...I’ve had people engage with my race while dating. Not in a positive way, but in a way that fetishises me. There was a woman, (yes, you guessed right, she’s white), who I went on a couple of dates with and my friends and I still speak about her actions to this day. I came across her on Twitter and we started talking over DMs. She showed mild interest, but not as much as I did: remember, I was eager to prove my bisexuality with women and non-binary people, so would find myself engaging excessively on social media platforms. We eventually exchanged numbers and went out on a date. On the lead up to the date, I would receive a flurry of messages, showing interest but also a very specific interest. She talked a lot about Bollywood and well … Indian things. At one point, assuming she knows more than me, would tell me things about the Bollywood stars I grew up with. I assumed she was just dense, but my horniness took over and I went on the date. It was awkward: she controlled a significant part of the conversation and as it was my first proper date with a woman, I was nervous. The date ended and I felt strange. A few days later we were still talking over text, and she kept talking about India and I found myself sighing every time her name popped up on my phone.
I was on the bus, coming back from a meeting when I looked at my phone and saw a message saying:
‘I’m obsessed with Indians now. Watching these movies like “CAN I HAVE ONE?”’
I stopped moving. In fact, it felt like the bus had stopped in shock too. It felt like everyone on the bus took a sharp intake of breath and were staring at my phone.
‘CAN I HAVE ONE?’
Can I have one? My mind goes to takeaways, because I always give people the benefit of the doubt. She’s hungry for a takeaway? No, she wasn’t. She was hungry for an Indian person. The cannibal nature of her fetishisation is not an exaggeration – there’s a need to devour the culture, the people, the art. They consume it.
‘Indian people fucking love me. I will be in an item song. I WILL BE.’
Do Indian people fucking love you? Really? Because this Indian person is really regretting that date. For those who don’t know: an item song is a number in a Bollywood film, performed by a dancer/actor who isn’t cast as a main character but is just introduced for this song – and it is usually very seductive. Like a sexy cameo that no one needed. I guess that sums her up as well.
‘I FANCY ALL INDIANS. Hahahahahahaha!’
The laugh was deafening.
She talked about adopting an Indian accent, about learning how to speak and write in Hindi and then perform her stand up (yup, she’s a comedian). She talked about wearing Indian dresses like they were costumes and has since modelled for Pakistani TV. She would send me scribblings of her learning Hindi and ask me to translate certain words.
I’m Punjabi. I know Hindi from Bollywood. Also, I can barely write in English, I can’t decipher what you’re writing, woman. Eventually, I stopped replying more and more. It took longer than it should have because my heart was broken over the idea that my first proper date with a woman went down like this. What were the chances. I was so adamant that men were the worst and then I was reminded that white women are not far behind them. She was not at all interested in me, my personality, my work, my looks, my desires … she was interested in the fact that I’m Indian. She didn’t care that I had a magazine that works with creative and young people. She didn’t care that I wanted to talk about systematic oppression. She definitely didn’t care about any of my stories. She didn’t even really want to be with me in any sense of the word.
She wanted to use me to learn how to be more Indian. This white woman. Turns out she was known in the comedy circuit for being problematic and my friends who were actual good comedians filled me in. I’ve been fetishised by men before, but that’s kind of expected. I have very little expectation from them, so I wouldn’t be surprised. But when it came from the first woman I went on a proper date with, it sent me down a hole of uncertainty. I wasn’t sure whether I was able to survive the dating world as a bisexual person, because men suck and now, I had this awful experience. So, what now?
Through time and speaking to others, I developed confidence back in myself, but it has still stuck with me. Now when someone says ‘I’d like to watch a Bollywood film with you’, after I’ve told them I’ve spent the whole day dancing to Bollywood songs, instead of saying ‘sure!’, my mind thinks ‘okay but why though’. And I scrutinise actions. I rarely give the benefit of the doubt. I often overanalyse.
Sharan Dhaliwal, Burning my Roti: Breaking Barriers as a Queer Indian Woman
45 notes
·
View notes
The Crown S5E7 Commentary
Non Spoiler Gist: Brilliant brilliant Diana centric episode - I loved every single minute of it! It was also interwoven well with Bashir prepping and manipulating Di into the interview, Diana’s romance with Dr. Hasnat Khan and a secondary C-plot of Lizzie having lunches with William and Margot.
