlders getting tortured part - I mean, I still stand by how Izzy’s reaction to this is fucking ridiculous because this is not news. Like, yes Downworlders getting tortured is bad and shouldn’t happen, but they already know this happens. This isn’t news? So why you acting all high and mighty and morally superior? And like “this isn’t how [Maryse] raised us” - bitch, it is. It is exactly how she raised you because it is how y’all have been doing business from the get-go. You, dearest Alec, literally had an outfall with Izzy over Meliorn being taken in to be tortured in season 1. That was kind of a big deal, so don’t act like this was never the case.

Look, you can have character development and growth. You can have Alec and Isabelle growing as characters and now being against torture. But you don’t get to sell them as completely oblivious idiots who didn’t know this has been going on the whole time, that’s bullshit.

Now, the Lightwood family is not the only one I take issue with.

How do we not get any Luke and Clary bonding at all? This show so desperately tries to sell Luke as Clary’s father figure, but let’s take a step back from how much we want that and look at the actual canon facts. Luke didn’t take Clary in after her mom died; she lived with strangers at the Institute. Luke wasn’t there to mourn Jocelyn with Clary, he went on a run to mourn alone. We never got any shared mourning between Clary and Jocelyn. And now? Now that she is back from the dead? He doesn’t even spend one single day just... being with his daughter? To, I don’t know, be there for her, catch up with each other? Instead he goes and investigates with... Maryse. This could have been a good bonding moment for Luke and Clary. They could have investigated the Morning Star sword together, as father and daughter.

But the show oh-so desperately had to sell its ships. So let’s talk about ships.

It’s not even been two months since Jocelyn died. Not even two months. The woman Luke has loved for two decades. Dead for approximately like six weeks. But... he’s kissing Maryse, a woman he supposedly had bad blood and history with through the Circle and the treatment after the Circle ended. But sure, the exactly three (3) interactions they had since Maryse was deruned totally qualify for Luke moving on from the woman he loved for two decades to... her, of all people. I’m not saying you gotta be a mourning widower for the rest of your life, but two months are a pathetic mourning period if you loved someone for this long and it is majorly cringeworthy that they are forcing romance to happen there, instead of spending Luke’s screentime on the above mentioned potential bonding with his daughter. This is a ridiculous decision, writing-wise.

Maia and Simon acting like they had some epic, all rules defying romance is ridiculous. They were dating for literally three weeks. Literally three weeks. That’s... most people wouldn’t even define that as a relationship. Look. I liked them, I actually did like Maia and Simon together so this isn’t meant as “I hate this ship, it ain’t epic!!!”, but as “You really can not define a two weeks relationship as epic”. Because, quite frankly, you didn’t manage to defy the stereotype that a wolf and a vampire can’t date - because in the end, the wolf chose her pack over her vampire boyfriend so like... What you said made no sense, is my point. And it’s also so insanely forced. I mean, this breakup has been coming for the past two episodes now and them now going “Maia needs to put the pack first so she breaks up with Simon so we can finally make S*zzy happen1!!” is... once again, a ridiculous decision.

I genuinely don’t even wanna talk about Jace and Clary. It’s been less than two weeks that they’re together. Jace has expressed how he wants to take it slow. But sure. Let’s have sex right now, once again without anything emotional tying them together. They will never bother with writing this as an actual relationship, will they? Like? There is no interest in their emotional state of mind, no concern “So, Jace, now that I just returned, how are you doing post possession?”, nope it’s immediately “Can we fuck now?” and they do. How is beyond me though. Like, how can Clary legit be horny enough that “So I’m emotionally linked to my brother. Let’s fuck and give him a good orgasm then, huh” isn’t enough to put her off?? This is just... insanity.

Other random observations:

I feel like what best summarizes this season, if not the entire show, is the fact that Simon literally just met a Biblical figure who is very much alive, and it is just legitimately used as a throwaway line. Like. That’s the pacing and cramming of this series. We have so much going on that we can’t even take five minutes to have this Jewish character sit down and digest that he met the Cain and to like deal with that and his faith. No, it’s just one throwaway line that that’s a thing that happened and then we gotta move on.

So Silent Brothers illustrate novels now, huh. That’s a thing Silent Brothers do now, yeah. I mean, if this were... like... an actual copy of a Bible or something. But Paradise Lost is just... it’s a story. Sure, sure, sure, we treat it as A Real Thing, apparently, but it’s still just a book. And the Silent Brothers just... illustrate those now. With enough accuracy that you can make out the super rare rune that binds Lucy and Mike, yeah? That’s a thing. Of course. Because they were “special seer Silent Brothers”, so we’re... implying they actually witnessed this fight between Lucy and Mike and got a good enough look at their bare shoulders to illustrate the rune, yeah? That’s what we’re going with, huh?

