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#Senior Year

Imagine being a senior and the people you formed connections with for four long years are now about to leave you. You want as much time with them as possible, right? Yeah, we all had people in high school we didn’t like, teachers we wanted to drop dead, but imagine continuing with high school because you know it’s an experience you’ll never have again. You have prom, lock in’s, ditch day, graduation, and then finally you’re out of there. Spring sport student athlete’s miss out on a season. Senior captains will never get to be captain again or make a game winning goal. The last months of high school are the best, because it’s the end of your adolescence and you’ll be an adult, worried about college debt, struggling in much harder classes. Senior year is one last hurrah. Now, imagine the last months being taken. Memories you will never be able to make. Memories that you were promised 4 years ago, and everyone before you got that experience, but now you don’t. I would love to be selfish and say fuck the world and anyone who gets sick. I don’t mean to be selfish, so I won’t, I’ll miss my senior year if it means stopping the spread of coronavirus. But lets get one things straight people, the class of 2020 got fucked! High school and college students alike. We studied for 4 years: waiting for our time to shine, then BANG! it’s gone now, and we have to live with it. This is a hard time for families experiencing difficulties and sickness. This whole year is just fucked for everyone. 

The ONLY thing we can do is stay home and stop the spread. If you’re going out for unnecessary reasons and putting yourself in contact with other people, get the fuck out and drown. I actually want to kms from seeing other people throwing parties and acting like this quarantine means nothing. Life as we know it has been cancelled and if we want it to resume as fast as possible staying home is the best option. This thing could be over in a month and a half if people just respected the quarantine and take the necessary precautions. 

Stay at home and wash your hands, because my senior year had to be cancelled so the maximum number of people could survive this. 

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My senior year just got cancelled.

No prom

no graduation ceremony (as of now)

no grad parties

no ISSMA orchestra concert

no senior skip day and no senior prank

no tour de [town name] where we ride scooters from the old Marsh to the high school

no last day of school

no more Friday afternoons with my orchestra teacher pretending to get stuff done when we’re really making fun of other people and ranting

no more casual flirting in person

no more seeing my favorite teachers or seeing friends in the halls

no more Monday evening orchestra rehearsals

I’ll never walk the halls of my high school as a student ever again. And that fucking kills me

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I remember when I was a senior in high school, I was in my mechanical engineering class, and we were learning how to use SolidWorks (a 3D Modeling program meant to design parts and simulate how they fit together and interact with each other) and the assignment we were given was to design a lego set (more or less) of a drag-racer with working steering, and when I was putting the steering together and tested it, for whatever reason instead of actually steering; the wheels just slid sideways without changing direction and all the parts were clipping through each other and nobody could figure out why. None of the other students were having that problem and mrs. Lindley (she used to be a cop, she was cool) couldn’t figure it out either.

why is it whenever I have problems it’s the things nobody has ever seen before and don’t know how to fix?

Addendum: also I had to right-click things to select them instead of left-click like every other computer program ever, Dassault systems is from France, maybe that’s how they do it there?

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for some background:

In the 2020-2021 school year, I will be a senior. I’ve had a lot of time to consider my graduation plan, and initially, I was working to receive the IB diploma and graduate next May. But, as I came to terms with what I wanted to do with my life– that is, psychology– I began to believe that may no longer be the best option for me since my school does not offer IB Psychology, only AP. After some discussion with my counselor, we decided it would be more beneficial to pursue the AP diploma. While looking over the requirements, we discovered something else:

I have all the credits necessary to graduate. I only have a few class requirements to fulfill.

I now had two options: either I graduate with my class in May 2021, or I fulfill my 5 class requirements first semester at high school, graduate in December, and start college in January (the spring semester).

After a lot of research, I decided to graduate early!

I’m so excited to start college so soon, and I’ll make sure to keep you guys updated up through the new year. 

