#Sekah's Writing
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Bathsheba by Sekah
Mature | English | Romance/Humor | One-shot | 1,549 words | Complete
On: FanFiction.net
Summary: “The biblical story of David and Bathsheba was intended to show the repercussions of a king abusing his power. Between Yomi and Kurama, who’s the helpless Bathsheba and who’s the lecherous king? Pairing: Yomi/Kurama.”
Overall Score: 96.35%
Read more below (warning: SPOILERS!).
Canon Plausibility
Definition: How well the plot and characters aligned with the original story universe.
Score: 4.50/5.00
A high score for this element indicates that the story blended into the original universe well. This includes the characters being portrayed as they originally were, and that the plot and/or any original characters aligned with the sense of the universe as well.
Reviewer comments: The author used a noncanon pairing, but adequately utilized the characters' personalities to react to the situation. Kurama isn't portrayed this way in the series, but it's not unimaginable by any stretch. Well done.
Relationships
Definition: Platonic and romantic interaction and development between characters interspersed over time.
Score: 5.00/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that the presentation of the interactions between characters created realistic and meaningful relationships that allowed the readers to connect with and understand the characters.
Reviewer comments: Yomi's perspective was very well-explained and his interpretation of Kurama's motivation was very key in understanding their actions.
Plot and Technical Execution
Definition: Interrelated content sequenced in the storyline, including subplots, presented in a grammatically accurate manner.
Score: 4.88/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that the readers did not have a hard time following along with the storyline and that major situations were addressed logically. Additionally, there were likely few or no grammatical errors.
Reviewer comments: There was only one typo in the story and the plot advanced the relationship.
Conflict
Definition: Internal or external struggle presented throughout the storyline, eventually reaching resolution.
Score: 5.00/5.00
A high score on this element indicates a balance of presented conflict. The characters have taken a stance in a situation or addressed a pressing internal struggle. This has allowed for character development and reader interest.
Reviewer comments: The author used Yomi's internal struggle over his desires and pride as the entire premise, which was utilized well.
Originality
Definition: Uniqueness of the presented plot as relevant to the fandom.
Score: 4.50/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that enough unique content was presented, sparking readers' interest.
Reviewer comments: Nothing to expand on.
Dialogue
Definition: Quality and quantity of the conversation had throughout the storyline, including verbal and nonverbal communication.
Score: 5.00/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that there was an effective balance in quantity and/or quality of verbal and nonverbal dialogue. The dialogue was well-utilized in furthering character or story development.
Reviewer comments: The few verbal exchanges between the characters were poignant and the tactful use of nonverbal communication that Yomi interpreted in his thoughts was fantastic.
Pacing
Definition: Appropriateness of the speed of the presented storyline.
Score: 4.67/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that the pacing was appropriate for the storyline and that the readers were able to meaningfully experience the story without losing interest or being confused.
Reviewer comments: It was a short story, but it was still well-balanced in its pacing.
Front Matter
Definition: Appropriateness and instilled intrigue of the categorized preview information and summary.
Score: 5.00/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that the front matter was accurate and enticing. This may range from a well-constructed summary to appropriate categorizations for the rating or genres.
Reviewer comments: Nothing to expand on.
Additional Comments
Overall, what could the author improve most to make the story better?
Nothing.
Overall, what did the author excel at that really made the story for you?
The premise for the behaviors and reactions were logically based and explained in the story. This was key and really made the story believable. And the seduction/use of details in showing how Yomi sees was fantastic.
What was your favorite moment in the story? Were there any particularly funny or surprising moments?
My favorite moment was when Kurama called Yomi an old goat because it really cemented the situation from his perspective and gave a little humor.
#yyhffr#yyh#yu yu hakusho#ffr#fanfiction#fanfic#writing#review#reviews#reviewer#yomi#kurama#bathsheba#yyhffrREVIEW#yomixkurama#one-shot#Sekah#write#fanfiction.net
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Lola, why do you and Sekah get wet over Karasu? You do know he's a CREEP right?
This reads like you’re trying to start some drama, anon. Let me ask you something. Do you like horror? Or action? Superheroes? You know Captain America has killed people right? You know in action movies laws are broken, right? Right?
Sekah and I like dark stories. We like stories about characters being pushed into dark, horrible corners. Some write stories like that just because they like them, and others because it helps them cope with the things that have happened to them. Either way, that is none of your goddamn business.
I will delete and block any messages like this from now on. You know very well what non-con is, what darkfic is. You’re not asking out of confusion. You’re asking because you want to start shit. I will not tolerate that. This blog and my servers are dark and kink safe. You, anon, can take your anti crap and leave.
Other mods, feel free to delete any messages that enter this inbox that seem similar to this one.