Spoilers Under The Cut:
The Bashir Interview episode Let's gooo
We love a Diana-centric episode
Gosh she sounds so much like her I'm getting emotional I just love her so much???
This monologue on being separated is on point
Oooh we're getting Tween William this should be interesting
Is that Dominic's actual son?? Nepotism at it's finest I wonder what he thinks of his dad's irl cheating and if he finds him being Charles as ironically meta as I do
Awww Harry my babeyyyy
Also gosh the press really were everywhere and invading every aspect of their lives huh
This is so taunting he's like a spectacle
Not them fighting at his school too
LMAO THE SPITE HUG YES SHOW HIM THE LOVE DIANA
Bashir is KNEE deep in his research era huh
Honestly all the scenes of him so far is just me being old enough to love Diana on my own and just watch every available clip and read every article on her. I was in the trenches with my Diana phase as a tween
Why does the actor look like this Tamil actor I know I'm shook they look very similar and like they could be related
Okay I googled him no they do not only in this get up for some reason hsjjsjs
Damnnn he's an ambitious one isn't he
What are they doing with these bank statements???
Holy fuck the Earl Spencer's casting is EERIE they look THE SAME
What the fuckkkk I knew how he got the interview was unethical BUT NOT THIS UNETHICAL
This is so shady omg omg
This man I swear to God like he didn't waver ONCE
Lmao Diana saw this man ONCE and is a goner for him. She's just staring hshahh
I really thought we'd get her and Dodi around this time but Hasnat Khan is pretty cute too I'll give her that
She's adorable omggg
DIANA YOUR FRIEND'S HUSBAND MIGHT BE DYING AND YOU'RE THIRSTING OVER A MAN
I cannot this is too funny pls
Diana babes please read the room
Not William being short with his mother
Goddd her phones being tapped is so scary
Oh dear god not the guys trying to take a pic of her
WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK HER BRAKES AREN'T WORKING
What the fuckkkkk I had a heart attack that was terrifying
Lmaoo this interaction with the Spencers - PEAK siblings
Her paranoia was really preyed upon huh
Poor her
Patrick would notttt
Bashir is lyinggg
This is so painful to watch
Danggg the way Elizabeth's face went red so fast damn girl she turned it ON
Oooh Willy is having lunch with Lizzie this ought to be fun
Damn this boy has got the voice down we love to see it
I really like their dynamic it's really sweet and kinda humanises them for me despite my issues with the two of them
NOT CHARLIES STILL TALKING ABOUT GORDONSTOUN
The trauma is real yall
Awwee Diana in the hospital I love her so much she was really the sweetest soul wasn't she
Lmaooo Di's like Oh??? My crush has noticed mee!!!
She's so into him this is so cute
I'm so invested in this sldhddjd
Ohmygod she called him sexy hskdjsk
Dianaaaa
A HUSBAND
I LOVE HER BEING FLIRTY
This Diana is SUCH A VIBEEEE
"I'm constitutionally single" Lmaoo I'm using that
They are ADORABLE why did it end 😭😭
Boooo Bashir leave her aloneee
Holy shit mans is really laying it thick and telling her everything she wants to hear
Not Oprah being name dropped as an alternate for an interviewer
Imagine if she had gotten the Di interview and also the H&M one - that would have been a TRIP
Damnnn the duality of the two Pakistani men in her life during this time. It's a very interesting parallel to see. One manipulating and exploiting her and the other offering her safety, privacy and kindness
Lmaooo Bashir did not say "I think she has a thing for me"
Okay but thank god he didn't mean it like That
That 1991 tour meant a lot to her didn't it? Lowkey wish we saw it instead of the Russian ep
We all have that special country away from home we fell in love with so I get it.