:)

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Yikes

So my school closed for the rest of the year. And since I’m a senior I had my last day of high school without even knowing it. Even thinking about it makes me want to break down all over again. I won’t go to prom (even though I bought a dress already, so catch me walking around the house in it), no senior trip, no senior activities, they haven’t cancelled graduation yet but I pretty sure they’re going to cancel it. My senior year was supposed to be my year. And I’m still really hurt but I understand this epidemic needs to slow down.

Well anyway today I forced myself to do my April cover page for my bullet journal, so heres that.

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So, all Georgia public schools (K-12) got cancelled for the rest of the year today. I’m a student teacher at one of those school, or at least I was. If you would’ve asked me in January how I thought this semester was going to go I would’ve said something along the lines of: edTPA was going to be difficult and time consuming, but I was going to love every minute of it because I was going to be doing what I love everyday, I’ll be there from the beginning of January to the end of April, and I’m going to be learning so much from my clinical teacher and the kids.

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Most of that was true.


EdTPA was hard and I worked so hard on it. I learned so much from my clinical teacher and couldn’t have asked for a better teacher than her. She truly prepared me for what an authentic teaching experience will be like. I also learned so much from those kids. Being able to get to know them, see them grow, and being able to connect with them are the times that I’ll never forget; but my time got cut too short.

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April 29th was going to be my last day of student teaching and the last day that I would’ve seen my kids that I’ve gotten to know since August 7th. Instead, I’m sitting in my house quarentined from everyone and not even being able to see my kids ever again unless I happen to run into them in the future. The last time I saw them was on a random Friday early March saying that I would see them the following Monday. I loved teaching those kids and I wish that I had more time with them, but I’m grateful for the time that I did have because those kids taught me more in the time that I was with them than I could have learned anywhere else.

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This was not how my last semester of college before becoming a “real adult” was supposed to be, but sometimes life throws curve balls and this just happened to be mine. Not getting enough time my senior year, my last semester, my student teaching semester. Not getting enough time with my friends, with my cohort, with my students. I will always be thankful that I got the time that I did, I just wish it had been more.

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today I finally got to go back to my high school to pick up my graduation supplies. there was no human contact, and the man dropped the bag through my car window with a grabber tool. I was already upset about not celebrating this moment with my friends and classmates, and then my mom texted me from work and told me that I would not be going back to my high school. Not only have I lost this memory, I have also lost many more memories of things I was looking forward to my entire high school career. Please, stay inside and self quarantine.

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//ok so this probably isn’t the right place to put this but you know what? I’m angey. If you don’t wanna read, feel free to scroll past, but if you wanna read, go ahead. 

To give context: I was meant to graduate on May 22, 2020. 

Keep reading

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This is the very extensive and detailed rant of a fed up black, female student of class 2020

-You are free to scroll past this if you want. I really just needed to get this off my chest. But if you have advice or are experiencing a similar situation, feel free to message me-

So first off, I haven’t liked going to school since I was 9. And highschool has only deepened my loathing of it. But maybe I don’t hate school in general. Maybe I just hate the schools I’ve gone to ( 4 in total ). This rant is about highschool specifically. Perhaps what I’m about to type is normal and I’m overreacting. But I’m tired of not talking about my problems because I’m worried that I’ll sound like an ungrateful brat. Typing/ writing about my issues makes me feel better. And I really need to feel better.

So here are the main points in order of severity: Low income, Advisory, Graphic Arts and Discipline/Work Ethic

Low Income:

I’ve only ever gone to low income schools in my neighborhood. I hoped high school would be different but thanks to the crappy education of my old school and an even crappier selective enrollment test score, I couldn’t get into the schools I wanted. Then again my single mother probably couldn’t afford those other schools anyway.

My highschool shares a building with another highschool. And unfortunately they called dibs on the best features and have control of the heating and ac. We don’t even have our own gym. We also have the least amount of space with the smallest class being mine of 144 seniors. So there’s a lot of packed classrooms.

Speaking of having way too many students, recourses are slim as a result. Our best equipment, chromebooks, need to be reserved weeks in advance by the teacher and even then they still may not be able to get enough of them for their class. Said chromebooks can often be missing keys, not work at all or be stolen easily because of their small size.