- Mod Lola
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Omg what if Sensui had found Kurama when he was young? Would he see tiny Kurama as a threat?? An oddity. Omg him like sizing up Kurama and Shiori walks over to him like “we’re going now Shuichi” and Kurama is like glaring at this guy who’s prepping to take him out and the shit eating grin when mommy comes up and Sensui is at a loss…
#😂#what you gonna sensui?#can't assault a child and shiori would knock him the fuck out with her purse if his brooding self came over to her precious child#yyh
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Miles to Go Before I Sleep by Sekah
Mature | English | Drama/Romance | Multi-Chapter | 3,912 words | In Progress
On: FanFiction.net
Summary: “The life of Kurama is never laid out plainly by the kitsune who lived it. Pairings: Youko Kurama/Kuronue and Yomi/Kurama.”
Overall Score: 93.96%
Read more below (warning: SPOILERS!).
Note: As this review was completed on a work-in-progress, the reviewer comments should be taken with a grain of salt.
Canon Plausibility
Definition: How well the plot and characters aligned with the original story universe.
Score: 4.80/5.00
A high score for this element indicates that the story blended into the original universe well. This includes the characters being portrayed as they originally were, and that the plot and/or any original characters aligned with the sense of the universe as well.
Reviewer comments: There are some changes that diverge from canon or expand on vaguer areas, but give great, believable life to them in explicit detail.
Relationships
Definition: Platonic and romantic interaction and development between characters interspersed over time.
Score: 5.00/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that the presentation of the interactions between characters created realistic and meaningful relationships that allowed the readers to connect with and understand the characters.
Reviewer comments: I understood that the relationship between Kurama and Kuronue was pre-established as romantic, but a just a detail or two even hinting as to why they were would have just rounded out the presentation of it and let me connect to that feeling of loss Kurama felt a bit more.
Plot and Technical Execution
Definition: Interrelated content sequenced in the storyline, including subplots, presented in a grammatically accurate manner.
Score: 5.00/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that the readers did not have a hard time following along with the storyline and that major situations were addressed logically. Additionally, there were likely few or no grammatical errors.
Reviewer comments: There were not plot holes or inconsistencies.
Conflict
Definition: Internal or external struggle presented throughout the storyline, eventually reaching resolution.
Score: 4.75/5.00
A high score on this element indicates a balance of presented conflict. The characters have taken a stance in a situation or addressed a pressing internal struggle. This has allowed for character development and reader interest.
Reviewer comments: The balance in the relationship between Kurama and Kuronue was born in conflict and the explanation surrounding his death was dark and appropriate.
Originality
Definition: Uniqueness of the presented plot as relevant to the fandom.
Score: 4.50/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that enough unique content was presented, sparking readers' interest.
Reviewer comments: We all know Kuronue died and how, but there was unique development in the surrounding story of it that I rarely see.
Dialogue
Definition: Quality and quantity of the conversation had throughout the storyline, including verbal and nonverbal communication.
Score: 5.00/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that there was an effective balance in quantity and/or quality of verbal and nonverbal dialogue. The dialogue was well-utilized in furthering character or story development.
Reviewer comments: I enjoy that Kurama was so stoically portrayed. His lines are presented in just the right spots for optimum impact.
Pacing
Definition: Appropriateness of the speed of the presented storyline.
Score: 4.33/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that the pacing was appropriate for the storyline and that the readers were able to meaningfully experience the story without losing interest or being confused.
Reviewer comments: While this was a shorter story presented in snippets of time, there could have been a slightly smoother transition between times. However, I think the poems really set the mood of each chapter and could be considered the transition as well. Minor point.
Front Matter
Definition: Appropriateness and instilled intrigue of the categorized preview information and summary.
Score: 4.60/5.00
A high score on this element indicates that the front matter was accurate and enticing. This may range from a well-constructed summary to appropriate categorizations for the rating or genres.
Reviewer comments: As a one liner, the summary is on the verge of enticing, but a shy too vague for me personally. A small amount of clarification in another single sentence could help entice and give the story a bit more accurate an explanation.
Additional Comments
Overall, what could the author improve most to make the story better?
The only scene that felt very out of place was Yomi's reaction in the final chapter. He felt so whiny that it brought me out of the atmosphere you had transplanted me into with the seriousness and angst of Kuronue. While that could be seen as useful as an extreme contrast of behavior, I think it would have been more useful toned down slightly to be a truer sounding slip of the tongue.
Overall, what did the author excel at that really made the story for you?
I fucking love the imagery (the crows, the fruit), dedication to small but accurate details (e.g., the food served), and choice of poems. They all lend a helpful hand to the characterizations and relationships. The intimacy between Kurama and Kuronue is so special.
What was your favorite moment in the story? Were there any particularly funny or surprising moments?
My favorite moment was the entire first chapter. I loved the portrayal of Kurama's powers in action and his interactions with Kuronue.
#yyhffr#yyh#yu yu hakusho#dark#mature#yomi#kuronue#kurama#death#grief#review#reviewer#write#writing#writer#yyhffrREVIEW#in progress#feedback#yoko kurama#sekah
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