Also, hot damn. They are doubling down hard on the “metaphor” - I don’t think you can, in good faith, call it a metaphor anymore because those always do need a little translating. They literally called Jonathan Morgenstern and made him the demon-blooded one. While Clary is the super pure mega special angelic angel girl. And now they share the runes of Lucifer, aka the actual Morgenstern/Morning Star, and Michael, the super mega special angel. That ain’t even a metaphor anymore.

Do Shadowhunter doctors even exist? When Jace nearly died, well one of those times anyway, he got healed by Clary, aka the most untrained Shadowhunter at the time. When Izzy was badly injured and wanted to go to the Iron Sisters, she did not go to any actual doctor in the Institute, she got her special vamp-drugs directly from the head of the Instistute and did not ask any doctors for second opinion either. Clary, in her infinitey stupidity, decides to just go with it and try to derune that magic special rune that the mother of all demons put on her, and it’s not done by a specialist with training, it’s just done by Jace. Do they have anyone with special medical training anywhere in that Institute, is what I’m asking.

I don’t know. I’m just so tired at this point.

TL;DR:

This show is 100% driven by ships. Characters make decisions only based on what ship the show really needs to sell, be that Luke suddenly asking Maryse for help instead of bonding with his daughter, or Clary and Jace just randomly having sex despite all the trauma Jace has been through since the last time he said he isn’t ready yet and wants to take things slow, or how Maia breaks up with Simon so the show can make S*zzy happen. It’s insane. Please stop being horny, show-writers, I beg you

Wolves are dumb. There is no other way to phrase that

Vampires though? Also not the brightest. How do you let Heidi manipulate you like that, Griffin? Raphael needs to come back

Stop pretending like the Lightwood sibling bond is a special thing applied to Alec-Isabelle-Jace if you keep excluding Jace

Silent Brothers like illustrating novels in their free time, who’d have thought

If they try to hit us over the head any harder with the Jonathan MORGENSTERN = Lucifer and Clary = oh so pure good angel metaphor, I’ma get a concussion from it

#Shadowhunters #Shadowhunters Spoilers #Phimmy Watching Shadowhunters

[faejilly]

ashes of roses 1/3

a direct sequel to yesterdays’ ashes of angels, because I needed some consequences and recovery. (And some h/c, let’s be honest here, I always want some comfort in my fic.)

My @shadowhunterbingo Square: Magic (Because I made up a bunch of lore in the background while writing the prequel, and I needed to do something with it!)

It hit Alec a few days later.

He had work to do first, before he could let it. He talked to Consul Jia Penhallow, situated the prisoners, arranged for extra guards, adjusted the patrol schedules, collated and forwarded all the evidence they'd gathered to Acting-Inquisitor Patrick Penhallow and the City of Bones. He informed the LA Institute of all the addresses Freeman and her people had admitted to using so they could do a sweep for any additional evidence. Consul Penhallow assured him they were going through all known Freeman properties in Idris, as well, and he made himself believe her.

There wasn't anything he could do about it if she wasn't.

After all that, he was done, and he went home.

He went to Magnus, and he hadn't meant to interrupt his work, he hadn't, but he saw him and he couldn't... he couldn't do it anymore.

He didn't even remember walking through the apothecary, but finally he was there where he needed to be. Magnus turned to greet him, and that was more than Alec could take.

Magnus made a soft grunt of surprise as Alec made impact, literally flinging himself into Magnus and wrapping his arms around him.

"Alexander," his voice was soft, and the touch of his fingers was too light, as if his hands were hovering, uncertain when Alec desperately needed him to be sure.

Alec whined, and tucked his face into Magnus' neck, and clung tighter.

"Oh." Magnus' arms finally settled, finally embraced him back, and Alec let go, felt himself shaking, his eyes dry and his lungs burning.

"Oh, darling," Magnus' voice was lower this time, and his arms tightened.

Alec had no idea how long he stood like that, falling apart in the one place he knew it was safe to do so.

Eventually he stopped shaking, and he could breathe again.

But he didn't want to let go.

Magnus didn't make him, just adjusted them enough that they were side-by-side instead of tangled together, enough that he could walk Alec to the couch and pull them both down onto it.

Alec knew he needed to say something, needed to let some of this out, but he didn't have any words, nothing beyond a wordless howl in the back of his head, some desperate, terrified sense of what could have happened.

"Do you know why they call it pixie dust?" Magnus asked, his fingers stroking through Alec's hair, his voice low and soothing.

Alec almost sobbed in relief, that somehow Magnus knew, knew he couldn't talk yet, knew that more information always helped. He cleared his throat. He could say this, he thought. This was just data. "It's because it's not poisonous to the fae, right?"

"Mm-hmm." Magnus nodded, still gentle and slow. "For them it's just an aphrodisiac. Increased physical sensitivity, a warm flush of attraction, that sort of thing."

Alec shuddered. He supposed that he'd felt warm, but that certainly wasn't where it stopped.

"Do you know how they make it?"

Alec shook his head.

"It's not made of pixies or something terrible like that, you know."

Alec rolled his eyes and managed to scoff.

