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jasmines-library · 6 months

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Lazarus Rising

WHUMPTOBER DAY 27: Prompt ‘scars’

Fandom: Batfam

Summary: after an accident takes your life, your brothers manage to find a way to bring you back. But it leaves you with a set of prominent scars that you struggle to come to terms with. But your brothers are there to help you realise that you are beautiful just the way you are.

Warnings: Death, description of wounds and scars, self hate.

Word count: 1.6k

MASTERLIST ⛤ WHUMPTOBER WORKS

🕸 ⋆ ⁶𖤐⁶ ࣪⋆🕸

It was a nasty accident.

An accident that had cost you your life. Your brothers had raced towards you, trying to haul the debris from the exploded building off of your body, but they were too late. You were dead. Still chest, blank stare, stone cold dead.

For a while, no one dared to move as Bruce cradled your bloody body. Not one of the boys attempted to hide the tears that rolled down their cheeks as you lay there devoid life in a pool of your own blood. The shrapnel had embedded itself if your back, and had sliced into other parts of your skin. You could see from the gash on your hand and on your cheek where you had tried to protect your face in vain.

The sight made Damian queasy and so he was the first to turn away, trying to burry the thought that he would never see the way you smiled with your eyes or simply hear your voice again.

Jason was the last to move. Long After Bruce had hauled your body away and his older brother had tried to pull him away gently by wrapping a strong arm around him. But all he could do was stare blankly at the crimson that stained the ground. It should have been him. He was the one who was supposed to be on patrol that night. But he bunked off and you took his place instead. His stomach knotted, tightening around him like a noose. He promised himself that he was going to find a way to bring you back.

And he did.

He didn’t want to tell his brothers what he was trying to do at first. But they caught on quickly after Jason was unable to hide the dark bags under his eyes any longer and they threatened to tell Bruce if he didn’t let up.

They were hesitant at first, but soon the four of them spent their free time delving into books and research. For a short while, their efforts seemed in vain and there were more frustrated sighs drifting across the room than words. But in one glorious moment, the words finally floated into Jason’s ears.

“The Lazarus pit.” He read from the screen what illuminated his small face in the dark. He had managed to find it after getting in contact with his mother and wracking his brain for something she had accidentally mentioned in passing. Talia was reluctant at first, but with Damian’s charm she was quick to give in. “My mother knows where it is. We can bring y/n back but…”

Tim, who had crowded round his little brother squinted. “But what?”

“She’s not going to be the same. The pit it-

It messes with your mind. And it might not work at all… there’s a time frame.”

Jason shook his head and pulled on his coat. “It’s better than nothing.”

The four of them carried your body gently towards the swirling green liquid. The pit was hidden in some sort of cave that had been dug out into some sort of lab.

“So this is it, huh?” Dick asked as they lay you down gently next to the pit. He could hardly bring himself to look at you. Your beauty was still obscured by the nasty gash that still hadn’t closed. He was so gentle as he manoeuvred your fragile body, as though just his fingers grazing along your cold skin would hurt you.

“Yeah.” Tim sighed.

“Keep your guard up. We don’t know how she’s going to react when she wakes up. She might be scared and confused.” Headed Damian who had practically recited his mother's words after committing them to memory.

There was little else said as they eased your body into the green liquid, watching as you floated just below the surface. It didn’t take long for the chemicals to take effect, stitching your skin back together and bringing more structure back to your bones and more life back to your skin.

Suddenly, you sat up with a gasp, flailing and splashing the substance of the edge of the pool as you dragged yourself out of it. Your clothes clung sticky to your skin. Your eyes were wide and didn’t settle on anything long before they were darting to the next thing and the next after that.

When Tim reached out to you your instincts kicked in, and you gripped his hand to flung him over your shoulder which caused him to let out a grunt as he collided with the stone.

Your mind was racing at a million miles an hour. You were scared. You didn’t know where you were or why every inch of your body was drenched in a dull but persistent ache.

“Y/n?”

You froze calming down for just one brief moment. You knew that voice and its gentle lilt. It was a voice you could picture a face with. Dark haired with stern eyes, but behind the facade was really a gentle boy with a soft spot for his little sister. You turned, tilting your head at the boy.

“Jason?”

You couldn’t bear to glance in the mirror anymore because they were all your gaze could settle on. Pale and spidering the scars crawled up your back and along your neck to your cheek. The pit had worked to some extent and although your mind was seemingly recovering and readjusting, the pit had failed to completely heal your skin, leaving a scar in its wake. Damian said it was something to do with the time scale. Something to do with the fact that the Lazarus put worked better on the dead the shorter they had passed.

You still couldn’t quite come to terms with that word. Dead. It sat in your mind like a weed. No matter how many times you plucked it, it always wormed its way back through the cracks.

For the first few weeks of being back at the manor, you spent a lot of your time trying to cover up the angry lines. The ones on your back were easy enough. You had just resorted to wearing a hoodie. Usually one of the boys’. They gave you a sense of comfort. But after a while, you began to miss wearing your own clothes. You missed being able to express yourself without it feeling wrong. So, there you were, standing in front of your full length mirror in your favorite top, staring at the scar.

There was a soft knock on the door before it peeled open, whining on its hinges and Jason saw you standing there. He couldn’t help the small grin that ebbed onto his lips.

You immediately tried to cover yourself. “Get out.”

“I-“ Jason didn’t want to move. He often feared that it he took his eyes off of you for too long then you would vanish again. Which meant that he was checking in on you much to your dismay. He was so proud of how far you had come in just a few short weeks. “You look beautiful, y/n.”

You recoiled. What? “Jason. Don’t look at them.”