I'm just glad they didn't make it out to be a exotic country or fetishise it in her eyes
Ohmygod she looks like Sophie Turner in that getup I got shook
AWWE THEY'RE HOLDING HANDS I LOVE THEM
OHMYGOD WHAT IS THIS FOREPLAY
Their flirting is on point
He keeps asking for consent it's so sexy
DR KHAN NO HSJDJJSJ
Girlie was trying to be deep about her broken, neglected heart and this man goes "No your heart is fine. Quite a strong pulse actually."
God he's SO endearing
GJSHSJC DIANA I SWEAR
She's sooo into him
Bro she likes youuu and you like herr
She did not call him a frog I'm screaming djdkdkd
Jesus Christ Lizzie we get it stop name calling and just say her name
Yall are awful
Jesus Bashir are you trying to isolate her from EVERYONE
Mans really using his mother tongue to his advantage
I do sympathise with his struggles as an MOC in a very white industry
Gosh this is all so complex
Like yeah he was REAL shady about it but he also did let her feel understood and allowed her that platform to lay it all on the line
"You can trust me" K Bashir K 🤡🤡
Oh dip this isn't the actual interview ep. Aights gonna take a short break before I watch the next one!
6 notes
·
View notes
Was The Crown good? I'm so behind I didn't realise it came out, pretty sure I haven't finished the previous season 😬
Maybe it's good I don't live in LA, because I would go bankrupt with all the gigs and prices..
I'll start calling you Baeksussy from now on, because you're always up to no good 👀
Literally, because I see people celebrating Taemin's return this month and I'm like "besties, I have some bad news..." unless they surprise us and he comes back early. You know what, I actually don't know who Taemin is???
Me going to see Seonghwa at the night club I came here to drop some money, dropping all my money
Oh yes big accounts are guilty of taking jokes too far and being annoying in general, that's why I have 50% of Atinys blocked akdhiagshahahaa can't stand their asses.
Not stalkers at it again... On a lighter note, Wooyoung paid for Atinys meal, me when. Pay my rent!
You know who should invite Key? Drag Race South Korea, it's apparently happening sooooo
Seonghwa, Ddeonghwa, Hwaseong, Mars, Hwa, Seong so many different personalities. (I set the wallpaper 😭). Truly Seonghwa is genuinely so sweet, nerdy, wholesome, sensitive, smart and sexy too?! He needs to calm down
It's good your friend is using kaddy, it should be much easier! Wish her good luck, may the force be with her. :3
Platinum CEO Hwa in theatres near me? Can he come to my house?
The lacey blouse he's wearing for Paradigm :o we're in danger!!!
Not Seonghwa trying to rename Shinestars again?! What does he have against that name it's so fucking perfect. No Ddeongwives, no Ddeongps.... S H I N E S T A R S
Yes, I'm very into Seonghwa's shoulders and arms era 🥴 and clearly I'm not the only one
Twins AU? But how do you choose :///
Hwa's shoulders are already nice and wide, he wants to commit to the Dorito shape even more 😭 I didn't mind gym lessons, because it meant I could do the bare minimum, but the only thing I do at the gym is exercise my legs (track, bike) lmao. Omfg those exercising games can be fun, but not when the whole school is watching and waiting for you to embarrass yourself 💔
I wonder what's gonna happen in PD3, hope D*sn*t doesn't fuck it up completely
I know a few people who would love to be pulled over by Wonho. Yes, he is!
Uh I think BTS showed up in my dream recently, but only for a second, I was also crying lol
That fucking nose on Hehetmon, Yunho why 😬
"See you later" just like "European dates will be announced soon" right 🤡
Please
Aaaaand we got Sanhwa patisserie!!!
Hongjoong looks cute, but Seonghwa... between him looking like an adorable grandpa, SPREADING, big ass shoes and a tin of crisps I don't know where to look
Me at Seonghwa Kino wife material, lol
I got "full moon lighting up my lovers face"
Bestie, Seonghwa's vlog, so far I saw arms and him flexing his Black Opium perfume.... - DV 💖
hi hello!!