A few other issues are terrible lunches ( I’ve been bringing lunch from home since sophmore year), very limited field trips, mice infestation, very few clubs ( if we have any idk ) and teachers have to pay for just about everything class related.

Advisory:

Advisories were created to prepare us for greek life in college. I honestly think it’s to keep everyone in check but ok. Even so I have absolutely 0 interest in anything frat or sorority related ( no offense to those who do ) as well as many of my classmates but advisory is mandatory.

My first 2 years of advisory were hell. Most of my advisory sisters were either people I’d never talk to because we weren’t in the same class, had nothing in common or they were straight up terrible people. I should mention that freshman year has the worst students because about 30% don’t make to the next grade or just transfer. Most of my advisory sisters I had problems with were in that 30% ( a few had already repeated ).

Since I kept to myself there were very few incidents were I was put into a tense situation with them. The main conflicts involved our advisor, who I guarantee you was not the problem. She was essentially a poor, white, optimistic, young math teacher from out of town that was thrown to the slaughter. And my cowardly self watched not wanting to be next.

She ended up leaving by junior year so what was left of my advisory merged with another and got a new advisor. The only downside is that our new advisor is a firm believer in “ sisterhood ” and no cliques ( even if you converse easier with a certain group of people and advisory is already a forced clique in itself ). Maybe I’d be more up for advisory events , which we rarely have , if my advisory experience wasn’t sullied so early on.

Graphic Arts:

The reason I chose my school was because it had an art class. In seventh grade I knew I wanted to have a career in art and that my talent was lacking but had potential. So you can imagine my horror when I learned that the art teacher had left once I’d gotten there.

I was sad but stayed positive and even highly recommended them to get another art teacher. Then by sophomore we got an art after school program ( 4:25 to 6 twice a week ). I managed to keep my grades the same and take the classes every week for the entire school year. I only missed about 4 days total. For once I actually enjoyed staying after school.

The class taught me so much and I didn’t have to wait for the summer to take an art class downtown. Even better I got to interact with other young artists of my race ( there was usually only one other black kid at the summer classes ). Everything was finally looking up.

Then the art galleries happened. The school hosted one per semester. I brought my art to display but I couldn’t stay cuz of a shitload of math homework. I got complimented the next day but still regretted not staying. So I vowed to attend the next one with even more pieces than before.

The night finally came and I was hyped. Me and two seniors were in charge of doing caricatures for free ( one senior gave me a dollar tho ). I had fun with that but noticed something weird…none of our art was displayed.

Apparently they cut it out for time along with the theatre clubs performance. And I would’ve been fine with that. If my family hadn’t come.

The icing on the cake was when they turned off the lights in the hallway where we were drawing the caricatures so they could start the show for the performing art groups. I couldn’t contact my family until the show was over and booooiii were they pissed. Especially my mom. I was more sad than anything. I had a feeling my school valued the performing art more and this just proved that. At least now we have an actual art class. And my art teacher is awesome and supportive as hell.

Discipline/ Work Ethic:

These are together cuz they’ve equally fucked me up. Don’t get me wrong. I have a 4.2 gpa and 0 detentions.

The problem is my classmates.

I have been to soooo many class/school meetings about behavior and grade issues over the past 4 years. One of which a staff member said “ now i know all of ain’t bs-in’ but why aren’t those people helping the ones who are.”

Like wow! Thanks. I hate it.

I’d be happy to help my fellow classmates. It’s just that their version of help is cheating off my tests and copying my homework.

So yeah my bad. I’ve been sooo selfish.

I can count on my hand the amount of times I’ve been told that I’m doing a good job directly and not in front of a class as a way to embarrass them.

This year behavior was so bad that they made a competition to see which advisory would get the least demerits. Big mistake. My heart goes out to all the poor well behaved students who lost because of a few advisory mates. It only takes one. The record for most demerits in a day was 30 I think.

I forgot the competition was going on at some point cuz I’ve only gotten 2 demerits in 4 years. My advisory won second and we played the waiting game for our prize only to have a pizza party with 17 other advisories. The winning advisory was salty as hell. But hey we got free lunch at least.