You were about to pull on a hoodie when Damian’s voice peeped round the corner. He had grown impatient and set off with Tim to drag you to movie night. Dick went with them too, unable to shake his worry. Since you came back the four of them were constantly on edge, even if they didn’t care to admit it. “Is she coming or- whoa.”

Tim nearly squealed at the sight of you. “I thought I’d never see that top again.”

Your skin flushed as you sank down onto you bed.

“All of you. Out.”

“Why?” Damian implored.

“Because…I don’t like people looking at them. They’re disgusting.”

“Why the hell would you think that?” Jason was practically outraged at your words.

You couldn’t help it when your eyes brimmed with tears and your voice wavered. “Look at them, Jay!”

“I don’t see anything wrong with them.” Dick shrugged coming to sit next to you. “Do you?”

The rest of your brothers shook their heads.

You gave him a look.

Dick rolled up his top to reveal a long scar along his solar plexus. “Do you see anything wrong with this one?” He asked. Jason then pulled up the hem of his red top and shifted round on the mattress to show you the ones that littered his back. They were pinkish and resembled various different shapes. Or those?”

You shook your head. “No…it’s just. They’re everywhere.”

“So? They’re beautiful y/n. You’re beautiful. Does having a scar make Jason any less of a person that he was before?” Tim asked. You shook your head meekly. “Your scars don’t define you. No matter how much you think they do. You’re still the same gentle girl you were before.”

“Besides,” Damian chimed, “I think they’re really cool. Like lightning.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at that thought. Your brothers always had a way of bringing light to a dark situation. It was just something that they did; they helped without thinking no matter the cost. You were glad to have them by your side, even if they did get a little annoying at times.

Although it took a little while, and a bucket-load of tears, your slowly began to embrace the scars. You began to express yourself in new ways that you hadn’t done before. In ways that brought a beaming grin to your face. And to your brothers. They were unbelievably proud and their hearts swelled. But it was one thing that you had learnt that really stuck out to you. That they loved you, just the way you were.

🕸 ⋆ ⁶𖤐⁶ ࣪⋆🕸

<- DAY 26 ⛤ DAY 28 ->

Taglist:

@deans-spinster-witch

@senjoritanana

@amaryllis23

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moonlit-positivity · 2 months

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Feeling suicidal?

Small things that can help:

Make your space safe. Remove any dangerous items & ask someone safe to hold ur meds etc.

Soothing soundscapes like rainforest, beach ambiance, etc. Even calming screensavers on YouTube like bubble aquariums and rainy moods, etc.

Vent, talk it out, cry it out, sleep it out

Angry yelling, into a pillow if you're concerned about noise

Allow yourself to feel bad. Nothing good comes from keeping it bottled up inside.

Music, art, dance, hobbies, distract with coping skills that engage ur body too

Soft blankets, teddy bears, comfort items

Allow your body to express it's pain. Cry, shake, shake ur shoulders, flail your arms, punch the air, stomp ur legs, scrunch up ur face in pain. It is okay to move! It is okay to make noise! It is okay to stomp around and pretend to be in a tantrum! This actually helps your body release pent up emotions! If ur worried about looking silly then find a private space to try some of these out.

Allow yourself to be destructive in other ways, like ripping up some old clothes or tearing pages out of a magazine

Normalize your feelings. You're not a bad person, but if you feel like you are then that's okay too.

Go outside, or look out the window

Remember that all emotions pass. This moment feels so big, and that's okay. It's gonna pass.

Simulate touch to your nervous system. Butterfly hugs (place a hand over your heart and lightly tap), self hugs, weighted blankets, hold comfort items to your chest. Something to signal to ur body that ur safe.

Leave sticky notes of encouragement around ur house. Ur favorite affirmations, words you really wish someone would say to you, and maybe some reminders that you are safe & strong & capable & you're gonna be okay

Moodboards, vent art, visualize and express your pain (can be gory & explicit. It's your pain, express it however you need to)

Think of yourself as being sick with a cold. You need a blanket and a bowl of chicken noodle soup. What kinds of things can help soothe you while you're feeling this way?

Big things that can help:

Make space for what you're going through

Learn how to say "no" to other people's bullshit more often

Talk about the bullshit that's dragging you down more often

Learn how to notice things that make you explode inside

Make the effort to commit to a hard change even if it's gonna be hard & ruffle some feathers

Even if those feathers "support you", even if you love them, even if they're your family or a close friend, if they're causing you more harm than good then it's time to let em go

Accept your current position. This means to stop denying & pretending that you're not feeling pain. There is no need for you to keep "sucking it up" until you're fucking dead. Accept that this is where you are so you can start to move towards a safer space.

Adapt a policy of genuine honesty with yourself and everyone else around you

Make an effort to complain a lot more than you do now, preferably in safer spaces that can support & hold space for you. That's actually gonna help you figure it out for yourself.

Be more selective with who gets access to your time and energy

Cut the dead weight & loose ends

Allow yourself to grieve and mourn a helluva lot more than you do now

Allow yourself to express your anger and disappointment at the world & the bullshit you've had to endure

Find ways to give back to yourself

Find ways to restore your faith in yourself & in humanity

Cultivate yourself a safe space

Prioritize safety, healthy communication, mutual respect, consent, boundaries, and self compassion

Dig in deeper with yourself, your thoughts, feelings, & emotions and start validating & finding ways to be more tolerable of yourself

Learn how to take a break when you need it

Find ways and inspiration to keep you going through the darkest moments

You are worth the effort. You are worth the effort to prioritize yourself, you are worth the effort to prioritize your health, stability, & peace of mind. Things aren't gonna change overnight, and these feelings of hopelessness may be too largely overwhelming to move by yourself. You've gotta start somewhere though. Baby steps. One foot in front of the other. You will get there.

Hope this helps 🌸

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