Was The Crown good? I'm so behind I didn't realise it came out, pretty sure I haven't finished the previous season 😬
im at the last ep, and tbh i haven’t moved on them the last season characters esp the queen! but the diana this season is just sOOO 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼 its crazy how their facial features rly match! truly the best diana ever. literally.
diana and her pakistani men <33 mr mohammed al-fayed and his friendship with diana >>> and mr dodi is very 🧍🏻♀️ ive been quoting this for the past few days and i cannot stop this is an addiction with the fact that i have a sudden urge to speak in their posh accent
Maybe it's good I don't live in LA, because I would go bankrupt with all the gigs and prices..
no seriously 😭😭 every god damn thing just happens there and for it to be so expensive but not even clean is 🔫🔫 its so romanticized too! i feel like one can sign bankruptcy the second they look at a door to a house, bc YOU KNOW THE DOOR BE MAD EXPENSIVE TOO
I'll start calling you Baeksussy from now on, because you're always up to no good 👀
BAEKSUSSY JEGDKWHDKSHKCUKC 😭😭😭 IM SCREAMING
Literally, because I see people celebrating Taemin's return this month and I'm like "besties, I have some bad news..." unless they surprise us and he comes back early. You know what, I actually don't know who Taemin is???
saw a panchoa article saying “idols who’ll return from the military next year” and it said baekhyun and on this date then taemin it said n/a and i lost it,,, i need this man to drop a date we are thirsty. hungry. not breathing.
NO BC ONE OF THOSE WHO BE CELEBRATING IS ME IN MY DELULU 😭😭😭 ur right, who’s taemin? taeyeon’s cousin? taeyong’s brother? no idea.
Me going to see Seonghwa at the night club I came here to drop some money, dropping all my money
LMFAOOOO id waste all my money on him tbh,, as long as the stripper in him continues take my money 🤲🏼
Oh yes big accounts are guilty of taking jokes too far and being annoying in general, that's why I have 50% of Atinys blocked akdhiagshahahaa can't stand their asses.
YEAAHHH its the way ppl dickride them without pointing out where they’re wrong is very 🔫🔫 ur so right on that, blocking and moving on lowkey was glad that twt was gonna seize to exist 😭😭
Not stalkers at it again... On a lighter note, Wooyoung paid for Atinys meal, me when. Pay my rent!
LMFAOOOO FBQKDJWLDKW PAY MT RENT 😭😭 PAY MY TUITION WOOYOUNG JUST GIMME UR ROLEX I WONT ASK FOR ANYTHING ELSE
You know who should invite Key? Drag Race South Korea, it's apparently happening sooooo
STOP. STOP STOP HE’D BE PERFECT STOPPP ID WATCH IT JUST FOR HIM, he’d judge so hard too and without any bias 🤚🏼 if sm sends boa again 😭😭
Seonghwa, Ddeonghwa, Hwaseong, Mars, Hwa, Seong so many different personalities. (I set the wallpaper 😭). Truly Seonghwa is genuinely so sweet, nerdy, wholesome, sensitive, smart and sexy too?! He needs to calm down
he’S SO AGGRAVATINGLY HANDSOME, WHOLESOME no how can someone be a wholesome sexy? how. who tHE FUCK CAN EVEN DO THAT (im so glad u did bc it reminds is of our roots) BESIDE HIM??? WHAT WONDER DID HE DO LAST LIFE TO GET THIS IMMENSE EVERYTHING ???? god’s favourite truly, when is it my turn to BE UR FAVOURITE
It's good your friend is using kaddy, it should be much easier! Wish her good luck, may the force be with her. :3 /// Platinum CEO Hwa in theatres near me? Can he come to my house? The lacey blouse he's wearing for Paradigm :o we're in danger!!!