Magnus huffed out a soft breath. "I'm not sure if that meant I'm stating the obvious or not, but I'm going to keep going. Good?"

Alec tilted his head in half a nod, and let his weight settle a little more against Magnus' body.

"It's made of ground up siren's scales, burned rose petals, and passionflower pollen, though the flowers have to have been grown by a warlock or a fae, or in a magical realm." Magnus' voice settled into an almost sing-song rhythm, like he was lecturing a class, and Alec felt the first faint stirrings of a smile. "Most people use honey to bind the ingredients together, and there are various arguments about which sort of honey works best, but I've never seen any convincing evidence that that matters. You cannot use maple syrup though." Magnus shuddered, as if horrified that someone had even tried.

Alec wondered why someone had, because clearly there was a story behind that, but he supposed he could ask about that some other day.

"The part that makes it strong enough to work so effectively on the fae, however, is the Eidolon pheromones infused into the ingredients while they're dried into a powder."

Oh.

That. That did explain a lot.

"Eidolon pheromones are part of what make them so successful at seducing their victims of course; the body is comfortable with them even when the mind might notice that something's wrong with their impersonation of a loved one." Magnus' voice had less of a lilt now, his pronunciation very controlled and precise.

That was why Alec would have reacted to anyone he touched, why he wouldn't have had any choice...

He felt the tremble starting in his hands again, and pushed them hard against the couch arm behind Magnus to hold them still.

Magnus leaned back to help pin them, and squeezed his arms around Alec's shoulders. "It is the part that also makes it dangerous to everyone else, to various degrees."

Alec grunted at that, a lift to his voice trying to ask his question for him.

"What does it do to other people?" Magnus asked.

Alec nodded.

"Well, for werewolves it reacts to their shapeshifting; it forces a change. Werewolf hunters use it when hunting so the body will be in werewolf form when it dies."

So they could harvest the skin and teeth, Alec knew. He gagged a little at the thought.

"Yes, exactly," Magnus agreed, fingers squeezing once more around Alec's shoulder before giving a very soft tug to the end of Alec's hair. "For vampires it has no aphrodisiac properties at all, it just makes them viciously ill for two days, and there's absolutely nothing anyone can do to mitigate the symptoms."

He seemed too still, and Alec gathered there was something he wasn't saying. He managed to lift his head, to look at Magnus directly, to raise one hand and offer a touch to Magnus' cheek.

Magnus smiled at him, and his eyes were sad. "If they're not restrained, they frequently try and kill themselves somewhere around the 36 hour mark."

Alec lowered himself back down to wrap his arms around Magnus, squeezing as tightly as he could. He wasn't sure if someone Magnus had known had succeeded, or if he'd had to watch them try, had to watch them in that sort of pain without being able to do anything about it. He nuzzled his nose against Magnus' collarbone, trying to offer comfort for something he could barely imagine.

Magnus hugged him back, and kissed the top of his head. "Thank you, darling."

Alec hummed.

"Warlocks react similarly to the fae if they're dosed directly. A mostly harmless aphrodisiac, though it is very like being drunk, a little mentally compromised." Magnus paused, and Alec had a feeling he wouldn't like the next thing he said. "However, they're susceptible to secondary transmission in exactly the same way Nephilim are."

Alec gagged again, and curled in to protect the sudden sharp ache in his gut.

"Shhh," Magnus sat up to curl over him, breath warm against the back of Alec's neck. "It's fine, we're both fine."

"I can't, stop thinking, I can't," Alec was shaking again, and this time he was crying, tears too hot and burning as they dripped down his cheeks. "What if I hadn't recognized it?"

"I know." Magnus swallowed so hard that Alec could hear it, could feel it as an echo of his own bone deep horror. He felt the drop of water on the back of his neck, Magnus' tears spilling over too. "I know."

Alec's fingers dug into Magnus' arm, and he knew he was gripping too tight, knew it had to hurt, but he couldn't, he couldn't, he practically clawed his way into Magnus' lap, pushing his head into Magnus' shoulder. "I would have hurt you."

"It wouldn't have been you," Magnus clung back, and it was only the sharp points of his fingernails digging into Alec's shoulders that seemed to be keeping him in one piece. "It would never be you."

"It would have felt like me," Alec whispered, and Magnus reached up to cradle his face between his palms, to draw him up until Magnus could kiss him, the taste of salt scalding between their lips.

"It would never," Magnus repeated, and kissed him again. "Never."

Alec shuddered, and cried, and tried to believe him.

He didn't manage it, but by the time he'd cried himself out he felt a little better, a little lighter.

It hadn't happened. He held on to that. It had to be enough.

Magnus kissed the top of his head, and shifted his shoulders, and Alec sighed. They ought to move to bed, but he was too tired. He closed his eyes, and felt Magnus tug the blanket off the back of the couch so it would fall on top of them.

They'd get up later.

For now they'd rest, just like this.

Together.

#hmdiscord #shadowhunters #malec #alec lightwood #magnus bane #my sh fic #jilly writes #ashes of roses