I managed to get good grades simply by doing everything on time and having no social life. This was by choice really. I promised myself I’d do better in college but now I gotta study for ap.

It was actually ap literature that gave me a new perspective on my classmates work ethic. We were given a lengthy reading assignment but the due date was stretched by two class days and the weekend. Even though I’d been mentally drained lately ( by lately I mean since the 1st week of school ) and had other work to do, I completed it with slightly less annotations.

Upon the due date I discovered that I and one other classmate completed the reading. Even the valedictorian didn’t do it!!! And this wasn’t a one time thing either.

In fact my class is notorious for never doing work on time. I’m talking completing-a-project-in-the-class before-the-it’s -due- for bad. And some people I understand. Some of them really need help and resources. But every one else. Excuses excuses. The extended due dates gave me extra free time but it made the work I completed on time feel pointless. Like I could’ve just not done it and not face any consequences.

I tried that and was stressed out all day to the point of doing the work anyway. School’s got me whipped I guess.

So if I hate highschool so much why do I go on time everyday, miss at most 3 days a year, do my work, behave myself and study??? Simple. I’m trying to get out. Having a good gpa and test scores will get me more scholarships cuz God knows my mom can’t afford art college ( I got into my first choice so yeah:). Really highschool has just been a means to an end.

I’ve had my good days and have made some friends but I really just wanna run to hills with my diploma in hand. And thats what’s kept me going. But now we’re quarantined.

And my school has decided to make work optional…..and I have all A’s……

Needless to say I’ve barely done any work at all. If we never have to go back theres a good chance I won’t. I’m so numb at this point that I don’t care that we may not have a prom ( aka the only dance I was ever going to go to ).

I’m just done. Done and fed up.

But thank you to my mom, family, bestie, teachers and my classmates that actually want to have a future for keeping me going. If I don’t completely give up it’s thanks to you. Future me, I hope you get everything you want at art school:)

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Whether you’re in high school, college, grad school, technical school… you have a right to be upset. The final years of your education, the celebrating, the dances, the memories were all stolen from you. Yes, what’s happening is terrible. Yes, everyone is suffering. But you’re not selfish for crying, for getting angry, for wondering why it had to be you. It’s okay to not be okay.

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and now, isolation



my brothers, sister and i have dashed off to my aunty’s house for a lil holiday in isolation. my school finally closed down, so my break is now three weeks (got a feeling it’s gonna extend even more). just a lil reminder young grasshopper to make sure you maintain a balance between work and chill time.

here’s my example: so i stayed up watching glee until four a.m. (do not do this !!!!! get that sleep !!!!! i am not a role model !!!!!)  and then had a nice sleep in. when i got up in the morning, scrambled through about an hour of organic chem and then spent the rest of the day on my bike with my aunty and swimming in the pool with the cousins. 

try to do a little school work, but it doesn’t need to be your whole day. for aussie geese and anyone else on scheduled holidays- remember, it’s holidays

sleep sorry i can’t really talk actually lol, eat, fresh air, move the limbs etc.

the key for senior year is to pace yourself. as my homeroom teacher would say, year twelve is a marathon, not a sprint.



stay safe kidlets ;))

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I spent a good week, toiling over a comparative essay on The Talented Mr. Ripley, stitching together quotes and analysis. I have edited through it twice, and it’s probably the best paper I’ve written this semester. I was finally feeling myself again, essayist and English major. I aimed to turn it in tonight.

Then I finally got my professor’s (late) critiques for the peer review, and I’m so… defeated. She asked for a complete overhaul of the main outlined paragraphs because they weren’t the exact definitions of “personality trait” she wanted. And I couldn’t even begin to overhaul these points- they’re written and revised. The paper is due, I have other papers due on top of it. I can’t rewrite in 48 hours.

I am super, super proud of this paper, and I had to turn it in, knowing it is not at all what the professor wanted, and 400 words too long.

Normally, I wouldn’t sweat it much. I genuinely fear I may have undercut my grade in this class though.

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