its really going good for her! thank you for your expertise!! she’s currently stuck trying to get good thank your cards <3 will be making a batch 😭😭 WDYM IN UR HOUSE BESTIE HES THE MAN UR ARRANGED TOO, HES IN UR HOUSE FOREVER <33 WE’RE IN DEEP DANGER. HAHA. he looks like he’s about to star in the house of dragons with that on
Not Seonghwa trying to rename Shinestars again?! What does he have against that name it's so fucking perfect. No Ddeongwives, no Ddeongps.... S H I N E S T A R S
he’s what
Yes, I'm very into Seonghwa's shoulders and arms era 🥴 and clearly I'm not the only one /// Twins AU? But how do you choose :///
if he drops one more photo like that, im quitting kpop 🔫
hear me out, one’s the nerd. the other’s the resident fuckboy or whatever. yn likes the nerd twin (let’s name him hwaseong) and seonghwa (the fuckboy) finds that out and decides to make his mission to tease yn about it bUT they come on an agreement where yn begs seonghwa to help her in getting hwaseong and her together which obviously he’s gonna say no too, but then eventually comes around! and so then it starts,,, he’ll tell her what he likes and just watch yn fuck up dbwmdhsk all while he enjoys <33 tho it’ll def be confusing with using the names 😭😭
Hwa's shoulders are already nice and wide, he wants to commit to the Dorito shape even more 😭 I didn't mind gym lessons, because it meant I could do the bare minimum, but the only thing I do at the gym is exercise my legs (track, bike) lmao. Omfg those exercising games can be fun, but not when the whole school is watching and waiting for you to embarrass yourself 💔
he knows exactly what gets everyone triggered, the dorito bod, the looking so fine in suits, and what’s next. he drives with one hand, does the reverse with one hand? 😀 OH UR LEGS MUST BE TONED AS HELL !!!!! tripped and hurt my knee during one of those <333 felt amazing bc i got to sit out dhsmhdjs
I wonder what's gonna happen in PD3, hope D*sn*t doesn't fuck it up completely
UR RIGHT I HOPE THE STORYLINE STAYS ON POINT AND DOESNT INCLUDE THOSE STUPID JOKES AND REFERENCES FROM SOCIAL MEDIA OR SOMETHING
I know a few people who would love to be pulled over by Wonho. Yes, he is! /// Uh I think BTS showed up in my dream recently, but only for a second, I was also crying lol
i didn’t when read the first part, tell me everything about the last part. ppt format.
That fucking nose on Hehetmon, Yunho why 😬 /// “See you later" just like "European dates will be announced soon" right 🤡
yumho surprises me everyday, i don’t even know how to say this but he’s a true man. a man. men.
Please
id literally die if he gets the mc job, everyday he’s gonna look all pretty and dress up all while im eating glass
Aaaaand we got Sanhwa patisserie!!! /// Hongjoong looks cute, but Seonghwa... between him looking like an adorable grandpa, SPREADING, big ass shoes and a tin of crisps I don't know where to look
seonghwa. FJAKJDKS ADORABLE GRANDPA LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭 u think his grandkids would ask him to dance and its him doing bulnoriya while his knees crack but he’s so determined to show them his glory days and the fact that he’s still young. grandpa hwa <3
Me at Seonghwa Kino wife material, lol
male wife ☺️☺️
I got "full moon lighting up my lovers face"
😮😮 a hopeless romantic i see,,, i got sneaking downstairs to get more cake but it turned out to be a very wholesome au that I will write ONE DAY
“you're not even in your double digits, and your best friend who you have a secret crush on came over for your birthday party. it's after midnight, and you decide to sneak downstairs to eat more cake. you're both as silent as you could possibly be, careful not to wake anyone. you scoot a stool over to the counter and crawl up ungracefully, snatching two small pieces of cake and sitting on the floor to eat. you both whisper about what you'd gotten as gifts, and they tell you they have something else that they wanted to give you in private. when you get back to your room, they pull out a small box. you open it to see an action figure, one that looks like you. they tell you they were at toys r us the other day and noticed it was basically a little you, and begged their dad for it. he agreed, and they went home and wrapped it themselves, poorly but effectively.”
Bestie, Seonghwa's vlog, so far I saw arms and him flexing his Black Opium perfume.... - DV 💖
black opium. ysl. model seonghwa. just happens to be the one the yn and hwa endorse! just so happens! haha!
ok but this is so 😭😭😭 they should’ve let him go 😭😭😭 man missing a sibling’s wedding, damn, must be heartbreaking
🙂🙂
me when.
u know if boxer seonghwa was alive, this.
😭😭😭
0 notes